Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:32,609 --> 00:00:35,984
It's No Dice! A game of wits,
a game of skill,
2
00:00:36,067 --> 00:00:38,024
but most of all,
a game of chance,
3
00:00:38,109 --> 00:00:42,692
where brains will only get
you so far, because on No Dice...
4
00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:45,984
The dice decide!
5
00:00:46,067 --> 00:00:50,359
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
it's time for the Hot Table.
6
00:00:50,442 --> 00:00:52,024
Does paradise await?
7
00:00:52,109 --> 00:00:55,901
Or will Floyd succumb
to the viscous snake eyes?
8
00:00:55,984 --> 00:00:57,442
Back to you, Chip.
9
00:00:57,526 --> 00:01:00,359
Floyd, your total
for the week is 12,500,
10
00:01:00,442 --> 00:01:02,149
plus you've won
the living room set.
11
00:01:02,234 --> 00:01:05,692
- It's a lot on the line, Floyd.
- Sure, it is.
12
00:01:05,775 --> 00:01:07,608
It's all up to you, Floyd.
13
00:01:07,692 --> 00:01:10,442
Are you going to walk away
or let it ride?
14
00:01:10,525 --> 00:01:12,775
Um, I, um...
15
00:01:12,858 --> 00:01:15,525
- He should be here any minute.
I'm going
to let it ride.
16
00:01:15,608 --> 00:01:17,859
He's going to let it ride!
17
00:01:18,859 --> 00:01:20,484
Are you nervous?
18
00:01:23,109 --> 00:01:25,067
It's okay.
I'm nervous too.
19
00:01:25,150 --> 00:01:29,609
Are you r-r-r-ready to roll?
20
00:01:29,692 --> 00:01:31,234
I'm ready to roll, Chip!
21
00:01:34,067 --> 00:01:37,651
Hey. You're about to have
the real thing, right?
22
00:01:59,859 --> 00:02:04,108
Sir, just a reminder, we are filming
this visit for Dreams2realities.com.
23
00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:07,525
Steph, how long have you
been working on the show?
24
00:02:11,234 --> 00:02:13,025
How about a mint?
25
00:02:17,317 --> 00:02:18,818
Wallet.
26
00:02:19,818 --> 00:02:21,025
Phone.
27
00:02:22,818 --> 00:02:25,776
All right, we're doing 15 minutes
tops with this old bag.
28
00:02:25,859 --> 00:02:29,734
So when I say, "Boy, I sure
have the best fans!"
29
00:02:29,818 --> 00:02:33,192
you make a pained expression, look at your
watch and say, "I'm so sorry..."
30
00:02:33,275 --> 00:02:35,150
"Sorry, we have to head
to the airport now."
31
00:02:35,234 --> 00:02:38,234
Now, watch how it's done. I might
even get us out of here in 10.
32
00:02:42,359 --> 00:02:44,984
Mr. Crawford.
Please, come in.
33
00:02:45,067 --> 00:02:47,567
And where is
the lucky young lady?!
34
00:02:48,817 --> 00:02:50,817
Well, hello there.
You must be Enid.
35
00:02:50,901 --> 00:02:53,234
Wow. You know, I was
just telling Steph here,
36
00:02:53,317 --> 00:02:58,484
we were just so moved, Enid,
when we'd heard your story.
37
00:02:58,567 --> 00:03:01,776
We couldn't wait
to come and meet
such a special lady.
38
00:03:02,693 --> 00:03:06,234
Oh boy. Tea time
with Chip and Enid.
39
00:03:06,693 --> 00:03:08,067
I love tea.
40
00:03:08,150 --> 00:03:12,609
Enid, I hear that you are
the biggest No Dice fan
41
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,567
in your retirement community.
42
00:03:14,651 --> 00:03:17,025
In fact, it says here that...
43
00:03:17,109 --> 00:03:20,901
you wrestled a man for
the remote when he tried
to change the channel.
44
00:03:21,442 --> 00:03:24,484
Steph, I think I found
my new bodyguard.
