All language subtitles for My Name Is Earl S02E02 1080p WEB-DL AAC2.0 AVC-TrollHD

Most mornings I wake up
thinking about the list,

but sometimes I have more important
things on my mind, like court.

I'm gonna ask the judge to smash
this walnut with his judge hammer.

I bet it explodes like a death star.

You might be disappointed, Randy.

Like when you got that tow truck
driver to drag your pumpkin.

He drove off before
I could get the wig on it.

Earl, thanks again
for loaning us all this money.

No problem, Crab Man.

Besides, what kind of man
doesn't help his ex-wife make bail ?

Recently,

Joy and Bargain Bag had a difference
of opinion on their return policy.

You can't return this.

I have returned it,
and somehow or another,

I'm gonna get my $3,000 back.

- No, you won't.
- Yes, I will.

No, you won't.

Yes, I will.

In Joy's opinion, they were
being a little unethical,

so she stole their truck.

And we found out there was more
in the Bargain Bag truck

than she bargained for.

I tried to help Joy, but

she was going down a path
I could not follow.

That path eventually
led her to jail.

Damn it, Carla !

Stop giving me flat tires.

That's the third one
since we got off the bus.

Settle down.

Should I ask him now, Earl ?

I saw a guy back there
with some pistachios,

and I don't want him
to go before me.

I don't think he's here
to get them cracked, Randy.

Joy Turner.

Yes, Your Highness.

Mrs. Turner, do you have
an attorney today ?

Oh, I don't need one.

Besides, I wasn't about to put
my mouth anywhere near

that pay phone after
that meth head puked on it.

Very well.
Bail is set at $1 million.

Excuse me ?

This is your third strike.

Third what ?

Apparently, this incident wasn't Joy's
first serious run-in with the law.

Back in 1996, Joy had a bright idea
on how to make some extra money.

Can we get some more
green ink in this machine ?

Is that... ?
Are you copying money ?

Shh ! Don't say anything.
I'll make it worth your while.

Ma'am, I'm afraid I can't let you...

- What are you doing ?
- We have a policy.

- I signed a loyalty oath.
- That is my fake money !

That is my fake money !

Copy responsibly !
Copy responsibly !

Strike one-- counterfeit.

And when Joy was getting taken
for her first strike,

- things got worse.
- Easy, gorilla !

I just bout these fingernails.

Don't like the process,
don't do the crime.

Let go.
I can do it myself.

Damn it, you just broke one.

Strike two--
assault on a police officer.

Third strike ?

I can't go away for life. Hey !

I want a deal.

I know things about
all of those women.

Jesus did not tell Carla
to kill her sick mama.

She just wanted to go out dancing.

Tell him the truth, Carla.

Don't lie. Tell him.

I don't know if you remember me.

I was the guy with that pecan when
my brother tried to steal the plane.

I don't know how
you're gonna make bail, Joy.

The bondsman
will cost ten percent.

That's a hundred grand.

I don't even have
that much money left.

But you still have some, right ?

We can take it and copy it
and then have 100 grand.

You know, counterfeit.

You've really been focused on that
walnut today, haven't you, Randy ?

Guys, I'm a flea's fart away
from life in prison here.

Someone needs to figure out
what the hell we're gonna do.

Every group of friends has
one person they turn to for advice.

Guns 'N Roses had Axel.

Knight Rider had the talking car.

And for my little circle of delinquents,

the day I made my list
to turn my life around,

well, that person became me.

Why are you even
worrying about this ?

Joy is in jail.

We should be in
the town square celebrating

and tipping over a giant,
evil statue of her.

Look, I know you don't like Joy,
but I just can't let her sit in jail.

I don't like Joy, either.

I also don't like it when they put
raisins in candy bars.

Are you done
with your pulled pork ?

Yeah, I-I can't eat.

Man, my eye's messed up.

Feels like there's a tiny little bug
heart beating in my eyelid.

It's twitching.
That means you have stress.

I don't have stress.

Stress is for doctors
and lawyers and...

and Army guys who have to shoot
dogs and whatnot.

What are you doing, Randy ?

I'm making a list of rich people

with a million dollars
we can borrow for Joy's bail.

"The Beverly Hillbillies."

They're super rich.

They're pretend, Randy.

Just like Richie Rich
and Donald Trump.

They're just TV characters.

Well, the Jeffersons
are real, right ?

'Cause we saw Mr. Jefferson
at the boat show last year.

Remember we gave him
a dollar to say Weezie ?

