All language subtitles for Schitts.Creek.S02E13.Happy.Anniversary.1080p.Amazon.WEB-DL.DD+2.0.x264-QOQ

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:12,246 Kids, it happens to be our anniversary today, 2 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:13,614 so it might be a nice idea if you wished your mother 3 00:00:13,647 --> 00:00:15,216 a happy anniversary. 4 00:00:15,249 --> 00:00:17,185 - Okay, um... 5 00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:19,320 What would you like us to say? 6 00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:20,621 Well, you could start by saying, 7 00:00:20,654 --> 00:00:22,690 "happy anniversary." 8 00:00:22,723 --> 00:00:24,425 Mmm, okay, but why are we wishing her 9 00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:26,060 a happy anniversary? 10 00:00:26,094 --> 00:00:27,261 Isn't that something that you two 11 00:00:27,295 --> 00:00:28,496 are supposed to say to each other? 12 00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:30,464 Yeah, it's called being courteous, honey. 13 00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:32,433 You know, the Bloomfield kids used to throw their parents 14 00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:33,734 an anniversary party every year. 15 00:00:33,767 --> 00:00:36,137 Mhmm... um, if we're truth telling, 16 00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:37,771 the Bloomfields were always a little too friendly 17 00:00:37,805 --> 00:00:39,240 with one another. 18 00:00:39,273 --> 00:00:40,508 I just don't understand what kind of family 19 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,443 skinny dips together. 20 00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:44,245 - John, are you ready? 21 00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:45,413 - Yes, sweetheart. 22 00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:47,215 - Happy anniversary! 23 00:00:47,248 --> 00:00:49,483 Congratulations on your ongoing love for one another. 24 00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:51,285 You did it! 25 00:00:51,319 --> 00:00:52,686 - Okay kids, that's enough. 26 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,755 You sound like the incestuous Bloomfields. 27 00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:56,157 - Have a blessed day. 28 00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:02,396 * 29 00:01:04,698 --> 00:01:06,734 - Ahem! Hello there, Roses. 30 00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:07,668 - Hello there, you! - Yes... 31 00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:09,337 - May we join you? 32 00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:11,572 - Oh, we just ordered to go. - Yeah, we're not staying, 33 00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:13,207 we've got a million things to do. 34 00:01:13,241 --> 00:01:14,742 Oh, well then, I guess you don't want 35 00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:16,444 your present then, huh? 36 00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:19,713 You wanna guess what your present is? 37 00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:22,550 - No, I do not. - Dinner! 38 00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,685 - We're gifting you a dinner! 39 00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:27,721 At the most exclusive eatery in Elmdale. 40 00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:29,557 - Oh. - It's very hard to get a table. 41 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,592 But uh, I pulled a few strings. 42 00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:34,628 That sounds too good to... What's the catch? 43 00:01:34,662 --> 00:01:35,696 - No, there's-there's no catch, 44 00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:38,466 Just every new council member gets a dinner, so. 45 00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:40,901 - Oh, how very civilized. 46 00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:44,272 It is... thank you, Roland. We accept. 47 00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:45,839 Terrific, so we'll pick you up around seven. 48 00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:48,276 - We? - Yeah, we have a coupon. 49 00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:49,843 Four entrees for the price of three, 50 00:01:49,877 --> 00:01:51,745 it expires soon, though. 51 00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:53,581 It should be really fun, you guys. 52 00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:56,317 - Yes, it will be fun... 53 00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:57,551 - Well, it would be fun, 54 00:01:57,585 --> 00:01:59,787 if today were not our anniversary. 55 00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:02,323 - Yeah... - Wow, happy anniversary! 56 00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:04,258 Well, thank you, thank you. 57 00:02:04,292 --> 00:02:05,859 You two are obviously gonna want to spend tonight 58 00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:07,928 just the two of you, so... 59 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,897 Yes, that was the plan. Yeah. 60 00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:11,532 Oh, well you know, the coupon expires 61 00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:12,866 in three weeks, so... 62 00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:14,535 - Okay, all right, let it go. 63 00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:16,270 - You have fun, you guys! 64 00:02:16,304 --> 00:02:17,505 - Okay. - Okay? 65 00:02:17,538 --> 00:02:20,608 - Bye bye, now. - Bye! 66 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,543 - Boy, that was a close call. 67 00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:31,652 - What are you doing with that? 68 00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,421 - With what, this yearbook? 