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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,760 --> 00:00:04,840 PAT: OK. Thank you, Lady B. 2 00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:07,480 Right, for me, it's a nice day, 3 00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:10,760 so I would go for my tracky Bs, my tracky T and my white Hi-Tecs. 4 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:12,600 ALL: - Ooh! - Trendy. 5 00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:14,240 - Robin? - Eh... 6 00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:17,200 ..Apollo A7L spacesuit. 7 00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:20,040 You've got liquid cooling, portable life-support system, 8 00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:21,680 locking cuff, go, "Kshhh..." 9 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:23,600 - Spaceman. Yeah, really cool. 10 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:25,400 - It is cool. - Julian? 11 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,360 - Trousers. - Right, any sort of...? 12 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,520 - No, any kind of trousers. 13 00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:32,560 It's funny, you don't miss them till they're gone. 14 00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:35,240 - No. Kitty? 15 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:39,640 - Blue jeans...and a green jumper. 16 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,320 - Like Alison? 17 00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:43,680 - Oh, gosh. Yes! 18 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:45,560 We'd be like twins. - Captain? 19 00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:46,720 - This. 20 00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:49,600 - You're kidding. - No. - We're saying you get up in the morning 21 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:51,080 and you can wear whatever you like. 22 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:54,280 Thomas is wearing double denim with aviators! 23 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:56,160 - So...? - And Mary 24 00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:58,640 is wearing a dress made out of seashells. 25 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:01,840 - With a simple lobster hat. 26 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:03,960 - Still wouldn't change a thing. - All right. 27 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:07,840 Well, that's it for What I Would Wear If I Could Today...today. 28 00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:10,040 Don't forget, later, Julian will be giving a speech 29 00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:13,160 at 6pm sharp, on the art of spin. 30 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:16,640 - Is that off spin or leg spin? Because... 31 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:20,440 - No, no. Different kind of spin. It's a political tactic, coined in the... 32 00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:22,960 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's save it for later. 33 00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:24,400 - Yeah, OK, yeah, OK. - Cool, cool. 34 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:27,160 - Look at all these bits I found out there. Could be valuable. 35 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:29,880 - ALL: - Ooh... - That's interesting. - That might be worth something. 36 00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:32,520 Is that Queen Victoria? - Oh, that's Elizabeth II. 37 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:33,840 - Which one's that? 38 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:36,160 - Our one. - Oh, I despair! 39 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:38,320 - Hmm. There might be something else worth something. 40 00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:40,360 There's an old pipe and whatever this is. 41 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:41,720 - Ah, looks like a musket ball. 42 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:44,920 - Yes, I think it is. - They think it's a musket ball. 43 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:46,440 - It is. 44 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,760 - Thomas, you don't think that it's the one that...? 45 00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:50,080 - I know it. 46 00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:51,360 - HE GASPS SHARPLY 47 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:53,160 - Oh, God. 48 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:54,760 Oh, God, it burns! 49 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:57,680 - CRYING: - Mock me no more, cruel world! 50 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:00,800 - It is a musket ball. 51 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:22,960 - UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY 52 00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:25,040 - Are you sure you want me to come? 53 00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:28,640 - Everyone's bringing partners. - Yeah, but it's your reunion. 54 00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:31,120 I didn't even go to your school. I'll just be like a lemon. 55 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:33,080 - Obi's going to be there. You can talk to him. 56 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:34,960 - Is that Kevin guy going? 57 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:38,480 - Kevin McMahan? 58 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:40,040 - You know who I'm talking about. 59 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:41,640 The one you dumped when you met me. 60 00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:44,520 - I don't know. Maybe. 61 00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:46,600 - Is his partner going to be there? - I don't know. 62 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,680 I don't know if he has one. 63 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:51,280 - Right. OK. 64 00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:54,960 Yeah, cool. - Are you OK? - Yep. Cool. 65 00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:57,280 - OK. - Cool. 66 00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:59,720 Cool, cool, cool. I am cool. 67 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:03,920 - THOMAS CLEARS HIS THROAT 68 00:03:03,920 --> 00:03:05,080 - Thomas. 69 00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:08,200 - I wanted to apologise for my outburst earlier today. 