Original subtitles

Yeah.

[CAT MEOWING]

Well, don't just sit there. Do something.

You're free.

Go away.

How would you like a good swift"?

[BEEPING]

[CAT MEOWS]

[CATS HISSING 8. MEOWING]

MAN: Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Here, kitty, kitty.

Here, kitty. Here, kitty.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty. Here, kitty.

Here, kitty. Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Ah. We won't be needing this, will we?

I wasn't doing nothing.

Found a cat, that's all.

No crime there, is there?

Just found a stray cat is all I did.

Well, there's nothing wrong there, is there?

That's for finding him.

Where do you take them?

I don't take them nowhere.

Make it 5.

I take them to Curvy.

Who's Curvy?

Just Curvy. He and his chum.

They've got this whole house all stocked up with cats.

Loves cats. Hates to see them walk the streets, you might say.

You know? Pays you for them it you bring them to the house.

Two bob. Five bob, if it's a special big one.

Loves big cats, they do.

One more question.

Where do I find this house with Corvy and his chum?

Sit down.

Do you recognize the subject, Mr. Solo?

Uh... Benjamin Lancer, Ph.D.. dean emeritus, Harvard.

Possibly, I'm not sure of that.

Science chair in biochemistry at Trimble College...

...national science award for work in genetic linkages...

...and x-ray-induced mutations.

He shared the Nobel Prize in 1952 for biology.

Retired, uh, three years ago.

WAVERLY: That's when this picture was taken.

SOLO: Mm-hm.

SOLO: And I would say that was the same man about 30 years ago.

This picture was taken last week, Mr. Solo.

A son?

Well, there's no record of a son to Dr. Lancer.

Uh-huh.

- It doesn't change the picture any. - There's another fact you should know.

If these two pictures represent father and son...

...then we must consider the fact that the two sets of fingerprints...

...which accompanied the pictures are identical.

Well, fingerprints have been faked before, sir.

I'd like to see both men, make a positive identification.

Get a retinal pattern, for example.

I'd like to talk to Dr. Lancer.

You'll have to find him first, however.

He's disappeared.

Are you going to give me any hint or shall I start from scratch?

Well, he does have a daughter, Lorelei.

She's a model for the House of De Sala in Paris.

Hmm. Well, thank you.

Oh, Mr. Solo.

When you contact Miss Lancer...

...please keep it in mind that although you are investigating a biological mystery...

...your relationship with Miss Lancer on behalf of U.N.C.L.E...

...is research of another order.

Duty first.

Will I have time to stop in London and see Kuryakin in the hospital?

Mr. Kuryakin left the hospital this morning.

By now he's back chasing cats in Soho.

ILLYA: Kitty, kitty, kitty.

Yes? I am Madame De Sala.

How do you do?

Enchanté.

“Napoleon Solo.“

What do you wish, monsieur?

I just told your charming young lady the exact truth.

I want to see Miss Lancer.

For what purpose?

Well, it may just not concern you.

Everything have concerns me.

Do you think because she is a model you may just come in and just, just"?

Scout's honor. “Just, just“ is the last thing in my mind.

Who are you and what do you wish?

When those two are answered, I shall decide if you are to see Lorelei or no.

Thank you. Good afternoon.

I have no trouble introducing myself...

...if it's too much 01a burden for you.

Lorelei, this is a man who calls himself Napoleon Solo.

Whoever that might be. He wishes to speak with you.

I would advise you not.

Thank you.

I wanna ask you about your father, Miss Lancer.

I'm sorry, Mr. Solo, I really don't wish to speak to you.

Miss Lancer, I must reach your father. His life may depend on it.

You can reach me here.

You may leave this way.

I'm sorry, child.

I know that was an embarrassment.

Madame, why didn't you want me to talk to him?

I am worried about my father.

Leave. Leave us, please.

Um... Please.

Thank you.

Why is because he is the enemy.

In what way?

Because we are women.

How can I explain to you a whole history of the world which we did not create?

They put it together. They did.

Why do you think I engage myself...

...in the making and selling of dresses?

Do you, perhaps, believe it is all of which I am capable?

Do you think I wish nothing else in life?

I want.