45
00:03:24,567 --> 00:03:27,609
Steph, let's show Enid some
of those amazing prizes.
46
00:03:27,693 --> 00:03:28,901
Okay?
47
00:03:31,275 --> 00:03:33,025
Thanks, hon.
48
00:03:33,109 --> 00:03:34,484
Oh, Enid.
Look at this.
49
00:03:34,567 --> 00:03:37,526
It's a No Dice T-shirt.
50
00:03:37,609 --> 00:03:39,109
Yeah.
51
00:03:39,609 --> 00:03:41,734
Oh, that's gonna look
terrific on you.
52
00:03:41,817 --> 00:03:44,859
Uh... Oh. Oh wow!
53
00:03:44,942 --> 00:03:47,901
Enid, look at that!
It's a genuine No Dice buzzer.
54
00:03:49,192 --> 00:03:51,192
You know, they don't give these
to just anyone.
55
00:03:51,817 --> 00:03:54,109
Yeah. You know what?
Can we do that one again?
56
00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:56,359
Let's take that one again.
All right.
57
00:03:56,442 --> 00:03:59,567
What do we have here?
Oh, holy smokes,
58
00:03:59,651 --> 00:04:01,943
a genuine No Dice buzzer!
59
00:04:02,984 --> 00:04:04,442
Even I don't have one of these.
60
00:04:04,526 --> 00:04:05,734
Here.
61
00:04:05,818 --> 00:04:08,859
Okay, keep it comin', Steph.
62
00:04:08,943 --> 00:04:13,067
Enid, I think we got one more
amazing prize for you.
63
00:04:13,150 --> 00:04:17,149
Wow. Look at that.
Genuine No Dice dice.
64
00:04:20,651 --> 00:04:22,858
Mmm. Lipton's?
65
00:04:24,149 --> 00:04:25,358
My favorite.
66
00:04:28,567 --> 00:04:30,108
Ah!
67
00:04:30,651 --> 00:04:33,776
Boy. I sure have the best fans.
68
00:04:41,192 --> 00:04:43,233
Could you excuse me
for just a minute?
69
00:04:45,317 --> 00:04:47,108
- We got this, Steph.
- We're outta here.
70
00:04:47,192 --> 00:04:49,317
Sir, we haven't even
been here for five minutes.
71
00:04:49,401 --> 00:04:52,274
Tea time. Enid. Chip.
Bam. Done. We're out.
72
00:04:52,358 --> 00:04:54,274
Mr. Crawford,
with all due respect,
73
00:04:54,358 --> 00:04:56,401
if the goal here is to
demonstrate your humanity
74
00:04:56,483 --> 00:04:57,901
- and relatability...
- Zip it!
75
00:04:57,983 --> 00:04:59,776
Now, you listen to me, missy.
76
00:04:59,858 --> 00:05:01,442
You think you can
tell me what to do?
77
00:05:01,526 --> 00:05:04,401
I'm the talent,
and I say when we're done,
and we're done here.
78
00:05:05,024 --> 00:05:08,317
I could have your little
millennial ass fired
just like this.
79
00:05:08,401 --> 00:05:10,692
- So if you think for one sec...
- Thank you.
80
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:18,233
What's that?
81
00:05:19,567 --> 00:05:21,274
For coming here.
82
00:05:22,901 --> 00:05:23,942
Thank...
83
00:05:25,608 --> 00:05:26,692
Thank you, Chip.
84
00:05:31,526 --> 00:05:35,608
I'm so sorry
I was so shy before, I...
85
00:05:37,149 --> 00:05:40,567
I guess I was just nervous
to meet you, you know?
86
00:05:41,067 --> 00:05:43,901
You see, I am your biggest fan.
87
00:05:44,608 --> 00:05:47,483
- Is that right?
- Oh yes.
88
00:05:47,567 --> 00:05:53,024
I... love... No Dice. I...
