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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,864 --> 00:00:03,064 -(RUMBLING BACKGROUND NOISE) -(CLOCK TICKS) 2 00:00:06,464 --> 00:00:08,464 I like your hair. 3 00:00:11,904 --> 00:00:14,014 This is much nicer than the other room. 4 00:00:14,105 --> 00:00:16,105 This is the better room. 5 00:00:18,865 --> 00:00:21,045 I don't think he's, um, going to come. 6 00:00:21,145 --> 00:00:24,025 I think he just wants me to have to tell you. 7 00:00:25,506 --> 00:00:27,286 Well, I know I said we should wait. 8 00:00:27,386 --> 00:00:28,686 But, perhaps, if this is... 9 00:00:28,786 --> 00:00:30,786 -(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES) -(FOOTSTEPS APPROACH) 10 00:00:31,786 --> 00:00:33,786 -Hello, Cob. -COB: Hey. 11 00:00:35,666 --> 00:00:38,846 So sorry I'm late, Rose. Um, child care issues. 12 00:00:38,947 --> 00:00:43,007 (CLEARS THROAT) Well, I would say it's nice to see you both again. 13 00:00:43,107 --> 00:00:46,847 But I suppose I wouldn't be, unless something's happened? 14 00:00:46,947 --> 00:00:50,467 Suzie is not living at the house anymore, Rose. 15 00:00:51,868 --> 00:00:53,328 Oh? 16 00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:55,428 Because... 17 00:00:56,148 --> 00:00:58,148 Um... 18 00:00:59,108 --> 00:01:01,848 OK, so, um, someone 19 00:01:01,948 --> 00:01:06,248 somehow has...had access to my phone 20 00:01:06,349 --> 00:01:09,529 or hacked my phone 21 00:01:09,629 --> 00:01:13,009 and downloaded...downloaded photos. 22 00:01:13,109 --> 00:01:18,009 And there was a photo of me on there with someone else. Sexually. 23 00:01:18,110 --> 00:01:20,330 Very clearly someone else. 24 00:01:20,430 --> 00:01:22,610 -Right. -COB: Mm-hm. 25 00:01:22,710 --> 00:01:25,130 Gosh. That must be quite a shock. 26 00:01:25,230 --> 00:01:26,530 I'll fucking say. 27 00:01:26,630 --> 00:01:29,370 And...and Cob assumes that that means 28 00:01:29,471 --> 00:01:31,331 that I'm being unfaithful. 29 00:01:31,431 --> 00:01:33,411 Yeah. Mmm. 30 00:01:33,511 --> 00:01:36,211 Why would I... (LAUGHS) Why would I possibly... 31 00:01:36,311 --> 00:01:38,171 Oh! Of course. 32 00:01:38,271 --> 00:01:40,371 I get it, because I'm insane. 33 00:01:40,471 --> 00:01:43,011 Right, because seeing something with your own eyes 34 00:01:43,112 --> 00:01:46,252 has absolutely no meaning, right? 35 00:01:46,352 --> 00:01:48,352 That's... This is gaslighting. 36 00:01:50,632 --> 00:01:53,272 Uh, what's...what's happening with Franky? 37 00:01:54,672 --> 00:01:56,052 -(LAUGHS) -Frank. Um... 38 00:01:56,153 --> 00:01:59,813 So...he's, uh...he's fine. 39 00:01:59,913 --> 00:02:02,693 You know, I mean, I am... 40 00:02:02,793 --> 00:02:04,693 ..I am coming into the house 41 00:02:04,793 --> 00:02:06,733 at, like, 6am to wake him up 42 00:02:06,833 --> 00:02:10,053 and, um...and then leaving 43 00:02:10,154 --> 00:02:12,574 and then coming back at the end of the day. 44 00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:14,674 -I think he's fine. -(COB SNIGGERS) 45 00:02:15,474 --> 00:02:16,934 I think he's fine. 46 00:02:17,034 --> 00:02:19,294 Um, I don't think he realises, you know, 47 00:02:19,394 --> 00:02:21,964 except this weekend when we're going to the convention, but... 48 00:02:22,955 --> 00:02:24,955 COB: Whose cock is it? 49 00:02:26,555 --> 00:02:27,935 Whose cock is it? 50 00:02:28,035 --> 00:02:30,735 It's what we're here for. Let's just... 51 00:02:30,835 --> 00:02:32,495 We're here now. We're there. Whose cock is it? 52 00:02:32,595 --> 00:02:34,495 Suzie, whose cock is it? 53 00:02:34,596 --> 00:02:36,896 -Do you... I mean... -Whose cock is it? Whose cock is it? 54 00:02:36,996 --> 00:02:40,056 Whose cock is it? Whose cock is it? Whose cock is it? Yeah. 55 00:02:40,156 --> 00:02:41,936 -Do you want me to answer that? -Whose cock is it? 56 00:02:42,036 --> 00:02:43,216 -I don't... -Whose cock is it? 57 00:02:43,316 --> 00:02:44,696 Whose fucking cock is it?! 58 00:02:44,796 --> 00:02:46,956 (JAZZY PIANO MUSIC) 59 00:02:50,637 --> 00:02:53,117 (SCRAPING) 60 00:02:55,877 --> 00:02:57,877 (YAWNS) 61 00:02:58,797 --> 00:03:00,797 -WOMAN: I've got it. -Shit. 62 00:03:03,718 --> 00:03:05,418 You don't have to keep giving me your bed. 63 00:03:05,518 --> 00:03:08,378 -I know I don't have to. -It's so cold. 64 00:03:08,478 --> 00:03:10,578 -How long have you been sat there? -I've got a plan. 65 00:03:10,678 --> 00:03:12,218 We go to the convention, as booked, 66 00:03:12,319 --> 00:03:15,059 but our attitude is, "Fuck you, fake news, you lose." 67 00:03:15,159 --> 00:03:16,539 No, that just...that sounds horrific. 68 00:03:16,639 --> 00:03:19,019 But not going makes it look like it's you and you care. 69 00:03:19,119 --> 00:03:20,979 It is me. And I do care. 70 00:03:21,079 --> 00:03:22,819 Let's not dignify it with a response. 71 00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:25,019 No comment from us and it all goes away. 72 00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:27,300 -SUZIE: Hmm. -NAOMI: Mmm. 73 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:30,340 -I really need my phone. -Yeah, the police still have it. 74 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:31,460 But you've got this one. 75 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:34,740 It has all your same contacts and names in it. 76 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:37,500 It just can't go online, which is good. 77 00:03:37,601 --> 00:03:38,981 Why? What are they saying? 78 00:03:39,081 --> 00:03:41,421 Yeah, you don't need to see that. 79 00:03:41,521 --> 00:03:43,661 Why, is it bad? 80 00:03:43,761 --> 00:03:45,761 -Uh... -Nay? 81 00:03:47,921 --> 00:03:49,661 (GROANS) 82 00:03:49,761 --> 00:03:52,621 But the whole convention is just gonna be sat there, you know. 83 00:03:52,722 --> 00:03:53,822 They're just gonna be sat there 84 00:03:53,922 --> 00:03:55,622 and they're just gonna be looking at my tits 85 00:03:55,722 --> 00:03:57,022 and thinking about me sucking cock. 86 00:03:57,122 --> 00:03:59,142 Yeah, but they always are, babe. 87 00:03:59,242 --> 00:04:01,282 You get dressed. 