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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,672 --> 00:00:10,163 Come back, come in 2 00:00:10,242 --> 00:00:12,642 Come and electrify me 3 00:00:12,711 --> 00:00:16,374 I know you got something I want 4 00:00:17,315 --> 00:00:19,408 Shake my bones to the floor 5 00:00:19,484 --> 00:00:20,781 Let it all go 6 00:00:20,852 --> 00:00:22,479 Furmanski beer. 7 00:00:26,024 --> 00:00:27,184 Hey. 8 00:00:27,259 --> 00:00:29,454 Uh, what was... What was that all about? 9 00:00:29,861 --> 00:00:31,795 Uh, what do you mean? 10 00:00:32,097 --> 00:00:34,657 I'm sorry, were you flirting with that beer? 11 00:00:35,166 --> 00:00:38,135 Uh, I don't know, kind of? 12 00:00:38,837 --> 00:00:39,929 Okay. 13 00:00:40,138 --> 00:00:41,662 Why would you do that? 14 00:00:42,107 --> 00:00:43,506 I was thirsty, 15 00:00:43,575 --> 00:00:45,702 so, I guess I was checking out the beer. 16 00:00:46,344 --> 00:00:47,936 Yeah, but you seemed... 17 00:00:48,013 --> 00:00:49,446 Excuse me, I apologize. 18 00:00:49,514 --> 00:00:51,448 You seemed, like, turned on by it. 19 00:00:51,516 --> 00:00:52,676 Oh! 20 00:00:52,751 --> 00:00:54,616 Oh, you thought I was looking at you. 21 00:00:54,853 --> 00:00:56,343 - Oh! - Oh, no! 22 00:00:58,356 --> 00:00:59,687 Oh, you're not a beer! 23 00:00:59,824 --> 00:01:01,086 - No. - Oh... 24 00:01:01,159 --> 00:01:02,751 - She didn't get it. - No. 25 00:01:02,827 --> 00:01:04,226 Yeah, I mean, it was sweating, 26 00:01:04,296 --> 00:01:06,321 in like, that way, right? 27 00:01:06,398 --> 00:01:08,332 It seemed like it was into me, so... 28 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:09,799 Well, I was into you. 29 00:01:10,435 --> 00:01:12,335 Well, I can't open your head with a lighter. 30 00:01:14,039 --> 00:01:17,805 So, you, like, actually wanna have sex with your beer? 31 00:01:18,376 --> 00:01:20,742 Yeah, I hadn't thought it all the way through, but... 32 00:01:20,812 --> 00:01:22,803 Yeah, still sorta thinking it through. 33 00:01:22,881 --> 00:01:25,008 - That'd be amazing! - Yeah, 34 00:01:25,083 --> 00:01:27,608 I mean, I wish there was a beer I could fuck. 35 00:01:28,186 --> 00:01:29,710 Dick Hole beer. 36 00:01:29,788 --> 00:01:33,189 Finally, a beer you can fuck. 37 00:01:43,635 --> 00:01:45,796 Have you ever felt attracted to a beer? 38 00:01:45,870 --> 00:01:47,098 Like, a Blue Moon? 39 00:01:47,272 --> 00:01:49,570 I mean, you brought up Blue Moon. I just... 40 00:01:49,774 --> 00:01:51,241 Oh, what do you like more? 41 00:01:51,309 --> 00:01:52,640 Getting drunk or having sex? 42 00:01:52,711 --> 00:01:53,939 Having drunk sex. 43 00:01:54,012 --> 00:01:55,502 - Really? - Yes. 44 00:01:55,981 --> 00:01:57,846 Have you ever had Ambien sex? 45 00:01:58,016 --> 00:01:59,779 Is that with like lights and shit? 46 00:01:59,851 --> 00:02:01,011 I don't remember. 47 00:02:08,827 --> 00:02:10,556 Ah! All right! 48 00:02:11,196 --> 00:02:13,721 Okay, we are all in for a big treat. 49 00:02:13,798 --> 00:02:16,130 Our next guest is making her starring debut 50 00:02:16,201 --> 00:02:18,635 in Baz Luhrmann's musical remake of Blade Runner. 51 00:02:18,703 --> 00:02:21,001 This is also her first time on our show. 52 00:02:21,072 --> 00:02:22,801 Please welcome, ladies and gentlemen, 53 00:02:22,874 --> 00:02:25,001 Amy Lake Blively! 54 00:02:28,780 --> 00:02:30,077 Oh, my goodness. 55 00:02:30,148 --> 00:02:31,843 Oh, wow! 56 00:02:31,916 --> 00:02:33,645 Wowie, wowie, wowie, wowie. 57 00:02:35,353 --> 00:02:36,797 - Here? - That's you, right there, right there. 58 00:02:36,821 --> 00:02:39,312 That's your cup, that's you. 59 00:02:39,457 --> 00:02:41,152 Wow, what a great crowd. 60 00:02:41,826 --> 00:02:44,556 Wow, Amy, you look stunning! 61 00:02:44,629 --> 00:02:46,563 Thank you. 62 00:02:46,831 --> 00:02:48,958 Cliffley, I'm so excited to be here. 63 00:02:49,034 --> 00:02:50,467 Oh, really? Yeah, you look excited. 64 00:02:50,535 --> 00:02:52,135 Does she look excited? She look excited? 65 00:02:52,203 --> 00:02:53,932 No, this is my favorite TV show. 66 00:02:54,005 --> 00:02:55,616 - Oh, really? - My absolute favorite TV show. 67 00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:57,631 I've been watching this since I was, like, 16. 68 00:02:57,709 --> 00:02:59,370 So, like, two years ago? 69 00:02:59,444 --> 00:03:00,775 Stop it! 70 00:03:00,845 --> 00:03:02,107 Stop it! 71 00:03:02,180 --> 00:03:04,091 I have to just tell you, I'm, like, a little nervous, 72 00:03:04,115 --> 00:03:06,640 because I have always had the biggest crush on you. 73 00:03:08,553 --> 00:03:09,952 Hold on, I need to call my wife. 74 00:03:10,021 --> 00:03:12,046 Uh, Darflyn, it's over. 75 00:03:19,497 --> 00:03:21,590 Seriously, that dress, that dress! 