All language subtitles for Father.Figures.2017.1080p.BluRay.x264.DTS-HD.MA.5.1-FGT_track3_eng

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic Download
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French Download
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German Download
el Greek Download
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi Download
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian Download
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian Download
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish Download
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:59,367 --> 00:01:00,868 (EXHALES) 2 00:01:05,107 --> 00:01:07,472 Well, good news. 3 00:01:07,474 --> 00:01:09,674 I found your car keys. 4 00:01:09,676 --> 00:01:12,077 (CHUCKLES) That's where I left them. 5 00:01:12,079 --> 00:01:14,514 You know, you have the prostate of an 18-year-old. 6 00:01:14,516 --> 00:01:16,681 Nice! I'd rather have his dick, 7 00:01:16,683 --> 00:01:18,584 but you get what you get. 8 00:01:18,586 --> 00:01:21,320 Next time, buy me dinner first. 9 00:01:21,322 --> 00:01:22,924 (ALL LAUGHING) 10 00:01:24,092 --> 00:01:26,058 That's a good one. 11 00:01:26,060 --> 00:01:27,192 I like that joke. 12 00:01:27,194 --> 00:01:29,697 I hadn't heard that before. 13 00:01:34,902 --> 00:01:36,903 ETHAN: Come on. Why do I have to go? 14 00:01:36,905 --> 00:01:37,936 KATHERINE: Because 15 00:01:37,938 --> 00:01:39,171 it's his weekend and you're not missing 16 00:01:39,173 --> 00:01:40,204 your grandmother's wedding. 17 00:01:40,206 --> 00:01:41,306 ETHAN: It's no fun there. 18 00:01:41,308 --> 00:01:42,674 Last time he made me watch 19 00:01:42,676 --> 00:01:44,943 an entire Super Bowl from 1979. 20 00:01:44,945 --> 00:01:47,079 Who watches a 30-year-old football game? 21 00:01:47,081 --> 00:01:50,749 He's always angry or pissed off... 22 00:01:50,751 --> 00:01:52,451 KATHERINE: Don't say that about your father. 23 00:01:52,453 --> 00:01:53,952 ETHAN: It's not my fault he's an asshole. 24 00:01:53,954 --> 00:01:55,221 KATHERINE: We're not having this discussion. 25 00:01:55,223 --> 00:01:56,588 Go get your bag. 26 00:01:56,590 --> 00:01:58,326 (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) 27 00:02:06,935 --> 00:02:08,370 (DOOR SLAMS) 28 00:02:10,838 --> 00:02:12,271 TERRY BRADSHAW: (ON TV) Pick Enterprise. 29 00:02:12,273 --> 00:02:13,671 We'll pick you up. 30 00:02:13,673 --> 00:02:15,140 MALE NARRATOR: In New York City, 31 00:02:15,142 --> 00:02:16,876 the dedicated detectives who investigate 32 00:02:16,878 --> 00:02:19,211 these vicious felonies are members of 33 00:02:19,213 --> 00:02:21,514 an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. 34 00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:23,415 These are their stories. 35 00:02:23,417 --> 00:02:25,052 - (DRAMATIC BANG ON TV) - (MOUTHING) 36 00:02:39,934 --> 00:02:41,636 (BOTH LAUGHING) 37 00:02:43,071 --> 00:02:44,469 PETER: Hello. 38 00:02:44,471 --> 00:02:46,206 HELEN: Ah, there you are. 39 00:02:46,208 --> 00:02:47,272 Hello. 40 00:02:47,274 --> 00:02:48,373 - Hey, Peter. - Sweetheart. 41 00:02:48,375 --> 00:02:49,641 Mom, you look radiant. 42 00:02:49,643 --> 00:02:50,877 - Thank you. - Hi, Sheila. 43 00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:52,510 These are for Mom's bunions. 44 00:02:52,512 --> 00:02:54,479 If you want her on her feet in two hours, 45 00:02:54,481 --> 00:02:55,914 you'll make sure she wears those. 46 00:02:55,916 --> 00:02:58,084 HELEN: Thank you, darling. That was sweet. 47 00:02:58,086 --> 00:02:59,318 You know, Peter, 48 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:01,888 if ever you start questioning your sexuality, 49 00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:05,724 I'd love to introduce you to my son, Jason. 50 00:03:05,726 --> 00:03:08,760 - He's got a tight little butt. - HELEN: Ooh. 51 00:03:08,762 --> 00:03:10,529 I'll be downstairs if you need me. 52 00:03:10,531 --> 00:03:12,465 - Thank you, Sheila. - HELEN: Wow. 53 00:03:12,467 --> 00:03:13,934 - Good to know. - (DOOR CLOSES) 54 00:03:15,035 --> 00:03:16,569 Good for Jason. 55 00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,771 (CHUCKLING) Where's Ethan? 56 00:03:18,773 --> 00:03:21,576 Uh, he's here somewhere. Happy as a clam. 57 00:03:23,376 --> 00:03:25,745 Oh, don't be discouraged. 58 00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:27,182 You're a great dad. 59 00:03:27,948 --> 00:03:29,480 Just love him 60 00:03:29,482 --> 00:03:31,751 and be there for him. 61 00:03:31,753 --> 00:03:34,589 And maybe loosen up a little. 62 00:03:35,223 --> 00:03:36,590 I'm loose. 63 00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:40,092 I mean... 64 00:03:40,094 --> 00:03:41,961 I'm loose, whatevs. 65 00:03:41,963 --> 00:03:43,829 Have you seen your brother yet? 66 00:03:43,831 --> 00:03:46,365 Hmm? Oh, you invited him? 67 00:03:46,367 --> 00:03:47,869 (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) 68 00:03:50,470 --> 00:03:52,638 Life is so crazy, man. 69 00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:55,741 One minute, you're napping in Maui, unemployed, 70 00:03:55,743 --> 00:03:58,377 uneducated, 30 bucks to your name, 71 00:03:58,379 --> 00:04:00,712 the next minute, some guy's walking up to you, 72 00:04:00,714 --> 00:04:02,581 asking if he can put your picture 73 00:04:02,583 --> 00:04:04,682 on a barbeque sauce bottle. 74 00:04:04,684 --> 00:04:06,319 And the next minute 75 00:04:06,321 --> 00:04:09,121 they're giving you three cents for every bottle they sell. 76 00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:10,323 And the next minute 77 00:04:10,325 --> 00:04:13,058 they're selling 30 million of these bad boys. 78 00:04:13,060 --> 00:04:14,527 BOTH: And then the next minute... 79 00:04:14,529 --> 00:04:17,063 You're wearing a white leather jacket 80 00:04:17,065 --> 00:04:20,031 and white high-tops to your mom's wedding. 81 00:04:20,033 --> 00:04:21,199 Pete! (CHUCKLING) 82 00:04:21,201 --> 00:04:22,800 (PETER GRUNTING) 83 00:04:22,802 --> 00:04:24,903 It is so good to see you. 84 00:04:24,905 --> 00:04:27,172 I haven't seen this guy in two years. 85 00:04:27,174 --> 00:04:28,507 Four. Actually. 86 00:04:28,509 --> 00:04:30,076 - Has it been that long? - Mmm-hmm. 87 00:04:30,078 --> 00:04:32,644 Shut the front door. Are you messing with me? 88 00:04:32,646 --> 00:04:33,946 He loves messing with me. 89 00:04:33,948 --> 00:04:36,048 - Are you messing with me? - I'm not. 90 00:04:36,050 --> 00:04:37,382 God, you got to come over to Hawaii. 91 00:04:37,384 --> 00:04:38,550 When are you gonna visit? 92 00:04:38,552 --> 00:04:40,420 - Yeah... - Hey, Kaylani! Come here! 93 00:04:40,422 --> 00:04:42,788 I want you to meet someone really special to me. 94 00:04:42,790 --> 00:04:44,757 Someone I've been sleeping with exclusively 95 00:04:44,759 --> 00:04:46,257 for the past six months. 96 00:04:46,259 --> 00:04:47,726 Wow, six whole months? 97 00:04:47,728 --> 00:04:49,228 That's what I'm saying. 98 00:04:49,230 --> 00:04:51,262 It's really special. 99 00:04:51,264 --> 00:04:53,031 Aloha, Peter. 100 00:04:53,033 --> 00:04:54,235 Hi. 101 00:04:59,641 --> 00:05:01,076 Oh, okay. 102 00:05:02,710 --> 00:05:04,145 (KAYLANI INHALES DEEPLY) 103 00:05:05,912 --> 00:05:07,549 (KYLE INHALES DEEPLY) 104 00:05:09,984 --> 00:05:12,384 I can feel your brother inside you. 105 00:05:12,386 --> 00:05:14,221 I am inside you. 106 00:05:15,122 --> 00:05:16,254 You are? 107 00:05:16,256 --> 00:05:17,656 - Yeah. - Hmm. 108 00:05:17,658 --> 00:05:19,226 We're twins. 109 00:05:22,196 --> 00:05:24,696 That's called a Honi. 110 00:05:24,698 --> 00:05:27,399 That is a sacred Hawaiian greeting 111 00:05:27,401 --> 00:05:29,168 that you just got. 112 00:05:29,170 --> 00:05:30,369 Yeah. 113 00:05:30,371 --> 00:05:31,971 Is that right? 114 00:05:31,973 --> 00:05:33,305 So, 115 00:05:33,307 --> 00:05:36,574 how psyched are you for Mom finding true love again? 116 00:05:36,576 --> 00:05:38,110 It's awesome. 117 00:05:38,112 --> 00:05:41,016 God, I just wish Dad could've been here to see this. 118 00:05:43,684 --> 00:05:45,084 - (SIGHS) - ETHAN: Yo, Uncle Kyle! 119 00:05:45,086 --> 00:05:46,151 Yeah? 120 00:05:46,153 --> 00:05:47,285 You got to see this. 121 00:05:47,287 --> 00:05:48,756 What's your boy's name? 122 00:05:49,657 --> 00:05:51,156 It's Ethan. 123 00:05:51,158 --> 00:05:54,228 You gotta meet Ethan. He is the best kid. Come on! 124 00:06:10,211 --> 00:06:11,744 OFFICIANT: Do you take this man 125 00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:14,379 to be your lawfully wedded husband? 126 00:06:14,381 --> 00:06:18,153 Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? 127 00:06:19,453 --> 00:06:23,155 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 128 00:06:23,157 --> 00:06:24,156 MAN: Beautiful! 129 00:06:24,158 --> 00:06:26,324 OFFICIANT: You may kiss the bride. 130 00:06:26,326 --> 00:06:27,595 (GUESTS CHEERING) 131 00:06:31,365 --> 00:06:33,398 (GLASSES CLINKING) 132 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:34,703 KYLE: Clink, clink, clink! 133 00:06:36,004 --> 00:06:38,105 It's so nice to be here today. 134 00:06:39,907 --> 00:06:42,740 There's a saying in Hawaii that goes 135 00:06:42,742 --> 00:06:44,713 a little something like this... 136 00:06:45,446 --> 00:06:47,182 (SPEAKING HAWAIIAN) 137 00:06:51,686 --> 00:06:54,119 That translates very simply as, 138 00:06:54,121 --> 00:06:58,490 "Life is alive once more inside of me 139 00:06:58,492 --> 00:07:00,692 "from my love of you." 140 00:07:00,694 --> 00:07:02,060 And, Gene, 141 00:07:02,062 --> 00:07:06,665 my mother's life is so alive right now 142 00:07:06,667 --> 00:07:08,100 with you inside her. 143 00:07:08,102 --> 00:07:10,869 - So, I want to raise a toast. - Hey now. 144 00:07:10,871 --> 00:07:13,241 - (GUESTS LAUGHING) - To mean Gene 145 00:07:14,943 --> 00:07:17,012 and the greatest mom on Earth. 146 00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:21,480 Cheers! Hey, l'chaim, everybody! 147 00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:23,281 HELEN: Thank you, darling. 148 00:07:23,283 --> 00:07:24,885 KYLE: Cheers! 149 00:07:26,687 --> 00:07:28,021 - That went good. - (INAUDIBLE) 150 00:07:28,023 --> 00:07:29,389 What? 151 00:07:29,391 --> 00:07:30,456 What? 152 00:07:30,458 --> 00:07:31,523 Yes. 153 00:07:31,525 --> 00:07:33,358 - No way! - I'm serious. 154 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:35,326 Oh, wait, wait, wait. One more thing to say. 155 00:07:35,328 --> 00:07:36,728 Wait, everybody hold on. 156 00:07:36,730 --> 00:07:38,831 Forget about that 70-inch TV we gave you 157 00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:42,201 because we've got another wedding gift. 158 00:07:42,203 --> 00:07:44,569 You're finally gonna be a grandmother! 159 00:07:44,571 --> 00:07:45,939 - (GASPS) Oh! - Yeah. 160 00:07:47,107 --> 00:07:48,206 Yes! 161 00:07:48,208 --> 00:07:49,675 I mean, a grandmother again! 162 00:07:49,677 --> 00:07:51,644 I'm sorry, Pete. 163 00:07:51,646 --> 00:07:53,213 (GUESTS CHEERING) 164 00:07:59,886 --> 00:08:02,021 KYLE: My life is so perfect! 165 00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:03,321 MALE NARRATOR: (ON TV) ...an elite squad 166 00:08:03,323 --> 00:08:04,790 known as the Special Victims Unit. 167 00:08:04,792 --> 00:08:06,257 These are their stories. 168 00:08:06,259 --> 00:08:07,826 (DRAMATIC BANG) 169 00:08:07,828 --> 00:08:10,761 I told you, Detective, I can press charges. 170 00:08:10,763 --> 00:08:12,096 Out of respect for... 171 00:08:12,098 --> 00:08:15,468 Shh. Let's cut to the chase, Nigel. 172 00:08:15,470 --> 00:08:17,071 May I call you Nigel? 173 00:08:19,372 --> 00:08:21,473 You see, Nigel, 174 00:08:21,475 --> 00:08:23,744 I know that men have needs. 175 00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:27,879 But when a wife can't fill those needs, 176 00:08:27,881 --> 00:08:30,283 men have to look elsewhere. 177 00:08:30,285 --> 00:08:31,386 Yes. 178 00:08:46,499 --> 00:08:48,333 What the fuck? 179 00:08:48,335 --> 00:08:49,635 I need to talk to both of you guys. 180 00:08:49,637 --> 00:08:51,204 - What? - Okay. 181 00:08:51,206 --> 00:08:52,470 Mom, I need to talk to you. 182 00:08:52,472 --> 00:08:54,108 - Oh, okay. - Thanks. 183 00:08:55,276 --> 00:08:57,209 - Boom! - KYLE: What a beauty. 184 00:08:57,211 --> 00:08:58,510 Boy, she is such a good actress. 