88 00:04:02,282 --> 00:04:05,002 (THEME MUSIC) 89 00:04:06,443 --> 00:04:09,183 (GLASS SMASHES) 90 00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:10,823 -NAOMI: Are you alright? -Yeah. 91 00:04:10,923 --> 00:04:13,263 Don't forget, no photos or signing anything 92 00:04:13,363 --> 00:04:14,703 until you're on the official table. 93 00:04:14,803 --> 00:04:16,543 We make no reference to the hack at all. 94 00:04:16,644 --> 00:04:19,504 -MAN: Hi, Suzie. -NAOMI: Thanks very much. 95 00:04:19,604 --> 00:04:21,264 -Also, I've cancelled the Q&A. -SUZIE: Hi. 96 00:04:21,364 --> 00:04:22,984 NAOMI: So don't answer any questions. 97 00:04:23,084 --> 00:04:24,944 Look at all these people that love you. 98 00:04:25,044 --> 00:04:26,384 -Thanks. -Hi! 99 00:04:26,484 --> 00:04:27,784 Thanks very much. 100 00:04:27,884 --> 00:04:29,674 -I love you. -Hi. 101 00:04:29,765 --> 00:04:31,785 OK, that's great. Thank you. 102 00:04:31,885 --> 00:04:33,985 -MAN: Captain Bria! -(SCI-FI SOUNDS EFFECTS PLAY) 103 00:04:34,085 --> 00:04:36,905 We don't mention the real world at all. 104 00:04:37,005 --> 00:04:38,305 Nobody cares here. 105 00:04:38,405 --> 00:04:40,225 -Nobody cares about the photos. -Right. 106 00:04:40,325 --> 00:04:42,505 -All they care about is Captain Bria. -Yeah. 107 00:04:42,606 --> 00:04:43,866 -There's not gonna be a Q&A. -Right. 108 00:04:43,966 --> 00:04:45,026 -Some water? -Oh, thank you. 109 00:04:45,126 --> 00:04:47,746 So just go out there and be a smiley, charming bad-ass 110 00:04:47,846 --> 00:04:49,546 like a bad-ass on bad-ass patrol. 111 00:04:49,646 --> 00:04:51,946 Or don't if you don't want to. Just do what you want. 112 00:04:52,046 --> 00:04:52,946 OK. 113 00:04:53,046 --> 00:04:54,186 Also, can you talk about 'AfterDeath' 114 00:04:54,287 --> 00:04:55,987 rather than the sci-fi you did 12 years ago? 115 00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:57,747 -But nobody watches 'AfterDeath'. -Yeah, they do. 116 00:04:57,847 --> 00:04:59,267 Then why do I never meet them? 117 00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:01,307 Because viewing figures don't matter anymore. 118 00:05:01,407 --> 00:05:03,267 Oh, right. It only matters who clicks on it? 119 00:05:03,367 --> 00:05:05,347 Yeah. And, well, that doesn't matter either but... 120 00:05:05,447 --> 00:05:07,827 -So what does matter? -Excuse me, they're ready for you. 121 00:05:07,928 --> 00:05:09,988 -Shh. OK. Let's go. -OK. Great. Yeah. 122 00:05:10,088 --> 00:05:11,028 Thank you. 123 00:05:11,128 --> 00:05:12,988 OK, let's welcome to the stage 124 00:05:13,088 --> 00:05:15,068 the real Captain Bria, Suzie Pickles! 125 00:05:15,168 --> 00:05:16,668 -Anything hanging out my nose? -No, you're good. 126 00:05:16,768 --> 00:05:18,428 -Are you sure? -You're good. 127 00:05:18,528 --> 00:05:21,328 (WILD CHEERING) 128 00:05:24,009 --> 00:05:25,269 Thank you! 129 00:05:25,369 --> 00:05:28,129 Shall I go this way or this way? Hi! 130 00:05:33,570 --> 00:05:35,190 Here's your mic. 131 00:05:35,290 --> 00:05:36,670 Thank you. 132 00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:39,590 -Welcome along. -Shall I just hold this like this? 133 00:05:39,690 --> 00:05:41,470 -Yeah, however you like. -Like, I think that's normal? 134 00:05:41,570 --> 00:05:43,390 Yeah. (LAUGHS) That's fine. Um, alright. 135 00:05:43,490 --> 00:05:46,870 So, you all know our Suzie from her varied career, of course. 136 00:05:46,971 --> 00:05:48,391 From 'Quo Vadis'... 137 00:05:48,491 --> 00:05:50,491 (ALL CHEER) 138 00:05:51,731 --> 00:05:53,631 ..and more recent stuff as well, 139 00:05:53,731 --> 00:05:55,231 uh, the soap stuff... 140 00:05:55,331 --> 00:05:57,191 -Yeah. But we don't mention that. -Alright. 141 00:05:57,291 --> 00:06:00,351 And, of course, 'AfterDeath', which is on streaming now. 142 00:06:00,452 --> 00:06:05,152 Yeah, that's right. And who doesn't love Nazi zombies? 143 00:06:05,252 --> 00:06:06,512 -Right. -(LAUGHTER) 144 00:06:06,612 --> 00:06:08,952 OK, so usually we do a Q&A format. 145 00:06:09,052 --> 00:06:11,392 Uh, I think, today we're just gonna have a conversation between us... 146 00:06:11,493 --> 00:06:12,993 (CROWD GRUMBLES) Aww... 147 00:06:13,093 --> 00:06:15,813 -Oh, no, the masses are revolting! -(LAUGHS) 148 00:06:17,093 --> 00:06:20,073 They've queued for hours to talk to you, Captain Bria. 149 00:06:20,173 --> 00:06:21,793 MAN: Come on, do it. You promised! 150 00:06:21,893 --> 00:06:23,833 (AUDIENCE CLAPS AND CHANTS) Do it! Do it! Do it! 151 00:06:23,934 --> 00:06:26,034 Uh, no, no, no. I love Q&A. No, I love Q&A... 152 00:06:26,134 --> 00:06:27,994 -(WHISTLING) -I wanna, you know... 153 00:06:28,094 --> 00:06:29,594 -I wanna talk directly to them. -Yeah? 154 00:06:29,694 --> 00:06:32,074 -You know, I...I love you guys. -(CHEERING) 155 00:06:32,174 --> 00:06:34,754 -Alright, great! -Whoo! 156 00:06:34,854 --> 00:06:36,684 Uh, let's go to some questions, then. 157 00:06:36,775 --> 00:06:38,995 The mic's out there somewhere. 158 00:06:39,095 --> 00:06:41,395 Uh, yeah, guy with the beard. 159 00:06:41,495 --> 00:06:43,275 Uh, no. Uh, no. 160 00:06:43,375 --> 00:06:45,195 Yeah, you. There you go. Yeah. 161 00:06:45,295 --> 00:06:47,315 (FEEDBACK WHINES) 162 00:06:47,415 --> 00:06:49,595 -Hi, Suzie. -Hello! How are you? 163 00:06:49,696 --> 00:06:51,876 -I love your top. -Oh, thank you, Suzie. 164 00:06:51,976 --> 00:06:53,316 (LAUGHS) 165 00:06:53,416 --> 00:06:58,396 In 'Quo Vadis', your character dies at the end of the series. 166 00:06:58,496 --> 00:07:00,956 But if she did that, 167 00:07:01,056 --> 00:07:02,516 Captain Bria couldn't go back 168 00:07:02,617 --> 00:07:07,517 to where we found her in the first episode on the ship. 169 00:07:07,617 --> 00:07:08,717 Um... 170 00:07:08,817 --> 00:07:12,777 Uh, it would make sense if it was in a different dimension. 171 00:07:13,977 --> 00:07:16,837 Yeah, it would. And I've never closed down that reading. 172 00:07:16,938 --> 00:07:21,118 But, you know, if I'm, um... if I'm just really honest, 173 00:07:21,218 --> 00:07:24,438 I was just thinking about getting into that bloody catsuit every week. 174 00:07:24,538 --> 00:07:26,038 -I mean jumpsuit. -Jumpsuit. Yeah. 175 00:07:26,138 --> 00:07:29,798 Um, well, it is funny you should mention the jumpsuit, Suzie, 176 00:07:29,899 --> 00:07:32,719 because we did a little research mission of our own. 177 00:07:32,819 --> 00:07:33,719 Yep. 178 00:07:33,819 --> 00:07:36,239 And we found the jumpsuit from 'Quo Vadis'. 