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1
00:00:02,505 --> 00:00:04,506
Are you ready to admit it, Xander?
2
00:00:04,508 --> 00:00:06,108
We are not lost.
3
00:00:06,110 --> 00:00:07,709
We're exploring.
4
00:00:09,145 --> 00:00:10,946
For five hours?
5
00:00:11,948 --> 00:00:14,649
In complete circles?
6
00:00:14,651 --> 00:00:17,953
I'd know exactly where we are
if Jorge hadn't eaten our map.
7
00:00:17,955 --> 00:00:21,123
Again, I thought it was a candy wrapper.
8
00:00:21,125 --> 00:00:24,026
Again, that doesn't explain it.
9
00:00:25,294 --> 00:00:27,629
Hey, look, a cabin.
10
00:00:27,631 --> 00:00:30,966
Maybe there's someone who can
help us not die out here.
11
00:00:33,836 --> 00:00:36,204
Wow, look at all these signs.
12
00:00:36,206 --> 00:00:37,572
"No trespassing."
13
00:00:37,574 --> 00:00:39,007
"Seriously, go away."
14
00:00:39,009 --> 00:00:42,144
"What are you still doing here?"
15
00:00:42,146 --> 00:00:44,413
Guys, I can lead us back to camp.
16
00:00:44,415 --> 00:00:45,881
Trust me. (Snickers)
17
00:00:45,883 --> 00:00:48,583
You lost my trust four hours ago.
18
00:00:48,585 --> 00:00:49,885
(Jorge giggling)
19
00:00:51,921 --> 00:00:53,655
(Knocking)
20
00:00:53,657 --> 00:00:55,323
Man: No one's home! Go away!
21
00:00:55,325 --> 00:00:57,392
Great, no one's home.
22
00:00:57,394 --> 00:00:58,660
Now what do we do?
23
00:01:00,029 --> 00:01:05,100
Uh, sir, we were just hoping for some
directions back to Camp Kikiwaka.
24
00:01:05,102 --> 00:01:06,601
Or Manhattan!
25
00:01:08,838 --> 00:01:11,173
Ugh, kids.
26
00:01:11,175 --> 00:01:13,909
That's it. I'm putting
up a barbed wire fence.
27
00:01:15,011 --> 00:01:17,045
Sorry for bothering you, sir.
28
00:01:17,047 --> 00:01:18,413
We'll go back to our fun exploring.
29
00:01:18,415 --> 00:01:21,550
We're hopelessly lost.
30
00:01:21,552 --> 00:01:23,585
And in desperate need of water.
31
00:01:23,587 --> 00:01:24,853
With ice.
32
00:01:24,855 --> 00:01:28,490
And if you could throw in some
fruit wedges, that'd be great.
33
00:01:30,193 --> 00:01:33,095
You can drink from the hose if
you promise to get out of here.
34
00:01:33,097 --> 00:01:35,097
Your camp's that way.
35
00:01:35,099 --> 00:01:37,232
There's a 70-foot cliff over there.
36
00:01:37,234 --> 00:01:38,967
(Chuckles) So, you caught me.
37
00:01:38,969 --> 00:01:40,035
It's the other way.
38
00:01:42,538 --> 00:01:44,072
? Here we go
39
00:01:44,074 --> 00:01:47,109
? We're leaving the
city behind right now
40
00:01:47,111 --> 00:01:49,111
? Let's gather by the campfire light
41
00:01:49,113 --> 00:01:51,046
? And sing this song
42
00:01:51,048 --> 00:01:54,249
All: ? Kikiwaka
43
00:01:54,251 --> 00:01:56,418
? Hanging out with someone new
44
00:01:56,420 --> 00:01:59,121
? Then falling out of a camp canoe
45
00:01:59,123 --> 00:02:01,590
? What's that smell? It's on your shoe
46
00:02:01,592 --> 00:02:03,391
All: ? Kikiwaka
47
00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:06,595
? Got a s'more in my hair
48
00:02:06,597 --> 00:02:09,231
? Mosquitos in our underwear
49
00:02:09,233 --> 00:02:11,066
? Shower's broke but we don't care
50
00:02:11,068 --> 00:02:13,135
All: ? Kikiwaka
51
00:02:13,137 --> 00:02:18,240
? This is our home away from
home away from home away from home
52
00:02:18,242 --> 00:02:22,144
? But watch your back
A bear just ate my phone
53
00:02:22,146 --> 00:02:24,646
All: ? Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka
54
00:02:24,648 --> 00:02:26,982
All: ? Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka
55
00:02:26,984 --> 00:02:30,652
All: ? Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ?
56
00:02:39,862 --> 00:02:42,197
Okay, remember, the wax cools quickly,
57
00:02:42,199 --> 00:02:44,099
so you have to apply it while it's warm.
58
00:02:44,101 --> 00:02:46,301
Then press on the tearing paper,
59
00:02:46,303 --> 00:02:49,571
and gently pull away
that unsightly leg fuzz.
60
00:02:50,973 --> 00:02:52,841
(Screams)
61
00:02:55,178 --> 00:02:56,539
That's the price of beauty, girls.
62
00:02:57,980 --> 00:02:59,821
How are the girls doing
with the candle making?
