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1
00:00:06,473 --> 00:00:07,940
Howie, slow down.
2
00:00:07,942 --> 00:00:09,308
I can't.
3
00:00:09,310 --> 00:00:11,276
I'm not allowed to eat
for 12 hours before my surgery,
4
00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:13,612
and I only got two more minutes.
5
00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:19,284
What surgery are you having?
6
00:00:19,286 --> 00:00:20,953
I'm stress eating.
7
00:00:20,955 --> 00:00:24,456
My best friend's getting
a vasectomy tomorrow.
8
00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:27,259
And you're sad you won't be able
to bear his child?
9
00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:28,861
Oh, my goodness.
10
00:00:28,863 --> 00:00:31,163
If it's "vasectomy
gone wrong" videos,
11
00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:32,498
he's seen them all.
12
00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:34,166
Including the one of
the guy who's sitting
13
00:00:34,168 --> 00:00:37,202
on what appears to be a
cantaloupe but is not.
14
00:00:38,238 --> 00:00:40,572
And I'm done.
15
00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:42,408
They're going
to start making
16
00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:44,309
Professor Proton's
science show again.
17
00:00:44,311 --> 00:00:45,244
BERNADETTE:
I thought he passed away.
18
00:00:45,246 --> 00:00:46,378
He did.
19
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,579
He was cremated,
and his remains
20
00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:49,581
were put
in a baking soda volcano.
21
00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:52,885
AMY:
Don't make jokes.
22
00:00:52,887 --> 00:00:55,487
He meant a lot to Sheldon.
LEONARD:
Oh, me, too.
23
00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:56,822
I grew up watching his show.
24
00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:58,824
He's one of the reasons
I became a scientist.
25
00:00:58,826 --> 00:01:01,827
Aw. Thought you did it
just to get girls.
26
00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:03,595
Joke's on you. It worked.
27
00:01:05,665 --> 00:01:07,666
Have they found anyone
to replace him?
28
00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:09,668
No, not yet,
and it won't be easy.
29
00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:12,738
Arthur Jeffries was
an accomplished scientist.
Mm.
30
00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:15,107
You know who'd make
a great Professor Proton?
31
00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:17,242
Meryl Streep.
32
00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:20,079
She's not a scientist.
33
00:01:20,081 --> 00:01:21,847
Uh, then explain to me why
34
00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:24,983
she has chemistry
with literally everyone.
35
00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:28,420
It would be nice
if they cast a woman.
36
00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,255
Oh, you've already got DoctorWho and the Ghostbusters.
37
00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:31,857
Leave us something.
38
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,393
Who do you think it should be?
39
00:01:34,395 --> 00:01:36,728
Well, it should be a scientist
I respect.
40
00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:39,064
You know,
someone with a pleasing voice
41
00:01:39,066 --> 00:01:41,767
and symmetrical facial features.
42
00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,302
Is he talking
about himself?
43
00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:47,272
If he's talking,
he's talking about himself.
44
00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:49,975
I just know how much Professor
Proton touched me as a child,
45
00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:52,411
and I feel that I owe it to him
46
00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:55,981
to try and touch
as many children as possible.
47
00:02:00,887 --> 00:02:02,621
You should put that
on your audition tape.
48
00:02:04,757 --> 00:02:08,327
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
49
00:02:08,329 --> 00:02:11,630
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
50
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,432
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
51
00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:16,101
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
52
00:02:16,103 --> 00:02:18,504
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
53
00:02:18,506 --> 00:02:21,273
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
54
00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:23,142
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
55
00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:24,743
♪ Bang! ♪
56
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,119
You doing okay?
57
00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:37,389
No, I'm
very nervous.
58
00:02:38,458 --> 00:02:41,360
(man groaning)
59
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,500
Where are you going?
60
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:49,501
Gift shop.
61
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:51,703
There is no gift shop.
Sit down.
62
00:02:53,606 --> 00:02:55,440
This was your idea.
63
00:02:55,442 --> 00:02:58,076
So was having sex, and
look where that got us.
64
00:02:59,612 --> 00:03:02,514
This isn't a big deal.
