All language subtitles for Senor Dame Paciencia (2017)Comedia,española,FA4.6

LORD, GIVE ME PATIENCE

Gregorio, my God,
turn off that anthem!

What a nightmare!
5 years of that song! I can't take it!

And the years to come, honey.
It's a gift from Florentino.

- I want to be buried with it.
- Turn it off. It's torture!

Okay, but just so you see
what a good husband I am.

- Happy?
- I will be when that's gone.

That'll never happen, honey.

The patience you need!

I'm happy, I'm having lunch
with your son Carlos. Coming?

- No.
- You have to see him sometime.

Now he's turned gay, no way.

Your son's always been gay,
but you didn't see it until now.

He was a punk and he got over it.

Is everyone gay now?
Impossible.

- I'm meeting Sandra and the Catalan.
- I don't know why I married you.

Because I was so handsome.

- I wasn't gay.
- That'll be it.

Go on, give me a kiss.

But I'm fed up with you, eh?

- Good morning, Paquito!
- Good morning.

Good morning and...?

- And go Madrid.
- Go Madrid.

I love fucking with him.

Sorry, Cholo.
He makes me say it.

But you know where my heart is.

Atlético and a Cholo man
to the death.

Gregorio, I want to start
an "after hours".

What's that? A whorehouse?

No, no. It's a bar that opens
at 8 in the morning

and is full of kids
that pay 7 bucks

for a bottle of water.

It's the business of the century.

So you want my bank
to lend you 20,000 euros

to start an "after hours"
for unemployed pill poppers,

all with 300 in the bank
and no collateral.

- No interest.
- Oh, and no interest.

Sorry, I'll take that down.

20,000, no interest.
Look, Pablito,

I won't tell you to piss off
because we're school pals.

No, I will. Piss off.

Piss off, eh?

Are you taking the door
or do I throw you out the window?

- What suits you best?
- The door.

- Piss off!
- Okay, I'm going.

- You look thin. Are you eating?
- Mom, don't be a drag.

- I'll fix you some Tupperware.
- Please, Mom.

How are you getting on
with that boy?

Great, great.
We see each other every day.

- So you're serious.
- Yes, very. In fact...

In fact what?

He asked me to marry him.

- And I said yes.
- You're getting married?

- I'm getting married.
- How long have you known him?

9 months, but when you're in love
time is just a word.

And we make a great couple,
we really love each other.

I'm glad, but I feel strange
that I haven't met him.

- When am I going to?
- Today. He's having lunch with us.

Leave my son alone!
We don't want to buy anything.

What are you talking about, Mom?
This is Eneko.

And who's Eneko?

- Who is he? My boyfriend.
- But he's black.

And Basque too.

Basque and black? Black and Basque?

- Basque and black...
- Mom.

Mom,Mom!
Stop calling him black.

- Will you shut up?
- Don't worry, I get it a lot.

My parents are from Senegal,
I'm from Bilbao.

That's why I'm Basque.

A Basque accent and everything.
How cute.

Sorry, I didn't mean to annoy you
by calling you "black" or "Basque".

I'm thrilled to meet
my son's boyfriend, of course!

- Let's eat.
- Go on.

I have a lot to prepare.

I'll organize your wedding,
and it'll outdo Letizia's.

Not so fast.
We still have to tell Dad.

Leave your father to me.
Let's go!

What is this...? Chinese guy!

- Chinese guy!
- He's not Chinese, he's Japanese.

- He's Chinesy. Who cares?
- It's not the same thing.

What does sir wish?

Can you slow down this train?
The dishes look like racing cars.

By the time you decide,
that fat guy's eaten it.

Sorry, sir, it's one speed.
I'll bring you what you like.

Steak, stew
and Burgos black pudding.

I'm sorry, we only have
Japanese food here.

- Sure... And in China you always...?
- I don't know.

- I'm Spanish.
- "Spanish", he says.

Anything else you'd like, sir?

Yes. Santiago Tart,
but you don't have it, so nothing.

We're going to end up at Christmas
with apple pie going round in circles.

Okay, Dad, I won't bring you back here.
No more Japanese food. Don't get mad.

- We have good news, right?
- Right.

- Oh, yes?
- Yes.

I've been promoted to head nurse.

- Oh? That's great.
- Yes.

And we're moving to Barcelona.

Barcelona?

Jordi has accepted
a transfer to La Caixa

and we move in two months.

I'm looking for an apartment,
next to Camp Nou.

Or Campo Nuevo...
You have to translate everything.

No, Camp Nou, where we won
the "triplet" and the "sextet".

Sextet is "sexteto".

You've never won in your life,
so you don't care how I say it.

But we've got 11 European Cups.
How many have you got?

That's enough!

- You're not happy about it?
- Of course I am.

It doesn't look like it.

I don't want to have to use my passport
when I visit my daughter in Barcelona.

Don't start with
the separatism thing again.

Again? It's the Catalans
that are obsessed with it.

Don't get me involved, I'm neutral.

You can't be neutral in life,
you have to choose:

Barça or Madrid,
right or left,

cat food or a steak.
I'm going for a sandwich.

I don't like this fun ride.

- Dad, don't go...
- Come on now...

Well then...

we'll tell him you're pregnant
some other time.

That'd be better.

But my son's going to be
a Barça fan.

And he'll go to English-Catalan school,
however mad your dad gets.

Oh, yes? And you're
going to tell him, honey?

- Or the boy can when he can speak.
- Oh, great.

BANKERS ARE GOOD,
HONORABLE PEOPLE

Honey, do you know
when our passports expire?

No. Why?

We'll need them when we have to
go to Catalonia to see Sandra.

Don't talk nonsense!

It's not, the Catalans
are advancing,

taking positions and they'll
catch us in our pajamas.

Instead of worrying about
the Catalan future,

worry about your son.
6 months since you've seen him!

- Don't start on that again.
- Don't start?

I'm sick of being in the middle!

Don't get upset.
Remember what the cardiologist said.

I'd rather a heart attack

than to sit idly by and see
this family fall apart.

I can't take it anymore!
And just so you know,

I've invited the kids and their
boyfriends to lunch on Sunday.

This nonsense of yours
has to stop.

- Who has a boyfriend, Alicia or Carlos?
- Both!

Alicia doesn't worry me,
she'll have a normal boyfriend,

with two degrees, a posh name,
from a good family, as it should be.

Yes, as it should be.

- Leo!
- What's with the "exorcism"?

I can't stand this smell.
Open the window.

You can't open the window.

The system has drones
that spy on us.

Drones?

What system? What drones?

All you do is play video games
and watch series.

Don't wash that,
I can wear it again.

And I don't do anything?

I'm an anti-establishment
activist on the social networks.

But you're not on the Internet
and you can't use Twitter.

Twitter's really complicated.
Let me help you.

And it's another tool of
the system to control you.

Besides, 140 characters.
That's too short.

I've got a lotto contribute.
I'm into love, not war.

I want to go home.

Don't go, babe.

- See you tomorrow, babe?
- Well...

