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1
00:00:01,022 --> 00:00:03,425
♪♪
2
00:00:03,525 --> 00:00:05,560
Do you ever think about dying?
3
00:00:05,660 --> 00:00:07,896
I just watched Chernobyl on HBO.
4
00:00:07,996 --> 00:00:10,065
There were so many people dying,
5
00:00:10,165 --> 00:00:11,933
I couldn't even laugh
at the jokes.
6
00:00:12,033 --> 00:00:13,935
You never know
what's gonna get ya, Francine.
7
00:00:14,035 --> 00:00:15,370
Take my friend, Jennifer.
8
00:00:15,470 --> 00:00:17,206
She got warts on her feet
walking barefoot
9
00:00:17,306 --> 00:00:19,074
at a Rascal Flatts concert.
10
00:00:19,174 --> 00:00:21,076
Which is why I always
wear foot condoms.
11
00:00:21,176 --> 00:00:22,944
You'd think they don't
make condoms that big.
12
00:00:23,044 --> 00:00:24,646
But I've got a guy?
Downtown?
13
00:00:24,746 --> 00:00:26,715
He'll make you condoms
any size you want.
14
00:00:26,815 --> 00:00:30,119
Roger! I'm trying to talk to you
about death.
15
00:00:30,219 --> 00:00:32,721
Do you realize we could go
at any time?
16
00:00:32,821 --> 00:00:34,623
And as if that weren't
bad enough,
17
00:00:34,723 --> 00:00:37,659
Jennifer's having a crisis
with her adult daughter, Ricki.
18
00:00:37,759 --> 00:00:38,793
Can you listen to me?
19
00:00:38,893 --> 00:00:40,395
Ricki won't move out
of the house.
20
00:00:40,495 --> 00:00:42,664
And now Ricki's adult mom's
new boyfriend,
21
00:00:42,764 --> 00:00:44,333
Douglath --
that's how he pronounces it
22
00:00:44,433 --> 00:00:46,301
because he says that's
the "official" way --
23
00:00:46,401 --> 00:00:47,569
- Douglath...
- FRANCINE: Ugh!
24
00:00:47,669 --> 00:00:49,804
He's so annoying!
25
00:00:49,904 --> 00:00:53,007
Brain, do what Roger
sounds like.
26
00:00:53,108 --> 00:00:56,578
"Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah."
That's exactly right, brain.
27
00:00:56,678 --> 00:00:57,946
Good impression.
28
00:00:58,046 --> 00:01:00,349
Ugh, maybe I should just go.
29
00:01:00,449 --> 00:01:01,783
Yeah, good idea.
30
00:01:01,883 --> 00:01:03,485
- I'm gonna go.
- Oh, don't go!
31
00:01:03,585 --> 00:01:05,754
Having you here
makes me feel so heard.
32
00:01:05,854 --> 00:01:07,489
I guess that's why
you're my best friend
33
00:01:07,589 --> 00:01:08,990
in the whole wide world.
34
00:01:09,090 --> 00:01:10,859
- I'm your best friend?
- Yes.
35
00:01:10,959 --> 00:01:12,294
What about Stan?
36
00:01:12,394 --> 00:01:14,829
He's been distant since
we kissed at Coachella.
37
00:01:14,929 --> 00:01:16,765
- How about Klaus?
- Derendorf?
38
00:01:16,865 --> 00:01:18,333
The LA-based record producer?
39
00:01:18,433 --> 00:01:20,101
- I barely know him!
- What about Steve?
40
00:01:20,202 --> 00:01:21,102
Potrowski?
41
00:01:21,203 --> 00:01:22,671
-Hayley --
-Joel Osment?
42
00:01:22,771 --> 00:01:24,439
A solid friend,
but we'll never be
43
00:01:24,539 --> 00:01:25,674
as close as you and me.
44
00:01:25,774 --> 00:01:26,941
Ugh.
45
00:01:27,041 --> 00:01:29,178
I guess I could hang out
a bit longer.
46
00:01:29,278 --> 00:01:30,645
Good.
Oh, get this!
47
00:01:30,745 --> 00:01:33,282
Jennifer's daughter had sex
with a man at SeaWorld.
48
00:01:33,382 --> 00:01:34,849
In front of the dolphins.
49
00:01:34,949 --> 00:01:37,552
And the dolphins started
acting all weird after.
50
00:01:37,652 --> 00:01:40,355
They had to pour CBD oil
into the tank.
51
00:01:42,357 --> 00:01:44,793
(patriotic music plays)
52
00:01:44,893 --> 00:01:47,462
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
53
00:01:47,562 --> 00:01:51,366
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
54
00:01:51,466 --> 00:01:54,569
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
55
00:01:54,669 --> 00:01:58,840
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
56
00:02:00,742 --> 00:02:04,012
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
57
00:02:04,112 --> 00:02:06,315
- ♪ Good -- ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
58
00:02:06,415 --> 00:02:07,649
Aah!
59
00:02:08,917 --> 00:02:12,254
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
60
00:02:12,354 --> 00:02:16,758
♪♪
61
00:02:16,858 --> 00:02:20,862
Death. Death.
Death. Death.
62
00:02:20,962 --> 00:02:23,565
Death. Death.
Death.
63
00:02:23,665 --> 00:02:25,834
ROGER: Oh, Franci-ine!
I got an update...
64
00:02:25,934 --> 00:02:27,869
- (thud)
- ...about Ricki's adult mom
65
00:02:27,969 --> 00:02:30,339
Jennifer's boyfriend,
Douglaaaath!
66
00:02:30,439 --> 00:02:31,740
Hmm.
67
00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:33,442
Where is she?