Stop whining.
65
00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:06,652
When you were in labor and
I said that, you kicked me.
66
00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:07,553
Howard Wolowitz?
67
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,691
Want me to go with you?
No.
68
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,860
I'll be fine.
Yeah, we
got this.
69
00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:16,862
Sit down!
70
00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:22,367
Wish me luck.
71
00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:25,370
Other way, buster.
72
00:03:30,843 --> 00:03:32,844
Okay, you ready?
73
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:35,714
Yeah, almost. I'm working
on my facial expressions.
74
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:38,383
See, uh, I've got
interested. Hmm.
75
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:41,720
I've got very interested. Hmm.
76
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,722
Enraged.
77
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:47,559
Why would you be enraged?
78
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,428
Hmm. Better to have it
and not need it
79
00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:51,230
than to need it and not have it.
80
00:03:51,232 --> 00:03:52,965
Okay.
81
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,235
And...
82
00:03:56,237 --> 00:03:57,569
rolling.
83
00:03:57,571 --> 00:04:00,772
Hello. I am theoretical
physicist, Dr. Sheldon Cooper,
84
00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:03,242
auditioning for the role
of Professor Proton.
85
00:04:03,244 --> 00:04:05,644
Now, excuse me
while I get into character.
86
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:11,683
Hello. I am Professor Proton.
87
00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:13,452
And today,
88
00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:15,921
boys and girls, we're going
to have fun with science.
89
00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:18,457
Did you know you could calculate
the mass of an electron
90
00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:20,459
using household items?
It's true.
91
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:22,561
All you'll need is a pencil,
some paper,
92
00:04:22,563 --> 00:04:24,596
dry ice, rubbing alcohol,
93
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:28,467
and a spool of 50-micron-thick
cobalt-60 wire.
94
00:04:30,136 --> 00:04:32,137
And, remember,
don't put it in your mouth,
95
00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:33,639
or instead
of becoming a scientist,
96
00:04:33,641 --> 00:04:36,541
you'll become
wildly radioactive.
97
00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:39,111
Hang on. I have
a question.
98
00:04:39,113 --> 00:04:41,947
Do you have any experiments
that aren't life-threatening?
99
00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:45,951
Come on! That was a perfect
take, and you ruined it.
100
00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:48,186
Oh, look!
Hey, I did need enraged.
101
00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:53,759
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
102
00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:55,560
Really hurts, huh?
BERNADETTE:
No.
103
00:04:55,562 --> 00:04:58,230
He's just saying,
"Ow can these prices be so low?"
104
00:04:59,932 --> 00:05:02,467
It's gonna be okay.
A day or two of rest,
105
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:03,735
and you'll be fine.
106
00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:06,338
You know nothing
about Jewish people.
107
00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:09,474
(Halley crying over monitor)
108
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:12,978
Um, let me go check on her.
109
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:16,014
Okay, uh, this is
a bit awkward.
110
00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:18,183
It says here
that I need to check the area
111
00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:20,519
for redness and swelling.
112
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:24,523
You know what?
It hurts so much, go ahead.
113
00:05:27,193 --> 00:05:29,094
So you see, boys and girls,
114
00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:31,963
H, or helicity,
is the natural variable
115
00:05:31,965 --> 00:05:35,534
to use relativistically
and is defined as S dot P,
116
00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:37,536
divided
by the magnitude of P.
117
00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:39,938
So the next time someone
on the playground tells you
118
00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:42,274
you can only use integral values
for the matrix
119
00:05:42,276 --> 00:05:44,209
that determines the spin
of the antiproton,
120
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:47,279
you stop being friends with that
kid, 'cause he's going nowhere.
121
00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:53,852
Until next week, this is
Professor Proton saying,
122
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:56,621
01000010
123
00:05:56,623 --> 00:05:59,124
01111001
124
00:05:59,126 --> 00:06:02,694
01100101.
125
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:05,364
That's "bye" in ASCII binary,
126
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:07,032
or good-binary.
