Original subtitles

Previously on "P-Valley"...

How, like, serious are you about this music thing?

What, you trying to be Keyshia Ka'Oir to my Gucci Mane?

Slide through this Sunday for Murda Night.

You don't wanna miss it.

Murda Night.

The Pynk is going up on the auction block next week.

Next week!

How you doing, Hailey?

Chucalissa looks so beautiful in the morning from here.

I wanted to see it one more time before I go.

Good-bye, Andre.

You dead to me.

You posted my bail?

Since I got you out, you owe me.

My wife went missing the day Hurricane Drake hit.

I'll get my deputies to put up some flyers around town, quick fast.

Who should I ask for if I get word back?

Montavius Hill.

Leasing to the casino is what we should be doing.

- What the fuck are you doing, Wayne? - What the fuck you think I'm doing?

I think we should lease the Kyle farm instead.

- Lease? - Pay the Kyle family what they're worth,

not what they want.

All right, heifer.

You ready to do this?

What in the hell?

Now, you look here, Patrice, okay?

What you not gon' do is disrespect me,

'cause I could have easily let your ass rot in that jail

after what you did to my 'Cedes.

But this thing here is...

it's bigger than the both of us.

Wouldn't you agree?

Well, you know what they say.

The enemy of my enemy is...

Is some dastardly bitch I gots to be involved with for the time being,

'cause as soon as this mess over with...

I don't know you.

Pussy Valley, baby!

This wasn't what we agreed on.

Well, believe me, I know.

I know.

But in the new agreement, the Kyle family get half a million up front

with a monthly lease payment of 15K...

That ain't nowhere near the $6 million you promised us.

Knowing the grief this may have caused the Kyle family,

I've worked hard with Promised Land Equities

to make leasing worth your while.

In what way?

When this casino deal goes through, the Kyle family get one percent

of the gross of the casino's revenue.

One percent? What if it don't go through?

Oh, it's gonna go through.

Well, ain't this pouring sugar on shit?

Shit with sugar on it is better than nothing,

don't you think, Wyatt?

So which way do you gentlemen want to sign this?

We can do it the old-fashioned way...

or my way.

Corbin already signed this leasing agreement?

First thing this morning, and let me tell you,

he didn't need a gun to his head to do it.

Mayor Ruffin, you ran on a campaign that you was a man of your word.

I am.

It seems your godson is not.

No matter.

See, 'cause once the council votes through that casino,

very next thing we gon' do is elect a new mayor.

I am feeling

like I am standing behind a tractor

in the middle of a field.

I am getting a lot of shit kicked at me, Andre.

It's what Promised Land wanted.

Or is it what you wanted?

Did you go behind your god-daddy back and renege on this deal?

You gon' be late to the ribbon cutting in the Promised Land Park.

Oh, my bad. I meant to say the Tydell Ruffin Park.

Oh, I pity you.

Pray tell, why I deserve such an expensive emotion from you.

The folks who deserve your concern don't get it,

and the folks you shouldn't be concerned about get to tell you what to do.

I have to keep the promises to certain folk around here, Andre.

You got bad knees, God-daddy.

Don't stay down there too long.

You motherfucker, you!

I'ma fuck you up, nigga.

This town's let these boys get away with murder

longer than one can count, and you,

you want to give them millions of dollars for nothing

just because you owe them something.

Where's your integrity?

Integrity?

Nigga, do you know Chucalissa got a unemployment rate

that's double the national average

and an education system that don't even graduate half its kids?

The revenue garnered from the casino could change all that.

I am trying to do good for my city!

But you don't see like I see.

You up here talking about integrity.

Shit, man.

I'm the one that drank from another water fountain

when I was growing up.

I'm the one that walked six fucking miles

to go to a good school, and your crown...

your crown has been bought and paid for, boy, by niggas like me.

So don't you sit up here and think that you done did something

because you done one-upped some cracker.

Somebody got to pay for it, boy, and it ain't gon' be you.

Everything costs, son.

Everything.

Just like that Morehouse tuition your god-daddy paid

when your mama and daddy couldn't.

Mayor Ruffin? Mayor?

Eloise.

Look, I said I would be down in a minute.