I wanted to talk to you about that.

I was thinking...

Ever since I picked you up in that bar,
I get you hornier every day, huh?

- No.
- No?

No.

Never mind. See you tomorrow.

Okay.

Good night, babe

Don't you want to stay for dinner?

It's German sausage month at Lidl.

I've got 20 bottles of them,
all colors, all flavors.

Then we can drink the liquid.

That's disgusting.

I'll have dinner at home.

Alright, good night.

Well, you can't fuck every day.

- Hello, Paco! Good morning.
- Good morning. And go Madrid.

My husband's not with me.
Relax.

Then good morning and...

Ole, ole, ole!
Cholo Simeone!

If he hears us,
he'll kill us both.

I don't care, I'm Atleti
to the death. To the dea...!

Good morning, Don Gregorio.
And go Madrid.

- What a guy. Where are you going?
- To do the morning shopping.

I was thinking it over...

Carlos' fella, apart from being...
What's he like?

A teacher, like him.
They fell in love during a course...

No, I don't want to know.
And Alicia's guy?

Is he a doctor, an architect?
Does he have a lot of surnames?

I don't know, he's an entrepreneur,
he does a bit of everything.

- What's "a bit of everything"?
- It's "a bit of everything".

- Paco, can you go?
- Whatever you say.

- What a guy.
- I'm going, my morning's slipping by.

Goodbye.

Well...

Children

Carlos: Lunch with Dad
and our boyfriends? You're mad, Mom!

Alicia: Dad'll ruin it
and you know it.

He says he's going to behave.

Sandra: Dad never behaves.

Trust me.

Tomorrow all the secrets
in the family will be over.

Do you think he'll have
as bad a temper as they say?

I don't know.
I'm scared shitless. You?

How can I be scared shitless?
I'm from Bilbao.

Well, a little. A bit.

How about we hit La Latina,
get some beers

and say the taxi got lost
or whatever?

We can't do that.
We have to go in.

So come on, let's go.

Hold on. Do I look alright?

Yes, you look very elegant
and handsome.

But I don't think he's
going to notice the suit much.

What do you mean he won't...?

Oh, that's right.

And me, what? Be honest.

You look great.

I've got more class
than a high school. Let's go.

I'm so sorry, Gregorio,
I'm so sorry.

Thank you.

Gregorio.

Maria was a great woman
and a great mother.

My condolences.

Losing a loved one is a bitter pill,
but as Che Guevara said:

"I'd rather die celebrating
a defeat

than sit and draw the match",
or something like that.

I'm so sorry.

Okay, I don't like being touched.

Carlitos, a crusty and a black man
just gave me condolences.

Maybe they got the wrong funeral.

No, they knew my name and Mom's.

Please, tell me they're not
your boyfriends.

Oh, they are!
Which one's yours?

The black man or the other?

- The other.
- He's so ugly!

- Poor Carlitos...
- Leave me alone, Dad.

The black man is Carlo's boyfriend.
He's called Eneko and he's Basque.

Damn, Basque, black and gay.
ls that possible?

Dad, for God's sake,
we're at Mom's vigil.

It's awful about your mother.
I can't get used to the idea.

Neither can I.

Come on.

Gregorio,
Sandra, Alicia, Carlos,

you're everything to me.

So when I see you argue,
it breaks my heart.

We haven't been
a united family for some time

and we all know whose fault it is.
Right, Gregorio?

It's your fault, Gregorio, yours!

That's why I'm writing
this letter one month

after my second heart attack
and aware that

my heart has an expiry date.

And when I'm gone I don't want
this family to fall apart,

so when my time comes I want
you all to spend a weekend in Sanlucar,

my parents' town, where we spent
so many summers together.

Then you're to scatter my ashes
in the Guadalquivir.

I want you all to know

that you've given me more love
and happiness

than I ever dreamt of.
And I love you

with all my soul.

Mom.

Why does Jordi have to come?
He's not in the letter.

It says we're to spend
the weekend as a family.

He's my husband, so he's coming.

- Jordi's coming then.
- Then Eneko's coming.

The black Basque?

- Dad! Sandra!
- Carlos.

Carlitos, no...

The Catalan gets a pass,
he's family, so you bite the bullet.

But "Teleco" isn't family.

"We haven't been
a united family for some time

and we all know whose fault it is.
Right, Gregorio?

It's your fault."
Shall I go on?

- No.
- Fine.

Then we're all going to SanlUcar.

We should've hired a van,

but no, your Catalan husband
had to borrow one.

You don't have to go on
about him being Catalan.

Call him Jordi, that's his name.

Shit, if he's Catalan, he's Catalan.

God! My father's such a pain.

If he says anything to you,
ignore him and keep quiet.

Okay, I keep quiet and ignore him.

But one thing,
if I want to take a piss,

-do I put up my hand?
- You idiot!

At least we got rid of
the other one.

You did split up with him, Alicia?

I'm working on it.

I haven't left him yet,
but I'm working on it.

Good, I'm glad.

What's he doing with
this Barcelona bus?

- Please, don't start.
- I'm not.

I can't get in that, I could be
mistaken for a Barcelona fan.

Can you imagine?
Florentino would have a heart attack.

- Shall I get out Mom's letter?
- No, don't.

Like the van, father-in-law?

Will you piss off, son-in-law?

- It's an option.
- Where'd you get this from?

Never mind, don't tell me.
Grab your bags.

Come on, let's go.

Lord, give me patience.

Gregorio, ready for a weekend
with the family?

Can you shut up
until we get to Sanlucar?

By the way, I hope
you've had a piss,

because we're not stopping
until Despeñaperros.

I can't hold on that long.

Why? What's wrong with you?

Nothing.

Nothing.

- Not at all.
- It's because of...

- a... detox diet.
- A diet.

- Detoxifying.
- Yes, I drink lots of water

- so I go to the bathroom a lot.
- Are you sure?

Absolutely. C'mon, let's go
or we'll never get there.

Fuck!

Didn't you say
this twit wasn't coming?

And he wasn't.

Well, here he is.

- How are you?
- What's up?

Hi! Open up.

Open up, babe...

Open it.

Hey, family, leaving without me?

What are you doing here?

Accompanying you in this tender,
emotional time.

Go on, bunch up.

In back, in back.

Yes, I'm fine in back too.

Hey, family!

Are we going to stuff ourselves
with prawns in Casa Bigote?

C'mon, let's go.
Start her up.

At the first roundabout,
turn right.

You have passed the roundabout.

A GPS in Catalan?
What is this?

Put it in Spanish right now.

You can't, it only comes
in one language.

The chip's made in
Vilafranca del Penedés.

God, you force Catalan
even on GPS's.

We have to put tanks
on the street, right now.

It says at the first roundabout
to take the second exit.

What bloody roundabout?
It's a straight road, dickhead!

What did this separatist say now?

You passed the roundabout,
turn around when you can.

What bloody roundabout?

There's no roundabout here,
you stupid twat!

Forget the roundabout
and turn where you can.

