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1
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:09,551
(ERIK GROANING)
2
00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:18,268
Oh, honey,
you don't look so good.
3
00:00:19,144 --> 00:00:20,729
You should stay home
from brunch.
4
00:00:20,812 --> 00:00:22,147
Are you sure?
Mmm.
5
00:00:22,648 --> 00:00:23,941
| really want to go.
6
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,984
You stay and rest.
7
00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:27,819
You can see Grandma
when we get back.
8
00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:42,584
(DOOR CLOSES)
9
00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:08,902
Thank you, Videobarn dumpster.
10
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:38,307
Wanna fuck me, baby?
11
00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:40,100
Oh, yes. Yeah.
(KNOCKING ON WINDOW)
12
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:41,768
You wanna fuck me?
13
00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:47,691
Hey, Erik.
14
00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,401
Do you know if your dad
still has my clippers?
15
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:52,195
| have no idea, Mr. Williams.
16
00:01:52,904 --> 00:01:54,865
All right. Go back
to what you were doing.
17
00:01:57,409 --> 00:01:59,244
(LAWN MOWER WHIRRING)
18
00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:00,912
You wanna fuck me, baby?
19
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:05,959
Oh, do me, baby. Do me.
20
00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:07,711
Yeah. (MOANING)
21
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,928
(MOANING CONTINUES
ON HEADPHONES)
22
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:18,472
(GRUNTS)
23
00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:20,515
Yeah. Fuck me, baby.
24
00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:22,643
Yes, please.
25
00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:26,063
Oh, do me, baby.
26
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:27,522
Do me.
27
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:29,483
Yeah, just like that.
28
00:02:29,608 --> 00:02:32,861
Oh, yeah! So good,
SO good, baby.
29
00:02:33,028 --> 00:02:34,404
Oh, yeah!
30
00:02:36,698 --> 00:02:38,241
| told you | was paying.
31
00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:41,036
So, what's the difference
if you forgot the coupon?
32
00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:42,704
Honey, she doesn't
like to waste money.
33
00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:44,915
There's no way
I'm letting you pay full price
34
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:48,669
when there's a two-for-one
coupon sitting on the counter.
35
00:02:48,794 --> 00:02:49,878
I'll be right out.
36
00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:52,089
I'm coming, too.
Now | gotta pee.
37
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,256
I'll check on Erik.
38
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:54,424
WOMAN: Oh, my God.
ERIK: Oh, yeah.
39
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,259
Oh. Oh, that's good.
40
00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:58,136
You like that? | like
that, too. Oh, yeah!
41
00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:00,931
MR. STIFLER: Here we go.
42
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,057
MRS. STIFLER: Okay, Mom.
43
00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:03,975
WOMAN: Harder.
Harder? Okay.
44
00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:05,185
Oh, yeah! So good.
45
00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:07,062
Like this?
Yeah, right there, babe.
46
00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:08,438
Like this? Like this?
Yeah.
47
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:09,856
Baby, do me just like that.
48
00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:12,526
Okay, attagirl.
49
00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:13,610
(MOANING LOUDLY)
50
00:03:13,819 --> 00:03:15,404
From behind?
Oh, yeah, baby! Harder!
51
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,239
Okay.
All right.
52
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:19,658
You wanna cum for me, baby?
Oh, yeah.
53
00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:21,576
Yeah? Cum for me, baby.
I'm so close. | will.
54
00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:22,911
MRS. STIFLER:
We're almost there.
55
00:03:22,994 --> 00:03:24,079
You're gonna cum for me?
56
00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:25,205
I'm about to. I'm about to.
57
00:03:25,414 --> 00:03:26,915
That's it, baby.
58
00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:28,333
(PARENTS AND GRANDMOTHER
SCREAMING)
59
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,211
(MOANING)
(CONTINUES SCREAMING)
60
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:33,130
Oh!
61
00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:37,008
(WHIMPERING)
62
00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:38,093
(MOANING)
63
00:03:39,678 --> 00:03:41,888
Grandma. Grandma.
64
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,015
MRS. STIFLER: Grandma?
MR. STIFLER: Hey, Grandma
65
00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:49,312
ERIK: And that's the day
my grandmother died.
66
00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:51,273
And it's pretty much
the story of my life.
67
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:52,858
But let me back things up
a little bit.
68
00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:01,450
That's me.
69
00:04:02,284 --> 00:04:03,952
Not exactly the life
of the party.
70
00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:07,914
That's my buddy,
Mike Coozeman.
71
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:09,624
Everybody calls him Cooze
72
00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:11,501
'cause that's all
he's ever interested in.
73
00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:13,378
Cooze is a self-proclaimed
ladies' man
74
00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:14,921
and a legend in his own mind.
75
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:16,590
Sometimes his methods are...
76
00:04:16,715 --> 00:04:18,049
(GROANS)
77
00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:19,593
...questionable.
78
00:04:21,303 --> 00:04:22,721
Very smooth.
79
00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,557
Oh, please.
| consider that foreplay.
80
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:26,725
Where's Ryan?
81
00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:27,851
| don't know.
82
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,478
Last time | saw him,
83
00:04:30,061 --> 00:04:33,690
he was dancing
with Stacey and Shelly.
84
00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:36,777
ERIK: That's my best friend,
Ryan Grimm.
85
00:04:37,652 --> 00:04:39,821
| don't know how he does it.
86
00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:45,202
See, | told you there
was enough for both of you.
87
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:46,536
He moved here in second grade.
88
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,288
Believe it or not, back then,
89
00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:50,040
| was the one
showing him the ropes.
90
00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:52,209
Now he's the quarterback
of the football team,
91
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,044
and the coolest guy in school.
92
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,755
Hey, | brought you
a vodka and ginger ale,
93
00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:57,839
so it won't upset
your stomach.
94
00:04:57,923 --> 00:04:59,382
Oh, thanks.
95
00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:02,469
That's my girlfriend, Tracy.
96
00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:05,472
We met in Biology,
Jjunior year.
97
00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:08,517
TEACHER: Now make the first
incision into your frogs.
98
00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:11,478
Cut along the ventral side
from the pelvic
99
00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:13,230
to the pectoral girdle.
100
00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:15,690
Oh!
101
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,985
ERIK: I don't know
what she saw in me,
102
00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:21,613
but when | finally got up
the nerve to ask her out,
103
00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:23,031
she said yes.
104
00:05:23,782 --> 00:05:24,783
No, it's okay.
105
00:05:24,866 --> 00:05:27,953
ERIK: And for some reason,
she kept going out with me.
106
00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:31,498
It's like she totally gets me.
107
00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:32,582
Oh!
108
00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:35,544
And | try my best to get her.
109
00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:43,635
Come on. Take the
low one. It's easy.
110
00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:48,014
(EXHALES) Screw it.
111
00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:49,474
(HORSE NEIGHING)
112
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:53,687
(YELPING)
113
00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:55,939
Oh!
114
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:00,986
Are you all right?
115
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:05,073
(GROANS) | don't know. Is
it possible to break your ass?
116
00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:08,785
Okay, | promise I'll never
make you ride a horse again.
117
00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:11,621
ERIK: Looks like
she's perfect, right?
118
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:13,957
There's just one problem.
119
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:18,879
Tracy's not ready
to have sex yet,
120
00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:20,672
so that makes me a virgin.
121
00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:24,968
Now, being one of the only
virgins in school is bad enough,
122
00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:27,137
but it's even worse for me.
123
00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:30,682
Yup.
124
00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:32,183
I'm a Stifler.
125
00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:35,353
My cousins are
the legendary Stifler boys.
126
00:06:35,437 --> 00:06:40,358
Steve, his brother Matt,
and our other cousin Dwight.
127
00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:43,653
You see, with my last name
comes responsibility,
128
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:46,448
a reputation that
I'm supposed to live up to.
129
00:06:46,615 --> 00:06:48,658
Unfortunately, I've let down
the family name
130
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,243
on more than one occasion.
131
00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:51,620
What's your problem, Erik?
132
00:06:51,703 --> 00:06:53,663
Your cousin would've helped me
steal this beer.
133
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:58,293
Dude, a real Stifler would
have totally fucked that goat.
134
00:06:58,376 --> 00:07:00,003
If you were really a Stifler,
135
00:07:00,128 --> 00:07:02,589
you would have nailed
Tracy by now.
136
00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:04,257
ERIK: Stifler.
137
00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:08,803
My name, my legacy, my curse.
138
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:16,061
| can't believe you killed your
grandmother from jerking off.
139
00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:17,854
The coroner's findings
were inconclusive.
140
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:20,690
Why are you still whacking it
to that dumpster porn?
141
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,567
Yeah, why don't you
just go on the Internet
142
00:07:22,651 --> 00:07:23,777
like a normal person?
143
00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:25,737
Well, because my mom
put on that CyberNanny
144
00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:28,782
after you spent the entire night
looking up German fetish porn.
145
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:31,117
Man, you are pathetic.
146
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,869
You know who
| blame for this?
147
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:33,954
Tracy.
(MOUTHING)
148
00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:35,580
What? Why?
149
00:07:35,664 --> 00:07:38,333
Because, if she would
just give up a little ass,
150
00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:40,460
then maybe you wouldn't
be killing your relatives
151
00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:41,670
with your money shot.
152
00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:47,342
Erik, you cannot
graduate a virgin.
153
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:49,427
For Christ's sake,
you're a Stifler.
154
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:52,764
(BELL RINGING)
155
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:58,311
Hey, sweetie.
156
00:07:58,395 --> 00:07:59,479
How was your math test?
157
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:01,606
It was all right.
How was English?
158
00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:04,109
Pretty interesting, actually.
159
00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:05,777
You know that kid that
| always tell you about?
160
00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:09,030
He was doing that pencil
thing all... That's cool.
161
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:11,491
Are you okay?
162
00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:13,243
Yeah, I'm fine.
163
00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:16,538
Erik, we've been
dating for two years.
164
00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:17,956
| know when
something's bothering you.
165
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:20,458
Nothing's wrong.
166
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:23,294
| don't know why you think you
have this psychic ability to read me.
167
00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:26,047
Because | do. What is it?
168
00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:28,049
You're gonna think
I'm an asshole.
169
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:29,342
Let's just forget about it.
170
00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:32,554
Come on, Erik, you know you
can talk to me about anything.
171
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:36,599
All right.
172
00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:42,605
It's the sex.
173
00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:45,692
| mean,
174
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:48,361
we've been together for
two years. Two years, Trace.
175
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:51,448
| mean, when we were juniors,
it was one thing,
176
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,199
but we're seniors now,
and this whole virgin thing
177
00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:55,368
is starting to have
some serious consequences.
178
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,495
| mean, people are dying.
179
00:08:59,122 --> 00:09:00,457
| told you,
I'm not ready yet.
180
00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:02,625
| am so ready.
181
00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:04,753
Can't | be ready enough
for the both of us?
182
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:07,088
It doesn't work that way.
183
00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:08,923
It should.
184
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:10,800
I'm sorry, Erik.
185
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,218
| know how patient
you've been.
186
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,220
| know. It's just sometimes...
187
00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:15,805
What?
188
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:20,435
Well, you're a girl. It's a lot
easier for you to be a virgin
189
00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:21,728
because the longer
you stay a virgin,
190
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,229
the more pure
and innocent you seem.
191
00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:24,898
The longer | stay a virgin,
192
00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:27,692
the more | become the
laughingstock of the entire school.
193
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,113
I'm sorry, but... | mean...
194
00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:33,823
I'm sorry | brought it up.
195
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,658
(BELL RINGING)
196
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:37,827
Look, | gotta go.
I'll see you after school.
197
00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:41,331
Okay.
198
00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:44,751
Bye.
199
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:53,843
I'm telling you,
his dick was this big.
200
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,053
(ALL LAUGHING)
201
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:57,806
NATALIE: What about Erik?
| bet he's got a big one.
202
00:09:58,014 --> 00:09:59,641
Well, Tracy wouldn't know.
203
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:00,725
Whatever.
204
00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:04,896
Yeah, | guess it's pretty hard to
figure out dick size from dry humping.
205
00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:06,356
Brooke, that's mean.
206
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:09,609
Just because | don't have a catalog
of the school's dick sizes like you,
207
00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:11,611
doesn't mean
| don't know a thing or two.
208
00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:14,405
Okay, so how big is Erik's?
209
00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:19,369
See? Told you.
Come on, Brooke.
210
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:22,330
It's not like that with us.
| mean, Erik's different.
211
00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:23,790
He respects my boundaries.
212
00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:25,959
Well, you better give that boy
a reason to stick around,
213
00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:28,419
or he's gonna find a girl
with looser boundaries.
214
00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:30,213
Erik would never do that.
215
00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:31,548
Yeah, that's what
you said about Trent.
216
00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:35,426
He broke up with you over sex,
and that was sophomore year.
217
00:10:35,510 --> 00:10:38,721
Yeah, this justisn't gonna
work without the sex.
218
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:41,015
God, Trent is cute,
219
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:43,518
and | heard he just
broke up with Holly.
220
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:48,106
Look, Tracy, we love you, and
we love Erik, but let's get real.
221
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:51,234
He's a guy,
and guys have certain needs.
222
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:55,155
They really do. It's like a
caveman thing or something.
223
00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:58,741
Yeah, | can't believe you've
kept him tied up this long.
224
00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:01,828
Hey, Erik, guess who
| just talked to?
225
00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:02,996
Who?
226
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:05,165
Your cousin Stifler
up at Michigan.
227
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:06,624
Why are you talking
to my cousin Dwight?
228
00:11:06,749 --> 00:11:08,293
Oh, we talk all the time.
229
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:10,503
What? We have
a lot in common.
230
00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:12,172
What's that crazy
bastard up to?
231
00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:16,009
He's in some fraternity, and all
those guys do is drink and fuck.
232
00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:18,845
And it just so happens that they're
throwing a monster party this weekend
233
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:20,013
for the Naked Mile.
234
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:21,222
What's the Naked Mile?
235
00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:23,099
Oh, dude, it's this thing
where thousands of students
236
00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:24,559
run naked through campus.
237
00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:26,853
It's their way of blowing off
steam after exams.
238
00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:28,730
Thousands of naked chicks?
239
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:31,399
Stifler says that this party
is gonna be epic.
240
00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:34,068
Bottom line is,
this place is played out.
241
00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:35,486
High school's over for us.
242
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:37,572
It's time to plant
our flag in a new land.
243
00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:41,326
Porn, cumshot, dead
grandmother, grounded forever?
244
00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:42,660
Don't worry.
245
00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:45,788
Just tell your parents that, you're
thinking about going to school there.
246
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:46,873
| don't know, man.
247
00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:47,957
Oh, please.
248
00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:49,584
Your mom cried
when you told her
249
00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:51,002
you were going
to school in Boston.
250
00:11:51,085 --> 00:11:52,086
She'll probably help you pack
251
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:53,504
if she thinks it'll keep you
close to home.
252
00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:54,631
I'll help you pack.
253
00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:56,633
I'll make sandwiches.
254
00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:57,842
Chicken salad?
255
00:11:57,967 --> 00:11:59,010
Of course.
256
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:01,095
Are you gonna get a chance
to see your cousin?
257
00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:04,057
Yeah. We might stop by
and say hello.
