All language subtitles for Mad.Monster.Party.1967.1080p.BluRay.H264.AAC-RARBG

Ah, a lifetime of experimentation
capped in one small vial.

Now to the final step-
the infusion of energy.

Ah, the power of the universe-mine!

It must work.

A test. I must test it!

“Quoth the raven, 'nevermore.”

Ah, I've done it-
created the means to destroy matter.

They must all know...

Know that I, baron Von Frankenstein...

Master of the secret of creation...

Have now mastered
the secret of destruction.

The invitations must be sent at once.

Oh, what a fine party we'll have
when they all arrive.

Eh, my boy?

Flanken!

Felix!

Take it out of my pay, Mr. kronkite.

Pay? What pay?

You have two more months to work for me
for nothing before you're even as it is.

What are you doing in the pharmacy
department in the first place?

Need I remind you
that this is a drugstore?

There are people waiting
at the lunch counter.

Someone is browsing
through the paperback books.

We've got a whole rack
full of those veeblefetzers to unload...

And you're wasting your time
in the pharmacy department!

What am I not paying you for, Felix?

I'm sorry, Mr. kronkite.
What would you like me to do first?

First? Wait on the people!

Mailman!

These are for you, Mr. kronkite.

And here's one for you, Felix.
Has a real fancy stamp on it.

Oh, let's see now. “Invited to"-

oh, boy!

“Convention.” “big gathering of notables.”

Golly! Wow!

Felix, stop your mumbling
and tell us what the letter is all about.

I'm invited to an island
in the Caribbean...

To take part in a scientific first,
a new discovery.

You? A mental last to a scientific first?

I've seen postcards
of them Caribbean islands.

Lots of sun, white beaches, palm trees.

- Swimming pools in them big fancy hotels.
- Really?

Golf courses, tennis courts.

- Pretty girls, night clubs.
- Really really?

Mr. kronkite,
the convention is on the 13th.

Can I have this week off
to get there and back?

Aha! I was wondering when you'd ask that.

You're not due for a vacation yet.

But I haven't had one in three years.
Please, Mr. kronkite.

If you leave, who'll make the coffee,
wash the dishes, mind the store?

Please, Mr. kronkite. Pretty please?

Huh?

That's what happens when I get excited.

Enough! Enough! Go, go!

Take a week, a month, a year!

But it's not your vacation. It's mine.

Thanks, Mr. kronkite. I sure appreciate-

I'm sorry, Mr. kronkite.
I'll make it up to you.

Go, go, go!
Get out before you wreck the whole store!

Do you think Felix will get there
by the 13th?

Bird-watching again?

Fang, do you forget?

The last time you had a roving eye,
I kept it in a jar for a week!

Don't give me any of your back mumble...

You-you-you... monster!

Oh, you're different

I knew it wouldn't be the same,
that you'd play a different game

'cause you're different

you're different

I don't know whether to complain,
but you're driving me insane

'cause you're different

you're different

now let's agree you're not
incredibly handsome or even charming

but you can be so disarming

I find it's simply alarming

you're different

as unpredictable as rain

you're an easter candy cane

yes, you're different

different, like a snowy day in June

like a hew Brazilian tune

yeah, you're different

you're different, and you know
that's what I like about you

now let's agree you're not
incredibly handsome or even charming

but you can be so disarming

that I find it simply alarming

you're different

as unpredictable as rain

you're an easter candy cane

yes, you're different

different, like a snowy day in June

like a hew Brazilian tune

yeah, yeah, you're different

you're different

and you know
that's what I like about you

Come in.

Good morning, doctor.
I've brought you your mail.

Thank you, my dear.

You know, seeing you every day
gives me a great deal of pleasure.

If I must say so myself,
you are a masterpiece.

Why, Dr. Frankenstein.

We've received replies
from almost all you invited:

Dracula, werewolf, Dr. Jekyll...

The hunchback, creature.

But we haven't received a reply from...

From... it.

Well, I should hope that we don't.

You see, it wasn't invited.

It was a crushing bore
at our last convention.

It kept walking around crushing boars-
wild boars-in its hands.

Very frankly, Francesca,
it disgusts even me.

I see.

Doctor, we also received
a very strange letter...

From someone who says
he's arriving on the 13th.

A Felix... flanken.

He's coming? Oh, that is good news!
What else does he write?

“Looking forward to meeting
all those fun people at your resort.”

Resort? Fun people?

He doesn't mean
Dracula and the werewolf, surely!

Yes, yes. Go on, go on.

“Can hardly wait to dip into the pool
in the front of your resort...

And lie on your beautiful beach.”

Doctor, does he know about
the crocodiles in the lagoon...

And the quicksand on the beach?

Who, or what, is this flanken?

Oh, don't be alarmed, my dear.

Felix flanken is a mere human...

