Original subtitles

I love Veronica Corningstone.

Oh, Ron.

This is nice, gang, sittin' here.

- Oh, yeah. - Brown baggin' it.

The team pancake breakfast is tomorrow morning at 9:00 instead of 8:00.

Oh! Almost forgot.

I won't be able to make it, fellas.

Veronica and I are trying this new fad called,

uh, jogging.

I believe it's jogging or yogging. It might be a soft "J."

I'm not sure, but apparently you just run

for an extended period of time.

- It's supposed to be wild. - So Ron's not coming?

No, Ron's coming.

It's the pancake breakfast. We do it every month.

I realize that.

Sometimes you gotta look yourself in the mirror and say, "When in Rome."

The bottom line is,

you've been spending a lot of time with this lady.

You're a member of the Channel 4 News Team.

- That's a given. - We need you.

Hell, I need you.

I'm a mess without ya.

I miss you so damn much.

I miss being with you.

I miss being near you. I miss your laugh.

I miss-- I miss your scent.

I miss your musk.

When this all gets sorted out,

I think you and me should get an apartment together.

Just take it easy, Champ.

Why don't you stop talking for a while?

Maybe sit the next couple of plays out.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, I'm gonna quit sayin' things

when they crop up in the ol' skull, huh?

See what it's like when you're not here?

You're our leader. Look what you're doing to the group.

Champ's been a mess. Brick can't sleep at night.

Here's the thing,

I don't trust this chick.

We need you around, and she is just using you.

Everyone, just relax. All right?

Believe me, if there's one thing Ron Burgundy knows, it's women.

I don't know, Ron.

Guess what. I do.

I know that one day, Veronica and I are gonna get married

on top of a mountain.

And there's going to be flutes playing

and trombones and flowers

and garlands of fresh herbs.

And we will dance till the sun rises.

And then our children will form a family band.

And we will tour the countryside,

and you won't be invited!

I'm telling you, this lady has really crawled into Ron's head.

Good. Good one!

Oh, okay. I understand.

You have a nice day, sir. Bye.

Um, I could come back later, Mr. Harken.

No, no, no.

It's just parent stuff.

It seems that our youngest, Chris, was

on something called acid

and was firing a bow and arrow into a crowd.

- Mm. - You know how kids are.

Oh. Right.

Anyhoo, what can I do you for?

Well, Mr. Harken,

I feel like I have proven myself as a journalist

and that I deserve the opportunity

to take on more challenging stories.

Well, ask and you shall receive.

Ah, yes, this just came across my desk.

Here is a story of a 103-year-old woman

who claims to have a recipe for the world's greatest meat loaf.

Ooh, now that's a hot lead.

It was very hard for Veronica.

But she was a pro and hung tough.

But soon, with a simple act of littering,

everyone's life would change forever.

# La la la la la. #

# Oh, Baxter, you are my little gentleman #

# I'll take you to foggy London Town #

# Because you are what? #

# My little gentleman. #

This burrito is delicious, but it is filling.

Whoa!

Antony and Cleopatra!

Goddamn son of--

What the hell, bro'?

Hello, neighbor.

Did you just throw a burrito out your window?

I believe I did.

Are you high or something? Did you see what happened?

I did. That was a terrific spill. That's quite a raspberry.

That's my chopper you just thrashed, Broseph.

Easy, compadre. I'm your friend out here, all right?

I want you to fix my chopper before I stomp your goofy ass!

If you want to throw down, fine.

I've got Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary waiting for you.

You destroyed the only thing I love.

All right? There it is. What do you love?

I love poetry.

And a glass of Scotch.

And, of course, my friend Baxter here.

Well, guess what. Now this is happenin'.

Excuse me. Excuse me. What are you doing?

That's how I roll.

Baxter!

No...!

- Where the hell is he? - He'll be here.

- I thought he was Mr. Dependable. - It's not like Ron.

I'd put Brick on, but unless he's tracking a storm front, he's useless.

- Excuse me, gentlemen. - Oh. Hello.

Just want you to know if Ron does not show up, I am ready to go on.

You and I have had this discussion a million times.

There's never been a woman anchor.

Mr. Harken,

- this city needs its news. - Oh.

You're gonna deprive them of that because I have breasts?

Exquisite breasts?

I am gonna go on, and if you want to stop me, bring it on.