127
00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:09,034
(laughing)
128
00:06:12,972 --> 00:06:15,374
(snorts)
129
00:06:15,376 --> 00:06:18,410
So, what do you think?
130
00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:19,711
AMY: Well, I
already told him
131
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,213
that I loved it,
132
00:06:21,215 --> 00:06:24,883
but if you found it
confusing or dangerous or--
133
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:28,520
I don't know-- three
to four times too long,
134
00:06:28,522 --> 00:06:31,390
now is the time to share.
135
00:06:31,392 --> 00:06:34,760
I... I don't know
what to say.
136
00:06:34,762 --> 00:06:36,895
Leonard, do you
know what to say?
137
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,731
Sheldon, uh,
I thought it, uh...
138
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:42,601
It-it looked like
you were having so much fun.
139
00:06:43,669 --> 00:06:45,070
Hey!
140
00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:46,772
That's what you used
to tell me to say to Penny
141
00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:48,039
after one of her
terrible plays.
142
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:51,410
Hey!
Hey!
143
00:06:51,412 --> 00:06:53,678
Well, what was wrong
with it?
144
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,514
You know, did you find it...
145
00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:58,250
borderline psychotic?
146
00:06:58,252 --> 00:06:59,751
I mean,
147
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,286
I liked that
about it, but...
148
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:04,055
you guys discuss.
149
00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:06,091
Do you remember
when you were a kid
150
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:08,360
and you'd watch
Professor Proton?
151
00:07:08,362 --> 00:07:09,895
Of course.
Well,
152
00:07:09,897 --> 00:07:12,697
did he ever make you--
I don't know--
153
00:07:12,699 --> 00:07:15,700
hate science
and the people who do it?
154
00:07:15,702 --> 00:07:17,469
What are you saying?
155
00:07:17,471 --> 00:07:19,938
I-I just think
it would be... better
156
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,773
if your contempt
for children
157
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:24,276
wasn't so much
in the foreground.
158
00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:26,144
Well, you want me to lie?
159
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:29,047
Well, it's not
lying-- it's acting.
160
00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:30,248
Sheldon Cooper
may not like kids,
161
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:32,717
but Professor Proton loves them.
162
00:07:32,719 --> 00:07:34,920
Interesting.
163
00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:36,788
You know, I hadn't
really thought
164
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,123
of it that way.
165
00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:41,626
It-It's similar
to how I'm afraid of dogs,
166
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:45,630
but my D&D character likes dogs,
you know?
167
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:48,333
But he's allergic,
so he can't be around them.
168
00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:51,970
Why don't we
have a dog?
169
00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:55,307
Hey, you can
always reshoot it.
170
00:07:55,309 --> 00:07:58,310
Mm, I suppose. And, you know,
maybe I could even get some tips
171
00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:00,679
from someone
who's acted professionally.
PENNY: Oh.
172
00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:04,516
Sheldon, obviously,
I'd be happy to help you out.
173
00:08:05,585 --> 00:08:08,053
I don't know what to say.
174
00:08:11,090 --> 00:08:12,324
Hey, Sheldon. What's up?
175
00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:15,093
I need an acting coach.
Oh.
176
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:17,162
Would you give me
Patrick Stewart's number?
177
00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:19,498
No.
178
00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:20,899
Fine. I guess you can do it.
179
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,004
(bell ringing)
180
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,507
WOLOWITZ:
Bernie?
181
00:08:29,942 --> 00:08:31,376
Where did you get a bell?
182
00:08:31,378 --> 00:08:32,677
App store.
183
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:35,113
(bell ringing)
184
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:37,382
Fun. Let me see.
185
00:08:37,384 --> 00:08:39,351
(chuckles)
186
00:08:39,353 --> 00:08:41,853
When you catch me,
you can have it back.
187
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:44,556
You want to lie down,
188
00:08:44,558 --> 00:08:46,124
watch a movie?
189
00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:48,393
I can't. I got my 16-week
checkup to get to,
190
00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:50,228
and then I'll pick up
some Chinese for dinner.
191
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:51,563
I'll take Halley with me.
192
00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:53,865
You-you sure
you're not overdoing it?