And he's unaware of the nature
of our little gathering.

But he also happens to be my nephew.

Your nephew?
I thought you had no... living relatives.

Felix is the child of my youngest sister.

She turned out to be
the white sheep of the family.

Oh, too bad.
She had a great flair for witchcraft.

But then she met
this traveling medicine man-

Chuck flanken-in transylvania...

And she eloped with him
and went to the United States to live.

They're both gone now,
but their son, Felix...

Is my only relative and heir.

But why are you inviting him
to this convention?

Because, my dear, I"m-I'm retiring.

I've grown a little tired
of this horror business...

Doing bad for others
and very rarely getting any bad in return.

But now that I've mastered
my greatest discovery...

I'd like to retire while I'm on top.

I shall turn over all my secrets to Felix,
including my last great one...

And then present him to the convention
as my successor.

1:00.

Our other friends should be traveling
on their way to the island about now.

I'll still have to see to their
accommodations. You tidy up in here.

Oh, I do hope you like Felix flanken
when you meet him.

I want you two to be friends.

Felix flanken-like him?

I'll love him to pieces!

Did we pick up any passengers
on this stop, captain?

Not yet. Our only passenger is still
that funny guy from London.

What's his name? Dr. Jekyll.

Dr. Jekyll? That's odd.
He told me his name was Mr. Hyde.

What's the difference? He paid his fare.

Get this loaded aboard the ship.

How, captain? The crew jumped ship.

What? No crew?

I did Shanghai a few lads last night...

But they're still in the hold
sleeping it off.

Eh, what? Look at this-
what the tide brought in.

What's that, mate?

You want to sign aboard
for passage to the isle of evil?

Well, we just may have room
for another hand on board...

But we're not going to the isle of evil.

Get this loaded aboard the ship.

Blimey! He's as strong as 50 men.

And as ugly as any I've ever seen.

How do you do, gentlemen?

Could you tell me the fare
to the isle of evil?

Another one?
We don't usually stop at the isle of-

that will be a hundred bucks.

And with your fancy cape
and tuxedo and all...

I'd think you could afford it.

Considering the dilapidated condition
of my wallet-

I mean, your ship-

I think I had better fly.

Me eyes are playing tricks on me.

Did you see what I think I saw, captain?

If I saw what you think you saw...

I'd say we were both going batty.

Pardon me, gentlemen, but does this
pickled herring stop at the isle of evil?

Blimey, it's another one of them.

We'll stop. Don't worry.

We-we'll do what you want.
No charge for you. Be my guest.

But, please, none of your surprises.

Golly. What's the matter with those two?

Haven't they ever seen a tourist before?

The captain said I could have
any cabin I wanted.

Now, let me see.
A Southern exposure would be nice.

Oh, excuse me, sir.

Sir? Uh, ma'am?

I'm terribly sorry,
but I can't see a thing without my glasses.

Let me help you with your fur piece.

Madam, I'm terribly sorry.
I hope I didn't offend you.

Don't go! I can't stand a woman crying.

I'll have to get an extra pair of glasses
out of my luggage.

I'm sorry, but I lost my glasses
and can't see a thing.

I've heard that one before.

Go below, mate,
and invite our passengers to dine with me.

Are you sure you wanna do that, cap?

Go on!

How do you do?

Sorry. Wrong cabin.

Why did I ever decide to go to sea?

Feet, if you've ever moved,
move like you've never moved before.

Jekyll"s my name. Dr. Jekyll.

Felix flanken. I'm a pharmacist.

I"m-I'm also allergic.

I have a little elixir
that keeps me feeling in wonderful mettle.

Um, to your good health.

Dr. Jekyll, are you all right?

My-my goodness, you look awful.

Are you sure you're not seasick
Dr. Jekyll? I think-

Hyde. Hyde. Hyde.

Hide? You want me to hide?

Well, if you wanna play games,
you must be feeling better.

But you certainly don't look it.

Okay, I'll hide
and you see if you can find me.

12:00 midnight?

If Dr. Jekyll doesn't find me soon,
I think I'll go to my cabin and to bed.

Now, friends, you'll discover
who was the original Batman.

My, but it's getting chilly.

Hyde. Hyde. Hyde.

You have been given
important assignments to carry out.

And I expect each one of you
to do his job.

I want each of you
to stay calm and collected...

No matter what emergency arises.

I don't want to see
anyone losing his head.

I take it yours wasn't hooked on.

All right, yetch, pick it up.
Pick it up!

Don't know if you're coming or going,
do you, yetch?

I'm so excited, doctor.

I haven't seen
all of our old friends in years.

I got so nervous and excited
and nervous and-

let's try not to go to pieces, yetch.

Doctor, a group of the convention party
has just arrived.

Good. Thank you, Francesca.

Everyone to his post.

We must make certain
that it does not get onto the island.