179 00:07:36,339 --> 00:07:38,999 -(WHOOPING AND CHEERING) -Um, yeah, the real one. 180 00:07:39,099 --> 00:07:41,159 -So let's bring it out. -You're joking. 181 00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:43,720 Here we go. There it is. 182 00:07:43,820 --> 00:07:46,360 -Look at it. -Is it actually the real one? 183 00:07:46,460 --> 00:07:49,160 It's the real one from the archives, yeah. 184 00:07:49,260 --> 00:07:51,240 Oh. Do you need a moment? 185 00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:52,880 -I just remember the smell! -(AUDIENCE CALLS OUT) 186 00:07:52,980 --> 00:07:54,680 Alright, well, lots of other questions 187 00:07:54,781 --> 00:07:57,681 whilst you reacquaint yourself with the jumpsuit. 188 00:07:57,781 --> 00:08:01,441 So, uh, yes, the lady on the side. 189 00:08:01,541 --> 00:08:03,121 -Hi, Suzie. -SUZIE: Hi. 190 00:08:03,221 --> 00:08:06,041 Hi. I'm so sorry to hear about those pictures. 191 00:08:06,142 --> 00:08:08,202 It's such an invasion of privacy. 192 00:08:08,302 --> 00:08:10,522 I can't even imagine. 193 00:08:10,622 --> 00:08:12,682 But it's great to see you here today. 194 00:08:12,782 --> 00:08:14,842 Thank you so much. 195 00:08:14,942 --> 00:08:16,962 So how have you been coping? 196 00:08:17,062 --> 00:08:19,062 Yeah, um... 197 00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:21,643 -RAPTOR: Yeah. -Yeah... 198 00:08:21,743 --> 00:08:22,923 -I...I...I don't... -Can we move it along? 199 00:08:23,023 --> 00:08:25,683 I don't really think this is the venue. In fact, I... 200 00:08:25,783 --> 00:08:27,083 -Can I just take this... -Yeah. 201 00:08:27,183 --> 00:08:28,483 ..moment to...before we get started? 202 00:08:28,583 --> 00:08:30,163 -Yes, of course you can. -OK. Um... 203 00:08:30,263 --> 00:08:32,723 (CLEARS THROAT) So, um... 204 00:08:32,824 --> 00:08:35,404 Look, I just wanted to say that there are... 205 00:08:35,504 --> 00:08:42,324 ..there were some photos posted online last week, 206 00:08:42,424 --> 00:08:46,294 um...supposedly of me, 207 00:08:46,385 --> 00:08:49,565 stolen from me in some mass hack, 208 00:08:49,665 --> 00:08:52,085 and I just wanna say that even though I have no issue 209 00:08:52,185 --> 00:08:56,365 with whatever it is that person's supposed to be doing in the photo... 210 00:08:56,465 --> 00:08:59,885 (LAUGHS) Um, it's not me. No. 211 00:08:59,986 --> 00:09:02,406 I mean, I wish I was that thin. 212 00:09:02,506 --> 00:09:05,106 -WOMAN: It's not a fake. -No, it's a fake. 213 00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:07,926 You know 'Black Mirror'? 214 00:09:08,026 --> 00:09:10,766 It's very 'Black Mirror-y'. Whatever. We're all doomed. 215 00:09:10,867 --> 00:09:14,687 Anyway, I just...I just wanted to put that to bed, you know. 216 00:09:14,787 --> 00:09:19,047 And, um, I don't know, if there's anything to take away from today, 217 00:09:19,147 --> 00:09:22,767 um, don't wank to lies, kids. 218 00:09:22,868 --> 00:09:26,368 -(SCATTERED CHEERING) -RAPTOR: Yes. Uh, good advice. 219 00:09:26,468 --> 00:09:28,048 (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) 220 00:09:28,148 --> 00:09:30,208 Yes, thank you for that. Alright, uh... 221 00:09:30,308 --> 00:09:32,008 -Sorry, that was a bit blue. -No, that's fine. 222 00:09:32,108 --> 00:09:35,528 It's completely understandable you would say it wasn't you, 223 00:09:35,628 --> 00:09:37,968 but there are other details in the pictures. 224 00:09:38,069 --> 00:09:40,649 Uh, like the necklace you were wearing, uh, for example. 225 00:09:40,749 --> 00:09:41,649 (AUDIENCE MEMBERS BOO) 226 00:09:41,749 --> 00:09:43,729 I mean, which you've worn it on other occasions. 227 00:09:43,829 --> 00:09:45,729 -Yeah, I don't think... -Can we move it along, please? 228 00:09:45,829 --> 00:09:47,849 -I'm just giving you an opportunity. -..to be talking about this. 229 00:09:47,949 --> 00:09:48,849 This feels very... 230 00:09:48,950 --> 00:09:51,410 Because it is a penis of colour in the pictures... 231 00:09:51,510 --> 00:09:53,770 -Jesus! -You know what? I... Oh, my God. 232 00:09:53,870 --> 00:09:54,770 Yeah, OK. That's enough. 233 00:09:54,870 --> 00:09:57,210 Is that the reason why you're trying to distance yourself... 234 00:09:57,310 --> 00:09:59,730 Sorry, I was just... 235 00:09:59,830 --> 00:10:02,450 I was just wondering if I could still fit into this. 236 00:10:02,551 --> 00:10:05,531 -(CHEERING) -Yes! Are we insured for that? 237 00:10:05,631 --> 00:10:07,531 Well, I guess I'm doing it. 238 00:10:07,631 --> 00:10:10,891 Alright, off she goes to change into the jumpsuit. 239 00:10:10,991 --> 00:10:13,051 -Very shortly she'll be back. -I'll see you in a second. 240 00:10:13,151 --> 00:10:15,051 -See you in a second. -Maybe a minute. Who knows? 241 00:10:15,152 --> 00:10:16,652 -What the fuck? -That's what you came for. 242 00:10:16,752 --> 00:10:18,972 Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! 243 00:10:19,072 --> 00:10:21,372 They should just chuck her out. 244 00:10:21,472 --> 00:10:23,292 Stand up. 245 00:10:23,392 --> 00:10:25,932 -I said don't do questions. -They...they just sat there. 246 00:10:26,032 --> 00:10:27,372 They just sat there waiting. 247 00:10:27,473 --> 00:10:28,893 I can't wear this. It'll make me panic. 248 00:10:28,993 --> 00:10:30,293 -Get it off. -We'll take it off. 249 00:10:30,393 --> 00:10:31,533 Can you take this, please? 250 00:10:31,633 --> 00:10:34,633 (CHEERING AND WHISTLING) 251 00:10:35,873 --> 00:10:37,913 NAOMI: You're looking good, babe. 252 00:10:41,234 --> 00:10:42,854 RAPTOR: Here she is! 253 00:10:42,954 --> 00:10:45,374 Sorry, it's a bit...it's a bit tight. 254 00:10:45,474 --> 00:10:49,094 I actually can't breathe in this. (LAUGHS) 255 00:10:49,194 --> 00:10:53,944 I feel really self-conscious that I've got camel toe. 256 00:10:54,035 --> 00:10:57,035 (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS) 257 00:11:03,515 --> 00:11:06,555 (PHONE BUZZES AND PLAYS RINGTONE) 258 00:11:09,276 --> 00:11:12,096 SONG: ♪ Ah, dance 259 00:11:12,196 --> 00:11:14,456 ♪ Make your body move 260 00:11:14,556 --> 00:11:16,136 ♪ Dance... ♪ 261 00:11:16,236 --> 00:11:19,236 (SONG CONTINUES PLAYING) 262 00:11:20,837 --> 00:11:22,537 -MAN: Excuse me. -Sorry. 