68
00:02:33,542 --> 00:02:34,822
- (door opens)
- Oh, hey, Hayley.
69
00:02:34,876 --> 00:02:35,944
Puttin' in a tampon?
70
00:02:36,044 --> 00:02:37,379
- HAYLEY: Get out!
- (door slams)
71
00:02:37,479 --> 00:02:39,748
ROGER: Sheesh.
Must be that time of the month.
72
00:02:41,416 --> 00:02:43,218
Ooh, a visitor.
73
00:02:43,318 --> 00:02:45,254
- Welcome to my alcove.
- Shh!
74
00:02:45,354 --> 00:02:46,921
I'm hiding out from Roger,
75
00:02:47,021 --> 00:02:50,024
and this is the last place
anyone would ever go.
76
00:02:50,124 --> 00:02:53,595
KLAUS: Visitors can sometimes
say the cruelest things.
77
00:02:53,695 --> 00:02:57,699
Alas, why was I born
loving visitors so?
78
00:02:57,799 --> 00:03:01,436
You must never let a visitor
see your tears, Klaus.
79
00:03:01,536 --> 00:03:04,239
Ha-ha!
Good one, Francine.
80
00:03:05,540 --> 00:03:07,242
I'm actually off to
a bit of a spa day
81
00:03:07,342 --> 00:03:08,543
in the kitchen.
82
00:03:08,643 --> 00:03:10,479
You should come with.
83
00:03:10,579 --> 00:03:11,613
Francine?
84
00:03:11,713 --> 00:03:13,748
You in here cooking up
some yogurt?
85
00:03:15,750 --> 00:03:18,987
(steam hissing)
86
00:03:19,087 --> 00:03:22,757
Ahh.
Nothing like a good steam.
87
00:03:25,394 --> 00:03:27,562
So, what's going on
with you and Roger?
88
00:03:27,662 --> 00:03:29,798
He doesn't listen to me anymore.
89
00:03:29,898 --> 00:03:32,501
He's always blah, blah, blah
nonstop.
90
00:03:32,601 --> 00:03:34,469
Seems like maybe the door
is opening wider
91
00:03:34,569 --> 00:03:36,305
for our friendship.
92
00:03:36,405 --> 00:03:37,406
Uch.
93
00:03:37,506 --> 00:03:39,408
I don't come to the spa
to be hit on
94
00:03:39,508 --> 00:03:41,676
by little orange lame-os.
95
00:03:41,776 --> 00:03:44,946
I'm trying to solve my problem
with Roger.
96
00:03:45,046 --> 00:03:47,816
Well, you could be honest
with him about your feelings.
97
00:03:47,916 --> 00:03:50,485
Like you are with me
for some cruel reason.
98
00:03:50,585 --> 00:03:51,453
Meh.
99
00:03:51,553 --> 00:03:52,987
Well, if it's his
constant gabbing
100
00:03:53,087 --> 00:03:56,425
that's driving you crazy,
go somewhere he can't talk.
101
00:03:56,525 --> 00:03:57,592
Like space!
102
00:03:57,692 --> 00:03:59,961
- Or the movies.
- Oh, that's great.
103
00:04:00,061 --> 00:04:01,430
Because it's closer.
104
00:04:01,530 --> 00:04:03,298
And I know how to get there.
105
00:04:03,398 --> 00:04:04,866
And I have a coupon.
106
00:04:04,966 --> 00:04:07,502
And you can't eat
Goobers in space.
107
00:04:07,602 --> 00:04:09,438
They'd float away!
108
00:04:09,538 --> 00:04:11,806
I think that's enough reasons.
109
00:04:13,875 --> 00:04:16,277
♪♪
110
00:04:16,378 --> 00:04:19,348
So it turns out, Ricki's
boyfriend wasn't a lawyer.
111
00:04:19,448 --> 00:04:22,951
He was just carrying a briefcase
to and from Starbucks every day.
112
00:04:23,051 --> 00:04:25,153
- Jennifer was crushed.
- Shh!
113
00:04:25,253 --> 00:04:28,390
Mister, you're ruining
my first trip to the movies.
114
00:04:28,490 --> 00:04:30,725
I see right through you, pal.
You're not a little kid.
115
00:04:30,825 --> 00:04:32,727
You're just a tiny man
who gets his rocks off
116
00:04:32,827 --> 00:04:34,572
pretending he's never been
to a theater before.
117
00:04:34,596 --> 00:04:36,030
(deep voice)
You don't know me.
118
00:04:36,130 --> 00:04:37,466
Roger, be quiet!
119
00:04:37,566 --> 00:04:38,900
Fine, I'll whisper.
120
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:41,736
(whispering) So, Jennifer
is taking a trip to Chicago --
121
00:04:41,836 --> 00:04:44,373
Oh, my gosh.
Have you ever been to Chicago?
122
00:04:44,473 --> 00:04:47,041
There is so much
deep-dish pizza,
123
00:04:47,141 --> 00:04:48,877
which is a thing I do not like.
124
00:04:48,977 --> 00:04:51,913
I'm more of a super-flat
cheeseburger guy myself.
125
00:04:52,013 --> 00:04:53,848
FRANCINE: What is happening?
126
00:04:53,948 --> 00:04:56,418
I love this whispering.
127
00:04:56,518 --> 00:04:58,796
Please direct me to your city's
finest, flattest cheeseburger.
128
00:04:58,820 --> 00:05:00,188
FRANCINE: Goosebumps.
129
00:05:00,288 --> 00:05:03,057
ROGER:
The real Chicagoan experience...
130
00:05:03,157 --> 00:05:05,560
(electronic dance music plays)
131
00:05:05,660 --> 00:05:08,162
Waaaaahhhh!