To your checkpoints!

Ah, Francesca...

You beautiful, adorable...

Lovable creature.

How much I've wanted to touch you.

Take your hands away from me.

You... creep!

She noticed me!

For the first time, she noticed me.

She told me to creep...

So I'll creep.

I hear her voice, so soft, so sweet...

When I'm awake or when I sleep.

It makes me burn with passion's heat...

To hear her say... “You creep.”

What's the matter with you zombies?

Don't just stand there
like union gravediggers.

Dr. Frankenstein wants you
to patrol the island!

Stop behaving like a bunch of ghosts!

Get into your planes!

Contact!

One of these days,
I'll have to talk to Dr. Frankenstein...

About getting new airplanes.

Contact again.

Quickly, into the air, zombie birdman!

I wish Dr. Frankenstein
hadn't grounded me.

Someday I hope he'll let me fly again.

Oh, well, we can't have everything.

I should be happy
that I still have my sickness.

Do you really think that it would dare
to come here uninvited?

I don't know. It is capable of anything.

Oh, you gorgeous...

Tantalizing creation!

Ready, baby?

Well, how do I look?

What do you know about chic,
you poor invention of a man, you?

- Here come the lovebirds.
- Speak kindly to them, Francesca.

Remember that we are all
one happy family here.

Oh, my dear, you look just... ghastly.

- Oh, doctor!
- Oh, brother!

You arrived just in time.
Our guests will be here at any moment.

My dear baron, how nice to see you again.

My dear count, so glad you could come.

How is our monster
and his charming companion?

Madame, I must say
you look the picture of decadence.

Don't kiss! You always leave marks!

My apologies.

And of course, Francesca.

You know, you have always been my type.

O-negative, isn't it?

Ah, werewolf. Delighted you're here, were!

Wolfie, you old dog!

This convention is going
to be a howling success.

See, I told you!

Ouch! You need a manicure, baby!

Look, here comes the invisible man!

How can you tell?

Invisible man, how do you do?

You are looking well, I think.

I am well, count. And you?

Aha, invisible man! H-h-how do you do?

I wonder how ae got his invitation.

He has an unlisted tomb!

Didn't I see him at the transylvania
gardens in the main event?

The hunchback of notre dame ain't a boxer.

Afraid it'll ruin his looks, huh?

- Dr. Jekyll.
- Good show, Dr. Frankenstein.

And where is Mr. Hyde?

Good show, Dr. Frankenstein.

Whatever he's drinking,
I'll have it with ginger.

Fang, don't you have any couth?

It's me-your Don Juan.

I “Don Juan” to look at you.

I love your eyes.
I love your chin.

I love the shape they put you in.

And when I get to feel your touch...

I ache for you so very much.

This chopped liver smells fishy.

It's not the chopped liver, count.

It's the pickled salmon.

'O sole Mia

'0 sole you-a

I'm-a the world's best-a chef

you bet-a you moola

chef machiavelli, how are you, maestro?

Hey, yetch! What-a you do-a
in my kitchen, huh?

You-a no good snake in-a the grass.
You-a dirty swine!

You-a ugly rat!

Thank you for those kind words.

I hope I can live up to them.

This-a yetch-he's a little bit of a nut.

Keep-a your hands out-a my salad
before I throw you out-a my kitchen.

What-a you doing in-a here anyway, eh?

Dr. Frankenstein asked me to check...

On how the preparations
for the feast were progressing...

And what the menu would be.

First-a, we have-a the salad-a

here, have a taste-a

mmm, delicious. What kind is it?

It's-a my own chef's salad-a.

The mafia machiavelli special.

I make-a it with poison Ivy...

Toadstools and poison berries.

Oh, it's-a good, no?

I got-a three kinds-a dressings
that-a go with it.

Arsenic, cyanide-

and-a this one,
you get a big bang out-a, yetch.

What is it?

Nitroglycerin!

I make-a joke, you know?

Then we have the antipasto

black widows pickled in their own poison...

Try some.

It looks so good. Mmm, yum, yum.

- How do you do it?
- It's-a nothing.

Just a pinch-a this,
a pinch-a that

a pinch of this a pinch of that

ouch! Stop already with the pinching.

Sorry about that, yetch.

And that's the soup.

Octopus soup a la mafia.

Octopus soup. You mean real octopus soup?

What, you think "m-a kidding?

Help! Help! Let me down!

See? That's real octopus soup.

Mmm, that soup is very strong.

Hurry up-a and get-a you fingers
back in-a the pot.

And for the main-a course...

I make-a boars head, roast-a vulture...

And a mince hyena casserole.

Here, you gotta try the hyena casserole.

It's-a terrific, no?

- No, there is something missing.
- What?

Something missing?

The casserole of-a me, mafia machiavelli...

The greatest chef ever-something missing?