70 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:12,520 - Which one? - You are kind to make light of it. 71 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:15,920 It must've been a shock to see me so ruled by my emotions. 72 00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:19,520 - Erm... - You see, I was overcome with the memory of it all. 73 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:22,720 - Come in. - 'Tis not a pleasant thing to contemplate, as you can imagine. 74 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:24,360 - Hmm. 75 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:26,760 - Perhaps I can give you account of the unhappy events 76 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:28,480 of that fateful day. 77 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:29,760 - Oh, you don't have to. 78 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:32,240 - October 10th, 1824. 79 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:35,560 - OK. - A crisp, autumnal afternoon. 80 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:37,360 - SPRIGHTLY HARPSICHORD PLAYS 81 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:39,920 - My cousin and I had accepted invitation 82 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:41,960 to a gathering at Higham House, 83 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:43,280 as it was then known. 84 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:46,840 - FRANCIS: What a place. Imagine inheriting this! 85 00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:49,120 - It's pleasant enough to visit. 86 00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:50,560 I wouldn't want to live here! 87 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:52,080 - FRANCIS CHUCKLES 88 00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:54,760 - The day's proceedings were to feature recitals 89 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:56,240 of both music and poetry. 90 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:58,320 Try not to embarrass me, cousin. 91 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:02,360 I looked forward to unveiling my new work, but most of all, 92 00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:07,000 I looked forward to seeing once again Lord Higham's daughter... 93 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:10,200 ..my beloved Isabelle. 94 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:13,480 Oh, my heart is aflutter, cousin. 95 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:16,440 - She is fine indeed. 96 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:17,840 Shall we speak to the girl? 97 00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,520 - Nay! Nay, nay, nay, nay. 98 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,080 She is with her father. 99 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:24,200 He does not know we have an attachment - we cannot speak openly. 100 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:30,240 Though I long to know that her feelings are unchanged. 101 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,160 - Write her a note, then. 102 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:35,280 I will deliver it. I will be your Cupid. 103 00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:39,400 - I penned a note, thanked my cousin... 104 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:40,960 Thank you, Cousin. 105 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:43,720 ..and waited, breath bated, for the... 106 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:46,200 - RATTLING 107 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:46,200 - Oh, where is that thing? 108 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:49,400 I am listening. 109 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,560 Carry on. 110 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,440 - Snickers? - Yes. 111 00:04:57,440 --> 00:04:58,840 - What's wrong with Marathon? 112 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:01,800 Snickers just sounds like, "It's knickers". 113 00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:04,160 'S'knickers. 'S'knickers. 114 00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:06,440 - Well, is that a bad thing? 115 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:10,000 - Well, no, I suppose not, but what does it mean? I mean, the word. 116 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,720 It doesn't make any bloody sense, does it? 117 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:13,680 - Am I early? - As usual! 118 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,400 You and Lady B are always the first. 119 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:16,640 - What? 120 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:18,920 - I was just saying, you're always the first. 121 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:21,000 You could set a clock by you two. 122 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:23,280 - Well, there's nothing wrong with being punctual. 123 00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:25,680 - Anyway, it's not six yet, so... 124 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:28,120 ..let's talk amongst ourselves, shall we? 125 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:32,440 KEYBOARD TAPS 126 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:41,960 - So. your cousin gave her your letter? 127 00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:43,800 - Yes. - Oh, my...! 128 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,520 - In the meantime, the day's entertainments had begun... 129 00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:48,640 - Oh. 130 00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:48,640 - AEROSOL SPRAYS 131 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,040 SINGING FINISHES 132 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:54,640 - And soon it came my turn to enthral. 133 00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:56,800 - And now, esteemed guests, 134 00:05:56,800 --> 00:06:01,160 we are honoured by a recital from our greatest living poet, 135 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:03,120 Thomas Thorne. 136 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:06,120 - APPLAUSE 137 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:08,320 THOMAS CLEARS HIS THROAT 138 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:13,280 - Summer hath aroused 139 00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:16,520 the twilight of life in the hay 140 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:19,440 Shadows long and dark 141 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:23,240 Time has passed since the honeymoon of May 142 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:26,000 And held aloft by rosy buds 143 00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:30,360 Whose nectar sweet forbade... 