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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,133 --> 00:00:05,250 sync and correction by solfieri www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:18,731 --> 00:00:21,190 Togetherness- 01x01 Family Day 3 00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:23,867 Mmm! 4 00:00:23,868 --> 00:00:25,719 Mmm. 5 00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:27,387 Come on. 6 00:00:31,976 --> 00:00:36,014 - Hi. Good morning. - Uh-uh. Uh-uh. 7 00:00:36,015 --> 00:00:38,398 Did you say, "Uh-uh"? What... what's wrong? 8 00:00:38,399 --> 00:00:41,685 - Where... what's happening? - I thought... 9 00:00:41,686 --> 00:00:43,270 Oh, dude. 10 00:00:43,271 --> 00:00:45,189 So early. No. 11 00:00:45,190 --> 00:00:46,539 Why are you... 12 00:00:46,541 --> 00:00:49,825 - Sorry, I thought I had a signal. Sorry. - All over me over here? 13 00:00:49,827 --> 00:00:51,078 Sorry. 14 00:00:51,079 --> 00:00:52,162 Sleep deprived right now. 15 00:00:52,163 --> 00:00:54,081 - Okay, sorry, my bad. - I'm sorry. 16 00:00:54,082 --> 00:00:55,666 I misread that, sorry about that. I'm sorry. 17 00:00:55,668 --> 00:00:57,452 - That's okay. - Okay. 18 00:01:37,909 --> 00:01:39,126 Ow! Come on! 19 00:01:39,127 --> 00:01:41,046 - You come on. - Not cool. 20 00:01:41,963 --> 00:01:44,548 Shaking all around. 21 00:01:44,549 --> 00:01:45,799 - Sorry. - Come on. 22 00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:47,085 Take it outside. 23 00:01:47,086 --> 00:01:49,219 - I'm sorry, okay? - Take it outside. 24 00:01:49,220 --> 00:01:51,923 And take the baby monitor. 25 00:01:51,924 --> 00:01:53,890 Thank you. 26 00:01:58,146 --> 00:01:59,680 Am I being evicted? 27 00:02:01,933 --> 00:02:03,567 Where's all my shit? 28 00:02:04,852 --> 00:02:06,403 Good Lord. 29 00:02:06,404 --> 00:02:09,189 Brett, I'm getting evicted, literally right now. 30 00:02:09,190 --> 00:02:11,074 I need some serious backup. 31 00:02:11,075 --> 00:02:13,610 Hey! Hey! That's my stuff! 32 00:02:13,611 --> 00:02:16,114 That's... no es bueno! 33 00:02:16,115 --> 00:02:19,499 Uh, get a U-Haul truck, something, I don't know. 34 00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:22,586 I need help stat, all right? I'm sorry to call so early. 35 00:02:22,587 --> 00:02:23,920 I love you, dude. 36 00:02:34,349 --> 00:02:36,383 All right buddy, let's get you all fixed up. 37 00:02:39,137 --> 00:02:40,354 Come on! 38 00:02:48,312 --> 00:02:50,397 I think we've had enough of those. 39 00:02:50,398 --> 00:02:53,533 Please, I don't... don't give me a vegan lecture. 40 00:02:53,534 --> 00:02:56,703 I don't want to hear about a food documentary, okay? 41 00:02:56,704 --> 00:02:58,823 Let me just enjoy this right now. 42 00:02:58,824 --> 00:03:02,376 I'm just trying to help. This is tough-love time. Give me the fucking donuts. 43 00:03:02,377 --> 00:03:03,828 - You want the donuts? - Yeah, I want the donuts. 44 00:03:03,829 --> 00:03:05,295 All right. 45 00:03:05,296 --> 00:03:06,963 You can have them. 46 00:03:06,964 --> 00:03:08,331 Thank... 47 00:03:09,500 --> 00:03:11,385 You just did that right to my face. 48 00:03:11,386 --> 00:03:13,003 Right in your face. 49 00:03:13,004 --> 00:03:14,721 All right. 50 00:03:14,722 --> 00:03:16,423 Those are my donuts! 51 00:03:16,424 --> 00:03:17,891 Give me them! 52 00:03:17,892 --> 00:03:21,144 Give it to me. Give me the bag of... 53 00:03:21,145 --> 00:03:22,479 all right, you see? 54 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:25,515 You're a mess. Look at me. 55 00:03:25,516 --> 00:03:27,517 All right, you got a little bit right here. 56 00:03:27,518 --> 00:03:29,686 Just a little bit. All right. 57 00:03:29,687 --> 00:03:32,155 I'm sorry it came to that, but it's for your own good. 58 00:03:32,156 --> 00:03:33,907 I love you. 59 00:03:33,908 --> 00:03:35,308 It's over. 60 00:03:35,309 --> 00:03:37,160 - What's over? - I'm done. 61 00:03:37,161 --> 00:03:39,030 - You're done with what? - I'm going home. 62 00:03:39,031 --> 00:03:42,700 - You don't have a home. I have all your... - To my mom's house. 63 00:03:42,701 --> 00:03:44,000 To Detroit? 64 00:03:44,001 --> 00:03:47,471 Yeah. The acting thing is not happening, man. It's just... 65 00:03:47,472 --> 00:03:49,373 it's fucked. 66 00:03:49,374 --> 00:03:51,375 I'm fat. I'm getting bald. 67 00:03:51,376 --> 00:03:53,176 I can't take the rejection anymore. 68 00:03:53,177 --> 00:03:58,716 I can't take skinny, beautiful LA people looking at me like I'm a fucking whale. 