Machi, calm yourself.
Chef, please simmer down.

I bust-a you head. I broke-a you nose.

I squeeze out your eyes.

Get out of my kitchen!

I think I better tell Dr. Frankenstein
that dinner is ready.

As your leader, I have called you
from the four corners of the earth...

To witness my greatest
and latest discovery.

I have the secret to the formula
which can completely destroy all matter.

A few drops from this vial...

Can dematerialize anything...

Anybody, anyplace.

I'd give my eyeteeth...

To possess that secret.

What about you, Wolfie?

[I can make the doctor's secrets mine...

Before he bestows them
on that... Felix flanken.

And I can use Dracula to help me.

Baby, Francesca is up to something
with that Dracula.

They both bear watching.

Besides, it's her own fault
for thinking so loud.

I also wish to tell you
that I am resigning as your leader.

Yes, and tomorrow night...

I shall name my successor...

And turn over all my secrets-
including my latest-to him.

Who is more evil,
treacherous or sneaky than me?

I am his logical successor.

Now if there was only something
I could do to be sure of that.

Who could be closer
to Dr. Frankenstein than me and fang?

Why, he created us!

Francesca! I'll see to it
that she's not his successor.

The night is still young.
Enjoy yourselves.

Have a frightful time,
and I shall see you all tomorrow.

Well, I leave you now
in the capable hands...

Of little tibia and the fibulas.

It's the mummy

it's the mummy

they're playing your song, honey.
Let's dance.

It's the mummy

it's the mummy

It's the mummy

it's the mummy

turns till he's wound up tight

turns till he's loose
that's right

mad mummy dance he's in a trance

all wrapped up in himself tonight

it's the mummy

it's the mummy

It's the mummy

it's the mummy

Turns till he's wound up tight

turns till he's loose
that's right

mad mummy dance he's in a trance

all wrapped up in himself tonight

count.

I must talk to you alone,
out on the balcony.

Excuse me, Wolfie,
but I think romance is calling.

Yes, my dear.

Now that we are alone, what will it be?

A quick nip on the ear?
A playful bite on the neck?

- Count, I'm afraid you've been drinking.
- Not nearly enough.

Not what I like to drink best of all.

Come, let me kiss you.

Women have died for one of my kisses.
I'm terrific!

Stop this foolishness.
You're as bad as that zombie yetch.

Besides, I'm not interested
in that sort of thing.

I want to talk to you about
Dr. Frankenstein's secrets.

Ah, yes?

I know who will be the doctor's successor.

And why are you telling me all about this?

- Because you're not the one.
- I'm crushed!

And neither am I.

- Don't tell me it's that flea-bitten werewolf.
- No.

- Not old gauze face, the mummy?
- No.

Hmph, it's that overgrown goon,
the monster.

- No, it's no one you know.
- Then who?

First we make a deal.

If you will... get rid
of this would-be successor...

Then, as his rightful heir...

I will be given the doctor's secrets
and I shall share them with you.

Why of course. A half a loaf is better
than two in the bushes.

Or something like that.

Then I shall get rid of you
and have all the secrets to myself.

- Then it's a bargain?
- A bargain.

It's our time to shine, yeah

our turn in line

everybody gets one chance in life

to make their dreams come true

I can do it with you

it's our time
yes, our time to shine

it's our time to shine, yes

a bit of wine

we have drunk you long enough, my friend

and now it's time to prove
we can make the right move

it's our time
yes, our time to shine

you and me,
what a pair we'll make

today the world is ours to take

nothing can stop us now

we're gonna win, and how,
because it's our time to shine

yes, our turn in line

spin the wheel
our number must come up

it must come up

we're covered every way
listen, world, when we say

it's our time
it's our time to shine

take it!

Because it's our time to shine
yes, our turn in line

spin that wheel
our number must come up

it must come up

we're covered every way

listen, world, when we say
yes, sir!

It's our time

it's our time

it's our time to shine

now tell me. Who is this successor?

The doctor's nephew. Felix flanken.

This flinken, flunky-
whatever he calls himself-

what kind of a monster is he?

- A ghoul? A demon? A spook or-
- A human.

They're the worst kind!
He must be done away with.

The monster's mate!

She must've been hiding behind the drapes
while we were out on the balcony.

Then she heard everything!

Easy now, darlings.

What are you going to do?
I didn't hear anything.

Do not be afraid.

One quick bite, and it shall all be-

just watch where you grab.
Remember, I'm a count.

Aha! Don't cut out now
just when the tables have turned.

Who said the tables have turned?

Stop acting so impetuously.

You're wrinkling my cape.

This is a rented tuxedo!

Well, there is only one thing to do
when you're in such a predicament.

Help! Help!

Well, well. As a monster, you're nothing!

But as a fruit salad-

You look a little uncomfortable
out of water.