76 00:03:21,733 --> 00:03:22,995 - No. - Look at the dress. 77 00:03:23,168 --> 00:03:25,762 Give me a break. Oo-hoo-hoo, no! 78 00:03:28,873 --> 00:03:30,500 No, I feel so awkward in it. 79 00:03:30,575 --> 00:03:32,406 I don't even know how to sit. Like, look. 80 00:03:32,477 --> 00:03:34,240 I don't know... I sat down, 81 00:03:34,312 --> 00:03:36,280 I was like, I don't even know how to sit in it. 82 00:03:36,347 --> 00:03:37,507 I don't know. 83 00:03:38,717 --> 00:03:40,776 I don't know how to sit. 84 00:03:40,852 --> 00:03:42,114 How do I sit? 85 00:03:42,187 --> 00:03:44,621 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 86 00:03:44,689 --> 00:03:46,486 Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot... 87 00:03:46,825 --> 00:03:49,350 - But no, I am like such a tomboy. - Oh, yeah? 88 00:03:49,427 --> 00:03:51,827 I usually just wear, like, sweatpants if I'm home, 89 00:03:51,896 --> 00:03:53,261 or my favorite team's jersey. 90 00:03:53,331 --> 00:03:55,026 - Mmm-hmm? - Or I'm naked, I'm just... 91 00:03:55,100 --> 00:03:58,001 Uh-oh! Lift-off! Yo, Darflyn! 92 00:04:00,739 --> 00:04:02,468 Am I right? 93 00:04:02,540 --> 00:04:04,235 Yo! 94 00:04:06,578 --> 00:04:09,012 I'm sorry, it is so cold in here. 95 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:10,080 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 96 00:04:10,148 --> 00:04:11,240 I just... I have this thing 97 00:04:11,316 --> 00:04:13,307 that's like very unique to just me. 98 00:04:13,384 --> 00:04:15,215 - Uh-huh? - Where I'm always cold. 99 00:04:15,286 --> 00:04:16,913 - Uh-huh? - I was voted in high school 100 00:04:16,988 --> 00:04:18,649 - "most cold." - Wow! 101 00:04:19,924 --> 00:04:21,448 Uh, would you like my jacket? 102 00:04:21,826 --> 00:04:23,384 Ohh! Really? 103 00:04:23,461 --> 00:04:24,538 - No... - Should I give her my jacket? 104 00:04:24,562 --> 00:04:26,042 - Awww! - Should I give her my jacket? 105 00:04:27,031 --> 00:04:28,911 - Should I give her my jacket? - Give it to her. 106 00:04:29,467 --> 00:04:31,112 Should I give her my jacket? Should I give her my jacket? 107 00:04:31,136 --> 00:04:33,247 - You are such the best gentleman! - I'll give you my jacket. 108 00:04:33,271 --> 00:04:34,533 There we go, there we go. 109 00:04:34,606 --> 00:04:36,665 It's so big on me. 110 00:04:36,741 --> 00:04:39,437 Just like... 111 00:04:39,811 --> 00:04:40,869 Now, where'd she go? 112 00:04:40,945 --> 00:04:43,379 "Chivalby" is alive and well here. 113 00:04:43,448 --> 00:04:46,349 Unfortunately, so is Darflyn, hey-o! 114 00:04:47,719 --> 00:04:51,746 Yo, Darflyn, I just got you a necklace, hello! 115 00:04:53,291 --> 00:04:54,931 So, I understand you just had a birthday. 116 00:04:54,993 --> 00:04:56,790 - Is that, uh... - Oh, yes, 117 00:04:56,861 --> 00:04:58,123 that is so true. 118 00:04:58,196 --> 00:05:01,165 Okay, this is such a funny and interesting story. 119 00:05:01,232 --> 00:05:02,756 So, me and all my girlfriends 120 00:05:02,834 --> 00:05:04,028 went to a nature preserve. 121 00:05:04,102 --> 00:05:05,102 - Mmm. - In Fiji. 122 00:05:05,170 --> 00:05:07,035 - It's an island! - Everybody has to go. 123 00:05:07,105 --> 00:05:08,333 You can afford it! 124 00:05:08,406 --> 00:05:11,398 So, they have these underprivileged dolphins. 125 00:05:11,476 --> 00:05:13,087 - Oh, no. - Yeah, this one dolphin, Windy, 126 00:05:13,111 --> 00:05:15,011 one day we just, like, locked eyes, 127 00:05:15,079 --> 00:05:16,740 and he just, like, went down on me. 128 00:05:17,182 --> 00:05:18,759 Now, did that, uh, make your boyfriend jealous? 129 00:05:18,783 --> 00:05:20,307 My boyfriend, yeah, right. 130 00:05:20,385 --> 00:05:21,750 The only man in my life 131 00:05:21,820 --> 00:05:23,788 is my labradoodle Eva Braun. 132 00:05:23,855 --> 00:05:24,913 Aw, pretty name. 133 00:05:24,989 --> 00:05:27,958 I'm told my idea of a perfect evening at home 134 00:05:28,026 --> 00:05:30,392 is just, like, staying at home and just, like, 135 00:05:30,461 --> 00:05:32,725 baking for my best girlfriends, 136 00:05:32,797 --> 00:05:36,028 - and just, like, reading comic books. - Aw... 137 00:05:36,501 --> 00:05:38,469 That's why I'm so excited... 138 00:05:38,536 --> 00:05:40,766 - Yeah. Yeah. - About Baz's Blade Runner 139 00:05:40,839 --> 00:05:43,000 because I've always been a huge sci-fi freak. 140 00:05:43,107 --> 00:05:45,234 I am, like, so embarrassed to tell you guys this, 141 00:05:45,510 --> 00:05:46,977 but my favorite movie ever, 142 00:05:47,045 --> 00:05:49,104 like, my favorite movie of all time, 143 00:05:49,180 --> 00:05:51,307 this is so embarrassing, is Star Wars. 144 00:05:56,387 --> 00:05:57,615 You know what that means! 145 00:05:57,689 --> 00:05:59,466 Looks like someone in the audience is the winner 146 00:05:59,490 --> 00:06:01,321 of our Dannon yogurt sweepstakes. 