All language subtitles for Bobs Burgers s10e05 Legends of the Mall.eng

God, I love the mall. It's
where the stores live. Aw.

Let's just make sure
this is a quick trip...

In and out, an hour, tops...

Since we had to close the
restaurant to come here.

Yeah, there are probably
ones of people back there

banging on the door.

We know, Bob. We're just here to get you

nice new dress pants for
Cousin Jerry's wedding.

Remember, don't let Jerry
see them before the ceremony.

Everybody didn't actually
have to come, you know.

Well, Tina's not gonna
pass up a trip to the mall.

Um, yeah, I might just peel
off and do some teen things.

You know, check out the mall dolls.

-Mall dolls?
-Boys at the mall. Galleria guys.

-Fashion Center fish. Food court Casanovas.
-I get it.

Tina's pube-dar has
been pinging like crazy

ever since we got here.

She started scratching at the windows

when we were still in the parking lot.

Okay, I better get this over with.

I really don't enjoy pants shopping.

How do you think the pants feel?

Bob, it's fine. I'll be
right there holding your hand.

And Gene and I will be right there,

pointing out problem body areas.
Like there.

There.

- Ooh, there.
- There.

What? That spot's fine.

- Eh...
- Oh, yeah, I see what you mean.

Forget it. I only want your mother.

You guys go do something
else for a while.

- Here's not very much money.
- I'll say.

Everybody meet by the fountain
in an hour. Let's mall!

JOCELYN: You are here.

We are, but how does it know?

Duh, Jocelyn. It connects
to your phone or something.

Hey, Tammy. Jocelyn.

You guys here to check
out mall dolls, too?

All right, I'm marking my territory.

I'll take the second level
from the cell phone case kiosk

to Elvis Pretzel-y.

(laughing)

I mean, it's not that
clever a pretzel store name.

Tina, you're not gonna
steal our mall dolls.

You have zero mall game. We have

brand-new clothes
we're going to return,

and we got made up for free at Lashora.

And I get my blood
pressure checked for free

at the pharmacy. It
wouldn't let go of me.

Well, I walked through three
perfume sample sprayers.

By accident, but I think it works.

If you think you can do better than us

with the boys at the mall...

(scoffs) go ahead and try.

Thanks. I will. (sniffs)
Something smells terrible.

Oh, it's me.

- Hi.
- What?

Hang on, I'll catch up. (grunting)

Aah! Shoelace!

- Hi. Sorry.
- Hey!

Hi. Ooh, ow, tag. (cough)

Oh, my God, Q.R. Dunlop is here.

He's doing a reading and a book signing

of his new novel.

- Q.R. Dunlop?
- The mystery author.

All his books are set in
the world of fine wine.

Remember that one I was reading...

Death Cabernet for Cutie?

Oh, right, that one book you read.

You carried it everywhere
and made a big deal about it.

- I'm going in.
- What? No. Lin,

you're helping me buy pants.

Bob, I can't miss this. It's a reading.

It's like a live book on tape.

But I need you to tell me what to get.

I'm gonna be standing
there like an idiot.

Bob, look at me. You
can do this by yourself.

They're called pants, not can'ts.

-But...
-Oh, I see him. His lips are moving.

He's started, I got to go!

TINA: Damn. Sinful buns by the Cinnabon.

I'm still dragging from
soccer this morning.

TINA: Cool. Where there's
soccer, there's shorts.

And why'd we go into that pet store?

My allergies are killing me now.

And he's sensitive. Killer combo.

I'm just gonna pop another antihistamine

and sit on this bench for a minute.

Self-care, so important. Right, Skye?

Noah and I will just go get smoothies.

Yeah, you do that, Skye
and Noah. Get smoothies.

While I make a
counter-clockwise approach.

Taking it slow. I'm
just a girl at the mall

looking for a place
to sit. How about here?

Casually looking over, and...

Hi, I'm...

(snoring)

Okay, maybe took it too slow.

So, Gene, how are we gonna
spend our sweet folding money?

We can take it to the mattress store

and roll around on it like Demi Moore.

Hmm. How about those?