Hope this makes you feel more at home.

No wonder you're invisible!

You're ugly and revolting
and disgusting and-

when I get hold
of that two-legged herring...

I'll make him into chopped herring!

What a fright.

Best monster rally I ever attended.

Oh, lost your head?

Here, wait till you see
what you're missing.

You scared me.

You dog, you! Come back with my bone!

Punch, anyone?

I say, it's raining.

It's the creature's doing. I'll fix that.

What? Where? What was that?

A full moon.

The poor dog, he can't help it.

I'll never sleep tonight.

That ought to do the trick.

Good-bye! Good-bye, captain.
Thanks for everything.

I wonder why the captain
wouldn't dock his ship.

He seemed nervous
and acted funny most of the trip.

And those sailors-boy, are they lazy.

Imagine not wanting to row to the island.

Everyone must have had himself
quite a time last night.

There was nothing but a huge pile
of leftovers in the dining room.

I wonder who it was.

This will be the best convention
we've ever had.

Without it to spoil the fun,
with my nephew present...

Ah, there's my nephew in that rowboat.

Felix! Felix, my boy!

Wave, Francesca, wave!
Make him feel welcome.

Uncle Boris!

Well, here I am.

Felix! So good to see you.

Let me help you ground the boat.

Please, uncle, let me do it myself.

Give me your hand, Felix.

I don't know how I tripped, but-oops!

I think you two should
greet each other on dry land.

Thank you, Francesca.

Felix, Francesca, my secretary.

Hello, and thanks
for the help in the water.

I don't know what happened.
I just slipped and-

let's get into some dry clothes, Felix.

Then we'll have a chance
to chat and get acquainted.

My motor launch is in the cove
under those rocks.

It'll take us right into my castle.

Felix, yetch will take your bags
and see you to your room.

Change into some dry clothes...

And then Francesca will
show you around the island.

We'll have plenty of time to talk later.

That's fine with me, uncle Boris.

I'm anxious to learn
of this scientific first you wrote about.

- Did anyone see you come here?
- Not at all.

And we do not have to worry
about the monster or his mate for a while.

She's still recuperating
from last night's celebration.

May I say that your left hook
is sensational?

- Pow, pow.
- Forget last night.

Flanken is here.

And I don't think
we'll have too much trouble...

Eliminating him as the doctor's successor.

I'm taking him on a picnic tour
this afternoon.

Now, this is the way we'll be going.

There are three good places for an ambush.

The first one is just about-

It's nice of you to show me around
like this, Francesca.

The grounds are lovely.
Such unusual flora and fauna.

Yes, I know what you mean.
You like it, and it likes you.

Oh, nice fella.

All right, go fetch, boy!

There's a good boy.

That's not a “good boy.”
that was a werewolf!

Weren't you frightened?

Frightened? No! I've got a way with pets.

Yes.

Oh, dear. This poor sick fellow
seems to be in trouble.

His bandages are falling off.
Maybe I can help.

I was top man in first aid
in my boy scout troop.

There you are.

Remind me never to sprain my ankle
when you're around.

Call me if you want the dressing changed.

Insects!

It's a good thing I came prepared
with my insect repellant.

Why don't we stop right here
and have our picnic under this tree?

That's fine with me.

What kind of sandwich would you like?

Have you got a watercress on wheat?

Or better still,
a parsley on pumpernickel is very healthy.

Right, uh, why don't you
look in the basket and see what you like?

What's this?

Cheese!

Oh, but with Mayo. I don't like Mayo.

But what's this?

Cheese without Mayo!

Oh, but it's on wheat toast.

What's this? No.

Or this-oh, maybe this.

Now, ordinarily,
I like cheese on wheat like this...

But I like it wrapped in waxed paper.

I must have my food absolutely sanitary.

I'm not really hungry.

Why don't we just lie here?

Permit me to introduce myself.

I am count Dracula.

Right this way, Felix.

You certainly have an interesting castle,
uncle Boris.

What's this? And those?

Oh, a youthful folly.

Wilbur and Orville
spent a holiday here with me.

Wilbur and Orville Wright?

Wilbur and Orville Von Frankenstein.

Your uncles, Felix.

Oh, I didn't know.

- Well, do you fly them, uncle?
- Oh, not for years now.

Ah, but we did have gay times frightening
the cruise ships passing the island.

But come this way.

This is the laboratory where
I've spent most of my life...

And made most of my discoveries.

Those experiments brought me
a great deal of joy.

Being a man of science, you understand.

Oh, of course.

Well, you see, uncle, I'm a pharmacist.

Ah, then you must have
conducted experiments of your own.

Oh, yes.

My fudge quadruple-multiflavored-Decker
a la mode was a wild experiment.

Mr. kronkite turned green after he ate it.

Yes, of course. Well-

well, after I retire, you'll have all
the time to experiment that you want.