147 00:06:01,392 --> 00:06:02,450 We'll be right back. 148 00:06:02,527 --> 00:06:03,551 Hello, desert? 149 00:06:03,628 --> 00:06:05,493 Get ready for Darflyn's body. 150 00:06:05,563 --> 00:06:06,723 Click! 151 00:06:18,009 --> 00:06:19,567 - You good? - Did you finish? 152 00:06:19,644 --> 00:06:20,975 Uh, mmm-hmm. 153 00:06:21,179 --> 00:06:22,441 Oh, my god. 154 00:06:22,513 --> 00:06:24,947 All right, I'm gonna pee so I don't get a UTI again. 155 00:06:25,016 --> 00:06:26,415 - Wait. - What? 156 00:06:26,484 --> 00:06:27,484 Risk it. 157 00:06:28,119 --> 00:06:29,848 All right, forget it. 158 00:06:29,921 --> 00:06:32,048 My heart wasn't really in it anyway. 159 00:06:32,123 --> 00:06:33,750 Did you like that? 160 00:06:34,492 --> 00:06:35,550 What? 161 00:06:35,627 --> 00:06:37,219 Sex. 162 00:06:37,929 --> 00:06:39,362 It was great, you were great. 163 00:06:39,430 --> 00:06:41,022 What was your favorite part? 164 00:06:41,499 --> 00:06:42,898 During it. 165 00:06:43,134 --> 00:06:44,192 Come on. 166 00:06:44,269 --> 00:06:45,861 Come on, come on, be specific. 167 00:06:46,271 --> 00:06:48,967 Did you like when I was caressing your rear? 168 00:06:49,974 --> 00:06:51,737 And licking your nipples? 169 00:06:55,747 --> 00:06:57,339 Yeah, that was great. 170 00:06:57,448 --> 00:06:59,916 But we, like, just did it, you know? 171 00:06:59,984 --> 00:07:01,542 We, like, just did it, so... 172 00:07:01,753 --> 00:07:03,230 - I'm gonna... I'm gonna... - Hold on, 173 00:07:03,254 --> 00:07:04,778 Speedy Morales. 174 00:07:04,856 --> 00:07:06,050 It's Gonzalez. 175 00:07:06,124 --> 00:07:07,148 No, it's not. 176 00:07:07,425 --> 00:07:09,552 Morales, it's that Mexican mouse. 177 00:07:10,695 --> 00:07:12,215 Do you know what my favorite part was? 178 00:07:12,530 --> 00:07:14,088 - Nope. - When you were 179 00:07:14,165 --> 00:07:17,566 gripping my hips as you were receiving all of me. 180 00:07:17,635 --> 00:07:20,468 Okay, oh, my God, stop talking, okay? 181 00:07:20,538 --> 00:07:22,768 I am so drunk on you right now. 182 00:07:23,141 --> 00:07:24,267 Can you... 183 00:07:24,342 --> 00:07:25,400 Can you smell us? 184 00:07:25,476 --> 00:07:26,476 - Ew, no! - Can you smell? 185 00:07:26,544 --> 00:07:27,784 - Smell! - Oh, my God, no, stop! 186 00:07:27,812 --> 00:07:29,302 Don't talk about it, all right? 187 00:07:29,380 --> 00:07:31,075 We aren't ourselves when we have sex. 188 00:07:31,149 --> 00:07:32,275 We were animals then. 189 00:07:32,350 --> 00:07:34,045 We enter a silent contract 190 00:07:34,118 --> 00:07:36,245 that we won't talk about what we do in here. 191 00:07:36,321 --> 00:07:38,619 How do you like it? "Oh, remember when I was on top, 192 00:07:38,690 --> 00:07:39,970 "and you were making this face?" 193 00:07:40,291 --> 00:07:41,553 Oh, oh. 194 00:07:41,859 --> 00:07:43,383 Yeah, I love that. 195 00:07:43,461 --> 00:07:45,224 That's the face I thought I was making. 196 00:07:45,296 --> 00:07:48,026 Why are you so embarrassed about this? 197 00:07:48,099 --> 00:07:50,431 I wanna tell the whole world about how wet I got you! 198 00:07:50,501 --> 00:07:52,196 Stop recapping! 199 00:07:52,737 --> 00:07:54,432 Stop recapping, all right? 200 00:07:54,505 --> 00:07:55,938 It's not cool. 201 00:07:56,274 --> 00:07:57,434 It's not right, all right? 202 00:07:57,508 --> 00:07:59,237 It makes me feel so exposed. 203 00:08:00,011 --> 00:08:03,003 If we're gonna talk about it, then what's the point of filming it? 204 00:08:04,115 --> 00:08:06,026 Yeah, where do you want me to cue it up from, chief? 205 00:08:06,050 --> 00:08:07,261 - The shuddering? - Play it back 206 00:08:07,285 --> 00:08:08,912 from when I was making this face. 207 00:08:10,388 --> 00:08:11,878 Oh, my God, I definitely have a UTI. 208 00:08:11,956 --> 00:08:13,567 Can you ask him to get me cranberry juice? 209 00:08:13,591 --> 00:08:14,902 Why don't you ask him for cranberry juice? 210 00:08:14,926 --> 00:08:16,223 He's right there. 211 00:08:21,032 --> 00:08:22,795 Can I have a cranberry juice? 212 00:08:26,137 --> 00:08:29,004 Have you ever had a guy talk dirty to you, but after sex? 213 00:08:29,073 --> 00:08:30,836 Like, he talks about what just happened? 214 00:08:30,908 --> 00:08:32,398 - Yeah. - What happened? 215 00:08:32,477 --> 00:08:33,535 It's kinda creepy. 216 00:08:33,644 --> 00:08:35,189 - Right? - It's like, it happened already. 217 00:08:35,213 --> 00:08:36,613 Why are you still talking about it? 218 00:08:36,647 --> 00:08:38,945 Thank you! 219 00:08:39,183 --> 00:08:41,481 - Did you ever film yourself having sex? - No. 220 00:08:41,552 --> 00:08:42,552 Do you think I did ever? 221 00:08:42,620 --> 00:08:43,644 Probably. 