258
00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:06,893
Now, there's someone you
should definitely look up to.
259
00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:09,270
| bet he doesn't have time
to blow his load on his family.
260
00:12:09,604 --> 00:12:11,314
Harry, please. MR. STIFLER:
| don't understand.
261
00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:13,900
When | was your age, | was
up to my neck in poontang.
262
00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:16,694
| didn't have time
to spank my monkey.
263
00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:20,406
Thank you for that very
disturbing image, Dad.
264
00:12:20,698 --> 00:12:24,452
| mean, Stiflers do not fake being
sick to stay home and pull dick.
265
00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:25,787
We cut class to get ass.
266
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:28,331
Yes, | know. That saying
is on our family crest.
267
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,124
Oh, don't let me forget
to pack the Imodium AD.
268
00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:31,626
Just in case you get diarrhea.
269
00:12:31,709 --> 00:12:33,628
Mom.
| am so excited.
270
00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:34,754
Aren't you excited, Harry?
271
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:36,798
I'm very excited. (LAUGHS)
272
00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:39,175
Don't you get excited.
273
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:40,635
ERIK ON PHONE: /t worked
Jjust like you said.
274
00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:41,719
She's helping me pack,
275
00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:43,596
and she's even
making us sandwiches.
276
00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:44,973
Chicken salad?
277
00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:46,432
Oh, sweet.
Yup.
278
00:12:46,516 --> 00:12:48,309
See, | told you.
Never doubt me.
279
00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:50,186
Man, this weekend
is gonna be tits.
280
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:51,646
| can't wait to see Stifler.
281
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,983
Hey, how come
you never call me Stifler?
282
00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:57,235
You're more of an Erik.
283
00:12:57,694 --> 00:12:58,778
(BEEPING)
284
00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:00,154
Hold on.
285
00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:02,323
That's Tracy.
I'd better take it.
286
00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:03,574
All right, later.
287
00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:08,871
Hey, sweetie. Listen,
about today, I'm really...
288
00:13:08,997 --> 00:13:11,165
Erik, | wanna have sex.
289
00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:13,084
Excuse me?
290
00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:15,837
| wanna have sex.
291
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,046
Are you serious?
292
00:13:17,171 --> 00:13:18,256
Absolutely.
293
00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:20,591
Do you have me
on a conference call?
294
00:13:20,675 --> 00:13:22,135
Because if you do,
that is so not cool.
295
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:23,928
Erik, this isn't a joke.
296
00:13:24,554 --> 00:13:26,764
| want to have sex.
297
00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:30,935
Yes! Yes, yes.
298
00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:32,562
Tonight.
299
00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:33,771
What?
300
00:13:33,855 --> 00:13:36,024
Tonight. | wanna
have sex tonight.
301
00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:38,318
How am | supposed
to get out of my house?
302
00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:39,861
That's up to you.
303
00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:43,656
But at midnight,
I'll be in my basement,
304
00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:45,658
waiting to be ravished.
305
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,327
I'll be there.
306
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,683
Hypocrite.
307
00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:15,521
So you get the beer and the
weed, and I'll handle the nitrous.
308
00:14:15,605 --> 00:14:17,482
You got it.
What's Erik bringing?
309
00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:18,733
Sandwiches.
310
00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:22,445
Nice. Chicken salad
and college pussy.
311
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:24,155
My favorite combination.
312
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,032
Yeah, well, at least you'll
get to taste the chicken salad.
313
00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:27,283
Ow.
314
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,202
Hey, what do you think Erik's
doing right now?
315
00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:31,496
Probably beating off
to dumpster porn.
316
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:35,750
No more beating off to dumpster
porn. No more virgin jokes.
317
00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:38,169
Tonight, Erik Stifler
becomes a man.
318
00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:58,731
(KNOCKING ON WINDOW)
319
00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:16,707
Hi.
320
00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:26,551
All right, listen.
No.
321
00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:28,845
No talking.
322
00:15:33,516 --> 00:15:35,351
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
323
00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:56,247
Wait.
324
00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:57,415
What?
325
00:15:57,540 --> 00:15:58,916
Did you hear something?
326
00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:02,712
No. Don't worry,
my parents are passed out.
327
00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:07,925
Are you sure?
You know how my stomach gets.
328
00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:11,304
Here, I'll help you relax.
329
00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:28,154
You brought something, right?
330
00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:32,492
Oh, shit. I left it at home.
331
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,204
| can run back and get it.
I'll be back in like five...
332
00:16:36,287 --> 00:16:38,831
No, no, don't worry.
I've got one.
333
00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:45,087
Do you wanna put it on
or should 1?
334
00:16:45,296 --> 00:16:47,089
Let's put it on together.
335
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:48,508
Okay.
336
00:17:05,066 --> 00:17:06,317
Are you ready?
337
00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:08,194
Yeah.
338
00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:09,612
(DOOR OPENING)
339
00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:13,407
Shit. Someone's coming.
Quick, get behind the bar. Now!
340
00:17:25,253 --> 00:17:27,463
Honey, what are you
still doing up?
341
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:29,674
Yoga.
342
00:17:30,174 --> 00:17:31,425
TRACY'S DAD:
| ate too much at dinner.
343
00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:32,969
Why don't you take
an Alka-Seltzer?
344
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,804
Alka-Seltzer is for babies.
345
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:36,347
| just need a nightcap.
346
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:37,557
(FARTING)
347
00:17:39,684 --> 00:17:41,018
Excuse me.
348
00:17:41,102 --> 00:17:43,312
Sounds like you could use
an Alka-Seltzer.
349
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:45,523
Oh, Daddy. Here, let me
get you your drink.
350
00:17:45,606 --> 00:17:47,733
No, that's okay, honey.
You go back to your yoga.
351
00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:49,443
No, Daddy, | really want to.
352
00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:52,613
Sweetie, I'm a grown man.
| can make my own drink.
353
00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:06,419
(RUSTLING)
354
00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:09,213
What was that?
355
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,173
What was what?
356
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:12,466
| didn't hear anything.
357
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:16,262
There was a noise
coming from the laundry room.
358
00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:43,831
Ah.
359
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:47,251
| must be hearing things.
360
00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:50,630
See, Daddy? I told you.
Now, come make your drink.
361
00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:52,381
(FARTING)
362
00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:55,009
What the...
363
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:01,849
(GROANING)
364
00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:05,436
(SCREAMING)
365
00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:12,943
You all right, baby?
366
00:19:13,027 --> 00:19:14,528
I'm fine, Daddy.
367
00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:15,613
(SNIFFING)
368
00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:18,616
Ugh.
369
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:31,462
Oh, that sick bastard took
a shit in our dryer.
370
00:19:33,089 --> 00:19:34,799
I'm calling the police.
371
00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:42,181
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
372
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,016
(SNORING)
373
00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:47,645
ERIK: Shit.
374
00:19:50,314 --> 00:19:52,566
Ryan? Ryan?
375
00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:54,694
Ryan, get up man. Ryan!
376
00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:56,320
What the fuck?
377
00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,030
It's me. It's Erik.
378
00:19:58,114 --> 00:20:00,324
Dude, why are you naked
in my room?
379
00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:03,911
And with a rubber
on your dick.
380
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:06,831
Oh, yeah. Sorry about that.
381
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:10,835
Look, I'm in serious trouble,
okay? | need your help.
382
00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:12,128
(SNIFFING)
383
00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:14,505
Ugh. What's that smell?
384
00:20:14,922 --> 00:20:16,924
Did you step in dog shit?
385
00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:18,551
Yeah.
386
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,930
Hey, man, thanks for the
clothes. I'll get them back to you.
387
00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:25,850
No, thanks. Why don't
you just burn them?
388
00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:27,601
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
389
00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:30,146
Wonder if | get a reward
for turning you in.
390
00:20:30,354 --> 00:20:32,523
NEWS ANCHOR ON TV: If the
alleged improprieties are confirmed,
391
00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:34,900
it could be devastating for
the White House.
392
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:36,736
Sources near the
administration would neither
393
00:20:36,819 --> 00:20:39,071
confirm nor deny
the allegations.
394
00:20:39,155 --> 00:20:42,825
And in local news, a masked
burglar broke into an area residence,
395
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:47,204
defecated in the family dryer, and
then exposed himself to a teenage girl.
396
00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:48,789
Police are continuing
the search,
397
00:20:48,873 --> 00:20:51,751
but the whereabouts and identity
of the perpetrator are unknown.
398
00:20:51,834 --> 00:20:53,461
What is wrong
with these people?
399
00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:55,129
And now, Dakota Snow
with the weekend forecast.
400
00:20:55,212 --> 00:20:56,297
| don't know.
401
00:21:04,847 --> 00:21:05,973
You scared me.
402
00:21:06,056 --> 00:21:07,308
Sorry.
403
00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:08,893
Listen, about last night...
404
00:21:08,976 --> 00:21:12,563
Yeah, you know, I'd just
really rather not talk about it.
405
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:14,857
| really think that we should.
406
00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:18,694
Erik, you took a crap
in my dryer.
407
00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:21,322
Your dad scared
the shit out of me.
408
00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:23,240
Wait.
You know, let's just...
409
00:21:23,324 --> 00:21:25,409
Let's forget about it, okay?
410
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:30,206
Okay, but what about
the other thing?
411
00:21:33,167 --> 00:21:34,460
The sex?
412
00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:37,797
I'm taking last night
as a sign from above.
413
00:21:37,922 --> 00:21:39,757
But maybe... | mean, if
your dad didn't come down...
414
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,843
Erik, | love you. I'm just...
415
00:21:43,344 --> 00:21:44,929
I'm not ready yet.
416
00:21:45,513 --> 00:21:46,722
Really?
417
00:21:48,265 --> 00:21:49,475
Really.
418
00:21:49,683 --> 00:21:53,020
But | also realized just how
ready you are.
419
00:21:53,938 --> 00:21:56,065
| don't wanna break up
OVer sex.
420
00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:57,983
| don't think we have to.
421
00:21:58,943 --> 00:22:03,364
I'm not ready. You are. It's selfish
for me to keep you tied down.
422
00:22:05,199 --> 00:22:07,701
So, this is
what I'm proposing.
423
00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:11,288
A guilt-free pass
for this weekend.
424
00:22:11,372 --> 00:22:14,542
That means you can do
whatever you want up there
425
00:22:14,834 --> 00:22:16,961
with no consequences.
426
00:22:18,754 --> 00:22:20,506
You're sure about this?
427
00:22:20,756 --> 00:22:24,343
| don't think love and sex
have to be tied to each other,
428
00:22:25,302 --> 00:22:27,263
so I'm okay with this.
429
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,891
One weekend.
Get it out of your system,
430
00:22:32,268 --> 00:22:34,061
and come back to me.
431
00:22:35,563 --> 00:22:37,439
Is this some kind of a test?
432
00:22:38,691 --> 00:22:40,025
Not at all.
433
00:22:47,449 --> 00:22:49,201
RYAN: Wanted a bomb beer.
COOZE: Yes.
434
00:22:49,285 --> 00:22:50,536
See, this is perfect.
435
00:22:51,412 --> 00:22:53,038
Hey, we all set?
436
00:22:53,289 --> 00:22:54,707
| don't know.
437
00:22:54,790 --> 00:22:55,875
| told you
he'd puss out.
438
00:22:55,958 --> 00:22:57,710
Tell me you at least
brought the sandwiches.
439
00:22:59,086 --> 00:23:00,796
What's the problem?
440
00:23:00,921 --> 00:23:02,631
There is no problem.
441
00:23:02,923 --> 00:23:05,301
Tracy just gave me a
guilt-free pass for the weekend,
442
00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:07,803
which means | can do
anything | want.
443
00:23:07,887 --> 00:23:09,138
Anything?
444
00:23:10,264 --> 00:23:11,640
You mean...
445
00:23:11,724 --> 00:23:15,561
Yeah, she said that love and
sex don't have to be linked.
446
00:23:15,644 --> 00:23:17,313
She wants me to
get it out of my system.
447
00:23:17,396 --> 00:23:22,234
Dude, your girlfriend just went from
the lamest to the coolest in one shot.
448
00:23:23,068 --> 00:23:25,154
You guys think it could be,
like, some sort of a test?
449
00:23:25,279 --> 00:23:27,489
No, no.
No, no.
450
00:23:27,615 --> 00:23:29,074
Tracy's a smart girl.
451
00:23:29,158 --> 00:23:30,826
She's mature enough to see
that you're a man...
452
00:23:30,951 --> 00:23:33,329
Yeah.
And you have certain needs.
453
00:23:33,454 --> 00:23:34,496
You think so?
454
00:23:34,622 --> 00:23:35,998
Absolutely.
455
00:23:36,999 --> 00:23:38,000
You're driving.
456
00:23:38,125 --> 00:23:40,628
Now get in the car SO we can
go get you some random pussy.
457
00:23:41,795 --> 00:23:45,424
Gentlemen, it's Friday afternoon,
we've got a full tank of gas,
458
00:23:45,507 --> 00:23:47,843
a quarter ounce of weed,
three cases of beer,
459
00:23:47,927 --> 00:23:50,262
a ten-pound tank of nitrous,
we're underage...
460
00:23:50,346 --> 00:23:52,848
And | am too drunk to drive.
461
00:23:53,557 --> 00:23:54,558
Hit it.
462
00:23:55,184 --> 00:23:57,353
(HARD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
463
00:24:16,664 --> 00:24:18,791
You sure this shit's safe?
464
00:24:18,874 --> 00:24:22,711
It's as safe as any other chemical
used to freeze-dry animals.
465
00:24:23,045 --> 00:24:24,421
(CLUCKING)
466
00:24:25,881 --> 00:24:27,633
Look at the size
of that fucking chicken.
467
00:24:27,716 --> 00:24:28,801
Where?
468
00:24:28,884 --> 00:24:30,177
(TIRES SCREECHING)
469
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:34,223
RYAN: Whoa, what the fuck?
What fucking chicken?
470
00:24:34,390 --> 00:24:36,642
Relax, he's hallucinating.
471
00:24:37,851 --> 00:24:39,812
Are you out of
your fucking mind?
472
00:24:39,895 --> 00:24:42,731
Yeah, Tracy.
What were you thinking?
473
00:24:42,856 --> 00:24:45,567
But you guys told me | had to
give him a reason to stick around.
474
00:24:45,651 --> 00:24:47,486
Yeah, you give him a reason,
475
00:24:47,569 --> 00:24:50,072
not give him a free pass
to go have a weekend orgy.
476
00:24:50,155 --> 00:24:51,490
You've got to stop this.
477
00:24:51,573 --> 00:24:54,994
If he has sex this weekend,
what do you think's gonna happen?
478
00:24:55,077 --> 00:24:56,328
That he'll get it
out of his system.
479
00:24:56,412 --> 00:24:58,163
Oh, yeah,
That's how it works.
480
00:24:58,247 --> 00:25:00,582
He's gonna go from getting
laid back to dry humping.
481
00:25:00,666 --> 00:25:02,334
It's pretty risky, Tracy.
482
00:25:02,418 --> 00:25:05,838
Risky? It's a fucking
Pandora's box, literally.
483
00:25:06,588 --> 00:25:10,926
And once he's felt the soft pink
velvet on the inside of the box,
484
00:25:11,051 --> 00:25:14,763
he's not gonna go back to rubbing
his dick on the outside of the lid.
