All language subtitles for Bobs Burgers s09e09 UFO No You Didnt.eng

Tina, slow down.
What's the rush?

Yeah. Savor your cereal,
you monster.

I can't look away.

It's like
watching a crazed otter.

I just wanna
get to school.

Ms. Jacobson is
pairing us up

with our Science Fair partners
today.

It's fun
not knowing who it'll be.

Ooh, exciting.

Will it be a new friend?
An old friend?

What if it's Jimmy Junior?

We won't get a lot of work
done, if you know what I mean.

Eh? Right?

Mm. I mean, it wouldn't
hurt if you got paired

with someone
who could get an "A."

It's not up to me
who I get paired with.

I mean,
life is full of possibilities.

Maybe I'll get a good
grade in science...

Or maybe
you'll go to summer school.

Exactly.
She gets it.

Plus, grades ain't nothin'
but a number.

All right, one more
bite and... I'm done.

It's time
for a great day.

I'm okay.

Who's ready to find out

who their
Science Fair partner is?

Hell, yeah.
Uh, I mean, sure.

Jocelyn,
you're with...

Please say Tammy,
please say Tammy,

- please say Tammy.
- Jimmy Junior.

Oh, cool.

And Tammy,
you're with Zeke.

- Tamma-lamma-ding-dong.
- Ugh.

Calm down, Zeke.

Henry,
your partner is...

- Actually, I can't have a partner.
- What?

I'm not supposed to
work with other people.

Here's a doctor's note.

It says I'm not supposed
to work with other people.

Seriously?

Uh, I'm sorry,
are-are you a doctor?

Fine.
You're-You're working alone.

Yes.

- Mmm. That's kinda sad, Henry.
- It's not sad, it's medical.

Okay, let's move on. Tina,

you're partners with Susmita.

Nice.
What's up, new friend? High five?

I, uh, can't reach.

Wait, we can do this.

We're touching fingers.

That counts. Boom.

I got an idea for a project.

My grandma said
all the bees are dying.

We're gonna run outta
honey,

and I am not using
agave like some idiot.

I've always wanted
to know, like,

why birds can fly
and not people.

Yeah, and why do birds
always look at me weird?

What about
peanut butter?

- What about peanut butter?
- There's no butter in it,

and yet it's called peanut butter.
Pretty crazy, right?

Maybe it's just 'cause
it spreads like butter?

Hmm. Yeah.

So should we just do that?

Well, I've actually
always wanted

to build a radio telescope.

Oh. Totally.

What is that?

So a radio telescope is like
a telescope for your ears.

- Got it. Headphones.
- Nope. Not headphones.

Exactly. Keep going.

See, with a bunch of
modifications, you can use

a regular home TV satellite
dish to study the radio waves

from astronomical objects.

We could build one and

point it at the Sun.

I don't know
what you just said,

but it sounds like
an "A."

And I'm really
embarrassed

I suggested that
super cool A-minus

peanut butter idea.
So,

how about since you
know how to do all that,

why don't
I take care of making us

the best damn Science Fair
board you've ever seen?

My bubble letters are
amazing.

I mean,
they're pretty good.

They're-they're fine.

I might not
do bubble letters.

You want some more coffee,
Teddy?

Yeah. Uh,
what if it was called sneezey

instead of cough-ey?

- Get it, Bob? Get it?
- Hmm.

Now I don't wanna give you
any more. Ooh, they're here.

You have four more just like
that in your truck, right?

And I can't wait to
carry them all in here.

- He loves carrying things.
- I'm livin' the dream.

So you know
how I've wanted

a coat-rack
for the restaurant?

Well, I was shopping online

and I couldn't decide
which one to get.

How many
coat-racks can there be?

Lin. So many.

Some have
circular mounts,

some have tripod stands,
some are aluminum.

Some look like actual
trees, those are fun.

Okay.
So you bought five of 'em?

Yes. Because
I'm a brilliant shopper.

They were on sale,
so I bought five.