63
00:03:00,249 --> 00:03:01,983
Candles?
64
00:03:01,985 --> 00:03:03,652
Right.
65
00:03:03,654 --> 00:03:06,521
Do not put that wax on your legs.
66
00:03:06,523 --> 00:03:10,292
Hey, ladies, notice
anything different about me?
67
00:03:10,294 --> 00:03:11,626
You got taller?
68
00:03:11,628 --> 00:03:14,696
No. Holding steady
at five-foot-four.
69
00:03:14,698 --> 00:03:17,199
Okay,
five-foot-three.
70
00:03:17,201 --> 00:03:19,467
But I was speaking of these gloves
71
00:03:19,469 --> 00:03:22,737
that Xander got me for the
counselor-CIT gift exchange.
72
00:03:22,739 --> 00:03:25,407
Oh, now you can hit a tetherball
without bursting into tears.
73
00:03:26,242 --> 00:03:27,375
Exactly.
74
00:03:27,377 --> 00:03:28,738
And save my tears for when I lose.
75
00:03:32,215 --> 00:03:34,549
I can't believe I forgot the gift exchange.
76
00:03:34,551 --> 00:03:38,153
It's how counselors and their CITs show
their appreciation for each other.
77
00:03:38,155 --> 00:03:39,271
Well, then let's do it.
78
00:03:39,302 --> 00:03:41,890
(Gasps) I know exactly
what I'm getting you.
79
00:03:41,892 --> 00:03:46,561
And so the gift really comes from the
heart, I say we can't spend any money.
80
00:03:46,563 --> 00:03:48,263
I have no idea what I'm getting you.
81
00:03:51,734 --> 00:03:54,903
Okay, we're hydrated and
we know where we're going.
82
00:03:54,905 --> 00:03:56,238
Let's head back to camp.
83
00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:57,906
Wrong way, Magellan.
84
00:03:59,008 --> 00:04:01,710
Guys, I have to go to the bathroom.
85
00:04:01,712 --> 00:04:03,411
Pick a tree. Any tree.
86
00:04:03,413 --> 00:04:05,880
No way. I need privacy.
87
00:04:05,882 --> 00:04:08,016
I can't go unless I'm alone.
88
00:04:08,018 --> 00:04:11,286
In a locked room with the lights off.
89
00:04:11,288 --> 00:04:13,048
That explains the mess
in our cabin bathroom.
90
00:04:14,357 --> 00:04:15,124
I can't hold it.
91
00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:18,223
I have to ask that old
man if I can use his potty.
92
00:04:18,928 --> 00:04:20,128
Jorge.
93
00:04:22,531 --> 00:04:23,798
What now?
94
00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:27,202
I hope the light's off in your
bathroom cause I'm goin' in.
95
00:04:30,239 --> 00:04:32,641
I hate to intrude, but that's my camper.
96
00:04:32,643 --> 00:04:34,409
Mind if I wait for him inside?
97
00:04:34,411 --> 00:04:37,545
Fine, but he'd better not
touch my decorative soaps.
98
00:04:37,547 --> 00:04:39,814
It's Jorge. Your soap is safe.
99
00:04:42,952 --> 00:04:44,786
So... New to the neighborhood?
100
00:04:44,788 --> 00:04:45,920
I can show you around.
101
00:04:45,922 --> 00:04:47,289
No, he can't.
102
00:04:49,925 --> 00:04:51,593
What are you doing in these parts?
103
00:04:51,595 --> 00:04:54,429
Trying to avoid annoying children.
104
00:04:54,431 --> 00:04:56,231
It's not going very well.
105
00:04:57,233 --> 00:04:58,733
Hurry it up, Jorge!
106
00:05:00,336 --> 00:05:02,070
Why are you staring at me, kid?
107
00:05:03,406 --> 00:05:04,739
What did you do in there?
108
00:05:04,741 --> 00:05:07,475
Nothing. We'll be leaving now.
109
00:05:07,477 --> 00:05:09,244
The door's right behind you. I know.
110
00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:16,017
Guys, I have something to
tell you about that old man.
111
00:05:16,019 --> 00:05:19,321
Anything you learned about him in the
bathroom, I do not want to know.
112
00:05:21,123 --> 00:05:24,259
He is Santa Claus.
113
00:05:24,261 --> 00:05:27,762
What? See, Jorge, this is
why we don't eat maps.
114
00:05:27,764 --> 00:05:29,331
That ink is messing with your brain.
115
00:05:32,435 --> 00:05:36,204
Hey, Ravi, look what I'm making for Lou.
116
00:05:36,206 --> 00:05:39,874
A picture frame decorated with rocks.
117
00:05:39,876 --> 00:05:42,744
Why not just throw some ugly pine
needles on it, while you are at it?
118
00:05:46,349 --> 00:05:48,616
You don't think Lou will like it?
119
00:05:48,618 --> 00:05:51,186
Listen, this is between you and Lou.
120
00:05:51,188 --> 00:05:54,356
So, if you wish to give her that
sloppy tchotchke, so be it.
121
00:05:54,358 --> 00:05:57,559
Hmm. You are really
good at giving presents.
122
00:05:57,561 --> 00:06:00,595
I mean, that personal makeup
artist you got me is amazing.