222 00:08:43,755 --> 00:08:45,188 Do you know where that footage is? 223 00:08:45,556 --> 00:08:47,717 Uh, no, but I'd like to find it. 224 00:08:47,859 --> 00:08:49,656 Me too. 225 00:08:52,563 --> 00:08:54,463 Today's panelists are the top innovators 226 00:08:54,532 --> 00:08:56,022 in their respective fields. 227 00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:58,466 Dr. Amy Schmer is one of the lead scientists 228 00:08:58,536 --> 00:09:00,333 behind prenatal neuropeptides, 229 00:09:00,405 --> 00:09:02,373 and their effects on memory and learning. 230 00:09:03,074 --> 00:09:04,268 Yes, that's correct. 231 00:09:04,342 --> 00:09:06,207 Oh, sorry. Thank you. 232 00:09:06,644 --> 00:09:07,821 Is this? Am I supposed to say something? 233 00:09:07,845 --> 00:09:10,609 Oh, um. It's an honor to be here. 234 00:09:10,681 --> 00:09:12,205 Great, Professor Sasha Baron 235 00:09:12,316 --> 00:09:14,216 is a Nobel Prize winner in chemistry. 236 00:09:15,186 --> 00:09:17,177 Meegan Joleep is Pulitzer Prize winning... 237 00:09:17,288 --> 00:09:18,550 I'm sorry, it's Megan. 238 00:09:18,623 --> 00:09:21,148 And lastly, Christine Benning built and opened 239 00:09:21,225 --> 00:09:23,386 a school for child refugees in Rwanda. 240 00:09:23,461 --> 00:09:25,554 Sorry, uh, it's not child refugees, 241 00:09:25,630 --> 00:09:27,291 it's actually child soldiers. 242 00:09:27,632 --> 00:09:30,066 Sorry, I'm so annoying. Sorry, you go, go. 243 00:09:30,168 --> 00:09:31,888 You know what? Sasha, let's start with you. 244 00:09:32,070 --> 00:09:33,230 Yes, I'd love to. 245 00:09:33,304 --> 00:09:36,364 I invented a solar-paneled water filtration system that... 246 00:09:36,441 --> 00:09:38,068 Sorry. 247 00:09:38,142 --> 00:09:40,167 Um, that's portable and lightweight. 248 00:09:41,779 --> 00:09:43,371 - Um... - Do you need some water? 249 00:09:43,448 --> 00:09:44,925 Yeah, sorry, thanks, that'd be great. 250 00:09:44,949 --> 00:09:47,008 But if you can't, no worries, don't worry about it. 251 00:09:47,151 --> 00:09:48,796 You know what, why don't we just come back to you? 252 00:09:48,820 --> 00:09:49,844 Sorry. 253 00:09:50,254 --> 00:09:52,347 Uh, Amy, can you give us a little background 254 00:09:52,423 --> 00:09:53,634 on the research you're involved with? 255 00:09:53,658 --> 00:09:56,092 Uh, absolutely. I, uh, well... 256 00:09:56,427 --> 00:09:58,691 - Oh, thanks so much. - So, my... Oh, sorry. 257 00:09:58,763 --> 00:10:00,140 - Oh, no, no, I'm sorry. - No, no, no. 258 00:10:00,164 --> 00:10:02,409 - I'm so sorry, I just thought that, uh... - Please, you're... Yeah. 259 00:10:02,433 --> 00:10:04,901 Oh, you know, can I actually have a water? 260 00:10:05,703 --> 00:10:08,297 Sorry, I'm just allergic to caffeine. 261 00:10:08,372 --> 00:10:09,396 Please, go on. 262 00:10:09,474 --> 00:10:10,771 No, it's... Please, I... 263 00:10:10,908 --> 00:10:12,535 Just a water would be great, thanks. 264 00:10:12,610 --> 00:10:14,601 Sorry, I feel like I'm being such a diva. 265 00:10:14,679 --> 00:10:17,580 You know what, just for time, I think we'll take an audience question. 266 00:10:18,416 --> 00:10:19,416 Sir, in the back? 267 00:10:19,484 --> 00:10:21,645 Yeah, my question's for the first broad there. 268 00:10:21,719 --> 00:10:23,311 You do Pepcid shit, right? 269 00:10:23,688 --> 00:10:26,714 Oh, I work with neuro-protective peptides. 270 00:10:26,958 --> 00:10:28,016 - So, our team... - What? 271 00:10:28,092 --> 00:10:29,092 Um... 272 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:30,571 Forget it, I thought you could help me 273 00:10:30,595 --> 00:10:32,085 with my stomach and whatever. 274 00:10:32,163 --> 00:10:33,923 I'm sorry, I should have made it more clear. 275 00:10:33,965 --> 00:10:36,510 You're in pain, you want me to get you something for your stomach? 276 00:10:36,534 --> 00:10:37,660 Yeah, that'd be nice. 277 00:10:37,735 --> 00:10:38,735 Yeah, I'm gonna run out. 278 00:10:38,803 --> 00:10:40,114 Does anybody need anything, or... 279 00:10:40,138 --> 00:10:41,230 - No, sorry. - No? Okay. 280 00:10:41,372 --> 00:10:42,805 Amy, why don't you just stay here? 281 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:44,337 I mean, we can send someone out, 282 00:10:44,408 --> 00:10:45,619 but you're part of our panel, so... 283 00:10:45,643 --> 00:10:46,735 - Oh. - Yeah. 284 00:10:46,811 --> 00:10:47,835 Yeah, sorry. 285 00:10:47,912 --> 00:10:49,004 Miss, you had a question? 286 00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:50,679 Yeah, I was actually just... Ooh. 287 00:10:50,748 --> 00:10:51,874 Sorry. Um... 288 00:10:51,949 --> 00:10:53,594 I was wondering what advice you would give 289 00:10:53,618 --> 00:10:55,518 to yourself if you could talk to yourself... 