132
00:05:08,262 --> 00:05:09,831
Y'all feelin' this?!
133
00:05:09,931 --> 00:05:13,067
Neuron dance partyyyyy!
134
00:05:13,167 --> 00:05:16,938
♪♪
135
00:05:17,038 --> 00:05:20,909
♪♪
136
00:05:21,009 --> 00:05:23,745
ROGER: ...a man on the bus said
it didn't matter how much
137
00:05:23,845 --> 00:05:25,714
I liked flat cheeseburgers.
138
00:05:25,814 --> 00:05:28,016
That didn't make it
a Chicago thing.
139
00:05:28,116 --> 00:05:29,918
So, whatever,
that trip was a bust.
140
00:05:30,018 --> 00:05:31,219
The end.
141
00:05:33,287 --> 00:05:35,757
No, keep talking about yourself,
142
00:05:35,857 --> 00:05:37,626
and don't forget to whisper.
143
00:05:37,726 --> 00:05:39,961
You're the best listener
in the world.
144
00:05:40,061 --> 00:05:43,532
Okay, so after Chi-Town,
I was like,
145
00:05:43,632 --> 00:05:45,734
"Why am I traveling so much?"
146
00:05:45,834 --> 00:05:48,437
So I stayed home and went to CVS
147
00:05:48,537 --> 00:05:50,204
and slid around the linoleum
148
00:05:50,304 --> 00:05:53,708
in the socks Stan yelled at me
for wearing hiking.
149
00:05:53,808 --> 00:05:56,210
(bell rings)
150
00:05:57,278 --> 00:05:58,647
STEVE:
There she is, fellas.
151
00:05:58,747 --> 00:06:01,149
The future Mrs. Ashley Wagner.
152
00:06:01,249 --> 00:06:03,051
I'll be taking her name
when we get married.
153
00:06:03,151 --> 00:06:05,053
Does she even know you exist?
154
00:06:05,153 --> 00:06:07,055
Not yet,
but I've written a love note
155
00:06:07,155 --> 00:06:08,289
to drop in her locker.
156
00:06:08,389 --> 00:06:11,092
Smart!
Girls love to read!
157
00:06:11,192 --> 00:06:13,495
I told her I'd reveal myself
at the dance
158
00:06:13,595 --> 00:06:16,230
and signed it
"Your secret admirer,"
159
00:06:16,330 --> 00:06:18,767
so she'll fall in love with me
for the merits of my writing
160
00:06:18,867 --> 00:06:22,303
and not my
Rachel Maddow good looks.
161
00:06:22,403 --> 00:06:23,472
Coming through!
162
00:06:23,572 --> 00:06:25,440
Dangerous
construction materials!
163
00:06:25,540 --> 00:06:27,942
Shortcut to the site,
through the school!
164
00:06:28,042 --> 00:06:32,981
♪♪
165
00:06:33,081 --> 00:06:35,517
Ooh, goth girls.
Spooky.
166
00:06:35,617 --> 00:06:39,688
♪♪
167
00:06:39,788 --> 00:06:41,122
Steve, look out!
168
00:06:41,222 --> 00:06:42,857
- Ugh!
- (rods clatter)
169
00:06:45,860 --> 00:06:47,261
(students gasp)
170
00:06:47,361 --> 00:06:49,430
Oh, God!
I could be blamed for this.
171
00:06:50,932 --> 00:06:52,200
- Aaaah!
- Aah!
172
00:06:52,300 --> 00:06:54,335
My sweet Steve!
173
00:06:54,435 --> 00:06:56,505
We were friends!
174
00:06:56,605 --> 00:06:59,508
(sobbing)
We were friends!
175
00:06:59,608 --> 00:07:01,543
What are you talking about?
176
00:07:01,643 --> 00:07:02,977
We're still friends.
177
00:07:03,077 --> 00:07:04,278
Do you not feel it?
178
00:07:04,378 --> 00:07:05,647
Feel what?
179
00:07:05,747 --> 00:07:07,649
Hey, look.
Someone slipped me a note.
180
00:07:07,749 --> 00:07:09,851
"Dear beautiful."
Hah!
181
00:07:09,951 --> 00:07:12,020
Flattery will get you
everywhere.
182
00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:13,855
"You're all I can
think about..."
183
00:07:13,955 --> 00:07:14,955
(gasps)
184
00:07:14,989 --> 00:07:16,825
Are you all right?
185
00:07:16,925 --> 00:07:18,627
I'm better than all right!
186
00:07:18,727 --> 00:07:20,829
I have a secret admirer!
187
00:07:20,929 --> 00:07:23,397
And she's gonna reveal herself
at the dance!
188
00:07:23,498 --> 00:07:25,199
Looks like ol' Steven Anita
189
00:07:25,299 --> 00:07:28,036
might be the first
to lose his V-card.
190
00:07:28,136 --> 00:07:29,337
(locker clangs)
191
00:07:29,437 --> 00:07:31,305
(clanging continues)
192
00:07:32,974 --> 00:07:36,845
♪♪
193
00:07:36,945 --> 00:07:40,815
♪♪
194
00:07:40,915 --> 00:07:41,915
(chuckles)
195
00:07:41,950 --> 00:07:43,585
One of those days, huh?
196
00:07:44,986 --> 00:07:46,555
Roger whispered.
197
00:07:46,655 --> 00:07:48,322
- (steam hisses)
- And when he did,
198
00:07:48,422 --> 00:07:51,560
it gave me
an incredible sensation.
199
00:07:51,660 --> 00:07:55,930
A kind of peace and relaxation
I haven't felt
200
00:07:56,030 --> 00:07:58,867
since I started
obsessing over death.