Now, just gon' get the car ready so we can get ready for that ribbon cutting.

The ribbon cutting's been postponed due to unforeseeable events.

What? What, it's raining?

Protestors have gathered at the new Tydell Ruffin Park.

Word has spread the development company

called Promised Land Equities

has some big plans for Chucalissa.

Most folks think the end of days look like

a bunch of hellfire and brimstone,

but I done been to the mountaintop

and talked with my Lord,

and He told me that the fall of man

look a whole lot like a party.

Like dancing and drinking and blackjack.

A Russian roulette for your soul!

I'ma need all y'all to sign...

Eloise, get Sheriff Bailey on the horn.

A vote to ban this casino...

Okay, for...

Just get him!

Hey, hey, ho, ho! This casino's gotta go!

Can you please pull your dick out of my ass, Andre?

Sheriff Bailey, please.

- Next? - Yeah, girl, he ate me out.

IUD and all.

Girl, you know Craig is always complaining about...

If you a Saint, come on down to my new church,

the Breath of Life, Full Gospel Baptist Tabernacle,

off Old Hacks Cross Road.

We got a petition on the altar.

And if you a Ain't, you come on down to The Pynk,

and you sign that petition there.

Now y'all hoes know where we at.

I'm finna go on down that church and sign, too.

Hell, yeah, 'cause we don't need no casinos in Chucalissa.

You know what? I hope your damn IUD blow up.

God damn.

She tripping.

Next.

This casino's gotta go!

Next!

That thing gon' get you where you going?

It better.

Please tell me you at least got a lick or two in.

Well, that's what I'm talking about.

The last time you and your brothers got to fighting like that,

it was over that three-tittied girl Lacy.

Wyatt was the one won that fight.

Don't know why y'all was fighting. There was a titty to go round for everybody.

Casino finally gave me my lease.

Why you look so upset about it then?

Why are you out here running around protesting the casino, Clifford?

Hell, I want the deal you got. I want in on this leasing thing, too.

Yeah, but wasn't everybody supposed to know about it.

You know how these backwoods niggers are.

Corbin, your cracker side overriding.

You best replace that "er" with a "uh."

What I'm saying... you give these folks a chance

to say no to something like a casino, they gon' do it.

It's the Bible Belt.

City council's supposed to slip it in on 'em.

Now everybody think they got a say,

and that threatens all the shit folks got planned.

Well, it helps me, gives me some leverage, okay, to help save my club.

Your club being saved wasn't a part of the plan.

This casino might go away without your waterfront property.

Now, they want my land, they just gon' have to make me a deal,

like that 6 million that they done offered you.

You know white folks ain't gonna pay for shit they get for free.

So if I stay, what happens to you?

Your leasing deal?

It goes away.

And my leasing deal, it ain't gon' go away.

And here I thought I was about to ask you for a loan to help me save The Pynk.

I ain't got no money for that.

I bet you don't.

But I do wonder if you got enough to buy the tapes

of you getting your ass beat and coming in your drawers in my club.

- You trying to blackmail me? - No.

I just know you best not never,

ever roll up into The Pynk again.

You want your ass beat...

you go on to your brothers.

I'm sure they'll do you right.

Country boy, home bred

Raised off of cornbread

Started off with short paper

Now I'm having long bread

Hey, hey

Take it straight to the Pynk

'Bout to blow a couple racks

I send the pack out, bring the racks in

Nigga, where the barbecue at?

'Cause this some slaw, bro.

I'm serious, man. What y'all gon' do?

I don't know, man. Show in, like, four hours.

DJ?

Hey, yo, what the fuck?

I was just getting to the bridge.

Bae, we need a break.

You murdered that track, all right, but not in a good way.

I'm straight, I'm straight. I just need to practice.

No, you need to get over your stage fright.

Man, I ain't scared of nothing.

Hey, I get it.

You being up there,

baring your all like that in front of 300...

300 folks? It's 300 folks coming tonight?

Nigga, I'ma need you to pull it together for tonight.

I'm straight.

I'm straight.

No, Lil Murda, you ain't.

But you 'bout to be.

Every day...

a million thoughts go through my head

about how I'm not good enough to be on that stage.

But when them lights come on, guess what.