290 00:10:55,586 --> 00:10:58,248 Uh, sorry, as a college freshman? Um... 291 00:11:00,558 --> 00:11:02,321 Sorry. 292 00:11:03,127 --> 00:11:04,151 I'll just quickly say... 293 00:11:05,263 --> 00:11:07,458 Definitely you just have to believe in yourself. 294 00:11:07,532 --> 00:11:09,056 You're a special person, 295 00:11:09,133 --> 00:11:10,760 and you deserve to be in this world 296 00:11:10,835 --> 00:11:12,803 just as much as the next person. 297 00:11:12,870 --> 00:11:15,862 You've got it, and you've got it going on. 298 00:11:15,940 --> 00:11:17,601 Sorry, I hated that, I'm sorry. 299 00:11:17,675 --> 00:11:19,153 I wish I hadn't said that, I'm sorry. 300 00:11:19,177 --> 00:11:21,111 Never mind, I'm just. I'm gonna quit... 301 00:11:21,179 --> 00:11:23,190 I'm gonna quit school. I'm sorry, excuse me, I'm sorry. 302 00:11:23,214 --> 00:11:24,476 Excuse me, sorry. 303 00:11:24,849 --> 00:11:26,373 Sorry, is this coffee? 304 00:11:26,551 --> 00:11:28,295 - Mike, she wanted a water, not a coffee. - Sorry. 305 00:11:28,319 --> 00:11:29,596 Can you get her some water instead? 306 00:11:29,620 --> 00:11:30,898 - This is my fault. - You know what? 307 00:11:30,922 --> 00:11:32,549 Would any of you ladies like a coffee? 308 00:11:32,623 --> 00:11:34,215 I'm sorry, I... 309 00:11:34,292 --> 00:11:35,936 Yeah, I don't want it to go to waste. Yes, I'll take it. 310 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:36,984 Thank you. 311 00:11:37,061 --> 00:11:38,153 Yipes! 312 00:11:38,229 --> 00:11:40,561 Sorry! Ohh! 313 00:11:40,698 --> 00:11:42,359 Oh, God. 314 00:11:42,433 --> 00:11:43,957 I'm sorry, oh, God! 315 00:11:44,035 --> 00:11:45,593 No, no, I. I'm sorry. 316 00:11:48,272 --> 00:11:50,172 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 317 00:11:50,241 --> 00:11:51,818 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 318 00:11:51,842 --> 00:11:54,072 Lo siento, lo siento, lo siento. 319 00:11:54,145 --> 00:11:57,546 I'm sorry, I'm dying, I've ruined everything! 320 00:11:57,715 --> 00:11:59,512 It's all my fault. 321 00:12:02,153 --> 00:12:03,552 Whoops. 322 00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:13,640 Okay, actors, if we could get you on your marks, 323 00:12:13,696 --> 00:12:15,721 that'd be great. That's it for looks. 324 00:12:15,798 --> 00:12:17,197 Okay, so, pizza boy, 325 00:12:17,266 --> 00:12:18,466 - we got you right here. - Yes. 326 00:12:18,567 --> 00:12:19,898 Dad, you're here. 327 00:12:19,969 --> 00:12:21,346 - And, Mom, you know you land here. - Right. 328 00:12:21,370 --> 00:12:23,065 You hear the doorbell ring, open the door. 329 00:12:23,138 --> 00:12:24,264 - Pizza boy... - Right. 330 00:12:24,340 --> 00:12:25,750 "Did anyone order a family-style pizza?" 331 00:12:25,774 --> 00:12:26,774 Okay. 332 00:12:26,842 --> 00:12:28,036 You say, "Welcome home." 333 00:12:28,110 --> 00:12:29,710 Mom, "Why don't you greet me like that?" 334 00:12:29,845 --> 00:12:31,285 - And that's it. We got it? - Got it. 335 00:12:31,347 --> 00:12:32,624 - Sure thing, chief. - We're good? Okay, great. 336 00:12:32,648 --> 00:12:33,925 - You're the boss... - Let's shoot a commercial. 337 00:12:33,949 --> 00:12:35,849 - Roll cameras. - Sound speed. 338 00:12:35,918 --> 00:12:36,942 Scene one, take one. 339 00:12:38,087 --> 00:12:39,179 And action. 340 00:12:41,523 --> 00:12:44,117 Did someone order a family-style pizza? 341 00:12:44,326 --> 00:12:46,021 - Welcome home! - How come you don't... 342 00:12:46,095 --> 00:12:47,528 Holy shit. 343 00:12:47,596 --> 00:12:49,325 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, cut, cut, cut, cut! 344 00:12:49,465 --> 00:12:50,875 - Hey, hey, hey, hey. - What, what, what? 345 00:12:50,899 --> 00:12:51,923 What's up? Hey. 346 00:12:52,001 --> 00:12:53,044 - Let's get these up, huh? - What? 347 00:12:53,068 --> 00:12:54,068 Let's get these up. 348 00:12:54,136 --> 00:12:55,262 - What, make it sexier? - No. 349 00:12:55,337 --> 00:12:56,881 - Make it sexier? - You don't need to make it sexy. 350 00:12:56,905 --> 00:12:58,031 It's a pizza commercial. 351 00:12:58,107 --> 00:12:59,631 Just say the line. 352 00:13:00,409 --> 00:13:02,400 Oh... 353 00:13:03,178 --> 00:13:04,645 I'm sorry, captain, I see, I see. 354 00:13:04,713 --> 00:13:07,181 Let it build. Let it build, yeah? 355 00:13:07,249 --> 00:13:08,807 - Okay, just... - All right, all right. 356 00:13:08,884 --> 00:13:10,262 - Just say the line. - Places, everyone. 357 00:13:10,286 --> 00:13:11,630 - Places, everybody. - You don't need to say that. 358 00:13:11,654 --> 00:13:13,019 All right, guys, um, roll camera. 359 00:13:13,188 --> 00:13:14,468 - Scene one, take two. - Mark it. 360 00:13:16,792 --> 00:13:17,850 - And... - And... 361 00:13:17,926 --> 00:13:19,223 Action. 362 00:13:19,295 --> 00:13:21,160 Did someone order a family-style pizza? 