69 00:02:33,454 --> 00:02:36,190 Could you put it back, please?! 70 00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:37,691 - Why would I put it back, 71 00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:39,660 when Stevie Budd was voted: 72 00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:42,496 "Most likely to get the guy." 73 00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,365 With that hair cut?! 74 00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:46,667 I'll have you know I was very popular with the boys. 75 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,569 - And girls, it seems. 76 00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:50,438 Wow, well, according to the internet, 77 00:02:50,471 --> 00:02:53,407 you were "Mister Popular." 78 00:02:53,441 --> 00:02:54,775 I will have you know that that headshot 79 00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:57,445 got me a two-episode arc on a TV series. 80 00:02:57,478 --> 00:02:59,280 - What series? 81 00:02:59,313 --> 00:03:00,648 - "Dateline." 82 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:03,817 I played a boy who got abducted from a grocery store. 83 00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:05,919 - Wow. - Yeah. 84 00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:07,087 And the performance was so riveting, 85 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:10,324 people thought I actually was the "Value Mart Victim." 86 00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:12,693 - Hmm, bet that got you laid. 87 00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:16,264 - It did. It really did. 88 00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:20,434 You know, I am surprised that you haven't asked me 89 00:03:20,468 --> 00:03:21,969 to leave early today. 90 00:03:22,002 --> 00:03:23,737 Are you telepathic or something, 91 00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:25,539 because I have been thinking about asking you that question 92 00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:27,741 every day this week. 93 00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:30,344 - I was just kidding. 94 00:03:30,378 --> 00:03:33,281 - Oh... no yeah, me too. 95 00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:35,583 No, just with the big soiree at Mutt's tonight, 96 00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:38,652 I figured that you would need ample time to get ready. 97 00:03:38,686 --> 00:03:40,888 - Mutt's having a soiree? 98 00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:42,923 - Well, I'm sure you're invited. 99 00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:45,626 Yeah, no. Yeah, no, why wouldn't I be? 100 00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:47,461 Um, were you invited? 101 00:03:47,495 --> 00:03:48,862 - Yeah. Yeah. 102 00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:51,665 I guess it's just-just a bit of a pride issue, 103 00:03:51,699 --> 00:03:53,767 you know, do I attend the party hosted by the guy 104 00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:56,470 that you left me for? 105 00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:58,005 Yeah, no, I'm sure he wouldn't mind. 106 00:03:58,038 --> 00:04:00,841 Yeah, but I really would have to basically throw 107 00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:03,844 all my self-respect just right out the window. 108 00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:06,013 Aww, that's so sweet. 109 00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:08,382 So um, what time is the party tonight? 110 00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,920 Happy anniversary, sweetheart. 111 00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:14,755 Oh darling, what a sweet gesture, 112 00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:16,357 and a precursor no doubt, 113 00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:18,992 to something more grand planned. 114 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,395 - Something more grand? 115 00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:23,297 Ah, knowing your penchant for surprises, 116 00:04:23,331 --> 00:04:27,701 I'm guessing you have something else up your sleeve. 117 00:04:27,735 --> 00:04:30,571 - Yes, I do. - Uh oh! 118 00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,940 - I do, I... 119 00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:34,742 was going to tell you later, 120 00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:37,678 but I booked a restaurant in Elmdale, 121 00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:39,780 it's supposed to be very fancy! 122 00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:42,316 The one that Roland and Jocelyn just told us about? 123 00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:44,518 - Yes! Yes, but... 124 00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:46,420 who knew they were asking us tonight! 125 00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:48,088 - Just the two of us? - Mhmm. 126 00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,624 Sort of a "Lady and the Tramp" meets "91/2 Weeks" 127 00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:52,526 kind of dinner date? 128 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:54,462 Could for one second believe that I would not 129 00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:56,964 have planned something... for our anniversary? 130 00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:58,499 Tonight? 131 00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:01,569 The two of us? 132 00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:07,341 * 133 00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:14,114 - Hi, Rose, party of two. 134 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,716 Yeah, we spoke on the phone this afternoon. 