263 00:11:22,637 --> 00:11:24,497 I'm so sorry. 264 00:11:24,597 --> 00:11:25,977 Why? What have you done? 265 00:11:26,077 --> 00:11:29,477 Are you here selling your soul too? 266 00:11:30,878 --> 00:11:33,818 What on earth is that phone? You're not a dealer, are you? 267 00:11:33,918 --> 00:11:36,658 My other phone's in police custody. 268 00:11:36,758 --> 00:11:38,818 Liquid sustenance, please! 269 00:11:38,918 --> 00:11:40,538 You made a sex tape? What happened? 270 00:11:40,638 --> 00:11:43,698 So, OK, so...so one of the girls' mums finds the tape 271 00:11:43,799 --> 00:11:46,379 hidden in the bottom of the wardrobe, she digs it out, 272 00:11:46,479 --> 00:11:49,659 she, of course, goes fucking ballistic and spare, 273 00:11:49,759 --> 00:11:53,459 and then the girls denied it and said that I forced them to do it 274 00:11:53,559 --> 00:11:55,259 and that they never wanted to do a threesome 275 00:11:55,359 --> 00:11:57,899 even though they were laughing the whole way through. 276 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,980 And so the mother then wrote to my agent. 277 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:04,220 I can't... I don't even remember hearing about that. 278 00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:06,300 Yeah, this is way pre-internet. 279 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:07,980 I bought the family a conservatory. 280 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:10,220 A conservatory. Fuck. 281 00:12:10,321 --> 00:12:12,061 But don't you... don't you worry about that now? 282 00:12:12,161 --> 00:12:14,021 It coming out? 283 00:12:14,121 --> 00:12:16,141 Yeah. Are you kidding? Absolutely. 284 00:12:16,241 --> 00:12:17,541 Thank you. 285 00:12:17,641 --> 00:12:20,121 And that's why I live my life as a saint. 286 00:12:21,401 --> 00:12:22,781 I'm a good boy. 287 00:12:22,882 --> 00:12:25,502 Which is pretty brutal for me actually because I'm freshly divorced 288 00:12:25,602 --> 00:12:27,942 and I'm in this fantasy franchise, so it's like... 289 00:12:28,042 --> 00:12:30,222 Yeah. I'm sorry. 290 00:12:30,322 --> 00:12:31,742 You're very sweet. 291 00:12:31,842 --> 00:12:33,302 -I'm really sorry. -Cheers. 292 00:12:33,402 --> 00:12:35,502 I'm with Suzie Pickles. Naomi Jones. 293 00:12:35,603 --> 00:12:37,463 Do you mind if I, uh... 294 00:12:37,563 --> 00:12:39,063 Hello. Hi. 295 00:12:39,163 --> 00:12:41,343 -Naomi Jones. This is Suzie Pickles. -Let her in. She's with me. 296 00:12:41,443 --> 00:12:42,343 Yeah, see? 297 00:12:42,443 --> 00:12:44,943 Suz, we need to talk about what happened at the Q&A. 298 00:12:45,043 --> 00:12:46,343 -We should stay. -Hmm? 299 00:12:46,443 --> 00:12:48,823 We have to stay. It's so nice here. 300 00:12:48,924 --> 00:12:50,824 Because it's filled with people who've built shrines to you. 301 00:12:50,924 --> 00:12:54,024 -It's like a big womb. -No, I think we need to debrief, no? 302 00:12:54,124 --> 00:12:55,744 Is that, um, Benjamin Detroit? 303 00:12:55,844 --> 00:12:57,224 He plays that wizard guy... 304 00:12:57,324 --> 00:12:59,024 -Does Milo operate up here? -Who reps him? 305 00:12:59,124 --> 00:13:00,264 -Rude. -Milo? 306 00:13:00,364 --> 00:13:02,754 -Milo had a seizure in Barcelona. -OK, there's always other Milos. 307 00:13:02,845 --> 00:13:05,585 There's always alternative Milos. Please, please, let's get fucked. 308 00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:08,305 -Please. Look at my life! -Doesn't he have a coke problem? 309 00:13:08,405 --> 00:13:11,585 -Yes, in that we don't have any coke. -Ugh. 310 00:13:11,685 --> 00:13:13,685 (RAIN PATTERS) 311 00:13:17,566 --> 00:13:19,566 (EXHALES) 312 00:13:38,007 --> 00:13:40,647 -MAN: How's this fella doing? -(MAN LAUGHS) 313 00:13:53,049 --> 00:13:54,549 SUZIE: I didn't realise you already had coke. 314 00:13:54,649 --> 00:13:57,389 I should ring Naomi and tell her not to get any more. 315 00:13:57,489 --> 00:13:59,549 Yeah, because the...the thing about...the great thing about coke 316 00:13:59,649 --> 00:14:02,269 is...is it's like you never wanna do any more. 317 00:14:02,369 --> 00:14:06,429 Right, this...this...this is very special local stuff. 318 00:14:06,530 --> 00:14:08,950 Apparently you have to do it in a certain way. 319 00:14:09,050 --> 00:14:10,990 An old Mexican guy told me. 320 00:14:11,090 --> 00:14:12,870 -A Mexican man? -A Mexican man. 321 00:14:12,970 --> 00:14:14,990 -A Mexican man in Birmingham? -Yes. 322 00:14:15,090 --> 00:14:16,470 -Indian. -Yes. 323 00:14:16,570 --> 00:14:18,790 Mexican-Indian man in Birmingham. 324 00:14:18,891 --> 00:14:21,591 -So... -Yes. 325 00:14:21,691 --> 00:14:23,711 -You are going to bend over... -Yeah. 326 00:14:23,811 --> 00:14:28,071 ..and, um, I'm going to lick your ass while you do it. 327 00:14:28,171 --> 00:14:29,671 (SUZIE LAUGHS) 328 00:14:29,771 --> 00:14:32,071 That's how it has to be. That's the way to do it. 329 00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:33,352 -Really? -Yeah. 330 00:14:33,452 --> 00:14:35,352 -That's it, is it? -Yeah. I don't make the rules. 331 00:14:35,452 --> 00:14:37,152 Well, it seems like you might. 332 00:14:37,252 --> 00:14:38,872 -Ah! -OK. 333 00:14:38,972 --> 00:14:41,352 So you...so then you... That's gotta be... 334 00:14:41,452 --> 00:14:43,112 -OK, right. -Well, you have to take them. 335 00:14:43,213 --> 00:14:45,313 Let me. I'll do it, though, because I've got the tights. 336 00:14:45,413 --> 00:14:46,993 -No hands. -The tights. 337 00:14:47,093 --> 00:14:48,713 I can handle tights if you need help. 338 00:14:48,813 --> 00:14:50,633 -Just wait! (LAUGHS) -I'm not touching you. 339 00:14:50,733 --> 00:14:52,673 I won't touch you. I'm not going to do any... 340 00:14:52,773 --> 00:14:54,833 -All I'm going to do is... -OK, I'm ready. I'm ready. 341 00:14:54,933 --> 00:14:56,553 -You need to raise it up a bit. -Ahh! 342 00:14:56,654 --> 00:14:58,154 I need to see a bit more action. 