Because I am good at three things:

fighting, screwing and reading the news.

I've already done one of those today, so what's the other one gonna be?

Uh--

Screwing?

I will be in makeup.

Jesus, she's terrifying!

Fantana.

Ron, are you okay?

The man punted Baxter!

Calm down.

Breathe, Ron, breathe.

The man that loved the motorcycle!

What did the bad man do?

The motorcycle on the bridge! I hit him with a burrito!

- Ron! - He took him!

He took him with his foot and he kicked him!

That's what he did!

Someone punted him?

No, wait. Wait. Let me say something.

Let me say something.

What?

I-- I don't-- I didn't understand one word you said.

Ron, are you okay? Ron?

Ron. Where are you?

I'm in a glass case of emotion!

He's gonna put Corningstone on.

He's gonna put Corningstone on!

I've got to do the news!

You're not Ron.

We're on in 10. Good luck, lady.

Ready the announce.

- Power. - Roll in.

Power. Power.

One slip,

and you're gone. Whammy.

And your reporter in the field,

Brian Fantana.

It's Channel 4 News at 6:00.

Good evening. Ron Burgundy is off tonight.

I'm Veronica Corningstone.

Tonight's top story:

- Okay, we're off and running. - Three armed men

wearing ski masks made off with over $20,000 from an area bank

in a daring early morning robbery.

Hey!

And the winner of the frog-leaping contest was Hoppy,

with a jump of seven feet, 10 inches.

Hmm.

I used to date a guy named Hoppy down in Alabama. He was quite a jumper, too.

That will do it for us at 6:00.

From all of us here at Channel 4 News,

I'm Veronica Corningstone,

and thanks for stopping by, San Diego.

All clear!

Yes! Yes!

Lady! Lady!

Not bad, Miss Corningstone. Not bad at all.

Thank you, Mr. Harken. That felt good.

- That felt really good. - I liked your sign-off line, too.

You did? It just came through me. It was so organic.

Thank you.

Oh, Ron! Ron! Ron, darling!

I'm so glad you're all right. Oh, God.

I have something magnificent to tell you.

I'm here. We can do the news now.

It's all right, everyone! We can do the news.

Hold on. Why are we all standing around? Let's go!

Ron, we did it. Veronica filled in for you.

What?

Sweetheart, we were so worried about you,

and we waited as long as we could, but--

Darling, I did the news, and I nailed it. I nailed it.

Wait, wait! Veronica, please, tell me this is some kind

of sick, tasteless joke.

You weren't here. Why are you being this way?

Why can't you be proud of me

as a peer and as my gentleman lover?

Oh, Jeez.

I can't believe you did this to me!

You read my news!

I told you that I wanted to be an anchor.

I told you that.

I thought you were kidding!

I thought it was a joke!

I even wrote it down in my diary!

"Veronica had a very funny joke today."

I laughed at it later that night!

I can't believe that I cared for you.

Get out! Just go!

We are through! Through!

Because of your actions, you scorpion woman!

You have broken my heart, Mr. Burgundy.

You have broken my heart.

From there on out,

things just got worse for Ron Burgundy.

Corningstone was a star,

and everything started to move awfully fast

- after her big break. - Where's lan? Ian!

All right, I got a call from network.

It looks like our broadcast last night

received a two-point ratings boost,

and the decision has been passed down

to make Veronica our co-anchor.

- What? - No. No!

No!

- No! - No!

- No! - This is wonderful.

Ed, come here, you big silly man. You big silly man.

- We did it. - What is this, amateur hour?

- That's great. - Thank you.

- # Sunshine, go away today... # - Damn it!

# I don't feel much like dancing #

# Some man's gone, he's trying to run my life #

# Don't know what he's asking #

# When he tells me I better get in line #

# I can't hear what he's sayin' #

# When I grow up I'm gonna make it mine #

# These ain't dues... #

What Brian didn't tell you

was that those were not real pirates.

- They looked convincing, though. - Oh, yes.

Well, for all of us here at Channel 4 News,

I'm Ron Burgundy.

You stay classy, San Diego.

And thanks for stopping by.

But mainly stay classy.

- Thanks for stopping by. - Stay classy, I'm Ron Burgundy.

- Thanks for stopping by. - Stay classy.

Ron Burgundy.

You are a real hooker, and I'm gonna slap you in public.

