All language subtitles for 28.Days.2000.720p.WEBRip.x264-[YTS.LT] eng

Ow!

Oh, God, it's a fire! Oh!

Fire!

Oh! A jackhammer?
On Saturday?

He should be castrated.

Saturday.

Sat… Oh, God. Oh, God,
it's Saturday.

Get up! Get up!

Get up, get up, get up, get up!

My sister's gonna kill me.

Oh, my God,
what did we do last night?

Oh, the usual.

Collecting money for the poor little
homeless children at the church bazaar.

I think the vicar must have
spiked the Kool-Aid.

Ah! We are way late!

What am I going to
tell my sister?

Is this yours or mine?

Oh, my God, how did that happen?

- I haven't a clue.
- Ah, well, there's my excuse.

I'm late because
my tits caught on fire.

Come on!

Whoops.

Find a cab!
Taxi! Taxi!

Hey, cab! Hey! GWEN: Right there!
Get him! Get him!

Hey! Over here! GWEN: Can
you go a little faster, please?

Fast and alive.
Alive, all right?

Jesus. The alive part is
incredibly important in this case.

Ooh.

You all right, darling?

- Oh, God. I could care less.
- Well, that's the whole point, isn't it?

- Right, to care less.
- To care less.

Oh! Oh! Hey!

This is tasting like cherry brandy,
because I haven't got her a gift.

Thank God for bar cars.

You're late!

Jasper, this is, uh… A bridesmaid
with, uh, makeup and a dress.

Really late.
Like, 45 minutes.

She has absolutely no sense of humor,
but she's really good at telling time.

I am so sorry. There was a water main
break and the train got stuck in Rye.

A little electrical thingy,
you know, and just, explosion.

- You know, I don't know…
- Gwen.

Yeah?

You make it impossible
to love you.

Shit!

May we present Mr.
And Mrs. Andrew Topton?

- Like one?
- Ooh. Ooh.

But didn't you think it was
a pretty wedding?

'Cause I thought it was a
really pretty wedding.

Didn't you think
it was a pretty wedding?

Yeah, but no one wants pretty
anymore from a wedding.

They want a scandal. They
want to take home a story.

Oh. Try these.

Come on. This is a party. Let's have
some fun with it, for God's sake.

Okay, hold on. Let me just…

Oh!

- Oh, my God!
- Oh, what happened?

- You!
- Oh, I'm…

Could you crank it up a little?
Liven everything up.

- Yeah.
- Sure.

- Is there…
- There's a ladies' room…

♪ Well it's Saturday night ♪
♪ and I just got paid ♪

♪ Fool about my money ♪
♪ don't try to save ♪

♪ Heart says go, go ♪
♪ have a time on Saturday night ♪

♪ And I'm feeling fine ♪
♪ Gonna rock it up ♪

♪ I'm gonna rip it up ♪

Whoa! Whoa! Ow.

♪ Gonna fall in love ♪

♪ Gonna rock it up ♪
♪ have a ball tonight ♪

Whoo!

♪ Got me a date ♪
♪ and I won't be late ♪

♪ Picked her up in my 88 ♪

♪ Shag on down to the Union Hall ♪
♪ when the joint starts jumping ♪

♪ Gonna rock it up
Gonna rip it up

♪ Gonna shake it up
gonna fall in love

♪ Gonna rock it up ♪
♪ have a hall tonight ♪

Uh, don't worry.
I'll replace it. Okay?

I'll be right back.

Hey! Hey!

Hey, lady! Hey, lady,
what are you doing?

Cake store. Cake store.
Cake store.

- This is Helga. What city, please?
- Helga?

Yes, um, Bedford.
A cake store.

Lady, if I knew the name, I
wouldn't have called you, okay?

I…

Ah! Ooh. Ooh…

Oh, God! Get out.

Oh, this is perfect.

Later on this afternoon…

All right, everybody.
Now, circle up.

That's it. Come on.

Together, we're better!
We're better, together!

No drugs!

- Yeah, is it real?
- I need a cigarette.

- Hello?
- That judge totally screwed me.

- Hey, good morning!
- This place is horrible.

I should've picked that
rehab center in the city.

- People chant.
- They do what?

They chant here. They chant.

They think I'm chanting, they have
a whole 'nother think coming.

Well, come on, it could be worse.
Could be prison.

Oh, that's worse?

Well, you know, you never hear of anyone
being raped with a plunger in rehab.

Well, no, you don't hear about
it because they cover it up.

- It's not funny!
- Yeah, it is…

Excuse me. Talking.

Uh, no cell phones.

Gwen C, I'm Betty.
Follow me.

We carry our own bags here.
This isn't the Sheraton.

Oh, glass. In case I slit my wrists.
I get it.

An eyelash curler.

And what am I gonna do with that?
Stab myself? Curl my tongue to death?

All right. Betty, was it?

Betty, while you're going
through my stuff,

let's say, uh, we see what
Betty's got in her drawers.

Oh, my God. Betty has locked her drawers.
Why would…

What? It's for my back pain.

All these things will be returned
to you when you check out.

Except for the Vicodin,
which will be flushed.

- Smile!
- It's "Vicodin".

No phone calls, except during posted
phone time and then only for 10 minutes.

No fraternization. That's romance
and/or sex between patients.

Oh, and we chant here.

Don't be put off by it. It's just some
people prefer it to the serenity prayer.

♪ I'll be your friend ♪

♪ I'll help you carry on ♪

♪ For it won't be long ♪

♪ Till I'm gonna need ♪
♪ somebody ♪

Your room.

You're responsible for
keeping it clean.

Andrea, this is Gwen.
Settle her in.

- Do you watch Santa Cruz?
- Pardon me?

Santa Cruz. It's my soap.

They only let us watch TV at night, so
I've missed, like, the last two weeks.

Hey, an intellectual.

Like the stuff you were doing to get
you in here was real brain food.

Everyone, uh, Parker House
people, this is Gwen.

- Gwen, this is everybody.
- Hi. Hello, Gwen.

- Hey, Gwen.
- Hi.

I'm thinking booze.

- Cocaine.
- Painkillers.

- This is not a nice game.
- Well?

Well, what?

Oh, um, what's your drug of
choice?

Alcohol, cocaine, Percodan,
heroin, glue?

I have to pick just one?

Your gateway drug.
What you go for first.

I guess I drink.

- Oh!
- Yes. Come to Papa.

Hand them over. I know people.
You gotta admit that.

Get your thumb out of that one.

What's the matter?

Haven't you ever seen a
trach scar before? Hmm?

It's a tracheostomy, okay?

It's not a growth. It's not a deformity.
It's a scar.

So you can stop staring at it.

Okay, good. Thank you.

I don't think she was
staring, Daniel.

Oh? And how would you know,
faggot?

Oh, jeez.

You're about as perceptive as
Helen Keller.

Actually, Danny-boy, when you think about
it, Helen Keller was pretty perceptive.

Oh, shut up!

- Aw, look at him walk away!
- Bye-bye.

Run away! Run away!

♪ We were up in heaven ♪

♪ Now we're in the mud ♪

♪ We fell off the wagon ♪
♪ You should have heard the thud ♪

- I like your coat.
- Thank you.

- Is that leather?
- Yes.

- Not vinyl?
- Nope.

- You believe in killing animals?
- Yes.

- For clothing?
- Absolutely.

- So do I.
- ♪For 28 boring days ♪

Don't worry about Daniel.

He's just all self-conscious about that
neck thing 'cause he did it to himself.

He had this thing at night where
he'd actually pump his own stomach

so he wouldn't get a hangover.

I guess he knew how, 'cause, you know.
I mean he's a doctor. Or was.

