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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:02:25,708 --> 00:02:28,040 Hi. Welcome to the future. 2 00:02:28,208 --> 00:02:31,499 San Dimas, California, 2688, 3 00:02:31,750 --> 00:02:33,999 and I'm telling you, it's great here. 4 00:02:34,250 --> 00:02:36,582 The air is clean. The water's clean. 5 00:02:36,833 --> 00:02:39,540 Even the dirt is clean. 6 00:02:39,791 --> 00:02:41,499 Bowling averages are way up. 7 00:02:41,750 --> 00:02:43,874 Mini-golf scores are way down. 8 00:02:44,125 --> 00:02:46,249 And we have more excellent water slides 9 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,999 than any other planet we communicate with. 10 00:02:49,250 --> 00:02:52,040 I'm telling you, this place is great. 11 00:02:52,291 --> 00:02:53,832 But it almost wasn't. 12 00:02:54,083 --> 00:02:59,832 You see, 700 years ago, the two great ones ran into a few problems. 13 00:03:00,041 --> 00:03:02,707 So now I have to travel back in time to help them out. 14 00:03:04,041 --> 00:03:06,499 If I should fail to keep these two on the correct path, 15 00:03:06,750 --> 00:03:08,749 the basis of our society will be in danger. 16 00:03:09,333 --> 00:03:11,832 Don't worry, it'll all make sense. I'm a professional. 17 00:03:12,083 --> 00:03:15,707 I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire. 18 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:17,415 And I'm Ted "Theo..." 19 00:03:18,875 --> 00:03:21,540 - Bill, here, you take it. - OK. 20 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:29,040 - And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan. - Yeah! 21 00:03:34,125 --> 00:03:37,957 And we're Wyld Stallyns! 22 00:03:49,125 --> 00:03:50,207 Let's bail. 23 00:04:00,125 --> 00:04:01,665 We blew it. 24 00:04:02,666 --> 00:04:04,707 Guess we used too much power. 25 00:04:04,875 --> 00:04:06,832 I liked it. 26 00:04:07,958 --> 00:04:13,665 Ted, while I agree that in time our band will be most triumphant, 27 00:04:13,916 --> 00:04:16,749 the truth is, Wyld Stallyns will never be a super band 28 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:18,957 until we have Eddie Van Halen on guitar. 29 00:04:19,666 --> 00:04:23,374 Yes, Bill, but... I do not believe we will get Eddie Van Halen 30 00:04:23,583 --> 00:04:25,249 until we have a triumphant video. 31 00:04:25,875 --> 00:04:28,082 Ted, it's pointless to have a triumphant video 32 00:04:28,291 --> 00:04:30,874 before we even have decent instruments. 33 00:04:31,125 --> 00:04:34,207 Well, how can we have decent instruments when we don't really even know how to play? 34 00:04:34,833 --> 00:04:36,832 That is why we need Eddie Van Halen. 35 00:04:37,083 --> 00:04:39,915 And that is why we need a triumphant video. 36 00:04:42,083 --> 00:04:43,332 - Excellent! - Excellent! 37 00:04:46,666 --> 00:04:48,165 Uh-oh. 38 00:04:48,291 --> 00:04:49,999 - We're late. - For what? 39 00:04:50,250 --> 00:04:52,957 - For school, dude. - Oh, yeah. 40 00:05:01,958 --> 00:05:04,040 Bill, I'm waiting. 41 00:05:06,416 --> 00:05:07,332 He's dead? 42 00:05:09,375 --> 00:05:11,707 So Bill, what you're telling me, essentially, 43 00:05:11,958 --> 00:05:16,874 is that Napoleon was a short, dead dude. 44 00:05:18,625 --> 00:05:19,790 Well, yeah. 45 00:05:20,708 --> 00:05:22,415 You totally blew it, dude. 46 00:05:22,666 --> 00:05:24,790 - Ted, stand up. - Stand up? 47 00:05:24,916 --> 00:05:26,290 Yes, son, stand up. 48 00:05:29,208 --> 00:05:32,624 Now... who was Joan of Arc? 49 00:05:35,375 --> 00:05:36,749 Noah's wife? 50 00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:45,374 Listen guys, don't forget, tomorrow, final report, 1:30 to 3:30, OK? 51 00:05:51,333 --> 00:05:52,832 Hey, guys. 52 00:05:55,958 --> 00:05:59,249 Mr. Ryan, before you say anything, 53 00:05:59,500 --> 00:06:04,749 my distinguished colleague Ted and I wish to express to you our thanks 54 00:06:04,916 --> 00:06:07,290 for all the things we have learned in your class. 55 00:06:08,333 --> 00:06:09,540 And what have you learned? 56 00:06:12,458 --> 00:06:14,290 We have, uh... 57 00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:17,457 We've learned that the world has a great history. 58 00:06:18,083 --> 00:06:21,540 Yes, and that thanks to great leaders 59 00:06:21,750 --> 00:06:24,707 Such as... Genghis Khan, 60 00:06:24,916 --> 00:06:27,415 Joan of Arc, and Socratic Method, 61 00:06:27,666 --> 00:06:31,624 the world is... full of history. 62 00:06:34,791 --> 00:06:36,540 It seems to me the only thing you have learned 63 00:06:36,750 --> 00:06:40,249 is that Caesar... 64 00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:42,415 is a salad dressing dude. 65 00:06:43,958 --> 00:06:46,082 Bill, Ted, this is really quite simple. 66 00:06:46,291 --> 00:06:48,415 You have flunked every section of this class. 67 00:06:49,916 --> 00:06:53,624 Now unless you get an A-plus on your final oral report tomorrow... 68 00:06:54,750 --> 00:06:57,832 ...guys, I have no choice but to flunk the both of you. 69 00:06:58,958 --> 00:07:02,332 Now you know your topics, so I would suggest that you at least 70 00:07:02,583 --> 00:07:06,665 cover those areas if you want to pass the course. 71 00:07:07,416 --> 00:07:09,624 - Understand? - Yes, sir. 72 00:07:10,250 --> 00:07:11,457 OK. 73 00:07:13,791 --> 00:07:14,915 Guys. 74 00:07:15,208 --> 00:07:19,874 Your report had better be something very special. 75 00:07:22,791 --> 00:07:24,040 Ah, man. 76 00:07:26,458 --> 00:07:29,415 Well, what are we supposed to know for our report? 77 00:07:29,625 --> 00:07:30,707 I'm not sure. 78 00:07:30,916 --> 00:07:34,124 One thing I know is that Joan of Arc is not Noah's wife. 79 00:07:34,333 --> 00:07:37,082 Well then, who is Noah's wife? 80 00:07:37,333 --> 00:07:38,832 I don't know, Ted. 81 00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:41,790 But I do know we're in serious trouble. 82 00:07:42,041 --> 00:07:44,165 Listen to this: 83 00:07:44,416 --> 00:07:47,374 "Express to the class how an important historical figure 84 00:07:47,625 --> 00:07:53,040 "from each of your time periods would view the world of San Dimas, 1988." 85 00:07:54,791 --> 00:07:58,124 We are in danger of flunking most heinously tomorrow, Ted. 86 00:07:59,458 --> 00:08:01,124 Hi, Bill. Want a ride? 87 00:08:01,375 --> 00:08:02,249 Sure, Missy. 88 00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:04,665 I mean, Mom. 89 00:08:07,791 --> 00:08:09,915 - Your stepmom's cute. - Shut up, Ted. 90 00:08:10,166 --> 00:08:11,790 Remember when she was a senior and we were freshmen? 91 00:08:12,041 --> 00:08:13,332 Shut up, Ted! 92 00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:22,665 I'll be right back, as soon as I get my books. 93 00:08:34,041 --> 00:08:35,374 Ted. 94 00:08:36,375 --> 00:08:38,082 What are you doing home, Dad? 95 00:08:38,291 --> 00:08:40,082 - I'm looking for my keys. - Oh. 96 00:08:40,375 --> 00:08:42,207 You haven't done anything with them, have you? 97 00:08:43,666 --> 00:08:44,874 No, sir. 98 00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:47,207 I spoke to your principal today, Ted. 99 00:08:47,458 --> 00:08:49,165 He said you're failing history. 100 00:08:49,416 --> 00:08:51,290 - Me and Bill... - He also said 101 00:08:51,416 --> 00:08:53,915 that if you fail history, you flunk out of school. 102 00:08:55,541 --> 00:08:57,915 You know what that would mean, don't you, Ted? 103 00:08:58,708 --> 00:09:02,040 That I would have to go to Oats Military Academy, sir. 104 00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:05,540 Uh-huh. I spoke to Colonel Oats this morning. 105 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,915 He's anxious to meet you, Ted. 106 00:09:25,958 --> 00:09:29,915 Dude, we gotta pass. Otherwise there's no more band. 107 00:09:30,166 --> 00:09:31,249 Why? 108 00:09:31,541 --> 00:09:34,290 My dad's sending me to military school. 109 00:09:34,541 --> 00:09:36,082 Where? 110 00:09:37,458 --> 00:09:38,957 Alaska. 111 00:09:40,291 --> 00:09:41,707 Alaska... 112 00:09:48,791 --> 00:09:49,832 It is time. 113 00:09:49,958 --> 00:09:52,832 Their separation is imminent. 