201
00:07:58,967 --> 00:08:03,437
I got the chilly thrillies
up and down my neck!
202
00:08:03,538 --> 00:08:05,173
Ah, yes.
203
00:08:05,273 --> 00:08:07,175
Technically, it's called ASMR.
204
00:08:07,275 --> 00:08:09,844
ASMR?
As in...
205
00:08:09,944 --> 00:08:13,181
asymmetrical sexy men rule?
206
00:08:13,281 --> 00:08:15,850
No. It's when you get
unbelievably relaxed
207
00:08:15,950 --> 00:08:17,218
by whispers.
208
00:08:17,318 --> 00:08:20,388
It also works with eating
pickles or other crunchy foods,
209
00:08:20,488 --> 00:08:23,057
like, uh...
210
00:08:23,157 --> 00:08:25,293
pickles, w-which is, uh...
211
00:08:25,393 --> 00:08:26,460
the best example.
212
00:08:26,561 --> 00:08:28,296
Some people think ASMR
is sexual,
213
00:08:28,396 --> 00:08:30,699
but for most people, it's not.
214
00:08:30,799 --> 00:08:32,133
But for me, it definitely is.
215
00:08:32,233 --> 00:08:34,736
Klaus, this is perfect!
216
00:08:34,836 --> 00:08:38,239
I'll just hang out with Roger
where he's forced to whisper.
217
00:08:38,873 --> 00:08:40,651
- (tranquil music plays)
- (whispering) So it turns out,
218
00:08:40,675 --> 00:08:42,877
Ricki's boyfriend didn't
run out on her.
219
00:08:42,977 --> 00:08:46,581
He just got tangled in some
wind chimes at a Pier 1
220
00:08:46,681 --> 00:08:48,583
and they found him
a couple of days ago,
221
00:08:48,683 --> 00:08:51,152
severely dehydrated.
222
00:08:53,254 --> 00:08:55,657
♪♪
223
00:08:55,757 --> 00:08:57,992
That movie was really relaxing.
224
00:08:58,092 --> 00:09:01,229
Oh, yeah, these Transformers
movies are so zen.
225
00:09:01,329 --> 00:09:03,164
All that metal-on-metal
scraping.
226
00:09:03,264 --> 00:09:05,600
And Optimus Prime
is sneaky funny.
227
00:09:05,700 --> 00:09:08,302
Hanging out with you
has really taken my mind off
228
00:09:08,402 --> 00:09:10,271
death by nuclear holocaust.
229
00:09:10,371 --> 00:09:12,340
In fact, why are we leaving?
230
00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:13,474
Let's see another movie.
231
00:09:13,574 --> 00:09:14,643
I'm a little movied out.
232
00:09:14,743 --> 00:09:16,183
Can we go somewhere
where I can talk?
233
00:09:16,210 --> 00:09:17,679
Out loud?
234
00:09:17,779 --> 00:09:19,313
Oh! Yes.
235
00:09:19,413 --> 00:09:20,749
Great idea.
236
00:09:20,849 --> 00:09:22,516
How about the...
237
00:09:22,617 --> 00:09:23,652
library?
238
00:09:23,752 --> 00:09:25,186
La biblioteca?
239
00:09:25,286 --> 00:09:27,588
That's Spanish for
"Sure, why not?"
240
00:09:29,190 --> 00:09:31,660
(whispering)
Oh, I am a total Hufflepuff.
241
00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:33,594
Don't you think
I'm a Hufflepuff?
242
00:09:33,695 --> 00:09:36,665
Francine, what the fuff
is a Hufflepuff?
243
00:09:40,034 --> 00:09:41,135
Pickle?
244
00:09:41,235 --> 00:09:44,338
A man would be a fool
to refuse a purse pickle.
245
00:09:44,438 --> 00:09:46,374
(crunching)
246
00:09:46,474 --> 00:09:48,142
Ahh!
247
00:09:48,242 --> 00:09:50,278
(crunching continues)
248
00:09:51,512 --> 00:09:53,982
Oh, that's nice.
249
00:09:54,082 --> 00:09:55,950
Uhp, there's an owl in this.
250
00:09:56,050 --> 00:09:57,770
If I was interested in things
with big eyes,
251
00:09:57,819 --> 00:09:59,888
I would still be stalking
Emma Stone.
252
00:09:59,988 --> 00:10:01,355
Do you think
I should check on her?
253
00:10:01,455 --> 00:10:03,725
No, let's go
to a golf tournament.
254
00:10:03,825 --> 00:10:06,527
Sure. A-And maybe on the way,
we swing by her parents' house
255
00:10:06,627 --> 00:10:08,897
and see if they have
anything cool in their trash?
256
00:10:08,997 --> 00:10:11,465
(birds chirping)
257
00:10:11,565 --> 00:10:13,501
(whispering)
Douglath bailed on Jen,
258
00:10:13,601 --> 00:10:15,569
so she went
indoor skydiving alone.
259
00:10:15,670 --> 00:10:16,905
So brave.
260
00:10:17,005 --> 00:10:19,708
I can't even go
to Souplantation alone.
261
00:10:20,742 --> 00:10:22,744
What do you think
it would sound like
262
00:10:22,844 --> 00:10:25,146
if you tapped your nails
on this book
263
00:10:25,246 --> 00:10:27,515
I stole from the library?
264
00:10:28,883 --> 00:10:31,552
(gentle tapping)
265
00:10:34,355 --> 00:10:35,223
(grunts)
266
00:10:35,323 --> 00:10:37,158
- Aah!
- (body thuds, crowd gasps)
267
00:10:37,258 --> 00:10:38,760
I think he killed that guy.
268
00:10:38,860 --> 00:10:40,161
(relaxed)
It's okay.