I got to block it out, show up, and show out.

I don't know, Keyshawn. How the fuck this supposed to help?

Nigga, I'ma need you to trust me.

Same way you strip yourself naked on that track

is the same way you got to strip yourself naked on that stage.

Close your eyes and feel it.

Now open your eyes...

and see the crowd.

That's who you rapping to.

Tell 'em what you got to say.

Country boy, home bred

Raised off of cornbread

Started off with short paper

Now I'm having long bread

Dice game, shooting craps

Lose it all and make it back

Take it straight to the Pynk

'Bout to blow a couple racks

I send the pack out, and I bring the racks in

Don't get caught with the backhand

Bitch, I'm from the flatlands

Go and get me a lap dance

Booty sound like she clapped hands

'Cause we right by the boot, better know that we tapped in

Yeah!

- That's what I'm talking about! - Yeah!

That's what the fuck I'm talking 'bout.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, Lord. What the hell now?

Those wheels make me dizzy.

No, no. Afraid I can't take that no more.

Well, you've been taking it.

Clifford, I don't know what you done did to ruffle his feathers,

but Mayor Ruffin is really cracking down on The Pynk.

So it's my duty to inform you

that if we see any exposed breasts while The Pynk is serving alcohol,

I'm gon' have to shut you down.

- This on some bullshit, Sheriff Bailey! - Look, I'm just doing my job.

Since when your job description include harassing citizens off they property?

Look... Shit.

I can't believe y'all going up for auction tomorrow,

but for what it's worth, I'ma be sad to see y'all go.

- The Pynk is something... - No, no, no, no, no.

Let me tell you something, 'cause I got a message for the mayor.

You tell that motherfucker that if The Pynk going down,

I ain't gon' be the only one sucking dick,

'cause I's blessed and highly favored.

So them casino folks best get ready, 'cause I loves me some deep throat.

Now, if you excuse me.

Shit.

Big L, you are the worse-est damn security!

What?

I saw your midnight blue black ass on TV with my mama.

You the one bailed Patrice ass out of jail.

What, you want her to do stay there till she just died and went to hell?

Uncle Clifford, how the fuck you joining forces with the fucking devil herself?

'Cause, child, I got a big mouth, but your mama mouth bigger,

now I thought she might be able to help me stop these Promised Land crackers

from putting The Pynk up on the cross.

But it's too late.

It's too late.

I done pulled every favor I have in this town, all to no avail.

The Pynk going up on the auction tomorrow.

Cedes, look, without this club...

Without this club, I don't have nothing.

And these girls...

These girls...

Ain't no orphanage for hoes.

And who gon' hire Big L?

Hell, I barely wanted to hire Big L. He scary.

What Uncle Clifford rule number 24.5?

There's no crying at The Pynk.

Exactly. Now, what done is done.

Question is, what you gon' do now?

Uncle Clifford rule 55.99.

Even when there ain't no money raining...

Dance like tonight's your last night.

Look, I can't do it without my bottom bitch.

I done told you.

Once I'm gone, I'm gone.

No, no, no, no, no, them good-goods on that shelf right there,

they ain't expired yet!

Come on, Mercedes. Please.

Why don't you ask your new ace boon coon,

Pastor Woodbine, to dance?

So you gon' just turn your back on them?

Them folks your framily.

Come on, Cedes, after all the shit I done done for you.

Hey, let's show these niggas one final good time.

Don't you make me bury The Pynk without my bottom bitch.

A ghost!

Bitch, I ain't no ghost.

Told y'all.

My bitch came back to slay all day.

- Who bust you out of jail? - It sho'll wun't you.

Ain't that one of my floss you got on?

I would ask for it back, but your ass can have that.

My bitch back. I told you.

Maite, I'ma need you to whip me up something quick fast for tonight.

It got to look like the universe done bust a nut all over my body.

You know how that look like, Maite.

This floss has missed your ass.

Hell, no.

So this your last dance for real-for real?

It's everybody last dance. Yours included.

I hope y'all bitches got y'all plan B,

and I ain't talking about no morning-after pill.

I'm all about that last drop.

I see why Uncle Clifford fourth rule is no motherfucking chips.