114 00:10:22,583 --> 00:10:24,290 Be excellent to each other. 115 00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:28,040 Party on, dude. 116 00:10:56,541 --> 00:10:58,415 OK, Ted. George Washington. 117 00:10:58,666 --> 00:11:00,957 One: the father of our country. 118 00:11:01,208 --> 00:11:03,874 Two: born on President's Day. 119 00:11:04,125 --> 00:11:06,874 Three: the dollar bill guy. 120 00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:08,790 Bill, you ever made a mushroom out of his head? 121 00:11:09,041 --> 00:11:11,332 Ted... Alaska. 122 00:11:13,458 --> 00:11:16,707 OK. Um... 123 00:11:18,208 --> 00:11:20,249 Had wooden teeth, chased Moby Dick. 124 00:11:21,583 --> 00:11:23,624 That's Captain Ahab, dude. 125 00:11:25,166 --> 00:11:29,040 Oh, wait. Remember Disney World, the Hall of Presidents? 126 00:11:29,291 --> 00:11:31,165 Yeah, good, what'd he say? 127 00:11:32,416 --> 00:11:34,624 "Welcome to the Hall of Presidents." 128 00:11:36,375 --> 00:11:39,124 Hi, I brought you guys some food. 129 00:11:50,791 --> 00:11:52,790 It's your mom, dude! 130 00:11:53,833 --> 00:11:54,999 How's it going, guys? 131 00:11:56,458 --> 00:11:57,665 Bad. 132 00:11:58,583 --> 00:12:01,707 We are destined to flunk most egregiously tomorrow. 133 00:12:01,958 --> 00:12:06,790 And I am destined to end up at Oats Military Academy. 134 00:12:07,041 --> 00:12:09,457 And then we will never start our band. 135 00:12:11,375 --> 00:12:14,707 Good. Good. 136 00:12:19,833 --> 00:12:22,457 - What are you guys studying anyway? - History. 137 00:12:23,291 --> 00:12:24,540 - Mr. Ryan? - Uh-huh. 138 00:12:24,791 --> 00:12:26,665 Tell him, "hi". 139 00:12:26,875 --> 00:12:29,915 Why don't you guys take a dinner break? 140 00:12:31,291 --> 00:12:32,415 Thanks, Dad. 141 00:12:46,750 --> 00:12:49,915 Now your dad's going for it... in your own room! 142 00:12:50,166 --> 00:12:51,874 Shut up, Ted. 143 00:12:52,125 --> 00:12:55,040 - Your stepmom is cute, though. - Shut up, Ted. 144 00:12:55,291 --> 00:12:56,624 Remember when I asked her to the prom? 145 00:12:56,875 --> 00:12:58,374 Shut up, Ted! 146 00:13:00,625 --> 00:13:04,832 1275, 1275, 1275... 147 00:13:07,291 --> 00:13:09,415 OK, the lady in that car over there 148 00:13:09,666 --> 00:13:13,249 said that Marco Polo was in the year 1275. 149 00:13:13,458 --> 00:13:16,082 So it's not just a water sport, I knew it. 150 00:13:17,291 --> 00:13:20,707 Excuse me, when did the Mongols rule China? 151 00:13:21,625 --> 00:13:23,582 I don't know. I just work here. 152 00:13:28,458 --> 00:13:30,749 Well, you wanna try the Thrifty Mart? 153 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:31,874 Sure. 154 00:13:47,333 --> 00:13:48,790 Whoa! 155 00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:55,999 Not bad. 156 00:14:00,291 --> 00:14:02,957 Greetings, my excellent friends. 157 00:14:04,458 --> 00:14:06,665 Do you know when the Mongols ruled China? 158 00:14:06,916 --> 00:14:11,124 Well... perhaps we could ask them. 159 00:14:14,375 --> 00:14:17,249 Bill S. Preston, Esquire... 160 00:14:18,875 --> 00:14:20,874 ...and Ted "Theodore" Logan. 161 00:14:21,750 --> 00:14:25,457 Gentlemen, I'm here to help you with your history report. 162 00:14:26,416 --> 00:14:27,540 What? 163 00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:29,040 How? 164 00:14:29,333 --> 00:14:31,915 Whoa! 165 00:14:32,041 --> 00:14:33,957 - Whoo! - I hate that part. 166 00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,415 - Bill? - What? 167 00:14:37,625 --> 00:14:41,124 Strange things are afoot at the Circle K. 168 00:14:46,958 --> 00:14:49,540 Dudes, you guys are gonna go back in time. 169 00:14:49,791 --> 00:14:50,707 Yeah! 170 00:14:50,916 --> 00:14:54,957 You are going to have a most excellent adventure through history. 171 00:14:55,166 --> 00:14:58,624 - Who are you guys? - We're you, dude! 172 00:14:58,875 --> 00:15:02,624 No way. No way! 173 00:15:02,750 --> 00:15:05,874 - Yes way, Ted! - Look, we know how you feel. 174 00:15:06,125 --> 00:15:08,249 We didn't believe it either when we were you 175 00:15:08,458 --> 00:15:11,207 and we-us said what we-us are saying right now. 176 00:15:11,416 --> 00:15:16,082 OK wait, if you guys are really us... 177 00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:19,415 ...what number are we thinking of? 178 00:15:20,625 --> 00:15:22,582 Sixty-nine, dudes! 179 00:15:24,416 --> 00:15:25,665 Whoa! 180 00:15:29,625 --> 00:15:31,290 Look, we've gotta go. 181 00:15:31,416 --> 00:15:34,040 Yeah, we gotta get back to the report. 182 00:15:34,291 --> 00:15:35,874 Rufus! 183 00:15:36,875 --> 00:15:39,790 Listen to this dude, Rufus. He knows what he's talking about. 184 00:15:40,041 --> 00:15:43,624 Right. Oh, and Ted, give my love to the princesses. 185 00:15:44,458 --> 00:15:47,165 - Who? - You'll see. 186 00:15:48,583 --> 00:15:50,707 Gentleman... is everything all right? 187 00:15:50,916 --> 00:15:53,540 Yeah, except, how come... 188 00:15:54,291 --> 00:15:57,290 Ted, don't forget to wind your watch! 189 00:15:59,708 --> 00:16:01,790 Thanks, Rufus. 190 00:16:03,291 --> 00:16:05,415 Catch ya later, Bill and Ted. 191 00:16:17,083 --> 00:16:19,874 Dude, are you sure we should be doing this? 192 00:16:20,750 --> 00:16:23,874 Ted, you and I have witnessed many things, 193 00:16:24,125 --> 00:16:28,040 but nothing as bodacious as what just happened. 194 00:16:28,208 --> 00:16:30,624 Besides, we told ourselves to listen to this guy. 195 00:16:32,083 --> 00:16:33,582 What if we were lying? 196 00:16:36,416 --> 00:16:38,124 Why would we lie to ourselves? 197 00:16:44,125 --> 00:16:45,707 How are you gonna help us? 198 00:16:45,958 --> 00:16:48,249 Yeah, are you gonna call someone and get the answers? 199 00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:50,749 Gentlemen, we're gonna do a lot more than that. 200 00:16:53,583 --> 00:16:56,415 Whoa. Excellent. 201 00:16:59,041 --> 00:17:00,874 Brace yourselves, amigos. 202 00:17:10,041 --> 00:17:11,082 Gentlemen... 203 00:17:13,291 --> 00:17:14,165 ...we're history. 204 00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:26,124 Rufus, where are we, dude? 205 00:17:27,041 --> 00:17:29,040 These are the circuits of history, gentlemen. 206 00:17:29,291 --> 00:17:31,582 They'll take us to any point in time we wish. 207 00:17:32,083 --> 00:17:33,874 How? 208 00:17:34,125 --> 00:17:36,540 Modern technology, William. 209 00:17:36,750 --> 00:17:39,040 Whoa! 210 00:17:54,458 --> 00:17:58,332 - That was most unprecedented, Rufus. - Yeah. 211 00:18:00,291 --> 00:18:01,832 But where are we, Rufus? 212 00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:08,082 Austria, 1805. The French have just invaded. 213 00:18:11,250 --> 00:18:13,457 Bill, check it out! 214 00:18:14,291 --> 00:18:16,749 We're in the middle of a war, dude! 215 00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:31,957 Amigos, time to depart. 216 00:18:34,416 --> 00:18:36,374 How's it going, dude? 217 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,999 Blow them up. 218 00:18:41,583 --> 00:18:42,582 MOVE IT! 219 00:19:11,125 --> 00:19:12,457 Now where are we, dude? 220 00:19:13,791 --> 00:19:15,540 Oh, it's my house. 221 00:19:15,791 --> 00:19:20,207 Rufus, can we go anywhere we want, at any time? 222 00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:23,499 Gentlemen, you can do anything you want, as long as you remember this: 223 00:19:23,750 --> 00:19:27,707 no matter what happens, you must get to that report. Got it? 224 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,457 All right, amigos, that book will give you the number 225 00:19:31,625 --> 00:19:36,082 of any place you want to go. Now, most important, 226 00:19:36,291 --> 00:19:38,790 no matter what you do, no matter where you go, 227 00:19:39,041 --> 00:19:44,624 that clock, the clock in San Dimas, is always running. Got it? 228 00:19:44,875 --> 00:19:48,124 - Yeah. - All right, time for me to go. 229 00:19:48,250 --> 00:19:49,665 What do you mean, Rufus? 