269
00:10:40,261 --> 00:10:41,595
I've come to realize
270
00:10:41,696 --> 00:10:43,698
death plays a beautiful role
271
00:10:43,798 --> 00:10:45,934
in the circle of life.
272
00:10:46,034 --> 00:10:48,937
♪♪
273
00:10:49,037 --> 00:10:50,437
(whispering)
This funeral reminds me
274
00:10:50,504 --> 00:10:52,874
of when Jennifer's dog
got heartworm.
275
00:10:52,974 --> 00:10:54,208
It survived, of course.
276
00:10:54,308 --> 00:10:56,110
That's the main difference.
277
00:10:56,210 --> 00:10:58,780
Crinkle these noodles
as you talk.
278
00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:00,081
You betcha.
279
00:11:00,181 --> 00:11:02,350
(package crinkling)
280
00:11:02,450 --> 00:11:04,886
Shortcut through the cemetery!
281
00:11:04,986 --> 00:11:07,388
Ooh, this funeral's spooky!
282
00:11:10,458 --> 00:11:13,694
Wow. My secret admirer
is a helluva writer.
283
00:11:13,795 --> 00:11:16,030
Should we tell him
he wrote that letter?
284
00:11:16,130 --> 00:11:18,366
Why?
Look how happy he is.
285
00:11:18,466 --> 00:11:20,568
Just look at the way
she loops her L's.
286
00:11:20,668 --> 00:11:23,304
She clearly knows her way
around a dick.
287
00:11:23,404 --> 00:11:25,740
Should we at least
pull out the pole?
288
00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:29,043
No, then he'll remember
he wrote the note!
289
00:11:29,143 --> 00:11:31,712
You want to fix his brain
and break his heart?
290
00:11:31,813 --> 00:11:33,047
(crunching)
291
00:11:33,147 --> 00:11:35,984
Mm. This food tastes
kind of metallic.
292
00:11:36,084 --> 00:11:37,485
Are you guys
getting any of that?
293
00:11:37,585 --> 00:11:39,120
Yes, sirree!
294
00:11:39,220 --> 00:11:41,823
Pearl Bailey's famous
copper nachos.
295
00:11:41,923 --> 00:11:45,459
There's a lucky penny
melted into every batch!
296
00:11:45,559 --> 00:11:47,428
So, you guys are assuring me
this is normal?
297
00:11:47,528 --> 00:11:48,662
Ohhh, yeah.
298
00:11:48,763 --> 00:11:51,265
Everything that's going on
is normal.
299
00:11:51,365 --> 00:11:54,068
Normal's the word
of the day here.
300
00:11:54,168 --> 00:11:56,504
♪♪
301
00:11:56,604 --> 00:11:58,106
Francinie-weenie!
302
00:11:58,206 --> 00:11:59,607
Ready to hang?
303
00:11:59,707 --> 00:12:01,142
Huh, no Francine.
304
00:12:01,242 --> 00:12:03,277
Welp, then I guess
this is a great time
305
00:12:03,377 --> 00:12:06,147
for me to snooooop!
306
00:12:07,348 --> 00:12:08,817
Spider-Man action figure.
307
00:12:08,917 --> 00:12:10,484
Unexpected.
308
00:12:10,584 --> 00:12:11,820
Grapefruit.
309
00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:13,187
Another Spider-Man?
Wow.
310
00:12:13,287 --> 00:12:14,856
She really has a thing
for Spider-Man.
311
00:12:14,956 --> 00:12:18,026
- (buzzing)
- Ohhh!
312
00:12:18,126 --> 00:12:19,360
What's this?
313
00:12:20,929 --> 00:12:23,697
A microcassette
of "Roger's whispers"?
314
00:12:25,666 --> 00:12:27,947
ROGER (whispering): And I'm
like, "What channels do I lose
315
00:12:28,036 --> 00:12:30,438
if I move down
to the ultimate package?"
316
00:12:30,538 --> 00:12:34,208
And she's like, "You'd lose
HGTV and DIY Network."
317
00:12:34,308 --> 00:12:37,178
So, yeah, I still pay
$400 a month for cable.
318
00:12:37,278 --> 00:12:38,522
- (button clicks)
- (Klaus whistling)
319
00:12:38,546 --> 00:12:41,349
Klaus, do you know why Francine
is recording my stories?
320
00:12:41,449 --> 00:12:43,489
Is she trying to steal them
for a book or something?
321
00:12:43,584 --> 00:12:45,954
Like you did when you befriended
The Situation?
322
00:12:46,054 --> 00:12:47,054
Yeah, like that.
323
00:12:47,188 --> 00:12:48,966
Oh, no. She doesn't care about
what you're saying.
324
00:12:48,990 --> 00:12:51,192
She just likes the sounds
your mouth makes
325
00:12:51,292 --> 00:12:52,861
when you whisper and stuff!
326
00:12:52,961 --> 00:12:54,528
They relax her.
327
00:12:54,628 --> 00:12:57,331
She's recording
everything you do.
328
00:12:57,431 --> 00:12:59,400
What?!
329
00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:01,569
"Roger's crunching"?
330
00:13:01,669 --> 00:13:04,138
(crunching)
331
00:13:05,974 --> 00:13:07,084
- (button clicks)
- Oh, my God.
332
00:13:07,108 --> 00:13:08,819
Is that what I sound like
when I eat pickles?
333
00:13:08,843 --> 00:13:10,344
Ugh.
So nasally.
334
00:13:10,444 --> 00:13:11,645
I thought I sounded more like
335
00:13:11,745 --> 00:13:13,982
Dwayne "Vin Diesel 'The Rock'"
Johnson.
