All language subtitles for Who.Is.America.S01E01.WEBRip.x264-ION10

[President Kennedy] Ask not what
your country can do for you.

Ask what you can do
for your country.

[President Reagan]
Mr. Gorbachev,

tear down this wall!

[President Franklin Roosevelt]
The only thing we have to fear

is fear itself!

[President Trump] "Uhh, I don't
know what I said. Uhh!"

♪♪

[man chanting
in native language]

[group
chanting in native language]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

We are going to drain the swamp
in Washington, D.C.

[Southern accent] I want to
confront the mainstream media,

and I want to take them down,
one by one.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Hi.
I'm Billy Wayne Ruddock,

uh, from truthlibrary.org.

And I'm here in Washington
with Bernard Sanders,

uh, to talk about
the political situation,

see whether we have
any common ground.

So, let's start with
a real hot potato.

Do you believe in Obamacare?

I thought
it was a good start.

I don't think it went
as far as it should.

You believe
it should have gone further?

Of course.
But Obamacare doesn't work.

I mean, I know personally.

I was a healthy man,
and Obamacare came in.

I was forced
to see a doctor.

And suddenly,
I had three diseases.

Suddenly, I had, uh,
diabetes one and two,

I had obese legs,
and I had chalky deposits.

Well, Billy, obviously,
I don't know about your --

your healthcare.
I'm not your doctor.

The -- The more
important question is --

and I can answer
that question --
Sure. Please do.

is, should I be paying
taxes to make sure

that people like yourself
with disabilities

can live with dignity?

What do you think?

I prefer to be anally raped
rather than give

one more dollar
to the Treasury.

You --
May I be personal with you?

Please.

Are you --
You have a disability?

No, I don't.

This here scooter is to conserve
my body's finite energy.

What America
is supposed to be about

is, it's a land
of opportunity.

Sure.
If you describe America --

I agree with that.
Okay.

But what we have now,
we have a situation

where the top 1/10
of one percent

now owns almost as much
wealth as the bottom 90%.

So there's a lot
that has to be done.

And the goal is
to create a nation

that works for all of us,
not just the one percent.
But if people --

Sir, I don't mean
to interrupt.
No, it's all right.

But rather than complain
about the one percent

or the 0.1%, why not make
the rest of America

put them
into the one percent?

Well, if you put
everybody into the one percent,

it wouldn't be
the one percent.

Well, no,
it still would be.

No, it wouldn't be.
If I can...

If you...
The rest of the population,
by definition,

they're not
in the one percent.

They're the rest
of the population.

But if you --
All of the population
is 100%.

All right, so,
this is simple math.

If you have one percent here,
one percent,

you have 99%.
Yeah.

And if you move the nine
in there, you have 19.

And then you move
the other nine there.

Well...
If you believe in equality,

why not have 100% of the people
in the one percent?

These aren't my figures.

This is
the International Institute

of Scientific Truth
and Knowledge.

So this has been proven
that this can work.

Well...

This might lead to some
increase in the deficit,

but, essentially,
it is possible.

Uh, what is
your proposal, Billy? What...

That you keep
the one percent,

but you move the 99%
into the one percent.

Look, I --
And so you have 199,

you just move over
the nines.

You have --
The 99% are in the one percent.

Billy, I don't know
what you're talking about.

I-I really don't.

♪♪

[Cain-N'Degeocello]
Namaste.

I'm Dr. Nira Cain-N'Degeocello.

And I'm a cisgender,
white, heterosexual male,

for which I apologize.

Two weeks after
the election was stolen

from President Hillary Clinton,

I managed to get out of bed.

I've been cycling through
our fractured nation,

listening respectfully, without
prejudice, to Republicans,

with the hope of changing their
racist and childish views,

to try and heal the divide.

♪♪

I stopped in South Carolina
to dine with a couple

who suffer
from white privilege.

I am the, um,
county representative

of the state
Republican Party.

And I was a delegate
in Cleveland

that nominated
Mr. Trump and Mr. Pence.

And politically, where --
where do you stand?

I'm a staunch Republican.
Mm.

The press needs to understand
that Donald Trump understood

that we needed to bring
jobs back to America.
Yes.

He really understands
Washington.

And he wants to make
America great.
Washington is a --

And I truly believe
he believes that.
Yeah.

Now, we would
traditionally say grace.

Is that all right
with you?

In my household,

we normally start
with a, uh,

First People chant.

Uh, may we?

Of course.
Sure. Yeah.