You have man boobs.

You've got a dirty, whorish mouth.

I'm gonna punch you in the ovary.

- A straight shot. - Ooh, ow.

Right to the baby-maker.

Ah, jazz flute is for little fairy boys.

Okay, you know what? That's uncalled for.

I can't work with this woman. It's terrible.

It's ringing.

Veronica Corningstone.

Hello, Veronica, this is Mike Rithjin

from the network. You've just been promoted.

You're gonna need to move to Moscow.

Start cleaning up your desk.

See you in the morning. We'll pick you up in a van.

What did you say your name was?

Mike Ritnitjun. It's not important.

Start cleaning your desk,

and we'll pick you up in the morning.

Tell her she might want to get a coat.

Hold on. Veronica? What was it?

Tell her to get a coat.

Also, I don't know if you know Moscow. It's pretty cold.

You might want to buy a coat.

Are you and Champ having a good time, Ron?

Are we what?

I can see you, Ron.

What?

I can see you.

Okay. Bye-bye.

- What happened? - She knew it was me.

You're watching Channel 4 News

with five-time Emmy award-winning anchor

Ron Burgundy and Tits McGee.

Good evening, San Diego. I'm Veronica Corningstone.

Tits McGee is on vacation.

And I'm Tits-- I'm Ron Burgundy.

- Veronica Corningstone. - This is your doctor.

I have your pregnancy report here, and guess what.

You got knocked up. You should probably get out of news.

- Who is this? - This is Dr. Chim.

- Dr. Chim Richalds. - Ron, is this you?

I'm a professional doctor.

You saw me. You don't remember.

We-- you should move.

- Get out of the business. - This is pathetic.

You're pathetic.

What'd she say?

She-- I don't-- I think she bought it.

She's looking this way.

- Oh, uh-oh. Whoa! - Here she comes.

I'll tell you what, it's just not working.

She's making us look like a bunch of fools.

Ellen, where's the party?

Children, grow up.

Son of a bee sting.

She's turning the entire office against us.

- This is grim. Real grim. - What are we gonna do?

There's only one thing a man can do

when he's suffering from a spiritual and existential funk.

Go to the zoo, flip off the monkeys?

No. Buy new suits.

Yea!

# That girl #

# I'm gonna make her mine if it takes all night #

# Can you dig it? Can you dig it? #

# Can you dig it? Can you dig it? #

Where's the suit store? We've been walking for 45 minutes.

Where's the suit store? We've been walking for 45 minutes.

Brick, I thought you said this was a shortcut.

Fantastic.

- Is it a shortcut or not? - Okay.

Jeez.

Hey.

Uh-oh. Here comes trouble.

Burgundy and the ladies went out for a stroll, huh?

You boys walkin' around and talkin' things through?

Keep a tight perimeter.

Yes, sirree.

Well, well, well.

Ron Burgundy

and the Channel 4 News Team.

Where's your mommy?

You back off, Evening News Team.

You know, I understand that, uh,

they had to bring a female in.

Change your diapers.

Wipe the dribble away from your bubblin' lips.

Rub Vaseline all over your heinie

and tell you that it's special and different from everyone else's.

He said "heinie"!

Brick, get back over here!

Heinie!

Does she tuck you in, Ronnie?

Give you a little kiss on your forehead?

Tell you everything's gonna be okay?

I've had enough of you, Mantooth.

This is gonna end right here, right now.

Let's dance, dickweed.

You wanna dance, Ronnie?

I wanna polka.

Come get a taste.

Brick, where'd you get a hand grenade?

I don't know.

All right. Let's do this!

Hey!

If you're gonna have a fight,

then don't forget Channel 2 News with me,

Iead anchor Frank Vitchard.

You dirtbags have been in third place for five years.

Yeah? Well, you're about to be in dead place.

Not so fast, you ingrates!

Public News Team is taking a break from its pledge drive

to kick some ass.

No commercials! No mercy!

Cómo están, pinches!

Spanish Language News is here.

Tonight's top story:

The sewers run red with Burgundy's blood.

Hyah! Hyah!

Well looks like we got ourselves a bilingual bloodfest.

Now, before we do this, let's go over the ground rules.

Rule number one:

No touching of the hair or face.

Of course.

And that's it!

Now let's do this!

Begin!

I'm gonna straight-up murder your ass!