He lost his license after
he killed that patient, but…

Anyway, guess one night while he was
scraping that tube down to his stomach,

somehow he screwed up and he couldn't
breathe and he had to actually

poke a hole in his throat
with a pen or something.

Oh, and Jasper, see if you can dig up
some more Vicodin before you come.

The Gestapo found my first
batch.

That whole
here-but-not-here illusion

will be much easier to sustain
with a little chemical help.

Love, Gwennie.

Good night.

Good night.

Chocolate. Heroin addict.

What are you, like,
12 or something?

Seventeen.

Okay. Loving this. Good night.

♪ Jeremiah was a bullfrog ♪

♪ Jeremiah was a bullfrog ♪

♪ Was a good friend of mine ♪

♪ I never understood ♪
♪ a single word he said ♪

♪ But I helped him ♪
♪ a-drink his wine ♪

♪ And he always had ♪
♪ some mighty fine wine ♪

♪ Singing joy to the world ♪

You girls are a lot of fun.

And that's the most important
thing.

Because if you're not
having fun, peanuts…

What's the frigging point?

Oh, God.

You can keep your drugs
and your whiskey sours.

We got us a higher power!

Yay, God!

Don't forget tonight's
lecture at eight-thirty:

"How Many Brain Cells
Did I Kill Last Night?"

- Decaf.
- Yeah, there's no caffeine. It's mood altering.

Hi.

There was a nice little moment there.
Where you going?

What do you mean you don't have cigarettes?
You gotta have cigarettes.

I'm sorry, but we're fresh out.

Lady, the people out there are addicts, okay?
They need cigarettes like they need air.

Well, I guess that
explains it, then.

Gum?

It wasn't a problem

till, uh, Emmett…
He took up with that girl.

Those nights that he was
out with her,

and I was home with the TV.

See I figured we could see
it through.

So when he said he was
moving her in with us

and that I could
stay or leave…

I see now I should have left.

I've got something…

When you…

- Maybe later? You wanna do it later?
- Sure. I think,

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Why did you…

It's okay. Can you… Some
feeling words in there, or?

- Uh, you know?
- I…

- I don't know how to explain it.
- Okay. All right.

Okay, well, that… That's a good start.
It's a good start.

- We'll do it another time. It's all right.
- Uh-huh.

Okay. So let's… Let's finish up
today with a prayer, all right?

Let's all hold hands.

God, grant me the serenity

to accept the
things I cannot change,

the courage to change
the things I can,

and the wisdom to know
the difference.

It works if you work it!

It's worth it!

- All right! All right.
- Yeah!

Take on the day.
Go ahead.

B-minus.

Hey, Gwen C!

Your bed was not made up, your
clothes were all over the place.

I'm giving you an F for daily
inspection and fining you a dollar.

So pay up.

Tell you what.

Here's five dollars. I don't
plan on cleaning all week.

Bitch.

Hey.

Hey.

- How you doing?
- Good.

Uh, look, I don't know how much money I
have in my, uh bank account, but, uh,

it's all yours if I could just
bum one of those cigarettes.

Sure.

They're Reds.

Thank you.

Been here long?

Yeah.

So, what's the deal here

if somebody was looking for something
with a little more kick than nicotine?

I mean, do people actually get
stuff here, or is it, you know?

- It happens.
- Mmm-hmm?

Yeah? I mean, how… How does it work?
I mean, how can you get stuff?

I mean, can you… Can you
get stuff, or is it, like?

You know if your counselor catches you
using, you can get kicked out of here.

Oh, well I don't plan on
discussing it with him.

Too late.

You know, generally, people come
to rehab not to get loaded.

Yeah, well, I try not to run
with the pack.

Oh, yeah,
you're a real individual.

You're the only person in the
world who does drugs and alcohol.

Look, I meant
what I said out there.

You get caught using, you run
the risk of getting kicked out.

Fair enough. We done?

And believe me,
I'll know if you're using.

Are you always this charming?

Do you always use humor to deflect
things when you're uncomfortable?

Well, do you always use insight
to disarm your new recruits?

What's that?

- It's literature about your disease.
- Oh.

AA big book, some worksheets.

That's a journal I want you to
write in every day.

I suppose I have to do this.

What? You got better things to
do with your time?

Hey, listen.

This isn't the last lousy day
you're gonna have around here.

So just remember, God never dumps
more on us than we can handle.

Oh, is that available stitched
on a pillow somewhere?

Tonight's lecture:
"Are You A Blackout Drunk,

"Or Don't You Remember?"

- Okay.
- You going down?

My problem is my father just happened
to, you know, watch Dateline,

uh, the night they're doing
some expose on, you know,

Park Avenue drug users the night he caught
me doing some blow in the bathroom.

But I don't have a problem. And I
don't have health problems, either.

I play ultimate Frisbee
two times a week.

And… And I'm you know, a patron of the
arts, and diseases and cures and stuff.

That's what I'm spending
my money on.

So I like to have a
little bit of fun.

"Adult Children Of Alcoholics"

is moved to 9:00 p.m.
in room A.

Co-deps starts at 8:00 p.m.
in B.

CAs and NAs meet tomorrow,

and overeaters,
sexual addicts…

Who the hell do you have to know
to get a drink around here?

- Oh, God.
- Oh!

- Oh, my God, I love you so much.
- Shh! Shh! Shh!

So where are
all the celebrities?

Well, there are none. Can you
believe it?

What? Oh come on.

Don't they know all anyone wants from
rehab's a good coked-out star story?

Elizabeth Taylor, weeping
in-group

about how she never felt
beautiful.

Never. Not one single day.

Now, that's the story they want.

- Come here. Come here, I'm gonna get you out of here.
- I'm not supposed to leave.

You're not supposed to have
Mummy's Little Helper

- in your pocket either.
- Hold on, hold on, hold on.

- Okay, go!
- There's a green Isuzu

- parked in a therapist's spot.
- Be very, very quiet. I'm hiding.

Shh! Be very quiet.

♪ Drunk men stagger ♪
♪ Drunk men fall ♪

♪ Drunk men swear ♪
♪ and that's not all ♪

♪ Quite often they will ♪
♪ urinate outdoors ♪

♪ Like widowed women ♪
♪ drunk men weep ♪

Oh, God!

♪ Like children curled up ♪
♪ drunk men sleep ♪

♪ Like a dog a drunk ♪
♪ will crawl around on all fours ♪

♪ If you're broke bum or rich ♪

♪ His dinner be ♪
♪ it bread or cake ♪

♪ His beverage be the worst ♪
♪ of whiskey finest wine ♪

♪ Puke, it stinks ♪
♪ and so it seems ♪

♪ That drunkards go ♪
♪ to great extremes ♪

♪ There's yet to be ♪
♪ a perfectly straight line ♪

Hi, everybody.

So, what's the deal? I'm out?

Well, it'll take me a day to arrange your
transfer. I have to make some calls.

I know where I wanna go. There's
this place in the city that has…

I'm not referring you to a
treatment facility.

I get to go home?

Nope.

Well, where am I going then?

Your sentence was for twenty-eight
days of rehab or jail time.

Oh, well. You don't honestly
think I'm going to jail, do you?

No? For driving drunk,
crashing into a house,

knocking over a lawn jockey that
could've been a four-year old child?

Yeah, but it wasn't. It was a
four-year-old lawn jockey.

Hey, look, that's fine if this is all a big
joke to you, but in here we have rules.

And I warned you about them.

Have your bags packed
by tomorrow morning.

No, I'm not. 'Cause I don't
belong in jail.

I don't even belong in here.

You know, yeah,
I know I drink a lot.

