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00:00:09,425 --> 00:00:10,425
(DOG BARKS)
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(TIRES SCREECH)
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00:00:21,504 --> 00:00:23,434
Okay, everyone,
I hope you've all chosen
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00:00:23,464 --> 00:00:25,779
your lab partners wisely.
I have.
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00:00:25,809 --> 00:00:28,277
You'll notice a mixture in front
of you on the Bunsen burner.
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00:00:28,356 --> 00:00:30,236
Buns... sen.
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00:00:30,266 --> 00:00:31,911
This mixture
is the most powerful
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00:00:31,941 --> 00:00:33,954
love potion known to man.
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00:00:33,984 --> 00:00:36,350
Whatever you do, don't drink it.
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00:00:36,380 --> 00:00:38,713
Jimmy Junior, no!
It will make you
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00:00:38,743 --> 00:00:40,723
want to touch each other's butts!
Too late.
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00:00:40,753 --> 00:00:43,236
I don't need a love potion
to want to do that stuff...
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00:00:43,266 --> 00:00:45,548
with you.
(GLASS SHATTERS)
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MISS JACOBSON:
Chad doesn't have a partner.
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Maybe he can join you.
(MOANS)
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00:00:51,559 --> 00:00:52,589
The more the merrier.
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00:00:57,439 --> 00:00:58,439
(MOANS)
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00:01:01,058 --> 00:01:03,541
LINDA: Kids...!
19
00:01:03,571 --> 00:01:06,204
LINDA: Time for breakfast!
Damn.
20
00:01:06,234 --> 00:01:08,349
What kind of a maniac
wakes up an hour early
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00:01:08,379 --> 00:01:10,124
to write erotic fan fiction?
Me.
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00:01:10,154 --> 00:01:13,040
LOUISE: Are there any shows
or movies left in the world
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00:01:13,070 --> 00:01:15,167
that you haven't perved up?
No.
24
00:01:15,197 --> 00:01:17,780
That's why I've started
writing erotic friend fiction.
25
00:01:17,810 --> 00:01:19,825
Using people at school
and zombies.
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00:01:19,855 --> 00:01:21,868
Oh! Do the janitor
and the vice principal.
27
00:01:21,898 --> 00:01:23,766
I think they'd have
beautiful children.
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00:01:23,841 --> 00:01:25,709
I did and they don't.
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00:01:25,785 --> 00:01:29,788
Good morning, my little late
bird. What's with the vest?
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It's my Welcome Wagon vest.
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00:01:31,548 --> 00:01:33,679
I'm showing a new girl
around school today.
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00:01:33,709 --> 00:01:37,181
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, Bob, this is
what we're seeing tonight! Ugh.
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00:01:37,211 --> 00:01:38,989
COMMERCIAL ANNOUNCER: Experience
patty cake like never before.
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00:01:39,019 --> 00:01:41,151
Cake. The New York Times says,
"Cake makes everything
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00:01:41,181 --> 00:01:43,178
we've been doing
with our hands obsolete."
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This week at the Wharf Arts Center.
War Farts!
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Wow. What a must-miss.
No kidding.
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Stop it. We're going.
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00:01:50,093 --> 00:01:52,642
(CHANTING): Let's get to Cake
as fast as we can! Ah! BOB: Ugh.
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This is the cafeteria,
41
00:02:00,062 --> 00:02:01,623
And that's our American flag...
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Tina, no offence, but this tour
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00:02:03,361 --> 00:02:06,063
is giving me a snore-gasm.
Show me something good.
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00:02:06,143 --> 00:02:09,397
Well, there's a typo on the
lunch menu. It says "browie."
45
00:02:09,427 --> 00:02:11,373
Seriously, what do you
do for fun around here?
46
00:02:11,403 --> 00:02:13,919
I think there's more on the Tina
tour than you're showing me.
47
00:02:13,949 --> 00:02:16,517
Okay. There is one place
I like to go.
48
00:02:16,596 --> 00:02:18,459
TAMMY: What is this?
49
00:02:18,489 --> 00:02:21,810
TINA: The boys' locker room. You
can only see up to their ankles.
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00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:24,189
So, you just go around looking
through random holes?
51
00:02:24,219 --> 00:02:26,836
Yes, but not any more. Now I
just look through this one.
52
00:02:26,866 --> 00:02:29,952
Those are Jimmy Junior's feet.
I can tell by the way he walks.
53
00:02:29,982 --> 00:02:31,916
So confident, but still
figuring things out.
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00:02:31,992 --> 00:02:33,592
ZEKE: Ha! (CHUCKLES)
JIMMY JR.: No, Zeke!
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00:02:33,623 --> 00:02:35,732
Skid marks. (CHUCKLES)
That's not funny.
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00:02:35,762 --> 00:02:38,479
They're stripes.
Smelly stripes. (CHUCKLES)
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00:02:38,509 --> 00:02:41,059
ZEKE: Phew, you stink!
TAMMY: Okay, and who is that?
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00:02:41,089 --> 00:02:44,142
Zeke. He's got some
hyper in his diaper.
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00:02:44,172 --> 00:02:46,772
I'd like to see what that shin
bone's connected to. Tammy, don't.
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00:02:46,802 --> 00:02:49,704
Someone might see us.
MAN: Hey, what's going on in there?
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00:02:49,784 --> 00:02:51,095
Hi, Coach Blevins.
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00:02:51,125 --> 00:02:52,988
(TINA GROANS)
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00:02:53,018 --> 00:02:54,898
I can't believe I got detention.
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00:02:54,928 --> 00:02:57,728
It's no big deal, Tina.
Don't have a crap attack.
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00:02:57,758 --> 00:03:00,476
Sucks they give you detention
for wrestling in the library.
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00:03:00,506 --> 00:03:03,725
What is this, Nicaragua? Yeah,
this school's lame, right, Zeke?
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00:03:03,755 --> 00:03:05,435
(ZEKE SCOFFS)
That's Jimmy Junior and Zeke.
68
00:03:05,466 --> 00:03:06,842
The feet from the locker room.