144 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:34,120 - VOICEOVER: - How I longed to read her words. 145 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:36,480 But Hermione And Roger is an epic poem, 146 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,880 and I could not cheat my rapt audience. 147 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:42,320 Upon the banks of the rushing Ouse 148 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:44,440 Sits there a poor man... 149 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:46,720 Oh, welcome, Death... 150 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:50,360 Two hours later, I finally reached the climax of the piece. 151 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:53,760 On this Earth, we are but lodger 152 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:59,840 For she was his Hermione 153 00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:04,360 And he...always... 154 00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:07,000 ..her Roger! 155 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:09,360 - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 156 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:09,360 - Bravo! - Bravo! 157 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:12,320 - The man's a genius! 158 00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:13,600 - Oh, God! 159 00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:16,480 Oh, thank you. 160 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:19,640 - Pray silence for Lady Isabelle. 161 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:23,760 - ISABELLE CLEARS HER THROAT 162 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:23,760 Her letter, cousin. 163 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:28,800 - "Dear Mr Thorne. 164 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:31,200 "I'm sorry, but I do not love you. 165 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:35,600 "Perhaps you misinterpreted my words or actions when last we met." 166 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,280 - Might you have done? 167 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:41,720 I mean, you do maybe have the tendency to, you know, 168 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:43,400 get the wrong idea. 169 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:47,120 - Are you saying what I think you're saying? 170 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:49,240 - Almost definitely not. 171 00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:51,560 And again, not. - No. 172 00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:55,320 - Hmm. 173 00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:58,960 - HE TUTS 174 00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:04,440 - Mm. 175 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:09,880 - HE EXHALES 176 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,360 HE GROANS 177 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:14,800 - Nah, bruv. 178 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,440 - CLEARS THROAT AWKWARDLY 179 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:22,040 I was just thinking the other day... 180 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:23,840 DOOR BELL CLANGS 181 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:23,840 - There you go. 182 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:25,120 They're late. 183 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:27,480 - Always the same ones. - Well... 184 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:29,400 - Well, what else have they got to do? - I know. 185 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:31,840 Not stuck in traffic, are they? Or washing their hair. 186 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:33,880 - Let's play a game to pass the time. 187 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:36,760 How about Grandma Went To The Shops And Bought An Apple? 188 00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:39,160 JULIAN SIGHS 189 00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:39,160 - Oh, not this! - Sake! 190 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:41,160 - SOLEMN HARPSICHORD PLAYS 191 00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:46,720 THOMAS: - As my sweetheart played on, I was racked with confusion. 192 00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:48,680 I cannot fathom it. 193 00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:51,200 Her affections were so clear before. 194 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,640 - Poor cousin. 195 00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:57,480 - Perhaps her father has discovered us and forbidden the match. 196 00:08:57,480 --> 00:08:59,840 I must know. 197 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,960 Let her tell me to my face, at least. - Have a care, cousin. 198 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,080 I wouldn't want you further hurt in this. 199 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:08,680 MUSIC FINISHES, APPLAUSE 200 00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:12,040 Shall we take our leave? - Stand aside, cousin. Excuse me. 201 00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:13,480 Excuse me. Excuse me. 202 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:14,920 - Isabelle Higham? 203 00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:17,560 Ha! The girl's unbearable. 204 00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:20,080 Ugly and untalented. 205 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,480 - Unbearable, you say?! 206 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:25,800 Untalented, you say?! 207 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:30,080 Damn your eyes, I say! 208 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:34,560 Damn your head, shoulders, knees and toes, sir! 209 00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:37,160 - And what concern is it of yours? 210 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:40,800 - I happen to love that woman of whom you speak. 211 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:44,280 And I demand satisfaction. 212 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:44,280 - SCATTERED GASPS 213 00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:47,440 - If her father thought me unworthy before, 214 00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:49,880 he certainly thought me worthy now. 215 00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:53,120 - Very well. 216 00:09:58,160 --> 00:09:59,840 - Good luck, cousin. 