[chanting
in foreign language]

[chanting continues]

[chanting continues]

Amen.
Amen.

Amen.

If -- If I may say,

how do you challenge gender
stereotypes in your house?

Um, my husband does the
sort of traditionally female

household roles
in our household,

just 'cause
he's better at it.

For example?
I do all the laundry.

I usually --
Since she does all the cooking,

I do all the cleanup.

I mean, in --
in our yurt, the --

We try to challenge
the gender stereotypes,

which, my son,
Harvey Milk,

is not allowed
to urinate standing up.

And our daughter Malala --
Well, see [stammers]

Hey, hey, don't interrupt.
Well, ou-- our daughter --

Our daughter Malala...
Has to urinate...

is obliged to urinate
standing up.

And, sure,
she complains.

Sure,
there's sometimes a mess.

Yeah,
she's peeing on her feet.

So, you force them
to have these rules?

Well, there are compliance
cams in the bathroom to --

that myself and Naomi
occasionally check.

We guide them.
We do not enforce them.

So, you have compliance
cameras in the bathroom

that your children --
In the bowl, in the bowl.

That your children
can't urinate in whatever way

they feel like they need to?

Malala has started
menstruating.
Mm-hmm.

And we're --
we're very proud about that.

But she's too young
to use my partner,

Naomi's,
uh, recyclable cup.

So we came up
with a solution,

which was for her
to free-bleed and --

Mm.
Not appropriate.

No.
Not ap-- Not app--

Honey,
don't pass judgment.

Mm. Okay.

So, w-we found that
if we put a cloth on a chair,

firstly, it protected
the Herman Miller chairs,

which we love.
Well, I don't blame you.

They're great chairs,
so that's great.

They're fabulous chairs.
But, uh...

we have Malala
sit on a flag

and free-bleed.

And we --
On a flag?

Yes, on a flag.
It's a teachable moment.

Because we teach her
about the bloodshed

that arose from
the creation of our country.

The --
The interesting thing was,

we noticed
that when she free-bled

on our nation's flag,

the American flag started
resembling the Chinese flag.

And so we've started
this menstrual flag program,

and it's actually sponsored
by the Clinton Foundation,

and it's proving
to be popular.

I do not want you
to judge me for this,

but there was a time

when my partner, Naomi,

took a porpoise lover.

A -- A dolphin
that she met in Tulum.

A dolphin?
Which --
Which apparently is --

Pardon me?
Excuse me?

As in a water animal?

A mammal that swims
in the ocean?

Yes.
Okay.

I found it very difficult
being cuckolded by Darwin.

I would -- I-I --

I empathize with
those feelings that you have,

because I am a little amazed
that she would even want to.

My first instinct was, let's
move to a landlocked state.

Oh, get her away
from the sea?
Sure.

How does
one compete with...

A dolphin?

...a sea mammal?

I mean, if you could have
seen me that first time

with my flippers on,
just trying to...

Trying to figure this out.

Trying to catch up
and trying to compete.

You can't.

So -- But how long did
it take you to get past

this whole intercession
into your relationship?
Yes.

Well, we had therapy.
Mm-hmm.

And now we spend
three months a year in Oahu.

And she has a relationship
with another mammal there?

I don't ask.

♪♪

♪♪

[narrator]
On tonight's show,

Rick Sherman
tries to get representation

for his artwork
from a gallery

in Laguna Beach, California.

Hello, there, Rick.
I'm Christy.

[British accent]
Yeah, Rick.

Nice to meet you.

Welcome to Coast Gallery.
Lovely to meet you.

It's a pleasure
to have you.

So lovely.

Thank you so much for,
like, agreeing to see me.

It's like
a dream come true.

Yeah.
How long
were you incarcerated?

No, not that long.

About 21 years, so...
Phew.

I didn't do anything bad.
Don't worry.

You know, I got put inside
for a long time

'cause I made one mistake,
just 14 times.

With perfect candor,
believe me,

I've done my fair
share of things

where they could have
thrown me in jail.

I'll bet they have!
[laughs]

No, really?
I think we all have
on some level,

especially
underage drinking.
Yeah.

I mean,
et cetera, et cetera.
Right.

There are so many,
you know...

My art is the result

of my environment.

I was a bit naughty.
I'm in solitary.

So I-I did
a dirty protest.

Don't mean to -- You're
a lady, but, you know, I did...

Feces on the wall?
Fe-- Feces on the wall.

And it's on the wall.

The guards come in.
They're furious.

