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1
00:00:21,296 --> 00:00:23,051
LINDA: ?
Dish-a-dee-do
2
00:00:23,064 --> 00:00:26,049
? Dish-a-de-dee,
da-da-washin' the dishes ?
3
00:00:26,048 --> 00:00:27,749
?
Aba-ba-ba-ba.
4
00:00:27,749 --> 00:00:30,083
All right, all done with the dishes.
5
00:00:30,083 --> 00:00:32,635
Time for family game night. Whoo!
6
00:00:32,634 --> 00:00:35,820
Left hand red. Whoa-oh!
7
00:00:35,819 --> 00:00:37,653
I'm losing my balance. Whoa!
8
00:00:37,653 --> 00:00:39,754
Bob? Kids?
9
00:00:39,754 --> 00:00:41,054
Where is everyone? What's up?
10
00:00:41,054 --> 00:00:42,054
(kids grunting)
11
00:00:42,054 --> 00:00:43,955
LOUISE: Take that.
12
00:00:43,988 --> 00:00:45,939
And that. You naughty witch.
13
00:00:45,973 --> 00:00:47,974
What's, uh... what's going on?
14
00:00:48,007 --> 00:00:49,875
It's this thing we do with Dad. Yah!
15
00:00:49,874 --> 00:00:51,524
It's called "stone the witch."
16
00:00:51,524 --> 00:00:53,425
Dad's the witch, but it's just pretend.
17
00:00:53,425 --> 00:00:54,892
Right, Dad?
18
00:00:54,892 --> 00:00:57,060
Well, as you know,
it's family game night
19
00:00:57,060 --> 00:00:59,145
and things are really
heating up in the living room,
20
00:00:59,145 --> 00:01:00,178
so, you know...
21
00:01:00,211 --> 00:01:01,979
Come on, kids. I feel limber.
22
00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:03,696
I'm ready to dominate.
23
00:01:03,696 --> 00:01:06,164
Um, how about a rain
check on that? Let me up.
24
00:01:06,163 --> 00:01:08,398
We're kind of in the
middle of something here.
25
00:01:08,431 --> 00:01:10,833
Well, then I'll just
play this with you guys.
26
00:01:10,832 --> 00:01:12,732
Whoa, ooh, here comes the blanket.
27
00:01:12,732 --> 00:01:14,884
That'll warm you to death.
28
00:01:14,884 --> 00:01:16,401
Yeah.
29
00:01:16,401 --> 00:01:18,802
And, oh, ooh... how about this catalog?
30
00:01:18,836 --> 00:01:21,037
You can learn all about
the season's new blazers.
31
00:01:21,069 --> 00:01:22,403
Wait, I'm lost.
32
00:01:22,436 --> 00:01:24,204
Okay, let's take five, everybody.
33
00:01:24,204 --> 00:01:26,872
What? No, hey, ooh, how about doilies?
34
00:01:26,872 --> 00:01:29,073
We can have a fancy
witch with a doily hat.
35
00:01:29,072 --> 00:01:30,539
Hmm. Mom, it's over.
36
00:01:30,539 --> 00:01:31,873
You ruined it, okay?
37
00:01:31,873 --> 00:01:33,574
You "mommed" it all up. Uh-oh.
38
00:01:33,574 --> 00:01:35,241
What's that supposed to mean?
39
00:01:35,241 --> 00:01:37,329
Dad's here... did he "dad" it all up?
40
00:01:37,342 --> 00:01:38,609
Yeah, but that's a good thing.
41
00:01:38,609 --> 00:01:40,260
- Oh, boy.
- Fine!
42
00:01:40,260 --> 00:01:42,361
I don't want to play
your dumb old game anyway.
43
00:01:42,394 --> 00:01:44,479
Well, that's 'cause you suck at it.
44
00:01:44,479 --> 00:01:46,563
(gasps) Uh-oh. Ouch.
45
00:01:46,595 --> 00:01:48,263
Oh, God. Don't you talk
46
00:01:48,263 --> 00:01:50,197
to me that way, Miss Smart Mouth.
47
00:01:50,230 --> 00:01:52,298
You just bought yourself
a ticket to your room.
48
00:01:52,331 --> 00:01:54,549
Oh, fine. Best money I ever spent.
49
00:01:54,549 --> 00:01:56,367
You can't ruin anything in there.
50
00:01:56,366 --> 00:02:00,047
(groans) I'm going back to
family game night by myself!
51
00:02:00,050 --> 00:02:02,118
- Oh. Oh.
- Oops.
52
00:02:02,118 --> 00:02:03,752
May I? I'd look great in that.
53
00:02:03,752 --> 00:02:04,869
I'd look great in that.
54
00:02:04,869 --> 00:02:06,236
I'd look great in that.
55
00:02:06,236 --> 00:02:09,222
LINDA: Right foot blue. Terrific, I win.
56
00:02:09,221 --> 00:02:11,222
(grunting)
57
00:02:13,289 --> 00:02:14,690
Lin, you okay? Mm-hmm.
58
00:02:14,690 --> 00:02:15,773
You're not mad, are you?
59
00:02:15,773 --> 00:02:18,625
No, no. Okay, well, good night.
60
00:02:18,625 --> 00:02:20,242
Oh, you just think you're so much fun.
61
00:02:20,242 --> 00:02:21,593
Don't you, Mr. Fun Buns?
62
00:02:21,593 --> 00:02:23,010
- What?
- I'm sorry.
63
00:02:23,010 --> 00:02:24,393
It's just that Louise.
64
00:02:24,393 --> 00:02:25,627
She's always liked you better.
65
00:02:25,627 --> 00:02:27,027
Ever since she was a baby.
66
00:02:27,061 --> 00:02:29,195
Are you Mommy's little girl?
67
00:02:29,195 --> 00:02:30,295
Dada.
68
00:02:30,295 --> 00:02:31,629
And Mama.
69
00:02:31,630 --> 00:02:32,964
Dada.
70
00:02:32,964 --> 00:02:34,064
- Mama.
- Dada.
71
00:02:34,097 --> 00:02:35,698
- Mama.
- Dada.
72
00:02:35,698 --> 00:02:36,731
Dada.
73
00:02:36,764 --> 00:02:38,298
- Mama.
- Dada.
74
00:02:38,299 --> 00:02:39,333
- Mama.
- Dada.
75
00:02:39,366 --> 00:02:40,600
M... Ma... Da... Da...
76
00:02:40,633 --> 00:02:42,067
Ma. Ma. Ma. Da. Da. Da.
77
00:02:42,100 --> 00:02:43,934
Da, da, da! Ma... ma!
All right, you know what?
78
00:02:43,934 --> 00:02:45,063
Change your own diaper.
