All language subtitles for 12 Men Of Christmas

** [ Pop ]

[ Man ]
* Christmastime
is almost here again *

* People come
from far and near again *

* Isn't Christmastime
a wonderful thing *

* Deck the halls
and hang the mistletoe *

* Kiss the one you love
and let 'em know *

* Isn't Christmastime
a wonderful thing *

[ Woman Narrating ]
There are three things
that all New Yorkers strive for:

the perfect job,
the perfect apartment,
and the perfect fiancé.

How did I, E.J. Baxter, manage
to pull off that trifecta?

Because I never took "no"
for an answer,

even if it made me miserable.

[ Phone Beeps ]
E.J., it's Susan Curtsonis.

Look, I really appreciate
your interest,

but we're perfectly happy with
the public relations company
we have.

Have a happy holiday.
[ Phone Beeps ]

[ Woman ]
Susan Curtsonis's office.

I'm sorry,
but she's not here.

Actually, I wasn't calling
to pitch her account.

I was calling you, Cindy.

Despite the outcome,
you have been a real class act.
Thank you.

If I can ever be
of any help--

Look, thanks for calling,
but I've got to go spend
my lunch hour...

standing in line trying
to get Coldplay tickets.

[ Cindy ]
I can't believe
you did this!

New Year's Eve
and they're all sold out!

Ah, I knew
you wanted them.

Just make sure to hold onto
those backstage passes.

I don't understand why Susan
won't take a meeting with you.

The thing is,
I just need 10 minutes
of her time anywhere.

Doesn't even need
to be her office.

That hair color
can't be natural.

Where and when does she get
her roots done? Or her nails?

She had them all done yesterday.
But there is one place she goes.

You have approximately
five minutes...

to tell me why I should
switch agencies, E.J.

Gotcha, Susan. The problem
with the campaign--
No, E.J.

In here.
You do spin, don't you?

Oh. Do I spin?
[ Chuckles ]

** [ Upbeat ]
All right, you guys,
take it up.

Out of that saddle,
going into those push-ups.

In four, three--

Down and up.
Here we go.
Down and up.

Down and up.
Two more.

Down, up.
Last one.

Sit and sprint,
as fast as you can.

Don't stop.
Keep that head up.

Trip Advisor rates
your flagship hotel...

as only number 247
in New York.

Even if it's primarily
a business hotel,

I don't understand why
your current campaign...

doesn't promise
business travelers something
they can't get at home.

And one.
Let's take it back up.

Front, front, side, side.

Front, front,
side, side.

For example--
Great job, guys.
Keep it up.

Fashion launch party
celebrating our client
Donatella Versace...

sipping our client,
Laurent-Perrier champagne,

which gets featured
at Conde Nast,

where my ex-assistant
now works as an editor.

[ Instructor ]
All the way up.

Sharon Byrons?
Call back.

Jeff Field?
Call back.

Jackie Bescher?

Call her back and tell her
she'll have it in her inbox in
the morning when she wakes up.

Now, you arranged for a car
to take us to the airport?
Uh-huh.

Everyone has my number
at Le Toiny?

I don't know why you'd
want anybody to bother you
in St. Barts, but uh-huh.

There's always
an emergency.
Who else?

Uh, Ellen Plack.

Ah! Let's get her.
I just want to talk
to Lillah for a second.

Oh, and can you
send someone out to get
a bottle of ibuprofen?

An extra large bottle.

You did what?

What community college
P.R. class did you
learn that one in?

Would you get with
the program already?

Why do I have to spell out
everything all the time?

- I got the Curtsonis account.
- How the hell did you manage
to convince her?

Ah, it's nothing.

Well, we'll have a drink
at the party later to celebrate.

Besides you, E.J.,
I do not have a single person
in this company who gets it.

Ah.

Well, maybe Noah.

But even you, his fiancée,
know he's hardly perfect.

Well, he'll do
until perfect comes along.

** [ Piano: Light Jazz ]

** [ Continues ]
[ Chattering, Laughing ]

[ Man ]
* The days are short
the nights are long *

** [ Continues ]
[ E.J. ]
Okay, Noah, who's next?

There's Mark Madden.

Fortune once called him
the most lusted after managerial
star to never become CEO.

Poor guy.

Maybe he's waiting for
the right offer, the right time,
and the right environment.

I love you, but if anyone
ever spun me like that
I'd be out on a ledge.

Sorry, Noah.
Force of habit.

Oh, F.Y.I.,
I made us an appointment
with the caterer...

to taste the hot and cold
amuse-bouche.

Why don't you handle
that one by yourself?

I promise I will be
amused by your bouche.
[ Giggles ]

[ Grunts ]
My contacts are killing me.

Well, when you leave them
in too long, they dry out.
[ Mutters ]

Don't rub them.
You always say that.

And then
you always rub them.
Oh-- Oh, God.

The left one just shifted.
I think it's lost in my eye.
Here, honey, let me see.

No, I got it.

[ Sighs ]

Go take your cute little butt
for one last turn
around the room.

Then we'll go home.
Sounds like a plan.

* Ask the children
They all know *

[ Phone Ringing ]
[ Chattering,
Laughing Continue ]

[ Beeps ]
Hi, Roz.
I'm at the Christmas party.

Alert, alert, alert.
I just got a call.

Prada sample sale tomorrow.

You guys are going to Paris
next week. Don't you
just want to shop there?

Well, of course.
But there's no harm in looking.
Everything's at least 40% off.

Oh, we are so there.
[ Moaning, Giggling ]

Hey!

Oh! You wouldn't believe
what's going on in
the bathroom behind me.

This is New York. I wouldn't
believe it if there wasn't
something going on behind you.

Oh! He's wearing new
Dolce & Gabbana shoes. Nice.

[ Man, Woman Laughing ]

Wait a minute. I not only
know those shoes, I schlepped
them back from Milan!

Oh! Whoa!

[ Both Laughing ]

Let me guess.
She's giving you
your Christmas bonus.

- E.J., please don't make
a big deal out of this.
- Guess I don't rate.

All she gave me
was a fruitcake.

Look, E.J., you're too smart
not to know that sometimes
things just happen.

And once you process
and accept them--

[ Roz ]
What am I missing?
Call you back.

Darling, you know, I must admit
I really misjudged Noah.

You've got a great one here.
You really should be
nice to him.

Oh, my--

Let me ask you
something, Bill.
It's Bob.

Have you ever broken
a pair of heels
off some Gucci pumps?

Can't say that I have.

Oh, I gotta tell you
it's totally worth
getting fired over.

I mean, I can find
another job like that.

But do you--
do you know how hard it is
to find a guy like No--

You mean Noah?
[ Groans ]

Everybody said we were
perfect for each other.
Mmm.

I mean, perfect!
I mean, everybody!

Didn't you?
I don't know him.

And you don't want to.
He's a jackass!

But we had the same ambitions
and goals in life.

And yeah, yeah,
I could've been a total girl
about the whole thing...

and waited for him
to propose,

but I-I-I-I took the initiative
and he accepted the offer.

Well, it's quite--

Killer ring.

Mmm.

This was one merger
I really thought
was gonna last.

[ Sighs ]

[ Groans ]

Hi.

- How are you?
- How do you think I am?

Okay, I deserve that.

I realize the reason you didn't
call me back was that you needed
some space, some time to think.

Why'd you do it, Noah?

A million reasons,
probably none of them
good enough.

Just give one good one.

I see.

Well, don't worry about me.

I'm fine.
I'm great.

Do I look not great?
No, no.

You look amazing.

That's because I could
give lessons in amazing.

This is not the right time
to talk about this, but I was
hoping I could get my ring back.

I'm sorry. I realize
what that must sound like.

No.
Really, thank you.

You just made everything
a lot easier.

What's going on?
I don't know.
It's not coming off.

Why?
Did you gain weight?
Yes, Noah!

I gained 50 pounds
since I caught you
screwing Lillah last night.

Here.
I realize
I acted like a jerk.

[ Sarcastic Chuckle ]
Okay, worse.

I don't blame you
for hating me, E.J.

In spite of everything,
I still--
I really care about you.

If there's anything
you need me to do or anyone
you need me to call--

You are so thoughtful, Noah,
but I don't need your help.

My phone sheet
is already five pages long.

Not one person
has called me, Roz.

Well, maybe you should go
somewhere for a couple
of days and just de-stress.

It's too late.
All the decent places
are booked.

Do you want us to stay home
with you? You shouldn't
be alone right now.

I want you and Howie
to go to Paris.
Oh, Paris.

[ Scoffs ] It's no big deal.
It's not like there's
anything exciting to do there.