485
00:25:14,888 --> 00:25:16,682
Never thought of it like that.
486
00:25:16,765 --> 00:25:18,934
Tracy, men are like dogs
487
00:25:19,059 --> 00:25:21,770
that run around and hump
anything they see.
488
00:25:21,854 --> 00:25:24,857
Now, go and get your dog
back on its leash.
489
00:25:41,457 --> 00:25:43,375
(CELL PHONE BUZZING)
490
00:25:47,963 --> 00:25:49,465
Come on, Erik.
491
00:25:55,763 --> 00:25:58,182
| knew it was
too good to be true.
492
00:26:03,687 --> 00:26:06,523
Sorry, kids.
It's for the best.
493
00:26:33,509 --> 00:26:34,551
Tracy?
494
00:26:35,552 --> 00:26:36,762
Oh, Mr. Levenstein.
495
00:26:36,845 --> 00:26:38,013
Hi.
496
00:26:38,138 --> 00:26:39,932
You're back for more yoga.
497
00:26:40,015 --> 00:26:41,517
Well, my wife is hooked on it,
498
00:26:41,642 --> 00:26:46,563
and she thinks if | can be a little
more flexible, we can try some new...
499
00:26:48,190 --> 00:26:52,027
Have you ever heard of a book
called the Kama Sutra?
500
00:26:53,862 --> 00:26:54,863
No.
501
00:26:55,364 --> 00:26:57,199
Oh, well,
my wife just got it,
502
00:26:57,324 --> 00:27:01,036
and there's some stuff in there
that requires some serious stretching,
503
00:27:01,161 --> 00:27:03,205
if you know what | mean.
504
00:27:03,747 --> 00:27:07,000
Are you okay, honey?
You look a little upset.
505
00:27:07,543 --> 00:27:10,504
Oh, you know, just some
boyfriend stuff.
506
00:27:10,587 --> 00:27:12,840
Oh, boyfriend stuff.
507
00:27:13,382 --> 00:27:15,884
Well, if there's
anything | can do.
508
00:27:16,844 --> 00:27:20,514
No offense or anything, but |
don't think you'd understand.
509
00:27:21,098 --> 00:27:22,516
Oh, | see.
510
00:27:23,517 --> 00:27:25,853
You know, my son
had his fair share
511
00:27:25,936 --> 00:27:29,731
of relationship-slash-
sexual-slash-
512
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:33,610
pastry-related difficulties,
513
00:27:33,735 --> 00:27:38,115
and | think my advice
helped him over the years.
514
00:27:39,616 --> 00:27:43,287
Well, do you have any advice for a girl
dumb enough to give her virgin boyfriend
515
00:27:43,412 --> 00:27:45,914
a guilt-free pass
for the weekend?
516
00:27:46,540 --> 00:27:49,418
I'm sorry, a guilt-free pass?
517
00:27:49,751 --> 00:27:53,088
That means he could do whatever he
wants this weekend with no consequences.
518
00:27:53,213 --> 00:27:55,090
Oh, my! (CHUCKLES)
519
00:27:55,465 --> 00:27:58,427
Well, that certainly sounds
progressive,
520
00:27:59,094 --> 00:28:04,057
and a safe bet on what is probably
gonna be a humdrum weekend.
521
00:28:05,809 --> 00:28:08,437
He's at the Naked Mile
this weekend.
522
00:28:08,604 --> 00:28:12,816
You gave your boyfriend a guilt-free pass
to the Naked Mile? Are you kidding me?
523
00:28:12,941 --> 00:28:16,195
Tracy, the Naked Mile
is insane. You...
524
00:28:16,278 --> 00:28:19,948
From what | hear. | wouldn't
know from personal experience
525
00:28:20,073 --> 00:28:24,453
because |, you know, | have
nothing whatsoever to do with it.
526
00:28:24,578 --> 00:28:27,164
But, look, Tracy,
527
00:28:27,289 --> 00:28:30,500
even if your boyfriend is at
this Naked Mile,
528
00:28:30,626 --> 00:28:33,629
it doesn't mean
he's gonna do anything.
529
00:28:34,838 --> 00:28:35,923
Really?
530
00:28:36,006 --> 00:28:39,134
Well, just because he can,
doesn't mean he will.
531
00:28:40,344 --> 00:28:43,430
Relationships are
all about trust.
532
00:28:46,642 --> 00:28:49,019
Yeah, | guess you're right.
533
00:28:49,811 --> 00:28:52,689
Well, namaste.
534
00:28:53,190 --> 00:28:54,483
Namaste.
535
00:29:12,459 --> 00:29:14,461
Hey, have you seen my phone?
536
00:29:14,544 --> 00:29:15,712
No.
537
00:29:15,837 --> 00:29:17,756
Maybe you left it
back at school.
538
00:29:17,839 --> 00:29:19,841
No, | thought
| put it in my backpack.
539
00:29:20,342 --> 00:29:21,677
Hmm. Mmm-mmm.
540
00:29:23,679 --> 00:29:26,848
Hey, you wanna pull over at that
stop up ahead? | gotta take a piss.
541
00:29:26,974 --> 00:29:29,351
Just piss in a can
or something.
542
00:29:30,852 --> 00:29:32,854
Man, | could cut my dick
on the lip.
543
00:29:32,938 --> 00:29:34,398
Well, piss out the window.
544
00:29:40,529 --> 00:29:41,571
ERIK: (YELPS) Hey!
545
00:29:59,298 --> 00:30:00,299
(LAUGHING)
546
00:30:01,216 --> 00:30:04,386
Love that breeze off the lake.
547
00:30:17,107 --> 00:30:19,318
COOZE:
This place is incredible.
548
00:30:19,568 --> 00:30:22,654
Just think, next year
I'm gonna be going here.
549
00:30:22,738 --> 00:30:25,615
Yeah, thanks to Daddy
and his alumni connections.
550
00:30:25,741 --> 00:30:28,535
Fuck off. | told you, |
gotin on my SAT scores.
551
00:30:28,618 --> 00:30:31,079
You scored five points
above being legally retarded.
552
00:30:31,163 --> 00:30:32,914
(RYAN AND ERIK LAUGHING)
553
00:30:32,998 --> 00:30:35,500
Whatever. Still got in.
554
00:30:36,668 --> 00:30:38,754
Hey, why does it smell
like piss back here?
555
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:44,009
RYAN: This is it.
Beta Delta Xi.
556
00:30:44,092 --> 00:30:45,927
ERIK: This is the house?
RYAN: Yeah.
557
00:30:46,011 --> 00:30:47,095
ERIK: Cool.
558
00:30:56,521 --> 00:30:57,773
What's going on here?
559
00:30:57,856 --> 00:30:59,483
| have no idea.
560
00:31:07,616 --> 00:31:11,119
ALL: (CHANTING) Drink. Drink.
Drink. Drink.
561
00:31:14,498 --> 00:31:16,416
Drink. Drink. Drink. Drink.
562
00:31:21,797 --> 00:31:23,048
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
563
00:31:25,801 --> 00:31:26,802
(GROANS)
564
00:31:30,889 --> 00:31:32,641
MAN: Okay.
(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)
565
00:31:33,225 --> 00:31:34,643
Yeah.
566
00:31:38,313 --> 00:31:40,816
How you feeling there,
Stretch?
567
00:31:41,233 --> 00:31:42,484
Little dizzy?
568
00:31:43,985 --> 00:31:45,404
"Cause guess what?
569
00:31:45,695 --> 00:31:49,741
Stifler can drink this shit
all day long.
570
00:31:51,326 --> 00:31:52,744
(ALL CHEERING)
571
00:31:57,999 --> 00:32:00,252
Your cousin is my hero.
572
00:32:01,503 --> 00:32:02,921
(MAN WHISTLING)
573
00:32:03,004 --> 00:32:05,590
All right, everybody freeze!
Oh, shit.
574
00:32:05,674 --> 00:32:07,259
Campus security.
575
00:32:08,218 --> 00:32:10,178
Nobody takes another drink...
576
00:32:14,349 --> 00:32:17,602
Till | got my bet down.
| got $200 on Stifler!
577
00:32:17,686 --> 00:32:19,020
(ALL CHEERING)
578
00:32:22,232 --> 00:32:25,193
Spanky, you had me going,
you silly son of a bitch.
579
00:32:25,277 --> 00:32:26,987
SPANKY: Let's do it. Do it!
(GROANING)
580
00:32:41,293 --> 00:32:42,335
(ALL CHEERING)
581
00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:48,133
You got steel nuts, my man.
I'll give you that much.
582
00:32:48,216 --> 00:32:49,885
But you're no match
for the Stif-man.
583
00:32:51,887 --> 00:32:53,638
Fuck you, Stifler.
584
00:32:53,722 --> 00:32:54,723
ALL: Ooh!
585
00:32:55,557 --> 00:32:56,641
Yeah.
586
00:32:58,393 --> 00:32:59,561
Yeah.
587
00:33:02,898 --> 00:33:04,566
(ALL MURMURING)
588
00:33:04,733 --> 00:33:06,026
What's the matter,
Boy Band?
589
00:33:06,109 --> 00:33:08,904
You need a little something
to settle your stomach?
590
00:33:11,072 --> 00:33:12,491
(BELCHING)
591
00:33:13,116 --> 00:33:14,117
ALL: Oh!
592
00:33:15,827 --> 00:33:17,496
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
593
00:33:17,579 --> 00:33:18,830
(BLOWING)
594
00:33:18,914 --> 00:33:21,625
Yeah, take in
the Stifler essence. Mmm!
595
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,627
Mighty pungent.
(VOMITING)
596
00:33:24,211 --> 00:33:25,795
(ALL YELPING)
597
00:33:32,761 --> 00:33:33,762
Oh!
598
00:33:34,221 --> 00:33:35,305
Yeah!
599
00:33:35,388 --> 00:33:39,100
And still Heavyweight Drinking
Champion of the World,
600
00:33:39,184 --> 00:33:44,189
Dwight "The Iron Liver"
Stifler!
601
00:33:44,272 --> 00:33:45,732
(ALL CHEERING)
602
00:33:46,441 --> 00:33:49,653
I'm a bad motherfucker, baby!
603
00:33:54,824 --> 00:33:56,159
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
604
00:33:57,369 --> 00:33:59,371
He's okay. He's okay.
605
00:34:05,252 --> 00:34:08,129
Oh, hey, cousin.
606
00:34:09,631 --> 00:34:11,007
How you doing?
607
00:34:11,466 --> 00:34:14,511
I'm fine, Dwight.
Are you okay?
608
00:34:15,095 --> 00:34:16,429
Oh, yeah,
I'm fine.
609
00:34:17,597 --> 00:34:18,848
I'm fine.
610
00:34:19,349 --> 00:34:23,144
Hey, | heard that you killed
Grandma with your cumshot.
611
00:34:23,228 --> 00:34:24,479
(BOTH LAUGHING)
612
00:34:25,105 --> 00:34:26,439
That sucks, man.
613
00:34:26,648 --> 00:34:27,649
Mmm-hmm.
614
00:34:31,695 --> 00:34:33,113
Should we take him
to the hospital?
615
00:34:33,196 --> 00:34:34,864
RYAN: No, he'll be fine.
616
00:34:34,948 --> 00:34:37,826
He told me he does this,
like, once a month.
617
00:34:38,868 --> 00:34:43,164
Okay, well, you guys keep an eye
on him. I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
618
00:34:49,796 --> 00:34:51,506
Of course I'm going.
It's the Naked Mile.
619
00:34:59,973 --> 00:35:02,350
So, when are we
gonna start partying?
620
00:35:02,642 --> 00:35:04,894
Oh, someone's feeling
a little frisky.
621
00:35:05,228 --> 00:35:08,732
Let's just say | finally decided
to live up to the family name.
622
00:35:10,692 --> 00:35:13,903
Stifler? We got a serious
problem, man.
623
00:35:14,696 --> 00:35:17,907
Mike and the guys just got arrested
trying to steal a monkey from the zoo.
624
00:35:19,576 --> 00:35:22,495
So what's the problem? Just
take the money out of my bail fund.
625
00:35:22,579 --> 00:35:24,789
They're almost half
our football team.
626
00:35:24,873 --> 00:35:27,709
We gotta put a team on the
field, man, or we're done.
627
00:35:27,792 --> 00:35:30,128
Why? "Cause we're
already on probation.
628
00:35:30,462 --> 00:35:33,131
We gotta participate
in every intramural event
629
00:35:33,340 --> 00:35:35,550
or we're kicked off
campus, man.
630
00:35:35,717 --> 00:35:37,302
We're four guys short.
631
00:35:42,057 --> 00:35:43,141
| play football.
632
00:35:44,225 --> 00:35:46,227
| played freshman year.
633
00:35:47,937 --> 00:35:49,230
What about you?
634
00:35:50,106 --> 00:35:51,524
A little Nerf here and there.
635
00:35:51,608 --> 00:35:53,902
Good enough. Stifler?
636
00:35:53,985 --> 00:35:55,111
Mmm?
637
00:35:55,195 --> 00:35:58,031
Can you play?
638
00:36:03,995 --> 00:36:06,498
Don't ever
639
00:36:07,957 --> 00:36:09,959
ask if Stifler can play.
640
00:36:20,720 --> 00:36:21,805
I'm good.
641
00:36:24,974 --> 00:36:29,229
The team we're playing's been
undefeated for five straight years.
642
00:36:29,312 --> 00:36:31,523
These guys must be
pretty serious.
643
00:36:31,606 --> 00:36:33,858
Fucking-A-right,
they're serious.
644
00:36:34,067 --> 00:36:36,194
Lambda Pi Gamma.
645
00:36:36,277 --> 00:36:39,739
They're our arch rivals in
everything. Sports, women, booze.
646
00:36:40,782 --> 00:36:43,576
These guys are fucking evil.
647
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:48,498
MAN: Get ready!
Come on! Down!
648
00:36:50,500 --> 00:36:52,711
Blue 42.
649
00:36:52,961 --> 00:36:54,045
They're midgets.
650
00:36:54,129 --> 00:36:55,213
Hut!
651
00:36:59,092 --> 00:37:01,094
Don't let their size
fool you.
652
00:37:01,177 --> 00:37:04,931
These guys are
fucking animals.
653
00:37:05,056 --> 00:37:08,101
Did | do too much nitrous?
A midget fraternity?
654
00:37:08,351 --> 00:37:12,856
Those rich midgets from those infomercials
gave the school some huge grant,
655
00:37:12,939 --> 00:37:16,651
and started a school for the
vertically challenged and a fraternity.
656
00:37:16,735 --> 00:37:19,487
And this is where every midget
in America wants to be.
657
00:37:19,571 --> 00:37:20,613
Hot feet!
658
00:37:20,697 --> 00:37:21,781
DWIGHT: That's right.
659
00:37:21,865 --> 00:37:22,907
Breakdown.
660
00:37:22,991 --> 00:37:25,535
These guys are
the best of the best.
661
00:37:26,786 --> 00:37:28,329
ROCK: Well, well, well.
662
00:37:28,997 --> 00:37:32,959
If itisn't the regular-size retards
and Captain Retard himself.
663
00:37:33,042 --> 00:37:34,961
You ready to get your ass
kicked again, Shitler?