123
00:06:01,530 --> 00:06:03,498
Oh. Thanks, Tania.
124
00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:04,766
I was feeling a tad shiny.
125
00:06:07,536 --> 00:06:09,237
Okay, so forget the frame.
126
00:06:09,239 --> 00:06:10,572
What should I give to Lou?
127
00:06:10,574 --> 00:06:15,910
Since you asked, as the gift master,
I say, think more personal.
128
00:06:15,912 --> 00:06:18,480
Ask yourself, "What makes Lou, Lou?"
129
00:06:18,482 --> 00:06:20,415
Well, she loves being a Woodchuck.
130
00:06:20,750 --> 00:06:22,150
That is it.
131
00:06:22,152 --> 00:06:23,518
You should get her a woodchuck.
132
00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:27,055
Ka-blam. Gift idea domination.
133
00:06:27,057 --> 00:06:29,324
You really think Lou wants a live animal?
134
00:06:29,326 --> 00:06:30,892
Certainly more than a dead one.
135
00:06:32,428 --> 00:06:33,595
Trust me.
136
00:06:33,597 --> 00:06:35,864
Plus, I saw a woodchuck
burrowing in the Great Lawn.
137
00:06:35,866 --> 00:06:37,866
Just catch it and slap a bow on it.
138
00:06:37,868 --> 00:06:39,234
I hope you're right.
139
00:06:39,236 --> 00:06:40,902
I really want Lou to love it.
140
00:06:40,904 --> 00:06:42,370
Of course she will.
141
00:06:42,372 --> 00:06:44,706
When have I ever been wrong about a gift?
142
00:06:44,708 --> 00:06:47,575
Hmm, what about that time you
got Luke that giant dictionary?
143
00:06:47,577 --> 00:06:49,337
He just kept hitting
you in the head with it.
144
00:06:49,678 --> 00:06:51,413
But he loved it.
145
00:06:51,415 --> 00:06:54,115
I saw him smiling right
before I blacked out.
146
00:06:59,588 --> 00:07:01,589
You have to believe me.
147
00:07:01,591 --> 00:07:04,359
That guy is Santa Claus.
148
00:07:04,361 --> 00:07:08,463
If that miserable, kid-hater is Santa
Claus, I'm one of his reindeer.
149
00:07:09,465 --> 00:07:10,565
I'm telling you.
150
00:07:10,567 --> 00:07:13,919
When I came out of the bathroom,
I made a wrong turn and...
151
00:07:13,950 --> 00:07:14,869
Xander: See?
152
00:07:14,871 --> 00:07:16,438
Everyone makes wrong turns.
153
00:07:18,140 --> 00:07:22,277
And I saw a really long
list of names and addresses.
154
00:07:22,279 --> 00:07:24,145
That's probably his address book.
155
00:07:24,147 --> 00:07:25,880
Old people write things down on paper.
156
00:07:27,616 --> 00:07:29,984
I also saw a Santa hat.
157
00:07:29,986 --> 00:07:32,487
So, what? I have a Yankee hat.
158
00:07:32,489 --> 00:07:34,389
That doesn't make me Derek Jeter.
159
00:07:35,424 --> 00:07:39,461
Okay, then explain the plate
of cookies and glass of milk.
160
00:07:39,463 --> 00:07:43,865
Who, other than Santa, has cookies
and milk in his bathroom?
161
00:07:45,401 --> 00:07:46,568
You.
162
00:07:48,137 --> 00:07:52,807
Point taken. But that guy really is Santa.
163
00:07:53,442 --> 00:07:54,576
Who cares?
164
00:07:54,578 --> 00:07:57,445
Santa hasn't given me one
present in eleven years,
165
00:07:57,447 --> 00:07:59,447
because I never made it onto
166
00:07:59,449 --> 00:08:02,584
his "Had a Paper Published In
an Ivy League Journal" list.
167
00:08:04,653 --> 00:08:05,820
What?
168
00:08:07,623 --> 00:08:10,725
I'm pretty sure his lists are
just "Naughty" and "Nice."
169
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:12,694
Seriously?
170
00:08:12,696 --> 00:08:17,265
You mean, Santa holds me to a
higher standard than everyone else?
171
00:08:17,267 --> 00:08:18,833
What a jerk.
172
00:08:18,835 --> 00:08:21,636
Guys, I would love to
believe that the real Santa
173
00:08:21,638 --> 00:08:23,004
is somewhere over that hill.
174
00:08:23,672 --> 00:08:25,240
Or was it that hill?
175
00:08:26,675 --> 00:08:28,276
Either way, it's not him.
176
00:08:28,278 --> 00:08:32,313
Yeah. That old guy is just some loner
who we'll probably have to describe
177
00:08:32,315 --> 00:08:34,082
in detail to detectives someday.
178
00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:40,188
Tiff, that is Santa.
179
00:08:40,190 --> 00:08:45,226
And tomorrow, I'm going back to his cabin
to get off his Naughty list for good.
180
00:08:45,228 --> 00:08:48,663
I'm coming with you to have a
word with that elf-loving freak.
181
00:08:48,665 --> 00:08:52,467
He owes me presents for eleven
years' worth of nice behavior.