- I can put the money towards
getting a new new face.
- [ Laughs ]

Go to Paris.

Since Mom and Dad are gone,
Christmas means nothing to me.

I have plenty
to keep myself busy here.
And thanks for letting me stay.

[ E.J. ]
* Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way *

* Oh, what fun it is to ride in
a one-horse open sleigh, hey *

Hey! Shoo.

* All the way *

[ TV: Woman ]
You must believe in Mr. Kringle
and keep right on doing it.

You must have faith in him.
But he didn't
get me the--

That doesn't make sense,
Mommy.

Faith is believing
in things when common sense
tells you not to.

[ TV: Girl ]
Huh?

Just because things don't turn
out the way you want them to,
[ Crying ]

[ Whimpers ]

you've still got to
believe in them.

Okay.

[ Sniffling ]
It's good, isn't it?

[ Crowd Clamoring ]

Four... three...
two... one.

Happy New Year!

Oh, hey. Hey.

Happy new year, Cathy.
It's E.J. Baxter.

Yes! I know. I've been wanting
to call you for so long.

How are you?

I don't have to tell you
what a team player I am, Corey.

Mmm, I remember the day
I hired you as my assistant.

I thought if I could
just buy stock in this guy--

How right I was.

Sue, your problem
is not your product,
but your lack of brand loyalty.

Last year, Simon,
in addition to juggling
all my own accounts,

I was responsible
for bringing in 18%
of all new business.

This isn't about me,
Eve.

It's about what I can do
to help your business grow.

Yes. Yes.

You call me back
at your earliest convenience.

Thank you.
Thank you.

Good-bye.
[ Beeps ]

I never knew there were
so many variations of
"Don't call us, we'll call you."

Oh, Lillah
can't blackball you
all over the city.

She's done
a damn good job so far.

How can this be
happening, Roz? How?

I'm really,
really good.
The best.

Lost my livelihood,
my reputation,
my 24-hour doorman.
Oh!

I understand most people
wouldn't want to
cross Lillah by hiring me,

but there are legions
of her former victims
out there.

You'd think one of them would--
Well, you got that offer
from Kaplan and McGuire.

I can't take that crappy,
two-bit job offer
from that fleabag agency.

- What would that look like
out there? Desperate City.
- You are not desperate.

Then again, I just
don't want to sit around
and wait for an offer...

and be like, "Oh, I'm just
enjoying life, taking my time,
considering my options."

No one ever
believes that spin.

E.J., E.J., honey,
it is a horrible economy,

and you have only been looking
for a few months.

I promise you
there's a great job out there
with your name on it.

None.

Well, there is this one offer,
but it's-- [ Giggles ]

It's so ridiculous,
I don't even want to discuss it.
What?

The mayor of Kalispell, Montana
wants to hire me for a year...

to start a pilot program to lure
corporate retreats there.

This is a great idea!

N-No, Montana is exactly
where you should be.

Less pressure.

You will not be reminded
of your life in New York
in any way in Montana.

That's because there is
no such place as Montana.

It's just a big hole
in the ground, says "Montana."

Don't you remember Daddy
always told us...

the only people that lived
in Montana are the people that
sweep the dirt off the sign?

You do also realize he was also
an alcoholic womanizer who made
Bernie Madoff look honest?

Maybe so, but he was sincere
when he said it.
Oh, he was. He was.

Honey, listen. If there was
ever a time for you to think
beyond the box, this is it.

And you know you could
do that job in your sleep.
What do I do when I'm awake?

Just think of it
as a paid vacation.

You are going crazy
sitting around here waiting
for the phone to ring.

You need to go somewhere
where you will not be
constantly reminded of Noah...

and the situation,
and the fact that,
you know,

your life hasn't turned out
exactly the way
you had it planned out.

I'm a New Yorker, Roz.
I need the hustle and bustle.
It's a year.

What's 12 months? You'll be
back before you're finished
unpacking your purses.

But--
But... what?

What if no one here
wants me back?

Oh, honey.

Honey, they will.

Emma Jane.
Oh, Emma Jane!

I have a good feeling
about this.

** [ Country: Upbeat ]

[ Man ]
* Well, they're lining up
outside my door *

* To get a look at me *

* Hey, Lord
I'm in the thick of it now *

* Yeah, they're lining
up outside my door *

* To get a look at me *

* Hey, Lord
I'm in the thick of it now *

* But I keep ridin' *

* This ghost town highway *

* Honey, I keep drivin' *

* I'm gonna do it my way *
This is easy.
This is not hard.

* I remember walkin' *
I have a master's degree.

* Down that lonesome road *

Mmm. Okay.
* Hey, Lord
I'm in the thick of it now *

* Yeah, they're lining up
outside my door *

* Just to thank me *

* Hey, Lord
I'm in the thick of it now *

* But I keep ridin' *

* This ghost town highway *

* Honey, I keep drivin' *

* I'm gonna do it my way *

* I remember walkin' *

* Down that lonesome road *

* Yea, Lord
I'm in the thick of it now *

* But I keep ridin' *

* This ghost town highway *

* Honey, I keep drivin' *

* I'm gonna do it my way *

** [ Continues ]
Can I help you, ma'am?

Am I still in Montana?

* Yea, Lord
I'm in the thick of it now *

* Why, I said, Lord,
I'm in the thick of it now **

[ Man ]
Everything's cable ready
and wired for the Internet.

All this
for $525 a month?

Is that too much?
No.

No. It's fine.

But I'm not signing any
long-term lease. I'm only gonna
be here a year at most.

It's... no problem.

I can't tell you how happy
we are that you're here, E.J.

Thank you, Mayor Baker.
No, Bob, please.

Bob.

Let me introduce you
to Jan Lucas.
This is E.J. Baxter.

Anything you need,
Jan will help.

Great to meet you.
We're so excited you're here.

Oh! Oh!
[ Laughs ]

We didn't really get
a chance to talk specifics
of what you expect.

[ Chuckling ]
What would I know?

I mean, you're the bigwig
from New York.
I'm a mayor to 19,000 people.

If I knew how to deal
with what large companies
were looking for,

I wouldn't have
brought you here
to do your magic.

Settle in
and get started...

and we'll talk again later
after my zoning board meeting.

Oh, just
two little things.
Yeah. Shoot.

Assistant and office.

[ Laughing ]

Oh.
Well, um--

You and, uh--

Um, uh-- Uh--

Jan.
Jan! Jan.

Sorry.
[ Chuckles ]

Um, I'm putting together
a brochure...

with a list of things
that corporate executives
didn't know they could do here,

but I'm sure
I must be missing something.

Well, there's
Glacier National Park
and Flathead Lake.

Yes, and those are wonderful,
but everybody
already knows about them.

I'm looking for something that
will really create a splash.

I think people come here
wanting to experience...

what they don't have
at home.
Yes.

Wilderness adventures,
rafting, fishing and hiking,
and there's golf.

Yes. Uh, let's see.
How is your theater?

Well, we're not exactly
New York,

but Ray Prince
does a great salute
to Elvis.

Wow.
[ Chuckles ]

Um, how good
are your museums?

We don't have that many,
but the wildlife museum
is really cool.

And the Historical Society
puts on a--
You know what? Thank you.

I think I've got it. Thanks.
That was a big help.
Anytime.

One night this week
we have to go out
for drinks.

We have the best bars
and really great bands.

Maybe.
I'll just get myself settled.

What are you doing
a week from Sunday?

Um, there's a barbecue
to raise money for
the search and rescue station.

I am working the bake sale
and I could really use
some help.

Absolutely.
I am freedom's prisoner.

Great.

[ Imitates Gun Firing ]

Give my best to Big Wayne.

Will.
How you doing, Diane?

I'm fine. But what's this
I heard about your sister?
Well, she moved to Tampa.

She was moving in,
coming down the stairs,
took a wrong turn, slipped.

- Oh, no.
- Yeah, busted up her leg
pretty good.

Not a good thing.
Ligaments, tendons, bone.
Not good.

- How long is she
gonna be in a cast?
- Like three months.

And it's her right foot.
If it's your right foot,
you can't drive.

Wow.
People don't think
about that.

So my parents constantly
have to go over there,
driving her around--

Excuse me. I am so sorry
to hear about your sister, but
I need to pick up my package.

This was left
at my door.
You need to sign, hon.

Oh.
Sorry. Sorry.

- Go. Go right ahead.
I'm-- It's fine.
- Thank you.

- I'm just used to doormen
signing for me.
- Aren't we all?

Well, now,
you're obviously
really important.

So I'm gonna just--
I'll just wait.
Thank you.

So, what are your
big Saturday night plans?