And just to think, I put my naked ass on this couch.

My last two drops.

The rest of your payment.

That's too much.

Think of it as a parting gift.

I did 10K worth of work. You give me 10K.

What about your gym? Don't you need 10 more K?

Don't worry about me.

I gots me a plan to help Finesse the rest.

So you really finna go?

You say bye to Uncle Clifford?

I don't think Uncle Clifford will miss me.

She might not, but that nigga Andre?

You say bye to him?

Bitch. You got to say good-bye.

- I called him. - You called him.

- He's married. - So?

Oh, so you got so much integrity about some things, but marriage?

Just fuck somebody's vows?

Every bitch sharing they nigga with somebody else.

If it ain't they mama, it's they baby mama.

But you got to want something more than that.

Ain't no love for ladies selling lust,

'cause that's all they'll ever want from you,

'cause that's what we give 'em first.

If I was you, I'd bring him down here.

Give him something to remember me by.

No.

I wish I would've had got a chance to say good-bye to somebody once.

Biggest regret of my life I ain't do it.

Hell, you already here, and tonight everybody last call.

Let's turn this Pynk funeral out right.

These backwater-ass Bible thumpers done fucked up our park.

After we acquire the Pynk at the auction tomorrow,

I'm done with you.

Circle up, circle up. Come on.

Hey, look, I wish things could be different,

but sometimes in life you got to take an L to get to the W,

this, unfortunately, one of them times.

Gidget, hey, hey.

This building got enough water damage, and you know how we do.

We don't do no goddamn tears.

All right, now, 'cause the mayor's ass-backwards

no-titties-and-tequila ordinance,

we can't have no exposed breas-ta-ses in the VIPS tonight.

No, hell, no!

How the hell we supposed to make that VIP bank covering up all our assets?

We ain't got to show titties just to make this coin.

We just got to shake them Tia and Tamaras so hard,

niggas think they see titties.

Y'all listen to my bottom bitch,

'cause we gon' make it with the help of the boss bitch above.

Now let's all bow our heads in prayer.

Lord, we ask that You bless The Pynk tonight,

as we try to go out with one last, big-ass bang.

- Please, Jesus. - I need this.

Help DJ Neva Scared bump his beats like he ain't never bump 'em before.

Amen, boss.

And help Maite dress our girls in her best floss finery.

- Love it. - Jesus!

- Damn. - Please make sure

Big L and Diamond don't let na'an one motherfucker in the door

unless they sign that motherfucking casino petition.

- Aye, cap'n. - Hey, and make sure

you wearing your damn radios,

'cause it's gon' be beaucoup motherfuckers up in here tonight.

- Hey. - We got you, Uncle Clifford.

Yeah, I know.

Lord, we implore You to bless our holy trinity.

- Yes. - Our OG Mercedes.

- Hey. - Our new G, Miss Mississippi.

And our resident white girl, get 'em, Gidget,

with them pretty ass legs.

Of course, we can't forget about our other Gs.

- Brazil. - Brazil!

- Peanut Butter. - Hey, Peanut Butter.

Extra, Extra. Read all about it.

- All about it. - Toy.

And Jupiter,

who clearly can't spin one mo' 'gin, 'cause her ass done popped.

I was finna tell y'all.

Oh, bitch, look, I don't need you to tell me

nothing I can see with mine own eyes,

but tonight you behind the bar.

And last, but not least, old Autumn Night,

and her light-skin-de-ded poetic ass.

Lord, we need You to bring all the money niggas to the club tonight.

We talking about them drug dealers, them scammers, bitch!

Hey, my girls, my bitches got bills to pay!

In the name of the Father, the Son,

and these asses and titties.

- Amen. - Amen!

- Yes! - Receive, niggas.

Now, look, let's do everything we can to make sho...

make sho that The Pynk go out with a bang

the likes of which Chucalissa ain't never seen before.

Tomorrow we all going to a funeral for The Pynk,

but tonight we gon' stack

that scrilla!

Nigga, where is you taking me?

I got shit to do.

We shouldn't even be outside. What if somebody see us?

Don't nobody come back here.

If they do, I'll fuck 'em right up.

Nigga, is you planning on drowning me?