230 00:19:49,875 --> 00:19:51,540 Yeah, aren't you coming with us? 231 00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:54,540 Gentlemen, you're on your own. 232 00:20:08,791 --> 00:20:11,749 - Ted? - What? 233 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,707 This has been a most unusual day. 234 00:20:23,875 --> 00:20:27,290 - Ted, it's Napoleon. - Who? 235 00:20:27,541 --> 00:20:30,374 The short, dead dude from our history review. 236 00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:33,832 Ted, I have a most excellent idea. 237 00:20:34,083 --> 00:20:36,332 Grab his legs, we gotta get him inside. 238 00:20:38,416 --> 00:20:40,832 I think I've figured out a way to pass our report. 239 00:20:41,041 --> 00:20:42,040 How? 240 00:20:42,291 --> 00:20:44,374 Well, we've got one historical figure here. 241 00:20:44,583 --> 00:20:46,707 Maybe we can go back and get some more. 242 00:20:46,958 --> 00:20:48,124 Yeah! 243 00:20:48,833 --> 00:20:51,582 Deacon, you have to watch this guy. 244 00:20:51,833 --> 00:20:56,249 His name is Napoleon. He is a very famous French dude. 245 00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:59,165 We have decided to collect other important figures from history 246 00:20:59,375 --> 00:21:00,999 for an oral report we are doing. 247 00:21:01,250 --> 00:21:04,624 While we are gone, you are not to let him out of your sight. 248 00:21:04,833 --> 00:21:06,624 Here is some money. 249 00:21:06,875 --> 00:21:08,749 Take him to the movies or something. 250 00:21:15,958 --> 00:21:20,207 Napoleon, I am Bill. 251 00:21:21,958 --> 00:21:25,040 We'll take you back to France after you tell us what you think of San Dimas. 252 00:21:25,833 --> 00:21:28,624 - This is Ted's little brother, Deacon. - Hi. 253 00:21:28,875 --> 00:21:30,290 He'll take care of you. 254 00:21:34,125 --> 00:21:36,374 - Ready, Ted? - Ready, Bill. 255 00:21:36,583 --> 00:21:39,165 Let's go back into history. 256 00:21:43,916 --> 00:21:45,999 This should be most triumphant. 257 00:21:47,333 --> 00:21:48,832 I want to speak with you, son. 258 00:21:50,416 --> 00:21:52,082 Alone, please, Bill? 259 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:56,457 All right, sit down. 260 00:21:59,708 --> 00:22:01,749 What am I gonna do with you, huh? You can't... 261 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:03,040 Great. 262 00:22:03,541 --> 00:22:06,457 You lose my keys. You fail history. 263 00:22:06,625 --> 00:22:08,415 You spend all your time with your loser friend 264 00:22:08,666 --> 00:22:10,499 planning a band that'll never happen. 265 00:22:10,750 --> 00:22:13,040 Now you're not to leave this house again until tomorrow morning. 266 00:22:18,291 --> 00:22:19,999 - Yes? - Captain Logan? 267 00:22:20,250 --> 00:22:23,374 This is Deputy Van Halen down at the station. 268 00:22:23,666 --> 00:22:24,707 Deputy Van Halen? 269 00:22:27,958 --> 00:22:31,499 I'm new, dude...sir. 270 00:22:31,750 --> 00:22:34,374 Look, we found your keys, 271 00:22:34,625 --> 00:22:38,207 and if you want 'em, you better come and get 'em. 272 00:22:41,333 --> 00:22:44,874 When I get back from the station, I want you packed and ready to go. 273 00:22:45,125 --> 00:22:46,082 Got it? 274 00:22:53,333 --> 00:22:55,165 We are in serious trouble. 275 00:22:55,458 --> 00:22:58,540 My dad already signed me up, my plane leaves tomorrow night. 276 00:22:59,625 --> 00:23:01,749 Only if we fail, dude. 277 00:23:06,208 --> 00:23:07,707 No way! 278 00:23:09,291 --> 00:23:13,082 OK, we got Sigmund Frood, Beeth-oven... Uh... 279 00:23:13,291 --> 00:23:17,582 Is there one for Western Movement in America in the 19th Century? 280 00:23:18,833 --> 00:23:19,874 Yeah! 281 00:23:20,125 --> 00:23:21,582 Well then... 282 00:23:23,458 --> 00:23:25,332 ...let's reach out and touch someone. 283 00:24:14,791 --> 00:24:16,540 How's it going, Old West Dude? 284 00:24:18,875 --> 00:24:21,707 Hey, Bill, this is just like Frontierland. 285 00:24:21,958 --> 00:24:24,249 Yeah, but you can get shot here, Ted. 286 00:24:24,458 --> 00:24:25,707 Oh. 287 00:24:25,958 --> 00:24:28,540 - Just try to act natural. - OK. 288 00:24:32,333 --> 00:24:33,790 - Howdy, partner. - Howdy. 289 00:24:34,041 --> 00:24:35,582 Watch out for the horse crap, Ted. 290 00:24:35,833 --> 00:24:37,832 Ugh. Thanks, dude. 291 00:24:38,083 --> 00:24:40,249 - Hey, Bill, I'm totally thirsty. - Me too. 292 00:24:56,125 --> 00:24:57,415 Two beers, please. 293 00:25:02,791 --> 00:25:05,374 Whoa! He didn't even card us, dude! 294 00:25:05,625 --> 00:25:08,207 Yeah, we have to remember this place. 295 00:25:13,541 --> 00:25:16,707 So, who should we take with us? 296 00:25:27,958 --> 00:25:30,415 - Who's he? - He's Billy the Kid. 297 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:35,457 He's famous, dude. Let's bag him. 298 00:25:38,541 --> 00:25:40,332 I need two men. 299 00:25:41,958 --> 00:25:43,207 Who's with me? 300 00:25:44,166 --> 00:25:45,832 We're with you, Billy the Kid! 301 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:59,749 Here's the deal. What I win, I keep. 302 00:25:59,916 --> 00:26:02,999 What you win, I keep. 303 00:26:03,916 --> 00:26:06,540 Sounds good, Mr. The Kid. 304 00:26:20,958 --> 00:26:24,832 Dude, you gotta have a poker face, like me. 305 00:26:29,916 --> 00:26:31,874 Whoa! Three aces! 306 00:26:33,375 --> 00:26:35,540 What the hell's going on here, Billy? 307 00:26:37,375 --> 00:26:39,249 Are you a-cheatin' us, Kid? 308 00:26:41,250 --> 00:26:42,332 Cheatin'? 309 00:26:43,291 --> 00:26:43,915 Me? 310 00:26:57,791 --> 00:26:59,249 Billy! 311 00:27:03,083 --> 00:27:04,457 Excellent! 312 00:27:12,041 --> 00:27:14,790 Look, we're totally weak. 313 00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:17,040 We can't possibly fight you. 314 00:27:17,291 --> 00:27:20,832 However, how would you gentlemen like... 315 00:27:21,458 --> 00:27:23,332 ...free passes to Waterloops? 316 00:27:23,416 --> 00:27:25,957 Home of excellent water slides. 317 00:27:26,875 --> 00:27:28,832 Nice try, dude. 318 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:31,540 Whoa! 319 00:27:37,875 --> 00:27:39,540 - Whoa! - Whoa! 320 00:27:39,875 --> 00:27:40,832 What? 321 00:27:42,958 --> 00:27:44,124 Come on. 322 00:27:46,625 --> 00:27:49,249 - Look! - It's the Goodyear blimp. 323 00:27:49,500 --> 00:27:50,374 Huh? 324 00:27:56,375 --> 00:27:58,624 I can't believe they fell for that! 325 00:28:00,625 --> 00:28:02,124 Yeah! 326 00:28:03,583 --> 00:28:05,165 - Let's get 'em! - Let's kill 'em! 327 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:07,749 Come on! 328 00:28:09,791 --> 00:28:12,832 - You guys saved my life. - Nothing doing, Billy the Kid. 329 00:28:13,041 --> 00:28:15,582 - Where we going? - The Golden Age of Civilisation. 330 00:28:15,833 --> 00:28:17,915 - Where? - Ancient Greece, dude. 331 00:28:18,125 --> 00:28:21,124 Don't worry, we'll bring you back here as soon as you talk in our report. 332 00:28:23,166 --> 00:28:23,957 What?! 333 00:28:30,166 --> 00:28:31,415 What the...? 334 00:28:58,833 --> 00:29:00,332 Socrates. 335 00:29:01,125 --> 00:29:03,082 - Hey, we know that name. - Yeah! 336 00:29:03,291 --> 00:29:05,374 Hey, look him up. 337 00:29:06,125 --> 00:29:09,540 - Oh. It's under So-crates. - Oh, yeah. 338 00:29:13,583 --> 00:29:15,374 "So-crates: 339 00:29:15,625 --> 00:29:20,290 "'The only true wisdom consists in knowing that you know nothing."' 340 00:29:22,791 --> 00:29:25,707 - That's us, dude! - Oh, yeah! 341 00:29:26,583 --> 00:29:28,290 - Let's bag him. - Yeah. 342 00:29:29,083 --> 00:29:30,165 So you see... 343 00:29:31,250 --> 00:29:33,832 our lives are but specks of dust 344 00:29:34,708 --> 00:29:36,874 falling through the fingers 345 00:29:38,416 --> 00:29:39,415 of time. 346 00:29:44,666 --> 00:29:46,082 How's it going? 347 00:29:54,958 --> 00:29:57,832 I'm Bill, this is Ted. 348 00:29:58,041 --> 00:29:59,290 We're from the future. 349 00:30:01,541 --> 00:30:04,124 Socrates. Hm... 350 00:30:04,875 --> 00:30:06,249 Now what? 351 00:30:07,458 --> 00:30:08,790 I don't know. 352 00:30:10,166 --> 00:30:11,999 Philosophise with him. 353 00:30:17,625 --> 00:30:22,540 All we are is dust in the wind, dude. 354 00:30:30,708 --> 00:30:31,749 Dust. 355 00:30:33,750 --> 00:30:35,999 - Wind. - Dude. 356 00:30:40,125 --> 00:30:43,290 Yes! Like sands of the hourglass, 357 00:30:43,291 --> 00:30:46,707 Yes! Like sands of the hourglass, so are the days of our lives. 