- Blade! - Here you go, mate!

Ahh! God!

Oh! I did not see that coming!

Oh! Aaah!

- Now I'll be number one. - No, you won't!

Policía!

Boy, that escalated quickly.

I mean, that really got out of hand fast.

- It jumped up a notch. - It did, didn't it?

Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart.

I saw that. Brick killed a guy.

- Did you throw a trident? - Yeah.

There were horses and a man on fire and I killed a guy with a trident.

I've been meaning to talk to you about that.

Find yourself a safe house or a relative close by.

Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.

I'm proud of you fellas.

You kept your head on a swivel.

That's what you gotta do when you're in a vicious cockfight.

Can you believe Mantooth and the Channel 9 Evening News Team?

"Where's your mommy? Someone's gotta change your diapers."

This Corningstone business is really hurting our rep.

I know exactly what you mean, Brian.

Every newsman in this city's laughing at us.

- And I don't like it. - I don't like the put-downs.

We're gonna do something about it.

It is time to put an end to this!

Last time I looked, my name's Ron Burgundy. What's your name?

- Brian Fantana. - Champ Kind.

- Brian Fantana. - No, you're Brick.

- Brian. - I'm Brian.

Veronica.

And I've shown you, old man!

Garth, I need to look at these tapes for a potential lead.

Ron's using the machine

to play his local Emmy acceptance speech from last year.

I tried to ask her out on a date.

Turn the music off! I'm still talking!

- This is ridiculous! - I don't remember doing it.

- Excuse me. - What are you doing?

I need this machine so I can watch a tape for a story.

I'm using the tape.

I'm showing Jeffrey my Emmy tape.

We are watching history.

Mr. Burgundy, I'm a professional,

and I would like to be able to do my job.

Big deal! I am very professional!

Mr. Burgundy, you are acting like a baby.

I'm not a baby, I am a man. I am an anchorman!

You are not a man. You are a big fat joke!

I'm a man who discovered the wheel

and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn.

That's what kind of man I am.

You're just a woman with a small brain.

With a brain a third the size of us. It's science.

I will have you know that I have more talent

and more intelligence in my little finger

than you do in your entire body, sir!

You are a smelly pirate hooker!

You look like a blueberry.

Why don't you go back to your home on Whore lsland?

Well, you have bad hair.

What did you say?

I said

your hair

Iooks stupid.

- Let 'em work it out! - It's between the two of them!

They're just talking. Just talking.

- I hate you! - I hate you more!

Ow!

Shut up! Shut up!

All right, stop!

Stop what you're doing right now!

I will not have my newsroom be divided.

Ah! Knights of Columbus, that hurts!

I was like, "Who is that guy?"

I just can't believe what Ron did to you.

It is so awful.

Yes.

Have you ever thought about fighting fire

with fire?

What do you mean?

I have some information that you can choose to use or not use.

Up to you.

Ron Burgundy

will read anything that is put on that Teleprompter.

And when I say anything,

I mean an-y-thing.

Arnold, cue one.

After the FotoMat was destroyed,

the bear scampered back into the woods.

Apparently he wasn't too happy with his color prints.

Oh.

From the entire Channel 4 News Team,

I'm Veronica Corningstone.

And I'm Ron Burgundy.

Go fuck yourself, San Diego.

What in the name--

No!

Nobody talks about my city that way!

Ron Burgundy's ass is grass!

Nice work, everyone. Sharp broadcast.

Really good. Everyone on the floor as well.

Really a lot of hustle. I liked it.

Dump out! Dump out!

Hello, Edward.

- Ron, I've got to fire you. - I've got to fire you.

Bing, bong, bong. You're fired, Ed.

Do you even know what you just said?

Great Odin's raven!

Are you happy, Ron?

Veronica. She put that in the Teleprompter.

You're probably right, but this is bad, Ron. Real bad.

My hands are tied. I--

I gotta fire you.

Ed, let's hold on. Let's count to 10.

That's a rash decision. Is this about something else?

Ed, there's 300 very angry San Diego-ites.

San Diego-ins. San Diego-uns.

- San Dieg-ons. - San Diegans.

San Diegans out in front of the station.

They want Ron's blood.

They want to hurt you.

Why did you say that? Why?

Why, Ron? Why?

You're my hero, Ron.

Garth, l--

And you come out with stink like that poop!