Read between the lines, Gregorio.

You have passed the exit.

Now he's answering back.

Turn around wherever possible.

Tell him not to answer me back!

He's not my friend, Gregorio!
He's not listening to me!

It's a machine!
Shout at it if you like,

get it off your chest.
That's all you can do.

This GPS is jerking me around!
Nobody does that!

It can't, I has no feelings.

Turn around, you're very lost.

He's onto you now.

Turn around, you're lost.

I'm lost? How do you say
"go fuck yourself" in Catalan?

Then go f...

Fuck off!

- Good afternoon.
- Good afternoon.

Hello.

Do you know why I stopped you?

Sure, because you're
a ball-busting cop.

Excuse me?

What did he say?

He's a nitwit. Talks to himself...

I stopped you because
you threw this GPS

out of the window,
which is totally prohibited.

I know, officer, I'm a man
of the law who loves his country

and I'll happily pay the fine,
but I've had such a bad day...

Fine, the papers for the van, please.

Yes. Jorge, the papers.

- It's Jordi.
- Will you shut up?

Asshole copper.

Did he just call me...

an "asshole copper"?

"Asshole copp..."?

Not at all.
He saw a grasshopper.

Yes, a grasshopper.
There's the asshole, there.

- He's been there the whole trip.
- Here.

Will you stop being an idiot?

You'll get us all locked up.

Sorry, babe.

Don't call me "babe"!

Okay, babe, I won't call you
"babe" anymore.

Here it says the van
is in the name of Artur Mas.

Artur Mas?

A friend of the family.
His Catalan spring onions are delicious.

He grills them
with a romesco sauce...

What? I'm going to kill you.

This all look fishy to me.

I'm going to ask you
to get out of the van,

one by one, in order, now!

I assure you, I've never eaten
Mr. Mas' spring onions...

They're delicious.

I don't care! I'm the authority
and I'm a Guardia Civil!

Everyone's got their problems.
You should've studied harder.

Everyone out now, fuck it!

A shithead!

You're a public servant!

Fucking hell!

Look, look... freedom!

Look!

Let's see if I get this.

Artur Mas' pal, your son-in-law,
a Barcelona fan,

wants to take your daughter there,
right next to the stadium.

- Yes.
- The tree-hugging crusty

is your other daughter's boyfriend.

And your youngest,
with whom you barely speak,

is with his Basque boyfriend,

who's black, of Senegalese origin.

And you got lost because
your GPS was in Catalan,

en route to Sanlúcar de Barrameda

to scatter the ashes of
your recently deceased wife.

Indeed.

And you wanted to give him a fine?

They should give this poor man
the Order of Civil Merit

and a medal for services
to the country.

All alone he's bearing
all the evils of this country:

separatism, Communism,
immigration

and the Madrid-Barcelona rivalry.

You, sir, are a saint.

You're a hero!

Give me a hug.

What's your name?

- Gregorio.
- May I call you Gregorio?

Of course.

Look, Gregorio,

the problem is the kids,
they're so ungrateful.

You sacrifice everything for them,
and how do they repay you?

Bringing every Sunday
to eat paella

a Moroccan with three kids
from three different wives.

Your daughter?

If only.

- My son.
- Oh!

Gregorio, may we escort you
to the motorway?

For us it'd be an honor.

- Thanks a lot.
- Done.

But something doesn't fit.

Being from Madrid and so Spanish,

how can you drive around
with that flag?

What flag?

500 km with the Catalan flag.
I could kill my son-in-law.

- Do you want me to shoot...?
- My son-in-law? No.

- No, the van.
- No.

- Are you sure?
- I'm sure.

Don Gregorio,

here's my card.

One call and I'll come with
all the State's forces to Sanlúcar.

For whatever you need.

Whatever you need!
Kid!

Leave that song on.

Turn it up, it's Mom's song.

We'll always be together

and die together.

Wherever we go

our differences will follow.

Don't let go of my hand,

the journey is endless.

And I'll make sure the wind...

No!

Doesn't muss your hair.

And the time will come
when our souls

will blend into...

the same... heart.

Things get complicated

if affection is limited

to the moments of passion.

Dad, if you don't want to look
at the GPS on the mobile,

at least tell me ask,
the landlady's expecting us.

I don't know, ask that guy.

Excuse me!

Yes?

Yes... do you know where
Covadonga St. is?

No idea, I'm not from here.

Wait, I'll ask that man.

Do you know where
Covadonga St. is?

- And my fringe? It looks awful.
- It's fine, same as ever.

Go straight ahead.

The second on the right.

- Okay. Thanks a lot.
- That's fine.

We're going
Thanks a lot, again

That's fine, again.

- What are you laughing at?
- Nothing. My business.

We can only use three bedrooms.

The other two don't have beds.
What do we do?

Dibs on a room with Alicia.

Dibs on tearing your balls off.
How about that?

Sleep where you like,
I'm fond of my balls.

Eneko and I are sleeping together,

we don't care where.

I think the three of us
should sleep in the same room.

- Like when we were little.
- Oh, really...

Fine by me.

Dad, who of these three
will you be sleeping with?

- With Jordi.
- Oh, fuck.

It's always me.

- What did you say?
- Nothing.

Tough shit, it's me.

Darling...

You could've waxed, eh?

Fuck!

- What are you doing?
- And you?

What are you doing?

This numbskull got into bed

and started to...

You let me go on,
you could've stopped me.

Gregorio, don't tease if you know
he's got blue balls.

He stuck his finger in me.

Yes, but just a tip.

That's bonding, right Gregorio?

- What?! Get out of my bed!
- Fuck!

Why is it my fault?

- Your generation sucks.
- Relax, Gregorio.

You never think!

Go! If I see you here again,

I'll rip out you dong
and throw it to the fish.

Okay, okay.

Shit!

If I'd stuck a finger
in my father-in-law's ass,

- with his foul temper...
- What did you do to him?

We should've gone to a hotel

and not a rented house
from "Upstairs, Downstairs".

It's not from "Upstairs, Downstairs",
it's from Airbnb.

And Leo's gone off so horny,

I bet he goes to Alicia's room.

Fuck!

Bathroom?

I... can hold on.

The dong and fish thing, right?

I'm at that age, Gregorio, I've got...

Gregorio! Gregorio!

You know your daughter
and I have fucked, right?

Don't tell me! I can imagine!

Gregorio, wake up.

Maria?

Yes, it's me. Turn around.

Hi, honey!

Fuck! Fuck!

- Goal to Messi!
- Messi?

- Stop dreaming.
- What do you want now?

Maria!

Maria, she's here.

Of course she is,
and in our hearts.

Hearts? You dickhead!

She's here, she moves
and she talks.

Say something to him.
Say something to him!

She's not moving now.
What did you do?

What can I do if I'm asleep?

Leave me alone!

I don't know. I must've dreamt it.

I don't know.

A dream.

No, honey, you didn't dream it,
it's me.

But only you can see and hear me.

Pick me up

and take me to the garden,
I have to talk to you in private.