Now I can see them
in person,

pick my favorite, and
return the other four.

- Genius.
- Wait.

- Did you say they were on sale?
- Yeah.

And you're sure
you can return them?

- Yes.
- But they were on sale.

- Wh-what are you getting at?
- Show me the website.

Trust me. I definitely
wouldn't have bought them

if you couldn't return...
Oh, no.

No, no, no.
I can't return them.

Great. Now we own
five coat-racks.

Damn it.

Hm. Why-Why are the boxes so small?

You probably have to
assemble them. I'm guessing.

- Oh, my God.
- It's for kids.

Did you buy five children's
coat-racks?

We can't pay for
five coat-racks.

I mean, we did.
So what do we do?

I guess you're selling 'em.

Do you want to
buy a tiny coat-rack, Teddy?

Now I bet you wish you'd
laughed at my sneezey joke.

I do. I really do.

So, you guys are
gonna listen to the Sun?

Just don't listen to anything
the Moon says;

he's a liar.

Quick S.F.Q...
Science Fair question.

Is there anything else
we could listen to besides the sun?

Well, I was gonna use
my parents' old TV dish,

but if we had a bigger one,
we could listen to planets,

or satellites, or even try to
listen for extraterrestrials.

Aliens? Well, yeah,
Susmita. Let's do that.

- I mean, we could try.
- Wait.

Why are we just gonna sit
back and listen for aliens?

Can we send a message
out? Can we talk to them?

Well, we don't actually
know if anything's out there.

But what if
the aliens are out there,

but they're also just sitting
back and listening for us?

I mean, if Tom Hanks never
sent Meg Ryan that first e-mail,

that movie would have been
called You've Got Computer.

'Cause they both would have just
been sitting at their computers.

That was the prequel.

I guess
if we had a bigger dish,

we could send out a message.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Stop it.

Whatever you do,
do not "send out a message."

What? Why...
not, Henry?

Because
we don't want

the Earth to be
obliterated?

What are you
talking about?

If you contact aliens,

they will come
and destroy us.

What? How do you know they
won't be super friendly?

Based on simple probability,
there should be at least

a hundred thousand civilizations
in our galaxy, right?

And at least a thousand
Type III civilizations.

I think you mean diabetes?
But go on.

Type III civilizations.

That means
that they're billions

of years
more advanced than us.

They can harness the
energy of the entire galaxy

and travel between stars.

Stars are just like us.

That's right, Jocelyn.

But we haven't met them.
Why? Well,

it's probably because
one of these civilizations

is massively predatory and is
wiping out the rest of them.

Damn those
Type III civilizations.

So our only hope of
survival is going unnoticed,

so they don't ever
find us.

Therefore,
do not send out a signal.

This teacher has a point.

What? I'm-I'm not a teacher.

I'm in your grade.

Mm, no.
You're a teacher. Trust me.

But you don't know that aliens are
flying around killing everybody.

Oh, my God.

I mean, what if they're flying
around helping everybody?

Like in a big space ambulance,

and when they get our message,
they'll be really excited

to come and see
if we need anything.

Yeah, they could be
super chill.

I don't know, Tina.

I'm kind of on Team Henry
with this one.

What if you're the one
that ends the world?

You don't wanna
be that guy.

What if they want to
harvest our penises?

And who would
blame them?

Susmita, we're not gonna
let this guy scare us

out of a good grade,
are we?

Uh... I'm not scared
if you're not scared.

The only thing I'm scared of

is how much of an "A"
we're gonna get.

Hmm. "Meet in
Branca's supply closet."

"at 2:55."

Thank you for coming.
Did anyone follow you?

Gene's fart did.
Apparently.

Sorry. I thought I lost it in
the hallway, but she found me.

We need to talk.

We have to stop
Tina and Susmita,

and I have a plan.

But it involves you
going against your own sister.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
We would never do that.

- You will be compensated.
- We'll do it.

I hope you have connections
in the frozen yogurt world,

'cause this boy works
strictly for gift cards.

