All language subtitles for S03E26 - The When In Rome Affair

And this, miei amici,
is where we stop for lunch.

I recommend the fettuccine. Mm!

[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]

Yes. We have 30 minutes.

SPARKS: Thirty minutes? That's all we got?
- Well, you saw the Borghese Gardens in 15.

At the Arch of Constantine,
we didn't even stop.

Now, don't complain, George.
We're on a very tight schedule.

[CAP GUN BANGS]

We have to be at the Vatican by 2:00.
Isn't that right, Darlene?

What? Oh, yes.
Yes, that's right, Mrs. Sparks.

And in a couple of days we'll all be home,
right?

Oh, yes.
In a couple of days we'll all be home.

Sammy, come on.

Here's a place here. Come, George.

[ALL GRUNTING]

You're not having a very good time,
are you, Darlene?

- Why do you say that?
- It's written all over your face.

- Oh, it's a very nice tour.
MRS. SPARKS: A tour.

Not an adventure, right?

I guess I'm just not the kind of girl
that things happen to.

SAMMY:
Mom, I've gotta--

[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]

Take him.

Oh, for crying out loud, come on.

[MEN GRUNTING]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[CRASHES]

[SPARKS LAUGHING]

That's the kind of show I like to see,
just for the tourists.

George!

[ALL GRUNTING]

Come in, Napoleon.

I mean, Mr. Solo.

Mr. Solo?

I'm sorry, sir. Not a word.

Well, how long has it been?

He was supposed to check in
every hour on the hour.

But we haven't heard from him
since 10 this morning.

I am sure he's all right.

WAVERLY:
Mm.

I daresay Mr. Solo
can take care of himself.

[MAN PUNCHES SOLO]

I'm not worried about him.

I'm concerned about the formula.

It Thrush get their hands on it,
the prospects are too grim to contemplate.

Am I to understand, sir...

...that the formula was hidden
in the bottom of a perfume atomizer?

Rather clever, don't you think?

ILLYA:
Well, Mr. Solo must have smelled divine.

WAVERLY: Whatever the case,
Mr. Kuryakin, I want you to follow through.

You have your bags packed, I hope.

I keep them packed, sir.

There's a plane leaving for Home
within the hour.

Be on it.

Yes, sir.

All right. We'll try it once more.

Where is it?

- I haven't got it.
- I know you haven't got it.

You passed it on to someone. Who?

[SOLO PANTING]

[SOLO GRUNTS]

Who?

[SOLO GROANS]

Get the electric device.

Adequate.

It doesn't compare to a Vavin 1937.

But, of course, few wines do.

I'm sorry I don't have your fancy tastes.

I'm not of noble birth...

...but I can buy and sell most nobleman,
can't I?

I came very cheap.

[BRUNO CHUCKLES]

Cheap?

Taking over the palazzo
to save it from the tax collector?

I'd say that was expensive.

Of course, it was worth the price.

It's well-suited to our purposes.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Come in.

Yes?

We tried everything. He wouldn't crack.

- I really didn't think that he would.
- Shall I kill him?

Kill him?
Vito, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

Just let him escape.

Escape?

You don't understand, I know.

Try to think, Vito.

I know it isn't easy, but try.

What will Solo do if he escapes?

Go to whoever he gave the formula to.

Bravo, bravo, bravo.

[CLAPPING]

And we shall be right behind.

Of course.

CESARE:
Quite a brute, isn't he?

He has his functions, Count Guardia.

As you do.

One man to apply force
when force is necessary...

...one to use
more sophisticated methods.

One a fighter, one a lover.

You pay me a compliment, Bruno?

I pay no compliments.
I merely state facts.

You're a weak man, Guardia.
I despise weakness.

But you do have a peculiar talent.

One which Thrush
occasionally finds useful.

Exactly.

Until you call me again, Bruno.
I shall keep in practice.

[SIGHS]

[SOLO GRUNTS]

Oh. Sony.

[GROANS]

I could have you arrested, you know.
This is my room.

You're not supposed to be here.

I have a reservation until Thursday,
and you're supposed to be in New York.

I was assigned to get you out of trouble.
From your appearance...

...ha, ha, you've been in quite a bit of it.

SOLO [OVER EARPIECE]: Yeah,
[just spent the day as a guest of Thrush.

They finally let me escape.

- They let you?
- Yep. They went down too easily.

Unh. At the time,
I couldn't have outfought a pussycat.

Then they don't have the formula.