217 00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:03,560 - The evening air was cold. 218 00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:07,000 Those of steady stomach came to witness my bravery. 219 00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:14,040 - Now count your paces. 220 00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:20,000 - WHISPERS: - Four, five, six... 221 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:24,600 ..11, 12... 222 00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:26,240 - GUNSHOT 223 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:27,680 ISABELLE GASPS 224 00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:29,760 CONFUSED MURMURS 225 00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:29,760 - Good God. 226 00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:38,560 - Thomas! - Cousin! 227 00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:40,240 - We didn't get to 20. 228 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,120 I am shot. 229 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:45,840 - He cheated, the coward! 230 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:48,400 THOMAS PANTS 231 00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:52,440 - I am done for. 232 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:56,440 May God welcome me to the heavens. 233 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,080 - ISABELLE: - My beloved! 234 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:02,400 My darling! 235 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:06,360 Oh, how foolish was I to believe Papa would not approve. 236 00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:10,360 You are the best of men. 237 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:12,520 Kiss me... 238 00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:14,160 ..as the French do. 239 00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:22,560 - Oh. Oh! 240 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:26,400 - ROBIN: That didn't happen. 241 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:28,720 - What? - It didn't happen! 242 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:30,240 I was there. 243 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:35,040 - Of course you were! 244 00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:37,120 - Well, that's how I remembered it. 245 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:39,280 - Go on, Robin. - I remember that day. 246 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:43,360 - Great! - Are we really going to...? - Let's hear it. 247 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:45,920 - He come on horsey with pasty friend. 248 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:49,920 - It big, nice house. 249 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:52,920 - Nice to come. Me not want live here. 250 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:55,960 Oh, blast! 251 00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:57,720 - ROBIN LAUGHS 252 00:11:57,720 --> 00:12:01,640 After he clean poo from his lady shoes, he come inside. 253 00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:04,040 Oh, what you got there? 254 00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:06,840 Ta-da! 255 00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:08,120 GUEST: - Look that. 256 00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:11,360 - What so good? 257 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:13,240 No! 258 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:15,160 APPLAUSE 259 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:17,640 No, do it again. Do it again! 260 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:21,360 - And now, man called Thomas do poem. 261 00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:23,320 - ROBIN GRUNTS 262 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:30,280 - Something 'bout flowers, or wine or girls, or something. 263 00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:31,440 - HE GROANS 264 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:36,160 It was big boring, but outside, something happened. 265 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:40,560 Blink one for yes, two for no. 266 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:41,960 No! 267 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:43,520 Really? 268 00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:44,960 Where? 269 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:46,840 VOICEOVER: Something was in grounds. 270 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:48,400 Ooh! There! 271 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:50,600 WOLF HOWLS 272 00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:54,560 I have sixth sense, so I follow. 273 00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:58,880 HE SNIFFS 274 00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:02,000 HE PANTS 275 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:07,600 And then I see baby deer - dead. 276 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,040 What beast did this? 277 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:10,200 ALISON: - Robin? 278 00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,360 - What creature...? - Robin? 279 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:14,680 - What demon...? - Robin! Robin. 280 00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:17,560 It's a bit off topic. - But it just getting to a good bit. 281 00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,520 - It's got nothing to do with how I died. 282 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:22,360 - Eh... - Oh, I remembers that! 283 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:25,480 - Oh, yes! - Not you two as well. 284 00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:27,520 - This is amazing. 285 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:30,840 - OK, you're sure? Is he definitely going tonight? 286 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:34,160 - Well, I mean, the event page says he is. 287 00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:36,720 - Grandma went to the shops and bought an apple, 288 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,480 a packet of Monster Crunch... 289 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:40,120 - Munch. - Munch, 290 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,280 a bottle of sherry... 291 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:43,520 ..Playboy magazine... 292 00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:45,840 ..and... 293 00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:49,280 - An Enfield No.2 standard-issue revolver. - Yes, that. 294 00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:52,240 - You know he's a boxer now? - Yeah, he got into that in prison. 