GENE: Um, what are you pointing at?

I can't see past the
terrifying motorized animals.

- We'll take two.
- Uh...

Come on, saddle up.
I'll take the dragon,

and you can have the, um...
Wow, I don't what that...

- What is that?
- It's a green cat.

Or maybe, uh, an alligator?

- Cat-igator?
- Easy, cat-igator, easy.

All right, handlebars are by the ears.

To turn, just point their
heads where you want them to go.

- Same way we turn Tina, got it.
- This button here

is the throttle... push it
to go, let it go to stop.

Like my penis. Feeling
better about this.

- Some rules...
- We love rules. Go.

No racing, no jousting,
no Tokyo drifting,

-no bumping.
-File those under not to do. Got it.

I think we're ready.
Gene, give it some gas.

- Okay. (grunting)
- Push the button!

Oh. Aah!

(clearing throat)

Nothing. Guess I'll bail.

I'm losing mall daylight.

- (snoring)
- Oh.

I'm not gonna lie,
this feels kind of nice.

Just a little human
touch. Is that so wrong?

Hey, hey. Your boyfriend
can't sleep here.

It's a mall. Not a
math class. (chuckles)

Seriously. I'll squirt
him with a water bottle.

- That's a mall cop Taser.
- Oh, no,

he's just tired from sunrise soccer

and too many antihistamines
and did you say boyfriend?

- I'm not...
- I get it... he's the total package.

- Take it outside.
- I don't actually even know him at all.

Okay, you win. He can
snooze a little longer.

I wish I had a girlfriend
who'd fight for me like you do.

- Thanks, but I mean, I'm...
- Wait, you're Brian's girlfriend?

You know, I thought
maybe he'd met someone.

I can't believe he
didn't tell us about you.

- Hi, I'm Noah.
- I'm Skye.

I'm Tina, but wait, did...

She was all, "You better
let my boyfriend sleep."

-It was cute.
-I can see why he likes you. Hugs!

- Actually, I, um...
- Coming in!

-Um, I...
-Mm! -Mm!

Wow, great hugs.

- But guys, you don't understand, I...
- TAMMY: Tina!

You have a boyfriend?

I, um...

I...

I mean, what does it
frickin' look like, Tammy?

Uh, let me just check
on my boyfriend here.

Shh. That's right,
Brian. Just stay asleep.

Stay asleep.

Aren't you the guard at Family Fun Time?

I simply go where I'm needed.

And where they haven't
tested me yet for drugs.

I can't believe Tina got a boyfriend.

With no mall game at all.

Hey, Tammy? Inside voice, 'Kay?

Brian really needs his sleep
and you sound kind of like

a toy that needs new
batteries. No offense.

- Let's just go, Jocelyn.
- Yeah. Let's go hate shop.

So where did you guys meet?

Great question, Skye.

And the answer I have at my fingertips

is that we met here at the mall.

In the food court.

- At the, um, barbecue place.
- But Brian's vegetarian.

I know! Uh, we-we were,
um, there to protest.

We threw barbecue sauce
on their fur coats.

- Why did they have fur coats?
- Look, they just did, Skye.

Sorry, sorry. I-I just get so
mad thinking about all that fur

- and barbecue.
- You guys seem great together.

I'm really glad Brian met you.

And I can't wait to
meet him... in heaven.

You know, for the second
time, after we're both dead?

Do you need any assistance today?

No. No, thanks, I'm,
uh, I'm-I'm just looking.

At, um, pants. Uh,
these are pants, right?

- Those are pants.
- Yeah. I recognize them.

I-I usually pants shop with
my wife, who's not here,

- so...
- I'm sure I can help.

Do you know your waist size?

Uh, I would say, uh... 32?

(laughs, clears throat)

Let's just get a measurement.

Thirty... eight.

Uh, how about...

- (grunting): now?
- 39.

(coughs) How'd it get bigger?

All right, why don't we just with these?

- Those look huge.
- Don't worry,

they're the same price as normal pants.

Let's open this up for you.

Underwear stays on.
Are we clear on that?

I'll do my best. It's, uh,

- it's really old elastic.
- Hmm...