Okay.

- Where are you going now?
- To the bathroom.

- With the urn?
- Yes. So?

Just stop being a dick, it's late.

Can I really see you
or is it my imagination?

No, honey, it's not your imagination.

I'm here to help you with the kids.

They only have you now,
and they need you, especially Carlos.

You have to make him see
that you love and support him.

I do love him, but support...
I don't know how.

Of course you do!
You just have to try.

I do try, but I find it
so hard, it's horrible.

You've gone
and left me so alone,

you left me... so alone.

I'm all alone to, can't you see?

And I don't complain so much.

You have to focus on the kids,
they're your priority!

I'll try, but I miss you so much.

So much. All the time.

I miss you too, honey.

But go on, get to bed,
you have a long day tomorrow.

You know what's going
to happen tomorrow?

- The future and all that?
- No, it's a figure of speech.

You can't give me a hint
on the lottery?

No, I'm not the lucky lottery girl.

Stop this drivel and go to bed,
it's very late.

Let's see if I get this,
because I'm finding it hard.

- God had a hard time on the cross.
- Yes.

- Naturally. Nobody likes...
- Sure.

So for revenge he sent me
a Catalan son-in-law, a Barcelona fan,

another who's Basque, black and gay
and some anti-system Commie.

That's it.

Damn.

More?

And God has given you

a great test in the form
of three sons-in-law.

So they're here,
apart from busting my balls,

for some reason.

That's it. That's it.

But what reason?

Only God knows that.

Look around for the signs
the Lord sends you.

The signs will help you
to be a better person.

Right. Could the signs be
that my deceased wife

communicates with me
through a photo

that moves and talks?

No, son, no. Those are signs
that you're nuts.

Are you telling me that
your wife's photo talks?

No. My son-in-law, the Catalan,

they were very close
and he's taking it hard.

Catalans...

Sorry, sorry, son, sorry.

My God. Really?
I don't believe it.

Right now I've got...

I mean...

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

Today I jumped the line
in the fish market.

I've had impure thoughts
about the Cuban butcher.

And I stole five avocadoes.

Jesus, Son of God,
have mercy on me,

for I am sinner.

Lola, I told you,
no more Whatsapp confessions.

Well, now we're here,

give me two Hail Maries
and three Our Fathers.

I absolve you of all your sins
in the name of the Father,

the Son and the Holy Spirit.

Go with God. And Lola,
stop stealing avocadoes, please.

Carlos,

when are you going to tell Dad
you're getting married?

Me? When you tell him
that you're pregnant.

What if we tell him together?

Yes. Do we tell him in unison?

That wouldn't be bad.

My brother and sister are so brave.

The pot calling the kettle black.

You're scared to leave Leo.

I will, but the thing is,

when the time comes
I get blocked.

It's not easy to leave someone.

It is easy, you're just a softie.

Sure, like when she was little,

she'd pick up stray dogs
and take them home.

I felt sorry for them.

Like that mastiff,
it almost gave Mum a turn.

But it wasn't even a stray,
it was the neighbor's.

I loved that mastiff!
It was so big and beautiful!

When I saw it I thought
she'd got a pony from the circus.

Stop laughing, find someone
you like and leave Leo.

Are you asking for help?

No, please!
You two are devils.

Poor Leo.

I'm sure if he were a puppy
you wouldn't leave him.

- No.
- Oh, please.

I'd take him home
and look after him.

You silly girl.

I think she's adopted.

Father, about this
homosexuality thing,

this alarming boom...
How do you see it?

I don't know about a boom...

If someone's gay,

they're seeking God and have
a good heart, who am I to judge?

These aren't my words,
but those of Pope Francis.

Words I subscribe to 100%.
Anything else?

No, no. The mass for my wife,
do I pay for it today or tomorrow?

Today, today. And we accept PayPal.

You're so modern, with everything.

Everything, everything.

Adapt or perish, my son.
Adapt or perish.

Right, Gregorio, God be with you.

- Thank you.
- Alright.

Alright, my friends,

I'm the leader of this group
due to my undeniable charisma

and because I fucking feel like it.

I'm going to explain paddlesurfing.

This is the deal.
You stand up and row.

It's that simple, okay?
The class is about to start...

I slipped because...

I didn't spit.
You have to spit.

- It gives you grip.
- Sure, sure.

You get on and row,
that's all there is to it.

And this is the back of the board.

- Sure, sure.
- Of course.

It's important for you to see it.

Now we've seen the back of it,
can we start the class, "Teach"?

"Leo, you're a... wonderful person.

So friendly".

- Bad!
- What?

Alicia, get to the point.

"Leo, it's over, I'm leaving you.
This is as far as we go".

- Do it like that, okay?
- Okay.

I'll tell you two things:

One: paddlesurfing is for dickheads.

And two: I'm going ashore
for a beer, okay?

You're swimming?
Without the board?

Fuck the board.

We left a deposit,
they'll charge us.

You can tell you're Catalan.

Catalan? Go on, drown.

- Careful, the current's strong.
- Current?

I'm from Fuengirola,
I piss on the currents.

Worst case scenario,
we have good news for Gregorio.

Sure, sure.

- "Leo, come here!".
- "No.".

"No? Leo, stop fooling around
and come here".

- "You're leaving me, babe?".
- "No...

Yes, yes, I'm leaving you.

I'm leaving you, it's over.
Arrivederci".

- "Arrive-what?"
- "I'm leaving you, it's over.

I don't love you anymore.

Go back to Fuengirola
and leave me alone!"

"Don't do this to me.
What'll I do without you, babe?

I'll cut my veins open!".

"No, Leo... Leo, no. No.

- Leo, take it easy..."
- "Take it easy", no, "It's over!"

You fell into the trap again.

Sandra, if you cry, I empathize.

I'm doing it for you,

because Leo knows all the tricks

and he'll always use them.

Look at him over there.

What do you think he's doing?

Pretending to drown
to get sympathy.

He really is drowning. Fuck!

I've got him.

- Try to breathe!
- Not so rough.

C'mon, breathe, breathe.

- Lay him down here.
- Come on, here.

- Are you alright?
- I'm fine, babe.

I'm fine, babe, fine.

Breathe.

Get back, back!

It's under control.
I know what to do.

Don't squeeze him so hard!

I have to make sure!

What? Leave me alone.

Sandra, come here.

Remember I told you
the guy we asked yesterday

-was really hot...?
- Yes, he is hot.

Follow my lead.

Leave me alone!

Thank you! Thank you!

Thank you, really.

I don't know what would've
happened if you weren't here.

Really!

Lucky you were here

to save our brother.

- He's your brother?
- Sure.

Alicia, talk to this guy, he's...

Really, thank you so much.

I'm Sandra. Nice to meet you.

Alejandro. How are you?

- Oh, Alicia.
- Well, her I do know.

- How are you?
- Good.

You've already met?

The other day we asked

how to get to the house.
You were asleep.

This is incredible,

first you give us directions
and now, out of the blue,

you turn up like an angel
to save our brother.