Oh, you know.
We're having drinks
at Joe Allen's.

And then I have house seats
at the new Mamet play.

Then we're going to this
new place for dinner by that
former chef at Le Bernardin.

- Me too.
- Really?

Roz, have you forgotten
where I've been exiled to?

Oh, I'm-- I'm sorry.

Tell me about it.

I-I promise you,
first thing Monday morning
I will send you a care package.

And now in national news,
two snowboarders
were buried today...

when a sudden avalanche hit
Glacier National Park
in Northwestern Montana.

The area is popular...
Hey, quick.
Turn on C.N.B.

with thrill-seekers
looking for clean,
untouched powder.

Center officials estimated
that the avalanche...

was between
400 and 500 feet.
I see it.

Search and rescue workers
risked icy winds
and perilous conditions...

to locate
the stranded athletes.

Our C.N.B. reporter
spoke by phone with
squad physician Marci Hempel.

By the time we found them,
the men were suffering
from hypothermia.

We airlifted them to Kalispell
Regional and we do expect them
to make a full recovery.

But had we arrived
even a few minutes later,
they might not have survived.

- Honey, is that
anywhere near you?
- I think so.

[ Chattering, Laughing ]

[ Child ]
I got it! I got it!

Nice play!

Yeah!

- [ Woman ]
Just what I was hoping for.
- Here you go. Thank you.

Thanks, Marci.

Hi.
Hi, Eric.

Um, how much for
one of these cupcakes?
Uh, a dollar.

But after what you and the
rescue squad went through
yesterday, it's on me.

Well, thank you.

Eric,
this is E.J. Baxter.
Oh, hi.

She just moved here
from New York.
Wow, New York.

- Must be a big adjustment, huh?
- [ Chuckles ] Yeah.

You could say that.

- Um, so you were involved
in that rescue yesterday?
- Yeah. Yeah, I was.

- That was something.
- You're being modest.
You guys were fantastic.

We were lucky.
We've been borrowing our
helicopter from Sam Simon.

Only he sold his place
and is moving to Aspen.

So I don't know
what we're gonna do
when that happens.

Anyway, um,
thanks for the cupcake.

- It was nice to meet you, E.J.
- You, too.

Marci, why doesn't
the search and rescue squad
have its own helicopter?

We're funded through the county.
These days we're lucky
to get what we get.

It doesn't even begin
to pay for repairs,
training, new equipment.

- Not even close.
- I really admire you guys.

- I could never do what you do,
no matter how much I got paid.
- Oh, we don't get paid.

It's all volunteer.

Exactly. For instance,
Marci's husband Dave
is a real estate agent.

- But he's also on rescue squad.
- Then why risk your lives?

'Cause we love it here.
Because it's important.

I got, like, seven
of these cups now.
Can I borrow one?

[ Laughs ]
Will you look at that?
Oh, yeah.

That's E.J. Baxter.
Jan just introduced me
to her.

She just moved here
from New York.
Oh, we've met.

[ Chuckling ]

Thank you.
Thank you.

Mm-hmm.
Hmm.

So, this is
how you raise money.

Hey, we do it
however we can.

We sponsor triathlons
and pancake breakfasts
and raffles.

And then there's--
I'm guessing people here
really get into eating carbs.

Yeah.
They passed a law.

[ Chuckles ]

[ All Laughing ]

I don't know who that guy is
over there, but he certainly
has a high opinion of himself.

That's Will Albrecht.

He's the George Clooney
of Kalispell.
Mm-hmm.

Oh, please. In New York,
he couldn't bribe his way
past the velvet ropes.

[ E.J. Sighs ]

[ Roz ]
Was that a good sigh
or a bad sigh?

[ E.J. ] Why does
every road in this state
look exactly the same?

If only I could just
hail a cab to this place.

[ Roz ] Ah, yes.
The comforts of home.

[ E.J. ]
Oh, speaking of which,
can you do me a favor...

and send me a 10-pound bag
of Fairways bold blend coffee?

[ Roz ]
They don't have coffee
in Montana?

Yes, but I miss Fairway.

And now I have to blend my own
because the nearest Starbucks
in this town is 10 miles away.

Throwing my whole morning off.
Where are you?
You're breaking up.

My old client, Robert Lazarre,
owns this chalet.

I got him to let me rent it
for C.E.O.s or corporate events.

Just need some great pictures
in order to entice them.

Oh.
You should see this place.

- Is it dripping with macramé?
- Snob.

Pot calls kettle.
[ Chuckles ]
It really is incredible.

It's like the Montana version
of Hearst Castle.

[ Shutter Clicks ]

Oh. You again.
Can I help you?

You do realize
this is a private residence?

Yeah.
I'm aware of that.

You're not Robert Lazarre.

Not the last time
I checked, no.

- He lets me use it
whenever he's out of town.
- Oh, I see.

I just came to check it out.

Are you enjoying
the view?

Let's just say Montana's
not all it's cracked up to be.

[ Laughs ]
It'll grow on you.

[ Giggles ]
Don't count on it.

I'm gonna go inside
and go photograph
the inside of the house.

Don't leave
on my account.
I'm not.

I believe
I got what I came for.

Oh.
Well, I'm flattered.

Don't be.

Did you find your way
up the mountain okay?

Or did you need
roadside assistance
to escort you?

Your reputation
precedes you,
Ms. Baxter.

Better to have one
than be invisible, Mr.--

Oh, Albrecht.
Will Albrecht.

You have a nice day,
Mr. Albrecht.

[ Giggles ]

[ Laughing ]
I cannot believe
you said that to Will.

What did he say?

I'm sure he's still trying to
come up with a clever comeback,
but I can assure you he blushed.

All of him.

Did you get lost?

Now, why would you
ask me that?

- Hey, Eric.
- Hey, Jan.

Hey, E.J.
Hey.

Uh, we had some extra
Kalispell calendars
down at the bank.

I thought before we trashed
them, maybe you could use them
here at the tourist board.

Sure.
Great.

So, E.J., uh,
how are you settling in?

If there's
anything you need,

you know, moving stuff
or whatnot--

Thank you.
You're all so friendly here.

Do you all know each other,
or are you just members
of the same cult?

No. We--
We just try to be nice.

Weird.

I'm taking E.J. out
for drinks later on.
Maybe you'd like to join us.

I would.
Oh.

I mean, I would,
but we got a squad meeting
down at the rescue station.

No biggie.
We'll do it another time.

Yeah. Absolutely.
Another time.

Thanks for the calendars.
Oh, right.
Yeah.

So, have a great day.

Bye.
Bye.

[ Door Opens ]
[ Bell Jingles ]

[ Door Closes ]
So, what's going on
between you two?

Oh, we've been doing this
protracted dance around
each other for months.

Every time he takes
two steps closer to me,
he freaks and steps away.

Yeah.
Exactly what I want
to hang on my wall.

Scenery I look at
every day.
[ Chuckles ]

I'm sure you'd rather
be looking at him.
Wouldn't you?

Who wouldn't?
[ Giggles ]

Well, I hope you're up
for getting liquored up
tonight, because I am.

Jan?

Plans have just changed.
We have someplace else
we need to be.

[ Men Chattering ]
[ Man ]
Uh, excuse me.

- Did you say naked?
- You mean totally?

- That's the basic idea
of a naked calendar.
- [ Coughing ]

I'm sorry.
Does someone have a cold?

No, um, but someone
needs her head examined...

if she thinks
resorting to cheap gimmicks
is a good idea.

[ Men Murmuring,
Chattering ]
Okay, guys. Hear me out.

Now, in the past your
fund-raising efforts haven't
really shown your true assets.

- Which are?
- You men.

You're great
at what you do.

But you need
new and updated equipment
in order to do your job.

What's going to happen
if and when
there's another avalanche?

She's got a point. If tourists
are worried for their safety,
they'll go to Idaho, or Aspen.

- Thank you.
- I don't think I'm gonna pose
in my birthday suit.

I haven't been
in a bathing suit since
I was, like, 22 or so.

- [ All Laughing ]
- Think of this as more
sexy than naked, David.

But with humor,
and in good taste,
of course.

I don't want my kids
to see this.

No one is actually
going to see anything.

You'll have things
to cover up.
Cover what?

Certain... body parts.

No, I think he means
what kind of things.

Oh. Sorry.
Uh, tools of your trade.

Like the ax
and the snowblower.
Helmets.

[ Laughing Continues ]

Okay.
Okay, it's funny.

But here I have
a detailed breakdown...

of other calendars
similar to the ones
I'm talking about...

and what they've earned
over the past three years.

Exactly.
It's a tired idea.