343 00:14:58,254 --> 00:14:59,994 Good. Ready? You tell me when you're ready. 344 00:15:00,094 --> 00:15:01,994 Tell me when you're ready. Tell me when you're ready. 345 00:15:02,094 --> 00:15:03,914 -Tell me when you're ready. -I'm ready. I'm ready. 346 00:15:04,014 --> 00:15:05,794 -I'm putting my... -Hang on! OK, ready. 347 00:15:05,894 --> 00:15:07,794 -I have protective eyewear. -I'm ready. I'm ready. 348 00:15:07,894 --> 00:15:09,324 -Three, two, one. Go. -Go! Go! 349 00:15:09,415 --> 00:15:11,415 -(SNORTS) -(SCREAMS) 350 00:15:13,735 --> 00:15:15,555 I barely touched you. 351 00:15:15,655 --> 00:15:17,435 (TYRES SCREECH) 352 00:15:17,535 --> 00:15:19,035 SONG ON CAR STEREO: ♪ It's unnatural 353 00:15:19,135 --> 00:15:21,275 ♪ You belong to me 354 00:15:21,376 --> 00:15:23,076 ♪ I belong to you... ♪ 355 00:15:23,176 --> 00:15:25,716 -Hiya. -WOMAN: Hiya. 356 00:15:25,816 --> 00:15:28,076 I'm here to meet you? I'm Naomi. 357 00:15:28,176 --> 00:15:29,956 I thought I was picking up from Tarek. 358 00:15:30,056 --> 00:15:32,436 -(TYRES SCREECH) -OK, you're driving away. 359 00:15:32,536 --> 00:15:34,836 Yeah, yeah. What has to happen is we have to drive round. 360 00:15:34,937 --> 00:15:35,837 OK. 361 00:15:35,937 --> 00:15:38,357 I can't park or nothing, what with cameras. Better to drive round. 362 00:15:38,457 --> 00:15:39,757 -OK, where are we actually... -(HORN HONKS) 363 00:15:39,857 --> 00:15:42,097 -Fuck off! Hang on. -OK. 364 00:15:43,097 --> 00:15:44,837 Um, if there's anything you want me to... 365 00:15:44,937 --> 00:15:46,717 Can I...can I do anything? Maybe I could... 366 00:15:46,818 --> 00:15:49,358 -Yeah, count the money. -I know how much I have. 367 00:15:49,458 --> 00:15:51,158 Yeah, but count it in front of me. 368 00:15:51,258 --> 00:15:53,558 In...in front of your face? While you're driving? 369 00:15:53,658 --> 00:15:56,158 If you count it next to me, I'll know how much there is. 370 00:15:56,258 --> 00:16:00,398 Right. 20, 40, 60, 100. 371 00:16:00,499 --> 00:16:03,159 I've only got 20s. 120. 372 00:16:03,259 --> 00:16:04,679 Uh, I don't suppose you do change? 373 00:16:04,779 --> 00:16:06,959 I don't know where he's fucking put it. Ohh! 374 00:16:07,059 --> 00:16:09,559 -Where's he put the fucking gear? -OK. 375 00:16:09,659 --> 00:16:11,559 Can you just hold the wheel for a minute, babe? 376 00:16:11,659 --> 00:16:12,999 -Oh, my God, hold the... -(HORN HONKS) 377 00:16:13,100 --> 00:16:17,520 Ohh! Can you see in the back if there's, like, a...like, a wallet? 378 00:16:17,620 --> 00:16:21,240 A...a wallet. Uh, no. 379 00:16:21,340 --> 00:16:23,280 He's not fucking put it where he said he would! 380 00:16:23,380 --> 00:16:25,720 I'm gonna have to call that lying fucker now! 381 00:16:25,821 --> 00:16:27,721 Making me look like a twat again! 382 00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:29,821 Oh, wait. 383 00:16:31,141 --> 00:16:32,241 Oh, it's in me bra. 384 00:16:32,341 --> 00:16:34,361 -OK. -It's in me bra! (LAUGHS) 385 00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:37,761 -It's in your bra. Ah. -I put it there before I came out. 386 00:16:37,861 --> 00:16:41,881 -Oh, I'm a fucking idiot, man! -Ah. 387 00:16:41,982 --> 00:16:43,522 -Here it is, babe. -Yes. 388 00:16:43,622 --> 00:16:44,642 -Swap ya. -Thank you. 389 00:16:44,742 --> 00:16:47,002 -Nice. Nice. -NAOMI: Fuck me. 390 00:16:47,102 --> 00:16:48,602 -(THUD!) -(SIGHS) 391 00:16:48,702 --> 00:16:50,402 So where do you want dropping? 392 00:16:50,502 --> 00:16:52,162 Ahh... 393 00:16:52,263 --> 00:16:55,163 And it's just like, ahh! 394 00:16:55,263 --> 00:16:57,003 And there's me just holding it. 395 00:16:57,103 --> 00:16:59,163 -(BOTH LAUGH) -SONG: ♪ To the left... ♪ 396 00:16:59,263 --> 00:17:00,763 (KNOCK AT DOOR) 397 00:17:00,863 --> 00:17:03,443 -♪ To the right... ♪ -OK, um... 398 00:17:03,544 --> 00:17:05,444 -Alright, fuck. -Wow. 399 00:17:05,544 --> 00:17:07,284 -OK, fuck! -Wow. 400 00:17:07,384 --> 00:17:10,304 Don't tell Naomi we've already done cocaine. 401 00:17:12,424 --> 00:17:14,864 -Hey! -Hey. 402 00:17:16,665 --> 00:17:17,845 BENJAMIN: Chop, chop. 403 00:17:17,945 --> 00:17:20,565 -'Room 405'. There you go. -Oh, yes! 404 00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:23,325 -Whee! -Hey. Benjamin Detroit. 405 00:17:23,425 --> 00:17:26,085 -I'm Naomi with the drugs. -Naomi with the drugs. 406 00:17:26,185 --> 00:17:28,525 I can't believe you already had coke. 407 00:17:28,625 --> 00:17:30,405 No, hey, no worries, it's just like, you know, 408 00:17:30,506 --> 00:17:32,406 it's the good stuff, the best stuff, the greatest stuff. 409 00:17:32,506 --> 00:17:35,686 And you start with the red wine, like Jesus did, then you move onto the... 410 00:17:35,786 --> 00:17:37,526 Uh, can I have your phone to go online? 411 00:17:37,626 --> 00:17:39,486 -OK, you...you have a phone. -No, I need it. 412 00:17:39,586 --> 00:17:42,926 I want to show Ben the pictures. I just want to show him the pictures. 413 00:17:43,027 --> 00:17:44,247 -No, babe. -(MOCKINGLY) "Oh, no, babe." 414 00:17:44,347 --> 00:17:46,367 "No, babe. No, babe!" 415 00:17:46,467 --> 00:17:49,007 You know, I'm 30-fucking-5 and married with a kid. 416 00:17:49,107 --> 00:17:51,167 Uh, you're 36. And not for long. 417 00:17:51,267 --> 00:17:52,927 Oh, my God, she let reality into the room. 418 00:17:53,027 --> 00:17:54,807 We've...we've gotta...we've gotta protect the room from this woman. 419 00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:56,368 Yeah, the room is really important. 420 00:17:56,468 --> 00:17:58,928 The room's like international waters, that everything's in the room. 421 00:17:59,028 --> 00:18:01,688 -Do you wanna maybe, you know... -No, we can't go. We're staying. 422 00:18:01,788 --> 00:18:03,008 Right, well, I'm fucking freezing 423 00:18:03,108 --> 00:18:04,608 because I've been outside for, like, an hour. 424 00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:06,048 Yeah, good idea. Get into bed... 425 00:18:06,148 --> 00:18:08,688 You know, he used to be in, like, all of these romantic comedies. 426 00:18:08,789 --> 00:18:10,129 -She hates all this shit. -Does she? 427 00:18:10,229 --> 00:18:12,369 -NAOMI: No, I don't. -Rom-coms, chick flicks... 