No, I checked it out on the way here.

SOLO: It's currently in the hands
of a Darlene Sims of Omaha, Nebraska.

She's staying at the Grinaldo Inn,
Room 114.

ILLYA:
She doesn't know she has it?

She probably knows
she has the atomizer by now...

...but I can't go to her.
I know they're following me.

As soon as I make contact,
I'd give her away and then they moved in.

But I can go to her.

You show an astonishing grasp
of the situation.

I suggest you don't use the hallway.
May be full of Thrushies.

Oh.

Are you ready for dinner?

I'm really not very hungry, Mrs. Sparks.
I think I'll just go to bed.

Now, what kind of talk is that?
Up. up. up.

Oh.

- Come on.
- Mm.

- My, that's a lovely dress.
- Thank you.

But nobody is going to see it
here in your room.

Now put on your lips and let's go.

Oh, did I have a time
getting Sammy settled down for the night.

Ah, but then, he's at that difficult age.

Come to think of it, he always has been.

- Where did this come from?
- What?

This perfume. It's not mine.
How'd it get in here?

Oh, you probably found it somewhere.

- Mm! That's nice.
- Mm.

- You wanna try some?
- Ooh.

[MRS. SPARKS
IMITATING ENGINE REVVING]

Tonight, honey. Tonight, we live.

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

I would like to see Miss Sims.
Uh, Room 114.

Yes, sir.
Oh, oh. She is not in her room right now.

She is in the dining room.
I saw her going in there a little while ago.

Well, I've never seen Miss Sims.
Could you point her out to me?

Well, she's wearing a yellow chiffon dress,
and she's about 24.

- You cannot miss her.
- Thank you.

Open Channel D. Napoleon Solo, please.

Solo here.

ILLYA [OVER RADIO]: I found the girl.
She's not alone nuw.

- How long do you think she'll be tied up?
- Apparently, they're just starting dinner.

SOLO [OVER RADIO]: Keep an eye on her.
- No, I have a better idea.

The perfume atomizer
is no doubt in her room.

Well, I think I can get in, right?

Right.

Who cares who she is?

She must have saved for three years
for this tour.

Three years. For what?

Three weeks of escape
from the drabness of her life.

Enough.

We should be hearing from him soon.

You a cat burglar?

[SHOUTING] Then why are you going
into Darlene's room?

- Business.
- If I holler, everybody's gonna hear me.

Well, I do wish you wouldn't do that.

I don't think you're a burglar.

[CAP GUN CLICKS]

You look like a nice guy.

[SHOUTING]
You her boyfriend?

- Sonny.
SAMMY: Sammy.

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Okay.

I won't yell if you sit with me
till I go to sleep.

I'm afraid I couldn't possibly do that.

I'm lonesome.

You ever done any babysitting?

Yes, but not right now.

Why don't you go to bed
like a nice, well-behaved young man.

[SHOUTING]
I can yell real loud.

Some other time, Sam--

[WHISPERS]
Some other time, Sammy.

If you don't sit with me,
I'm warning you...

It's just till I go to sleep.

How long do you think that might take?

I'll try to hurry.

Okay.

Freya. Freya.

- How's that, huh?
- Well, that's very nice, George.

But you're supposed to say “grazie.“
He says “piggy.“

Oh. Well, a couple more days
won't make any difference anyway.

Say, I know what I've been smelling
all night.

You wearing some new kind of perfume?

- Do you like it?
- Eh, it's all right, I guess.

Doesn't it bring out the beast in you?

Huh?

Um, forget it.

I hope you have better luck than I did.

[SPARKS CHUCKLES]

- Here's looking at you.
DARLENE: Ha.

“But Rob was not to be fooled.

He pointed his space gun at Marko...

...and in a voice that did not reflect
the fear within him, said:

'In the name
of the Junior Terrestrial Rangers...

...I hereby place you under arrest.”

Oh.

[ILLYA SIGHS]

Sweet innocent youth.

[ILLYA GRUNTS]

Signor Bruno.

- You have it?
- No. I have something--

You made a complete search?

I didn't search at all.

Someone did it for me.
Someone from U.N.C.L.E.

- Solo?
- No.

Uh, Kuryakin.

That's what his papers said.

He must be the one
that was in the room with Solo.

I don't think he'll trouble us any more.

Good, Vito. Very good.

And he didn't have the formula?

No. I watched him search.

He's, uh, professional.

It would follow, Count Guardia,
that she must have it in her purse...

