Original subtitles

♪♪

Hey, Matteo. Where have you been?

Cleaning our cabin.

My friend Benji is coming to visit this weekend.

He just competed in a quiz bowl nearby.

Benji?

Is that the guy you always talk about,

who loves to take long walks with you and eat your socks?

Again. That's my dog.

Do you know Benji from school?

No. He goes to a different school.

I met him online when I was looking for a study buddy,

who also takes college level science.

Most other middle schoolers

don't know their meteor crater

from a hole in the ground.

You told him that joke and he still likes you?

(SIGHS) Yeah.

He sounds like a good man.

Well, don't you look like the cat that ate the canary

that could've prevented the mining disaster of '09.

I am so excited because I recently reached out to a girl

I used to go to school with, Sean.

An old friend?

More like an old acquaintance

who used to hang out with the cool crowd

and thought I was the janitor.

Anyhoo, Sean now has a really popular online travel blog

and she's agreed to come visit and write about the camp.

It could be great publicity for us.

What's a blog?

A blog is just an online diary

that everyone can read, and Sean's is about all the amazing places

she's traveled to around the world.

Her life is so cool.

You're cool, too, Lou.

Well, I've certainly changed since high school

when the yearbook listed me as "maintenance staff."

I just know Sean will be so impressed

when she gets here and sees

just how cool my camp is.

Okay, whoever's been taking my jerkins is a real jerkin.

We'll make sure Noah gets the cool memo.

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

Um, am I interrupting something?

Nope. Just giving my stockings a quick press.

You know what people say.

You can tell a lot about someone

by how they treat their tights.

Stop hanging out with those people.

Anyway, I was wondering if you could look after

Destiny and Gwen tomorrow, and also not tell anyone

or ask any questions. 'Kay. Thanks. Bye.

Hold up.

Why do you need me to look after your campers?

(SIGHS) Fine. Bobby Eyelash is playing in Moose Rump tomorrow,

and I want to sneak out to see her.

Wait. "The" Bobby Eyelash?

You know who Bobby Eyelash is?

Her album My Heart is a Pit of Pitiful Heartache is my feel good go to.

Mine too. She's the best thing to happen to Lo-Fi indie synth pop since, like...

BOTH: Torgan and Farrah.

Hey, you should come with me.

Play hooky? I can't.

If this immaculate heel to buttock crease tells you anything,

it's that Noah Lambert does things by the book.

Plus, what if Lou finds out?

Come on, Noah.

Sometimes you have to do something you might regret.

Otherwise you might regret it.

Okay, I'll do it.

Great.

We can have Ratto watch our campers.

What? I call him Logan to his face...now.

I'm actually kind of getting excited.

Watch out, world.

Noah Lambert has become a carefree rule breaker.

Now, if you excuse me, I need to get these on a hanger.

Okay, here's one.

What do you do if no one laughs at your chemistry joke?

You keep telling them until you get a reaction.

Science humor. Sick.

Hey, Finn, Destiny, this is Benji.

Nice to meet you.

Hey. Hello.

We're so excited you're here.

Tell us everything about yourself.

What are you into?

Ichthyology.

Ah, yes. I'm also a connoisseur of the icky sciences.

What's your field of study? Burps? Boogers? Pit sweat?

Ichthyology is the study of fish.

Like what makes them icky?

No, not like that.

So, Benji...

Matteo, wanna show me the lake?

Sure. It's got some really weird mutated fish in it.

If one waves at you, do not wave back.

Bye, guys.

Uh... Bye, Benji.

Did Benji just blow us off?

What was that about?

I don't know.

(SNIFFS)

I might know.

He has to be a nice guy, right?

I mean, after all, Matteo is friends with him.

Yeah, maybe he just needs to get to know us better.

Yeah, you're right.

I mean, I did pageants.

My whole job was to get a panel of strangers to like me.

After some charm and a tap routine,

they're like putty in your hands.

Then they're dancing for you.

Maybe don't lead with that.

Lou, there's a strange-looking girl over there,

waiving her phone around.

Why is she wearing sunglasses at night?

Wait, that's a classic vampire tell.

Should I go get my wooden stake?

That's Sean, my not really friend from school.

Sean.

Hi.

Muah! Muah!

Oh, air kisses. Fancy.

I picked that up in Australia,

I also became total besties with a platypus.

I am so happy you're here.

I know that you and your millions of readers

are just gonna love Camp Kikiwaka, Sean.

Actually, I just re-branded my blog.

I'm no longer Sean, S-E-A-N.

I changed the "E" to a three.

It's fresh.

Okay.

So, Sean...

No, sorry, it's Sean.

Seriously, let me get my wooden stake.

Well, anyway, Sh... You...

Making and eating s'mores

under the beautiful Moose Rump night sky

will make an exciting post for your blog.

(SQUEALS) You're so cute.

But actually, I'm super full from my booga booga berry smoothie.