69 00:03:58,717 --> 00:04:00,350 I don't think everybody thinks you're a whale, okay? 70 00:04:00,351 --> 00:04:03,053 People look at me, man, they want to fucking harpoon me. 71 00:04:03,054 --> 00:04:05,605 Okay, this is a setback. We've had these. 72 00:04:05,606 --> 00:04:07,641 We regroup, and we triumph. 73 00:04:07,642 --> 00:04:08,942 That's what we do. 74 00:04:08,943 --> 00:04:10,110 What are you talking about? 75 00:04:10,111 --> 00:04:12,145 Let me just take you back to 1995. 76 00:04:12,146 --> 00:04:15,482 Senior year, high school, "Jesus Christ Superstar." 77 00:04:15,483 --> 00:04:18,069 You died on stage, you rose from the dead, 78 00:04:18,070 --> 00:04:20,821 and everybody in the audience fucking wept. 79 00:04:20,822 --> 00:04:22,456 You moved them, okay? 80 00:04:22,457 --> 00:04:25,041 Do you know who wasn't weeping in that audience? 81 00:04:25,042 --> 00:04:26,893 Billy Stayson. 82 00:04:26,894 --> 00:04:29,463 He was sitting in the front row doing this... 83 00:04:30,882 --> 00:04:33,216 the whole time I was dying on the cross. 84 00:04:33,217 --> 00:04:34,534 Why was he doing that? 85 00:04:34,535 --> 00:04:36,754 Because I shared with him my dream. I was like, "Dude, 86 00:04:36,755 --> 00:04:39,923 I want to go out to Hollywood and become a star." Uh-huh. 87 00:04:39,924 --> 00:04:41,758 And he said, "If you do that, 88 00:04:41,759 --> 00:04:43,894 you'll end up sucking dick on Hollywood and Vine." 89 00:04:43,895 --> 00:04:45,345 Okay. 90 00:04:45,346 --> 00:04:46,930 Back then, I thought he was an asshole. Mm-hmm. 91 00:04:46,931 --> 00:04:49,600 But now, in retrospect? 92 00:04:49,601 --> 00:04:51,067 He's a fucking prophet. 93 00:04:57,809 --> 00:05:00,026 All right, green smoothie time. 94 00:05:00,027 --> 00:05:02,746 We'll set up the couch for you. 95 00:05:02,747 --> 00:05:04,531 - We're getting there. - All right. All right. 96 00:05:08,252 --> 00:05:10,086 Um... 97 00:05:10,087 --> 00:05:13,790 Why are you sitting in the driver's seat? 98 00:05:13,791 --> 00:05:15,375 Can I have the keys, please? 99 00:05:15,376 --> 00:05:17,210 No, you may not have the keys. 100 00:05:17,211 --> 00:05:19,130 All my shit's packed up in a U-Haul, man. 101 00:05:19,131 --> 00:05:21,632 What more of a sign do I need? There's nothing for me here. 102 00:05:21,633 --> 00:05:25,636 Look, you don't understand, okay? 103 00:05:25,637 --> 00:05:27,053 I need you here. 104 00:05:27,054 --> 00:05:30,707 I have to go to family day, and be at the beach, and pretend it's fun? 105 00:05:30,708 --> 00:05:32,642 I don't think you understand. 106 00:05:32,643 --> 00:05:33,944 I know that I'm the cog in the wheel 107 00:05:33,945 --> 00:05:36,279 that maybe makes beach day better for you... Yeah. 108 00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:39,399 But I don't think you're seeing anything from my point of view right now. 109 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:41,067 Alex. 110 00:05:41,068 --> 00:05:42,702 What do you want me to say, man? 111 00:05:44,405 --> 00:05:46,239 I need, like... 112 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:48,291 I need a day from you, okay? 113 00:05:48,292 --> 00:05:50,494 Will you give me, like, a day? 114 00:05:50,495 --> 00:05:52,330 Just come to family day with us? 115 00:05:52,331 --> 00:05:54,165 Hi, Daddy! 116 00:05:54,166 --> 00:05:55,131 Hi, Soph. 117 00:05:55,132 --> 00:05:56,667 Hi. Hi, guys. 118 00:05:56,668 --> 00:05:57,918 Hi. 119 00:05:57,919 --> 00:06:00,754 Alex, I'm so sorry about your apartment. 120 00:06:00,755 --> 00:06:03,341 Oh, that's okay, I'm sorry I stole your husband again. 121 00:06:03,342 --> 00:06:04,991 - That's okay. - Hi, Sophie! 122 00:06:04,992 --> 00:06:07,677 Hiii! 123 00:06:07,678 --> 00:06:10,430 Do you want to come help with this cooler or something, hon? 124 00:06:10,431 --> 00:06:12,148 Yeah, of course. I'll be right there. 125 00:06:12,149 --> 00:06:14,601 Please. Please, come on. 126 00:06:16,604 --> 00:06:18,605 You got 24 hours. 127 00:06:18,606 --> 00:06:20,024 Yeah! 128 00:06:20,025 --> 00:06:21,658 Where is your sister, by the way? 129 00:06:21,659 --> 00:06:23,694 - Is she still at that guy's house? - Don't ask. 130 00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:34,205 So, um... 131 00:06:34,206 --> 00:06:36,389 what exactly is a Scarab boat? 132 00:06:36,390 --> 00:06:38,709 Do you remember the, uh... 133 00:06:38,710 --> 00:06:41,428 - the first season of "Miami Vice"? - Yeah. 134 00:06:41,429 --> 00:06:44,214 That was a Chris Craft Stinger 390. 