89
00:05:53,776 --> 00:05:56,692
How even if you work
your way to the Hot Table,
90
00:05:56,776 --> 00:05:59,401
it's still up to chance.
91
00:05:59,483 --> 00:06:01,317
The dice decide.
92
00:06:01,817 --> 00:06:05,526
It's-it's wonderful.
It's like life.
93
00:06:05,608 --> 00:06:08,483
Uh-huh. Start filming again.
94
00:06:13,024 --> 00:06:16,817
Listen, I don't remember
too much these days.
95
00:06:16,901 --> 00:06:21,149
But I sure do remember
the first time I saw No Dice.
96
00:06:21,776 --> 00:06:24,526
Oh, when that lady won,
and you picked her up
97
00:06:24,608 --> 00:06:29,483
and you swung her around,
it was like you'd won too.
98
00:06:32,274 --> 00:06:35,149
What I really, really love
about No Dice...
99
00:06:36,942 --> 00:06:39,108
is you, Chip.
100
00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:42,858
And-and at
my retirement community
101
00:06:42,942 --> 00:06:44,733
when those ladies
at the other table,
102
00:06:44,817 --> 00:06:46,733
they wanna watch Wheel,
103
00:06:46,817 --> 00:06:48,274
I get so mad. I say,
104
00:06:48,358 --> 00:06:50,401
"Why would you
settle for second best
105
00:06:50,483 --> 00:06:52,776
when you can have Chip?"
106
00:06:52,858 --> 00:06:56,024
When they wanna
turn the channel,
I wanna smack 'em.
107
00:07:00,442 --> 00:07:02,233
Well. Um...
108
00:07:02,692 --> 00:07:07,358
I am so glad that we could
make your dream come true,
Enid.
109
00:07:07,442 --> 00:07:10,983
If you're happy, I'm happy.
110
00:07:15,149 --> 00:07:19,401
So, um,
I think it's about time...
111
00:07:19,483 --> 00:07:21,692
To play.
112
00:07:24,776 --> 00:07:27,192
- Play what?
- No Dice.
113
00:07:28,024 --> 00:07:29,858
That was the dream.
114
00:07:30,776 --> 00:07:32,108
The dream?
115
00:07:32,192 --> 00:07:34,317
Dreams 2 Realities.
116
00:07:35,401 --> 00:07:38,108
Play No Dice with Chip Crawford.
117
00:07:40,149 --> 00:07:41,692
I thought it was tea time?
118
00:07:41,776 --> 00:07:45,442
Oh, well, I always serve
refreshments to my guests.
119
00:07:45,526 --> 00:07:50,692
Oh God, I can't believe
I'm gonna play No Dice
with Chip Crawford!
120
00:07:55,067 --> 00:07:59,149
Oh... boy. Does that sound fun.
121
00:07:59,233 --> 00:08:01,608
And special.
122
00:08:01,692 --> 00:08:03,358
Wow.
123
00:08:03,901 --> 00:08:05,817
You know,
I would absolutely love
124
00:08:05,901 --> 00:08:08,983
to play No Dice with you,
Enid, my biggest fan.
125
00:08:09,067 --> 00:08:12,233
But the thing is, we really
need to get to the airport.
126
00:08:12,317 --> 00:08:15,024
You wouldn't want me to miss
my flight, would you?
127
00:08:15,108 --> 00:08:16,942
No, of course not.
128
00:08:17,024 --> 00:08:18,704
Then they'd have to do
No Dice without me,
129
00:08:18,733 --> 00:08:20,901
and I know you don't want that.
130
00:08:22,442 --> 00:08:25,233
It's Steph's fault, really.
131
00:08:25,317 --> 00:08:28,108
It's just a rookie mistake,
but she makes them all the time.
132
00:08:28,192 --> 00:08:30,817
Truth is, it's becoming
a bit of a pattern...
133
00:08:30,901 --> 00:08:32,484
with her.
134
00:08:32,567 --> 00:08:34,609
- The job's not a good fit...
- No, Chip.