336
00:13:14,082 --> 00:13:17,051
(deep voice) Rawr, we're family!
Crunch crunch.
337
00:13:17,151 --> 00:13:19,921
(normal voice)
Francine's not listening to me?
338
00:13:20,021 --> 00:13:21,890
(sobbing)
339
00:13:23,424 --> 00:13:25,393
I caught you red-handed!
340
00:13:25,493 --> 00:13:27,695
Hey, man, I paid for this toast.
341
00:13:27,795 --> 00:13:29,263
"Roger's crunching"?!
342
00:13:29,363 --> 00:13:31,432
You only care about my noises!
343
00:13:31,532 --> 00:13:33,234
What's the big deal?
344
00:13:33,334 --> 00:13:35,870
We're hanging out,
and your noises relax me.
345
00:13:35,970 --> 00:13:37,238
You want to relax?
346
00:13:37,338 --> 00:13:40,008
Listen to the crunch of me
destroying your tapes!
347
00:13:40,108 --> 00:13:41,242
- (crunching)
- No!
348
00:13:41,342 --> 00:13:42,443
Ahhh.
349
00:13:42,543 --> 00:13:43,544
But no!
350
00:13:43,644 --> 00:13:45,613
Oh, that's nice.
351
00:13:45,713 --> 00:13:47,281
Well, that's all you're getting!
352
00:13:47,381 --> 00:13:49,617
You won't get another sound
out of me!
353
00:13:49,717 --> 00:13:52,286
Roger, I can just
follow you around
354
00:13:52,386 --> 00:13:54,122
and tape whatever I want.
355
00:13:54,222 --> 00:13:55,856
Oh, you're gonna follow me, huh?
356
00:13:55,957 --> 00:13:57,591
Bet you won't follow me to...
357
00:13:57,691 --> 00:13:59,693
Ch-Ch-Ch-Chernobyl.
358
00:13:59,793 --> 00:14:01,930
Roger, you can't go
to Chernobyl!
359
00:14:02,030 --> 00:14:03,364
It's dangerous!
360
00:14:03,464 --> 00:14:06,434
Well, I'd rather die there
than be ignored here!
361
00:14:07,735 --> 00:14:09,037
Hey, Mom.
Heads up --
362
00:14:09,137 --> 00:14:10,704
I hit a cyclist with your car.
363
00:14:10,804 --> 00:14:11,804
She's not dead.
364
00:14:11,940 --> 00:14:13,984
I put her in the trunk
until I can come up with a plan.
365
00:14:14,008 --> 00:14:16,110
Just letting you know
where I've been lately.
366
00:14:18,212 --> 00:14:20,614
(somber music plays)
367
00:14:20,714 --> 00:14:21,749
(frantically)
My whispers.
368
00:14:21,849 --> 00:14:23,151
Where are my whispers?
369
00:14:23,251 --> 00:14:24,452
I need my whispers!
370
00:14:24,552 --> 00:14:26,487
I could do them
for you, Francine.
371
00:14:26,587 --> 00:14:28,556
(gravelly whisper)
You're sssssafe
372
00:14:28,656 --> 00:14:31,059
with Klaussssss.
373
00:14:31,159 --> 00:14:33,727
No, just stop!
You don't have it!
374
00:14:33,827 --> 00:14:37,098
Yessss, I dooooo.
375
00:14:37,198 --> 00:14:39,100
I drove Roger away!
376
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:40,501
He left!
377
00:14:40,601 --> 00:14:43,604
I drove him to the airport,
and then he left!
378
00:14:43,704 --> 00:14:45,349
(normal voice)
Well, you could go after him.
379
00:14:45,373 --> 00:14:48,442
Ooh, according to his Insta,
he's made it to Chernobyl.
380
00:14:48,542 --> 00:14:50,444
Oh, no!
We've got to save him!
381
00:14:50,544 --> 00:14:52,746
The radiation's gonna
make him sick!
382
00:14:52,846 --> 00:14:55,249
It's already making him thirsty.
383
00:14:55,349 --> 00:14:57,818
What the hell,
I'll give him a little sip.
384
00:14:59,487 --> 00:15:01,789
(droning music plays)
385
00:15:04,358 --> 00:15:06,627
What the hell am I doing here?
386
00:15:06,727 --> 00:15:08,662
- Was this stupid?
- Yes.
387
00:15:08,762 --> 00:15:10,764
Well, we have to find Roger.
388
00:15:10,864 --> 00:15:13,634
According to Ask Jeeves,
we have five hours
389
00:15:13,734 --> 00:15:17,371
before the radiation turns us
into walkin'-talkin' tumors.
390
00:15:17,471 --> 00:15:19,340
Five hours 'til I turn
into that fish
391
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,642
from The Simpsons
with three eyes.
392
00:15:21,742 --> 00:15:23,377
Do you watch The Simpsons,
Francine?
393
00:15:23,477 --> 00:15:25,279
It's getting good.
394
00:15:25,379 --> 00:15:26,714
And Jennifer's current boyfriend
395
00:15:26,814 --> 00:15:29,617
is also a bartender
at TGI Friday's.
396
00:15:29,717 --> 00:15:32,286
So either she's got a type
or she can't walk away
397
00:15:32,386 --> 00:15:34,222
from free Jack Daniel's
Shrimp and Grits.
398
00:15:34,322 --> 00:15:37,325
That is fine, but you have
very little time to live.
399
00:15:37,425 --> 00:15:40,061
The radiation has already
eaten away your nose and ears.
400
00:15:40,161 --> 00:15:42,796
Well, you look like a banana
with a handle.
401
00:15:42,896 --> 00:15:44,898
- (air hissing)
- Pee-yew!
