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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:47,230 --> 00:00:50,536 There was a time, a time before cable, 2 00:00:52,319 --> 00:00:55,406 when the local anchorman reigned supreme, 3 00:00:58,407 --> 00:01:02,321 when people believed everything they heard on TV. 4 00:01:02,364 --> 00:01:06,452 This was an age when only men were allowed to read the news. 5 00:01:08,321 --> 00:01:12,932 And in San Diego, one anchorman was more man than the rest. 6 00:01:12,976 --> 00:01:15,106 His name was Ron Burgundy. 7 00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:20,238 He was like a god walking among mere mortals. 8 00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:24,674 He had a voice that could make a wolverine purr, 9 00:01:25,761 --> 00:01:27,632 and suits so fine 10 00:01:27,632 --> 00:01:30,067 they made Sinatra look like a hobo. 11 00:01:30,110 --> 00:01:35,112 In other words, Ron Burgundy was the best. 12 00:01:36,416 --> 00:01:39,591 Mmm. I look good. 13 00:01:40,679 --> 00:01:43,549 I mean, really good. 14 00:01:43,593 --> 00:01:48,289 Hey, everyone! Come and see how good I look! 15 00:01:56,509 --> 00:01:59,945 Mm, ehh, mm. 16 00:01:59,989 --> 00:02:03,554 Ribs. I had ribs for lunch. That's why I'm doing this. 17 00:02:03,598 --> 00:02:07,208 How now brown cow. How now brown cow. 18 00:02:07,251 --> 00:02:08,773 How now brown cow. 19 00:02:08,773 --> 00:02:12,340 How are you? You look awfully nice tonight. 20 00:02:13,426 --> 00:02:15,558 Maybe don't wear a bra next time. 21 00:02:17,037 --> 00:02:20,080 No, I was talking to you. No, not her. 22 00:02:20,124 --> 00:02:22,516 I don't know her name. What is it? 23 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,647 Lanolin? 24 00:02:26,821 --> 00:02:28,909 La-lanolin? Like sheep's wool? 25 00:02:29,865 --> 00:02:31,996 Unique New York. 26 00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:33,910 Unique New York. 27 00:02:33,910 --> 00:02:35,911 Mm, I love Scotch. 28 00:02:35,911 --> 00:02:38,347 I love Scotch. Scotchy, Scotch, Scotch. 29 00:02:38,389 --> 00:02:39,912 Here it goes down. 30 00:02:39,912 --> 00:02:42,348 Down into my belly. Mm-mm-mm. 31 00:02:42,391 --> 00:02:44,651 The arsonist has oddly shaped feet. 32 00:02:44,695 --> 00:02:48,653 How much time? 30? 30 seconds? 33 00:02:48,696 --> 00:02:51,915 - You are on. - I'm on right now? 34 00:02:51,958 --> 00:02:53,785 I don't believe you. 35 00:02:53,785 --> 00:02:56,742 - # Doo doo doo. # - Ron! 36 00:02:56,742 --> 00:02:58,873 Oh, come on. Audrey. 37 00:02:58,917 --> 00:03:01,656 I look like hell. I got bags under my eyes. 38 00:03:01,700 --> 00:03:03,787 What's that? If you were a man, 39 00:03:03,831 --> 00:03:05,745 I'd punch you right in the mouth. 40 00:03:05,745 --> 00:03:07,701 That's bush. Bush league. 41 00:03:07,701 --> 00:03:11,050 The human torch was denied a bank loan. 42 00:03:11,094 --> 00:03:14,790 You hear me? Audrey, look at me! 43 00:03:14,833 --> 00:03:16,269 I'm sorry. 44 00:03:16,269 --> 00:03:18,052 All right? I'm sorry. 48 00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:28,925 All right, we're on. 49 00:03:28,925 --> 00:03:30,926 Ready, Phil. 50 00:03:30,926 --> 00:03:33,013 We're on in five, four... 51 00:03:33,796 --> 00:03:35,927 When the clock struck 6:00, 52 00:03:35,971 --> 00:03:37,927 it meant one thing for Ron Burgundy 53 00:03:37,927 --> 00:03:40,363 and his news team: Go time. 54 00:03:40,407 --> 00:03:40,537 Channel 4 News, 55 00:03:40,537 --> 00:03:42,624 Channel 4 News, 56 00:03:42,624 --> 00:03:45,451 with five-time Emmy award-winning anchor 57 00:03:45,451 --> 00:03:47,235 Ron Burgundy. 58 00:03:47,278 --> 00:03:49,017 Champ Kind, sports. 59 00:03:49,017 --> 00:03:51,104 Ooh! Hoo-hoo! 60 00:03:51,888 --> 00:03:53,975 Brick Tamland, weather. 61 00:03:56,193 --> 00:03:59,020 And your reporter in the field, Brian Fantana. 62 00:04:02,716 --> 00:04:05,324 It's Channel 4 News at 6:00. 63 00:04:08,804 --> 00:04:10,806 Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy, 64 00:04:10,806 --> 00:04:13,197 and this is what's happening in your world tonight. 65 00:04:13,241 --> 00:04:16,676 A La Jolla man clings to life at a university hospital 66 00:04:16,721 --> 00:04:20,025 after being viciously attacked by a pack of wild dogs 67 00:04:20,068 --> 00:04:21,852 in an abandoned pool. 68 00:04:21,852 --> 00:04:26,463 Hey, everybody! Shut the hell up! Ron Burgundy's on! 69 00:04:26,505 --> 00:04:29,375 Authorities are still uncertain as to why the man 70 00:04:29,418 --> 00:04:31,985 - was loitering... - Ron Burgundy. 71 00:04:32,027 --> 00:04:34,115 Oh, my gosh! She said her first words! 72 00:04:34,115 --> 00:04:37,073 Right now it's 82' in our fair city, 73 00:04:37,116 --> 00:04:41,032 and compare that to 48' in the upper Northwest 74 00:04:41,032 --> 00:04:44,031 and 38' in the Middle East. 75 00:04:44,031 --> 00:04:46,423 Off the coast of Tampa Bay yesterday, 76 00:04:46,467 --> 00:04:48,859 one lucky cameraman happened to catch 77 00:04:48,902 --> 00:04:51,468 an unusual aquatic daredevil. 78 00:04:51,512 --> 00:04:55,165 What you're about to see is a Channel 4 News exclusive. 79 00:04:55,209 --> 00:04:57,991 His name is Nutty the Squirrel, 80 00:04:58,035 --> 00:05:00,124 and he's three years old. 81 00:05:00,124 --> 00:05:03,514 How 'bout that? 82 00:05:03,559 --> 00:05:07,343 That squirrel can water-ski. 83 00:05:08,864 --> 00:05:11,909 - Man, that's hilarious. - Yeah, that's good. 84 00:05:11,952 --> 00:05:14,605 For all of us here at News Center 4, 85 00:05:14,649 --> 00:05:16,127 I'm Ron Burgundy. 86 00:05:16,127 --> 00:05:18,040 You stay classy, San Diego. 87 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:22,519 You stay classy, San Diego. 88 00:05:22,563 --> 00:05:25,608 Listen up. The ratings just came in for last month. 89 00:05:25,651 --> 00:05:28,827 We are number one. We just grabbed every key demographic. 90 00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:31,001 - Super-duper, gang! - Yeah! Yeah! 91 00:05:31,044 --> 00:05:33,089 Super-duper! That's nice! 92 00:05:33,089 --> 00:05:34,740 Way to go! Neat, gang. 93 00:05:34,740 --> 00:05:36,436 - Yes! - Boy, Ed. 94 00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:38,655 That is good news. I gotta be honest. 95 00:05:38,697 --> 00:05:41,394 - Congradulations, congradulations. - That is good news! 96 00:05:41,437 --> 00:05:43,135 - All right! - Stick around. 97 00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:45,353 Make sure these guys don't party too much. 98 00:05:45,396 --> 00:05:48,092 - They don't really ever listen to me. - Just get it done. 99 00:05:48,136 --> 00:05:48,223 Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention? 