182
00:08:53,402 --> 00:08:54,936
Out of my way, pipsqueak!
183
00:08:57,139 --> 00:08:58,573
Okay, ten years.
184
00:09:05,247 --> 00:09:06,381
(Pops cap off bottle)
185
00:09:06,383 --> 00:09:07,916
Hey, Ravi. (Gasping)
186
00:09:07,918 --> 00:09:09,651
Did you just open that
ginger ale all by yourself?
187
00:09:09,653 --> 00:09:10,752
(Chuckling)
188
00:09:10,754 --> 00:09:12,987
Yes. Why do you think I'm sweating?
189
00:09:14,203 --> 00:09:15,723
Well, I'm off to go crush these petals
190
00:09:15,725 --> 00:09:18,192
to make perfume for Emma
for the gift exchange.
191
00:09:18,194 --> 00:09:19,561
Perfume? (Scoffs)
192
00:09:20,195 --> 00:09:21,496
For Emma?
193
00:09:21,498 --> 00:09:23,264
Well, since it is none of my business,
194
00:09:23,266 --> 00:09:25,900
I will not mention that
it is a horrible idea.
195
00:09:27,670 --> 00:09:28,770
Why?
196
00:09:28,772 --> 00:09:31,172
She already has tons of perfumes.
197
00:09:31,174 --> 00:09:35,610
She even has two perfumes named after
her, Emma no. 5 and Emma no. 7.
198
00:09:35,612 --> 00:09:37,445
What happened to Emma no. 6?
199
00:09:37,447 --> 00:09:38,880
Testing did not go well.
200
00:09:38,882 --> 00:09:42,417
It did not harm the bunnies, but
the children were not so lucky.
201
00:09:42,419 --> 00:09:45,620
Good. I hate the thought
of animals suffering.
202
00:09:47,222 --> 00:09:49,257
So, do you know what Emma would like?
203
00:09:49,259 --> 00:09:53,528
Since Emma can buy whatever she wants,
you have to give her an experience.
204
00:09:53,530 --> 00:09:55,163
Why are you not writing this down?
205
00:09:56,532 --> 00:09:57,599
An experience?
206
00:09:57,601 --> 00:10:00,101
Oh, like taking her to a pig race?
207
00:10:00,103 --> 00:10:02,637
Well, Emma is not big on pigs.
208
00:10:02,639 --> 00:10:04,806
She loves culture.
209
00:10:04,808 --> 00:10:07,709
There's nothin' more cultured
than a pig in a racin' bib.
210
00:10:09,278 --> 00:10:10,745
Yes, yes, there is.
211
00:10:10,747 --> 00:10:11,879
Like...
212
00:10:11,881 --> 00:10:13,214
Well, anything.
213
00:10:13,983 --> 00:10:18,252
I think you should perform an
interpretive dance to slam poetry.
214
00:10:18,254 --> 00:10:19,754
But I don't know about that stuff.
215
00:10:19,756 --> 00:10:21,489
I'm just a country girl.
216
00:10:21,491 --> 00:10:23,625
Then I will have to help you
release your inner dancer,
217
00:10:23,627 --> 00:10:26,728
find your poetry voice,
and lend you a leotard.
218
00:10:28,664 --> 00:10:30,231
All righty, I'm in.
219
00:10:30,233 --> 00:10:32,300
Let's do this. (Gasping) High five!
220
00:10:32,302 --> 00:10:35,803
Oh, and since I'm wearing my gloves,
feel free to really let loose.
221
00:10:36,605 --> 00:10:38,039
(Shudders)
222
00:10:40,576 --> 00:10:41,676
Hey!
223
00:10:41,678 --> 00:10:43,745
What are you doing in here?
224
00:10:43,747 --> 00:10:45,713
(Gasps) And why are you wearing my tie?
225
00:10:47,082 --> 00:10:49,784
I'm just here to tell
you, I've been very good.
226
00:10:49,786 --> 00:10:52,687
Like yesterday, I ate half a carrot cake,
227
00:10:52,689 --> 00:10:55,757
so I'm making strides
on the vegetable thing.
228
00:10:56,759 --> 00:10:58,259
Don't care.
229
00:10:58,261 --> 00:11:01,529
And I haven't farted on
Ravi's pillow in weeks.
230
00:11:02,331 --> 00:11:03,665
Okay, days.
231
00:11:04,299 --> 00:11:06,701
So, I did it yesterday,
232
00:11:06,703 --> 00:11:09,804
but only because he wouldn't
let me finish the carrot cake.
233
00:11:09,806 --> 00:11:11,739
Kid, you have problems.
234
00:11:13,175 --> 00:11:14,876
Okay, my turn.
235
00:11:14,878 --> 00:11:18,012
All my life I've been overlooked
on the present front.
236
00:11:18,014 --> 00:11:19,781
I'm sure it was some clerical error
237
00:11:19,783 --> 00:11:21,749
and I see no reason to
get lawyers involved.
238
00:11:22,785 --> 00:11:26,621
Both of you quit your babbling, and
march your butts off of my property!
239
00:11:26,623 --> 00:11:29,657
Come on, you can drop the act.
240
00:11:29,659 --> 00:11:32,060
We're big fans, Santa.