- So this is your dad?
- I wish.

- He's my dad's friend.
- Best friend.

Are you two, uh,
best friends?

We're getting there.
I mean,

we're pretty great
Science Fair partners.

Where'd you get the dish?

I demo'd
an old sports bar last week

and they had this thing
out back.

I was gonna use it to
watch hockey talk shows,

but now it's gonna
talk to aliens.

What a life
this dish is having.

Eh.

And done.

So, ready to go?

Should we e-mail some aliens?

Oh, no.

We still have
a coupleof things to do

before we turn it on.

Hey,
how's our Science Fair board?

Uh, I'm kicking some serious
butt on it, that's how it is.

I haven't started it yet.

Um, but it's gonna be s-so good.

All right,
let's get to work.

So what do we do now?

First, we have to
teach them our language.

How do we do that?

Make them watch TV all day
like the mermaid in Splash?

I was thinking
we send a binary code

as a kind of
Rosetta stone pictograph.

Hopefully, it can teach them
enough to start a conversation.

Sorry, now I'm just
thinking about Splash.

And then, to send our
message, we use Morse code.

There's also Turner &
Hooch. Anything there?

Maybe we should focus on what
we're gonna say in our message?

Good point. How do you say
"Tom Hanks" in Morse code?

Doo. Doo-doo-doo.
Doo doo.

Doo-doo-doo-doo. Doo-doo.
Doo-doo doo-doo-doo.

- Doo-doo-doo.
- Nice.

One burger-of-the-day
coming right up.

Uh-Ahem.
Tell 'em about our special, Bob.

Right, uh, we're
also having a special today.

With the purchase of any burger,
we'll throw in, uh,

a... coat-rack for just $59.

I'm sorry? A-A what?

A-A-A
coat-rack.

- Uh, just show him.
- Oh. All right.

- Uh, d-do you like this one?
- What is that?

Is-Is that a little
model of a coat-rack?

No, no, no.
This, this is the coat-rack.

Oh. I-I thought it was like

when you go buy a tent and
they have a little tiny model

of a tent on display;
I-I love those.

Aw. Tiny tents.
For little runaway mice.

So how many coat-racks
can I put you down for?

I'll tell ya what. If I have a baby

and that baby buys a little coat,

I'll come back in here and get
one of your little coat-racks.

Thank you.

Tina and Susmita
are still in here.

He's it going out there?

Good. I have
to cut the wire going

from their telescope's
amplifier to their transmitter.

It'll basically create a
private Morse code network

between their telescope
and my laptop.

Just gimme a heads up

when you're outside.

I've been outside.

And I've been looking
at you this whole time.

Really good job out there, buddy.

They're on the move.

I need more time.

- Stall them.
- On it.

Classic hall-stall.

Hey, what's up, T?
Hi, Susmita.

How's the Science Fair stuff going?

Good. Um, we're kind of in
the middle of it right now.

Oh, ho-ho. So cool.

Tell me all about it.

We programmed a message that'll
hopefully teach aliens English.

We're about to go send it off.

- Um, see you later.
- Wait. I'm so proud of you.

Oh.

What are you doing?

Shh. Just ten more seconds.

Get in here, Susmita.

I'm proud of you, too.

Uh, okay. Um, bye, Louise.

Thanks for the long
hug that kind of hurt.

The possums are
out of the trap.

Get out of there, Haber.

- Copy.
- Your walkie-talkie is sticky.

It's my brother's.
He threw up on it.

Yeah, that checks out.

Okay, the Rosetta code
is sent.

Now we can follow up
with our first message.

Oh, boy.

We just type
our message here,

it translates it into Morse code,
and then we can send it off.

It'll take about a day

for the message to get out to
the edge of our solar system.

And then if somebody is
flying by

and gets our message
and wants to answer,

it'll take another day
before we hear back.

Do you want to write it?

Uh, yeah. Wow.

Man, I don't know
what to write.

Lot of pressure.
Let's see, uh...

"What's shakin', bacon?

