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1
00:00:01,852 --> 00:00:03,886
Malory: Item four:
2
00:00:03,988 --> 00:00:06,655
Our contact in the sudan
called.
3
00:00:06,757 --> 00:00:07,890
He wants to know--
4
00:00:07,992 --> 00:00:09,925
- why the hell
you started without me?
5
00:00:10,027 --> 00:00:11,760
- Well, which part
of "9:00 a.M. Sharp"
6
00:00:11,862 --> 00:00:12,594
confused you?
7
00:00:12,697 --> 00:00:14,830
- Most of it, obviously.
- Yeah.
8
00:00:14,932 --> 00:00:16,865
It was pretty clear
to the rest of us.
9
00:00:16,967 --> 00:00:17,966
- Who clearly didn't have
10
00:00:18,069 --> 00:00:19,935
the shitty morning
I've had, lana.
11
00:00:20,037 --> 00:00:21,970
Without pata negra ham,
12
00:00:22,073 --> 00:00:23,906
it's not really eggs woodhouse,
now, is it?
13
00:00:24,008 --> 00:00:26,041
- Well, sir, culatello ham
is actually--
14
00:00:26,143 --> 00:00:27,142
- it's a different pig,
15
00:00:27,244 --> 00:00:28,911
from a different country,
16
00:00:29,013 --> 00:00:32,214
raised on a different diet!
17
00:00:32,316 --> 00:00:34,349
The takeaway here is,
you're fired.
18
00:00:34,452 --> 00:00:37,086
- [laughs] it's a little thing
called "being on timing"-ness.
19
00:00:37,188 --> 00:00:39,021
- Oh, and I thought
it was called
20
00:00:39,123 --> 00:00:41,957
"who cares"-ness.
- Things have changed.
21
00:00:42,059 --> 00:00:43,992
Briefings start at 9:00 a.M.,
22
00:00:44,095 --> 00:00:46,261
and I expect everyone
front and center.
23
00:00:46,363 --> 00:00:49,098
- How, when I have to park,
like, a gajillion miles away
24
00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:51,066
because cyril's vasectomy
on wheels
25
00:00:51,168 --> 00:00:53,035
is in my goddamn parking space?
26
00:00:53,137 --> 00:00:55,037
- It's been mine
for quite some time.
27
00:00:55,139 --> 00:00:56,338
- And you don't need it
anyway, dear,
28
00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:58,907
now that you can use the...
- A-da-da...
29
00:00:59,009 --> 00:01:01,710
- Handicap space.
What?
30
00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:03,779
- [grunts]
31
00:01:03,881 --> 00:01:05,748
oh, and speaking of...
32
00:01:05,850 --> 00:01:08,851
[car alarm blaring]
33
00:01:08,953 --> 00:01:10,085
- you trashed my car?
34
00:01:10,187 --> 00:01:12,087
- "trashed" is
a strong word, cyril.
35
00:01:12,189 --> 00:01:13,956
- Listen...
- Accurate, but strong.
36
00:01:14,058 --> 00:01:15,090
- You're gonna pay for that.
37
00:01:15,192 --> 00:01:17,826
- Uh, literally,
or figuratively?
38
00:01:17,928 --> 00:01:19,094
- Maybe we try both.
39
00:01:19,196 --> 00:01:20,963
- Oh, like as in,
over my dead...
40
00:01:21,065 --> 00:01:22,965
[cane hums]
- [emphatically] not now.
41
00:01:23,067 --> 00:01:24,767
- Body, in case
you were wondering
42
00:01:24,869 --> 00:01:27,035
where I was going with--
43
00:01:27,138 --> 00:01:30,038
- oh, for the love of...
44
00:01:30,141 --> 00:01:31,907
Krieger?
Krieger: If this is about
45
00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:33,175
a package that just arrived,
46
00:01:33,277 --> 00:01:34,209
super don't open it.
47
00:01:34,311 --> 00:01:35,410
- What?
Krieger: Nothing.
48
00:01:35,513 --> 00:01:38,881
- Thanks to you, sterling
just zapped himself to death
49
00:01:38,983 --> 00:01:40,082
all over my carpet!
50
00:01:40,184 --> 00:01:42,284
Krieger: Uh, no. I specifically designed it
51
00:01:42,386 --> 00:01:44,953
so the voltage wouldn't kill him.
52
00:01:45,055 --> 00:01:47,189
- Just maybe put him
back in a coma,
53
00:01:47,291 --> 00:01:50,058
so you can study his brain?
54
00:01:50,161 --> 00:01:53,662
[dial tone]
55
00:01:54,198 --> 00:01:56,882
[main title theme]
56
00:01:56,984 --> 00:01:58,951
archer: Are you kidding me?
57
00:01:59,053 --> 00:02:00,285
We have our own jet now?
58
00:02:00,387 --> 00:02:03,222
- Well, the agency has become
quite profitable
59
00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:06,125
ever since your...Accident.
60
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:07,993
- Some might even say
"because of."
