Original subtitles

[Man 1] Mahesh sir, look at this.

[Man 2] What is this, dad?

You told us she absconded abroad.

You slept on my hand last night.

So, I didn't disturb you.

Shall we go home?

[Pakhi] Madam, listen to me.

- [Pakhi] I am saying-- - I agree your money was robbed.

But did you bring, 3,70,000 rupees,

to the hostel to lend on interest?

Tell me, how did you get so much money?

Will have to enquire from your family.

I had told you, I don't have a family.

You don't...

but the boy's hostel guys are after you.

[Pakhi] Look, madam, that was my money.

And I had not earned it by illegal means.

It was my hard-earned money.

Hard-earned!

You write the assignments for half the college.

You will be graduating.

Yet write a thesis for PhD.

[Hostel warden] Have sold everything from Maggi

to soaps in the girl's college.

Do you know, what did she do in the first year?

[Hostel warden] The iron cupboard, which was kept behind the college.

Madam declared it as for railways and auctioned for it.

I know everything about you.

You both are suspended from the hostel till the next announcement.

Suspended?

My money has been robbed.

Instead of finding the thief, you are suspending me?

[Hostel warden] Come on.

Why don't you play it properly,

instead of strumming it irritatingly?

Why are you worrying?

It is his birthday today.

Must have gone to the Shiva temple to pray.

- He will be back soon. - [Mishra] He hasn't gone there.

The priest's grandson is my disciple.

I would have come to know.

Sound of the bike.

I guess he is back.

- [Clapping] - Take your position.

There is life time for us to be together.

I have been born a hundred times for you.

What's all this?

It is your birthday today.

Is this a birthday song?

I had bought a 10-rupee birthday songbook from the bus stand.

This was the first song in it.

[Bhasskar] Keep buying cheap books.

-Today you are not a writer. -Hey...

- Sit down. - Relax.

Today you are the audience.

Be careful.

[Mishra] Bhasskar Tripathi.

From the entire team of Mishralogy.

Wish you a long life, peace, A bright future.

And...

...wishing you smooth sex.

[Rohan & Mishra Giggling]

- Hey, you guys. [Rohan] Copy Paste.

You guys remembered.

Remembered?

Mishra was planning for one week.

What planning?

Why the hell were you even born?

Revealed the whole surprise.

Get lost. Bring coffee.

The world is round.

[Mishra] The men throw round bombs on the earth.

And creating a ruckus in the world.

Have you gone mad?

[Bhasskar] Why are you talking about sinister things?

It is my birthday today.

That is why, we have called you today,

at the Indian coffee house.

So that there are good conversations and discussions. Talk to me.

Waiter, tea.

- Filter coffee, sir. - [Mishra] Biscuits.

Cookies, sir.

What's all this?

Roleplay.

Waiter. Newspaper.

Newspaper, sir.

There is bad news everywhere.

Don't get to read any good news.

Read the newspaper. Check if there is some good news.

- Oh no. - Just read it.

Maybe you get to read good news.

Why are you forcing me to read?

Hey, what's this?

How did you like the surprise?

[Basskar giggling]

This was not necessary.

Of course, this was needed.

The whole of Banaras should come to know

that it is, author Bhasskar Tripathi's birthday.

The one who should be aware, doesn't care.

No calls, no messages.

- Who? Pakhi? - Shut up, you f**ker.

Pakhi. Pakhi.

He is talking about Vidhi.

Yes, Vidhi.

- I too was talking about her. - Don't overact.

Bhasskar, it must have been late at night.

It must be crowded in Allahabad.

She can't call.

Your birthday is still not over.

She can call you anytime.

Here it is.

It is yours. Pick it up.

Bindu. I don't want to talk to her.

Pick up and tell her, Rohan isn't here.

You pick up and say, Rohan isn't here.

Okay, I will pick and say, Rohan isn't here.

Hello, Bindu. Rohan isn't here.

No, wait. I am coming.

Even these losers are getting a call.

But nobody wants to wish me on my birthday.

How did you get hurt?

I fell off.

Don't lose heart. I am here for you.

I have written a poem for you.

It is as powerful as a missile.

Will shoot from the earth to the universe.

Nobody in the whole of Banaras can write such a poem.

Barley water is used to make beer.

Barley water is used to make beer.

Wishing you a very happy birthday Bhasskar, dear.

[Mishra giggling]

How did you like Mishra's couplet?

This is called rhyming.

I am not well versed in Urdu.

But consider the friend's emotions.

- Not Urdu. - Hey, man!

I am stinking. Wait, I will shower and come.

[Rohan] Give the keys.

Thank you. Take this.

Fine, I am going.

Why? I have so much luggage.

Will I carry all this alone?

Hey, where are you going?

Boys are not allowed upstairs.

What are you doing here? Come along with me.

Didn't you hear the girl is alone?

Will drop the luggage upstairs. Come and check.

Let me go, I have lot of work to do.

Do you have to present the budget at the parliament?

That you are in such a hurry.

I will not stay.

Twice you have broken my vow in the room.

If I stay back in the room with you for the third time.

My true love will be eclipsed.

What if you can't see true love in front of you?

You?

There can be nothing between us.

We've already had sex.

So, what if you had sex, can't you love me?

I am telling you for the last time.

Please get it. Sit down.

[Bell ringing]

[Mishra] The tiles will turn into marble,

as you are going around to and fro like a careless bull.

I am feeling dizzy, watching you.

Half the day is over, she still hasn't called.