You poop mouth! Get all the poop out of your mouth!

If I were to give you money out of my wallet, would that ease the pain?

I hate you, Ron Burgundy! I hate you!

Ron? Ron!

I can't believe you did this to me! Are you happy?

No, Ron, I'm not!

I have nothing left! Nothing!

I've been reduced to rubble!

Let's go. These people are about to pull you apart.

No! No!

Mr. Burgundy, you should be ashamed of yourself.

- Please, l-- - You're an awful man!

You are truly a disappointment to us all, Mr. Burgundy!

Bob Dylan once wrote,

"The times, they are a-changin'."

Ron Burgundy had never heard that song.

So when he fell, he fell hard.

It's Channel 4 News at 6:00!

Good evening, San Diego.

I'm lead anchor Veronica Corningstone.

Tonight's top story: an ultrasound of Ling Wong,

the most famous panda in the world,

shows that her baby is doing quite well.

No!

Ron Burgundy, stay classy.

Hello, this is Ron.

Hello.

Who's there? I'm talking. Hello.

Who is this?

Baxter, is that you?

Baxter!

Bark twice if you're in Milwaukee.

Is this Wilt Chamberlain?

Have the courage to say something. Hello!

Hello!

Hey, you watch yourself, mister.

Hey, lady in the red hat. Yeah.

You smell.

Guys. Guys, it's me, Ron.

Fellas!

Harken said he'd fire us if we talked to you.

- What? - I'm sorry.

I-- Brian!

- It's Ronnie! - Ron!

- Champ! - Ron!

Champ, come on. Come on!

Go, Brick.

My sweet Brick.

Brick, come hug me. I know you want to.

I am completely miserable, San Diego!

It's so damn hot!

Milk was a bad choice!

Yes, yes. Chris, listen to me.

Put down the gun and let the marching band go.

We'll play it off as a prank.

We'll straighten it out later. I'm getting another call.

Ed Harken.

What? Oh, my God!

Listen, everybody, Ling Wong the panda is giving birth!

Get Corningstone over there right away!

The network is picking up the feed.

I want a shot of that panda being born!

This is Ted Nightingale, Channel 6 News Los Angeles,

reporting from the San Diego Zoo.

And this is the moment

the entire world has been waiting for.

I can only speculate as to the sex of the panda,

but if I had to guess, I'd say female.

- Excuse me. Press. - Hey, lady, watch it.

Excuse me, I'm press. Thank you. What do you got?

Nothing. All I can see is a blue curtain.

Oh, damn it.

Go over there and see if you can get a shot. I'll go this way.

Hey, lady, why don't you go fetch me a sandwich?

Okay, I'll go get your sandwich.

Then I'll show you the ratings where you're number two to a woman.

Ouch. Don't lose any more hair over it.

- Whatever. - We're live, Mr. Mantooth.

Good afternoon, San Diego.

We're here today to celebrate the birth of a panda.

# Sky rockets in flight #

# Afternoon delight #

# Af-- #

# I make fart noises with my mouth #

- # And I like to cut-- # - Hey, nut job!

Quit the singin'!

Creeping out all the regulars.

I'm expressing my inner anguish through the majesty of song!

Look, drunkie, you been coming in here every day,

stinking up the joint with your craziness.

Now, what the hell is wrong with you?

I got no heart!

Because a she-devil stole it!

You know what the worst part about it is?

She's better than me!

She's better than me.

You know, times are changing.

Ladies can do stuff now.

You're gonna have to learn how to deal with that.

What? Were you saying something?

Look, I don't speak Spanish.

Ah.

Scotty.

Scotty, I have the shot.

Scotty. Scotty!

Hey, uh,

that is some fantastic shot you got there.

The kind of shot that gets you to the top of network news.

- Oh, well, we hope. - We at public television,

we're really down with the woman's lib thing.

That is so refreshing to me.

Because the struggle I've--

Howie, we have the shot.

Up a little. Up, up.

Oh. You son of a bitch!

Shh!

Don't want to wake up your friends.

Help!

- Simply vanished. - How do you lose your lead anchor?

- I can't find Corningstone. - Where the hell is she?

- No one's seen her. - I can't believe this.

Every news outlet in the world is looking for coverage on this.

I've got no damn lead anchor!

Damn it! Get me a phone.

I can't believe I'm about to do this.