Between calendar sales,
corporate sponsorship and
extra cash from the publicity,

you'll see the difference
between what you've already
raised and what you need.

That's if it sells out.

In any case, it's better
than the $112 you've made
from selling cupcakes.

Hey, look. I--
I get this. I do.

I'm just, um--
I'm afraid about
losing customers.

Ah. That's where
you're wrong, Les.

- You own the kitchen
design store, right?
- Yeah.

That means the majority
of your customers are women.

So when it comes time for them
to resurface their cabinets,

they'll think of
the hot search and rescue guy
hanging on their wall.

Okay, guys, guys, listen.
It's been done
a million times.

And when no one buys it,
I guarantee you--

This idea
isn't about you, Will.

Hey, don't you think some of us
are past our sell-by date?

Dave's right.
I mean, who's gonna want
to buy a picture of him?

- [ All Laughing ]
- You know what?
You're real men.

And there's nothing
more appealing and sexy
than a man who's comfortable--

In his own skin.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Now, I realize this idea
is slightly unconventional.

But you guys need to
raise a lot of money.

And yes,
you don't know me yet.

But I'm asking
each and every one of you
to take a leap of faith.

When I moved here,
I realized that this station
was at the core of Kalispell.

Every family
has been touched by it
and depends on you.

You're right to be
proud of what you do.

So I hope you all will do
whatever it takes to get the
rescue station you so deserve.

I've heard people from New York
don't like to get touchy-feely,
but you are awesome, E.J.

We really needed someone
like you to kick some butt.

Thank you.
[ Door Opens ]

Oh, good morning,
Mr. Albrecht.

Can I get you
some coffee?
Uh, no, thank you.

I just came by
to tell you--
I'm glad you did.

I don't think we should
waste any more time.
I realized before I left--

The squad voted no.

But, uh, thank you
for thinking of us.

- What do you mean, no?
- Well, we are funded
through the county's--

In this economy,
you're going to be waiting
a long time before you--

I know that,
which is why we supplement
our fund-raising with--

Pancake breakfasts?
Bake sales?

Even if the entire state
of Montana had a bake sale, you
still wouldn't raise enough to--

I'm sorry.
Don't you want new equipment?

What I don't want is to make
a joke of the rescue squad.

Well, then explain
something to me, because
I'm obviously missing something.

Yes, obviously.

So you don't mind being naked,
but you won't pose,
even partially covered,

to raise money for something
you profess to believe in?

Why is this
so important to you?

I was brought here
to lure corporate retreats.

People aren't
going to spend money
where they don't feel safe.

Oh, so you're doing all this
for purely altruistic reasons,

to help people you'll never
see or think about again as soon
as you can get out of here...

with no thought whatsoever
how this can benefit
your own career.

That is so unfair
on so many levels. You're saying
it's bad if I look good?

Shh.

People will hear you.

You might get
knocked off your pedestal.

[ Bell Jingles ]

That man oughta be
locked up.

That's just Will.
He's always happiest when he's
got something to be angry about.

- He's really great
when you get to know him.
- Yeah?

Well, they said even Hitler
was charming when
he was courting Eva Braun.

Ugh.

[ E.J. Sighs ]

You know, there are 13 men
on the rescue squad
and only 12 months.

I don't even need him
to pose.

- Maybe you should just forget
about the whole thing.
- Now, why would I do that?

I don't want you
to be disappointed
if it doesn't happen.

Oh, it's going to happen.
It just hasn't happened yet.

You're always saying
E.J. is the expert, Bob.

If someone is willing to pay to
see you without your clothes on,
I say go for it.

But, Bonnie,
I have a position to uphold.

Will people still respect me
if I pose?

I can assure you, Mayor Bob,
you will not lose your dignity.

He has dignity?

[ Jan ]
I can't believe
you convinced Mayor Bob.

Well, he finally realized I'm
a pit bull and I wasn't gonna
let it go until he gave in.

Jan, seven down,
five to go.

You're right.
It affects us all.

I would do it,
but it would upset Laura.

Laura, you're not looking
at the big picture.

No, I get it.
You're doing this
so you can hit on Rick.

No, I'm not.
I'm envious.

You're so lucky you have
a husband who puts your feelings
above everybody else.

The rescue boat
does need patching.

E.J., you did not
have to do this.

Well, it's my way
of saying thank you, Henry.

I would've never gotten Rick
without your help.
Thank you. I appreciate it.

Just don't eat too many
before the shoot. [ Laughs ]
Yeah.

As far as Andy and Jim, they're
brothers, so I was thinking
of taking them to dinner and--

Together?
Yes.

Trust me.
You do not want to do that.

Why don't I?
Because they're not
gonna listen.

They're gonna spend the whole
time trying to see which one's
gonna get the waitress's number.

Have they always been
like that?
Ever since Little League.

When they were on the same team,
they would strike out
every time.

But when they were playing
against each other, suddenly
they were hitting grand slams.

I think I can work
with that.

But in case they won't pose,
you could arrest them.
I can't do that.

Club them into submission?
Stun gun?
Sorry. Not gonna happen.

Yeah, well,
it was worth a shot.

[ Laughs ]

It's not happening, E.J.
Okay.
No biggie, Jim.

I guess
it'll just be Andy.

It's not happening, E.J.
There's lots of other guys
who'll do it.

I know. It's just that I would
be offending you if I asked Jim
to pose and not you.

I know my brother,
and there's no way
he's posing.

I'm not posing, E.J.,
and Andy won't if I won't.

- Too late, Jim.
- What? Andy said yes?

Jim said yes?

E.J., I can't believe
what a stink this calendar
is creating around here.

I say good for you.
That's sweet.

Thanks, Diane.

[ Groaning ]

Well, Miss Baxter.
Mr. Albrecht.

How about that?
We actually have
something in common.

We both go
to the post office
on Saturdays.

Hmm. I imagine
a lot of people do.

I'm sure you're right.
Enjoying your day?

Mmm. Just doing errands.
Me too.

You'll be surprised to know
that I haven't gotten lost
once yet today.

Well, it's not
even noon yet, so--
[ Chuckles ]

Yeah, Saturday mornings
are all about errands
for me.

But then I always head to
this little brunch place
down the block.

- Nice.
- Yeah.

It's real nice.
It's got great food.
Mmm. You enjoy yourself.

Oh, do you know where
the nearest Kinko's is?

I never had a need to look
before, but since that calendar
is actually happening...

Jan and I
can't do all the copying
by ourselves, so--

We don't have a Kinko's.
No Kinko's?

No Kinko's.

How can that be?

I thought there was a law that
said there had to be a Kinko's
on every corner next to a Gap.

We don't have
a Gap either.
That's not even funny.

But I think there's one
in Billings.

I don't know what that is,
but I need to go there.
How close is it?

Oh, it's not too bad.
About 10 hours, depending
on the road conditions.

Ain't it awful?

I'm not gonna be here forever,
so don't worry.
I'll try not to sweat it.

Just because I have a different
way of doing things doesn't
make it wrong, just different.

I get that you don't think
I belong here...

and you have zero respect
for what I'm trying to do.

But you know what?
I don't care. Not even remotely.

And I get that you think I act
like I've landed on the moon.

And you know what?
You don't have to tell me that.

Because for the past six months,
I've felt like I've been living
on another planet.

So for the future,
let's be polite...

and agree we disagree
and leave it at that, shall we?

Henry.

Hey there, E.J.
Hey.
You're always so helpful.

- Can you tell me where to
get copies made in this town?
- There's a place on Railway.

And that's that way?
Let me show you.

Very good.
Elbow low and close.

It's all about
the natural flex
of the rod.

I guess the fish
aren't in a biting mood.

Otherwise your basket
would be totally full by now.

Uh-huh.
Jason, I'm serious.

Deep down, I'm a real
outdoorsy kind of girl.

[ Chuckles ] You didn't
have to sign up for a lesson
to get me to pose.

I just wanted to say
thank you for your support.

I know it was you who tried
to convince the guys.

I don't know
what the big deal is.

I'm for any good excuse
to display the wares.

[ Screams ]
Whoa!

I got one!
I got one!

No!
I'm gonna land this sucker!
I'm gonna land this sucker!

Whoo! I got it!
Reel it in there!
Reel it in!

[ Laughs ]
You know what gets me?

People who have no problem
with graphic violence...

but are horrified
by the slightest display
of the human body.

No wonder
the rest of the world
thinks we're nuts.
Mmm.

[ E.J. ]
Speaking of the disapprovers.

[ Jason ]
Ah. Will.

He's a piece of work.

You know, the thing is,
we used to be best friends.

We practically
grew up together.

And then
when his sporting goods stores
became successful,

he had a chance to help me
get the job I really wanted.