185 00:08:58,512 --> 00:08:59,679 Hot. 186 00:08:59,681 --> 00:09:01,850 No, no, not her. 187 00:09:02,316 --> 00:09:03,882 Boom. 188 00:09:03,884 --> 00:09:05,385 - BENSON: Now! - Mmm-hmm? 189 00:09:07,888 --> 00:09:09,921 Foot fetish. (CHUCKLES) 190 00:09:09,923 --> 00:09:11,857 I like this guy. 191 00:09:11,859 --> 00:09:13,825 PETER: No, no, not that. 192 00:09:13,827 --> 00:09:15,295 Don't you see the resemblance? 193 00:09:16,864 --> 00:09:18,598 KYLE: The resemblance to who? 194 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,266 Our father! 195 00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:21,766 He's alive! 196 00:09:21,768 --> 00:09:23,234 KYLE: To our father? 197 00:09:23,236 --> 00:09:25,871 Are you on acid right now, Pete? 198 00:09:25,873 --> 00:09:28,640 No, Kyle, look at his birthmark. 199 00:09:28,642 --> 00:09:31,142 KYLE: Yeah, I'm looking. 200 00:09:31,144 --> 00:09:32,810 Mom, can you tell him this isn't our father. 201 00:09:32,812 --> 00:09:34,380 He isn't your father. 202 00:09:34,382 --> 00:09:36,214 Mom, I've been looking at his picture 203 00:09:36,216 --> 00:09:38,250 every day since I was four years old. 204 00:09:38,252 --> 00:09:40,218 That birth mark is unmistakable! 205 00:09:40,220 --> 00:09:41,619 GENE: Honey, is everything okay? 206 00:09:41,621 --> 00:09:43,021 Well, Pete is, uh, 207 00:09:43,023 --> 00:09:44,824 lost touch with reality. 208 00:09:44,826 --> 00:09:47,693 The man in the photos I gave you 209 00:09:47,695 --> 00:09:49,561 wasn't actually your father. 210 00:09:49,563 --> 00:09:50,630 Okay, what? 211 00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:51,833 What? 212 00:09:53,401 --> 00:09:54,599 (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 213 00:09:54,601 --> 00:09:57,603 Okay, he was a friend of mine from college. 214 00:09:57,605 --> 00:09:59,872 He was an English exchange student. 215 00:09:59,874 --> 00:10:01,439 He went back after graduation. 216 00:10:01,441 --> 00:10:03,776 I just thought you'd never see him. 217 00:10:03,778 --> 00:10:04,910 He's not my dad? 218 00:10:04,912 --> 00:10:06,545 He was studying to be a Botanist, 219 00:10:06,547 --> 00:10:07,713 for crying out loud. 220 00:10:07,715 --> 00:10:09,213 He's an orphan, 221 00:10:09,215 --> 00:10:11,050 and then he got colon cancer. 222 00:10:11,052 --> 00:10:12,253 HELEN: No. 223 00:10:12,787 --> 00:10:14,553 (SIGHS) 224 00:10:14,555 --> 00:10:17,289 I made up all those stories about your father. 225 00:10:17,291 --> 00:10:20,693 That he was an orphan, that he came from England. 226 00:10:20,695 --> 00:10:22,931 That he died of colon cancer. 227 00:10:23,430 --> 00:10:24,496 Wow. 228 00:10:24,498 --> 00:10:26,131 HELEN: The truth is, 229 00:10:26,133 --> 00:10:30,736 and I probably should've told you a long time ago... 230 00:10:30,738 --> 00:10:32,340 I think you should have. 231 00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:37,278 I wasn't sure who your father was. 232 00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:41,615 How does that work? 233 00:10:42,615 --> 00:10:44,750 Yeah, how does that work? 234 00:10:44,752 --> 00:10:46,352 Well, 235 00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:48,152 you've got to understand... 236 00:10:48,154 --> 00:10:51,223 It was the '70s. It was the crazy '70s. 237 00:10:51,225 --> 00:10:53,459 It was disco era. 238 00:10:53,461 --> 00:10:55,361 I was a young girl living in New York. 239 00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:57,529 And if you went partying in places 240 00:10:57,531 --> 00:11:00,065 like Studio 54... 241 00:11:00,067 --> 00:11:03,935 And, you know, everybody was high and fucking 242 00:11:03,937 --> 00:11:06,704 and monogamy wasn't exactly a priority. 243 00:11:06,706 --> 00:11:10,175 I mean, you just go in there and the mood, it would... 244 00:11:10,177 --> 00:11:12,143 ♪ Baby tonight Hot stuff ♪ 245 00:11:12,145 --> 00:11:13,344 Remember that? 246 00:11:13,346 --> 00:11:14,747 And then, you know, you just... 247 00:11:14,749 --> 00:11:16,548 - PETER: We get it. - All these great people 248 00:11:16,550 --> 00:11:18,483 in exactly the same situation you were, 249 00:11:18,485 --> 00:11:20,518 feeling exactly the same thing you were in. 250 00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:22,420 You would dance with them, you know, 251 00:11:22,422 --> 00:11:24,055 and then you go and you just, 252 00:11:24,057 --> 00:11:26,257 you know, you'd sleep with them. 253 00:11:26,259 --> 00:11:29,527 It's true. The priority was smoking weed and fucking. 254 00:11:29,529 --> 00:11:30,595 Well, sure, yeah. 255 00:11:30,597 --> 00:11:32,131 KYLE: Studio 54? 256 00:11:32,133 --> 00:11:34,165 - How awesome is that? - Yeah. 257 00:11:34,167 --> 00:11:35,666 - (CHUCKLES) - PETER: Awesome? 258 00:11:35,668 --> 00:11:37,369 You think this is awesome? 259 00:11:37,371 --> 00:11:39,405 KYLE: Well, it's not not awesome. 260 00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:42,473 It helps to explain my zest for love making. 261 00:11:42,475 --> 00:11:44,645 I've always wondered where I got that from. 262 00:11:47,114 --> 00:11:48,713 Now we know. 263 00:11:48,715 --> 00:11:52,084 I spent my whole life trying to honor my father's memory. 264 00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:53,452 And you have. 265 00:11:53,454 --> 00:11:54,853 What memory? 266 00:11:54,855 --> 00:11:57,423 I stare at assholes all day long 267 00:11:57,425 --> 00:12:00,726 because of a fictional man's colon cancer. 268 00:12:00,728 --> 00:12:03,494 Pete, could you pivot into plastic surgery 269 00:12:03,496 --> 00:12:05,864 or something less butt-related. 270 00:12:05,866 --> 00:12:08,366 I mean, you're really smart, I don't see why not. 271 00:12:08,368 --> 00:12:10,868 Kyle, how are you not freaking out right now? 272 00:12:10,870 --> 00:12:12,204 Okay, that's not fair! 273 00:12:12,206 --> 00:12:13,472 You can't tell people how to freak out. 274 00:12:13,474 --> 00:12:15,173 Now I want everybody to calm down, all right? 275 00:12:15,175 --> 00:12:17,108 I am so sorry, you guys, 276 00:12:17,110 --> 00:12:18,510 but the light is going quickly. 277 00:12:18,512 --> 00:12:20,212 It's the last chance for family photos. 278 00:12:20,214 --> 00:12:21,715 Not a good time, Annie! 279 00:12:22,917 --> 00:12:24,348 It's a perfect time, Annie. 280 00:12:24,350 --> 00:12:25,584 Okay, just get a little bit tighter 281 00:12:25,586 --> 00:12:27,018 and we'll get a nice family shot. 282 00:12:27,020 --> 00:12:29,320 Oh, you guys look so good. Hold on. 283 00:12:29,322 --> 00:12:30,923 - This looks perfect. - (CAMERA CLICKS) 284 00:12:30,925 --> 00:12:32,226 Oh, so good! 285 00:12:33,293 --> 00:12:35,193 That is going to be a good one. 286 00:12:35,195 --> 00:12:36,328 You can't leave just yet. 287 00:12:36,330 --> 00:12:37,996 We need Mom and her sons. 288 00:12:37,998 --> 00:12:39,698 Oh, good idea. 289 00:12:39,700 --> 00:12:41,502 Okay. Come back up here. 290 00:12:42,702 --> 00:12:45,636 I'm gonna need you guys looking forward, 291 00:12:45,638 --> 00:12:47,138 big smiles. 292 00:12:47,140 --> 00:12:48,272 Perfect, Kyle. 293 00:12:48,274 --> 00:12:49,974 Oh, my God, Dr. Reynolds... 294 00:12:49,976 --> 00:12:52,776 This means he's out there. 295 00:12:52,778 --> 00:12:54,779 He's out there somewhere. 296 00:12:54,781 --> 00:12:56,314 Not now, Peter. 297 00:12:56,316 --> 00:12:58,516 Dr. Reynolds, if I can get you looking at the camera. 298 00:12:58,518 --> 00:13:01,420 He's been out there this whole time. 299 00:13:01,422 --> 00:13:03,854 That is true. I mean, who do you think it was? 300 00:13:03,856 --> 00:13:05,257 As we got older, surely... 301 00:13:05,259 --> 00:13:06,657 Was there someone that we started to remind you of? 302 00:13:06,659 --> 00:13:08,459 Just stop it. Will you just please stop it. 303 00:13:08,461 --> 00:13:11,796 None of the men I was with would have made a good father. 304 00:13:11,798 --> 00:13:13,431 I was trying to protect you. 305 00:13:13,433 --> 00:13:15,132 Protect yourself more like it. 306 00:13:15,134 --> 00:13:17,301 Hey, wait a minute. 307 00:13:17,303 --> 00:13:20,572 I need a name. I think you owe me a name. 308 00:13:20,574 --> 00:13:21,640 I think you... 309 00:13:21,642 --> 00:13:23,508 ANNIE: Hey, Reynolds! 310 00:13:23,510 --> 00:13:25,245 Camera! Now! 311 00:13:26,513 --> 00:13:28,713 - (CAMERA CLICKS) - Perfect. 312 00:13:28,715 --> 00:13:30,848 We got it. 313 00:13:30,850 --> 00:13:32,316 Fucking thank you. 314 00:13:32,318 --> 00:13:34,621 I can't talk about this now, Peter. 315 00:13:35,956 --> 00:13:39,190 Okay, she... Mom has spoken. 316 00:13:39,192 --> 00:13:41,992 Pete, you're spinning out of control literally. 317 00:13:41,994 --> 00:13:43,295 Just calm down. 318 00:13:43,297 --> 00:13:44,662 Stop telling me to calm down! 319 00:13:44,664 --> 00:13:45,896 Okay? 320 00:13:45,898 --> 00:13:48,333 I just need to know this! 321 00:13:48,335 --> 00:13:50,868 Just give me something. 322 00:13:50,870 --> 00:13:52,139 Please. 323 00:13:53,139 --> 00:13:54,641 Terry Bradshaw. 324 00:13:57,778 --> 00:13:59,978 Four-time Super Bowl champion, Terry Bradshaw? 325 00:13:59,980 --> 00:14:01,512 Yeah. 326 00:14:01,514 --> 00:14:03,882 The Enterprise Rent-A-Car spokesman, Terry Bradshaw? 327 00:14:03,884 --> 00:14:06,351 Fox sports TV commentator, Terry Bradshaw? 328 00:14:06,353 --> 00:14:08,119 Yep. Terry Bradshaw. 329 00:14:08,121 --> 00:14:09,720 No, no, no. 330 00:14:09,722 --> 00:14:11,790 (STAMMERS) That's insane! 331 00:14:11,792 --> 00:14:13,925 We started dating 332 00:14:13,927 --> 00:14:15,292 the fall of '74, 333 00:14:15,294 --> 00:14:16,862 just after he gave up 334 00:14:16,864 --> 00:14:20,401 his starting position to Joe Gilliam. 335 00:14:22,603 --> 00:14:25,170 There's no way she would know who Joe Gilliam was. 336 00:14:25,172 --> 00:14:26,304 Pete! 337 00:14:26,306 --> 00:14:27,638 Wait, Mom, this is... 338 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:29,440 Do you realize how incredible this is? 339 00:14:29,442 --> 00:14:31,376 This is the guy you loved growing up! 340 00:14:31,378 --> 00:14:33,779 Gene, he had every poster on the wall! 341 00:14:33,781 --> 00:14:36,714 - I know... - Can I get a smile now? 342 00:14:36,716 --> 00:14:38,316 Now, will you relax? 343 00:14:38,318 --> 00:14:40,785 - I love Terry Bradshaw. - I know! 344 00:14:40,787 --> 00:14:42,154 PETER: He's the greatest! 345 00:14:42,156 --> 00:14:43,354 - KYLE: Yeah. - Yup. 346 00:14:43,356 --> 00:14:45,390 Which raises the inevitable question, 347 00:14:45,392 --> 00:14:48,160 why did you not 348 00:14:48,162 --> 00:14:49,994 tell us 349 00:14:49,996 --> 00:14:53,166 that the coolest man on Earth was our father? 350 00:14:54,701 --> 00:14:57,001 Well, he wasn't 351 00:14:57,003 --> 00:14:59,273 the man you saw on TV. 352 00:15:01,841 --> 00:15:03,311 He was violent. 353 00:15:04,345 --> 00:15:05,877 He hit you? 354 00:15:05,879 --> 00:15:07,114 No. 355 00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:10,147 But as a football player 356 00:15:10,149 --> 00:15:13,852 he was frequently violent. 357 00:15:13,854 --> 00:15:15,152 As a football player? 358 00:15:15,154 --> 00:15:16,857 Yeah, on Sundays. 359 00:15:17,758 --> 00:15:19,326 Sometimes Monday nights. 360 00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:22,393 Oh, on game days 361 00:15:22,395 --> 00:15:23,661 he was violent... I got it. 362 00:15:23,663 --> 00:15:25,463 Yeah, because that was his job. 363 00:15:25,465 --> 00:15:27,299 That's what he did for a living! 364 00:15:27,301 --> 00:15:29,001 (CHUCKLES) 365 00:15:29,003 --> 00:15:30,702 Oh, my God! 366 00:15:30,704 --> 00:15:33,472 Do you have any idea what my life might have been like 367 00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:35,806 with Terry Bradshaw in the picture? 368 00:15:35,808 --> 00:15:38,143 I might even be in the NFL right now! 369 00:15:38,145 --> 00:15:39,544 - Oh, come on! - Well, we don't know! 370 00:15:39,546 --> 00:15:40,912 You didn't even make our middle school team. 371 00:15:40,914 --> 00:15:43,147 That's because I didn't have Terry Bradshaw 372 00:15:43,149 --> 00:15:44,449 teaching me the fundamentals. 373 00:15:44,451 --> 00:15:47,785 Oh, Peter, please, just please... 374 00:15:47,787 --> 00:15:52,123 My life is basically crap right now, 375 00:15:52,125 --> 00:15:54,828 and it's your fault. 376 00:15:55,796 --> 00:15:57,297 That's not fair. 377 00:15:57,864 --> 00:16:00,531 Pete. Hey! 378 00:16:00,533 --> 00:16:02,802 Mom, let me talk to him. 379 00:16:03,936 --> 00:16:06,070 KYLE: Hey, Pete! 380 00:16:06,072 --> 00:16:07,372 Pete, come here for a second. 