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Zulu
chapter 7 descending it would be vain my
attempting to tell you the horror with
which
even now i recall the occurrence of that
night it was no such transitory terror
as a dream leaves behind it
it seemed to deepen by time and
communicated itself to the room and the
very furniture that had encompassed the
apparition
i could not bear next day to be alone
for a moment i should have told papa
but for two opposite reasons at one time
i thought he would laugh at my story
and i could not bear it being treated as
a jest and at another
i thought he might fancy that i had been
attacked by the mysterious complaint
which had invaded our neighborhood i had
myself no misgivings of the kind
and as he had been rather an invalid for
some time i was afraid of alarming him
i was comfortable enough with my
good-natured companions madame pereidon
vivacious mademoiselle de la fontaine
they both perceived that i was out of
spirits and nervous
and at length i told them what lay so
heavy at my heart mademoiselle laughed
but i fancied that madame paradon looked
anxious
by the by said mademoiselle laughing the
long lime tree walk behind carmilla's
bedroom window is haunted
nonsense exclaimed madame who probably
thought the theme rather inopportune
and who tells that story my dear martin
says that he came up twice
when the old yard gate was being
repaired before sunrise
and twice saw the same female figure
walking down the lime tree avenue
so he well might as long as there are
cows to milk in the river fields
said madame i dare say but martin
chooses to be frightened
and never did i see fool more frightened
who's this martin where did he come from
you must not say a word about it to
carmilla because she can see that walk
from her
room window i interposed and she is if
possible a greater coward than i
somehow don't think she has that quite
right carmilla came down rather later
than usual that day
so frightened last night she said so
soon as we were together
and i am sure i should have been seeing
something dreadful if it had not been
for the charm i brought from that poor
little hunchback whom i called such hard
names
[Music]
i had a dream of something black coming
around my bed and i awoke in a perfect
horror and i really thought for some
seconds
i saw a dark figure near the chimney
piece but i felt under my pillow for the
charm
and the moment my fingers touched it the
figure disappeared and i felt quite
certain only that i had it by me
that something frightful would have made
its appearance and perhaps throttled me
as it did those poor people we heard of
well listen to me i began
and recounted my adventure at the
recital of which she appeared horrified
and you had the charm near you she asked
earnestly good actor no i had dropped it
into the china bays in the drawing room
but i shall certainly take it with me
tonight as you have so much faith in it
oh she's looking out for her at this
distance of time i cannot tell you or
even understand how i overcame my horror
so effectually is to lie alone in my
room that night
i remember distinctly that i pinned the
charm to my pillow i fell asleep almost
immediately and slept even more soundly
than usual all night next night i passed
as well
my sleep was delightfully deep and
dreamless but i awakened with a sense of
lassitude and melancholy which however
did not exceed a degree that was almost
luxurious
while i told you so said carmilla when i
described my quiet sleep
i had such delightful sleep myself last
night i pinned the charm to the breast
of my night dress
it was too far away the night before i
am quite sure it was all fancy except
the dreams
i used to think that evil spirits made
dreams but our doctor told me that it
was no such thing
only a fever passing by or some other
maladai as they often do
he said knocks at the door and not being
able to get in passes on with
that alarm and what do you think the
charm is said i has been fumigated or
immersed in some drug
as in an antidote against the malaria
she answered that it acts
only on the body certainly you don't
suppose that evil spirits are frightened
by bits of ribbon
or the perfumes of a druggist's shop no
these complaints wandering in the air
begin by trying the nerves and so infect
the brain
but before they can seize upon you the
antidote repels them
that i am sure is what the charm has
done for us it's nothing magical
just simply natural i should have been
happier if i could have quite agreed
with carmilla
but i did my best and the impression was
a little losing its force
for some nights i slept profoundly but
still early every morning i felt the
same lassitude
and delanger weighed upon me all day i
felt myself a change to girl
a strange melancholy was stealing over
me a melancholy that i would not have
interrupted
dim thoughts of death began to open and
an idea that i was slowly sinking took
gentle and somehow
not unwelcome possession of me it was
sad the tone of my mind
which this induced was also sweet
whatever it might be
my soul acquiesced in it i would not
admit that i was ill
i would not consent to tell my papa or
to have the doctor sent for me
carmilla became more devoted to me than
ever and her strange
parexisms everyday word
of languid adoration more frequent she