135
00:08:34,692 --> 00:08:37,442
Actually our flight
isn't for three hours.
136
00:08:37,859 --> 00:08:39,149
Steph, uh...
137
00:08:39,234 --> 00:08:41,234
In fact, if I head
to the airport now,
138
00:08:41,317 --> 00:08:43,609
I can pick up your
Preparation H on the way.
139
00:08:43,692 --> 00:08:45,234
Still extra strength, right?
140
00:08:46,775 --> 00:08:49,359
Oh, that is funny, Steph!
141
00:08:49,442 --> 00:08:51,359
That's really funny.
The thing is,
142
00:08:51,442 --> 00:08:53,400
I need you to drive me
to the airport.
143
00:08:53,484 --> 00:08:58,317
That's fine Chip.
I'll call a car for you
in, say, one hour?
144
00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:01,650
That should give you and Enid
plenty of time to play No Dice.
145
00:09:02,692 --> 00:09:03,942
Have fun!
146
00:09:13,775 --> 00:09:15,775
More tea, dear?
147
00:09:16,109 --> 00:09:18,400
Oh no. I've had plenty.
148
00:09:25,484 --> 00:09:27,984
- Now where are you going?
- Smoke break.
149
00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:30,859
Julius gets one every two hours.
150
00:09:33,984 --> 00:09:36,109
Can I ask you something?
151
00:09:38,859 --> 00:09:40,149
Fine.
152
00:09:41,024 --> 00:09:44,317
Do you remember that
little move you used to make?
153
00:09:45,525 --> 00:09:47,274
- What?
- You know...
154
00:09:47,817 --> 00:09:51,024
"Are you r-r-r-ready to roll?"
155
00:09:51,109 --> 00:09:52,567
Remember?
156
00:09:52,650 --> 00:09:57,484
You used to say it like that.
"Are you r-r-r-ready to roll?"
157
00:09:58,274 --> 00:10:00,149
Why did you change it?
158
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:05,192
Well, Enid, the same reason
I still have this mustache...
159
00:10:05,274 --> 00:10:07,024
You fans.
160
00:10:07,484 --> 00:10:08,484
What?
161
00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:11,567
Clean-shaven Chip
didn't test well.
162
00:10:11,650 --> 00:10:13,609
You fans decided
you didn't want Chip
163
00:10:13,692 --> 00:10:15,484
to wink or point
at the camera anymore.
164
00:10:15,567 --> 00:10:19,650
You fans decided that
would make you uncomfortable.
165
00:10:20,859 --> 00:10:22,900
You fans.
166
00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:27,692
Are you all right, Chip?
167
00:10:29,192 --> 00:10:31,067
Do I seem not all right?
168
00:10:31,149 --> 00:10:34,274
You just... you don't
seem like yourself.
169
00:10:34,359 --> 00:10:36,067
Not myself?
170
00:10:37,192 --> 00:10:39,775
Do I not seem like
myself to you?
171
00:10:39,859 --> 00:10:43,109
You seem different from
how you are on the show.
172
00:10:43,192 --> 00:10:45,109
Well, Enid.
173
00:10:45,192 --> 00:10:47,942
Let's see, I've got
the network up my ass,
174
00:10:48,024 --> 00:10:49,442
telling me that
my ratings are down,
175
00:10:49,525 --> 00:10:51,109
and my audience
is turning on me.
176
00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:55,400
And now I've been abandoned
by my producer,
177
00:10:55,484 --> 00:10:58,734
and I am stuck in this
shitty motel room with you.
178
00:10:58,817 --> 00:11:03,024
So forgive me, if as I make
your dreams into reality,
179
00:11:03,109 --> 00:11:06,024
I'm not perfectly cheery!
180
00:11:06,109 --> 00:11:10,567
So does this mean we're
not gonna play No Dic?
181
00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:14,734
See! This is what you get!
182
00:11:14,817 --> 00:11:17,859
You can't please the network!
Can't please the fans!
Can't win!