He was drowning.

The least we can do

is invite you to dinner
to say thanks.

Right, Alicia?

Yes? Yes, yes, of course.

Maybe you have plans...

No, that sounds good.

Does your girlfriend have plans?

I don't have one.

How about that!
Neither do you.

You work out the details,

I'll see how poor Leo is.

Okay.

Are you alright?

Who's the dork talking to Alicia?

He's gay. Don't worry.

Like this guy,
he wants to suck face.

- Hey, it's protocol.
- Protocol, protocol.

You need a Coca-Cola.
Leave me alone!

- Leave me alone!
- Just once!

- I had a Tic Tac.
- Leave me alone.

Gregorio!

Honey, tell me when you're coming,

- I almost dropped you.
- How do I tell you?

Send you a Whatsapp?

Put on your indicator or something,

or these frights
will put me in an urn.

Whiner, you're such a whiner.

What were you thinking about?

You look like a half-wit.

About Carlos...

I can't talk to him.

I feel so awkward...

It's hard for me.

- It's hard.
- It's hard for you...

He's your son,
of course you can talk to him.

Today I said "Good morning" to him,

then my mind went blank.

There are things to talk about.

Ask him about the new school.

Or talk about your boat trips
along the Guadalquivir.

It was his favorite thing as a boy.

Gee, honey... the Guadalquivir!

Thanks!

I miss her so much.
It's hard.

Your time will come.

Take no notice.

Go on, say something to him.

Say something.

- Dad.
- Yes?

Pass me the tuna.

Sure, sure.

Here.

No, no need.
Yes... I don't mind.

- I'll serve you.
- Yes.

Thanks.

The tuna?

That's all you could think of?

Leave me alone.

Carlos, one question.

- Do you have plans tomorrow?
- No. Why?

Maybe you'd like
to take a boat trip,

like when you were a boy.

Just the two of us?

Yes. But if you don't feel like it...

I do. Why wouldn't I?
I didn't say I didn't.

Perfect. Here.

Tell him about dinner.

- Dad.
- Yes.

Do you want to have dinner
with Eneko and me tonight?

Just the three of us?

Yes. But if you don't
feel like it, it's fine.

Why wouldn't I? Of course.

Perfect.

- Now we have a plan for tonight.
- Sure.

Dickhead!

Houston, we have a problem.

Okay...

Carlos! What do I put?

The first Whatsapp is crucial.

Alicia, don't be a pain.

Make it short, direct and funny.

I've got it. Write this...

- "Hey, Fatso".
- "Fatso?"

Yes, they say it a lot
in the south.

Put: "Fatso. See you at 9:30
in the square.

And I hope by 12,

you'll be doing me doggie-style."

Carlos! Don't make me
any more nervous.

He's so cute...

Hey, if he wants it doggie-style,
I'm fine with that.

You're getting horny.
You tart.

What's wrong?

I just sent a voicemail to Alejandro.

- No! Really?
- Yes.

Yes.

Was it recording?

I don't know.
I don't want to know.

I do.

Carlos! Don't make me
any more nervous.

He's so cute...

Hey, if he wants it doggie-style,

I'm fine with that.

What a ditz!

- God! I want to die!
- What a ditz you are.

Shit, I screwed up!

Hold on!

Maybe he never listens to it.

He just did: double blue click.

No!

Alicia, he's recording a voicemail.

What? No.

You hit it, I can't.

I'll hit it.

Hello, Alicia.

I loved your message,

but you still haven't said
what time we're meeting.

And that doggie-style thing,
I didn't hear it.

That didn't go so badly, did it?

He took it with a sense of humor.

Take that look off your face,
you look like you had a stroke.

Don't get too overjoyed,

you know what you have to do now.

Leo, come here a moment.

Let's take a walk on the beach.

- On the beach?
- Yes.

Yes, but on the sand, right?

Even the shallows have undertows.

On the sand.

Leo, we have to talk.

What are you doing?
I said we have to talk.

Yes, but your sister's calling me.

No, she isn't. Come here.

Yes. Look. Leo!

Will you come? I'm calling you.

Alicia too, both of you.

Stop being stupid and come here.

Right...

How are you?

It's over, isn't it?

You saw me coming, right?

I'm not a fool, Alicia.

I know you've wanted to do it
for a long time,

but you didn't dare.

I did, but you're always
changing the subject.

I'm doing it right.

It's called "deterrence".
I learnt it in the war.

- What war?
- In videogames.

You're so silly.

Are you really leaving me?

Yes.

- Our thing...
- Doesn't work.

"It's not you, it's me,
give me back that 5000 pesetas..."

Don't worry, Alicia.

I've been dumped lots of times,
I know the speeches.

Now I don't know what to say.

You're going to be okay, right?

Sure, babe, you know me.
Come here.

Alright,

I'm taking a walk on the beach.

You should. Go.

Be happy and fly.

- Leo.
- What, Alicia?

If you don't let go,
I can't fly.

Oh, yeah. Sorry.

Well...

See you.

I'm watching you, eh?

Stick to the sand,
the water's dangerous.

Alicia...

Nice ass, girl.

Well, the carnival's over.

Babes of the world,

here's Leo.

Fuck!

When were you going to tell me
you were pregnant?

- Oh, fuck...
- At my grandson's communion?

No.

I was going to
tell you this weekend.

How far gone are you?

13 weeks.

But the boy will be born
in Madrid, I suppose.

It's a girl and she'll be born
in Barcelona.

And a Barcelona fan, and she'll go
to the British Catalan School.

It's bilingual, Catalan-English.

All the Barcelona players' kids
go there.

This guy's an idiot.

Dad! Dad, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, really.

I tried to tell you several times,
but you're not easy to talk to.

- And with what happened to Mom...
- I know, I know.

But it's hard enough
for me to accept

that your brother's with Eneko,
now this.

You have to accept
Eneko as part of this family.

They're not getting married?

Who mentioned getting married?
I didn't say that.

I just found out
I'll need a translator

to talk to me granddaughter
and my son's marrying a black man.

Stop, you're on the wrong track.

Stop? When you have a fag son

who's going to marry a black man,
then tell me. Until then...

That's the last time
you're calling your son a fag!

- The last time!
- No, no, no.

Don't worry, Sandra,
there won't be a next time.

I'm going back to Madrid.

And you...

You'll never see me again
in your fucking life.

- In your fucking life!
- Carlos! Carlos.

Hey, hey!

You know what Dad's like.
He doesn't think.

- Fuck, he does think.
- No.

He does think.

I'm sick of it,
sick of him treating me like this,

sick of him not accepting
who I am.

But it's over,

I'm going back to Madrid.

Listen, you're right.
Dad's a dickhead.

But you can't go back to Madrid.

Why are we here?

To scatter Mom's ashes.

You can't go now.

You have to stay,
if only just for her.

Come on.

Okay, I'll stay.

But I'm not sleeping here.
Not with him.

Do what you want.

- I'm going upstairs.
- Thank you.