"A sense of foreboding
hung over the tasting room."

(whispers): Fun, right?

So frickin' suspenseful, I love it.

"Master Sommelier Jack
Rocker felt the heaviness

of the corkscrew in his pocket."

(hiccups) Excuse me. Sorry.

"Alice nervously oxygenated her Pinot

"round and around,

- when suddenly... "
- (loud hiccup)

- Huh.
- Sorry. I'm sorry.

I get the hiccups in tense situations.

I'm so sorry. It's the
last one, I can tell.

It's the last one.

"The magnum of Riesling

- exploded... "
- (loud hiccup)

- (sighs)
- (shushing)

I-I think the murder part's coming up.

- That'll scare them out of me.
- (sighs)

- Keep going, Q.R..
- Yeah.

- Sorry. Keep going.
- Okay. "Parker, the winery's

"young social media
manager, lay lifeless,

his head in the spit bucket."

(gasps) Parker, no.

- Hey, it worked.
- Good.

- "The ma...
- (loud hiccup)

I can't believe we got dusted

by that old lady on the Rascal.

That thing wasn't street legal.

And I don't mind losing, but
the taunting was very hurtful.

Okay, we've raced, we've
Tokyo drifted, we've bumped...

- GENE: Aah!
- (chuckles)

- Stay in your lane!
- I guess we've done

all the things they told us not to,

so fun's over. Let's go back.

Huh. Uh, Louise, mine isn't stopping.

- What do you mean?
- I'm on a runaway cat-igator!

Aah!

Oh, my God, this just got fun again.

And so, once I looked into
Brian's big brown eyes,

- I just knew.
- Brian's blue eyes?

Exactly. That's, uh, when I
knew I was color-blind, Skye.

- Red, right?
- Green.

No frickin' way. Just like Brian's hair.

- Right?
- No.

Hi, Tina. Can't stop.

I just wanted to let you
know that Jocelyn and I

have boyfriends now,
too, so that's happening.

We met them at the arcade
and they're totally 13.

- Yeah. Gonna be.
- Anyway...

Got to hit 12 first. The big one-two.

(whispers): I said not to talk.

You know what, they don't
even know how old they are.

(chuckles) 'Cause all they do
is play sports, and they're just

- super into sports.
- Video game sports.

-The ones rated "E" for everyone.
-(growls)

Anyway... (chuckles)

we're gonna go pick up outfits for prom.

You said you'd help me find my mom.

(muffled shriek) Let's go!

How pathetic. Pretending to
have boyfriends when you don't?

(chuckles)

Hello? Sales guy? Uh, I'm
not really sure about these.

I-I think I may hate myself in them?

Unless that's good?

(grunting) Get over my
thighs, son of a bitch!

Uh, are you all right in there?

- I'm fine.
- Sergeant Bosco?

Oh. Hi, uh, Bob.

You're, uh, you're by
yourself? You get divorced?

- No. No. I, I...
- Not yet, huh?

Hang on to her. Pants
shopping by yourself

- is the worst.
- Are those pleated all the way around?

- Uh, yeah.
- Oh, that joker doesn't get our bodies.

- What do you think of these?
- They're, uh, tight.

I went down a size. You don't like them?

I didn't say that.

I mean, where is it
written a plainclothes cop

has to wear plain clothes, right?

- Hmm.
- So these are a maybe.

Let's look at yours. Walk that way.

- Okay.
- Walk back to me.

No, no, those pants
are wearing you, Bob.

Yeah, that's, uh, what I'm feeling.

All right, here's what we're gonna do:

I'm gonna pick out a few things for you,

you pick out a few things for me.

- Okay.
- Meet back here in five.

I want a splash of color in my batch.

- Surprise me.
- You d-you don't have to surprise me.

I can't hear you.

Lean in, everyone. Get in there, Skye.

- (shutter clicks)
- Great selfie, gang.

- Or in Brian's case, a sleepie.
- (laugh)

-Tina. -True.
-What do you think?

Pop another antihistamine
under Brian's tongue?

I just don't want him waking
up, uh, with allergies.

No? Overkill?