79
00:02:45,068 --> 00:02:46,235
Well, don't worry, Lin.
80
00:02:46,236 --> 00:02:47,936
She's just going through a phase.
81
00:02:47,936 --> 00:02:50,204
A nine-year phase...
she'll grow out of it.
82
00:02:50,203 --> 00:02:51,537
Well, I'm not waiting for that.
83
00:02:51,537 --> 00:02:52,770
According to the Phenomimom...
84
00:02:52,771 --> 00:02:54,539
The Phenomimom?
85
00:02:54,572 --> 00:02:56,740
It's a mommy blog, by Dakota Applebaum.
86
00:02:56,772 --> 00:02:59,107
She says one way mothers
and daughters connect
87
00:02:59,107 --> 00:03:00,941
is through story time.
88
00:03:00,941 --> 00:03:03,443
Phenomimom... that's fun to say.
89
00:03:03,442 --> 00:03:05,626
I am gonna go story that little punk.
90
00:03:05,626 --> 00:03:07,010
Sounds good.
91
00:03:07,043 --> 00:03:09,879
Louise, you awake, baby?
92
00:03:09,878 --> 00:03:10,877
Louise?
93
00:03:10,878 --> 00:03:11,877
- Louise!
- Huh?
94
00:03:11,879 --> 00:03:12,949
What? What's going on?
95
00:03:12,979 --> 00:03:15,013
Sorry. Did I wake you up?
96
00:03:15,046 --> 00:03:16,714
Look what I brought.
97
00:03:16,714 --> 00:03:19,516
Princess Pigeon Toe... remember?
98
00:03:19,548 --> 00:03:20,948
- Oh, no.
- Uh-huh.
99
00:03:20,948 --> 00:03:22,115
Not that book. Scootch over.
100
00:03:22,116 --> 00:03:23,115
(grunts) Scootch.
101
00:03:23,116 --> 00:03:24,149
This is a twin. Come on.
102
00:03:24,149 --> 00:03:25,483
There's not a lot of room.
103
00:03:25,483 --> 00:03:27,451
Come on, come on. Move, move, move.
104
00:03:27,451 --> 00:03:31,521
"Princess Pigeon Toe lived in a
peacock castle on Penguin Lane."
105
00:03:31,553 --> 00:03:32,920
Please stop, please stop, please stop.
106
00:03:32,953 --> 00:03:34,921
"Every day, she went to Parakeet Park
107
00:03:34,921 --> 00:03:36,822
to play pinochle with
Pauly the Porpoise."
108
00:03:36,821 --> 00:03:39,222
Oh, no! Please, just let me sleep!
109
00:03:39,222 --> 00:03:42,241
"Sometimes they take a
picnic basket full of pickles
110
00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:44,508
and peppers and pumpkin
pie!" Please make it stop!
111
00:03:44,541 --> 00:03:46,175
(squeaking)
112
00:03:46,209 --> 00:03:48,176
(bell rings)
113
00:03:48,209 --> 00:03:50,210
It's Claire and Jacqueline. Who?
114
00:03:50,210 --> 00:03:51,810
The most popular girls at school.
115
00:03:51,810 --> 00:03:54,966
How do I look? Oh, good...
116
00:03:54,978 --> 00:03:57,913
Hi. I'm Tina. I'll be your server today,
117
00:03:57,912 --> 00:04:00,614
and hopefully in the
future, your good friend.
118
00:04:00,614 --> 00:04:02,415
That's nice. I'll have a cheeseburger.
119
00:04:02,415 --> 00:04:03,548
Me, too.
120
00:04:03,548 --> 00:04:04,782
Okay, two cheeseburgers...
121
00:04:04,782 --> 00:04:07,150
Claire, did you see Rachel's legs?
122
00:04:07,150 --> 00:04:08,750
They are so hairy.
123
00:04:08,750 --> 00:04:10,718
Oh, my God, I know... so gross.
124
00:04:10,718 --> 00:04:12,319
Right? Get a razor, girl.
125
00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:13,919
More like a lawnmower.
126
00:04:13,919 --> 00:04:15,854
(both laughing)
127
00:04:15,886 --> 00:04:17,486
Yeah-oh!
128
00:04:19,454 --> 00:04:20,938
(gasps) When did you get there?
129
00:04:20,938 --> 00:04:22,188
What'd you say? Nothing.
130
00:04:22,222 --> 00:04:23,956
Gene, hide my legs. On it!
131
00:04:23,956 --> 00:04:25,656
(grunting)
132
00:04:25,656 --> 00:04:27,290
Nothing to see here.
133
00:04:27,290 --> 00:04:29,937
This is just how we walk
in the restaurant biz.
134
00:04:29,959 --> 00:04:31,726
LINDA: Aw.
135
00:04:31,759 --> 00:04:33,493
My teeny Tina's growing up.
136
00:04:33,493 --> 00:04:35,094
With her little leg hairs.
137
00:04:35,094 --> 00:04:36,444
Just shave up to the knee.
138
00:04:36,478 --> 00:04:38,278
Only strippers shave above the knee.
139
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:39,495
The good ones anyway. Okay.
140
00:04:39,495 --> 00:04:42,130
- LOUISE: Um... who did this?
- I did.
141
00:04:42,129 --> 00:04:43,128
Oh, you did?
142
00:04:43,130 --> 00:04:44,898
Yes. Oh, what a surprise.
143
00:04:44,898 --> 00:04:46,098
Well, you left it in my room.
144
00:04:46,131 --> 00:04:47,298
Yeah, the Phenomi...
145
00:04:47,298 --> 00:04:49,466
I mean, I think it's important
146
00:04:49,466 --> 00:04:52,969
to create tangible expressions
of our relationship.
147
00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:55,603
Oh, well, isn't that... Whoops.
148
00:04:55,602 --> 00:04:57,169
Hey, you hang that up in your room.
149
00:04:57,169 --> 00:04:59,337
You know you're gonna
need your mother someday.
150
00:04:59,337 --> 00:05:01,071
Who's gonna shave your legs, huh?
151
00:05:01,071 --> 00:05:03,989
No one... I'm gonna grow them
out all long and scraggily.
152
00:05:03,988 --> 00:05:07,324
(grunts) I want to look like
a torso on two tumbleweeds.
153
00:05:07,323 --> 00:05:10,325
(laughs) And I'm gonna learn
about sex from television,
154
00:05:10,324 --> 00:05:13,163
so I don't need that
from you, either! (grunts)
155
00:05:13,191 --> 00:05:15,760
Wait, maybe you should
take some time to cool off.
156
00:05:15,759 --> 00:05:17,660
Yeah, I don't think
you should shave angry.