I know I do because I'm a
writer and that's what I do.

- We drink.
- Hi, um, Cornell Shaw for Clancy, please?

I'm not like those people out there.
I can control myself.

No, um, I'll hold.

I can. If I… If that's… If I wanted
to, I could, if that's what I wanted.

I could.

I can.

I can!

You know what?

Forget that, Mr. Rogers,
you twelve-stepping geek.

You know, I mean what do you know about me?
Nothing. You don't know a…

You don't know a goddamn thing
about me, you know that?

♪ Always tomorrow ♪

♪ Lean on me ♪

- ♪ When you're not strong ♪
- Excuse me.

- ♪ And I'll be your friend ♪
- Excuse me. Excuse me.

♪ I'll help you carry ♪

We're better together!
No drugs!

Grant me the serenity

- to accept the things I cannot change…
- Excuse me!

- Are you coming?
- Uh, no.

Okay.

Hi, my name is Cornell.

I am a drug addict, alcoholic,
compulsive gambler/liar.

Hi, Cornell.

Uh, for those of you
who are new tonight,

I now that, uh, this is
not your year.

If that'll make you happy,
I will stop drinking.

And then, I would tell myself,

"Tonight I will
not get wasted."

And then something would happen.

Or nothing would happen.

And, uh…

I'd get that feeling, and you
all know what that feeling is.

When your skin is screaming
and your hands are shaking.

Uh, and your stomach feels like it
wants to jump through your throat.

And you know that if anyone
had a clue

how wrong it felt to be sober,

they wouldn't dream of asking
you to stay that way.

They would say, "Oh, jeez,
I didn't know. Here.

"You know, it's… It's okay for you.
You do that mound of cocaine.

"Have a drink.
Have 20 drinks.

"Whatever… Whatever you need to do
to feel like a normal human being

"you do it."

And, boy, I did it.

- Ow.
- I drank, and I snorted,

and I drank and snorted
and drank and snorted.

And I did this day after day, after
day after night after night.

And I, uh, didn't
care about the consequences,

because I knew that they
couldn't be half as bad

- as not using.
- Shit!

Oh, God!

And then one night
something happened.

You know you're screwed.

Mmm-hmm.

I woke up.

I woke up on a sidewalk

and I had no idea where I was.

I couldn't have told you
the city I was in.

And my head was pounding,

and I looked down and my shirt
is covered in blood.

And as I'm lying there,
wondering what happens next,

I heard a voice.

And it said, "Man,
this is not a way to live.

This is a way to die."

Can I help you?

Eddie Boone, checking in.

You can't bring a girl into
treatment with you, Eddie.

- Oh, God.
- I wasn't gonna keep her.

You know what? You were really
lucky you didn't break anything.

It'll be tender and swollen
for a while.

- Oh.
- Unfortunately,

you're going to have to live with the
pain because I can't give you anything.

So take these.

Good.

Listen, rest. Alternate heat and cold.
Elevate…

You know your carpet is filthy.

And, I… I only bring
that up because, uh,

you know, carpet grit's responsible for
a lot of major health problems and,

you know, that's the last
thing you need around here

is a major health problem.

Uh, hey, um, listen,
about the, um…

about that, uh, jail
thing. I… I can't.

I can't go, um,

uh, well, not because I
don't wanna go, but,

um, it uh…

Oh, God, my hands. You know,
they just keep doing that.

That's not normal. I just… There's
something wrong with my hands.

Um, well, with me.

'Cause, uh…

what kind of person just jumps out of a…
What kind of person jumps out of window

and, uh, you know, because she
can't sit still, you know?

And be alone, and,
you know, in a room without…

You know, a person should be
able to just be alone, right?

You know

human beings should be able
to just breathe.

I can't breathe.

And I feel that…
I think I know…

I think I know that
if I go to jail

like this, you know…
I'll die. And, uh,

I don't wanna die.

I don't like what's happening
here.

Well, wait a minute, let's
try to use a feeling word.

Um, I'm pissed!

Okay, pissed. Why?

Because no way should she be
here.

- All right, but tell her.
- No way should you be here!

That's right. There's a rule.

No using. You broke it.

- I'm sorry.
- Sorry, my ass.

All you've done
since you got here

is sit around while the
rest of us work our butts off.

- I realize that, and…
- And now you expect us to be glad

- that they let you stay?
- I'm not expecting anything.

Gwen, just listening.
Everybody, feeling words.

I don't think you are giving.

I don't feel that you are giving person.
I'm try…

- I'm trying!
- I don't think you have niceness.

You see, I don't feel niceness
coming from you.

Should I just go
to another group?

Oh, that'd be a great idea. You could
spread your negativity even further.

- Daniel.
- You know, if you really try…

- Daniel. -…you could
ruin the experience

- for the entire patient population!
- Hey, Daniel! I am having

a bad day! I am having the worst
damn day of my whole damn life!

So if it is not too much
to ask of you people,

will you just back the fuck off?

Excellent work.
Really excellent work.

Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.

Good sharing, everybody.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Oh, hey, hi. Hey.

Oh. I actually wanted to talk
to you about, um, last night.

I don't normally do
that, but you were great,

- and… And, um…
- Oh, my Lord.

You gotta be kidding me.

What?

Promise me we were safe.

- We were what?
- Safe.

Safe?

You're not, like, uh, one of them
paternity suit kind of gals, are you?

What are you talking about?

- Why? What are you talking about?
- I'm talking about last night.

Well, yeah.

You don't remember last night,
do you?

Well, I got a little drunk
on the airplane.

Oh, well, of course you did.

Um, you know what?
It was, uh nothing.

Just don't worry about it.

- We didn't…
- Nope.

Thank God, boy, I mean…

You know what? That's, uh, that's
more than enough, thank you.

No, I mean, nothing personal. I
just made myself a little promise

of no more ending up naked with some
girl I don't even know what her name is.

That's a noble goal, and I wish you
the very best of luck with it.

Cirrhosis is the ninth leading cause
of death in the United States,

and 45% of the time that
is alcohol-induced.

Let's take a look at
the first slide.

This could be your liver
right now.

Do you have plans for dinner?

This is not a test about you and
how you act in relationships.

It's called Equine Therapy.

Tennessee
doesn't lie and manipulate.

He's just gonna respond
to how you feel.

And your job is
to clean his hoof.

- This is how one gets sober?
- It's character revealing.

The way we approach the horse

is supposed to be the way we
approach the world or something.

And we gotta try and match our insides
with our outsides here. Be real.

Oh, so our therapist today is a
very large, smelly beast of burden.

We're totally in sync.

Step in, you breathe.

Couldn't stink more
if he were dead.

And you reach down,
pinch the tendon,

trust yourself,
and let the horse do the rest.

Who's gonna be first?
Gwen?

- Think you might need some help?
- Nope. I'm fine.

- Let yourself go.
- All right, Mr. Ed,

just pick up your stupid foot.

Can't force it.

- Are you sure you don't need some help?
- No, I'm fine.

All right, look, Cornell,

just… Just, give me a pill,
give me a shot,

give me a, I don't know,
give me a lobotomy.

Right, because instant gratification has
worked so well for you in the past.

Just take it easy
and keep it simple.

I am so tired by the way
you people talk.

You know, I mean, "One day
at a time." What is that?

I mean, like, two, three days
at a time is an option?

I don't need the Romper Room bullshit.
I just need…

- What are you doing?
- It's a therapeutic tool.

You leave me no choice.

Betty, you gotta get me a new roommate.
This guy stinks.

I mean, I don't know whether
he's just eating beef

and he's, like, secreting ketones
out of every pore of his…

We're gonna come back to this,
Betty.