295 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:53,440 - Prison? 296 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:56,440 - ..a swingball, and a... - DISTANT: - ..big tank of a man. 297 00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:58,760 - Oh, ah... 298 00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:01,200 - Well, it's your go. It can be anything. 299 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:03,600 Come on, Fanny. - ..a-a-a lace brassiere! 300 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:07,040 - Ooh, saucy! 301 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:10,640 - What are you worried about anyway? - Alison dumped him when she met me. 302 00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:12,480 - Oh. Did she? 303 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:13,920 - It was ages ago, wasn't it? 304 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:16,120 So, he'd be over it by now, wouldn't he? 305 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,760 - Hmm, probably, yeah, yeah. 306 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:20,360 - Mm... 307 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,600 - Mary, you must remember what happened. 308 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:23,680 - Oh, yeah. 309 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:25,520 THOMAS SIGHS 310 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:25,520 I remembers it well. 311 00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:31,960 MARY: The room was full of dandies and wenches, 312 00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:35,480 talking and all floating about the place. 313 00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:39,920 They had wine coming out of their ears. 314 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:44,080 - It happens all the time. - The people all laughed and danced. 315 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:47,120 ALL SHOUT AND LAUGH 316 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:51,240 When Thomas came in, Lady Isabelle did look at him. 317 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,200 Said I to Annie... 318 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,600 Is he the man of which she spoke? 319 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:59,520 - Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Annie? Who's Annie? 320 00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:01,560 - ALL MUMBLE IN SURPRISE 321 00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:01,560 - Oh, did we never tell you? 322 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:05,640 - Oh, yeah, yeah, Annie ghosted here for 100 year or more. 323 00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:07,160 A true friend to me. 324 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:08,440 - I see. 325 00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:10,160 - Till she got sucked off. 326 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:11,400 - I'm sorry? 327 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,520 - SHE HUMS CELESTIAL TUNE 328 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:16,800 - Ah, like, moved on? - Oh, yeah. There's many that's been sucked off 329 00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:19,240 in this house. - Moved on. - I used to dream of the day 330 00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:21,240 that I would be sucked off. - Moved on. 331 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,720 - But I've long since given up hope of ever being sucked off. 332 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:25,520 - Moving on. - Anyways... 333 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:29,880 ..Annie and I did watch, and Thomas said his poem... 334 00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:34,440 - Summer hath aroused the twilights of lifes in the haze... 335 00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:36,960 - ..and the people all turned to statues. 336 00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:41,080 Honestly, I think they died of boredoms. 337 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:43,680 - Oh, come, now. This is a nonsense! 338 00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:45,680 - I says it as I remembers I sees it, mate. 339 00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:48,560 - Kitty, you must have been there, too. - Yes. 340 00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:49,800 - HUMPHREY: And me! 341 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:53,040 - Good God, how long have you been there?! - Oh, the whole time. 342 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:56,400 Yeah, I remember it. So many beautiful shoes. 343 00:15:56,400 --> 00:16:00,680 Some heeled, some flat, one pair of boots with lovely buckles. 344 00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:02,520 - Wait, did you just see shoes? 345 00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:03,680 - Pretty much, yeah. 346 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:06,200 - Hmm. Kitty, what did you see? 347 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:07,920 - Oh, I don't know if I should say. 348 00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:10,440 - Aren't you meant to be going out with Michael this evening? 349 00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:12,320 We've already detained you long enough. 350 00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:16,000 - No, but I want to hear what Kitty saw. Mike, I'll be five minutes. 351 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,800 - Take your time. 352 00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:20,520 Great. 353 00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:22,240 Perfect. Fantastic. 354 00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:23,600 - Go on, Kitty. - All right. 355 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:26,760 Well, to start with, it was so exciting. 356 00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:28,560 - SHE GIGGLES 357 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:31,120 - All sorts of interesting people coming to the house, 358 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:33,160 food laid out on a table. 359 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:36,080 - PAT: What kind of food? 360 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,040 - No, come one, come all! 361 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:42,000 The more, the merrier. We're only talking about my death! 362 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,680 - We were supposed to muster at 1800 hours in the common room 363 00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:47,800 for Julian's talk. - Postpone it. You've literally got forever. 