100 00:05:48,223 --> 00:05:52,093 Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention? 101 00:05:52,093 --> 00:05:54,441 I've just been handed an urgent 102 00:05:54,485 --> 00:05:57,443 and horrifying news story. 103 00:05:57,486 --> 00:06:00,443 I need all of you to stop what you're doing 104 00:06:00,486 --> 00:06:01,922 and listen. 105 00:06:01,922 --> 00:06:04,140 Cannonball! 106 00:06:07,923 --> 00:06:11,011 Yes, these fellas were a real news team. 107 00:06:11,054 --> 00:06:14,751 Burgundy, of course, was the foundation. 108 00:06:14,794 --> 00:06:18,926 But each member brought their own special something to the equation. 109 00:06:18,969 --> 00:06:21,101 People call me the man. 110 00:06:21,145 --> 00:06:23,537 I'm the stylish one of the group. 111 00:06:23,580 --> 00:06:25,624 I know what you're asking yourself, 112 00:06:25,624 --> 00:06:28,886 and the answer is yes, I have a nickname for my penis. 113 00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:30,929 It's called the Octagon. 114 00:06:30,929 --> 00:06:32,931 But I also nicknamed my testes. 115 00:06:32,931 --> 00:06:34,930 My left one is James Westfall, 116 00:06:34,930 --> 00:06:37,540 and my right one is Dr. Kenneth Noisewater. 117 00:06:37,584 --> 00:06:41,280 You ladies play your cards right, you might get to meet the whole gang. 118 00:06:41,322 --> 00:06:43,541 Bang, boom, they were showing lasers 119 00:06:43,584 --> 00:06:45,976 every Friday night. 120 00:06:46,020 --> 00:06:49,456 Champ here. I'm all about having fun. 121 00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:52,327 You know, get a couple of cocktails in me, 122 00:06:52,327 --> 00:06:54,414 start a fire in someone's kitchen. 123 00:06:54,457 --> 00:06:56,936 Maybe go to Sea World, take my pants off. 124 00:06:56,979 --> 00:06:58,981 Anyway, I've become kind of famous 125 00:06:58,981 --> 00:07:01,981 for my signature catchphrase, "Whammy!" 126 00:07:02,025 --> 00:07:05,286 As in, "Gene Tenace at the plate... 127 00:07:05,329 --> 00:07:08,243 and whammy!" 128 00:07:08,287 --> 00:07:10,375 Whammy! 129 00:07:16,855 --> 00:07:18,246 I'm Brick Tamland. 130 00:07:18,246 --> 00:07:20,813 People seem to like me because I am polite 131 00:07:20,855 --> 00:07:22,726 and I'm rarely late. 132 00:07:22,726 --> 00:07:24,725 I like to eat ice cream, 133 00:07:24,725 --> 00:07:27,945 and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. 134 00:07:27,988 --> 00:07:30,249 Years later, a doctor will tell me 135 00:07:30,249 --> 00:07:33,033 that I have an lQ of forty eight 136 00:07:33,076 --> 00:07:35,163 and am what some people call 137 00:07:35,207 --> 00:07:37,208 "mentally retarded." 138 00:07:37,208 --> 00:07:38,817 Hello! 139 00:07:38,817 --> 00:07:41,470 - Whoo! Marco! - Polo! 140 00:07:42,992 --> 00:07:44,818 - Brian. - You having a good time? 141 00:07:44,818 --> 00:07:47,211 - I'm having a great time. - That makes two of us. 142 00:07:47,253 --> 00:07:48,993 You've gotta meet this girl. 143 00:07:48,993 --> 00:07:52,168 She used to be a cheerleader, but she broke her pelvis. 144 00:07:52,212 --> 00:07:54,517 Sherri, meet Ron Burgundy. 145 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:56,691 - Hey, Ron. - Hello. 146 00:07:56,735 --> 00:07:58,997 - I've got a big story for you. 147 00:07:59,039 --> 00:08:00,866 And it's right here. 148 00:08:00,866 --> 00:08:02,953 Well, hello. 149 00:08:04,216 --> 00:08:06,738 You pointed to your breasts. 150 00:08:06,738 --> 00:08:08,868 Oh, my God, you did! 151 00:08:10,694 --> 00:08:13,043 - Ron Burgundy? - Yes? 152 00:08:13,043 --> 00:08:16,523 I have had a crush on you since I was a little girl. 153 00:08:16,566 --> 00:08:18,175 Let's go somewhere. 154 00:08:18,175 --> 00:08:21,351 I'm telling you, it don't get no better than this. 155 00:08:21,394 --> 00:08:24,090 We've been coming to the same party for 12 years, 156 00:08:24,134 --> 00:08:26,221 and in no way is that depressing. 157 00:08:29,569 --> 00:08:30,919 Ahh. 158 00:08:30,919 --> 00:08:33,092 # Gonna make our own lightning # 159 00:08:33,136 --> 00:08:36,571 # Yeah, she got the way to move me, Cherry # 160 00:08:36,614 --> 00:08:38,658 # She got the way to groove me # 161 00:08:38,658 --> 00:08:39,920 # Cherry, baby # 162 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:42,572 # She got the way to move me # 163 00:08:42,572 --> 00:08:44,748 # She got the way to groove me... # 164 00:08:48,096 --> 00:08:50,401 By the beard of Zeus! 165 00:08:54,793 --> 00:08:56,880 Excuse me. 166 00:08:58,142 --> 00:09:01,926 Ron, where you going? What, are you crazy? Ron! 167 00:09:01,926 --> 00:09:05,839 If you're coming down the baseline, you gotta take home plate from me! 168 00:09:05,883 --> 00:09:09,363 So there I go, head first, boom! 169 00:09:12,798 --> 00:09:14,885 I've lost her. 170 00:09:24,626 --> 00:09:26,714 Ohh. 171 00:09:33,456 --> 00:09:35,543 Hello. 172 00:09:36,500 --> 00:09:37,630 Hello. 173 00:09:37,630 --> 00:09:41,197 Hope I'm not disturbing you, but, uh, 174 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:44,197 I saw you from across the party, and, uh, 175 00:09:44,241 --> 00:09:47,851 I don't usually do this, but I felt compelled to tell you something. 176 00:09:50,504 --> 00:09:51,852 You have... 177 00:09:51,852 --> 00:09:54,375 an absolutely breathtaking... 178 00:09:54,418 --> 00:09:56,505 bottom. 179 00:09:56,984 --> 00:09:59,202 I mean, that thing is good. 180 00:09:59,245 --> 00:10:01,463 I want to be friends with it. 181 00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:05,812 Well, you certainly know how to compliment a woman. 182 00:10:05,856 --> 00:10:07,856 Now, if you'll excuse me. 183 00:10:07,856 --> 00:10:10,074 Do you know who I am? 184 00:10:11,814 --> 00:10:13,857 No, I can't say that I do. 185 00:10:13,857 --> 00:10:17,816 I don't know how to put this, 186 00:10:17,858 --> 00:10:20,989 but I'm kind of a big deal. 187 00:10:21,034 --> 00:10:22,512 Really? 188 00:10:22,512 --> 00:10:24,643 People know me. 189 00:10:24,687 --> 00:10:26,686 I've very happy for you. 190 00:10:26,686 --> 00:10:28,210 I'm very important. 191 00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:30,079 I have... 192 00:10:30,079 --> 00:10:32,298 many leather-bound books, 193 00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:34,732 and my apartment 194 00:10:34,776 --> 00:10:37,212 smells of rich mahogany. 195 00:10:38,907 --> 00:10:41,256 That's stupid. 196 00:10:42,387 --> 00:10:45,778 No, no, that's... very exciting. 197 00:10:45,822 --> 00:10:47,955 Listen, can l-- 198 00:10:47,998 --> 00:10:50,128 can I start over again? 