61
00:02:08,095 --> 00:02:09,294
- well, either way,
you can thank me
62
00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:11,029
by telling me
where the drinks are.
63
00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:12,064
- It's a dry plane.
64
00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:13,432
- Shut up, cyril.
That's not a thing.
65
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:16,034
- Uh, we sort of have
an unspoken policy
66
00:02:16,137 --> 00:02:17,369
against the whole "shut up"
thing.
67
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:20,873
- Hmm, but no policy
on coma-jacking parking spots?
68
00:02:20,975 --> 00:02:21,874
- Be that as it may...
69
00:02:21,976 --> 00:02:23,108
- Strong priorities.
70
00:02:23,210 --> 00:02:25,010
- Be that as it may,
71
00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:27,079
we've instituted a strict
72
00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:31,016
no drinking on duty policy...
73
00:02:31,118 --> 00:02:33,118
With certain limited
exceptions.
74
00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:34,386
- Well, un-limit them,
75
00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:36,388
because I'm trying to prepare
for a mission.
76
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:38,457
- That involves us going
to a secret island
77
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:41,126
to infiltrate an underground
martial arts tournament
78
00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:43,328
hosted by black market
arms dealer win li
79
00:02:43,430 --> 00:02:45,230
and smuggle him back
to the u.S...
80
00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:48,300
- In a fit of irony?
- To stand trial,
81
00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:50,402
so it's important
we take him alive.
82
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,304
You got it?
- Chong li, karate island,
83
00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:54,173
hadouken, got it.
- Nope.
84
00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:55,440
- Oh, for chrissakes,
85
00:02:55,543 --> 00:02:58,210
this was all covered
in the damn briefing.
86
00:02:58,312 --> 00:03:00,045
- Which you were late to
87
00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:01,947
and then nearly died during.
88
00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:03,282
- Mm-mm.
So "disprofessional."
89
00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:05,184
- yeah, does this mean
briefings are gonna start
90
00:03:05,286 --> 00:03:06,251
being fun again?
91
00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:08,320
- Absolutely not!
Krieger: Aww.
92
00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:10,189
- Krieger's flying
the damn plane,
93
00:03:10,291 --> 00:03:11,423
and we're supposed
to be not drinking?
94
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,892
- [chuckles] right?
Krieger: Wait, we're not?
95
00:03:13,994 --> 00:03:14,860
- Krieger!
96
00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:17,729
- So I guess,
here's to backup plans.
97
00:03:17,831 --> 00:03:18,564
- No.
98
00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:19,631
Newbettercheryl
doesn't do that.
99
00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:21,867
- New, better cheryl?
What the hell's that?
100
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:23,235
- I don't know!
101
00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:25,204
But she does
very good typings
102
00:03:25,306 --> 00:03:27,239
and many important
non-burny things.
103
00:03:27,341 --> 00:03:29,508
- Well, not me,
so don't mind if I do.
104
00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:32,878
- Hey, I was toasting
and/or taunting you, pam,
105
00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:34,012
not offering.
106
00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:37,216
- [belches]
agree to disagree.
107
00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:40,819
[dramatic music]
108
00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:42,955
♪ ♪
109
00:03:43,057 --> 00:03:44,389
archer: Oh, man.
110
00:03:44,491 --> 00:03:46,325
Pretty sure I have
the world's first
111
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:48,460
karate island boner.
- Could you not?
112
00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:50,963
We try to keep things
professional around here.
113
00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:52,998
- Fine, god.
How about
114
00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:54,199
"work-related erection"?
115
00:03:54,301 --> 00:03:56,168
- More like, maybe try
not talking
116
00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:59,304
about your erection at all.
117
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:03,008
- I...Don't know how.
118
00:04:03,110 --> 00:04:06,245
♪ ♪
119
00:04:06,347 --> 00:04:09,047
win li: Welcome, everyone,
120
00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:10,082
to the twelfth annual
121
00:04:10,184 --> 00:04:12,117
dragon fire kumite!
122
00:04:12,219 --> 00:04:16,088
[crowd chanting]
123
00:04:16,190 --> 00:04:17,522
fighters, head to registration,
124
00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:21,193
and everyone, please enjoy
the loggerhead turtle sliders.
125
00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:23,095
They're almost extinct
126
00:04:23,197 --> 00:04:26,632
because they're so tasty!
127
00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:32,070
- Mmm, he wasn't kidding.
These things are amazing.
128
00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:34,339
- Oh, put that away.
I'm allergic to loggerhead.
129
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:37,042
- Along with cat dander
and motherly affection?
130
00:04:37,144 --> 00:04:38,243
Got it.
Mmm.
131
00:04:38,345 --> 00:04:41,313
- Dear god, stop stuffing
your face like a refugee.
132
00:04:41,415 --> 00:04:43,148
- It's called carb-loading,
mother.
133
00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:44,783
Mmm.
- For what?
134
00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:45,817
- Karate island.