381 00:16:07,374 --> 00:16:09,473 Hey, Pete, where are you going? 382 00:16:09,475 --> 00:16:11,776 Come on, you got to apologize. 383 00:16:11,778 --> 00:16:12,877 Apologize for what? 384 00:16:12,879 --> 00:16:15,780 Well, you're being really tough on Mom. 385 00:16:15,782 --> 00:16:18,816 Hey, what are you doing? No! You're not driving. 386 00:16:18,818 --> 00:16:21,954 Look, maybe I blew my stack at Mom. 387 00:16:21,956 --> 00:16:23,555 It's just... 388 00:16:23,557 --> 00:16:25,623 She kept Dad from us. 389 00:16:25,625 --> 00:16:26,858 I know. 390 00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:28,160 What the hell? 391 00:16:28,162 --> 00:16:32,231 You know how many times I just wanted to know him? 392 00:16:32,233 --> 00:16:35,566 I just wanted him there to ask about 393 00:16:35,568 --> 00:16:39,305 Ethan, about Katherine, about... 394 00:16:39,307 --> 00:16:41,973 About everything, you know? 395 00:16:41,975 --> 00:16:43,675 Yeah, I know how much you wanted that. 396 00:16:43,677 --> 00:16:47,581 Yeah, I don't think you do, man. I just... Well... 397 00:16:52,519 --> 00:16:55,152 I can talk to him. 398 00:16:55,154 --> 00:16:56,656 - Yeah. - It's Terry Bradshaw. 399 00:16:59,392 --> 00:17:00,761 I'm gonna go find him. 400 00:17:01,561 --> 00:17:02,928 I'm gonna find Dad. 401 00:17:02,930 --> 00:17:04,429 Great! Let's do it. 402 00:17:04,431 --> 00:17:06,230 - Oh, no. You can't come. - Oh, I'm coming. 403 00:17:06,232 --> 00:17:07,364 You never gave a shit about Dad. 404 00:17:07,366 --> 00:17:09,234 He's my father, too! 405 00:17:09,236 --> 00:17:11,268 I don't take my orders from you. 406 00:17:11,270 --> 00:17:12,703 I take them from the universe. 407 00:17:12,705 --> 00:17:15,407 And the universe wants us to go together. 408 00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:16,775 You're not coming. 409 00:17:16,777 --> 00:17:18,276 Wait, hold on, wait, who was that? 410 00:17:18,278 --> 00:17:20,411 Hello, yes? 411 00:17:20,413 --> 00:17:22,081 It's the universe? 412 00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:23,582 Yeah. 413 00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:26,618 You want me to go with my brother? 414 00:17:26,620 --> 00:17:29,153 Pete doesn't want me to go. 415 00:17:29,155 --> 00:17:31,589 - Fuck him? - (CHUCKLES) 416 00:17:31,591 --> 00:17:33,524 I know. You said it with a wink. 417 00:17:33,526 --> 00:17:36,227 Okay. I love you, too. 418 00:17:36,229 --> 00:17:38,430 That was the universe. 419 00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:39,634 Now where does he live? 420 00:17:40,401 --> 00:17:41,602 Miami. 421 00:17:42,303 --> 00:17:43,634 Done. Miami. 422 00:17:43,636 --> 00:17:45,969 That's where we meet him. 423 00:17:45,971 --> 00:17:49,141 - We're going to Miami. - God damn it. Yes! 424 00:17:49,143 --> 00:17:50,441 - Come on! - KYLE: Fine. 425 00:17:50,443 --> 00:17:53,748 You can come, but don't be annoying. 426 00:17:57,584 --> 00:18:00,251 Let me look at you. Kiss. 427 00:18:00,253 --> 00:18:02,453 (KAYLANI CHUCKLES) 428 00:18:02,455 --> 00:18:04,689 KYLE: Okay, what's our plan? 429 00:18:04,691 --> 00:18:07,391 Um, we're still in good shape. 430 00:18:07,393 --> 00:18:09,393 Mr. Bradshaw will be 431 00:18:09,395 --> 00:18:10,996 at the grand opening 432 00:18:10,998 --> 00:18:13,997 of North Miami Beach Bradshaw Motors. 433 00:18:13,999 --> 00:18:15,766 - Yeah. - This afternoon. 434 00:18:15,768 --> 00:18:17,936 Okay, well, that's where we're gonna meet him. 435 00:18:17,938 --> 00:18:19,203 Yup. 436 00:18:19,205 --> 00:18:20,872 By the way, thank you for letting me upgrade us. 437 00:18:20,874 --> 00:18:22,807 I think you're gonna love first class. 438 00:18:22,809 --> 00:18:24,543 I think it's kind of a waste of money. 439 00:18:24,545 --> 00:18:25,843 Not when it's my money. 440 00:18:25,845 --> 00:18:28,447 Look, Pete, money is never wasted 441 00:18:28,449 --> 00:18:30,981 when it's spent on the ones you love. 442 00:18:30,983 --> 00:18:32,516 Like a brother. 443 00:18:32,518 --> 00:18:34,887 Or a jet ski. 444 00:18:34,889 --> 00:18:36,957 Or a party boat. 445 00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:40,225 Push play. Can I see that? 446 00:18:40,227 --> 00:18:42,960 TERRY: I hate to run. But not running is worse. 447 00:18:42,962 --> 00:18:45,497 So, if I've got to run, it's going to be in the most... 448 00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:47,966 KYLE: (CHUCKLING) Look at that Adonis. 449 00:18:47,968 --> 00:18:49,167 That's our dad. 450 00:18:49,169 --> 00:18:51,236 I can't believe it. 451 00:18:51,238 --> 00:18:52,370 FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Mr. Reynolds... 452 00:18:52,372 --> 00:18:54,005 Oh, and Mr. Reynolds. 453 00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:55,740 - Are you guys married? - PETER: No. 454 00:18:55,742 --> 00:18:57,543 We're just watching some footage on our father. 455 00:18:57,545 --> 00:18:58,977 We're on our way to meet him 456 00:18:58,979 --> 00:19:00,277 for the very first time. 457 00:19:00,279 --> 00:19:03,515 So, we're a little nervous and a whole lot excited. 458 00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:05,584 (GASPS) Aren't you just the sweetest thing. 459 00:19:05,586 --> 00:19:07,018 If you think I'm sweet, 460 00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:08,786 let me introduce you to big bro here. 461 00:19:08,788 --> 00:19:10,721 He is like a ripe honeydew melon. 462 00:19:10,723 --> 00:19:12,224 Ooh. A honeydew, huh? 463 00:19:12,226 --> 00:19:13,459 I love honeydews. 464 00:19:13,461 --> 00:19:15,259 Yeah, they're really yummy. 465 00:19:15,261 --> 00:19:16,861 They're delicious. 466 00:19:16,863 --> 00:19:19,430 There is this thing, though, you should know about fruit. 467 00:19:19,432 --> 00:19:21,799 A lot of melons in particular. The skin 468 00:19:21,801 --> 00:19:24,369 is a breeding ground for bacteria, 469 00:19:24,371 --> 00:19:25,670 E.coli and stuff. 470 00:19:25,672 --> 00:19:27,705 It's just something to be aware of, you know. 471 00:19:27,707 --> 00:19:29,774 Something to keep in mind 472 00:19:29,776 --> 00:19:33,010 in your fruit-related endeavors moving forward. 473 00:19:33,012 --> 00:19:34,312 He's a doctor. 474 00:19:34,314 --> 00:19:36,448 Always saving lives. 475 00:19:36,450 --> 00:19:37,748 Oh, a doctor. 476 00:19:37,750 --> 00:19:40,751 Dr. Reynolds. (GIGGLES) 477 00:19:40,753 --> 00:19:41,853 - I'll be careful. - Yes. 478 00:19:41,855 --> 00:19:44,087 You're welcome. Be careful. 479 00:19:44,089 --> 00:19:45,558 (CHUCKLES) 480 00:19:46,058 --> 00:19:47,391 God! 481 00:19:47,393 --> 00:19:48,960 What are you doing? 482 00:19:48,962 --> 00:19:49,827 What? 483 00:19:49,829 --> 00:19:51,328 You guys had some chemistry. 484 00:19:51,330 --> 00:19:53,865 I was trying to facilitate it. 485 00:19:53,867 --> 00:19:56,500 I think it's called being a wingman. 486 00:19:56,502 --> 00:19:59,705 I don't need a wingman. All right? 487 00:19:59,707 --> 00:20:01,905 I'm not on this trip to get laid. 488 00:20:01,907 --> 00:20:03,240 Come on. 489 00:20:03,242 --> 00:20:05,910 There was a little electricity there between you two. 490 00:20:05,912 --> 00:20:06,878 Did you notice 491 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:08,846 a little chemistry there between them? 492 00:20:08,848 --> 00:20:11,815 I bet she's a real cock tease. 493 00:20:11,817 --> 00:20:13,517 Yeah, right. Stop projecting. 494 00:20:13,519 --> 00:20:15,053 Listen, 495 00:20:15,055 --> 00:20:18,155 how many women have you been with since the divorce? 496 00:20:18,157 --> 00:20:19,159 Ten? 497 00:20:20,027 --> 00:20:21,491 Yup. Ten. 498 00:20:21,493 --> 00:20:23,394 And it's been a year? 499 00:20:23,396 --> 00:20:26,297 - Three. - Ten in three years? 500 00:20:26,299 --> 00:20:27,500 Yeah. 501 00:20:28,568 --> 00:20:30,003 (SIGHS) 502 00:20:31,371 --> 00:20:34,139 I'm really sorry. I had no idea. 503 00:20:34,141 --> 00:20:36,807 I'm being sarcastic. 504 00:20:36,809 --> 00:20:39,777 I haven't had sex with anyone since Katherine. 505 00:20:39,779 --> 00:20:43,648 I haven't had sex with anyone besides Katherine. 506 00:20:43,650 --> 00:20:45,249 We got married in college. 507 00:20:45,251 --> 00:20:46,351 Remember? 508 00:20:46,353 --> 00:20:47,654 What? 509 00:20:56,962 --> 00:20:59,664 ANNOUNCER: Welcome to Miami International Airport. 510 00:20:59,666 --> 00:21:02,234 Peter, Peter, Peter, is it like a physical thing? 511 00:21:02,236 --> 00:21:04,535 - PETER: What? - KYLE: Is it like a blood flow? 512 00:21:04,537 --> 00:21:06,103 PETER: God, no! 513 00:21:06,105 --> 00:21:08,273 No, my penis is fine! 514 00:21:08,275 --> 00:21:09,407 Well, what is the deal? 515 00:21:09,409 --> 00:21:10,641 Ever since the divorce, 516 00:21:10,643 --> 00:21:12,009 I've been a little depressed, okay? 517 00:21:12,011 --> 00:21:14,178 That makes sense. And it just... 518 00:21:14,180 --> 00:21:15,279 Don't patronize me, okay? 519 00:21:15,281 --> 00:21:16,914 You wouldn't know anything about that. 520 00:21:16,916 --> 00:21:18,682 Of course I do. You don't think I know 521 00:21:18,684 --> 00:21:20,052 what it's like to be depressed? 522 00:21:20,054 --> 00:21:22,687 The saddest I've ever seen you is like... 523 00:21:22,689 --> 00:21:25,055 I've never seen you sad! 524 00:21:25,057 --> 00:21:26,356 You can't get into a contest... 525 00:21:26,358 --> 00:21:27,691 That is actually sad. 526 00:21:27,693 --> 00:21:28,526 ...on who's more sad than the other guy. 527 00:21:28,528 --> 00:21:29,628 That's weird! 528 00:21:29,630 --> 00:21:31,930 No. It's weird that you keep... 529 00:21:31,932 --> 00:21:34,032 Dr. Reynolds, good luck meeting your father. 530 00:21:34,034 --> 00:21:36,701 Thanks. Good luck with your uniform. 531 00:21:36,703 --> 00:21:38,172 (FLIGHT ATTENDANTS GIGGLING) 532 00:21:40,007 --> 00:21:42,439 No, I'm not going to let you do that anymore. 533 00:21:42,441 --> 00:21:43,741 Do what? 534 00:21:43,743 --> 00:21:45,910 Just deliberately self-sabotage. Okay? 535 00:21:45,912 --> 00:21:48,112 The top mission is still bonding with Dad. 536 00:21:48,114 --> 00:21:50,047 Sub-mission is getting you laid. 537 00:21:50,049 --> 00:21:53,118 Mission below that is gonna be having stone crabs. 538 00:21:53,120 --> 00:21:55,623 Mission below that, swimming with dolphins. 539 00:22:02,628 --> 00:22:04,128 PETER: Hey, when we get to the dealership, 540 00:22:04,130 --> 00:22:05,964 you have to do all the talking. 541 00:22:05,966 --> 00:22:08,599 KYLE: You cannot be nervous, Peter. He's a regular guy, 542 00:22:08,601 --> 00:22:10,602 just like us. 543 00:22:10,604 --> 00:22:12,202 TERRY: There you go. 544 00:22:12,204 --> 00:22:13,371 Thank you. 545 00:22:13,373 --> 00:22:15,172 Don't forget to buy a car. 546 00:22:15,174 --> 00:22:16,674 Just kidding. (CHUCKLES) 547 00:22:16,676 --> 00:22:18,276 Hey, fellas, how you doing? 548 00:22:18,278 --> 00:22:19,943 Hi, Terry Bradshaw. 549 00:22:19,945 --> 00:22:21,749 - Yeah. - (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 550 00:22:29,690 --> 00:22:31,091 Is he okay? 551 00:22:32,558 --> 00:22:34,825 Aw! Bless his heart. 552 00:22:34,827 --> 00:22:36,661 You're one of my special fans, aren't you? 553 00:22:36,663 --> 00:22:38,063 Hey, bub. 554 00:22:38,065 --> 00:22:39,897 How you doing? God bless you. 555 00:22:39,899 --> 00:22:41,466 Oh, no. He's not special. 556 00:22:41,468 --> 00:22:43,368 No, no. I am special, Pete. 557 00:22:43,370 --> 00:22:45,205 We're both special. 558 00:22:50,343 --> 00:22:51,776 Do I know you? 559 00:22:51,778 --> 00:22:54,078 Oh, I don't think so. I'd remember. 560 00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:56,381 TERRY: Really? Are you sure? 561 00:22:56,383 --> 00:22:59,016 You really do look familiar. 562 00:22:59,018 --> 00:23:00,518 - Show him. - PETER: Yeah. 563 00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:02,152 Well, um... 564 00:23:02,154 --> 00:23:05,390 Do you remember a woman named Helen Baxter? 565 00:23:05,392 --> 00:23:07,227 Helen Baxter? 566 00:23:08,327 --> 00:23:10,295 Helen Baxter... 567 00:23:10,297 --> 00:23:12,132 Oh, my God. 568 00:23:15,035 --> 00:23:16,103 Wow. 569 00:23:16,702 --> 00:23:18,202 God. 570 00:23:18,204 --> 00:23:21,305 Well, talk about a blast from the past. 571 00:23:21,307 --> 00:23:22,675 (BOTH GASP) 572 00:23:24,577 --> 00:23:27,144 This woman was something else. 573 00:23:27,146 --> 00:23:29,314 She had the tightest ass you've ever seen. 574 00:23:29,316 --> 00:23:30,681 I mean, awesome. 