And then the guard's about
to rub it off, and he --

he stops, and he goes, "Wait
a minute. That's pretty good."

Wow.
That's art.

"Who done that?"

And I think,
"Wait a minute.

Maybe -- Maybe
I do have something."

So I decided to paint
what was in my gut.

So, in my art,
there's a lot

of white
and yellow and red

and, obviously,
a lot of brown.

You were taking
all the bad stuff,

all the stuff
you didn't need,

everything built up
inside your body

that would otherwise cause
you to become septic,

you're releasing it,

and then you're turning it
into something beautiful.

Shall I show you
some of the stuff?

Okay.

Bit nervous.

Well, do whatever
you got to do.

Take a deep breath.
Calm yourself.

Realize that you've been
led here by fate, by destiny.

Everything
is gonna be fine.

Okay.

[breathes deeply]

Don't be a twat.
Come on.

Come on, Ricky.
Come on, Ricky.

You're a big --
You're a big boy.

You've got talent.
You've got talent. Big boy.

Those are two blokes

who was in the next cell
to me.

Well, I think on some level,
it's very simple

in terms of it being
a piece of cardboard,

and just some marker,
I guess, is what you used.

No, no, no.
That's my own feces.

This is your own fec--
Okay, I apologize.

I didn't realize
we were exactly -- Okay.

So, you've taken --
Yeah, you've taken waste

and turned it into
a portrayal of life.

Uh, they -- they seem
to definitely have

different characters,

even from this sort
of minimalist rendering

in terms of their
facial expressions.
They did.

Well, yeah, he was a burglar,
and he was a kiddie fiddler.

Did you show
these guys this?

Yeah, I did.

And what was their response,
if I might ask?

He loved it.

He tried to stab me,
because he said, "What?

You've done this
with your shit?"

The white on that,

I used about 85 lots
of ejaculate to it.

I didn't have
enough white paint.

So I collected...

collected it
from my cell mate.

Uh-huh.

I would, uh, fel--
felicitate

his -- his phallus...
Mm-hmm.

in order to extract
his white paint.

Eventually, he found out...

while I was doing it.

Oh, he wasn't aware?
Wow. Okay.

You know, he -- he --
he reaped his revenge on me

in a very brutal way.

How did he reap his revenge,
if I might inquire?

He put a chair leg
up my ass.

[sighs]

I'm sorry you had
to endure that.

On the plus side, though,
it did give me some red paint

that I used
for another piece.

I have moments of doubt
where I think the only thing

I'm good for
is bashing people on the head.

And that maybe I'm mad
with this dream of becoming

a world-famous artist
just by using my shit and cum.

Am I?

I think we're all mad,

and I think we're all normal,
at the same time.

You know, I mean,
I hesitate to use the word,

because I don't mean
to burden you,

but just by virtue
of the medium,

you know, it's indicative
of a sort of genius.

What?

Christy, as an artist,
I find you very inspiring,

and you make me
feel very creative.

I-I actually feel
inspiration coming.

Well,
let's -- let's get busy.

Do you --
Keep producing.

Do you mind excusing me
for a moment?

No.

Be back.

Well, I guess this is the part

where the art gets made.
[door opens, closes]

Who knew the world
was capable

of such oxymoronic,

paradoxical juxtapositions?

[blows]

I did this for you.

Wow.

That's --
That's pretty spot-on.

I feel like I'm looking
in the mirror, but --

except for the medium.

I've even got
a glow in my eye.

Yeah,
that's some of the cum.

This brush here,
I'm actually collecting pubes

from different artists.

The -- The light-brown one
is actually Damien Hirst's.

Oh, wow.
But Banksy
actually sent some.

It's the really
dark-brown stuff over there.

Are you asking me
for a sample?

Uh...
[laughs]

Well. I-I --
Just kidding.

No, no. Honestly, no,
I would be honored

if you would give
even one hair to that.

I'll be honored.
I'll be completely flattered.

And the -- the --
the pubic hairs

that are on there --
Okay, I'll give you one.
Sure.

Right now?

So --
Let's try to get
a good one here.

If you could get a couple,
you know.

However many
you're comfortable with.

I feel embarrassed
to even ask for one.

I offered.
You didn't ask.

Oh, that is so generous.

Wait a minute. It's --
I might be able
to get a little better.

Let me try here.
Yeah.

But there's six beaut--
Okay, here we go.

Here's a nice...
Oh, hold on.

Really appreciate
you doing that.

My pleasure.

♪♪

[speaking native language]

My name -- Colonel Erran Morad.