199 00:10:50,172 --> 00:10:52,172 Sure. 200 00:10:52,172 --> 00:10:55,217 I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there. 201 00:10:55,261 --> 00:10:57,218 If you like it, you can take it. 202 00:10:57,218 --> 00:10:58,826 If you don't, send it right back. 204 00:11:00,913 --> 00:11:03,001 I wanna be on you. 205 00:11:04,741 --> 00:11:07,741 Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 206 00:11:07,785 --> 00:11:09,873 I-- 207 00:11:13,046 --> 00:11:15,656 I wanna be on you. 208 00:11:29,704 --> 00:11:31,704 hello! 209 00:11:31,704 --> 00:11:33,748 Baxter! 210 00:11:33,748 --> 00:11:35,358 Papa's home. 211 00:11:35,358 --> 00:11:37,446 There he is. There's my little man. 212 00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:39,749 You're okay? 213 00:11:39,793 --> 00:11:42,099 Of course I met a lady tonight. 214 00:11:44,055 --> 00:11:46,186 This one was different. I have to be honest. 215 00:11:47,448 --> 00:11:48,752 Quite different. 216 00:11:48,752 --> 00:11:51,449 What-- 217 00:11:51,493 --> 00:11:53,753 I'm lonely? I'm not lonely! 218 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:57,276 I'm loved by everyone in San Diego. 219 00:12:00,799 --> 00:12:03,452 Wow. 220 00:12:03,496 --> 00:12:06,410 You know how to impress me, Baxter. 221 00:12:06,452 --> 00:12:09,193 You're so wise. 222 00:12:10,453 --> 00:12:13,107 You're like a miniature Buddha 223 00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:14,890 covered in hair. 224 00:12:14,890 --> 00:12:17,063 Come again? 225 00:12:19,022 --> 00:12:21,934 You know I don't speak Spanish. In English, please. 226 00:12:21,978 --> 00:12:24,066 Huh? 227 00:12:24,066 --> 00:12:26,893 You pooped in the refrigerator? 228 00:12:26,936 --> 00:12:30,937 And you ate a whole wheel of cheese? 229 00:12:30,981 --> 00:12:32,850 How'd you do that? 230 00:12:32,850 --> 00:12:35,330 I'm not even mad. That's amazing. 231 00:12:35,373 --> 00:12:38,939 I forgive you. 232 00:12:38,983 --> 00:12:41,679 What do you say we get you in your pajamas and go to bed? 233 00:12:41,723 --> 00:12:45,594 Bedtime. Okay, come on. Let's go. Come on. 234 00:13:00,596 --> 00:13:02,902 Oh, that was one crazy party. 235 00:13:02,945 --> 00:13:05,685 I am hung over. 236 00:13:06,034 --> 00:13:08,208 I woke up this morning 237 00:13:18,733 --> 00:13:21,168 All right, guys. Let's focus up. 238 00:13:21,212 --> 00:13:23,690 Morning, everyone. 239 00:13:23,734 --> 00:13:26,473 Here are the stories we're going to be chasing today. 240 00:13:26,516 --> 00:13:28,213 It looks like Ling Wong, 241 00:13:28,213 --> 00:13:31,127 the rare panda at the San Diego Zoo, is pregnant. 242 00:13:31,171 --> 00:13:32,824 This is a big one. 243 00:13:32,824 --> 00:13:35,650 This could be the big story of the summer. 244 00:13:35,694 --> 00:13:38,564 Network will want plenty of coverage. 245 00:13:38,564 --> 00:13:41,303 And speaking of network, word on the street is 246 00:13:41,347 --> 00:13:43,348 they're looking for a new anchor. 247 00:13:43,348 --> 00:13:45,349 - So, Ron... - Huh? Network? 248 00:13:45,349 --> 00:13:47,436 Are they here? 249 00:13:51,916 --> 00:13:54,742 A lot of you have heard the affiliates complaining 250 00:13:54,786 --> 00:13:57,613 about a lack of diversity on the news team. 251 00:14:04,006 --> 00:14:06,223 What in the hell is diversity? 252 00:14:06,267 --> 00:14:08,572 Well, I could be wrong, 253 00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:12,137 but I think diversity is an old, old wooden ship 254 00:14:12,137 --> 00:14:15,487 that was used during the Civil War era. 255 00:14:15,531 --> 00:14:18,227 I would be surprised if the affiliates were concerned 256 00:14:18,270 --> 00:14:20,401 about the lack of an old wooden ship, 257 00:14:20,445 --> 00:14:22,706 but nice try. 258 00:14:22,749 --> 00:14:25,403 Diversity means that times are changing, 259 00:14:25,403 --> 00:14:27,621 and with that in mind-- 260 00:14:27,664 --> 00:14:30,622 - Ron, are you paying attention? - Nope. 261 00:14:30,664 --> 00:14:32,796 - This concerns all of us. - Okay. 262 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:36,579 I'd like to introduce the latest addition 263 00:14:36,622 --> 00:14:38,754 to the News Team, 264 00:14:38,797 --> 00:14:41,494 directly from WYPN 265 00:14:41,537 --> 00:14:44,712 in Asheville, North Carolina, 266 00:14:44,756 --> 00:14:47,757 Ms. Veronica Corningstone. 267 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:50,756 - # Who's that lady? # - Hello. 268 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,235 - # Who's that lady... # - Hello, everyone. 269 00:14:53,279 --> 00:14:55,714 - Oh! - I just want you all to know 270 00:14:55,758 --> 00:14:57,976 that I look forward to contributing 271 00:14:57,976 --> 00:15:01,151 to this news station's already sterling reputation. 272 00:15:03,848 --> 00:15:06,152 I mean, come on, Ed! It's bull crap! 273 00:15:06,196 --> 00:15:08,588 Don't get me wrong. I love the ladies. 274 00:15:08,632 --> 00:15:12,023 They rev my engine, but they don't belong in the newsroom! 275 00:15:12,067 --> 00:15:15,372 It is anchorman, not anchorlady! 276 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:18,982 - And that is a scientific fact! - Uh-huh. 277 00:15:19,026 --> 00:15:22,157 I don't know what we're yelling about! 278 00:15:23,331 --> 00:15:25,070 Ron, what do you think? 279 00:15:25,070 --> 00:15:27,157 She-- sh-- it's terrible! 280 00:15:27,157 --> 00:15:30,072 She has beautiful eyes, and her hair smells like cinnamon! 281 00:15:30,116 --> 00:15:31,419 Mm-hmm. 282 00:15:31,419 --> 00:15:33,508 Loud noises! 283 00:15:34,421 --> 00:15:38,118 All right, everyone relax. She's not gonna take anyone's airtime. 284 00:15:38,161 --> 00:15:41,727 I read somewhere that their menstruation attract bears. 285 00:15:41,770 --> 00:15:44,510 Bears can smell the menstruation. 286 00:15:44,554 --> 00:15:48,120 Well, that's just great. You hear that, Ed? 287 00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:51,077 Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy. 288 00:15:51,121 --> 00:15:53,643 I will say one thing for her, Ed, 289 00:15:53,730 --> 00:15:56,819 she does have a nice, big old behind. 290 00:15:56,862 --> 00:16:00,035 I'd like to put some barbecue sauce on that butt 291 00:16:00,079 --> 00:16:02,688 and just bite, bite, bite, bite, munch, munch, munch! 292 00:16:02,732 --> 00:16:05,298 - Ah-whoo! - Stop it! Oh, Jeez. 293 00:16:08,256 --> 00:16:11,474 Look at the full moon butt! 294 00:16:11,518 --> 00:16:13,605 Champ! Champ! Champ, Champ! 295 00:16:15,084 --> 00:16:17,171 Mr. Harken, I was just wondering 296 00:16:17,171 --> 00:16:19,214 if you knew when my office would be ready. 