...wouldn't you say?

By process of elimination.

I can get it. I can grab it now.

And if anybody gives me any trouble...

If anybody gives you any trouble, Vito.
they will give us all trouble.

There are too many people.
Police station less than a block away.

Somebody screams, somebody runs
to a telephone and, uh... Bah.

No.

I think this is a problem
for Count Guardia.

Oh? And how is that?

We have to get Miss Sims out of here.

Who's better equipped to lure her away
than Casanova?

And then I rob her?

No, thank you, Bruno.

I do have certain flaws
in my character, yes.

But I'm not a common purse snatcher.

Vito and I will take care of that.
You get her out of here. We'll follow.

But that hardly makes sense.

I don't make requests more than once.

All right.

And don't be so unhappy, Guardia.

Perhaps you may enjoy
the young lady's company.

Oh, like I say: You've seen one cathedral,
you've seen them all.

MRS. SPARKS:
Shh.

Excuse me. Signorina?

I beg your pardon?

No, it is I who must beg yours.

For the past hour,
I've been staring at you shamelessly...

...from across the room.

- Can you forgive me?
- Wh...

Permit me, I am Count Guardia.

Cesare, if you will be so kind.

Darlene. Darlene Sims.

Nice meeting you.

“Na?

IIIya, come in.

It seems strange, Darlene--
I'm sorry, Miss Sims.

Please, please, Darlene.

Thank you, Darlene.

It seems strange, but here we are.

Two people of altogether different cultures,
different background.

We've known each other now, for what?

All of 10 minutes.

And yet I feel
that I've known you always.

That's a very...

A very nice thing to say, Ce-- Cesare.

No, these words don't come very easily.

I've never said them before.

Uh, Darlene, uh.
you'll have to excuse George and I.

We have to go write some postcards.

- We do?
- We do.

Oh! Oh, we do. Oh, let me get the check.

Oh, please, allow me.

We couldn't do that.

I insist.

Nobility still has some privileges,
you know.

Well, thanks a lot, count.

If you're ever in Santa Monica,
maybe we can buy you a dinner.

You are most kind.

- Goodbye, we'll see you later.
- Good night, Mrs. Sparks.

- Good night.
- Good evening.

Good night, Mr. Sparks.

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

May I propose that we leave too now?

Not to write postcards though.

- Where--?
- Grazie.

Where do you want to go?

For a ride, through the night.

It is a beautiful night and a beautiful city.

- Room 114. Which way?
- Uh, that way, sir.

But, uh, the lady
who occupies it is, uh...

[CLATTER NEARBY]

[MOANING AND THUMPING NEARBY]

“Na?

- What--?
ILLYA: It's a broom closet.

What time is it?

SOLO:
It's a little after 10.

Unh! Same night?

You all right?

[GRUNTS THEN SIGHS]

Somebody tried to strangle me.

I pretended to be dead.

Afraid I was a little too convincing.

They got the formula?

It wasn't in her room.
She must have it with her.

Well, she's still not in her room.

[ILLYA SIGHS]

Then she must be in the restaurant.

- There she goes.
- Mm.

That one.
He's the one that worked me over.

You know, Cesare...

...I've always told myself
that someday it'll happen.

All 01a sudden.

The place would be romantic
and the man would be handsome and dark.

And maybe the comers of his eyes
would crinkle when he laughs...

...like in the magazine stories.

I guess every girl expects it.

Of course, not every girl thinks
in terms 01a count.

[DARLENE CHUCKLING]

But all the time I was...

...dreaming...

...I never stopped to ask myself
one question.

I guess I was afraid to.

But a man like that...

...what would he want with me?

- Darlene, why do you say--?
DARLENE: No, really.

I'm not rich. I'm not sophisticated.
I'm not wise.

And no one has ever said,
“Hey, wow, she's beautiful.“

That doesn't speak well
for the men you have known.

Well, I've only...

I haven't known too many.

I have known a great number of women.

Some were of noble birth.
Some actresses.

Two or three were...

Well, let's not go into that.

On the surface,
you would call them beautiful.

But the warmth, the inner glow,
the excitement wasn't there.

You have it, Darlene.

Thank you.

Thank you.

For reawakening the faith of a cynic.

Come, let me show you
the lights of the city.

That is the Palatine.

The Tiber is down there.

And that is my palazzo.

It's been in the family
since the 15th century.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[CAR CRASHING]

SOLO:
Are you all right?