575 00:23:30,683 --> 00:23:32,920 Yeah, but Helen was much more than that. 576 00:23:33,554 --> 00:23:35,420 She had a mouth. 577 00:23:35,422 --> 00:23:36,688 Oh! 578 00:23:36,690 --> 00:23:39,224 And a tongue. Oh! 579 00:23:39,226 --> 00:23:41,692 (CHUCKLING) And I'm telling you, 580 00:23:41,694 --> 00:23:44,094 it damn near cost us the Super Bowl. 581 00:23:44,096 --> 00:23:48,099 Well, Mom was a Browns fan so... 582 00:23:48,101 --> 00:23:50,168 Did you say that Helen is your mother? 583 00:23:50,170 --> 00:23:51,501 Yeah. 584 00:23:51,503 --> 00:23:54,139 Well, technically, I said it, sir, because we're... 585 00:23:54,141 --> 00:23:56,807 We're both her sons. We're twins. 586 00:23:56,809 --> 00:23:58,678 You're Helen Baxter's son? 587 00:23:59,412 --> 00:24:01,478 We're both her boys, yes. 588 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:02,714 That is... 589 00:24:02,716 --> 00:24:05,316 That is what we are saying. Yes. 590 00:24:05,318 --> 00:24:06,653 How is she? 591 00:24:08,055 --> 00:24:10,255 - Well, she's great. - Yeah. 592 00:24:10,257 --> 00:24:12,422 You know, uh, she just got married. 593 00:24:12,424 --> 00:24:16,228 And she's a lot different than how you remember her. 594 00:24:16,230 --> 00:24:17,327 That's for sure. 595 00:24:17,329 --> 00:24:19,530 KYLE: Just a little. 596 00:24:19,532 --> 00:24:20,900 Oh, my... 597 00:24:23,336 --> 00:24:24,704 KYLE: Say it. 598 00:24:25,605 --> 00:24:27,141 Say it. 599 00:24:29,041 --> 00:24:30,910 You're my son, aren't you? 600 00:24:32,578 --> 00:24:34,344 I... I think so. 601 00:24:34,346 --> 00:24:36,247 Well, technically, we both are because, 602 00:24:36,249 --> 00:24:38,349 like I was saying earlier, we're twins. 603 00:24:38,351 --> 00:24:40,384 We're both her sons. 604 00:24:40,386 --> 00:24:42,687 You're my son. 605 00:24:42,689 --> 00:24:43,957 Yes. 606 00:24:44,524 --> 00:24:45,726 (GASPS) 607 00:24:49,028 --> 00:24:50,995 Come here. Come here. 608 00:24:50,997 --> 00:24:54,368 Oh, this is just amazing. 609 00:24:55,868 --> 00:24:57,970 Oh, my God. 610 00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:03,874 I had no idea that she was even pregnant. 611 00:25:03,876 --> 00:25:05,375 You gotta believe me. Helen never... 612 00:25:05,377 --> 00:25:06,478 She never said a word. 613 00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:08,513 We know. Don't worry about it. 614 00:25:08,515 --> 00:25:10,046 I mean, I can't believe this. 615 00:25:10,048 --> 00:25:12,350 I mean, you guys have been out there the whole time. 616 00:25:12,352 --> 00:25:14,185 - It's really emotional. - I know, yeah. 617 00:25:14,187 --> 00:25:17,388 I already have a son. His name is Trent. 618 00:25:17,390 --> 00:25:19,390 But he's kind of a nob. Do you know what I'm saying? 619 00:25:19,392 --> 00:25:20,791 So is my son. 620 00:25:20,793 --> 00:25:23,027 Oh, man. Do you have any plans? 621 00:25:23,029 --> 00:25:24,362 You guys got anything to do? 622 00:25:24,364 --> 00:25:25,563 No. 623 00:25:25,565 --> 00:25:27,032 Look, why don't you come over to the house, 624 00:25:27,034 --> 00:25:28,565 and we'll have some food and drinks. 625 00:25:28,567 --> 00:25:30,000 - What do you say? - That would be incredible. 626 00:25:30,002 --> 00:25:31,436 - Great. Yeah. - Okay? 627 00:25:31,438 --> 00:25:32,469 Uh... (STAMMERING) 628 00:25:32,471 --> 00:25:34,372 Pete, why don't you ride with me. 629 00:25:34,374 --> 00:25:37,342 And, Donald... Donald, you can just follow, okay? 630 00:25:37,344 --> 00:25:38,709 Okay. It's Kyle. 631 00:25:38,711 --> 00:25:39,843 Is this your car? 632 00:25:39,845 --> 00:25:42,447 Yeah. This is a '75 Stingray. 633 00:25:42,449 --> 00:25:43,948 It's my favorite car! Literally! 634 00:25:43,950 --> 00:25:45,683 You like it? Really? 635 00:25:45,685 --> 00:25:47,818 Here. You drive. 636 00:25:47,820 --> 00:25:49,387 Donald, see if you can keep up. 637 00:25:49,389 --> 00:25:51,890 - It's still Kyle. - Come on. Let's go. 638 00:25:51,892 --> 00:25:54,327 You like this, huh? (LAUGHS) 639 00:26:06,072 --> 00:26:08,672 This is amazing, Mr. Bradshaw! 640 00:26:08,674 --> 00:26:09,806 Please. 641 00:26:09,808 --> 00:26:12,176 Just call me Terry, okay? 642 00:26:12,178 --> 00:26:14,211 PETER: All right! Well then Terry it is! 643 00:26:14,213 --> 00:26:15,412 - (ENGINE REVVING) - Whoo! 644 00:26:15,414 --> 00:26:17,914 KYLE: Okay, take it easy, lead foot. 645 00:26:17,916 --> 00:26:20,052 I'm in a Ford Focus here. 646 00:26:20,886 --> 00:26:23,156 Damn it, slow it down! 647 00:26:37,403 --> 00:26:39,304 (TERRY LAUGHS) 648 00:26:39,306 --> 00:26:41,305 TERRY: Hey, hey, I'm home! 649 00:26:41,307 --> 00:26:43,007 Did you pick up the fresh garlic I needed? 650 00:26:43,009 --> 00:26:44,441 The fresh garlic. 651 00:26:44,443 --> 00:26:46,143 No, I didn't get the fresh garlic. 652 00:26:46,145 --> 00:26:47,644 Got something better, though. 653 00:26:47,646 --> 00:26:48,947 Oh, what did you pick up? 654 00:26:48,949 --> 00:26:51,716 I picked up a son. (CHUCKLES) 655 00:26:51,718 --> 00:26:53,351 Pete. Say hi, Pete. 656 00:26:53,353 --> 00:26:54,419 Hi. 657 00:26:54,421 --> 00:26:55,519 How are you? 658 00:26:55,521 --> 00:26:56,923 (CHUCKLES) Pete. 659 00:26:58,924 --> 00:27:00,959 This is a joke. Right? 660 00:27:00,961 --> 00:27:02,626 No, no, this is not a joke. 661 00:27:02,628 --> 00:27:05,596 His mother and I used to have unprotected sex all the time. 662 00:27:05,598 --> 00:27:06,765 Don't worry, Pete. All right? 663 00:27:06,767 --> 00:27:08,932 She knows all about my crazy past. 664 00:27:08,934 --> 00:27:10,868 I'm Peter Reynolds. So glad to meet you. 665 00:27:10,870 --> 00:27:13,370 It's nice to meet you, Peter. 666 00:27:13,372 --> 00:27:16,173 Sweetie, could I have a word with you in the kitchen? 667 00:27:16,175 --> 00:27:18,075 - Me? Okay. - Yeah. 668 00:27:18,077 --> 00:27:20,311 Hey, Pete, make yourself at home. 669 00:27:20,313 --> 00:27:22,846 My home is your home now. (CHUCKLES) 670 00:27:22,848 --> 00:27:24,347 My home is your home now. 671 00:27:24,349 --> 00:27:25,682 - Can you believe I said that? - Yeah, I heard that. 672 00:27:25,684 --> 00:27:27,185 I think we need to, kind of, just talk. 673 00:27:27,187 --> 00:27:29,019 TERRY: What? What do you wanna talk... 674 00:27:29,021 --> 00:27:31,389 Listen, sweetie, this is insane, okay? 675 00:27:31,391 --> 00:27:34,324 You can't just invite somebody into our home. 676 00:27:34,326 --> 00:27:35,825 I mean, he could be, like, 677 00:27:35,827 --> 00:27:37,428 a con artist looking for money. 678 00:27:37,430 --> 00:27:39,497 - Money? You're serious? - Yes. Did you think about... 679 00:27:39,499 --> 00:27:40,765 - Yes. - No way. 680 00:27:40,767 --> 00:27:42,065 Pete! 681 00:27:42,067 --> 00:27:43,535 Do you need money? 682 00:27:43,537 --> 00:27:45,870 Are you here to rob us? 683 00:27:45,872 --> 00:27:47,705 Oh, no, I'm good. 684 00:27:47,707 --> 00:27:49,209 I'm a physician actually. 685 00:27:50,477 --> 00:27:51,977 Did you hear that? 686 00:27:51,979 --> 00:27:54,645 My boy is a doctor. (LAUGHS) 687 00:27:54,647 --> 00:27:57,382 You're a doctor, son. Proud of you! 688 00:27:57,384 --> 00:27:58,449 Thanks! 689 00:27:58,451 --> 00:28:00,051 TERRY: I've got a doctor in my family. 690 00:28:00,053 --> 00:28:02,589 Go deep, Pete! Deep, deep! 691 00:28:04,724 --> 00:28:06,524 - (GRUNTS) - (TERRY WHOOPS) 692 00:28:06,526 --> 00:28:08,192 Nice grab, Pete! 693 00:28:08,194 --> 00:28:10,394 Atta boy! Great catch, son. 694 00:28:10,396 --> 00:28:12,465 Way to go, babe. 695 00:28:13,999 --> 00:28:16,366 I gotta tell you, Pete. 696 00:28:16,368 --> 00:28:19,570 Had a bit of a colon cancer scare a few years back. 697 00:28:19,572 --> 00:28:20,737 - Really? - Yeah. 698 00:28:20,739 --> 00:28:23,807 Thank God I had a good GI doc. 699 00:28:23,809 --> 00:28:27,344 I know you guys, you know, you catch a lot of guff. 700 00:28:27,346 --> 00:28:30,081 But, man, it's a noble profession. 701 00:28:30,083 --> 00:28:31,685 Noble as heck. 702 00:28:33,385 --> 00:28:35,254 Really appreciate you're saying that. 703 00:28:35,887 --> 00:28:38,189 Really do. 704 00:28:38,191 --> 00:28:39,590 Be cool, man. 705 00:28:39,592 --> 00:28:41,891 You know, when I first came into the league, 706 00:28:41,893 --> 00:28:43,861 I was a bit of a hot head. 707 00:28:43,863 --> 00:28:46,730 I mean, it didn't take so much as a slight breeze, 708 00:28:46,732 --> 00:28:48,833 and God, I'd go off. 709 00:28:48,835 --> 00:28:50,801 Hey, say hello to this guy. 710 00:28:50,803 --> 00:28:53,537 Mr. Powder Keg. Horrible temper. 711 00:28:53,539 --> 00:28:54,671 Shut the fuck up. 712 00:28:54,673 --> 00:28:56,007 TERRY: Your mother, boy, 713 00:28:56,009 --> 00:28:59,343 she had this amazing patience about her. 714 00:28:59,345 --> 00:29:02,714 She had this way of channeling all my anger 715 00:29:02,716 --> 00:29:04,314 into things that were good. 716 00:29:04,316 --> 00:29:07,153 Not only on the field, but, you know, off the field. 717 00:29:07,820 --> 00:29:09,320 God! 718 00:29:09,322 --> 00:29:12,855 That woman just drove me crazy sometimes. 719 00:29:12,857 --> 00:29:14,959 That sounds like Mom. 720 00:29:14,961 --> 00:29:16,660 I know one thing. 721 00:29:16,662 --> 00:29:19,764 I wouldn't have made it through a single season 722 00:29:19,766 --> 00:29:21,798 had it not been for your mom. 723 00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:23,601 That's the truth. 724 00:29:23,603 --> 00:29:25,603 God, I loved that woman. 725 00:29:25,605 --> 00:29:27,138 I really did. 726 00:29:27,140 --> 00:29:28,575 Wow. That's... 727 00:29:30,242 --> 00:29:32,144 That's beautiful. 728 00:29:32,945 --> 00:29:34,312 Hey, Terry. 729 00:29:34,314 --> 00:29:35,912 Hey, you want to see someone who can catch, 730 00:29:35,914 --> 00:29:37,448 hit me on a bomb. 731 00:29:37,450 --> 00:29:39,086 Go, go. 732 00:29:45,258 --> 00:29:46,356 - Oh! - (KYLE GROANS) 733 00:29:46,358 --> 00:29:47,658 (TERRY AND PETER GASP) 734 00:29:47,660 --> 00:29:49,196 KYLE: God! (GROANS) 735 00:29:51,832 --> 00:29:53,698 Sorry, son. 736 00:29:53,700 --> 00:29:55,799 Old habits die hard. 737 00:29:55,801 --> 00:29:57,868 Rod Hamilton. 738 00:29:57,870 --> 00:29:59,335 Big fan. 739 00:29:59,337 --> 00:30:01,237 I played 10 years with that guy. 740 00:30:01,239 --> 00:30:02,507 He missed me so much, 741 00:30:02,509 --> 00:30:04,307 the bastard moved in next door. 742 00:30:04,309 --> 00:30:07,277 - (LAUGHS) - Hey! You still got it, Rod! 743 00:30:07,279 --> 00:30:08,749 He caught the ball. 744 00:30:10,849 --> 00:30:12,016 I love it. 745 00:30:12,018 --> 00:30:14,352 He's still on the juice, baby. 746 00:30:14,354 --> 00:30:17,188 He's still on the juice. 747 00:30:17,190 --> 00:30:19,593 (LAUGHTER) 748 00:30:21,193 --> 00:30:22,326 To Rod. 749 00:30:22,328 --> 00:30:24,228 PETER: Just demolished you. 750 00:30:24,230 --> 00:30:25,895 You son of a bitch. 751 00:30:25,897 --> 00:30:28,099 You need some Advil. 752 00:30:28,101 --> 00:30:29,299 Hey, Rod. 753 00:30:29,301 --> 00:30:32,135 Does the name Helen Baxter ring a bell? 754 00:30:32,137 --> 00:30:33,336 Ring a bell? 755 00:30:33,338 --> 00:30:35,305 It does more than ring a bell. 756 00:30:35,307 --> 00:30:37,275 I think I just came in my pants. 757 00:30:37,277 --> 00:30:39,109 - No, Rod... - ROD: Damn, man. 758 00:30:39,111 --> 00:30:40,411 That woman could fuck. 759 00:30:40,413 --> 00:30:41,978 TERRY: Oh, Rod, you really might... 760 00:30:41,980 --> 00:30:43,247 ROD: Look, the woman 761 00:30:43,249 --> 00:30:45,749 was like a dick whisperer. 762 00:30:45,751 --> 00:30:48,885 Like, she'd get all up inside the head of the dick 763 00:30:48,887 --> 00:30:50,755 and know exactly what it wanted. 764 00:30:50,757 --> 00:30:53,323 Yeah, she'd get all up in that shaft, 765 00:30:53,325 --> 00:30:54,824 and then in them balls 766 00:30:54,826 --> 00:30:56,826 and in the tip. 767 00:30:56,828 --> 00:30:59,797 Ooh. I'm getting hard just thinking about it. 768 00:30:59,799 --> 00:31:02,834 So, what makes you think about Helen Baxter? 769 00:31:02,836 --> 00:31:04,570 - She's our mom. - Yeah. 770 00:31:05,838 --> 00:31:07,337 I don't know no Helen Baxter. 771 00:31:07,339 --> 00:31:08,738 Sounds like you did. 772 00:31:08,740 --> 00:31:10,542 All we did was cuddle. 773 00:31:10,544 --> 00:31:11,875 Word. 774 00:31:11,877 --> 00:31:15,379 (STAMMERS) It's okay, Rod, you didn't know. 775 00:31:15,381 --> 00:31:18,149 It's a little awkward, but, yeah, she's our mom. 776 00:31:18,151 --> 00:31:21,251 Hey, Rod, turns out, 777 00:31:21,253 --> 00:31:22,553 I'm their father. 