241
00:11:32,628 --> 00:11:33,895
What did you call me?
242
00:11:33,897 --> 00:11:36,030
Sorry. Mr. Claus.
243
00:11:36,032 --> 00:11:37,632
What? Huh?
244
00:11:37,634 --> 00:11:39,200
I'm not Santa Claus.
245
00:11:39,202 --> 00:11:40,868
I'm just an old man whose patience
246
00:11:40,870 --> 00:11:43,604
is dwindling faster than
his social security checks.
247
00:11:46,508 --> 00:11:47,809
So much for being jolly.
248
00:11:47,811 --> 00:11:50,078
He must be crashing
after all those cookies.
249
00:11:55,050 --> 00:11:57,351
(Chittering)
250
00:11:57,353 --> 00:12:00,354
Ah, I see the woodchuck hunt is on.
251
00:12:00,356 --> 00:12:02,724
Can I offer you a thickly-gloved hand?
252
00:12:03,759 --> 00:12:05,693
No, thanks. It shouldn't take long
253
00:12:05,695 --> 00:12:08,062
To outsmart this pea-brained
rodent. (Chuckles)
254
00:12:08,064 --> 00:12:09,263
(Thumps) (Squeaking)
255
00:12:10,165 --> 00:12:11,766
Oh, see?
256
00:12:11,768 --> 00:12:12,767
Piece of cake.
257
00:12:16,438 --> 00:12:18,439
Is it an invisible cake?
258
00:12:19,408 --> 00:12:20,742
Darn it!
259
00:12:20,744 --> 00:12:23,511
Okay, so he got one carrot.
260
00:12:23,513 --> 00:12:25,113
I have a whole crate of carrots.
261
00:12:25,115 --> 00:12:26,595
(Ravi chuckles) (Woodchuck squeaking)
262
00:12:27,783 --> 00:12:29,851
Uh, chucked again.
263
00:12:30,886 --> 00:12:32,720
Pea-brained rodent, two.
264
00:12:32,722 --> 00:12:34,122
Pea-brained blonde, zero.
265
00:12:34,124 --> 00:12:35,757
(Chuckles)
266
00:12:35,759 --> 00:12:37,825
(Hissing)
267
00:12:38,894 --> 00:12:41,796
Emma, what are you doing?
268
00:12:41,798 --> 00:12:43,898
I'm putting a garden snake into this hole
269
00:12:43,900 --> 00:12:46,467
to scare the woodchuck out of this hole.
270
00:12:47,970 --> 00:12:50,972
Ah! Who's the pea brain, now, wood-punk?
271
00:12:51,974 --> 00:12:53,641
(Hissing) (Screaming)
272
00:12:55,277 --> 00:12:57,512
Get it off! Get it off me!
273
00:12:57,980 --> 00:12:59,781
(Grunts)
274
00:13:01,216 --> 00:13:02,550
What...
275
00:13:02,552 --> 00:13:05,019
Hey, that swing did not hurt at all.
276
00:13:05,821 --> 00:13:07,388
Speak for yourself.
277
00:13:09,825 --> 00:13:11,726
Oh, what did the nurse say?
278
00:13:12,427 --> 00:13:13,761
(Shrieks)
279
00:13:13,763 --> 00:13:15,830
Does my cheek really look that bad?
280
00:13:15,832 --> 00:13:18,499
Define bad.
281
00:13:18,501 --> 00:13:20,301
Well, I guess Lou's
not getting her present.
282
00:13:20,303 --> 00:13:22,737
That genius woodchuck kicked my butt.
283
00:13:22,739 --> 00:13:25,072
(Chittering)
284
00:13:27,476 --> 00:13:30,111
Well, that genius just
walked into the cage.
285
00:13:30,113 --> 00:13:31,779
(Chuckling) Ha!
286
00:13:31,781 --> 00:13:32,914
I own you, Chucky!
287
00:13:32,916 --> 00:13:34,315
(Hisses) (Gasps)
288
00:13:34,317 --> 00:13:36,184
I mean, we cool, we cool.
289
00:13:36,186 --> 00:13:37,385
(Chittering)
290
00:13:40,689 --> 00:13:42,824
If you're really not Santa, prove it.
291
00:13:44,259 --> 00:13:47,295
Jorge, Tiffany, I told you
to leave this poor man alone.
292
00:13:47,297 --> 00:13:49,764
I've been asking them to leave
for three hours straight.
293
00:13:49,766 --> 00:13:51,732
Well, with a couple of cookie breaks.
294
00:13:53,368 --> 00:13:54,669
Yeah, sorry.
295
00:13:54,671 --> 00:13:58,239
We would have been here sooner,
but, you know, this one.
296
00:14:00,909 --> 00:14:02,710
I apologize, sir.
297
00:14:02,712 --> 00:14:05,146
For some strange reason,
they've convinced themselves
298
00:14:05,148 --> 00:14:06,781
You're Santa claus. (Chuckles)
299
00:14:06,783 --> 00:14:11,786
Hey, if I had a magic sleigh, I'd
be flying over Halle Berry's house.
300
00:14:11,788 --> 00:14:16,390
Come on, if you're really not
Santa, explain all the cookies.
301
00:14:16,392 --> 00:14:19,193
So I don't always make
the best dietary choices.