364 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:50,120 Carry on, Kitty. 365 00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:52,560 - Where was I? - You were talking about a spread. 366 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:54,960 Now, was it like a buffet sort of thing? 367 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:56,680 You know, cheese and pineapple? 368 00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:58,120 - Pineapple?! 369 00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:01,160 Goodness, no. They were wealthy, but they weren't royalty. 370 00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:07,000 I remember Thomas arriving, so in love with Lady Isabelle. 371 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:09,360 - MARY: Is he the man of which she spoke? 372 00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:10,840 - Looks a silly arse. 373 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:15,080 - I remember his poem. - Welcome, Death! 374 00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:16,800 Oh, sweetest sleep... 375 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:19,920 - I don't understand poetry very well, but it must have been funny 376 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:22,000 because people were giggling. 377 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,360 - And he always... 378 00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:27,360 ..her Roger! 379 00:17:27,360 --> 00:17:28,760 - HE SNORTS 380 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,640 SCATTERED APPLAUSE 381 00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:32,080 - The man's a penis. 382 00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:36,760 - And I remember the argument - Thomas didn't like something he heard. 383 00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:39,440 - What do you think of this Shelley woman I keep hearing about? 384 00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:40,920 - Oh, she's unbearable. 385 00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,480 Ugly and untalented. 386 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:44,720 - Shelley? 387 00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:47,120 No, that can't be right. You've got that wrong. 388 00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:50,200 - That's what I heard - Mary Shelley, the writer. 389 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,520 - Unbearable, you say? 390 00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:55,040 Untalented, you say? 391 00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,640 Damn your eyes, I say! 392 00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,960 Damn your head... 393 00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:04,120 ..shoulders, knees and toes, sir. 394 00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:07,040 - And what concern is it of yours? 395 00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:10,440 - I happen to love that woman of whom you speak. 396 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:12,320 And I... 397 00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:14,560 Sorry, does anybody have a glove? 398 00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:16,080 Can I borrow your glove? 399 00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:18,000 - No. - Fine. 400 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,560 Imagine the glove. 401 00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:21,600 I demand satisfaction. 402 00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:26,080 - Very well. - Really? 403 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:27,400 - Yes. 404 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:29,840 QUIET: - God... - ALOUD: - Good. 405 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:31,320 Good God. 406 00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:34,000 - Lady Isabelle didn't see what Thomas had done. 407 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,760 - Why are they duelling? - Over Mary Shelley. 408 00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:38,880 Apparently, the poet is in love with her. 409 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:44,080 - WHISPERS: - Seven, eight, nine, ten... 410 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:47,040 Ah! 411 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:51,240 - MACHINE-GUN FIRE 412 00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,640 FANNY: Do you mind?! 413 00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:59,440 Kitty was telling the story! 414 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:01,120 - You weren't even there! 415 00:19:01,120 --> 00:19:02,760 - Well, it's what I would have done. 416 00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:05,360 Close-quarter battle... 417 00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:05,360 - THEY SHOUT OVER HIM 418 00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:07,120 - Excuse me, but what shoes was he...? 419 00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:09,600 - I don't know why that's relevant. - All I wanted to do was... 420 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:12,000 ALL TALK AT ONCE 421 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:12,000 - ..they're a low-model rifle. 422 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:13,840 - ALL ARGUE 423 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:13,840 - Alison. 424 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:17,720 - I just want to hear what... - Alison. - Yeah, hi. Hi, sorry. I'm going to be down in, like, one second. 425 00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:19,360 Just... Shh! - You don't even know her! 426 00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:23,640 - Shh-shh-shh! Just... - It looks like you've got something to deal with here. Maybe second thoughts about 427 00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:26,120 the reunion? That's cool. We don't have to go. No problem. 428 00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:27,960 - What? - I can just...go back to... - No, no. 429 00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:31,400 We're still going to go. I just need to finish something real quick. 430 00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:34,640 - Yeah, it's just that I actually... - Just really quickly. 431 00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,200 Everyone, just let Kitty finish. 432 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:40,800 - OK. They marched away from each other. 433 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:42,520 I could hardly bear to watch. 