778 00:31:22,555 --> 00:31:23,787 - KYLE: That's right. - How about that? 779 00:31:23,789 --> 00:31:25,590 These are my boys. How about that? 780 00:31:25,592 --> 00:31:27,758 - Whoa! (CHUCKLES) - TERRY: Yeah! 781 00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:29,192 Congratulations. 782 00:31:29,194 --> 00:31:30,862 Thank you. Cheers. 783 00:31:30,864 --> 00:31:34,363 Evidently, I knocked Helen up sometime after Super Bowl IX. 784 00:31:34,365 --> 00:31:35,632 Yeah, we were reading, 785 00:31:35,634 --> 00:31:37,301 that's when you went off to Australia 786 00:31:37,303 --> 00:31:39,437 to record the country and western album. 787 00:31:39,439 --> 00:31:43,007 Cowboys and Kangaroos, I believe was the name. 788 00:31:43,009 --> 00:31:44,275 That shit was awful, wasn't it? 789 00:31:44,277 --> 00:31:45,543 You realize what that means... 790 00:31:45,545 --> 00:31:46,410 What? 791 00:31:46,412 --> 00:31:48,344 We were conceived in Australia. 792 00:31:48,346 --> 00:31:50,180 - KYLE: Yeah. - PETER: We're Aussies. 793 00:31:50,182 --> 00:31:51,282 Out in the outback. 794 00:31:51,284 --> 00:31:52,752 TERRY: No, Pete. 795 00:31:53,853 --> 00:31:55,887 You know, now that I think of it, 796 00:31:55,889 --> 00:31:58,322 Helen didn't make that trip. 797 00:31:58,324 --> 00:32:00,224 We got in this big fight 798 00:32:00,226 --> 00:32:02,927 'cause she didn't have a passport. 799 00:32:02,929 --> 00:32:03,995 God, I was such a jerk to her. 800 00:32:03,997 --> 00:32:05,595 ROD: Wait, wait. 801 00:32:05,597 --> 00:32:08,632 Isn't that when she started dating the Wall Street guy? 802 00:32:08,634 --> 00:32:10,034 Yeah, that skinny, white dude, 803 00:32:10,036 --> 00:32:11,869 he used to throw around his money and coke. 804 00:32:11,871 --> 00:32:13,237 Roland. 805 00:32:13,239 --> 00:32:15,939 Yeah, yeah, Roland. Roland Hunt, asshole. 806 00:32:15,941 --> 00:32:17,208 - Nobody liked him. - No. 807 00:32:17,210 --> 00:32:18,411 Yeah. 808 00:32:19,912 --> 00:32:21,580 What? No. 809 00:32:22,949 --> 00:32:24,648 Terry. 810 00:32:24,650 --> 00:32:26,049 Come on. 811 00:32:26,051 --> 00:32:27,218 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait. 812 00:32:27,220 --> 00:32:28,421 Look at him. 813 00:32:31,057 --> 00:32:33,757 He actually looks like Roland. 814 00:32:33,759 --> 00:32:35,592 No, I don't. 815 00:32:35,594 --> 00:32:38,698 You know, you do. You do, Pete. 816 00:32:40,199 --> 00:32:42,100 The, uh, eyes? 817 00:32:42,102 --> 00:32:43,167 The nose? 818 00:32:43,169 --> 00:32:44,302 ROD: The peanut head. 819 00:32:44,304 --> 00:32:45,902 TERRY: The long, skinny neck. 820 00:32:45,904 --> 00:32:47,071 ROD: The mouth? 821 00:32:47,073 --> 00:32:48,738 TERRY: Yeah. The mouth. 822 00:32:48,740 --> 00:32:50,106 No, he's right. 823 00:32:50,108 --> 00:32:52,442 You just said Roland was an asshole, nobody liked him. 824 00:32:52,444 --> 00:32:54,077 Why would Mom sleep with him? 825 00:32:54,079 --> 00:32:56,346 Charity fuck? I don't know. 826 00:32:56,348 --> 00:32:58,949 No, no. We already figured this out. 827 00:32:58,951 --> 00:33:00,417 Terry is our dad. 828 00:33:00,419 --> 00:33:02,489 You're our dad, right? 829 00:33:08,562 --> 00:33:10,460 Uh... No. 830 00:33:10,462 --> 00:33:11,562 TERRY: Gosh, fellas. 831 00:33:11,564 --> 00:33:12,830 I don't know what to say. 832 00:33:12,832 --> 00:33:15,298 I'm so sorry I'm not your dad. Really. 833 00:33:15,300 --> 00:33:16,601 - That's all right. - Yeah. 834 00:33:16,603 --> 00:33:18,902 - It's not your fault. - Donald. Thanks. 835 00:33:18,904 --> 00:33:20,103 It's still Kyle. 836 00:33:20,105 --> 00:33:21,972 Was that fun, throwing the ball on the beach? 837 00:33:21,974 --> 00:33:23,039 So fun. 838 00:33:23,041 --> 00:33:24,106 You guys are good, good hands. 839 00:33:24,108 --> 00:33:25,543 I thought it was a blast. 840 00:33:25,545 --> 00:33:27,911 I love you, Terry. 841 00:33:27,913 --> 00:33:29,647 Yeah. Okay. 842 00:33:29,649 --> 00:33:31,081 KYLE: We'll see you down the road. 843 00:33:31,083 --> 00:33:33,317 All right, man. All right. Y'all be good, hear? 844 00:33:33,319 --> 00:33:34,818 You take care, Mr. Bradshaw. 845 00:33:34,820 --> 00:33:35,952 I will. 846 00:33:35,954 --> 00:33:38,022 Hey, tell your mom I said hi. All right? 847 00:33:38,024 --> 00:33:39,489 Yeah. 848 00:33:39,491 --> 00:33:41,694 All right. See you guys! 849 00:33:52,837 --> 00:33:55,939 Hey, maybe you'll get along even better with Roland. 850 00:33:55,941 --> 00:33:59,376 Aren't you bummed out Terry Bradshaw's not our dad? 851 00:33:59,378 --> 00:34:01,277 How fucking cool would that be? 852 00:34:01,279 --> 00:34:02,513 KYLE: Listen, 853 00:34:02,515 --> 00:34:05,615 the universe is saying look 'em up. 854 00:34:05,617 --> 00:34:08,052 And the universe has a tendency to point you 855 00:34:08,054 --> 00:34:10,489 in the right direction if you listen to it. 856 00:34:16,796 --> 00:34:18,830 (KYLE SIGHS) 857 00:34:18,832 --> 00:34:20,897 PETER: I found a Roland Hunt, 858 00:34:20,899 --> 00:34:24,768 investment banker, in Beacon, New York. 859 00:34:24,770 --> 00:34:26,370 Two hours north of Manhattan. 860 00:34:26,372 --> 00:34:29,408 KYLE: All right, looks like we're going to New York. 861 00:35:05,076 --> 00:35:06,310 Make it quick! 862 00:35:06,312 --> 00:35:08,212 I'm pulling out in 30 seconds. 863 00:35:08,214 --> 00:35:09,812 Time me. 864 00:35:09,814 --> 00:35:12,315 I want to get to Roland's office by noon. 865 00:35:12,317 --> 00:35:15,421 Twelve. 13. 14. 866 00:35:18,758 --> 00:35:20,026 - (URINATING) - (EXHALES) 867 00:35:22,428 --> 00:35:23,694 MAN: Alex, stop it. 868 00:35:23,696 --> 00:35:25,830 Stop it, Alex. Get back here right now. 869 00:35:25,832 --> 00:35:27,631 No! It stinks! 870 00:35:27,633 --> 00:35:29,132 (KYLE LAUGHING) 871 00:35:29,134 --> 00:35:31,000 You got a jail break there. 872 00:35:31,002 --> 00:35:32,136 MAN: Sorry, man. 873 00:35:32,138 --> 00:35:33,471 I'd come out if I could. 874 00:35:33,473 --> 00:35:35,239 Just let me know if he's bothering you. 875 00:35:35,241 --> 00:35:36,540 He's doing good. 876 00:35:36,542 --> 00:35:38,241 I actually got a bun in the oven, too. 877 00:35:38,243 --> 00:35:39,509 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 878 00:35:39,511 --> 00:35:41,511 Whoa. I got a call. Alex, excuse me. 879 00:35:41,513 --> 00:35:42,747 Kapono, talk to me. 880 00:35:42,749 --> 00:35:45,315 (KAPONO CHATTERING ON PHONE) 881 00:35:45,317 --> 00:35:47,754 What? No, no, you're breaking up. 882 00:35:49,788 --> 00:35:52,355 They're going another way? 883 00:35:52,357 --> 00:35:54,324 What does that mean? 884 00:35:54,326 --> 00:35:55,729 (URINE SLOSHING) 885 00:35:56,729 --> 00:35:59,129 Hey! Whoa, whoa! Hey! Whoa! 886 00:35:59,131 --> 00:36:00,397 I've got flip-flops on! 887 00:36:00,399 --> 00:36:01,464 MAN: Is he peeing on you? 888 00:36:01,466 --> 00:36:02,734 Yeah, has he done this before? 889 00:36:02,736 --> 00:36:04,368 MAN: Unfortunately, yes. It's a real problem. 890 00:36:04,370 --> 00:36:05,736 Sir, this is crazy, 891 00:36:05,738 --> 00:36:06,937 but you're going to have to pee on my kid. 892 00:36:06,939 --> 00:36:08,004 You want me to pee on your kid? 893 00:36:08,006 --> 00:36:09,073 MAN: Please, dad to dad. 894 00:36:09,075 --> 00:36:10,140 He needs to learn consequences. 895 00:36:10,142 --> 00:36:11,574 I'm not going to... 896 00:36:11,576 --> 00:36:14,078 Do you hear that, Alex? Is that what you want? 897 00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:15,482 Stop! 898 00:36:16,047 --> 00:36:17,417 There! Yeah. 899 00:36:18,317 --> 00:36:19,519 Chaos theory. 900 00:36:21,153 --> 00:36:22,886 He started it. 901 00:36:22,888 --> 00:36:25,858 I swear. This is justified. 902 00:36:29,796 --> 00:36:31,598 Hey. That kid had it coming. 903 00:36:46,145 --> 00:36:47,781 How much did Ethan cost? 904 00:36:48,781 --> 00:36:50,614 Well, we didn't buy him. 905 00:36:50,616 --> 00:36:52,885 To raise him. I know you guys didn't buy him. 906 00:36:53,620 --> 00:36:55,919 Um, well... 907 00:36:55,921 --> 00:36:57,288 Four more years of private school, 908 00:36:57,290 --> 00:37:01,692 four years of college, tutors, summer camp. 909 00:37:01,694 --> 00:37:05,096 Every single Apple product that ever comes out. 910 00:37:05,098 --> 00:37:08,399 Uh, once all said and done, we're probably pushing a mil. 911 00:37:08,401 --> 00:37:11,268 A million dollars? 912 00:37:11,270 --> 00:37:12,703 To raise a kid? 913 00:37:12,705 --> 00:37:14,808 What do you care? You're loaded. 914 00:37:15,207 --> 00:37:16,739 Besides, 915 00:37:16,741 --> 00:37:20,344 "Money's never wasted on the ones you love." Right? 916 00:37:20,346 --> 00:37:26,049 No, I know. I was just worried about you and Ethan. 917 00:37:26,051 --> 00:37:29,185 Good thing Roland's a financial wizard, right? 918 00:37:29,187 --> 00:37:30,920 PETER: I thought we were going to his office. 919 00:37:30,922 --> 00:37:32,589 This is all residential. 920 00:37:32,591 --> 00:37:34,058 KYLE: Maybe he works from home. 921 00:37:34,060 --> 00:37:36,696 AUTOMATED VOICE: Destination is on your right. 922 00:37:41,734 --> 00:37:43,036 (DOORBELL RINGING) 923 00:38:00,653 --> 00:38:01,984 Why are you copying me? 924 00:38:01,986 --> 00:38:03,286 - I just did that. - I'm not copying you. 925 00:38:03,288 --> 00:38:04,487 I did all of those things. 926 00:38:04,489 --> 00:38:06,526 You weren't touching this thing. 927 00:38:07,192 --> 00:38:09,125 This is cold. 928 00:38:09,127 --> 00:38:11,062 So? 929 00:38:11,064 --> 00:38:14,533 I don't think anyone's been here for hours. 930 00:38:15,801 --> 00:38:17,201 Door knob tell you that? 931 00:38:17,203 --> 00:38:18,368 These are painted shut. 932 00:38:18,370 --> 00:38:20,737 PETER: So, what? Kyle, where are you going? 933 00:38:20,739 --> 00:38:22,538 Come on! Kyle. 934 00:38:22,540 --> 00:38:23,808 This is locked. 935 00:38:23,810 --> 00:38:25,676 Of course it's locked. He's not home. 936 00:38:25,678 --> 00:38:27,310 Come on. What are you doing? 937 00:38:27,312 --> 00:38:28,544 You hear those vibrations? 938 00:38:28,546 --> 00:38:29,747 You're hearing vibrations? 939 00:38:29,749 --> 00:38:31,283 'Cause I'm getting a weird vibe. 940 00:38:33,486 --> 00:38:35,986 Oh. Oh, God. 941 00:38:35,988 --> 00:38:38,656 Looks like you picked the wrong house, motherfuckers. 942 00:38:38,658 --> 00:38:39,924 Pete, don't do anything funny. 943 00:38:39,926 --> 00:38:41,324 Why would you put that in his head? 944 00:38:41,326 --> 00:38:42,460 KYLE: No karate. 945 00:38:42,462 --> 00:38:44,161 Fucking no karate. 946 00:38:44,163 --> 00:38:46,029 I haven't done karate in 30 years. 947 00:38:46,031 --> 00:38:47,730 He's got a gun. And that beats karate. 948 00:38:47,732 --> 00:38:49,001 Shut the fuck up. 949 00:38:51,404 --> 00:38:54,805 What the fuck kind of B & E guys are you two assholes? 950 00:38:54,807 --> 00:38:56,440 We're not robbers. 951 00:38:56,442 --> 00:38:58,975 We're just looking for a guy named Roland Hunt. That's it. 952 00:38:58,977 --> 00:39:00,444 What do you want with him? 953 00:39:00,446 --> 00:39:03,580 He dated our mom, Helen Baxter, in the '70s. 954 00:39:03,582 --> 00:39:06,183 Oh, shit! 955 00:39:06,185 --> 00:39:10,187 You guys are Lenny Baxter's kids? 956 00:39:10,189 --> 00:39:11,555 You called her Lenny? 957 00:39:11,557 --> 00:39:13,591 You're Roland Hunt? 958 00:39:13,593 --> 00:39:17,393 I can't believe I almost shot one of Lenny Baxter's kids! 959 00:39:17,395 --> 00:39:18,562 That is hilarious. 960 00:39:18,564 --> 00:39:19,995 And gave this one a heart attack. 961 00:39:19,997 --> 00:39:21,899 Yeah. Almost took you both out. 962 00:39:21,901 --> 00:39:24,768 - Two for one. - (BOTH LAUGHING) 963 00:39:24,770 --> 00:39:25,969 I mean, I guess you probably don't think 964 00:39:25,971 --> 00:39:27,170 it's that funny, but... 965 00:39:27,172 --> 00:39:29,406 Oh, fuck, yeah, I'm sorry about the gun. 966 00:39:29,408 --> 00:39:30,607 Listen, I only got this 967 00:39:30,609 --> 00:39:31,975 because we got a lot of break-ins 968 00:39:31,977 --> 00:39:33,777 in the neighborhood. Got it for protection. 969 00:39:33,779 --> 00:39:35,245 Better safe than sorry. 970 00:39:35,247 --> 00:39:37,147 Honestly, I don't even like holding the thing. 971 00:39:37,149 --> 00:39:38,281 Here, you take it. 972 00:39:38,283 --> 00:39:40,951 - No, no, no. - Come on in the house, boys. 973 00:39:40,953 --> 00:39:42,852 KYLE: I thought you were gonna flip him. 974 00:39:42,854 --> 00:39:44,856 You're dangerous. 