This proves, there is no love, no care.

You sit down.

Stop revolving around the earth.

- She will call. - She hasn't yet.

I had sent a friend to her house.

He said a suitor had come to meet her.

If she hasn't called or messaged.

Maybe she is planning to leave me.

[Knocking door]

Who is it?

Must be Rohan, after f**king around.

Hey you, with all this luggage?

- Are you going somewhere? - No, I have been kicked out.

Actually, I have been kicked out of the hostel.

I have checked out a few places.

But till then hope you don't mind, if I keep my stuff here.

No not at all, why should I mind?

- Please come in. - [grunts loudly]

Come inside.

[Bhasskar] But what happened at the hostel?

Nothing, chuck it.

It is your birthday. Happy birthday.

Thank you.

Will you have tea?

It is your birthday today.

The party should have started by now.

[Mishra] But here you are, serving.

Taking orders for tea.

At least, let me get it for me.

Your mood is off. Let me bring it for myself.

- Hey, you. - What's wrong with your mood?

Nothing, hey, Mishra, keep the luggage there.

- I will make tea. - My knees are hurting.

Yes, everything will hurt now.

- You can't go out, but I can. - Where?

To bring the alcohol.

In Banaras, will a girl go to a liquor store?

Why? Is alcohol sold after sex determination?

[Giggling]

Are you sure?

[Giggling]

Mishra, tell me, do you want to have tea now or not?

I will have tea with lots of sugar.

I am not diabetic.

- Where is Pakhi? - She was right here.

Where did she go?

I will poison your tea.

Look this whole thing is like a sparkler.

- Sparkler? - Let me explain.

When the desire to love is initiated between a girl and a boy.

When the morning seems 100 years, just to have a glance of hers.

When the heart conspires to meet her.

When you start to stammer while talking to her.

It is like a bittersweet itch.

Feeling like going on itching.

Try to understand the chronology.

First the desire to love,

then a conspiracy to meet, and sex comes much later.

But there were no sparklers between us.

Direct sex. In such short notice.

The time it takes for a bird to catch a grain

and come back to her nest.

Our sex was over.

Right?

Look Bindu, I also like to have sex.

I don't have an issue for that.

But I am requesting you.

Don't confuse sex with love. Please.

I am going.

Just call me, if you need anything.

[Vidhi] Rohan, listen.

Where are you going?

My mouth is parched. Let me eat betel nut leaves.

Let me go down. Let me fill it up.

[Bhasskar] Stop your drama. Sit down.

Support your friend in his bad times.

Make me the young hulk.

And telecast me on kids' channels.

Why are you being stubborn like a kid?

It is okay if she didn't call.

[Mishra] The network is very poor in Allahabad.

Will you ruin your birthday only for Vidhi?

We have got together and celebrated your birthday so many times.

By only eating desserts.

You are dumped in love, and I have to suffer.

I will whack your face.

Talking nonsense. Just sit quietly.

Sit straight.

Sit straight.

Behaving like a colonel.

Yes.

[Pakhi] Everything is ready here. Bring Bhasskar here.

Okay fine, hanging up.

What happened?

Tell me, what's going on?

Vidhi passed by his shop.

Vidhi?

Then let's go, why are you sitting?

Let's go.

[Mishra] You think I am a bull?

Come in.

You can't stand in front of my cafe in Banaras.

I will wait out. You do your work.

Anything can happen, you can get wet, it can rain.

Unnecessarily you are dragging me.

Happy birthday.

Bhasskar.

[All] Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday, dear Bhasskar.

Happy birthday to you.

[Cheers and applause]

Happy birthday, Bhasskar.

[Applause]

Thank you.

Should I cut it?

[Applause]

Can I have your attention please?

Thank you all.

Banaras, the land of the writers,

you all have gathered to wish the young and upcoming author.

Bhasskar Tripathi on his birthday.

I would especially like to thank someone today.

Pakhi...

honestly don't mind.

When I met you for the first time.

Since then I was very negative about you.

I considered you as evil, sinister, man-eater etc.

But today you have destroyed my illusion.

Pakhi...

you have fulfilled my dream.

You celebrated Bhasskar's birthday like the English medium kids.

[Mishra] This was my dream.

Pakhi, I will never forget you.

I am getting a bit emotional.

But today I will not preach about Mishralogy.

Today what I am saying,

is the anthropology between Bhasskar and Mishra.

Do you know Pakhi,

I know Bhasskar since we bathed nude in Ganga.

He used to look like Mowgli in his underwear.

He is a bit shy.

So, he is unable to express himself openly.

At times, he is unable to choose between two similar things.

He gets confused to decide what he wants.

[Mishra] There are many stories. I don't have time today.

Will share some other time.

Just a few words and then will relax here.

May the rising sun, bless you.

May the blooming rose, send you the scent.

My friend, I am not worthy to give.

May the almighty give you a long life.

[Applause]

I knew you were not going to celebrate your birthday.

My mistake, forgive me.

But I couldn't see you so sad, on your birthday.

So, I hope Pakhi, Rohan...

Where is Rohan?

Boss. Look there.

[Mahesh] Hey, Rohan.

Is this your snap?

[Rohan] Yes, it is me.

Who are you?

Where is Pakhi?

If Bhasskar is at the cafe, then Pakhi must be with him.

Have you come for the birthday party?

Yes, we have come to the party.

Bhasskar didn't tell us the address.

We are wandering around.

I am his younger brother.

Now that you have met me, I will take you.