664
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:38,798
Get back to Oz there before
you get your ass stomped, Toto.
665
00:37:38,882 --> 00:37:39,966
(ALL LAUGHING)
666
00:37:40,049 --> 00:37:43,511
Toto was the dog,
you fucking idiot.
667
00:37:43,636 --> 00:37:47,015
Lick my balls, Big Wheel-riding,
midget motherfucker.
668
00:37:47,098 --> 00:37:48,975
It's little person, fuck-nut.
669
00:37:49,309 --> 00:37:52,937
This year, I'm gonna take
a chunk out of your other leg.
670
00:37:53,229 --> 00:37:54,481
You little...
671
00:37:54,606 --> 00:37:56,191
(ALL YELLING)
672
00:37:58,693 --> 00:38:00,653
You want it?
You want it? Come on.
673
00:38:00,737 --> 00:38:01,821
Take it easy.
674
00:38:01,905 --> 00:38:03,364
Whoa. Whoa.
675
00:38:03,573 --> 00:38:05,283
Out of my way, assholes.
676
00:38:08,620 --> 00:38:10,580
ERIK:
What's that guy's problem?
677
00:38:10,663 --> 00:38:13,082
That's Rock.
He's fucking crazy.
678
00:38:13,166 --> 00:38:14,751
He plays dirty. ROCK: Out
of my way, you fucking idiot.
679
00:38:14,834 --> 00:38:17,378
Last year, he bit a chunk
out of my thigh.
680
00:38:17,462 --> 00:38:18,880
COOZE: Jesus!
681
00:38:19,547 --> 00:38:21,674
RYAN: Hey, his girlfriend's
pretty hot.
682
00:38:22,801 --> 00:38:26,596
COOZE: Yeah. What's with
that regular-size guy?
683
00:38:27,055 --> 00:38:31,434
Oh, it's Rock's cousin. They
had to let him in. Legacy.
684
00:38:33,353 --> 00:38:36,147
What a douchebag.
685
00:38:36,898 --> 00:38:38,066
Can he play?
686
00:38:38,733 --> 00:38:41,694
No, he sucks.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
687
00:38:41,778 --> 00:38:42,862
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
688
00:38:42,987 --> 00:38:44,656
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
689
00:38:53,289 --> 00:38:54,457
Hey, keep your head up.
690
00:38:54,541 --> 00:38:57,085
Whatever, they're midgets.
How bad can it be?
691
00:38:57,168 --> 00:38:58,461
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
692
00:39:11,057 --> 00:39:12,141
Holy shit!
693
00:39:21,609 --> 00:39:24,153
Keep your head up, bitch.
694
00:39:29,617 --> 00:39:33,329
| told you, man. Don't
underestimate these little bastards.
695
00:39:35,039 --> 00:39:36,332
DWIGHT: Down!
696
00:39:36,416 --> 00:39:37,792
Set!
697
00:39:38,334 --> 00:39:39,377
Hut!
698
00:39:43,131 --> 00:39:44,674
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
699
00:39:45,508 --> 00:39:47,302
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
700
00:39:57,687 --> 00:39:59,230
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
701
00:39:59,564 --> 00:40:00,815
Yeah!
702
00:40:23,254 --> 00:40:25,173
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
703
00:40:38,978 --> 00:40:39,979
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
704
00:40:43,816 --> 00:40:46,027
Let's go, fellas.
Get on the line.
705
00:40:46,694 --> 00:40:48,154
DWIGHT: Down!
706
00:40:49,113 --> 00:40:50,615
How you feeling, Stifler?
707
00:40:50,698 --> 00:40:53,326
I'm 6'1", Frodo.
How about you?
708
00:40:55,161 --> 00:40:56,162
Set!
709
00:40:57,413 --> 00:40:58,456
Hut!
710
00:41:01,417 --> 00:41:02,627
(SCREAMING)
711
00:41:02,710 --> 00:41:04,629
The little fucker's
biting me again.
712
00:41:05,296 --> 00:41:07,006
(SCREAMING)
713
00:41:17,350 --> 00:41:18,935
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
714
00:41:21,729 --> 00:41:24,482
Funny, you don't look 6'1"
from here, shit stain.
715
00:41:27,902 --> 00:41:30,279
(I WISH PLAYING)
716
00:41:54,220 --> 00:41:55,346
DWIGHT: God,
717
00:41:56,097 --> 00:41:58,307
| hate that fucking guy.
718
00:41:58,391 --> 00:42:00,101
Getting killed out there.
719
00:42:00,184 --> 00:42:01,436
| can't get loose.
720
00:42:01,519 --> 00:42:04,647
They're so fast and small.
| don't know what to do.
721
00:42:04,731 --> 00:42:06,899
Quit crying, you bunch
of bra-wearing pussies.
722
00:42:06,983 --> 00:42:10,695
| just got a hunk taken out of
my leg. You don't hear me crying.
723
00:42:10,778 --> 00:42:12,530
All right, let's put
our balls on the table.
724
00:42:12,613 --> 00:42:16,784
Let's go out there, show these little sons
of bitches what being a Beta's all about.
725
00:42:16,868 --> 00:42:18,703
You understand
what I'm saying, fellas?
726
00:42:18,786 --> 00:42:20,580
(ALL AGREEING)
All right, Beta on three.
727
00:42:21,205 --> 00:42:22,915
One, two, three, Beta!
ALL: Beta!
728
00:42:24,167 --> 00:42:25,376
Down! Set!
729
00:42:26,169 --> 00:42:27,295
Hut!
730
00:42:37,805 --> 00:42:38,931
Go!
731
00:42:41,684 --> 00:42:43,102
(ALL CHEERING)
732
00:43:23,643 --> 00:43:24,644
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
733
00:43:27,980 --> 00:43:30,066
All right, we got
five seconds left, guys.
734
00:43:30,149 --> 00:43:33,236
If you're about to get tackled,
lateral it to the nearest guy.
735
00:43:33,319 --> 00:43:35,238
It's our only chance.
736
00:43:35,321 --> 00:43:38,032
All right, let's go now.
Come on, Beta on three.
737
00:43:38,116 --> 00:43:39,158
Beta on three.
Who's with me?
738
00:43:39,242 --> 00:43:41,744
One, two, three, Beta!
ALL: Beta!
739
00:43:50,128 --> 00:43:51,504
Down!
740
00:43:54,799 --> 00:43:57,051
Set!
741
00:44:10,731 --> 00:44:11,774
Hut!
742
00:44:12,942 --> 00:44:14,944
(MY HERO PLAYING)
743
00:44:46,434 --> 00:44:47,852
(WHOOPING)
744
00:44:52,565 --> 00:44:54,317
(ALL CHEERING)
745
00:45:03,743 --> 00:45:04,869
(GROANING)
746
00:45:13,044 --> 00:45:14,837
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
747
00:45:14,921 --> 00:45:16,505
(ALL CHEERING)
748
00:45:18,299 --> 00:45:19,717
WOMAN: We kicked your ass!
749
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:20,885
(CONTINUES GROANING)
750
00:45:21,636 --> 00:45:24,305
You're still my bitch,
Stifler.
751
00:45:26,307 --> 00:45:27,725
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
752
00:45:36,901 --> 00:45:39,278
| can't believe
we lost to midgets.
753
00:45:39,904 --> 00:45:42,782
Don't let those Oompa Loompa
bastards get to you.
754
00:45:43,074 --> 00:45:47,203
Right now, we have more important
matters to tend to, gentlemen.
755
00:45:47,662 --> 00:45:49,872
From what | understand,
756
00:45:49,956 --> 00:45:53,209
my cousin has
a guilt-free pass
757
00:45:53,292 --> 00:45:56,629
to bang all the girls
he can find.
758
00:45:57,129 --> 00:45:58,506
That | do.
759
00:45:58,589 --> 00:46:01,425
Oh, that is good news.
760
00:46:02,635 --> 00:46:06,305
Christ, for a while | was starting
to think you were adopted.
761
00:46:07,306 --> 00:46:09,225
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
762
00:46:15,940 --> 00:46:17,275
Gentlemen,
763
00:46:18,693 --> 00:46:22,571
welcome to paradise.
764
00:46:30,371 --> 00:46:31,914
Boys and girls,
765
00:46:31,998 --> 00:46:34,709
we have a celebrity
in our midst.
766
00:46:34,792 --> 00:46:38,587
The Heavyweight Drinking
Champion of the Worlq,
767
00:46:38,671 --> 00:46:42,633
Dwight "Iron Liver" Stifler!
768
00:46:42,717 --> 00:46:44,260
(ALL CHEERING)
769
00:46:47,972 --> 00:46:48,973
ALL: Ooh!
770
00:46:51,017 --> 00:46:52,226
(WHOOPS)
771
00:46:52,727 --> 00:46:55,938
All right, you pussy-wipes, I'm
gonna go find some lady friends.
772
00:46:56,022 --> 00:46:59,233
Try not to blow your wad
in the first minute, huh?
773
00:47:01,527 --> 00:47:05,114
There is no way Allison's
party was better than Jimmy's.
774
00:47:05,197 --> 00:47:07,241
You're nuts. Jimmy's
party had two kegs
775
00:47:07,325 --> 00:47:10,661
and those two theater chicks went
down on each other on the pool table
776
00:47:10,745 --> 00:47:12,371
in front of everybody.
777
00:47:12,455 --> 00:47:13,873
What the hell are
you two talking about?
778
00:47:13,956 --> 00:47:15,041
What?
779
00:47:15,124 --> 00:47:18,210
Two kegs, theater chicks.
Well, guess what?
780
00:47:18,294 --> 00:47:21,172
We're in a college bar full of
unlimited booze and pussy,
781
00:47:21,255 --> 00:47:24,717
and we're sitting at the bar
talking about high-school parties.
782
00:47:31,766 --> 00:47:35,269
Ryan? Ryan!
What's your problem?
783
00:47:35,353 --> 00:47:37,104
That Great Falls attitude.
784
00:47:37,188 --> 00:47:39,357
All you guys do is
talk about Great Falls
785
00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:41,442
like it's the end-all
and be-all of existence.
786
00:47:41,525 --> 00:47:45,112
The place is a fucking trap,
which is why I'm going to California.
787
00:47:45,196 --> 00:47:46,655
I'm not gonna get stuck like
the rest of them.
788
00:47:46,739 --> 00:47:48,115
Yeah, | know.
| think that's great.
789
00:47:48,199 --> 00:47:51,869
Yeah, but don't you see? That's
what this weekend is about for me.
790
00:47:52,203 --> 00:47:54,038
What do you mean?
To seeif |l can do it.
791
00:47:54,121 --> 00:47:57,666
If | can start over and accept
being low man on the totem pole.
792
00:47:57,750 --> 00:47:59,210
Ryan, it's just
a weekend, man.
793
00:47:59,293 --> 00:48:02,129
Maybe to you, but to me
it's a lot more than that.
794
00:48:04,840 --> 00:48:06,342
Man, | sound like a chick.
795
00:48:07,551 --> 00:48:09,011
| really need to
go get some pussy.
796
00:48:09,095 --> 00:48:10,179
Yeah.
797
00:48:13,265 --> 00:48:14,350
Oh, shit.
798
00:48:14,433 --> 00:48:16,227
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
799
00:48:16,435 --> 00:48:20,106
No, no, no, no. It's fine.
| can't believe | did that.
800
00:48:20,189 --> 00:48:21,607
Here, come with me.
801
00:48:24,318 --> 00:48:25,444
Quick, take off your shirt.
802
00:48:25,528 --> 00:48:26,695
Excuse me?
803
00:48:26,779 --> 00:48:29,240
Well, | just, | wanna get
the stain out. Oh, yeah, right.
804
00:48:29,323 --> 00:48:30,783
| knew that.
805
00:48:34,286 --> 00:48:35,538
Are we allowed
to be back here?
806
00:48:35,621 --> 00:48:37,456
Oh, yeah, don't worry.
| used to bartend here.
807
00:48:37,540 --> 00:48:38,791
Cool.
808
00:48:39,333 --> 00:48:42,336
Look, I'm really, really
sorry about this. Right.
809
00:48:44,922 --> 00:48:46,590
Accidents happen.
810
00:48:47,174 --> 00:48:49,301
I'm Brandy, by the way.
I'm Erik.
811
00:48:49,385 --> 00:48:52,138
You know, any other frat asshole
would bite my head off right now
812
00:48:52,221 --> 00:48:53,514
if | spilled a drink on him.
813
00:48:53,597 --> 00:48:54,640
Here. I'm...
814
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:58,060
I'm not in a fraternity.
815
00:48:58,144 --> 00:49:00,229
Oh, you're not?
So you're independent?
816
00:49:00,312 --> 00:49:01,397
What's that?
817
00:49:01,480 --> 00:49:03,399
You know, a student
who's not Greek.
818
00:49:03,983 --> 00:49:07,528
No, I'm just visiting for the
weekend. I'm a senior in high school.
819
00:49:07,611 --> 00:49:08,737
High school?
820
00:49:08,821 --> 00:49:10,072
Yeah.
821
00:49:11,532 --> 00:49:12,992
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
822
00:49:13,075 --> 00:49:16,203
Really? Most girls slap me or
kick me in the balls when | say that.
823
00:49:16,287 --> 00:49:18,205
Why? It's hysterical.
824
00:49:18,289 --> 00:49:20,666
That's what | say.
What are your names?
825
00:49:20,749 --> 00:49:22,585
I'm Jill and this is Alexis.
826
00:49:22,668 --> 00:49:25,337
Hey, this is
my buddy Ryan.
827
00:49:25,421 --> 00:49:26,881
Hey, Ryan.
Hey, Ryan.
828
00:49:26,964 --> 00:49:28,340
Hey, ladies.
829
00:49:29,008 --> 00:49:32,136
Amnesty International. Is
that some kind of rock band?
830
00:49:33,345 --> 00:49:36,807
It's an organization that works to
protect human rights all over the world.
831
00:49:36,891 --> 00:49:37,975
Oh, yeah.
832
00:49:38,058 --> 00:49:40,269
MAN: Hey, get away
from our dates.
833
00:49:41,103 --> 00:49:42,938
Down here, asshole.
834
00:49:43,439 --> 00:49:44,732
What the hell do you want?
835
00:49:44,815 --> 00:49:45,900
Just what he said.
836
00:49:45,983 --> 00:49:48,277
For you two to get
away from our dates.
837
00:49:48,360 --> 00:49:50,321
In your dreams, Willow.
838
00:49:50,404 --> 00:49:53,407
There is no way these girls
are here with you.
839
00:49:55,451 --> 00:49:56,702
Are you?
840
00:49:59,038 --> 00:50:00,873
But why?
They're cool.
841
00:50:00,956 --> 00:50:02,124
And sexy.
842
00:50:02,833 --> 00:50:04,835
You gotta be
fucking kidding me.
843
00:50:04,919 --> 00:50:05,961
(GROANS)
844
00:50:06,045 --> 00:50:08,047
Ain't nobody kidding
around here, punk.
845
00:50:08,130 --> 00:50:10,341
If you got a problem, we
could settle this right here.
846
00:50:10,424 --> 00:50:12,009
Oh, | would love to.
847
00:50:12,092 --> 00:50:13,969
Okay, stop it, you guys.