157
00:05:17,693 --> 00:05:19,944
Who's angry? (both yelling)
158
00:05:19,978 --> 00:05:22,613
(grumbling)
159
00:05:22,612 --> 00:05:24,079
Uh, listen, Lin,
160
00:05:24,079 --> 00:05:26,680
do you think you might
be forcing it a little?
161
00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:28,615
I'm not forcing it, Bob! Right.
162
00:05:28,615 --> 00:05:31,483
Louise is gonna see that
her best friend is her mommy
163
00:05:31,482 --> 00:05:33,783
even if I have to shake it into her. Ow.
164
00:05:33,782 --> 00:05:35,683
Shake it, yes, shake it. Stop, no, stop.
165
00:05:35,683 --> 00:05:36,682
Like that. (grunts)
166
00:05:36,684 --> 00:05:38,785
Ooh, look.
167
00:05:38,784 --> 00:05:40,756
- No.
- Yes.
168
00:05:40,785 --> 00:05:43,153
No, no, no, no. Yes!
169
00:05:43,187 --> 00:05:44,971
Okay, here we go.
170
00:05:44,970 --> 00:05:46,704
Going on a little errand, that's all.
171
00:05:46,704 --> 00:05:48,271
(groans) We need to talk.
172
00:05:48,304 --> 00:05:50,656
Look, I think we should
spend some time apart.
173
00:05:50,689 --> 00:05:51,973
Mm-hmm, yeah.
174
00:05:51,990 --> 00:05:53,190
I'm just not really looking
175
00:05:53,190 --> 00:05:54,657
for something serious right now.
176
00:05:54,690 --> 00:05:55,824
Sure, sure, honey.
177
00:05:55,858 --> 00:05:57,642
You understand... I mean, yeah,
178
00:05:57,642 --> 00:05:58,993
it's gonna be a little awkward.
179
00:05:58,993 --> 00:06:00,677
You got some of your stuff at my place.
180
00:06:00,710 --> 00:06:02,294
We live together... We're here!
181
00:06:02,327 --> 00:06:05,279
Laser tag... a little
dated, but all right.
182
00:06:05,278 --> 00:06:06,312
Not that.
183
00:06:06,312 --> 00:06:08,947
That!
184
00:06:08,980 --> 00:06:10,480
(screams)
185
00:06:10,514 --> 00:06:11,831
I've been kidnapped!
186
00:06:11,831 --> 00:06:13,698
No, she hasn't. We're fine.
187
00:06:13,698 --> 00:06:16,149
Keep moving. Nothing to see here.
188
00:06:16,148 --> 00:06:17,588
Nice blouse.
189
00:06:19,675 --> 00:06:21,781
Come on. No, no, no, no,
190
00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:23,415
- no!
- Louise, relax.
191
00:06:23,415 --> 00:06:25,049
It's not like I'm torturing you.
192
00:06:25,049 --> 00:06:26,917
I'm just taking you to an eight-hour
193
00:06:26,917 --> 00:06:27,983
mother/daughter seminar.
194
00:06:27,983 --> 00:06:29,300
Eight hours?!
195
00:06:29,300 --> 00:06:31,602
Yes, our relationship needs help.
196
00:06:31,602 --> 00:06:33,269
Professional help.
197
00:06:33,269 --> 00:06:34,302
Hey!
198
00:06:34,302 --> 00:06:36,453
Start, damn you, start.
199
00:06:36,453 --> 00:06:38,571
(both grunting)
200
00:06:38,570 --> 00:06:39,804
No! Oh, all right, all right.
201
00:06:39,805 --> 00:06:41,072
- 20 bucks.
- What?
202
00:06:41,072 --> 00:06:42,155
I'll give you 20 bucks
203
00:06:42,155 --> 00:06:43,823
if you come and do this with me.
204
00:06:43,823 --> 00:06:45,423
Interesting... $1,000.
205
00:06:45,423 --> 00:06:46,957
- $28.
- $29.50.
206
00:06:46,957 --> 00:06:49,158
Deal. This is gonna be the hardest money
207
00:06:49,158 --> 00:06:50,392
I've ever earned.
208
00:06:50,392 --> 00:06:51,625
Unless you become a hooker.
209
00:06:51,625 --> 00:06:52,866
(laughs)
210
00:06:54,177 --> 00:06:55,644
?
211
00:06:55,644 --> 00:06:57,278
Welcome, everyone.
212
00:06:57,278 --> 00:07:00,063
Welcome to my mother/daughter
seminar... Modo Time.
213
00:07:00,062 --> 00:07:01,121
I'm Dakota.
214
00:07:01,122 --> 00:07:02,330
You're the Phenomimom?
215
00:07:02,330 --> 00:07:03,329
But you're a man.
216
00:07:03,330 --> 00:07:04,614
I am a man.
217
00:07:04,614 --> 00:07:05,981
And that's okay.
218
00:07:05,982 --> 00:07:08,165
The female spirit
flows through all of us.
219
00:07:08,182 --> 00:07:10,583
We're all estro-geniuses.
220
00:07:10,583 --> 00:07:11,984
Everybody stand up and say it,
221
00:07:11,984 --> 00:07:13,251
"I am an estro-genius."
222
00:07:13,251 --> 00:07:15,418
ALL: I am an estro-genius.
223
00:07:15,418 --> 00:07:16,417
Oh, dear.
224
00:07:16,418 --> 00:07:18,303
Guys, today we are going back.
225
00:07:18,303 --> 00:07:20,337
We're gonna go all the
way back to the womb.
226
00:07:20,337 --> 00:07:22,171
We're gonna get
into a womb-a-tism!
227
00:07:22,171 --> 00:07:24,171
A what? A
womb-a-tism!
228
00:07:24,188 --> 00:07:25,972
Ooh, a what?
229
00:07:25,972 --> 00:07:27,523
(grunts) No.
230
00:07:27,523 --> 00:07:28,589
Hi. Sorry we're late.
231
00:07:28,624 --> 00:07:29,824
Ooh, a male daughter.
232
00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:31,424
Ha-ha, Logan.
233
00:07:31,458 --> 00:07:33,158
Oh, God, it's here.
234
00:07:33,158 --> 00:07:35,693
Sorry, this was the
only seminar available,
235
00:07:35,692 --> 00:07:37,944
and we had an incident yesterday.
236
00:07:37,944 --> 00:07:42,080
Logan called me the "B" word.
237
00:07:42,078 --> 00:07:43,579
Why must that word exist?
238
00:07:43,579 --> 00:07:44,594
Question.
239
00:07:44,613 --> 00:07:46,179
What's the "uter-room?"