193
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,000
No, it's fine.
Great.
194
00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:56,234
Then maybe,
instead of Chinese,
195
00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:58,069
fire up the grill
and throw on a couple of steaks?
196
00:09:00,339 --> 00:09:02,541
Kung pao chicken, please.
197
00:09:05,811 --> 00:09:07,579
Oh, boy.
What?
198
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:09,481
They cast the new
Professor Proton.
199
00:09:09,483 --> 00:09:10,682
Is it Sheldon?
200
00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:12,517
Not exactly.
201
00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:13,818
SHELDON:
Wheaton!
202
00:09:13,820 --> 00:09:15,787
It's Wil Wheaton.
203
00:09:23,429 --> 00:09:25,430
BERNADETTE:
Hi.
204
00:09:25,432 --> 00:09:28,266
Hey.
How was the doctor?
205
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:30,368
Good, but I have some news.
206
00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:32,237
Don't say twins. Don't say
twins. Don't say twins.
207
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:33,672
Don't say twins.
208
00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:35,073
It's not twins.
209
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:38,276
Oh. I mean, because
I would have loved them both.
210
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:40,745
The doctor said
I was overdoing it,
211
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:43,381
so she put me on bed rest
just to be safe.
212
00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:45,517
Oh, no.
213
00:09:54,727 --> 00:09:57,162
It may not look like it,
but I'm running to you!
214
00:10:03,235 --> 00:10:05,203
(insects trilling,
birds chirping)
215
00:10:10,142 --> 00:10:11,476
Hello, Arthur.
216
00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:14,446
What-what part
of "rest in peace"
217
00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:16,715
don't you understand?
218
00:10:19,819 --> 00:10:22,320
I suppose you're here
because you heard the news?
219
00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:24,889
Sheldon, I'm a figment
of your imagination.
220
00:10:24,891 --> 00:10:27,993
I don't hear news.
221
00:10:27,995 --> 00:10:30,362
You're a grumpy figment.
222
00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:35,634
Look, they're remaking
your show,
223
00:10:35,636 --> 00:10:38,937
and they cast Wil Wheaton
as Professor Proton.
224
00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:41,973
And the worst part is,
he's not even a scientist.
225
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,409
No, the-the worst part is,
226
00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:47,345
I'm sitting on a moist log.
227
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:54,285
We have to stop this
and protect your legacy.
228
00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:55,754
What legacy?
229
00:10:55,756 --> 00:10:59,157
My-my last two seasons,
I was on Sunday morning
230
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,525
at 5:30.
231
00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:05,296
We-we were beat
by Davey and Goliath.
232
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:07,532
I can't believe
you don't care.
233
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:10,669
Believe it.
234
00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:13,672
Well, I care, a lot,
235
00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:18,610
and Wil Wheaton will rue
the day he ever met me.
236
00:11:18,612 --> 00:11:21,913
I think that's true
of most people.
237
00:11:26,152 --> 00:11:28,520
(light knocking)
Hi, guys.
238
00:11:28,522 --> 00:11:30,121
Wanted to check in
and see how you two were doing.
239
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:31,289
We're okay.
240
00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:32,957
Yeah, hanging out
in bed with my wife,
241
00:11:32,959 --> 00:11:36,961
thawing out some frozen peas
in my pants-- living the dream.
242
00:11:36,963 --> 00:11:39,197
(Halley crying)
243
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:40,965
Oh, I'll get her.
244
00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:42,333
I thought
Raj was helping you out.
245
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:43,568
No, he had to work.
246
00:11:43,570 --> 00:11:45,136
Plus, he has a quota
247
00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:47,372
for the amount of Indian
servant jokes he can tolerate,
248
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:49,074
and, apparently, I filled it.
249
00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:51,643
Well, you're...
I can get the baby.
250
00:11:51,645 --> 00:11:53,845
No, Howie's got it.
He's fine. Right, Howie?
251
00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:56,181
(strained):
Never better.
252
00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:57,749
Don't be silly.
253
00:11:57,751 --> 00:11:59,751
I'll take the rest of the day
off and watch Halley for you.
