Original subtitles

¶¶

We're almost done with our brush-up on counselor duties.

Noah, can you tell me the motto for cleaning the kitchen?

"Sloppy Sundays cause Moldy Mondays."

Yes. So, to recap, scrubbing the canoes?

Counselor problem. Bathroom duty? Counselor problem.

The other kind of bathroom doodies?

Also a counselor problem.

Lou, you might wanna watch out for that...

I know, I know. Language.

Oh, no, I mean...

Who dug a hole in the middle of the lawn?

That sounds like a director problem.

ALL: ¶ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

¶ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

¶ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ¶

Woodchucks, you know why I'm here.

Ooh, you're in trouble.

Actually, they're getting honored.

Ooh, you're getting honored.

Not as fun.

Ladies, now that you're all showered

and fed after your big night,

I can officially induct you

into the sacred Order of the Muskrat.

They get a medal for that?

Anybody can go online and order a muskrat.

I've got a weasel coming next Tuesday.

She means we completed the Muskrat Challenge.

It's where you spend the night in the woods,

with no supplies except a newspaper and a raw, unpeeled potato.

Very off-brand for me, but I did it.

I'm so proud.

We Woodchucks have a tradition of being tough.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I napped weird

and need the nurse to rub out my ouchie.

This medal is so cool.

Ugh, old me would not be friends with new me.

You guys jealous?

So you were in the woods all night

with only a potato. Big deal.

Well, you guys couldn't do it.

You won't even sit on the grass without a blanket.

It's pokey.

You know what?

We Grizzlies are way tougher than you.

We can do that challenge.

We can.

We can?

We can.

That's right. He got there.

No way you Grizzlies

can handle it out in the woods.

You wouldn't even last a minute.

Unless you really applied yourself,

because I think you're pretty capable people.

That's not how you trash talk.

You've gotta say something mean.

Oh, my bad.

I hope a bobcat rips out your guts while you sleep.

Split the difference.

What is doing this?

It's probably the government

recovering underground surveillance.

I was going to say a big gopher.

That's why you're a target.

Anywho. We need to trap this thing.

Then I'm your girl.

You want a net, a cage, a snare? What's your poison?

You want poison? Too far? Not far enough?

Remind me to never cross you.

Hey, guys,

we woke up itching pretty bad.

Yeah, and we have a very unflattering rash

all over our arms.

Oh, boy, you two got Red Leaf.

You must have brushed some

while we were doing the Challenge in the forest.

See? This is why I never do anything, ever.

Is it serious?

You know what they say,

"Leaf of red, soon you're dead."

BOTH: What?

Ha, I'm kidding. You'll live.

But it is contagious, so...

You're quarantining us for two days?

I have to, but don't worry,

I left you plenty of board games and food. You'll be fine.

Five pounds of beaver jerky

does not make everything "fine."

Okay, Grizzlies,

tomorrow we go forth to complete

the Order of the Muskrat. Who's excited?

Noah, the girls aren't here, you can drop the act.

You know we can't survive a night in the woods. We're doomed.

Come on.

This is more of a mental game than a physical one.

A bear's not going to attack us "mentally."

It's just one night.

With only a raw potato and a newspaper.

I hope nobody did the sudoku.

Guys. Do you really want the girls

making fun of us for the rest of the summer?

BOTH: No.

Then let me hear your toughest Grizzly growl.

BOTH: (WEAKLY) Roar.

I can't hear you. Again, and mean it this time.

BOTH: Roar.

Ooh, that hurt my back.

Next time we'll stretch.

GWEN: We caught something.

Good job, Gwen.

Uh-oh, I think it's human.

Get me out of this thing.

It's not human.

It's Hazel.

Hi. Got a pair of scissors?

Aw, man,

I had my heart set on a giant skunk, not some rando.

I'm not a rando.

These are my old stomping grounds.

Stomped on a lot of annoying campers around here.

Ah, memories.

Okay, Hazel, why are you here?

