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1
00:00:02,934 --> 00:00:04,168
How the hell is this
supposed to go?
2
00:00:04,170 --> 00:00:07,071
You need, like,
seven hands to do this.
3
00:00:07,073 --> 00:00:08,539
Fuck!
4
00:00:08,541 --> 00:00:09,139
Ow!
5
00:00:09,141 --> 00:00:11,475
Uh-oh, men, has this
ever happened to you?
6
00:00:11,477 --> 00:00:14,645
You're a good guy, but you're
frustrated with your life,
7
00:00:14,647 --> 00:00:18,682
your family, or a piece
of cheap Swedish furniture.
8
00:00:18,684 --> 00:00:19,483
Of course it has!
9
00:00:19,485 --> 00:00:21,886
You're constantly seething
with impotent rage.
10
00:00:21,888 --> 00:00:25,155
Hi, I'm Martin Daniels,
of Martin Daniels products,
11
00:00:25,157 --> 00:00:27,424
and I'm introducing
new Punchables!
12
00:00:27,426 --> 00:00:30,427
It's the first product
ever invented that allows you
13
00:00:30,429 --> 00:00:33,998
to fruitlessly punch a wall
while doing limited damage
14
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,867
to both the wall
and the skeleture of your hand!
15
00:00:36,869 --> 00:00:39,870
Using our unpatented
"dish sponge" technology,
16
00:00:39,872 --> 00:00:43,607
Punchables absorb
and distribute impact.
17
00:00:45,043 --> 00:00:46,310
That's salt, Marco.
18
00:00:46,312 --> 00:00:47,645
Fuck!
19
00:00:48,813 --> 00:00:51,215
Now, that didn't
hurt so much, did it?
20
00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:52,049
I mean, it hurt a little.
21
00:00:52,051 --> 00:00:55,252
And get a load of these other
satisfied customer.
22
00:00:55,254 --> 00:00:57,187
My dad never told me
that he was proud of me,
23
00:00:57,189 --> 00:00:59,490
which makes me
a moderate anger case.
24
00:00:59,492 --> 00:01:00,524
But I'm also a renter.
25
00:01:00,526 --> 00:01:03,460
With Punchables, I can vent
my endless frustration
26
00:01:03,462 --> 00:01:05,296
and still get
my security deposit back.
27
00:01:05,298 --> 00:01:07,398
You mean the security deposit
I loaned you.
28
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,266
Why don't you ever tell me
you love me?!
29
00:01:09,268 --> 00:01:10,935
This is why your mother left.
30
00:01:10,937 --> 00:01:12,670
(screaming)
31
00:01:12,672 --> 00:01:13,537
Thanks, Punchables.
32
00:01:13,539 --> 00:01:17,041
And now for the man on the go,
there's new Portable Punchables!
33
00:01:17,043 --> 00:01:19,843
I'm a sales rep,
and I travel a lot.
34
00:01:19,845 --> 00:01:21,345
Despite constant temptation,
35
00:01:21,347 --> 00:01:23,847
I can't help but be loyal
to my dumb wife,
36
00:01:23,849 --> 00:01:25,282
and it infuriates me.
37
00:01:25,284 --> 00:01:26,417
With Portable Punchables,
38
00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:32,389
I'm able to take out my useless
bullshit on any wall anywhere.
39
00:01:32,391 --> 00:01:33,223
Hey.
Hey.
40
00:01:33,225 --> 00:01:36,260
I was wondering if you wanna
come have a drink in my room?
41
00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:39,296
I can't, but...
42
00:01:39,298 --> 00:01:41,365
Um, maybe some other time?
43
00:01:41,367 --> 00:01:44,335
Yeah, thanks.
44
00:01:45,170 --> 00:01:47,237
Ahh!
45
00:01:47,239 --> 00:01:48,172
Thanks, Punchables!
46
00:01:48,174 --> 00:01:49,406
I think you could
have banged her
47
00:01:49,408 --> 00:01:51,542
without getting caught,
but you're welcome!
48
00:01:51,544 --> 00:01:54,812
Punchables!
49
00:01:54,814 --> 00:01:55,779
Puncha...
50
00:01:55,781 --> 00:02:00,284
♪♪
51
00:02:07,125 --> 00:02:08,726
Good day to you, sir.
52
00:02:08,728 --> 00:02:09,927
How may I help you?
53
00:02:09,929 --> 00:02:13,464
The Barber said I have
"Delirium of the Bowels,"
54
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:16,000
but the bloodletting's
just made it worse.
55
00:02:16,002 --> 00:02:18,502
Well, you've come
to the right place, sir.
56
00:02:18,504 --> 00:02:22,206
No need for any more barbaric
or outdated procedures.
57
00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:23,941
Our chief of surgery
and his team,
58
00:02:23,943 --> 00:02:26,510
they are the best in the nation.
59
00:02:26,512 --> 00:02:28,879
If you come right this way.
60
00:02:29,714 --> 00:02:35,386
Dr. Thackery, I have
your next patient here.
61
00:02:35,388 --> 00:02:37,287
(chair squeaks)
62
00:02:37,289 --> 00:02:41,825
Then the game is on.
63
00:02:42,427 --> 00:02:45,462
(kids' voices)
Junior!
64
00:02:49,034 --> 00:02:51,935
The patient is a 38-year-old man
65
00:02:51,937 --> 00:02:54,672
with an acute infection
in his lower bowel.
66
00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:58,242
Untreated, his condition
will quickly deteriorate.
67
00:02:58,244 --> 00:03:02,012
I'll make an incision thusly.
68
00:03:04,049 --> 00:03:05,215
(sniffs)
69
00:03:05,217 --> 00:03:06,450
Ahh.
70
00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:09,920
And then operate using
a revolutionary method
71
00:03:09,922 --> 00:03:11,522
of my own design.