- But instead, he made sure
they didn't hire me.
- Why?

Will's all about Will.
Always has been,
always will be.

He dumped his fiancée
the morning of their wedding.
Shut up.

Oh, yeah.

No one really knows what
happened, but it was bad enough
she left town first thing.

Well, she's better off.

The point is,
life is too short.

Now, I don't let Will
screw up my happiness.
Neither should you.

[ Giggles ]

[ Announcer ]
Marcus running with
a pass down low!

[ Patrons Cheering ]
Yeah!
Now we're cookin'!

Hey, E.J.
Eric.

I've been looking for you.
Can we talk for a second?
Sure.

What do you know
about the Grizzlies?

I really had no idea there was
such a big bear problem up here.

I meant the team.
Oh, I knew that.
Football.

Basketball.
I meant basketball.

- And football.
- Okay, you know what?
Ignore him, E.J.

All the U.M. teams here
are called the Grizzlies.
Thank you.

You want a drink?
Sure.

It's on my tab.

Thank you.
You're welcome.

Now leave.
Well, that's not
very neighborly of you.

What? Do you want to
be alone with Eric?

Are you two on a date?
What are you, 12?

You know what?
You should stay here, because
when I tell Eric about your--

How shall I put it?
Shortcomings.

I bet he won't think twice
about posing.

Really?
Mm-hmm. Saw it
with my own green eyes.

Have you asked Dr. Mike
to pose yet?
He said yes.

Well, while you were there,
did you get your eyes checked?

Because you obviously have
a depth perception problem.

There you go.

What did I miss?
Nothing.

Not a thing.
Mm-mmm.

Whoa.
Red rover, red rover.

Well, here's to that.
I know. Cheers!

Hey, ladies.

Ugh!
Is he always such a pig?

Hey. He wouldn't be
my best friend since
sixth grade if he was.

Well, you're not
in sixth grade anymore.

Eric, if you pose,
this calendar
becomes a reality...

and the station will get
everything that they--

What is that?

It's a powder hound.
What? Um--

No?
No, I-I--

Excuse me.
Could I please get a Lillet
on the rocks, please?

- A what?
- Oh, just make it a scotch,
anything.

You ever heard of it?

Look, I-I know why
this is important, E.J.,
and it isn't about Will.

I just-- I can't.
I mean, I hate getting
my picture taken.

But you're so adorable.

I bet your mother
has pictures of you
hanging up all over her house.

Oh, no. My-- My parents
are very religious.

I could never
let them see it.
Mmm, I see.

Eric, when they write your
obituary why wouldn't you
want them to say,

amongst all
the other good things,

that you did
this charitable thing
for your entire community?

You know what? That--
That might be the smartest
thing you've ever said.

[ Laughing ]
Thank you.

That's what
I wanted to hear.

Cheers.

What are we celebrating?

The fact that this calendar
is actually going to happen.

Well, you haven't
gotten me yet.

Ever heard of a baker's dozen?
I only need 12.

You're the one I throw away.

I know I'm asking a huge favor,
Max, but I really want them
to look great.

You're the only one
I trust to shoot it.

- It's the printer.
- Tell them I need to discuss
desaturation with them.

No, no.
No, no, no.

- It has to be shot before you
go to Paris for fashion week.
- She'll be right with you.

Really? Max, thank you.
I love you.

I'll call you next week
with the details, Max.
Thank you. I love you.

Printer's waiting.
Oh, crap.

Oh, Hank, man, you missed
a great game on Thursday.

I know.
I heard the Crusaders
crushed Stillwater.

What?
Are you kidding me?

You waxed your chest?
Yeah. We do have
a shoot coming up.

Doesn't mean
he can't look good.

Protein bar?

There's nothing wrong
with trying to stay in shape.

Oh. Oh, yeah?

How many reps you do with
your nose hair clippers, Scotty?

The whole point of this thing
was we were supposed
to look natural.

You know, you are
looking kind of pale, Les.

You know, you're not gonna
get any darker looking
in that mirror there, buddy.

[ Chuckling ]

What I expected, you know?
This calendar is
making everybody nuts.

You hear what
Jan did to Bob?

She caught him
eating a doughnut.

She grabs it
out of his hand and says,

"The idea is
to sell the calendars."

I don't know.
Jan's never been
so bossy before.

Well, she's never
hung out with E.J. before.

I'm thinking
of asking Jan out.

Yeah, well,
you know what you're
getting yourself into.

Just don't expect her
to act any different
once E.J. leaves town.

I mean, that is
if Jan doesn't go with her.

Uh, you're probably right.

Anyway,
it was just an idea.

[ Jason ]
I can't believe
I never realized...

what a perverse movie
The Wizard of Oz is.

[ Chuckles ]
Seriously, you've got
this lonely girl...

who lives in
a black-and-white world
in Kansas.

No friends.
Well, except her dog.

If she stays there,
she's gonna waste her life.

Then she gets to go
someplace exciting, in color.

Lots of adventure
and friends
and a big future.

And all she can do is moan,
"There's no place like home"?

[ Chuckles ]
I mean, by the end
I was rooting for the witch.

[ Gasps ]

[ Roz ]
E.J., The Wizard of Oz?

You of all people wouldn't
be caught dead doing that
in New York.

Well, I've seen The Wizard
of Oz a million times, but
I've never seen it in a theater.

It was really fun.
And your date?

It was fun too.
Are you gonna see him again?

Uh-huh.
He asked me to go to
an "ab-sailing" party.

I've got to figure out
what to wear.

Excuse me.
What do you think?

Um, it's a look.

[ Scoffs ]
You're right!

I've got to find something
for a sailing party...

and they haven't yet
opened a Barney's in this town.
Thank God.

A breath of fresh cynicism.
You can't be from around here.

Oh, I'm a New Yorker.
I'm only here temporarily.

You're not E.J. Baxter,
are you?
I am. Who are you?

Sonya Kendall.
Gravitational Navigational
G.P.S. Systems Sonya Kendall?

No other.

It used to be me
and my ex-husband...

until I bought him out as part
of our divorce settlement.

Since then,
profits are up 15%.

Nice.
Mm-hmm.

When I got your press kit,

I was so impressed
that I thought I'd take
a quiet look-see around.

But I'm worried
this place is so quiet,
you'd swear it was a morgue.

Mmm, well, it's not what
you're used to in Chicago,

but it is the perfect place
for your corporate retreat.

Trust me.
As a city girl, you can really
recharge your batteries here.

Well, my Zen master
told me learning to fish
might relieve my stress.

Oh! Oh, I have
the perfect instructor
for you.

His name is Jason.
Call him.

I'm the last person on earth
who'd ever thought she'd get
into fishing, but trust me.

- It's done wonders for me.
- Really?

Mm-hmm.

So is this sailing do
on a yacht?

[ Chuckling ]
I'll be lucky if it's not
a blowup raft.

- [ Chuckles ]
- [ Phone Beeps ]

Oh, hang on.
[ Beeps ]

Hello?
[ Jason ]
Hey, it's me.

Oh, hang on.
[ Beeps ]

Roz, I'll call you back.

Hi, Jason.
I'm so sorry.

But I'm not gonna
be able to make it.

I'm stuck in bed with
the weirdest allergic reaction,
or food poisoning.

My ears are all stuffed up.
I'm so sorry.

Oh, no. I'm sorry.
I hope you feel better.

There'll be other parties.
Do you need anything?

Yeah. For you to go without me
and have a great time.

Bye.
[ Line Clicks ]

[ Chattering, Laughing ]

Hello.

Interesting outfit.

That's not a lake.
Aren't we going sailing?

No.
We're going abseiling.

You do know abseiling is
going down a mountain on a rope?

- Doesn't everybody?
- [ Chuckling ]

Where's Jason?

He's very sorry.
He's not feeling well.

Mm-hmm.

- [ Chattering ]
- Ow!

Eric.

You want to help me
into this?

You know what? Ask Bonnie.
She's probably better at it
than I am.

- Okay. All set.
- [ Kissing ]

Okay, I'm first.
All right.
Remember the motto.

Safety first.
And the other one?

Don't die.
That's right.

- Get the lead out, Eric.
Let's go.
- Your wife's bossy, David.

You're preaching
to the choir, man.

You ready?
Double back?

Yeah, good.
You good?
Good.

One.
Two.

Three.
Let's go.

Let's go.
Whoo-hoo!

Whoo!

- [ Cheering ]
- Looking good.

All right!

E.J., why don't you
give it a try?

Oh. Thanks.
But only my drinks
are on the rocks.

You'll be surprised
how much fun it is.