183
00:11:17,942 --> 00:11:20,984
This is what you get
from being the nice guy!
184
00:11:21,067 --> 00:11:22,525
You get bled out!
185
00:11:23,067 --> 00:11:24,400
I gotta take a stand somewhere.
186
00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:27,192
I don't care if I have
to walk to the airport.
187
00:11:27,274 --> 00:11:29,109
I'm outta here!
188
00:11:30,234 --> 00:11:31,942
Excuse me, Julius!
189
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:34,400
Hey!
190
00:11:34,775 --> 00:11:36,442
You just assaulted me!
191
00:11:36,525 --> 00:11:38,775
Your nurse just assaulted me.
192
00:11:40,484 --> 00:11:44,274
This... This is where
I call the cops.
193
00:11:46,775 --> 00:11:47,859
Fuck!
194
00:11:48,317 --> 00:11:51,317
Okay. This is where
I call the cops!
195
00:11:54,525 --> 00:11:57,734
- What the...
- Oh, Chip.
196
00:11:58,984 --> 00:12:02,775
I can't believe
you don't remember me.
197
00:12:04,109 --> 00:12:08,525
"Up next we have Enid Brown
from Madison, Wisconsin.
198
00:12:08,609 --> 00:12:12,442
"Enid, it says here
you enjoy bridge club,
199
00:12:12,525 --> 00:12:16,859
"and make original needlepoints
of club members' dogs.
200
00:12:16,942 --> 00:12:19,734
"That sounds fantastic, Enid.
201
00:12:19,817 --> 00:12:22,317
Maybe I could
commission one of them."
202
00:12:24,484 --> 00:12:28,024
- You were on No Dice?
- Mm-hmm.
203
00:12:28,109 --> 00:12:33,400
June 6th, 1993.
Episode 1053.
204
00:12:33,484 --> 00:12:35,817
That was almost 30 years ago.
205
00:12:35,900 --> 00:12:38,484
You realize we've done
nearly 6,000 episodes, right?
206
00:12:38,567 --> 00:12:42,192
Six thousand three hundred
and eighty-nine.
207
00:12:42,817 --> 00:12:47,442
Yes, I know Chip. See, I am
your biggest fan, remember?
208
00:12:48,484 --> 00:12:50,984
- Sure.
- That night...
209
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,734
I made it all the way
to the Hot Table.
210
00:12:53,817 --> 00:12:57,359
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah. You wanna know
how I did it?
211
00:12:57,859 --> 00:13:00,650
- No.
- I let it ride, Chip.
212
00:13:00,734 --> 00:13:02,525
It was all on the line.
213
00:13:02,942 --> 00:13:05,024
And then I rolled a seven.
214
00:13:06,067 --> 00:13:06,984
I won.
215
00:13:07,067 --> 00:13:10,942
But the judges
made me roll again,
216
00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:14,149
because of the hands
on the table.
217
00:13:14,942 --> 00:13:20,567
You see, when the dice hit
anything, anything at all,
they call interference,
218
00:13:20,650 --> 00:13:25,650
and the dice hit hands,
your hands, Chip.
219
00:13:26,692 --> 00:13:29,234
Why would I put my hands
on the Hot Table?
220
00:13:29,317 --> 00:13:33,734
Well, I'm pretty sure you
had your hands on the table
to steady yourself, Chip,
221
00:13:33,817 --> 00:13:38,274
because you were blackout drunk
and staring at my breasts!
222
00:13:38,359 --> 00:13:42,442
And because of your hands,
I lost...
223
00:13:44,234 --> 00:13:46,942
the Golden Grandfather Clock.
224
00:13:49,817 --> 00:13:52,984
The... Golden Grandfather Clock?
225
00:13:53,067 --> 00:13:54,775
Yes, that's what I wanted, Chip.
226
00:13:54,859 --> 00:13:58,234
And that's what I lost
because of you.
227
00:14:00,692 --> 00:14:02,274
That's it?
228
00:14:02,359 --> 00:14:04,859
You brought me here
over a clock?