72
00:03:11,524 --> 00:03:14,091
Nurse Elkins, scalpel.
73
00:03:18,263 --> 00:03:19,930
(squishing sounds)
74
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:24,601
Pulse increasing.
Scissors.
75
00:03:32,077 --> 00:03:34,378
Pulse stability dropping!
We're losing him, Thackery.
76
00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:37,081
Let's hope to God this works.
77
00:03:37,083 --> 00:03:39,316
(Kid Chickering)
We've lost his pulse!
78
00:03:40,218 --> 00:03:41,919
(Kid Gallinger)
Thackery, it's over.
79
00:03:41,921 --> 00:03:42,753
No!
80
00:03:42,755 --> 00:03:44,221
He just needs more glue!
81
00:03:44,223 --> 00:03:46,457
We've lost him.
82
00:03:50,528 --> 00:03:52,496
Damn it!
83
00:03:52,498 --> 00:03:53,931
(grunts)
84
00:03:58,369 --> 00:04:01,271
You're not supposed to have
those before dinner.
85
00:04:01,273 --> 00:04:04,742
Shut up!
I want more Pixy Stix!
86
00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:06,210
(screaming)
87
00:04:07,545 --> 00:04:09,246
Oh, dear.
88
00:04:09,248 --> 00:04:10,080
Right this way.
89
00:04:10,082 --> 00:04:14,051
Dr. Thackery, in light
of today's... events...
90
00:04:14,053 --> 00:04:16,153
the Board of Directors saw fit
91
00:04:16,155 --> 00:04:18,922
to hire an additional
chief of surgery.
92
00:04:18,924 --> 00:04:22,159
Like hell!
The Knick is mine!
93
00:04:22,161 --> 00:04:23,761
Dr. Thackery, please.
94
00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:24,595
Mine!
95
00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:25,796
No, it is mine.
96
00:04:25,798 --> 00:04:26,764
Mine!
Mine!
97
00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:30,200
Doctors, doctors, doctors!
In this hospital, we share.
98
00:04:30,202 --> 00:04:32,269
We share.
99
00:04:32,271 --> 00:04:36,240
(woman)
Is this a bad time?
100
00:04:37,275 --> 00:04:39,076
Hello, John.
101
00:04:39,078 --> 00:04:40,544
Amy?
102
00:04:40,546 --> 00:04:42,012
(sniffles)
103
00:04:46,518 --> 00:04:48,619
(grunts)
104
00:04:48,621 --> 00:04:50,020
Who got your nose?
105
00:04:50,022 --> 00:04:52,389
After we parted ways,
106
00:04:52,391 --> 00:04:55,392
it was ravaged by cooties.
107
00:04:55,394 --> 00:04:58,095
We can sew your face
to your arm.
108
00:04:58,097 --> 00:05:02,299
Sew my face to my arm?
109
00:05:02,301 --> 00:05:03,734
That's the cure?
110
00:05:03,736 --> 00:05:05,402
Yeah.
111
00:05:05,404 --> 00:05:08,972
Are you looking at my nose?
112
00:05:09,874 --> 00:05:10,941
(sobbing)
113
00:05:10,943 --> 00:05:12,276
(Herman Barrow)
Right this way, Amy,
114
00:05:12,278 --> 00:05:13,210
already looking good.
115
00:05:13,212 --> 00:05:15,245
Awesome.
That is so cool.
116
00:05:15,247 --> 00:05:15,979
Cool.
117
00:05:15,981 --> 00:05:18,849
(Kid Algernon)
How did you do that? Great job.
118
00:05:20,585 --> 00:05:21,985
So that's... that's it?
119
00:05:21,987 --> 00:05:26,623
I just... stay like this with
my face attached to my arm?
120
00:05:26,625 --> 00:05:27,558
(agreeing enthusiastically)
121
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:30,928
You guys are here 'cause you're,
you're walking me out or...
122
00:05:30,930 --> 00:05:32,029
Yup.
Yup.
123
00:05:32,031 --> 00:05:35,566
Oh, and don't pull
your... arm out.
124
00:05:35,568 --> 00:05:36,533
It'll, like, rip it off.
125
00:05:36,535 --> 00:05:41,104
Any sort of home care,
I should... worry about or...
126
00:05:41,106 --> 00:05:42,105
Nope.
Just go.
127
00:05:42,107 --> 00:05:43,207
All right.
All right, bye.
128
00:05:43,209 --> 00:05:44,608
We're gonna keep in touch,
all right, or...
129
00:05:44,610 --> 00:05:45,943
Yeah.
Okay.
130
00:05:45,945 --> 00:05:48,111
(Amy)
Oh, you guys,
it does not look weird?
131
00:05:48,113 --> 00:05:49,613
(all)
No, no, no.
132
00:05:49,615 --> 00:05:51,281
'Cause it feels weird,
133
00:05:51,283 --> 00:05:52,916
I mean, it honestly...
134
00:05:52,918 --> 00:05:54,051
Ow!
135
00:05:54,053 --> 00:05:56,019
Ooh...
136
00:05:56,021 --> 00:05:58,355
(screaming)
137
00:05:58,357 --> 00:06:00,157
Ooh.
138
00:06:00,159 --> 00:06:03,527
Be careful!
Bye!
139
00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:06,396
♪♪
140
00:06:07,899 --> 00:06:10,200
♪♪
141
00:06:10,202 --> 00:06:12,336
Thanks, girls,
for doing this with me.
142
00:06:12,338 --> 00:06:13,303
Ohh...
Stop.
143
00:06:13,305 --> 00:06:16,173
You know, my sponsor said
in order for me to be sober,
144
00:06:16,175 --> 00:06:17,941
I have to avoid temptation.
Good.
145
00:06:17,943 --> 00:06:19,343
(Kirsten)
It's totally our pleasure.