Mmm. Dangling over a cliff
is way out of my comfort zone.

Weren't you the one
that wanted us all to
take a leap of faith?

Yeah, I thought that, uh,
stepping off the edge
was your kind of thing.

- Well?
- Will, don't torment her.

E.J., you don't have to do it
if you don't want to.

Don't let him goad you.
You can always hike down.

There's another way down?

Yeah. But it's a hiking trail,
not an elevator.

You know what?
I'm dying to do this.

Dying.

Off rappel.

You wanna go again?
Let's do it.

Race you to the top.
All right!

Okay, so look.
Nothing can happen.
All right?

You're clipped into that rope,
and that roped is anchored
to that giant rock.

- So don't worry.
- Yeah. You're fine, E.J.
Trust Will.

He can do this
with his eyes closed.

Yeah, it's a good idea.

Ha. Funny.

Just out of curiosity,

how far, um,
down is it?

Uh, that is, like,
90, 100 feet.

Look, just-- just--
just stare at your feet...

and feed the rope through
nice and slow.

I can do it.
I got the safety lecture.
I know what I'm doing.

Okay.
Well, then...

lean back...
very gently into your harness.

This rope's
gonna take my weight?
Oh, yeah.

That could take the weight
of a bus and it wouldn't break.
I'm not a bus.

No. No, you're--
you're not a bus.

You're not even a moped.

No.

Okay.
There you go.

Lean back slowly.
Real gently.

That's it.

Nice and easy.
Feed the rope through.

Nice.

- Nice.
- You're doing great!

That's it.
Just feed the rope through
nice and easy.

Great.

Great.
You're doing great.

Keep the legs wide apart.
Slow and steady.

Nice work, E.J.
Yeah.

Just take it slow.
You're doing awesome!

You're doing great, E.J.

That's it!

How's the view?

Oh, this is fantastic!

I love it!
[ Chuckles ]
Wow.

It's very far... down.

Keep going.
You got it.

See?
Not so bad.
That's it.

Just like I taught you.

Look at you!
You're a pro!

[ Groaning ]

- E.J.--
- [ Gasping ]

Hey, E.J., you okay?

[ Groans ]

What happened?
Give me a helmet.

Will, what's wrong?

What did she do?
Can you see what's going on?

- I think she gripped up.
- Here I come!

E.J., stay calm!

Will's comin' to get you!

[ Gasping ]

All right, E.J.,
just hold tight.
I'm on my way.

There we go.

You okay?
Huh?

Are you faint or dizzy?
Mm-mmm.

Okay, can you move?
Mm-mmm. Mm-mmm. Mm-mmm.

Yeah, you can. You can move.
Real nice and easy.
Just let the rope out.

- No.
- Why not?

Fall.
No. You can't--
You can't fall, okay?

I promise, you can't.
I'm gonna help you down.

Okay. Now listen, E.J.
I know you can do this.

[ Gasps ]

So it's you
I've got to trust?

Yeah.
Yeah, I'm afraid so.

- Oh--
- Your life is in my hands.

How about that?
Come on now.
I know you can do this.

You ready?
Mm-hmm.

Let's go, really nice and slow.
Just let the rope out
just a little.

There. You got it.
You're fine.
Where's the floor?

It's right here.
You're coming.
Great job.

That's great.

[ E.J. Gasping ]

[ Giggling ]

[ Eric ]
Hey, E.J.
We saw what happened there.

Are you okay?
Yeah.

Then again,
I had a good teacher.
Yeah. Yeah, you did.

Wait until Jason sees
the pictures that David took.

He's gonna want to
take you up here himself.
Yeah.

You think so?
Yeah.
I'm sure he'd love to.

Will, I just wanted to say...

thank you.

Yeah, take care.

Hey, it's Jason.
You know what to do.

[ Beeps ]
Hi, it's E.J.
The flowers are gorgeous.

You really shouldn't have.
But I'm glad you did.

I hope
you're feeling better and--
[ Beeps ]

You have a visitor.
Who?

Can I speak to you?
By all means, Mr. Albrecht.

Sorry I didn't call first.

Apology accepted.

So tell me.
How can the Tourist Bureau
help you today?

How do you stand it in here?
You know, really, uh--
really stuffy.

Sadly, the weather
is beyond my control.

- Shall I open a window?
- No, no, no, no. It's fine.
I just, um--

Well, first of all,
my business partners and I...

have been giving this calendar
some careful consideration.

And I've decided--
Um, uh, we've decided...

that, um,
we'd like to sponsor it.

We'll pay for all
the production costs,
which will, um,

make the, uh,
final profit... higher.

Well, this is
a very generous offer,
but I'm a little confused.

Uh-- Well, I admit
that I still have my misgivings
about the whole thing.

But as long as the calendar's
gonna go ahead,
we might as well...

try and make it
as successful as possible.

So you're doing this
for purely altruistic reasons...

with no thoughts whatsoever
of how this might help
your own business.

[ Chuckles ]

Um, look, i-it's
a natural tie-in to our store.

But more importantly,
I like... to help people.

And-- And sometimes
people get hurt, you know?

And I don't know.
You don't mean for them
to get hurt, but people--

I'm sorry.
What are you trying to say?

I have feelings for you.

And it's awful.

I mean, you are bossy...

and you're rude
and-- and way too opinionated.

And you're arrogant.
God, are you arrogant.

I mean, you really do
think that God created
the world with your help.

It's--
[ Chuckles ]

I-I-- I'd hoped
that these feelings would pass,

but, well, the heart feels
what the heart feels.

- Even if it makes
the stomach ill?
- I see we're on the same page.

I don't know when
I've ever heard it put
more eloquently.

In the past when someone has
told me he has feelings for me
that I don't share,

I've done whatever I could
to ease the pain.

But that was then!
No, no, no.

Look, I'm just as repulsed
by this as you are.

Repulsed?
No, no, no.
Not repulsed.

Look. Would you rather
me have lied and pretended
that I was happy?

I can't imagine that you--
That I wouldn't be thrilled?

What woman could resist you
after hearing that?

You know, I wouldn't be
interested in you...

if this was I Am Legend
and you were
the last man on earth.

But even if
I wasn't sickened by you,

the fact that you delight in
ruining other people's lives--

Oh, whoa.
Hold on. What?

Jason. Are you even
going to deny that you
cost him a job?

[ Chuckles ]
Oh, yeah, Jason.

He's had a real
tough time of it.

If I'm not being too rude,
can I ask you,
how well do you know Jason?

Ah, well enough.
And you're always rude.

Mmm. Well, excuse me
for warning you to be careful.

As to the other purpose
of your visit--

while we appreciate
your very generous offer,
we already have a major sponsor.

Oh, really? Who?

A company
much bigger than yours.

Hmm.

[ Door Closes ]

- E.J.?
- Hmm?

- What major sponsor?
- I will find one.

How do I get
to Buffalo Hill Drive?

- Isn't it about time
you got yourself a G.P.S.?
- I don't need a G.P.S.!

Actually, I do.

I love it.
Real men instead of
the usual bunch of bruisers...

on weekend detention.

My team and I all agree--
we'd love to sponsor it, E.J.

That is fantastic news.
Thank you so much, Sonya.

Yes. Talk soon.

Yes.
[ Bells Jingle ]

Mike.
Are you ready for tomorrow?

Why aren't you outside
doing some crunches?

[ Sighs ]

Mike,
you can't back out now.

I've tried to convince myself
that I could do this.

I have exercised.
I stayed off carbs.

I even... waxed.

But I can't pose.

It's natural to be nervous.
But just think about--

The squad?
Oh, believe me, I have.

You convinced me
that this is a great idea.

I'll go door-to-door.
I'll sell as many calendars
as I can.

Just show up tomorrow
and see how you feel.

It's killing me to know
that I'll be letting down
the rescue squad.

Maybe a little drink
will help you relax.
We can do that.

[ Chuckles ] Even if I
got blind drunk, I still
wouldn't be able to do it.

I wish you could convince me,
but you can't.

E.J., I really need
to talk to you.

- Max, I need a minute.
- I'm sorry,

but we really have
a million details to discuss
about the shoot tomorrow.

** [ Pop Intro ]

- Nice.
- * If you're paying
all your dues off *

- Won't look.
- * Come on, baby
Take your shoes off *

- Uh, could you lose the jacket?
- * We're going back
out on the dance floor *

* We're gonna show 'em
what you're made of *

* Shake it back *

* And now I got your attention *

* Got your body
purring like an engine *

Max, don't worry.

Come on.
I got it. David, come on out.
We need to see you.

It's cold. Ow.
I know it's cold,
but it's gonna--

It's not cold.
There you go. That's great.
Yeah, it is.