You're the best girlfriend, Tina.

- (phone vibrates)
- Oh. Somebody's texting Brian.

It's probably his mom checking on him.

Have you met her yet?
She's gonna love you.

"When can we kiss again? Amanda."

His mom sounds great. Not her?

Uh, wrong number then, obviously.

- Not for Brian.
- (phone vibrates)

"I wrote your name on my binder, Brian.

- Now it's my Briander."
- Whoa.

I-I think we've got ourselves
an old girlfriend, folks.

- Stalker.
- (phone vibrates)

"So glad you asked me to be

- your girlfriend yesterday."
- Spambot?

Tina, it sounds like this girl
thinks she's Brian's girlfriend.

Which means you're...

I know. I can explain. I
didn't mean for this to happen.

Being two-timed!

- What?
- Brian's cheating on you,

and that's not okay.

- We're Team Tina.
- Um...

- Go Team Tina.
- Mm...

Yes, Brian is obviously cheating on me.

Uh, I-I think the best thing is for me

to slip away quietly
without saying goodbye.

And you guys not to even mention my name

because he doesn't deserve to hear it.

Tina, you can't let
Brian treat you this way.

I don't know. This new girl
sounds pretty incredible.

They've got that Briander thing now.

You have to wake him
up and confront him.

Or a revenge affair?
I kiss someone else?

You up for this, Noah? Any interest?

Shaking your head from side
to side... does that mean yes?

Tina, wake and confront.

I'm really more the tire slasher type.

-Did he ride his bike here?
- Come on. - Tina.

Right, right.

And turn, hand in
pocket, now step it out.

- Do a leg kick.
- (grunts)

Higher. Touch my hand.

(grunts, sighs) I don't know.

I keep going back to
the purple corduroy.

- Am I crazy?
- Eh, maybe we both are.

What about these? I
went down another size.

Kind of had to squeeze
them over the ankle holster.

Uh, I think I can read the
serial number on your gun.

But they look good,
right? "Stop, thief!"

"I'm in pursuit on foot." I don't know.

I don't know if this
selection is cutting it.

I mean, there are other pants
stores at the mall, right?

Yeah.

You know, I hear there's one
where they serve you champagne.

Just checking on you
gentlemen. I brought these.

They're chinos treated with stain guard.

I noticed the pants you came
in with were somewhat stained.

- So what if they are?
- Go to hell.

We're going to the
champagne pants store.

I think you should wait
for your wife to return.

Yeah? What do you think I've been doing

- for the last five years?
- Let's do this.

(shouts) I'm scared to death

but I am seeing some corners of
the mall I don't usually get to!

That's a great-looking luggage store!

- Gene, just fall off.
- Onto mall marble?

It's the hardest surface
in the universe, Louise!

Ooh. The Grazielda Store.

I love their tchotchkes.

Gene, stay away from
the Grazielda Store.

There's thousands of dollars of hideous

breakable porcelain in there.

Okay, but the cat-igator
kind of has a mind of its own.

Scarf kiosk!

(screams) Ooh, silky.

Mmm. Satiny.

Ah, cashmere.

(screams)

- SKYE: Do it, Tina.
- Okay, I'm waking him up.

Here I go. (quietly): Brian.

- Guy's out cold, what can I say?
- Tina! - NOAH: Come on.

- Brian.
- Uh... w-what?

Hope you're good and rested, boyfriend,

-'cause we're about to get into it.
- Nice.

What's going on?

That's what Tina wants to
know, Brian. What's going on?

- Wait, who's Tina?
- Oh, so cold, man. - Ugh.

- You mean her?
- Don't look at her

like you've never seen her before.

Yeah, like she's some kind of
stranger to you all of a sudden?

Uh, s-she is. I...

-Wow.
-So I'm betting you never told Amanda

about Tina, huh?

No. I mean, why would I? I-I mean...

So apparently, I mean nothing to you?

No. Yes? Ah, I'm so confused.

How do you think I feel?
I almost kissed Noah.

- Not really.
- Debatable.

Huh, true colors coming out,
you piece of teen garbage?