146
00:06:19,345 --> 00:06:22,012
I mean, we don't have
to always meet up at a bar.
147
00:06:22,014 --> 00:06:23,780
Yeah, and we went to one
before we came here anyway.
148
00:06:23,782 --> 00:06:25,515
Yeah, and we're gonna
go to one after, so...
149
00:06:25,517 --> 00:06:28,252
Yeah, definitely.
It's not a big deal.
150
00:06:28,254 --> 00:06:29,119
Oh...
151
00:06:29,121 --> 00:06:30,153
(text alert)
152
00:06:30,155 --> 00:06:31,488
Ooh, who's that?
153
00:06:31,490 --> 00:06:33,257
Yeah, are you gettin' some?
154
00:06:33,259 --> 00:06:34,224
Ooh...
155
00:06:34,226 --> 00:06:35,325
(mocking gagging)
156
00:06:35,327 --> 00:06:36,894
I wish, it's my dog walker
157
00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:38,528
telling me I need more baggies.
158
00:06:38,530 --> 00:06:41,632
My phone is dry as fuck.
159
00:06:41,634 --> 00:06:43,467
Are you guys getting any?
160
00:06:43,469 --> 00:06:44,701
Uh...
Oh, my God.
161
00:06:44,703 --> 00:06:45,602
Nothing.
Nada.
162
00:06:45,604 --> 00:06:47,905
No, I don't even remember
what a dick looks like.
163
00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:48,739
Are they round?
164
00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:49,973
Are there spikes
coming out of them?
165
00:06:49,975 --> 00:06:52,943
Seriously, I haven't
gotten laid in forever.
166
00:06:52,945 --> 00:06:55,512
You have no idea,
it's like I'm a virgin again.
167
00:06:55,514 --> 00:06:57,714
My hymen has basically
grown back.
168
00:06:57,716 --> 00:06:59,683
Same.
It's been so long,
169
00:06:59,685 --> 00:07:01,718
it's like I have
vaginal atrophy.
170
00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:03,320
Like, check this out.
171
00:07:04,155 --> 00:07:04,988
Ow... Oh, my God.
172
00:07:04,990 --> 00:07:06,523
You're gonna hurt yourself.
No, I feel nothing.
173
00:07:06,525 --> 00:07:09,693
Oh. Well, you know what,
gymnasts use my pussy
174
00:07:09,695 --> 00:07:11,328
to, like, clap their hands on
175
00:07:11,330 --> 00:07:12,729
before they go on
the uneven bars.
176
00:07:12,731 --> 00:07:14,364
I can't even talk about this.
177
00:07:14,366 --> 00:07:16,066
My lady parts look
like a wasteland.
178
00:07:16,068 --> 00:07:18,368
You know, they shot
"Mad Max" down there.
179
00:07:18,370 --> 00:07:19,102
Oh.
180
00:07:19,104 --> 00:07:20,170
The original one.
Oh.
181
00:07:20,172 --> 00:07:23,407
My pussy's, like, at risk of,
like, a forest fire right now.
182
00:07:23,409 --> 00:07:25,575
You can't smoke
within 500 yards of it.
183
00:07:25,577 --> 00:07:28,178
(Amber)
Am I, like, even
a woman at this point?
184
00:07:28,180 --> 00:07:30,781
It's like a "Frasier"
marathon between my legs.
185
00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:31,982
Oh, stop, seriously?
186
00:07:31,984 --> 00:07:33,750
Like, if my pussy had a voice,
187
00:07:33,752 --> 00:07:35,018
it would sound like Terry Gross
188
00:07:35,020 --> 00:07:37,220
with just a mouthful
of crackers.
189
00:07:37,222 --> 00:07:39,189
It'd just be, like...
190
00:07:39,791 --> 00:07:43,093
My pussy is so angry,
it's trolling me on Twitter.
191
00:07:43,095 --> 00:07:43,660
Oh.
192
00:07:43,662 --> 00:07:44,962
Some of that stuff's
really hurtful.
193
00:07:44,964 --> 00:07:47,397
My pubes left,
they just up and left.
194
00:07:47,399 --> 00:07:49,633
Like, they just moved
to California
195
00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:50,667
to start a better life.
196
00:07:50,669 --> 00:07:53,737
They didn't even leave
a note, they just, like...
197
00:07:53,739 --> 00:07:55,439
They just bounced.
198
00:07:55,441 --> 00:07:56,239
I'm so sorry.
199
00:07:56,241 --> 00:07:58,342
Well, I'm having
the opposite experience.
200
00:07:58,344 --> 00:08:01,278
My pubes are
so overgrown, my pussy
201
00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:02,679
is a "Beast of No Nation."
202
00:08:02,681 --> 00:08:04,781
I just love child soldiers.
203
00:08:04,783 --> 00:08:06,283
So cute.
204
00:08:08,052 --> 00:08:10,587
My asshole's on fire, though.
205
00:08:10,589 --> 00:08:12,522
Oh, my God, so stretched out.
206
00:08:12,524 --> 00:08:13,390
Can't even sit down.
207
00:08:13,392 --> 00:08:15,692
My taint looks like a chew toy.
208
00:08:15,694 --> 00:08:16,526
(all laughing)
209
00:08:16,528 --> 00:08:18,829
Do you think
this needs more blue?
210
00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:19,830
Hmm...
211
00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:21,665
♪♪
212
00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:24,568
What was your favorite episode
of "Sex and the City"?
213
00:08:24,570 --> 00:08:28,138
I don't have a favorite
episode of that.
214
00:08:28,140 --> 00:08:29,306
They're all your favorite?
215
00:08:29,308 --> 00:08:31,208
None of 'em.
Why?
216
00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:34,845
No, because they're just broads,
like, running around...
217
00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:36,513
being promiscuous.
218
00:08:36,515 --> 00:08:39,216
You're gonna say that
to me and Bridget?