297 00:16:19,214 --> 00:16:21,303 Well, that might take some time. 298 00:16:21,303 --> 00:16:24,521 For now, why don't you just grab a desk in the bull pen? 299 00:16:24,564 --> 00:16:27,695 You can use my office! Then afterwards maybe we can go to lunch! 300 00:16:29,043 --> 00:16:30,566 Lower your voice, Ron. 302 00:16:32,567 --> 00:16:35,654 All right. Thank you, Mr. Harken. 303 00:16:35,698 --> 00:16:38,568 I'll go get my desk set up. 304 00:16:45,571 --> 00:16:49,136 Oh, she is a saucy mama! I mean, I would... 305 00:16:50,962 --> 00:16:53,311 Here we go again. 306 00:16:53,354 --> 00:16:55,398 Every station it's the same. 307 00:16:55,398 --> 00:16:57,963 Women ask me how I put up with it. 308 00:16:58,007 --> 00:17:00,573 Well, the truth is, I don't really have a choice. 309 00:17:00,617 --> 00:17:02,574 This is definitely a man's world. 310 00:17:02,574 --> 00:17:04,792 But while they're laughing and grabbing arses, 311 00:17:04,835 --> 00:17:06,488 I'm chasing down leads 312 00:17:06,488 --> 00:17:09,229 and practicing my non regional diction. 313 00:17:09,272 --> 00:17:12,229 Because the only way to win is to be the best. 314 00:17:12,273 --> 00:17:14,360 The very best. 315 00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:19,013 Touchy situation. 316 00:17:19,013 --> 00:17:22,492 I think the best thing to do with this Corningstone, 317 00:17:22,492 --> 00:17:25,102 to keep her in line, is bed her quick. 318 00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:28,581 Oh, that behind is driving me crazy! 319 00:17:28,625 --> 00:17:31,061 I'm like a night wolf. 320 00:17:31,147 --> 00:17:33,582 Guys, take it easy. Just take it easy! 321 00:17:33,625 --> 00:17:37,149 - She's got feelings, too. - Oh, my God! 322 00:17:37,191 --> 00:17:38,757 Listen to Burgundy. 323 00:17:38,757 --> 00:17:41,803 He's gone soft on us, like some schoolboy bitch. 324 00:17:41,846 --> 00:17:43,932 You sound like a gay. 325 00:17:46,281 --> 00:17:47,848 Hey! Come on! 326 00:17:47,848 --> 00:17:50,674 It's me, Papa Burgundy, all right? 327 00:17:50,717 --> 00:17:54,284 As far as I'm concerned, Corningstone's fair game. 328 00:17:54,328 --> 00:17:57,023 Huh? Let the games begin! 329 00:17:57,067 --> 00:17:59,199 Hi-ohhh! 330 00:17:59,242 --> 00:18:01,677 There he is. There he is. 331 00:18:01,677 --> 00:18:03,764 I'm very aroused. 332 00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:09,157 What's this? 333 00:18:10,462 --> 00:18:12,549 Well, well, well. 334 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:18,291 Ron Burgundy and the Channel 4 News Team. 335 00:18:18,334 --> 00:18:20,421 Hello, Wes Mantooth. 336 00:18:20,464 --> 00:18:22,290 Hello, Evening News Team. 337 00:18:22,290 --> 00:18:23,814 Nice clothes, gentlemen. 338 00:18:23,814 --> 00:18:26,509 I didn't know the Salvation Army was having a sale. 339 00:18:28,988 --> 00:18:31,163 Am I right? Look at these guys. 340 00:18:33,685 --> 00:18:37,033 Hey, where did you get those clothes? 341 00:18:37,077 --> 00:18:39,165 At the toilet store? 342 00:18:42,036 --> 00:18:44,862 What are you doing on our station's turf, Burgundy? 343 00:18:44,905 --> 00:18:47,341 You're about to get a serious beating. 344 00:18:47,385 --> 00:18:50,820 I will smash your face into a car windshield 345 00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:53,038 and then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, 346 00:18:53,082 --> 00:18:57,561 out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again! 347 00:18:57,604 --> 00:19:00,431 Dorothy Mantooth is a saint! You understand me? 348 00:19:00,474 --> 00:19:02,997 - Dorothy Mantooth is a saint! - Hey. 349 00:19:03,041 --> 00:19:05,693 Leave the mothers out of this, all right? 350 00:19:08,172 --> 00:19:10,260 It's unnecessary. 351 00:19:11,434 --> 00:19:14,565 Besides, I'm sure Wes here 352 00:19:14,609 --> 00:19:19,089 is just upset over finishing second in the ratings again. 354 00:19:20,916 --> 00:19:23,438 That's completely uncalled for, Burgundy. 355 00:19:23,438 --> 00:19:25,569 You know those rating systems are flawed. 356 00:19:25,612 --> 00:19:27,831 They don't take into account houses that have 357 00:19:27,831 --> 00:19:31,439 more than two television sets and other things of that nature. 358 00:19:31,483 --> 00:19:34,789 I guess I have to take you at your word, 359 00:19:34,832 --> 00:19:36,919 Number Two. 360 00:19:39,050 --> 00:19:41,790 You have a great day, fellas. 361 00:19:41,834 --> 00:19:43,921 We'll see you around the bend. 362 00:19:46,443 --> 00:19:48,531 Son of a bitch! 363 00:19:48,574 --> 00:19:51,705 Excuse me, Number Two. 364 00:19:54,185 --> 00:19:56,403 Hey, Burgundy. 365 00:19:56,447 --> 00:19:58,926 You know those sample audiences aren't big enough! 366 00:19:58,969 --> 00:20:02,447 Stop hiding behind those phony numbers, Burgundy! I'm coming after you! 367 00:20:02,491 --> 00:20:07,100 I hate you, Ron Burgundy. I hate you! 368 00:20:07,144 --> 00:20:10,276 You can't say one word? 369 00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:12,450 Even the guy who can't think says something! 370 00:20:12,493 --> 00:20:15,103 You guys just stand there? Come on! 371 00:20:17,408 --> 00:20:20,453 Right, but I think my son is just going through a phase. 372 00:20:21,627 --> 00:20:23,323 I have no idea where 373 00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:26,150 he would have got hold of German pornography. 374 00:20:26,193 --> 00:20:28,281 But you and l are mature adults. 375 00:20:28,325 --> 00:20:31,672 We've both seen our share of pornographic materials. 376 00:20:31,717 --> 00:20:33,195 Oh, you never have? 377 00:20:33,195 --> 00:20:35,934 Of course you haven't, how stupid of me. Neither have l. 378 00:20:35,978 --> 00:20:38,240 I was just speaking in generalities. 379 00:20:38,283 --> 00:20:42,676 I'll stop by the school a little later, Sister Margaret. Bye. 380 00:20:42,676 --> 00:20:45,677 Ed, she insisted on coming in. 381 00:20:45,677 --> 00:20:47,330 Mr. Harken, sir, 382 00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:50,329 I will not have my first story at this news station 383 00:20:50,329 --> 00:20:52,331 be about a cat fashion show. 384 00:20:52,331 --> 00:20:54,983 Miss Corningstone, ma'am, 385 00:20:55,027 --> 00:20:58,202 you will do the stories to which you are assigned. 386 00:20:58,245 --> 00:21:01,115 Mr. Harken, I am a damn good journalist, 387 00:21:01,159 --> 00:21:04,334 and this cat show thing is grade A baloney. 388 00:21:04,377 --> 00:21:07,378 It is not baloney. Now, go do your job, missy! 389 00:21:07,422 --> 00:21:09,639 It is baloney! 390 00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:16,511 Hey, Ron, 391 00:21:16,554 --> 00:21:18,904 I'm gonna take a run at the new girl. 392 00:21:18,946 --> 00:21:21,033 Let the games begin. 