135 00:06:44,215 --> 00:06:45,382 The second season, 136 00:06:45,383 --> 00:06:47,851 they started using a Wellcraft Scarab boat. 137 00:06:47,852 --> 00:06:49,052 That's what I have. 138 00:06:49,053 --> 00:06:49,970 That's awesome. 139 00:06:49,971 --> 00:06:51,137 I'll take you out on it. 140 00:06:51,138 --> 00:06:53,640 I mean, not today, but, you know, I'm racing today. 141 00:06:53,641 --> 00:06:54,691 But some other time? 142 00:06:54,692 --> 00:06:57,110 - Seriously? - Yeah, that'd be great. 143 00:06:57,111 --> 00:06:58,812 I would love that! 144 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:04,902 We don't have anything like that in Houston. 145 00:07:04,903 --> 00:07:07,120 I mean, we have lakes. 146 00:07:07,121 --> 00:07:10,457 Here the weather's always good and there's just so much stuff to do. 147 00:07:12,126 --> 00:07:13,960 I've been thinking about making the... 148 00:07:13,961 --> 00:07:16,913 the move... the move out west. 149 00:07:16,914 --> 00:07:20,050 I just need a change and... 150 00:07:20,051 --> 00:07:22,385 I really need to expand my business. 151 00:07:22,386 --> 00:07:24,554 What do you do? 152 00:07:24,555 --> 00:07:26,222 I wholesale bounce houses. 153 00:07:26,223 --> 00:07:27,591 Ah. 154 00:07:27,592 --> 00:07:29,676 That'd be fun, right? 155 00:07:29,677 --> 00:07:31,428 I mean, no pressure. 156 00:07:31,429 --> 00:07:35,482 I'm just thinking about spending more time with my niece and nephew, and... 157 00:07:36,384 --> 00:07:37,851 you, of course. 158 00:07:37,852 --> 00:07:40,320 Yeah, totally. 159 00:07:46,577 --> 00:07:48,612 So, what time are you going to come get me? 160 00:07:48,613 --> 00:07:50,830 Of course, yeah. I'll... uh, I'll text you. 161 00:07:50,831 --> 00:07:53,451 Come here, you. 162 00:07:54,619 --> 00:07:57,087 T.T. 163 00:07:57,088 --> 00:07:59,673 Okay. Uh, bye. 164 00:07:59,674 --> 00:08:00,790 That's my sister. 165 00:08:00,791 --> 00:08:01,708 Hey. 166 00:08:01,709 --> 00:08:02,759 Hi. 167 00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:05,178 - Yo, let's go. - Okay. 168 00:08:05,179 --> 00:08:07,298 Dude, I didn't know you were coming. That's so awesome. 169 00:08:07,299 --> 00:08:08,932 What's up? 170 00:08:08,933 --> 00:08:10,433 How are you? 171 00:08:10,434 --> 00:08:11,802 What's happening? 172 00:08:11,803 --> 00:08:14,688 I'm so psyched! The last time I saw you was the wedding. 173 00:08:14,689 --> 00:08:15,973 Uh, yeah. 174 00:08:15,974 --> 00:08:17,691 Where you as drunk as I was? 175 00:08:17,692 --> 00:08:21,027 No. No, I don't think anyone was as drunk as you were, actually. 176 00:08:21,028 --> 00:08:22,312 I saw you... 177 00:08:22,313 --> 00:08:25,149 I'm in my living room, and there you are, on my TV, 178 00:08:25,150 --> 00:08:27,367 - doing a commercial for... - Heartburn. 179 00:08:27,368 --> 00:08:28,819 You were so funny. 180 00:08:28,820 --> 00:08:30,821 It wasn't supposed to be funny. 181 00:08:30,822 --> 00:08:32,706 What happened to your hair? 182 00:08:32,707 --> 00:08:34,657 Uh, I lost it? 183 00:08:34,658 --> 00:08:36,793 Brett, can we put some music on? 184 00:08:36,794 --> 00:08:39,162 What's up with the bad juju in this car? 185 00:08:39,163 --> 00:08:41,214 Light rock, but loud. 186 00:08:41,215 --> 00:08:43,800 - He's having a bad day. It's fine. - Yeah, he's fine. 187 00:08:43,801 --> 00:08:47,420 And once we get him in the ocean, the guy's going to be set. 188 00:08:47,421 --> 00:08:49,222 He's like half-man, half-dolphin. 189 00:08:50,674 --> 00:08:53,259 Hey, you know what I was thinking would be kind of nice? 190 00:08:53,260 --> 00:08:54,728 What's that? 191 00:08:54,729 --> 00:08:58,014 If we take Frank in the ocean, together, for his first time. 192 00:08:58,015 --> 00:08:59,517 Just the two of us. 193 00:08:59,518 --> 00:09:00,684 Yeah, that's a good idea. 194 00:09:00,685 --> 00:09:02,569 - Do you want to do that? - Totally, we should, yeah. 195 00:09:38,222 --> 00:09:39,773 Hi. 196 00:09:58,726 --> 00:09:59,743 Whoo! 197 00:10:27,404 --> 00:10:29,405 - Can you just move over a tiny bit? - Yeah. 198 00:10:29,406 --> 00:10:30,773 Thanks. 199 00:10:35,029 --> 00:10:36,362 That's happening. 200 00:10:42,253 --> 00:10:43,920 Check it out. 201 00:10:43,921 --> 00:10:45,588 Wow. 202 00:10:45,589 --> 00:10:47,841 How long you guys been going out? 203 00:10:47,842 --> 00:10:50,426 Um, well, only for... I mean, you know... 204 00:10:50,427 --> 00:10:52,595 we met in Houston, then we spent a few days together, 205 00:10:52,596 --> 00:10:56,182 and then this whole week... you know, I came here... 206 00:10:56,183 --> 00:11:00,053 but, you know, I've been at his place the whole time so... 207 00:11:00,054 --> 00:11:01,938 Why hasn't he texted you back yet? 208 00:11:01,939 --> 00:11:04,641 Oh, cause he's on a Scarab boat. 209 00:11:04,642 --> 00:11:06,442 It goes so fast, they don't have reception. 