219
00:08:39,218 --> 00:08:40,450
Hello?
You're not like them.
220
00:08:40,452 --> 00:08:43,320
You mean, we dress better
and we're thinner.
221
00:08:43,322 --> 00:08:44,855
No. And you have personality.
222
00:08:44,857 --> 00:08:46,590
Yeah, we got personality
for weeks!
223
00:08:46,592 --> 00:08:47,991
Oh, that's right, cheers.
224
00:08:47,993 --> 00:08:50,260
♪♪
225
00:08:50,262 --> 00:08:53,163
We're gonna have the best time
of our lives today.
226
00:08:53,165 --> 00:08:53,897
Yes.
Okay?
227
00:08:53,899 --> 00:08:55,499
Didn't I tell you, okay?
Yeah.
228
00:08:55,501 --> 00:08:57,100
You are such
a good friend, and I...
229
00:08:57,102 --> 00:09:00,337
You know, this annulment
is really taking a toll on me.
230
00:09:00,339 --> 00:09:01,171
And I'm, I'm just...
231
00:09:01,173 --> 00:09:02,672
I am so glad that
you got the tickets!
232
00:09:02,674 --> 00:09:06,043
Oh, no, look, this is why
we're in New York, right?
233
00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:08,111
Right.
We are going on this tour.
234
00:09:08,113 --> 00:09:10,213
And I am so glad that I bought
you these tickets
235
00:09:10,215 --> 00:09:12,416
with my money that I worked for.
236
00:09:12,418 --> 00:09:13,784
All right, ladies!
237
00:09:13,786 --> 00:09:15,886
Are you ready to see the places
238
00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:19,790
from your favorite scenes
from your favorite show,
239
00:09:19,792 --> 00:09:21,892
"Sex and...
240
00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:22,959
(all)
The City"!
241
00:09:22,961 --> 00:09:24,728
"Sex and the City,"
that's right!
242
00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:27,697
I can't, I can't, I can't,
I can't, I can't.
243
00:09:27,699 --> 00:09:28,899
(guide)
Who's with me?
244
00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:31,435
(Amy)
We went for a walk,
but we are first.
245
00:09:31,437 --> 00:09:33,303
We were here,
but we went for a walk.
246
00:09:33,305 --> 00:09:36,239
Are you excited for your
"Sex and the City" tour today?
247
00:09:36,241 --> 00:09:37,240
(all cheering)
248
00:09:37,242 --> 00:09:39,910
All right, when I say Sex,
you say and the City.
249
00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:41,678
Sex.
And the City!
250
00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:43,413
Sex!
And the City!
251
00:09:43,415 --> 00:09:44,514
You guys get it.
252
00:09:44,516 --> 00:09:47,717
Okay, does anyone
recognize where we are?
253
00:09:47,719 --> 00:09:48,852
Is this where Carrie decided
254
00:09:48,854 --> 00:09:50,120
that she didn't
want to marry Aiden?
255
00:09:50,122 --> 00:09:51,488
Definitely!
Good guess.
256
00:09:51,490 --> 00:09:54,524
Actually, this is where
Steve and Miranda
257
00:09:54,526 --> 00:09:58,929
finally tied the knot in
a small, but tasteful ceremony.
258
00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:00,297
Ohh...
Oh, okay.
259
00:10:00,299 --> 00:10:02,799
Oh, I want that
for me someday again.
260
00:10:02,801 --> 00:10:05,502
This is a really
good tour I bought you.
261
00:10:05,504 --> 00:10:08,472
(Melissa)
Oh, oh, my gosh,
is that where Carrie
262
00:10:08,474 --> 00:10:10,607
put on those hoop earrings
and that doo rag,
263
00:10:10,609 --> 00:10:12,742
and then she made everybody
feel racially uncomfortable?
264
00:10:12,744 --> 00:10:15,045
Yes! With the hoops,
yeah, definitely.
265
00:10:15,047 --> 00:10:18,482
(guide)
No, these are the courts where
Steve played basketball.
266
00:10:18,484 --> 00:10:21,351
That's one of the many great
things about Steve.
267
00:10:21,353 --> 00:10:23,220
He played basketball, cool.
268
00:10:23,222 --> 00:10:25,889
He also owns a bar, that's cool.
269
00:10:25,891 --> 00:10:27,357
So cute, I love that.
Oh, okay.
270
00:10:27,359 --> 00:10:29,426
And let's not forget,
he is reliable.
271
00:10:29,428 --> 00:10:31,828
All right, he's short,
I'll give you that.
272
00:10:31,830 --> 00:10:33,630
The glasses? Yeah.
273
00:10:33,632 --> 00:10:34,831
But always reliable.
274
00:10:34,833 --> 00:10:38,034
Is that Magnolia Bakery
where Carrie told Miranda
275
00:10:38,036 --> 00:10:40,570
about a huge crush
while scarfing down
276
00:10:40,572 --> 00:10:42,706
one of that bakery's
signature cupcakes?
277
00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:43,807
(Amy)
Definitely.
278
00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:44,708
Are we gonna get cupcakes?
279
00:10:44,710 --> 00:10:46,143
No, we're not,
and nobody look over...
280
00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:47,310
Do not look over there!
281
00:10:47,312 --> 00:10:48,879
That is not part
of our tour, okay?
282
00:10:48,881 --> 00:10:51,214
Actually, if you look
right over there,
283
00:10:51,216 --> 00:10:52,516
that's the area where Steve
284
00:10:52,518 --> 00:10:54,317
was once carrying
groceries in the rain
285
00:10:54,319 --> 00:10:56,319
and the bottom fell
out of the bag.
286
00:10:56,321 --> 00:10:57,487
Stuff went everywhere,
287
00:10:57,489 --> 00:10:59,589
it led to a lot of shenanigans.