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00:03:06,872 --> 00:03:09,003
Mm, manimal.
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00:03:09,033 --> 00:03:11,198
Introduce me, okay?
(SMACKS LIPS)
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Here.
Oh. Mmuh, mm...
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00:03:14,981 --> 00:03:16,977
Hey Jimmy Junior! Zeke.
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00:03:17,007 --> 00:03:18,636
This is Tammy.
She's new at school.
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00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:21,116
Hey, (GIGGLES) What's...
Hi, what's up?
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00:03:21,146 --> 00:03:22,680
My loog.
(HACKS, THEN SPITS)
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00:03:24,228 --> 00:03:26,896
(GRUNTS)
You like that, baby?
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00:03:26,926 --> 00:03:29,090
No.
Nice loogie, Zeke.
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00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:31,067
Hey, Jimmy Junior, look at this.
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00:03:31,097 --> 00:03:32,842
(HACKING, CHOKES,
COUGHING)
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00:03:32,872 --> 00:03:33,872
I'm okay.
81
00:03:35,599 --> 00:03:38,539
Tina! Where the hell
have you been?
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00:03:38,569 --> 00:03:40,783
Did you fall in something
shiny on your lips?
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00:03:40,813 --> 00:03:42,660
Mm. (SMACKS LIPS)
Strawberry.
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00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:46,061
I got detention.
OTHERS: Detention?!
85
00:03:46,091 --> 00:03:47,937
Really?
I can't believe this!
86
00:03:47,967 --> 00:03:50,374
Detention is no big deal, Mom.
Don't have a crap attack.
87
00:03:50,446 --> 00:03:52,964
What did you just say?
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00:03:53,043 --> 00:03:56,280
A crap attack.
Don't have one.
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00:03:56,310 --> 00:03:59,162
(GASPS) Don't you tell me
not to have a crap attack!
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00:03:59,192 --> 00:04:02,110
I'll have a crap attack any time
I want! Now, go to your room!
91
00:04:02,140 --> 00:04:03,719
This is such a snore-gasm.
(EXHALES)
92
00:04:03,749 --> 00:04:05,679
What the hell was that about?
93
00:04:05,709 --> 00:04:08,158
What is it? Yeah. A crap attack?
I don't know. Do you?
94
00:04:08,188 --> 00:04:10,872
Don't look at me. Well, you're
the one that wanted to have one.
95
00:04:10,902 --> 00:04:14,289
You're the one that sent her to her
room for saying it. I don't know what
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00:04:14,319 --> 00:04:16,199
these kids are saying.
Don't have a crap attack.
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00:04:16,231 --> 00:04:17,271
(LAUGHING AND SCREAMING)
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00:04:17,301 --> 00:04:19,086
Nice, Bob. Nice.
(GIGGLES)
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00:04:20,765 --> 00:04:22,646
I can't believe
Tina got detention.
100
00:04:22,676 --> 00:04:25,958
She's changing, Bobby.
Tina's turning into a teen.
101
00:04:25,988 --> 00:04:29,074
You've lost her, Mom. Time to
focus on your good daughter.
102
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Gene.
I'm pretty.
103
00:04:30,846 --> 00:04:32,861
You know, maybe you're
overreacting, Lin.
104
00:04:32,891 --> 00:04:35,398
I mean,
you did have a crap attack. Ha...!
105
00:04:35,453 --> 00:04:37,836
She's supposed to baby-sit
tonight while we're at Cake.
106
00:04:37,866 --> 00:04:40,013
Can we even trust her now?
That's a good point.
107
00:04:40,043 --> 00:04:42,125
Maybe we should stay home.
What?
108
00:04:42,155 --> 00:04:43,767
Please?
We're not skipping Cake.
109
00:04:43,797 --> 00:04:45,898
Okay, fine. But I'm gonna
complain the whole time.
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00:04:45,974 --> 00:04:47,608
Yeah!
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00:04:50,917 --> 00:04:54,170
You're the baddest girl
in detention, Tina.
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00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:57,855
Tell me about it, stud.
(GIGGLES) I'm a stud.
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00:04:57,885 --> 00:05:00,117
I'm an idiot. I know, Zeke.
Don't talk anymore
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00:05:00,147 --> 00:05:01,793
Tammy, spill that.
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00:05:01,823 --> 00:05:03,963
Jimmy Junior, mop that up
with your pants.
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00:05:04,017 --> 00:05:05,968
Okay.
LINDA: Tina!
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00:05:06,044 --> 00:05:09,331
We're waiting for you!
(BIG SIGH)
118
00:05:09,361 --> 00:05:12,615
We need to go over some ground
rules for tonight, Miss Mouthy.
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00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:15,798
No boys, no parties,
no summoning spirits
120
00:05:15,828 --> 00:05:17,993
or switching bodies,
and no filling the house
121
00:05:18,023 --> 00:05:20,090
with soap bubbles.
You hear me, Tina?
122
00:05:20,167 --> 00:05:22,724
Yes. I wear glasses,
not hearing aids, Mom.
123
00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:26,737
Ho! Well, I don't wear a hearing
aid either, so I didn't hear that.
124
00:05:26,767 --> 00:05:29,369
Haw!
Well, good night.
125
00:05:29,449 --> 00:05:32,585
What are you doing with
the emergency cell phone?
126
00:05:32,615 --> 00:05:35,399
Texting my friend Tammy.
That'll cost a fortune!
127
00:05:35,429 --> 00:05:37,175
We have a terrible data plan!
128
00:05:37,205 --> 00:05:40,291
Tammy wants to come over.
I texted back a smiley face.
129
00:05:40,321 --> 00:05:42,469
She texted back some letters
I don't understand.
130
00:05:42,499 --> 00:05:45,652
I think she's coming over.
Oh, my God, is she or isn't she?
131
00:05:45,682 --> 00:05:47,763
I can't wait to ha...
(SNORES)
132
00:05:47,793 --> 00:05:51,095
Louise, wake up, Louise!