210 00:11:07,645 --> 00:11:10,280 Oh, okay. 211 00:11:44,348 --> 00:11:46,232 Can I ask you a question? 212 00:11:46,233 --> 00:11:47,685 If you were a guy... 213 00:11:47,687 --> 00:11:48,852 - "If"?.. - What... 214 00:11:48,852 --> 00:11:50,403 - What? - Huh? 215 00:11:50,404 --> 00:11:52,438 You know what I mean. 216 00:11:52,439 --> 00:11:54,023 What would this outfit say to you? 217 00:11:55,492 --> 00:11:57,110 What do you want it to say? 218 00:11:57,111 --> 00:11:58,745 Well, he's taking me to the airport, 219 00:11:58,746 --> 00:12:00,663 we're having dinner before, 220 00:12:00,664 --> 00:12:03,116 so it's... you know, it's, like, a fine line. 221 00:12:03,117 --> 00:12:05,034 But I feel it should be like, 222 00:12:05,035 --> 00:12:06,786 "Oh, the nice girl." You know what I mean? 223 00:12:06,787 --> 00:12:10,089 But just a little bit. So just... 224 00:12:10,090 --> 00:12:12,375 probably overthinking it, but, you know... 225 00:12:15,679 --> 00:12:16,879 You nailed it. 226 00:12:17,965 --> 00:12:19,383 Thanks. 227 00:12:26,941 --> 00:12:28,524 Hey, what are you doing? 228 00:12:29,393 --> 00:12:30,526 What? 229 00:12:31,779 --> 00:12:33,730 Huh? 230 00:12:33,731 --> 00:12:36,149 What the fuck's going on? Are you jerking off? 231 00:12:36,150 --> 00:12:37,533 - Are you... - Am I what? 232 00:12:37,534 --> 00:12:39,035 - Are you whacking off? - Jerking off? 233 00:12:39,036 --> 00:12:40,903 Whacking off? That's... why do you have to be so gross? 234 00:12:40,904 --> 00:12:42,789 Shh. Fuck. 235 00:12:42,790 --> 00:12:44,907 I thought... I thought you were taking a nap in here. 236 00:12:44,908 --> 00:12:47,160 You're having a fucking... a fuckfest by yourself? 237 00:12:47,161 --> 00:12:48,328 What is this? 238 00:12:48,329 --> 00:12:51,047 I'm sorry! I'm sorry, okay? 239 00:12:51,048 --> 00:12:53,299 I thought maybe I would take a nap, I just... 240 00:12:53,300 --> 00:12:55,134 Cause, you know, nap time is a little valuable. 241 00:12:55,135 --> 00:12:56,970 I would've liked to have been working out while... 242 00:12:56,971 --> 00:12:59,222 - Okay, I'm sorry. - What... what are you... 243 00:12:59,223 --> 00:13:01,391 You came in here, and I was reading and... 244 00:13:01,392 --> 00:13:02,842 What are you fiddling with under the covers? 245 00:13:02,843 --> 00:13:05,511 What are you... squirming, and you're playing with your boobs. 246 00:13:05,512 --> 00:13:07,597 I don't... I'm not playing... I'm not... I just... 247 00:13:09,149 --> 00:13:10,516 Clothespins? 248 00:13:11,769 --> 00:13:14,020 Why do you have clothespins on your boobs? 249 00:13:14,021 --> 00:13:15,405 I don't know! 250 00:13:15,406 --> 00:13:17,740 You know what? I've been depriving myself of the internet 251 00:13:17,741 --> 00:13:19,158 in hopes that we can make love at some point. 252 00:13:19,159 --> 00:13:20,526 Come on! And you are... 253 00:13:20,527 --> 00:13:22,111 You've not been depriving yourself of the internet. 254 00:13:22,112 --> 00:13:23,579 The cache is always cleared. 255 00:13:23,581 --> 00:13:25,116 - It is not! - Always clear. 256 00:13:25,116 --> 00:13:28,118 I clear the history because the router has issues for streaming movies. 257 00:13:28,119 --> 00:13:30,753 - Oh my God! - Oh my God. 258 00:13:33,674 --> 00:13:35,541 What is going on? What... 259 00:13:35,542 --> 00:13:36,843 He broke up with me. 260 00:13:36,844 --> 00:13:38,795 Are you fucking kidding me? You're screaming because... 261 00:13:38,796 --> 00:13:39,996 Don't talk to her like that. 262 00:13:39,997 --> 00:13:41,531 Shh! Tina! 263 00:13:42,900 --> 00:13:45,551 Okay. Can we go outside and talk about this please, Tina? 264 00:13:45,552 --> 00:13:48,938 If you fucking... don't touch me! 265 00:13:50,190 --> 00:13:52,309 You don't have to walk me out the door! 266 00:13:52,310 --> 00:13:53,643 - Shush! Shh shh! - Oh my God. 267 00:13:53,644 --> 00:13:55,228 Do yourself a favor and don't shush me. 268 00:13:55,229 --> 00:13:57,113 - Will you calm down for just one second? - Whatever you do, 269 00:13:57,114 --> 00:13:58,564 - don't shush me! - I will shush you! 270 00:13:58,565 --> 00:13:59,982 No, I can't calm down! 271 00:13:59,983 --> 00:14:01,734 - There are kids in the house... - Oh. 272 00:14:01,735 --> 00:14:03,619 And I thought that something horrible had happened. 