428 00:18:12,469 --> 00:18:13,809 I hate that they're called that. 429 00:18:13,909 --> 00:18:16,129 -Anyway, he gets letters from teens. -They're a legitimate art form. 430 00:18:16,229 --> 00:18:17,929 -Thank you very much. -Uh, no. 431 00:18:18,029 --> 00:18:20,449 They are male propaganda trying to convince women 432 00:18:20,550 --> 00:18:22,890 that romantic love is their responsibility and desire, 433 00:18:22,990 --> 00:18:24,090 when actually it's just straight men 434 00:18:24,190 --> 00:18:25,690 trying to convince us that we need them. 435 00:18:25,790 --> 00:18:26,730 -So, wait... -There she is. 436 00:18:26,830 --> 00:18:28,730 -I mean, can you believe it? -Wait. Wait, wait, wait! 437 00:18:28,830 --> 00:18:31,250 So, what, rom-coms are propaganda? Or love is? 438 00:18:31,350 --> 00:18:34,970 Both. Ask yourself, as Marx did, who benefits? 439 00:18:35,071 --> 00:18:36,971 I mean, she...she hasn't even had coke yet, so... 440 00:18:37,071 --> 00:18:39,771 Love is just a way of getting women to put aside their own needs. 441 00:18:39,871 --> 00:18:41,691 OK, well, that's my career fucked, then, 442 00:18:41,791 --> 00:18:45,531 because romantic comedies don't even employ white guys anymore anyway. 443 00:18:45,631 --> 00:18:47,931 Oh, my God. OK. Is this guy a bit of a dick? 444 00:18:48,032 --> 00:18:49,692 -No. No, he's fine. I like him. -What?! 445 00:18:49,792 --> 00:18:53,212 Thank you. You know, hey, hey, so Suz says that you're into girls. 446 00:18:53,312 --> 00:18:55,012 -OK. Jesus, Suz. -What? Oh, what? 447 00:18:55,112 --> 00:18:57,132 So, we're not allowed facts anymore? 448 00:18:57,232 --> 00:18:58,812 I just hate you, like, pimping my bi. 449 00:18:58,913 --> 00:19:00,773 So, Naomi lives in this great way now 450 00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:02,453 since she...since she broke up with her ex. 451 00:19:02,553 --> 00:19:04,853 -Can I call her your ex? -Call her what you fucking like. 452 00:19:04,953 --> 00:19:09,253 So, she goes from, like, Airbnb to Airbnb all over London 453 00:19:09,353 --> 00:19:11,733 like she's on this permanent fucking holiday. 454 00:19:11,834 --> 00:19:14,454 A permanent fucking holiday where I work for you all the time, babe. 455 00:19:14,554 --> 00:19:17,934 -I love London. Fucking love it. -I fucking love London! 456 00:19:18,034 --> 00:19:20,654 -It is proper. It is the real deal. -I love it. 457 00:19:20,754 --> 00:19:24,384 Thank you. Uh, so, what, you just go everywhere, fuck everyone? 458 00:19:24,475 --> 00:19:26,535 No, being bi doesn't mean you sleep with everyone. 459 00:19:26,635 --> 00:19:28,255 It just means you can be choosy. 460 00:19:28,355 --> 00:19:30,415 -I would fuck you. -Oh, no, you wouldn't, Suz. 461 00:19:30,515 --> 00:19:31,815 That's not being bi, 462 00:19:31,915 --> 00:19:34,055 that is being a straight woman who's too eager to please. 463 00:19:34,155 --> 00:19:36,295 -Cringe. -Wow! Not the vibe. 464 00:19:36,395 --> 00:19:37,575 Really not the vibe. 465 00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:40,536 It's OK 'cause what Naomi neglects to mention 466 00:19:40,636 --> 00:19:43,176 is that this whole crowdsourcing-a-home approach 467 00:19:43,276 --> 00:19:45,896 is because she still pays the mortgage, right? 468 00:19:45,996 --> 00:19:48,896 Won't ask her ex to move out even though she owns most of the house. 469 00:19:48,996 --> 00:19:53,016 Of the two of us, who is staying on whose fucking floor? Huh? 470 00:19:53,117 --> 00:19:54,937 Hey, guys, it's the womb room. It's the womb room. 471 00:19:55,037 --> 00:19:56,937 -It's like a womb. Look at the sofa. -She's right. 472 00:19:57,037 --> 00:19:58,537 -It's red, it's warm... -She's fucking right. 473 00:19:58,637 --> 00:20:00,297 I mean, what is gonna... 474 00:20:00,397 --> 00:20:02,777 -BENJAMIN: Come on, man. -Seriously, what is gonna happen? 475 00:20:02,878 --> 00:20:04,378 Suz, now is not the time. 476 00:20:04,478 --> 00:20:06,258 Hey, there's nothing you can do about this now. 477 00:20:06,358 --> 00:20:07,618 -No, at home. With Cob. -I know. 478 00:20:07,718 --> 00:20:09,858 -We'll sort it. -Yes. With Cob. 479 00:20:09,958 --> 00:20:12,978 I can't leave, can I? I can't leave because I've... 480 00:20:13,078 --> 00:20:17,138 No, Ben. Because I've got a... I've got a kid. I've got a kid. 481 00:20:17,239 --> 00:20:19,139 -I've got a fucking medicine cabinet. -Sit down. 482 00:20:19,239 --> 00:20:21,659 OK, listen. OK. This is...this is the thing. 483 00:20:21,759 --> 00:20:23,459 You cannot do anything about any of this now. 484 00:20:23,559 --> 00:20:25,699 This is very important. OK, old hand. 485 00:20:25,799 --> 00:20:28,859 So whatever you do, you do not move out of the family home. 486 00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:31,260 Fucked me with my second wife. And for custody. 487 00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:33,580 Yeah, I...I agree. I know I'm a hypocrite. 488 00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:35,220 But you're the mother. You bought the house. 489 00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:36,700 -Cob has to leave. -I did buy the house. 490 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,380 -You know what is really important? -Yeah? 491 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:40,860 You wait. See, what is really important is this Birmingham coke. 492 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:44,260 And the...the very specific way that you must do it. 493 00:20:44,361 --> 00:20:45,421 There is. 494 00:20:45,521 --> 00:20:48,341 Which you, Naomi with the drugs are unaware of. 495 00:20:48,441 --> 00:20:50,661 -Way? -Oh, look, she's gonna chill there. 496 00:20:50,761 --> 00:20:54,621 Um, you... Well, first of all, you need to take your pants off. 497 00:20:54,722 --> 00:20:56,722 (NAOMI AND BEN LAUGH) 498 00:21:07,003 --> 00:21:09,583 (SLOWED-DOWN VERSION OF 'BYE-BYE BABY' BY MARILYN MONROE) 499 00:21:09,683 --> 00:21:13,103 -SONG: ♪ I'll be in my room... ♪ -I love you. 500 00:21:13,203 --> 00:21:15,683 -NAOMI: Oh, it's burning. 