358 00:30:48,291 --> 00:30:49,832 Let's get out of here, dude. 359 00:30:57,250 --> 00:30:59,540 Whoa! 360 00:30:59,791 --> 00:31:01,124 All right! 361 00:31:05,708 --> 00:31:07,040 Yee-ha! 362 00:31:07,291 --> 00:31:09,124 Not bad, eh, So-crates? 363 00:31:10,791 --> 00:31:14,832 - Where are we, dude? - England, 15th century. 364 00:31:15,041 --> 00:31:17,665 We are in most excellent shape for our report. 365 00:31:17,875 --> 00:31:20,374 Yeah, all we need is one more speaker from medieval. 366 00:31:20,625 --> 00:31:21,874 Excellent. 367 00:31:22,125 --> 00:31:25,332 Billy, you are dealing with the oddity of time travel 368 00:31:25,625 --> 00:31:27,415 with the greatest of ease. 369 00:31:29,041 --> 00:31:30,707 Excuse me. 370 00:31:31,041 --> 00:31:34,124 Do you know where there are any personages of historical significance 371 00:31:34,416 --> 00:31:35,874 around here? 372 00:31:39,125 --> 00:31:40,707 Whoa! 373 00:31:42,916 --> 00:31:44,415 Check it out. 374 00:31:46,333 --> 00:31:48,207 It must be the castle of King Henry. 375 00:31:49,166 --> 00:31:50,707 Let's go, dude! 376 00:31:52,583 --> 00:31:54,540 Billy, guard the booth. 377 00:31:55,291 --> 00:31:57,040 And watch So-crates. 378 00:31:59,916 --> 00:32:01,249 So-crates. 379 00:32:01,458 --> 00:32:04,832 So, who should we get from medieval? 380 00:32:07,125 --> 00:32:09,540 How about that gnarly old goat dude? 381 00:32:11,166 --> 00:32:12,540 Ted? 382 00:32:13,958 --> 00:32:15,124 I'm in love, dude. 383 00:32:19,250 --> 00:32:20,999 Whoa! 384 00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:26,582 Those must be the princesses you told yourself about at the Circle K. 385 00:32:28,458 --> 00:32:32,165 We gotta go, it's a history report, not a babe report. 386 00:32:33,041 --> 00:32:34,415 But Bill... 387 00:32:35,291 --> 00:32:38,415 ...those are historical babes. 388 00:32:39,708 --> 00:32:43,374 OK, you're the ladies man, 389 00:32:43,583 --> 00:32:45,374 how we gonna meet 'em? 390 00:32:54,875 --> 00:32:56,499 Excellent. 391 00:33:04,583 --> 00:33:06,540 - Bill? - What? 392 00:33:06,750 --> 00:33:10,374 - These are heavy. - Yeah, heavy metal. 393 00:33:16,375 --> 00:33:18,290 We gotta go find the princesses. 394 00:33:18,541 --> 00:33:20,374 Yeah. 395 00:33:20,625 --> 00:33:21,707 Watch it! 396 00:33:22,666 --> 00:33:24,415 Who turned out all the lights? 397 00:33:24,625 --> 00:33:26,749 - Hey, Bill? - What? 398 00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:29,249 I'm Darth Ted. 399 00:33:30,500 --> 00:33:33,707 Yeah, well I'm Luke Bill. And you're not my father! 400 00:33:36,833 --> 00:33:37,999 Come on! 401 00:33:39,791 --> 00:33:42,582 Beat you I will, yes. 402 00:33:45,791 --> 00:33:46,999 Hey! 403 00:33:47,250 --> 00:33:49,540 I totally conquered you, dude! 404 00:33:49,791 --> 00:33:51,207 No way! 405 00:33:51,416 --> 00:33:53,082 Come on! 406 00:33:54,625 --> 00:33:56,457 I'll never rule the universe with you. 407 00:33:59,416 --> 00:34:00,374 - Hey, Bill. - What? 408 00:34:00,625 --> 00:34:02,040 We totally know how to sword fight. 409 00:34:02,291 --> 00:34:04,665 Yeah! 410 00:34:04,875 --> 00:34:07,540 Ah! Whoa! 411 00:34:15,958 --> 00:34:17,207 Ted. 412 00:34:27,583 --> 00:34:28,957 Ted. 413 00:34:31,125 --> 00:34:33,332 Search the castle, there might be more of them. 414 00:35:08,416 --> 00:35:10,332 Get out of here! 415 00:35:15,916 --> 00:35:16,999 Bogus. 416 00:35:19,625 --> 00:35:20,957 Heinous. 417 00:35:24,541 --> 00:35:26,957 Most non-triumphant. 418 00:35:31,125 --> 00:35:33,207 Ah, Ted... 419 00:35:34,416 --> 00:35:37,249 don't be dead, dude. 420 00:35:45,833 --> 00:35:48,874 You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed! 421 00:36:10,750 --> 00:36:12,332 Whoa! 422 00:36:13,750 --> 00:36:16,415 - Ted, you're alive! - Yeah! 423 00:36:16,583 --> 00:36:18,790 I fell out of my suit when I hit the floor. 424 00:36:21,750 --> 00:36:22,915 Fag. 425 00:36:24,083 --> 00:36:26,082 Dude, you totally boned that dude in the head! 426 00:36:26,291 --> 00:36:27,415 Yeah! 427 00:36:27,625 --> 00:36:29,249 He's a total bonehead. 428 00:36:29,833 --> 00:36:32,707 ...that fat old man. I must find a way to escape before the night. 429 00:36:32,958 --> 00:36:34,540 But how? 430 00:36:36,166 --> 00:36:38,332 - What's that? - Whoa... 431 00:36:39,333 --> 00:36:40,540 It's those boys. 432 00:36:40,791 --> 00:36:42,832 I can't believe they're here. 433 00:36:45,791 --> 00:36:48,207 How's it going, ladies? 434 00:36:49,583 --> 00:36:51,332 You're the ones we saw in front of the castle. 435 00:36:53,875 --> 00:36:57,040 I am Ted of San Dimas. 436 00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:01,874 And, uh... I bring to you a message of love. 437 00:37:04,291 --> 00:37:08,832 - From who? - From... from myself. 438 00:37:09,125 --> 00:37:11,790 And what is this message you speak of? 439 00:37:13,083 --> 00:37:14,790 Uh... 440 00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:17,957 Lyrics, dude. Recite 'em some lyrics. 441 00:37:22,291 --> 00:37:25,957 Oh, you beautiful babes from England, 442 00:37:26,166 --> 00:37:28,124 for whom we have travelled through time. 443 00:37:29,750 --> 00:37:32,082 Will you go to the prom with us in San Dimas? 444 00:37:32,333 --> 00:37:35,999 - We will have a most triumphant time. - Way to go, dude. 445 00:37:36,250 --> 00:37:39,874 - Joanna! Elizabeth! - It's father! 446 00:37:49,875 --> 00:37:52,290 - What does your father want? - We're to be married 447 00:37:52,541 --> 00:37:55,707 - to two horrible old men today. - No way! 448 00:37:55,958 --> 00:37:57,790 Will you help us escape? 449 00:37:59,125 --> 00:38:01,207 Of course, babes. 450 00:38:05,958 --> 00:38:08,207 How's it going, royal ugly dudes? 451 00:38:11,958 --> 00:38:14,415 I am the Earl of Preston. 452 00:38:14,625 --> 00:38:18,207 And I am the Duke of Ted. 453 00:38:31,666 --> 00:38:34,874 Put them in the iron maiden. 454 00:38:35,208 --> 00:38:36,749 Iron Maiden? 455 00:38:36,958 --> 00:38:39,249 Excellent! 456 00:38:39,458 --> 00:38:40,540 Execute them! 457 00:38:41,541 --> 00:38:43,082 Bogus. 458 00:38:45,500 --> 00:38:46,832 We'll save you, babes! 459 00:38:50,458 --> 00:38:52,415 Witches! Heretics! 460 00:38:52,625 --> 00:38:55,582 I saw them! They fell from the sky! 461 00:38:55,916 --> 00:38:58,124 Heretics! 462 00:38:58,291 --> 00:39:00,082 They fell out of the sky! 463 00:39:01,083 --> 00:39:05,040 They had fire in their eyes, and they had horns! 464 00:39:14,541 --> 00:39:15,749 Off with their heads! 465 00:39:16,083 --> 00:39:17,165 Oh, no. 466 00:39:21,958 --> 00:39:23,749 - Bill? - What? 467 00:39:24,083 --> 00:39:28,790 I believe our adventure through time has taken a most serious turn. 468 00:39:36,125 --> 00:39:37,040 Huh? 469 00:39:40,291 --> 00:39:41,915 - Billy! - So-crates! 470 00:39:42,250 --> 00:39:43,582 Let's go! 471 00:39:45,583 --> 00:39:47,415 - Guards! After them! - Ah! 472 00:39:47,708 --> 00:39:50,374 - So-crates! - Bye, babes! 473 00:39:52,458 --> 00:39:54,415 Catch you later, medieval dudes. 474 00:39:55,125 --> 00:39:57,207 Kill them! Guards! 475 00:40:01,625 --> 00:40:03,374 Stop them! Stop them! 476 00:40:05,791 --> 00:40:07,040 Hurry up, Billy! 477 00:40:08,458 --> 00:40:09,374 Get out of the way! 478 00:40:09,583 --> 00:40:11,874 Move out of the way! Come on, get out of here! 479 00:40:44,541 --> 00:40:47,332 Whoa! 480 00:40:55,541 --> 00:40:56,749 Dial fast, dude! 481 00:40:59,875 --> 00:41:02,415 I'm sorry, the number you have dialled is not in service at this time. 482 00:41:02,625 --> 00:41:04,415 Please check your directory and dial again. 483 00:41:04,625 --> 00:41:06,499 - Oh, no. - Party on, dude. 484 00:41:10,291 --> 00:41:11,374 Bill! 485 00:41:13,291 --> 00:41:15,207 OK, I got one, let's go! 486 00:41:49,541 --> 00:41:50,915 You guys stay here. 487 00:41:54,125 --> 00:41:56,082 Where are we, dude? 488 00:41:57,333 --> 00:41:58,665 I don't know. 489 00:42:00,291 --> 00:42:02,707 They sure do play excellent music. 490 00:42:02,958 --> 00:42:04,957 Most outstanding. 