848
00:50:14,803 --> 00:50:19,225
Listen, it was really nice meeting
you two, but we're spoken for tonight.
849
00:50:20,100 --> 00:50:22,186
Come on, baby, let's dance.
850
00:50:33,197 --> 00:50:35,199
That did not
just happen.
851
00:50:39,870 --> 00:50:44,041
Time for a Stifler blowjob!
852
00:50:46,835 --> 00:50:51,757
Oh, get sexy, ladies, | love it.
Oh, | feel a stirring in my loins.
853
00:50:57,054 --> 00:50:58,764
You've gotta meet my roommate.
854
00:51:00,599 --> 00:51:02,893
| would love to.
855
00:51:03,352 --> 00:51:06,146
Dude, the fucking midgets
just stole our women.
856
00:51:06,230 --> 00:51:07,606
RYAN: Yeah, those fuckers
are out of hand.
857
00:51:07,690 --> 00:51:12,444
| told you guys, don't
underestimate those little bastards.
858
00:51:13,237 --> 00:51:16,657
That midget quarterback
stole my girlfriend last year.
859
00:51:18,951 --> 00:51:20,035
Slut!
860
00:51:20,119 --> 00:51:22,037
ROCK: Out of my goddamn way.
861
00:51:24,164 --> 00:51:25,708
Holy shit!
862
00:51:26,542 --> 00:51:30,129
| thought this place had a no-loser
policy. What are you assholes doing here?
863
00:51:30,212 --> 00:51:31,630
Fuck off, Mighty Mouse.
864
00:51:31,714 --> 00:51:35,426
Man, don't take it out on me because
your ladies like it short and thick,
865
00:51:35,509 --> 00:51:37,636
rather than tall and skinny.
866
00:51:37,720 --> 00:51:38,846
(LAUGHING)
867
00:51:40,806 --> 00:51:44,602
Rock, don't you know, baby?
This bar is like a roller coaster.
868
00:51:44,727 --> 00:51:46,312
Yeah, it has
a height requirement,
869
00:51:46,395 --> 00:51:49,398
and I'm afraid
you just don't measure up!
870
00:51:49,481 --> 00:51:50,524
Motherfucker.
871
00:51:52,151 --> 00:51:54,695
Easy! Easy! Easy!
872
00:51:54,778 --> 00:51:56,071
This isn't over, Shitler.
873
00:51:56,155 --> 00:51:58,032
Oh, you got that right!
874
00:51:59,783 --> 00:52:02,578
Never get in my way, woman.
875
00:52:10,836 --> 00:52:12,212
What's up?
876
00:52:17,343 --> 00:52:18,510
Bitch.
877
00:52:21,180 --> 00:52:22,306
BRANDY: (LAUGHING)
That did not happen.
878
00:52:22,389 --> 00:52:25,643
| swear to God, | was running through
the streets with nylons on my head
879
00:52:25,726 --> 00:52:27,728
and the condom still on.
880
00:52:28,062 --> 00:52:29,730
| can't believe | just
told you that story.
881
00:52:29,855 --> 00:52:31,231
| think it's great.
882
00:52:31,315 --> 00:52:34,902
| mean, think of it this way,
you'll never forget your first time.
883
00:52:35,027 --> 00:52:36,654
Well, it wasn't...
884
00:52:36,904 --> 00:52:38,072
Technically...
885
00:52:38,155 --> 00:52:39,657
Oh, no, wait.
886
00:52:39,740 --> 00:52:42,076
You mean you didn't even
get to... He came down too fast.
887
00:52:42,201 --> 00:52:43,327
Oh! (LAUGHING)
888
00:52:43,827 --> 00:52:47,081
Thank you. Thank you for
laughing at my misfortune.
889
00:52:48,082 --> 00:52:51,877
| think you're a sweetheart.
And you're really cute.
890
00:52:53,045 --> 00:52:54,421
This is me.
891
00:52:55,923 --> 00:52:57,800
So, are you guys
running the Mile tomorrow?
892
00:52:57,925 --> 00:53:01,428
| don't know. There's something
about running naked down the street
893
00:53:01,553 --> 00:53:03,472
while you're still a virgin...
894
00:53:03,597 --> 00:53:05,015
Didn't stop you before.
895
00:53:05,099 --> 00:53:06,600
Touche.
896
00:53:06,934 --> 00:53:09,603
You never know,
that virgin thing,
897
00:53:10,270 --> 00:53:13,440
it could totally change
by the end of the weekend.
898
00:53:15,943 --> 00:53:17,611
Thanks for walking me home.
899
00:53:38,924 --> 00:53:39,925
(GROANS)
900
00:53:40,008 --> 00:53:42,845
What the hell happened
to you last night?
901
00:53:44,012 --> 00:53:45,180
What's up, fellas?
902
00:53:45,305 --> 00:53:46,473
What's up?
903
00:53:46,598 --> 00:53:48,642
What's up is
we got cock-blocked
904
00:53:48,726 --> 00:53:50,144
by some midgets at the bar.
905
00:53:50,269 --> 00:53:53,313
Cooze, never mind that.
Where the hell were you?
906
00:53:53,605 --> 00:53:58,152
Well, Mother, if you must
know, | was with a girl.
907
00:53:59,069 --> 00:54:00,070
Ooh.
908
00:54:00,779 --> 00:54:01,780
Mmm.
909
00:54:01,864 --> 00:54:03,574
Bullshit. What girl?
910
00:54:03,657 --> 00:54:06,243
Her name is Brandy. She's
in a sorority and she's hot,
911
00:54:06,326 --> 00:54:08,787
and I'm supposed to meet her
at the Mile tonight.
912
00:54:09,496 --> 00:54:11,290
Dude, | don't get it.
913
00:54:11,457 --> 00:54:15,711
We come to college, we get
blown off by chicks for midgets,
914
00:54:15,836 --> 00:54:18,672
and you're hanging out with
a sorority girl?
915
00:54:18,797 --> 00:54:21,175
What the fuck
is going on here?
916
00:54:21,550 --> 00:54:23,969
So, what are you gonna do?
917
00:54:24,887 --> 00:54:27,848
What do you mean?
He's gonna bang that chick.
918
00:54:29,516 --> 00:54:30,809
Aren't you?
919
00:54:30,893 --> 00:54:32,186
What?
920
00:54:34,688 --> 00:54:35,814
Yeah.
921
00:54:36,023 --> 00:54:39,735
Yeah, of course | will. I'm on a
guilt-free pass, why wouldn't 1?
922
00:54:39,860 --> 00:54:41,820
Why the hesitation, man?
923
00:54:41,904 --> 00:54:42,905
(GROANS)
924
00:54:42,988 --> 00:54:45,866
Oh, shit! You're not
gonna do it. | said I'll do it.
925
00:54:45,991 --> 00:54:49,703
Erik, you've been given a gift
from above. Don't fuck it up.
926
00:54:49,828 --> 00:54:50,913
| won't.
927
00:54:51,038 --> 00:54:52,122
Yes, you will.
928
00:54:52,206 --> 00:54:53,248
No.
929
00:54:53,999 --> 00:54:56,210
L... | gotta get out of here.
930
00:55:16,522 --> 00:55:18,690
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
931
00:55:18,774 --> 00:55:20,400
ERIK: Hey, it's me.
932
00:55:22,444 --> 00:55:24,279
Calling to see
how you're doing.
933
00:55:24,404 --> 00:55:25,614
I'm fine,
934
00:55:25,739 --> 00:55:27,866
I'm just studying.
Oh. Okay.
935
00:55:29,576 --> 00:55:30,577
Cool.
936
00:55:30,702 --> 00:55:33,956
So, did you guys decide if you're
gonna run in the Naked Mile?
937
00:55:34,706 --> 00:55:38,210
No, not yet. But you know me,
I'll probably just wimp out.
938
00:55:38,460 --> 00:55:40,087
| mean, you don't have to.
939
00:55:40,879 --> 00:55:42,214
Yeah, | know.
940
00:55:42,923 --> 00:55:45,384
Are you okay? | mean,
you sound a little weird.
941
00:55:45,926 --> 00:55:47,219
I'm fine.
942
00:55:48,262 --> 00:55:50,764
I'm fine. | just wanted
to call and say hello.
943
00:55:50,889 --> 00:55:55,519
Thanks, but you don't need to
check in. | mean, go, have fun.
944
00:55:55,602 --> 00:55:57,980
That's what this weekend's
all about.
945
00:55:59,398 --> 00:56:00,607
You're the greatest.
946
00:56:12,661 --> 00:56:14,121
Erik Stifler.
947
00:56:17,624 --> 00:56:20,043
Hey, Mr. Levenstein.
Hello, Erik, good to see you.
948
00:56:20,127 --> 00:56:23,755
Yeah. Wow, | haven't seen you since
my parents' New Year's party, right?
949
00:56:23,839 --> 00:56:27,634
Yes, well, your folks really, really
know how to ring in the new year.
950
00:56:27,759 --> 00:56:31,597
Look, I'm sorry about my dad giving
you that wedgie in front of everybody.
951
00:56:31,680 --> 00:56:34,975
Well, your dad's been doing
that to me since we were kids,
952
00:56:35,100 --> 00:56:37,519
and strangely enough,
| enjoy it.
953
00:56:40,814 --> 00:56:43,150
So, what are you
doing up here?
954
00:56:44,318 --> 00:56:46,945
Oh, well,
| went to school here
955
00:56:47,029 --> 00:56:50,824
and, you know, | like to come
back every now and then
956
00:56:51,325 --> 00:56:52,743
and check out the campus.
957
00:56:52,826 --> 00:56:57,039
That's the only reason I'm here.
No other reason that | can think of.
958
00:56:57,164 --> 00:56:59,958
And what about you?
What are you doing here?
959
00:57:00,459 --> 00:57:02,502
Actually,
it's kind of personal.
960
00:57:02,628 --> 00:57:04,922
Oh. Well, say no more.
Okay.
961
00:57:05,005 --> 00:57:06,173
Okay, listen,
good seeing you.
962
00:57:06,298 --> 00:57:08,008
Yeah, for sure.
963
00:57:13,847 --> 00:57:16,058
Actually, Mr. Levenstein,
you were a counselor
964
00:57:16,183 --> 00:57:18,352
at Tall Oaks Band Camp
with my cousin Matt, right?
965
00:57:18,477 --> 00:57:21,897
Yes. Yes, | was. And your cousin
Matt needed some counseling...
966
00:57:22,022 --> 00:57:25,776
Yeah. | might add. |
gave him some advice.
967
00:57:25,859 --> 00:57:28,862
Advice. (CLEARS THROAT)
Do you think | could
968
00:57:31,365 --> 00:57:33,367
confide something in you?
969
00:57:33,659 --> 00:57:36,453
Well, sure. Yes, Erik,
anything. Anything.
970
00:57:36,536 --> 00:57:37,704
Okay.
971
00:57:38,580 --> 00:57:39,623
I'm a virgin.
972
00:57:39,706 --> 00:57:41,041
Okay, can | stop you there?
973
00:57:41,166 --> 00:57:44,336
You're a Stifler and a virgin?
974
00:57:45,879 --> 00:57:47,005
Yeah.
975
00:57:48,924 --> 00:57:52,386
Well, so you're a virgin.
What's the big deal?
976
00:57:53,178 --> 00:57:57,724
Well, the other night, my girlfriend
and I... We tried to, you know...
977
00:57:59,851 --> 00:58:01,228
Right. But her father
978
00:58:01,311 --> 00:58:03,313
came down before
we had the chance to.
979
00:58:03,397 --> 00:58:05,732
So she changed her mind
completely about the sex,
980
00:58:05,857 --> 00:58:08,902
but she gave me a guilt-free
pass for the weekend.
981
00:58:09,027 --> 00:58:11,363
You got the guilt-free pass?
982
00:58:12,948 --> 00:58:14,574
What do you mean?
983
00:58:14,866 --> 00:58:19,788
Well, | mean, you've got the
old guilt-free pass dilemma.
984
00:58:20,038 --> 00:58:21,665
Yeah.
It's a tough one.
985
00:58:21,748 --> 00:58:23,959
| didn't think people your age
knew about that kind of stuff.
986
00:58:24,084 --> 00:58:27,129
| believe | know more
about this than you think.
987
00:58:28,755 --> 00:58:31,508
Good, because | just
don't know what to do here.
988
00:58:31,591 --> 00:58:35,262
| mean, I've got this smoking-hot
sorority girl all over me.
989
00:58:36,388 --> 00:58:39,516
Well, you know, my son Jim
990
00:58:39,599 --> 00:58:41,810
went through kind of
a similar dilemma.
991
00:58:41,935 --> 00:58:43,770
He was going out
with this very attractive
992
00:58:43,895 --> 00:58:45,814
foreign-exchange student
named Nadia.
993
00:58:45,939 --> 00:58:49,317
Right, right, yeah. That's the one
he blew his load too early with, right?
994
00:58:49,443 --> 00:58:50,527
Yes.
Twice.
995
00:58:50,610 --> 00:58:51,945
Yes.
Over the Internet.
996
00:58:52,070 --> 00:58:53,697
That's the one.
Yeah.
997
00:58:53,780 --> 00:58:57,117
Well, blowing loads aside...
998
00:58:57,242 --> 00:58:58,285
Yeah.
999
00:58:58,410 --> 00:59:00,704
The next summer Nadia came
to visit Jim at the beach,
1000
00:59:00,787 --> 00:59:02,247
and he turned her down
1001
00:59:02,330 --> 00:59:05,751
because he had fallen in love
with Michelle,
1002
00:59:06,585 --> 00:59:10,589
who he later married, and is
now the mother of my grandchild.
1003
00:59:11,840 --> 00:59:15,635
So you're saying | shouldn't
hook up with this sorority girl?
1004
00:59:15,969 --> 00:59:19,139
I'm saying | think only you
know the answer to that, Erik.
1005
00:59:21,767 --> 00:59:23,310
Well, gotta run.
1006
00:59:26,354 --> 00:59:30,025
Oh, Erik, | was sorry to hear
about your grandmother.
1007
00:59:49,169 --> 00:59:51,046
Last night was amazing.
1008
00:59:51,630 --> 00:59:53,632
Yeah, it was.
1009
00:59:53,715 --> 00:59:56,676
The three of us should
do it again sometime.
1010
00:59:57,010 --> 00:59:58,386
Definitely.
1011
01:00:00,680 --> 01:00:02,057
Definitely.
1012
01:00:09,356 --> 01:00:12,984
Hey, buddy. You know
how to get to Murray Street?
1013
01:00:13,068 --> 01:00:15,529
Oh, yeah, man. Just go
right down Maryland Avenue...
1014
01:00:17,197 --> 01:00:18,657
What the...
1015
01:00:20,575 --> 01:00:22,035
What is this?
Enter the Midget?
1016
01:00:22,160 --> 01:00:24,830
It's little people, asshole.
1017
01:00:26,414 --> 01:00:28,166
Come get some.
1018
01:00:29,209 --> 01:00:31,503
Come get some, baby!
1019
01:00:32,003 --> 01:00:33,380
(SCREAMING)
1020
01:00:39,845 --> 01:00:41,596
(PANTING)
1021
01:00:41,763 --> 01:00:43,640
Midgets jumped Stifler.