501 00:21:16,803 --> 00:21:18,803 (SNORTS) 502 00:21:20,524 --> 00:21:23,624 SUZIE: Is this what you want?! Is it?! 503 00:21:23,724 --> 00:21:27,624 Well, have it! Have it all! 504 00:21:27,724 --> 00:21:31,104 Huh! I met my... I met my exercise goal! 505 00:21:31,204 --> 00:21:32,314 Goal! 506 00:21:32,405 --> 00:21:33,705 Well, that's a big achievement 507 00:21:33,805 --> 00:21:35,105 considering you haven't been anywhere. 508 00:21:35,205 --> 00:21:36,625 Listen, I've been thinking. 509 00:21:36,725 --> 00:21:39,025 Let's look at the pictures and everything else. 510 00:21:39,125 --> 00:21:42,225 -No. Now is not the right time. -Let it wash over me as part of life. 511 00:21:42,325 --> 00:21:43,985 -No, no. -No, it is. (GIGGLES) 512 00:21:44,085 --> 00:21:46,065 -We're in prison. -This is a fun time! 513 00:21:46,166 --> 00:21:47,466 -Ahh! -No, this is the best time. 514 00:21:47,566 --> 00:21:49,106 I'm with people that I feel safe with. 515 00:21:49,206 --> 00:21:50,786 You know, like when you do LSD... 516 00:21:50,886 --> 00:21:53,946 -Benjamin, you totally understand... -Yes. Yes. I understand all of ya. 517 00:21:54,046 --> 00:21:55,346 -And you. -NAOMI: Yeah. 518 00:21:55,446 --> 00:21:59,066 You've been friends with me since we were in the womb. 519 00:21:59,167 --> 00:22:03,067 We're now... we're now in the womb room. 520 00:22:03,167 --> 00:22:04,387 NAOMI AND BEN: Ooh! 521 00:22:04,487 --> 00:22:06,667 So, basically, I won this, like, talent competition. 522 00:22:06,767 --> 00:22:11,107 Yeah, when I was, like, 15. Yeah. And...whatever. 523 00:22:11,208 --> 00:22:13,428 Like, my parents were just, you know, were into their own... 524 00:22:13,528 --> 00:22:15,348 -(NAOMI LAUGHS) -They're into their own thing. 525 00:22:15,448 --> 00:22:19,468 And Naomi was doing her A-Levels because she's fucking smart. 526 00:22:19,568 --> 00:22:21,388 NAOMI: Yes. I'm not just a pretty face. 527 00:22:21,488 --> 00:22:24,908 It used to be my dad managing me and then Naomi was like, 528 00:22:25,009 --> 00:22:29,309 "You can't be on some fucking stranger's books." 529 00:22:29,409 --> 00:22:31,469 So, like, first it was my dad and then... 530 00:22:31,569 --> 00:22:33,749 You're not listening. In spite of my dad... 531 00:22:33,849 --> 00:22:35,749 ('BYE-BYE BABY' BY MARILYN MONROE CONTINUES) 532 00:22:35,849 --> 00:22:37,849 Are you... 533 00:22:39,210 --> 00:22:40,910 Are you touching her? 534 00:22:41,010 --> 00:22:42,750 -Yeah, could be. -(GIGGLES) 535 00:22:42,850 --> 00:22:43,870 ♪ No other... ♪ 536 00:22:43,970 --> 00:22:46,150 -This is... -(BENJAMIN LAUGHS) 537 00:22:46,250 --> 00:22:51,610 ♪ Guy... ♪ 538 00:22:52,651 --> 00:22:55,031 -(BENJAMIN LAUGHS) -NAOMI: Oh, my God. 539 00:22:55,131 --> 00:22:57,511 ♪ Though I'll 540 00:22:57,611 --> 00:23:02,951 ♪ Be gone 541 00:23:03,052 --> 00:23:08,372 ♪ For a while 542 00:23:10,132 --> 00:23:14,712 ♪ I know that 543 00:23:14,813 --> 00:23:16,953 ♪ I'll be 544 00:23:17,053 --> 00:23:23,933 ♪ Smiling... ♪ 545 00:23:25,773 --> 00:23:27,773 (LIFT PINGS) 546 00:23:30,094 --> 00:23:34,554 Suzie! Suzie! Oh, I love you, Suzie. 547 00:23:34,654 --> 00:23:37,794 -(SONG SPEEDS UP) -♪ My baby, by and by, and by 548 00:23:37,894 --> 00:23:42,244 -♪ With my baby, by and by... ♪ -Whose cock is it, Suzie? 549 00:23:42,335 --> 00:23:43,715 ♪ I'll be gloomy... ♪ 550 00:23:43,815 --> 00:23:47,075 -Suzie! I love you, Suzie! -♪ But send that rainbow to me... ♪ 551 00:23:47,175 --> 00:23:50,075 FAN: Suzie! 552 00:23:50,175 --> 00:23:52,235 COB: Whose cock is it, Suzie? 553 00:23:52,335 --> 00:23:53,835 ♪ Though you'll be gone for a while... ♪ 554 00:23:53,936 --> 00:23:55,476 FAN: I love you, Suzie! 555 00:23:55,576 --> 00:23:57,576 (SILENCE) 556 00:24:31,218 --> 00:24:33,858 (WATER RUNS) 557 00:24:38,299 --> 00:24:40,699 (SLOW PIANO JAZZ) 558 00:24:57,341 --> 00:24:59,541 (BOTTLE CLATTERS) 559 00:25:28,583 --> 00:25:30,623 (MUSIC DISTORTS) 560 00:25:38,624 --> 00:25:40,624 (WATER BUBBLES) 561 00:25:44,424 --> 00:25:46,844 (CHEERING) 562 00:25:46,944 --> 00:25:49,814 -MAN: Suzie! -MAN 2: Suzie! 563 00:25:49,905 --> 00:25:52,125 COB: Whose cock is it, Suzie? 564 00:25:52,225 --> 00:25:54,225 (DREAMY, UNEASY MUSIC) 565 00:25:59,865 --> 00:26:01,865 (WATER GLUGS) 566 00:26:09,746 --> 00:26:11,046 (GROANS) 567 00:26:11,146 --> 00:26:13,146 (BANGING AT DOOR) 568 00:26:21,707 --> 00:26:24,567 -Arrgh. -(BANGING AT DOOR) 569 00:26:24,667 --> 00:26:26,727 Arrgh! 570 00:26:26,828 --> 00:26:28,828 (BANGING CONTINUES) 571 00:26:29,788 --> 00:26:32,668 -(INSISTENT BANGING AT DOOR) -(GASPS) 572 00:26:51,749 --> 00:26:53,749 (COUGHS) 573 00:26:58,510 --> 00:27:00,510 (SNIFFS) 574 00:27:07,791 --> 00:27:09,791 What, are you pissed off with me? 575 00:27:11,591 --> 00:27:14,651 You took the only room key, you didn't answer your phone again. 576 00:27:14,751 --> 00:27:17,051 -Sorry. You gave him a blowjob. -It's incredibly frustrating. 577 00:27:17,151 --> 00:27:19,051 -For about six minutes. -I didn't realise you could talk. 578 00:27:19,152 --> 00:27:20,332 I'm sorry if you liked him. 579 00:27:20,432 --> 00:27:23,572 If anything, that's a testament to your terrible taste in men. 580 00:27:23,672 --> 00:27:25,892 If I could go back and anti-fuck him, I would. 581 00:27:25,992 --> 00:27:28,412 -You fucked him? -What was I supposed to do? 582 00:27:28,512 --> 00:27:30,332 Talk sci-fi? 583 00:27:30,432 --> 00:27:31,812 I couldn't give him another blowjob 584 00:27:31,913 --> 00:27:33,373 'cause I couldn't breathe through my nose 585 00:27:33,473 --> 00:27:34,773 because you'd made me buy cocaine. 586 00:27:34,873 --> 00:27:35,973 Oh, God. Sorry. 587 00:27:36,073 --> 00:27:38,013 His crotch smelled like he'd had sex with a bin. 588 00:27:38,113 --> 00:27:40,113 (COUGHS) 589 00:27:49,354 --> 00:27:51,934 Well, I took a bunch of sleeping pills last night. 590 00:27:52,034 --> 00:27:53,334 -What? -I don't... 591 00:27:53,434 --> 00:27:55,934 -What do you mean, "a bunch"? -I dunno, I... 592 00:27:56,034 --> 00:27:58,504 -Well, how many? -To get rid... Like, four. 593 00:27:58,595 --> 00:28:00,015 -Maybe five. -Four? 594 00:28:00,115 --> 00:28:02,935 -Four. -Four, OK. Wow. 595 00:28:03,035 --> 00:28:05,035 That seems like a weird amount. 596 00:28:06,195 --> 00:28:09,975 Well, I would've taken more, wouldn't I, but I fell asleep. 