Keep this up
and you'll be all alone.

Christ Almighty!
Gregorio! Gregorio!

God damn it.
Get it out!

Yeah? Yeah?

I'll get you some water.

Here, Gregorio, drink up.

Are you alright? Better?

Fuck, what a fright.

- Thanks a lot.
- No, man.

If you hadn't come in,
I would've kicked the bucket.

No, Gregorio, it's no big deal.

Though you did give me a fright.

Listen, Gregorio.

You'd have done the same
for me, right?

Sure.

I was shit-scared.

No, it's fine. It's all over.

- Eneko.
- Yeah?

Listen, you're Basque,
of Senegalese origin, right?

- Bai.
- Sure.

- And you speak Basque. Euskera.
- Perfectly.

- I learnt it in the "ikastola".
- And an Athletic fan.

I'm Basque through and through
and an Athletic fan.

And of Iñaki Williams.

How do you say "thanks a lot"
in Basque?

Eskerrik asko.

Eneko, let's go.

- "Go"?
- I'll explain later. Let's go!

Where are we going? Carlos!

Agur, Gregorio.
Carlos!

Agur.
And eskerrik asko.

You make me different,

simply by existing.

I'd change anything,

just to see you happy.

Such a long time waiting for
a promise, a caress, a sign.

You are part of this dream

and with you I'd reach the end.

I swear nothing can be better.

Only if it's with you.

This life has taught me that.

Carlos! Carlos!

With you I'd travel
the whole wide world.

With you I'd spend all my time

staring at the sky,
your fingers blocking the sun.

Only if it's with you.

I'd strand myself
on an island with you.

I'd walk in your hand.

Now you're by my side,
I feel so much better.

With you I'd travel
the whole wide world.

With you I'd spend all my time
staring at the sky,

your fingers blocking the sun.

Only if it's with you.

I can't wear a plunging neckline
with any diginity.

No matter how cute he is,

what if I don't like him
because he's an idiot?

I've met a lot of idiots in this life,

I don't mean you,

and Alejandro doesn't look like one.

Anyway, if you don't try,
you'll never know.

But I need a connection,
something special,

a je ne sais quoi.

- A je ne sais quoi.
- Je ne sais quoi.

With Leo it was: "I don't know
what I'm doing with this guy".

Alicia, life's too short
and too wonderful

to let the good things get away.

And I think Alejandro
is one of those.

- Is Alejandro that handsome?
- I don't know, you tell me.

Fuck, he's cute!

But don't you get nervous.

You're the nervous one.
You look like you're 15.

- Hello.
- Hello!

How are you?

Hello. How are you?

- Jordi, my husband.
- Hello, Jordi.

Hello, Jordi.

No, I'm Jordi, not you...

- What's up with him?
- Sunstroke.

- Shall we go?
- Let's go.

Let's go.

If you're really interested
in my sister, listen up.

Remember: "The Last Kiss",
Paul Auster, Thailand.

Don't look at me like I'm crazy.
What did I say?

Thailand, Paul Auster...

- "The Last Kiss".
- "The Last Kiss".

Good. Trust me.

I trust you.

You'll see, it'll be fine.

If it isn't, what?

Then it'll be your fault
for trusting a stranger.

Right.

The negotiation has already begun.

The sirens have become

bells of celebration.

I really don't know
what's wrong with me,

but I'm starting to feel
that it'll be fine.

It'll all be fine

if you stay right here.

So, how many siblings are there?

Four.

Carlos, Sandra, Leo and me.

Yes. He wasn't feeling well

after what happened
at the beach, so...

- he couldn't come.
- What? "Four siblings"? Leo...

Why'd you kick me?

Honey, there are four of us.

- What?
- Jordi, there are four of us.

Sandra, Alicia, Leo and me.

- Sure.
- What?

What's in your wine?

Will you stop kicking me?
You'll cripple me.

Will you come to
the bathroom with me?

- I had a piss.
- No. Come for a second.

Okay, okay.

- We'll be right back.
- Okay. Ciao.

You hurt me. I won't be able
to go to Ikea for 6 months.

You're such a drama queen.

At last, sex in the bathroom.
What is it?

Being pregnant makes you slutty?

What are you on about?

Here then.

Honey, listen to me.

We told Alejandro
that Leo is our brother

so he and Alicia could hook up.

Okay? That's why the kicks.
I'm so sorry.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

- What are you doing?
- Sex in the bathroom.

One thing I don't get, Leo.
A guy like you...

- A leader, handsome...
- No, like you.

How'd you score
with my daughter?

- How did it happen?
- Alicia...

Do you know what my grandma said?

Everyone has something.

And I score with girls.

I'm good at it,
I can't help it.

Look at this girl coming.
Just play along.

- Blondie, you all alone?
- I'm a brunette.

Sorry, I didn't notice,
with those eyes of yours.

- Want some calamari?
- No, thanks.

No calamari?

See how she laughed?
She's in the bag.

You seduced my daughter
with that "calamari" thing?

No, with another technique,
and that very night we were...

With all due respect, Gregorio.

Well, Alejandro,
tell us about yourself.

What do you want to know?

What do you do?
Why are you alone in Sanlúcar?

I'm a psychologist.

And I'm here because
I'm scatterbrained.

4 or 5 months ago I booked
an apartment with my ex,

I forgot to cancel it

so I decided to come alone
and have fun.

Great.

- That's great.
- Yes.

Are you a good psychologist?

We already know
that you're scatterbrained.

Very good.

- Do you need help?
- No.

Well, I do have a question.

As a professional,

what does my sister mean

about doggies?

What's the doggie up to?

Sorry, did I kick you?

- I was going for Carlos.
- That's okay.

You almost crippled me,
but it's okay.

Sorry.

Shit, girl! You're such a brute!

You sure love kicking
in this family.

- They love it.
- Stop laughing so much.

Okay, I won't laugh so much.

- You look really nice.
- Thanks.

If a tit pops out, let me know.

A tit...

Okay.

Why not?
We're on vacation.

Let's do dirty stuff,
like the English when they're drunk.

Honey, when we're home,
we'll do whatever you want.

In the pool, from behind,
pulling your hair, get nasty.

You're a pig.

Why a pig?
You said "whatever I want".

That's what I want.

No. Dinner's getting cold.

- You can't leave me like this.
- Don't play the victim.

Victim? My ankle
and my balls hurt.

I don't know why I married you.

Because I'm a catch...

and a pretty boy.

Good evening, Gregorio.

- Hi, how are you?
- God bless you.

Bless us for what?

Did I ask you to bless me?
Take it back.

Religion is the opiate of the people.
Down with the Church!

I absolve you of all your sins.

In the name of the Father,
the Son and the Holy Spirit.

Goddamn priest slugged me.
If he hands out the host like that...

Watch your mouth, kid.
Watch your mouth.

- This is the crusty, right?
- Yes, Father.

Father, I wanted to say something.

I had a near-death experience

that opened my eyes.

You don't say. Tell me.

My son-in-law,
my son's boyfriend...