240
00:07:46,180 --> 00:07:47,814
Well, I'm hoping what's in that room
241
00:07:47,814 --> 00:07:49,348
won't be necessary.
242
00:07:49,348 --> 00:07:51,556
Now, let Modo Time begin!
243
00:07:53,349 --> 00:07:55,483
Dad, I want you to drop
everything you're doing
244
00:07:55,483 --> 00:07:56,650
and shave my legs.
245
00:07:56,650 --> 00:07:58,284
I'll take care of the first part.
246
00:07:58,284 --> 00:08:00,118
Gene. I was trying to help.
247
00:08:00,118 --> 00:08:02,977
Uh, Tina, can't you
just shave them yourself?
248
00:08:02,986 --> 00:08:04,019
I tried.
249
00:08:04,020 --> 00:08:05,821
- Oh, God!
- Aah!
250
00:08:05,821 --> 00:08:07,872
Oh, oh, dear. Oh... oh, my... aah!
251
00:08:07,871 --> 00:08:10,313
No more razors for
you. Just wait for Mom.
252
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,524
You wait for Mom. If I don't shave this
253
00:08:12,524 --> 00:08:14,191
before school tomorrow, Claire
and Jacqueline might talk
254
00:08:14,191 --> 00:08:15,732
about me at some restaurant.
255
00:08:15,758 --> 00:08:17,993
All right, fine. Like
a seafood restaurant
256
00:08:17,992 --> 00:08:19,292
or a Chinese restaurant. Tina.
257
00:08:19,292 --> 00:08:20,960
Or that rain forest restaurant
258
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:22,260
with all the jungle sounds.
259
00:08:22,261 --> 00:08:23,661
Or McCormick and Schmidt's.
260
00:08:23,661 --> 00:08:24,795
I said I'll do it.
261
00:08:24,795 --> 00:08:26,162
Oh, okay, thanks.
262
00:08:26,195 --> 00:08:28,830
There was a time when
you got all you needed
263
00:08:28,829 --> 00:08:30,930
from your mother through a single cord.
264
00:08:30,930 --> 00:08:33,699
Mothers, please strap your
symbolic umbilical cords
265
00:08:33,698 --> 00:08:34,798
to your daughters' faces.
266
00:08:34,799 --> 00:08:36,967
I call them "umbilitators."
267
00:08:36,966 --> 00:08:38,933
That's not how umbilical cords work.
268
00:08:38,933 --> 00:08:41,151
Here we go... wee-ooh!
269
00:08:41,151 --> 00:08:42,818
It doesn't make any sense.
270
00:08:42,818 --> 00:08:45,120
And feed those fetuses.
271
00:08:45,119 --> 00:08:46,336
Down the hatch.
272
00:08:46,337 --> 00:08:48,154
Louise, open your mouth.
273
00:08:48,154 --> 00:08:49,521
Louise, open your mouth. Uh-uh.
274
00:08:49,521 --> 00:08:52,273
Yeah, she's fine. We're fine.
275
00:08:52,272 --> 00:08:53,873
Yes, open that fetus mouth!
276
00:08:53,873 --> 00:08:55,940
(laughs) Oh, it's fun.
277
00:08:55,940 --> 00:08:57,107
- Money.
- What?
278
00:08:57,107 --> 00:08:59,292
Money, no... no more extorting me.
279
00:08:59,292 --> 00:09:01,026
Mm-hmm. Okay, fine.
280
00:09:01,026 --> 00:09:02,776
Five bucks... now, swallow.
281
00:09:02,776 --> 00:09:04,811
Mmm, oh, she loves it.
282
00:09:04,810 --> 00:09:06,376
(hacks) Aw.
283
00:09:07,944 --> 00:09:09,044
Oh, hello.
284
00:09:09,045 --> 00:09:10,813
You must be here for
our back waxing special.
285
00:09:10,813 --> 00:09:11,880
Um, no.
286
00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:12,879
Arm waxing?
287
00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:14,180
No. Scrotal waxing?
288
00:09:14,181 --> 00:09:16,115
No... what? No! Yeah, that one.
289
00:09:16,114 --> 00:09:17,882
No, no, not that one. Yes.
290
00:09:17,882 --> 00:09:19,482
Gene, stop. You need it.
291
00:09:19,482 --> 00:09:21,316
Gene, shut up. My daughter needs
292
00:09:21,316 --> 00:09:22,924
to get her legs waxed. Hi.
293
00:09:22,950 --> 00:09:24,384
Oh. (laughs) Phew.
294
00:09:24,384 --> 00:09:26,635
I mean, not that I
don't want to wax you...
295
00:09:26,635 --> 00:09:28,718
but no, I have my limits.
296
00:09:28,736 --> 00:09:30,771
Okay, well, you don't have to be rude.
297
00:09:30,803 --> 00:09:32,504
Why don't we just take you
in the back, sweetheart?
298
00:09:32,504 --> 00:09:34,071
It's your job, you know.
299
00:09:34,071 --> 00:09:35,238
I'd wax you, Dad.
300
00:09:35,239 --> 00:09:36,346
Thanks, Gene.
301
00:09:36,372 --> 00:09:38,106
Time to be born.
302
00:09:38,140 --> 00:09:40,098
This is disgusting.
303
00:09:40,124 --> 00:09:41,515
You sound just like your father.
304
00:09:41,524 --> 00:09:43,342
Louise, come to Mama.
305
00:09:43,342 --> 00:09:45,593
Oh, no, I think I'm good, thank you.
306
00:09:45,626 --> 00:09:47,143
Can I get some scissors, Dakota?
307
00:09:47,143 --> 00:09:48,493
Do a little C-section?
308
00:09:48,493 --> 00:09:51,662
Those vagisacks cost $50, so... no.
309
00:09:51,661 --> 00:09:53,345
Speaking of money. (groans)
310
00:09:53,345 --> 00:09:54,412
Here.
311
00:09:54,413 --> 00:09:56,330
Someone's dilating.
312
00:09:56,330 --> 00:09:57,479
There she is.
313
00:09:57,497 --> 00:09:59,564
And time to swaddle the baby.
314
00:09:59,565 --> 00:10:01,249
No, no, no, no, no, no, no... oh, God.
315
00:10:01,249 --> 00:10:02,749
Snug it up, now, snug it up.
316
00:10:02,749 --> 00:10:03,749
No.
317
00:10:05,083 --> 00:10:06,250
I shaved that part.
318
00:10:06,250 --> 00:10:08,001
You must have been very determined.
319
00:10:08,001 --> 00:10:09,024
Thank you.
320
00:10:09,035 --> 00:10:10,969
Okay, here's what we're gonna do.
321
00:10:10,969 --> 00:10:13,027
We're gonna put the
hot wax on your legs.