288
00:10:59,591 --> 00:11:00,323
(chuckles)
289
00:11:00,325 --> 00:11:01,791
That sucks.
I don't remember that.
290
00:11:01,793 --> 00:11:02,792
I remember that.
291
00:11:02,794 --> 00:11:04,194
It was actually... it was deleted
292
00:11:04,196 --> 00:11:05,562
from the deleted scenes.
293
00:11:05,564 --> 00:11:07,931
Ooh, deleted scenes.
294
00:11:07,933 --> 00:11:12,035
Is this tour just gonna
be all about Steve?
295
00:11:12,037 --> 00:11:17,340
Yeah, um, it was...
This tour was $6 cheaper,
296
00:11:17,342 --> 00:11:20,410
so, altogether
$12 cheaper, so...
297
00:11:20,412 --> 00:11:23,947
But it won't be all about
Steve, you know, right?
298
00:11:23,949 --> 00:11:25,682
Come on.
Okay.
299
00:11:25,684 --> 00:11:27,083
(woman)
Oh, the doctor's office!
300
00:11:27,085 --> 00:11:29,853
This is where Charlotte found
out that she couldn't have kids.
301
00:11:29,855 --> 00:11:31,621
Definitely!
Wrong, that was wrong.
302
00:11:31,623 --> 00:11:35,559
This is actually where
Miranda's housekeeper Magda
303
00:11:35,561 --> 00:11:37,060
got her bone medicine.
304
00:11:37,062 --> 00:11:38,461
Ooh, Magda!
305
00:11:38,463 --> 00:11:41,064
And then every Tuesday,
Steve would pick her up.
306
00:11:41,066 --> 00:11:43,533
Super solid,
classic Steve behavior.
307
00:11:43,535 --> 00:11:47,304
Big would never do that.
Big would never do that!
308
00:11:47,306 --> 00:11:47,938
Big!
309
00:11:47,940 --> 00:11:51,208
See, this is still really
heavily about Steve.
310
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:53,543
Next stop, ladies,
grab your panties
311
00:11:53,545 --> 00:11:56,580
because we're gonna see where
Charlotte and her gay friend
312
00:11:56,582 --> 00:11:59,616
go shopping for blouses!
(all cheering)
313
00:11:59,618 --> 00:12:00,550
But before that,
314
00:12:00,552 --> 00:12:05,055
we're gonna see where Samantha
got fucked in the ass!
315
00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:06,957
Yeah!
(all cheering)
316
00:12:06,959 --> 00:12:08,525
I say cosmos, you say anal.
317
00:12:08,527 --> 00:12:09,593
Cosmos!
Anal!
318
00:12:09,595 --> 00:12:10,627
Cosmos!
Anal!
319
00:12:10,629 --> 00:12:12,229
Cosmos!
Anal!
320
00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:13,597
Cosmos!
Anal!
321
00:12:13,599 --> 00:12:14,364
This sucks.
322
00:12:14,366 --> 00:12:18,702
We want to see where Samantha
got fucked in the ass, too!
323
00:12:18,704 --> 00:12:20,170
Yeah... yeah, we do.
324
00:12:20,172 --> 00:12:23,273
Guys! Samantha was
a one-note character!
325
00:12:23,275 --> 00:12:26,109
All she did was get fucked
all the time!
326
00:12:26,111 --> 00:12:30,213
Steve is the only character
on the show with any layers.
327
00:12:30,215 --> 00:12:32,515
You turn to Steve
when you need some laughs.
328
00:12:32,517 --> 00:12:36,319
You turn to Steve when you need
some pathos, okay?
329
00:12:36,321 --> 00:12:37,754
He owned a bar!
330
00:12:37,756 --> 00:12:40,523
He was a good dad, all right?
331
00:12:40,525 --> 00:12:42,559
He even had cancer!
332
00:12:43,060 --> 00:12:44,494
Samantha got cancer, too.
333
00:12:44,496 --> 00:12:47,797
She knew what
she was paying for!
334
00:12:48,766 --> 00:12:51,368
Happy annulment.
335
00:12:51,370 --> 00:12:52,702
Six more dollars.
336
00:12:52,704 --> 00:12:55,372
So, who's ready to visit
the home of Janet Miller.
337
00:12:55,374 --> 00:12:58,808
She's the mother of one of
the four sets of twins
338
00:12:58,810 --> 00:13:01,745
who portrayed
Steve's son, Brady Hobbes?
339
00:13:01,747 --> 00:13:03,413
Oh, we are!
340
00:13:03,415 --> 00:13:08,551
(Amy)
This is fun,
and I don't regret it!
341
00:13:09,854 --> 00:13:12,922
♪♪
342
00:13:14,091 --> 00:13:16,092
♪♪
343
00:13:16,094 --> 00:13:20,730
Have you ever changed the way
you act around certain guys.
344
00:13:20,732 --> 00:13:21,931
Like, you sort of have
to flirt with them
345
00:13:21,933 --> 00:13:23,166
to get what you
want out of them?
346
00:13:23,168 --> 00:13:26,770
Look, I never know when
someone's attracted to me.
347
00:13:26,772 --> 00:13:27,771
Like, it's really bad.
348
00:13:27,773 --> 00:13:29,472
Like, when do you realize
they're attracted to you?
349
00:13:29,474 --> 00:13:32,342
Uh, when they're
eating me out, but...
350
00:13:32,344 --> 00:13:35,045
♪♪
351
00:13:37,682 --> 00:13:39,783
Should we have sex?
It's up to you.
352
00:13:39,785 --> 00:13:41,051
I definitely want to.
353
00:13:41,053 --> 00:13:42,419
Okay, I can...
354
00:13:42,421 --> 00:13:45,188
Oh, wow, you've got condoms.
355
00:13:45,190 --> 00:13:49,526
Oh, yeah, they're
left over from my ex.