393 00:21:21,033 --> 00:21:24,164 Oh, Champ, Champ, we're not really gonna actually do that. 394 00:21:24,208 --> 00:21:26,426 - We were just flapping our gums. - Oh, yeah. 395 00:21:26,470 --> 00:21:28,558 You kill me, Burgundy. 396 00:21:29,297 --> 00:21:32,907 Let me just grab this. Oh, sorry about that. 397 00:21:32,951 --> 00:21:35,125 - Whammy. - Hmm. 398 00:21:35,169 --> 00:21:37,473 - Uh, Champ? - Yeah. 399 00:21:37,516 --> 00:21:40,083 You're trying to touch my breasts, aren't you? 400 00:21:40,125 --> 00:21:43,866 What can I say? I like the way you're put together. 401 00:21:43,909 --> 00:21:46,519 What do you say we go out on a date? 402 00:21:46,562 --> 00:21:49,042 Have some chicken, maybe some sex. 403 00:21:49,085 --> 00:21:50,737 You know, see what happens? 404 00:21:50,737 --> 00:21:53,651 Oh, let me get this over here. 405 00:21:55,174 --> 00:21:57,044 Sorry. 406 00:21:57,044 --> 00:21:59,392 Oh, there it is. 407 00:21:59,436 --> 00:22:01,609 I'll give this little cookie an hour 408 00:22:01,653 --> 00:22:03,741 before we're doing the no-pants dance. 409 00:22:03,741 --> 00:22:06,046 Time to musk up. 410 00:22:08,916 --> 00:22:10,307 Wow. 411 00:22:10,307 --> 00:22:13,179 It never ceases to amaze me. 412 00:22:13,222 --> 00:22:15,396 What cologne you gonna go with? 413 00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:17,048 London Gentleman, or-- 414 00:22:17,048 --> 00:22:20,224 wait. No, no, no. Hold on. 415 00:22:20,267 --> 00:22:21,919 Blackbeard's Delight. 416 00:22:21,919 --> 00:22:24,703 No, she gets a special cologne. 417 00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:28,660 It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. 418 00:22:28,703 --> 00:22:32,662 It's illegal in nine countries. 419 00:22:32,705 --> 00:22:35,184 Yep, it's made with bits of real panther. 420 00:22:35,184 --> 00:22:38,011 - So you know it's good. - It's quite pungent. 421 00:22:38,054 --> 00:22:39,359 Oh yeah. 422 00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:41,403 It's a formidable scent. 423 00:22:41,403 --> 00:22:44,491 It stings the nostrils. 424 00:22:44,535 --> 00:22:46,448 - In a good way. - Yep. 425 00:22:46,448 --> 00:22:49,275 I'll be honest with you. That smells like pure gasoline. 426 00:22:49,318 --> 00:22:51,710 They've done studies, you know. 427 00:22:51,753 --> 00:22:55,537 60% of the time, it works every time. 428 00:22:55,537 --> 00:22:57,537 That doesn't make sense. 429 00:22:57,537 --> 00:22:59,972 Well... 430 00:22:59,972 --> 00:23:02,408 Iet's go see if we can make this little kitty purr. 431 00:23:07,583 --> 00:23:11,106 Hey, sweet cheeks. Got an invite I'd like to extend your way. 432 00:23:14,890 --> 00:23:16,586 My God. 433 00:23:16,586 --> 00:23:18,587 What is that smell? 434 00:23:18,587 --> 00:23:19,890 -Oh! 435 00:23:19,890 --> 00:23:22,066 That's the smell of desire, milady. 436 00:23:22,110 --> 00:23:24,197 God, no, it smells like-- 437 00:23:24,239 --> 00:23:27,545 Iike a used diaper filled with lndian food. 438 00:23:27,589 --> 00:23:29,589 Oh! Excuse me. 439 00:23:29,589 --> 00:23:31,590 Desire smells like that to some people. 440 00:23:31,590 --> 00:23:35,417 What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair! 441 00:23:39,853 --> 00:23:41,984 It smells like Bigfoot's dick! 442 00:23:44,028 --> 00:23:46,116 Oh, hell, that stinks! 443 00:23:48,376 --> 00:23:50,464 Oh, what's that smell? 444 00:23:54,728 --> 00:23:58,032 This is worse than the time the raccoon got in the copier. 445 00:23:58,074 --> 00:23:59,554 Yeah. 446 00:23:59,554 --> 00:24:01,206 It's very distracting. 447 00:24:01,206 --> 00:24:04,077 - When we get to the pet shop-- - Cough! 448 00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:05,729 Look over here. 449 00:24:05,729 --> 00:24:07,642 Excuse me, Veronica. 450 00:24:07,642 --> 00:24:10,340 Yes, what is it, Brick? 451 00:24:10,383 --> 00:24:12,383 I would like to extend to you 452 00:24:12,383 --> 00:24:14,557 an invitation to the pants party. 453 00:24:15,602 --> 00:24:16,906 Excuse me? 454 00:24:16,906 --> 00:24:19,689 The party. The pants-- 455 00:24:19,732 --> 00:24:22,560 With the pants. Party with pants? 456 00:24:22,604 --> 00:24:24,038 Brick, are you saying 457 00:24:24,038 --> 00:24:26,560 that there's a party in your pants and I'm invited? 458 00:24:26,604 --> 00:24:28,214 That's it. 459 00:24:28,214 --> 00:24:31,128 Hmm. Did Brian tell you to say this, Brick? 460 00:24:31,170 --> 00:24:33,086 No-- yes, he did. 461 00:24:33,086 --> 00:24:37,738 Okay. No, I don't want to go to a party in your pants. 462 00:24:37,781 --> 00:24:39,478 Very well. Ian? 463 00:24:39,478 --> 00:24:41,477 Would you like to go to a party in my pants? 464 00:24:41,477 --> 00:24:43,392 No, Brick. 465 00:24:43,392 --> 00:24:45,479 All right. Let's go! 466 00:24:47,568 --> 00:24:51,654 All right, now... 467 00:24:51,654 --> 00:24:54,830 I'm telling you, she is a real ball breaker. 468 00:24:54,874 --> 00:24:56,961 A real ice queen. 469 00:24:57,004 --> 00:25:00,309 Mm. I just burned my tongue. 470 00:25:00,352 --> 00:25:02,614 The only way to bag a classy lady 471 00:25:02,657 --> 00:25:05,484 is to give her two tickets to the gun show... 472 00:25:08,529 --> 00:25:10,616 and see if she likes the goods. 473 00:25:12,659 --> 00:25:14,705 One thousand and one 474 00:25:14,705 --> 00:25:18,662 One thousand and two 475 00:25:18,706 --> 00:25:20,880 - Uh, Mr. Burgundy? - One thousand and three. 476 00:25:20,924 --> 00:25:23,228 Helen said that you needed to see me? 477 00:25:23,272 --> 00:25:24,663 Oh, Miss Corningstone. 478 00:25:24,663 --> 00:25:27,708 I wasn't expecting company. 479 00:25:30,882 --> 00:25:33,101 Just doing my workout. 480 00:25:33,144 --> 00:25:35,101 Tuesday's arms and back. 481 00:25:35,101 --> 00:25:38,319 - You asked me to come by, sir. - Oh, did l? 482 00:25:38,362 --> 00:25:40,450 Yes. 483 00:25:41,668 --> 00:25:43,929 Oh, it's the deep burn! 484 00:25:43,973 --> 00:25:47,061 Oh, it's so deep. 485 00:25:47,104 --> 00:25:50,106 I can barely lift my right arm 'cause I did so many. 486 00:25:50,148 --> 00:25:53,759 I don't know if you heard me counting. I did over One thousand. 487 00:25:53,801 --> 00:25:55,802 You have your ubulus muscle 488 00:25:55,802 --> 00:25:58,628 that connects to the upper dorsinus. 489 00:25:58,672 --> 00:26:00,934 It's boring, but it's part of my life. 490 00:26:00,977 --> 00:26:03,804 I'm just gonna grab this shirt, if you don't mind. 491 00:26:03,847 --> 00:26:07,152 Just watch out for the guns. They'll get you. 492 00:26:07,196 --> 00:26:08,936 You are pathetic. 