ILLYA:
Of course I'm all right.

I'm always all right.

SOLO:
There they are.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

ILLYA:
It's not here.

I'm truly sorry about the purse.

If there was anything of value in it,
I'd be--

You've given me an evening
I'll never forget.

And you think I'm worried
about a silly purse?

It was a wonderful evening, wasn't it?

I'll see you tomorrow?

I mean, later today.

Yes, I'll phone you.

Only phone?

I'll phone you early, that is.

And we'll decide on how to spend
your last day in Home. Hmm?

And after that?

That too, we shall discuss.

Good night, Cesare.

Good night, Darlene.

Good night.

Good night.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

MRS. SPARKS: Darlene?
- Mrs. Sparks?

- I waited up for you.
- Come on in.

Not that I was worried,
I just want to hear all the details.

I mean, all you wanna tell.

Well, it's gonna take a little while
to son everything out.

- Where'd you go?
- Oh, everywhere.

First, he took me dancing
to a place where the jet set hangs out.

- I mean, no tourist.
- Oh, wow.

[DARLENE GIGGLES]

And then, we went to a cabaret
where they had a wonderful revue.

And then, we went to a place
on the Via Venetu where...

Mm, and then we, um...

We just, uh, looked down at the city.

Mrs. Sparks,
he says he's in love with me.

- Is that possible?
- Well, I certainly don't see why not.

How do you feel about it?

Well, the same.

Darlene, the plane leaves
tomorrow night.

By tomorrow night,
I'll know if I'll take it.

I'm very happy for you.

I-- I still don't believe it.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

I told him it was the perfume.

Oh, speaking of that.

Thank you very much for giving it to me.

It might have had some effect on the count,
but didn't do a thing for George.

Ha, ha. I still love him anyway.

Good night, honey. See you tomorrow.

[SIGHS]

Maybe she lost it.

She could have dropped it some place.

Possible but not likely.

We cannot work on that assumption.

The hotel safe. She might put it in there.

Why, my dear Vito, would a woman put
a cheap bottle of perfume into a hotel safe?

- What if it was an expensive bottle?
- Don't be a fool.

The girl, she must have it somewhere.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Yes?

Send him in.

- The count?
- Yes.

Vito, I think we shall impress him
into service once again.

[DOOR OPENS]

Come in, Guardia.

Oh, excuse me.

Count Guardia.

I gather you found
the young lady's company pleasant?

It was an assignment.

One which you pursued
with pleasure, huh?

You were told to get her away
from the hotel...

...not to take her
on an all-night tour of Home.

She was lonely.

And obviously, she was quite taken.

With you. As is every woman.

Sure.

In any event,
I thought it could do no harm.

You did get the purse, after all.

The pulse, yes, if only briefly.

The formula, no.

- It wasn't there?
- It wasn't there.

Pity. Well, I fulfilled my functions and...

It would appear that you've developed
quite a fondness for this young lady.

It's strange.

Uh, didn't think she was your type.

Tell me, Guardia.
do you plan to see her again?

No.

BRUNO: Ah, but you will.
First thing in the morning.

You will invite her to your palazzo.

I'm sure she'd enjoy that.

Leave her alone, Bruno.

Obviously, she doesn't have the formula.

We shall determine that.
Vito and I will be at the palazzo.

Your task is merely to bring her to us.

No.

- I beg your pardon?
- I won't do it.

You are aware of the alternative?

My family lost the palazzo
five times in 300 years.

I can bear to lose it again.

That alternative I never even dreamed.

Vito?

All right, Bruno. I'll go to her.

BRUNO: I told you once before
that you're a weakling, Guardia.

You still are. Accept it.

Tsk.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

- Miss Sims?
- Yes.

I believe this is yours.

Where did you find this?

Well, it's rather along story.
We'd like to tell you about it.

- May we come in?
- Of course.

Thank you.

Stick them up.

We are representatives
01, um, U.N.C.L.E.

Yes, I've heard of that.

My name is Napoleon Solo.
This is my associate, Mr. Kuryakin.

How do you do?

I've seen you somewhere before.
I'm sure of it.

It was in that little sidewalk cafe,
you were having lunch...

...and we son 01, um, met in passing.

My friend is given over to illusions,
miss--

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

- Excuse me.
- What-- What happened was he dropped--

Hello?

Cesare?

DARLENE:
But, of course. I'd love to.

Oh, I'm just thrilled.

I'll be ready as soon as you get here.