* I know you got rhythm
and I know you got soul *

* But there ain't nothin'
here for us, baby *

- * Gotta get outta town *
- * Get, get, get out *

- * We gotta get outta town *
- * Get, get, get out *

- * We gotta get outta town *
- * Get, get, get out *

* We gotta get outta *
Try this.

For me?

* Na, na, na, na
na, na, na, na *

* Na, na, na, na
na, na, na, na *

* Well, if you're feeling
kind of locked down *
You want that.

* When you should be
feeling knocked out *

Rick, at me.

- * I'm gonna
stop your heart bleeding *
- [ Shutter Clicking ]

* Shake it back *

* Nine, eight, seven, six
five, four, three *

* Everything is backwards here *

Here you go.
This?

Yeah. Good.
All right.

- * Gotta get outta town *
- * Get, get, get out *

* We gotta get outta town *

No, I don't think so.
* We gotta get outta town *

* Get, get, get out *

* We gotta get outta town *
* Get, get, get out *

Ah.

Oh.
[ Yelps ]

- Sorry.
- [ Laughing ]

He likes you.

[ Squeaking ]
Buster. Uh--

We just want you to pretend
that you're having fun,
enjoying yourself.

And--

** [ Vocalizing ]

- * I kiss you once *
- Very good.

* All right
I kiss you twice *

- Whoop.
- * That's fine
I kiss you three times *

* One more time
I kiss you four times *

* Baby, you're mine
you're mine *

* If you're chasing down
a lost cause *

* You gotta run at it
at full force *

* You can't be
pulling any punches *

* Oh, you know
you gotta live for something *

* Well, shake it back *

* Well, I know you got rhythm
and I know you got soul *

- That doesn't suck.
- That doesn't suck at all.

- * Gotta get outta town *
- * Get, get, get out *

- * I gotta get outta town *
- Buster.

* You gotta get outta town *

* Get, get, get out *

- * You gotta get outta town *
- [ Grunts ]

- Oh.
- * Need to get outta town *

* Get, get, get out *

* Get, get, get
get outta town *

* Get, get, get out *

* Get, get, get
get outta town *
* Get, get, get out *

- * Get, get, get
get outta town *
- * Get, get, get out **

[ Shrieks ]

- Hey!
- Hey! That's it.

[ Both Shriek ]

You still don't have
Mr. December.

Mm-hmm. Marci,
are there any former members
of the squad we could ask?

Trust me, none that anyone
would ever want to look at,

even with their clothes on.

- Maybe we could do
a Christmas group shot.
- [ Phone Rings ]

- No. I want this
to be so great--
- Kalispell Tourism.

that not just the people
around here buy it but, say,
People magazine or Oprah calls.

We get to explain to them
why this was important and
why the guys stood behind it.

Okay. Thanks.
I'll tell her.

We've got a Mr. December.

[ Chattering ]

[ Nickers ]

Ah.

[ Blusters ]

[ Giggles ]

[ Beeps ]
Hey, it's Jason.

Sorry.
I have to cancel again.

No, I'm not sick.
I might actually
have a really good job.

I'll be out of town
for a while.

I don't want
to talk about it yet
because I know it'll jinx it.

But wish me good luck. Bye.
[ Beeps ]

Dump him.

The E.J. I know
wouldn't take that from a guy.

I know. It's bothering me
that it's not bothering me.

- Does the thought of him
give you butterflies?
- No.

There's your answer.
He was never anything
but the rebound guy.

- Oh, my God.
- I know. I'm damn good.

It's not that.
It's the first time I've driven
to work without getting lost.

** [ Country ]

Eddie, can we get another round?

Say, do I know you?

What's goin' on?

I mean, I admit
the face looks familiar but--

Yeah, okay, Eddie.
Cut the crap.

Sorry. I didn't mean to insult
you guys. I didn't recognize
any of you with your clothes on.

[ Cackling ]

- Sorry. Couldn't resist.
- You know--

Don't say it, Bob.
I have to.

I'm serious.
If you say it, I'll punch you.

- Did we just make the
biggest mistake of our lives?
- Why did you have to say it?

Hey, guys.
I've seen the photos.

And you have nothing
to be ashamed of.

Really?
Yeah.

- You look incredibly hot.
- Come on.

You oughta use yours as
your next campaign poster,
Mr. Mayor.

Well, there might be
something to that.

- Can I have you sign mine?
- Like an autograph?

Yeah.

[ Man ]
Check it out. Check it out.
[ Laughter ]

That's enough, guys. This is
a respectable establishment.
I know what to do with this.

Yeah, thank you.

[ Laughter ]
Hah?

No, come on!

These are really great.
Mmm.

You've caught the essence
of each guy perfectly.

Wait till you see them
after they're Photoshopped.
I don't know if we should.

But they'll look
so much sexier.
I know, but--

And this is a bad thing?
No. It is not a bad thing.

And you know me.
I'm always the one to scream
for more airbrushing...

so everyone looks perfect,
but look at that.

True beauty right there.

Hi.

Oh, yes. Mr. December.
Hello.

Hey, again.

You win.
We go with the natural look.

Thank you, Max.
They are fabulous.

Hmm.

So, no doubt...

that you can't believe that
I find the aesthetic appeal--

You need to shut up.

[ Giggles ]

Ooh. I'm, uh-- I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to--
No, no. You shut up.

Was I really such
an uptight bitch
when you met me?

Yeah,
you were horrible.
[ Chuckles ]

I'm very sorry.

But you were lovely.
Was I really such
an arrogant jerk?

[ Chuckles ]
Nothing more than normal.
Ooh.

Well, I am very sorry.

But you were hot.

I know.
Oh, my God.

You know, I kept thinking
that I should probably,

you know, ask you to hand me
a towel so I could cover up
before I got out of the pool.

But, no,
somehow I just couldn't.

[ Chuckles ]
Remember how I pretended
I wasn't looking?

Mm-hmm.
I was.

- Well, I hope so.
- Oh, but--

[ Doorbell Rings ]
Oh.

I'll get rid of that.

It fit perfectly.

On you, it's a maxi.
On me, it's a mini.

I can't thank you enough.
And David thanks you even m--

Hey, Marci.

Will?

Oh, no.
You're not gonna find any, um,

drawn knives
or smashed pots.

[ Giggles ]

If you're coming home
for the holidays, you better
make your reservations now.

I don't think I'm gonna make it.
But the calendar will have
already been launched.

I just want to
spend Christmas with Will.

Ooh, I thought Christmas
didn't mean anything to you.

I don't know what
you're talking about.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

At least let us come out then
for Thanksgiving. We haven't
seen you in a century.

Howie and I want to meet
the people who live
in the hole in the ground.

Might be a little soon.
Will and I just want to
hang in our own space.

But-- But you're having
12 people over
for Thanksgiving dinner.

I don't really think
it's your kind of scene.

You're not gonna
let me meet him till after
your third anniversary.

I'm at work.
I gotta go. Bye.
[ Beeps ]

Coffee shop on Meridian.
Excellent.

What?

Oh.

[ Giggling ]

** [ Rock ]
[ Chattering ]

That photo-- that was taken
right next to my place.

I think they turned out
really nice.

* I like to rock *

* I like to rock *

Oh, come on, hon.
Stand there. Perfect.

Oh, you've never looked cuter.

Wow.
It's, like, professional.

I figured it would be
this small little thing.

** [ Continues ]

You look really good, Henry.
I think I look like crap.

No, Les.
You look great.
I just look better.

Excuse me.
Would you guys sign my calendar?
Sure.

Thanks.
Can I get you guys too?

Yeah, I'll sign that.
This is so exciting.

[ Man ]
Hey, E.J. Great party.
Hi.

Hi.

[ Chuckling ]
[ Phone Ringing ]

[ Beeps ]

Congratulations, darling.

I'm just mad
about your new venture.

- [ Beeps ]
- [ Line Clicks ]

- Say beer!
- Beer!

[ Chuckling ]
Excellent, y'all.
Congratulations. I told you.

** [ Rock ]

Jan looks hot tonight.

Occasionally I can be wrong.

** [ Continues ]

Now we know
why Laura didn't show.
You two can't be sure.

Maybe he's just--
No, trust me.

She is not hiring Rick
to be her plumber.

I thought he and Laura
were happy.

Oh, honey, I love you.

** [ Ends ]
[ Applause ]

** [ Ballad ]

Great.
[ Indistinct ]

Thanks so much for your time.
Thank you.

I love this song.
I, uh-- I can't dance.

[ Chuckles ]
Don't worry. I'll be gentle.

Come here.

I know you told me,
but I just didn't believe it.