302
00:14:19,195 --> 00:14:21,128
Who are you, my cardiologist?
303
00:14:22,998 --> 00:14:25,499
Then you're really not Santa?
304
00:14:25,501 --> 00:14:28,970
No! So scram! Back to your camp!
305
00:14:28,972 --> 00:14:30,872
Better yet, take Mr. Carrot Cake
306
00:14:30,874 --> 00:14:33,808
all the way back to
Denver, where he came from.
307
00:14:33,810 --> 00:14:37,311
Wait, how'd you know I'm from Denver?
308
00:14:37,846 --> 00:14:40,147
Uh...
309
00:14:40,149 --> 00:14:42,683
You must have mentioned
it in all of your yapping.
310
00:14:42,685 --> 00:14:43,885
No, he didn't.
311
00:14:43,887 --> 00:14:45,519
I didn't even know he was from Denver.
312
00:14:45,521 --> 00:14:46,821
Me, either.
313
00:14:46,823 --> 00:14:49,824
Any chance you'd believe
it was a lucky guess?
314
00:14:49,826 --> 00:14:52,994
You knew because you are Santa Claus!
315
00:14:53,562 --> 00:14:55,263
Not exactly.
316
00:14:55,265 --> 00:14:57,198
I was Santa Claus.
317
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,000
But not anymore.
318
00:14:59,002 --> 00:15:00,668
I'm done with Christmas.
319
00:15:05,407 --> 00:15:08,943
Santa, what do you mean
you're done with Christmas?
320
00:15:08,945 --> 00:15:11,579
The world doesn't need me anymore.
321
00:15:11,581 --> 00:15:14,081
These days you go online,
and with a click of a mouse,
322
00:15:14,083 --> 00:15:17,585
a delivery man in short pants
drops a toy at your door.
323
00:15:17,587 --> 00:15:21,255
We probably shouldn't mention
the same-day delivery drones.
324
00:15:21,257 --> 00:15:23,858
I wouldn't.
325
00:15:23,860 --> 00:15:27,395
So kids can get toys without
me flying around the world,
326
00:15:27,397 --> 00:15:31,599
busting my hump, defying
the laws of physics.
327
00:15:31,601 --> 00:15:32,934
But... But, nothing.
328
00:15:32,936 --> 00:15:36,003
My pulmonologist says I'm
this close to black lung.
329
00:15:37,706 --> 00:15:42,209
So I'm done going down chimneys, and
I'm done with this conversation.
330
00:15:42,211 --> 00:15:44,078
Now get out of here.
331
00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:45,046
Come on, guys.
332
00:15:45,048 --> 00:15:51,152
And Xander, try using that compass I
left under your tree three years ago.
333
00:15:51,154 --> 00:15:53,821
I would, but I can't find it.
334
00:15:58,393 --> 00:16:01,896
I can't believe Santa has
lost his Christmas spirit.
335
00:16:01,898 --> 00:16:03,931
We have to do something.
336
00:16:03,933 --> 00:16:06,067
I know how we can help Santa.
337
00:16:06,069 --> 00:16:08,569
Find him a dietitian?
Introduce him to Halle Berry?
338
00:16:09,972 --> 00:16:11,072
No.
339
00:16:11,074 --> 00:16:17,011
Santa thinks he just brings presents,
but he brings more than that,
340
00:16:17,013 --> 00:16:19,914
more than any delivery man can.
341
00:16:19,916 --> 00:16:23,417
And I know how to prove it
to him, and save Christmas!
342
00:16:23,419 --> 00:16:26,120
Great. Tell us on the
way back to camp. Yeah.
343
00:16:26,122 --> 00:16:28,356
And to guide us, we'll
just follow the North Star.
344
00:16:28,358 --> 00:16:29,757
That's an airplane.
345
00:16:33,736 --> 00:16:35,496
No need to help, Ravi.
(Woodchuck chittering)
346
00:16:35,498 --> 00:16:36,864
I got it.
347
00:16:38,033 --> 00:16:39,967
(Woodchuck hissing)
348
00:16:39,969 --> 00:16:43,938
I would help, but I gave
my gloves to Mrs. Kipling.
349
00:16:43,940 --> 00:16:46,707
Why? Because she wanted them.
350
00:16:46,709 --> 00:16:50,111
So I had to choose between
fingerless gloves or fingerless hands.
351
00:16:51,446 --> 00:16:52,813
Where's Lou?
352
00:16:52,815 --> 00:16:53,981
I can't wait to give this woodchuck to her.
353
00:16:53,983 --> 00:16:55,649
(Woodchuck chittering and hissing)
354
00:16:55,651 --> 00:16:58,719
Listen, pal, if you don't cool
it, Lou's getting a fur coat!
355
00:16:58,721 --> 00:17:01,088
(Woodchuck chittering)
356
00:17:01,090 --> 00:17:03,024
All in good time.
357
00:17:03,026 --> 00:17:05,659
Lou wants to give you her present first.
358
00:17:05,661 --> 00:17:11,032
I present to you a
performance piece called Emma.
359
00:17:11,034 --> 00:17:13,134
(Music playing)
360
00:17:16,238 --> 00:17:19,673
This sapphire-eyed personification
361
00:17:19,675 --> 00:17:23,944
of the aesthetic ideal the
universe birthed upon us.