(SCREAMING)
133
00:05:59,972 --> 00:06:00,972
Ugh.
134
00:06:09,287 --> 00:06:11,071
Huh?
135
00:06:11,146 --> 00:06:15,254
Cute room. I used to have one
of these. I cut its mane off.
136
00:06:15,284 --> 00:06:17,801
I bet that looked cool.
I'm totally going to do that.
137
00:06:17,831 --> 00:06:19,107
(WHISPERS):
No, I won't.
138
00:06:19,137 --> 00:06:21,385
This is like
watching two monkeys
139
00:06:21,415 --> 00:06:24,200
at the puberty zoo.
What's wrong with her face?
140
00:06:24,230 --> 00:06:26,698
Looks like she needs
a flu shot in her eyes.
141
00:06:26,777 --> 00:06:30,131
What's this?
It's my erotic friend fiction.
142
00:06:30,161 --> 00:06:32,477
"Tina reached towards
Jimmy Junior's butt:
143
00:06:32,507 --> 00:06:36,631
"'Your lips say no but your butt
says yes.'" This is hilarious!
144
00:06:36,661 --> 00:06:39,546
It's not meant to be hilarious.
It's supposed to be erotic.
145
00:06:39,576 --> 00:06:42,830
Maybe you don't understand it.
Oh, I understand. And I'm into it.
146
00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:45,309
But never let
Jimmy Junior see this.
147
00:06:45,339 --> 00:06:48,257
He'd be weirded out and
he'd never talk to you again.
148
00:06:48,287 --> 00:06:51,139
Really? Oh, my God,
there's a little drawing here
149
00:06:51,169 --> 00:06:53,518
of Jimmy Junior's butt.
(LAUGHS)
150
00:06:53,548 --> 00:06:55,816
(FARTS) Wha...?
151
00:06:55,894 --> 00:06:58,778
What just happened?
I think Tammy laugh-farted.
152
00:06:58,808 --> 00:06:59,884
That really smells, Tammy.
153
00:06:59,914 --> 00:07:01,191
What? I didn't fart, you did!
154
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,067
Oh. Okay.
155
00:07:03,097 --> 00:07:06,464
Come on, if you're gonna be
loud, you got to be proud!
156
00:07:06,515 --> 00:07:08,997
Anyway, since you're
such a good writer,
157
00:07:09,027 --> 00:07:12,315
how about texting Zeke and Jimmy
Junior and inviting them over?
158
00:07:12,345 --> 00:07:14,962
I need a Zeke peek.
I'm not allowed to have boys over.
159
00:07:14,992 --> 00:07:16,805
(GROANS) Come on, Tina.
160
00:07:16,835 --> 00:07:18,869
Bring your friend fiction
to life.
161
00:07:18,945 --> 00:07:21,327
Uh...
Come on, do it, do it.
162
00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:23,455
Do it, Do it. Good. Okay, okay.
163
00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:25,701
I'll tell them to get
their butts over here. Yeah.
164
00:07:25,731 --> 00:07:27,443
How do you do
an emoticon for butt? Three.
165
00:07:27,473 --> 00:07:28,840
Three... three...
166
00:07:28,913 --> 00:07:31,229
Oh, I hope you got
a jar to pee in, Gene.
167
00:07:31,259 --> 00:07:33,272
We're gonna be
in here a long time.
168
00:07:33,302 --> 00:07:36,304
I've got Tina's rain boot.
Okay. I'll take the other one.
169
00:07:37,859 --> 00:07:41,696
(RHYTHMIC CLAPPING)
170
00:07:44,996 --> 00:07:46,636
Isn't her hair cute?
I did it.
171
00:07:46,672 --> 00:07:50,108
Do I look just like Tammy?
This is Tina talking, not Tammy.
172
00:07:50,189 --> 00:07:53,510
Uh, I know who you are.
Oh, 'cause I look like Tammy.
173
00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:56,675
No, not really. When I'm 14,
I'm gonna shave my head bald.
174
00:07:56,757 --> 00:07:58,503
You guys want to play truth
or dare?
175
00:07:58,533 --> 00:08:01,668
Great, good. I dare us all
to drink this!
176
00:08:01,749 --> 00:08:04,165
Margarita Mix!
The heavy stuff!
177
00:08:04,195 --> 00:08:05,941
Cool.
That's my mom's!
178
00:08:05,971 --> 00:08:09,440
I know, I took a little booze
cruise through your living room.
179
00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:11,838
Does margarita mix
have alcohol in it?
180
00:08:11,868 --> 00:08:14,636
No. Mom uses it to fill
the humming bird feeder.
181
00:08:14,716 --> 00:08:18,468
(GULPS) Oh, my God,
I totally feel it.
182
00:08:18,569 --> 00:08:21,622
Whoo! Come on now,
let's kick on some tunes!
183
00:08:21,652 --> 00:08:23,280
I want to hear some FM, baby.
184
00:08:23,310 --> 00:08:26,696
(GRUNTING)
You're disgusting. Whoo!
185
00:08:26,778 --> 00:08:29,311
Whoo-hoo!
Oh, my God. I can't stop.
186
00:08:29,341 --> 00:08:32,032
Come on, girl! Come on!
I can't stop! I can't stop!
187
00:08:32,105 --> 00:08:33,806
I'm dancing!
I'm dancing, baby!
188
00:08:33,865 --> 00:08:37,620
(GASPS) My porcelain horse,
Horselain!
189
00:08:37,650 --> 00:08:40,217
Leg's broke. We got to shoot it.
Sorry, Horselain.
190
00:08:40,247 --> 00:08:42,395
Let's shift into
after-party mode.
191
00:08:42,425 --> 00:08:44,825
(TURNS OFF RADIO) Okay, after
party is over. Time to go home.
192
00:08:44,859 --> 00:08:47,305
Come on, Tina. We were just
starting to have fun.
193
00:08:47,384 --> 00:08:49,030
I got to go anyway.
My dad's girlfriend
194
00:08:49,060 --> 00:08:50,470
just had a baby
and she's nursin'.