322
00:10:13,036 --> 00:10:14,870
Uh-huh. And then we put
323
00:10:14,870 --> 00:10:16,821
these strips on your
legs and pull them off.
324
00:10:16,854 --> 00:10:19,738
- Uh-huh. - And
it kind of hurts.
325
00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:24,324
I don't know if I can do this.
326
00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:25,891
Dad, you have to do it with me.
327
00:10:25,924 --> 00:10:27,365
What? No, no way.
328
00:10:27,375 --> 00:10:28,875
Yes, it's like when you got
329
00:10:28,875 --> 00:10:30,616
that flu shot to show me it was okay.
330
00:10:30,643 --> 00:10:33,077
Yeah, that was brave
of me, but... Please?
331
00:10:33,077 --> 00:10:35,629
I know I act tough,
but I'm not. (crying)
332
00:10:35,661 --> 00:10:37,312
Oh, my God... the crying.
333
00:10:37,312 --> 00:10:38,495
Okay, I'll do it.
334
00:10:38,496 --> 00:10:39,563
Yay, scrotal wax.
335
00:10:39,563 --> 00:10:42,432
No, Gene, not scrotal, just leg.
336
00:10:42,431 --> 00:10:43,631
Oh, boo!
337
00:10:43,664 --> 00:10:44,898
Okay, everybody, role reversal.
338
00:10:44,899 --> 00:10:47,033
Louise, you're Linda now.
339
00:10:47,032 --> 00:10:49,901
And you're trying to get
your defiant daughter Louise
340
00:10:49,901 --> 00:10:52,918
to clean her room. Action.
341
00:10:52,935 --> 00:10:55,003
(quietly): Role play's
gonna cost you big.
342
00:10:55,002 --> 00:10:56,352
(hushed): I'll pay for it when I see it.
343
00:10:56,353 --> 00:10:58,755
(clears throat) Hello. I'm Linda.
344
00:10:58,754 --> 00:11:01,989
? And I want you
to clean your room ?
345
00:11:01,988 --> 00:11:04,223
? So I'm singing this song. ?
346
00:11:04,223 --> 00:11:08,076
? But I'm not gonna clean
my room, la-la la-la la-la. ?
347
00:11:08,074 --> 00:11:10,375
No-no-no-no. No
singing. Wha...?
348
00:11:10,375 --> 00:11:12,576
I'm doing you. That's why I'm singing.
349
00:11:12,576 --> 00:11:15,378
You're doing me, so you don't
sing. Oh, like I'm not gonna sing!
350
00:11:15,377 --> 00:11:18,079
? Oh, you better clean your room
? ? I will never clean my room ?
351
00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:20,429
? 'Cause I'm singing this song
? ? 'Cause I'm so rebellious! ?
352
00:11:20,429 --> 00:11:23,498
? And you're gonna clean your room!
? ? No, I'm not gonna stop! ?
353
00:11:23,497 --> 00:11:25,898
Okay, you two are done. Big
hand for Linda and Louise.
354
00:11:25,897 --> 00:11:27,514
Please sit down. Great. You blew it.
355
00:11:27,548 --> 00:11:29,749
I blew it? You gave
me nothing out there!
356
00:11:29,749 --> 00:11:32,351
Well, nothing is what
you're getting paid for that!
357
00:11:32,383 --> 00:11:34,351
Whoa. Time out. Linda,
have you been paying
358
00:11:34,351 --> 00:11:36,585
your daughter to be
here? I'm sorry, Dakota,
359
00:11:36,585 --> 00:11:38,886
but it's the only way she'd do it.
360
00:11:38,885 --> 00:11:40,059
(sobbing): I'm a terrible mother.
361
00:11:40,087 --> 00:11:42,855
Oh, Linda, you really, really are.
362
00:11:42,887 --> 00:11:44,104
Everybody, everybody, listen, okay?
363
00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:46,062
Linda is a good mother. Mwa.
364
00:11:46,072 --> 00:11:48,206
Because she did it out of love.
365
00:11:48,206 --> 00:11:50,341
And that puts you in the running for
366
00:11:50,340 --> 00:11:53,042
the Most Valuable Mommy
award... the MVM, everybody...
367
00:11:53,042 --> 00:11:55,559
which I give out at the end of the day.
368
00:11:55,558 --> 00:11:57,307
- All right!
- MVM!
369
00:11:57,307 --> 00:11:58,543
Pshh...
370
00:11:58,543 --> 00:12:00,611
And as for you, I don't feel like
371
00:12:00,611 --> 00:12:02,360
you're taking Modo Time seriously.
372
00:12:02,378 --> 00:12:03,861
Oh, no, not at all.
373
00:12:03,879 --> 00:12:05,695
And that makes me feel
negatively towards you.
374
00:12:05,713 --> 00:12:07,580
Well, maybe this will
help clear things up.
375
00:12:07,580 --> 00:12:10,349
Here's your seminar. See it?
376
00:12:10,348 --> 00:12:12,532
It's so cute and nice in my hand, and...
377
00:12:12,532 --> 00:12:13,899
(blows raspberry)
378
00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:15,717
Did you just fart on my seminar?
379
00:12:15,717 --> 00:12:17,051
Ye, me, too! (blows raspberry)
380
00:12:17,051 --> 00:12:18,351
Okay, that's... that's fine.
381
00:12:18,351 --> 00:12:20,367
I think I know what we need to do here.
382
00:12:21,402 --> 00:12:23,503
Hey! Watch it! Get off me!
383
00:12:23,536 --> 00:12:26,105
You two will stay in
there until you're ready
384
00:12:26,104 --> 00:12:27,771
to engage in this experience!
385
00:12:27,771 --> 00:12:29,138
Oh, almost forgot.
386
00:12:29,138 --> 00:12:31,406
Oh, God. What is that?
387
00:12:31,406 --> 00:12:33,307
It's Freaky Friday on a loop.
388
00:12:33,307 --> 00:12:35,591
Mom, you're old. And you're young!
389
00:12:35,590 --> 00:12:37,642
Wouldn't it be crazy
if we switched bodies?
390
00:12:37,642 --> 00:12:39,499
BOTH: No...!
391
00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:41,543
(both screaming)
392
00:12:41,577 --> 00:12:43,210
No...!
393
00:12:43,211 --> 00:12:44,945
(all screaming)
394
00:12:51,010 --> 00:12:52,644
What a crazy journey we are on.
395
00:12:52,644 --> 00:12:55,012
The logic of this movie
is very unsettling!
396
00:12:55,011 --> 00:12:57,262
You can't do this, you monsters!