Does it taste as bad as it smells?

Worse.

But it's all the rage in Tibet.

It's a spiritual cleanse

meant to shock your chakras.

Shout out to my guru Brian.

Anyway, this has been real,

but I need to recharge.

Yes. You're gonna need a full charge

if you're gonna be posting about

all the exciting things here in Camp Kikiwaka.

Oh, yeah, about that.

I'm so happy to be here

and reconnect with you, Sue.

Lou.

But my millions of readers are used to seeing me

visit the coolest places in the world.

If I'm gonna share something,

it needs to be truly post-worthy.

What's your Wi-Fi, anyway?

Um, it's campchampionrules, all one word.

The signal's a little weak though.

Okay. This is a fish with a broad head

and triangular pectoral fins.

Uh, manta ray.

Correct! Yes!

Myliobatiformes are my jam!

Well, hello, friends. Playing a trivia game, I see.

Benji likes to unwind after a quiz bowl with some light fish stuff.

Ah, well, if you're into trivia, let me hit you with this.

I can nose whistle the national anthem.

That's a little bit about me.

Wow.

Crashed and burned. You're up.

Um, if that's all, we're gonna get back to our game.

Oh. Of course, we'll go.

Wouldn't wanna overstep.

Speaking of steps, watch these.

Hit it, Finn.

(PATRIOTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC STOPS)

Ta-dow!

Um...

Thank you.

I'm gonna go into the mess hall and grab a snack.

Me too.

I'd really like to get away

from... whatever this is.

Okay, so you didn't think volleyball was cool enough

to post about or archery.

But what about sack races?

Now, I know what you're thinking,

but it is not what it sounds like.

We stuff ourselves into sacks and then we race.

Dang, It is exactly what it sounds like.

Sorry, not to be 100% that girl,

but I really need something super post-worthy.

(GASPS) In South Africa, we actually raced ostriches

and one of them pecked a guy's lips off.

It was so crazy he couldn't pronounce "pistachio."

What? How did that even come up?

What about arts and crafts?

We've got birdhouses in the house.

Ooh, when I was in Mongolia,

we actually made something a smidge cooler.

Bird yurts. We called them "burts."

'Cause, like, who has the time?

Wow.

You really do have such an interesting life.

Right? Whoo!

This smoothie is going right through me.

If I don't find a bathroom,

I'm gonna make a booga booga right in my mom jeans.

Bye.

Lou, what's wrong?

I don't think there's anything we can do to get her to post about camp.

Who cares? She's ridiculous.

I saw her tell a squirrel not to wear fur.

Sure. Sean is a little out there,

but that's only because she's seen and done so much.

Unlike me. It's hard to believe

that we came from the same place.

Honestly, at this point, I wish she would just go.

As much as I love Bobby Eyelash,

I'm clearly not cut out to be a rebel.

Does danger make me look devastatingly handsome?

Um, yes,

but I can feel the stress lines forming.

Will you relax?

The bus is almost here.

Are you sure?

Rule number three of playing hooky.

Do your research.

But today is a national holiday.

What holiday?

I think a president died.

One of the ones on money.

Well, that's impossible. I did all...

(HONKING) Ah-ha. See?

Here it comes now.

Wait. That's Bobby Eyelash's tour bus coming into town.

(HONKING)

I'm sad, cold, and covered in mud

Hey, isn't that a Bobby Eyelash song?

A fish-themed surprise party.

Benji's going to love this.

And by extension, love us.

Not yet, Carol.

Good thing we decided to "tackle" this party.

Once Benji sees it, he's gonna be "hooked."

Don't think you're an expert on fish puns,

just because your name is Finn.

I don't get it.

Here they come.

Everyone, hide!

MATTEO: Hey, why are the lights out?

ALL: Surprise, Benji!

Benji, what do you think?

We did this all for you.

I'm out of here.

What the heck, guys?

We were just trying to get Benji to like us.

And for some reason, he can't stand to be around Finn and me.

Really? Well, have you considered that maybe

you come on a little strong?

What makes you say that?

Read the room, Carol!

Hey, Gwen, have you seen Sean?

She said she wanted take a sound bath in the woods.

And I didn't know if she needed headphones or a towel,

so I brought both.

Sean may be a little busy being chased out of town

by an aggressive moose.

I know this is gonna ruin the whole plausible deniability thing,

but why would that happen?

Because of the moose pheromones in her pockets. Up top!

Gwen!

You said you wanted her to go.

Yeah, home. Not to the big kombucha bar in the sky.

I'm sorry, but she's making you feel

like your life isn't cool enough.

Camp Kikiwaka is amazing, and you did that.

I did, didn't I?

I own a camp.

I guess that's, kind of a big deal.

Thanks for reminding me of that, Gwen.

(MOOSE BELLOWING) (SEAN SCREAMING)

Oh, right. Manic moose.