363 00:13:21,363 --> 00:13:22,421 Welcome home! 364 00:13:23,766 --> 00:13:25,063 - Oh, my god! - Jesus! 365 00:13:25,134 --> 00:13:26,411 Whoa, cut, cut! Whoa, whoa, whoa! 366 00:13:26,435 --> 00:13:27,746 - What's up, too hot, too hot? - I'm sorry. 367 00:13:27,770 --> 00:13:28,794 What, make it sexier? 368 00:13:28,871 --> 00:13:30,315 - No, no, no, not sexier. - Sexier? Sexier? Hotter? 369 00:13:30,339 --> 00:13:31,683 - Hotter? Hotter? - You don't need to make it hotter. 370 00:13:31,707 --> 00:13:33,685 - It is a pizza commercial, okay? - Make it hotter. 371 00:13:33,709 --> 00:13:34,819 That is not what I'm saying. 372 00:13:34,843 --> 00:13:36,071 - All right? - Make it sexier? 373 00:13:36,145 --> 00:13:37,510 There's nothing sexual about this. 374 00:13:37,579 --> 00:13:38,671 This is not a porn, Doug. 375 00:13:38,747 --> 00:13:40,738 - It's not a porn. - It's not a porn, okay? 376 00:13:40,816 --> 00:13:43,785 - Oh, right, right, right, right, right. - This is just a pizza ad. 377 00:13:43,852 --> 00:13:45,114 What the "f" is with this guy? 378 00:13:45,187 --> 00:13:46,518 This is really creeping me out. 379 00:13:46,588 --> 00:13:48,818 Okay, um, Doug 380 00:13:48,891 --> 00:13:50,381 used to be in pornos, okay? 381 00:13:50,459 --> 00:13:52,927 Thousands and thousands of them, okay? 382 00:13:53,195 --> 00:13:54,594 Yeah, I knew I knew this guy. 383 00:13:54,663 --> 00:13:57,029 He's Doug Saint Hammer! Star of The Brown Mile, 384 00:13:57,099 --> 00:13:58,999 12 Queers of Gay, Blackhawk Brown 385 00:13:59,068 --> 00:14:00,262 and Entourage. 386 00:14:00,336 --> 00:14:01,701 This guy's a legend! 387 00:14:01,770 --> 00:14:03,170 He's been fucked more than anybody. 388 00:14:03,572 --> 00:14:06,370 Okay, um, so we're just gonna be patient with him, 389 00:14:06,442 --> 00:14:07,719 and just roll with it, 'cause we have nobody else. 390 00:14:07,743 --> 00:14:08,820 - Hey, captain, captain? - Yep? 391 00:14:08,844 --> 00:14:10,724 - Can I talk to you a second? - What's up, Doug? 392 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:15,746 Um, when, when do I start sucking all the "d's"? 393 00:14:16,985 --> 00:14:20,250 There's no... There's no "d's," uh, sucking today. 394 00:14:20,322 --> 00:14:21,499 - It's a pizza commercial. - So... 395 00:14:21,523 --> 00:14:23,889 So, cut out the middle man and go straight to anal? 396 00:14:24,293 --> 00:14:26,090 No, uh, Doug, there's no... 397 00:14:26,362 --> 00:14:27,989 There's absolutely no sex in this scene. 398 00:14:28,063 --> 00:14:29,063 - It's a... - Why? 399 00:14:29,131 --> 00:14:30,598 Because it's a pizza commercial. 400 00:14:30,666 --> 00:14:31,976 I got it, pizza, pizza, I'm good, I'm good. 401 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,511 - Okay, great. - I only have one last question. 402 00:14:33,535 --> 00:14:35,594 - One last question. - Yeah, what's going on? 403 00:14:37,272 --> 00:14:39,832 - When does the mom knuckle-dust me? - That's not... 404 00:14:39,908 --> 00:14:41,720 - When does the mom knuckle-blast me? - I'm sorry, excuse me. 405 00:14:41,744 --> 00:14:44,235 - This is gross, this is, like, totally. - I understand. 406 00:14:44,313 --> 00:14:45,557 This commercial is my big break, 407 00:14:45,581 --> 00:14:47,071 and I am not gonna have it ruined 408 00:14:47,149 --> 00:14:49,583 - by some husk of a pervert, okay? - No way. 409 00:14:49,651 --> 00:14:50,762 - I understand... - No, you know what? 410 00:14:50,786 --> 00:14:52,263 - No, chief, chief? - I understand what you're saying. 411 00:14:52,287 --> 00:14:53,732 She's right, I am a husk of a pervert. 412 00:14:53,756 --> 00:14:54,780 You're right. 413 00:14:55,491 --> 00:14:58,051 When I got to Hollywood in the '70s, I was... 414 00:14:58,127 --> 00:15:00,288 You know, I just wanted to be an actor. 415 00:15:00,362 --> 00:15:02,421 I was a kid with a head full of dreams 416 00:15:02,498 --> 00:15:04,693 and pants full of donkey cock. 417 00:15:05,567 --> 00:15:06,795 I was broke and desperate. 418 00:15:06,869 --> 00:15:08,700 This dude at a bowling alley said, 419 00:15:08,771 --> 00:15:11,103 "Hey, man, you wanna make some money acting?" 420 00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:13,071 I said, "Yeah, man." 421 00:15:13,976 --> 00:15:15,910 At first, it was a way to pay the bills, 422 00:15:15,978 --> 00:15:19,209 and I figured I'd always get back to real acting. 423 00:15:20,482 --> 00:15:24,418 Then I lost my wife and my child, at the mall. 424 00:15:25,554 --> 00:15:27,249 That's when I turned to Crank and Kahl俉. 425 00:15:27,322 --> 00:15:29,119 - You know, Mexican-Russians? - Yeah. 426 00:15:30,926 --> 00:15:33,417 Now, I'm just a broken down woodsman who 427 00:15:33,996 --> 00:15:35,793 thought he could act. 428 00:15:37,733 --> 00:15:40,964 Well, if anyone needs me, I'll be out in the parking lot, 429 00:15:41,970 --> 00:15:43,961 plying my trade. 