Randy, we're not getting
any money from these guys.

If you're gonna come up with names,
think of people, we... know.

There was a name
on that bag we could use.

But Randy didn't write it.

It was the only rich guy
we actually knew.

Chubby.

Richard Chubby was
the richest man in Camden County.

He owned everything.

You wouldn't clean your body
with discount chemicals,

so why should you treat
your clothes any differently ?

'Cause if there's one thing
your clothes can appreciate, it...

The taste of sloe cooking
with the sloppiest sauce around.

Now our meats
are aged to perfection,

and so be sure to bring
your kids down for...

Lap dance madness every Tuesday.

There's all kinds of fun going on
at Club Chubby, so come on down !

And don't forget,

sweat pants are allowed,
and truckers shower for free.

I wasn't lookin' forward
to askin' Chubby for the money.

See, if he was poor,
we'd call him crazy.

But since he was rich,
we just called him sir.

So as you cas see, uh,
Joy's really in a bind here, sir.

Woof.

Smell it ?

Go on, smell it !

Nice. Vanilla.

Yeah.

Not you.

But I love vanilla.

It's my third favorite flavor.

All right, just a whiff.

Mmm.

Smells like a cupcake
with boobies.

Open up.

This is a real classy joint,

and I don't want to ever hear
boobies around here.

You got that ?

Uh-huh.

Vodka.

That's funny, 'cause Randy thought
he was gonna get his head blown off.

I tell you,
I got a problem, Earl.

I like Joy.

I like her a lot,
but I like my money, too.

Chubby, you'll get
your money back, I promise.

I'll tell you what.

I've had some trouble filling
this place since my best dancer left.

If you guys could find her,

get her dancing again,
I'd be glad to sign Joy's bail.

Great.

So what's the dancer's name ?

Uh... right over there.

Catalina ?

I wonder if he's got
any extras of those.

Oh, yeah.

We always knew that Catalina
used to work at Club Chubby.

We just never realized
she was their number one dancer.

Catalina's just got to dance again.

I've already imagined it,
and it's great.

I'd show it to you,
except it's inside my head.

I don't know, Randy.

It's kind of a hard thing
to ask a friend.

Hey, Catalina, you feel like
working for a crazy man

and shaking your half-naked body
for a bunch of sweaty drunks

to help the woman you can't stand
get out of jail ?

I'm sorry, Earl.

After you said Catalina half-naked,
I didn't hear any....

Sorry. I said Catalina half-naked,
and I forgot what...

I remember.

You said something about
Catalina being half-naked, and I...

I lost it again.

Sometimes Randy gets trapped
in his own brain loop.

It also happens when
he watches Back to the Future.

When he finally popped out of it,
we went to talk to Catalina.

Wow. Look at you... dancing.

The music and the movement keep
the rats from attacking my ankles.

Do it, Earl.

Just remember don't start with
the words "half-naked", because, uh...

Wow. So, uh, you've got
some good moves.

You used to do that
for a living, right ?

Yeah. I wonder
which half's gonna be naked.

I hope it's the front half.

Randy !

I remember now.

Club Chubby, right ?

Say, was that, uh...
was that a good experience ?

I mean,
you got to wear a bikini.

It's almost like getting paid
to go to the beach, right ?

Only instead of sand in your crack,
you get dollar bills.

Yeah, it was the perfect job.

I made great money,
it was glamorous,

but unfortunely,
it became too dangerous.

Catalina explained that her act
was a little different, but

made crowds go insane.

* Jump around, jump around *

Most dancers at Club Chubby
just danced.

But Catalina,
she was special.

She jumped.

* Jump, jump, jump,
jump, jump, jump, jump... *

But in the end,

Catalina found the risks
as a go-go dancer far too great.

* Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump *

* Jump, jump, jump... *

After seeing how deadly
her jumping could be,

Catalina made a promise to herself.

I will never dance again.

Tell the part
about the jumping again.

Look, if you enjoy dancing
and love the extra money,

it's crazy that you quit.

What if the family forgave you ?

How could they ?

I killed a husband and a father.

Listen, since I started the list,

I've found that people
can be pretty understanding.

Unless you're a girl
with one leg, but

I think she was already
angry to start with.

Anyway, I think you'll feel better
if you talk to this guy's family.

No one apologized to me
for the execution-style slaying

of my cousins during
the festival of redemption.

But you know what ?

It would he felt nice.

I'll do it.

Jump around

Jump around, jump up,
jump up and get down.