Can't a former Kikiwakan

come by for a friendly visit?

Yes, but you're not friendly, so, no.

Hazel used to be the head counselor here.

But she hasn't been asked back in two years.

For no good reason.

What? How about you turned your campers into monsters,

you terrorized my best friend,

and, oh, yeah, you burned down half the cabins.

Everyone makes a little oopsie once in a while.

Hazel, did you dig these holes?

Me? Of course not.

I just wanted to know if I could stay for a night or two.

I was going through my Aunt Gladys' old Kikiwaka stuff,

and it made me miss all the fun I had at camp.

But I guess now that you're Director,

trapping humans is the new lanyard making?

So you expect me to believe

that you came all the way here

just for a friendly visit?

Of course. I treasured my time at this camp.

Okay...

The boys are on their Muskrat Challenge trip.

You can sleep in their cabin.

Thank you.

Just so you know, my poison offer is still on the table.

I know Hazel dug these holes.

She's up to something.

Darkness lurks beneath those pigtails.

And I'm not just talking about her roots.

Meow. Kitty got claws.

Ugh. All my friends are out there having fun

and I'm missing everything.

(GASPS)

Julie Gardner is braiding Amy's hair instead of me?

Hope she enjoys the two mangy ferrets look.

So what if you miss somebody's messy hair day,

or somebody dumping their boyfriend...

Shelly broke up with Dave again?

What do you know? Tell me. Tell me!

Okay, calm down.

We're going to get your mind off what's going on outside,

by having some fun inside.

How? I feel like I'm going to scratch

my outsides until I get to my insides.

We can do a domino rally.

My brothers and I used to do this on snow days,

or when we'd been too rowdy, and our mom did this...

"Get out!"

So, do you wanna play?

No, thanks.

I'm just going to stare out the window

and watch life happen to everyone but me.

Well, at least you're not being dramatic about it.

(MOSQUITO BUZZING) (GRUNTS)

Ugh, these mosquitos are biting me like crazy.

Curse my sweet musk.

Guys, it's getting dark,

and I cannot start this fire.

And I chipped my tooth on the potato.

Forget it.

We're never going to make it out here.

Let's just go back to camp.

No, we can't let the Woodchucks win.

We're Grizzlies. We never say die.

(RUSTLING)

We're gonna die!

Hello.

ALL: Huh?

Apologies. I didn't mean to scare you.

I'm Ms. Tilly.

Oh, I've seen the billboard for your inn.

"Don't be silly, stay with Ms. Tilly."

Had to change my name to make that one work.

What are you doing out here?

I was sipping on some chamomile tea

when I thought I heard a baby crying in the forest.

That's weird, Matteo.

You were just crying in the forest.

Thanks, friend.

We're from Camp Kikiwaka.

We're here to rough it in the woods all night.

Or starve. Whichever comes first.

You poor little chipmunks.

You must come to my inn for some hot cocoa.

Can we, Noah?

Please? Just for a few minutes.

No. Thank you, Ms. Tilly,

but as kind as the offer is,

we set out to rough it, and rough it we will.

Did I mention the mini marshmallows?

Okay, maybe just one hot cocoa.

(SNORING)

Somewhere in that cabin is a clue

as to why Hazel's here, and I'm gonna find it.

As long as we don't have to search Finn's nasty bunk.

Ugh, I hear ya.

It looks like the world's tiniest carnival

skipped town in the middle of the night.

(SNORING)

Ow. Christina Aguilera, that hurt.

Shh. Stay quiet.

I know what I'm doing.

(CLATTERING)

Do you?

Look, she's holding something.

Maybe it's a clue.

(SNORING)

(SOFTLY) Take a picture of the paper.

Huh?

Take a picture of the paper.

I can't believe what a sound sleeper Hazel is.

Yeah, having no conscience will do that to you.

You sure you don't want in on this?

I'm trying to see what I'm missing out on.

Come on, watch me set this thing off.

It'll be fun.

Fine.