273 00:14:03,620 --> 00:14:05,321 - Something horrible did happen! - And I didn't have any... 274 00:14:05,322 --> 00:14:07,573 He broke up with me! Did you not hear what I just said? 275 00:14:07,574 --> 00:14:10,293 Okay. I didn't know that you guys were going out. 276 00:14:10,294 --> 00:14:12,195 What did you think we were doing? It was news to me. 277 00:14:12,196 --> 00:14:13,296 What did you think we were doing?! 278 00:14:13,297 --> 00:14:14,547 I thought you were hanging out and having... 279 00:14:14,548 --> 00:14:15,707 You thought we were fuck buddies? 280 00:14:15,709 --> 00:14:18,551 The reason you think that is because you have no respect for me, 281 00:14:18,552 --> 00:14:19,969 you have no respect for my decisions... 282 00:14:19,970 --> 00:14:21,971 Tina... and you don't take me seriously at all! 283 00:14:21,972 --> 00:14:24,257 You don't even know what's going on with me, 284 00:14:24,258 --> 00:14:26,092 and you don't check in to find out. 285 00:14:26,093 --> 00:14:28,728 Oh my God, I have been calling you every fucking day 286 00:14:28,729 --> 00:14:31,014 and saying, "Hey, do you want to come have dinner?" I'm sorry that... 287 00:14:31,015 --> 00:14:33,866 Do you want to tell me what's going on with you? ...you want to spend 288 00:14:33,867 --> 00:14:36,402 my entire future with your married, perfect, little nest of a family. 289 00:14:36,403 --> 00:14:37,820 Oh yeah, it's so perfect. 290 00:14:37,821 --> 00:14:39,489 Do you know what it's like to be dating at my age? 291 00:14:39,490 --> 00:14:42,025 Okay. And to not have found anyone at my age? 292 00:14:42,026 --> 00:14:44,694 Do you have any idea what it's like? 293 00:14:44,695 --> 00:14:46,028 It's pathetic. 294 00:14:46,029 --> 00:14:47,080 There's nobody left. 295 00:14:47,081 --> 00:14:49,332 I'm just going to end up alone and a freak 296 00:14:49,333 --> 00:14:50,450 like Aunt Edie! 297 00:14:50,451 --> 00:14:52,369 Oh! Oh, Tina. 298 00:14:52,370 --> 00:14:54,353 - Fuck, I can't believe it. - Oh, Tina. 299 00:14:54,354 --> 00:14:57,173 Oh my God, that's a real thing in your mind? 300 00:14:57,174 --> 00:14:59,675 It's not even possible. 301 00:14:59,676 --> 00:15:01,211 Come on. 302 00:15:01,212 --> 00:15:03,714 Oh, honey. You're so beautiful. 303 00:15:03,715 --> 00:15:05,047 You're so special. 304 00:15:05,048 --> 00:15:06,132 I don't care. 305 00:15:06,133 --> 00:15:07,216 You're not old. 306 00:15:07,217 --> 00:15:08,134 I feel... 307 00:15:08,135 --> 00:15:10,770 - so old. - No, you're really not. 308 00:15:10,770 --> 00:15:13,605 You're perfect. You have everything, I don't have anything, 309 00:15:13,607 --> 00:15:15,391 and I'm older than you. 310 00:15:16,477 --> 00:15:18,060 Tina. 311 00:15:18,061 --> 00:15:19,645 Listen. 312 00:15:19,646 --> 00:15:21,481 Why don't you come out with us tonight? 313 00:15:21,482 --> 00:15:22,615 What? 314 00:15:22,616 --> 00:15:25,569 Come with me and Brett, come on date night with us. 315 00:15:25,570 --> 00:15:27,487 No, no, no, no, no. 316 00:15:27,488 --> 00:15:28,571 - Please. - Honestly, 317 00:15:28,572 --> 00:15:30,741 it sounds like y'all really need your... 318 00:15:30,742 --> 00:15:32,458 Nope. No. 319 00:15:32,459 --> 00:15:33,743 I don't want to go. 320 00:15:33,744 --> 00:15:35,411 What if I need you to go? 321 00:15:35,412 --> 00:15:36,796 - What are you talking about? - Everything's fine. 322 00:15:36,797 --> 00:15:37,914 - What's the matter? - I can't... 323 00:15:37,915 --> 00:15:39,665 I was just discovered. 324 00:15:39,666 --> 00:15:41,334 What are you talking about? 325 00:15:41,335 --> 00:15:44,587 Okay, I was fucking jerking off. 326 00:15:46,090 --> 00:15:47,640 I don't know how else to put it. 327 00:15:47,641 --> 00:15:48,841 I was touching myself. 328 00:15:48,842 --> 00:15:50,426 It all sounds creepy. 329 00:15:50,427 --> 00:15:52,429 He walked in, caught me, 330 00:15:52,430 --> 00:15:55,681 and acted like he walked in to the middle of a fucking gangbang, 331 00:15:55,682 --> 00:15:58,100 like I'm doing something so kinky. 332 00:15:58,101 --> 00:15:59,770 I was doing something a little... 333 00:15:59,771 --> 00:16:02,155 I had some clothespins. I was... 334 00:16:02,156 --> 00:16:03,239 What?! 335 00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:04,942 Forget I said that. It doesn't matter. 336 00:16:04,943 --> 00:16:08,161 Anyway, the point is, he came in, he went crazy. 337 00:16:08,162 --> 00:16:10,746 "Why don't you want to have sex?" Because I can't... 338 00:16:10,747 --> 00:16:12,748 it's very hard for me to... 339 00:16:12,749 --> 00:16:15,368 Wow, okay, so that's a lot you just unloaded on me. 340 00:16:15,369 --> 00:16:17,286 - I'm sorry. - And just consider it done. 341 00:16:17,287 --> 00:16:18,538 I've got your back tonight. 