430 00:15:44,807 --> 00:15:46,638 10 dollars to look at it, 431 00:15:46,708 --> 00:15:48,232 five to watch me jerk it, 432 00:15:48,644 --> 00:15:51,340 3.50 to spit on my hand, a dollar for a sniff. 433 00:15:51,413 --> 00:15:53,133 But close your eyes, 'cause as I mentioned, 434 00:15:53,182 --> 00:15:54,945 it's 10 to look at it, so... 435 00:15:55,317 --> 00:15:57,529 You know, it's an honor system, there's no peeking or anything... 436 00:15:57,553 --> 00:15:58,713 Doug, wait, come back here. 437 00:15:58,821 --> 00:16:01,551 Guys, what do you say we do one take Doug's way? 438 00:16:01,824 --> 00:16:04,088 - Wait, what? - Let's shoot one 439 00:16:05,027 --> 00:16:06,255 Doug's way. 440 00:16:06,328 --> 00:16:07,420 Everybody's in, right? 441 00:16:07,496 --> 00:16:09,930 - Yeah. - I don't know what to say. 442 00:16:10,199 --> 00:16:11,689 - Just say yes, man. - Doug. 443 00:16:12,901 --> 00:16:14,766 Doug, Doug. 444 00:16:18,874 --> 00:16:20,418 - Let's go! - All right, let's make this commercial! 445 00:16:20,442 --> 00:16:21,802 - Roll cameras! - Get on your mark. 446 00:16:21,844 --> 00:16:23,812 Scene one, take three. 447 00:16:23,879 --> 00:16:25,346 And action! 448 00:16:26,515 --> 00:16:27,915 - Did someone order a pizza? - Yeah. 449 00:16:31,019 --> 00:16:32,350 Oh, my God. 450 00:16:43,432 --> 00:16:44,694 - Porn. - Oh, yeah. 451 00:16:44,967 --> 00:16:47,045 - I didn't even ask anything yet! - Don't worry about it, 452 00:16:47,069 --> 00:16:48,093 it's fantastic. 453 00:16:48,470 --> 00:16:49,981 Do you ever, like, wonder what happens 454 00:16:50,005 --> 00:16:51,870 when the porn stars age out? 455 00:16:52,007 --> 00:16:55,204 I follow a lot of porn stars on Twitter, and they retire. 456 00:16:55,277 --> 00:16:56,837 So, they're like, "Today's the big day, 457 00:16:56,879 --> 00:16:58,813 "my last time I have to get fucked for money." 458 00:16:58,881 --> 00:17:00,371 Cash in the 401 k. 459 00:17:00,449 --> 00:17:02,178 - They get a 401 k? - Yeah! 460 00:17:02,251 --> 00:17:05,084 Is that slang for like when 401 people 461 00:17:05,153 --> 00:17:06,211 cum on your eyes? 462 00:17:06,288 --> 00:17:07,619 I think so. 463 00:17:16,064 --> 00:17:17,895 So, Vin, you are a gigolo. 464 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,024 I am. 465 00:17:19,101 --> 00:17:20,311 I have so many questions for you, 466 00:17:20,335 --> 00:17:21,813 that I'm... My head's almost exploding. 467 00:17:21,837 --> 00:17:23,134 First of all, how much? 468 00:17:23,205 --> 00:17:25,036 First off, I don't get paid to have sex. 469 00:17:25,207 --> 00:17:26,799 What do you get paid to do? 470 00:17:26,875 --> 00:17:29,605 Uh, I'm only paid for my time and companionship, that's it. 471 00:17:29,678 --> 00:17:32,272 Um, okay, so how much to "spend time with you," 472 00:17:32,347 --> 00:17:33,667 where your penis is in my vagina? 473 00:17:34,216 --> 00:17:36,446 How much? How much? 474 00:17:36,585 --> 00:17:37,585 This is me... 475 00:17:37,686 --> 00:17:39,517 So, I've got a two-hour minimum. 476 00:17:39,588 --> 00:17:40,612 - Okay? - Right? 477 00:17:40,689 --> 00:17:42,534 What's the longest a client's ever booked you for? 478 00:17:42,558 --> 00:17:43,558 Five days. 479 00:17:43,625 --> 00:17:45,145 - Do you ever have sex with guys? - No. 480 00:17:45,527 --> 00:17:46,755 - Ever? No? - No. 481 00:17:46,828 --> 00:17:48,420 How 'bout for 482 00:17:48,697 --> 00:17:49,721 - 50 grand? - No. 483 00:17:50,132 --> 00:17:51,394 They just blow you. 484 00:17:51,767 --> 00:17:53,758 - For 50 grand? - Mmm-hmm. 485 00:17:54,303 --> 00:17:56,314 Uh, if the offer was on the table, I'd think about it. 486 00:17:56,338 --> 00:17:58,101 Okay, cool. Dan, it's a go! 487 00:18:01,610 --> 00:18:03,721 Um, has anyone ever paid you to go to the movies with them? 488 00:18:03,745 --> 00:18:05,269 Um, Celine Dion concert. 489 00:18:08,684 --> 00:18:10,618 There isn't enough booze in the world 490 00:18:10,886 --> 00:18:12,513 to get me over how sad I am right now. 491 00:18:12,621 --> 00:18:14,612 She had been waiting, she said, two years, 492 00:18:14,690 --> 00:18:15,690 to see Celine. 493 00:18:15,824 --> 00:18:17,951 Stop talking. 494 00:18:18,026 --> 00:18:19,152 She cried. 495 00:18:19,227 --> 00:18:21,354 - And then I cried. - You didn't cry! 496 00:18:21,496 --> 00:18:23,054 There was a tear. 497 00:18:23,365 --> 00:18:25,060 How many people's hearts have you broken? 498 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:26,945 - And by hearts, I mean hymens. - How many... 499 00:18:26,969 --> 00:18:29,199 I think I've only been with three virgins, so... 500 00:18:29,271 --> 00:18:30,704 - Okay, yeah. - In my life. 501 00:18:30,906 --> 00:18:33,773 One was professionally, so she actually hired... 