362
00:17:25,747 --> 00:17:28,582
Wind. Rain. Fire.
363
00:17:28,584 --> 00:17:29,784
Emma.
364
00:17:31,753 --> 00:17:33,988
Ravi, what is she doing?
365
00:17:35,057 --> 00:17:38,092
Giving you an experience You
will never forget. (Chuckles)
366
00:17:38,660 --> 00:17:39,960
I'll say.
367
00:17:42,030 --> 00:17:47,001
Alien to these woods, she
took like a fish to water.
368
00:17:48,170 --> 00:17:51,072
Like a bird to air.
369
00:17:51,074 --> 00:17:54,909
Like a flying fish to air or water.
370
00:17:57,846 --> 00:18:01,449
Before Emma, I was a tea pot.
371
00:18:01,451 --> 00:18:04,718
So short. So stout.
372
00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:07,221
Caught in a desperate
spiral of hopelessness...
373
00:18:07,223 --> 00:18:08,489
Oops!
374
00:18:10,192 --> 00:18:13,027
But then... Emma.
375
00:18:17,699 --> 00:18:19,066
Profound, Lou!
376
00:18:19,068 --> 00:18:21,102
Absolutely breathtaking!
377
00:18:21,104 --> 00:18:22,937
(Laughs)
378
00:18:22,939 --> 00:18:25,339
So, Emma, what'd you think of your gift?
379
00:18:26,141 --> 00:18:29,143
I'm speechless.
380
00:18:29,145 --> 00:18:30,644
Because you loved it so much?
381
00:18:31,379 --> 00:18:33,380
Yeah, let's go with that.
382
00:18:33,382 --> 00:18:34,882
How about you open your gift?
383
00:18:39,921 --> 00:18:41,155
(Gasps)
384
00:18:41,923 --> 00:18:44,992
Wow, you got me a cage
385
00:18:45,494 --> 00:18:47,261
With poop. (Chuckles)
386
00:18:47,263 --> 00:18:50,097
No! There was a woodchuck
in there making that poop.
387
00:18:50,099 --> 00:18:51,398
That was your present.
388
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:54,468
Oh, well, thank you, but
I don't think that'd be
389
00:18:54,470 --> 00:18:56,137
the best thing to keep in the cabin.
390
00:18:56,139 --> 00:18:57,972
I mean, they have been
known to carry rabies.
391
00:19:01,117 --> 00:19:03,677
I should have just gone with that
picture frame I was making you.
392
00:19:03,679 --> 00:19:05,279
(Scoffs) Lame.
393
00:19:05,281 --> 00:19:07,248
I would've loved that.
394
00:19:07,250 --> 00:19:10,084
I was making a perfume for you. Lamer.
395
00:19:11,586 --> 00:19:14,822
But Ravi said that you
liked interpretive dance
396
00:19:14,824 --> 00:19:16,457
because you went to all of his shows.
397
00:19:16,459 --> 00:19:19,093
I only went because Mom always
bought me a diamond afterwards.
398
00:19:21,263 --> 00:19:23,297
That is hurtful.
399
00:19:23,299 --> 00:19:26,367
I should channel my pain into a poem.
400
00:19:26,369 --> 00:19:29,203
I am out like the wind.
401
00:19:29,205 --> 00:19:32,106
(Blabbering)
402
00:19:33,508 --> 00:19:36,277
Lou, seeing how much work you
put into that poem and dance,
403
00:19:36,279 --> 00:19:38,279
shows just how much you care about me.
404
00:19:38,281 --> 00:19:40,214
And that makes it a really great present.
405
00:19:40,216 --> 00:19:41,115
So, thank you.
406
00:19:41,117 --> 00:19:45,920
(Gasps) And you chasing around a possibly
rabid woodchuck means a lot to me.
407
00:19:46,788 --> 00:19:48,122
Thank you.
408
00:19:50,225 --> 00:19:52,326
Well, I guess we've
learned, sometimes the gift
409
00:19:52,328 --> 00:19:53,961
isn't really about the actual present.
410
00:19:53,963 --> 00:19:55,963
And that we should never listen to Ravi.
411
00:19:59,834 --> 00:20:03,704
Oh, no. Santa put up an electrified fence.
412
00:20:03,706 --> 00:20:06,540
Don't worry, I have a plan.
413
00:20:06,542 --> 00:20:10,144
We just have to climb twenty feet up
that tree, shimmy across that branch,
414
00:20:10,146 --> 00:20:12,413
then swing ourselves over the barbed wire.
415
00:20:12,415 --> 00:20:14,248
Or, we could do this.
416
00:20:18,220 --> 00:20:20,287
Okay, if you want to take
all the fun out of it.
417
00:20:23,992 --> 00:20:27,695
All right, now we just have to scale
that rain gutter, traverse the roof line,
418
00:20:27,697 --> 00:20:30,364
then slither down the chimney,
while holding our breath.
419
00:20:30,366 --> 00:20:33,133
That way, we don't inhale
any toxic carcinogens.
420
00:20:34,402 --> 00:20:37,605
Or, we could use the key
under his "Go Away" mat.