491 00:42:24,541 --> 00:42:27,165 - It's you. - Yeah! 492 00:42:27,416 --> 00:42:28,999 It's us! 493 00:42:29,208 --> 00:42:30,749 Who are we? 494 00:42:34,791 --> 00:42:41,040 ♪ The time is almost here 495 00:42:43,750 --> 00:42:52,457 ♪ Our dreams will all come true, I promise you 496 00:42:52,583 --> 00:43:00,790 ♪ 'Cause I can see for miles and miles 497 00:43:02,041 --> 00:43:08,165 ♪ In time, we'll be dancing in the streets all night 498 00:43:10,500 --> 00:43:16,749 ♪ In time, yes, everything will be all right 499 00:43:20,541 --> 00:43:23,374 Bill, I think they want us to say something. 500 00:43:24,666 --> 00:43:26,249 What should I say? 501 00:43:27,458 --> 00:43:28,624 Make something up. 502 00:43:37,416 --> 00:43:40,040 Be excellent to each other. 503 00:43:46,750 --> 00:43:48,374 Party on, dudes! 504 00:43:49,208 --> 00:43:51,457 Good one, dude. 505 00:43:56,333 --> 00:43:59,540 Well, we gotta get back to our report. 506 00:43:59,750 --> 00:44:01,499 Yeah, we'd take you with us, 507 00:44:01,708 --> 00:44:05,499 but it's a history report, not a future report. 508 00:44:09,083 --> 00:44:10,290 Later. 509 00:44:11,166 --> 00:44:12,457 Later. 510 00:44:15,791 --> 00:44:17,707 Let's get back and do our report. 511 00:44:17,958 --> 00:44:19,707 Good idea. 512 00:44:36,708 --> 00:44:39,415 - Dude, where're we going? - I don't know. 513 00:44:39,625 --> 00:44:40,957 I think the booth's broke. 514 00:44:41,250 --> 00:44:44,957 We gotta keep going to San Dimas until we get back and get Napoleon. 515 00:44:47,500 --> 00:44:48,707 Behold. 516 00:44:48,958 --> 00:44:51,082 Behold, the Ziggie Pig. 517 00:44:51,291 --> 00:44:54,832 The single greatest ice cream spectacle known to man. 518 00:44:55,041 --> 00:44:57,082 Eat the pig. Eat the pig. 519 00:44:57,416 --> 00:44:59,624 Ziggie, Ziggie, Ziggie, Zig! 520 00:45:00,666 --> 00:45:02,915 Whoo-hoo! 521 00:45:07,625 --> 00:45:10,999 It's ice cream. You eat it. 522 00:45:12,791 --> 00:45:13,749 It's good. 523 00:45:16,250 --> 00:45:17,374 La glacé. 524 00:45:18,458 --> 00:45:19,957 Whatever, just eat it. 525 00:45:23,875 --> 00:45:24,832 Hm... 526 00:45:40,416 --> 00:45:43,374 All behold, he ate the pig. 527 00:45:43,583 --> 00:45:47,540 Thus proving that he is a...Ziggie Piggy, 528 00:45:47,791 --> 00:45:51,415 Ziggie Piggy, Ziggie Piggy. 529 00:46:06,583 --> 00:46:08,124 What's that? 530 00:46:12,333 --> 00:46:13,540 I don't know. 531 00:46:17,958 --> 00:46:20,207 - Oh, shit! - Whoa! 532 00:46:43,333 --> 00:46:44,832 Where'd we land now? 533 00:46:46,375 --> 00:46:48,415 Dude, it's Sigmund Frood. 534 00:46:48,750 --> 00:46:50,832 How much time have we got left? 535 00:46:51,583 --> 00:46:53,415 Tonnes! Why? 536 00:46:53,666 --> 00:46:55,832 Extra credit, dude! 537 00:46:59,625 --> 00:47:01,124 How's it going, Frood dude? 538 00:47:03,250 --> 00:47:05,082 This must be a dream. 539 00:47:12,166 --> 00:47:14,249 Let go of me. What are you doing? 540 00:47:57,250 --> 00:47:58,540 Come on, So-crates. 541 00:48:48,458 --> 00:48:50,457 Welcome aboard, Ms. Joan of Arc. 542 00:48:51,291 --> 00:48:53,915 My name's Ted, and this is Bill. 543 00:49:14,125 --> 00:49:16,874 Oh! 544 00:49:20,958 --> 00:49:22,540 Want a Twinkie, Genghis Khan? 545 00:49:22,791 --> 00:49:24,249 Say "please". 546 00:49:24,500 --> 00:49:27,415 Mm... 547 00:49:27,625 --> 00:49:28,957 Come on, guys! Jump him! 548 00:49:34,458 --> 00:49:35,415 Candygram. 549 00:49:46,375 --> 00:49:48,040 Yes, what can I... 550 00:49:55,666 --> 00:49:59,790 We've got plenty of time, but we don't have any more room left. 551 00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:02,040 - Ted, we're outta control. - What? 552 00:50:02,333 --> 00:50:05,832 The next place we stop, we gotta try and figure out what's wrong with the booth. 553 00:50:14,333 --> 00:50:17,957 Bill, I think I got an idea what's wrong. 554 00:50:18,166 --> 00:50:19,249 What? 555 00:50:19,583 --> 00:50:21,957 The antenna's broken. 556 00:50:30,083 --> 00:50:31,707 Yeah! All right. 557 00:51:19,791 --> 00:51:20,249 Shit! 558 00:51:20,250 --> 00:51:20,790 Shit! Shit! 559 00:51:20,791 --> 00:51:21,290 Shit! Shit! Shit! 560 00:51:21,291 --> 00:51:21,832 Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! 561 00:51:21,833 --> 00:51:22,165 Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! 562 00:51:22,166 --> 00:51:22,499 Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! 563 00:51:22,500 --> 00:51:22,790 Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! 564 00:51:22,791 --> 00:51:23,082 Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! 565 00:51:23,083 --> 00:51:23,415 Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! 566 00:51:24,875 --> 00:51:25,957 Come on, let's ditch him. 567 00:51:32,333 --> 00:51:34,915 Attendre! Attendre! 568 00:51:39,875 --> 00:51:42,082 Excusez-moi, monsieur! 569 00:51:42,208 --> 00:51:43,874 Hold on there. Not so fast, buddy. 570 00:51:44,208 --> 00:51:47,415 - Buddy? - You ain't paid yet. 571 00:51:47,666 --> 00:51:49,915 - Pay? - Pay. 572 00:51:54,625 --> 00:51:57,124 I don't want to see you around here anymore! Beat it! 573 00:51:59,000 --> 00:52:00,540 Beat it, buddy! 574 00:52:02,125 --> 00:52:03,332 Idiot! 575 00:52:20,291 --> 00:52:21,249 Deacon! 576 00:52:31,541 --> 00:52:36,082 Here is a treat to make our minor prehistoric pit stop 577 00:52:36,291 --> 00:52:38,124 a bit more enjoyable. 578 00:52:40,416 --> 00:52:41,374 Thank you. 579 00:52:50,500 --> 00:52:51,707 Uh-oh. 580 00:53:09,916 --> 00:53:11,374 Thanks, guys. 581 00:53:15,250 --> 00:53:16,707 I sure hope this works. 582 00:53:31,583 --> 00:53:33,124 I think it's working, dude. 583 00:53:46,500 --> 00:53:47,957 Just a little farther... 584 00:53:48,583 --> 00:53:49,749 ...I hope! 585 00:53:56,791 --> 00:53:59,290 Hey! That's us. 586 00:53:59,541 --> 00:54:00,957 We're back in San Dimas. 587 00:54:01,250 --> 00:54:05,249 Yeah, only now it's not now. It's last night. 588 00:54:05,583 --> 00:54:06,957 - Dude. - What? 589 00:54:07,208 --> 00:54:08,999 Let's go talk to ourselves. 590 00:54:09,208 --> 00:54:10,582 Excellent. 591 00:54:10,833 --> 00:54:12,040 What do we say, anyways? 592 00:54:12,291 --> 00:54:15,332 I don't know. Let's go find out. 593 00:54:16,333 --> 00:54:18,207 Sixty-nine, dudes! 594 00:54:18,583 --> 00:54:20,915 Whoa! 595 00:54:21,750 --> 00:54:23,415 Look dudes, we've gotta go. 596 00:54:23,750 --> 00:54:25,374 Rufus! 597 00:54:26,583 --> 00:54:29,499 Listen to this dude Rufus, he knows what he's talking about. 598 00:54:29,708 --> 00:54:33,999 Right. Oh, and Ted, give my love to the princesses. 599 00:54:34,916 --> 00:54:37,540 - Who? - You'll see. 600 00:54:38,958 --> 00:54:41,249 Gentlemen, is everything all right? 601 00:54:41,500 --> 00:54:44,749 Yeah, except how come the number we dialled for San Dimas 602 00:54:44,916 --> 00:54:47,540 brought us here instead of to tomorrow, Rufus? 603 00:54:47,750 --> 00:54:50,707 Because in San Dimas it is tomorrow, William. 604 00:54:50,916 --> 00:54:53,207 You have to dial one number higher. 605 00:54:54,416 --> 00:54:56,874 Oh, yeah. Thanks, Rufus. 606 00:54:57,125 --> 00:54:59,499 And you better hurry, because you don't have much time. 607 00:54:59,750 --> 00:55:02,665 What do you mean, Rufus? We got ten hours left. 608 00:55:03,583 --> 00:55:06,124 - You got two hours. - Huh? 609 00:55:06,333 --> 00:55:08,874 Ted, you forgot to wind your watch again. 610 00:55:09,125 --> 00:55:11,249 Even after you reminded yourself not to. 611 00:55:11,458 --> 00:55:13,374 Well, I better remind myself again. 612 00:55:13,583 --> 00:55:16,665 Ted, don't forget to wind your watch! 613 00:55:17,833 --> 00:55:19,707 Thanks, Rufus. 614 00:55:22,083 --> 00:55:23,624 Catch ya later, Bill and Ted. 615 00:55:25,625 --> 00:55:27,624 That conversation made more sense this time. 616 00:55:27,708 --> 00:55:30,790 - Watch the gonads, dude. - You're too tall, man. 617 00:55:42,958 --> 00:55:45,207 - Great, we made it! - Huh? 618 00:55:45,541 --> 00:55:46,415 Whoa! 619 00:55:46,583 --> 00:55:49,290 Who's the señorita? She's cute. 620 00:55:49,375 --> 00:55:51,457 It's his mom, dude. 621 00:55:55,125 --> 00:55:58,624 - Hi, guys. - Hi, Missy. I mean Mom. 622 00:55:58,875 --> 00:56:03,249 Uh, Ms. Preston, we'd like you to meet some of our friends. 