135 00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:17,885 You're lucky we had that cancellation. 136 00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:19,520 - Yes, well, lucky for someone. 137 00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:22,756 We had a reservation which I of course made uh, 138 00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:24,892 weeks ago. 139 00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:26,126 You always could swing a good table 140 00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:29,029 at the last minute, John. 141 00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,364 Okay, it'll just be a few minutes. 142 00:05:30,398 --> 00:05:31,965 - Thank you. - Okay. 143 00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:34,001 - Moira? 144 00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:35,503 - Bev? - Don! 145 00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:36,870 - Moira! - Bev! 146 00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:38,506 Oh my God, the Roses! You're alive! 147 00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:40,374 Ohhhh! Oh my gosh! 148 00:05:40,408 --> 00:05:43,411 Good to see you! - Wow! What? Don? 149 00:05:43,444 --> 00:05:45,713 Oh, I don't believe it! Come on, Don! 150 00:05:45,746 --> 00:05:47,080 Muah! Muah! 151 00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:48,716 - What are you two doing here? 152 00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:50,117 Well, we were dropping Mackenzie off at college, 153 00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:51,819 and decided we'd take the scenic route home. 154 00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:54,388 You must-they should- you must join us! 155 00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:55,923 - Join us for dinner! 156 00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:57,057 Well- oh, yes! That would be great! 157 00:05:57,090 --> 00:06:00,728 We are just dying to find out what you've been up to! 158 00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:02,696 - We're dying to tell you! 159 00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:03,964 Okay. 160 00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:05,766 Ohhh... 161 00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:13,073 * I set your world on fire! 162 00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:18,779 * Come on, let's go 163 00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,548 Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you. 164 00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:21,982 - Oh, I wouldn't either, 165 00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:23,684 but I couldn't find a cocktail shaker, 166 00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,553 and someone brought room temperature vodka. 167 00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:29,590 N-No, I mean Mutt made those ice cubes from well water, 168 00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:31,959 so they smell a little fishy. 169 00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:33,727 - Oh. 170 00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:35,195 Yeah, wouldn't want that melting in my drink, 171 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:36,697 thank you very much. 172 00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:39,533 - I'm Jake. - David. 173 00:06:39,567 --> 00:06:40,968 It's nice to meet you, handsome. 174 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:49,577 I-I'll-I'm gonna... so I'll just... 175 00:06:53,681 --> 00:06:54,715 Wow! Look at you. 176 00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:58,151 - What's that supposed to mean? 177 00:06:58,185 --> 00:07:00,721 No, I've just never seen you this dressed up before. 178 00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,590 - I do what I want. 179 00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:05,058 And tonight, I'm wanting to meet someone. 180 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,694 - Hmm. 181 00:07:06,727 --> 00:07:08,061 So, I have a certain high school reputation 182 00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:09,630 I need to live up to. 183 00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,164 Uh huh, yeah, and good luck with that. 184 00:07:11,198 --> 00:07:13,634 Um, speaking of sexual popularity, 185 00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:16,504 I'm pretty sure that um... 186 00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:18,739 that guy at the bar, is into me. 187 00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:24,478 - Who, Jake? - Yeah. Jake. 188 00:07:24,512 --> 00:07:28,482 Why, was he one of your high school conquests? 189 00:07:28,516 --> 00:07:30,484 - Actually, no. 190 00:07:30,518 --> 00:07:32,620 But I have a pretty stellar radar for being able to tell 191 00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:33,987 when guys are into me. 192 00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:38,258 Mhmm... um, and having swam in both ponds, 193 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,828 I can say that I might be able to navigate those waters 194 00:07:40,861 --> 00:07:42,796 a little but better than you. 195 00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:45,666 - Uh huh? Well, we'll see. 196 00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:47,234 - Hmm. 197 00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:54,875 * 198 00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:03,216 So-so there we are at Izzy Tennison's country home... 199 00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:05,185 Oh, tell me she doesn't still have that stuffed bison. 200 00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:06,720 - Oh, does she have it? 201 00:08:06,754 --> 00:08:09,256 She's moved it to the front hall! 202 00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:11,224 - What?! - Grier wanted to hang her coat on the horns! 203 00:08:13,694 --> 00:08:15,929 - And it gets better. Don here... 204 00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:16,764 Oh, wait now, don't throw me under the bus, 205 00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:18,298 it was Borden who started it all. 206 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,000 - Borden Simons? 207 00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:21,802 It's like old home week! 208 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:25,105 - Anyway, I look over, 209 00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:27,908 and Don and Borden are on their hands and knees, 210 00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:30,911 crawling through the doggie door in the kitchen! 211 00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:34,314 It was too funny! 212 00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:37,150 - Oh, you should've been there. - Oh, wish we could've been. 213 00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:39,186 - Maybe next time. - Well, cheers to that! 214 00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:40,788 Cheers. 215 00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:45,893 - Hey uh... Johnny? Moira? 216 00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:47,327 - Oh my God! 217 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,897 Um, what are you guys doing here? 218 00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:53,066 Well, we-we just ran into each other. 219 00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:54,602 It's their anniversary, Roland, 220 00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:55,836 just let them do what they want. 221 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,137 It's your anniversary? You should've told us! 222 00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:58,305 We don't want to intrude. 223 00:08:58,338 --> 00:09:01,141 No, you're not intruding, this is a surprise treat. 224 00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:04,678 Oh, okay, well then, are we intruding? 225 00:09:04,712 --> 00:09:05,913 Because before you were saying 226 00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:08,682 that you didn't wanna go out tonight, so... 227 00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:11,752 No, no, we-we uh... You can certainly join us, 228 00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:14,054 if you don't have your own table. 229 00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:15,889 We do, but that would be great! 230 00:09:15,923 --> 00:09:18,291 - Okay! - Yes, well then, by all means, 231 00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:22,195 yes, let's uh- let's... let's all sit at one table. 232 00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:23,597 This is cozy. Hello. Hi. 233 00:09:23,631 --> 00:09:25,799 Good evening. 234 00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:31,705 * You can stand with a shield at your side * 235 00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:35,743 * Never breaking protecting your pride * 236 00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:37,945 * But you can't really win 237 00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:40,648 * If you've nothing to lose 238 00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:43,350 - Wow. Look at you. 239 00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:45,052 - Is it weird that I'm here? 240 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,219 It's only weird if you think it's weird. 241 00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:48,689 Yeah. Okay. I don't if you don't. 242 00:09:48,722 --> 00:09:50,824 Um, in fact, I don't actually know how late I can stay. 243 00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:54,361 I just wanted to pop in, and say hey. 244 00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:56,864 Well, you're awfully dolled up for a "pop in." 245 00:09:56,897 --> 00:10:00,133 Oh my God, stop, I basically came from work. 246 00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:02,202 Babe, your stove's being testy again, 247 00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:03,771 should I just serve the cider cold? 248 00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:08,408 Uh... Alexis, this is uh, my girlfriend, 249 00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:11,745 Tennessee. - Wow! 250 00:10:11,779 --> 00:10:13,380 Wow. Woweee. 251 00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:15,348 Alexis, hi. 252 00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:16,917 It's so nice to finally meet you, 253 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,819 Mutt's told me so much about you. 254 00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:21,655 The way he describes you, it's like you're this... 255 00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:23,423 beautiful little poem. 256 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,258 - Well, love "little!" 257 00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:29,029 Look at you! You're like a poem too. 258 00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:31,732 Like, a really pretty poem, or like, 259 00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:34,968 a mermaid, or something. 260 00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:36,303 Mutt, you're growing back your beard. 261 00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:39,039 - Yeah, she likes it. 262 00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:41,008 - Okay. 263 00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:44,978 Um, okay uh, I'm gonna go grab a drink. 264 00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:47,247 But um, it was so nice to finally meet you, 265 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:48,882 Tallahassee, so... 266 00:10:48,916 --> 00:10:51,218 - It's ah, Tennessee. - Yes, Tennessee. 267 00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:54,121 I love that name, it's so unique. 268 00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:55,188 Um, thank God you look the way you do, 269 00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:57,791 because that name on the wrong girl would just... 270 00:10:57,825 --> 00:10:59,827 Ooh! So... 271 00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:03,463 You should feel really good about yourself. 272 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:06,066 - She's cute. 273 00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:07,300 You guys haven't ordered yet, have you? 274 00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:12,105 Because I need to present this coupon to the waiter first. 275 00:11:12,139 --> 00:11:14,775 - Don't know what that means. 276 00:11:14,808 --> 00:11:16,443 - He's so ironic, this one. 277 00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:18,111 Oh! 278 00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:20,781 So where are you living now, Moira? 279 00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:23,050 Tell us all about it. 280 00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:25,886 Oh, we're in a rustic, ranch style... 281 00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:28,088 bungalow... that... 282 00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:31,058 It's very nice. 283 00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:33,727 Very nice, it's got plenty of parking, 284 00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:35,863 and a TV in every room. 285 00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:37,765 Oh, how many bedrooms? 286 00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:40,100 - Ten. - Ten bedrooms! 287 00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:43,070 Yeah, well, we don't use all the bedrooms. 288 00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:45,005 That must be a nightmare to clean! 289 00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,140 Um, Stevie does an adequate job. 290 00:11:47,174 --> 00:11:48,876 - Stevie's one of your staff? - Mhmm! 291 00:11:48,909 --> 00:11:52,179 Stevie's the only staff. 292 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,914 This olive tapenade is... 293 00:11:53,947 --> 00:11:56,016 - Salty, I know! 294 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,284 Is it? I-I thought it was good, 295 00:11:57,317 --> 00:12:00,287 but yeah, it's salty. 296 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:03,190 Hmm! Here's a funny story. - Oh, good. 297 00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:06,393 On our way here, we drove through a town... 298 00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:10,030 not a word of a lie, called... "Schittstown!" 299 00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:14,267 Oh! No, it was called, "Schittsville!" 300 00:12:14,301 --> 00:12:15,969 Schittsville! 301 00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:17,304 - And from the looks of it, 302 00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:19,306 the town was living up to its name! 303 00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:22,342 Let's not go for the low-hanging fruit here, Don. 304 00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:25,178 Okay? - No, these are funny jokes. 305 00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:27,314 Please continue, Don. 306 00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:29,749 You see, Roland gets it! 307 00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:43,396 You know, I'm actually having more fun at this party 308 00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:45,432 than I thought I would. 309 00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:47,567 - How did you do it? 310 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,803 Well, I started by drinking all four 311 00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:51,471 of those peach schnapps that you left in my fridge... 312 00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:53,907 No, I mean you seemed so cool about everything 313 00:12:53,941 --> 00:12:57,444 after we broke up. It was almost annoying. 314 00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:59,913 - Cool? 315 00:12:59,947 --> 00:13:03,984 Alexis, I couldn't stop crying. 316 00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:05,986 I was scaring all the animals at work. 317 00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:11,124 But when I... had to go on our honeymoon without you, 318 00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:15,128 the zip line instructor 319 00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:17,397 at the Los Passions Couples Resort told me 320 00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:21,601 that I just gotta get through it. 321 00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:25,005 Meaning my fear of heights, which I did get through. 322 00:13:25,038 --> 00:13:27,407 But with you, it just... 323 00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:31,311 it took a little longer. 324 00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:35,048 - I'm sorry. 325 00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:37,184 - It's okay. 326 00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:41,955 Staff dance? 327 00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:44,157 - Yes! 328 00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:54,101 - Mmm! 329 00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:57,637 Hmm, I thought I was shame eating in private. 