The black guy.

He doesn't look
so black to me now.

I was choking on some almonds

and he saved my life.

It's a sign from the Lord.

A sign that if your son wasn't gay,

you'd be dead now.

Hey...

- It can't be that.
- Why not?

God put Eneko in your life
because he's gay, like your son.

God put gays in your life

to save you from the almonds.

That's kind of far-fetched.

The ways of the Lord
are inscrutable.

But this "miracle of the almonds"
is stretching it a bit.

The Lord's deeds are indisputable.

- I'm not arguing, but...
- No arguments, shit!

- Okay, okay.
-Insufferable...

I'll buy you both a drink.
Kid!

Put them on my tab.

- What tab?
- The Lord's tab, my son.

I love being a priest.

20 years in this town
and I've never paid a cent.

These are divine. Divine.

Blondie, when you get bored
I'll get you some calamari.

I've got some for you too, silly.

You didn't tell me what you do.

- I'm a painter.
- Oh, yeah?

As in paintings or walls?

Paintings.

I painted the walls
in my last apartment

and I lost the deposit.

I hope you do better
with your paintings.

At least I studied it.

- What did you study?
- Fine Arts.

I'm teaching at an academy

until I can live from my paintings.

Actually, next year
I'm having an exhibition

and I'm going sell them all.

Are you going to invite me?

Well, that depends.

Depends on what?

On the test.

The test?

The test is three questions
I like to ask people

to see if there's
a connection or not.

Normally, no one matches up
with me at all.

What if I match up on something?

- That's never happened.
- And if it does?

- Well...
- Look, I've got it.

Every time we match,
you give me a kiss.

Okay. Okay.

Because we're not going to match.

- We'll see.
- I'll start.

Favorite country, movie
and writer.

Okay. Favorite country.

Italy. No, no, no.

Thailand.

I love Thailand.

Favorite movie...
"The Last Kiss".

I love Italian comedy.

And what was the last one?

- Writer.
- Writer.

Either Murakami or Paul Auster.

Murakami or Paul Auster...

Paul Auster...

"The Locked Room",
"City of Glass"...

I didn't get any right.

Some.

How many?

All three.

Three?

Then unless my counting's off,
you owe me three kisses.

My mother always says

you have to pay your debts.

If that's what your mother says,

I'm not going to contradict her.

The happy couple.

Kid, have what you like.

Everyone knows you, Father.
Do you come here much?

Do I come here much?
Every day.

Gentlemen, all this is mine.

- Yours?
- Yes.

Priest by day,
businessman by night

- What a go-getter.
- Here it is, El Afrikano.

By day, a beach bar with hammocks
and Thai massage.

- But no "happy endings", eh?
- I didn't say a thing.

But you thought it.

And by night, chill out with a DJ.

Happy hour 7 to 9,
and food all day.

I'm making a killing.

A drink?

- Make it five, the boss is buying.
- Come on.

Now you only owe me two.

Kid, look at all the young folks here.

Yes, I noticed.

Alicia?

Leo?

- What are you doing?
- Are you alright?

Why are you cheating on me
with poster boy here?

Poster what?
Wasn't he your brother?

Sure, a kissin' cousin.
Weren't you gay?

Me? I'm not gay.

And he's not my boyfriend.

But when he saved my life, I was.

By the way, I could kick
your head in now, but thanks.

- I didn't get the chance...
- Leave me alone.

Alicia, is he your boyfriend or not?

He was, but he isn't now.

When did you leave him?

An hour before meeting up with you.

- An hour?
- An hour! Shameless.

Leo, can you let us talk alone?

Fuck that. I'm staying
to see you two suck face.

I'd better go.

You obviously still have
things between you.

There's nothing.

I swear, there's nothing.

There's something.
The dirty stuff we did was bonding.

- Leo, shut up!
- Look, Alicia.

I don't need this crap.

No, wait, let me explain.

No.

See you.
Let him go.

- Had dinner, babe?
- Don't talk to me.

My girl...

Rage isn't a good travelling companion.

Who's this man?

A priest with a violent streak,
so watch what you say.

Father Salcedo.

I'm here to help you
solve your conflicts.

Thanks for your help,

but our conflicts have no solution.

Everything in life
has a solution.

Death has no solution.

Well, not death,
but everything else does.

And running out of data too.

You can get more,
but it costs a bomb.

Kid, are you an idiot, or what?

Can't you see I'm helping
with the girl?

Sure, sure.

Yes, things have a solution.

Death, data, Paquirrín...

And us, right babe?

No.

Well then!

Let's get those drinks.

- What a day, honey.
- A full day.

At least you talked to Carlos

and there was a reconciliation.

- No.
- Yes.

- There was.
- No.

Until you blew it again.
But don't worry.

Tomorrow you have
all day to sort it out.

I don't know how.

Listen, Maria,

did you know Sandra was pregnant
and Carlos was getting married?

- Of course.
- Damn!

I'm always the last one
to find out anything!

Don't shout at me!

Shit, if you told me things,
I wouldn't shout at you!

What do you want me to tell you?

- Not you. Maria.
- Again, Maria can't talk to you.

Yes, she can!

- And she says what?
- She tells me things...

Nothing!
She doesn't say anything.

Shut up, I'm tired.

I'm the one that's tired.
Two sleepless nights because of you.

You know what?

Stay here with your
romantic spiritualism,

and your issues.

Take no notice, honey,
he's acting stupid.

What were you saying?

Are you angry?

Damn, Maria, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to shout. Forgive me.

Alright, I forgive you.

But let it be the last time
you shout at me.

Especially in these circumstances.

Can't you see I'm shut up
in an urn?

Have a little consideration!

I promise not to shout at you.

It's alright.
We're all very nervous.

I said things to you
that I shouldn't have too.

Hadn't you gone?

I left my phone behind.

You were talking
to Maria again, weren't you?

Yes. So?

It's not normal.
Someone has to look at you,

a psychologist, an exorcist,
a mechanic...

Someone to fix you.

You haven't fallen in love?

Looking at him...

is like seeing 100 stray pups,
you want to take them all home.

It's your fault.

My fault?

For saying to me:

"Life's too short and beautiful

to let the good things get away".

- It's true.
- It sucks for me, Sandra.

Now he won't answer
my Whatsapps or calls.

- What do I do?
- Wait. He'll call you.

Don't be impatient.

All last night I was looking
for Alejandros on Facebook.

You know what?
There are millions.

Why is everyone called Alejandro?

Can't you call yourselves
Javi, Salva or Valentin?

Look, worst case scenario,

we can tell Leo to drown again

and maybe Alejandro
will save him again,

like your Prince Charming.

All for you.

I have to do something.

I'm not going back to Madrid
without seeing him again.

No, I know.
You're so intense.

Hello.

- Hello.
- Are you going?

- Where to?
- To church... the beach.

- Yes.
- Yes, I guess so.

Okay, okay.

- And you?
- No.

I'm going for a walk.

But I'll see you at lunch.