- After you retire?
- Yes, my boy.

I'm turning over to you my secrets
and discoveries-the entire business!

Oh, but uncle, I already have a job...

And I don't know anything
about your business.

Oh, don't worry, Felix.

My younger sister was your mother.

Frankenstein blood flows through
your veins. You'll do just fine.

Well, I don't know, uncle.
Just what is your business?

I am the head of
the worldwide organization of monsters.

M-m-m-monsters?

I thought you said “monsters.”

Yes, monsters. You know-

witches, warlocks, demons,
ghouls, zombies...

Creatures, vampires.

Monsters.

Uncle, I may have the blood for the job...

Uncle, I may have the blood for the job...

Uncle, I may have the blood for the job...

But I sure don't have the stomach for it.

I know, my boy, but consider this.

You gotta stay one step ahead

stay one step ahead

tune in to what's happening, boy,
and stay one step ahead

when they tell you read page one

read three more and you'll find

that the very next day
when you are done

the group is way behind

you gotta stay one step ahead

stay one step ahead

tune in to what's happening, boy,
and stay one step ahead

why not keep it to yourself?

Stay away from the pack

when you're ready to fly,
they'll start to cry

and wish they had the knack

you gotta stay one step ahead

stay one step ahead

tune in to what's happening, boy,
and stay one step ahead

You gotta get up from that bed

and start a little ahead

or some other bright guy
will steal the pie

come on, boy, use your head

you gotta stay one step ahead

stay one step ahead

tune in to what's happening, boy,
and stay one step ahead

keep your head out of the sand

pick the apple that's ripe

or the very next day
it's going to fall

in someone else's hand

you gotta stay one step ahead

stay one step ahead

tune in to what's happening, boy,
and stay one step ahead

you gotta stay one step ahead

stay one step ahead

tune in to what's happening, boy,
and stay one step

ahead

ah, yes. I was young once myself.

I know there are more glamorous
occupations in the world.

But remember, this is a family business.

There's a tradition to uphold.

You may not like it at first,
but after you've worked at it a while...

I'm sure you'll grow to love it as I have.

Really, uncle?

I don't want to seem ungrateful...

But I would like to think it over.

Of course. I understand.

I just want you to remember
that as head of the monsters...

You have tremendous power.

And with my secrets...

You will be able to do things
you never dreamed possible.

I'll remember.

Is there anyplace on the island
where I can fish?

I do my best thinking when I'm fishing.

Surely! The moat around the castle
has plenty of fish.

Think over what I've offered you, my boy.
Think it over carefully.

I'm sure you'll reach the right decision.

Me-head of all the monsters in the world?

Three chances. Three!

You had three chances to get flanken,
and you blew 'em all.

- The great count Dracula.
- I'll get him!

And before this day is over. Don't worry.

I am worried.

If you can't carry out your end of
the bargain, why should I keep mine?

- I'm sure that someone else is-
- Forget that.

I told you I would get him!

And what makes you so sure
that you will get the doctor's secrets?

Come in!

Francesca! What's she doing here?

- We had an appointment.
- A double-cross!

What did you expect?
The red cross?

Why should we share the secrets with you?

If you're not around,
the monster will get them...

And we'll make much better
partners for Dracula.

Better partners? Not around?

We can't let her go, babies.

She'll go straight to Dr. Frankenstein!

You can't outsmart me. You'll never get-

how did that happen? She escaped!

What are we going to do now?

We must stop her
before she tells the baron...

Or he'll turn us into erector sets!

Thought they could
get rid of me, did they?

They didn't know about the secret passage.

I'll show them. I'll show the baron too.

They all betrayed me,
but now I shall have my revenge.

Up, my pets.

I need one of you to fly
on a very special mission for me.

Fly, my lovely.

Go swiftly and take my message.

They'll all soon see
that I'm not to be taken lightly.

Gosh. Felix flanken, chairman of the board
of monsters, incorporated.

I can't do it. I just can't do it.

I could never face
that board of directors.

I'll have to tell uncle Boris-

well, I'll tell him that my allergies
prevent me from undertaking-

I mean, accepting the position.

Oh, but he won't like it.

Maybe I can talk him out of retiring.

Honey, I think you're making
a big mistake, running out like this.

Well, until you get a better idea.

Right now,
I think I'll take a coffin break.

If we stay together,
we can still stop Francesca.

That's it!
Why don't we go down the trapdoor?

Maybe she's still at the other end.

That's not a bad idea...

If I knew what was at
the other end of that trapdoor.

You'll find out in a minute.

Fang, see to it
that the count enjoys his trip.

Now, just a second, I-
remember, I'm a coun-

If I could only find the doctor's formula
for destroying matter...

I can rule all the others.

- What-
- We meet again, Francesca.

I thought it rather rude of you
to leave us without saying good-bye.