Rocky's, bar, grill, fine dining.

- Is there an anchorman there? - Hold on.

This is killing me. I'd rather slit my throat.

- Hello? - Hello?

- Is this Ron? - Who is this?

- It's me. Ed. - Who?

- Ed Harken. - I don't know a Ned.

- Ed Harken! - Ed!

- Ed, hello. - Listen, Ron.

Corningstone disappeared in the midst of the biggest story of the year.

We need you down here right away.

Wait, Ed.

Does this mean you're asking me to report the news again?

- Yes. - Ed!

That's wonderful! Thank you!

Ed, hold on. I want to say a few words.

- You have always been a good friend! - Right.

- Always! - Right.

Get down here as quickly as you can.

Ed, I'll be down there.

And I'm going to look good.

Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy.

Damn! That dude cleans up good!

If I'm gonna do this, I'll need my news team at my side.

News team!

Assemble!

News team, assemble!

Hey, Ron.

What's up?

Oh.

Hi. Didn't see you there.

We've been here literally the entire time you have.

I'm a little embarrassed.

Look.

I just got the call from Harken. He wants me back.

But I can't do this without my news team.

I don't know, Ron.

That was half a lifetime ago. We're different people now.

When you left, the hurt was so deep.

I don't know if I can go through that again.

Think about what you're asking.

Man.

Gentlemen,

there was a time

when you called me your lead anchor.

Will you follow me again?

I'm gettin' too old for this shit.

To the news van!

- To the news van! - Okay!

Ahh!

Well, I'll be. Ron Burgundy.

He's back!

Gentlemen, let's try to get in a good position for the story.

- How does the hair look? - Magnificent.

You have hair like an angel.

Oh, whoa, whoa. Network talent scout.

- This is a hot one. - I'm actually nervous.

Let's go get 'em.

Wait! Did you just hear something?

Help.

- Ron, help! - Veronica!

- Are you okay? - Shh!

How did you get down there?

Just go get someone. Please.

Hold on. Hold on!

We've got to do something.

Whoa, Ron, I don't want to sound cruel, but--

There's a network talent scout over there.

This is a tough decision.

So much to think about.

Basically the biggest story of my career,

Iaunching me to a level I've never known before,

or saving the woman

I used to have familiar relations with.

This is hard!

I am in a pickle!

Ron, I know it sounds harsh,

but God does not want her to live.

No. Hold on.

It's clear now.

We go into the bear pit.

Ron, don't.

Oh!

I immediately regret this decision.

What are you doing? Why didn't you get help?

These bears are massive!

They looked a lot smaller from up there.

Fan out. Let's go find Harken.

Stay calm.

It's all right. I think it's all right, my sweet chinchilla.

- Oh, Ron. - Yes, yes.

In case we die here today,

there's something that you should know.

That dirty trick with the Teleprompter, it wasn't--

Sweet Eli Whitney's nose! It wasn't you, was it?

It was Wes Mantooth.

- Oh, I should have known. - No, no.

- No, I did it. - You bitch!

Shh!

You woke the bears. Why did you do that?

There's somebody in the bear pit!

It took my impending death

for me to realize how much I need you.

Oh, Ron.

Those bears are gonna hurt them!

News team, let's hunt.

News team!

Bear fight!

Come on. Come on!

Damn!

Hit 'em in the uvula!

Hey, Ron!

I'm riding a furry tractor!

The bears have descended on the news team

and it's not going well.

Clearly, after today, I will no longer--

Come on! Oh, God!

It's getting to be ri-goddamn-diculous!

Oh, no.

We woke up the mama.

Oh, God!

I don't wanna die.

Baxter!

Look! They're following their mother!

It's instinct.

Oh, Baxter!

Oh! Oh, Baxter, you're still alive!

Oh, I'm so happy!

I'm so happy! You are alive!

I'm so happy!

I will lick you!

I will lick you in front of everyone to show my joy.

Oh. Ohhh!

Boy, he really likes that dog.

Burgundy! Burgundy!

Burgundy! Burgundy!

Burgundy! Burgundy!

Hi, Ron.

It's always a long fall from the top, isn't it?

Easy, Wes.

I've been waiting to say this to you for a long time.

- All right. - Deep down in my stomach,

with every inch of me,

I pure, straight

hate you!

But, God damn it, do I respect you!