623 00:56:03,583 --> 00:56:06,874 Yeah, this is, uh, Dave Beeth-oven. 624 00:56:07,125 --> 00:56:08,832 Ah. 625 00:56:09,125 --> 00:56:13,374 And, uh... Maxine of Arc. Missy. 626 00:56:14,250 --> 00:56:15,832 Herman the Kid. 627 00:56:16,041 --> 00:56:17,915 Bob Genghis Khan. 628 00:56:19,041 --> 00:56:21,332 - So-crates Johnson. - Hi. 629 00:56:21,541 --> 00:56:24,624 Dennis Frood and, uh... 630 00:56:27,625 --> 00:56:29,124 ...Abraham Lincoln. 631 00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:32,249 Well, it's nice to meet you all. 632 00:56:32,500 --> 00:56:33,999 There's sodas in the fridge. 633 00:56:35,916 --> 00:56:37,665 Mom, can you give us a ride someplace? 634 00:56:37,875 --> 00:56:40,999 Bill, I'm not taking you anywhere until you do your chores. 635 00:57:17,583 --> 00:57:18,999 Done! 636 00:57:20,916 --> 00:57:23,165 This is the San Dimas mall. 637 00:57:23,333 --> 00:57:26,457 And this is where people of today's world hang out. 638 00:57:27,708 --> 00:57:29,957 All right, everybody, watch your step getting off. 639 00:57:30,166 --> 00:57:32,707 Beeth-oven, make sure you don't get sucked under. 640 00:57:35,625 --> 00:57:38,207 Everybody get together, remember who your buddy is. 641 00:57:39,625 --> 00:57:41,874 So-crates, watch out for your robe, dude. 642 00:57:45,291 --> 00:57:48,582 OK, follow me. 643 00:57:48,958 --> 00:57:52,082 You've got your Broadway down here, and got your Sears over here. 644 00:57:53,083 --> 00:57:54,999 The stratification of our society 645 00:57:55,250 --> 00:57:57,207 is much like Marie Antoinette's. 646 00:57:57,458 --> 00:57:59,874 The few possess much, while the masses 647 00:58:00,125 --> 00:58:02,290 possess little but their television sets. 648 00:58:02,541 --> 00:58:04,790 This dichotomy led to a revolution 649 00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:07,707 in which Antoinette and her husband were beheaded. 650 00:58:07,916 --> 00:58:10,582 Today, leaders are impeached rather than beheaded. 651 00:58:11,750 --> 00:58:15,874 Still, while in her day, Marie Antoinette said "Let them eat cake", 652 00:58:16,125 --> 00:58:18,832 perhaps today she would say, "Let them eat fast food". 653 00:58:25,458 --> 00:58:28,749 - Enjoy. - OK, look around, see what you think. 654 00:58:29,083 --> 00:58:31,665 We'll be back as soon as we find Napoleon. OK? 655 00:58:31,958 --> 00:58:34,499 Come on, dude, we don't got much time. 656 00:58:35,291 --> 00:58:37,040 Yes, but what... what do we... 657 00:58:37,666 --> 00:58:39,415 You ditched Napoleon?! 658 00:58:39,625 --> 00:58:43,124 Deacon, do you realise you've stranded one of Europe's greatest leaders 659 00:58:43,416 --> 00:58:45,374 - in San Dimas? - He was a dick. 660 00:58:48,666 --> 00:58:51,249 Well... how are we gonna find him? 661 00:58:54,750 --> 00:58:59,790 OK, wait, if we were one of the greatest generals in history, 662 00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:05,707 and we were stranded in San Dimas for one day, where would we go? 663 00:59:09,333 --> 00:59:11,082 Waterloop! 664 00:59:23,916 --> 00:59:25,707 Eleven children, please. 665 00:59:25,916 --> 00:59:27,540 Are you OK? 666 00:59:39,208 --> 00:59:40,415 Mon dieu! 667 01:00:00,166 --> 01:00:01,832 Buddy, you're holding up the line! 668 01:00:06,333 --> 01:00:07,415 Sacre bleu! 669 01:00:07,666 --> 01:00:08,749 Come on, buddy! 670 01:01:33,208 --> 01:01:36,249 Come on, Napoleon. Everybody's waiting for us. 671 01:01:36,458 --> 01:01:39,124 - No, no, no! - Yes, yes, yes! 672 01:01:42,708 --> 01:01:46,874 Why be soft and flabby when you can be firm and trim? 673 01:01:47,125 --> 01:01:50,499 When you can have a body that cries out, "Look at me, admire me". 674 01:01:50,750 --> 01:01:53,582 With our specialised weight training and aerobics programme, 675 01:01:53,833 --> 01:01:57,457 we can help you attain the kind of body you've only dreamed of having. 676 01:01:57,708 --> 01:02:00,749 All right, let's go ladies! 677 01:02:01,083 --> 01:02:03,540 You guys are looking great! 678 01:02:03,791 --> 01:02:07,707 OK, jumping jacks. Jump! Jump! 679 01:02:12,875 --> 01:02:14,415 You a musician? 680 01:02:17,166 --> 01:02:19,249 Well here, try this. 681 01:02:42,916 --> 01:02:44,790 What is...? 682 01:02:46,125 --> 01:02:48,374 What are they doing? 683 01:02:49,125 --> 01:02:50,832 Look at his sandals. Ooh! 684 01:02:52,416 --> 01:02:54,624 - I don't know. - He's creepy. 685 01:02:54,916 --> 01:02:57,332 - Weird, huh? - Oh, they're coming over. 686 01:03:00,625 --> 01:03:05,582 Hi. I'm Billy, this here is So-crates. 687 01:03:05,833 --> 01:03:07,999 - Socrates. - We're from history. 688 01:03:11,416 --> 01:03:15,415 Hello, I'm Dr. Freud. But you may call me Siggy. 689 01:03:15,750 --> 01:03:17,707 Oh, my God! 690 01:03:18,916 --> 01:03:23,124 You both seem to be suffering from a mild form of hysteria. 691 01:03:24,083 --> 01:03:26,249 You are such a geek. 692 01:03:29,750 --> 01:03:31,582 Way to go, egghead. 693 01:03:33,458 --> 01:03:36,957 - Geek! - What is a "geek"? 694 01:03:39,791 --> 01:03:40,874 Huh... 695 01:03:42,125 --> 01:03:43,540 Oh... 696 01:03:46,583 --> 01:03:47,957 Oh. 697 01:04:09,583 --> 01:04:11,457 I need some help. I've got a live one here. 698 01:04:15,708 --> 01:04:16,749 - OK... - Thank you. 699 01:04:17,000 --> 01:04:18,749 ...I need the Lincoln hat and the stupid beard back. 700 01:04:19,000 --> 01:04:22,790 You don't understand. I'm Abraham Lincoln. 701 01:04:23,000 --> 01:04:24,665 Yeah, right. Ha, ha, ha. 702 01:04:24,750 --> 01:04:25,915 Now, come on, mister... 703 01:04:26,000 --> 01:04:28,582 This is my hat and my beard! 704 01:04:37,125 --> 01:04:39,249 Keep it up! You're looking great! 705 01:04:54,458 --> 01:04:56,915 Yaahh! 706 01:04:58,416 --> 01:04:59,790 Hey! That crazy there! 707 01:05:00,000 --> 01:05:01,624 - Son, hold it right there. - Get that guy off there. 708 01:05:02,125 --> 01:05:03,040 Oh! 709 01:05:06,375 --> 01:05:07,915 Stop him! 710 01:05:12,375 --> 01:05:13,332 Yee-haw! 711 01:05:14,708 --> 01:05:15,415 Ya-ha! 712 01:05:20,833 --> 01:05:22,832 - No, Sig, over here. - Sorry, miss. 713 01:05:23,083 --> 01:05:23,957 Excuse me, miss. 714 01:05:24,250 --> 01:05:26,665 - Move, move. - Pardon me. 715 01:05:27,833 --> 01:05:29,165 Oh, no. 716 01:05:29,458 --> 01:05:31,082 I demand a lawyer. 717 01:05:31,291 --> 01:05:33,124 Don't get smart with me, buddy. Let's go. 718 01:05:49,625 --> 01:05:51,082 Hey, there they are! 719 01:05:57,666 --> 01:05:59,749 Ah! 720 01:05:59,916 --> 01:06:01,915 All right, come on, Grandpa. 721 01:06:06,458 --> 01:06:07,790 Bogus! 722 01:06:10,791 --> 01:06:12,124 That's enough. 723 01:06:20,916 --> 01:06:23,082 Mom, can't you go any faster? 724 01:06:38,791 --> 01:06:42,415 I want to know why you claim to be Sigmund Freud. 725 01:06:42,750 --> 01:06:45,165 Why do you claim I'm not Sigmund Freud? 726 01:06:45,458 --> 01:06:48,082 Why do you keep asking me these questions? 727 01:06:49,166 --> 01:06:50,707 Tell me about your mother. 728 01:06:51,500 --> 01:06:54,290 - Oh, God. - Would you like a couch to lie on? 729 01:06:54,541 --> 01:06:56,499 No, I don't want a couch to lie on. 730 01:07:03,958 --> 01:07:05,499 All right, what's your name? 731 01:07:05,750 --> 01:07:07,040 Abraham Lincoln. 732 01:07:07,333 --> 01:07:10,707 That's L-I-N-C-O-L-N. 733 01:07:11,000 --> 01:07:13,165 I know how to spell Lincoln. 734 01:07:15,958 --> 01:07:17,832 What's your birthday, Mr. Lincoln? 735 01:07:18,125 --> 01:07:21,915 February 12th, 1809. 736 01:07:25,250 --> 01:07:28,040 Everything is different, but the same. 737 01:07:28,250 --> 01:07:32,165 Things are more... moderner than before, 738 01:07:32,416 --> 01:07:34,457 bigger... 739 01:07:34,541 --> 01:07:36,582 and yet smaller. 740 01:07:40,791 --> 01:07:42,124 It's computers. 741 01:07:49,666 --> 01:07:51,665 San Dimas High School football rules! 742 01:08:06,291 --> 01:08:08,874 I can't believe my dad arrested them all. 743 01:08:10,583 --> 01:08:11,915 What are we gonna do? 744 01:08:12,250 --> 01:08:15,207 OK, Ted, you go in and talk to your dad. I'm gonna scope the place out. 745 01:08:15,458 --> 01:08:18,999 Missy, I mean Mom, please keep an eye on Napoleon. 