Timber.

Huh. That wasn't as lame as I thought it would be.

Stop, I'm blushing.

You know, we still got a lot more time in here.

You sure you don't want to help me set up another one?

You know what would make it cooler?

If it was bigger. A lot bigger.

Uh-oh. Have I created a monster?

Nah.

Not unless there's a prize and you're standing in my way.

No, there's no prize.

Then we're good.

It looks like an old map of the camp.

What do you think it leads to?

Hazel said something suspicious earlier.

She said she "treasured" her time at camp.

I think it's a treasure map.

There's a treasure at camp?

Why didn't you tell me?

It's gonna be mine, all mine.

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

Sorry, I don't know where that came from.

Yeah.

Legend has it, Jedediah buried gold...

Gold!

I think I got it out of my system now.

Anyway, there was a map

and I bet Hazel found it with her aunt's stuff.

But if Hazel has a map,

why is she digging so many holes?

This says the treasure is located 10 paces from the story post.

But what Hazel doesn't know

is the post was moved when the septic tank

sprang a leak.

Aw, because you didn't want to get septic goo

on a beloved camp landmark?

No, we used the post to plug the hole.

Anyway, my point is, the post is now

located 10 feet south of where it used to be,

which means the treasure would be...

Under the boys' cabin.

Which was only built a few years ago.

That gold belongs to the camp.

We can use it to buy a new septic tank.

Let's be honest, that post is not going to hold back

that flood of nightmares forever.

Yep, this is good cocoa.

Ms. Tilly's is amazing.

I can't believe a place like this exists in the woods.

We should stay here for...

Ever.

Okay, it's time to go.

Remember, we're supposed to be roughing it.

But I am roughing it.

My cocoa is kind of hot, so I have to do this.

(BLOWS)

Grizzlies, we're leaving.

I've got more scones.

I'll take two, please.

I got it.

Huh. There's something kind of familiar about this thing...

That's mine.

Gwen. You were supposed to be on the lookout.

Look out.

Well, I guess you learned my little secret.

I was digging for something.

So give it!

No way. This belongs to the camp.

No, it doesn't.

I knew you were lying about why you were here.

You've always been evil.

Um, where's the gold?

What gold? I was never looking for gold.

But you had Jedediah's map.

What? I drew that map.

I remember this now.

A lanyard.

Cootie catchers. Painted rocks.

It's all just a bunch of junk.

It's not junk to me.

Is that you and Hazel?

Our first summer at Camp Kikiwaka.

This is the time capsule

we buried that year.

You guys were friends?

Best friends.

I hope this works.

The hatchet was a great touch.

Should we be worried that Gwen sleeps with one

under her pillow?

No, but I am a little worried about

the list of names she keeps with it.

So, you ready to start this?

Wait, I want to add a few more things.

We can use my curling iron

to knock over my crimping iron

to knock over my flat iron.

That is a great idea.

I knew all your pointless hair stuff

was good for something.

GWEN: Ava? Destiny?

That was awesome.

BOTH: No!

Guys, that was so cool. You should've been here.

Anyway,

Lou says you're not contagious anymore,

so you can come out now.

I can't believe it. We missed it.

On the bright side,

at least you're finally free

to go out there and get your life back.

You can find out about the braids,

or who the ferret's dating.

I'm sorry, sometimes I don't listen when you talk.

Or we could just stay inside and rebuild everything.

Really?

Yeah.

Spending two days with you creating something

that turned out to be all for nothing

ended up being more fun than I thought.

I think there's a compliment

somewhere in there and I'll take it.

We fell asleep.

We fell asleep.

Guys, wake up.

It's morning? How did this happen?

And why is there still quiche in my hand?

Ooh. I'll trade you some couch scones

for some hand quiche.

We failed the challenge.

The girls are going to make fun of us forever.

No, they won't.

Because they're never going to find out.

We just need to look like we roughed it.

Matteo, put some strawberry jam on your elbow to look

like you scraped it.