Ciao. Uh, did I say that right?

[GIGGLES]

Ciao.

Oh, excuse me.

That was a personal call. From a count.

A count?

Cesare Guardia.
Perhaps you've heard of him.

As I was saying, miss...

...uh, my friend Napoleon here had occasion
to drop a perfume atomizer into your purse.

So that's where that came from.

It contained something
of considerable importance.

- So if you would give it back to us.
- I threw it away.

What?

Well, it was empty, but it's right here.

CLERK:
Uh, what is your name, sir. Huh?

That is a double bed
beginning the night of the 14th.

You don't want a private bath?

Oh, all Americans want private bath.

Ha, very well, sir. Thank you.

Uh, scusi, uh...

- The trash.
- What?

The trash. Where do you keep it?

“Keep it“? We do not keep it.
We dispose of it.

No, where is it picked up?

At the rear of the hotel. Where else?
Uh, wait, wait.

If you are looking for something
in the trash...

...the truck picked up just a moment ago.

And where does it take it?

CLERK:
Uh, to the dump.

And where might that be?

Ha, ha.
I never thought to ask, you know.

There's not a taxi in sight.

I told you we should have rented
another car.

Can you drive a tour bus?

Get in.

[RADIO BEEPING]

- Yes, sir.
- Mr. Solo.

We've just been in contact
with the Home Sanitation Department.

You say the trash was picked up
at the Grinaldo Inn.

- That's right, sir.
WAVERLY [OVER RADIO]: Well...

Well, that would be
in the 8th Rubbish Disposal District.

Which means that it would be taken
to the dump at the end of the Via Cave/Ia.

- Do you know where that is?
SOLO: I think so.

We're not far away at all. Thank you.

One other thing. Just on a hunch...

...you might check on
a Count Cesare Guardia.

Guardia. G-U-A-R-D-I-A.

We'll get back to you
as soon as possible.

Oh, and tell Mr. Kuryakin
to drive carefully.

All right.

The Via Cavena.

That should be the next block.
Tum right.

[TIRES SCREECH]

It shouldn't be more than a block or two.

There it is. Straight ahead.

[SOLO SIGHS]

We could pick through the debris, sir.
but it would be hopeless I'm afraid.

Well, at least we can take consolation
in the fact...

...that Thrush won't get their hands
on the formula.

- Yes. We're grateful for--
WAVERLY: But not for very much.

We seem to have bungled very badly,
Mr. Sula.

Failure to appropriate something
from Thrush is one thing.

To lose that which we had
in our possession...

...is a very grave matter indeed.

Do you think now is the time
to tell him we wrecked the car?

WAVERLY: You may as well wind up
your affairs--

Oh.

I,uh...

I have that information you requested
on Count Guardia.

Well, that's, uh, sooner
than I expected, sir.

Some of our departments operate
with efficiency, Mr. Solo.

[OVER RADIO]
His title is legitimate.

His family background is impeccable.

But he seems to have bumped up
against some financial difficulties lately.

[OVER RADIO] It's reported, not confirmed,
that he's gone to work for Thrush.

I suppose the matter
at this juncture is academic.

I'm afraid not, sir.

It means that Miss Sims
is in very great danger.

Over and out.

DARLENE:
It's very imposing.

We don't have many places
like this in Omaha.

No? Ha, no, I imagine you don't.

Aren't we going to go in?

Oh, yes. Yes, of course.

Uh, but I was just thinking, darling.

It's such a beautiful day.

It seems a shame to spend it indoors
in a gloomy old house.

A gloomy old house?

Oh.

Besides, the servants have the day off.
I'm sorry I forgot all about that.

[CHUCKLES]

I'm afraid I wouldn't be able
to entertain you properly.

I have an idea.

Why don't we just go for a drive instead?

We can come back later.
Perhaps after lunch.

But we're here now.

There's no reason why we can't go
inside the house now...

...and then go some place later.

Unless there's some reason
you don't want me to see it.

Miss Sims?

Welcome to the Palazzo Guardia.

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

Is it my fault that someone
has stolen the bus?

I ask you, is it my fault?

SPARKS: What do we gotta do,
stand here all morning?

- George, it's not his fault.
- I don't care who's fault it is.

- All I wanna know is if we're gonna have--
- Hey, here it comes now!

[CROWD CLAPPING AND CHEERING]

Thieves. Bandits.

You should be executed.
Where you been with my bus?

Well, it's rather along story but, uh...