I want that which belongs to me no less than to a man.

It is power.

A power that is almost within my grasp.

No, it is not fantasy.

It is not madness.

In a world controlled by men...

...I have found a way to control the controllers.

But you will understand when you are told.

Where is my father, madame?

I cannot tell you even that.

Please don't press me. But believe in me.

And do not converse with that man again.

I beg of you. Your life may depend upon it.

This needs something more fluid.

Olga, the beads.

She will not talk to that man again.

And you will see to it.

Uh, camel relay. Research and Files, please. for Napoleon Solo.

[BEEPING]

Camel Station. Research and Files.

Wanda. Good evening.

Oh, hello, Mr. Solo.

Beautiful moon here. How is your moon?

I don't know. No windows.

Never mind.

I'll share this one with you.

To begin with, it's a little different than the moon we have at home.

The one we have here is a girl moon.

And her eyes are open wide...

...and her mouth is open in the shape of an 0...

...because she's just been kissed.

I'll relay your information to Mt. Wilson Observatory, Mr. Solo.

Ahem. Actually, sir, uh-- [PHONE RINGING]

They might ask you to read a paper on the subject.

The phone is ringing, sir.

Well, what else did you have in mind when you called this station, Mr. Solo?

- One moment, please. - That's perfectly all right.

Take all the time you need to recollect.

Mr. Solo, this is Lorelei Lancer.

The fact is, sir, I met an extraordinary woman this afternoon.

A Madame De Sala. And I'll need a dossier on her.

I'll call you back in a half-hour.

Yes, Miss Lancer?

- Mr. Solo. - At your service.

You said my father may be in trouble.

What sort of trouble?

We can't find him.

- Who is we? - I work for U.N.C.L.E.

I'd appreciate it it you kept that confidential.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

- Who is it? - It's Olga.

Come in.

Make yourself a drink.

Well, that doesn't necessarily mean anything.

My father often shuts himself 0”. Sometimes for a year or more.

Who is that?

- Miss Lancer? - Yes, Mr. Solo, I'm here.

Please, I wouldn't come if I didn't think it was urgent.

I must know where I can reach him.

Tell him you'll call him back.

Please trust me, Miss Lancer.

I have to do what I think is right.

- Mr. Solo. - Yes.7

I haven't seen my father in more than a year.

I don't know where he is.

But I do have a way to reach him.

Care of Phillip Bainbridge, Byram Club, London.

Miss Lancer? Who is Phillip Bainbridge?

Miss Lancer?

You have been disconnected.

NORMAN: Good morning. - Sir Norman.

Is it really you?

How are you, Thwait?

May I say how delighted we are...

...that you honor us with your presence after all this time.

It has been far too long.

Thank you, Thwait.

You've allowed nothing to change. Ha-ha-ha.

Despite the years between, I am at home.

Thank you, sir. Shall I take you to see Mr. Bainbridge now?

Please.

[APPLAUDING]

That's it.

Everyone is so delighted to see you here again, sir.

Mr. Bainbridge is over there, sir.

I should like to go over there by myself.

Very well, sir.

Lancer. Is it really you?

Try me.

What is the Bridge of Lions?

A private chess society.

What was your most recent move?

Queen to black Queen's Bishop 4.

Describe to me the events of November the 3rd, 1919.

November 3rd is my birthday.

In 1919, I was 37 years old.

You and I were part of the Mackenson polar expedition of that year.

On November 3rd, we were on the ice pack north of Greenland...

...debating if we should shoot a polar bear we had tracked.

You said, “If we shoot the old hey, we shall have to lug him back to camp.“

And you said, “The sensible thing to do would be not to shoot him...

...but to train him to follow us back to camp.“

[NORMAN CHUCKLING]

Nearly 50 years ago.

I couldn't believe the process worked.

I had to come and see for myself.

But why this Bainbridge? Why the alias?

You wouldn't want our secret to leak out, would you?

It only I'd had this at the right time.

Five more years I needed and they turned me out.

Norman, now we can give you 25 years.

Oh! He's forgotten his medicine, you see.

[BELL RINGING]

[BELL RINGING]

- Good afternoon, sir. - Be out of me way, will you, man.