(MOOSE BELLOWING)

(SEAN SCREAMING)

Sean! Are you okay?

Guys, I don't know what's happening.

This reindeer thing is, like, totally upset with me.

Ahh!

What did you do when you ran into a moose in the Yukon?

What the heck is the Yukon?

The place you visited last year

when you communed with nature and chillaxed so hard.

Oh, that Yukon.

Sorry we're so close, I just call it "the Kon."

Wait a minute. You didn't go, did you?

(SEAN SCREAMS)

Fine. I never went there. I never go anywhere.

I only came here because you invited me

and I was out of taquitos.

So your travel blog is all fake?

Not all fake. Just the travel part,

and the pictures, and the stories.

Please just save me!

Sean, are you still drinking your booga booga smoothies?

Why do you think I'm in an outhouse?

If you have some, pour it on yourself, and then come outside.

What?

The stink of the booga booga

will cover up the pheromones

and the moose will lose interest in you.

Geez. Hurtful.

Okay! But I want the moose to know

I'm breaking up with him.

I'm pouring it on, it's disgusting.

(MOOSE GRUNTING)

OMG.

Sean, I am so sorry.

Sorry about what? That was amazing.

What?

I feel so alive.

My first real adventure.

Do stuff like this happen a lot at camp?

Not really. All the time.

Wow. Lou, you're the one

with the post-worthy life.

So why don't you ever post about it?

You don't even have to make stuff up. Lucky.

She's right, Lou.

You should start your own blog.

That's a great idea.

Then we can tell the world

how great Kikiwaka is.

And I'm done blogging altogether.

Lou, you've inspired me.

It's time to stop posting about what I want to do

and actually start doing it.

Wow, I love that for you.

(WATER SPLASHES)

That is definitely not gonna help

our mutant fish problem.

Benji.

I'm so sorry about Destiny and Finn.

I know they can be a lot, which I love.

But if you don't want to be friends with them, I understand.

I do like them. And I do want to be their friend.

You do?

Yeah. They're funny and friendly.

Boy, what I'd give to study Finn's musical nose.

But if you wanna be friends with them,

why does it seem like you keep avoiding them?

I just...

(SIGHS) I get really nervous meeting new people.

You do?

It's always been like that.

I get so worried about how much eye contact is too much,

and then I miss what they're saying,

and before you know it, I've answered

"What's your name?" with "French fries, and you?"

But when we first studied together in person,

you weren't nervous at all.

That's because I first studied with you online.

No eye contact, just brain contact.

The good stuff.

I'm really embarrassed

about how I've been acting around Finn and Destiny.

They probably think I'm super weird.

Benji, it's okay.

Everyone has a little social anxiety.

Really?

Yeah. And we all make friends differently.

Hey, how about a do-over?

If you could choose a way to re-meet Finn and Destiny,

what way would make you most comfortable?

Well,

maybe doing something

that's quiet and low-key.

Where I didn't have to talk until I was ready.

Like playing chess.

Matteo, I said, quiet and low-key,

not thrilling and high-octane.

You're right. My pulse started racing as soon as I said it.

Fourth rule of playing hooky, never give up.

No, no more rules.

We have to turn back before Lou finds out

and I lose my counselor's lounge access.

And then, where will I get my saltine crackers, Ava?

From the store? Like a peasant?

I'm over this, I'm so... (MOOSE GRUNTS)

Don't moan at me.

I'm not done moaning yet.

It wasn't me.

(BOTH SCREAM)

Remember what Matteo said.

You have to be cool so we don't scare off the fish, or Benji.

Got it.

Hi, Finn.

Hi, Destiny.

Hello, Benji. In my inside voice.

So, um, Destiny,

what's your favorite fish?

Hmm.

I've never really thought about that.

Maybe one of the ones in the tank

at my dentist's office.

What's yours?

Probably the lionfish.

Because they're flashy and dangerous.

Funny, because Flashy and Dangerous are what I named my eyebrows.

Good one.

It's working.

We're doing it.

Be cool.

I can hear you,

but it is working.

Thanks, guys.

Ooh! I think I've got something.

Hey, come here, fishy!

Once the mutant fish grew hands,

this was always gonna be the next step.

What happened to you guys?

First rule of playing hooky...

don't!

Hooky? I am surprised at you both.

Correction. I am surprised at Noah.

Ava, way to meet my low expectations.

Hey! Yeah, that's fair.

Just know I've learned my lesson.

Never trust Ava.

That's also fair.

I'm sorry, but this behavior is very unprofessional.

I have no choice but to punish the both of you.

You'll have to stay home

from our camp trip to Moose Rump tomorrow.

Oh, thank you, thank you. Thank you, thank you.

Thank you.

I never want to leave this camp again.

Me neither. Me neither.

This place is the best.

Sean, for the last time, you are a grown woman.

You cannot go to camp here.

(WHINING) Please!

Don't make me get the moose.