I am the terrorist terminator.

[gunshot]

In America, there is big problem
of shootings in schools.

The NRA want to arm
the teachers.

This is crazy.

They should be arming
the children.

Yalla!
Let's go!

♪♪

To get deadly weapons
into the hands

of America's schoolchildren,

I needed the help of gun-rights
hero Philip Van Cleave.

My next guest
is a gun-rights advocate

who says the Bushmaster
semi-automatic rifle,

the type of rifle
that Adam Lanza

used to kill 20 children
and six more adults,

is "a blast to shoot with.

Guns are fun."

Some of them are much
more cool than others."

Are you proud
of what you said?

It's just a fact.

In America, there have been
a lot of shootings in the school

and in the university.

What do the liberals say
is the reason for this

and the solution?

Well, they blame it on guns.
[scoffs]

Yeah, it's crazy,
because people --

They blame it on the guns?
Yes.

[speaking native language]
Meshugge.
Yes, it is.

We start
a program in Israel

for kinder-guardians.
Okay.

We train them from the age
16 down to the age three.

Yeah, well, I-I think
it would be a -- a good idea.

We've -- We've been
pushing something

along this line for years,

but really haven't gotten
any traction with it.

We were thinking seventh
or eighth grade.

You're talking
much younger than that.

My son was
in the very first program.

May he rest in peace.

Uh, he died
doing what I love.

Yeah, they haven't
quite developed, uh,

what we call "conscious,"
where you --

you feel guilty about
doing something wrong.

That's developing.
You're learning right and wrong.

If they haven't
developed that yet,

they could be
very effective soldiers.

This year,
in our state government,

they had a bill put in that
would have made it illegal

for someone four years old
to 12 years old

to have access to a gun.

Oh, we killed --
We killed the bill.
What?

They tried to stop
four-year-old children

from having access
to guns?

Yes. Yes.

What is the logic
that these people come up with?

They just think that children,
uh, can't handle them.

We want three-years-old
who are real experts

at what they're doing,
not three-year-olds

who are reckless.
Yeah.

And we don't teach
two-year-olds,

because they call it the
"terrible twos" for a reason.

Yes, there's a reason.
Yes.

So, I would like you to help me
do instructional video

for three-year-olds.

Okay.

♪ whimsical music plays ♪

♪♪

Shalom, children.

My name Erran Morad.

I here to show you that guns,
when used responsibly,

with training from grown-ups,

can help keep you safe
in your school.

Here to help teach you
is Philip Van Cleave.

Not every strange man
you meet gonna be friendly

and non-threatening like me.

Today,
we're going to teach you

how you can stop
these naughty men

and have them
take a long nap.

That's right, and that's
why you're going to meet

a friend of mine.

His name is Puppy Pistol.
[dog barking]

Now, Philip, will you show us
how to feed Puppy Pistol?

To feed him,
take his lunchbox

and push it into his tummy,
like this.

Just remember to point
Puppy Pistol's mouth

right at the middle
of the bad man.

If he has a big, fat tummy,
point it there.

[laughs] Great!

It's fun.
Okay.

Puppy Pistol is part
of a whole group of new friends

that your parents can get you
called Gunimals.

Wouldn't you love to meet
this little Gunny Rabbit?

He's ready to put the naughty
man on a very long time-out.

How about the magical Uzicorn?

Well, this is one for the girls.

It's a lovely little unicorn
that you can play with.

Dino-Gun can stop
an entire crowd of bad men.

And, tots,
you've got to learn

that Dino-Gun eats and spits
his candy really, really fast.

Rocket Ship RPG
will take you to the moon.

Or, rather, the bad guys
are going to the moon,

if they attack your school
with a truckful

of big, scary fireworks.

And introducing BFF,

a starter gun for infants
24 months and under.

BFF is so easy to fire,
even a baby can use it.

BFF wants to help you pull
the string on a bad guy.

Make bang-bang.

♪ whimsical music plays ♪

[to the tune of "Head,
Shoulders, Knees, and Toes"]
♪ Aim at the head, shoulders ♪

♪ Not the toes ♪

♪ Not the toes ♪
Fire!

♪ Head, shoulders,
not the toes ♪

♪ Not the toes ♪
Fire!

♪ Eyes, ears,
and belly and nose ♪

♪ Head, shoulders,
not the toes ♪

♪ Not the toes ♪
Fire!

[Erran] Now that I had
a common-sense training video,

it was time to take it
to the nation's capital.