- W-We're not a thing.
- (scoffs) - Unbelievable!

(quietly): Say the word and
I'll plant some sneakers on him

and take him in the
back for shoplifting.

No, no. Maybe.

No, it's cool.

LINDA: Hi, Q.R.

It's me, I'm Linda. I feel terrible.

Well, let's just sign your
book and move you along.

Oh, it could've been worse.

One time I got diarrhea at a magic show.

So, uh, Linda with an I or a Y?

So, the killer. Is it the groundskeeper?

Um, w-why-why? What
makes you say that?

Did I get it? Did I get it?

No. I mean, you-you
couldn't have gotten it.

There-there are no clues
in the first chapter.

Sure there are.

Like when his tractor backfires.

That's scary, murdery.

No, it startles the grape pickers.

It's to introduce Esmerelda
and her connection to the land.

- Nah.
- You can't say nah.

It's my book. I wrote it.

- Eh...
- Excuse me,

did you just say the
groundskeeper did it?

Yeah, I got it in one chapter.

I guess I don't need
this. Groundskeeper.

LINDA: Oh.

I mean, it's just a guess.

Or, who knows? Maybe it
was the cork salesman?

They actually did it together.

Crap, I am good at this.

Anyway, it's Linda with an I.

? Pants, not can'ts ?

(whistling)

? They're called pants, not can'ts ?

? ?

?
P-P-P-P-P-P-P-Pants. ?

This cat-igator isn't stopping, people.

Walk fast for your lives!

Poor bastard. (sighs)
I got to do something.

Hey, hi. Uh, just popping back
to thank you for the long list

of things you told us
not to do on the AniMalls.

You're very welcome. Not
many kids thank me for that.

I mean, imagine if we
had done that stuff.

Maybe the throttle button would
have gotten, like, really stuck

and one of us would've ended up

just going around the mall forever.

(chuckles) Oh, yeah, I
could definitely see that.

(chuckles) And then, uh,
how would we even stop it,

in this fun alternate
universe bad kids scenario?

Uh, I mean, you probably couldn't.

Ha ha. That would serve us right.

But really, how would we stop it?

Maybe you'd cut the battery cable?

Oh, that sounds really hard.

Yeah! The cable runs on the
underside of the AniMall,

so it's anatomically correct.

(laughs) You thought of everything.

(laughs) And then there's a layer

of fake fur you'd have to get through

while the thing is moving. It's...

Oh, h-holy crap, you're still talking.

I get it. It's super hard.

Ah, this was fun. I love hypotheticals.

I don't know what you
guys are talking about.

I don't know her.

Tina's the best damn thing
that's ever happened to you,

and you're just throwing it away?

I don't think I can be
friends with you anymore.

Stop. Stop. (sighs)

- Brian's right. I-I don't know him.
- What?

Everything just happened so
fast, and I-I let you think

it was true, and then, maybe I started

letting myself think it was true.

Brian didn't do anything wrong. I did.

Oh, my God, Tina. You're protecting him.

Obviously. You are not worthy of Tina.

I'll need to see a
receipt for those, playa.

Son of a bitch. Maybe
it would just be simpler

for both of us if we got back together?

- Guys, listen...
- Tina, you're covering for Brian

because you're a great person.

- I mean, compliment accepted, Noah, but...
- Or what?

We're supposed to believe
that you're a crazy stranger

who just plopped down
on a bench next to a boy?

- That's what happened.
- Nice try.

Yeah, Tina. You must be protecting me.

Nothing else makes sense.

- Damn it, Brian. You, too?
- I don't know.

I had a lot of antihistamines.

It's like the Grazielda
Store is pulling me in!

Excuse me, please keep that
lizard-looking thing away

from my door. Thank you.

Gene, Gene. I'm here. I have a plan.

You mean climb onto yours?

I can't switch AniMalls midstream.

And by midstream, I mean pee-pee.

You can't, but I can.

(shouts)

Now hold onto me. (grunts)

(Gene straining)

Shoo. Shoo now.
Shoo. Sh-Sh-Sh-Shoo.

Gene, steer away from
the Grazielda Store.

I can't hold you and steer!