This is brambleberry.

Just do it.

Finn, rub some cocoa powder on yourself to look dirty.

Dirty and delicious. I'm on it.

Good morning. Breakfast nummies?

Don't look her directly in the eye.

If we're not careful, she'll keep us fed and warm forever.

Stay back, you hospitable sorceress.

Thank you, Ms. Tilly.

Hazel, are you in here?

I can see your pigtails.

Dang it.

They always give me away.

That and my lilting voice.

I can't believe you came all the way here

just to get that time capsule.

Why is that so hard to believe?

I miss this place.

I miss the cabins,

I miss the campfire,

but what I've missed the most are my friends.

Especially my ex-best friend.

I thought that first summer was a distant memory

after you put scorpion-filled balloons in my bathroom.

Well, I was jealous of your friendship with Xander.

And you know what they say,

love means never having to say you're sorry

for putting weird stuff in balloons.

Yeah, they've never said that.

Okay,

I'm sorry.

I admit I wasn't exactly easy to stay friends with.

Look, I don't expect us to ever be besties again,

but I just wanted to have this time capsule

to remind me of a summer when we weren't enemies.

You know, we don't have to be enemies.

But you don't like me.

That's why I didn't tell you

I was coming back for the time capsule.

I knew you wouldn't understand.

Hazel, I do like you.

I just don't like the scorpion balloons

and the camp-burning, and the hole-digging.

But underneath all that,

deep, deep underneath all that,

is a girl that I miss being friends with, too.

Really?

Does this mean I can come back and visit sometime?

That would be something

you could infer from what I said.

(LAUGHS) Yay. Thank you.

I have to go now, but when I come back,

we are going to have so much fun.

Somehow I'm more scared now

than I was when we were enemies.

Welcome back to camp, Grizzly cabin.

You did it.

You're now members of the Order of the Muskrat.

We were so impressed, we asked Lou

if we could give you your medals.

And she very generously said,

"Whatever. Then it's off my plate."

I've got to hand it to you.

I never thought you could rough it like that.

Yeah, I thought you'd get mauled by a bear,

and we'd be there now picking up bloody scraps.

Then why would you let us go?

Seriously, we never should have doubted you, guys.

Great job.

Thanks.

Okey-dokey, we're gonna go wash up.

As you see, we are dirty.

Not yet. You have to tell us all about your night.

Where did you sleep? What did you use the newspaper for?

Finn, are you licking dirt off of your arm?

Yes, I am.

Because...

Because we were roughing it so hard, we had to eat dirt.

The wilderness changes a man.

Matteo, the blood on your elbow has

seeds in it.

It's brambleberry jam.

What if it was blood?

Then I wouldn't put it on toast.

What's actually going on here?

We didn't rough it, okay?

We spent the entire night drinking hot cocoa

and eating quiche at Ms. Tilly's Inn.

Who is Ms. Tilly?

The kindest, most evil hostess in the whole world.

Her couch is so soft, we're lucky we escaped.

You didn't rough it?

Lou!

Can't you just give them the medals?

Why does everything around here have to end in screaming?

The boys didn't even do the challenge.

They stayed at some cushy inn.

It's true.

We don't deserve these medals.

I'm not gonna take your medals.

BOTH: You're not?

Ms. Tilly invites everyone doing the Muskrat Challenge to her inn.

When I went, I drank so much cocoa,

I peed chocolate for a week.

Ooh. Something to look forward to.

Ms. Tilly is the Order of the Muskrat's best-kept secret.

You didn't tell us to find her.

Oh, you don't find Ms. Tilly.

She finds you.

Well, she never found us.

Right?

Now that I think about it,

I did hear something rustling in the bushes, and I threw rocks at it.

Maybe it was a deer.

A deer that says "Hello."

Fantastic.

So we actually did the challenge,

and what do we have to show for it besides a disgusting rash?

A sense of achievement?

Achievement- shmievement.

Come here. I'm lickin' that arm.