1022
01:00:43,723 --> 01:00:45,016
ALL: What?
1023
01:00:46,017 --> 01:00:48,186
The midgets jumped Stifler.
1024
01:00:48,603 --> 01:00:50,397
He's in
the hospital right now.
1025
01:00:55,277 --> 01:00:56,611
Oh, shit.
1026
01:00:56,736 --> 01:00:58,446
Holy shit.
1027
01:00:59,447 --> 01:01:01,366
Man, he is fucked up.
1028
01:01:02,284 --> 01:01:03,743
First Grandma,
and now this.
1029
01:01:03,869 --> 01:01:05,203
All right, we gotta get
those fucking midgets.
1030
01:01:05,287 --> 01:01:06,371
Yeah, man.
1031
01:01:06,454 --> 01:01:09,958
Jesus, Ryan, keep it down, will
you? | got a huge fucking headache.
1032
01:01:10,083 --> 01:01:12,210
We thought
this guy was you.
1033
01:01:13,253 --> 01:01:14,546
Fuck, no.
1034
01:01:15,422 --> 01:01:16,715
| don't know
what happened to that pussy.
1035
01:01:17,632 --> 01:01:19,593
Hey, man,
what the hell happened?
1036
01:01:19,718 --> 01:01:23,430
Rock and his boys jumped me,
wearing all black and ski masks.
1037
01:01:23,555 --> 01:01:24,931
Like | wouldn't know
it was them.
1038
01:01:25,056 --> 01:01:28,310
Are you all right? Are you
gonna be able to run in the Mile?
1039
01:01:28,435 --> 01:01:29,728
Doesn't look like it.
1040
01:01:30,312 --> 01:01:33,815
Doc says the Stif-man's gonna be
laid up for at least a couple of more days.
1041
01:01:33,940 --> 01:01:36,151
Hey, don't worry. We
will find those little fuckers.
1042
01:01:36,276 --> 01:01:41,114
No. | appreciate it, okay?
Stifler'll think of something.
1043
01:01:41,781 --> 01:01:45,285
Now you guys are up here
to do two things. Have fun,
1044
01:01:45,410 --> 01:01:47,412
and run naked
1045
01:01:47,495 --> 01:01:51,458
with hundreds of hot,
big-breasted, horny women.
1046
01:01:51,583 --> 01:01:52,751
You understand?
1047
01:01:52,834 --> 01:01:53,960
ALL: Yeah.
1048
01:01:54,085 --> 01:01:57,797
Good. Now get the fuck out of
here so | can get some sleep.
1049
01:02:02,844 --> 01:02:05,347
Hey, Erik, stick around
for a second.
1050
01:02:05,472 --> 01:02:06,473
Yeah.
1051
01:02:07,641 --> 01:02:09,851
Listen, | know
what you're going through.
1052
01:02:10,477 --> 01:02:13,480
You do? Sure, yeah. |
had the same problem
1053
01:02:13,688 --> 01:02:15,815
when | was in middle school.
1054
01:02:16,316 --> 01:02:19,611
But living up to the family
name is not an easy thing, man.
1055
01:02:19,694 --> 01:02:22,322
Yeah. What did you do?
1056
01:02:24,449 --> 01:02:28,203
Well, | whipped out my dick in
class, stole the principal's car,
1057
01:02:28,328 --> 01:02:29,871
and then | fucked
a lunch lady.
1058
01:02:30,497 --> 01:02:31,539
Onh.
1059
01:02:31,998 --> 01:02:33,500
But, hey, that's me.
1060
01:02:34,376 --> 01:02:36,378
What do you think | should do?
1061
01:02:36,503 --> 01:02:41,049
It's not for me to decide or advise.
You gotta figure that out on your own.
1062
01:02:41,299 --> 01:02:44,970
But | will say this. We got
a pretty fucked-up family,
1063
01:02:45,679 --> 01:02:48,181
and it's nice having a guy
like you around.
1064
01:02:51,685 --> 01:02:53,353
Now, seriously, go.
1065
01:02:57,691 --> 01:02:59,526
(STUDENTS CHATTERING)
1066
01:03:04,531 --> 01:03:06,449
All I have to say is,
1067
01:03:06,533 --> 01:03:09,911
thank you, Dad, for getting
my dumb ass into this school.
1068
01:03:15,834 --> 01:03:19,379
Gentlemen, we have officially
arrived at our destination.
1069
01:03:29,597 --> 01:03:31,933
ROCK: Look who decided
to show up.
1070
01:03:32,058 --> 01:03:34,144
| didn't think you guys
would have the balls for this.
1071
01:03:34,227 --> 01:03:35,395
| guess | was right.
1072
01:03:35,687 --> 01:03:38,732
Check it out. They
still got their clothes on.
1073
01:03:39,065 --> 01:03:40,066
(LAUGHING)
1074
01:03:42,110 --> 01:03:46,573
Where is old Shitler? | guess the king
of the Naked Mile didn't make it this year.
1075
01:03:48,116 --> 01:03:51,453
Nobody starts this fucking
Naked Mile without me!
1076
01:03:52,078 --> 01:03:53,580
(ALL CHEERING)
1077
01:03:57,459 --> 01:03:58,460
(MOUTHING)
1078
01:04:02,088 --> 01:04:03,548
Hello, my loyal subjects.
1079
01:04:03,631 --> 01:04:07,719
The king has arrived!
Bring out your titties!
1080
01:04:10,764 --> 01:04:14,684
You really think that little beating
you gave me could keep me away?
1081
01:04:14,768 --> 01:04:17,812
You and the Lollypop Guild
punch like a bunch of 5-year-olds.
1082
01:04:17,937 --> 01:04:20,648
This is my fucking school.
1083
01:04:26,237 --> 01:04:29,282
Right, screw those guys.
We're here to have fun, right?
1084
01:04:29,407 --> 01:04:31,785
Oh, fucking-A-right,
we're here to have some fun.
1085
01:04:33,119 --> 01:04:36,664
Hey, why the hell do you guys
still have your clothes on?
1086
01:04:37,457 --> 01:04:39,209
Listen, Stifler, we
were talking and...
1087
01:04:39,292 --> 01:04:41,461
Hey, Stifler.
| like your IVs.
1088
01:04:43,171 --> 01:04:44,214
DWIGHT: Hello, ladies.
1089
01:04:45,924 --> 01:04:48,134
Looking sexy as always.
1090
01:04:48,259 --> 01:04:49,844
Heard you were
in the hospital.
1091
01:04:50,428 --> 01:04:52,847
Just a little beating
by a bunch of midgets.
1092
01:04:52,972 --> 01:04:54,349
Hey, Cooze.
1093
01:04:54,474 --> 01:04:58,186
Jill the Thrill.
Back on the Cooze radar.
1094
01:04:59,020 --> 01:05:00,688
(IMITATING RADAR BEEPING)
1095
01:05:02,941 --> 01:05:04,025
Hey, Erik.
1096
01:05:04,776 --> 01:05:05,819
Hey, Brandy.
1097
01:05:06,111 --> 01:05:07,779
Ryan.
Alexis.
1098
01:05:07,862 --> 01:05:10,115
So, you ladies ready
to run this Mile
1099
01:05:10,198 --> 01:05:13,368
and get extra fucking sexy?
1100
01:05:13,535 --> 01:05:14,661
ALL: Hell, yeah!
1101
01:05:14,786 --> 01:05:16,287
What about you guys?
1102
01:05:16,371 --> 01:05:18,331
Yeah, what are you guys
doing still dressed?
1103
01:05:18,623 --> 01:05:20,750
Well, we figured
we'd just watch the Mile
1104
01:05:20,834 --> 01:05:22,460
and then meet you guys
at the party afterwards.
1105
01:05:22,544 --> 01:05:26,172
That's too bad 'cause this
Naked Mile is gonna be crazy.
1106
01:05:26,339 --> 01:05:28,842
Really crazy. Right, Brandy?
1107
01:05:28,967 --> 01:05:30,468
Absolutely out of control.
1108
01:05:47,527 --> 01:05:50,447
Yeah! That's what I'm
fucking talking about, boys.
1109
01:05:50,530 --> 01:05:53,825
Set the cocks free!
1110
01:05:53,908 --> 01:05:56,244
Let's huddle up over here.
Come on, fellas.
1111
01:05:57,537 --> 01:05:58,580
Cock huddle.
1112
01:05:58,830 --> 01:06:00,165
All right, bitch tits.
1113
01:06:00,748 --> 01:06:02,917
| got a little surprise
for you fuckers.
1114
01:06:03,042 --> 01:06:04,043
What do you got?
1115
01:06:05,253 --> 01:06:08,506
Just a little pharmaceutical
delight for later.
1116
01:06:09,549 --> 01:06:12,135
JACKSON: Stifler!
You uncircumcised twat!
1117
01:06:12,218 --> 01:06:14,637
Jackson, you little-dicked
motherfucker.
1118
01:06:14,721 --> 01:06:15,805
What is this?
1119
01:06:15,889 --> 01:06:17,265
It looks like some kind of E.
1120
01:06:17,390 --> 01:06:19,601
Should we take it now?
He said save it for later.
1121
01:06:19,726 --> 01:06:22,061
Fuck that! I'm about to run
naked through the streets.
1122
01:06:22,228 --> 01:06:24,230
| need all the drug-induced
courage | can get.
1123
01:06:27,108 --> 01:06:28,860
I'm so glad you guys
decided to run.
1124
01:06:28,943 --> 01:06:30,695
You must work out.
1125
01:06:30,778 --> 01:06:32,906
Yeah, well, | play football.
1126
01:06:33,031 --> 01:06:35,074
Mmm. | love football players.
1127
01:06:35,241 --> 01:06:37,243
Did anybody ever tell you
that you have a nice ass?
1128
01:06:38,244 --> 01:06:39,287
That guy's a prick!
1129
01:06:39,746 --> 01:06:42,207
Hey, Stifler, is this supposed
to be some pretty good E?
1130
01:06:42,582 --> 01:06:43,708
What E?
1131
01:06:44,209 --> 01:06:45,919
The pills you gave us.
1132
01:06:46,920 --> 01:06:48,421
Oh, shit! You retards.
1133
01:06:48,588 --> 01:06:51,758
That's not E. It's that fucking
four-hour hard-on drug.
1134
01:06:51,925 --> 01:06:53,801
Oh, shit. DWIGHT: |
scored some at the hospital.
1135
01:06:53,927 --> 01:06:56,387
| thought you limp-dicked
bitches could use some.
1136
01:06:56,721 --> 01:06:58,598
Oh, God.
Holy fuck, you didn't...
1137
01:06:58,723 --> 01:07:00,266
Holy shit!
1138
01:07:00,600 --> 01:07:04,812
| don't think | can talk this one
down, man. It's got a mind of its own.
1139
01:07:04,979 --> 01:07:07,607
Hey, do not run
behind me. Okay?
1140
01:07:08,274 --> 01:07:10,818
It's... It's just that we
thought that it was...
1141
01:07:10,944 --> 01:07:13,196
Honey, don't apologize.
1142
01:07:13,279 --> 01:07:15,365
Yeah, you guys are
running with us.
1143
01:07:15,448 --> 01:07:19,619
Oh, man! This is going to be
the best Naked Mile ever!
1144
01:07:19,702 --> 01:07:21,579
(FEEDBACK SCREECHING)
(ALL GROANING)
1145
01:07:23,748 --> 01:07:25,083
(BEEPING)
1146
01:07:25,166 --> 01:07:26,251
Who is that guy?
1147
01:07:26,334 --> 01:07:29,212
That is big, bad
Noah Levenstein.
1148
01:07:29,295 --> 01:07:30,296
(CHUCKLING)
1149
01:07:31,089 --> 01:07:35,134
The craziest bastard
this campus has ever known.
1150
01:07:35,260 --> 01:07:36,844
My bad. My bad. Welcome to
the Naked Mile.
1151
01:07:36,970 --> 01:07:38,471
(ALL CHEERING)
1152
01:07:42,600 --> 01:07:45,186
Yes, you know, when |
started this race many, many...
1153
01:07:45,311 --> 01:07:47,272
Christ, he started this whole
thing back in the '60s.
1154
01:07:47,355 --> 01:07:50,525
...many years ago. It was
just... Just a passive protest.
1155
01:07:50,817 --> 01:07:54,946
Just a way to "stick it
to the man," so to speak.
1156
01:07:56,322 --> 01:07:58,116
Right on. Right on.
1157
01:07:58,658 --> 01:08:02,537
But over the years, it's
become somewhat less political.
1158
01:08:02,704 --> 01:08:05,999
And now, it's just
1159
01:08:06,124 --> 01:08:08,793
some sort of Roman orgy,
1160
01:08:09,002 --> 01:08:11,838
which I'm down with, by
the way. (ALL LAUGHING)
1161
01:08:12,213 --> 01:08:14,465
But let's keep
one thing in mind.
1162
01:08:14,716 --> 01:08:19,178
This is about showing the
world your youthful exuberance,
1163
01:08:19,387 --> 01:08:22,807
and your unabashed commitment
to higher learning,
1164
01:08:22,890 --> 01:08:25,351
and having fun
while you're doing it,
1165
01:08:25,476 --> 01:08:29,439
which is where
the naked part comes in.
1166
01:08:29,522 --> 01:08:31,190
ALL: Yeah!
1167
01:08:35,153 --> 01:08:38,156
And being completely naked
is, of course,
1168
01:08:38,239 --> 01:08:40,325
a perfectly natural thing.
1169
01:08:40,491 --> 01:08:44,162
There's not one part
of one's body
1170
01:08:44,245 --> 01:08:46,456
one should be ashamed of,
1171
01:08:46,539 --> 01:08:51,210
be it one's pubic region
1172
01:08:51,377 --> 01:08:53,671
or one's breasts,
1173
01:08:54,005 --> 01:08:56,174
as in the case with
you young ladies...
1174
01:08:56,382 --> 01:08:57,884
(ALL CHEERING)
1175
01:09:00,720 --> 01:09:04,182
And a couple of you young men.
1176
01:09:06,684 --> 01:09:09,937
But you should all just revel
in the glory of being seen
1177
01:09:10,188 --> 01:09:12,273
as the people you are.
1178
01:09:12,523 --> 01:09:14,025
Incidentally, if anyone has
anything...
1179
01:09:14,108 --> 01:09:16,110
Come on,
let's fucking do this!
1180
01:09:16,194 --> 01:09:17,278
(ALL CHEERING)
1181
01:09:19,572 --> 01:09:21,282
| second that motion,
young man.
1182
01:09:21,574 --> 01:09:24,118
Okay, everybody ready?
1183
01:09:26,245 --> 01:09:27,914
Get set...
1184
01:09:28,623 --> 01:09:29,624
(GUN FIRES)
1185
01:09:57,652 --> 01:09:58,986
Still going?
1186
01:09:59,112 --> 01:10:00,947
You know it, baby. Hell, yeah!
1187
01:10:01,989 --> 01:10:03,908
You love the Boss Hogg!
1188
01:10:05,785 --> 01:10:07,286
(WHOOPING)
1189
01:10:20,925 --> 01:10:24,387
All right, yeah. Look at this.
Look at all these teats.
1190
01:10:24,470 --> 01:10:28,850
I'm adrift in a sea of boobies, and
my balls are scraping the pavement.