356
00:13:49,528 --> 00:13:50,360
Is that weird?
357
00:13:50,362 --> 00:13:52,929
No, it's not like I think
you're a virgin or anything.
358
00:13:52,931 --> 00:13:55,298
No, definitely not.
359
00:13:55,300 --> 00:13:59,002
It's kind of nice not to have
to jump through a bunch of hoops
360
00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:00,570
to get you into it.
361
00:14:01,572 --> 00:14:02,906
Kinda.
362
00:14:03,941 --> 00:14:07,143
Will you excuse me one moment?
363
00:14:07,145 --> 00:14:09,245
Sure.
364
00:14:09,247 --> 00:14:11,181
Where you going?
365
00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:13,850
I'm just gonna go make
sure there's no, like,
366
00:14:13,852 --> 00:14:16,419
stray toilet paper in my pussy.
367
00:14:16,421 --> 00:14:17,854
Oh, cool.
368
00:14:17,856 --> 00:14:20,023
(line ringing)
369
00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:20,790
Greta...
370
00:14:20,792 --> 00:14:22,992
I'm about to sleep with this guy
and I, like, really like him.
371
00:14:22,994 --> 00:14:23,927
What do I do?
372
00:14:23,929 --> 00:14:26,896
First of all, get the toilet
paper out of your pussy.
373
00:14:26,898 --> 00:14:27,931
I know, no, I, I mean,
374
00:14:27,933 --> 00:14:30,567
I'm getting mixed signals in,
like, what he wants.
375
00:14:30,569 --> 00:14:32,001
Anal, he wants anal.
376
00:14:32,003 --> 00:14:35,705
No, I mean like the Madonna
or the whore thing.
377
00:14:35,707 --> 00:14:36,806
Just read his vibe.
378
00:14:36,808 --> 00:14:39,109
He'll communicate to you.
379
00:14:39,111 --> 00:14:40,477
Okay.
380
00:14:41,312 --> 00:14:45,181
Oh, okay, so, should
I not put on this bag?
381
00:14:45,183 --> 00:14:46,449
Um, well, I mean,
382
00:14:46,451 --> 00:14:47,851
I definitely don't
have anything.
383
00:14:47,853 --> 00:14:49,686
So, you don't want
me to wear this?
384
00:14:49,688 --> 00:14:50,987
Look, okay,
this is so embarrassing.
385
00:14:50,989 --> 00:14:52,922
I've never not used a condom.
386
00:14:52,924 --> 00:14:57,927
It might be neat to...
try without it once.
387
00:14:57,929 --> 00:14:59,229
Okay, cool.
388
00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:01,598
All right.
Are you nervous?
389
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:02,399
About what?
390
00:15:02,401 --> 00:15:03,867
That it'll hurt, dummy.
391
00:15:03,869 --> 00:15:07,937
So nervous.
392
00:15:07,939 --> 00:15:10,206
Oh, well, I'll take it
easy on you.
393
00:15:10,208 --> 00:15:11,474
Please, just...
394
00:15:11,476 --> 00:15:13,143
How long has it been?
395
00:15:13,145 --> 00:15:16,579
Oh... a month?
396
00:15:16,581 --> 00:15:21,184
Uh, uh, a month and six months,
397
00:15:21,186 --> 00:15:22,318
seven months.
398
00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:23,820
Wow, that's a long time.
399
00:15:23,822 --> 00:15:24,921
It's so long.
400
00:15:24,923 --> 00:15:26,956
How many guys
have you been with?
401
00:15:26,958 --> 00:15:31,861
Two doz... does that count,
two guys?
402
00:15:31,863 --> 00:15:32,996
Two?
Like, is that a lot?
403
00:15:32,998 --> 00:15:34,764
Oh, man, I love girls like you.
404
00:15:34,766 --> 00:15:36,132
You're like a diamond
in the rug.
405
00:15:36,134 --> 00:15:38,501
When I met you at that
after-hours party
406
00:15:38,503 --> 00:15:39,569
for that bartending class,
407
00:15:39,571 --> 00:15:41,171
I kind of thought you were,
like, a dirty girl.
408
00:15:41,173 --> 00:15:43,339
But you're like
a little baby sheep.
409
00:15:43,341 --> 00:15:44,240
Basically.
410
00:15:44,242 --> 00:15:46,109
What do you want, dirty girl?
411
00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:47,043
I don't know...
412
00:15:47,045 --> 00:15:52,382
Well, I want you
to fuck me so h...
413
00:15:52,384 --> 00:15:53,616
softly.
414
00:15:53,618 --> 00:15:56,753
So softly, bunny slopes.
415
00:15:56,755 --> 00:15:57,987
Okay, yeah.
416
00:15:57,989 --> 00:15:58,655
Bunny, okay.
417
00:15:58,657 --> 00:16:00,857
Oh, nice and easy.
Yeah, okay.
418
00:16:00,859 --> 00:16:02,692
Wait, wait.
419
00:16:02,694 --> 00:16:04,294
I wanna look at you.
420
00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:07,096
Will you strip for me?
421
00:16:07,098 --> 00:16:08,832
Yeah... I'm pretty naked already.
422
00:16:08,834 --> 00:16:11,601
You want me to put
my clothes back on?
423
00:16:11,603 --> 00:16:12,936
Yeah.
424
00:16:14,171 --> 00:16:15,038
Okay, okay.
425
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:17,407
(Amy clears throat)
426
00:16:19,543 --> 00:16:20,343
Okay.
427
00:16:20,345 --> 00:16:22,512
Put on the coat, too.
428
00:16:22,514 --> 00:16:24,247
You want me to put the coat on?
429
00:16:24,249 --> 00:16:25,548
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
430
00:16:25,550 --> 00:16:27,183
Can you put the hood up?