used to gloat on me with increasing
ardor the more my strength and spirit
waned this always shocked me like a
momentary glare of insanity without
knowing it i was now in a pretty
advanced
stage of the strangest illness under
which mortal ever suffered there was an
unaccountable fascination
in its earlier symptoms that more than
reconciled me to the incapacitating
effect of that strain stage of the
malady
this fascination increased for a time
until it reached a certain point when
gradually a sense of the horrible
mingled itself with it
deepening as you shall hear until it
discolored and perverted the whole state
of my life the first change i
experienced was rather agreeable
it was very near the turning point from
which began the descent of averness
certain vague and strange sensations
visited me in my sleep
the prevailing one was of that pleasant
peculiar
cold thrill which we feel in bathing
when we move against the current of a
river
this was soon accompanied by dreams that
seemed interminable
and were so vague that i could never
recollect their scenery and persons
or any one connected portion of their
action but they left an awful impression
and a sense of exhaustion as if i had
passed through a long period of great
mental exertion
and danger it's kind of how i feel
reading this novella
after all these dreams there remained on
waking a remembrance of having been in a
place very nearly dark
and of having spoken to people whom i
could not see and especially
of one clear voice of a females very
deep that spoke of it at a distance
slowly and producing always the same
sensation of indiscernible solemnity and
fear
sometimes there came a sensation as if a
hand was drawn
softly along my cheek and neck sometimes
it was as if warm lips kissed me and
longer and longer and more
lovingly as they reached my throat but
there the caress
fixed itself my heart beat faster my
breathing rose and fell
rapidly and full drawn a sobbing that
rose into a sense of strangulation
supervened and turned into a dreadful
convulsion
in which my senses left me and i became
unconscious
it was now three weeks since the
commencement of this unaccountable state
my sufferings had during the last week
told upon my appearance
i had grown pale my eyes were dilated
and darkened underneath
and the langer which i had felt long
began to display itself in my
countenance
my father asked me often whether i was
ill but
with an obstinacy which now seems to me
unaccountable i persisted in ensuring
him that i was quite well
in a sense this was true i had no pain i
could complain of no bodily derangement
my complaint seemed to be one of the
imagination or the nerves
and horrible as my sufferings were i
kept them with a morbid reserve very
nearly to myself
it could not be that terrible complaint
which the peasants called the au pair
for i had now been suffering for three
weeks and they were seldom ill for much
more than three days
when death put an end to their miseries
carmilla complained of dreams and
feverish sensations but by no means of
so alarming a kind as mine
i say that mine were extremely alarming
had i been capable of comprehending my
condition
i would have invoked aid and advice on
my knees the narcotic of an unsuspected
influence was acting upon me and my
perceptions were benign
i'm going to tell you now of a dream
that led immediately to an odd discovery
one night instead of the voice i was
accustomed to hear in the dark i heard
one
sweet and tender at the same time
terrible which said
your mother warns you to beware of the
assassin
at the same time a light unexpectedly
sprang up and i saw carmilla
standing near the foot of my bed and her
white nighttress bathed
from her chin to her feet in one great
stain of blood
i awakened with a shriek possessed with
the one idea that carmilla was being
murdered
i remember springing from my bed and my
next recollection is that of standing on
the lobby crying for help
madame and mademoiselle came scurrying
out of their rooms in alarm a lamp
burned always on the lobby and seeing me
they soon learned the cause of my terror
i insisted on knocking at carmilla's
door our knocking was unanswered
it soon became a pounding in an uproar
we shrieked her name but all was vain
we all grew frightened for the door was
locked we hurried back and panicked my
room there we rang the bell long and
furiously
if my father's room had been at the side
of the house we would have called him up
at once to our aid but alas
he was quite out of hearing and to reach
him involved in exertion for which none
of us had
had courage servants however soon came
running up the stairs
i had got on my dressing gown in
slippers meanwhile and my companions
were already similarly furnished
recognizing the voices of the servants
on the lobby
we sailed out together and having
renewed as fruitlessly our summons at
carmilla's door i ordered the men to
force the lock
they did so and we stood holding our
lights aloft in the doorway
and so stared into her room we called
her by her name
but there was still no reply we looked
around the room
everything was undisturbed it was
exactly in the state
in which i had left it on the bidding of
her good night
but carmilla
was gone where did she go tune in again
to find out
[Music]
you
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