1191
01:10:28,975 --> 01:10:30,017
Oh, heads-up.
1192
01:10:33,855 --> 01:10:35,773
WOMAN:
Look, it's the boner guys.
1193
01:10:36,983 --> 01:10:38,651
Nice cocks.
1194
01:10:38,776 --> 01:10:40,695
Oh, you got that right, sexy.
1195
01:10:40,820 --> 01:10:42,864
Dude, you have serious issues.
1196
01:11:25,907 --> 01:11:28,117
Hey, naked people only!
1197
01:11:58,731 --> 01:11:59,732
(GROANS)
1198
01:12:02,276 --> 01:12:03,945
Are you all right?
1199
01:12:04,070 --> 01:12:05,530
I'm fine.
1200
01:12:05,738 --> 01:12:07,782
Come on, sweetie.
Let's finish this thing.
1201
01:12:17,416 --> 01:12:20,837
I'm standing at the finish line of
a very proud, but strange tradition
1202
01:12:20,920 --> 01:12:22,129
called the Naked Mile.
1203
01:12:22,255 --> 01:12:23,589
Ever year after exams
1204
01:12:23,714 --> 01:12:26,050
hundreds of students
run a mile through campus
1205
01:12:26,133 --> 01:12:28,219
in nothing more than
their birthday suits.
1206
01:12:29,762 --> 01:12:31,305
(LAUGHING)
1207
01:12:32,431 --> 01:12:35,518
This is
the greatest thing ever!
1208
01:12:35,601 --> 01:12:37,645
Hell, yeah!
1209
01:12:37,770 --> 01:12:39,897
| can't believe we did this!
1210
01:12:40,106 --> 01:12:43,401
Yeah! Naked Mile, baby!
1211
01:12:43,818 --> 01:12:45,987
Beta House fucking rules!
1212
01:12:52,910 --> 01:12:56,956
Come on, marathon men.
Let's get ready for the party.
1213
01:12:58,416 --> 01:13:00,418
| did it. | really did it.
1214
01:13:02,128 --> 01:13:05,089
Way to go, cuz.
That's my cousin.
1215
01:13:09,093 --> 01:13:11,095
Some people call it
lewd behavior,
1216
01:13:11,262 --> 01:13:14,140
but the students say it's just
a good way to blow off steam.
1217
01:13:14,432 --> 01:13:15,516
And maybe,
1218
01:13:19,645 --> 01:13:20,980
find love.
1219
01:13:21,314 --> 01:13:23,858
This is Hal Michaels,
reporting from the Naked Mile.
1220
01:13:34,660 --> 01:13:36,704
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
1221
01:14:00,311 --> 01:14:03,147
Stifler has arrived!
(ALL CHEERING)
1222
01:14:09,862 --> 01:14:11,530
(HOWLING)
1223
01:14:12,156 --> 01:14:13,866
Yeah! Yeah!
1224
01:14:15,159 --> 01:14:18,037
Holy shit! Is this even
the same house?
1225
01:14:22,208 --> 01:14:25,002
| think | had a wet dream
that started like this.
1226
01:14:25,378 --> 01:14:26,671
It's those guys.
1227
01:14:31,926 --> 01:14:33,135
And ended like that.
1228
01:14:33,219 --> 01:14:34,553
ERIK: Wow, taking those pills
1229
01:14:34,679 --> 01:14:37,640
might just be the best thing you
guys ever did for your social lives.
1230
01:14:37,723 --> 01:14:38,891
Oh, yeah.
1231
01:14:39,266 --> 01:14:40,393
You wanna dance?
1232
01:14:41,185 --> 01:14:44,730
Is my dick hard? Of course
the Cooze wants to dance.
1233
01:14:44,855 --> 01:14:46,190
(WHOOPS)
(GRUNTS)
1234
01:14:47,692 --> 01:14:49,235
Are you gonna dance, sexy?
1235
01:14:49,360 --> 01:14:51,737
Or are you one of those football
players who's too cool to dance?
1236
01:14:51,862 --> 01:14:54,949
Oh, baby, they don't call me
the White Shadow for nothing.
1237
01:15:00,579 --> 01:15:02,081
Come on, cutie.
1238
01:15:02,748 --> 01:15:04,083
What a bastard.
1239
01:15:04,208 --> 01:15:07,420
| told you to call off
that stupid guilt-free pass.
1240
01:15:07,920 --> 01:15:10,089
I'm so sorry, honey.
1241
01:15:10,381 --> 01:15:12,258
Is there anything
we can do for you?
1242
01:15:12,800 --> 01:15:14,885
No, I think | just want
to be alone.
1243
01:15:14,969 --> 01:15:18,139
No way. We are not leaving you
alone so you can beat yourself up.
1244
01:15:18,264 --> 01:15:21,017
Yeah, but | told him to do it. |
mean, | can't get mad about it now.
1245
01:15:21,100 --> 01:15:24,061
Would you quit being so
logical, Tracy? We're girls.
1246
01:15:24,145 --> 01:15:26,439
Boys should know better
than to trust us to be rational.
1247
01:15:26,564 --> 01:15:27,606
It's not in our nature.
1248
01:15:27,732 --> 01:15:29,316
It's really not.
1249
01:15:29,442 --> 01:15:33,112
So, you are going to
get dressed.
1250
01:15:33,237 --> 01:15:34,947
Then, we're going
to Allison's party.
1251
01:15:35,573 --> 01:15:37,783
That will get your mind
off of Erik.
1252
01:15:37,908 --> 01:15:39,535
| don't want to.
1253
01:15:39,618 --> 01:15:43,080
Well, you don't have a vote
in this. Now get dressed.
1254
01:15:55,342 --> 01:15:58,596
Check out our boy. Think
he's going to lose it tonight?
1255
01:15:58,679 --> 01:16:02,558
Nope. Bet he screws it up and
ends up jerking off in the bathroom.
1256
01:16:02,641 --> 01:16:04,226
I'll bet 20 bucks says
he nails her.
1257
01:16:04,310 --> 01:16:05,394
(SCOFFS)
1258
01:16:05,478 --> 01:16:06,687
Oh, you're on.
1259
01:16:10,024 --> 01:16:12,026
Hey, hard-on brothers.
1260
01:16:12,151 --> 01:16:15,529
Do you guys have any idea how much
everybody here has been talking about you?
1261
01:16:15,654 --> 01:16:17,239
| was getting that feeling.
1262
01:16:17,323 --> 01:16:18,449
Yeah!
1263
01:16:19,492 --> 01:16:21,952
Okay, listen up,
'cause | got a plan
1264
01:16:22,036 --> 01:16:25,998
that's gonna make
you guys legends.
1265
01:16:32,213 --> 01:16:34,006
Ladies and gentlemen!
1266
01:16:34,298 --> 01:16:38,677
Give a big Beta House welcome
to Ryan "Steel Rod" Grimm
1267
01:16:39,011 --> 01:16:43,808
and Mike "Everhard" Coozeman!
1268
01:16:43,891 --> 01:16:45,768
Yeah, Cooze!
1269
01:16:45,851 --> 01:16:47,353
(ALL CHEERING)
1270
01:16:49,688 --> 01:16:53,109
Tonight is the dawning
of a new era
1271
01:16:53,192 --> 01:16:55,319
in meaningless
male competition.
1272
01:16:55,402 --> 01:17:00,366
The Heavyweight Hard-On
Championship of the World!
1273
01:17:05,579 --> 01:17:08,082
For the first phase
of the competition,
1274
01:17:08,207 --> 01:17:11,627
a bucket will be hung on the
dong of each of our contestants.
1275
01:17:11,710 --> 01:17:15,047
That bucket will be filled
with a pitcher of beer.
1276
01:17:15,172 --> 01:17:19,093
First person to drop
the bucket is the loser.
1277
01:17:19,218 --> 01:17:20,553
(ALL BOOING)
1278
01:17:20,845 --> 01:17:22,888
So let the penis games begin!
1279
01:17:25,516 --> 01:17:26,517
Ahh!
1280
01:17:34,692 --> 01:17:38,028
Commence the pouring!
1281
01:17:40,447 --> 01:17:41,615
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
1282
01:17:44,243 --> 01:17:45,369
You like that?
1283
01:17:45,452 --> 01:17:46,912
Oh, yeah, baby!
1284
01:17:51,208 --> 01:17:52,668
(MOANING)
1285
01:18:05,097 --> 01:18:08,392
Oh, I am so sorry about that!
1286
01:18:08,517 --> 01:18:09,894
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1287
01:18:12,104 --> 01:18:13,480
Still good.
1288
01:18:13,564 --> 01:18:14,648
(ALL CHEERING)
1289
01:18:30,789 --> 01:18:33,000
Next competition.
1290
01:18:35,419 --> 01:18:37,379
The ring toss.
1291
01:18:37,922 --> 01:18:39,798
Let's have it, girls.
Come on.
1292
01:18:44,303 --> 01:18:46,639
That's right! On that penis!
1293
01:18:46,764 --> 01:18:48,766
Come on, baby,
just like Six Flags.
1294
01:18:49,141 --> 01:18:50,142
ALL: Aww!
1295
01:18:51,810 --> 01:18:53,229
Wrong head!
1296
01:18:54,146 --> 01:18:55,147
Ow!
1297
01:18:57,483 --> 01:18:59,318
Ring around the cocksy.
1298
01:19:01,320 --> 01:19:03,489
You needed an extra inch
on that one.
1299
01:19:13,165 --> 01:19:14,750
Can you believe this?
1300
01:19:15,668 --> 01:19:17,336
Do not let Cooze win.
1301
01:19:21,840 --> 01:19:23,801
Next competition!
1302
01:19:30,182 --> 01:19:32,518
| got a nine-inch strike zone,
baby.
1303
01:19:32,643 --> 01:19:35,187
You cocky prick.
You can't miss it!
1304
01:19:40,985 --> 01:19:42,444
It's a hardball, son!
1305
01:19:42,528 --> 01:19:43,988
Hey, boner, boner, boner.
1306
01:19:44,530 --> 01:19:45,864
Swing, boner!
1307
01:19:45,948 --> 01:19:47,491
Deep center, baby!
1308
01:19:53,205 --> 01:19:54,957
Foul ball!
1309
01:20:09,138 --> 01:20:10,180
Bunt.
1310
01:20:20,858 --> 01:20:23,652
That is it.
We're calling it a tie.
1311
01:20:23,736 --> 01:20:26,405
Your Co-Hard-On Champions
of the World,
1312
01:20:26,488 --> 01:20:30,242
Ryan "Steel Rod" Grimm
and Mike "Everhard" Coozeman!
1313
01:20:30,492 --> 01:20:32,077
(ALL CHEERING)
1314
01:20:46,925 --> 01:20:51,430
Fifty-six, 57, 58, 59...
1315
01:20:56,727 --> 01:20:59,188
Who's the fuckin' champ, baby?
1316
01:22:18,183 --> 01:22:19,685
BROOKE: Boys are
a bad influence.
1317
01:22:19,810 --> 01:22:23,105
| mean, you have no idea what
he's doing or who he's doing it with.
1318
01:22:23,188 --> 01:22:26,024
This guilt-free pass thing?
Completely ridiculous.
1319
01:22:26,108 --> 01:22:30,028
The bottom line is this. You two
will never be on the same level again.
1320
01:22:30,112 --> 01:22:33,532
You're a virgin and he's not.
It's just not gonna work.
1321
01:22:34,116 --> 01:22:36,201
So, what? I'm supposed
to break up with him?
1322
01:22:36,285 --> 01:22:38,996
No, but you need to get
back on the same level.
1323
01:22:40,456 --> 01:22:43,125
You need to sleep
with somebody. Tonight.
1324
01:22:43,208 --> 01:22:45,294
Brooke.
Shut up, Natalie.
1325
01:22:45,377 --> 01:22:48,130
It's the only way.
Imagine a month from now,
1326
01:22:48,213 --> 01:22:49,965
you decide to do it with Erik.
1327
01:22:50,048 --> 01:22:54,136
All you're going to be thinking is that
he's already had sex with some other girl.
1328
01:22:54,219 --> 01:22:56,972
The relationship will not be
equal unless you do this.
1329
01:22:57,055 --> 01:22:59,558
Oh, look.
There's Trent.
1330
01:23:01,310 --> 01:23:03,228
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
1331
01:23:05,355 --> 01:23:06,565
Perfect.
1332
01:23:16,825 --> 01:23:19,578
Hey, cool. A pool table.
Do you play?
1333
01:23:20,913 --> 01:23:22,414
Sometimes.
1334
01:23:22,748 --> 01:23:24,583
Well, what do
you want to play?
1335
01:23:24,708 --> 01:23:26,001
| don't care.
1336
01:23:26,084 --> 01:23:30,088
Okay. Well, how about
nine-ball? Look, nine-ball.
1337
01:23:30,422 --> 01:23:34,092
It's... It's easy. You just have to get
the balls in order from one through nine.
1338
01:23:34,176 --> 01:23:38,931
I'll show you. I'll break right
now. You'll be good at it.
1339
01:23:41,600 --> 01:23:43,018
Erik.
Yeah.
1340
01:23:43,101 --> 01:23:44,436
(CRASHING)
1341
01:23:46,021 --> 01:23:47,397
Come here.
1342
01:24:02,287 --> 01:24:07,042
This is special to you, right? |
mean, this weekend, this night?
1343
01:24:07,626 --> 01:24:09,127
Erik?
Yes?
1344
01:24:09,920 --> 01:24:12,297
This is sex, not Shakespeare.
1345
01:24:13,966 --> 01:24:17,135
Are you sure you want to?
Because | doubt I'll be very good.
1346
01:24:17,261 --> 01:24:20,389
Don't worry. | know how to
handle guys like you.
1347
01:24:21,557 --> 01:24:22,808
Guys like me?
1348
01:24:22,933 --> 01:24:24,476
Virgins.
1349
01:24:24,810 --> 01:24:26,937
| can take care of virgins.
1350
01:24:28,313 --> 01:24:30,816
You mean,
I'm not your first virgin?
1351
01:24:31,316 --> 01:24:33,569
| have a bit of a confession.
1352
01:24:34,653 --> 01:24:37,489
Some girls like blonds,
some like muscles.
1353
01:24:38,824 --> 01:24:40,409
| like virgins.
1354
01:24:42,661 --> 01:24:45,163
Are you ready for
a special night?
1355
01:24:47,541 --> 01:24:49,543
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
1356
01:25:01,597 --> 01:25:05,350
Hey there, beautiful. Didn't
expect to see you here tonight.
1357
01:25:05,809 --> 01:25:08,520
| came to apologize.
| heard about what happened,
1358
01:25:08,604 --> 01:25:12,190
and | wanted to let you know
that | didn't know anything about it.
1359
01:25:12,274 --> 01:25:14,610
You're not just here
to set me up?
1360
01:25:14,693 --> 01:25:18,196
| would never want to let anything
happen to that gorgeous face.
1361
01:25:20,532 --> 01:25:24,202
You sure you're supposed to be
dancing on enemy territory like this?
1362
01:25:24,328 --> 01:25:27,998
| dance where | want,
with who | want.
1363
01:25:29,708 --> 01:25:31,376
| like your style.