746 01:08:21,583 --> 01:08:22,540 Stay! 747 01:08:27,458 --> 01:08:29,415 All right, lock him up with the rest of those wackos. 748 01:08:29,500 --> 01:08:31,457 - I am a lawyer, you know... - Dad! 749 01:08:31,625 --> 01:08:34,249 - You pack your bags, Ted. - What? 750 01:08:34,583 --> 01:08:35,540 You're going to military school, Ted. 751 01:08:35,875 --> 01:08:37,415 - But, Dad... - No, I don't want to hear it, Ted. 752 01:08:37,625 --> 01:08:39,249 - But... - Ted, you go home 753 01:08:39,458 --> 01:08:41,332 and you pack your bags, now! 754 01:08:49,000 --> 01:08:50,540 - How'd it go? - Bad. 755 01:08:50,791 --> 01:08:54,415 Our historical figures are all locked up and my dad won't let them out. 756 01:08:55,541 --> 01:08:56,874 Can we get your dad's keys? 757 01:08:57,125 --> 01:08:59,915 I could steal them, but he lost them two days ago. 758 01:09:00,166 --> 01:09:04,040 If only we could go back in time to when he had them and steal them then. 759 01:09:05,041 --> 01:09:07,415 Well, why can't we? 760 01:09:07,625 --> 01:09:08,874 'Cause we don't got time. 761 01:09:09,166 --> 01:09:11,165 We could do it after the report. 762 01:09:12,083 --> 01:09:13,790 Ted, good thinking, dude! 763 01:09:14,041 --> 01:09:16,624 After the report, we'll time travel back to two days ago, 764 01:09:16,875 --> 01:09:19,249 steal your dad's keys, and leave them here. 765 01:09:19,458 --> 01:09:21,082 - Where? - I don't know. 766 01:09:21,291 --> 01:09:23,374 How about behind that sign? 767 01:09:23,583 --> 01:09:26,790 That way, when we get here now, they'll be waiting for us. 768 01:09:29,125 --> 01:09:31,415 - See? - Whoa! Yeah! 769 01:09:31,666 --> 01:09:35,707 So, after the report we can't forget to do this, otherwise it won't happen. 770 01:09:35,916 --> 01:09:39,749 But it did happen! Hey, it was me who stole my dad's keys! 771 01:09:40,000 --> 01:09:41,874 Exactly, Ted. Come on. 772 01:09:45,708 --> 01:09:46,832 - Mom? - Yes? 773 01:09:47,125 --> 01:09:48,999 Can you please bring the car around back? 774 01:09:49,208 --> 01:09:49,999 Sure. 775 01:09:51,625 --> 01:09:55,707 Come on, Ted. We've got some historical figures to rescue. 776 01:09:56,000 --> 01:09:56,915 Over and out. 777 01:10:13,541 --> 01:10:15,499 How are we gonna get past my dad? 778 01:10:17,083 --> 01:10:18,999 You got a tape recorder at home? 779 01:10:19,208 --> 01:10:21,499 - Yeah. - OK. 780 01:10:22,416 --> 01:10:24,415 - Remember to get the tape recorder. - Yeah. 781 01:10:24,625 --> 01:10:29,040 Set a timer on it for, uh...2:13. 782 01:10:29,291 --> 01:10:31,124 - Got it? - Got it! 783 01:10:33,833 --> 01:10:35,540 What am I gonna say on it? 784 01:10:35,791 --> 01:10:38,665 Dad! Hey, Dad! 785 01:10:38,958 --> 01:10:40,957 It's you, dude. 786 01:10:45,500 --> 01:10:46,499 Ted? 787 01:10:46,708 --> 01:10:47,957 I'm over here. 788 01:10:50,250 --> 01:10:52,582 Yeah, this way. 789 01:11:14,416 --> 01:11:16,207 Whoa. Check it out. 790 01:11:18,291 --> 01:11:21,415 "Dear Bill and Ted, good luck on the report. 791 01:11:21,583 --> 01:11:26,124 "Sincerely, Bill S. Preston, Esquire and Ted "Theodore" Logan." 792 01:11:26,333 --> 01:11:27,707 That was nice of us. 793 01:11:27,958 --> 01:11:31,082 "P.S. Duck!" 794 01:11:36,750 --> 01:11:38,457 - Excellent work, dude. - Way to go! 795 01:11:38,708 --> 01:11:39,790 Come on. 796 01:11:50,625 --> 01:11:51,832 Shh! 797 01:11:52,875 --> 01:11:56,207 Great people, time is of the essence. 798 01:11:56,458 --> 01:11:59,415 May I ask that you all work together so that we can get down to the car. 799 01:11:59,666 --> 01:12:01,582 Very quiet now. Quiet. 800 01:12:03,541 --> 01:12:06,332 Against the wall. Single file. 801 01:12:07,125 --> 01:12:09,249 - Hurry up, Billy. - How do we get out of here? 802 01:12:10,416 --> 01:12:12,249 Over here, Dad. 803 01:12:12,500 --> 01:12:13,540 Down here! 804 01:12:13,791 --> 01:12:15,832 Way to go, dude. We stalled him. 805 01:12:16,041 --> 01:12:17,707 What else do I say? 806 01:12:17,958 --> 01:12:20,665 And now, opening for Iron Maiden... 807 01:12:20,916 --> 01:12:23,374 ...Wyld Stallyns! 808 01:12:26,583 --> 01:12:29,249 - Come on, Bill, put your back into it. - Ted? 809 01:12:29,500 --> 01:12:31,582 What in the hell do you think you're doing? 810 01:12:31,916 --> 01:12:35,040 Trash can. Remember a trash can! 811 01:12:35,291 --> 01:12:36,874 Trash can? What are you talking about? 812 01:12:37,166 --> 01:12:40,165 - Get this thing off me, Ted! - Sorry, Dad, 813 01:12:40,416 --> 01:12:42,707 but we've got to go pass our history report. 814 01:12:42,958 --> 01:12:46,249 - Oh, by the way, I found your keys. - Ted! 815 01:12:46,500 --> 01:12:49,415 Ted, where are you? Get this off me! Ted! 816 01:12:56,000 --> 01:12:58,874 In conclusion, I think Abraham Lincoln 817 01:12:59,125 --> 01:13:02,165 would be most impressed with the world of San Dimas. 818 01:13:02,500 --> 01:13:06,415 I know I am. 819 01:13:14,291 --> 01:13:18,082 - Down the hall, to the left. - Quiet. 820 01:13:19,458 --> 01:13:23,790 And I'm sure I speak for Mr. Ward and Mrs. Rowe when I say 821 01:13:24,041 --> 01:13:26,415 that your reports were very entertaining 822 01:13:26,583 --> 01:13:28,665 and very informative for all of us. 823 01:13:29,583 --> 01:13:33,999 So, it seems we may be one report short today, so we'll leave just a bit early. 824 01:13:36,833 --> 01:13:39,874 But once again, I want to thank you all for your very hard work... 825 01:13:41,875 --> 01:13:43,540 Hey, who turned out the lights? 826 01:13:46,750 --> 01:13:48,915 Hello, San Dimas. 827 01:13:49,250 --> 01:13:53,582 Please welcome, for the final report of the afternoon, 828 01:13:53,916 --> 01:13:55,457 from all throughout history, 829 01:13:55,708 --> 01:13:58,749 some of the greatest people who have ever lived, 830 01:13:59,083 --> 01:14:03,499 in their 1988 World Tour! 831 01:14:11,541 --> 01:14:14,707 How's it going? I'm Billy the Kid. 832 01:14:28,208 --> 01:14:30,957 I'd like y'all to put your hands together. 833 01:14:37,708 --> 01:14:40,749 And now, my good friends, 834 01:14:41,000 --> 01:14:44,665 Bill S. Preston, Esquire, 835 01:14:44,875 --> 01:14:48,707 and Ted "Theodore" Logan! Yee-haw! 836 01:14:49,041 --> 01:14:51,124 Thank you! Thank you! 837 01:14:51,875 --> 01:14:54,540 Hello, San Dimas High! 838 01:14:54,791 --> 01:15:00,582 Mr. Ryan, fellow distinguished classmates, teachers, babes. 839 01:15:01,375 --> 01:15:03,165 Our first speaker was born 840 01:15:03,416 --> 01:15:06,707 - in the year 470 B.C. - Hi, long time no see. 841 01:15:07,083 --> 01:15:09,040 A time when much of the world 842 01:15:09,291 --> 01:15:12,540 looked like the cover of the Led Zeppelin album "Houses of the Holy". 843 01:15:12,875 --> 01:15:14,249 We were there. 844 01:15:14,500 --> 01:15:18,249 There were many steps and columns. It was most tranquil. 845 01:15:18,458 --> 01:15:22,165 He is sometimes known as the father of modern thought. 846 01:15:22,458 --> 01:15:26,249 He was the teacher of Plato, who was in turn the teacher of Aristotle. 847 01:15:26,458 --> 01:15:31,874 And, like Ozzy Osbourne, was repeatedly accused of corruption of the young. 848 01:15:32,125 --> 01:15:35,040 And since he doesn't speak English, my friend Ted here, 849 01:15:35,291 --> 01:15:37,040 is going to interpret for him. 850 01:15:37,291 --> 01:15:39,999 So please welcome, to tell us what he thinks of San Dimas, 851 01:15:40,250 --> 01:15:43,832 the most bodacious philosophiser in Ancient Greece... 852 01:15:44,500 --> 01:15:46,082 ...Socrates! 853 01:15:48,875 --> 01:15:51,957 ...is totally out of control. And I think I got a pretty good idea where he gets it from. 854 01:15:52,166 --> 01:15:55,040 I mean if you and that wife of yours would show a little discipline 855 01:15:55,291 --> 01:15:57,165 maybe your son wouldn't be such a bad influence. 856 01:15:57,416 --> 01:15:59,124 Oh, is discipline your key to the success with Ted? 857 01:15:59,375 --> 01:16:02,040 Yes, it is! He's going to an Alaskan military school! 858 01:16:02,333 --> 01:16:05,540 He loves you best... 859 01:16:08,125 --> 01:16:09,749 ...in all the world. 