Original subtitles

hello and welcome back today i will be

reading

for you chapter four entitled her habits

dash dash assaunter i told you that i

was charmed with her in most particulars

there were some that did not please me

so well she was above the middle height

of woman

i shall begin by describing her she was

slender and wonderfully graceful

except that her movements were languid

very languid

indeed there was nothing in her

appearance to indicate an invalid

her complexion was rich and brilliant

her features were small and beautifully

formed

her eyes large dark and lustrous her

hair was quite wonderful

i never saw hair so magnificently thick

and long when it was down about her

shoulders i have often placed my hands

under it and laughed with wonder at its

weight it was exquisitely fine and soft

and in color a rich very dark brown with

something of gold

i loved to let it down tumbling with its

own weight as

in her room she lay back in her chair

talking in her sweet low voice

i used to fold it and braid it and

spread it out

and play with it heavens if i had but

known all

i said there were particulars which did

not please me i have told you that her

confidence won me the first night i saw

her

but i found that she exercised with

respect to herself her mother

her history everything in fact connected

with her life

plans and people an ever wakeful reserve

i dare say i was unreasonable perhaps i

was wrong

i dare say i ought to have respected the

solemn injunction laid upon my father by

the stately lady in black velvet but

curiosity is a restless and unscrupulous

passion

and no one girl can endure with patience

that hers should be baffled by another

what harm could it do anyone to tell me

what i so ardently desired to know

had she no trust in my good sense or

honor why would she not believe me when

i assured her so solemnly that i would

not divulge one syllable of what she

told me to any mortal breathing

there was a coldness it seemed to me

beyond her years

in her smiling melancholy persistent

refusal to afford me the least ray of

light

i cannot say we quarreled upon this

point for she would not quarrel upon any

it was of course very unfair of me to

press her yeah girls call boundaries

very ill bread but i really could not

help it and i might just as well have

let it alone

what she did tell me amounted my

unconscionable

estimation to nothing it was all summed

up

in three very vague disclosures first

her name was carmilla second

her family was very ancient yeah that's

one way of putting it

and noble third her home lay in the

direction of the west

she would not tell me the name of her

family nor their armorial bearings nor

the name of their estate nor even that

of the country she lived in

you are not to suppose that i worried

her incessantly on these subjects

i watched opportunity and rather

insinuated than urged my inquiries

once or twice indeed i did attack her

more directly but no matter what my

tactics

utter failure was invariably the result

reproaches and caresses were all lost

upon her but i must add this that her

evasion

was conducted with so pretty a

melancholy and deprecation

with so many and even passionate

declarations of her liking for me

and trust in my honor and with so many

promises that i should at last

know all that i could not find it in my

heart long to be offended with her

she used to place her pretty arms around

my neck draw me to her

and laying her cheek to mine murmur with

her lips near my ear

dearest your little heart is wounded

think me not cruel because i obey

the irresistible law of my strength and

weakness

if your dear heart is wounded my wild

heart bleeds with yours

in the rapture of my enormous

humiliation i live in your warm life

and you shall die die sweetly die

into mine i cannot help it as i draw

near to you

you in your turn will draw near to

others

and learn the rapture of that cruelty

which yet is love

so for a while seek to know no more of

me and mine

but trust me with all your loving spirit

and when she had spoken such a rhapsody

she would press me more closely in her

trembling embrace

and her lips and soft kisses gently glow

upon my cheek

her agitations and her language were

unintelligible to me

from these foolish embraces which were

not a very frequent occurrence i must

allow i used to wish to extricate myself

but my energy seemed to fail me

her murmured words sounded like a

lullaby in my ear

and soothed my resistance into a trance

from which i only seemed to recover

myself when she withdrew her

arms in these mysterious moods i did not

like her

i experienced a strange tumultuous

excitement that was pleasurable

ever and and on mingled with a vague

sense of fear and disgust

i had no distinct thoughts about her

while such scenes lasted