431
00:16:28,352 --> 00:16:29,752
Oh, yeah.
432
00:16:33,491 --> 00:16:36,025
How are you so good at this?
433
00:16:36,794 --> 00:16:38,761
I'm not, I just...
434
00:16:38,763 --> 00:16:39,629
I mean, I took, like,
435
00:16:39,631 --> 00:16:41,931
a pole dancing class
once at Crunch.
436
00:16:41,933 --> 00:16:43,433
I'm, like, awkward.
437
00:16:44,702 --> 00:16:45,935
Erm.
438
00:16:45,937 --> 00:16:48,304
Erm, I don't know
what I'm doing.
439
00:16:48,306 --> 00:16:49,506
Oh-ho.
Bla.
440
00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:52,275
Oh, come here, you filthy angel.
441
00:16:52,277 --> 00:16:56,579
Get ready for this, you sweet,
innocent whore bag.
442
00:16:56,581 --> 00:16:57,347
Okay, I'm sorry.
443
00:16:57,349 --> 00:16:59,883
I don't understand
what you want.
444
00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:02,118
Do you want the Madonna
or the whore?
445
00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:03,319
Yeah.
446
00:17:03,321 --> 00:17:04,821
Which one?
447
00:17:04,823 --> 00:17:05,655
Both.
448
00:17:05,657 --> 00:17:07,023
Look, it's not hard
to understand.
449
00:17:07,025 --> 00:17:09,826
I need you to be like
a sexual "Good Will Hunting."
450
00:17:09,828 --> 00:17:10,960
You've no formal education,
451
00:17:10,962 --> 00:17:12,896
but then you see my dick
and you just get it.
452
00:17:12,898 --> 00:17:15,398
Now, I need you to be, like,
a combination of, like,
453
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:18,101
Hermione from the third movie
and Nicki Minaj.
454
00:17:18,103 --> 00:17:19,435
You're, like, Dora the Explorer,
455
00:17:19,437 --> 00:17:21,037
but your passport's
filled to the brim.
456
00:17:21,039 --> 00:17:23,506
Right, you're, like, Maria
from "The Sound of Music,"
457
00:17:23,508 --> 00:17:25,708
but also the sex Nazi
from "Indiana Jones."
458
00:17:25,710 --> 00:17:28,912
Also, would it kill you
to do a Boston accent?
459
00:17:28,914 --> 00:17:31,848
(with accent)
I'm gonna get you wicked hard.
460
00:17:31,850 --> 00:17:33,182
Perfect.
461
00:17:38,322 --> 00:17:39,856
Did I cum?
462
00:17:39,858 --> 00:17:41,291
Did you what?
463
00:17:41,293 --> 00:17:43,693
♪♪
464
00:17:45,729 --> 00:17:48,431
♪♪
465
00:17:48,966 --> 00:17:50,733
So, Mary Alice, you are a nun.
466
00:17:50,735 --> 00:17:52,302
(chuckling)
Yes, I am.
467
00:17:52,304 --> 00:17:53,269
Let's talk about it.
Okay.
468
00:17:53,271 --> 00:17:57,774
So, uh, do you know "how do you
solve a problem like Maria?"
469
00:17:57,776 --> 00:18:02,478
In a way, people could say
I am like a Maria.
470
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:03,947
You are totally like a Maria.
471
00:18:03,949 --> 00:18:05,014
(laughing)
Yeah.
472
00:18:05,016 --> 00:18:07,083
You don't seem, like,
how we picture a nun.
473
00:18:07,085 --> 00:18:08,785
Like, you don't...
You're not wearing a habit.
474
00:18:08,787 --> 00:18:09,619
Where's your habit?
475
00:18:09,621 --> 00:18:11,421
Here's my pin.
Oh, you got a pin?
476
00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:12,722
Yeah, I got a pin.
Okay, that checks out.
477
00:18:12,724 --> 00:18:13,957
That checks out.
That checks out.
478
00:18:13,959 --> 00:18:15,325
You can come behind the rope.
479
00:18:15,327 --> 00:18:17,627
Um, what called you to...
480
00:18:17,629 --> 00:18:19,929
This journey, this life?
Um...
481
00:18:19,931 --> 00:18:22,298
You know, I entered
the convent in 1958.
482
00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:23,499
And, um...
How old were you?
483
00:18:23,501 --> 00:18:26,035
18, and I wanted
to be a do-gooder.
484
00:18:26,037 --> 00:18:29,706
In those days, you became
a nurse, you got married
485
00:18:29,708 --> 00:18:31,007
or you were a secretary.
Yeah.
486
00:18:31,009 --> 00:18:34,243
Or you became a nun.
And I became the nun.
487
00:18:34,245 --> 00:18:35,511
That actually sounds good
of that list.
488
00:18:35,513 --> 00:18:37,914
Yeah, that's right.
Did you ever date anyone?
489
00:18:37,916 --> 00:18:41,818
Yes, I was engaged to be
married prior to entering.
490
00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:43,252
When you were 17 or 18?
And I entered the convent
491
00:18:43,254 --> 00:18:44,921
'cause I knew I could
get out of that
492
00:18:44,923 --> 00:18:46,789
and I couldn't get
out of the marriage.
493
00:18:46,791 --> 00:18:47,957
I'm Catholic, you know.
494
00:18:47,959 --> 00:18:49,459
That's right,
that's why you went...
495
00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:50,593
Uh, you're great.
496
00:18:50,595 --> 00:18:52,595
I'm gonna take a vow
of celibacy, peace.
497
00:18:52,597 --> 00:18:55,064
Did I understand
what it was? No.
Yeah.
498
00:18:55,066 --> 00:18:56,432
But did I take it? Yes.
Yeah.
499
00:18:56,434 --> 00:19:00,169
So, your last relationship with
someone other than God was...
500
00:19:00,171 --> 00:19:01,170
18.