402
00:15:44,999 --> 00:15:46,867
You been Vladimir Putin
in there?
403
00:15:46,967 --> 00:15:48,036
What have you done?!
404
00:15:48,136 --> 00:15:49,403
You should be thanking me!
405
00:15:49,503 --> 00:15:51,005
You were just breathing it in!
406
00:15:51,105 --> 00:15:52,673
Roger?
407
00:15:52,773 --> 00:15:54,375
Well, look who it is.
408
00:15:54,475 --> 00:15:57,711
The person I was wrong about how
afraid they were of Chernobyl.
409
00:15:57,811 --> 00:16:00,014
I thought I wouldn't
see you here.
410
00:16:00,114 --> 00:16:01,815
Roger, you look terrible.
411
00:16:01,915 --> 00:16:03,251
You need to come home.
412
00:16:03,351 --> 00:16:05,686
So you can have my whispers
at your disposal?
413
00:16:05,786 --> 00:16:08,189
Well, you're not gonna like
my whispers anymore!
414
00:16:08,289 --> 00:16:09,723
(whoosh)
415
00:16:11,092 --> 00:16:12,193
(gasps)
416
00:16:12,293 --> 00:16:16,264
The radiation has made them
more relaxing than ever!
417
00:16:16,364 --> 00:16:18,666
- (whooshing)
- (distorted) Sleeeeep!
418
00:16:18,766 --> 00:16:20,434
(both sigh)
419
00:16:22,036 --> 00:16:23,771
(snoring)
420
00:16:23,871 --> 00:16:26,740
Wow. I guess life is coming back
to Chernobyl.
421
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:30,511
(yawning)
422
00:16:30,611 --> 00:16:33,947
I've heard of a weeping willow,
but a sleeping willow?
423
00:16:34,048 --> 00:16:36,450
(ting!)
424
00:16:36,550 --> 00:16:38,952
♪♪
425
00:16:39,053 --> 00:16:41,122
(indistinct conversations)
426
00:16:43,557 --> 00:16:45,959
There's only
a few more songs left.
427
00:16:46,060 --> 00:16:50,064
Steve's gonna be devastated
when there's no secret admirer.
428
00:16:50,164 --> 00:16:52,233
Did -- Did we handle this wrong?
429
00:16:52,333 --> 00:16:53,767
I have an idea!
430
00:16:53,867 --> 00:16:55,035
Hit me with it, Barry.
431
00:16:55,136 --> 00:16:58,472
Maybe if we each got a pole
in our head,
432
00:16:58,572 --> 00:17:01,475
we'd have secret admirers
like Steve!
433
00:17:01,575 --> 00:17:03,744
Okay.
I'm on my own here.
434
00:17:03,844 --> 00:17:05,613
Just gotta break
the news to him.
435
00:17:05,713 --> 00:17:07,981
And I'll work on finding poles!
436
00:17:08,082 --> 00:17:09,483
(sighs)
437
00:17:09,583 --> 00:17:11,752
Steve, there's nobody coming.
438
00:17:11,852 --> 00:17:13,287
That love note?
439
00:17:13,387 --> 00:17:14,622
You wrote it yourself.
440
00:17:14,722 --> 00:17:17,057
Ohhh. And I probably
don't remember
441
00:17:17,158 --> 00:17:18,559
because I have a pole
in my head.
442
00:17:18,659 --> 00:17:19,793
You know about that?!
443
00:17:19,893 --> 00:17:21,262
I tied my bow tie.
444
00:17:21,362 --> 00:17:22,930
Can't do that without a mirror.
445
00:17:23,030 --> 00:17:24,398
So, in a way,
446
00:17:24,498 --> 00:17:26,467
I'm my own secret admirer!
447
00:17:26,567 --> 00:17:28,802
You always have been.
448
00:17:28,902 --> 00:17:32,140
Me, may I have this dance?
449
00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:34,775
Yes, me. You may.
450
00:17:34,875 --> 00:17:41,081
♪♪
451
00:17:41,182 --> 00:17:43,617
I got the poles!
452
00:17:43,717 --> 00:17:44,797
- (grunts)
- (poles clatter)
453
00:17:44,885 --> 00:17:47,288
(stammering)
454
00:17:47,388 --> 00:17:50,124
Look!
Barry's doing a new dance!
455
00:17:50,224 --> 00:17:52,760
I call it the Barry!
Everybody do the Barry!
456
00:17:52,860 --> 00:17:54,528
♪ Barry, Barry, Barry ♪
457
00:17:54,628 --> 00:17:56,164
♪ Do the Barry-Barry ♪
458
00:17:56,264 --> 00:17:59,267
♪ He's a fat kid
who's almost fallin' down ♪
459
00:17:59,367 --> 00:18:02,102
Lock the doors
until everyone does the Barry.
460
00:18:02,203 --> 00:18:03,337
(droning music plays)
461
00:18:03,437 --> 00:18:05,306
(both groaning)
462
00:18:05,406 --> 00:18:07,208
(gasps)
463
00:18:07,308 --> 00:18:09,009
How long were we out for?
464
00:18:09,109 --> 00:18:10,778
We only have an hour
before we die.
465
00:18:10,878 --> 00:18:13,447
And we don't have any idea
where Roger is.
466
00:18:13,547 --> 00:18:15,383
Maybe he went that way.
467
00:18:15,483 --> 00:18:18,018
(animals snoring)
468
00:18:18,118 --> 00:18:19,387
But even if we find him,
469
00:18:19,487 --> 00:18:21,289
he'll just put us
to sleep again.
470
00:18:21,389 --> 00:18:22,623
Hmm.
471
00:18:22,723 --> 00:18:24,525
Did you see the movie Bird Box?