135
00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:47,019
- Actually,
136
00:04:47,121 --> 00:04:50,088
we'll be entering cyril
to fight in the tournament.
137
00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:52,090
- Officially ending the search
138
00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:53,992
for your long-lost sense
of humor.
139
00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:57,195
- It's just, cyril's
a bit more...
140
00:04:57,298 --> 00:04:59,164
- I think the term
you're looking for is
141
00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:00,966
fully functioning!
142
00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:02,067
How do I look?
143
00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:03,135
- You mean besides
like you've got
144
00:05:03,237 --> 00:05:05,037
the world's first black belt
in tax law?
145
00:05:05,139 --> 00:05:06,838
- [laughs] right?
146
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:11,076
Archer: We get it.
You finally exercised.
147
00:05:11,178 --> 00:05:12,344
Stop being such a dick
about it.
148
00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:15,013
- Ignore him, cyril.
You'll do fine.
149
00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:16,348
- Which is more than I can say
150
00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:18,984
for...Whatever this is supposed
to be.
151
00:05:19,086 --> 00:05:20,319
- It's called undercover.
152
00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:22,988
- As opposed
to vaguely racist?
153
00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:24,790
Pam: [laughs] vaguely?
154
00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:25,924
Ow!
155
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:27,959
- Mission focused, young lady.
156
00:05:28,062 --> 00:05:29,061
You hear me?
157
00:05:29,163 --> 00:05:31,263
- Well, not out
of this damn ear.
158
00:05:31,365 --> 00:05:35,033
[belches]
oh, wait, that's better.
159
00:05:35,135 --> 00:05:37,135
- What?
She stole my flask, mother.
160
00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:38,170
I'm the victim here.
161
00:05:38,272 --> 00:05:40,138
- Your job is to stick
to the plan.
162
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:41,440
- Stick to the plan.
Got it.
163
00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:43,241
I'll do a manhattan
on the rocks.
164
00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:45,010
- Oh, for the love of...
165
00:05:45,112 --> 00:05:47,045
I want mission focus.
166
00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:49,448
- Jesus.
- Sync on me in three,
167
00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:52,150
two, one...
- Wait, sync on what?
168
00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:53,218
- Mark.
[phone beeps]
169
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,253
- mark?
- I want comms checks...
170
00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:56,321
- Wait, who's mark?
171
00:05:56,423 --> 00:05:58,156
- And everyone in position
172
00:05:58,258 --> 00:06:00,792
in two minutes.
Now move out.
173
00:06:03,364 --> 00:06:05,931
- I'm starting to feel like
I maybe missed a meeting.
174
00:06:08,886 --> 00:06:09,985
[dramatic drum music]
lana: Okay.
175
00:06:10,087 --> 00:06:11,820
Once we get past the guards,
176
00:06:11,922 --> 00:06:13,055
we trigger the halon system,
177
00:06:13,157 --> 00:06:14,322
filling this place
with a cloud of gas,
178
00:06:14,425 --> 00:06:16,892
and then we whisk win li away
in the chaos.
179
00:06:16,994 --> 00:06:18,093
- Right.
So, uh,
180
00:06:18,195 --> 00:06:19,261
where are we on that refill?
181
00:06:19,363 --> 00:06:20,962
- Not really part
of what we're doing.
182
00:06:21,065 --> 00:06:22,264
- It's called tradecraft, lana.
183
00:06:22,366 --> 00:06:24,199
You even care
about blowing your cover?
184
00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:26,168
- I think your tradecraft's
a tad rusty.
185
00:06:26,270 --> 00:06:29,037
- Oh, so we're making fun
of my coma now.
186
00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:30,138
- [sighs] archer...
187
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:32,774
- Feels like a dark line
to cross, lana.
188
00:06:32,876 --> 00:06:33,975
- Sorry, not what I meant.
189
00:06:34,078 --> 00:06:35,677
Let's just focus on our jobs.
190
00:06:35,779 --> 00:06:36,678
- Exactly.
191
00:06:36,780 --> 00:06:38,947
So yeah, lighter
on the vermouth this time.
192
00:06:39,049 --> 00:06:41,049
[bell dings]
193
00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:43,018
malory: And when you bring him
his drink,
194
00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:45,087
slip this into it.
195
00:06:45,189 --> 00:06:47,923
Now careful.
That's highly concentrated
196
00:06:48,025 --> 00:06:49,024
benzodiazepine.
- [gasps]
197
00:06:49,126 --> 00:06:51,827
oh, you mean a booster buddy!
198
00:06:51,929 --> 00:06:53,895
Don't worry, newbettercheryl
199
00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:55,130
totally stopped taking these
twice a day.
200
00:06:55,232 --> 00:06:57,833
- Twice?
How are you still even alive?
201
00:06:57,935 --> 00:06:59,034
- Thanks to jesus.
202
00:06:59,136 --> 00:07:00,168
He's the costa rican guy
203
00:07:00,270 --> 00:07:02,104
I used to pay
to pump my stomach.
204
00:07:02,206 --> 00:07:04,940
- Just get it done.