421
00:20:42,677 --> 00:20:45,379
It's not my problem you're all out of jobs.
422
00:20:45,381 --> 00:20:47,615
Can't you go make cookies and trees?
423
00:20:47,617 --> 00:20:50,017
Or get gigs as Oompa Loompas, or somethin'?
424
00:20:52,621 --> 00:20:54,121
Whoa.
425
00:20:55,624 --> 00:20:56,991
Presents?
426
00:20:57,225 --> 00:20:58,759
For me?
427
00:20:58,761 --> 00:21:00,194
But... How?
428
00:21:02,197 --> 00:21:03,797
(Laughing)
429
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,368
All: Merry Christmas!
430
00:21:08,270 --> 00:21:09,770
You guys did this?
431
00:21:09,772 --> 00:21:12,273
Yup. It was all Jorge's idea.
432
00:21:12,275 --> 00:21:14,375
I realized you're the only one
433
00:21:14,377 --> 00:21:17,945
who has never felt the
magic of Christmas morning.
434
00:21:17,947 --> 00:21:21,315
Well, not the only one.
435
00:21:21,317 --> 00:21:26,387
So we wanted to give you the same
special feeling you give us every year.
436
00:21:26,389 --> 00:21:28,389
You were wrong. The world does need you.
437
00:21:29,090 --> 00:21:30,624
Jorge: You're Santa.
438
00:21:30,626 --> 00:21:35,229
You don't just bring kids
toys, you bring kids joy.
439
00:21:35,231 --> 00:21:36,864
No one else can do what you do.
440
00:21:37,732 --> 00:21:39,066
Wow.
441
00:21:39,068 --> 00:21:42,770
I'm not used to kids showing
me the meanin' of Christmas.
442
00:21:42,772 --> 00:21:44,071
Thank you.
443
00:21:44,073 --> 00:21:45,639
(Laughing)
444
00:21:45,641 --> 00:21:48,409
Santa is back in the Santa business.
445
00:21:48,411 --> 00:21:49,910
(All cheering)
446
00:21:49,912 --> 00:21:53,247
And you guys are definitely
at the top of the Nice list!
447
00:21:53,249 --> 00:21:54,448
What about me?
448
00:21:54,450 --> 00:21:56,617
Will I finally be getting
a present this year?
449
00:21:56,619 --> 00:21:58,285
This year?
450
00:21:58,287 --> 00:22:00,354
I've given you presents every year.
451
00:22:00,855 --> 00:22:02,022
You have?
452
00:22:02,024 --> 00:22:03,991
But I've never made it onto your
453
00:22:03,993 --> 00:22:07,328
"Had a Paper Published In
an Ivy League Journal" list.
454
00:22:07,330 --> 00:22:09,396
Yeah, that's not a thing.
455
00:22:11,366 --> 00:22:15,235
And your mother's on the Naughty List
for lying to you and hiding your gifts.
456
00:22:15,470 --> 00:22:16,870
Mother!
457
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:21,041
I just have one favor to ask you guys.
458
00:22:21,043 --> 00:22:22,443
Okay, okay.
459
00:22:22,445 --> 00:22:24,978
I'll stop farting on Ravi's pillow.
460
00:22:24,980 --> 00:22:26,847
Not that, that's hilarious.
461
00:22:28,316 --> 00:22:30,684
Not a word about this to anyone.
462
00:22:30,686 --> 00:22:34,488
Because the whole cranky Santa
thing would be bad for your rep?
463
00:22:34,490 --> 00:22:38,359
That, and I don't want Mrs. Claus
knowing I have a summer place.
464
00:22:38,361 --> 00:22:40,027
(Chuckles)
465
00:22:40,029 --> 00:22:41,729
Hey, what are you doing
standing around talking?
466
00:22:41,731 --> 00:22:43,497
Open your dang presents.
467
00:22:43,499 --> 00:22:44,765
Ho, ho, ho!
468
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:47,468
Let's see. (LAUGHS)
469
00:22:47,470 --> 00:22:50,704
Ah. Eh, socks.
470
00:22:56,177 --> 00:22:57,511
Who wants more popcorn?
471
00:22:57,513 --> 00:22:58,645
All: I do!
472
00:22:58,647 --> 00:23:00,581
(Woodchuck chittering)
473
00:23:00,583 --> 00:23:01,915
Dang, that woodchuck is good.
474
00:23:02,484 --> 00:23:04,585
(Bells jingling)
475
00:23:04,587 --> 00:23:08,389
Hey, does anyone else hear sleigh bells?
476
00:23:09,891 --> 00:23:11,992
As a matter of fact, I do.
477
00:23:12,594 --> 00:23:14,061
From up there.
478
00:23:14,429 --> 00:23:16,430
Oh.
479
00:23:16,432 --> 00:23:18,532
Did you guys just see that?
480
00:23:18,534 --> 00:23:20,534
Was that what I thought it was?
481
00:23:20,536 --> 00:23:22,503
Yep, it was a shooting star.
482
00:23:23,772 --> 00:23:25,439
Santa: Ho, ho, ho!
483
00:23:26,741 --> 00:23:28,342
With a sense of humor.
484
00:23:28,392 --> 00:23:32,942
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