860 01:16:10,750 --> 01:16:12,082 What are they doing up there? 861 01:16:13,708 --> 01:16:14,749 He also loves... 862 01:16:16,250 --> 01:16:17,540 ...baseball! 863 01:16:18,583 --> 01:16:22,207 Therefore, Ted's father's own fear of failure 864 01:16:22,458 --> 01:16:24,540 has caused him to make his son 865 01:16:24,750 --> 01:16:27,040 the embodiment of all of his own 866 01:16:27,291 --> 01:16:31,499 deepest anxieties about himself. 867 01:16:31,750 --> 01:16:36,540 And, hence, his aggression transference onto Ted. 868 01:16:39,000 --> 01:16:41,999 - Whoa! - OK, Ted? 869 01:16:44,291 --> 01:16:47,290 Yes, thank you very much, Sigmund Freud. 870 01:16:48,791 --> 01:16:50,040 Hm? 871 01:16:51,166 --> 01:16:53,915 Nah, just got a minor Oedipal complex. 872 01:16:56,208 --> 01:16:58,665 It is indeed a pleasure to introduce to you 873 01:16:58,916 --> 01:17:04,124 a gentleman we picked up in Medieval Mongolia in the year 1269. 874 01:17:04,416 --> 01:17:07,707 Please welcome the very excellent barbarian... 875 01:17:07,958 --> 01:17:10,499 ...Mr. Genghis Khan. 876 01:17:13,875 --> 01:17:19,124 This is a dude who, 700 years ago, totally ravaged China. 877 01:17:19,375 --> 01:17:21,207 And who we are told, two hours ago, 878 01:17:21,416 --> 01:17:23,999 totally ravaged Oshman's Sporting Goods. 879 01:17:26,458 --> 01:17:29,999 A most bodacious soldier, and general, 880 01:17:30,250 --> 01:17:33,832 Miss Of Arc totally rousted the English from France. 881 01:17:34,083 --> 01:17:37,540 And then she turned this dude, Dauphin, into a king, 882 01:17:37,750 --> 01:17:40,374 and all this by the time she was 17. 883 01:17:50,458 --> 01:17:52,249 ...waterslide. 884 01:17:53,416 --> 01:17:56,624 The music of Ludwig van Beethoven. 885 01:18:00,166 --> 01:18:02,832 As you can see, Genghis very much enjoys Twinkies 886 01:18:03,041 --> 01:18:05,040 because of the excellent sugar rush. 887 01:18:05,333 --> 01:18:08,124 He also loves billiards. 888 01:18:10,458 --> 01:18:13,665 Beethoven's favourite works include Mozart's "Requiem", 889 01:18:13,916 --> 01:18:18,165 Handel's "Messiah", and Bon Jovi's "Slippery When Wet". 890 01:18:18,458 --> 01:18:20,707 To improve on the condition of her armies, 891 01:18:21,000 --> 01:18:25,040 Joan of Arc plans on instituting a full scale aerobics programme 892 01:18:25,291 --> 01:18:27,040 on her return to France. 893 01:18:27,375 --> 01:18:29,249 I don't think it's gonna work. 894 01:18:29,916 --> 01:18:30,874 No? 895 01:18:34,000 --> 01:18:35,290 Triomphe, Napoleon. 896 01:18:42,208 --> 01:18:43,415 He loves... 897 01:18:45,125 --> 01:18:47,249 He loves San Dimas. 898 01:18:56,791 --> 01:18:59,415 And now, for our last speaker. 899 01:19:00,791 --> 01:19:05,540 One of the greatest presidents in American history... 900 01:19:06,541 --> 01:19:10,415 ...Mr. Abraham Lincoln. 901 01:19:30,625 --> 01:19:34,124 Four score and... 902 01:19:34,791 --> 01:19:36,749 ...seven minutes ago, 903 01:19:37,083 --> 01:19:41,249 we, your forefathers, 904 01:19:41,500 --> 01:19:46,457 were brought forth upon a most excellent adventure. 905 01:19:47,916 --> 01:19:51,665 Conceived by our new friends... 906 01:19:52,916 --> 01:19:54,249 ...Bill... 907 01:19:56,250 --> 01:19:57,665 ...and Ted. 908 01:19:59,583 --> 01:20:03,124 These two great gentlemen 909 01:20:03,291 --> 01:20:06,624 are dedicated to a proposition 910 01:20:06,875 --> 01:20:09,165 which was true in my time, 911 01:20:09,416 --> 01:20:12,499 just as it's true today. 912 01:20:16,125 --> 01:20:19,874 Be excellent to each other... 913 01:20:21,708 --> 01:20:23,790 ...and... 914 01:20:24,375 --> 01:20:26,457 Party on, dudes! 915 01:20:34,916 --> 01:20:36,499 - No... - Way! 916 01:20:46,958 --> 01:20:49,999 Thank you, San Dimas High! 917 01:21:17,625 --> 01:21:21,999 We want more! We want more! 918 01:21:28,791 --> 01:21:30,207 Intro. 919 01:21:30,458 --> 01:21:33,415 I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire. 920 01:21:43,708 --> 01:21:46,124 - Bill? - What's up, Ted? 921 01:21:48,208 --> 01:21:49,457 Well... 922 01:21:50,500 --> 01:21:52,665 we travelled through time. 923 01:21:52,750 --> 01:21:55,374 I mean, we met lots of great leaders, 924 01:21:55,625 --> 01:21:58,374 and we got an A-plus on our history report... 925 01:21:59,541 --> 01:22:02,957 ...but look at us, nothing's different. 926 01:22:05,625 --> 01:22:07,249 Maybe it's time we get Eddie Van Halen. 927 01:22:09,208 --> 01:22:11,457 Maybe we should start learning how to play. 928 01:22:13,083 --> 01:22:14,415 Maybe you're right, Ted. 929 01:22:29,916 --> 01:22:33,124 Hello, again, my excellent friends. 930 01:22:33,958 --> 01:22:34,915 Whoa! 931 01:22:35,250 --> 01:22:38,249 Congratulations on passing your history report. 932 01:22:39,291 --> 01:22:40,290 Rufus. 933 01:22:40,541 --> 01:22:42,040 The babes! 934 01:22:42,291 --> 01:22:44,374 We looked all over England for you. 935 01:22:44,666 --> 01:22:47,249 Where'd you get those savoury clothes? 936 01:22:48,291 --> 01:22:51,415 Rufus introduced us to a place called the mall. 937 01:22:51,583 --> 01:22:54,249 And something called credit cards. 938 01:22:55,500 --> 01:22:57,665 I got them out of England just before they had to marry 939 01:22:57,875 --> 01:22:59,749 those royal ugly dudes. 940 01:23:00,041 --> 01:23:01,707 Way to go, Rufus. 941 01:23:11,500 --> 01:23:13,540 How can we ever thank you, Rufus? 942 01:23:13,791 --> 01:23:17,415 Well, you can start by signing this for my kids. 943 01:23:18,333 --> 01:23:19,540 Why? 944 01:23:19,791 --> 01:23:21,540 They're big fans of yours. 945 01:23:21,750 --> 01:23:24,040 - What? - Everyone is. 946 01:23:24,333 --> 01:23:28,874 Wyld Stallyns' music has become the foundation of our whole society. 947 01:23:30,833 --> 01:23:32,249 No way. 948 01:23:32,583 --> 01:23:34,249 Yes way. 949 01:23:34,500 --> 01:23:37,040 In fact, I believe you were there. 950 01:23:37,333 --> 01:23:39,832 That futuristic place with the domes? 951 01:23:40,041 --> 01:23:43,499 And the totally excellent music. 952 01:23:43,791 --> 01:23:45,582 They totally worshipped us there, Rufus. 953 01:23:45,916 --> 01:23:46,957 I know. 954 01:23:47,208 --> 01:23:50,749 That's why I was sent to make sure you passed your history report. 955 01:23:51,000 --> 01:23:55,249 If you guys were separated, it would have been disastrous for life as we know it. 956 01:23:55,583 --> 01:24:01,124 You see, eventually your music will help put an end to war and poverty. 957 01:24:01,416 --> 01:24:04,874 It will align the planets and bring them into universal harmony, 958 01:24:05,125 --> 01:24:07,999 allowing meaningful contact with all forms of life, 959 01:24:08,291 --> 01:24:13,165 from extraterrestrial beings to common household pets. 960 01:24:13,333 --> 01:24:14,707 And... 961 01:24:14,833 --> 01:24:17,707 it's excellent for dancing. 962 01:24:18,000 --> 01:24:21,124 Whoa. 963 01:24:21,333 --> 01:24:23,790 Why don't you have the ladies sign as well, would you please? 964 01:24:24,041 --> 01:24:26,874 - After all, they are in the band. - They are? 965 01:24:27,125 --> 01:24:29,749 - Excellent. - Excellent. 966 01:24:29,916 --> 01:24:32,040 Where are you going, Rufus? 967 01:24:33,208 --> 01:24:35,082 I got a surprise for you. 968 01:24:44,166 --> 01:24:46,415 Here. 969 01:24:46,583 --> 01:24:48,707 That's to help you as you start your new band. 970 01:24:49,000 --> 01:24:50,499 Thanks, Rufus. 971 01:24:50,750 --> 01:24:54,540 Now I just have one further humble request. 972 01:24:54,750 --> 01:24:58,207 If I might be so honoured to jam with you? 973 01:24:59,291 --> 01:25:02,999 - Do you know how to play, Rufus? - Well, I play a little. 974 01:25:22,833 --> 01:25:24,915 Whoa! 975 01:25:26,583 --> 01:25:28,832 Most outstanding, Rufus. 976 01:25:29,083 --> 01:25:30,249 Let's jam. 977 01:25:38,583 --> 01:25:40,957 - Bill, my friend? - Yes, Ted, my friend? 978 01:25:41,166 --> 01:25:43,790 This has been a most excellent adventure. 979 01:25:45,166 --> 01:25:46,124 - One... - Two... 980 01:25:46,375 --> 01:25:47,915 One, two, three, four! 981 01:25:55,291 --> 01:25:56,540 They do get better. 64831

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