397
00:12:57,296 --> 00:12:59,030
All right, well, why
don't you two pair up
398
00:12:59,030 --> 00:13:00,497
now that your children are locked away?
399
00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:03,132
Of course, Dakota. Come on, Cynthia.
400
00:13:03,131 --> 00:13:05,599
Let's you and me learn
some mommy skills together.
401
00:13:05,599 --> 00:13:06,999
I'd like that, Linda.
402
00:13:06,999 --> 00:13:08,567
DAKOTA: And don't forget about
403
00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:10,501
that Most Valuable
Mommy award, everybody.
404
00:13:10,501 --> 00:13:12,135
It's a beautiful sash.
405
00:13:12,168 --> 00:13:13,502
- Huh. Huh.
- Hmm.
406
00:13:13,502 --> 00:13:15,186
- Hmm. (grunts)
- Ah.
407
00:13:15,186 --> 00:13:17,687
I want that sash. Over my dead body.
408
00:13:17,686 --> 00:13:19,954
I want that sash. I love sashes.
409
00:13:19,954 --> 00:13:21,521
(both growl)
410
00:13:21,555 --> 00:13:23,639
My legs are so free.
411
00:13:23,639 --> 00:13:25,523
Mmm. So that's what air feels like.
412
00:13:25,557 --> 00:13:27,190
It's nice. (grunts)
413
00:13:27,190 --> 00:13:28,708
Yeah, these pants feel incredible.
414
00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:30,459
Why don't all men do this?
415
00:13:30,459 --> 00:13:32,543
Hmph! Gene, why are you making noises?
416
00:13:32,542 --> 00:13:34,026
They're my jealousy noises! Ugh!
417
00:13:34,026 --> 00:13:35,376
What are you saying?
418
00:13:35,377 --> 00:13:37,662
I want to wax my legs, too!
419
00:13:37,661 --> 00:13:38,961
These ones right here!
420
00:13:38,961 --> 00:13:40,829
You don't even have leg hair.
421
00:13:40,829 --> 00:13:42,529
Tell that to my heart!
422
00:13:42,563 --> 00:13:44,380
Hold on, everybody.
We're making a U-turn.
423
00:13:44,380 --> 00:13:46,148
All right!
424
00:13:46,181 --> 00:13:49,300
Ow! Gentle touch, Cynthia.
425
00:13:49,299 --> 00:13:50,833
A mother's gentle touch.
426
00:13:50,833 --> 00:13:53,034
I'm so sorry.
427
00:13:53,034 --> 00:13:55,002
You know, Dakota, when
I braid Louise's hair,
428
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:57,535
I sing her a song. Ah, yes, please.
429
00:13:57,569 --> 00:14:00,804
? Here goes the hair and
there goes the hair ? Ah...
430
00:14:00,803 --> 00:14:02,971
? And where is Harry Truman?
431
00:14:02,971 --> 00:14:05,539
? He's dead in the ground,
he's dead in the ground ?
432
00:14:05,538 --> 00:14:08,624
? He's dead, dead, dead... ? Ow! Ow!
433
00:14:08,656 --> 00:14:10,023
Well we switched bodies again,
434
00:14:10,023 --> 00:14:12,525
and everything's back to normal.
435
00:14:12,525 --> 00:14:14,159
I finally understand you, Mom.
436
00:14:14,159 --> 00:14:15,993
Freaky Friday's getting to me, man.
437
00:14:15,992 --> 00:14:17,559
They really understand each other!
438
00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:18,827
You pull yourself together.
439
00:14:18,827 --> 00:14:20,544
We got to get out of here.
440
00:14:20,544 --> 00:14:23,163
They just had to see things
from each other's perspective.
441
00:14:23,162 --> 00:14:24,712
Logan, come on! We got to think!
442
00:14:24,712 --> 00:14:26,713
Walk a mile in each other's shoes...
443
00:14:26,713 --> 00:14:28,864
Oh, I swear to God, if you keep talking,
444
00:14:28,864 --> 00:14:30,565
I'm gonna gut-punch you!
445
00:14:30,564 --> 00:14:33,132
It's a beautiful story
of love and acceptance.
446
00:14:33,132 --> 00:14:34,366
Oh, my stomach!
447
00:14:34,366 --> 00:14:36,050
Wait a minute. That's it!
448
00:14:36,083 --> 00:14:38,585
Wow. See? What'd I tell you?
449
00:14:38,585 --> 00:14:39,652
That is smooth.
450
00:14:39,652 --> 00:14:40,835
Whoa, whoa, Teddy.
451
00:14:40,835 --> 00:14:42,669
What, a little high up on the leg?
452
00:14:42,669 --> 00:14:44,003
- Yeah.
- Sorry.
453
00:14:44,003 --> 00:14:45,237
There's a stop sign right here.
454
00:14:45,237 --> 00:14:46,570
Now feel mine. And mine.
455
00:14:46,571 --> 00:14:47,892
No, Teddy, don't touch their legs.
456
00:14:47,905 --> 00:14:49,639
Look at this. Whoa!
457
00:14:49,672 --> 00:14:51,640
You could wash a pan with that.
458
00:14:51,672 --> 00:14:53,873
Hey, maybe I'll shoot over
there and get what you got.
459
00:14:53,873 --> 00:14:55,407
Yeah. Nah, on second thought,
460
00:14:55,407 --> 00:14:57,041
I couldn't get rid of these little guys.
461
00:14:57,041 --> 00:14:58,542
They're my little furry friends.
462
00:14:58,542 --> 00:15:00,576
Don't listen to him.
You're an embarrassment!
463
00:15:00,576 --> 00:15:02,544
No, don't listen to
him. You're all right.
464
00:15:02,577 --> 00:15:04,712
Furry little... friends?
465
00:15:06,645 --> 00:15:08,446
(high-pitched voices):
This is fun! Higher, Tina!
466
00:15:08,479 --> 00:15:11,147
Higher!
467
00:15:19,917 --> 00:15:21,834
(high-pitched screaming)
468
00:15:27,220 --> 00:15:30,522
Watch out for that bear!
Whoo! Here comes a puma!
469
00:15:30,521 --> 00:15:32,089
(yowls)
470
00:15:32,089 --> 00:15:33,389
LOUISE: Mommy! Mommy! LOGAN: Mommy!
471
00:15:33,389 --> 00:15:35,190
Did you hear that, everybody?
472
00:15:35,190 --> 00:15:37,308
They're coming around.
The Uter-Room is working!
473
00:15:37,340 --> 00:15:41,159
Oh, that umbilical soup got
me, Mom. Got me real bad.
474
00:15:41,158 --> 00:15:42,425
Rub my tummy?
475
00:15:42,425 --> 00:15:43,926
Mine, too.