I must give him his medicine.

We do not allow female persons on the premises.

I am not a female person. I am a registered nurse.

Nevertheless, you are not a male nurse.

Do you mean to say that in a matter of life and death, you would not allow me in?

Under all circumstances...

...there has never been a woman in the Byram Club.

Has none of you a mother?

These members who have...

...arrange to meet their mothers on the outside.

To whom should the medicine be given?

I would not trust you with an aspirin.

[SO BS]

I'd offer you my shoulder to cry on, but we haven't been formally introduced.

But if you like, I'll take your medicine inside for you.

It is for Sir Norman Swicken.

And he understands the manner of the medication.

And as for myself, I wouldn't care to be introduced...

...to a gentleman who meets his mother on the outside.

I'm Napoleon Solo. I have an appointment with Phillip Bainbridge.

Very good, sir. Please step this way.

Thank you.

Oh. Sir Norman is still with him, sir.

Wait here while I go and see about your appointment.

- Thank you. - Shall I take the medicine with me?

Well, under the circumstances, I think I should give it to him personally.

Very good, sir.

[CHATTERING]

[WHISPERING INAUDIBLY]

Good heavens. A woman.

[GUNSHOT]

[CLUB MEMBERS CHATTERING]

He's dead.

Send Mr. Jordin in, please.

You wished to see me, Mr. Chang?

Yes.

- Be seated, please. - Mm-hm.

We noticed a certain interest in certain matters on the part of U.N.C.L.E.

For example, they are very disturbed...

...because a man named Phillip Bainbridge was killed.

By Thrush, I assume.

You would think so, wouldn't you?

Of course, when your hands are in your pockets...

...it is not always possible for one hand to know what the other is doing.

But in this case, I think we did not kill him.

We have no information on Bainbridge whatsoever.

I'll look into it.

Also, U.N.C.L.E. is interested in Dr. Benjamin Lancer, the biochemist.

They are asking questions intensively.

I'll look into it.

According to our dossier on Lancer...

...he was very close to a Professor Alexander Gritsky...

...for a number of years.

Nobel Prize in chemistry, 1933.

Yes, they worked together.

I'll look into it.

Also, Professor Gritsky and Dr. Lancer are both members of the Bridge of Lions...

...the chess society.

Sir Norman Swicken?

Yes.

And finally, U.N.C.L.E. has stationed IIIya Kuryakin in London's Soho.

And he has been following cats.

Kuryakin.

Following cats?

Bainbridge, Lancer, Gritsky. the Bridge of Lions, Swicken.

Kuryakin follows cats.

I'll look into everything.

Good.

[MEOWING]

[BEEPING]

[CLICKS DEVICE OFF]

[DOG BARKING]

[SIGHS]

Shh.

Get out.

ILLYA: Shh.

Stop.

Get away. Get away, dog.

You're standing in the middle of the driveway.

It's very dangerous. People get hurt that way.

This is private property, sir. And you're trespassing.

Unless, of course, I'm a guest.

You don't look like a guest to me, sir.

You're an American, aren't you?

Yes, sir, I am.

Good day, sir.

[BELL RINGS]

- Ah, it is you. - Ah, it is you.

I am told to inform you to wait where you are.

Mr. Fleeton is on his way here to get you.

Oh, the guard at the gate?

Put your feet away.

You don't look like the kind of girl who'd stand by and watch me get my neck broke.

You're right. I shall tum my back.

I did not ask you to come in. And I do not want you here.

If you do not leave of your own accord, I will scream down the house, I will.

And the noise will annoy Sir Norman and he'll be very put out.

Ave, and so will you when Fleeton gets here.

All right, give this to Sir Norman.

It is the medicine I gave to you at the Byram Club this morning.

Exactly. Give it to Sir Norman and tell him exactly where you got it.

Are you a member of the Bridge of Lions, sir?

Sir?

Although you feel free to study these boards...

...they are the property of the Bridge of Lions.

Their examination is privileged to the membership of that society.

Well, I'm sorry, sir. If I offended you by looking at the games.

If this is about today's murder...

...immediately I left the Byram Club...

...I went to New Scotland Yard and made a full statement.