205
00:07:05,042 --> 00:07:07,042
Pam: Yeah, good luck with that.
206
00:07:07,144 --> 00:07:08,977
- Seriously, what's he
so worked up about?
207
00:07:09,079 --> 00:07:13,148
- [taunting in chinese]
208
00:07:13,250 --> 00:07:14,382
- how the hell should I know?
209
00:07:14,485 --> 00:07:17,419
I don't speak
angry-as-shit...Mandarin?
210
00:07:17,521 --> 00:07:19,988
I'm just the trainer.
- Cleverly disguised
211
00:07:20,090 --> 00:07:21,022
as a drunk moron.
212
00:07:21,125 --> 00:07:23,024
- Who could still whip
your bony ass.
213
00:07:23,127 --> 00:07:24,960
Speaking of,
how about you tag me in
214
00:07:25,062 --> 00:07:25,994
for a few rounds?
215
00:07:26,096 --> 00:07:27,963
Feeling a little frisky.
216
00:07:28,065 --> 00:07:30,065
- This is why we don't drink
on duty, pam.
217
00:07:30,167 --> 00:07:32,100
We had a detailed mission plan,
and--
218
00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:33,902
[bell dings]
- that hopefully included
219
00:07:34,004 --> 00:07:35,103
your dumb ass turning around.
220
00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:36,771
Opponent: Hyah!
221
00:07:36,874 --> 00:07:38,006
- [groans]
222
00:07:38,108 --> 00:07:39,741
- great.
223
00:07:39,843 --> 00:07:40,675
- I know, right?
224
00:07:40,777 --> 00:07:44,146
- No, I mean
there are more guards now...
225
00:07:44,248 --> 00:07:46,882
Who are apparently
easily distracted.
226
00:07:46,984 --> 00:07:48,250
Let's move. Now.
227
00:07:48,352 --> 00:07:49,985
Archer.
- Uh, hang on.
228
00:07:50,087 --> 00:07:51,052
- Archer!
- What?
229
00:07:51,155 --> 00:07:52,988
I'm easily distracted,
too, lana.
230
00:07:53,090 --> 00:07:55,056
I'm trying to watch cyril...
231
00:07:55,159 --> 00:07:57,726
- Hi-yah!
232
00:07:59,930 --> 00:08:00,729
[bell dings]
233
00:08:00,831 --> 00:08:02,831
- weirdly not getting
his ass kicked.
234
00:08:02,933 --> 00:08:04,099
- Well, so much for--
235
00:08:04,201 --> 00:08:05,934
- parking spot schadenfreude.
236
00:08:06,036 --> 00:08:07,135
- And more importantly,
237
00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:09,804
for our chance to just walk
right on in there.
238
00:08:09,907 --> 00:08:11,072
Unless...
239
00:08:11,175 --> 00:08:12,207
Pam, come in.
- What the...
240
00:08:12,309 --> 00:08:14,075
- It's a new microburst ear
transmitter.
241
00:08:14,178 --> 00:08:15,110
- I know, dummy.
242
00:08:15,212 --> 00:08:16,344
Why don't I have one
in my ear?
243
00:08:16,446 --> 00:08:19,080
- Uh, because you're not
in tactical command?
244
00:08:19,183 --> 00:08:20,982
- But a cocktail waitress is?
245
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:22,117
That makes zero sense.
246
00:08:22,219 --> 00:08:23,418
- Ugh.
Just...
247
00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:25,887
Pam, come in.
Pam: All right, all right.
248
00:08:25,989 --> 00:08:27,189
Hold your damn horses.
249
00:08:27,291 --> 00:08:29,224
Mr. Hogging-the-ring wants some water.
250
00:08:29,326 --> 00:08:32,027
- And she's drunk.
Happy now?
251
00:08:32,129 --> 00:08:33,895
- That you have space ears
and I don't?
252
00:08:33,997 --> 00:08:34,896
You tell me, lana.
253
00:08:34,998 --> 00:08:36,097
- Space ears?
254
00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:37,332
- In my coma,
we were in space,
255
00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:39,935
and we put that word
in front of, like, everything.
256
00:08:40,037 --> 00:08:42,170
It was pretty space great.
257
00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:43,972
- Ugh.
I told malory
258
00:08:44,074 --> 00:08:45,073
bringing you was a bad idea.
259
00:08:45,175 --> 00:08:47,008
- Oh, why is that?
Because it conflicted
260
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:48,176
with your new life plan
to avoid me?
261
00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:50,011
- No.
Wait, what?
262
00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:51,279
I'm not trying to stay
away from you.
263
00:08:51,381 --> 00:08:52,414
- Please.
Staying away is all
264
00:08:52,516 --> 00:08:54,849
you've been doing
since the coma, lana.
265
00:08:54,952 --> 00:08:55,951
- Oh, that's ridiculous.
266
00:08:56,053 --> 00:08:57,219
- It's okay.
I get it.
267
00:08:57,321 --> 00:09:00,021
It's obvious you don't trust
yourself around me.