434 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:43,840 Oh... 435 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:47,680 - WHISPERS: - Five, six... 436 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,960 ..nine, ten... 437 00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:53,720 ..11, 12. 438 00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:57,240 - HE MOUTHS 439 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:01,040 GUNSHOT 440 00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:03,000 - Oh! - Good God! 441 00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:06,120 GUNSHOT, BIRD SCREECHES 442 00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:06,120 - Sorry. 443 00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:10,760 - FRANCIS: Cousin! 444 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:12,520 - We didn't get to 20. 445 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:14,880 I am shot! 446 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,800 - He cheated, the coward! 447 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:25,760 - I know she doesn't love me but, please, fetch Isabelle, 448 00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:27,560 that I might say goodbye to her. 449 00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:30,800 - Of course. 450 00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:36,600 THOMAS PANTS AND GROANS 451 00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:39,240 - He waited... 452 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:41,880 ..and waited... 453 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,800 ..but she never came. 454 00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:03,320 - KITTY GIGGLES 455 00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:10,400 You OK? 456 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:12,520 - Fine, yeah. Just...something in my eye. 457 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:14,280 - HE CLEARS THROAT 458 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:15,600 - So now you know. 459 00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:20,000 I wanted you to believe better of me, but the truth is... 460 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,720 ..I was a fool. 461 00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,720 A fool who died alone and unloved. 462 00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:28,880 - Hang on. Your cousin, he wasn't wearing boots 463 00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:30,800 with bronze buckles, was he? 464 00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:33,240 - We've finished now, Humphrey. 465 00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:35,080 - Yes. Why? 466 00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:37,560 - Well, who was he writing letters to? 467 00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:38,920 - What? 468 00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:41,160 - Well, he wrote two letters. 469 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,200 On the stairs, where I was. 470 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:47,440 - Why would he...? 471 00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:50,720 Please, fetch Isabelle, that I might say goodbye. 472 00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:53,680 - Of course. 473 00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,640 - No! 474 00:21:57,640 --> 00:21:59,280 - What a place. 475 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:01,720 Imagine inheriting this. 476 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:04,120 - My heart is aflutter, cousin. 477 00:22:04,120 --> 00:22:05,520 - She is fine indeed. 478 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,640 Write her a note, then. I will deliver it. 479 00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:10,680 I will be your Cupid. 480 00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:12,520 - Thank you, cousin. 481 00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:23,160 - ISABELLE READS: - "Please understand, 482 00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:25,520 "I do not love you. 483 00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:27,480 "Thomas Thorne." 484 00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:28,840 - SHE GASPS 485 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:31,400 - And held aloft by rosy buds. 486 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:34,400 - But how could his feelings have cooled so quickly? 487 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,640 - You deserve better. My cousin... How can I say this? 488 00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:39,880 ..has many fancies. 489 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:41,320 A typical poet. 490 00:22:44,120 --> 00:22:46,000 - Nectar sweet forbade... 491 00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:52,280 - THOMAS READS: - "Dear Mr Thorne, I'm sorry, but I do not love you." 492 00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:54,000 I must know! 493 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:55,440 Let her tell me to my face, please. 494 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:57,520 - Have a care, cousin. 495 00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:59,760 I would not want you further hurt in this. 496 00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:03,560 - Come to think of it, it was Francis who told me about the officer. 497 00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:05,320 Excuse me. 498 00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:08,200 - Say, what do you think of this Shelley woman I keep hearing about? 499 00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:09,640 - Oh, she's unbearable. 500 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:11,560 Ugly and untalented. 501 00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:17,320 - He called Isabelle unbearable and untalented. 502 00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:19,760 - Damn your eyes, I say! 503 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:22,120 - Very well. 504 00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:23,880 - 20 paces, cousin. 505 00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:25,320 - 20? 506 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,120 - WHISPERS: - 11, 12... 507 00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,120 - HE MOUTHS 508 00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:34,440 GUNSHOT 509 00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:35,960 BIRD SCREECHES 510 00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:37,320 - We didn't get to 20! 511 00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:39,040 - ISABELLE: - Thomas! - FRANCIS: Cousin! 512 00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:41,280 - I am shot! 513 00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:43,160 - He cheated, the coward! 