All language subtitles for the.twilight.zone.3X33

You're traveling
through another dimension-

a dimension not only of sight
and sound, but of mind,

a journey into a wondrous land

whose boundaries
are that of imagination.

Your next stop,
the twilight zone.

Ladies and gentlemen,
we're certainly glad

to be here tonight.

Speak for yourself,
turkey.

That's jerry.

Every dummy
to his own taste.

Now, cut that out.

All right, all right.

Let go of the suit.

I'm getting out of here.

Now, wait
a minute, willy.

Just stay
right here.

I mean it.

Uh-huh.

I'm sorry.

If i said anything,
i didn't mean it.

Oh, no?

No.

No?

Just tell me this, wise guy.

You did admit that you were
superstitious, didn't you?

Well, on occasion, yes.

But you don't throw salt
over your shoulders

or cross your fingers.

No, i knock on wood.

You did it again.

Wait a minute.

I resign.

From now on, i'm a single!

As for you,
you can turn in your lap.

Uh... why, willy,

in the first place,

what would you do without me?

Well, for one thing,

i could be
a better ventriloquist.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah?

Yeah... watch this.

A funny thing
happened to me

on my way over to
the club tonight.

Is that a fact?

What happened,
blockhead?

I was out in front
of the ritz-savoy.

That's where i live-
out in front of the ritz-savoy.

They put formaldehyde
in those jokes?

Something must preserve them.

You're watching a ventriloquist
named jerry etherson,

a voice-thrower par excellence.

His alter ego,
sitting atop his lap,

is a brash stick of kindling
with the sobriquet "willy."

In a moment, mr. Etherson
and his knotty-pine partner

will be booked into one
of the out-of-the-way bistros

that small dark, intimate place
known as the twilight zone.

...play places like, uh,
miami, los angeles, utah.

Hey, jerry.

What?

How about
san quentin?

...play there, but not
for a very long time.

Anyway, you've been
a wonderful audience,

and we want to thank you.

Willy, i think it
would be very nice

if you'd say good
night and thank you

to all these
wonderful people.

You can do anything
i can do better?

All right, wise guy.

Can you do this?

Come around
tomorrow night, folks.

I'll be alone...
just you and me.

Willy, i think,
little pal,

we better
cut out, huh?

Let me tell you something,
folks,

as soon as i shake this pusher
and get me a real act

you're gonna see
some class!

Thank you again,
ladies and gentlemen.

Help, i'm being kidnapped!

Call a lawyer!
Call a doctor!

Just get me to
the nurse on time!

Ow!

What do you say,
maestro?

How did it go?

Not bad.

It's a small house,
but a happy one.

There weren't
any complaints.

Well,
booby...

frank!

Don't do that.

I told you that.

Still on
the bit, huh?

Still on that
stuff, huh?

You gave me your
solemn promise

you were going to
do your drinking

out of soda pop bottles
and coffee jugs.

What does it take
to get you wise?

I'm tired.

Will you clear
the area?

First i'd like
to clear the air.

I don't know where
you manufacture

all your illusions, jerry.

But instead
of being on top,

where you ought to be,

you're a second-rate
nightclub entertainer.

And if you stay
on that bottle...

all right,
i'll put away the bottle.

Now, will
you pull out?

I don't know why
i waste my time.

Ten percent of you is grief,
and it's always been that way.

Maybe it's because i've got
a soft spot in my heart

for people who like
to commit suicide

eight hours a day.

Now, listen, jerry.

It doesn't have
to be this way.

You give in to
some bad hooch

and then you have
bad nightmares.

Take away
the hooch,

and you take away
the nightmares.

No, you got
the chronology wrong, frank.

First the nightmares
and then the hooch.

I drink 'cause i have to

and i have to...

because of him.

I've got to get
rid of him, frank.

This stick of wood?

This fugitive
from a fireplace?

Jerry, how many psychiatrists
do you have to see?

How many hours on the couch?

How many 20-buck-an-hour
visits?

I can't help it.

You know what it is,
you've been told.

Often, endlessly, up to my craw
in overflowing schizophrenia-

patient manipulated
by forces

outside
of his control.

I can tell you frontwards,
backwards, in three languages.

It's like a well-rehearsed
off-color gag:

Patient goes from himself
to a lifeless dummy

and then is unable to separate
himself from the dummy.

Oh, that's all very psychiatric
and erudite

and worth about
two-and-a-half bucks a word,

but it's not right.
It's not right!

I told them that,
i tell you that.