Look, I done already been baptized, and it ain't did na'an bit of good.

Stop worrying.

I'm just taking you to see the stars.

Nigga, how we gon' see no stars?

Don't you see these clouds rolling on through?

It's finna rain.

Nigga, how you get my car down here?

How the fuck you think? I stole it.

I figured you could use a few minutes away from all that crazy up over there.

That's awful kind.

You okay?

Lil' Murda, boy, I done told you,

I'll be fine, as I always am,

you ain't got to worry about me.

It's a big night for you.

It's your debut performance.

And, look, this could really set you up.

You sure you're ready for all that?

I stays ready, you know that.

What this, moonshine?

Pecan whiskey.

My uncle Prentiss be coming with it, don't it?

You sure you okay?

If you want to talk about it, you know...

If I talk about it, then I won't be okay.

And tonight I needs to be okay,

and all them people in there needs me to be okay.

But tomorrow I probably won't be okay,

and I will welcome your offer to talk at that time.

But tonight I'm okay.

Yep. I choose to be okay.

You something else. You know that?

I sho'll do.

Ain't nobody got time for all that.

All right, then.

Boy!

What about this?

You got time for this?

Fuck.

Fuck.

I will never clean house. Never!

I'd rather wax your curlicue coochies all day

than plunge a gringo's toilet.

They think their shit don't stink.

Could be worse.

I'm finna go flip hash over at Taffe's.

Can't we draw unemployment?

Bitch, bye.

Last thing I wannado is go work at that damn dentist's office.

With this casino coming, I'm about to get me a job

running the spades table.

Girl, they don't play no spades at no casino.

See there, this casino for white folk.

It ain't even no spades tables.

Y'all better be on y'all's A games tonight,

'cause we 'bout to get turnt up in here.

Pynk funeral 'bout to be epic.

- Shit. - You okay?

I'm fine. I just...

Walgreens steady stay out my shade.

Let me see.

Come, mami.

I got you.

I just don't understand why she won't just leave.

Because that's when they're most likely to kill you.

Sound like something you know personally.

Last call for alcohol.

I'll have another one.

Hard day?

Man, was it.

But tomorrow can't be worse than today.

Oh, I'm sorry, Diamond.

- I ain't even see you there. - That's okay.

Where your baby at?

With Derrick.

You all right?

I think I done bit off more than I can swallow.

Real talk, I can't believe this moment came to me.

Mercedes always been the headliner at The Pynk.

Diamond, what this is?

This here carnelian. One of them healing crystals.

That one supposed to give you courage.

Over in Iraq, one of my boys' girls used to send 'em to him.

He taught us 'bout it.

He had it in his pocket when...

when, you know,

he died saving me.

I got it made out of what was left.

It done gave me courage.

Maybe it'll give you some.

Put it on me?

There you go.

Thank you.

Damn it!

No-good pussy-eating son of a bitch!

Gidget, what's wrong?

Duffy ass just text me saying he ain't coming tonight.

Talking about he got to make a last-minute run.

Fuck Alabama!

That motherfucker got another thing coming.

He think I'ma sit around waiting on his trifling ass?

Don't laugh at me, Keyshawn! Fuck!

I'm sexually frustrated.

Well...

I should finish getting ready.

Yeah, I'ma head on back up front.

You think Lil' Murda Gon' sign my titties?

Man, all these people here to see Lil' Murda?

Dayummm.

Hey, he text you back yet? Maybe he already inside.

Lil' nigga, take your ass on back to preschool.

What's up, Drake-looking-ass nigga?

Get on inside 'fore I change my mind.

This the music scout I been talking about.

I'ma see what he saying. I'ma catch y'all inside.

Hello?

Hey, what's up, Diamond?

Ain't you supposed to be at home babysitting?

I'm here to watch Keyshawn.

Well, then better get in line, like everybody else.

You got some goods to declare?

Don't forget to sign that petition.

Naw, naw, big boss.

Uncle Clifford have a fit, he knew this nigga was on the premises.

Well, door my territory, Big L.

I say Obama can come in.

- Thank you. - But first you have to sign the petition.

- Come on, man. - Sign.

Uncle Clifford rules.

Come on, man.

Some of us trying to see some coochie.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He going on at 12:30.