493 00:26:08,936 --> 00:26:11,415 This has to be the most feeble 494 00:26:11,502 --> 00:26:14,068 pickup attempt that I have ever encountered. 495 00:26:14,110 --> 00:26:18,026 I expected it from the rest of them, Mr. Burgundy, but not from you. 496 00:26:18,026 --> 00:26:20,374 Wait a minute! I-- pickup attempt? 497 00:26:20,418 --> 00:26:21,939 I'm offended. 498 00:26:21,939 --> 00:26:24,331 I have little time to get to the gym, 499 00:26:24,374 --> 00:26:26,984 so I have to sculpt my guns at the office. 500 00:26:27,028 --> 00:26:29,942 Oh, stop calling your arms "guns." 501 00:26:29,986 --> 00:26:31,985 Look. 502 00:26:31,985 --> 00:26:34,160 My plan was to ask you 503 00:26:34,202 --> 00:26:36,812 if I could mentor you about town 504 00:26:36,857 --> 00:26:39,510 as one professional helping another professional, 505 00:26:39,554 --> 00:26:42,597 because I know what it's like to be lonely in a new city. 506 00:26:44,946 --> 00:26:47,033 - Really? - Yes. 507 00:26:47,033 --> 00:26:49,642 But now I am too hurt. 508 00:26:49,686 --> 00:26:52,339 And shocked and offended 509 00:26:52,383 --> 00:26:53,731 and-- and hurt. 510 00:26:53,731 --> 00:26:55,644 I could do that. 511 00:26:55,644 --> 00:26:56,863 Really? 512 00:26:56,863 --> 00:26:58,819 Well, yes. 513 00:26:58,819 --> 00:27:00,819 As a journalist, I should get to know 514 00:27:00,819 --> 00:27:02,776 the city that I'm covering. 515 00:27:02,776 --> 00:27:05,734 - But this is not a date. - No, of course not. 516 00:27:05,778 --> 00:27:08,474 - Strictly professional. - Wonderful. 517 00:27:08,517 --> 00:27:10,866 - Hmm. - Great. 518 00:27:12,692 --> 00:27:14,214 Shall I pick you up 519 00:27:14,214 --> 00:27:16,302 8:00? 520 00:27:17,911 --> 00:27:19,998 Mm, 9:00. 521 00:27:21,130 --> 00:27:22,564 Downstairs? 522 00:27:22,564 --> 00:27:25,565 Mr. Burgundy, you have a massive erection. 523 00:27:25,565 --> 00:27:27,652 Really? 524 00:27:29,044 --> 00:27:31,523 Yes, I do. Um... 525 00:27:31,567 --> 00:27:34,306 I'm sorry, it's the-- 526 00:27:34,350 --> 00:27:36,697 - it's the pleats. - Mm. 527 00:27:36,742 --> 00:27:39,003 It's actually an optical illusion. 528 00:27:39,047 --> 00:27:41,047 It's the pattern on the pants. 529 00:27:41,047 --> 00:27:44,439 It's not flattering in the crotch region. 530 00:27:44,482 --> 00:27:46,570 I'm actually taking them back right now. 531 00:27:46,614 --> 00:27:49,571 Taking them back to the pants store. 532 00:27:50,570 --> 00:27:52,876 Oh, this is awkward. 533 00:27:54,312 --> 00:27:57,182 and I will see you later. 534 00:28:06,010 --> 00:28:08,098 Don't act like you're not impressed. 535 00:28:08,185 --> 00:28:10,055 Frame up two. 536 00:28:10,055 --> 00:28:12,968 - Let's go to Brian Fantana live... - Gimme a tighter one on two. 537 00:28:13,012 --> 00:28:15,404 ...with a Channel 4 News exclusive. 538 00:28:15,448 --> 00:28:16,839 Brian? 539 00:28:16,839 --> 00:28:19,144 Panda watch. The mood is tense. 540 00:28:19,186 --> 00:28:21,841 I have been on some serious, serious reports, 541 00:28:21,884 --> 00:28:23,536 but nothing like this. 542 00:28:23,536 --> 00:28:26,581 I-- l-- Ching-- King is inside now. 543 00:28:26,625 --> 00:28:29,625 I tried to get an interview, but they said, "You can't. 544 00:28:29,669 --> 00:28:32,453 He's a live bear. He will literally rip your face off." 545 00:28:32,496 --> 00:28:35,453 Hey! You're making me look stupid! 546 00:28:35,496 --> 00:28:38,367 Get out here! Panda jerk! 547 00:28:38,411 --> 00:28:41,106 Great story. Compelling and rich. 548 00:28:43,020 --> 00:28:45,369 That's gonna do it for all of us at Channel four News. 549 00:28:45,412 --> 00:28:47,672 You stay classy, San Diego. 550 00:28:47,716 --> 00:28:49,805 I'm Ron Burgundy? 551 00:28:50,892 --> 00:28:54,632 Damn it! Who typed a question mark on the Teleprompter? 552 00:28:54,676 --> 00:28:57,980 For the last time, anything you put on that prompter, 553 00:28:58,024 --> 00:29:00,112 Burgundy will read. 554 00:29:02,329 --> 00:29:04,981 Oh, God, this is a mistake. 555 00:29:05,025 --> 00:29:06,895 This is a mistake. 556 00:29:06,895 --> 00:29:10,027 He's very cute. Very cute. No, he's not. He's hairy. 557 00:29:10,070 --> 00:29:12,506 There she is! Veronica! 558 00:29:12,550 --> 00:29:14,985 My little China doll. 559 00:29:15,029 --> 00:29:16,985 I am full of it tonight. 560 00:29:16,985 --> 00:29:19,464 Oh, silly. Hi. 561 00:29:19,508 --> 00:29:21,595 You look ravishing. 562 00:29:21,595 --> 00:29:24,596 It truly is beauty and the beast. 563 00:29:26,161 --> 00:29:28,076 I might add a handsome beast at that. 564 00:29:28,076 --> 00:29:29,815 Are you ready for our rendezvous? 565 00:29:29,815 --> 00:29:31,468 It's not a date. 566 00:29:31,468 --> 00:29:34,121 No, strictly professional. 567 00:29:34,164 --> 00:29:36,687 Doesn't mean we can't have fun. 568 00:29:36,731 --> 00:29:38,817 - Shall we? - Yes. 569 00:29:43,079 --> 00:29:45,168 San Diego. 570 00:29:46,167 --> 00:29:48,168 Mm! Drink it in. 571 00:29:48,168 --> 00:29:50,255 It always goes down smooth. 572 00:29:52,429 --> 00:29:54,431 What a beautiful view, Mr. Burgundy. 573 00:29:54,431 --> 00:29:57,778 I know. I love this city. It's a-- 574 00:29:57,822 --> 00:29:59,562 it's a fact. 575 00:29:59,562 --> 00:30:01,824 It's the greatest city in the history of mankind. 576 00:30:03,564 --> 00:30:06,912 Discovered by the Germans in 1904. 577 00:30:06,912 --> 00:30:10,086 They named it San Diago, 578 00:30:10,130 --> 00:30:14,174 which of course in German means a whale's vagina. 579 00:30:16,436 --> 00:30:19,350 no, there's no way that's correct. 580 00:30:23,785 --> 00:30:26,612 I'm sorry. I was trying to impress you. 581 00:30:26,656 --> 00:30:28,438 Oh. 582 00:30:28,438 --> 00:30:31,179 I don't know what it means. 583 00:30:31,222 --> 00:30:34,179 I'll be honest. I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore. 584 00:30:34,223 --> 00:30:36,572 Scholars maintain that the translation was lost 585 00:30:36,615 --> 00:30:38,616 hundreds of years ago. 586 00:30:38,616 --> 00:30:41,007 Doesn't it mean Saint Diego? 587 00:30:42,139 --> 00:30:44,922 No. No. 588 00:30:44,966 --> 00:30:47,488 No, that's-- that's what it means. 589 00:30:47,532 --> 00:30:48,880 Really. 590 00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:51,402 Well, agree to disagree. 591 00:30:55,794 --> 00:30:57,751 May I take your order? 592 00:30:57,751 --> 00:31:01,100 Yes, I am going to have three fingers of Glenlivet 593 00:31:01,143 --> 00:31:04,014 with a little bit of pepper, and, uh, some cheese. 594 00:31:04,058 --> 00:31:05,971 Very good. 595 00:31:05,971 --> 00:31:07,928 A Manhattan, and kick the vermouth 596 00:31:07,928 --> 00:31:10,059 in the side with a pair of steel-toed boots. 597 00:31:10,059 --> 00:31:11,973 - Certainly. - Thank you, Scott. 