975 00:39:46,892 --> 00:39:49,328 Mom! We got company! 976 00:39:50,062 --> 00:39:51,598 Mom! 977 00:39:52,966 --> 00:39:54,797 Mom! 978 00:39:54,799 --> 00:39:56,332 Could that be Grandma? 979 00:39:56,334 --> 00:39:57,468 MRS. HUNT: Hello! 980 00:39:57,470 --> 00:39:58,669 KYLE: Hi! 981 00:39:58,671 --> 00:40:00,603 Roland! They got a fucking gun! 982 00:40:00,605 --> 00:40:02,940 - No. - Don't hold it like that. 983 00:40:02,942 --> 00:40:04,241 Drop the fucking gun, motherfucker. 984 00:40:04,243 --> 00:40:06,442 Fuck! It's just the gun you handed me, 985 00:40:06,444 --> 00:40:07,844 like, a minute ago. 986 00:40:07,846 --> 00:40:10,247 Oh, right. Yes. God damn it. So sorry. Shit! 987 00:40:10,249 --> 00:40:12,582 I don't know what's going on with me. 988 00:40:12,584 --> 00:40:13,649 It's tense with all the break-ins 989 00:40:13,651 --> 00:40:14,718 in the neighborhood. 990 00:40:14,720 --> 00:40:16,419 I'm really sorry. 991 00:40:16,421 --> 00:40:17,721 Putting this down. 992 00:40:17,723 --> 00:40:19,056 You should've seen your faces, though. 993 00:40:19,058 --> 00:40:20,857 You looked like you shit yourselves. 994 00:40:20,859 --> 00:40:22,859 They looked scared as shit. 995 00:40:22,861 --> 00:40:24,794 - Right? - (BOTH LAUGHING) 996 00:40:24,796 --> 00:40:26,230 Come on and say hi to Mom. 997 00:40:26,232 --> 00:40:28,464 You're holding it in such a threatening way. 998 00:40:28,466 --> 00:40:29,799 You can't do that. 999 00:40:29,801 --> 00:40:31,301 Hey, Mom, it's okay. 1000 00:40:31,303 --> 00:40:33,370 These are Lenny Baxter's kids. You remember Lenny? 1001 00:40:33,372 --> 00:40:34,374 Oh, Lenny. 1002 00:40:35,140 --> 00:40:36,906 What a sweet man! 1003 00:40:36,908 --> 00:40:39,310 So, what are you doing here? 1004 00:40:39,312 --> 00:40:41,277 Is everything okay with your mom? 1005 00:40:41,279 --> 00:40:43,080 Everything's good. We're on a quest. 1006 00:40:43,082 --> 00:40:45,716 And I'll just cut right to the chase. 1007 00:40:45,718 --> 00:40:48,051 Did you know Lenny 1008 00:40:48,053 --> 00:40:51,821 between April and May of 1975? 1009 00:40:51,823 --> 00:40:53,757 Know her, like, in a biblical sense. 1010 00:40:53,759 --> 00:40:54,824 Sorry. 1011 00:40:54,826 --> 00:40:56,326 No, she's heard it all. 1012 00:40:56,328 --> 00:40:57,861 Okay. 1013 00:40:57,863 --> 00:41:00,397 Yeah. '75, that sounds about right. Yeah. 1014 00:41:00,399 --> 00:41:02,000 Why do you ask? 1015 00:41:05,002 --> 00:41:07,039 We think we're your sons. 1016 00:41:08,272 --> 00:41:09,873 Your boys. 1017 00:41:09,875 --> 00:41:11,640 Me and Pete. 1018 00:41:11,642 --> 00:41:13,378 You're our dad. 1019 00:41:18,116 --> 00:41:19,118 (SIGHS) 1020 00:41:22,187 --> 00:41:23,189 Hi. 1021 00:41:40,939 --> 00:41:42,308 (KYLE INHALES DEEPLY) 1022 00:41:51,984 --> 00:41:55,922 Will you just excuse me for a minute? 1023 00:42:02,395 --> 00:42:03,692 That was one of the most powerful things 1024 00:42:03,694 --> 00:42:04,794 I've ever seen. 1025 00:42:04,796 --> 00:42:07,364 He just inhaled us. 1026 00:42:07,366 --> 00:42:08,431 Yeah. 1027 00:42:08,433 --> 00:42:09,699 Did you smell him? 1028 00:42:09,701 --> 00:42:11,000 - You smelled him? - Yes! 1029 00:42:11,002 --> 00:42:12,301 What did he smell like? 1030 00:42:12,303 --> 00:42:14,437 He smelled like 1031 00:42:14,439 --> 00:42:15,672 - home. - Home? 1032 00:42:15,674 --> 00:42:17,741 - ROLAND: Fuck this! No! - (OBJECTS SHATTERING) 1033 00:42:17,743 --> 00:42:19,042 There is no fucking way 1034 00:42:19,044 --> 00:42:21,078 those two jackasses are my kids! 1035 00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:22,812 They don't even fucking look like me! 1036 00:42:22,814 --> 00:42:24,047 MRS. HUNT: The one with the beard 1037 00:42:24,049 --> 00:42:25,582 has your beautiful eyes. 1038 00:42:25,584 --> 00:42:26,850 ROLAND: Big fucking deal. 1039 00:42:26,852 --> 00:42:28,185 Fuck 'em! They look like 1040 00:42:28,187 --> 00:42:29,453 a couple of total fucking dickheads! 1041 00:42:29,455 --> 00:42:33,390 Oh... We are not descended from that. 1042 00:42:33,392 --> 00:42:34,861 That's not our dad. 1043 00:42:38,363 --> 00:42:41,065 Would you boys like anything to drink? 1044 00:42:41,067 --> 00:42:43,899 I would love a Hinano beer. 1045 00:42:43,901 --> 00:42:45,868 I'll see if we have one. 1046 00:42:45,870 --> 00:42:47,370 It's an awesome Tahitian beer. 1047 00:42:47,372 --> 00:42:49,306 She is so adorable. 1048 00:42:49,308 --> 00:42:50,473 I'm out of here. 1049 00:42:50,475 --> 00:42:52,475 If he is our father, I don't want to know. 1050 00:42:52,477 --> 00:42:53,877 Come on, Pete. 1051 00:42:53,879 --> 00:42:57,614 He's in shock, all right? I'm getting good energy here. 1052 00:42:57,616 --> 00:42:59,049 Based on what? 1053 00:42:59,051 --> 00:43:02,618 We are all out of Mojumbo. 1054 00:43:02,620 --> 00:43:04,120 But 1055 00:43:04,122 --> 00:43:08,226 Roland has something that he'd like to say to you. 1056 00:43:09,127 --> 00:43:10,627 (QUIETLY) I'm sorry. 1057 00:43:10,629 --> 00:43:13,098 MRS. HUNT: I don't think they heard you. 1058 00:43:14,433 --> 00:43:17,968 I'm sorry! 1059 00:43:17,970 --> 00:43:19,368 Well, three time's the charm. 1060 00:43:19,370 --> 00:43:22,906 Oh, this is just such a blessing. 1061 00:43:22,908 --> 00:43:25,243 I'm finally a grandma. 1062 00:43:26,278 --> 00:43:28,413 Well, I'm gonna go finish up. 1063 00:43:31,116 --> 00:43:33,052 Well, listen. It's a pleasure. Really. 1064 00:43:34,587 --> 00:43:37,323 Something I want to show you guys. Come here. 1065 00:43:38,057 --> 00:43:39,589 Go ahead, guys. 1066 00:43:39,591 --> 00:43:41,093 After you. 1067 00:43:42,026 --> 00:43:44,094 (WHISPERS) Are you happy? 1068 00:43:44,096 --> 00:43:45,661 He's gonna kill us down here. 1069 00:43:45,663 --> 00:43:46,897 He's not going to kill us. 1070 00:43:46,899 --> 00:43:48,732 Yes, he is. 1071 00:43:48,734 --> 00:43:50,667 Is there a light down here? 1072 00:43:50,669 --> 00:43:51,935 ROLAND: No, that bulb's out. 1073 00:43:51,937 --> 00:43:53,636 You can use your phone, I guess. 1074 00:43:53,638 --> 00:43:54,872 KYLE: Did you bring the gun? 1075 00:43:54,874 --> 00:43:56,406 PETER: No, I did not bring the gun. 1076 00:43:56,408 --> 00:43:58,140 - KYLE: Damn it. - PETER: I left it upstairs. 1077 00:43:58,142 --> 00:43:59,576 ROLAND: Take a left at the bottom of the stairs. 1078 00:43:59,578 --> 00:44:01,109 PETER: Oh, my God. 1079 00:44:01,111 --> 00:44:02,612 Why are there mannequins? 1080 00:44:02,614 --> 00:44:04,317 KYLE: Pete, I'm scared. 1081 00:44:06,051 --> 00:44:08,484 PETER: How are the vibes now, Kyle? 1082 00:44:08,486 --> 00:44:09,588 KYLE: Not good. 1083 00:44:11,924 --> 00:44:13,390 There we go. 1084 00:44:13,392 --> 00:44:14,426 Now... 1085 00:44:15,928 --> 00:44:18,194 I think this is it. 1086 00:44:18,196 --> 00:44:19,966 Pete, you want to do the honors? 1087 00:44:24,803 --> 00:44:26,169 (SCREAMS) 1088 00:44:26,171 --> 00:44:27,373 ROLAND: Oh, shit! 1089 00:44:29,508 --> 00:44:32,375 That is the wrong box. 1090 00:44:32,377 --> 00:44:33,379 Sorry. 1091 00:44:33,812 --> 00:44:35,013 Uh... 1092 00:44:35,714 --> 00:44:37,616 Gotta be this one. 1093 00:44:39,017 --> 00:44:40,616 Okay. 1094 00:44:40,618 --> 00:44:42,886 I'll do it for you. 1095 00:44:42,888 --> 00:44:44,422 No rodents. 1096 00:44:45,524 --> 00:44:46,525 Go ahead. 1097 00:44:49,395 --> 00:44:50,596 Is that Mom? 1098 00:44:51,029 --> 00:44:52,297 What? 1099 00:44:53,466 --> 00:44:54,698 Oh, my God. 1100 00:44:54,700 --> 00:44:56,600 Look at you guys. 1101 00:44:56,602 --> 00:44:58,734 You look incredible. 1102 00:44:58,736 --> 00:45:00,469 Yeah, she looks really happy. 1103 00:45:00,471 --> 00:45:02,374 She was 1104 00:45:03,073 --> 00:45:05,278 just an amazing woman. 1105 00:45:05,877 --> 00:45:07,678 Okay. 1106 00:45:07,680 --> 00:45:11,848 You don't have to tell us what an amazing lay she was, 1107 00:45:11,850 --> 00:45:13,283 and how suckable 1108 00:45:13,285 --> 00:45:15,719 her candied nipples are... 1109 00:45:15,721 --> 00:45:17,120 What the hell is the matter... 1110 00:45:17,122 --> 00:45:19,256 This is your mom we're talking about. Jesus. 1111 00:45:19,258 --> 00:45:21,457 Pete! That's not appropriate! 1112 00:45:21,459 --> 00:45:22,593 Sorry, Roland. 1113 00:45:22,595 --> 00:45:24,227 ROLAND: Whatever, anyway. 1114 00:45:24,229 --> 00:45:27,096 (SIGHS) My point being, 1115 00:45:27,098 --> 00:45:30,169 she's the only woman I ever truly loved. 1116 00:45:31,435 --> 00:45:33,136 Oh, man. 1117 00:45:33,138 --> 00:45:35,904 I think that's why I got a little kind of 1118 00:45:35,906 --> 00:45:37,674 bent out of shape upstairs there 1119 00:45:37,676 --> 00:45:40,377 when you guys dropped the bombshell on me, 1120 00:45:40,379 --> 00:45:44,047 and, honestly, I was just kind of 1121 00:45:44,049 --> 00:45:46,986 regretting what might have been. 1122 00:45:47,653 --> 00:45:49,152 Hmm. 1123 00:45:49,154 --> 00:45:51,989 I mean, I'm not exactly living the dream here. 1124 00:45:51,991 --> 00:45:53,459 PETER: Sometimes, um... 1125 00:45:56,028 --> 00:45:58,328 You just... 1126 00:45:58,330 --> 00:46:00,295 Sometimes you just find yourself 1127 00:46:00,297 --> 00:46:03,035 not where you want to be. 1128 00:46:05,671 --> 00:46:06,937 Yeah. I'm sorry. 1129 00:46:06,939 --> 00:46:08,540 Thanks, Pete. 1130 00:46:11,310 --> 00:46:13,542 Well, I got a work thing, guys. I gotta go. Sorry. 1131 00:46:13,544 --> 00:46:16,379 What, you got like a little Wall Street deal going on? 1132 00:46:16,381 --> 00:46:18,047 ROLAND: No. I'll tell you what I've learned. 1133 00:46:18,049 --> 00:46:20,350 You've got to diversify. 1134 00:46:20,352 --> 00:46:21,917 And I don't care if you're making 1135 00:46:21,919 --> 00:46:23,319 10 grand a year or 10 million. 1136 00:46:23,321 --> 00:46:25,221 You don't want it all coming from one place. 1137 00:46:25,223 --> 00:46:26,922 That's how guys get burned. 1138 00:46:26,924 --> 00:46:28,524 Really? 1139 00:46:28,526 --> 00:46:30,729 PETER: Oh, yeah. Don't want all your eggs in one basket. 1140 00:46:32,596 --> 00:46:33,765 Come on. 1141 00:46:35,968 --> 00:46:37,134 ROLAND: Lately, I've been doing 1142 00:46:37,136 --> 00:46:38,435 a lot of work with creditors. 1143 00:46:38,437 --> 00:46:41,337 Helping them to reacquire merchandise 1144 00:46:41,339 --> 00:46:44,373 when the debtor can no longer afford the payments. 1145 00:46:44,375 --> 00:46:45,975 KYLE: Oh, like a repo man. 1146 00:46:45,977 --> 00:46:47,111 ROLAND: Yeah, exactly. 1147 00:46:47,113 --> 00:46:48,344 Of course now, I gotta call 1148 00:46:48,346 --> 00:46:49,612 a fucking cab just to do this job. 1149 00:46:49,614 --> 00:46:51,814 KYLE: We can give you a ride, right? 1150 00:46:51,816 --> 00:46:53,783 ROLAND: Oh, no, I couldn't impose on you guys. 1151 00:46:53,785 --> 00:46:55,118 PETER: Oh, come on. 1152 00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:57,087 Besides, it can be dangerous, repo work. 1153 00:46:57,089 --> 00:46:58,321 You know, people don't like 1154 00:46:58,323 --> 00:46:59,957 having their stuff taken from them. 1155 00:46:59,959 --> 00:47:01,790 Hey, people don't like having their anuses probed either, 1156 00:47:01,792 --> 00:47:05,330 but that's how I've made a living the last 12 years. 1157 00:47:06,698 --> 00:47:08,832 As a doctor. 1158 00:47:08,834 --> 00:47:09,931 Oh. (CHUCKLES) 1159 00:47:09,933 --> 00:47:13,171 Come on. Let us help you. 1160 00:47:13,872 --> 00:47:16,138 So, what happens 1161 00:47:16,140 --> 00:47:18,741 if they show up while you're doing this? 1162 00:47:18,743 --> 00:47:20,042 Well... 1163 00:47:20,044 --> 00:47:22,846 Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, you know? 1164 00:47:22,848 --> 00:47:24,346 If he does show up, 1165 00:47:24,348 --> 00:47:27,049 you can expect to hear some top-shelf bullshit. 1166 00:47:27,051 --> 00:47:28,518 Is that right? 1167 00:47:28,520 --> 00:47:31,154 "Repossessed? I've never even missed a payment! 1168 00:47:31,156 --> 00:47:33,422 "Got to be a computer error." 1169 00:47:33,424 --> 00:47:35,424 That is classic bullshit. 1170 00:47:35,426 --> 00:47:38,127 ROLAND: They're late on their child support, 1171 00:47:38,129 --> 00:47:39,930 they'll even deny they have kids. 1172 00:47:39,932 --> 00:47:41,029 PETER: What? 1173 00:47:41,031 --> 00:47:43,634 God! Just sick. 1174 00:47:43,636 --> 00:47:45,502 (ENGINE REVVING) 1175 00:47:45,504 --> 00:47:48,136 Got to love that sound, huh, Pete? 1176 00:47:48,138 --> 00:47:49,439 - There you go. - Oh, wow! 1177 00:47:49,441 --> 00:47:50,873 Plus, there's only going to be room for 1178 00:47:50,875 --> 00:47:52,107 - two of us, so who draws... - KYLE: Shotgun! 