229
00:14:09,650 --> 00:14:11,359
Jesus Christ.
230
00:14:12,234 --> 00:14:16,234
Well... I've got great news
for you, Enid.
231
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:21,984
You can order Golden
Grandfather Clocks
over the Internet.
232
00:14:22,067 --> 00:14:25,525
It would be my pleasure,
my great pleasure,
233
00:14:25,609 --> 00:14:28,609
to buy you, Enid,
a Golden Grandfather Clock.
234
00:14:28,692 --> 00:14:31,984
- Just send me your address...
- I don't want your money.
235
00:14:33,274 --> 00:14:36,317
I'm your biggest fan.
You're trying to buy me off?
236
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:39,400
I'm 80 years old!
I don't need money!
237
00:14:39,484 --> 00:14:42,984
- I don't follow.
- The dice decide.
238
00:14:43,067 --> 00:14:45,400
That's the whole point
of the show, isn't it?
239
00:14:45,484 --> 00:14:51,274
And the dice decided that I,
Enid Brown, was the winner.
240
00:14:53,109 --> 00:14:56,400
I'd never won anything
in my life before.
241
00:14:57,359 --> 00:15:02,234
For once, I wanted to be
the one with confetti
raining down on me,
242
00:15:02,317 --> 00:15:04,400
and everyone cheering for me.
243
00:15:04,484 --> 00:15:07,024
And I thought maybe you'd
pick me up and swing me around
244
00:15:07,109 --> 00:15:09,859
like you did on that
first episode I saw.
245
00:15:11,859 --> 00:15:15,859
And then, I'd look at that
grandfather clock and...
246
00:15:15,942 --> 00:15:18,859
and remember the greatest day
of my life.
247
00:15:18,942 --> 00:15:21,692
But instead,
it was the worst day.
248
00:15:23,609 --> 00:15:25,650
You don't make it easy, Chip.
249
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:31,984
You ruined my roll because
you were drunk and ogling me.
250
00:15:33,149 --> 00:15:34,567
Now I forgave you,
251
00:15:34,650 --> 00:15:38,149
'cause I kept remembering
how you swung that lady around,
252
00:15:38,234 --> 00:15:39,942
how happy you were for her
and I thought,
253
00:15:40,024 --> 00:15:42,442
how can I stay mad at him?
254
00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:46,942
So I watched you for years,
and I stuck with you,
255
00:15:47,024 --> 00:15:49,149
through the drinking
and the hair plugs,
256
00:15:49,234 --> 00:15:51,984
and when my friends
gave up on you
257
00:15:52,067 --> 00:15:54,442
and said, "Eh, he's an asshole.
He's a drunk.
258
00:15:54,525 --> 00:15:56,109
He's an empty shell of a man."
259
00:15:56,192 --> 00:16:00,024
I had faith in you.
I had faith, Chip!
260
00:16:03,650 --> 00:16:06,234
And if you knew how
important this was to me,
261
00:16:06,317 --> 00:16:08,359
if you...
262
00:16:09,984 --> 00:16:15,650
If I got you here,
if you remembered me,
you'd make it right.
263
00:16:18,359 --> 00:16:20,192
Make it right?
264
00:16:21,149 --> 00:16:24,484
Make what right?
That you lost a game show?
265
00:16:26,274 --> 00:16:27,859
What about me?
266
00:16:27,942 --> 00:16:29,775
Who's gonna make it
right for me?
267
00:16:29,859 --> 00:16:32,942
You're-You're rich
and famous, Chip!
268
00:16:33,024 --> 00:16:34,442
So what?
269
00:16:35,109 --> 00:16:38,359
My whole life is a total misery.
270
00:16:38,442 --> 00:16:40,734
All I do is host this show.
271
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:42,775
And the few off days I have,
272
00:16:42,859 --> 00:16:45,400
I now have to spend
traveling around the country,
273
00:16:45,484 --> 00:16:49,650
groveling before my fans,
begging them to take me back.