- Don't any of you come near me.
- Stop behaving like the statue of Liberty!

- Put that torch down.
- Yes, we can still make a deal.

Make a deal with you?

Not as long as I've got
wolfsbane for you, vampire...

And a torch for you, monster.

Or is it a torch for a vampire
and wolfsbane for a monster?

Or wolfsbane for a werewolf
and a torch for a vampire?

No, it's a stake through the heart for a
vampire and a silver bullet for a monster-

I'll take the torch.
You get the wolfsbane.

I told you you'd never get me.

But all of you will soon be getting yours.

Can't you do anything right, you
butterfingers? You let her get away!

That smarts!

I wouldn't worry too much about her.

The crocodiles in the lagoon
should finish our job.

- You-Felix.
- F-f-Francesca!

Flanken has just rescued Francesca
from the moat!

They look like they're gonna do the ballet
from swamp lake.

I knew I should have
finished packing my coffin.

Don't panic again, babies.

Let's call all the monsters together...

And have them help us get Francesca
and this, uh-this flanken!

Everything was fine
until you came to this island.

Now you've ruined everything,
and I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

Francesca, I'm sorry. I didn't know.

F-f-Francesca. Francesca.

Oh, the shock.

You're hysterical! Calm down.

I hate to do this.

I'm sorry about that.

- Oh, Felix.
- You're not mad?

Oh, Felix.

I think you're still hysterical!

Oh, Felix, you're wonderful.

I've been such a fool.

Francesca, does your head
feel lighter than air?

Yes.

Does your throat feel parched...

- And do you sort of tingle all over?
- Oh, yes. Yes, Felix.

Then you must have...

Allergies too.

- Here, try some of my pills.
- Oh, Felix, darling.

There never was a love
like mine for you

never was a love like mine

all the other girls
you may have met

never gave you love
you're gonna get

there never was a torch
that burned so blue

never was a love like mine

for you

there never was a love
like mine for you

never was a love like mine

all the love
you may have read about

honey, you can just forget about

there never was
a screen romance for two

never was a love like mine

for you

tell me a thousand times each day

you've never been loved this way

swear to me
you'll never roam, dear

promise me
you'll stay at home, dear

There never was a love
like mine for you

never was a love like mine

little cupids
with their bows and such

never shot an arrow
that meant much

to any little love for any two

never was a love like mine

for you

never was a love

like mine

for you

baby, for you

yeah

Felix, darling, we've got to get
off this island in a hurry.

Why? What's the matter?

Dracula and the monster
are out to get you and me...

Because your uncle wants
you to succeed him.

Well, I've thought about that...

And I just can't do it...

Whether my uncle likes it or not.

I'll just tell them that.

They won't listen to you
or your uncle now.

They've already gone too far.

Besides, something much more horrible and
deadly will be threatening this island soon.

- What?
- Never mind. We've got to leave here now.

Without even saying good-bye to anyone?

Felix, I've a boat hidden at the other end
of the island to help us escape.

You must come now. Oh, what have I done?

And so I say, brother monsters...

Unless we can stop Felix flanken
from succeeding the baron...

Then our organization is doomed!

- Yes, yetch.
- Point of information.

Why don't we just go
to baron Von Frankenstein...

And tell him how we feel?

Out of order!

Now, are we going to let this outsider-

this human-push us around?

Or are we going to look out
for our own good...

And do something about it?

I say we go get flanken and Francesca!

All in favor of that motion, say “growl”...

“Ugh,” “yeah” or whatever.

All opposed, say-

the motion is passed unanimously.

Wait a minute, count! Point of order!

Point of information! Point of importance!

Speak up and stop pointing.

I cannot allow us to do this
to baron Von Frankenstein.

We must remain loyal to him.

He was always around when we needed him.

He was around when you needed him?

When you needed a girlfriend and he
just made one, did he give it to you?

- Well, no, but-
- And what about Francesca?

He could have given her to you,
but did he?

No, he kept her for himself-

himself, yetch-

when we all knew
she should have been yours.

You deserved her, yetch...

But she is his-his, not yours.

L- I want to take my-back.

All right, babies, it's “umaninumous.”

“Unie-mouse.” “unie-noonie.” “umie-nanny.”

It's a hundred percent. Let's go.

They went into the jungle. Follow me.

Let's stop for a minute.
I have to catch my breath.

I'm pretty tired myself, but I don't think
anyone is following us yet.

They'll be catching up
with us soon enough.

Oh, if Mr. kronkite could see me now,
I wonder what he'd say.

Felix! Help me!

Maybe it likes pills.

Now to get you loose.

Hurry, it's getting tighter!

Oh, I'm free.

Felix, you saved my life again.

Oh, don't thank me. Thank my pills.

Don't thank my pills. Thank me.

We better start moving again.
Time is running against us.