330 00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:00,140 - What is shame eating? 331 00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:03,944 I don't think we have enough time for that tonight. 332 00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:05,879 - Are you looking for someone? 333 00:14:05,913 --> 00:14:07,580 - No, yeah, I mean, sorry, 334 00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:10,918 I'm just, I lost my friend who should be around here 335 00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:12,953 somewhere um, watching this so. 336 00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:14,487 - Are you here with Stevie? 337 00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:16,990 - I am. Yeah. 338 00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:18,358 - Okay. - Not here "with." 339 00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:20,593 No, we're not together, I'm very much single, so. 340 00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:22,662 - You wanna get some air? 341 00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:24,898 - Yeah. Uh huh. 342 00:14:24,932 --> 00:14:26,433 Mm! Yeah. 343 00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:37,177 to get another bottle of this undrinkable wine? 344 00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:39,646 - I think it's good. 345 00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:41,648 I ordered the one with the highest alcohol content. 346 00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:44,017 - What do you do, Roland? 347 00:14:44,051 --> 00:14:47,187 Something in agriculture, by the looks of it? 348 00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:50,090 Roland is actually the mayor of our town. 349 00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:51,658 Oh! 350 00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:55,162 Not Schittsville, I hope! 351 00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:56,964 What do you even call someone from Schittsville? 352 00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:58,665 A Schitter? A Schitthead? 353 00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:01,935 - Okay, you know what? - John, John. 354 00:15:01,969 --> 00:15:03,503 Don't worry, Moira, I won't say anything untoward. 355 00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:05,372 - We're just having fun, John. 356 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:06,974 And I thought we were having fun, Bev, 357 00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:08,175 but you know what, we're not. 358 00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:10,443 - Oh come on, it's just a joke! 359 00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:13,180 - No Don, here's the joke. 360 00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:15,615 The joke is I'm sitting here in a half decent restaurant 361 00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:18,651 with my wife and our friends... 362 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,490 and all you two have done is complain about the food, 363 00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:26,359 and pretend that you didn't leave us high and dry 364 00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:28,428 after we lost everything. 365 00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:29,629 - Oh, we're past all that now. 366 00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:32,265 - I'm not quite past it, Moira. 367 00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:34,134 You wrote us off, Don. 368 00:15:35,402 --> 00:15:37,404 Not a phone call, 369 00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,372 not an email, 370 00:15:39,406 --> 00:15:42,209 not a nickel. 371 00:15:42,242 --> 00:15:44,677 Roland and Jocelyn here, 372 00:15:44,711 --> 00:15:46,479 could not have been more generous 373 00:15:46,513 --> 00:15:48,681 with what little they have. 374 00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:52,519 They found us a place to live, 375 00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:56,089 they've offered us their truck whenever we've needed it. 376 00:15:56,123 --> 00:15:59,226 they've invited us to their parties, 377 00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:03,296 they even offered to take us out to dinner tonight. 378 00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:05,032 Well, just to be clear, Johnny, 379 00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:06,399 we were always gonna split the bill, 380 00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:07,734 it's just with the coupon... 381 00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:09,569 Rollie, Rollie. 382 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,608 And that town you passed through, 383 00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:17,477 it's not called Schittsville. 384 00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:20,013 It's called Schitt's Creek. 385 00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:22,115 And it's where we live. 386 00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:35,095 - So Jake, um... 387 00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:37,297 do you drink red wine, or white wine? 388 00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,266 - I don't really drink wine. 389 00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:40,533 I'm more of a beer guy. 390 00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:42,102 - Right. Yeah. 391 00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:44,437 That doesn't help me much. Um... 392 00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:47,174 - Well, I better get going. 