"Oh, you might not know
what bacon is.

"It's from
adorable animals called pigs.

"They're pink. We kill them,

"take out their bacon,
and eat it.

Um, we won't kill you
though, uh..."

- Wh-Why don't I type?
- No, no, no, I got it.

- Um, "Greetings from Earth"?
- Yeah.

- And then "xoxo"?
- Sure.

And send.

I bet we get a message
back in three,

two,

one.

- Damn.
- Tina, can I ask you something?

- Of course, partner.
- So,

you know how sometimes
you talk to boys and stuff?

- Big-time.
- Well,

there's this boy
I kind of like, but...

Never mind,
never-never mind.

Come on, do like this
thing and dish, girl.

Well, the problem is,

he's kind of aloof.

Got it.
Dangerous bad boy.

I can work with that.
Have you made a move?

No, I don't think
he's into me. Or anyone.

Look, I know it's scary
to put yourself out there.

- It is.
- But it's like jumping into a pool.

If you don't take the leap,
then you're just the girl

in her bathing suit
looking at a pool.

Whoa, it's the aliens!

Hang on. It's probably
just interference.

Wait, that's Morse code.

What does that mean?

We made contact, Tina.

Holy crap!
What does the message say?

I don't know. We have to wait
for the pattern to start over.

This is incredible.

We made contact.

I'm your alien now, Tina.

All right, we did it.
Now pay up.

Yeah! Where's our
frozen yogurt gift card?!

I've got your gift card
right here.

- Gimme, gimme, gimme!
- Not so fast.

You'll get it
when the job's done.

But may
I recommend no toppings?

That's how they get you.

Yeah, it really
weighs down your cup.

I use Rice Krispies.

It adds crunch
and it weighs nothing.

Amateur, amateur, amateur!

Speaking of heaping
too much on top,

I'm regretting that
I let you write the message

from the aliens.

"Dear, idiots of Earth!

"You should not be transmitting!

"We have a protocol to destroy

"any and all life we discover!

"You're lucky I got this
message and not my boss!

"He's a real pain
in the glorg!

"Anyway,
I have to tell him about this.

"Maybe he won't want
to destroy your planet!

"I'll let you know
tomorrow! In the meantime,

do not transmit
any more signals!"

- Holy crap, Susmita!
- Oh, my God!

Our Science Fair project might
have just destroyed Earth!

What are they freaking
out about? Oh, yeah.

The aliens might destroy Earth!

I know! This sucks.

What do we do? What do we do?

- Susmita.
- Yeah?

This might be our last day on Earth.

If there's anything
we want to do,

I guess we should go do it.

Move! Out of the way!

Hey, Tina...

Whoa.

Ugh, why is your face
so wet?

Dang, Tina! I must be
a giant whoopee cushion,

'cause you just knocked
a fart out of me!

Aw, screw it.

Mm, mwah.

Holy do-what-in-the-huh?

Hi, kids. How was your day?

I love you so much, Mom.

I love you, too, sweetie.

Dad, have you told Mom how
much you love her today?

Um, I-I think... maybe?

- Tell her, damn it!
- I-I love you, Lin.

- Wait, what's happening?
- Everything's fine.

Life is just so damn beautiful.

- Thank you.
- I freakin' love you, Gene.

- I, uh, love...
- I love you, too, Louise.

Yep, yep, that's good.

Aw, my Teeny
Tina's emotional.

What about this
coat-rack? Is it beautiful?

No, it's weird. You
shouldn't have bought it.

- He bought five.
- I know.

That was really dumb,
Dad. But I love you.

You're dumb.
I mean, I-I love you, too.

So, what did you do
after school yesterday?

I did some, um, kissing.

Well, because of your advice,

I, uh, wrote a note to
the boy I have a crush on.

Attagirl. Did he write
back? What did he say?

I didn't give it to him.

Damn, Susmita.
The world's maybe about to end,

and you're sitting on
an unsent love note?