18.
501
00:19:01,172 --> 00:19:04,307
Now, have I had male
friends in between? Yes.
502
00:19:04,309 --> 00:19:06,342
Have you made out?
No.
503
00:19:06,344 --> 00:19:08,311
You're not even allowed
to make out?
504
00:19:08,313 --> 00:19:09,212
No.
505
00:19:09,214 --> 00:19:10,880
Well, I guess you could
but you might get in trouble
506
00:19:10,882 --> 00:19:12,949
after you do that, yeah.
You could get
in trouble, right.
507
00:19:12,951 --> 00:19:15,018
Are nuns allowed
to have orgasms?
508
00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:16,653
Oh, to masturbate,
you mean, uh...
509
00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:19,722
If you're gonna follow
the letter of the law...
Yeah.
510
00:19:19,724 --> 00:19:22,825
And the church guideline,
it would be a no-no.
511
00:19:22,827 --> 00:19:23,860
It would be a no-no.
512
00:19:23,862 --> 00:19:25,695
I'm not gonna go and ask
anybody if they're having one
513
00:19:25,697 --> 00:19:26,996
or not having them...
I hear ya.
514
00:19:26,998 --> 00:19:28,331
Or if they're doing it or why.
515
00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:29,399
That's on them.
Yeah.
516
00:19:29,401 --> 00:19:31,768
That's in them.
If it works.
517
00:19:31,770 --> 00:19:33,236
Um, did you ever have doubts?
518
00:19:33,238 --> 00:19:34,904
Have you ever thought
about leaving?
519
00:19:34,906 --> 00:19:36,205
Yes, often.
520
00:19:36,207 --> 00:19:37,006
How often?
521
00:19:37,008 --> 00:19:39,042
When I was in my 30s,
it was very hard.
Why?
522
00:19:39,044 --> 00:19:40,843
You know, you didn't know
if you wanted to jump into bed
523
00:19:40,845 --> 00:19:43,012
with the next person
that came along or, uh...
524
00:19:43,014 --> 00:19:45,481
You're singing my song, sister.
525
00:19:45,483 --> 00:19:47,650
Coming or going
or being a parent.
526
00:19:47,652 --> 00:19:49,686
But I don't know a lot of people
527
00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:51,354
that can follow their dreams.
528
00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:52,388
I don't know a lot of people
529
00:19:52,390 --> 00:19:55,591
that aren't worried
about their 401K.
530
00:19:55,593 --> 00:19:56,392
Yeah.
531
00:19:56,394 --> 00:19:57,593
And they're the gifts
that I have.
532
00:19:57,595 --> 00:20:01,064
Hearing you explain that
does make a lot of sense.
533
00:20:01,066 --> 00:20:02,565
And I would've never
thought of it that way.
534
00:20:02,567 --> 00:20:05,201
Yeah.
Um, you seem like you'd be
really hard to shock,
535
00:20:05,203 --> 00:20:07,370
and I'm definitely not
gonna try, but do you...
536
00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:10,206
When you're around,
like, we're in a bar.
Mm-hmm.
537
00:20:10,208 --> 00:20:11,741
When you're around
family or friends,
538
00:20:11,743 --> 00:20:15,511
and they're drinking or maybe
smoking pot or something,
539
00:20:15,513 --> 00:20:18,281
how do you feel being near that?
540
00:20:18,283 --> 00:20:20,583
Well, fine.
541
00:20:20,585 --> 00:20:21,284
(laughing)
542
00:20:21,286 --> 00:20:23,553
It's a party, I'm Irish.
543
00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:25,321
Oh.
(laughing)
544
00:20:25,323 --> 00:20:28,691
We have family members
that own bars.
Right.
545
00:20:28,693 --> 00:20:30,393
But you're not gonna be
on anyone's shoulders
546
00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:32,028
at the St. Patty's Day
Parade in Times Square.
547
00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:33,062
No, right, yeah.
Right.
548
00:20:33,064 --> 00:20:34,630
What is something you would
want people to know
549
00:20:34,632 --> 00:20:36,332
about nuns that they don't?
550
00:20:36,334 --> 00:20:37,366
That we're real.
Yeah.
551
00:20:37,368 --> 00:20:39,936
I don't think we're any
different than anybody else.
Yeah.
552
00:20:39,938 --> 00:20:41,471
We have warts like
everybody else.
553
00:20:41,473 --> 00:20:43,973
Right, but not the kind
that I got in college.
554
00:20:43,975 --> 00:20:45,108
(laughing)
No.
555
00:20:45,110 --> 00:20:47,110
You missed out, girl.
556
00:20:47,112 --> 00:20:48,444
(both laughing)
557
00:20:48,446 --> 00:20:49,846
♪♪
558
00:20:49,848 --> 00:20:51,948
(Amy)
And could you do one more
when you say,
559
00:20:51,950 --> 00:20:54,016
"My taint looks like
a chew toy"?
560
00:20:54,018 --> 00:20:56,586
(laughing)
561
00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:58,387
Right?
(woman)
Solid.
562
00:20:58,389 --> 00:20:59,956
Ugh.
My...
563
00:20:59,958 --> 00:21:02,258
Amy, wait.
(laughing)
564
00:21:02,260 --> 00:21:03,593
(woman)
So easy.
565
00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:05,361
(man)
Mmm, magic.
566
00:21:07,364 --> 00:21:10,399
Mr. Big!
Where are you, Mr. Big!
567
00:21:10,401 --> 00:21:13,369
(whooping and cheering)
568
00:21:13,371 --> 00:21:14,604
Oh, shit!
569
00:21:14,606 --> 00:21:18,441
(all laughing)
570
00:21:18,443 --> 00:21:19,208
Oh!
571
00:21:19,210 --> 00:21:22,979
Looks like he heard me.
Looks like he heard me.
39930
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