254
00:11:59,753 --> 00:12:01,586
Or we can call Stuart.
255
00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:03,154
I'm sure he could
close up the store,
256
00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:05,390
hop on a bus, and
be here in no time.
257
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:08,660
He does love the bus.
258
00:12:08,662 --> 00:12:09,994
Okay, hang on.
259
00:12:09,996 --> 00:12:12,497
Do you guys not trust me
to take care of your baby?
260
00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:14,766
(chuckling): No.
No!
261
00:12:14,768 --> 00:12:16,234
No.
No.
262
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,002
So I-I guess...
263
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:20,438
no.
264
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,841
Wow.
265
00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:25,043
It's not that we don't trust
you-- it's just you don't seem
266
00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:27,178
like much of a
baby person.
Hey,
267
00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:30,448
hey, hey, I can watch
your stupid baby, okay?
268
00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:33,918
If she cries,
I will pick her up.
269
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,920
If she's hungry,
I'll give her a bottle.
270
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:38,757
And if she poops,
I'll light some incense.
271
00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:41,226
It would be a big help.
272
00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:43,228
Okay. Thank you.
273
00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:45,096
Trust me, you guys have
nothing to worry about.
274
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,531
You know, back
in Nebraska,
275
00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:47,699
I raised all our baby pigs
276
00:12:47,701 --> 00:12:49,100
right until the day
they were slaughtered.
277
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:52,437
So, unless your baby's made
of breakfast meat,
278
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:53,438
she's fine.
279
00:12:56,475 --> 00:12:58,376
Would you ever get
a vasectomy?
280
00:12:58,378 --> 00:13:00,879
Uh, in case you haven't
noticed, Indians aren't
281
00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:02,747
too big on birth control.
282
00:13:02,749 --> 00:13:04,916
There's probably,
like, a million more of us
283
00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:06,818
since we started
this conversation.
284
00:13:08,554 --> 00:13:09,654
Ugh.
285
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:10,955
You okay?
286
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:12,123
No.
287
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,459
No, all these comments online
about Wil,
288
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:17,996
they're nothing but supportive
and kind.
289
00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:19,330
Where's the mean,
snarky Internet
290
00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:21,633
that shows up every time
I get a haircut?
291
00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:24,669
You know that's us, right?
292
00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:30,675
Well, luckily,
I got the number of the company
293
00:13:30,677 --> 00:13:32,177
who's trying to reboot the show,
294
00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:34,512
so I need you all to call and
register your displeasure.
295
00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:36,247
Sheldon, no one's
gonna do that.
296
00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:38,917
Not true. I know of three calls
they've received already:
297
00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:40,318
a-a Southern gentleman,
298
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,121
um, a Cockney chimney sweep,
299
00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:44,322
and, uh,
300
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:45,990
Mr. T, hmm?
301
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:48,126
Who-- spoiler alert--
302
00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:50,862
pities the fool
who tries to reboot that show.
303
00:13:50,864 --> 00:13:53,298
What about tiresome lunatic
with a bad haircut?
304
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:54,499
Has he called yet?
305
00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:56,367
Come on.
306
00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:58,169
How many times have
we banded together
307
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,038
to try to save a
show that we loved?
308
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:03,808
L-Let's shake things up
and try to kill one.
309
00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:05,677
Isn't the important thing
that there's a show
310
00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:07,712
to get kids excited
about science?
311
00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:09,814
Who cares about kids
and what they like?
312
00:14:09,816 --> 00:14:16,287
This is about me and something
I liked when-when I was a kid.
313
00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:17,722
What if the reboot is great?
314
00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:19,324
That's even worse.
315
00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:22,327
If-if I like it, I'll feel like
I'm being disloyal to Arthur.
316
00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:24,729
He was a mentor
and a friend,
317
00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:27,232
and I won't toss him aside
for some Hollywood pretty boy
318
00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:29,000
like Wil Wheaton.
319
00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:31,369
It's hard to argue with him.
320
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,704
Because he makes no sense? Yeah.