195
00:08:50,500 --> 00:08:52,681
I want to go check
that stuff out.
196
00:08:52,711 --> 00:08:55,094
I'd check that out with you, Zeke.
TINA: I'll walk you out.
197
00:08:55,124 --> 00:08:56,724
Come on, Tammy!
(SIGHS) So lame.
198
00:08:59,647 --> 00:09:02,163
Later, square bear.
Bye.
199
00:09:02,193 --> 00:09:05,163
(SIGHS)
LOUISE: Tina, Tina, Tina.
200
00:09:05,193 --> 00:09:07,841
Or should we say Margaritina?
201
00:09:07,890 --> 00:09:09,736
Don't tell Mom and Dad.
Okay,
202
00:09:09,766 --> 00:09:12,249
but it's gonna cost you.
$10,000.
203
00:09:12,279 --> 00:09:15,834
Or... you do all our chores
for a month!
204
00:09:15,864 --> 00:09:17,409
Oh, that's better.
That's better.
205
00:09:17,439 --> 00:09:20,441
FIRST CHORE: Rinse all the pee
out of these boots.
206
00:09:20,471 --> 00:09:21,905
And this one needs plunging!
207
00:09:24,140 --> 00:09:25,324
LINDA:
We're back!
208
00:09:25,397 --> 00:09:27,147
Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.
How was Cake?
209
00:09:27,222 --> 00:09:28,834
Eh...
Loved it!
210
00:09:28,864 --> 00:09:31,032
It made me so hungry.
Now, I'm craving cake.
211
00:09:31,109 --> 00:09:33,015
Who wants to cake with me?
Gene?
212
00:09:33,086 --> 00:09:35,100
No thanks. Ever.
213
00:09:35,130 --> 00:09:38,015
Oh, you changed your hair.
Or maybe her hair changed her.
214
00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:39,657
♪ Dum dum dum. ♪
215
00:09:39,687 --> 00:09:41,164
There's nothing sweet in here.
216
00:09:41,194 --> 00:09:42,839
Maybe I'll have a drink instead.
217
00:09:42,869 --> 00:09:45,135
No!
No?
218
00:09:45,165 --> 00:09:47,664
What's gotten into you,
Little Miss Mommy Can't Drink?
219
00:09:47,694 --> 00:09:49,943
You did hit those
Sambucas pretty hard
220
00:09:49,973 --> 00:09:52,836
during intermission, Lin. Hey! If they
didn't want you to pound 'em down,
221
00:09:52,866 --> 00:09:54,667
they'd give you more than
ten minutes, right?
222
00:09:54,742 --> 00:09:56,711
Oh, you are drunk, Mom.
No, I'm not.
223
00:09:56,741 --> 00:09:59,493
Yeah, 'cause you're yelling.
I'm talking normal.
224
00:09:59,523 --> 00:10:01,486
Hm.
Mommy doesn't get drunk.
225
00:10:01,516 --> 00:10:03,832
She just has fun. Crackers,
where's the crackers?
226
00:10:03,862 --> 00:10:05,506
You're coming to bed
with me. Come on.
227
00:10:05,536 --> 00:10:06,603
(SIGHS WITH RELIEF)
228
00:10:09,156 --> 00:10:11,605
Hey, Tina, since you
crapped out last night,
229
00:10:11,635 --> 00:10:13,213
I talked Zeke
and Jimmy Junior into
230
00:10:13,243 --> 00:10:14,754
cutting and going to the mall.
231
00:10:14,784 --> 00:10:16,949
Cutting what?
Cutting classes.
232
00:10:16,979 --> 00:10:18,238
Come on. You owe me.
233
00:10:18,268 --> 00:10:19,880
Sorry, Tammy.
I don't want to cut.
234
00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:21,344
I thought you might
be like this.
235
00:10:22,910 --> 00:10:24,722
(GASPS) That's my
erotic friend fiction!
236
00:10:24,752 --> 00:10:26,951
Uh-uh-uh. See,
this stays with me.
237
00:10:26,981 --> 00:10:28,961
And if you don't stop
acting like a prude-a-bega
238
00:10:28,991 --> 00:10:31,925
and come to the mall, I'm going
to give it to Jimmy Junior!
239
00:10:31,955 --> 00:10:34,757
But you said if he ever saw it,
he'd never talk to me again.
240
00:10:34,787 --> 00:10:36,231
Yeah. It's called a threat.
241
00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:38,392
Oh. But I thought
we were friends.
242
00:10:38,422 --> 00:10:41,877
We are. That's why I'm making
you go on a double date with me.
243
00:10:41,907 --> 00:10:43,714
Don't be such a boob punch.
244
00:10:43,783 --> 00:10:46,635
Okay. But first, let's fix you up.
245
00:10:47,619 --> 00:10:50,154
Hello, Glamsterdam.
246
00:10:53,735 --> 00:10:55,464
Now we're ready
to go to the mall.
247
00:10:55,494 --> 00:10:57,344
OLLIE (SCREAMS):
Bathroom clowns!
248
00:10:59,972 --> 00:11:02,253
Much better
than being in school right now?
249
00:11:02,283 --> 00:11:03,850
Yeah. Hell, yeah! I guess.
250
00:11:03,925 --> 00:11:06,106
Jimmy Junior, what do you
think of Tina's new look?
251
00:11:06,136 --> 00:11:07,480
Pretty trash-tastic, huh?
252
00:11:07,510 --> 00:11:08,921
Yeah, I mean...
sort of.
253
00:11:08,951 --> 00:11:10,385
Piercing booth!
254
00:11:10,458 --> 00:11:11,809
Y'all do nips or scrotes?
255
00:11:11,882 --> 00:11:13,696
Tina, let's get
our tongues pierced!
256
00:11:13,726 --> 00:11:15,203
I-I don't want to
pierce my tongue.
257
00:11:15,233 --> 00:11:17,515
Yes, you do.
No, I really don't.
258
00:11:17,545 --> 00:11:19,660
Jimmy Junior,
you can read, right?