Hmm.
Hell has frozen over.

* The last thing that
we talked about *

* Was the first thing that we *

What?
Dance.

Excuse me. Shall we?

[ Phone Ringing ]

My butt's vibrating.
[ Laughs ]
Ignore it.

[ Ringing Continues ]
Just ignore it.

* So far so bad *

* Is all that I
can think about *

Thanks.

Have you seen this?

Someone's started a campaign
against the calendar.

They're saying children
shouldn't be allowed
to see it.

But no one's seen it.
It's crazy.

There's nothing
pornographic about it.
I know.

Still, the more they scream,
the more calendars we'll sell.

Good.
Good.

[ Ringing Continues ]
Uh-- Hello?

Playing hard to get.
Very cute.

Now look, my spies e-mailed me
your saucy little calendar.

Darling, let's let bygones
be has-beens, shall we?

What's one pair of Gucci pumps
between friends?

- [ Scoffs ]
- [ Line Clicks ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Clears Throat ]

Hi.

- E.J.
- Hi.

I-- I--
Hi.

[ Ringing ]
Oh. Sorry.

That's okay.

- Uh, you've been--
- I know.

- I've been bad. No excuses.
- Oh, no.
No, I'm glad you're back.

- Uh, did you get the job?
- Yeah.

That's great. That's great.
Um, tell me about it.

Well, it's in Chicago.
And, uh--

Oh, there you are.
I don't know how
to thank you, E.J.

- For what?
- Well, I reeled in
more than a fish.

- I got a great boyfriend.
- [ Gasps ]

Well, he was just telling me
about his good fortune.

Oh.

She probably felt entitled
to a souvenir.

Who knows?
Maybe they're the answer
to each other's prayers.

Actually,
we should publicize it.

"Local calendar man
strikes it rich."

I know you don't want
to hear this, but Will was right
to warn you about Jason.

Yes, I know you'll kill me
if ever I mention it to him.

Mm-hmm.
Good night.

Okay. Of course.

[ Phone Ringing ]

Oh.

[ Beeps ]
Hello?

At least here me out, okay?

It's not often that I admit
that I made a... mistake.

Come back to work.
If it'll seal the deal,
I'll fire Noah.

We're both too professional
to let such an unimpressive man
come between us.

Oh, I totally agree,
but I'm not sure E.J. will.

Who the hell is this?

Excuse me.
I think you might want
to take this.

Hello?

What's the matter?

Don't tell anyone, but I think
E.J.'s moving back to New York.

It would be
a lot more money,
a high-profile--

It's a fantastic
opportunity, E.J.

I mean,
your job is-- is done here,

and it's exactly
what you've been waiting for.

Yeah, I've been
thinking about it.

And I'd feel--
I-- I don't know--

uh, guilty for leaving...

before the publicity campaign
for the calendar
is fully launched.

And I know I'd miss all
my friends at the rescue squad--
people I've met.

Well, I'm sure we'd miss you.

But we all know what
you had to give up
to come here.

I suppose everybody
would get along
just fine without me.

I can hardly expect them
to chain me down
and force me to stay.

Exactly. You can't force people
to do something they can't do,

no matter how much
you want 'em to.

You understand that, don't you?

I understand that perfectly.
People are who they are.

Right. And you know who I am.

I'm the player who dumped
his fiancée at the altar.

Now on a mission
to bone and disown
every woman in the state.

Thanks for living up
to your reputation.

[ Door Opens, Closes ]

[ Line Ringing ]

Hello, Lillah, it's E.J.

Yes, could I start
before Thanksgiving? I want
to hit the ground running.

Yep.

I am happy to announce that,
thanks to calendar sales,

we expect to earn enough
for a new helicopter
by New Year's.

And that's just the beginning.

We didn't do it
to become famous.

We did it to show people
that we care about
the search and rescue squad.

Now, truthfully,
I'm a little worried that
staring at me for 30 days...

will send women
into wild fits of passion,
but maybe that's not so bad.

It's all for
the good of the town.

[ Bell Ringing ]

[ Woman ]
Taxi!

I've gotten four phone calls
just this morning...

from companies wanting to have
their corporate retreats here.

Mmm. Too bad E.J.'s not here
to see this.

Friday night?
Let me see.

Yeah, I think
Friday night could work.

Okay.

All right.

I'll see you then. Bye.

Bob said Jan got a call
from some Hollywood producers.
Mmm.

Well, I think, uh,
Matthew McConaughey's
gonna have to play me.

You know I love you more
than anything in the world,
right?

But if Matthew McConaughey
plays you, I'm gonna play me.

** [ Alternative Intro ]

* I still see your name
Still see your face *

* Remember the times
Still feel the trace *

* Of your perfume
walking out the door *

* I been livin' in my head *

* I can't get my feet
on the floor *

* I been livin' in my head *
[ Chuckling ]

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
Merry Christmas!

Why are you acting
like a tourist?
I'm sorry.

Did I tell you about the condo
Howie saw in Tribeca?
Two bedrooms, three baths.

And the kitchen is nicer
than the one I have at home.

Not that I would know
how to use anything in it. Hmm.

How much?
4.9 mil.

All this
for $525 a month?

Is that too much?

I'll take it.

You will?
Well, we were gonna
make an offer.

But if you--
if you really want it--
Want what?

The condo?
Oh. Uh, 4.9?
Are you insane?

Perhaps.
I forgot to refill my Paxil.

Oh, honey,
this place is sensational.

Oh. There's no sign on the door.
It takes 'em a week to answer
their unlisted number.

[ Gasps ]
Stop it. Stop it.

Mother of pearl.

Oh. We should get one
and just sniff it.

I'm guessing people here
really get into eating carbs.

- Yeah. They passed a law.
- [ Chuckles ]

Ugh. And I begged him,
"Please play with
the other dogs."

But he wouldn't.
That's my fault. My fault.

I should've made more play dates
for him when he was little.

And he wouldn't have
so many socializing issues.

[ Chuckles ]
* I been livin' in my head *

Where are you?
Where are you?
I'm sorry.

I know I'm not
scintillating company.
Another Christmas alone.

- Honey.
- * I can't get my feet
on the floor *

Give yourself some time,
Emma Jane.

I'm fine. Don't worry
about me. I'm great.
All right. All right.

Did I say that with
any sort of conviction?
No. [ Laughs ]

I know it!

[ Woman On TV ]
Don't forget this
Sunday at 7:00 p.m.,

the annual
Christmas tree lighting
downtown on Main Street.

[ Phone Rings ]
* I can't get my feet
on the floor **

What?
Hey, Will.
It's me, Eric.

Climbers on Logan's Pass.
Teenagers, by the sound of it.

I'll be right there.
[ Beeps ]

[ E.J. ]
Everybody knows
how delicious your chicken is.

And certainly
our advertising campaign
will stress that.

But it is my job-- our job--

to also begin to remove
the guilt of eating fast food...

with properly placed stories
that highlight
consumer studies...

that show the benefits
of eating--
Excuse me.

E.J.,
it's for you on six.
She'll call back.

She said it was urgent.

Uh-- Okay. I'm sorry.
Excuse me.

I'm sorry.
One minute.

- [ Beeps ]
- E.J. Baxter.

It's Jan.
I'm really sorry to bother you.

Kind of in a meeting right now.
Can I call you back?

I've got some really bad news.
You might want to sit down.

- Why? What happened?
- Will's been in a bad accident.

He fell 50 feet
during a rescue mission.

He's in Kalispell Regional.

Is he going
to be all right?
They don't know.

I really think
you should come out here.

[ Sighs ]
I'm the last person
he wants to see.

You probably don't want
to hear this,

but Eric finally told me
that Will didn't walk out
on his fiancée.

She walked out on him
after he found out...

she slept with Jason
the night before their wedding.

He begged her to stay,
and she left him, which is why
he couldn't ask you to stay.

So what you're saying is--
Darling!

Let's go. Okay?
Everybody's got planes to catch
and places to go, right?

Love to, Lillah,
but I can't.

I have a plane to catch too.

Have you gone insane?
Probably.

What?

[ Chattering ]

Can I help you?

Yes. Can you please tell me
where the person is
that was in this room?

He's gone.

Will. Wha--

What are you doing here?
I mean, I-I-I--

I forgot something.

So did I.

Merry Christmas to me.

Mr. December
is no longer available.

* Then a little white snow
starts to fall *
[ Clears Throat ]

More eggnog?
Or are you two
just gonna get a room?

** [ Continues ]
You want me to warm it up?

[ Chattering ]

* Magic and dreams
coming true *

* Na, na, na, na, na **

[ Dog Barking ]