but i was conscious of a love growing

into adorations

and also of abhorrence this i know is

paradox

but i can make no other attempt to

explain the feeling

i now write after an interval of more

than 10 years with a trembling hand

the confused and horrible recollection

of certain occurrences and situations

in the ordeal through which i was

unconsciously passing though with a

vivid and very sharp remembrance of the

main current of my story

but i suspect in all lives there are

certain

emotional scenes those in which our

passions have been most wildly and

terribly roused

that are of all others the most vaguely

and dimly remembered

sometimes after an hour of apathy my

strange and beautiful companion would

take my hand

and hold it with a fond pressure renewed

again and again

blushing softly gazing in my face with

languid and burning eyes

and breathing so fast that her dress

rose and fell with a tumultuous

respiration it was like the archer of a

lover

it embarrassed me it was hateful and yet

overpowering

and with gloating eyes she drew me to

her and her hot lips traveled along my

cheek and kisses

and she would whisper almost in sobs you

are mine

you shall be mine you and i are one

forever

and then she had thrown herself back in

her chair

with her small hands over my eyes

leaving me trembling

are we related i used to ask what can

you mean by all this

i remind you perhaps of someone whom you

love but you must not

i hate it i don't know you i don't know

myself when you look so intoxic

she used to sigh at my vehemence then

turn away and drop my hand

respecting these very extraordinary

manifestations i strove in vain to form

any satisfactory theory

i could not refer to them to affectation

or trick

it was unmistakably the momentary

breaking out of suppressed instinct and

emotion

was she notwithstanding her mother's

volunteered denial

subject to brief visitations of insanity

or was there here a disguise and a

romance i had read in old story books of

such things

what if a boyish lover had found his way

into the house and

sought to prosecute his sweet and

masquerade

with the assistance of a clever old

adventurous but there were many things

against this hypothesis

highly interesting as it was to my

vanity i could boast of no little

attentions

such as masculine gallantry delights to

offer but these passionate moments there

were long intervals of commonplace of

gaiety

of brooding melancholy during which

except that i detected her eyes so full

of melancholy fire

following me at times i might have been

as nothing to her

except in these brief periods of

mysterious excitement

her ways were girlish and yet there was

always a langer about her

quite incompatible with a masculine

system in a state of health

in some respects her habits were odd

perhaps not so singular in the opinion

of a town lady like you as they appeared

to us rustic people

she used to come down very late

generally not till one o'clock he would

then take a cup of chocolate but eat

nothing

we then went out for a walk which was a

mere saunter

and she seemed almost immediately

exhausted and neither returned to the

schloss

and sat on one of the benches that were

placed here and there among the trees

this was a bodily langer in which her

mind did not sympathize

she was always an animated talker and

very intelligent she sometimes alluded

for a moment

to her own home or mentioned an

adventure or situation

or an early recollection which indicated

people of strange manners

and described customs of which we knew

nothing i gathered from these chance

hits that her native country was much

more than remote

that i had first fancied as we sat thus

one afternoon

under the trees a funeral passed us by

it was that of a pretty young girl who i

had seen often

the daughter of one of the rangers of

the forest the poor man was walking

behind the coffin of his darling

she was his only child and he looked

quite heartbroken peasants walking two

and two came behind

they were singing a funeral hymn i rose

to mark my respect as they passed and

joined in the hymn they were singing

sweetly my companion shook me a little

roughly and i turned surprised

she said briskly don't you perceive how

discordant that is

i think it is very sweet on the contrary

i answered

vexed at the interpretation and very

uncomfortable as the people who composed

the little processions

should observe and resent what was

passing i resumed therefore instantly

and was again interrupted you pierce my

ears said carmilla almost angrily

and stopping her ears with her tiny

fingers besides

how can you tell that your religion and

mayan are the same your forms wound me

and i hate funerals

what a fuss why you must die everyone

must die

and all are happier when they do come

home my father has gone on with the