342 00:16:18,539 --> 00:16:19,956 Oh my God, thank you, thank you, thank you. 343 00:16:19,957 --> 00:16:22,959 I've got your masturbating, fucking slutty back. 344 00:16:27,798 --> 00:16:29,515 So, this is date night? 345 00:16:29,516 --> 00:16:30,850 Yeah. 346 00:16:30,851 --> 00:16:32,552 Yup. 347 00:16:32,553 --> 00:16:34,187 What happens after this? 348 00:16:35,055 --> 00:16:36,389 What do you mean? 349 00:16:38,025 --> 00:16:40,560 There's not really an... after. 350 00:16:40,561 --> 00:16:42,361 There's a dessert, usually, 351 00:16:42,362 --> 00:16:45,031 and we'll... sometimes, we'll stay here or we'll go to like, another place too. 352 00:16:45,032 --> 00:16:47,149 Yes, we'll go to Froyo. 353 00:16:47,150 --> 00:16:48,484 Yeah, that's good. 354 00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:50,119 I like frozen yogurt. 355 00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:51,904 It's so good. 356 00:16:51,905 --> 00:16:53,372 - The toppings. - Yeah. 357 00:16:54,625 --> 00:16:56,125 How does everybody like the wine? 358 00:16:56,126 --> 00:16:58,829 A little too oaky for my tastes. 359 00:16:58,830 --> 00:17:00,497 He is being facetious. 360 00:17:00,498 --> 00:17:03,000 I'm sending it back. 361 00:17:03,001 --> 00:17:05,718 Oh, Tina, no. Whoa. 362 00:17:05,719 --> 00:17:07,386 - Hey! - Hey. 363 00:17:07,387 --> 00:17:09,138 - Who the fuck do you think you are? - Oh, shit. 364 00:17:09,139 --> 00:17:10,473 Who the fuck do you think you are? 365 00:17:10,474 --> 00:17:12,675 - Okay, Jesus. - You break up with someone over text? 366 00:17:12,676 --> 00:17:14,644 All right, knock it off, can I get my hat back? 367 00:17:14,645 --> 00:17:16,013 You can't get your fucking hat back! 368 00:17:16,014 --> 00:17:18,814 I didn't break up with you, by the way. Okay? I'm not your boyfriend. 369 00:17:18,815 --> 00:17:21,150 Yeah, I know you're not my fucking boyfriend. That's not the point. 370 00:17:21,151 --> 00:17:23,687 The point is how can you be so fucking rude? 371 00:17:23,688 --> 00:17:25,438 And you should fucking have better manners than that. 372 00:17:25,439 --> 00:17:26,989 And when did you meet her? 373 00:17:26,990 --> 00:17:28,741 Was this today? Did you meet him today? 374 00:17:28,742 --> 00:17:30,359 - Don't answer her, please. - I just want to know. 375 00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:32,029 Did you meet him today? That's all I want to know. 376 00:17:32,030 --> 00:17:33,663 Okay, this is why... 377 00:17:33,664 --> 00:17:36,866 this is why I did not respond to your thousand calls and your fucking texts! 378 00:17:36,867 --> 00:17:40,203 Because you're batshit crazy, lady! 379 00:17:40,204 --> 00:17:44,373 Tina Morris! Oh my God, I haven't seen you in so long! 380 00:17:44,374 --> 00:17:45,876 - Tina Morris! - What are you doing? 381 00:17:45,877 --> 00:17:47,710 I thought you were still back in the Congo! 382 00:17:47,711 --> 00:17:49,046 It's me, it's Alex. 383 00:17:49,047 --> 00:17:51,597 We worked with Priscilla together at the Jane Goodall Institute. 384 00:17:51,598 --> 00:17:53,216 You don't remember? You don't recognize me. 385 00:17:53,217 --> 00:17:55,368 Okay, I've changed. I've lost a little hair. 386 00:17:55,369 --> 00:17:57,721 Here's a little visual aid for you. Do you remember now? 387 00:17:57,722 --> 00:18:00,106 Picture me... I'm in a jungle. There's bananas everywhere. 388 00:18:05,612 --> 00:18:08,281 Get away. Get out of here. 389 00:18:08,282 --> 00:18:09,398 Get away from me! 390 00:18:21,795 --> 00:18:23,879 - What are you doing? - You gotta know when to fold 'em, 391 00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:25,631 you gotta know when to kick 'em in the nuts. 392 00:18:25,632 --> 00:18:26,549 Follow me. 393 00:18:39,730 --> 00:18:41,230 Do you have any more toilet paper? 394 00:18:41,231 --> 00:18:42,432 Yeah, there's more in the back. 395 00:18:42,433 --> 00:18:44,267 - Can you get it? All of it? - Sure. 396 00:18:44,268 --> 00:18:47,436 Hey, Bo, go ahead and get the rest of the toilet paper from the back. 397 00:18:48,438 --> 00:18:49,438 Here, eat this. 398 00:18:49,439 --> 00:18:50,523 I... I don't... I don't want... 399 00:18:50,524 --> 00:18:52,575 You eat it. It'll make you feel better. 