259
00:11:19,690 --> 00:11:21,369
Yeah.
Mr. School.
260
00:11:21,399 --> 00:11:23,161
Not really.
261
00:11:23,191 --> 00:11:25,288
Fine. I'll do it.
But I only have three dollars
262
00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:27,653
and a coupon for
my dad's restaurant. Okay.
263
00:11:27,731 --> 00:11:29,108
What can we get for that?
264
00:11:29,138 --> 00:11:30,415
I can give you
temporary tattoos.
265
00:11:30,445 --> 00:11:31,963
Temp tramp stamps!
266
00:11:33,644 --> 00:11:35,810
Where's Tina?
She should be doing this.
267
00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:38,274
I'm so tired of
being hurt by her.
268
00:11:38,352 --> 00:11:40,232
It's a bunch of grown-ups
playing patty-cake.
269
00:11:40,262 --> 00:11:42,222
I don't get it, Bob.
Then you don't get me, Teddy.
270
00:11:42,254 --> 00:11:43,533
You don't get me.
271
00:11:43,563 --> 00:11:44,842
Oh, he's been
slapping everything
272
00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:46,146
since we got back
from that show.
273
00:11:46,176 --> 00:11:47,754
It's called "caking," Lin.
274
00:11:47,784 --> 00:11:49,442
You know. You were there.
No, I don't know.
275
00:11:49,472 --> 00:11:51,101
No. I fell asleep.
Come on. Do it with me.
276
00:11:51,131 --> 00:11:53,165
No! My hands still hurt
from yesterday.
277
00:11:53,195 --> 00:11:55,377
Teddy? How about you?
Put up your hands. No, thank you.
278
00:11:55,407 --> 00:11:57,152
I just kind of want to
cake with somebody!
279
00:11:57,182 --> 00:11:58,827
All right.
280
00:11:58,857 --> 00:12:00,905
Ow!
281
00:12:00,935 --> 00:12:02,614
I don't like it,
I don't like it.
282
00:12:02,644 --> 00:12:04,323
Stop!
Keep your hands up!
283
00:12:04,353 --> 00:12:06,237
I don't like it!
I don't like this!
284
00:12:06,306 --> 00:12:07,304
Keep 'em up!
285
00:12:07,334 --> 00:12:08,695
Just stop!
286
00:12:08,725 --> 00:12:10,739
Just stop, Bob.
I don't like it.
287
00:12:10,769 --> 00:12:13,336
Don't lower your hands, Teddy!
You're scaring him.
288
00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:14,933
Oh...
He's crying.
289
00:12:15,007 --> 00:12:17,356
It's not fun for everyone, Bob.
(BELL ON DOOR CHIMES)
290
00:12:17,386 --> 00:12:19,602
Tina! You're late!
291
00:12:19,632 --> 00:12:21,192
You didn't get detention
again, did you?
292
00:12:21,222 --> 00:12:22,890
No. I'm just late, okay?
293
00:12:22,965 --> 00:12:24,443
What is all that goop
on your face?
294
00:12:24,473 --> 00:12:25,984
And why are you
showing so much skin?
295
00:12:26,014 --> 00:12:27,481
(SIGHS)
296
00:12:28,996 --> 00:12:31,764
(SIGHS)
297
00:12:31,844 --> 00:12:34,093
Is that a dinosaur
over your tar pit?
298
00:12:34,123 --> 00:12:35,924
Here you go.
What? No.
299
00:12:35,999 --> 00:12:39,219
Oh, you want us to tell Mom and
Dad about your margarita party?
300
00:12:39,249 --> 00:12:40,483
And your new tat?
301
00:12:40,555 --> 00:12:42,783
Uh...
no, I'll do it.
302
00:12:42,834 --> 00:12:44,647
Oh, okay!
303
00:12:44,677 --> 00:12:46,557
And when you're done here,
change my litter box.
304
00:12:46,589 --> 00:12:48,429
And don't tell Mom and Dad
about my litter box.
305
00:13:11,364 --> 00:13:12,591
Tina!
There you are.
306
00:13:12,621 --> 00:13:14,065
I told Zeke and Jimmy Junior
307
00:13:14,095 --> 00:13:15,623
that we'd hang out
at the park tonight,
308
00:13:15,653 --> 00:13:17,047
and you'd bring margaritas.
309
00:13:17,077 --> 00:13:18,428
No, Tammy, I can't.
310
00:13:18,484 --> 00:13:20,163
Ah! Tina!
311
00:13:20,193 --> 00:13:22,843
Can't you tell that Jimmy Junior
likes the new you?
312
00:13:22,873 --> 00:13:24,753
Yeah, I guess.
Then why do you keep fighting it?
313
00:13:24,785 --> 00:13:26,684
I wish I didn't have to
force you have fun.
314
00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:28,440
Sorry.
You know what?
315
00:13:28,470 --> 00:13:31,087
Let's see what happens
when we lose the glasses.
316
00:13:31,117 --> 00:13:33,037
They kind of make your face
look like math class.
317
00:13:33,069 --> 00:13:34,504
Thank you?
No, math class is bad.
318
00:13:34,534 --> 00:13:36,163
Oh.
319
00:13:36,193 --> 00:13:37,833
There we go.
That's so much better, right?
320
00:13:39,074 --> 00:13:40,575
Yeah.
321
00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:48,986
Ah!
322
00:13:49,058 --> 00:13:50,268
Oh, no.
323
00:13:50,298 --> 00:13:52,279
Ow. Tina? Tina?
324
00:13:52,309 --> 00:13:53,694
What the hell is going on?
325
00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:54,826
I wasn't sneaking out.
326
00:13:54,888 --> 00:13:56,735
Try again!
327
00:13:56,765 --> 00:13:59,097
Over here. Woo-hoo!
What happened to your glasses?
328
00:13:59,127 --> 00:14:01,308
And where were you going
with my margarita mix?
329
00:14:01,338 --> 00:14:03,138
I was just gonna meet
some people at the park.
330
00:14:03,170 --> 00:14:04,827
What?