1179 00:47:52,109 --> 00:47:53,442 Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck. 1180 00:47:53,444 --> 00:47:55,044 ROLAND: No, no. No worries. 1181 00:47:55,046 --> 00:47:57,212 We're within our legal rights here. 1182 00:47:57,214 --> 00:47:59,815 Just doing our jobs. 1183 00:47:59,817 --> 00:48:01,384 What the fuck you doing to my property? 1184 00:48:01,386 --> 00:48:02,585 Your car's being repossessed. 1185 00:48:02,587 --> 00:48:04,420 I'd advise you to just stand back 1186 00:48:04,422 --> 00:48:05,622 and let us do our jobs. 1187 00:48:05,624 --> 00:48:07,524 You're going to repossess my car? 1188 00:48:07,526 --> 00:48:10,460 I've never missed a single payment. 1189 00:48:10,462 --> 00:48:12,027 Guys, this has got to be some kind of computer error. 1190 00:48:12,029 --> 00:48:13,997 Check your little computer things, and you'll find out. 1191 00:48:13,999 --> 00:48:15,263 Two for two. 1192 00:48:15,265 --> 00:48:17,134 PETER: My God! 1193 00:48:17,136 --> 00:48:18,902 Word on the street is you even missed 1194 00:48:18,904 --> 00:48:20,270 your child support payments. 1195 00:48:20,272 --> 00:48:21,504 Come on, man. 1196 00:48:21,506 --> 00:48:23,138 Hey, genius, I don't have any kids. 1197 00:48:23,140 --> 00:48:25,140 I'm sorry. Paying your bills, 1198 00:48:25,142 --> 00:48:27,176 very basic adult responsibility. 1199 00:48:27,178 --> 00:48:29,279 - Yup. Well said, Pete. - Thank you. 1200 00:48:29,281 --> 00:48:31,047 This is insanity. I'm calling the police. 1201 00:48:31,049 --> 00:48:32,415 Well, feel free, 1202 00:48:32,417 --> 00:48:33,449 but it is going to be pretty embarrassing 1203 00:48:33,451 --> 00:48:35,752 when I show them the paperwork. 1204 00:48:35,754 --> 00:48:37,219 I left it in the car. 1205 00:48:37,221 --> 00:48:38,422 Kyle, can I have the keys? 1206 00:48:38,424 --> 00:48:39,788 And I'll run down there and get it. 1207 00:48:39,790 --> 00:48:40,890 PETER: Give him the keys. 1208 00:48:40,892 --> 00:48:42,391 Thank you. 1209 00:48:42,393 --> 00:48:45,027 And make sure they don't escape in the old Ferrari. 1210 00:48:45,029 --> 00:48:46,294 Make sure I don't steal my own car. 1211 00:48:46,296 --> 00:48:47,663 We got this. We got this. 1212 00:48:47,665 --> 00:48:48,998 - Yeah, Pete's got this. - Deadbeat asshole. 1213 00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:50,667 Are you fucking kidding me? 1214 00:48:50,669 --> 00:48:53,870 Let me tell you something, McEnroe, 1215 00:48:53,872 --> 00:48:55,705 you're not too big to fail. 1216 00:48:55,707 --> 00:48:57,073 That's right. 1217 00:48:57,075 --> 00:48:58,475 You failed today. 1218 00:48:58,477 --> 00:49:01,243 Because we're taking your Ferrari. 1219 00:49:01,245 --> 00:49:03,881 You just double faulted. 1220 00:49:03,883 --> 00:49:07,384 And the bank broke your serve. 1221 00:49:07,386 --> 00:49:08,685 - You know what, buddy? - What? 1222 00:49:08,687 --> 00:49:12,288 Life isn't about just accumulating stuff. 1223 00:49:12,290 --> 00:49:13,924 All right? 1224 00:49:13,926 --> 00:49:17,160 The fast cars and the big house in Hawaii 1225 00:49:17,162 --> 00:49:18,460 and the white clothes 1226 00:49:18,462 --> 00:49:19,596 and the model girlfriend. 1227 00:49:19,598 --> 00:49:21,131 This is freaking New York! 1228 00:49:21,133 --> 00:49:23,131 This is my wife. Hello. 1229 00:49:23,133 --> 00:49:24,699 You think I'm a model? 1230 00:49:24,701 --> 00:49:27,404 Well, he doesn't think you're a model, you're 5'2". 1231 00:49:27,406 --> 00:49:28,638 Yeah, she's got a wedding ring. 1232 00:49:28,640 --> 00:49:30,473 I didn't see the wedding ring. 1233 00:49:30,475 --> 00:49:32,442 Oh, my God. You know what? 1234 00:49:32,444 --> 00:49:35,044 This ain't worth it. Fine, you guys are right. 1235 00:49:35,046 --> 00:49:36,111 I'll just cut you a check. 1236 00:49:36,113 --> 00:49:37,881 Could we just end this, please? 1237 00:49:37,883 --> 00:49:39,649 Do me a favor, go get the check book. 1238 00:49:39,651 --> 00:49:41,250 It's in the closet. My side of the bed, please? 1239 00:49:41,252 --> 00:49:42,453 - Okay. - Thank you. 1240 00:49:43,022 --> 00:49:44,620 All good. 1241 00:49:44,622 --> 00:49:46,055 ROLAND: Yeah, it's me. That Ferrari didn't work out. 1242 00:49:46,057 --> 00:49:49,859 You know anybody who can move a Chevy Malibu? 1243 00:49:49,861 --> 00:49:51,497 All right, call me back. 1244 00:49:56,200 --> 00:49:58,336 You gotta be kidding me. 1245 00:50:04,209 --> 00:50:05,844 Damn it, Lenny. 1246 00:50:06,877 --> 00:50:08,879 Where's Roland? 1247 00:50:08,881 --> 00:50:09,812 He's coming. 1248 00:50:09,814 --> 00:50:11,147 - WOMAN: Honey! - MAN: Yeah? 1249 00:50:11,149 --> 00:50:12,348 I've got the check book. 1250 00:50:12,350 --> 00:50:13,752 - Great. - (PETER AND KYLE YELP) 1251 00:50:15,053 --> 00:50:16,352 Come on, let's go! 1252 00:50:16,354 --> 00:50:17,553 Give me the gun. Don't point it at me! 1253 00:50:17,555 --> 00:50:18,855 - We're taking the Ferrari! - Pete! 1254 00:50:18,857 --> 00:50:19,989 Do it for Dad! 1255 00:50:19,991 --> 00:50:21,089 Come on! 1256 00:50:21,091 --> 00:50:22,991 Babe, give me the gun! 1257 00:50:22,993 --> 00:50:24,729 - Shit! - Go, go, go! 1258 00:50:25,497 --> 00:50:27,297 Let go of the fucking gun! 1259 00:50:27,299 --> 00:50:28,667 Stop! 1260 00:50:31,102 --> 00:50:32,268 Roland, we got it! 1261 00:50:32,270 --> 00:50:34,837 We got the car! 1262 00:50:34,839 --> 00:50:36,006 (GROANS) 1263 00:50:36,008 --> 00:50:37,009 Stop! 1264 00:50:38,977 --> 00:50:40,310 MAN: Oh, shit. 1265 00:50:40,312 --> 00:50:41,377 God! 1266 00:50:41,379 --> 00:50:42,477 What was that? 1267 00:50:42,479 --> 00:50:44,482 I think it was a person. 1268 00:50:45,350 --> 00:50:46,482 Roland! 1269 00:50:46,484 --> 00:50:47,951 Oh, my God, you killed Dad! 1270 00:50:47,953 --> 00:50:49,185 - Roland! - Dad! 1271 00:50:49,187 --> 00:50:50,689 Dial 911! 1272 00:50:54,125 --> 00:50:56,026 So, I guess Dad's a bad guy. 1273 00:50:56,028 --> 00:50:57,495 Oh, yeah. 1274 00:50:59,430 --> 00:51:02,065 I understand how Luke Skywalker felt now. 1275 00:51:02,067 --> 00:51:04,533 Yeah, seriously. 1276 00:51:04,535 --> 00:51:06,738 She's really beautiful. 1277 00:51:07,738 --> 00:51:10,239 KYLE: She looks great here. 1278 00:51:10,241 --> 00:51:11,507 Glowing. 1279 00:51:11,509 --> 00:51:13,944 Roland even looks good. Who's this? 1280 00:51:13,946 --> 00:51:17,449 Who's this guy with the scratched out face? 1281 00:51:20,218 --> 00:51:21,817 Excuse me, Doc. 1282 00:51:21,819 --> 00:51:24,053 Doc, any word? 1283 00:51:24,055 --> 00:51:27,290 Well, the good news is that he's in stable condition. 1284 00:51:27,292 --> 00:51:28,457 - Great! - Okay. All right. 1285 00:51:28,459 --> 00:51:29,725 The bad news, however, 1286 00:51:29,727 --> 00:51:31,727 is that his blood is AB positive. 1287 00:51:31,729 --> 00:51:33,161 What? That doesn't sound... 1288 00:51:33,163 --> 00:51:34,364 No, no, it's just that 1289 00:51:34,366 --> 00:51:36,533 the blood you gave is O negative. 1290 00:51:36,535 --> 00:51:39,902 Negative? Mine is? 1291 00:51:39,904 --> 00:51:42,404 It means that, uh, 1292 00:51:42,406 --> 00:51:44,473 he can't be our father. 1293 00:51:44,475 --> 00:51:46,241 Genetically. 1294 00:51:46,243 --> 00:51:49,347 DOCTOR: You can go in and see him if you like. 1295 00:51:50,180 --> 00:51:51,482 Thank you. 1296 00:51:55,788 --> 00:51:59,587 You're awake. How you doing there, champ? 1297 00:51:59,589 --> 00:52:01,457 Mmm, feeling no pain. 1298 00:52:01,459 --> 00:52:02,660 Yeah. 1299 00:52:03,428 --> 00:52:05,462 Sorry we ran over you. 1300 00:52:05,464 --> 00:52:07,998 And sorry you're going to jail. 1301 00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:09,966 Be good to get off the hamster wheel. 1302 00:52:09,968 --> 00:52:11,067 KYLE: I hear ya. 1303 00:52:11,069 --> 00:52:12,829 PETER: Hey, Roland, let me ask you something. 1304 00:52:14,171 --> 00:52:16,538 When did you know 1305 00:52:16,540 --> 00:52:17,875 that we weren't yours? 1306 00:52:18,944 --> 00:52:20,143 I don't know, 1307 00:52:20,145 --> 00:52:22,178 like, two minutes ago when the doc told me. 1308 00:52:22,180 --> 00:52:23,513 PETER: Unbelievable. 1309 00:52:23,515 --> 00:52:24,714 So, as far as you knew, 1310 00:52:24,716 --> 00:52:26,982 you were intentionally duping 1311 00:52:26,984 --> 00:52:30,053 your own sons into committing a felony? 1312 00:52:30,055 --> 00:52:31,388 Yeah. So? Whatever. 1313 00:52:31,390 --> 00:52:33,790 Don't be such a fucking pussy about it. 1314 00:52:33,792 --> 00:52:37,625 My dad was an asshole, too. He ran out, he was a crook. 1315 00:52:37,627 --> 00:52:39,294 Life sucks. Life is hard. 1316 00:52:39,296 --> 00:52:40,430 Get over it. 1317 00:52:40,432 --> 00:52:43,332 Life is hard, Pete. 1318 00:52:43,334 --> 00:52:46,268 Wait a minute. You know what? 1319 00:52:46,270 --> 00:52:50,038 Fuck! I should've known you guys weren't mine. 1320 00:52:50,040 --> 00:52:51,341 '75 you said, right? 1321 00:52:51,343 --> 00:52:52,908 Spring of '75? 1322 00:52:52,910 --> 00:52:54,210 Right. 1323 00:52:54,212 --> 00:52:56,712 I started dating Lenny in '74. 1324 00:52:56,714 --> 00:52:58,214 By the spring of '75, 1325 00:52:58,216 --> 00:53:00,951 I was doing my first stint in the joint. 1326 00:53:00,953 --> 00:53:03,152 I got busted dealing coke in this nightclub 1327 00:53:03,154 --> 00:53:05,555 by some fucking disco-permed, 1328 00:53:05,557 --> 00:53:07,556 roller-skating, motherfucking narc. 1329 00:53:07,558 --> 00:53:08,761 KYLE: Wait. 1330 00:53:10,729 --> 00:53:11,960 You mean this guy. 1331 00:53:11,962 --> 00:53:13,763 ROLAND: Yeah. That's the guy. 1332 00:53:13,765 --> 00:53:15,832 I don't know what pissed me off more, he put me in jail 1333 00:53:15,834 --> 00:53:17,799 or he started schtupping your mom 1334 00:53:17,801 --> 00:53:19,569 the second I was behind bars. 1335 00:53:19,571 --> 00:53:22,071 This guy was schtupping our mother? 1336 00:53:22,073 --> 00:53:23,776 Hey. (SIGHS) 1337 00:53:24,642 --> 00:53:27,377 That guy is your fucking dad. 1338 00:53:27,379 --> 00:53:30,446 I should've known. You look like a couple of junior narcs. 1339 00:53:30,448 --> 00:53:32,681 Well, do you have a name? 1340 00:53:32,683 --> 00:53:34,384 Give me 1,000 bucks and I'll tell you. 1341 00:53:34,386 --> 00:53:36,152 - Fuck you! Come on, Kyle. - Pete... 1342 00:53:36,154 --> 00:53:37,987 Okay, nice meeting you. 1343 00:53:37,989 --> 00:53:39,124 Roland... 1344 00:53:43,328 --> 00:53:45,761 Would you take $400? 1345 00:53:45,763 --> 00:53:47,696 - Sparkly P? - KYLE: Yup. 1346 00:53:47,698 --> 00:53:52,701 You just paid Roland $1,000 for the name Sparkly P! 1347 00:53:52,703 --> 00:53:54,303 You got conned, Kyle! 1348 00:53:54,305 --> 00:53:57,073 I paid him $680 and I had $1,000. 1349 00:53:57,075 --> 00:53:59,408 I conned him. Yeah! 1350 00:53:59,410 --> 00:54:01,944 And now I think we're ready to make a little inquiry 1351 00:54:01,946 --> 00:54:04,214 into this Sparkly P character. 1352 00:54:04,216 --> 00:54:06,716 Yeah? Where? The white pages? 1353 00:54:06,718 --> 00:54:08,819 Huh? The glitter store? 1354 00:54:08,821 --> 00:54:11,587 Do you realize how insane you sound? 1355 00:54:11,589 --> 00:54:13,690 We're going home! 1356 00:54:13,692 --> 00:54:15,223 KYLE: You're just gonna give up? 1357 00:54:15,225 --> 00:54:16,859 We almost got killed! 1358 00:54:16,861 --> 00:54:19,828 We? Roland almost got killed. What are you talking about? 1359 00:54:19,830 --> 00:54:22,031 We just had one of the best adventures of our lives. 1360 00:54:22,033 --> 00:54:23,165 No, we didn't. 1361 00:54:23,167 --> 00:54:24,334 What happened to 1362 00:54:24,336 --> 00:54:26,636 Mr. "I won't rest until we find our dad"? 1363 00:54:26,638 --> 00:54:28,837 The universe doesn't like quitters, Pete. 1364 00:54:28,839 --> 00:54:31,339 You know what? Fuck the universe! 1365 00:54:31,341 --> 00:54:33,009 The universe sucks! 1366 00:54:33,011 --> 00:54:34,444 Don't say that. 1367 00:54:34,446 --> 00:54:36,645 You realize this whole time it's been telling us it's time 1368 00:54:36,647 --> 00:54:39,448 to shut down Operation Who's Your Daddy? 1369 00:54:39,450 --> 00:54:41,151 That's a good name for it, Pete. 1370 00:54:41,153 --> 00:54:44,987 That's a good name for the quest. 1371 00:54:44,989 --> 00:54:48,890 But before we close the book on Operation Who's Your Daddy, 1372 00:54:48,892 --> 00:54:50,192 let me say one thing, Pete... 1373 00:54:50,194 --> 00:54:53,263 It's too late. Kyle, book is closed. 