321
00:14:35,307 --> 00:14:37,308
This is actually
kind of nice,
322
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:40,745
you and me getting to spend
a couple days in bed together.
323
00:14:40,747 --> 00:14:43,414
Yeah. Pretty soon, we're
gonna have two crying babies
324
00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:44,983
in the house.
(sighs)
325
00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:47,819
I'm glad my balls hurt.
It's all their fault.
326
00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:52,056
Well, let's just enjoy
this quiet time
327
00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:53,358
while we still got it.
328
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,360
Yeah.
329
00:14:55,362 --> 00:14:58,696
Yeah, it is
really quiet.
330
00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:01,566
You think
Penny's doing okay?
331
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:04,235
Penny, everything
all right?!
332
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:06,437
(footsteps approaching)
333
00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:08,072
Hey. All good.
334
00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:10,909
Dipped her pacifier in a little
bourbon, she conked right out.
335
00:15:13,012 --> 00:15:14,679
I hope you're joking.
336
00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:17,849
Of course I'm joking.
I don't share my bourbon.
337
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:20,919
She's joking.
338
00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:24,222
(chuckles)
Definitely.
339
00:15:24,224 --> 00:15:26,658
Probably.
340
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:32,430
Wil Wheaton. Wil Wheaton.
341
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,432
This is Sheldon, by the way.
342
00:15:36,735 --> 00:15:38,569
Hi, Sheldon.
343
00:15:38,571 --> 00:15:42,040
Here, I found this pizza flyer
in your fence.
344
00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:43,074
Thank you.
345
00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:46,210
Okay, now you owe me a favor.
346
00:15:46,212 --> 00:15:48,479
Turn down the role
of Professor Proton.
347
00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:50,114
(chuckles)
I don't think so.
348
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:53,718
You can't be Professor Proton.
You're not a scientist.
349
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:54,953
Well, I was never on a starship,
350
00:15:54,955 --> 00:15:57,255
but pretending I was
bought me this house.
351
00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:59,257
And if I'd pretended
a little longer,
352
00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:01,426
it would have a swimming pool.
353
00:16:01,428 --> 00:16:03,895
Some things
shouldn't be rebooted.
354
00:16:03,897 --> 00:16:05,897
Some things were perfect
the way they were.
355
00:16:05,899 --> 00:16:08,433
Like the walled city of York--
it was a delight.
356
00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:11,602
But New York? Blech.
357
00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:14,605
Did you ever consider that maybe
Arthur would be happy to know
358
00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:16,307
that his show has outlived him?
359
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:17,308
I doubt it.
360
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:19,777
He was kind of a mean old crank.
361
00:16:19,779 --> 00:16:23,948
Sheldon, I promise
that I will work my hardest
362
00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:25,416
to make this show great
363
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:27,085
so that a whole
new generation of kids
364
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:29,087
will grow up
and they will be able to say
365
00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:32,357
that Professor Proton was the
reason they got into science.
366
00:16:33,425 --> 00:16:35,193
Wow.
367
00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:37,695
That was very persuasive.
368
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:38,997
Thanks.
369
00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:40,932
But I won't be seduced
by your acting skills
370
00:16:40,934 --> 00:16:43,401
nor your movie star charisma.
371
00:16:44,970 --> 00:16:46,637
There's
only one Professor Proton,
372
00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:49,107
and he had neither
of those things.
373
00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:51,709
I'll give you one more
chance to bow out.
374
00:16:51,711 --> 00:16:54,679
Or what?
375
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:57,648
When we first met,
we were enemies,
376
00:16:57,650 --> 00:17:01,052
but we worked through that
and we became friends.
377
00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:03,054
Do you really want to go back?
378
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:06,190
Honestly, it doesn't feel
very different.
379
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:11,229
I'm not leaving!
380
00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:13,731
All right, I'm gonna sic
my dog on you.
381
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:16,734
You don't have a dog.
382
00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:18,236
Yes, I do.
383
00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:20,138
Ugh, I can't tell
if you're lying--
384
00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:21,239
you're such a good actor!
385
00:17:25,844 --> 00:17:27,378
Hey, how you doing?