400 00:19:01,952 --> 00:19:03,119 I know shit. 401 00:19:08,925 --> 00:19:10,126 Strawberry Hill? 402 00:19:10,127 --> 00:19:12,294 You know it. 403 00:19:12,295 --> 00:19:14,213 Yeah! 404 00:19:14,214 --> 00:19:18,517 Listen up, every motherfucker in this van is chugging Strawberry Hill, 405 00:19:18,518 --> 00:19:20,886 right now, or else they get kicked out. 406 00:19:20,887 --> 00:19:22,972 Yes, I'm in. 407 00:19:22,973 --> 00:19:23,974 I'm driving. 408 00:19:23,975 --> 00:19:26,192 Then get back here and chug before you drive. 409 00:19:26,193 --> 00:19:28,394 - Let's go. I'm not fucking around. - All right. 410 00:19:28,395 --> 00:19:30,478 Tina, give me your phone, now. 411 00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:32,231 Easy, Michelle, easy. 412 00:19:32,232 --> 00:19:34,483 Ah, thank you. Here we go. 413 00:19:34,484 --> 00:19:36,485 Your music library is insane. 414 00:19:36,486 --> 00:19:38,320 - Oh, that's awful. - It's so good. 415 00:19:38,321 --> 00:19:40,489 Oh, how's that? Go ahead, Michelle. 416 00:19:40,490 --> 00:19:41,992 You know it, bitch. 417 00:19:41,993 --> 00:19:43,376 Whoa. 418 00:19:43,377 --> 00:19:47,747 Oh... yeah. 419 00:19:48,833 --> 00:19:50,249 Whoa. I'm gonna snort. 420 00:19:50,250 --> 00:19:51,334 - That's dirty. - Shut up. 421 00:19:51,335 --> 00:19:52,334 Rebel! 422 00:20:39,683 --> 00:20:42,218 They look like they're having so much fun. 423 00:20:43,470 --> 00:20:44,854 Yeah, they do. 424 00:20:48,725 --> 00:20:52,361 I have something I need to get off my chest. 425 00:20:54,030 --> 00:20:55,731 I'm not sure you're going to like it. 426 00:21:03,306 --> 00:21:04,790 Wha... wow! 427 00:21:04,791 --> 00:21:06,542 I told you. 428 00:21:06,543 --> 00:21:07,793 Oh shit, car. Car! 429 00:21:11,131 --> 00:21:12,715 Car! Go, go! 430 00:21:14,918 --> 00:21:16,302 Go, go, go, go! 431 00:21:18,138 --> 00:21:20,806 Aah! Oof. 432 00:21:20,807 --> 00:21:21,807 Come on! 433 00:21:21,808 --> 00:21:23,292 Over here! 434 00:21:23,293 --> 00:21:24,343 Is it safe? 435 00:21:24,344 --> 00:21:25,427 All clear. 436 00:21:27,230 --> 00:21:28,764 Aah! 437 00:21:33,236 --> 00:21:36,105 I wonder what that douchebag's face looks like now? 438 00:21:36,106 --> 00:21:39,408 I know, it's, like, um, confusion... 439 00:21:41,161 --> 00:21:42,445 a little bit of fear. 440 00:21:42,446 --> 00:21:44,447 - Jesus, this foot stinks. - Blow me, dude. 441 00:21:44,448 --> 00:21:45,581 Aww, shit. 442 00:21:45,582 --> 00:21:47,533 So much gluten in this taco. 443 00:21:47,534 --> 00:21:49,618 There's no gluten in there, dude. 444 00:21:49,619 --> 00:21:50,920 It's delicious. 445 00:21:50,921 --> 00:21:54,290 You guys, I don't want to be the party-pooper, but... 446 00:21:54,291 --> 00:21:56,842 if we're going to get to the airport on time, Tina, for your flight, 447 00:21:56,843 --> 00:21:58,043 we got to get moving. 448 00:21:58,044 --> 00:21:59,461 Boo! 449 00:22:02,549 --> 00:22:03,632 I'm not going. 450 00:22:05,435 --> 00:22:06,519 I just... 451 00:22:07,687 --> 00:22:09,139 I really am done with Houston. 452 00:22:09,140 --> 00:22:11,557 I figure I just gotta keep moving forward. 453 00:22:13,026 --> 00:22:15,561 Would y'all mind if I stayed with you for a little longer? 454 00:22:18,481 --> 00:22:20,232 They seem really excited. 455 00:22:20,233 --> 00:22:22,651 Yeah, of course. 456 00:22:22,652 --> 00:22:24,403 Of course you can stay. 457 00:22:24,404 --> 00:22:25,487 You're family. 458 00:22:27,541 --> 00:22:28,657 Mmm! 459 00:22:29,492 --> 00:22:30,659 Whoo! 460 00:22:33,046 --> 00:22:35,247 All right, come on, lady. 461 00:22:35,248 --> 00:22:36,966 This way. 462 00:22:36,967 --> 00:22:38,334 Here's our room. 463 00:22:40,053 --> 00:22:42,339 - Hi, bed. - You got this. 464 00:22:42,340 --> 00:22:44,974 Yeah, I just... Put that whole thing down there. 465 00:22:44,975 --> 00:22:46,175 I'm just tired. 466 00:22:46,176 --> 00:22:47,309 Totally. 467 00:22:47,310 --> 00:22:50,062 I'm a little... that wine is a little much, but... 468 00:22:50,063 --> 00:22:51,730 Yup. 469 00:22:51,731 --> 00:22:53,148 These honkin' shoes. 470 00:22:53,149 --> 00:22:54,600 Oh. 471 00:22:54,601 --> 00:22:57,570 All right, sit up for a second, hold this. 472 00:22:59,272 --> 00:23:01,824 You're gonna be really happy about this in the morning. 473 00:23:01,825 --> 00:23:03,609 Oh. Oh, so smart. 474 00:23:07,113 --> 00:23:08,781 - You got it? - Mmm. 475 00:23:08,782 --> 00:23:10,165 - Yeah. - All right. 476 00:23:10,166 --> 00:23:11,450 Lay it down, lady. 477 00:23:11,451 --> 00:23:13,085 Thank you for thinking about that. 478 00:23:13,086 --> 00:23:15,038 Let it all go. It's all over. 479 00:23:15,039 --> 00:23:17,289 Oh, thank you. 480 00:23:17,290 --> 00:23:19,041 You're such a good husband. 