I'm going to be back. We're
in each other's lives, okay?

Hey, Gwen, Gwen,
did you get a sign?

"Confront me if I don't ask
for help."

Um, what kind of help are
you looking for exactly?

Okay, Traci.

I want you to tell your mom,

"When you do drugs,
this is what happens." Okay?

When you do drugs, you don't do
any fun stuff like you used to.

Be specific, Traci.
What was fun?

Well when you played games
with us and do puzzles.

That was fun.

I have an idea.

You wanna tell your mom
about the drawing, Darnell?

It's of me and Traci home late
at night, and Mom's not there.

Now, tell your mom how that makes
you feel when she's not there.

- Worried.
- Wait!

Beat you down.

- Great.
- Oh, man! Not again!

- I don't know.
- Mom, wake up.

- I don't know.
- Mom…

- Hello! Wake up!
- Sad, I guess.

Lonely.

- Hello?
- No reaction.

Scared, worried.

I have an idea.

Oh!

- She's fine.
- She's up.

Bye!

Hey, hey, what do you know?

Pills and booze have got to go!

Hey, hey, what do you say?

Sober is the only way!

- All right.
- Whoo!

Good night, Eddie.

- Wait for me!
- Beat you.

- Girls!
- What?

- Aunt Helen, what are you doing here?
- Where's mom?

I'm just gonna be
straight with you.

Your mother has passed.

That's okay. Just slap her
real hard, and she'll wake up.

Girls, this'll only be for a while until
we figure out something more permanent.

- Hello?
- Hey, it's me. Gwen.

Well, I know which "me" it is.

What is it? Oh, no, let me guess.
You need money.

'Cause I'm not gonna
give you any more money, Gwen.

I… Lil, I don't need money. I'm just…
It's different this time.

Um, great.
I'm glad to hear it, Gwen.

Hey, whatever happened to our
fun-and-friendly sister rapport?

I don't know.
Why don't you tell me?

Um…

Look, they make you…

- They're having a family week.
- What?

A… Family sessions.
They… They, um…

work with us for a couple of days, they
teach us how to talk to each other

- and then they supervise an actual conversation.
- Uh, what?

You want me to come there,
is that what you're saying?

They make you ask somebody, so
it's either you or Aunt Helen.

So, uh, let me get this
straight.

You screw up, and then I'm supposed to
drop everything in my life and just…

They can… They can schedule it around,
you know, what's good for you. So…

- Hello?
- No, I'm… It's just…

You know, I'm cooking here,
okay?

You know. I've got people
coming over. I can't just…

Oh, God. I'm sorry.
I didn't mean, you know…

No, I mean, you never do.
Gwen, you never mean anything.

I have to… I have to go.

Lil, look, I bet this one's
really fast.

It's just a table, stupid.
Leave it alone.

No, it's a sled.

Well, I'm not a fan of all
soap operas, just Santa Cruz.

I mean it's just an incredible show.
I saw it the first time, um,

when I was in the hospital a while ago
after I got out of my first rehab center.

There was this girl on the
show who's Darian…

She was also hospitalized, and it was
like I was staring at myself. I mean,

not physically, 'cause I don't
have the curly hair and stuff.

I mean, this whole thing
had happened with her.

She had actually been impregnated
by her brother, but, I mean,

she obviously didn't know it was
her brother at the time, and…

And I don't have a brother.

But I have sisters.

So it's really sort of, um,
been an inspiration for me.

And it's really sort of helped
me stay sober off and on.

- Mom, everything's okay.
- Hi!

Hey, Andrea.

Hey, Daniel.

Daniel? Wanna give me
one of those?

Get your own.

All right, then.

Hey, Gary, can I bum a cig?

There she is.

Hello, darling.
How are you?

Ow. Ow. Ow!
Christ!

- Oh, my God, what's that?
- Hi, Gerhardt.

- Ah, nothing.
- Well, you poor little thing.

What are they doing to you here?

- I fell.
- Is that part of the therapy?

Ah, you poor baby.

I'll get you home, darling.

- Okay.
- Listen, everyone's asking after you.

Like who?

Like, uh, Mrs. Lefkowitz
from downstairs. Remember her?

- What, the non-talker?
- Right. Five years, not a peep.

I'm crossing the lobby yesterday, she stops
in her tracks, looks at me and says,

"Thanks God you got rid of that girl.
She's nothing but bad news."

- That's not funny.
- Of course, it's funny.

No. Jasper, it's not.

Anonymous strangers thinking I'm
bad news, that's not funny.

It is funny, believe me. Everyone
I've told has laughed really hard.

Oh, that's great.

Oh, come on. You need cheering up.
I'm taking you away.

- What are you doing?
- Well, this'll cheer you up a bit.

Get away from these freaky
people.

- You don't wanna be here?
- Sorry.

Ow! God!

Here, have some cheese.

No, have it on a roll.

Mmm, I don't want bread,
I'm getting fat.

Come on, it's better with bread.

Not if I don't want bread,
it's not.

All right, I'll have the bread.
Just break it open for me.

- No. What is your problem?
- Just break open the bread.

- This is a ring.
- Yep.

What are you proposing or…

Yeah, I am.

At rehab.

No. I'm proposing to you now.
You happen to be here.

Yeah, but, I don't know.
I mean…

"Well, how did he ask?"

"Well, he came down to
visit me in rehab, and, um…"

Okay, so it's not moonlight
in Maui.

Where did you think
we were gonna get married?

- McSorley's Pub?
- Why not? Make a good story.

I don't need anymore stories. I have
enough stories. I would like a life.

Well, I guess that was what
I thought I was offering.

- What is that?
- Champagne.

I brought it to go with the
proposal,

thinking, wrongly, this might
be quite a romantic moment.

This is so not how I saw
this whole thing playing out!

I'm sorry. I'm just not taking
this as lightly as I used to.

- Taking what?
- This. This. This. This

straighten-up-and-fly-right
thing.

This… I don't know. I mean, maybe
there is something wrong with me.

- Is that what they're telling you here?
- No!

- No, yeah. It is.
- Yeah.

- And you know what? I think they're right.
- Well, they're not. Trust me.

You're just in a rut.
It happens to everyone.

No, Jas. There's an entire world of
people out there who do everything right.

They live right, they don't
drink, they don't do drugs…

- That's a crock of shit.
- …and they are happy.

They're not happy. No one
adult human being is happy.

People are born they have a limited amount
of time going around thinking life is dandy,

but then inevitably,
tragedy strikes,

and they realize
life equals loss.

The whole point of the game is to minimize
the pain caused by that equation.

Now some people do it by having kids or
making money or taking up coin collecting.

And others do it
by getting wasted.

Letting that little
switch in the head

turn the hot light off
and the cool light on.

Nobody gets hurt collecting
coins.

- Everybody hurts everybody. It's
the human condition! -

Oh, come on, Gwennie. Don't let them tell
you there's something wrong with you!

There isn't! You're fine!

I don't feel fine.

Well, of course you don't feel fine.
You're in deliverance country

surrounded by
a bunch of sober freaks.

And you're not with me.

Come on. I don't feel fine these days either
and I think that's because we're apart.

You're mine.

I'm yours.

I love you.

Why do you want me, Jasper?
I am such a mess.

Maybe I like mess.

There's a time when you
can share and you can

hold hands and
be on the same path.

But there's always a fork in
the road at some point.

And sometimes you have to
go on one part of the fork

and they gotta go on
the other part of the fork.

Or just down the back part of
the fork while you go forward.

And they're like…

Or they got a salad fork, and you
have one of the big dinner forks

and you have longer to go but they're
like, done, because that's it.