I mean, when you're ready.

It turns out, the horny guy with
the weak heart was a club regular.

So Chubby knew his name and
that he had a family business.

Hello.

I'd like to see Mr. Tucker,
Clark Tucker's son.

What is it regarding ?

Tell him the woman is here who is
responsible for his father's tragic death.

You are as beautiful
as the legends describe.

The slayer of El Diablo has come !

Mr. Tucker made us work
16 hours a day

in a cramped sweltering hot room
for almost no money.

You mean like... this ?

Oh, no.

Mr. Tucker's son,
he install a fan.

You see that, Catalina ?

'Cause of you, this place
isn't a sweatshop anymore.

Just a place for people to work
unreasonable hours for low pay.

But at a comfortable 88 degrees.

Come.

I can dance again.

I was just turning it on high.

I was glad Catalina was willing
to go back to Club Chubby

because that meant I'd be able
to get Joy out of jail soon.

But Randy was probably
the happiest of all.

You're very good at this.

I used to help my mom with this
before she did her mall walking.

Oh, does your mother
like to exercise ?

Let's not talk about
my mom right now.

Okay.

Poochie, in about ten minutes,
I'll be in my office,

and I want you to send over
a steak and a girl

both drenched
in hollandaise sauce.

Thanks for doing this, Chubby.

And if you don't mind,

I'd rather Catalina not know
you're gonna bail Joy out tomorrow.

I hear you.

You getting a little something
from both those gals ?

Just a really bad case
of eye twitches.

I got that from Desiree once.

Got to wash your hands real good
and drink a lot of cranberry juice.

For a second, well,
I thought my plan had worked out.

Hey, Earl.

Hey, Crab Man.

But then I realized
what Darnell was holding.

See, when Darnell's happy
with something you've done for him,

he always thanks you the same way
with homemade lemon squares.

As good as they were,

those tasty little treats
were going to screw up my plan.

Because Darnell
wasn't giving them to me.

He was giving them to Catalina
to thank her for bailing out Joy.

And there was only one response
Catalina was going to have to that.

I will not jump for Joy.

Catalina was angry about
the whole Club Chubby thing.

But there was someone else
who was even angrier.

She wouldn't dance ?

That's all them people do is dance.

Did you try throwing
a hat down in front of her ?

Hi.

My man's not here.

You want to chat ?

Okay.

What are you in for ?

I killed my man.

Look, Joy, people don't want
to help you when you insult them.

That's why that troop
of "flat-chested pygmy sluts"

won't deliver Girl Scout cookies
to you anymore.

Fine. Whatever. Just bring her
down here and I'll apologize.

Really ? I didn't know
you knew how to do that.

I'll do anything
to get out of here, Earl.

It's horrible.

I can't even use the toilet in my cell
because my roommate's making wine.

I'm sorry.
You seem really nice,

but I just don't feel comfortable
putting the phone down my pants

and letting you talk to my stuff.

Generally, people don't like
seeing their enemies,

but they do like seeing
their enemies behind bars.

Nice jumpsuit.

Ain't you sweet.

Now, Earl tells me that for some crazy
reason, you think we're not friends.

The first time you saw me
you called me a whore.

No.

You just misunderstood what I said.

Which is understandable,
I mean, because you're Mexican.

I'm not Mexican.

Whatever.
You speak Mexican.

I speak Spanish.

Well, you both speak friendly,
so let's just go with that.

Look, I'm not stupid.

I know you hate me.

And I know why you hate me.

It's because I'm hot.

Excuse me ?

Damn it, there goes the eye again.

You're jealous of my hotness.

Admit it, and I'll consider
using my incredible body

to free you from prison.

But not the prison of your fat body
for that, you have a life sentence.

I'm jealous ?

Sweetheart, I'm about
ten times hotter than you.

- You're a man compared to me.
- Really ?

'Cause the line on my stomach
is from my muscles

- and not a C-section scar.
- That is not a C-section scar !

That's from when
my prom date stabbed me !

I birthed my babies naturally !

Then I'm sure your gatito
is as saggy as your breasts !

Do these look saggy to you ?!

I could float half your village across
a muddy river on these puppies !

I've heard enough.

This was a hell of an apology.

Enjoy your jail time.

And by the way, your eyeballs
are too big for your head.

You look like Finding Nemo.

My eyeballs are big ?!

Yeah, well, all the better to see
your fat ass waddle away with !

Really ? You couldn't pretend
to be nice for two minutes ?