386
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,380
What are you
doing here?
387
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:34,552
Oh, I just came by, you know,
to see if you need any help.
388
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,421
Howard and Bernadette
asked you to check up on me.
389
00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:38,423
That is not entirely true.
390
00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:41,726
So did Leonard and... everybody.
391
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:44,862
How irresponsible
do you all think I am?
392
00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:46,697
We don't think
you're irresponsible.
393
00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:48,399
We think you're...
394
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,501
fun-loving.
395
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:53,905
That is just a nice word
for "irresponsible."
396
00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:57,175
Hmm. You might be more
on the ball than we thought.
397
00:17:59,511 --> 00:18:01,779
I'm getting
a little hungry.
398
00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:03,214
Want me to get
it this time?
399
00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:05,183
That'd be great.
400
00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:08,186
(bell ringing)
401
00:18:08,188 --> 00:18:10,254
This is fun.
402
00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:12,290
And now you also get
to see an annoyed blonde
403
00:18:12,292 --> 00:18:14,592
walk into the room.
404
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:17,428
What?
405
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,430
Can you get us
a little snack?
406
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:22,033
You sure you don't want
your spy to do it?
407
00:18:22,035 --> 00:18:23,568
What are you talking about?
408
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:25,903
You really don't trust me?
You had to have Amy stop by?
409
00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:27,371
We trust you.
Yeah.
410
00:18:27,373 --> 00:18:29,107
You were a terrible waitress,
411
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:31,776
and we still asked you
to get us a snack.
412
00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:34,378
(Halley crying)
413
00:18:34,380 --> 00:18:36,981
Excuse me while I go
take care of your baby.
414
00:18:36,983 --> 00:18:37,982
Then I'll bring
you your snack,
415
00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:39,951
and you can insult me some more.
416
00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:41,552
(crying continues)
417
00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:42,954
I don't know
about you,
418
00:18:42,956 --> 00:18:47,291
but I am not eating
whatever she brings us.
419
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:49,927
PENNY:
Hey, Halley. Aw, it's okay.
420
00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:53,131
Auntie Penny's here. Shh.
Let's get you changed.
421
00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:55,066
Your mommy and daddy say
they trust me,
422
00:18:55,068 --> 00:18:57,468
but they're full of
the same stuff your diaper is.
423
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:58,569
(crying stops)
424
00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:01,405
Now I feel bad.
425
00:19:01,407 --> 00:19:03,174
Well, she never really liked me.
426
00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:05,810
It's kind of nice
she hates you now, too.
427
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:08,146
Aw, but I'm here for you,
428
00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:09,747
and I would never let anything
happen to you,
429
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:12,750
because your Auntie Penny
loves you so much.
430
00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:14,719
HALLEY:
Mama.
431
00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:23,794
Was that her first word?
432
00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:26,264
Mama.
433
00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:28,833
PENNY: Uh, no. No, baby.
I'm not your mama.
434
00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:31,602
Your mama's the nice lady
we're gonna go see right now
435
00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:34,939
so I can rub this in her face.
436
00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:36,607
Do you hear that, suckers?
437
00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:39,177
She called me Mama!
438
00:19:48,453 --> 00:19:50,421
(insects trilling,
birds chirping)
439
00:19:53,058 --> 00:19:55,359
Hello, Arthur.
440
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:57,295
You-you know,
441
00:19:57,297 --> 00:20:02,400
we could... we could also meet
in-in a deli.
442
00:20:04,403 --> 00:20:07,038
I'm sorry to say
that I failed you.
443
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,840
I tried to stop Wil Wheaton
being Professor Proton,
444
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:11,642
but I couldn't.
445
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:14,812
See, now,
that's-that's the kind of thing
446
00:20:14,814 --> 00:20:18,316
you could tell a fella over a...
447
00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:20,751
pastrami sandwich.
448
00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:26,891
Well, don't worry.
449
00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:29,393
He's now on my enemies list
forever.
450
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:31,062
He's totally cut off.
451
00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:32,897
Interesting.
452
00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:37,468
Can-can anyone sign-sign up
for that list?
32306
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