274
00:16:49,734 --> 00:16:51,274
Geh... I'm all yours!
275
00:16:51,359 --> 00:16:54,149
I... regrew and maintained
this mustache because of you.
276
00:16:54,234 --> 00:16:56,942
- I got these hair plugs
because of you!
- I love your mustache,
277
00:16:57,024 --> 00:16:58,650
and I don't care
about your hair.
278
00:16:58,734 --> 00:17:01,317
I gave everything to this show.
279
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,526
Before No Dice,
I was on Broadway.
280
00:17:04,608 --> 00:17:06,067
I was incredible in Hamlet.
281
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:08,067
They said I was
the next Olivier.
282
00:17:08,150 --> 00:17:09,733
I had real chops.
283
00:17:09,817 --> 00:17:14,858
But no one wants to see
Chip Crawford do anything
except No Dice.
284
00:17:14,942 --> 00:17:17,651
I built myself a prison.
285
00:17:17,733 --> 00:17:19,108
And now I want out.
286
00:17:19,192 --> 00:17:22,067
So no, Enid.
I'm not gonna make it right.
287
00:17:22,150 --> 00:17:24,317
And fuck you for asking me!
288
00:17:24,401 --> 00:17:27,817
You think I care?
Here's the truth.
289
00:17:27,901 --> 00:17:31,108
I never cared!
290
00:17:35,275 --> 00:17:37,608
I'm disappointed in you.
291
00:17:40,483 --> 00:17:47,275
You, Chip Crawford,
are a massive, colossal
disappointment.
292
00:17:51,483 --> 00:17:54,983
Don't think that mommy shit
is gonna work on me.
293
00:17:57,483 --> 00:17:59,651
It's not gonna work on me.
294
00:18:01,776 --> 00:18:04,317
It's never enough.
295
00:18:04,401 --> 00:18:07,776
You just want more, and more!
296
00:18:09,401 --> 00:18:12,567
You want more? Huh?
297
00:18:12,651 --> 00:18:16,275
You want more Chip?!
I'll give you more Chip!
298
00:18:16,358 --> 00:18:19,651
You heard me!
You wanna play No Dice?
299
00:18:20,317 --> 00:18:22,651
Let's play No Dice.
300
00:18:27,275 --> 00:18:30,317
We got Enid Brown
from Wisconsin.
301
00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:34,025
Enid, step up to the Hot Table!
302
00:18:36,233 --> 00:18:38,817
Oh... okay.
303
00:18:39,150 --> 00:18:42,067
Here, take your goddamn dice.
304
00:18:42,150 --> 00:18:44,526
What about the trivia round?
305
00:18:45,483 --> 00:18:47,651
Trivia round?
You want a trivia round? Okay.
306
00:18:47,733 --> 00:18:50,150
I'll give you
a goddamn trivia round.
307
00:18:50,233 --> 00:18:51,733
Now, here's your buzzer.
308
00:18:52,275 --> 00:18:55,275
How many years of my life
have I relinquished
309
00:18:55,358 --> 00:18:57,567
to the ungrateful,
needy No Dice fans?
310
00:18:57,651 --> 00:18:59,192
Thirty!
311
00:18:59,275 --> 00:19:01,733
Correct, 30 long years.
Now, next question.
312
00:19:01,817 --> 00:19:05,608
What is my real name?
The one they might have
taken seriously
313
00:19:05,692 --> 00:19:09,317
instead of the childish nickname
I am now forever saddled with.
314
00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:12,317
- Walter!
- Correct.
315
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:14,858
And finally, what is
the name of the 1991 film
316
00:19:14,942 --> 00:19:17,608
that I wrote, directed,
starred and funded
317
00:19:17,692 --> 00:19:20,233
in a futile attempt to get
my acting career back.
318
00:19:20,317 --> 00:19:22,858
Pangs of the Morning!
319
00:19:22,942 --> 00:19:25,651
I've seen it four times.
320
00:19:25,733 --> 00:19:27,233
- Really?