I've seen you act crippled for a half day
just to skip the lines at Six Flags.

Look, I don't need her.

If all Chubby wants
is a top earner,

then I'll dance and earn more
than she ever did.

I'm made in America,
not a maid in America.

You'd be laughing if you could
see how I spelled that in my head.

Chubby had always wanted
to see Joy in a bikini,

and he figured other people
might like that, too...

and he was right.

Had a bomb gone off
in there that night,

there wouldn't have been
a straight man left in Camden.

God, there's a lot of
people I know out there.

What the hell does my gyno expect
to see that he hasn't seen already ?

Man, why am I so nervous ?

I don't know. You've sure danced
naked in front of us enough times.

I mean, not at the same time...

Actually, there was that one time
when I was hiding in the closet.

Wait, was that on Thanksgiving ?

- Yeah, we thought you fell asleep...
- I thought I heard something.

- First, I thought it was a squirrel.
- You know...

Man that is the....

Hey, can you ladies please
take your tea party outside ?!

I need to calm my nerves.

How long were you in there ?

- It was a couple hours, man...
- Oh, man.

I would've stayed and talked her
through her stage fright,

but it was clear
Joy didn't need me.

All she needed
was a nip of of whiskey.

Followed by a pint of tequila.

All right, Camden County.

It's time to turn
your imaginations off

and your eyeballs on

for the sensual gyrations
of Joy Turner !

Hey, this ain't my song.

No, this ain't,
this ain't my song.

* My blood runs cold... *

Yes, it is.

Although Joy had consumed enough liquor
to have the courage to get up on stage,

well, she was dangerously
close to falling off.

Change !

What the hell do I look like,
a fountain ?!

* Angel is the centerfold,
na-na, na-na-na-na... *

Turns out, Joy was a fountain.

After she threw up
on the entire front row,

Chubby called off the deal.

I can't go to jail, Earl.

I can't give up this freedom.

What are we gonna do now, Earl ?

Hold on, Randy, I'm thinking.

Well, we don't have a lot of time.

They'll come get Joy as soon
as Chubby takes his bail...

I know, Crab Man.
Just give me a minute to think.

We don't have a minute, Earl !

I need you to help me.

I can't raise
them kids on my own.

You know those monsters, Earl, they'll eat him alive.

He can't even cook
for his own damn self,

how he's gonna cook
for two boys ?

I can't handle it.
I love my nephews, but...

You know how I said every group
looks to one guy for all the answers,

and that guy is me ?

Well, sometimes that guy
passes out from the pressure.

Hey, Earl.

Hey, Crab Man.

I started to realize where I was
and what happened...

But then I heard that song, and,

well, I figured
I must be dreaming...

Catalina's jumping, Earl.

It's just like it was in my head,
only now I can show it to you.

...only I wasn't.

* So get out your seat and jump around *

* Jump around *

* Jump around *

* Jump up, jump up and get down *

* Jump, jump, jump *

* jump, jump, jump *

* Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump. *

Let's give it up for Catalina !

Hey.

So what made you
change your mind about Joy ?

Oh, I would never change my mind
about Joy. She's a butt bag.

A what ?

A butt bag.
It's a bag of butts.

Anyway, when you passed out,

I realized you were killing
yourself to help a friend.

Joy's gyno-cologo-colist
said I had an anxiety attack.

I don't know why I let it
all bother me so much.

Because you're a good man,
a good friend.

Cared so much,
it was tearing you apart.

I was the only one
who could ease your pain,

but I was being small
and petty... a butt bag.

Gentlemen, let's see
if we can get her back up here.

Now-- nice round
of applause-- Catalina !

Always remember this :
When I jump, I jump for Earl.

I would never jump for Joy.

And just like that,
Joy was out on bail.

Randy got to see
what was already in his head.

My eye stopped twitching, and Catalina
was back to doing something she loved,

which made everybody happy.
Especially the truckers in sweatpants.

But, most importantly,

I realized that even though
Catalina wasn't Joy's friend,

she was definitely mine.

Hey, Earl ?

Yeah, Randy ?

If I had a squirt gun
filled with Vodka,

I'd shoot cops with it,
'cause they couldn't get mad.

I think they'd still
get mad, Randy.

Really ?

But they'd be getting free vodka.

I'm gonna try.

Well, have fun, cause you only
gonna get to do it once.

- Good night, Randy.
- Good night, Earl.

Transcript : Raceman
Synchro: Dingo

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