clergyman to the church

i thought you knew that she was to be

buried today she i don't trouble my head

about peasants

i don't know who she is answered

carmilla with a flash from her fine eyes

she's the poor girl who fancied she saw

a ghost a fortnight ago

and has been dying ever since till

yesterday when she expired

tell me nothing of ghosts i shan't sleep

tonight if you do i hope there is no

plague or fever coming

all this looks very like it i continued

the swinhurd's young wife died only one

week ago and she thought something

seized her by the throat as she lay in

her bed

and nearly strangled her papa says such

horrible fancies do accompany some forms

of fever

she was quite well the day before she

sank afterwards and died before a week

while her funeral is over i hope and her

hymns sung and our ears can't be

tortured without discord and jargon

it has made me nervous sit down here

beside me

sit close hold my hand press it hard

hard harder we had moved a little back

and had come to another seat she sat

down her face

underwent a change that alarmed and even

terrified me for a moment

it darkened and became horribly livid

her teeth and hands were clenched

and she frowned and compressed her lips

while she stared down upon the ground at

her feet

and trembled all over with a continued

shutter of irrepressible as aggie

all her energy seemed strained to

suppress a fit

with which she was then breathlessly

tugging and at length a low convulsive

cry of suffering broke from her

and gradually the hysteria subsided

there that comes of strangling people

with hymns

she said it last hold me hold me still

it is passing away

and so gradually it did and perhaps to

dissipate the somber impression which

the spectacle had left upon me

she became unusually animated and shady

and so we got home

this was the first time i had seen her

exhibit any definable symptoms of that

delicacy of health which her mother had

spoken of it was the first time

also i had seen her exhibit anything

like a temper both passed away like

summer cloud

but never once afterwards did i witness

on her part a momentary sign of anger

i will tell you how it happened she and

i were looking out of one of the long

drawing

room windows when there entered the

courtyard over the drawbridge a figure

of a

wanderer whom i knew very well he used

to visit the schloss generally twice a

year

it was the figure of a hunchback with

the sharp lean features that generally

accompanied deformity

he wore a pointed black beard and he was

smiling from ear to ear

showing his white fangs he dressed in

buff black and scarlet

and crossed with more straps and belts

that i could count

from which hung all manner of things

behind

he carried a magic lantern and two boxes

which i knew well

in one which was a salamander and then

the other a mandrake

these monsters used to make my father

laugh they were compounded of parts of

monkeys

parrots squirrels fish and hedgehogs

dried and stitched together

with great neatness and startling effect

he had a fiddle a box of conjuring

apparatus

a pair of foils and masks attached to

his belt

several other mysterious cases dangling

about him

and a black staff with copper furls in

his hand

his companion was a rough spare dog that

followed at his heels but stopped short

suspiciously at the drawbridge and in a

little while began to howl the smelly

in the meantime the mountabank standing

in the midst of the courtyard raised his

grotesque hat and made us a very

ceremonious bow

paying his compliments very valuably in

exciracable

french and german not much better

english also not so great

then disengaging his fiddle he began to

scrape a lively air to which he sang

with a merry discord

dancing with ludicrous errors in

activity that made me laugh in spite of

the dog's howling

then he advanced to the window with many

smiles and salutations

and his hat in his left hand his fiddle

under his arm

and with a fluency that never took

breath he gabbled a long advertisement

of all his accomplishments

and the resources of the various acts

which he placed at our service

and the curiosities and entertainments

which it was in his power

at our bidding to display will your lady

ships be pleased to buy an amulet

against the au pair

which is going like a wolf i hear

through these woods he said

dropping his hat on the pavement they

are dying of it right and left and here

is a charm that never fails

only pinched the pillow and you may

laugh in his face these charms consisted

of oblong slips of vellum

with calibastic ciphers and diagrams

upon them

carmilla instantly purchased one and so

did i he was looking up and we were

smiling down upon him amused

at least i can answer for myself his

piercing black eye

as he looked up in our faces seemed to