476
00:15:43,926 --> 00:15:46,094
Oh, my poor baby.
477
00:15:46,094 --> 00:15:47,494
(baby talk)
478
00:15:47,494 --> 00:15:49,095
It's wonderful.
479
00:15:49,095 --> 00:15:52,097
A mother's instinct at
its most primal level!
480
00:15:52,096 --> 00:15:53,830
Come, other mothers, come and see!
481
00:15:53,863 --> 00:15:56,331
Mommy's gonna make you all better.
482
00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:58,599
Well, this mommy's gonna
make you all better first.
483
00:15:58,598 --> 00:16:00,266
(both grunting)
484
00:16:00,266 --> 00:16:02,250
Now! Ha!
485
00:16:02,250 --> 00:16:04,584
What the hell's going on? Uh,
what are... what are you doing?
486
00:16:04,618 --> 00:16:06,752
You fell for the oldest
trick in the book.
487
00:16:06,751 --> 00:16:09,086
The fake tummy ache!
The old belly bluff.
488
00:16:09,119 --> 00:16:10,219
Oh, the belly bluff!
489
00:16:10,253 --> 00:16:11,520
Now, if you'll excuse us,
490
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:12,920
us girls... (clears throat)
491
00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:14,554
Sorry. Ladies... Thank you.
492
00:16:14,554 --> 00:16:16,455
Are going to play laser tag. Whoo-hoo!
493
00:16:16,455 --> 00:16:19,888
LINDA: Oh, I hope those lasers
hit you right in the butt!
494
00:16:21,846 --> 00:16:24,322
(Dakota grunting)
495
00:16:24,354 --> 00:16:25,822
Come on, you!
496
00:16:25,822 --> 00:16:27,088
Damn these delicate shoulders!
497
00:16:27,089 --> 00:16:28,657
Let me try.
498
00:16:28,657 --> 00:16:30,207
(grunts)
499
00:16:30,207 --> 00:16:32,475
Where'd you learn how
to break down a door,
500
00:16:32,474 --> 00:16:33,724
Girl Scout camp? Move it.
501
00:16:33,725 --> 00:16:36,494
(both grunting)
502
00:16:39,861 --> 00:16:41,812
ANNOUNCER: No covering your sensors.
503
00:16:41,812 --> 00:16:43,913
No climbing on the barriers.
504
00:16:43,912 --> 00:16:47,398
And no physical contact of any kind.
505
00:16:47,430 --> 00:16:49,097
Well, agree to disagree.
506
00:16:49,097 --> 00:16:52,400
I feel kind of bad about
locking our moms in that room.
507
00:16:52,399 --> 00:16:53,398
(laser trills)
508
00:16:53,399 --> 00:16:55,200
Ah, hey!
509
00:16:55,233 --> 00:16:56,667
TINA: I killed them.
510
00:16:56,700 --> 00:16:57,934
I killed them all.
511
00:16:57,935 --> 00:16:59,101
Tina, what... what's wrong?
512
00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:00,702
I killed my friendly leg hairs.
513
00:17:00,702 --> 00:17:03,204
Um... oh. Well, they'll grow back.
514
00:17:03,203 --> 00:17:05,003
It's not just that.
515
00:17:05,037 --> 00:17:06,571
I did it 'cause I was worried
516
00:17:06,571 --> 00:17:08,371
about what those girls
would think of me.
517
00:17:08,371 --> 00:17:10,206
I'm a sheep! A hairless sheep!
518
00:17:10,239 --> 00:17:11,873
So you gave in to peer pressure.
519
00:17:11,873 --> 00:17:13,271
It happens to everybody.
520
00:17:13,273 --> 00:17:15,558
I mean, why do you
think I wear these shoes?
521
00:17:15,558 --> 00:17:17,408
'Cause you don't care
what you look like?
522
00:17:17,408 --> 00:17:18,926
What? No. 'Cause I... No.
523
00:17:18,926 --> 00:17:20,727
'Cause I saw some
other chefs wearing them
524
00:17:20,727 --> 00:17:22,194
and I thought they were cool.
525
00:17:22,194 --> 00:17:23,327
Don't you think?
526
00:17:23,327 --> 00:17:24,427
Yeah, yeah.
527
00:17:24,427 --> 00:17:25,861
What do you mean?
528
00:17:25,861 --> 00:17:27,545
I think they're... Yeah, they're cool.
529
00:17:27,545 --> 00:17:29,413
Um... okay. Well, because
if they don't look...
530
00:17:29,413 --> 00:17:32,014
if they look stupid, I won't wear them.
531
00:17:32,014 --> 00:17:33,849
No, they... Yeah. Forget it. Listen.
532
00:17:33,881 --> 00:17:35,782
Leg hair or no leg
hair, you're still Tina,
533
00:17:35,782 --> 00:17:37,616
and when it comes to
the important stuff,
534
00:17:37,616 --> 00:17:39,116
you'll make the right choice.
535
00:17:39,116 --> 00:17:40,550
Gene, put some pants on.
536
00:17:40,550 --> 00:17:41,650
- No!
- Ugh.
537
00:17:41,685 --> 00:17:44,220
(lasers guns whooshing and whirring)
538
00:17:44,219 --> 00:17:45,533
What the hell?
539
00:17:45,552 --> 00:17:46,769
How'd you get out?
540
00:17:46,770 --> 00:17:48,604
I busted through the door.
541
00:17:48,603 --> 00:17:50,671
Um, we busted through the door.
542
00:17:50,671 --> 00:17:52,605
Fine. My shoulder and
Cynthia's left boob.
543
00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:54,840
All right, everybody. Fun's over.
544
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,538
Now, let's get back on Modo Time.
545
00:17:56,541 --> 00:17:58,225
Oh, no freaking way!
546
00:17:58,257 --> 00:18:01,059
You are coming back to the
Nurture Center right now!
547
00:18:01,059 --> 00:18:03,260
You're in big trouble, Logan Berry Bush.
548
00:18:03,259 --> 00:18:04,259
Huh?
549
00:18:04,260 --> 00:18:05,544
Logan Berry Bush?
550
00:18:05,544 --> 00:18:06,944
We didn't think it through.
551
00:18:06,944 --> 00:18:08,077
Okay, everybody, calm down.
552
00:18:08,077 --> 00:18:09,678
Now, how do we get down there?
553
00:18:09,678 --> 00:18:12,063
No one goes in without
a vest and a laser gun.
554
00:18:12,063 --> 00:18:13,263
Well, that's not happening.
555
00:18:13,263 --> 00:18:14,797
I'll go down there! Linda, no!
556
00:18:14,797 --> 00:18:16,064
Laser tag goes against
557
00:18:16,064 --> 00:18:18,065
everything we've been working on.