481 00:23:20,377 --> 00:23:22,127 Yeah. 482 00:23:23,780 --> 00:23:25,381 Mm-hmm. 483 00:23:30,937 --> 00:23:33,455 Why don't you want to have sex with me anymore? 484 00:23:40,563 --> 00:23:42,164 I don't know. 485 00:24:01,001 --> 00:24:02,334 Hey. 486 00:24:05,472 --> 00:24:06,555 Nice. 487 00:24:06,556 --> 00:24:08,173 Oreos. 488 00:24:09,175 --> 00:24:10,643 Where'd you find these? 489 00:24:10,644 --> 00:24:12,061 What is your plan? 490 00:24:12,062 --> 00:24:13,345 After I eat these Oreos? 491 00:24:13,346 --> 00:24:14,480 - Yes. - Or before? 492 00:24:14,481 --> 00:24:16,515 Oh, what I meant was are you leaving tomorrow? 493 00:24:16,516 --> 00:24:17,900 I don't know yet. 494 00:24:19,769 --> 00:24:21,403 Oh, well... 495 00:24:21,404 --> 00:24:24,073 are you gonna fucking decide? 496 00:24:24,074 --> 00:24:25,274 It's tomorrow. 497 00:24:25,275 --> 00:24:27,110 Why... why do you... why so many questions? I don't... 498 00:24:27,111 --> 00:24:30,947 No, no, I was just curious, you know, what the... 499 00:24:30,948 --> 00:24:34,117 you know, how long the living arrangements are gonna be... 500 00:24:34,118 --> 00:24:35,534 Oh... like so. 501 00:24:35,535 --> 00:24:38,288 - Oh! Oh, I see. - Because, you know... 502 00:24:38,289 --> 00:24:41,206 I see. You're trying to edge me out. 503 00:24:41,207 --> 00:24:44,126 No, I just think that you know, it's... 504 00:24:44,127 --> 00:24:48,298 when I stay somewhere I like to have, you know, my stuff, and my space. 505 00:24:48,299 --> 00:24:49,465 - Yeah, mm-hmm. - You know. 506 00:24:49,466 --> 00:24:52,468 I can't sleep with just any circumstances. 507 00:24:52,469 --> 00:24:54,436 I need it to be quiet. I need it to be dark. 508 00:24:54,437 --> 00:24:56,889 - You know, I need things... - Wait, you need it to be quiet? 509 00:24:56,890 --> 00:24:58,741 - Well... - Uh-oh. 510 00:24:59,809 --> 00:25:01,644 Do you know what a deviated septum is? 511 00:25:01,645 --> 00:25:05,114 Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 512 00:25:05,115 --> 00:25:06,482 It's gonna be fine. 513 00:25:06,483 --> 00:25:08,067 This is what it's gonna be like. 514 00:25:11,821 --> 00:25:13,906 Honestly, I don't think that's funny... at all. 515 00:25:13,907 --> 00:25:15,207 That's real. 516 00:25:15,208 --> 00:25:17,292 Well, why don't you get an operation or something? 517 00:25:17,293 --> 00:25:19,044 Get a hotel room. It's easy. 518 00:25:19,045 --> 00:25:20,497 I'm her sister. 519 00:25:20,498 --> 00:25:22,748 It makes sense that I sleep here. 520 00:25:22,749 --> 00:25:24,167 You get a hotel room. 521 00:25:24,168 --> 00:25:25,668 I have no money. 522 00:25:25,669 --> 00:25:27,169 Well, that's pathetic. 523 00:25:27,170 --> 00:25:30,806 Are you kidding? I know. It's horrible. 524 00:25:30,807 --> 00:25:31,757 I have no money. 525 00:25:31,758 --> 00:25:34,259 This is so awesome. I really just... 526 00:25:34,260 --> 00:25:39,732 my life is so abundantly full of blessings, gifts and joys. 527 00:25:39,733 --> 00:25:41,600 We're gonna have a blast. We're going to be roomies! 528 00:25:41,601 --> 00:25:43,353 You were supposed to leave for Detroit. 529 00:25:43,354 --> 00:25:45,571 We're gonna share stuff, like... 530 00:25:45,572 --> 00:25:47,106 like stories, first of all. 531 00:25:47,107 --> 00:25:48,691 We're gonna share stories, 532 00:25:48,692 --> 00:25:50,109 uh, sweatshirts. 533 00:25:50,110 --> 00:25:51,076 Maybe not that one. 534 00:25:51,077 --> 00:25:52,695 - No. - Underwear, socks. 535 00:25:52,696 --> 00:25:54,196 Nope. 536 00:25:54,197 --> 00:25:55,781 Even share cookies. 537 00:25:57,784 --> 00:25:59,168 Cookies. 538 00:26:00,036 --> 00:26:01,086 Don't come near me. 539 00:26:01,087 --> 00:26:03,589 - Don't. Don't. - ♪ Here's the little cookie ♪ 540 00:26:03,590 --> 00:26:05,207 ♪ Here's a little cookie... ♪ 541 00:26:05,208 --> 00:26:07,210 - I'm not gonna eat that cookie. - ♪ Open up your mouthie... ♪ 542 00:26:07,211 --> 00:26:10,462 Get your fucking stubby, fat hands away from me... ♪ Eat the cookie ♪ 543 00:26:10,463 --> 00:26:12,214 ♪ Eat the little cookie... ♪ 544 00:26:12,215 --> 00:26:14,884 - 'Cause I'll killing you in a minute. - ♪ Eat the little cookie. ♪ 545 00:26:14,885 --> 00:26:16,219 There we go! 546 00:26:16,220 --> 00:26:18,137 - Oh God. - And touchdown. 547 00:26:18,138 --> 00:26:20,856 Houston Cougars, seven points. 548 00:26:20,857 --> 00:26:22,191 Actually, six points. 549 00:26:22,192 --> 00:26:23,725 It'll be seven with the extra point. 550 00:26:23,726 --> 00:26:25,277 Somebody get me a revolver. 39106

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