(PHONE BUZZING)
331
00:14:04,857 --> 00:14:06,904
Hold on.
The emergency phone's buzzing.
332
00:14:06,934 --> 00:14:08,412
"Where are you?"
333
00:14:08,442 --> 00:14:11,277
Who the hell is texting
the emergency phone?
334
00:14:11,357 --> 00:14:13,136
It's my friend Tammy.
What?
335
00:14:13,166 --> 00:14:15,498
Can I just text her back?
She'll be really mad if I don't.
336
00:14:15,528 --> 00:14:18,749
No! You may not text
her back, or anyone.
337
00:14:18,779 --> 00:14:21,328
Mom! Stop being a boob punch.
Boob punch?
338
00:14:21,358 --> 00:14:23,573
Your mother's not being
a boob punch, Tina.
339
00:14:23,603 --> 00:14:24,813
That's it. You're grounded.
340
00:14:24,843 --> 00:14:27,988
(TINA SIGHS, PHONE BUZZES)
341
00:14:28,059 --> 00:14:29,771
"Your three is grass."
342
00:14:29,801 --> 00:14:31,011
I don't get it.
343
00:14:31,041 --> 00:14:32,955
Oh. "Your ass is grass."
344
00:14:32,985 --> 00:14:34,625
It's not funny.
I didn't say it was funny.
345
00:14:34,655 --> 00:14:35,993
I just said I figured it out.
346
00:14:36,067 --> 00:14:38,051
(TAP)
347
00:14:39,685 --> 00:14:41,686
(TAP)
348
00:14:43,891 --> 00:14:45,167
Why weren't you at the park?
349
00:14:45,197 --> 00:14:46,397
I looked like an idiot!
350
00:14:46,471 --> 00:14:47,972
I'm sorry. I got grounded.
351
00:14:48,045 --> 00:14:49,842
You wrecked my chances
with Zeke.
352
00:14:49,872 --> 00:14:52,074
That's actually good, Tammy.
Zeke's really gross.
353
00:14:52,116 --> 00:14:53,862
I don't feel that way!
354
00:14:53,892 --> 00:14:55,705
Please don't give my journal
to Jimmy Junior.
355
00:14:55,735 --> 00:14:56,945
Oh, I'm not.
Oh, good.
356
00:14:56,975 --> 00:14:59,156
Yeah, no, I'm going to
read your freak fiction
357
00:14:59,186 --> 00:15:02,372
out loud to everyone
tomorrow during lunch.
358
00:15:02,436 --> 00:15:04,366
No, you can't.
359
00:15:04,396 --> 00:15:06,716
It includes material that may
not be suitable for all ages.
360
00:15:06,750 --> 00:15:08,286
(FAKES CRYING):
Don't worry.
361
00:15:08,316 --> 00:15:10,230
No one's going to hear
all the nasty details
362
00:15:10,260 --> 00:15:11,705
over the judgemental laughing!
363
00:15:11,735 --> 00:15:13,353
You're going down, Tina!
364
00:15:13,392 --> 00:15:14,726
(MOANS)
365
00:15:15,852 --> 00:15:18,535
Tina, hurry up.
You might be grounded,
366
00:15:18,565 --> 00:15:20,512
but you still got to go
to school, little lady.
367
00:15:20,542 --> 00:15:22,623
Mom, I have a fever.
368
00:15:22,653 --> 00:15:24,599
It says you're done
if you're a pork loin.
369
00:15:24,629 --> 00:15:26,626
Meat thermometer?
What, are you new here?
370
00:15:26,656 --> 00:15:28,419
Well, let's go, little piggy.
Off to school!
371
00:15:28,449 --> 00:15:30,680
I can't go to school today.
Why?
372
00:15:30,710 --> 00:15:32,322
Because.
Why?
373
00:15:32,352 --> 00:15:35,405
Because Tammy stole
my erotic friend fiction.
374
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,550
She's gonna read it out loud
during lunch today.
375
00:15:37,580 --> 00:15:39,107
Everyone's gonna laugh at me
376
00:15:39,137 --> 00:15:41,151
and think I'm a freak,
especially Jimmy Junior.
377
00:15:41,181 --> 00:15:43,497
(CRYING)
Aw...
378
00:15:43,527 --> 00:15:45,808
Is that why you've been
acting so bad lately?
379
00:15:45,838 --> 00:15:47,819
Yeah. She's blackmailing me.
380
00:15:47,849 --> 00:15:49,260
Blackmail?
381
00:15:49,290 --> 00:15:51,086
No one blackmails
our sister but us!
382
00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:54,015
Yeah! Messing with Tina
is a privilege, not a right.
383
00:15:54,097 --> 00:15:55,391
All right, you two, scoot.
384
00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:56,781
I need some
private time with Tina.
385
00:15:56,811 --> 00:15:57,811
Tina...
386
00:15:57,867 --> 00:15:59,345
Tammy can't embarrass you.
387
00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:01,015
The only one who can
embarrass you is you.
388
00:16:01,046 --> 00:16:02,528
Yeah?
389
00:16:02,558 --> 00:16:05,410
And you're a creative,
imaginative girl.
390
00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:06,683
You just be you,
391
00:16:06,713 --> 00:16:08,693
and Tammy can go sit in syrup.
392
00:16:08,723 --> 00:16:09,899
Let the bees get her.
393
00:16:09,929 --> 00:16:11,641
What about Jimmy Junior?
394
00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:13,316
He's into dancing, right?
395
00:16:13,346 --> 00:16:15,670
He probably likes the
artsy-fartsy girls like you.
396
00:16:15,726 --> 00:16:16,969
Maybe you're right, Mom.
397
00:16:16,999 --> 00:16:18,376
Yeah, of course I'm right.
398
00:16:18,406 --> 00:16:20,006
I've got nothing to
be embarrassed about.
399
00:16:20,037 --> 00:16:21,454
No, you do not.
400
00:16:21,489 --> 00:16:23,687
I'm going to write
the most erotic, graphic,
401
00:16:23,717 --> 00:16:25,295
freakiest friend fiction ever.