502 00:18:33,875 --> 00:18:35,934 - She was like, "I wanna get it done with." - Yeah. 503 00:18:36,011 --> 00:18:37,331 That's... I wish I had done that. 504 00:18:37,379 --> 00:18:38,573 My first experience... 505 00:18:38,647 --> 00:18:40,725 She was in her 40s, though. I don't think you wanna... 506 00:18:40,749 --> 00:18:41,841 Can we have another? 507 00:18:44,486 --> 00:18:46,010 How long have you been a professional? 508 00:18:46,488 --> 00:18:48,388 Well, I guess I can thank the Container Store. 509 00:18:51,493 --> 00:18:53,290 This story is not gonna be interesting. 510 00:18:53,362 --> 00:18:54,973 - It's pretty interesting. - All right, let's hear it. 511 00:18:54,997 --> 00:18:57,488 Okay, so one day, me and a buddy, 512 00:18:57,566 --> 00:18:59,877 we got some smoothies, we're hanging out at Third Street Promenade, 513 00:18:59,901 --> 00:19:00,945 sitting in front of the Container Store. 514 00:19:00,969 --> 00:19:03,802 Woman comes out, she says, uh, 515 00:19:03,872 --> 00:19:06,033 "Hey, you guys look like you're strong. 516 00:19:06,108 --> 00:19:07,952 "Could you help me carry this stuff to my apartment, 517 00:19:07,976 --> 00:19:09,534 "and organize my closet?" 518 00:19:10,112 --> 00:19:12,273 But, turns out, organizing her closet 519 00:19:12,381 --> 00:19:13,825 actually meant fucking the shit out of her. 520 00:19:13,849 --> 00:19:17,842 And as we left she gave us 521 00:19:17,919 --> 00:19:20,285 - a little bit of money, so... - For helping with the stuff. 522 00:19:20,956 --> 00:19:22,300 Yeah, for getting her organized, you know? 523 00:19:22,324 --> 00:19:24,258 - Okay. - So, uh... 524 00:19:24,326 --> 00:19:25,966 A few weeks later, same thing, smoothies. 525 00:19:25,994 --> 00:19:27,972 I'm like, "Why don't we sit in front of the Container Store?" 526 00:19:27,996 --> 00:19:29,657 Wouldn't you know it? 527 00:19:29,931 --> 00:19:31,455 Another woman comes up. 528 00:19:31,533 --> 00:19:34,093 She says, "Oh, hey, I bought some stuff, too. 529 00:19:34,169 --> 00:19:36,069 "Could you help me organize my closet?" 530 00:19:36,138 --> 00:19:39,198 So, we went and we organized her closet, and she paid us and... 531 00:19:39,374 --> 00:19:41,399 Wait, you also organized her closet. 532 00:19:42,144 --> 00:19:44,009 Yeah, we actually... 533 00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:46,280 We kind of... 534 00:19:46,515 --> 00:19:48,983 How did you organize it? Like, what did you put together? 535 00:19:49,084 --> 00:19:50,278 It was like, shelves, 536 00:19:50,352 --> 00:19:52,183 it had a shoe rack, which was pretty cool. 537 00:19:52,287 --> 00:19:53,498 - It slid out. - That's cool, yeah. 538 00:19:53,522 --> 00:19:54,666 It's convenient for getting shoes. 539 00:19:54,690 --> 00:19:56,100 And she needed it, her closet was... 540 00:19:56,124 --> 00:19:57,764 - It was a mess? - It was, no it was tiny. 541 00:19:57,893 --> 00:19:59,383 - Oh. - And, you know, 542 00:19:59,461 --> 00:20:01,122 those two ended up coming back. 543 00:20:01,196 --> 00:20:03,391 They came back. But you get there, 544 00:20:03,465 --> 00:20:04,705 the closet's already organized. 545 00:20:04,933 --> 00:20:06,366 - What do you do? - Just fuck 'em. 546 00:20:06,501 --> 00:20:07,661 - Okay, okay. - Yeah. 547 00:20:07,736 --> 00:20:11,228 So, come to find out that, like, this was actually happening all over L.A. 548 00:20:11,306 --> 00:20:13,484 There were groups of guys who had learned about the situation. 549 00:20:13,508 --> 00:20:15,203 And so, we figured, like, there's got... 550 00:20:15,277 --> 00:20:17,006 You'd form a union just by saying so. 551 00:20:17,079 --> 00:20:18,910 Right, so, we did, and we called it 552 00:20:18,980 --> 00:20:22,746 the organization of Retail Gigolos Org. 553 00:20:22,851 --> 00:20:25,479 So, I started this blog, and the rest is history. 554 00:20:30,492 --> 00:20:31,492 Um... 555 00:20:32,027 --> 00:20:33,494 You're right, and I was wrong. 556 00:20:33,562 --> 00:20:36,690 I'm a dumb bitch, this is beyond interesting. 557 00:20:38,433 --> 00:20:40,765 I know you're leaving town, but 558 00:20:40,836 --> 00:20:42,861 my closet is a mess. 559 00:20:47,876 --> 00:20:50,538 I'm just a broken down woodsman who thought he could act. 560 00:20:54,116 --> 00:20:55,743 Well... 561 00:21:00,122 --> 00:21:01,350 It's so easy. 562 00:21:01,423 --> 00:21:02,754 Mmm, magic. 563 00:21:04,860 --> 00:21:06,122 You don't even know this guy, 564 00:21:06,194 --> 00:21:07,627 and he's in our home? 565 00:21:08,563 --> 00:21:09,655 You know what? 566 00:21:09,798 --> 00:21:11,925 I feel more attracted to him than you. 40705

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