268
00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:01,289
- [laughs]
wait, what?
269
00:09:01,391 --> 00:09:03,024
Why wouldn't I?
- Oh, well,
270
00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:04,326
I'll, uh, give you a hint.
271
00:09:04,428 --> 00:09:08,897
The answer rhymes
with "my throbbing sexuality."
272
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:12,067
pam: All right. Glass joe here is good to go.
273
00:09:12,169 --> 00:09:13,134
What's up?
- Oh, me?
274
00:09:13,237 --> 00:09:17,072
Just reeling from
blunt force sexual imagery.
275
00:09:17,174 --> 00:09:18,206
- Hey, lana says
276
00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:20,175
keep the fight going
until their signal.
277
00:09:20,277 --> 00:09:22,077
You got that?
278
00:09:22,179 --> 00:09:25,113
[dramatic music]
279
00:09:25,215 --> 00:09:27,449
- well, in the hands
of a lesser fighter...
280
00:09:27,551 --> 00:09:30,151
- Which, compared to me,
you totally are.
281
00:09:30,254 --> 00:09:32,287
Come on, cyril.
Give mama a turn.
282
00:09:32,389 --> 00:09:34,322
- Pam, you're drunk.
- [laughs]
283
00:09:34,424 --> 00:09:37,125
since when's that
a damn problem?
284
00:09:37,227 --> 00:09:38,360
- Mission accomplished.
285
00:09:38,462 --> 00:09:40,128
- Good.
- Oh, wait.
286
00:09:40,230 --> 00:09:41,363
Non-accomplished.
287
00:09:41,465 --> 00:09:43,131
- What?
- "disaccomplished"?
288
00:09:43,233 --> 00:09:44,232
- What happened?
289
00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:45,367
- I remembered newbettercheryl
290
00:09:45,469 --> 00:09:47,235
doesn't drug random people
anymore.
291
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:49,271
- Oh, just shut up.
292
00:09:49,373 --> 00:09:52,240
Clearly, I have to do
everything around here.
293
00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:54,142
[gentle chinese music]
294
00:09:54,244 --> 00:09:55,377
cheryl: Ooh.
Don't look now,
295
00:09:55,479 --> 00:09:57,245
but I think
a certain someone
296
00:09:57,347 --> 00:09:59,180
is into...
Lana: Necrophilia?
297
00:09:59,283 --> 00:10:01,182
My husband's older, not dead.
298
00:10:01,285 --> 00:10:02,350
- It's the same thing, lana.
299
00:10:02,452 --> 00:10:05,053
Unlike the sex,
which we both know
300
00:10:05,155 --> 00:10:05,987
was way better with me.
301
00:10:06,089 --> 00:10:07,355
- You know, it's hard
to call it better
302
00:10:07,457 --> 00:10:09,224
when you hate yourself
afterwards.
303
00:10:09,326 --> 00:10:11,259
- And yet, you kept coming back
for more,
304
00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:13,461
thereby proving
how irresistible I am.
305
00:10:13,563 --> 00:10:15,330
[bell dings]
wait, lana, shut up.
306
00:10:15,432 --> 00:10:17,432
Check it out.
Thank you.
307
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:18,566
- Hey!
What the hell are you doing?
308
00:10:18,669 --> 00:10:21,102
- Restoring balance
to the universe, lana.
309
00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:22,203
What's it look like?
310
00:10:22,306 --> 00:10:23,338
This is sterling archer,
311
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,373
tactical commander,
not lana,
312
00:10:25,475 --> 00:10:27,409
who, side note,
is basically begging
313
00:10:27,511 --> 00:10:29,244
to have sex with me right--ow!
314
00:10:29,346 --> 00:10:31,112
- Will you just come on?
315
00:10:31,214 --> 00:10:34,916
[dramatic music]
316
00:10:35,018 --> 00:10:36,351
- [yells]
317
00:10:36,453 --> 00:10:38,253
- the hell kind
of girls' prison
318
00:10:38,355 --> 00:10:40,055
did you learn to fight in?
319
00:10:40,157 --> 00:10:41,389
Come on, tag me in.
320
00:10:41,491 --> 00:10:43,992
- What the--
this isn't pro wrestling!
321
00:10:44,094 --> 00:10:45,193
[yelps]
322
00:10:45,295 --> 00:10:49,297
- I must say, your fighter
has been quite impressive.
323
00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:51,066
- He better be.
324
00:10:51,168 --> 00:10:52,200
- That man he's fighting
325
00:10:52,302 --> 00:10:53,568
usually has
a killer right hook,
326
00:10:53,670 --> 00:10:55,370
and that's not a euphemism
for anything.
327
00:10:55,472 --> 00:10:58,406
People die all the time.
328
00:10:58,508 --> 00:11:00,241
Oh, wait.
There it is.
329
00:11:00,344 --> 00:11:02,177
[cell phone rings]
330
00:11:02,279 --> 00:11:04,145
oh, sorry.