Funny advice considering
how we got here,

Miss Greetings From
Earth Please Come Kill Us.

Oh, my God.

This is it. It's going
through the translator.

"Dear Earth idiots!

"I was gonna tell my
boss about your message.

"But he was in what I guess
you call 'the bathroom.'

"Anyway, he took forever,
and then my shift was over.

So, you guys got lucky.
I didn't tell him."

- He didn't tell him!
- Oh!

"But if you ever send
another message,

"your planet will be
destroyed.

So do not ever send
another message!"

Oh, thank God.

Okay. Phew. Um, so should
we write back and say thanks?

- Tina, no!
- Right, right, right.

All right, this could work.

Why? Why is this gonna work?

People like sidewalk sales?

Hey, Bob! Hey, uh,
what-what are you doing?

Something stupid,
I'll bet! Zoom!

We're having a sidewalk
mini coat-rack super sale.

Coat-racks? Why would
anyone need coat-racks?

They're for putting coats on.

People need coat-racks,
Jimmy!

That's dumb! You just hang your
coat on the back of your chair.

You're dumb!

Oh, put a fettuccine in
your in-betweeny, Jimmy!

Ah, criminy sliminy,
I'm going inside.

It seems like
we scared them straight.

Give us the damn gift card,
Habes.

Thanks to your help, I think
we broke your sister's spirits

and put a lid on her reckless
sense of optimism for a while.

Here you go.

I feel really
good about this.

Yeah, what does it matter
what Tina thinks of us?

We're gonna be eating
free frozen yogurt!

I feel terrible.

Yeah...

That sneaky alien faker
son of a bitch!

And you guys, too! I-I can't
believe you helped him! Ugh!

I know! We're sorry!

And that's why we bought
you this gift card.

- With our own money.
- Thank you.

- It's a good start.
- Yeah.

Wait, Susmita,
you know what this means?

Now we can do
our science project.

- Like, really do it.
- What do you mean?

We can fix our satellite
and resend our message

- to actual aliens.
- I don't know, Tina.

What?
What do you mean you don't know?

I mean,
I'm mad at Henry,

and he shouldn't have
messed with our project.

But maybe he's right.
It's too risky

- to send out a message.
- Of course you'd say that.

You couldn't even give
a love note to a boy

when you thought it was
your last day on Earth.

Ugh! I never should have
told you that.

Have you even started working
on our Science Fair board yet?

- Don't change the subject.
- The Science Fair is today!

That's literally the subject!

Look, I need to go
type up our conclusion.

We don't have a conclusion.

Our conclusion is that
there is no logical reason

to attempt to make contact
with extraterrestrials.

Damn it, Susmita!
You sound just like Henry!

Well, at least we can
still get an "A," Tina.

Screw the "A"!

Yeah, you know what?

I don't think we should be
Science Fair partners anymore.

Well, I'm still turning in
the radio telescope project.

What are you turning in?

Uh, how 'bout
a little project called

"Peanut Butter:
What's Up with That?"

I still have time. Kind of.

We'll help you, T.

Well, good luck
with your peanut butter!

Good luck with your...

never taking chances in life!

See you at the Science Fair!

Oh, I-it's in the,
uh, auditorium, right?

- Yeah.
- That's what I thought.

Up... with... that?

Okay, Hildy in the cafeteria
didn't have any peanuts,

but she let us take a
few handfuls of almonds.

Not all of mine
made it back.

Thanks. I guess
almonds will have to do.

Okay, we have two hours
until the Science Fair.

It's time to see if you
can make peanut butter

- without using any butter.
- Or peanuts.

It's starting to rain a little.

I'm shutting down the super sidewalk

mini coat-rack full-price sale.

How many did you sell?

Lin, you know
I didn't sell any.

Hey, look at
these little coat-racks.

- Aren't these fun?
- This one looks like a little tree.

That's funny. Trees are funny.

Um, do-do you want to buy it?

Why would I buy it?

I'm just gonna put my coat on it,
right?

Aw, people are using 'em.