402
00:16:25,325 --> 00:16:27,691
All right!
Freaky friend fiction!
403
00:16:27,721 --> 00:16:29,667
And I'm gonna read it
to the whole school myself.
404
00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:31,376
That's the Tina I know!
405
00:16:31,406 --> 00:16:32,750
C'mere.
406
00:16:32,780 --> 00:16:34,158
♪ My little baby's back ♪
407
00:16:34,188 --> 00:16:35,788
♪ My teeny Tina. ♪
408
00:16:37,102 --> 00:16:38,614
LOUISE:
Yeah, that's right.
409
00:16:38,644 --> 00:16:40,691
Put on that pretty,
pretty lipstick, Tammy.
410
00:16:40,721 --> 00:16:42,839
Then kiss you ass
goodbye with it.
411
00:16:42,915 --> 00:16:44,745
Yeah! Unless you
lived inside of Mom,
412
00:16:44,775 --> 00:16:46,354
you can't mess with Tina.
413
00:16:46,384 --> 00:16:48,297
We're Belchers,
from the womb to the tomb!
414
00:16:48,327 --> 00:16:50,743
We need to get that backpack
415
00:16:50,773 --> 00:16:52,290
and steal the journal
back from her.
416
00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:57,646
Hello.
417
00:16:57,676 --> 00:17:00,208
Andy, can I take
your backpack on a walk?
418
00:17:00,238 --> 00:17:01,750
We'll be back in two minutes.
419
00:17:01,780 --> 00:17:03,860
My backpack's gonna
miss your backpack.
420
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,074
We'll get through this.
421
00:17:08,012 --> 00:17:10,545
Sorry, got to frisk
you for weapons.
422
00:17:10,575 --> 00:17:12,723
Ugh. You got brownie
all over me, jerk.
423
00:17:12,753 --> 00:17:14,231
She's clean.
424
00:17:14,261 --> 00:17:15,928
(TOILET FLUSHES)
425
00:17:18,482 --> 00:17:20,244
Ooh, yikes.
426
00:17:20,274 --> 00:17:21,720
Try some club soda.
427
00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:23,696
Oh, thanks so much.
Was I talking to you?
428
00:17:23,726 --> 00:17:24,965
(LAUGHING):
I guess you weren't.
429
00:17:24,995 --> 00:17:26,109
Ha ha ha ha!
430
00:17:26,139 --> 00:17:27,382
Sucker.
431
00:17:27,412 --> 00:17:29,040
I got the goods.
432
00:17:29,070 --> 00:17:31,101
On to the cafeteria
to save Tina!
433
00:17:31,131 --> 00:17:33,028
And get me another browie!
434
00:17:33,058 --> 00:17:35,189
So Tina's rotten friend Tammy
435
00:17:35,219 --> 00:17:36,819
threatened to read
Tina's private writing
436
00:17:36,849 --> 00:17:38,439
in front of the whole school.
437
00:17:38,469 --> 00:17:40,851
But we had a talk, and
Tina's feeling better, so...
438
00:17:40,881 --> 00:17:43,682
What'd you tell her?
I told her she's very creative,
439
00:17:43,712 --> 00:17:46,392
and not to be embarrassed, no matter
what. Well, that's good advice.
440
00:17:46,427 --> 00:17:48,491
Yeah. And then Tina
had a great idea.
441
00:17:48,521 --> 00:17:50,702
She's gonna read
her erotic friend fiction
442
00:17:50,732 --> 00:17:52,545
out loud to
the whole class herself.
443
00:17:52,575 --> 00:17:55,074
Tina's gonna read her
erotic friend fiction
444
00:17:55,104 --> 00:17:56,443
out loud at school?
445
00:17:56,478 --> 00:17:57,588
That's a great idea?
446
00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:59,799
Huh. When you say it like that,
447
00:17:59,829 --> 00:18:01,206
it doesn't sound as good
448
00:18:01,236 --> 00:18:02,703
as when I said it with Tina.
449
00:18:02,777 --> 00:18:04,657
Right, 'cause
she's gonna read...
450
00:18:04,687 --> 00:18:05,780
BOTH: Erotic friend fiction
out loud at school.
451
00:18:05,810 --> 00:18:07,036
Out loud...
Loud...
452
00:18:07,066 --> 00:18:08,493
at school.
At school!
453
00:18:08,523 --> 00:18:10,474
Oh, my God!
What have I done? I'll drive.
454
00:18:10,550 --> 00:18:12,380
Attention, everybody.
455
00:18:12,410 --> 00:18:14,155
It's time for announcements.
456
00:18:14,185 --> 00:18:17,221
The first one is from our
new student, Tammy Larson.
457
00:18:17,251 --> 00:18:18,444
Good afternoon, everybody.
458
00:18:18,474 --> 00:18:19,818
(CLEARS THROAT)
459
00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:21,683
I would like to
present to you a...
460
00:18:21,758 --> 00:18:23,492
What the hell?
461
00:18:23,567 --> 00:18:25,648
Cool! Mom packed
tampons for lunch!
462
00:18:25,678 --> 00:18:26,921
Ooh, share!
463
00:18:26,951 --> 00:18:29,586
I have an announcement.
464
00:18:29,616 --> 00:18:32,098
It's an erotic friend fiction
story that I just wrote.
465
00:18:32,128 --> 00:18:33,888
I hope you like it,
because you're all in it.
466
00:18:33,919 --> 00:18:36,222
It's called "Buttloose."
This is even better.
467
00:18:36,299 --> 00:18:38,297
Tina! Tina!
468
00:18:38,327 --> 00:18:41,210
We got your journal back from
your best friend slash enemy.
469
00:18:41,275 --> 00:18:42,485
I don't need it anymore.
470
00:18:42,515 --> 00:18:43,724
(CLEARS THROAT)
471
00:18:43,754 --> 00:18:45,034
"It was lunch time at Wagstaff."
472
00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:49,572
TINA:
Touching butts had been banned
473
00:18:49,602 --> 00:18:51,136
"by the horrible
Headmaster Frond."