And if I don't eat, I don't eat.
See you in the church.

Dad, give Carlos some time.

Sure.

But do you think with time...?

I don't know. We hope so.

I wish. I wish.

What about you?

How do you get on with your dad?

- I don't.
- Gee.

- He died five years ago.
- Sorry, I didn't know...

It's alright.
How could you know?

- But we got on terribly.
- Really?

When my mother died,

I left for Madrid
because I couldn't stand

- to even see him.
- Right.

He was a fascist.

- You would've gotten on with him.
- Hey...

Until he got a badass tumor.

When I decided to see him,
he was on his last legs.

When I walked through the door,

he burst into tears, the bastard.

He told me that what
he regretted most

was that Franco died so young...

and he'd been so long
without talking to me.

He died four days later.

Gregorio, sort things out
with your son,

you still have time.

In the end, you'll regret it,

like with father.

Listen, thanks for
keeping me company.

That's what we're here for.

Brethren, before starting Holy Mass,

I'm going to read you
a line from Shakespeare

so you all reflect a little

on life and death.

"Love while you live,

for once dead, you cannot".

Shakespeare.

Let us pray.

Gregorio, one thing.

Now that we're almost family,

I won't charge you
for your wife's mass.

So check your Paypal account

to see if they returned it,
I don't trust those people.

Let us pray.

Husband,

daughters,

son,

sons-in-law...

Maria is dead,

but for Christians it's not "goodbye",

it's "see you shortly",

"see you soon"
or "be seeing you".

Why aren't you coming?

This is a family matter.

- I don't belong.
- No, no.

You stuck with me this morning
and I'll stick with you now.

No, Gregorio. Really, thanks.

What do you prefer?

Do I rabbit punch you
or rip off your ear?

I'd rather go on the boat.

I'm funny sometimes.

Let's go.

Well, before scattering Mom's ashes,

I'd like to say some things.

I'm going to miss you a lot

when you go to live in Barcelona.

You too, eh?

Since starting out in a new city
isn't easy,

I thought this might help.

It isn't new for me.
I'm from there.

No, no, this is
a lot of money, Dad.

No, that's a lot of money.

I'm telling you,
and I'm Catalan.

Yes, it's a lot,

but I want to pay for
the British Catalan School.

Because I've been a pain in the ass.

A big pain in the ass.

It's because you're going to
give me a granddaughter

and because I feel like it.
That's it. Okay?

- Here.
- Come here.

You can, go on.

Okay, okay.

- Jordi, Jordi.
- I feel a little weak.

- Honey.
- Yes?

You really like Alejandro, right?

Yes. But how do you know?

A father knows these things

and I eavesdropped
behind your door.

Antonio.

Don Gregorio.

What are you doing here?

Ask your father.

I looked everywhere for him,

but since I couldn't find him,
I had to resort to Antonio.

He put out a bulletin

for missing persons.

I put 20 officers out searching
for a Caucasian male,

6 feet 5 inches, dark-haired,
poster boy look.

And we found him.
Right, kid?

Yes. And we checked:

no criminal record.

So you can relax, Don Gregorio.

Listen to me.

If you don't treat his daughter
with warmth and respect,

I'll beat you senseless
until Gibraltar is Spanish.

Because Gibraltar is Spanish, right?

Yes.

Go on, go to her.

She's crazy about you.

This is embarrassing.

Sure.

This happens sometimes
when you don't answer the phone,

you get arrested.

Don't worry, from now on
I'll answer all your calls.

You sent me two nutcases.

By the way,
you owe me something.

Yes.

And your mother says you always

have to pay your debts, right?

- Carlos.
- No.

Wait, wait.

Carlos, with you, it's all bad.

I've screwed up with you
for as long as I can remember.

I'm clumsy, I've been pigheaded.

I've had a terrible time.

And I've called you everything.
I called you "black",

which you are, but I called you
"black" in a bad way.

I called you a son of a bitch.

And you go and save my life.
I can't look you in the face.

No, look, Dad...

You don't have to apologize to me.

I've been bad sometimes too.

And I love you, Dad.

Hold on...

Look, these...

are the rings your mother
and I used to get married.

- No!
- Yes, they are.

I'd like you to use them
at your wedding,

if you want to.

Of course...
Of course I do, Dad.

Why wouldn't I?

Gregorio!

Well, honey,

this is the last time
we'll see each other.

We'll be a united family again,
all thanks to you.

See how crazy your dad is?

He's talking to the urn
as if it was your mother.

He thinks he's in Ghost,
where a couple's joy is cut short

because a thief kills the man.

Jordi, I know.

You've told me 50 times.
You're obsessed with that movie.

Maybe I am,

but your father's talking to an urn
like it was your mother.

So he's crazy.

He's not talking to my mother.

I know he's talking to her,

but he thinks he is.

It must be his way of saying goodbye.

- His way of being crazy.
- Don't call him crazy!

But what if get it wrong again?

I'm bound to screw up again.

Not at all. You're ready now.

You don't need my help, Gregorio.

I don't need your help,
but I'll always need you.

And I'll need you, honey.

Life goes on.

And you have to get on with yours.

I don't want to say goodbye,
I just can't.

And I'm not going to.

Well, I'll say goodbye
for the both of us, okay?

I love you
and I always will, honey.

But it's time for me to go.

- You have to take care of the kids.
- Okay.

- And our granddaughter.
- Okay

Goodbye, my love. Goodbye.

Let's go.

I hope it's not hereditary,
because I need to rest.

Look at the bags under my eyes
because of your father

and your "mother".

We fill the cauldron

with laughter and wit.

With suits of caresses
we fill up the wardrobe.

We made the seasoning

with dreams and children.

We paint the sky
with the banner of affection.

Things get complicated

if affection is limited

to the moments of passion.

We'll always be together

and die together.

Wherever we go

our differences will follow.

Don't let go of my hand,

the journey is endless.

And I'll make sure the wind...

doesn't muss your hair.

You make me different,

just by existing.

I'd change anything,

just to see you happy.

So long waiting for a promise,

a caress, a sign.

You're part of this dream

and with you I'd reach the end.

I swear that nothing
could go better,

only if it's with you.

This life taught me that.

As you see, I need you.

With you I'd travel
the whole wide world.

With you I'd spend all my time

staring at the sky,
your fingers blocking the sun.

Only if it's with you.

I'd strand myself
on an island with you.

I'd walk in your hand.

Now you're by my side,

I feel so much better.

Your look and the way you walk
should be banned.

You made my body and mind

move in rhythm.

There is no way in this world
to separate me from you.

It's all perfect

if you're by my side.

I swear that nothing
could go better,

only if it's with you.

This life taught me that.

As you see, I need you.

With you I'd travel
the whole wide world.

With you I'd spend all my time

staring at the sky,
your fingers blocking the sun.

Only if it's with you.

I'd strand myself
on an island with you.

I'd walk in your hand.

Now you're by my side,

I feel so much better.

Only if it's with you.

Translation: Lindsay Moxham

Subtitles: LASERFILM