Because people need coat-racks.

This is what I've been saying!

Hey, wait, those people with coats

are going into Jimmy Pesto's.

Hey! He doesn't have coat-racks!

Pesto's doesn't have
coat-racks!

He-he wants you to put your wet
coats on the back of your chair!

What? What? No, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey! That's not true!

- Yes, it is! Come over here to Bob's Burgers!
- It's no... No!

- We have coat-racks!
- No! No!

- No!
- Yes! Yes!

We win! Sort of.

Oh, Bobby! Mwah, mwah!

Now lift me up like
in The Notebook!

I can't.

And that's why we
shouldn't attempt to make contact

with extraterrestrials.

That's exactly right.

Oh. Hi, Tina.

Uh, so I guess you and Susmita
aren't partners anymore?

We, uh, had some
scientific disagreements.

- Well, you're up.
- So,

I started with some almonds.

Your board says "peanuts."

Which are harder to
find than you may think.

Um, so,
after crushing these almonds,

they were transformed into a powder.

- She's nailing this.
- Really strong start.

Um, and, honestly, I wish I was
still doing my other project,

but we came to two
different conclusions.

She thought it was logical
to never reach out to aliens,

but I think it's only logical

that we need
to reach out to them.

- Wrong.
- Shh!

And why is that, Tina?

Well, if we never reach out...

Uh, j-just look at all
these other projects!

I mean, first off, amazing boards.

Great job, everybody. Seems like
a lot of parents got involved,

but no judgment. But
look at... look at Zeke

and Tammy's board.
The bees are dying.

Preach, girl!

Sea levels are rising.

She's talking about our board.

No, Jocelyn.

- We did the life of the sun.
- Oh.

Right. But what happens
when the sun burns out?

Spray tan, I guess?

A-And, uh, look at this
one. Overpopulation.

We're burning through
natural resources like crazy.

Wow, the Science Fair is
a real downer this year.

So, yeah, if-if we make contact
with aliens, they might kill us.

But what if we reach out
and the aliens help us?

They could act in alien
movies. That'd be cool.

The thing you're afraid of could
be our only chance at survival.

In conclusion,
if we open ourselves up,

yes, we might get hurt.

But if we don't open ourselves up,

- we die alone.
- Oh, my God.

Did she just
change my mind?

Good job, partner.

Now, I've got to go make contact

with a boy
I have a crush on.

- The one you wrote that note to?
- Yeah.

Get it, girl.

- Henry?
- Uh, yes, Susmita?

I've got a message for you.

Doo-doo. Doo. Doo-doo.
Doo. Doo-doo-doo. Doo. Doo.

Oh, wow. Okay.

I mean, 100%.

Doo. Doo-doo-doo.
Doo. Doo. Doo-doo...

I ho... I hope the aliens
destroy Earth right now.

It was Henry?
You got to be beeping kidding me.

Hey, Tina! I can't wait till
the next last day on Earth!

I'm excited for
that apocalypse!

You know what I'm sayin'.
The apoca-lips.

Zeke, what-what are you
talking about?

What? Uh, nothing.
Uh, come on.

Come on, I'm gonna get ya.
Ow, Zeke. Ow

- Come on, come on.
- Aah, Zeke!

♪ Doo-doot doo-doot
doo means I love you ♪

No. No, it doesn't.

♪ Doot doo-doo-doot
doo-doo-doot means I care ♪

That actually means "egg."

♪ Doo-doot
doo-doot-doot doo-doo ♪

- Means, um, "oranges"?
- That means "cat."

♪ Doo-doot doo-doo-doot doo-doo
means I'll always be there ♪

That's just "cat" again.

♪ Doo-doot-doot
doot-doot doo ♪

♪ Doo-doot doo-doot
doot-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo-doot doo-doot
doot doo doo ♪

♪♪

♪ Doo-doot
doo-doot doo-doo ♪

- ♪ Means I love you... ♪
- ♪ Doo-doot doo-doot doo-doo ♪

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