Work.
331
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:05,380
Yhellow.
332
00:11:05,482 --> 00:11:06,748
[scoffs]
defective, my ass.
333
00:11:06,850 --> 00:11:09,584
Hey, yuri, try standing
on one of those land mines,
334
00:11:09,686 --> 00:11:12,454
and you'll see
how not defective they are.
335
00:11:12,556 --> 00:11:14,389
Mm, sorry.
Where were we?
336
00:11:14,491 --> 00:11:17,125
♪ ♪
337
00:11:17,227 --> 00:11:18,159
[elevator door dings]
338
00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:19,427
- so let me get this straight.
339
00:11:19,529 --> 00:11:20,495
In your sick little world,
340
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:22,497
every moment I'm with you,
341
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:25,467
I'm basically a nanosecond away
from ripping off my clothes,
342
00:11:25,569 --> 00:11:27,635
jumping your bones,
and ruining my life?
343
00:11:27,738 --> 00:11:30,405
- [chuckles] your words.
- Not how that phrase works.
344
00:11:30,507 --> 00:11:33,208
- Though it's apparently how
being obsessed with me works.
345
00:11:33,310 --> 00:11:36,211
♪ ♪
346
00:11:36,313 --> 00:11:37,212
[silenced gunshots]
347
00:11:37,314 --> 00:11:38,346
- damn it, archer!
- What?
348
00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:40,248
- We don't just go around
shooting people anymore.
349
00:11:40,350 --> 00:11:41,249
- Why not?
350
00:11:41,351 --> 00:11:42,384
- Because...
351
00:11:42,486 --> 00:11:43,551
[silenced gunshots]
352
00:11:43,653 --> 00:11:46,321
- that's literally 95%
of the job.
353
00:11:46,423 --> 00:11:48,356
- W-w-we try to use
nonlethal force now.
354
00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:50,492
[toilet flushes]
- [whistles]
355
00:11:50,594 --> 00:11:52,260
[gasps]
[silenced gunshot]
356
00:11:52,362 --> 00:11:54,462
- it's called
a license to kill, lana,
357
00:11:54,564 --> 00:11:57,332
not a license
to gently subdue.
358
00:11:57,434 --> 00:11:59,434
[laughs]
- is this funny to you?
359
00:11:59,536 --> 00:12:02,871
- Not you, idiot.
[laughs] that.
360
00:12:03,707 --> 00:12:04,506
- Jesus christ, archer.
361
00:12:04,608 --> 00:12:05,540
Did you forget to call pam
362
00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:07,509
and tell her
we're past the guards?
363
00:12:07,611 --> 00:12:08,610
- Sure, let's go with that.
364
00:12:08,712 --> 00:12:10,412
- Call her, goddamn it.
He's...
365
00:12:10,514 --> 00:12:12,380
- Really getting killed
out there.
366
00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:16,117
- Well, in the meantime--
[cell phone rings]
367
00:12:16,219 --> 00:12:17,452
- yhellow?
368
00:12:17,554 --> 00:12:18,586
Whoa, whoa, whoa, raoul.
369
00:12:18,688 --> 00:12:20,355
No one ever said that bazooka
370
00:12:20,457 --> 00:12:21,556
could sink a cruise ship.
371
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:23,458
You want to take out
a cruise ship,
372
00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:26,127
I can sell you something
to take out a cruise ship,
373
00:12:26,229 --> 00:12:27,395
you kook!
[laughs]
374
00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:29,164
okay, I'll see you in kiev.
[hangs up]
375
00:12:29,266 --> 00:12:30,432
sorry, where were we?
376
00:12:30,534 --> 00:12:32,200
- I was just about to suggest
377
00:12:32,302 --> 00:12:34,402
we freshen our refreshments.
378
00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:37,505
- Mm, I like where this
is going.
379
00:12:37,607 --> 00:12:39,240
Wait, as in sex, right?
380
00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:40,475
- If you play your cards right.
381
00:12:40,577 --> 00:12:45,146
- Ah, and the delicate
foreplay dance begins.
382
00:12:45,248 --> 00:12:47,482
[moans]
383
00:12:47,584 --> 00:12:50,385
- [gags]
- hey!
384
00:12:50,487 --> 00:12:51,486
Whatever happened to
385
00:12:51,588 --> 00:12:53,621
"no more personal calls,
cheryl.
386
00:12:53,723 --> 00:12:55,757
"no more
four-hour lunches, carol.
387
00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:58,393
No more shoving
your fingers in"--[chokes]
388
00:12:58,495 --> 00:13:00,128
[dramatic music]
389
00:13:01,231 --> 00:13:04,065
- pam, get lana on comms
and tell--
390
00:13:04,167 --> 00:13:06,134
[groans]
391
00:13:06,236 --> 00:13:07,402
[crowd chanting]
392
00:13:07,504 --> 00:13:08,636
- jesus christ.
393
00:13:08,738 --> 00:13:11,339
Like beating a dead horse
out there.
394
00:13:11,441 --> 00:13:12,640
- Pam... [spits tooth]
395
00:13:12,742 --> 00:13:16,377
get lana
on the...Talk box thing
396
00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:17,645
and tell her...
397
00:13:17,747 --> 00:13:19,414
Lana: What do you mean,
you can't call?
398
00:13:19,516 --> 00:13:20,582
- Mm, there's no signal
down here.
399
00:13:20,684 --> 00:13:22,517
- Oh, idiot.
- Idiot?
400
00:13:22,619 --> 00:13:24,552
I didn't invent
how cement walls work, lana.
401
00:13:24,654 --> 00:13:26,454
- What?
- The hell?
402
00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:28,323
[jaunty music]
403
00:13:28,425 --> 00:13:30,325
okay, yeah, so...
404
00:13:30,427 --> 00:13:32,260
Oh, I'm just gonna--
405
00:13:32,362 --> 00:13:33,995
I'm just gonna go ahead and...
406
00:13:34,097 --> 00:13:35,964
[vomits]
407
00:13:40,470 --> 00:13:43,271
- that's it.
Calling my own number.
408
00:13:43,373 --> 00:13:45,139
Yah!
[crowd gasps]
409
00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:47,942
[dramatic music]
410
00:13:48,311 --> 00:13:49,177
whoo!
411
00:13:49,279 --> 00:13:52,747
Big mama's handing out
biscuits, baby!
412
00:13:52,849 --> 00:13:56,251
[crowd gasping]
- ah, you dare interfere
413
00:13:56,353 --> 00:13:58,586
with the dragon fire kumite?
414
00:13:58,688 --> 00:14:01,523
- Well, somebody had
to spice up this snooze-fest.
415
00:14:01,625 --> 00:14:03,358
- Oh, then by rule,
416
00:14:03,460 --> 00:14:05,426
you must duel to the death
417
00:14:05,529 --> 00:14:08,329
with the legendary dragon fire!
418
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:10,298
- [choking]
419
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,367
pam: Conway stern?
420
00:14:12,469 --> 00:14:14,335
- [choking]
take...
421
00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:15,503
Me!
422
00:14:15,605 --> 00:14:18,573
- Uh...Pamela.
423
00:14:18,675 --> 00:14:21,042
So glad you came.
424
00:14:21,144 --> 00:14:22,310
- Twice.
425
00:14:22,412 --> 00:14:24,379
- Tum-tum feeling better?
426
00:14:24,481 --> 00:14:26,347
- Nice tone, lana...
[guns cocking]
427
00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:30,051
but yes, thank you for asking.
428
00:14:34,241 --> 00:14:35,506
- Okay, I've got an idea.
429
00:14:35,609 --> 00:14:36,975
Maybe try glaring at me
tons more, lana.
430
00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:38,443
Maybe that'll get us
out of here.
431
00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:39,978
- Oh, I'm sorry.
Was I glaring?
432
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:43,581
I thought I was just looking
at the idiot who got us caught!
433
00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:45,450
- Well, with your
resting bitch face...
434
00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:47,518
- [gasps]
guard: Hey, asshole!
435
00:14:47,621 --> 00:14:50,188
No talking till mr. Li
gets here
436
00:14:50,290 --> 00:14:51,189
to kill you...
437
00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:53,458
With a bazooka,
like you are cruise ship.
438
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:54,626
[laughs]
- fine,
439
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:56,494
but if you scratch that cane,
440
00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:59,530
it will literally end up
inside your...
441
00:14:59,633 --> 00:15:00,565
- Asshole.
442
00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:01,566
- [laughs] yeah.
443
00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:02,634
I probably deserve that.
444
00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:03,635
I bet you miss me, though.
445
00:15:03,737 --> 00:15:05,637
- Not even close, bud.
446
00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:07,438
- You know what you could've
gone with right there is,
447
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,641
"glenn close,
but no cigar."
448
00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:11,476
- well, you're about to have
449
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:13,311
a dangerous liaison...
450
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,513
With my fist!
451
00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:17,582
- Oh, my, my, my.
452
00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:20,551
Looks like
a...Reversal of fortune.
453
00:15:20,654 --> 00:15:23,454
Are you starting to feel
a...Fatal attraction?
454
00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:26,291
- No, it's more like...
455
00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:28,293
Hook!
- [growls]
456
00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:29,394
lana: Uh...
457
00:15:29,496 --> 00:15:31,496
Resting what face?
458
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:34,265
- I'm not at all sure
I follow.
459
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:35,433
- Bitch.
- Pardon?
460
00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:36,534
- I believe you said
461
00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:38,536
"resting bitch face."
462
00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:40,838
- uh, honestly, I feel
like I would remember that.
463
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,607
- Ah, good.
I must've misheard you.
464
00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:44,409
I guess that means I don't have
to do this.
465
00:15:44,511 --> 00:15:46,644
- [groans]
goddamn it.
466
00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:49,514
- Hey, I told you...
467
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:52,383
[shuddering]
468
00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:54,719
[dramatic music]
469
00:15:54,821 --> 00:15:57,388
- [grunts]
son of a bitch!
470
00:15:57,490 --> 00:15:59,490
- Problem?
[laughs]
471
00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:00,591
- [groans]
472
00:16:00,694 --> 00:16:02,493
well, not if you stand still
473
00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:04,462
for, like,
two freaking seconds.
474
00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:05,897
- [laughs] yeah, I hear you.
475
00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:08,766
I'm kind of like a...
Uh...I'm like a...
476
00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:11,402
- Muhammad
all over the damn place?
477
00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:14,172
- Damn it!
478
00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:17,542
[gunfire]
479
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:19,477
- go!
480
00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:24,349
♪ ♪
481
00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:27,318
- [screams]
482
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:28,353
- hey, lana,
483
00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:30,888
how's the "non-murdering
bad guys" thing going?
484
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,757
- Well, like everything else
you touch,
485
00:16:32,859 --> 00:16:35,326
it's kind of turned to shit.
486
00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:37,462
[music slows]
487
00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:38,663
- oh, my god!
488
00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:40,465
Did you just see that?
489
00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:43,368
Full-on midair head shot!
490
00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:44,869
That was so pre-coma me.
491
00:16:44,971 --> 00:16:46,738
- Yeah, just like being
pinned down,
492
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,506
about to die,
and it's all your fault
493
00:16:48,608 --> 00:16:50,608
feels pretty pre-coma you also.
494
00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:52,477
- [laughs] right?
495
00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:53,678
Although...
496
00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:55,446
That's kind of new.
497
00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:56,781
- [grunts, groans angrily]
498
00:16:56,883 --> 00:17:00,351
[both grunting, blows landing]
499
00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:03,421
- [grunts]
500
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:04,722
[crowd cheering]
501
00:17:04,824 --> 00:17:05,790
guard: Don't move!
502
00:17:05,892 --> 00:17:07,825
- Lana, am I still in a coma?
503
00:17:07,927 --> 00:17:10,528
- What are you--no.
God damn it, no.
504
00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:13,297
- Damn, because this
is gonna hurt.
505
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:14,432
[clicks]
506
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:15,733
[glass cracking]
507
00:17:15,835 --> 00:17:17,869
conway: Any last words,
big mama?
508
00:17:17,971 --> 00:17:21,406
- Yeah, they rhyme
with go fu--
509
00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:24,308
[archer screams]
510
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:29,647
- [screams]
511
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:31,749
you have got to be kidding me!
512
00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:33,651
- Oh, how you like that,
513
00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:35,086
daniel day-loser?
514
00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:38,723
- As in "my left foot."
yeah, yeah, that's pretty good.
515
00:17:38,825 --> 00:17:40,591
[gas hissing]
516
00:17:40,693 --> 00:17:42,927
♪ ♪
517
00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:46,397
- [weakly]
ah, just like we planned.
518
00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:49,700
- [crying]
519
00:17:49,803 --> 00:17:53,271
but you haven't seen the last
of conway stern!
520
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:54,705
Ow.
521
00:17:54,808 --> 00:17:57,508
Which--is it my real name?
522
00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:59,477
I'll never tell you!
523
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:00,978
Oh, my god,
524
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:04,449
this hurts so much more
than losing the hand.
525
00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:08,686
- [inhales deeply]
526
00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:11,456
good news!
527
00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:12,657
- Dear god.
528
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:15,893
- Oldwaybettercheryl
is so back.
529
00:18:15,995 --> 00:18:17,929
- From where,
a truck stop bacchanalia?
530
00:18:18,031 --> 00:18:21,866
- Uh, sure, let's go with that.
531
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:23,868
- And where the hell
have you been?
532
00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:27,505
- Uh, this new place
called almost dying.
533
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:28,773
- Hardly.
Win li: You!
534
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:32,477
You've ruined
my entire operation!
535
00:18:32,579 --> 00:18:34,579
- Oh, go stuff a sock in it!
536
00:18:34,681 --> 00:18:35,780
Swear to christ,
537
00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:37,782
I have to do everything
around here.
538
00:18:37,884 --> 00:18:40,518
Now clean this up!
539
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:43,488
[gentle music]
540
00:18:43,590 --> 00:18:48,759
♪ ♪
541
00:18:48,862 --> 00:18:52,463
- hey, where the hell's cyril?
542
00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:57,502
- Hello?
543
00:18:57,604 --> 00:18:59,604
- Oh, for the love of...
544
00:18:59,706 --> 00:19:00,905
You forgot one!
545
00:19:01,007 --> 00:19:02,974
- Sorry, mother.
Mission focused.
546
00:19:03,076 --> 00:19:04,976
Your words.
Can't go back.
547
00:19:05,078 --> 00:19:06,911
- Christ, archer,
did you leave him
548
00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:09,413
just to get
your parking space back?
549
00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:13,351
- No.
550
00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:40,727
- Made in georgia.
44069
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