1364
01:25:33,503 --> 01:25:34,963
And your ass.
1365
01:25:48,393 --> 01:25:50,562
You know,
| don't usually go for
1366
01:25:50,687 --> 01:25:53,857
suburban, jock,
Abercrombie clones,
1367
01:25:53,982 --> 01:25:56,652
but there is something
about you. Yeah?
1368
01:25:56,735 --> 01:26:00,530
Well, | tend to have that effect
on pacifist, vegan bisexuals.
1369
01:26:11,083 --> 01:26:13,585
This guy's got good taste.
1370
01:26:14,002 --> 01:26:17,089
You sure you're up for this after
that little incident downstairs?
1371
01:26:17,214 --> 01:26:20,842
They don't call me "Everhard" because
I've only got one bullet in the chamber.
1372
01:26:21,593 --> 01:26:23,428
But just to be sure...
1373
01:26:24,513 --> 01:26:26,848
Should you be taking
more of that?
1374
01:26:26,932 --> 01:26:30,560
More? | didn't take it
the first time.
1375
01:26:32,604 --> 01:26:34,690
You mean...
That's right, baby.
1376
01:26:34,773 --> 01:26:37,401
We're gonna have
a good time tonight.
1377
01:26:39,194 --> 01:26:44,116
Now get your worthless ass
on the bed, you peasant.
1378
01:26:44,783 --> 01:26:46,201
Excuse me?
1379
01:26:46,284 --> 01:26:48,286
| said, get on the bed
1380
01:26:48,370 --> 01:26:50,288
you worthless peasant!
1381
01:26:51,289 --> 01:26:53,709
What is your problem?
Whoa, what's that? What...
1382
01:26:53,792 --> 01:26:54,793
Ow! God!
1383
01:26:55,210 --> 01:26:57,295
| said, get on the bed,
1384
01:26:58,046 --> 01:27:00,132
and | meant it.
1385
01:27:01,717 --> 01:27:05,137
Oh, yeah, baby. | get it.
1386
01:27:06,263 --> 01:27:07,889
And I'm into it.
1387
01:27:08,765 --> 01:27:09,975
Shut up!
1388
01:27:10,225 --> 01:27:11,727
(GROANING)
1389
01:27:13,228 --> 01:27:15,647
All right! All right!
All right! (YELPS)
1390
01:27:16,064 --> 01:27:17,065
(COOZE GROANING)
1391
01:27:33,665 --> 01:27:34,958
Brandy.
1392
01:27:36,251 --> 01:27:40,005
Look, | can't do this.
I'm really sorry, okay?
1393
01:27:40,464 --> 01:27:42,507
| mean, you're really
gorgeous and really cool,
1394
01:27:42,591 --> 01:27:44,926
and I'm sure that every single
guy on this planet
1395
01:27:45,010 --> 01:27:47,929
would love to sleep with you,
including me.
1396
01:27:48,263 --> 01:27:49,931
But | just can't.
1397
01:27:52,142 --> 01:27:53,518
I'm in love.
1398
01:27:57,022 --> 01:27:59,775
| hope this girl knows
how lucky she is.
1399
01:27:59,858 --> 01:28:01,359
| seriously doubt that.
1400
01:28:12,662 --> 01:28:15,791
Got to say it again.
This is a very nice surprise.
1401
01:28:16,792 --> 01:28:18,376
What can | say?
I'm full of them.
1402
01:28:18,460 --> 01:28:19,795
So, what about Erik?
1403
01:28:20,796 --> 01:28:23,215
We're on a weekend
guilt-free pass.
1404
01:28:23,799 --> 01:28:26,343
We can do anything we want.
1405
01:28:26,718 --> 01:28:28,386
Anything?
1406
01:28:28,720 --> 01:28:29,721
Anything.
1407
01:28:29,846 --> 01:28:31,223
| like the sound of that.
1408
01:28:48,073 --> 01:28:49,324
Is this your room?
1409
01:28:49,407 --> 01:28:52,077
Why, yes, it s,
my diminutive goddess.
1410
01:28:53,578 --> 01:28:57,332
Good, because
we are going to need
1411
01:28:57,415 --> 01:28:59,209
a little bit of privacy.
1412
01:29:03,797 --> 01:29:05,465
(BOTH MOANING)
1413
01:29:10,220 --> 01:29:13,431
That's it, you pathetic slave.
Keep doing that.
1414
01:29:14,349 --> 01:29:16,810
Don't you think this is
getting a little out of hand?
1415
01:29:16,893 --> 01:29:19,896
Oh, you haven't even seen
"out of hand" yet.
1416
01:29:19,980 --> 01:29:21,690
| didn't mean
we had to stop.
1417
01:29:21,773 --> 01:29:25,402
Oh, we're not stopping.
We're just getting started.
1418
01:29:26,528 --> 01:29:28,363
You ready to get kinky?
1419
01:29:28,446 --> 01:29:30,407
Whoa, this isn't kinky yet?
1420
01:29:31,283 --> 01:29:32,826
Not even close.
1421
01:29:37,038 --> 01:29:38,790
What is that noise?
1422
01:29:40,750 --> 01:29:41,835
(MOANING)
1423
01:29:44,296 --> 01:29:45,881
(ENGINE SPUTTERING)
1424
01:29:46,256 --> 01:29:47,757
What the hell?
1425
01:29:48,341 --> 01:29:49,634
(ALARM BEEPING)
1426
01:29:53,847 --> 01:29:55,473
You got to be kidding me.
1427
01:30:13,366 --> 01:30:14,367
(SIGHS)
1428
01:30:16,369 --> 01:30:17,787
(HORSE SNUFFLING)
1429
01:30:25,295 --> 01:30:27,797
So, you wanna go upstairs?
1430
01:30:30,383 --> 01:30:32,928
Yeah, | do.
1431
01:30:40,602 --> 01:30:42,187
(DOORBELL RINGING)
1432
01:30:46,066 --> 01:30:47,442
(PANTING)
1433
01:30:47,859 --> 01:30:50,904
Hi, Mr. Sterling.
Is Tracy home?
1434
01:30:51,488 --> 01:30:53,615
Hello, Erik. No, she's not.
1435
01:30:53,823 --> 01:30:56,868
She's gone to a party
with Brooke and Natalie.
1436
01:30:56,952 --> 01:30:57,994
Onh.
1437
01:30:58,995 --> 01:31:01,998
Okay. Well,
sorry to disturb you.
1438
01:31:02,165 --> 01:31:03,416
Have a good night!
1439
01:31:05,293 --> 01:31:06,294
(URGING HORSE)
1440
01:31:08,088 --> 01:31:09,839
Crazy little fucker.
1441
01:31:15,178 --> 01:31:17,597
We gotta find Tracy.
We gotta find Tracy.
1442
01:31:17,681 --> 01:31:20,141
We gotta find Tracy.
Where the fuck is Tracy?
1443
01:31:20,725 --> 01:31:23,979
| don't think sex has
to be just one-on-one.
1444
01:31:24,062 --> 01:31:25,105
(HORSE NEIGHING)
1445
01:31:25,188 --> 01:31:26,690
What the hell?
1446
01:31:28,566 --> 01:31:31,528
Tracy!
1447
01:31:33,154 --> 01:31:34,197
Hey!
1448
01:31:37,826 --> 01:31:38,994
Trace!
1449
01:31:39,327 --> 01:31:40,829
What the hell are you
doing here?
1450
01:31:40,912 --> 01:31:42,789
And on a horse!
1451
01:31:42,998 --> 01:31:45,000
Where's Tracy?
| have to see her.
1452
01:31:45,083 --> 01:31:47,836
We think it's best if
you just leave her alone.
1453
01:31:47,919 --> 01:31:49,379
What? Why?
1454
01:31:49,462 --> 01:31:52,340
Because we know about
your little sorority slut.
1455
01:31:52,424 --> 01:31:56,302
What are you talking about?
She saw you kiss that girl on TV.
1456
01:31:56,761 --> 01:32:00,432
Shit. Wait a second. So what?
| was on a guilt-free pass.
1457
01:32:00,515 --> 01:32:03,226
Wake up, Erik.
There is no such thing.
1458
01:32:04,269 --> 01:32:05,311
Where is Tracy?
1459
01:32:05,395 --> 01:32:09,482
Oh, we gave Tracy a guilt-free
pass, and she's using it right now.
1460
01:32:13,528 --> 01:32:15,530
Tracy! Trace!
1461
01:32:19,993 --> 01:32:22,829
Hey, hey. Tracy Sterling.
Have you seen her?
1462
01:32:22,912 --> 01:32:26,082
| think she went upstairs
with Trent a little...
1463
01:32:26,541 --> 01:32:27,709
Tracy!
1464
01:32:29,502 --> 01:32:30,712
Tracy.
1465
01:32:35,175 --> 01:32:36,926
(WOMAN MOANING)
1466
01:32:37,010 --> 01:32:39,804
Trace, can you hear me?
Are you in there?
1467
01:32:40,013 --> 01:32:42,849
Trace, if you can hear me,
| am sorry.
1468
01:32:42,932 --> 01:32:45,060
| am really sorry about
everything, okay?
1469
01:32:45,143 --> 01:32:48,396
| know you gave me this pass,
but | didn't use it.
1470
01:32:48,563 --> 01:32:49,564
| mean | did use it,
1471
01:32:49,647 --> 01:32:50,940
but it was
only for a few seconds.
1472
01:32:51,024 --> 01:32:54,319
| couldn't go through with it, so |
came here looking for you, okay?
1473
01:32:54,402 --> 01:32:57,655
Look, | don't care about
the sex. | really don't.
1474
01:32:58,364 --> 01:33:01,201
It's not the most important
thing. You are.
1475
01:33:01,743 --> 01:33:03,661
Trace, | love you.
1476
01:33:05,205 --> 01:33:06,790
Can you hear me?
Dude.
1477
01:33:06,873 --> 01:33:09,626
Do you mind? I'm trying
to get laid here.
1478
01:33:12,629 --> 01:33:14,631
TRACY: You rode
a horse for me?
1479
01:33:23,973 --> 01:33:27,060
When | heard her,
| thought...
1480
01:33:28,144 --> 01:33:30,146
| couldn't do it, either.
1481
01:33:33,733 --> 01:33:35,360
| love you, too.
1482
01:33:40,031 --> 01:33:41,825
(ALL CHEERING)
1483
01:34:03,179 --> 01:34:04,514
Should we?
1484
01:34:08,726 --> 01:34:11,104
(BIRTHDAY SONG PLAYING)
1485
01:34:57,567 --> 01:34:59,152
(VIBRATOR BUZZING)
1486
01:35:14,167 --> 01:35:16,211
I'm telling you, man.
| parked the car right here.
1487
01:35:16,294 --> 01:35:20,381
Well, obviously, you didn't,
because then it would be right here.
1488
01:35:21,132 --> 01:35:22,800
Where the hell is Erik?
1489
01:35:22,884 --> 01:35:26,554
Dude, | don't even know
where my underwear is.
1490
01:35:26,638 --> 01:35:27,639
RYAN: Hey.
1491
01:35:28,306 --> 01:35:29,599
Somebody call a taxi?
1492
01:35:29,682 --> 01:35:31,142
Where the fuck did you go?
1493
01:35:31,226 --> 01:35:32,352
To get some breakfast.
1494
01:35:32,435 --> 01:35:34,520
Oh, sweet. I'm starving.
1495
01:35:39,817 --> 01:35:41,110
(GROANING)
1496
01:35:41,819 --> 01:35:43,279
| take it you guys
had a good night.
1497
01:35:43,363 --> 01:35:45,365
Oh, completely
out of hand, bro.
1498
01:35:45,448 --> 01:35:47,116
Where are the girls?
1499
01:35:47,200 --> 01:35:51,162
They all split this morning. Said they
had to drive to State for some big party.
1500
01:35:51,246 --> 01:35:52,872
That must make you
feel pretty special.
1501
01:35:52,956 --> 01:35:55,333
"Special"?
Who cares about special?
1502
01:35:55,416 --> 01:35:57,543
All | care about is the sex.
1503
01:35:57,627 --> 01:36:01,089
And, baby, | had plenty.
1504
01:36:02,131 --> 01:36:04,968
And just how out of hand
was this sex, Cooze?
1505
01:36:05,051 --> 01:36:07,553
| don't wanna talk about it.
Ever.
1506
01:36:09,889 --> 01:36:11,182
Speaking of which,
1507
01:36:11,266 --> 01:36:14,602
did you seal the deal
with that Brandy chick?
1508
01:36:17,105 --> 01:36:18,398
(BOTH GROAN)
1509
01:36:18,481 --> 01:36:20,441
| told you. Pay up.
1510
01:36:21,192 --> 01:36:23,987
But | did have sex with Tracy
last night.
1511
01:36:28,283 --> 01:36:29,492
What are you talking about?
1512
01:36:29,575 --> 01:36:31,035
Tracy.
1513
01:36:31,369 --> 01:36:33,871
| drove home in the middle
of the night, | ran out of gas,
1514
01:36:33,955 --> 01:36:37,166
stole a horse, rode over
to Allison's party...
1515
01:36:37,250 --> 01:36:39,419
We had sex in the guest room.
COOZE: Whoa, whoa, whoal
1516
01:36:39,502 --> 01:36:41,212
You stole a horse?
1517
01:36:41,296 --> 01:36:43,131
A real horse? Like the kind
you ride and shit?
1518
01:36:43,214 --> 01:36:44,632
Yeah, a real horse.
1519
01:36:44,716 --> 01:36:46,009
That's fucking fantastic.
1520
01:36:46,092 --> 01:36:47,927
| didn't think you had the
balls for something like that.
1521
01:36:48,011 --> 01:36:50,513
Neither did |. COOZE:
Where did you find a horse?
1522
01:36:50,596 --> 01:36:52,765
Are there horses
in Great Falls?
1523
01:36:54,934 --> 01:36:56,394
Proud of you,
1524
01:36:57,395 --> 01:36:58,604
Stifler.
1525
01:37:00,148 --> 01:37:03,234
Thanks, man. | appreciate it.
But call me Erik.
1526
01:37:07,905 --> 01:37:08,906
Ooh.
1527
01:37:12,076 --> 01:37:14,996
RYAN: So, how do you feel?
ERIK: Best night of my entire life.
1528
01:37:15,079 --> 01:37:17,498
COOZE: See you in a year,
college pussy!
1529
01:37:33,723 --> 01:37:35,475
Mail call, bitches.
1530
01:37:37,018 --> 01:37:38,186
Scooter.
1531
01:37:39,354 --> 01:37:40,563
Scratchy.
1532
01:37:41,647 --> 01:37:42,857
Tripod.
1533
01:37:48,196 --> 01:37:49,280
What the hell?
1534
01:37:49,364 --> 01:37:50,823
What is it, man?
1535
01:37:51,783 --> 01:37:53,242
| don't know.
1536
01:38:05,129 --> 01:38:07,215
Smile for the camera, baby.
1537
01:38:15,598 --> 01:38:18,267
Oh, man.
That is fucked up.
1538
01:38:18,559 --> 01:38:19,560
(DWIGHT AND VICKI MOANING)
1539
01:38:21,187 --> 01:38:22,730
Stifler!
1540
01:38:23,439 --> 01:38:25,149
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104601
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