597 00:28:10,076 --> 00:28:11,496 Because they're sleeping pills. 598 00:28:11,596 --> 00:28:13,096 Fucking hell. What is wrong with you? 599 00:28:13,196 --> 00:28:15,296 -Oh, that's nice. -So you would have died... 600 00:28:15,396 --> 00:28:16,776 Really nice! I wouldn't have died. 601 00:28:16,876 --> 00:28:18,856 ..while I was miserably banging Benjamin Detroit 602 00:28:18,956 --> 00:28:20,976 so you wouldn't have to. 603 00:28:21,076 --> 00:28:23,096 What have we said about sleeping pills, hmm? 604 00:28:23,197 --> 00:28:25,197 They're great. 605 00:28:25,797 --> 00:28:28,457 Marilyn Monroe, Elvis Presley... 606 00:28:28,557 --> 00:28:29,857 -Oh, Elvis Presley. -Heath Ledger! 607 00:28:29,957 --> 00:28:32,097 Didn't he die on the toilet? 608 00:28:32,197 --> 00:28:34,097 He didn't die from being on the toilet, did he? 609 00:28:34,197 --> 00:28:35,177 He didn't die 'from toilet'. 610 00:28:35,278 --> 00:28:37,698 You know, I can't take you anymore. I can't take this. 611 00:28:37,798 --> 00:28:40,678 I feel like I'm having a nervous fucking breakdown. 612 00:28:47,679 --> 00:28:49,799 I'm sorry. Sorry. 613 00:28:51,599 --> 00:28:53,699 How could you not tell me you were fucking someone else? 614 00:28:53,799 --> 00:28:56,499 -I wasn't! -I just found out like everyone else! 615 00:28:56,599 --> 00:29:00,879 -I'm your best fucking friend! -Because you'd be cross like this. 616 00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:05,700 -(SNIFFS) -I know who it is, Suz. 617 00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:09,380 No, you don't know who it is. 618 00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:11,480 Do you? Is it obvious? 619 00:29:13,721 --> 00:29:15,921 God, it's obvious. Yeah. 620 00:29:16,921 --> 00:29:19,361 You know what you have to do, right? 621 00:29:21,001 --> 00:29:22,981 There's no way back from this. 622 00:29:23,081 --> 00:29:27,221 You have to tell Cob it's over. Get him out. 623 00:29:27,322 --> 00:29:30,342 You have to move back into the family home that you paid for... 624 00:29:30,442 --> 00:29:31,782 -Yeah. -..with Frank. 625 00:29:31,882 --> 00:29:34,502 -Yeah, I know. -Really? 626 00:29:34,602 --> 00:29:36,602 OK, good. 627 00:29:43,443 --> 00:29:45,963 (FOOTSTEPS APPROACH) 628 00:29:47,763 --> 00:29:49,763 These are yours. 629 00:29:54,404 --> 00:29:56,904 So, um, I have something to say. 630 00:29:57,004 --> 00:29:59,304 (SIGHS) 631 00:29:59,404 --> 00:30:01,424 (SCOFFS) Ooh. 632 00:30:01,524 --> 00:30:04,254 No, no, no. I just think that, um... 633 00:30:05,685 --> 00:30:10,265 I...I have been thinking about things 634 00:30:10,365 --> 00:30:13,705 and I think you're right, I think you deserve an explanation. 635 00:30:13,805 --> 00:30:16,565 (SCOFFS) Mmm. 636 00:30:21,286 --> 00:30:23,926 I did sleep with someone else. 637 00:30:25,206 --> 00:30:30,186 And I have a photos of that from a long time ago. 638 00:30:30,287 --> 00:30:32,987 And it is over. 639 00:30:33,087 --> 00:30:33,987 It was over. 640 00:30:34,087 --> 00:30:36,627 But what...what I really want to say 641 00:30:36,727 --> 00:30:40,147 is that I think me being out and away from the house, 642 00:30:40,247 --> 00:30:41,547 I don't think that's right. 643 00:30:41,647 --> 00:30:43,707 I don't think that's right for Frank. 644 00:30:43,808 --> 00:30:46,788 I don't think it's right for...for me 645 00:30:46,888 --> 00:30:49,588 and I...ultimately, I don't think it's right for you. 646 00:30:49,688 --> 00:30:51,948 I think I need to be here. 647 00:30:52,048 --> 00:30:54,588 I think that is what's right. 648 00:30:54,688 --> 00:30:58,388 And so what I'm saying is that 649 00:30:58,489 --> 00:31:00,029 I want to be at home 650 00:31:00,129 --> 00:31:04,869 and I am not prepared to accept a no on that. 651 00:31:04,969 --> 00:31:09,449 And that is how I want to move forward. 100%. 652 00:31:17,930 --> 00:31:19,230 Uh, well. 653 00:31:19,330 --> 00:31:22,450 I think that's what I needed to hear. 654 00:31:23,451 --> 00:31:24,831 It's going to be difficult, you're right, you know, 655 00:31:24,931 --> 00:31:26,751 but we owe it to Frank. 656 00:31:26,851 --> 00:31:28,511 To each other. 657 00:31:28,611 --> 00:31:30,951 SUZIE: Mm-hm. 658 00:31:31,051 --> 00:31:33,131 Well, I mean, obviously, you're going to have to, uh... 659 00:31:35,532 --> 00:31:37,032 ..you're going to have to tell me everything 660 00:31:37,132 --> 00:31:38,432 and I will decide what it means. 661 00:31:38,532 --> 00:31:39,832 But, um, in the meantime, yes, 662 00:31:39,932 --> 00:31:41,932 I accept your offer to come back to the house. 663 00:31:45,612 --> 00:31:49,272 And what about...what about you? 664 00:31:49,373 --> 00:31:51,373 Well, I will, um... 665 00:31:53,293 --> 00:31:57,733 I will work towards considering forgiving you. 666 00:32:00,214 --> 00:32:02,714 -Here? -Because I... 667 00:32:02,814 --> 00:32:05,474 Yeah, I'll admit that it can't have been easy for you either. 668 00:32:05,574 --> 00:32:09,774 And, uh, well, you're gonna need my help to get through it, frankly. 669 00:32:11,374 --> 00:32:13,384 Aren't you? 670 00:32:18,455 --> 00:32:20,455 (SENTIMENTAL JAZZ MUSIC) 671 00:32:21,935 --> 00:32:23,935 COB: OK. 672 00:32:24,655 --> 00:32:26,655 I'm here. 673 00:32:48,497 --> 00:32:50,737 (PHONE BUZZES AND RINGTONE PLAYS) 674 00:33:04,779 --> 00:33:06,779 (PHONE BEEPS) 675 00:33:11,619 --> 00:33:13,619 Hey. Yeah. 676 00:33:14,899 --> 00:33:17,699 I don't know, I just...I've been trying to find the right time. 677 00:33:19,180 --> 00:33:21,860 I'm so sorry about all this. 678 00:33:23,940 --> 00:33:25,940 No-one knows it's you. 679 00:33:28,340 --> 00:33:30,940 (SENTIMENTAL FOLK SONG) 680 00:33:33,901 --> 00:33:36,361 SONG: ♪ Hey, my love 681 00:33:36,461 --> 00:33:38,681 ♪ What you doing? 682 00:33:38,781 --> 00:33:41,081 ♪ You come to watch 683 00:33:41,181 --> 00:33:43,641 ♪ The flowers blooming 684 00:33:43,742 --> 00:33:46,962 ♪ Satellite in the sky 685 00:33:47,062 --> 00:33:49,342 ♪ My, oh, my 686 00:33:53,622 --> 00:33:58,522 ♪ I never met someone like you 687 00:33:58,623 --> 00:34:00,743 ♪ You turn my world... ♪ 52323

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