598 00:31:11,973 --> 00:31:14,016 Thank you. 599 00:31:14,016 --> 00:31:16,582 Wow. Quite a drink order. 600 00:31:16,626 --> 00:31:19,800 Oh, well, when in Rome. 601 00:31:19,844 --> 00:31:21,410 Yes? 602 00:31:21,410 --> 00:31:23,324 Please, go on. 603 00:31:23,324 --> 00:31:26,802 Uh, do as the Romans do? 604 00:31:26,846 --> 00:31:28,585 It's an old expression. 605 00:31:28,585 --> 00:31:30,803 Oh! I've never heard of it. 606 00:31:30,846 --> 00:31:32,630 - Oh. - It's wonderful, though. 607 00:31:32,630 --> 00:31:34,892 Mr. Burgundy. 608 00:31:34,935 --> 00:31:37,328 - Tino! How are you? - So good to see you. 609 00:31:37,371 --> 00:31:39,023 You're looking fantastic. 610 00:31:39,023 --> 00:31:41,023 Tino, Veronica. 611 00:31:41,023 --> 00:31:43,633 Veronica. What a pretty girlfriend. 612 00:31:43,676 --> 00:31:45,677 - Drinks are on Tino tonight. - No, no, no. 613 00:31:45,677 --> 00:31:48,155 We're work associates. I work at the station. 614 00:31:48,199 --> 00:31:51,331 - I'm a journalist. - Oh, okay. This is a good guy. 615 00:31:51,375 --> 00:31:53,505 Tino's the finest club owner in the city. 616 00:31:53,549 --> 00:31:55,114 - My best friend, right? - Yes. 617 00:31:55,114 --> 00:31:58,246 Yes, we have a saying in my country about people like him. 618 00:31:58,289 --> 00:32:00,811 "The coyote of the desert 619 00:32:00,899 --> 00:32:03,073 always likes to eat the heart of the young, 620 00:32:03,117 --> 00:32:06,856 where the blood drips down to children for breakfast, lunch and dinner, 621 00:32:06,900 --> 00:32:09,683 - only the ribs will be broken in two." - Tino. 622 00:32:09,727 --> 00:32:12,466 Okay. Well, Mr. Burgundy, we will be honored 623 00:32:12,510 --> 00:32:15,207 if you will play "yazz" flute for us. 624 00:32:15,251 --> 00:32:17,164 - I can't. - Please. 625 00:32:17,164 --> 00:32:19,337 You play jazz flute? 626 00:32:19,381 --> 00:32:21,513 - I dabble. - Oh. 627 00:32:21,556 --> 00:32:24,688 Would everyone love to hear Ron Burgundy play "jazz" flute? 628 00:32:24,731 --> 00:32:27,993 - Get it goin', Ronnie! - Yes! Please. 629 00:32:28,036 --> 00:32:29,254 You, on stage now. 630 00:32:29,254 --> 00:32:32,037 Okay, I guess I can play a little ditty. 631 00:32:32,081 --> 00:32:33,820 - Honestly, I'm-- - Come on. 632 00:32:33,820 --> 00:32:37,517 - Give him a hand. - I'm not prepared. Not at all. 633 00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:40,387 - Yeah! - This is a surprise, I'll tell you. 634 00:32:41,779 --> 00:32:44,432 Guys, "East Harlem Shakedown," E flat? 635 00:32:44,476 --> 00:32:46,084 Keep the cymbals splashy, 636 00:32:46,084 --> 00:32:48,215 and, Jay, let's take the bass line for a walk. 637 00:32:51,869 --> 00:32:53,912 Hold on. 638 00:32:53,912 --> 00:32:56,784 I'm not hearing it right. Hold on. 639 00:33:04,089 --> 00:33:06,176 We got it now. It's all right. 640 00:33:06,220 --> 00:33:08,308 Fire up, Ronnie! 641 00:33:09,961 --> 00:33:13,483 Little "Ham and Eggs" coming at you. Hope you got your griddles. 642 00:33:20,224 --> 00:33:22,572 That's baby making music, that's what that is. 643 00:33:28,617 --> 00:33:31,052 Let's go! 644 00:34:13,020 --> 00:34:15,108 Hey, Aqualung! 645 00:34:27,545 --> 00:34:28,720 Thank you. 646 00:34:28,720 --> 00:34:30,808 Thank you! 647 00:34:37,244 --> 00:34:39,810 You were amazing. 648 00:34:39,854 --> 00:34:41,723 Mm. Thank you. 649 00:34:41,723 --> 00:34:43,854 Where did you learn to play like that? 650 00:34:43,898 --> 00:34:45,593 Well, jazz flute 651 00:34:45,593 --> 00:34:48,638 has always been a small passion of mine. 652 00:34:48,725 --> 00:34:51,683 So what other passions do you have, Mr. Burgundy? 653 00:34:51,726 --> 00:34:56,466 Well, I have one great passion that-- 654 00:34:56,511 --> 00:35:00,990 that lives deep within my loins, like a-- 655 00:35:01,034 --> 00:35:05,033 Iike a flaming golden hawk: 656 00:35:05,077 --> 00:35:08,209 To one day become a network anchor. 657 00:35:08,252 --> 00:35:11,341 Well, believe it or not, 658 00:35:11,384 --> 00:35:13,428 we share the same dream. 659 00:35:14,427 --> 00:35:16,471 I too want to be an network anchor. 660 00:35:18,255 --> 00:35:20,386 God, you are so beautiful. 661 00:35:24,995 --> 00:35:27,083 We really should be going. 662 00:35:27,127 --> 00:35:30,214 I swore that I would never get involved with a coworker. 663 00:35:31,911 --> 00:35:33,999 Wait. 664 00:35:35,998 --> 00:35:39,000 What if, just for tonight, we weren't coworkers? 665 00:35:39,087 --> 00:35:41,826 We were co-people? 666 00:35:42,913 --> 00:35:44,957 - I don't-- 667 00:35:46,219 --> 00:35:48,306 You be a woman. 668 00:35:48,350 --> 00:35:50,742 I'll be a man. 669 00:35:50,785 --> 00:35:52,873 That's all. 670 00:35:53,481 --> 00:35:55,090 Oh. 671 00:35:55,090 --> 00:35:58,222 You continue to surprise me, Mr. Burgundy. 672 00:36:18,791 --> 00:36:22,141 Oh, I'm storming your castle on my steed, milady. 675 00:36:31,970 --> 00:36:34,275 Wait, stop. Stop talking like that. 676 00:36:34,318 --> 00:36:36,840 - I can't understand you. - Sorry. 677 00:36:41,277 --> 00:36:43,277 Take me to Pleasure Town! 678 00:36:43,277 --> 00:36:45,364 - Oh, we're going there! - Oh! 679 00:36:49,148 --> 00:36:52,584 # Love is like candy on a shelf # 680 00:36:54,063 --> 00:36:58,020 # You want to taste and help yourself... # 681 00:36:58,020 --> 00:37:00,586 I love you! 682 00:37:00,630 --> 00:37:02,673 I love you back! 683 00:37:02,673 --> 00:37:05,153 # Help yourself, take a few # 684 00:37:05,196 --> 00:37:08,023 # That's what I want you to do... # 685 00:37:08,066 --> 00:37:11,024 Look! The most glorious rainbow ever! 686 00:37:11,068 --> 00:37:12,851 Oh, do me on it! 687 00:37:12,851 --> 00:37:15,938 # Just say the word and they are yours... # 689 00:37:19,896 --> 00:37:24,811 # In my heart your smile has opened up the door # 690 00:37:24,854 --> 00:37:28,811 # The greatest wealth that exists in the world. # 691 00:37:28,855 --> 00:37:30,899 Mmm. 692 00:37:30,899 --> 00:37:32,986 Well done, sir. 693 00:37:37,510 --> 00:37:40,205 Tip of the cap to you as well, Miss Corningstone. 694 00:37:46,904 --> 00:37:49,469 I'm having very strong feelings for you, Mr. Burgundy. 695 00:37:49,513 --> 00:37:51,079 Mm. 696 00:37:51,079 --> 00:37:54,471 But it's very important to me that I be viewed as a professional. 697 00:37:54,515 --> 00:37:56,514 - Right. - Hmm. 698 00:37:56,514 --> 00:37:59,341 When in Rome. 699 00:37:59,384 --> 00:38:00,733 Yeah. 700 00:38:00,733 --> 00:38:02,646 That, uh, expression 701 00:38:02,646 --> 00:38:05,168 doesn't really apply to what I'm talking about. 702 00:38:05,212 --> 00:38:07,255 - Oh, I'm-- - What I was saying. 703 00:38:07,255 --> 00:38:10,257 I still don't quite understand what it means. 