558
00:18:18,065 --> 00:18:19,365
And besides... you're mothers.
559
00:18:19,365 --> 00:18:21,633
Uh-huh. Where's mommy's gun?!
560
00:18:21,633 --> 00:18:23,234
So, welcome to the war.
561
00:18:23,234 --> 00:18:24,868
Okay, first, uh... let's just try
562
00:18:24,868 --> 00:18:26,535
to create a dialogue, and we'll...
563
00:18:26,535 --> 00:18:28,967
(Dakota shrieks)
564
00:18:30,287 --> 00:18:32,104
You're gonna get it, Miss Missy!
565
00:18:32,121 --> 00:18:35,173
Why don't you let your gun
do the talking, blabbermouth!
566
00:18:35,205 --> 00:18:36,806
Blabbermouth? (grunts)
567
00:18:44,091 --> 00:18:45,392
Linda, this isn't right!
568
00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:47,243
Feels pretty good to me!
569
00:18:47,276 --> 00:18:49,277
I am ordering you to put down your gun
570
00:18:49,277 --> 00:18:51,111
and go cradle your daughter!
571
00:18:51,111 --> 00:18:52,829
No! I'm gonna shoot her instead!
572
00:18:52,879 --> 00:18:54,412
Ha! Gotcha!
573
00:18:54,446 --> 00:18:56,814
I gave you that one! Nah!
574
00:18:56,813 --> 00:18:58,380
This is seriously hurting your chances
575
00:18:58,380 --> 00:18:59,881
of receiving the MVM award!
576
00:18:59,914 --> 00:19:02,032
Maybe I should give the
sash to Cynthia, huh?
577
00:19:02,032 --> 00:19:03,599
Die, Logan!
578
00:19:03,922 --> 00:19:06,023
Oh-whoa-whoa-whoa,
seriously? I'm the MVM?
579
00:19:06,057 --> 00:19:08,143
What?! The sash! Oh!
580
00:19:08,199 --> 00:19:10,066
That's for kidnapping me!
581
00:19:10,100 --> 00:19:11,833
Ooh! Aah!
582
00:19:11,867 --> 00:19:14,201
And that's for taking me
to The Momgina Monologues!
583
00:19:14,234 --> 00:19:16,735
You almost killed your
mother. I hope you're happy.
584
00:19:16,767 --> 00:19:18,535
I am. Any last words?
585
00:19:18,568 --> 00:19:21,070
Yes. I just wish...
586
00:19:21,103 --> 00:19:23,747
I just wish you liked me, that's all.
587
00:19:23,866 --> 00:19:25,833
But I guess you never will, so go ahead,
588
00:19:25,866 --> 00:19:27,028
put me out of my misery.
589
00:19:27,148 --> 00:19:29,559
Is this all 'cause you
think I don't like you?
590
00:19:29,677 --> 00:19:33,086
Go on. Just do it. Just
go. Take me out. Go ahead.
591
00:19:33,429 --> 00:19:37,086
(sighs) Mom, I guess I've
been kind of a "B" word today.
592
00:19:37,203 --> 00:19:40,272
You have. But I came on a little strong.
593
00:19:40,305 --> 00:19:41,873
I'm sorr...
594
00:19:41,906 --> 00:19:44,842
You! You ruined my beautiful
seminar, you little brat!
595
00:19:44,874 --> 00:19:46,841
And now you're gonna pay! (screams)
596
00:19:46,874 --> 00:19:49,475
Aah! No! My baby!
597
00:19:49,508 --> 00:19:51,542
Suck on this soup tube, Dakota!
598
00:19:51,575 --> 00:19:53,510
It's laser-flavored!
599
00:19:53,628 --> 00:19:55,910
Mom, nice!
600
00:19:56,810 --> 00:19:58,177
(grunts)
601
00:19:58,211 --> 00:19:59,478
(panting)
602
00:19:59,512 --> 00:20:01,013
LINDA: Look north, Dakota.
603
00:20:01,046 --> 00:20:02,780
Whoa, Mom, amazing!
604
00:20:02,813 --> 00:20:04,280
Make my day!
605
00:20:04,313 --> 00:20:06,114
No, no, better before.
606
00:20:06,148 --> 00:20:07,681
Wait, wait. Hold on.
607
00:20:07,714 --> 00:20:09,516
(gasping)
608
00:20:09,549 --> 00:20:10,782
Hey, get off the equipment!
609
00:20:10,815 --> 00:20:11,722
Oh, shove it!
610
00:20:11,841 --> 00:20:13,517
I'm bonding with my daughter!
611
00:20:13,550 --> 00:20:15,484
Yeah, we're bonding here!
612
00:20:16,917 --> 00:20:18,652
Best therapy ever.
613
00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:21,019
You should have seen the
way Mom took down Dakota.
614
00:20:21,051 --> 00:20:22,552
Phenomimom, my ass.
615
00:20:22,586 --> 00:20:24,591
My ass, too! Up high!
616
00:20:24,709 --> 00:20:26,182
Yeah, that my girl!
617
00:20:26,301 --> 00:20:27,820
Quit scratching, you two.
618
00:20:27,854 --> 00:20:29,108
Can't help it. It itches.
619
00:20:29,227 --> 00:20:30,821
Yeah, mine, too. Switch?
620
00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:31,578
Okay.
621
00:20:33,108 --> 00:20:34,989
Come on. Scratch like a man!
622
00:20:35,108 --> 00:20:35,956
Give it to me!
623
00:20:35,989 --> 00:20:37,790
Tina, I'm sorry I wasn't there
624
00:20:37,823 --> 00:20:39,358
to give you your first shave.
625
00:20:39,391 --> 00:20:42,160
It's okay. I regretted it anyway.
626
00:20:42,192 --> 00:20:44,560
But it was fun going to
the waxing salon with Dad.
627
00:20:44,593 --> 00:20:45,826
He's a screamer.
628
00:20:45,860 --> 00:20:47,861
Ow, Gene! Not so hard!
629
00:20:47,894 --> 00:20:50,391
Aw, man! Your day sounds better. What?
630
00:20:50,509 --> 00:20:53,029
I want to go shave my legs
with Dad and then regret it.
631
00:20:53,062 --> 00:20:54,863
Yeah, let's make all the same mistakes
632
00:20:54,896 --> 00:20:56,197
with Dad again tomorrow!
633
00:20:56,230 --> 00:20:57,497
Okay. Yay, Dad.
634
00:20:57,531 --> 00:20:59,064
Oh, screw all of you.
635
00:20:59,097 --> 00:21:00,828
Ah, Mom. Come here.
636
00:21:00,878 --> 00:21:05,428
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