Yeah, we gon' be by the DJ booth.

All right.

Bet.

I want a bottle of bourbon.

Top shelf... If you got it.

Top-shelf bottle for a bottom-shelf motherfucker.

Aight Gidget.

Don't start nothing off in here.

So you come here to support Keyshawn on her big night?

You ain't never came to see her no other time.

So...

this is my last chance now, ain't it?

You better not be causing her no trouble.

- I'll fucking... - What?

What you gon' do, Gidget?

I'll take Keyshawn and them babies to come live with me.

In that dusty-ass trailer park

with you and your cracked-out mama?

Have you met Keyshawn?

Keep laughing, 'cause one day Keyshawn gonna wise up

and realize she do a lot better than your sorry white...

It'll be a cold day in hell before Keyshawn leave me.

So stay in your lane, trailer park.

Put it on Keyshawn tab.

You need to get that?

Tell me why you're leaving.

Why?

You want to come?

Don't leave.

Stay.

- Oh, don't stop. - I think you better take this.

Could be an emergency.

No.

Hello?

Andre, where are you?

I'm at my place.

Really?

'Cause I'm at your place.

Where are you? What's that noise in the background?

I'm at the bar watching a game.

Well, I'll just come down...

No, no, no, no, stay there.

I'll be right up, dear.

Yeah, right up.

Good-bye, Andre.

Good-bye, Hailey.

Excuse me, man.

Yes, sir.

Lil' Murda in this bitch. I'm balling.

God damn, nigga!

Why the hell you over there all quiet, hiding in the shadows and shit?

You learn to be quiet in the funeral home.

Got to respect the dead.

Yeah, whatever, man.

Let's gon' slide up in there.

We need to talk, LaMarques.

Woddy, what'd I tell you about using my government name, man?

I saw you coming from down by the river with you-know-who.

You said that was on some, like, one-time shit.

It was.

I don't get it, my dude.

You got all these bitches throwing they pussy at you.

You got the exec coming over from Atlanta to see you do your thing tonight,

and you rolling round in the bushes 'cause you done caught feelings for a...

Nigga, I ain't caught nothing.

You know what I done heard before?

When two people fall in love, they hearts beat on beat with each other.

That's attraction, man.

It's on some chemical, spiritual connect-type shit.

Nigga, is you really giving me all this right now...

Look, man.

I guess you like what you like, and that's cool.

Couldn't be me.

But the heart want what the heart want.

Can't control that.

But what you can control

is how many folks know 'bout what you doing

in the dark at The Pynk,

'cause your heart ain't gon' get in the way

of us stacking this mu'fuckin' paper.

Where you been, Andre?

I came all the way here to surprise you,

and I must have, because your ass was nowhere to be found.

Why weren't you answering your cell phone?

- I... - I know it wasn't because

you was with your god-daddy, because I called him,

and he had no idea where you were.

So who are you fucking, huh?

There's not anybody to cheat on you here with.

So if there were, you'd do it, huh?

You know what, Britney? Just shut the fuck up.

What?

I said shut...

the fuck up.

You quiet now, huh?

Good. Now take off your dress.

Andre, stop.

You don't want to take it off?

Cool then.

Don't run from me. Don't run from me.

Andre!

Andre! Fuck.

Andre!

Andre, fuck!

You missed me, didn't you?

I'ma go take this shower.

Wall to wall up in here, y'all!

Don't be scared.

Throw them stacks at these bitches.

We finna ball till our casket fall.

Yeah!

Hey, partner.

You looking awful lonely over here all by yourself.

I'm cool.

Appreciate the offer, lil' mama.

But I got my heart set on something else tonight.

Oh, you want my girl Autumn?

Autumn, this gentleman wants to be taken to Paradise.

Yeah, Autumn.

Willing to pay more when I get there.

Girl, go get them stacks.

Cedes?

Coach.

I ain't think you was gon' make it.

Girl, you kidding?

You ain't gon' on yet, did you?

Cedes?

Look, I'm glad you came, but this ain't 'bout my last dance.

It's about business.

I been up and down this river looking for you.

I shot you.

Not well enough.

So where my money, Hailey?

Welcome to Murda Night!