474
00:18:51,210 --> 00:18:53,900
What?
No... no, no, no.
475
00:18:53,958 --> 00:18:56,426
"Suddenly, Tina Belcher
appeared in the doorway."
476
00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:58,015
She knew what she had to do.
477
00:18:58,045 --> 00:18:59,456
She grabbed Jimmy Junior's butt,
478
00:18:59,486 --> 00:19:00,503
"and changed the world."
479
00:19:02,351 --> 00:19:04,013
Okay, Tina,
that was a great story.
480
00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:05,660
Now let's pass back the mike.
481
00:19:05,752 --> 00:19:08,066
"Everyone began to
touch each other's butts.
482
00:19:08,096 --> 00:19:09,809
"Omar touched Jocelyn's butt.
483
00:19:09,839 --> 00:19:11,535
"Chad the Zombie
484
00:19:11,565 --> 00:19:13,042
"touched the butt of that girl
with the frosted hair
485
00:19:13,072 --> 00:19:14,912
from my art class.
I think her name is Kristi."
486
00:19:14,944 --> 00:19:16,694
It's Katie, and ew.
487
00:19:16,724 --> 00:19:18,454
"Even the horrible
Headmaster Frond
488
00:19:18,484 --> 00:19:20,464
touched Ms. Jacobson's butt."
What?
489
00:19:20,494 --> 00:19:22,659
(STAMMERING)
490
00:19:22,689 --> 00:19:24,886
TINA: "Everyone touched
each other's butts,
491
00:19:24,916 --> 00:19:27,337
and it was great." All right,
come here. Come here, come here.
492
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:28,459
Come here.
Come here, come over here.
493
00:19:28,489 --> 00:19:30,014
"And then Tammy came up to Tina
494
00:19:30,044 --> 00:19:31,684
"and said, 'Sorry for everything.'
Okay...
495
00:19:31,736 --> 00:19:34,096
"Tina said, "That's okay.
Let's go to the movies next week."
496
00:19:34,130 --> 00:19:35,329
"THE END." LINDA: Tina!
497
00:19:35,371 --> 00:19:36,915
Don't read your friend fiction!
498
00:19:36,945 --> 00:19:38,607
But I just finished it.
499
00:19:38,637 --> 00:19:40,182
You're a freak!
500
00:19:40,212 --> 00:19:43,014
(LAUGHING)
501
00:19:45,322 --> 00:19:46,632
(FARTS LOUDLY)
502
00:19:46,662 --> 00:19:48,977
Ooh.
Tammy farted!
503
00:19:49,007 --> 00:19:50,251
Oh, my God!
504
00:19:50,281 --> 00:19:52,529
My ears can smell it!
505
00:19:52,559 --> 00:19:54,007
Laugh fart, laugh fart!
506
00:19:54,066 --> 00:19:55,444
Tammy made a blammy!
507
00:19:55,474 --> 00:19:57,723
Ha ha ha! Gross!
508
00:19:57,753 --> 00:19:59,532
No! It... I didn't do it.
It wasn't my butt.
509
00:19:59,562 --> 00:20:01,759
(FARTS)
That wasn't me.
510
00:20:01,789 --> 00:20:02,731
(FARTING)
No!
511
00:20:02,761 --> 00:20:04,558
Oh, ow, ow, ow.
That one hurt.
512
00:20:04,588 --> 00:20:06,116
That wasn't me!
513
00:20:06,146 --> 00:20:07,666
(FADING INTO DISTANCE):
I didn't do it.
514
00:20:07,696 --> 00:20:09,293
(CRYING, FARTING)
515
00:20:09,346 --> 00:20:10,924
Why are you guys here?
516
00:20:10,954 --> 00:20:13,169
I realised maybe reading
your friend fiction
517
00:20:13,199 --> 00:20:14,994
in front of everyone
wasn't the best idea.
518
00:20:15,024 --> 00:20:16,519
It turned out okay, I think.
519
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:17,826
No.
No.
520
00:20:17,856 --> 00:20:19,032
Honey...
No, I think it did.
521
00:20:19,062 --> 00:20:20,641
No. No, I'm gonna regret it
522
00:20:20,671 --> 00:20:22,752
for the rest of my life.
I think people liked it.
523
00:20:22,782 --> 00:20:24,683
Man, that girl really farted, huh?
Hey, Tina.
524
00:20:24,758 --> 00:20:27,057
Was the Jimmy Junior in your
story supposed to be me?
525
00:20:27,087 --> 00:20:29,536
Oh, uh... it's a really
common name.
526
00:20:29,566 --> 00:20:31,446
Yeah. It is.
Cool story.
527
00:20:31,476 --> 00:20:32,719
Thanks.
528
00:20:32,749 --> 00:20:34,127
Tina, what was that...
529
00:20:34,157 --> 00:20:35,935
Bob? You're a patty daddy?
530
00:20:35,965 --> 00:20:37,745
I love cake!
Want to cake with me?
531
00:20:37,775 --> 00:20:40,010
Oh. You know,
I'm really not a fan.
532
00:20:40,088 --> 00:20:42,044
A patty cake, a patty cake,
a baker's man! Woo!
533
00:20:42,081 --> 00:20:43,290
Okay, all right.
534
00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:44,613
Work it! That's it.
535
00:20:44,643 --> 00:20:46,021
Got it!
More! Low!
536
00:20:46,051 --> 00:20:47,814
Oh!
High!
537
00:20:47,844 --> 00:20:49,942
Down!
538
00:20:49,972 --> 00:20:51,918
Uh, you guys got to
take this outside.
539
00:20:51,948 --> 00:20:53,443
Let's take it outside.
Okay, let's go.
540
00:20:53,473 --> 00:20:54,565
Hi, see you later.
Okay...
541
00:20:54,595 --> 00:20:56,191
Having your parents at school.
542
00:20:56,221 --> 00:20:59,712
There's nothing more
embarrassing than that.
543
00:20:59,762 --> 00:21:04,312
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