393 00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:49,242 I've gotta get to the shop early tomorrow morning, so. 394 00:16:49,276 --> 00:16:51,378 - Oh, you work retail as well? 395 00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:54,781 No, no. The wood shop. I make furniture. 396 00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:57,817 Ah. Yeah. No, I did a lot of um... 397 00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:59,319 I did a lot of wood working in high school. 398 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,088 - Oh. - Yeah, uh, 399 00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:02,722 Christie McFadden accidentally nailed her hand 400 00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:04,624 to her paper towel holder, 401 00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:07,194 so that's-the lesson is just not to nail stuff... 402 00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:14,267 You know, I'm a pretty open-minded guy. 403 00:17:14,301 --> 00:17:17,470 So... why don't you stop by the shop sometime? 404 00:17:17,504 --> 00:17:18,771 - Okay. 405 00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:21,274 - Good night. - Good night. 406 00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:27,114 I knew it! 407 00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:33,553 * 408 00:17:37,224 --> 00:17:39,492 - Uh... 409 00:17:39,526 --> 00:17:41,861 - Where were you? 410 00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:44,297 - Where were you?! 411 00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:46,333 Some townies were trying to get us high, 412 00:17:46,366 --> 00:17:48,335 and we didn't want to offend them, 413 00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:50,803 because they're doing so well in life. 414 00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:54,207 Didn't want to burn a bridge. 415 00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:56,843 Actually, those boys did burn a bridge last summer. 416 00:17:56,876 --> 00:18:00,313 Luckily they don't get as bored as they used to. 417 00:18:00,347 --> 00:18:02,115 - Okay. Um... 418 00:18:02,149 --> 00:18:03,550 So Jake is into me. 419 00:18:06,219 --> 00:18:07,887 - Is he? 420 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,890 - Yeah! - What makes you think that? 421 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:15,628 Because we just necked out behind the barn. 422 00:18:15,662 --> 00:18:18,731 Seriously, what makes you think that? 423 00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:23,403 Because we put our mouths together, 424 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,905 out behind the barn. 425 00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,841 Just so you know, I kissed him too. 426 00:18:31,911 --> 00:18:34,581 - Well, that didn't happen. 427 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:37,584 - Who's to say? 428 00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:41,221 Well, when would you have had time to do that? 429 00:18:41,254 --> 00:18:43,656 Did he invite you to his wood shop? 430 00:18:43,690 --> 00:18:45,858 Sorry, that came out wrong. 431 00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:56,669 * 432 00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:58,738 - Smells like grass in here. 433 00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:01,441 - Oh my God! - Oh my God! 434 00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:05,745 Okay, this is not okay! What are you guys doing here?! 435 00:19:05,778 --> 00:19:08,415 - Shhh, Alexis! 436 00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:11,584 For once in your life shhhh! 437 00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:14,287 I don't care what snarky remarks you kids are gonna make 438 00:19:14,321 --> 00:19:17,757 under your breath, tonight we are dancing as a family. 439 00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:19,459 - What is happening? 440 00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:20,893 * Well, I'm down on my knees 441 00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:22,462 * Begging you please 442 00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:26,466 * To give me some more of that stuff * 443 00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,668 - Do you know your father and I 444 00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:32,372 hold great affection for the two of you? 445 00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:34,341 it may not always be obvious, but... 446 00:19:34,374 --> 00:19:36,843 - Just say it, Moira! 447 00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:39,279 - We love you both very much. 448 00:19:39,312 --> 00:19:41,248 - Love you too! 449 00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:46,553 - Love you too. 450 00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:53,226 * Understand, understand 451 00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:56,596 * This is love love love love 452 00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:58,631 * Precious love 453 00:19:58,665 --> 00:20:00,333 * This is precious love 454 00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:04,271 * And is teaching me to be a better man * 455 00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:06,839 * This is precious love, Precious love * 456 00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:09,542 * No I can't get enough 457 00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:12,579 * Oh I'm down on my knees then I see * 458 00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:14,781 * You must be from heaven above * 459 00:20:14,814 --> 00:20:18,985 * It's love love love love love * 460 00:20:19,018 --> 00:20:20,853 * Precious love 461 00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:23,956 * Oh, it's love love love love Precious love * 32811

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