He was my babysitter.

ILLYA: That should more than pay you for--
- Grazie, Signor. Thank you very much.

All right, everybody on.
First stop, Castel Sant'Angelo.

Sammy, what are you saying
about that man?

He was my babysitter. Last night.

He read me to sleep.

Sammy, how many times I gotta tell you?
Don't make up stories.

It's no story. It's true.

Now, George, what's wrong with the boy
having a vivid imagination?

SOLO: She left with Guardia.
The clerk saw her go.

ILLYA:
And he had no idea where they went.

Where who went?

The lady in the room next to yours, Sammy.
Miss Sims.

Oh, yeah. I know where she went.
She told us.

She was going with some man
to his pal...

Pal...

- Pal--
- Palazzo?

Uh-huh. Palazzo.

Sammy, get in the bus.

[ENGINE REVS]

BUS DRIVER: Bandits! Thieves!
Come back here with my bus.

Come back!

And I believed it.

[EXHALES]

The warmth, the inner glow,
the excitement.

“Oh, Darlene, you have it.“

And I believed it.

Darlene, at the beginning,
it was a part I was playing.

BRUNO: It's just as well
that you found out the truth when you did.

You hardly could have been happy
with a man like that, could you?

To business.
That perfume atomizer, where is it?

I told you, it was empty. I threw it away.

She's telling the truth, Bruno.
Can't you see?

We'll soon find out.
Come, let's adjourn to the tower.

Vito, you and one of your men
stay down here...

...in case we have unexpected visitors.

[DARLENE SCREAMING]

Come along, Count Guardia.
Don't you want to be with your love?

Think we should go to the front door
and knock?

No.

Neither do I.

[DARLENE SCREAMING]

Truth serum.

Perhaps we should give you some,
Count Guardia.

To find out how far we can trust you.

[DARLENE WHIMPERS]

We should have stayed in the bus.
That's what Mr. Kuryakin said.

SPARKS: You can go if you want.
There's one thing I can't do.

That's sit in a bus
that ain't going anywhere. Now hold it.

We can proceed now.

- Miss Sims.
DARLENE: Yes.

BRUNO:
I have one question.

The perfume atomizer you discovered
in your bag yesterday, where is it?

Perfume atomizer?

BRUNO:
Yes.

There was only a little bit of perfume.

It ran out.

So I threw it away.

I guess the maid must have taken it out
with the trash.

I told she was telling the truth.
Let her go, Bruno.

She'll be on a plane tonight.

I thought I told you to stay downstairs.

I don't think we'll have to any more,
Signor Bruno.

The two U.N.C.L.E. agents?
They've been taken care of.

They came here?
What have you done with them?

I thought you might want to dispose
of them in your own way.

They're in the dungeon.

I'm proud of you, Vito. I'm truly proud.

Now, we can eliminate Miss Sims
and the U.N.C.L.E. men at the same time.

- She has the formula?
BRUNO: No, she's telling the truth.

But we can hardly free her now, can we?

ILLYA: You realize that if you move
your feel, my head gets cut off?

You're not thinking of moving, are you?

Well, I don't know how much longer
I can hang on here.

My feet are killing me.

Well, you can hang on. Can't you?

- Napoleon?
- Shh.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

Wait, somebody's coming.

Who is it?

Don't move!

I can wait.

Guardia.

Killing us is one thing, but the girl...

Can we do without killing anybody?

CESARE:
Nobody is going to die.

[GUNSHOT]

Darlene!

Cesare.

Sammy?

Cesare?

[MAN GRUNTS]

MRS. SPARKS:
Sammy.

[ALL GRUNTING]

- Are you all right, son?
- Sure, Dad.

[ATOMIZER CLATTERS]

It's very seldom
that we give a medal for heroism...

...to an erstwhile Thrush functionary,
Count Guardia.

But I must say this gives me
a very great pleasure indeed.

Thank you, Mr. Waverly.

I've spoken to our transportation people.

They've already arranged
for your flight back to Home.

Um, I'm not going back to Home
quite yet, sir.

WAVERLY:
Oh, you are not?

We're going to Omaha.

Cesare is going to meet my parents.

I've never met a girl's parents before.

ILLYA: You don't mean--?
SOLO: Are we to assume--?

Well, nothing is definite yet
but, uh, we thought maybe in the fall.

Cesare.

Yes, my love?

Do you suppose
they'll live happily ever after?

[ENGLISH SDH]