704 00:38:10,257 --> 00:38:12,519 Oh, no. You'll find it. 705 00:38:14,910 --> 00:38:16,911 No, I was saying that, 706 00:38:16,911 --> 00:38:18,998 if we continue seeing each other, 707 00:38:19,041 --> 00:38:22,782 that we should keep it relatively quiet around the station. 708 00:38:22,826 --> 00:38:24,608 Absolutely, 709 00:38:24,608 --> 00:38:27,262 my wild love tigress. 710 00:38:30,566 --> 00:38:32,699 Tasteful discretion is the name of the game. 711 00:38:32,741 --> 00:38:34,828 Mm-hmm. 712 00:38:37,134 --> 00:38:40,135 Veronica Corningstone and I had sex, 713 00:38:40,135 --> 00:38:43,308 and now we are in love! 714 00:38:44,352 --> 00:38:46,571 Did I say that loud? 715 00:38:46,614 --> 00:38:48,875 Yeah, you pretty much yelled it. 716 00:38:48,919 --> 00:38:51,007 Well, I can't help it. 717 00:38:51,007 --> 00:38:52,572 It's fantastic! 718 00:38:52,572 --> 00:38:55,703 - What's it like, Ron? - The intimate times? 719 00:38:55,747 --> 00:38:58,225 Outta sight, my man! 720 00:38:59,617 --> 00:39:03,010 No. The other thing. 721 00:39:03,054 --> 00:39:04,619 Love. 722 00:39:04,619 --> 00:39:07,272 Yeah. What is that? 723 00:39:07,315 --> 00:39:11,099 Well, it's tough to explain. 724 00:39:11,143 --> 00:39:15,014 - I think I was in love once. - Really, what was her name? 725 00:39:15,056 --> 00:39:16,491 I don't remember. 726 00:39:16,491 --> 00:39:19,449 That's not a good start, but keep going. 727 00:39:19,493 --> 00:39:21,536 She was Brazilian. 728 00:39:21,536 --> 00:39:23,972 Or Chinese, or something weird. 729 00:39:24,015 --> 00:39:26,973 I met her in the bathroom of a supermarket, 730 00:39:27,016 --> 00:39:29,191 and we made out for hours. 731 00:39:29,234 --> 00:39:32,627 Then we parted ways, never to see each other again. 732 00:39:32,670 --> 00:39:35,106 I'm pretty sure that's not love. 733 00:39:35,150 --> 00:39:36,540 Damn it! 734 00:39:36,540 --> 00:39:38,628 I love... 735 00:39:39,933 --> 00:39:42,021 carpet. 736 00:39:43,804 --> 00:39:46,500 I love desk. 737 00:39:46,543 --> 00:39:50,370 Are you just looking at things in the office and saying you love them? 738 00:39:50,370 --> 00:39:52,239 I love lamp. 739 00:39:52,239 --> 00:39:55,981 Do you really love the lamp, or are you saying it because you saw it? 740 00:39:56,024 --> 00:39:59,720 I love lamp! I love lamp. 741 00:39:59,764 --> 00:40:01,982 You really want to know what love is? 742 00:40:02,026 --> 00:40:04,286 - Yeah. - Yes, tell us. 743 00:40:04,330 --> 00:40:06,419 More than anything in the world. 744 00:40:07,287 --> 00:40:10,202 Well, it's really quite simple. 745 00:40:11,767 --> 00:40:13,854 It's kind of like... 746 00:40:15,421 --> 00:40:18,508 # Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight # 747 00:40:18,552 --> 00:40:21,988 # Gonna grab some afternoon delight # 748 00:40:22,030 --> 00:40:25,031 # My motto's always been "When it's right, it's right" # 749 00:40:25,031 --> 00:40:28,640 # Why wait until the middle of a cold, dark night # 750 00:40:28,684 --> 00:40:34,861 # When everything's a little clearer in the light of day # 751 00:40:34,904 --> 00:40:37,209 # And we know the night # 752 00:40:37,252 --> 00:40:41,644 # Is always gonna be there anyway? # 753 00:40:41,688 --> 00:40:44,516 # Thinkin' of you's working up my appetite # 754 00:40:44,559 --> 00:40:47,384 # Lookin' forward to a little afternoon delight # 755 00:40:47,384 --> 00:40:50,386 # Rubbin' sticks and stones together make the sparks ignite # 756 00:40:50,430 --> 00:40:53,821 # And the thought of lovin' you is getting so exciting # 757 00:40:53,910 --> 00:40:55,779 # Sky rockets in flight # 758 00:40:55,779 --> 00:40:58,693 - # Boo! # - # Afternoon delight... # 759 00:40:58,736 --> 00:41:01,520 - Whoop! - You guys have it, I think. 760 00:41:01,563 --> 00:41:04,694 # Afternoon delight. # 761 00:41:04,737 --> 00:41:08,696 I don't know, Ron. That sounds kinda crazy. 762 00:41:08,739 --> 00:41:10,914 Sounds like you have mental problems, man. 763 00:41:10,957 --> 00:41:13,696 - Yeah, you got mental problems, man. - Yeah, he really does. 764 00:41:13,739 --> 00:41:14,915 Man. 765 00:41:14,915 --> 00:41:17,741 # Afternoon delight. # 766 00:41:17,785 --> 00:41:20,046 - Wanna make a phone call. - Freshen this up. 767 00:41:28,439 --> 00:41:32,180 Oh, look out. Next up, it's Whiskerus Maximus. 768 00:41:32,224 --> 00:41:34,267 He's ready to do battle in the arena 769 00:41:34,267 --> 00:41:37,094 against the tiniest lion you've ever imagined. 770 00:41:38,964 --> 00:41:41,487 I'm getting some great stuff, Miss Corningstone. 771 00:41:41,529 --> 00:41:43,748 Shut up. 772 00:41:43,791 --> 00:41:45,618 Oh, I hate cats. 773 00:41:45,618 --> 00:41:48,227 Let's just do my sign-off and get outta here. 774 00:41:49,489 --> 00:41:52,097 It was quite a show down here at the Pet Shack. 775 00:41:52,141 --> 00:41:56,272 Just for today, fashion curiosity did not kill the cat. 776 00:41:56,317 --> 00:41:59,796 I'm Veronica Corningstone for Channel 4 News. 777 00:41:59,840 --> 00:42:03,449 That was our newest reporter, Veronica Corningstone. 778 00:42:03,493 --> 00:42:05,145 She's really great. 779 00:42:05,145 --> 00:42:08,363 I'd also like to share with you that we are currently dating 780 00:42:08,406 --> 00:42:11,104 and that she is quite a handful in the bedroom. 781 00:42:11,148 --> 00:42:12,973 Uh... 782 00:42:12,973 --> 00:42:15,627 That's gonna do it for all of us here at 6:00. 783 00:42:15,670 --> 00:42:18,366 For the Channel 4 News Team, I'm Ron Burgundy. 784 00:42:18,410 --> 00:42:20,497 You stay classy, San Diego. 785 00:42:21,453 --> 00:42:23,497 All clear. 786 00:42:23,497 --> 00:42:25,585 Uh-oh. 787 00:42:25,585 --> 00:42:28,281 I might be in trouble on that one. 788 00:42:28,325 --> 00:42:32,239 I can't believe that you said that we were dating on the air. 789 00:42:32,283 --> 00:42:35,935 Mmm! Mmm. That is good fondue. 790 00:42:35,979 --> 00:42:39,328 Don't you get it, Ron? I wanna be an anchor. 791 00:42:39,371 --> 00:42:41,807 That is never gonna happen if everyone in San Diego 792 00:42:41,851 --> 00:42:43,850 thinks that I'm your bimbo gal pal. 793 00:42:43,850 --> 00:42:45,852 I don't know what to say. 794 00:42:45,852 --> 00:42:48,461 I just-- I got excited. 795 00:42:48,504 --> 00:42:52,635 I just wanted to shout it from on top of a mountain. 796 00:42:52,678 --> 00:42:55,898 But I didn't have a mountain. I had a newsroom and a camera. 797 00:42:55,940 --> 00:42:57,463 Look. 798 00:42:57,463 --> 00:42:59,463 I report the news. That's what I do. 799 00:42:59,463 --> 00:43:03,856 And today's top story, in Ron Burgundy's world, 800 00:43:03,856 --> 00:43:06,118 read something like this: 56732

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