How much further do we have to go
before we get out of this jungle?

Maybe another hour or so.

It's the werewolf. They've picked up our
trail. We can't rest here any longer.

I can't take another step. I must rest.

I wasn't made for this kind of activity.

Go on without me, Felix.
Just leave me something to read.

There's a boat with provisions in it
hidden near the edge of the beach.

I'm not leaving you.

I'll carry you out of the jungle.

Say, you're heavier than I thought.

I wanted you to know I'm no easy pickup.

Maybe I could make a sling
out of some vines.

- That way, I'll be able to move you.
- Groovy, but hurry, will ya?

Don't go away now.

Put her down, you dirty dog!

Say, biting's not fair.
Put up your fists and fight like a man.

Attack! Kill! Maim!

Decapitate!

Get away, Felix! Run to the boat!

Save yourself!

Coward! Running away just as I was about
to thrash you within an inch of your life!

How do you do?

Hiya, fellas.

Nice day, isn't it?

You are now our prisoner.

- Bless you.
- Thank you. It's an allergy.

- You have it!
- Have what?

The baron's secret formula
that can destroy matter!

I do? Oh, I do! I do!

Do not point that vial at me!

So you recognize
this vile, vile vial, huh?

Well, good.

Then you know what will happen
if I drop it.

Take me to Francesca. Move!

Or I'll let you have it!

Aha! Frozen with fear, are you?

You didn't realize the rapier-keen,
silken-smooth Felix flanken...

Could be so rough and tough
and hard and strong...

And manly and virile and-

and weak, timid...

And petrified and-

hi-ho, there! May I get you a banana?

Oh, monsters, beasts-

Francesca-Francesca! Must save Francesca!

You were a fool to have ignored me...

And to have gone with that flanken!

Now, at long last,
you are mine, Francesca!

Yetch, you wretch, don't touch me!

Touch you?

At long last, I am going to kiss you!

Oy vey! That Francesca's something!

She can fly me to the moon
with her kisses!

Must... get to Francesca.

Must... save her!

Help!

Too late! Too late.

I've failed. What can I do?

There's nothing I can do.

I can't live without her.

I'll kill myself!

- No, Felix, wait, wait! Don't kill yourself.
- Who's gonna kill myself?

I only said that because I didn't think
anyone could hear me.

- But what will we do, uncle?
- I'll save Francesca.

You go back and wait for her in the boat.
I have a plan.

- But-
- There's nothing you can do. Trust me. Go!

- Can I ask you one thing?
- Yes, nephew?

You know a shortcut?

I'm tired of hacking and chopping.

What are we gonna do?

Pray he doesn't start beating his chest.

You-why don't you do something?

You're going to do something?

What? What? What-what-what?

You're crying? That's not enough.

Oh, thank badness. Felix is escaping.

One thing is for sure.

If I ever get out of this mess alive...

I'll never hack and chop
in a jungle again!

All right. All right, you. Put her down!

It's me you want.

Come on, Francesca! Come on!

Where are you? Francesca!

You called?

Quick, Felix. Start the engine.

- We've got to get away from here.
- B-but my uncle-

- what of him?
- It's too late. No one can help him now.

Quickly, darling, my beloved, my sweet.

Bug out!

Yes, all right.

And now you, you overgrown chimpanzee...

You've caused me anguish
for the very last time.

And all of you,
with your jealousies and your hates.

You wanted my vial.
You'd kill my nephew for it.

Well, now you shall see that
baron Von Frankenstein is not one to cross.

True, you won't see it
for too long a time.

But for one second-oh, boy!

I know it's wrong, but I have this
tremendous urge to sing “auld lang syne.”

Did you close the windows in your room?

Well, it's all over, my darling.
We're going home now.

My place isn't much-two small rooms...

A furnished medicine cabinet.

But we'll be married.

And soon there'll be the sound
of tiny flankens running around.

Oh, Felix!

Wh-wh-what is it?

What have I said?
We'll get a bigger place.

I'll give up sneezing. What is it?

Oh, Felix, I can never marry you.

You can't? You don't love me?

Yes, I do. I do love you,
and that's why I won't marry you.

Well, Francesca,
I've got to tell you something.

I can't keep on dating you in jungles.

No, Felix.
There's something I must tell you.

Haven't you wondered
why I was on that island?

You see, I'm not
a human being like you are.

I was created by Frankenstein
after the monster and his mate.

I was his masterpiece.

But where other women have a heart,
I have a spring that will unwind.

Where other women have lungs...

I've got a pump that runs
on batteries which will run out.

Where other women have elbows and knees...

I have metallic joints that will one day
grow rusty and stiffen.

I'm just a machine with hundreds of parts
that will eventually wear out.

Well, Francesca-

well, Francesca, none of us are perfect-

are perfect-are perfect-are perfect-