If you like, I shall arrange to furnish you with a copy.

They already have.

Sir, was Dr. Lancer killed at the Byram Club today?

“And I do hereby assert of my own free will and under sacred oath...

...that I did this day witness the death by murder of Phillip Bainbridge.“

You haven't answered my question, sir.

Did you see Bainbridge?

If he'd been Lancer, he'd have to be 83 years old.

You think he was 83 years old?

Look at my hands.

Did you see Bainbridge's hands, how steady they were?

When I saw him, he was dead.

Everyone's hands are steady when they're dead.

Then I will vouch to you that Bainbridge's hands were steady...

...when he was alive.

That's not the question, sir.

The question is, who was Phillip Bainbridge?

And was he Benjamin Lancer? And will you vouch that he was not?

This is Benjamin Lancer's board.

We all have our own boards so that we can play by mail when we're not together.

Did you know that over 30 million deaths were caused by World War I?

Unnecessary.

An accident of history brought about by a breakdown of communications.

Not between nations, but between men.

The men who create history...

...who speak for the nations and say yes and no to fate.

It was then that I decided to build a bridge...

...between the great men and the great minds of the world.

The Bridge of Lions.

So that the borders of the nations could not come between these men...

...when they desire to communicate with each other.

Sir Norman...

...who was killed at the Byram Club today?

NORMAN: Queen to Black Queen's Bishop 4.

Sir?

Phillip Bainbridge.

Well, where is Benjamin Lancer, then?

Dead.

Just as Phillip Bainbridge is dead.

It's time for your medicine, Sir Norman.

[GROANS]

I take pills...

...therefore I exist.

[GRUNTS]

Napoleon Solo on channel.

How shines the moon down by England's fair land?

Sony to disenchant you, my deal. It shines not at all.

Well, that never stopped you before.

Report, my child. with regard to a certain Madame De Sala.

That extraordinary woman.

Pure hostility caused by sheer envy.

Madame was born in 1931.

Her mother died the same year, father died nine years later.

He was a general and a member of the Bridge of Lions.

Sir Norman Swicken took the child into his home to bring her up.

Well, that's a good beginning for a Victorian novel.

Two establishments of haute couture.

One for the rich rich, the other for the poor rich.

All original capital supplied by Sir Norman Swicken...

...who remains a major partner.

Leaving out the Bridge of Lions...

...is there any connection between either Swickert 01 De Sala and Lancer?

Uh... Let me see.

There's a biochemist named Alexander Gritsky...

...financed by De Sala's cosmetics company.

Hormone research. Gritsky used to be a pupil of Lancer.

[METAL SCREECHING]

Napoleon ? Napoleon ?

[MOTORCYCLE APPROACHING]

Mr- Sofa?

Mr- Sofa?

[STATIC CRACKLING]

You'd better not be putting me on, Napoleon.

Mr. Waverly, I can't recover contact with Mr. Solo and his channel is still open.

Camel Station. Waverly speaking.

Mr. Solo, we're trying to contact you. Can you respond?

Mr. Solo, can you respond?

Please don't shout.

Mr. Solo is going to have a very nasty headache as it is.

If he recovers consciousness.

You might send him a couple of aspirins, if you care.

About three and a half miles just north of lesser Littlehampton.

Who is this?

A Good Samaritan.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[DOGS BARKING]

[CATS MEOWING]

I'm sorry, sir, we've closed. I'm sorry, sir, we're--

- You like it? - It's extraordinary workmanship.

- And the jewels look real. - Well, they are.

Naturally, for a collar such as this, I need a very elegant cat.

A nice, big, fat one.

Well, I'm a bit confused, sir.

Which do you wish, elegant or fat?

What I need is the kind of cat that gets himself stolen.

I see.

[CATS MEOWING]

Leave it, Professor Gritsky.

You will find a part precisely similar in the new laboratory.

It is not parts, it is a totality.

Here is a place where I come day after day.

And all 01a sudden we are divorced, this room and I.

You see? Here is Curvy.

Whatever you want from here, he will bring to you.

Now, please come. We must go.

DE SALA: Go with Phaeton.

Start the motor. We shall be with you in seconds.