It's no more
schizophrenia-paranoia

than it is athlete's
foot or a head cold!

Willy's alive!

He's a dummy!

He's a block
of wood.

Look at it.

Does this thing
look alive to you?

Well, does he?

24 inches of timber

and you're burying
yourself over it.

Now, you listen,
jerry.

I've gone along
with you.

I've held your hand,
sung you lullabies,

patted you
on the shoulder.

I've also covered for you

the 110 performances
you've run out on.

I've thought
of excuses

that haven't even
been invented yet.

I've gone without commission,

without sleep.

And why?

Because i thought i had
a talented article here

that eventually was
going to crawl out

from under a bottle
and hit it big.

Well, i don't think

you're such a talented
article anymore, jerry.

Let's put it this way.

Maybe i think you could be...

but you're never going to.

I think you're
a self-indulgent sot

with an overactive
imagination,

and the only thing

you like better
than scotch

is sympathy.

I'm going to give you
just 24 hours

to straighten out.

Get rid
of that bottle

and the crazy
obsession

that you're
battling a dummy.

Frank... he's alive.

Willy's
not a dummy.

That's a dummy.

And that's
the answer.

Go on.

Got to get rid
of willy...

make a whole new
routine.

A whole new
routine takes time.

You've got
another show soon.

Tell them i can't
make the late show.

Tell them i'm sick
or something.

I've already
told them-

the trouble is, they
know it's "something."

Jerry, you pull
yourself together

and when you
hear your music

you be out
on that stage.

I don't care which
dummy you bring,

but you be
out there.

This is one i don't
cover for, jerry.

Say, goofy goggles,

why don't you have
your glasses fixed?

I don't have to.

My eyes are
much better now.

Goofy,
you're looking

at the band leader.

I'm over here.

Keep talking,
i'll find you.

Say, etherson, i've been
meaning to tell you

you put too much
starch in my collar.

Too much starch?

I'm not your
laundry man.

Yeah...

yeah, we're gonna
make it, you and me.

Justyou and me.

Jerry. Marsha,
listen to this.

This will knock you out.
Make me talk, jerry, come on.

Look, noreen,
i'm on in a couple of minutes.

Come on.
Makes you sound just like willy.

Real crazy.
Come on, come on.

Knock it off, babe,
that tickles.

Willy, shut up!

Is that wild? Is that wild?

Goofy.

Goofy, i think
it's time

you had your
glasses fixed.

I really do.

My eyes are
much better now.

Goofy, that's
the band leader.

I'm over here.

Keep talking,
i'll find you.

Goofy, you need
your eyes tested.

Eyes tested?

That's right-
eyes tested.

Well, i'm ready.

All right, here.

Now, tell me
what that says.

Where?

Oh... that thing.

How about a hint?

Goofy, it's...
clear as day.

It's right
in front of you.

Just give me a hint.

Well, it's a letter

and it's between
"d" and "f."

I've got it-

it's "e."

I don't know how
you do it, goofy.

I cannot tell a lie.

I memorized it.

Oh, for
goodness' sake.

Sing your song,
will you?

? are the stars
out tonight?

? i don't know if
it's cloudy or bright?

? 'cause i only
have eyes...?

Cute act,
isn't it, georgie?

What's cute about it?

Besides, i liked
the old dummy better.

Why did he change it?

Brightens it up
a little.

Gives it
some novelty.

Novelty?

With a ventriloquist?

Frankie, you've seen one,
you've seen them all.

Every dummy looks the same,

and if just once
they changed the jokes,

i'd have a coronary.

What's with
etherson, anyway?

What do you mean?

Usually the acts
mix with the trade,

you know,
walk down on the floor,

do a little drinking
with the customers.

This guy plays it
like greta garbo-

locks himself up in
his room like a prima donna.

Well, he's
nervous tonight.

Why?

You know, he hasn't
been well.

It's his
first night out
in a month or so.

Give him a chance,
georgie.

He'll warm up.

Well, you tell him to.

Tell him to bring
the dummy out

and walk
around the tables
after the show.

It's psychological,
frankie.

Makes people thirsty.

Sweet dreams, willy.

Your next booking
is in the fireplace.

You leaving?

What's it look
like, frank?

It looks like
you're leaving.

I waited for you
after the last show.

Georgie was hoping

you'd mix
with the customers.

You tell georgie

i'm a ventriloquist,
not a shill.

Why don't you
tell him?

What does that mean?

That means i'm resigning
from the club.

You keep your ten percent,
and i'll keep my self-respect.