472
00:18:24,625 --> 00:18:26,527
It's been on my watch list
for like six months,
473
00:18:26,627 --> 00:18:28,162
but I don't actually
want to watch it.
474
00:18:28,262 --> 00:18:30,164
Well, what if instead
of Sandra Bullock
475
00:18:30,264 --> 00:18:32,233
not being able to see,
476
00:18:32,333 --> 00:18:33,967
she couldn't hear?
477
00:18:34,067 --> 00:18:36,069
(gasps)
That sounds so scary!
478
00:18:36,170 --> 00:18:37,538
But like I said,
I haven't seen it,
479
00:18:37,638 --> 00:18:39,072
and I'm probably not going to.
480
00:18:39,173 --> 00:18:42,410
(sighs)
We're gonna have to reach Roger
481
00:18:42,510 --> 00:18:45,679
without our most
important sense.
482
00:18:47,648 --> 00:18:49,750
I can't hear where I'm going!
483
00:18:49,850 --> 00:18:52,253
How do deaf people get anywhere?
484
00:18:52,353 --> 00:18:54,255
What, Francine?
Where are you?
485
00:18:54,355 --> 00:18:56,824
What the hell?
486
00:18:56,924 --> 00:18:58,692
(dramatic music plays)
487
00:18:58,792 --> 00:19:01,595
KLAUS: Gawwww.
Stacked high animals.
488
00:19:01,695 --> 00:19:03,231
This is horrible.
489
00:19:03,331 --> 00:19:05,899
But now I'm getting used to it.
490
00:19:05,999 --> 00:19:07,568
Now it's kind of cute.
491
00:19:07,668 --> 00:19:10,170
(animals snoring)
492
00:19:14,542 --> 00:19:19,280
♪♪
493
00:19:19,380 --> 00:19:20,548
What are you doing here?
494
00:19:20,648 --> 00:19:21,782
I thought I told you to
495
00:19:21,882 --> 00:19:23,917
(distorted) sleeeep!
496
00:19:25,853 --> 00:19:28,021
Wait, why aren't you asleep?
497
00:19:28,121 --> 00:19:30,224
Roger, we've gotta go!
498
00:19:30,324 --> 00:19:31,859
You're gonna die!
499
00:19:31,959 --> 00:19:32,960
I don't care!
500
00:19:33,060 --> 00:19:35,463
You don't belong here alone!
501
00:19:35,563 --> 00:19:39,233
You wouldn't even go
to Souplantation by yourself!
502
00:19:39,333 --> 00:19:41,134
You heard me!
503
00:19:41,235 --> 00:19:42,403
Come on!
504
00:19:42,503 --> 00:19:45,105
You're acting weirder
than those dolphins
505
00:19:45,205 --> 00:19:49,543
after they saw Ricki having sex
with that guy at SeaWorld!
506
00:19:49,643 --> 00:19:51,745
Oh, my God.
507
00:19:51,845 --> 00:19:54,715
(pleasant music plays)
508
00:19:54,815 --> 00:19:58,085
You were... listening to me
the whole time?
509
00:19:58,185 --> 00:20:00,120
Well, part of the time.
510
00:20:00,220 --> 00:20:01,722
You talk a lot, Roger.
511
00:20:01,822 --> 00:20:03,591
I'm bound to pick up
bits and pieces.
512
00:20:03,691 --> 00:20:05,993
That's so sweet of you,
remembering all that stuff
513
00:20:06,093 --> 00:20:07,561
about people I made up.
514
00:20:08,629 --> 00:20:09,797
Oh, no!
515
00:20:09,897 --> 00:20:11,465
We've gotta get out of here.
516
00:20:11,565 --> 00:20:12,733
Klaus is dying!
517
00:20:12,833 --> 00:20:14,268
Or maybe it's too late for him,
518
00:20:14,368 --> 00:20:15,903
but we have a little time.
519
00:20:16,003 --> 00:20:18,406
Because there's a brunch place
I'd like to try out.
520
00:20:18,506 --> 00:20:19,840
Although it might not be open.
521
00:20:19,940 --> 00:20:22,610
A lot of stuff closed
after the, um...
522
00:20:22,710 --> 00:20:24,912
nuclear unpleasantness.
523
00:20:27,581 --> 00:20:30,284
I'm sorry I used you
for your noises.
524
00:20:30,384 --> 00:20:32,252
I know I'm supposed to be
your best friend,
525
00:20:32,353 --> 00:20:34,522
but I wasn't acting like it.
526
00:20:34,622 --> 00:20:37,858
Well, you did face your fear
of death to come bring me home.
527
00:20:37,958 --> 00:20:39,960
Huh, that's true.
528
00:20:40,060 --> 00:20:43,297
Let's celebrate our friendship
by doing The Barry!
529
00:20:43,397 --> 00:20:45,032
PRINCIPAL LEWIS:
♪ Barry, Barry, Barry ♪
530
00:20:45,132 --> 00:20:46,534
♪ Do the Barry-Barry ♪
531
00:20:46,634 --> 00:20:49,603
♪ He's a fat kid
who's almost fallin' down ♪
532
00:20:49,703 --> 00:20:50,938
The Barry?
533
00:20:51,038 --> 00:20:52,940
The radiation is
driving them insane.
534
00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:54,207
I'm with you, brother.
535
00:20:54,308 --> 00:20:55,609
These people are nuts.
536
00:20:55,709 --> 00:20:56,977
But I've got your back.
537
00:20:57,077 --> 00:20:58,379
I am your back!
538
00:20:58,479 --> 00:21:00,814
(laughing)
539
00:21:02,215 --> 00:21:04,151
Have a great night!
37522
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