514 00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:46,560 - Please, fetch Isabelle, that I might say goodbye. 515 00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:47,800 - Of course. 516 00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:50,960 HE PANTS AND GROANS 517 00:23:57,640 --> 00:23:59,320 - Mm. 518 00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:01,600 - But he didn't fetch her. 519 00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:03,560 ISABELLE: - He was taken too soon! 520 00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:06,320 - He is gone. He is gone, and there's nothing we can do. 521 00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:09,520 SOBBING: - Oh, God, Thomas! - Oh, you poor thing. 522 00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:12,320 Oh, what he's put you through, it is not fair. 523 00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:15,840 Let me lend you some comfort. - Oh, you are kind. 524 00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:17,520 Forgive me. I... 525 00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:19,320 ..I don't even know your name. 526 00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:21,560 - Button. Francis Button. 527 00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:24,720 - Button?! 528 00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:26,400 - Yes. They got married. 529 00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:28,440 It was their son who returned here to live. 530 00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:31,320 - My George's grandfather. 531 00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:33,240 - This letter... 532 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:34,520 ..is a lie. 533 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:36,720 I thought it was not her usual hand. 534 00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:39,400 - And her name is misspelt. - I just thought 535 00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:41,000 she'd written it in a hurry. 536 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,280 - Mm. - All those years 537 00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:46,720 I thought I'd been spurned when, really... 538 00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:48,760 ..she did love me. 539 00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:50,520 - Does that make you feel any better? 540 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:53,560 - No, it's worse! 541 00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:55,160 - Mm. 542 00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,240 Wait, hold on. Button? So... 543 00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:59,760 ..that means we're related. - Yes! 544 00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:01,520 - Yeah. - No. 545 00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:04,600 I mean, very distantly related. Our children would be fine. 546 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:07,840 - We're probably all related, if you go back far enough. 547 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:09,640 - Yeah, you all come from me. 548 00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:11,080 And my sister. 549 00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:12,440 - Mm? 550 00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:16,560 - Heh-heh, joking! 551 00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:18,960 - Right, that's quite enough of this nonsense. 552 00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,680 Shall we go and listen to Julian's talk? It's only 43 minutes late. 553 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:22,920 - MARY: - What be it about? 554 00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:24,960 - The art of spin - 555 00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:28,600 how the same fact or story can be told in different ways to, you know, 556 00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:30,560 promote a particular bias. 557 00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:32,040 - Well, I think we've covered that. 558 00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:34,160 - Well done, Humphrey. 559 00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:35,920 - Not just a pretty face. 560 00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:39,000 Well, I am. KITTY: - Yes, I suppose you are. 561 00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:47,360 - Right, shall we hit the road? 562 00:25:47,360 --> 00:25:49,360 - I don't want to go. 563 00:25:49,360 --> 00:25:51,040 - What? - I don't want to go, 564 00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:53,080 because Kevin, right, you dumped him for me, 565 00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:54,840 and I looked him up, and he's a boxer. 566 00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:58,800 He fights people. And Obi says he's done time, so if he's not over you, 567 00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:00,920 I don't want to go because... - He dumped me. 568 00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:03,840 - What? 569 00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:05,960 - He dumped me. 570 00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:08,680 I told you that I dumped him because 571 00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:10,720 I thought it made it sound better. 572 00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:13,240 And I wanted to make you think that I was choosing you. 573 00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:14,800 Which I...which I was. - So... 574 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:16,600 - No, I was choosing you. - So I was a rebound? 575 00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:18,400 - No! 576 00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:21,600 Well, kind of. At first. 577 00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:25,480 Look, he's not going to be angry at you, because he dumped me. 578 00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:28,240 And I'm glad he did. 579 00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:35,480 - Come on, then. Let's go. 580 00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:39,040 - Of course, I don't know what you're worried about, 581 00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:41,320 because you're a black belt in taekwondo. 582 00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:43,120 - Yeah... 583 00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:44,720 ..I did say that. 584 00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:14,760 - YELLS: - Fie! 41338

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