I'm not even good at
either one by itself.

I just need a few seconds.

The cable. Oh, damn food court knife.

Biodegradable crap!

No. No, no, no, no. Get away!

I'll sacrifice my body!

(screams) I'm so weak.

Ah... !

Almost got it...

Oh, God!

- (sighs)
- You did it, Louise.

You saved my sweet white ass!

And some sweet white porcelain.

Well, Gene, we rode 'em
hard. Let's put 'em away wet.

Very wet.

How can I get through to you guys?

(gasps) Tammy. Jocelyn.

Leave us alone, Tina. You win, okay?

You have a boyfriend.
We are super impressed.

(sighs) You are mall that.

I don't get it. Oh, "mall." (laughs)

No, I don't even know this guy.

I-I made up the whole
thing while he was asleep.

No one believes me. But you do, right?

(gasps) Of course you did.

How did we not think of that right away?

I don't know.

Tina doesn't date like a normal person.

When I saw her with a
boy I didn't recognize,

I should have assumed he
was a robot or a hologram.

Yes. Thank you, Tammy.
Now do you believe me?

- Man. - I guess.
- Wow.

So that's all straightened out.
What do you guys want to do now?

Food court? Brian, I
heard your stomach rumbling

through the snores, buddy.

- (chuckles)
- Uh, I'm gonna take off.

Go see Amanda.

Maybe we shouldn't go
to the mall anymore.

But no matter what happens,

we should all meet
back here in ten years.

But not Tina.

I'll come back in ten
years just in case.

It will probably seem
kind of funny then,

and who knows if Amanda
will even be in the...

Oh, you're really far away.

- Squirt.
- Hey.

- You deserve it.
- I know.

You know what, Tina? I take it back.

- You do have mall game.
- Oh, thanks, Tammy.

I can't believe I
kissed an 11-year-old.

- TAMMY: I can.
- Hi, Tina.

- You have fun malling?
- I don't know. Not really.

I guess maybe it's best to just
let sleeping mall dolls lie.

'Cause otherwise it gets
complicated real fast

and turns into a crap show.

Oh, okay, great. Let's talk later?

Hi, guys. Whatcha been up to?

I rode the dragon and saved Gene's life.

- It was terrifying.
- Okay.

- Don't know what that means.
- BOB: Hey.

So I bought pants.

Oh, my God. What happened?

I shopped by myself, Lin.
Well, Sergeant Bosco helped.

- We drank champagne.
- Quite a bit.

Are you guys wearing the
same totally normal pants?

- Great minds...
- And not such great behinds.

Okay, I'm kind of thinking
you weren't ready, Bob.

Huh. They do kind of look
different in this light.

Yeah. I don't think
these are the same pants

we tried on in the store.

There's so much gold thread.
Was that always there?

Eh, I'm gonna go home,
see if I can get 'em off.

- Stay married, Bob.
- (sighs)

So, how was the book reading?

Ooh, let's see what Q.R.
Dunlop wrote in my book.

"For Linda Belcher. Stay away from me.

I mean it." Aw, he loves me.

Well, I guess we should
head back to the restaurant.

- What for, to dust it?
- You still need pants, Bob.

Let's return those and get you something

age and body-appropriate.

There were a couple of stores

Sergeant Bosco and I didn't make it to.

In and out. An hour, tops.

I could kill an hour.
I might peel off again.

- Kids, here's some money.
- Gene, another round?

Try the tiger and the panda this time?

GENE: That better be a
restaurant in the food court.

BOB: Do you think purple
corduroys are out of the question?

LINDA: I don't know. Let me see them.

? They're called pants, not can'ts ?

? They're called pants, not can'ts ?

? Ooh-ooh-ooh ?

? P-P-P-P-P-P-P-Pants ?

? P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-Pants,
pants, pants, pants ?

? Pants, pants, pants ?

? They're called pants, not can'ts ?

? Get yourself a new pair of pants ?

? They're called pants, not can'ts ?

? They're called pants, not can'ts ?

? Ooh-ooh-ooh ?

? P-P-P-P-P-P-P-Pants! ?

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