Also my sense of humor,

my regular meals,
my normal working hours.

You and i have
had it, jerry.

I have gone the route
and then some.

You don't need
an agent-

you need
medical help.

I think it's
reached that now.

You never believed me,
did you, frank?

Yeah, i believed you.

I believed you had obsessions
that were eating you up alive

but i also believe, jerry,

you're letting them.

He talks when i don't talk.

He tells jokes i never heard
of before, gives me bum cues.

He's alive, frank.

That's why i locked
him in that trunk.

Goofy and i
are going

to fly out
of here, frank.

We'll fly to miami,
los angeles,

maybe that place
in kansas city.

The place
in kansas city

is the same
as miami

which is the same
as los angeles

which is the same
as sioux city, iowa,

which is the same
as any town

south, west, north of here.

They're all
the same, jerry

and you're not going
to leave willy

by hopping a plane

or a train, or a taxi
or a one-horse shay.

This thing
you lick right here.

This thing you lick
at the source.

This thing you don't
run away from.

We'll see.

Good night, mr. Etherson.

Good night, ralph.

You're not going to leave me
in a stuffy old trunk, are you?

Was there something,
mr. Etherson?

Did you say something?

Is said good night, that's all.

Good night.

Aw, come on, old sport.

I wouldn't lockyouin a trunk.

Willy?

Where are you, willy?

Jerry?

Good night, jerry.

Good night.

Hey, garibaldi!

Didn't you forget someone?

Didn't you forget willy?

Jerry?

Noreen?

Oh...

noreen, i was
waiting for you.

Yeah,
that's right.

I was waiting
for you.

The line is,
"this is so sudden."

And in this case,

it happens
to be sudden.

No... i was
waiting for you

because i want
to have a drink
with you, noreen,

or maybe a sandwich
or something,
you know?

Noreen, you're
a good kid,

and i've
always thought

you were a good kid,

and i've always
wanted to...

easy, jerry.

Honey, listen-

wait a minute,
noreen, look.

What's the matter
with you, jerry?

There's nothing
the matter with me.

No, i'm not sick.

I just want to have
a drink with you.

I don't want
to be alone.

I keep hearing
those voices

and willy
is bugging me.

No!

Wait a minute!
Wait!

What do you say, stranger?

You slumming?

A funny thing happened to me
on the way to the club tonight.

I was out in front
of the ritz-savoy.

I was out in front
of the ritz-savoy-

that's where i live-
out in front of the ritz-savoy.

In front of the ritz-savoy.

Come out, come out,
wherever you are.

Hey, wise guy.

Hey! Wise guy!

The wrong one.

How could i get the wrong one?

Maybeyou
need glasses.

Why don't you take the eye test?

Now, what am i holding out
in front of me?

I'll give you
a hint.

It's between
"d" and "f."

Don't peek.

What do you say, partner?

What do you say?

What do you say...

we get down to business?

You're real.

How can you be real
when you're made of wood?

You made me real.

You poured words
into my head.

You moved my mouth.

You stuck out
my tongue.

You jerk, don't
you get it?

You made me
what i am today.

I hope you're...

satisfied-

from the song, of the same name.

And now...
direct from new york city,

the funniest pair
of cuckoos you'll ever see

here in kansas city
or anyplace else,

jerry and willy.

Let's bring them out big, folks.

How do you do,
folks?

How do you do?

A funny thing
happened to me

on the way over
to the club tonight.

I met this broad...

now, jerry, you
don't mean "broad."

You mean "lady."

Oh, look, chum, you
just write the jokes

and i'll tell them, okay?

Well, anyway, i met this broad
coming down the street.

It was a broad street...

what's known in the parlance
of the times

as the old switcheroo-

from boss to blockhead
in a few, uneasy lessons.

And if you're given
to nightclubbing on occasion,

check this act.

It's called "willy and jerry,"

and they generally are booked
into some of the clubs

along the "gray night way"
known as the twilight zone.

Rod serling,
creator ofthe twilight zone,

will tell you
about next week's story

after this message.

And now, mr. Serling.

Next week through the good
offices of mr. Richard matheson

we tell you a story
of a young man's fancy,

which is kind of a euphemistic
description of a mortal combat

between the living and the dead,

between the present
and the past,

between miss phyllis thaxter
and mr. Alex nicol.

The battleground
is this old house

and its front door
will be opened to you

next week on the twilight zone.

Hello, tree.

Trees are everybody's friends.

Remember, only you
can prevent forest fires.