They're stuck on
a piece of food that they…

Their dessert fork, or,
like one of those, you know,

small little shrimp forks or the crab forks
when you're trying to get out a crab.

They're like that, and you're over here
jumping through the huge serving fork

or something like that.

Or a ladle, you know…

Hey, And.

Guess what?

Hey, goober.

What, you don't want to
talk to me right now?

I only had, like, five pieces.

What are you doing?

Here, give me that.

- She didn't come.
- Your mom?

I waited all day for her.

- I did my hair.
- Yeah.

Well, honey, she probably had to you
know, work or something like that.

No, she just hates me.
I make her embarrassed.

She doesn't hate you. Here, hold on
to this. I'm gonna go get someone…

- No, no! Don't tell anybody!
- No, no. It's okay. We have to.

- It's very serious.
- No, they'll take me to Psychiatric!

- They won't let me stay here!
- Okay, okay, okay, okay.

- Okay, okay, okay, okay.
- Please, I can't get kicked out again.

Okay, we're not going to
go anywhere, all right?

All right, come on,
why don't we, um…

- Why don't we go in the other room? Okay?
- Okay. Mmm-hmm.

How did you do that?

- What? That?
- Mmm-hmm.

Uh, it's pretty easy. You just

take one of these.

Tear it in half.

Just so you know, I wasn't

trying to off myself
or anything.

Okay.

It's just something
I do sometimes.

Doesn't it hurt?

It feels better.

Than what?

Everything else.

Yeah, like that.

Then you try and slip them
into the cracks like that.

Right there.

And is he a drunk?

I don't know. Maybe.

Well, then you'll have
to say no.

It's just like Darian and
Falcon.

He was addicted to
gambling, and…

And even though she completely
and completely loved him,

she had to walk away.

Am I supposed to know these
people?

From Santa Cruz.

- Ah.
- It was more complicated for them, though,

'cause it turned out that they were
actually half-brother, half-sister.

But Darian didn't know that when
she found out about the gambling.

Uh-huh. Can't believe this is
the advice I'm getting.

Yeah, well a show doesn't stay on the
air for 18 years for being stupid.

Tonight's lecture:
"I've Worked All Twelve Steps.

"Can I go home now?"

- Bus is here.
- Thanks.

Oh, my God.

Let's go, team!
It's all about trust today.

Whoa.

Ooh. Come here.

Listen, um,

uh, about last night. I really
think, uh, you should tell somebody.

Oh, yeah. I already did.

Yeah, when?

This morning. I found my
counselor, and I told her,

and we talked about it.
She's gonna help me out.

Hold on, hold on.
You really talked to her?

No, I'm making it up.

We don't really have to climb
this thing, do we?

Well, we don't know
the whole story.

I think that we ought to hear her
side before we go saying what's what.

Yeah. Guzzling Gwen!

What's up with the
ring-in-the-roll guy?

- Who?
- Your boyfriend!

Andrea, does the phrase "in
confidence" mean anything to you?

- You never said not to tell.
- Oh, okay.

Gwen, I know better than anyone

how important it is
who you marry.

But, honey, just because somebody proposes
that don't mean you have to say yes.

- Did someone propose to Gwen?
- Her boyfriend.

- I thought Gwen was a lesbian.
- I'm not a lesbian!

It'd be okay if you were, you
know.

- Can we just talk about something else, please?
- Uh-oh.

- When did all this happen?
- Yesterday. On the lake.

Was it sunset?

Sunset by the
lake is very romantic.

It was lunchtime,
and he brought a picnic,

- with champagne.
- He brought champagne?

Oh, come on! We didn't drink it.
I threw it overboard.

Well, it's not a very cool guy to
bring you booze in rehab, huh?

Please, it's not his fault. He just
doesn't' understand what I'm doing here.

If you were serious about getting
sober, your love partner would know.

You must not be very committed
to your recovery, huh?

- Ah! Oh, my God! Ah!
- Sorry.

Aren't you supposed to be
doing something right now?

- I gotcha.
- I say you dump that guy.

Believe it or not,

I can make this decision on my own, okay?
I don't need your help.

That's not what
your neck sign says.

Oh, forget
what my neck sign says.

He doesn't know the first thing about me!
Neither do you people!

You don't have to live
my shitty little life.

And until you do, do not tell me to give up
the one person that matters to me, okay?

Because I know he's not perfect,

but he's the one person
that'll show up on my birthday

and he'll say, "I'm
glad you were born!"

Ah!
What is the matter with you?

- Just let go. Trust it.
- Yeah. Trust it.

Oh, my God.
Look at my package.

♪ Wherever I may roam ♪

♪ On land or sea or foam ♪

♪ You can always hear me ♪
♪ singing this song ♪

♪ Show me the way ♪
♪ to go home ♪

Here we go.

Oh, my God.

Is there a key to the
ladies' room, please? Thank you.

Excuse me, sir.

Can I please have the key
to the men's room?

- What?
- Eddie Boone.

- What?
- Eddie Boone!

Thank you.

Come on, come on, come on.

I need some paper, some pens.

- Dad, we need a napkin or something.
- All right.

Okay, hold on. Hold on.
Let me look.

- This is all I got. That's it.
- Thanks, thanks.

Uh. There.

- What's your name?
- Um, my name's Adam.

- And, I'm Dan.
- And Dan.

You pitched a no-hitter against
the Braves on August the fourth.

Is that right? August fourth?

- August fourth.
- Okay, Eddie, where's your car, man?

- I bet it's like, really cool.
- My car?

Uh, you know what, guys?
Uh, we gotta get home.

Say goodbye now.

Nice to meet you.

Yeah. Nice to meet you.

Have a great season, Eddie.

Hi.

Mail call.

Oh, Charm Blossom. You know,
this really isn't necessary.

Lining up the mail like some
sort of bar graph

to show the relative fullness
of everyone's life.

- I know my life is empty, okay?
- For you.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Watching game tapes?
- Yup.

They're out of ginger snaps.

Uh-huh.

Well, it looks like your
mail's more fun than mine.

- Do you want them?
- You don't want them?

No. What did you get?

From my sister. She's
coming to family sessions.

- Oh, that's good.
- No.

I'd pay very good money not
to hear what she has to say.

So, what's wrong
with your balls?

So to speak.

So to speak, nothing.
I just don't want them.

- Why not?
- 'Cause I don't.

You know in the world of philosophy,
that's called a tautology.

Something is what it
is because it is what it is.

Why is the sky blue?
Because it reflects the ocean.

Why is the ocean blue? Because it
reflects the sky. That kind of thing.

Who are you talking to?

I have no idea.

Man, I bet you can't sit still and
be quiet for even one minute.

I can.

Yeah?

Oh, is this what we're doing
now?

A little quiet contest?
Okay.

Ahh.

Wait a minute.

- Hey. These are not game tapes.
- Gwen, no, no, no. Wait.

- Oh, my God!
- Let me have that!

- I know what this is!
- Darian?

I can't believe you watch this!

- I wasn't…
- Santa Cruz watcher.

Don't make me do this, Falcon.
Can't you see this is torture for me?

Don't you know every
moment away from your bed

is another moment
of hell for me?

- Um…
- I'm sorry.

- No, it's fine.
- No, I'm sorry,

- I'm sorry.
- No, no, it's totally fine.

Don't speak to me like this.

I always do that.
I always do that.

You always do what?

Women…

Drugs, women. I mean, just
leap before you think.

Not you. I mean…

What are you saying? What,
you were trying to snort me?

Turn it off, Darian.
That nice…

Yeah, maybe.

What a perfect opportunity to
thank him for curing your cancer.

Oh, if I had known he was gonna save
your life just to join it with his

I would have preferred you died.

Pretty good show,
once you…

Once you get to know
everybody in it.

So who sent you all those balls?

- My agent.
- Yeah?

He's trying to psych me up.

Oh, for next season?

Well, for there to be a
next season. Yeah.

Why?
You thinking about retiring?

I don't know. Might have to. I
mean you gotta quit sometime.

I'm not 22 anymore.

Plus, you know, maybe a
more normal life

might be a little less pressure.

I understand. Marry a cute
girl, move to the suburbs

spend your weekends mowing…
You'll never wanna do coke again.

- Are you okay?
- These headaches!

Darian? Darian? What the hell
is he doing here?

What?

Get an ambulance.

He has meligioma astrocytoma.

What is it?

A tiny little cluster of
brain tumors.

- Tiny clusters?
- He's very sick.

Attention all patients.
Tonight's lecture:

"What's Wrong With Celebrating
Sobriety By Getting Drunk?"

Hey. Give it to her.

Just give it to her.

Ah! Oh my God.
How did you get this?

Guys, this is the soap opera
that I watch.

You watch my soap?

- Yeah.
- Eddie you surprise me.

I only work every fifth day.

How else am I supposed to
do with my time?

Well, thank you very much.

Sometimes I like to read.

You know, literature?
Stuff like that.

Your betting is what lost
you your money and my respect.

I love you.

Mom, Dr. Griffin, what are
you doing here?

Darian.

We've come to tell you
something about Falcon.

Darian, it looks like I may be
carrying Falcon's child.

And what do you wanna bet that child
turns out to have a gambling problem?

- Oh, no!
- Ah!

It's just another tiny cluster.

Do something!

It's just a little tiny cluster.
It'll be over in a minute.

He'll get over it. Falcon will
be back, better than ever.

No, no, Falcon's
leaving the show.

He's having brain clusters.

Maybe it's more than a
little tiny cluster.

I hate that mother.

I love her.

- You do?
- I think she's hilarious.

Okay. I want you to talk to
Gwen, and be specific.

Pick one incident.

You ruined my wedding.

And when that happened,
how did you feel?

How do you think
it made me feel?

Tell her.

I'm trying to explain here,
okay?

I mean, you asked me,
so I'm just…

I mean, she shows up drunk,

stumbles through the
entire ceremony

and after at the reception,
she gets up

and, in front of my friends,
my new in-laws,

she gives this toast

- that was completely…
- What? What toast?

- Gwen, let your sister talk.
- What toast?

"Well, not
everybody can be perfect.

"But at least some of us
can try."

We all know that grownups have
to make compromises.

And Lily is very, very grownup.

So that's what she did.

She said, "Is Andrew

"the very best man for me
on this Earth?

"No.

And I mean, no."

She says, "Hey, I'm not getting any younger.
He makes a hell of a lot of money so…

"So I'll marry
the little sucker."

To Lily and her little sucker.

That's not what happened.

Oh, and you think that your
memory of that day

is somehow better than mine?

- Hey, I don't think so.
- Let's try to stick with the format.

I'm sticking to the format. I'm just
trying to give you a picture here.

And she walks around like

some victim, like life just
handed her this raw deal.

Well, you know,
my father left, too.

And my mother died
when I was little, too.

And you don't see me using
that as some excuse

to just completely
abandon all self-control

- and indulge myself in…
- Indulge?

- Yeah, indulge.
- You… What? You think I like this?

We've gotten off-track here.
Lily, Lily…

Think about Gwen's
behavior at your wedding

and tell her now how you feel.

Yeah, Lily,
how does it make you feel?

You know, this is just…
This is…

I don't need this.

I have a life.

Wait for me.

Beat you.

What are you doing?

Great.
Another thing I suck at.

Well, hold on.
Gwen, hey. Please.

Come here a second.

- What?
- What were you thinking about?

When you threw the ball,
what were you thinking about?

I don't know. The mating habits
of African ants. I don't know…

- The striped thing.
- The mattress?

- You were thinking about hitting the mattress?
- Yeah.

Well, you know, it might sound funny
to you, but that's all wrong.

- Oh, good.
- When you get all locked in on the strike zone,

next thing you know it's looking about the
size of a peanut. And you're thinking…

Your thinking, "Damn. I gotta
get that little ball in there?"

You've psyched yourself right
out of the game.

The strike zone, the call, the count,
the batter, all that, forget all that.

You gotta think about the
little things.

You know?
The things you can control.

You can control your stance,
your balance,

your release,
your follow-through.

All right, think about those little
things and only those little things.

You know? I mean,
'cause when you…

When you let go of the
ball, it's over.

You don't have a say in what happens down
there. I mean that's somebody else's job.

- I want you to try this.
- I don't want to try it.

- Yeah. I'm just curious.
- I don't wanna do it.

You don't have to do anything. I
just wanna see how you hold it.

Just hold it. Don't grab it.

Don't grab it.
Look at it, look at it.

Hold it like an egg.

Loose. Easy. All right?

Let me just get a look at it
from over here.

Let me just get a
look at it from over here.

All right, now.

I want you to throw
it over here nice and easy.

Point at me with your left hand.

I want you to throw it where
you're pointing at.

That was better. Of course you
nutted the batter,

and the other team's rushing out
to beat the crap out of you.

But it was better.

Try again. Heads up.

I want you to do it again.
This time shut your eyes.

- What?
- Just shut your eyes.

- So weird.
- Fire away.

Right there. That is a strike
in any country.

- Yeah?
- You're a natural.

Come on.

Come on.

Folks, the definition of insanity
is repeating the same behavior

over and over again,
expecting different results.

Thank you.

- I have a question.
- Yeah?

Once we all leave,

we have needs that are
going to need to be filled

by people physically at times.

How and when can we do that?

- Not how, just when?
- Yeah, I know, I know.

Lots of people in recovery want to know
when's a good time to start dating.

And, uh,

my rule of thumb is, when you
get home, get yourself a plant.

Okay? I like those spider plants, but
you know, whatever turns you on.

Then in about a year, get a pet.

And then, if, in say two years, the
plant and the pet are still alive

then you can start to think
about having a relationship.

Thanks.

I'll be fine. I know what
to do.

Don't drink, go to meetings,
find a sponsor, ask for help.

Don't drink, go to meetings,
find a sponsor, ask for help.

♪ Happy trails to you ♪

♪ Keep smiling until then ♪

♪ Who cares about the clouds ♪
♪ if we're together ♪

♪ Just sing a song ♪
♪ and bring the sunny ♪

Well, I hope he makes it.

Well, statistically, only
three out of 10 of us will.

So, in a way,

it's good for us if he goes
back to using, you know?

Odds-wise.

God,
I love afternoons like this.

Do you know what's missing
from this afternoon?

That I don't have a very dry vodka martini
with two olives in a chilled glass.

God, I miss that.

You know, lately I've been
lying awake at night,

thinking of all the dumb-ass things
I've done when I was messed up.

One night last year at dinner,

I threw up all
over my glazed ham.

And then I was thinking, "Well,
maybe nobody noticed." You know?

People think of it as a garnish.

Yeah, I'm a winner.

Oh, God.

You know what the worst one was?

For me?

My best friend in
the whole world.

We grew up playing ball,
hunting, fishing.

One Sunday morning, he walks
in on me and his wife in bed.

I'll never live that one down.

Tell me one of yours.

- Excuse me?
- What's the worst thing you ever did

when you were messed up?

Oh, uh… I don't know.

Come on. Give me a couple.
I'll… I'll pick one.

I don't…
I don't really remember any.

I just told you some stuff
that's,

- you know pretty much.
- I'm a drunk. Drunks forget everything. You know?

- Come on.
- Why?

So I can recount the last 15
disgusting years of my life

to humiliate myself?
No, thanks.

Yeah. Why not?

Why? Because I don't feel like it. I
don't feel like talking about it.

What's the matter?
You too good for me?

What are you, dense? Did your
mother drop you on your head? What?

I said no.

I don't wanna talk about it.
Let's just drop it.

God, it's so hard.

You're a doctor. That's
the way it's supposed to be.

- Hey, Gwen…
- Shh.

This isn't the Sheraton.

Your chores are posted.

We will take the stairs.

What? I paid you a shit load of money. I am
not doing any chores, just to let you know.

- Pills.
- Booze.

Coke and sex.

We're not going
to need any champagne.

It's our daughter Darian,
Deirdre.

Oh, don't worry about Darian. I
tucked her into bed hours ago.

So did I.

No.

No.

No!

Oh, God!

It was the most unbelievable
episode. I wish you'd seen it.

Everyone was losing their minds.

- What are you doing?
- Packing.

What does it look like?

- Why? You're not leaving for another couple of days.
- So?

I am leaving.

Might as well get ready. There's no
point in making this room all homey

when I'm only gonna be here,
like, 42 more hours.

Come on. There's 20
minutes left till curfew.

Come on, let's go
get some ice cream.

- Satisfy those sugar cravings of yours.
- No, thanks.

You don't have to do this,
you know.

Do what?

How do you know what I have to do?
Have you ever left rehab before?

- No, but I…
- Okay. But nothing.

You've never left rehab before, so you
don't know what you're talking about.

True, but I have been a part of some very
emotional sing-outs, and I thought…

Oh, God, I'm sorry. That's right. You
sang, uh, Lean On Me a few times,

the stupidest freaking
cheesy song ever.

My mistake then. You must know about
leaving rehab better than anyone.

Oh, I got an eyelash.

Make a wish.

Custody of my kids.

Um, sobriety.

Oh, come on, baby.
We all want that.

Think of something else.

My foreskin back.

No one asked me
before they took it.

They just took it.

Way to share, Gerhardt.
Way to share.

Okay, here we go.

All gone.

Hey! Read the sign.

Oh, Betty, where's the love,
huh?

Daniel, wow.

Guzzling Gwen.

Hey, what, uh…
What happened?

This?

I honest to God don't know.

Well, um…

It's really nice to see you.

Hey, hey, hey, get a room.

Ah! Oh, my God, it's a joke!
It's a miracle!

Ooh, you know what? I could, uh I could
really use your medical expertise,

if you got a second.
Do you have a second?

I got a second.

- Use a condom.
- Ah, two!

Two in one day!

Gerhardt?

Gerhardt. Hey.

Um, I wrote this for Andrea's
going away, and that is for you.

- Am I the lead?
- Yes.

If you could do that, right there,
that would be really great.

I think I should direct this.

- You don't want me.
- No, I do want you. You're gonna be great.

- Gwen, I'll ruin it.
- No, you… Bobbie Jean, you get to wear lipstick.

- Really?
- Yeah, yeah. So just, um…

Just, uh, think, uh, think Meryl Streep.
Think Cry In the Dark.

Remember? "Dingo stole my baby.
A dingo stole my baby."

Andrea D mail pickup at the
Parker cabin, main room.

Andrea D.

Okay, go. Go, go, go, go, go.

- Gerhardt, come on!
- Oh, all right. Okay.

Watch the phone.

Somebody sent you
a cute little monkey.

We used to make those
here. They're real easy.

You just take a string, tie it
around the toes, becomes the head.

- Hey.
- And the arm…

Hey. Come here.

Okay, so just sit down.

Hello, everybody.

My name's Gwen. Uh,

I'm an alcoholic and an addict.

But I guess
you already know that.

In honor of Andrea's departure,

instead of singing,
Lean On Me yet again,

uh, we have our own
version of Santa Cruz.

Andrea,

I hope you like it.

And now Santa Booze.

Oh, Falcon.

I am so afraid. When they find
I've taken you out of the hospital

Mother and Dr. Griffin Hartley
are sure to come here.

What will we do?

- If I can't be without…
- With you. With you.

If I can't be with you,

I would rather be dead.

Oh, but, dear God, the tiny
clusters of tumors in my brain.

Oh, God. The tiny little clusters of
tumors in his brain. Somebody, help!

Oh, God.

Wait, I have some pills that…

I'm okay. It's okay.
I'm okay.

Oh, Falcon. Hold me.

Hey, Falcon.

I knew we'd find you two
together.

Falcon. Darian, your lover
is also your sister.

- No!
- It's not possible.

It is not possible.

Deirdre, darling, I have some bad news.
Your daughter, Darian, uh,

uh, Falcon's lover
and, uh, sister,

is also carrying my baby.

- No.
- No!

Oh, God!

Get out of here!

- Get out of here! Go.
- All right. I got no problem getting out of here.

- What are you doing?
- I'm just improvising. They do that on soaps.

Ow. What are you doing?

Just improvising.
Go with it.

Oh! But, no, my tumors!

- It's the, uh, melio… Meli…
- Meligioma astrocytoma.

Well, whatever. Look, I'm sorry,
there's nothing I can do.

What are…
What are you doing?

It says in the script that
we're supposed to kiss.

Uh, Andrea, I like you, bon voyage,
but I'm not kissing Gerhardt.

Okay, everybody. Excellent work. Excellent
work. That was really good sharing.

I really enjoyed that. You know, good
use of feeling words and all of that.

Give me more, give me more.

- Who are you?
- I'm Evelyn. Don't you recognize the hat?

Okay, but seeing
as you're all addicts,

drugs, sex, the same
story line for 16 years,

you know, here are some therapeutic
tools, you know, to keep you going.

Sometimes you gotta kiss ass
before you can kick it.

It's the engine that kills you
not the caboose.

Make love, not war.

Don't ever be someone's slogan
'cause you are poetry.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Hey.

You missed a damn fine show.

All your favorite
characters were there.

Yeah, well, I'm happy for you.

You can't still be mad at me.

Listen, I'm sorry I said that.

You're not dense.
You're… You're great and

you know, that's why I didn't want to
rehash my entire disgusting history,

you know, in front of you
because…

Because…

It…

And what you'll think.
You'll just…

Look, I know people's perceptions of
girls who screw other girls' boyfriends.

I know what the world's perception is
on somebody who goes into a bar and

realizes five hours later that I've left my
three-year-old godson in the back of the car.

I mean, people
don't like people like that.

They don't like people…
I don't like people like that.

Those just things you've done.

Not who you are.

People make mistakes, you know?

Who you are is just fine.

More than fine.

Hey!

Hey. Jasper.

What are you doing here?

- Well, I was looking for you. Successfully, as it turns out.
- Oh.

Yeah. No, I meant, um, why aren't
you at your parents' house?

Oh, that. You know, I realized, what
with them both being completely senile

I could just call them in a week,
thank them for a great time,

they'll probably think
I made the trip.

See. I thought…
I thought you might be lonely.

Oh, uh, this is Eddie.
He's a patient here.

And… He's, uh,
from Oklahoma.

Well, how do you do, Eddie from Oklahoma?
I'm Jasper.

Uh, I'll leave you guys
to it, then.

Well, hang on. I don't know about that.
I mean… Let's think this through.

You see, the way I see it, Gwennie,
we've got two options here.

Scenario number one: We let Eddie from
Oklahoma head off to the showers,

wash off all that very
manly sweat,

and you and I could bullshit
our way through the afternoon.

Or scenario number two:

We could all acknowledge the awkward
situation in which we find ourselves.

I have no idea what
you're talking about.

That was a clear vote
for scenario number one.

And how about you,
Eddie from Oklahoma?

Care to weigh in?

Abstaining? Interesting.

Well, I guess that leaves only me in
favor of calling a spade a spade.

And saying, pardon me, sir,

but I'd prefer it if you
wouldn't sleep with my fiancee.

Jasper.

You got the wrong idea
here, pal.

Don't call me "pal."

I mean, I'm not your pal.

And don't treat me
like an idiot.

Do me that one courtesy, please.
'Cause I'm not that, either.

In fact,
I've got more brain cells

than your entire redneck
family all put together.

Jasper, don't be a jerk.

- Yeah, Gwen, don't be a slut.
- Hey.

Come on, back off, pal.

- Oh! Ah!
- Eddie. Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.

Go. Go.

- Let me see it. Let me just…
- Get off.

Come on,
let's put some ice on it.

Come on.

This way.

Honey, wake up. Andrea!

Somebody! Somebody! Come!

Gwen, what is it?

Go back in your rooms.

Oh, what did you do?
Oh, your hands are so cold.

Somebody, hurry up!

- What happened?
- I don't know. She took that…

- Well, what?
- I don't know what this is! Get somebody! Hurry!

We have a medical emergency.
Send an ambulance right away.

- Let me in.
- Get back in your rooms, now!

Oh, Jesus.

We as a community have all
been deeply affected by our loss.

I'd like to begin with
how I feel.

And that's scared.

Because I've heard so many people here
say, "I just wanna use one more time."

Andrea's one more time
was what killed her.

She didn't kill herself.

She used.

She overdosed.

That's what happens to you
or I…

Hello?

Hello?

- It's me.
- Gwen, what happened?

- Lil…
- Are you all right?

Um…

Gwennie?

I'm sorry.

I don't know.

You wanna know how I feel, Gwen?

How I always felt around you?

Small.

You have this

way.

You know, it's that Mom thing.
That amazing gravitational force.

Even when she was a mess, you
know, the world noticed her.

You have that.

And I guess,

I figured that
you always knew that.

I don't know.
When I went back home,

I started thinking.

And maybe you don't know that

about yourself, I mean.

I mean, who would've
told you, you know? Not me.

The only thing I ever told you was
what a pain in the ass you were.

Well, I am a pain in the ass.

Even a pain in the ass
needs someone

to take care of them.

I didn't do that.

I didn't,

and I should have.

I should have
helped you with your homework.

I should have walked you home
after school.

Sometimes I'd be
walking with my friends,

and I'd see you
half a block ahead,

all alone.

You were so little.

Well, so were you.

Yeah.

Well, I never asked for help
so…

But you needed it, didn't you?

I mean, everybody does.

Yep.

I'm sorry I make it so
impossible to love me.

You make it impossible for
me not to love you, Gwen.

Oh.

Ninety meetings in 90 days.

And ask for help.
It's always there.

Anything else?

Just goodbye.

♪ Jeremiah was a bullfrog ♪

♪ Was a good friend of mine ♪

♪ I never understood ♪
♪ a single word he said ♪

♪ But I helped him ♪
♪ a-drink his wine ♪

♪ And he always had some ♪
♪ mighty fine wine ♪

Take care, sweetie pie.

♪ Joy to the world ♪

♪ All the boys and girls ♪

♪ Joy to the fishes ♪
♪ in the deep blue sea ♪

♪ Joy to you and me ♪

♪ If I were ♪
♪ the king of the world ♪

♪ I'll tell you what I'd do ♪

♪ I'd throw away the cars ♪
♪ and the bars and the war ♪

♪ And make sweet love to you ♪

Look, I messed up.

I got riled up,

and there isn't a lot I can do about it right
now, except I just wanna say I'm sorry.

And, you know,
people make mistakes.

If you can't handle that,
if you…

if you wanna decide that my messing up
means I'm not worth being your friend

then you're not half
as smart as you think you are.

That guy, Jasper.

I don't know him.

But I do know that,
that he is dangerous for you.

Hey.

Wait.

Turkey. Meant to be symbolic of my
behavior last time we saw each other.

I tried to track down
some roasted asshole, but…

Listen, all right?

I've been thinking about us.

Just to say. I can change
if you want me to.

And we can have a totally
different life together.

All right? I'll buy running shoes.
We'll take up yoga

or, uh, jogging or…

You know, we'll be organized. Pay
our bills, we'll floss our teeth.

We won't set fire
to the apartment anymore and

I'll buy a goldfish, and
we'll be like normal people.

- You hate normal people.
- No.

What I hate is being
without you.

Oh, come on. You don't wanna
do this on your own, do you?

We have to go. I tell you.

Ten people died. That's 500
people having an amazing time

chasing this cheese
down this one and two gradient

in the middle of the Cotswolds.
It's hilarious.

The only person who dies, who really
died last year, is this old woman.

Jasper, do you ever shut up?

I'm sorry. But it's just that, you
know, if I'm gonna do this…

- You know, if I'm gonna really…
- Stay clean and sober,

as they say in the program.

Yeah.
But it's not that simple.

Everything has to be
different. Just everything.

Absolutely.

And…
And, uh, that includes us.

I'm trying to, uh,
change things in me.

- I'm trying to…
- Oh, my God. Look who's here.

Hey, Marty.

Yeah, Elaine, look. Yeah.

- I was hoping I would find you here.
- Oh, God, she's alive.

Gwennie's back in action.

You guys gotta celebrate with us. We
got a monster table going in the back.

- Be fun.
- Ooh. Excellent idea.

You know what? We're actually in
the middle of something right now.

Oh, come on, Gwennie.

- Give us a couple of minutes. We'll be over.
- Sure.

All right.

That was really embarrassing.

Hey, Gwen!
Gwen, where are you going?

Look, come on.
They're waiting for us.

Come on, Gwennie.
We'll just go in the back bar,

have a quick soda water,
and then we'll go.

They just wanna say welcome home.
Come on.

What the hell are you doing?

I don't know. I'm just trying to make
my outsides match my insides, I guess.

Gwen, would you leave
the horse alone?

Oh, come on.

I just need help!

Right now!

I can control the little things,

then I just have to let go

and it's up to somebody else.

Well, the hoof's looking
pretty good, Gwen.

Yeah. Yeah, it does,
doesn't it?

Are we all fixed now?

Not yet, but,

- I'm getting there.
- Why? What else have you gotta do?

Check his teeth?

Bye, Jasper.

Sir, I can't replace the
plant just because you killed it.

I did not kill this plant.
It was sick or something.

I gave it everything. I was talking
to it, telling it stories.

I drew a sketch of it and put
it on my refrigerator. I…

Did you water it?

I…

I have. It's important that I did not
kill this plant. Do you understand?

So if you're just saying that because
that's how you're making your excuse,

you have to understand
there's…

You can't mess with…
I'm never gonna get laid.

You obviously don't care.

And that's one thing I do,
is care.

I feel sorry for
all the plants in here.

I'm going home.

I killed the plant.

It's okay. It's okay.

I killed the plant.

It's okay.
You still have your dog.

I don't even think he likes me.

I don't wanna…

I just…

What are you doing here?
It's so good to see you!

It looks like somewhere
out in the middle of nowhere.

- All I see are trees…
- No cell phones.

We carry our own bags here.
This isn't the Sheraton.

- Hey, Falcon.
- What?

- Uh, I don't mean to bother you, but…
- Oh, sheesh.

Don't miss tonight's lecture:

"Is God An Alcoholic?"