detect something that fixed for a moment

his curiosity

in an instant he unrolled a leather case

full of

all manner of odd little steel

instruments see here my lady he said

displaying it and addressing me

i profess among other things less useful

the art of dentistry

plague takes that dog he interpolated

silence beast

he howl so that your ladyships can

scarcely hear a word your noble friend

the young lady at your right has the

sharpest tooth long

thin pointed like an awl like a needle

ha ha

with my sharp and long sight as i look

up i have seen it distinctly

now if it happens to hurt the young lady

and i think it must

here am i here are my file my punch my

nippers

i will make it round and blunt if her

ladyship pleases

the longer the tooth of a fish but of a

beautiful young lady as she is

hey is this young lady displeased have i

been too bold have i offended her

the young lady indeed looked very angry

as she drew back from the window

how dare that montebank insult us so

where is your father i shall demand a

redress from him

my father would have had the wrench tied

up to the pump and flogged with a

cartwhip

and burnt the bones with the cattle

brand she retired from the window a step

or two and sat down

and had hardly lost sight of the

offender when her wrath subsided

as suddenly as it had risen and she

gradually recovered her usual tone and

seemed to forget that the little

hunchback and his foleys

my father was out of spirits that

evening on coming in he told us there

had been another case

very similar to the two fatal ones which

had lately occurred

the sister of a young peasant of his

estate only a mile away

was very ill had been as she described

it attacked very nearly in the same way

and was now slowly but steadily sinking

all this said my father is strictly

referable to natural causes

these poor people infect one another

with their superstitions and so repeat

an imagination the images of terror that

have infested their neighborhoods

but that very circumstance frightens one

horribly said carmilla

how so inquired my father i'm so afraid

of fancying i see such things

i think it would be as bad as reality we

are in god's hands nothing can happen

without his permission

and all will end well for those who love

him

he is our faithful creator he has made

us all and he will take care of us

creator nature said the young lady an

answer to my gentle father

and this disease that invades the

country is natural nature

all things proceed from nature don't

they all things in heaven

in the earth and under the earth act and

live as nature ordains

i think so the doctor said he would come

here today said my father after a

silence

i want to know what he thinks about it

and what he thinks we had better do

doctors never did me any good said

carmilla and have you been ill

i asked more ill than you ever were she

answered

long ago yes a long time ago i suffered

from this very illness

but i forgot all about my pain and

weakness and they were not so bad

as i suffered in other diseases you were

very young then i dare say

let us talk no more of it you would not

wound a friend she looked languidly in

my eyes and passed her arm round my

waist lovingly and led me out of the

room

my father was busy over some papers near

the window

why does your papa like to frighten us

said the pretty girl the sigh in a

little shudder

he doesn't dear carmilla it's the

furthest thing from his mind

are you afraid dearest i should be very

much if i fancy there was any real

danger of my being attacked as those

poor people were

you are afraid to die yes everyone is

but to die as lovers may to die together

so that they may live together i can't

do natasha as good as natasha can do

natasha

girls are caterpillars when they live in

the world to be finally butterflies when

the summer comes

but in the meantime there are grubs and

larvae don't you see

each with their peculiar propensities

necessities and structure

so says most in his big book

in the next room later in the day the

doctor came

and was closeted with papa for some time

he was a skillful man of 60 and upwards

he wore powder and shaved his pale face

as smooth as a pumpkin

not the first descriptor that would come

into my mind but love a smooth pumpkin

he and papa emerged from the room

together and as i heard papa

laugh and say as they came out well i do

wonder at a wise man like you what do

you say to hippogriffs and dragons

the doctor is smiling and made ants are

shaking his head

nevertheless life and death are

mysterious states

and we know little of the resources of

either and so they walked on

and i heard no more i did not then know

what the doctor had been broaching

but i think i guess it now

and thus ends chapter four

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