I just arrived
in Washington to see

if someone will back
my kinder-guardian's program.

I needed to find politicians
who would fight

for the Second Amendment right
of toddlers

to bear firearms at preschool.

So I met
with lobbyist Larry Pratt,

director
of Gun Owners of America,

which have
1.5 million brave members.

The evil's in our hearts,
not in the guns.

Do you think the liberals
are using these school shootings

to further
their anti-tragedy agenda?

They're trying,
but it's --

it's not that hard
to find a student

who does think that way,

because that's what they're
being taught in the schools.

We actually found out
that, in schools,

it not only important
to arm the teachers --

important to arm
certain gifted children.

Oh, that's great.

We train from 16-year-old,
uh, up to four-years-old.

This segment
of the conversation

would
absolutely cause heads

to explode
here in this country.

Not all.
Why? Because they will
be shot or...

Because that they're --
they're so prejudiced

against young people
having guns,

and especially
in a school.

The only thing that stop
a bad man with a gun

is a good boy with a gun.

Yeah.
Uh, even a good toddler.

Exactly.
A toddler. Really.

The great thing
about toddlers is,

they don't have
any fear of guns.

This fear is really given
to you by the media.

That's a good point.

Well, if they hear somebody
shouting, "Allahu Akbar,"

they're likely to
instinctively go for that gun.

We had one problem
with this.

There was a Muslim gardener
who was praying, and he said,

"Allahu Akbar,"
and he got -- He got shot.

[laughing]

Pray in -- Pray in secret.

Women need a gun, you know.

My wife, she have a gun.

And she shot me once.

You know, what can I do?

I get horny in the middle
of the night,

but it's not, uh, rape
if it's your wife, eh?

[both laugh]

Right? Right?

That probably won't be
on the video

we send to the Hill.

Oh, no, no, no.
[laughs]

What do I need in order
to introduce this program

into America?

There are
a few members of Congress

that, I think,
would be as receptive

to what you're doing
as I have been.

I'd be very happy to see
if we could get them interested,

to set some time aside.
Great.

Let's see if we can stop
these anti-gun people

from getting
everyone killed.
Yeah.

Yeah, they've got blood
on their hands.

Now that I had
this Pratt on board,

I was welcomed into
the halls of Congress,

where I sat down with
a House representative

and outlined
my common-sense proposal.

Oh, the -- the -- You want me
to say on television

that I support
three- and four-years olds

with firearms?

Is that what you're
asking me to do?

Uh, yes.
Hmm.

You can...
Typically, members of Congress
don't just hear a story

about a program
and then indicate

whether they support it
or not.

I support
the kinder-guardian's program.

We, in America, would be wise
to implement it, too.

It's something that we should
think about, America,

about putting guns in the hands
of law-abiding citizens,

good guys,
whether they be teachers

or whether they actually be
talented children

or highly-trained preschoolers.

Maybe having many young people
trained and understand

how to defend themselves
in their school

might actually
make us safer here.

A three-year-old cannot defend
itself from an assault rifle

by throwing
a Hello Kitty pencil case at it.

Our Founding Fathers
did not put an age limit

on the Second Amendment.

The intensive three-week
kinder-guardian course

introduces
specially selected children

from 12 to four years old
to pistols,

rifles, semi-automatics,

and a rudimentary
knowledge of mortars.

In less than a month,
less than a month,

a first grader can become
a fire grenader.

Toddlers are pure, uncorrupted
by fake news or homosexuality.

They don't worry if it's
politically correct to shoot

a mentally deranged gunman.

They'll just do it.

The science behind
this program is proven.

At age four, a child processes
images 80% faster than an adult,

meaning that, essentially,
like owls,

they can see in slow-motion.

Children under five
also have elevated levels

of the pheromone Blink-182,

produced by the part of the
liver known as the Rita Ora.

This allows nerve reflexes

to travel along
the Cardi B neural pathway,

to the Wiz Khalifa, 40% faster,
saving time and saving lives.

When it comes to the safety
of our children...

...the way
to stop bad guy with a gun...

...is a good kid with a gun.

A good kid with a gun.

A good child with a gun.

Happy shooting, kids.

[man chanting
in native language]

♪♪

♪♪

[group chanting
in native language]

♪♪

[man] And how would
you define Nira's values

or his value system?

I-I don't know.
Can I be crudely honest?

Fucked up.

♪♪

♪♪

I never knew something so
repulsive could be so beautiful.

As far as I'm concerned,

he just raised the bar
for all artists.

♪♪

♪♪