- Really.
321
00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:30,233
All right, it's time
for the fucking Hot Table.
322
00:19:30,942 --> 00:19:34,275
-Everything okay?
-Everything's fine!
Go away. We're playing.
323
00:19:34,358 --> 00:19:36,150
Now, Enid, I don't envy you.
324
00:19:36,233 --> 00:19:37,901
You can walk away
with just the money,
325
00:19:37,983 --> 00:19:40,358
but I have a feeling
you want more.
326
00:19:40,442 --> 00:19:42,483
Oh, yes, Chip. I do.
327
00:19:42,567 --> 00:19:45,401
You want that goddamn
grandfather clock.
328
00:19:45,483 --> 00:19:46,608
I do!
329
00:19:46,692 --> 00:19:48,526
But you could
lose it all though.
330
00:19:48,608 --> 00:19:49,901
Oh, what a choice.
331
00:19:49,983 --> 00:19:52,692
Let's ask our annoyingly
enthusiastic studio audience
332
00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:54,858
what Enid should do!
333
00:19:54,942 --> 00:19:59,233
- Let it ride!
- Let it ride! Let it ride!
334
00:19:59,317 --> 00:20:02,858
Oh, ho, ho, the tension
is palpable, folks.
335
00:20:02,942 --> 00:20:06,025
On the line,
is the one-of-a-kind
Golden Grandfather Clock,
336
00:20:06,108 --> 00:20:08,942
plus some other fabulous prizes.
Herb, tell her what we got!
337
00:20:09,608 --> 00:20:12,692
That's right, Chip, we've
got some fantastic prizes
338
00:20:12,776 --> 00:20:14,608
furnished by Valhalla Appliance.
339
00:20:14,692 --> 00:20:16,275
Are you tired of working
your kitchen?
340
00:20:16,358 --> 00:20:18,108
Have your kitchen work for you!
341
00:20:18,192 --> 00:20:20,692
Valhalla Appliance...
It's what's cookin'!
342
00:20:20,776 --> 00:20:23,067
All right, it's all up to Enid.
343
00:20:23,150 --> 00:20:27,317
Enid, are you going to walk away
or let it fuckin' ride?
344
00:20:27,942 --> 00:20:32,025
I'm going to let it ride, Chip!
345
00:20:32,108 --> 00:20:34,150
- Wow, folks!
She's gonna let it ride!
346
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,817
She made her choice! But now...
347
00:20:37,233 --> 00:20:39,275
The dice decide!
348
00:20:39,942 --> 00:20:42,567
Remember, Enid,
you need a seven to win.
349
00:20:42,651 --> 00:20:44,901
But if you roll snake eyes...
350
00:20:44,983 --> 00:20:47,526
Well, put it this way,
we'll cover your
bus ticket home.
351
00:20:47,608 --> 00:20:50,275
Now, you've come this far.
352
00:20:51,275 --> 00:20:53,776
Now the dice decide.
353
00:20:55,025 --> 00:20:57,192
Yes, Chip.
The dice decide.
354
00:20:57,275 --> 00:20:59,733
Enid, are you...
355
00:20:59,817 --> 00:21:03,358
r-r-r-ready to roll?
356
00:21:03,442 --> 00:21:08,192
Yes, Chip. I'm r-r-r-ready!
357
00:21:59,275 --> 00:22:01,692
Well, folks...
358
00:22:05,150 --> 00:22:07,483
Look at that.
Lucky number seven.
359
00:22:07,567 --> 00:22:09,942
Enid won the trip, the money,
the kitchen set,
360
00:22:10,025 --> 00:22:12,483
- and the Golden
Grandfather Clock!
- I won!
361
00:22:12,567 --> 00:22:14,817
I won!
362
00:22:26,317 --> 00:22:28,901
Oh, Chip.
363
00:22:30,651 --> 00:22:34,233
Oh. Thank you so much.
364
00:22:36,108 --> 00:22:37,901
You're welcome.
27218
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof