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1
00:00:03,302 --> 00:00:04,636
[Phone ringing]
2
00:00:06,371 --> 00:00:08,372
(Doug)
I'm coming!
3
00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:10,374
[Phone continues ringing]
4
00:00:11,877 --> 00:00:12,811
Yeah, hello?
5
00:00:12,878 --> 00:00:14,378
Hey, it's me, Steph.
6
00:00:15,380 --> 00:00:16,648
Are you ok?
7
00:00:16,716 --> 00:00:18,149
Yeah, I just, uh, ran
for the phone.
8
00:00:18,217 --> 00:00:20,485
Oh, well,
you'll be glad you did,
'cause guess what?
9
00:00:20,552 --> 00:00:21,552
[Doug panting]
10
00:00:21,621 --> 00:00:22,821
Are you sure
you're all right?
11
00:00:22,888 --> 00:00:24,455
No, no. Let's give it
another minute
12
00:00:24,523 --> 00:00:25,724
before we panic.
13
00:00:27,159 --> 00:00:28,927
Well, assuming
you don't drop,
14
00:00:28,995 --> 00:00:31,195
how would you like
to go with me tonight
15
00:00:31,263 --> 00:00:32,363
to the ranger game?
16
00:00:32,431 --> 00:00:33,464
You got tickets?
17
00:00:33,532 --> 00:00:35,033
Hey, I'm in the sports biz.
18
00:00:35,835 --> 00:00:37,936
You teach gym.
19
00:00:38,004 --> 00:00:39,137
Do you want
to go or not?
20
00:00:39,204 --> 00:00:40,471
I want to go, but I--I can't.
21
00:00:40,539 --> 00:00:42,440
I promised Carrie
we'd rent a movie tonight.
22
00:00:42,508 --> 00:00:44,408
Come on.
I've only been back
in town a month,
23
00:00:44,476 --> 00:00:46,077
and we've hardly
seen each other.
24
00:00:46,145 --> 00:00:48,146
Don't you want
to do a little
brother-sister bonding?
25
00:00:49,649 --> 00:00:52,150
Where are the seats?
26
00:00:52,217 --> 00:00:54,485
They're in the garden.
That's all you need to know.
27
00:00:54,553 --> 00:00:55,787
No, I--I can't.
I can't.
28
00:00:55,855 --> 00:00:57,989
I--I blew Carrie off
the last few movie nights.
29
00:00:58,057 --> 00:01:00,391
This one could impact
my sex life.
30
00:01:01,927 --> 00:01:03,628
I mean, I'll get
the basics,
31
00:01:03,696 --> 00:01:04,896
but, no extras.
32
00:01:06,132 --> 00:01:07,398
[Beeps]
33
00:01:07,466 --> 00:01:09,200
Hold on a second.
I'm getting another call.
34
00:01:09,268 --> 00:01:10,301
Yeah, hello?
35
00:01:10,369 --> 00:01:12,470
Hey, hon, it's me.
Um, big favor.
36
00:01:12,538 --> 00:01:14,806
You know Laura-Beth,
that lawyer I'm friendly with?
37
00:01:15,841 --> 00:01:16,941
Yeah.
38
00:01:17,009 --> 00:01:18,476
Well, she invited me
out to dinner
39
00:01:18,544 --> 00:01:20,879
with her and, um,
a couple of her friends,
40
00:01:20,946 --> 00:01:23,815
and I just wanted
to know if it was ok
if I missed movie night.
41
00:01:23,883 --> 00:01:27,652
Well, I already rented
girl, interrupted.
42
00:01:29,454 --> 00:01:31,255
I--I got it right here.
43
00:01:33,592 --> 00:01:35,393
Oh, come on, hon.
I really want to go.
44
00:01:35,460 --> 00:01:37,395
You know,
girls' night out.
45
00:01:37,462 --> 00:01:39,197
I could make
some new friends,
46
00:01:39,264 --> 00:01:41,399
or just friends,
period.
47
00:01:41,466 --> 00:01:43,101
Go, go.
Have--have fun.
48
00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:45,603
Oh, really?
You're the best, honey.
I love you.
49
00:01:45,671 --> 00:01:47,839
Ok, are we through?
'Cause I'm on the other line.
50
00:01:47,907 --> 00:01:49,741
All right. I'll see you
around 10:00. Bye.
51
00:01:51,243 --> 00:01:54,278
Good news.
Carrie's going out
with some lesbians.
52
00:01:58,050 --> 00:02:01,953
(All)
♪ Happy Birthday, dear Lisa
53
00:02:02,021 --> 00:02:05,323
♪ Happy Birthday to you
54
00:02:05,390 --> 00:02:07,658
yay,
thank you.
55
00:02:07,727 --> 00:02:08,960
Oh, thank you,
thank you.
56
00:02:09,028 --> 00:02:11,229
Lovely voices.
All of you, really.
57
00:02:11,296 --> 00:02:13,431
I hope you all die.
58
00:02:13,498 --> 00:02:14,432
Ah.
59
00:02:14,499 --> 00:02:15,967
Especially you.
You're new.
60
00:02:16,035 --> 00:02:17,268
You should
be nicer.
61
00:02:17,336 --> 00:02:19,204
Yeah, yeah.
Too much peer pressure.
I caved.
62
00:02:19,271 --> 00:02:20,504
Yeah, you did.
Clearly.
63
00:02:20,572 --> 00:02:22,173
Don't be like that
on your birthday.
64
00:02:22,241 --> 00:02:24,375
It is not my birthday!
65
00:02:24,443 --> 00:02:27,112
Shh. They'll make us
pay for the cake.
66
00:02:27,179 --> 00:02:29,347
All right, I give up.
Happy 27th to me.
67
00:02:29,414 --> 00:02:30,548
There you go.
68
00:02:30,616 --> 00:02:32,416
27? I'm sorry,
did you sleep through
69
00:02:32,484 --> 00:02:34,753
your last 5 birthdays?
70
00:02:34,820 --> 00:02:36,955
Well, I wouldn't mind
jumping ahead a few years.
71
00:02:37,022 --> 00:02:39,724
Then I wouldn't have to go to
my barnard reunion next week.
72
00:02:39,792 --> 00:02:41,325
You're going
to a reunion next week,
73
00:02:41,393 --> 00:02:42,994
and you're eating
fudge cake?
74
00:02:43,062 --> 00:02:45,663
Gutsy. I like that.
75
00:02:45,731 --> 00:02:48,633
I can't wait to go
to my college reunion.
76
00:02:48,700 --> 00:02:52,036
Well, really.
I--I just made partner,
I just got married,
77
00:02:52,104 --> 00:02:55,673
and I could crack
a walnut with my ass.
78
00:02:55,741 --> 00:02:58,109
It's the right time
for a reunion, baby!
79
00:02:58,177 --> 00:03:00,011
Or a bad time
if you're a walnut.
80
00:03:00,079 --> 00:03:01,880
[All laughing]
81
00:03:01,947 --> 00:03:04,082
Carrie, have you gone
to your reunion yet?
82
00:03:04,150 --> 00:03:07,451
Oh, uh, actually,
I--I didn't graduate. So...
83
00:03:07,519 --> 00:03:12,023
What? No, wait,
I, uh, I thought
you were a lawyer.
84
00:03:12,091 --> 00:03:14,625
Me? No, no, no.
I'm a secretary.
85
00:03:16,395 --> 00:03:18,429
Like, the best secretary
at the firm.
86
00:03:18,497 --> 00:03:19,764
Oh, thank you.
87
00:03:19,832 --> 00:03:21,199
Oh.
Oh. Wow.
88
00:03:21,267 --> 00:03:22,600
Cool.
Yeah, hey,
89
00:03:22,668 --> 00:03:25,503
and I hear secretaries week
is coming up soon,
90
00:03:25,570 --> 00:03:27,105
so that will
be good, right?
91
00:03:27,173 --> 00:03:29,540
Oh, my God, I totally
forgot to tell you...
92
00:03:29,608 --> 00:03:30,574
[Women chattering]
93
00:03:34,313 --> 00:03:35,746
[Door opening]
94
00:03:35,815 --> 00:03:37,515
Hey. Hey, funny thing.
95
00:03:37,582 --> 00:03:38,616
Right after you called,
96
00:03:38,684 --> 00:03:40,852
Stephanie called
with ranger tickets.
97
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:43,587
Huh? Whoo.
Talk about meant to be.
98
00:03:43,655 --> 00:03:45,857
I mean, I know
we're all God's children,
99
00:03:45,925 --> 00:03:48,993
but sometimes I think
he likes me extra special.
100
00:03:50,963 --> 00:03:53,564
So, how was
ladies night out, huh?
101
00:03:53,632 --> 00:03:56,334
What'd you...
Did you talk tampons, huh?
102
00:04:04,643 --> 00:04:06,377
Do you hate men now?
103
00:04:08,547 --> 00:04:10,381
[Crying]
104
00:04:10,449 --> 00:04:12,550
Ok, what--what--
what's happening?
105
00:04:12,617 --> 00:04:15,019
I was having
a great time.
106
00:04:15,087 --> 00:04:17,521
I mean, I was, like,
finally hanging out
107
00:04:17,589 --> 00:04:19,991
with women who didn't
annoy the crap
out of me, you know?
108
00:04:20,059 --> 00:04:23,394
And I was, like,
totally "on," you know?
109
00:04:23,462 --> 00:04:24,628
I--I was funny
110
00:04:24,696 --> 00:04:26,364
and--and--and--
and--and charming.
111
00:04:26,431 --> 00:04:27,465
It sounds good--
112
00:04:27,532 --> 00:04:28,632
let me finish!
113
00:04:28,700 --> 00:04:30,935
You always interrupt me!
Let me finish!
114
00:04:32,972 --> 00:04:34,906
Ok.
115
00:04:34,974 --> 00:04:36,841
And then-- and then
they started talking
116
00:04:36,909 --> 00:04:38,509
about college
reunions, you know,
117
00:04:38,577 --> 00:04:39,777
then they
asked me about mine,
118
00:04:39,845 --> 00:04:41,679
and I said, "oh,
I didn't graduate,"
119
00:04:41,747 --> 00:04:43,447
and they said,
"oh, but we thought
you were a lawyer,"
120
00:04:43,515 --> 00:04:45,616
and I said, "no,
I'm a secretary."
121
00:04:45,684 --> 00:04:50,454
And they were, like,
"oh, it's secretaries week."
122
00:04:50,522 --> 00:04:51,990
You love
secretaries week.
123
00:04:52,057 --> 00:04:53,057
[Sobbing]
124
00:04:53,125 --> 00:04:56,127
Ok, ok. Ok.
All right. Ok.
125
00:04:56,195 --> 00:04:57,295
Ok, shh.
It's ok.
126
00:04:57,363 --> 00:04:58,829
And I'm just as smart
as they are!
127
00:04:58,898 --> 00:05:01,399
Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
I know you are, baby.
128
00:05:01,466 --> 00:05:03,834
Ok. It's ok.
129
00:05:03,903 --> 00:05:06,971
Rangers won.
It's ok. Ok.
130
00:05:07,039 --> 00:05:08,339
Come on,
take a deep breath.
131
00:05:08,407 --> 00:05:09,473
[Gasping]
132
00:05:09,541 --> 00:05:11,910
There you go.
There you go. Ok?
133
00:05:11,977 --> 00:05:14,445
Hey, hey, you know
what cheers me up
134
00:05:14,513 --> 00:05:16,080
when I'm feeling sad?
135
00:05:17,349 --> 00:05:18,516
A snack?
136
00:05:22,254 --> 00:05:25,089
There you go.
You feeling better?
137
00:05:25,157 --> 00:05:27,858
Not really.
The milk's gone bad.
138
00:05:30,762 --> 00:05:32,997
I could have been like them,
I really could have.
139
00:05:33,065 --> 00:05:35,266
I could have had
a--a palm pilot, you know,
140
00:05:35,334 --> 00:05:37,001
and been going
to my college reunion,
141
00:05:37,069 --> 00:05:39,570
but no, I had to drop out
when my mom died
to get a job.
142
00:05:39,638 --> 00:05:41,872
Good goin', Carrie.
143
00:05:41,941 --> 00:05:46,244
Let me tell you something
about fancy book learnings.
144
00:05:46,312 --> 00:05:49,247
Y-you, little lady,
got something much better.
145
00:05:49,315 --> 00:05:50,481
They call it streetsmarts.
146
00:05:50,549 --> 00:05:51,582
Yeah, great.
147
00:05:51,650 --> 00:05:52,817
It's true.
148
00:05:52,884 --> 00:05:54,718
Like, when we're
on the subway,
149
00:05:54,786 --> 00:05:57,521
and some guy comes up to you
asking for money,
and you pretend to be deaf.
150
00:06:00,592 --> 00:06:03,227
You can't learn
that stuff in school.
151
00:06:03,295 --> 00:06:04,528
Look, I'm just
gonna go to bed.
152
00:06:04,596 --> 00:06:06,864
I've got a full day
of coffee pouring
153
00:06:06,932 --> 00:06:08,399
and phone answering
ahead of me.
154
00:06:08,467 --> 00:06:09,968
I want to be sharp.
155
00:06:10,035 --> 00:06:11,602
Thanks for trying
to cheer me up.
156
00:06:11,670 --> 00:06:12,736
You're very sweet.
157
00:06:16,875 --> 00:06:18,176
[Sighs]
158
00:06:33,725 --> 00:06:35,659
[Snoring]
159
00:06:43,902 --> 00:06:45,003
Doug, wake up.
160
00:06:45,070 --> 00:06:46,170
Everybody off.
161
00:06:50,142 --> 00:06:51,476
It's important.
162
00:06:52,011 --> 00:06:53,677
What is it?
163
00:06:53,745 --> 00:06:55,279
I'm gonna go back
to school.
164
00:06:55,914 --> 00:06:56,981
Ok.
165
00:06:57,049 --> 00:06:58,216
Doug!
166
00:06:58,283 --> 00:06:59,317
What?
167
00:06:59,385 --> 00:07:01,019
I'm gonna finish school,
168
00:07:01,086 --> 00:07:04,455
get a diploma,
and get a better job.
169
00:07:06,458 --> 00:07:07,925
I have to pee.
170
00:07:09,694 --> 00:07:11,996
I have my old course guide
in the closet.
171
00:07:12,064 --> 00:07:15,166
(Carrie)
I could pick out
my entire semester tonight.
172
00:07:15,234 --> 00:07:16,534
You see,
I've been lying there,
173
00:07:16,601 --> 00:07:18,236
going over the whole
thing in my mind,
174
00:07:18,303 --> 00:07:20,038
how I screwed up
my life and everything,
175
00:07:20,105 --> 00:07:22,173
and then it just hit me.
Fix it, you idiot!
176
00:07:22,241 --> 00:07:24,008
(Doug)
Can--can we talk
about this later?
177
00:07:24,076 --> 00:07:26,244
(Carrie)
But I'm so excited.
Aren't you excited for me?
178
00:07:26,311 --> 00:07:27,711
(Doug)
Don't hug me now!
179
00:07:36,221 --> 00:07:39,490
Ah. I just did
everything possible
to avoid light.
180
00:07:39,558 --> 00:07:41,025
Sorry.
181
00:07:41,093 --> 00:07:44,328
Me, too. I think I splashed
your bath salts.
182
00:07:47,199 --> 00:07:50,834
You're really serious?
You want to go school again?
183
00:07:50,902 --> 00:07:53,737
Yes. I can--
I can do this, Doug.
184
00:07:53,805 --> 00:07:56,541
I know you can do it,
it's just...
185
00:07:56,608 --> 00:07:57,942
So, are you gonna
quit your job?
186
00:07:58,009 --> 00:07:59,077
No, I'll still work.
187
00:07:59,144 --> 00:08:02,380
I'll just go
to school at night.
188
00:08:02,448 --> 00:08:03,948
Well, when would
I see you?
189
00:08:04,015 --> 00:08:05,816
I'll make time.
190
00:08:05,884 --> 00:08:08,086
Plus, I won't
be sad anymore.
191
00:08:08,153 --> 00:08:10,288
I'll be happy.
You see?
192
00:08:10,355 --> 00:08:12,190
Ok, so you can
finish college. Then what?
193
00:08:12,257 --> 00:08:14,858
I don't know.
Maybe, uh, go to law school.
194
00:08:14,926 --> 00:08:17,361
Oh, this is spinning
totally out of control.
195
00:08:17,429 --> 00:08:19,630
Ok, could you try
even being
a little supportive?
196
00:08:19,698 --> 00:08:21,332
Well, I'm sorry,
Carrie, but you know,
197
00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:23,234
you're throwing a lot at me
out of nowhere.
198
00:08:23,302 --> 00:08:24,702
It's not
out of nowhere.
199
00:08:24,769 --> 00:08:27,205
It's always bothered me
that I didn't finish school.
200
00:08:27,272 --> 00:08:28,506
Tonight, you know,
201
00:08:28,574 --> 00:08:30,774
it gave me a kick
in the pants that I needed.
202
00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:33,177
Get thicker pants.
203
00:08:34,913 --> 00:08:35,946
Stop.
204
00:08:37,449 --> 00:08:38,649
Well, what am
I supposed to do
205
00:08:38,717 --> 00:08:40,751
when you're at
your homecoming dances
206
00:08:40,819 --> 00:08:42,086
and your pep rallies?
207
00:08:42,154 --> 00:08:45,590
Hey, I'm not going
to Rydell high...
208
00:08:45,657 --> 00:08:47,057
And you could
take up a hobby.
209
00:08:47,126 --> 00:08:48,692
How about the guitar
you made me buy?
210
00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:49,893
That's still in the closet.
211
00:08:49,961 --> 00:08:51,496
You can learn
to play that.
212
00:08:51,563 --> 00:08:53,431
That sounds like a lot
of effort on my part.
213
00:08:53,499 --> 00:08:56,667
Come on, honey.
Let me go to school.
214
00:08:56,735 --> 00:08:58,436
I'll wear a uniform.
215
00:08:59,505 --> 00:09:00,804
Ok, fine.
Go to school.
216
00:09:00,872 --> 00:09:03,541
I love you, I love you.
I love you.
217
00:09:03,609 --> 00:09:04,708
Mmm.
218
00:09:07,513 --> 00:09:09,313
Not till the morning!
219
00:09:09,381 --> 00:09:10,314
All right!
220
00:09:22,127 --> 00:09:23,661
Wow. Still studying, huh?
221
00:09:23,728 --> 00:09:26,531
Yep. Queens college
for knowledge, baby.
222
00:09:26,598 --> 00:09:28,132
You, uh,
how you doing?
223
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,534
Oh, I'm
a little stressed.
224
00:09:29,601 --> 00:09:32,102
This philosophy paper's due
Tuesday, 9:00 a.m.,
225
00:09:32,171 --> 00:09:34,438
and the Professor said
"if it's not in on time,
226
00:09:34,506 --> 00:09:36,073
it's fish wrap."
227
00:09:36,141 --> 00:09:39,343
Well, been
pretty busy myself.
228
00:09:40,111 --> 00:09:41,279
Wrote a little song.
229
00:09:44,316 --> 00:09:45,749
You wrote a song?
Mmm-hmm.
230
00:09:45,817 --> 00:09:47,652
That's good progress
in only one week.
231
00:09:47,719 --> 00:09:48,719
Want to hear it?
232
00:09:48,787 --> 00:09:50,087
I think I need to, yes.
233
00:09:50,155 --> 00:09:52,423
All righty then,
here we go.
234
00:09:52,491 --> 00:09:54,692
♪ Doug and Carrie,
Doug and Carrie ♪
235
00:09:54,759 --> 00:09:56,760
♪ Doug and Carrie,
Doug and Carrie ♪
236
00:09:56,828 --> 00:09:58,829
♪ Doug and Carrie,
Doug and Carrie ♪
237
00:09:58,897 --> 00:10:01,332
♪ Doug and Carrie,
Doug and Carrie ♪
238
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:03,334
♪ Arthur, Arthur,
Arthur, Arthur ♪
239
00:10:03,402 --> 00:10:05,369
♪ Arthur, Arthur,
Arthur, Arthur ♪
240
00:10:05,437 --> 00:10:07,238
♪ Doug and Carrie,
Doug and Carrie ♪
241
00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:08,606
♪ Doug and Carrie
242
00:10:08,674 --> 00:10:10,208
ok, that is really good.
That is good.
243
00:10:10,275 --> 00:10:11,875
I didn't get to
the bridge yet.
244
00:10:11,943 --> 00:10:14,278
That's ok.
It gives me something
to look forward to.
245
00:10:14,346 --> 00:10:16,146
Ok.
Ok, then.
246
00:10:16,215 --> 00:10:17,448
[Clears throat]
247
00:10:19,784 --> 00:10:20,718
[Sighs]
248
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:23,287
So, you want
to go for pizza?
249
00:10:23,355 --> 00:10:24,622
Honey, I can't,
you know?
250
00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:26,624
You know, I-I'm a little
under the gun here.
251
00:10:26,692 --> 00:10:27,758
What am I supposed to do?
252
00:10:27,826 --> 00:10:29,393
I don't know,
play your guitar.
253
00:10:30,596 --> 00:10:31,862
I already did that.
254
00:10:33,665 --> 00:10:34,798
Wrote a song.
255
00:10:34,866 --> 00:10:35,899
Yeah, Doug.
Come on,
256
00:10:35,967 --> 00:10:38,236
I am under
a lot of pressure, ok?
257
00:10:38,303 --> 00:10:40,037
And I'm starting
to get a headache, so--
258
00:10:40,105 --> 00:10:42,773
a headache?
Sounds like a little
pizza's what you need then.
259
00:10:42,841 --> 00:10:44,074
Doug, stop it!
Now, come on,
260
00:10:44,142 --> 00:10:46,244
you know how important
this is to me.
261
00:10:46,311 --> 00:10:48,779
Ok, yeah. I also know
that you promised me
that you'd make time for me.
262
00:10:48,847 --> 00:10:49,980
I knew this would happen.
263
00:10:50,048 --> 00:10:52,383
Ok, so I underestimated
how hard this was gonna be.
264
00:10:52,451 --> 00:10:53,584
Just cut me a break here.
265
00:10:53,652 --> 00:10:55,152
You're--you're
not really that upset
266
00:10:55,220 --> 00:10:56,820
because I can't
go for pizza, are you?
267
00:10:56,888 --> 00:11:00,725
Because you haven't
gone out for pizza in days.
268
00:11:00,792 --> 00:11:04,495
I don't even
know you anymore.
269
00:11:04,563 --> 00:11:07,365
It's obvious
I am not gonna get
any work done here,
270
00:11:07,432 --> 00:11:09,967
so if you need me,
I will be at the library.
271
00:11:10,034 --> 00:11:11,302
Believe me,
I won't need you.
272
00:11:11,370 --> 00:11:13,070
I'll be too busy here
gettin' my groove on.
273
00:11:13,138 --> 00:11:14,238
Great.
274
00:11:19,511 --> 00:11:21,679
♪ Doug and pizza,
Doug and pizza ♪
275
00:11:21,747 --> 00:11:23,914
♪ Doug and pizza,
Doug and pizza ♪
276
00:11:23,982 --> 00:11:25,949
♪ toppings, toppings,
toppings, toppings ♪
277
00:11:29,655 --> 00:11:31,355
Wow! Go away
for a few years
278
00:11:31,423 --> 00:11:33,491
and they totally
revamp the menu on you.
279
00:11:34,426 --> 00:11:35,826
So you gonna
get something?
280
00:11:35,894 --> 00:11:38,228
No, I can't.
I used up all
my fat points for the day.
281
00:11:39,598 --> 00:11:42,300
My God! The chicken strips
sound incredible.
282
00:11:42,367 --> 00:11:43,934
What--what are they,
lightly breaded?
283
00:11:44,002 --> 00:11:45,703
I'll bet they're
lightly breaded, right?
284
00:11:45,771 --> 00:11:46,970
Yeah, I guess they are.
285
00:11:47,038 --> 00:11:49,006
What kind of dipping sauce
are we talking about?
286
00:11:49,073 --> 00:11:50,140
Honey mustard.
287
00:11:50,208 --> 00:11:51,409
Ah. That's so perfect.
288
00:11:51,476 --> 00:11:53,076
Will you just
get them already?
289
00:11:53,144 --> 00:11:55,212
I can't!
I'm dieting!
290
00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:57,181
But if you get the wings,
I'll pick at them.
291
00:11:57,248 --> 00:11:58,816
You're not gonna
pick at them.
292
00:11:58,883 --> 00:12:00,284
I'll come back
from the bathroom,
293
00:12:00,352 --> 00:12:01,952
there'll be chicken
bones everywhere,
294
00:12:02,020 --> 00:12:04,388
and you'll be huddled
in the corner, crying.
295
00:12:04,889 --> 00:12:05,956
Ah!
296
00:12:06,024 --> 00:12:09,193
That is so not true.
I've been very disciplined.
297
00:12:09,260 --> 00:12:10,561
You know that
I've lost weight,
298
00:12:10,629 --> 00:12:12,630
and you haven't
even told me how good I look.
299
00:12:12,698 --> 00:12:13,964
What do you
want me to say?
300
00:12:14,032 --> 00:12:15,733
"Hey, sis!
Great ass!"
301
00:12:17,536 --> 00:12:19,102
Really?
Great how?
302
00:12:20,539 --> 00:12:22,406
All right. I gotta get
out of here by 9:00.
303
00:12:22,474 --> 00:12:24,208
I want to grab
a few minutes with Carrie
304
00:12:24,275 --> 00:12:26,544
before she starts
to work on her paper.
305
00:12:26,611 --> 00:12:29,613
How sad is that?
I'm married to a person
who does homework.
306
00:12:29,681 --> 00:12:31,816
Are you about to go
on another rant about this?
307
00:12:31,883 --> 00:12:34,051
Just warn me so I can
fling myself into traffic.
308
00:12:34,118 --> 00:12:35,953
Well, I'm sorry,
but it's unnatural,
309
00:12:36,020 --> 00:12:37,788
you know,
a grown woman in school,
310
00:12:37,856 --> 00:12:40,658
it's--it's like
a 40-year-old guy with braces.
311
00:12:43,261 --> 00:12:45,162
What are you...
Don't look at me like that.
312
00:12:45,230 --> 00:12:46,897
What? You want
to know what I think?
No.
313
00:12:46,965 --> 00:12:48,298
I think you're
intimidated by it.
314
00:12:48,367 --> 00:12:50,934
Ok. What'd you get stuck on,
the "n" or the "o"?
315
00:12:51,002 --> 00:12:52,803
Too bad.
It's true.
316
00:12:52,871 --> 00:12:54,204
She wants
to finish college,
317
00:12:54,272 --> 00:12:55,573
and you are petrified
318
00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:57,207
that it means
she'll leave you behind.
319
00:12:57,275 --> 00:12:59,977
What? Ok, first of all,
I'm a teamster.
320
00:13:00,044 --> 00:13:02,045
I don't petrify.
321
00:13:02,113 --> 00:13:04,915
Second of all,
that's the stupidest thing
I've ever heard.
322
00:13:04,983 --> 00:13:06,149
Fine.
323
00:13:08,086 --> 00:13:10,320
And what if
I was afraid of that, huh?
324
00:13:10,389 --> 00:13:12,623
No, really.
Think about it.
325
00:13:12,691 --> 00:13:14,692
She--she--she aces
this class, right?
326
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:17,395
Finishes college,
goes to law school.
Where does that leave us?
327
00:13:17,462 --> 00:13:19,630
At dinner she tells me
about the guy she saved
328
00:13:19,698 --> 00:13:21,331
from the electric chair
and I'm like,
329
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,667
"oh, yeah? Really?
I just got
a new beaded truck seat."
330
00:13:25,604 --> 00:13:28,839
You know,
instead of thinking
about yourself for 5 minutes,
331
00:13:28,907 --> 00:13:30,574
why don't you start
thinking about her?
332
00:13:30,642 --> 00:13:32,242
You know,
all she's trying to do
333
00:13:32,310 --> 00:13:35,245
is--is accomplish something
to feel better about her life.
334
00:13:35,313 --> 00:13:37,347
Instead of bitching,
maybe you could throw her
335
00:13:37,416 --> 00:13:39,283
a little support, hmm?
336
00:13:41,453 --> 00:13:42,686
You're fat.
337
00:13:47,692 --> 00:13:48,992
What I'm saying is
338
00:13:49,060 --> 00:13:51,762
I think Plato's careful
organization of his dialogues
339
00:13:51,830 --> 00:13:53,531
is only one of a lot
340
00:13:53,598 --> 00:13:55,232
of devices he used
to make his point.
341
00:13:55,300 --> 00:13:56,600
You mean, like,
even the setting
342
00:13:56,668 --> 00:13:58,168
and--and the names
of the characters
343
00:13:58,236 --> 00:13:59,503
is a deliberate
choice he made?
344
00:13:59,571 --> 00:14:00,938
Absolutely!
345
00:14:01,005 --> 00:14:02,540
(Carrie)Come on, car!
346
00:14:02,607 --> 00:14:04,909
You can only sit herewith this dumb smileon your face
347
00:14:04,976 --> 00:14:06,744
for so long.
348
00:14:06,812 --> 00:14:10,180
Say somethinghalfway intelligent here.
349
00:14:10,248 --> 00:14:12,282
Problem is, Plato took
great care not to leave
350
00:14:12,350 --> 00:14:14,885
any obvious tracks
of the plans of his dialogues.
351
00:14:14,953 --> 00:14:16,019
Right?
352
00:14:16,087 --> 00:14:17,254
Totally.
353
00:14:18,690 --> 00:14:19,790
That's true.
That is why...
354
00:14:19,858 --> 00:14:21,358
(Carrie)Ugh! I'm such an idiot!
355
00:14:21,426 --> 00:14:22,827
Come on, Carrie,you're letting
356
00:14:22,894 --> 00:14:25,395
miss perky breasts hereshow you up.
357
00:14:25,464 --> 00:14:27,832
Look at her,with her perky breasts!
358
00:14:27,899 --> 00:14:30,701
Think of something smartto say.
359
00:14:30,769 --> 00:14:32,570
(Man)
...A very tricky fellow...
360
00:14:32,637 --> 00:14:34,104
(Carrie)♪ Doug and Carrie,Doug and Carrie ♪
361
00:14:34,172 --> 00:14:35,773
♪ Doug and Carrie,Doug and Carrie ♪
362
00:14:35,841 --> 00:14:38,141
Oh, my God! Not now!Not this damned song now!
363
00:14:39,410 --> 00:14:40,544
Focus.
364
00:14:40,612 --> 00:14:43,080
You must haveone good thing
365
00:14:43,147 --> 00:14:44,849
to say aboutthis Plato guy.
366
00:14:44,916 --> 00:14:47,485
You've been readingabout him for 2 weeks.
367
00:14:47,552 --> 00:14:49,954
Of course, that'swith working 10 hours a day.
368
00:14:50,021 --> 00:14:51,622
And tryingto care for my dad,
369
00:14:51,690 --> 00:14:54,191
and trying to keepmy marriage intact.
370
00:14:54,258 --> 00:14:57,094
I'll bet perky breastsdoesn't have to dealwith any of that.
371
00:14:57,896 --> 00:15:00,631
Or scraggle beard.
372
00:15:00,699 --> 00:15:03,266
Perky breastsand scraggle beard.
373
00:15:03,334 --> 00:15:04,702
Sounds likea new cop show.
374
00:15:04,769 --> 00:15:07,237
Help, scraggle beard.I'm hit.
375
00:15:08,907 --> 00:15:11,509
What do you think, Carrie?
376
00:15:11,576 --> 00:15:14,645
Um, I can't help
but wonder, you know,
377
00:15:14,713 --> 00:15:17,815
was Plato really
a student of socrates
378
00:15:17,883 --> 00:15:21,919
or was he, in many ways,
a student of himself, hmm?
379
00:15:25,857 --> 00:15:27,491
Yeah. We just
wanted to know
380
00:15:27,559 --> 00:15:29,994
if you were in the mood
for Chinese.
381
00:15:31,596 --> 00:15:32,663
Totally.
382
00:15:41,839 --> 00:15:43,207
Oh, hi!
You're home. Good.
383
00:15:43,274 --> 00:15:44,508
Listen.
We need to talk.
384
00:15:44,576 --> 00:15:46,009
Yes. We d-definitely
need to talk.
385
00:15:46,077 --> 00:15:48,145
I don't want school
to come between us anymore.
386
00:15:48,213 --> 00:15:50,214
I--I know. I know.
Me, neither. This is great.
387
00:15:50,281 --> 00:15:52,649
Good! That's why
I decided I'm gonna quit!
388
00:15:52,717 --> 00:15:53,850
Quit?
Yes!
389
00:15:53,918 --> 00:15:55,685
Doug, you don't like me
being there,
390
00:15:55,753 --> 00:15:58,088
it's making us argue,
so that's it! I'm gone.
391
00:15:58,156 --> 00:16:00,491
I was just gonna say that
you should stay in school
392
00:16:00,558 --> 00:16:02,126
and that I should
be more supportive.
393
00:16:02,193 --> 00:16:03,527
I had a little speech planned
394
00:16:03,595 --> 00:16:05,329
that was gonna lead
to great make-up sex.
395
00:16:05,396 --> 00:16:07,431
You're ruining it!
396
00:16:07,499 --> 00:16:09,333
Doug! No, no, no!
You got it backwards.
397
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:10,700
You see,
I got caught up
398
00:16:10,768 --> 00:16:12,068
in this whole stupid
school thing
399
00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:13,803
that I wasn't being
supportive of you.
400
00:16:13,871 --> 00:16:15,805
Like with that great
"Doug and Carrie" song,
401
00:16:15,873 --> 00:16:17,407
which, by the way,
is growing on me
402
00:16:17,475 --> 00:16:19,443
like nobody's business.
403
00:16:19,511 --> 00:16:20,944
So, you're doing this
for me?
404
00:16:21,012 --> 00:16:24,114
Yes. Turn up your
miracle ear, corky. For you.
405
00:16:24,182 --> 00:16:25,549
I don't want you
to do it for me.
406
00:16:25,617 --> 00:16:27,117
Well, too bad!
I'm doing it for you!
407
00:16:27,185 --> 00:16:28,852
Well, then don't do it!
408
00:16:28,919 --> 00:16:30,187
I am doing it.
You have no say
in the matter!
409
00:16:30,255 --> 00:16:31,588
Why are you
fighting me on this?
410
00:16:31,656 --> 00:16:33,423
Because I can't read!
411
00:16:35,860 --> 00:16:38,662
I mean, I can read.
Not that.
412
00:16:38,729 --> 00:16:40,063
It's just that
I don't understand
413
00:16:40,131 --> 00:16:41,398
what the hell
I'm reading.
414
00:16:41,466 --> 00:16:42,932
Why not?
415
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,101
'Cause, I cannot
wrap my brain
around all this, you know?
416
00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:47,571
It's like, I'm supposed
to turn in a 10-page paper
417
00:16:47,639 --> 00:16:49,072
on the allegory
of the cave,
418
00:16:49,140 --> 00:16:50,874
and I'm still struggling
with the concept
419
00:16:50,941 --> 00:16:54,010
of 2 darrins
on bewitched.
420
00:16:54,078 --> 00:16:55,945
That's it. I--I thought
I was smart enough,
421
00:16:56,013 --> 00:16:57,147
but I'm not.
422
00:16:57,215 --> 00:16:58,915
That's crazy, Carrie!
You are smart.
423
00:16:58,983 --> 00:17:01,218
Oh, you're just saying that
'cause you're married to me.
424
00:17:01,286 --> 00:17:05,155
Hey! I wouldn't have
married you in the first place
if you weren't so smart.
425
00:17:05,223 --> 00:17:07,090
Really?
426
00:17:07,158 --> 00:17:08,958
Actually, I probably
would have.
I was pretty horny then.
427
00:17:09,927 --> 00:17:11,995
Come on!
You can't quit now!
428
00:17:12,063 --> 00:17:13,063
Yes, I can!
429
00:17:13,130 --> 00:17:14,331
No, you can't!
Now, come on!
430
00:17:14,399 --> 00:17:15,899
We're going back
to the library,
431
00:17:15,966 --> 00:17:18,535
and we're gonna stay
as long as it takes for you
to write the paper
432
00:17:18,603 --> 00:17:19,936
we both know
you can write.
433
00:17:20,004 --> 00:17:21,137
And if that
doesn't work,
434
00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:22,972
we'll just buy one
on the Internet.
435
00:17:25,843 --> 00:17:27,678
Just remember,
I'm here for you.
436
00:17:27,745 --> 00:17:29,112
Your job is to
work on the paper.
437
00:17:29,180 --> 00:17:30,347
I take care of all else.
438
00:17:30,415 --> 00:17:33,049
Food, waste,
et cetera.
439
00:17:33,117 --> 00:17:35,519
Ok, but I'll take care
of my own waste, though.
440
00:17:35,587 --> 00:17:38,288
It's your call.
441
00:17:38,356 --> 00:17:40,957
Oh, man! There's a woman
on the microfilm machine,
442
00:17:41,025 --> 00:17:42,326
and it's
the only one, too.
443
00:17:42,393 --> 00:17:44,561
Ok, you see? This is where
having a manager pays off.
444
00:17:44,629 --> 00:17:47,631
Now, you just go
sharpen your pencil,
and I'll take care of her.
445
00:17:59,944 --> 00:18:02,346
Mmm, wow.
God bless America.
446
00:18:02,413 --> 00:18:04,348
Tuna in
a vending machine.
447
00:18:06,817 --> 00:18:08,652
What's next,
hovercrafts?
448
00:18:11,055 --> 00:18:13,022
You still on this?
You gonna be on this long?
449
00:18:13,090 --> 00:18:14,791
Yes. I-I've quite
a bit of work to do.
450
00:18:14,859 --> 00:18:16,159
Ah, gotcha!
451
00:18:18,129 --> 00:18:19,896
No problem.
I'll wait.
452
00:18:21,399 --> 00:18:24,801
Mmm, wow, dinosaurs.
Interesting stuff.
453
00:18:24,869 --> 00:18:27,537
Tyrannosaurus Rex, man.
Whoo!
454
00:18:27,605 --> 00:18:28,739
He's a big fella.
455
00:18:28,806 --> 00:18:31,007
Betcha he had
a nice size ding-a-ling, huh?
456
00:18:36,013 --> 00:18:39,849
Too bad his arms were
too short to get a go
at it though, right?
457
00:18:44,822 --> 00:18:46,556
Strainin'!
458
00:18:46,624 --> 00:18:49,726
I-I-I've got to go.
459
00:18:49,794 --> 00:18:51,961
Ok. You have
a nice day now, ok?
460
00:18:52,029 --> 00:18:53,129
All right.
461
00:19:03,608 --> 00:19:05,776
Carrie! Carrie!
462
00:19:05,843 --> 00:19:07,377
Plato!
463
00:19:07,445 --> 00:19:09,379
Come on.
You can't sleep now.
What are you doing?
464
00:19:09,447 --> 00:19:10,980
Oh! Where
did you go?
465
00:19:11,048 --> 00:19:13,216
I went home
to get ready for work.
Did you finish the paper?
466
00:19:13,284 --> 00:19:14,318
Uh, well,
let me see.
467
00:19:14,385 --> 00:19:19,323
"Plato was
a wrgn frtta..."
468
00:19:19,390 --> 00:19:22,192
Oh, my God!
My head must have
fallen on the keyboard.
469
00:19:23,127 --> 00:19:24,428
Look. Slap a period on it,
470
00:19:24,495 --> 00:19:25,696
and let's blow
this clam bake.
471
00:19:25,763 --> 00:19:28,031
Come on! It's due in...
Oh, my God! 10 minutes!
472
00:19:28,098 --> 00:19:29,700
Doug, I still have
to print it out,
473
00:19:29,767 --> 00:19:31,234
and his office
is all the way
474
00:19:31,302 --> 00:19:33,337
on the other side of campus.
We'll never make it.
475
00:19:33,404 --> 00:19:34,705
Yes, we will!
No, we won't!
476
00:19:34,772 --> 00:19:36,206
Hey! You listen
to me, missy!
477
00:19:36,273 --> 00:19:39,008
I may not be
good at much in this life,
but I am good at one thing:
478
00:19:39,076 --> 00:19:41,745
Getting packages
to where they're going
on time, every time.
479
00:19:41,813 --> 00:19:43,046
Overnight service
available
480
00:19:43,113 --> 00:19:45,215
in the continental
United States.
No Sunday delivery.
481
00:19:45,282 --> 00:19:47,351
For more information, go to
w.W.W dot I.P.S dot net.
482
00:19:50,722 --> 00:19:52,823
I had coffee.
483
00:19:52,890 --> 00:19:55,859
♪ Cinderella
dressed in yellow ♪
484
00:19:55,926 --> 00:19:59,730
♪ went upstairs to
kiss a fellow, then the-- ♪
485
00:19:59,797 --> 00:20:00,731
[Shrieks]
486
00:20:04,235 --> 00:20:05,235
Come on!
487
00:20:05,302 --> 00:20:06,236
Ok!
488
00:20:07,905 --> 00:20:09,406
We're gonna make it,
aren't we?
489
00:20:09,474 --> 00:20:10,507
Yeah!
We gotta hurry!
490
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:17,881
Oh, my God!
Are you all right?
491
00:20:17,948 --> 00:20:21,117
I was fine until
the phone landed on me.
492
00:20:21,185 --> 00:20:23,453
Go! Just go!
493
00:20:24,856 --> 00:20:26,022
Oh, boy.
494
00:20:30,194 --> 00:20:31,795
(Doug)Ok, everyone.
495
00:20:31,863 --> 00:20:34,030
Um, most of you know meas beer-drinking,
496
00:20:34,098 --> 00:20:37,634
dart-playing,slightly-mysterious Doug.
497
00:20:37,702 --> 00:20:40,871
Tonight, meet thoughtful-poet-with-a-message Doug.
498
00:20:40,938 --> 00:20:42,038
(Crowd)
Whatever.
499
00:20:42,106 --> 00:20:43,874
Aw, screw y'all.
500
00:20:45,777 --> 00:20:49,078
This one I'm dedicatin'to my--my baby
501
00:20:49,146 --> 00:20:50,814
who proved that not onlydoes she have
502
00:20:50,882 --> 00:20:52,115
the looksin this relationship,
503
00:20:52,182 --> 00:20:53,784
but she's alsogot the brains
504
00:20:53,851 --> 00:20:55,652
by acing her college paperwith a c-minus.
505
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:57,921
[All cheering]
506
00:20:59,390 --> 00:21:01,491
No, no, no.
The wings are hers.
507
00:21:01,559 --> 00:21:03,760
But, uh, she needs
dipping sauce.
508
00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:11,000
All right, car,this one is for you.
509
00:21:11,068 --> 00:21:14,070
It's calledlove will keep us together.
510
00:21:14,138 --> 00:21:16,239
[Doug clears throat]
511
00:21:16,307 --> 00:21:18,041
[Off-key]
♪ love
512
00:21:18,108 --> 00:21:20,610
♪ love will keep us
513
00:21:33,858 --> 00:21:35,291
♪ togeth...
514
00:21:39,096 --> 00:21:40,864
♪ Toget--toget...
515
00:21:43,100 --> 00:21:44,801
♪ Doug and Carrie,Doug and Carrie ♪
516
00:21:44,869 --> 00:21:46,903
♪ Doug and Carrie,Doug and Carrie ♪
517
00:21:46,971 --> 00:21:48,839
♪ Doug and Carrie,Doug and Carrie ♪
518
00:21:48,906 --> 00:21:50,707
♪ Doug and Carrie,Doug and Carrie ♪
519
00:21:51,676 --> 00:21:54,377
[Crowd cheering]
520
00:21:54,445 --> 00:21:56,079
♪ Doug and Carrie,Doug and Carrie ♪
521
00:21:56,146 --> 00:21:58,047
♪ Doug and Carrie,Doug and Carrie ♪
522
00:22:01,719 --> 00:22:03,086
♪ Doug and Carrie!38511
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