Thank you,

brother.

Burgundy! Burgundy!

Today we spell redemption

R-O-N.

Burgundy! Burgundy!

Ron, you're my hero!

Ron, I think you've got a story to report.

Are you sure, Ed?

Do it.

It's the story you were born to tell.

San Diego's waiting. Go get 'em.

Make way!

Ron Burgundy's about to report on pandas!

Count me down. Three.

You're live, Mr. Burgundy.

This is Ron Burgundy,

proudly reporting once again for Channel 4 News.

Today's story is one of the more remarkable things

ever to happen to San Diago

or even the world.

But in order to properly retell it,

I'm going to need some help

from my co-anchor,

Miss Veronica Corningstone.

- High-pressure system-- - No, no, no, no, Brick.

- High-pressure system-- - Go stand over there.

Oh, Ron.

Ron, there are literally thousands of men

that I should be with instead,

but I am 72% sure that I love you.

Yes, redemption was sweet for Ron Burgundy.

Yes! Ron!

- As for the news team: - Stop it! Ron!

Champ Kind went on to become a commentator for the NFL,

but was later fired after being accused

of sexual harassment by Terry Bradshaw.

Excuse me.

Is that Sex Panther you're wearing?

Brian Fantana went on to have great success

as the host of the hit reality TV show

"lntercourse lsland" on the Fox Network.

Anyone seen Brick?

- Brick? - Don't! That tickles!

No, that tickles me! Come on!

Brick Tamland is married with 1 1 children

and is one of the top political advisors

to the Bush White House.

I'm gonna get you! I'm gonna get you!

And Ron and Veronica didn't stay in San Diego long.

I chose them as my replacement,

and they became the first mixed-gender network news team,

and they're still doing it today.

From all of us here at the World News Center,

I'm Veronica Corningstone.

And I'm Ron Burgundy.

You stay classy, planet Earth.

Brought To You By MohammaD [SHoCk Movies]

Brought To You By MohammaD [SHoCk Movies] # Carry on, my wayward son #

# There'll be peace when you are done #

# Lay your weary head to rest #

# Don't you cry no more... #

Oh! Great Odin's raven!

Oh! By the hammer of Thor!

Oh! Saint Damien's beard!

Sweet grandmother's spatula!

Oh! Hot pot of coffee!

Uncle Jonathan's corncob pipe!

I'm gonna shoot you with a BB gun when you're not looking.

In the back of the head.

I'm sorry.

You're not very bright. You know that, right?

You're actually quite a dullard.

Everyone here knows it.

If I'm a dullard, you're the, uh, the dull--

Oh! Can't think of anything to say, can you?

Yes, I can. I can think of a lot of things to say.

Like, you're a dirty bitch.

Well, Ron, I'm gonna put poison--

Oh, my God!

I drank a lava lamp. It wasn't lava.

I ate a whole bunch of fiberglass insulation.

It wasn't cotton candy like that guy said.

My stomach's itchy.

I pooped a hammer.

I pooped a tape recorder.

I pooped a Cornish game hen.

Uh...

Nope.

You do not take a tone with me,

'cause I will give you a rap right on the Jack Johnson!

- Okay. - Yes.

Now this is happenin'.

What are you doing?

- Hah! - What are you doing?

What are you--

Action.

We'll go back to doing what I do best--

I guess we'll go back to doing what I do best, show off.

When do we get started?

When do we get started?

- That's my line. - When do we get started?

You say, "Whenever you like."

Whenever you like.

Keep it rollin'. This is good stuff.

...an area bank in a daring...

Probably not the same one. Probably not the same guy.

Brick, before I let you go,

are you still having your celebrity golf tournament this summer?

No, too many people died last year.

So we're not gonna do--

Sorry. Sorry.

They named it San Diego.

Which in German means, "a whale's vagina."

This is the most ridiculous thing ever.

# Carry on, my wayward son #

# There'll be peace when you are done #

# Lay your weary head to rest #

# Don't you cry #

# Don't you cry no more #

Way to handle him. That was nice.

It sure is good to be number one.

It sure beats the hell out of number two.

We are laughing!

And we are very good friends.

Good buddies sharing a special moment.

Don't say anything, Ron. Just let it happen.

We're laughing, enjoying our friendship.

And someday we'll look back on this with much fondness.

Yeah.