You see? You're very nervous, just like all cats.

You worry a lot.

And you get very frightened.

Give me your hatpin.

You see? Corvy's with you.

There's nothing to be afraid of.

Old friends.

Old, beautiful, beautiful, friendly cats waiting to be kittens again.

Just like you.

[WIND WHISTLING]

The temperature charts. I must get the temperature charts.

- We have them, Professor Gritsky. - Your hat.

Go back to the car. Go back to the car.

[DEVICE BEEPING]

[CATS MEOWING]

[CLICKS DEVICE OFF]

Hello, kitty. What did they do to you?

How did you become a little kitten?

You were a big cat the last time I saw you.

[DOOR OPENS]

[GUNSHOT]

[GUNSHOT]

- IIIya? - Napoleon?

ILLYA: Very funny.

Indeed.

Is that who you're looking for?

His name is Curvy. He collected cats.

I'm looking for a biochemist named Alexander Gritsky.

ILLYA: Ah.

ILLYA: And he's the man...

...for whom Corvy collected the cats.

Did you know that the nervous system of the cat...

...is the closest thing to the nervous system of a human?

Did you know that?

Hatpin.

Hatpin.

[SOLO GRUNTS]

Well. Hello, kitten.

If Corvy collected cats and only cats...

...where do the kittens come from?

ILLYA: That kitten was a big fat cat less than two hours ago.

SOLO: Hmm?

Hatpin.

Hatpin.

I think this is the hat the hatpin was in before it was in Mr. Curvy.

You know who put up the money for the House of De Sala?

Swicken. Sir Norman Swicken.

How would you like to go for a little ride in the country?

Sir Swicken has a lovely place in the country.

Well, if I can't get an explanation...

...01 what you're talking about, I'll settle for the ride.

DE SALA: Come, professor.

Stay here.

Madam, he is waiting for you.

But it is long past time for him to be in his bed.

Yes, thank you. Good night.

Please.

Do not keep him too long.

He is like a candle flickering.

Norman?

Norman, I have brought Professor Gritsky with me.

[NORMAN SIGHS]

Professor Gritsky will make all of his preparations tonight.

And by morning, you will have your first treatment.

There is a time to die.

Go, please. Make everything ready.

Cold.

Too late, Raine. Too late.

Time is the enemy.

It wounds you with its days.

We will wound time.

You and I and Gritsky.

I have no purpose to fight.

I remember when they turned out Winston Churchill.

I was hardly an old man then.

I thought, how dare they do this?

How dare they?

And then my tum came.

And I was far more angry because it was me.

Well, I thought, let them get on without me.

Hmm.

They did.

But what have they done?

Is this the kind of world you would have made?

I ran out of time.

I don't want it now, Raine.

To Iie awake wondering how to move puny people to great purposes.

When I was 10 years old...

...I was in love with you.

I would say to myself...

...one day I will marry him.

How I raced.

How I raced to grow up fast.

Do you remember...

...when I was 16 and I would sit by your side...

...with my head on your lap?

I love you still, my Norman.

Yes, you have run out of time.

But that is all.

And we can give that back to you.

Do you remember the power you once had?

It was in you.

When I was a very little girl and I would learn you were going to go into a room...

...I would race to get to that room before you.

The room itself would change.

If there were people in it...

...they would stop and wait...

...and listen to what you would say to them.

How I longed then to take your hand...

...and walk with you through the halls of power.

To feel that terrible strength going from you into me.

And it shall be.

Take my hand, Norman...

...and let me lead you back to greatness.

[SCUFFLING]

You should be saying, "Romeo, Romeo. wherefore art thou, Romeo?“

- Well, I-- - No, I'm not what you think I am.

I'm enough of a lady so that I wouldn't know how to think what I think you are.

I'd like to introduce you to my chaperon. Mr. Kuryakin, this is Miss Sweet.

Well, if you're going to be looking at me in my nightgown you should be red-faced.

I think all that's necessary is that we speak to the girl...

...and client her as to who we are and what we are...

...and the principles that we stand for and I think it--

[MACHINE HUMMING]

Soon .

[MACHINE HUMMING]

[HUMMING STOPS]

[ENGLISH SDH]