1374 00:54:53,265 --> 00:54:54,497 - That's it? - Yup. That's it. 1375 00:54:54,499 --> 00:54:56,366 - You don't want to hear it? - No! 1376 00:54:56,368 --> 00:54:59,301 I got us on the 10:00 p.m. flight out of JFK. 1377 00:54:59,303 --> 00:55:00,772 That is what we're doing. 1378 00:55:01,939 --> 00:55:03,172 KYLE: Look at this poor guy. 1379 00:55:03,174 --> 00:55:05,573 No one will even give him the time of day. 1380 00:55:05,575 --> 00:55:06,808 Well, we're not stopping. 1381 00:55:06,810 --> 00:55:07,944 We're not picking up a hitchhiker. 1382 00:55:07,946 --> 00:55:09,946 What do you think is gonna happen? 1383 00:55:09,948 --> 00:55:13,549 You think he's gonna just murder you, rob you, rape you? 1384 00:55:13,551 --> 00:55:14,884 Yeah. All three. 1385 00:55:14,886 --> 00:55:17,152 Okay, all of the above. Look at him. 1386 00:55:17,154 --> 00:55:18,922 I am looking at him. 1387 00:55:18,924 --> 00:55:21,024 You know somebody your whole life, 1388 00:55:21,026 --> 00:55:22,959 and then you wake up and you realize 1389 00:55:22,961 --> 00:55:25,060 you've been lying next to a racist. 1390 00:55:25,062 --> 00:55:26,895 What? It's not 'cause he's black. 1391 00:55:26,897 --> 00:55:28,464 It's 'cause he's a stranger 1392 00:55:28,466 --> 00:55:29,899 and a hitchhiker 1393 00:55:29,901 --> 00:55:32,335 and could very easily be a serial killer. 1394 00:55:32,337 --> 00:55:36,038 There are no black serial killers, Pete. 1395 00:55:36,040 --> 00:55:37,207 That's a fact. 1396 00:55:37,209 --> 00:55:38,841 PETER: Just don't make eye contact, please? 1397 00:55:38,843 --> 00:55:40,743 Because then I'll have to pull over, 1398 00:55:40,745 --> 00:55:42,312 and it'll be awkward 1399 00:55:42,314 --> 00:55:44,647 and we'll have to give him a ride and all that. Just... 1400 00:55:44,649 --> 00:55:47,149 You're looking in his direction. 1401 00:55:47,151 --> 00:55:48,317 I'm not looking. 1402 00:55:48,319 --> 00:55:49,919 PETER: You're totally turning your head. 1403 00:55:49,921 --> 00:55:51,553 - My eyes are wandering. - PETER: I'm watching you. 1404 00:55:51,555 --> 00:55:53,055 Look this way. 1405 00:55:53,057 --> 00:55:54,790 - KYLE: Pete, I'm not looking. - Look out the left. 1406 00:55:54,792 --> 00:55:55,924 You're totally looking right at him. 1407 00:55:55,926 --> 00:55:57,194 KYLE: My peripheral vision. 1408 00:55:58,229 --> 00:56:00,297 Oh, God damn it! 1409 00:56:00,299 --> 00:56:01,763 What? I didn't look at him! 1410 00:56:01,765 --> 00:56:04,001 - Ah, he got me. - KYLE: What? 1411 00:56:05,236 --> 00:56:07,902 (GRUNTS) I blew it. That one's on me. 1412 00:56:07,904 --> 00:56:09,372 - KYLE: You made eye contact? - PETER: Yeah. 1413 00:56:09,374 --> 00:56:10,573 Shit. 1414 00:56:10,575 --> 00:56:11,806 We're still not picking him up, 1415 00:56:11,808 --> 00:56:13,341 so let him down easy. 1416 00:56:13,343 --> 00:56:14,576 Hey, how you doing? 1417 00:56:14,578 --> 00:56:16,578 You stopped. Thank you. 1418 00:56:16,580 --> 00:56:18,214 Thank you. Thank you both. 1419 00:56:18,216 --> 00:56:19,683 - You're welcome. - Thank you so much. 1420 00:56:19,685 --> 00:56:20,817 Even if you don't give me ride, 1421 00:56:20,819 --> 00:56:22,919 thank you just for stopping. 1422 00:56:22,921 --> 00:56:24,219 I was beginning to think 1423 00:56:24,221 --> 00:56:25,721 black was the new invisible out here. 1424 00:56:25,723 --> 00:56:27,623 You know what I mean? The gesture means a lot. 1425 00:56:27,625 --> 00:56:29,024 Where are you headed? 1426 00:56:29,026 --> 00:56:30,794 North. Worcester, Mass. 1427 00:56:30,796 --> 00:56:33,029 Just trying to get to my kid's birthday tomorrow. 1428 00:56:33,031 --> 00:56:35,297 We're really sorry. We're going south. 1429 00:56:35,299 --> 00:56:37,665 We're going to JFK, so... 1430 00:56:37,667 --> 00:56:38,801 How about this? 1431 00:56:38,803 --> 00:56:40,203 There's a train station, 1432 00:56:40,205 --> 00:56:42,337 it's like two miles south. You take me there? 1433 00:56:42,339 --> 00:56:43,471 Now, I don't see why... 1434 00:56:43,473 --> 00:56:44,707 Are you fucking crazy? 1435 00:56:44,709 --> 00:56:46,843 I'm gonna have to ask you... 1436 00:56:46,845 --> 00:56:48,377 We got a Nervous Nelly here. 1437 00:56:48,379 --> 00:56:51,013 So I know this is gonna sound like a funny question, 1438 00:56:51,015 --> 00:56:53,017 but are you a serial killer? 1439 00:56:54,718 --> 00:56:56,085 No. No. 1440 00:56:56,087 --> 00:56:57,987 I get it. There's a lot of nuts out there. 1441 00:56:57,989 --> 00:57:00,355 I am a stranger, I am a hitchhiker... 1442 00:57:00,357 --> 00:57:01,690 Satisfied? 1443 00:57:01,692 --> 00:57:05,727 ...but I swear to you, I am not a serial killer. 1444 00:57:05,729 --> 00:57:07,797 - Hmm... - Well, did you notice how you 1445 00:57:07,799 --> 00:57:08,998 emphasized the word "serial," 1446 00:57:09,000 --> 00:57:11,366 which makes it sound like 1447 00:57:11,368 --> 00:57:15,203 you're a killer, just not a serial one. 1448 00:57:15,205 --> 00:57:16,339 Oh, man, okay. 1449 00:57:16,341 --> 00:57:18,506 Now that was totally unintentional. 1450 00:57:18,508 --> 00:57:19,774 I promise you that. 1451 00:57:19,776 --> 00:57:21,243 Didn't mean that. 1452 00:57:21,245 --> 00:57:23,011 But you're still not saying, "I'm not a killer." 1453 00:57:23,013 --> 00:57:26,684 It seems like that's what a non-killer would say. 1454 00:57:27,384 --> 00:57:29,719 I'm an idiot, man. Idiot! 1455 00:57:29,721 --> 00:57:31,319 I've been a non-killer too long 1456 00:57:31,321 --> 00:57:32,955 to not know the non-killer rules. 1457 00:57:32,957 --> 00:57:34,756 You know what I mean? 1458 00:57:34,758 --> 00:57:36,924 How about this? We'll give you a ride... 1459 00:57:36,926 --> 00:57:38,326 Are you fucking crazy? 1460 00:57:38,328 --> 00:57:39,428 Let me finish, Pete. 1461 00:57:39,430 --> 00:57:41,763 We can give you a ride to the station, 1462 00:57:41,765 --> 00:57:42,998 but, and this is a pretty big but, 1463 00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:44,701 only if we can tie you up. 1464 00:57:44,703 --> 00:57:46,335 That way you can't rape 1465 00:57:46,337 --> 00:57:49,975 or kill or murder Mr. Paranoia here. 1466 00:57:55,479 --> 00:57:56,682 Uh... 1467 00:57:59,450 --> 00:58:00,683 KYLE: You okay? 1468 00:58:00,685 --> 00:58:01,817 Those aren't too tight, are they? 1469 00:58:01,819 --> 00:58:03,819 Almost kill you. Can't kill you. 1470 00:58:03,821 --> 00:58:05,721 (CHUCKLING) 1471 00:58:05,723 --> 00:58:07,223 KYLE: Don't even joke around 1472 00:58:07,225 --> 00:58:08,390 with our driver. 1473 00:58:08,392 --> 00:58:09,558 Sorry to interrupt. 1474 00:58:09,560 --> 00:58:11,060 I'm still not getting a phone signal here. 1475 00:58:11,062 --> 00:58:13,094 Are you sure there's a train station this way? 1476 00:58:13,096 --> 00:58:15,498 100%. I grew up one town over. 1477 00:58:15,500 --> 00:58:18,100 I used to play ice hockey at the rink across the street. 1478 00:58:18,102 --> 00:58:20,268 Just make a left up there. 1479 00:58:20,270 --> 00:58:22,307 PETER: I don't see street signs. 1480 00:58:23,707 --> 00:58:25,475 We are fucked. 1481 00:58:25,477 --> 00:58:26,776 Fucked! 1482 00:58:26,778 --> 00:58:28,143 We're gonna miss our flight. 1483 00:58:28,145 --> 00:58:29,377 - Take it easy, Pete. - Do you realize that? 1484 00:58:29,379 --> 00:58:30,980 Okay, then we'll catch another one. 1485 00:58:30,982 --> 00:58:32,614 Okay? It's not a big deal. 1486 00:58:32,616 --> 00:58:36,752 Classic Kyle! Nothing's ever a big deal. Must be nice. 1487 00:58:36,754 --> 00:58:40,857 Whoa, whoa, whoa, I am sensing a very disturbing vibe here. 1488 00:58:40,859 --> 00:58:43,024 Pete, are you mad at your brother about something? 1489 00:58:43,026 --> 00:58:45,995 Yes! I'm mad! And it's probably obvious. 1490 00:58:45,997 --> 00:58:49,464 There's like a rage pulsing through his entire body. 1491 00:58:49,466 --> 00:58:51,332 Classic Pete right here. 1492 00:58:51,334 --> 00:58:53,868 Luckily, I'm sort of the Pete whisperer. 1493 00:58:53,870 --> 00:58:56,739 I always know how to calm this guy down. 1494 00:58:56,741 --> 00:58:57,873 - Ah... - HITCHHIKER: Good. 1495 00:58:57,875 --> 00:58:59,808 Let me turn on a little music 1496 00:58:59,810 --> 00:59:02,745 and just lullaby you into just relaxing. 1497 00:59:02,747 --> 00:59:04,245 - PETER: Wow. - KYLE: There. 1498 00:59:04,247 --> 00:59:08,451 A, please don't patronize me and B, no music, okay? 1499 00:59:08,453 --> 00:59:09,986 I just need to focus right now. 1500 00:59:09,988 --> 00:59:12,522 Well, I think music will help you guys relax. 1501 00:59:12,524 --> 00:59:14,089 - (SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) - Makes a great point. 1502 00:59:14,091 --> 00:59:15,792 You can't focus if you're too tense, Pete. 1503 00:59:15,794 --> 00:59:17,194 I just need it quiet, okay? 1504 00:59:17,761 --> 00:59:18,964 (MUSIC STOPS) 1505 00:59:19,763 --> 00:59:20,830 (MUSIC PLAYING) 1506 00:59:20,832 --> 00:59:21,931 (MUSIC STOPS) 1507 00:59:21,933 --> 00:59:23,565 What are you, 10? 1508 00:59:23,567 --> 00:59:25,100 Can't you just listen to music? 1509 00:59:25,102 --> 00:59:28,236 No! I don't want to listen to music. 1510 00:59:28,238 --> 00:59:29,518 - (MUSIC PLAYING) - (MUSIC STOPS) 1511 00:59:30,473 --> 00:59:31,674 (MUSIC PLAYING) 1512 00:59:31,676 --> 00:59:33,011 (VOLUME INCREASES) 1513 00:59:33,843 --> 00:59:35,310 (TIRES SCREECH) 1514 00:59:35,312 --> 00:59:37,782 Enough with the fucking radio, Kyle! 1515 00:59:38,749 --> 00:59:40,151 (KEYS CLINKING) 1516 00:59:40,817 --> 00:59:42,185 Oh, that was... 1517 00:59:42,187 --> 00:59:44,652 That was brilliant. Go get 'em, you idiot. 1518 00:59:44,654 --> 00:59:45,987 I'm not gonna go get 'em. 1519 00:59:45,989 --> 00:59:47,623 Untie me, I'll go get 'em. 1520 00:59:47,625 --> 00:59:49,125 We're not gonna get the keys 1521 00:59:49,127 --> 00:59:51,594 until you tell me what your problem is with me. 1522 00:59:51,596 --> 00:59:52,828 We're going to be here a while 1523 00:59:52,830 --> 00:59:54,564 because I have a million problems with you. 1524 00:59:54,566 --> 00:59:56,933 - Like what? - Yeah. Elaborate, Pete. 1525 00:59:56,935 --> 01:00:01,670 All you've ever done is rub your amazing life in my face. 1526 01:00:01,672 --> 01:00:04,006 Your trophies and your friends 1527 01:00:04,008 --> 01:00:06,776 and your black Amex and your sunsets. 1528 01:00:06,778 --> 01:00:08,877 Sorry for sending you sunsets. 1529 01:00:08,879 --> 01:00:10,478 I love sunsets. 1530 01:00:10,480 --> 01:00:11,513 Growing up was literally 1531 01:00:11,515 --> 01:00:12,881 like watching The Kyle Reynolds Show 1532 01:00:12,883 --> 01:00:14,516 24 hours a day. 1533 01:00:14,518 --> 01:00:15,718 Girls just liked you more. 1534 01:00:15,720 --> 01:00:17,620 Pete, I thought you liked hearing about my hook-ups 1535 01:00:17,622 --> 01:00:20,589 the same way I liked hearing about your hook-ups. 1536 01:00:20,591 --> 01:00:21,957 What hook-ups? 1537 01:00:21,959 --> 01:00:23,292 The girl you went out with in ninth grade. 1538 01:00:23,294 --> 01:00:25,227 Remember her, with the glasses and the bad skin? 1539 01:00:25,229 --> 01:00:26,529 - Pamela Hartley. - Yes! 1540 01:00:26,531 --> 01:00:28,364 Yeah, she only dated me to get to you. 1541 01:00:28,366 --> 01:00:30,399 And guess what? The second her skin cleared up, 1542 01:00:30,401 --> 01:00:31,399 he banged her. 1543 01:00:31,401 --> 01:00:33,402 Not cool, Kyle. I'm Team Peter. 1544 01:00:33,404 --> 01:00:34,803 You even had the balls to come home 1545 01:00:34,805 --> 01:00:35,837 and brag about how you nailed her 1546 01:00:35,839 --> 01:00:37,071 in the back of a Papa John's. 1547 01:00:37,073 --> 01:00:38,274 That girl that I messed around with 1548 01:00:38,276 --> 01:00:39,942 at Papa John's didn't even wear glasses. 1549 01:00:39,944 --> 01:00:41,676 Mistaken identity. Back on Team Kyle. 1550 01:00:41,678 --> 01:00:42,844 PETER: Guess what? 1551 01:00:42,846 --> 01:00:44,480 Junior year, she got contacts 1552 01:00:44,482 --> 01:00:46,248 and her skin cleared up and you banged her 1553 01:00:46,250 --> 01:00:49,218 right after having a sausage lover's pizza, apparently. 1554 01:00:49,220 --> 01:00:50,986 "This chick loves sausage, Pete." 1555 01:00:50,988 --> 01:00:52,254 I don't remember that. 1556 01:00:52,256 --> 01:00:54,156 If I have to hear about your goddamn 1557 01:00:54,158 --> 01:00:56,558 barbeque sauce fortune one more time. 1558 01:00:56,560 --> 01:00:59,594 The picture on the bottles could be literally anybody! 1559 01:00:59,596 --> 01:01:02,564 And you've lucked out your entire life. 1560 01:01:02,566 --> 01:01:03,598 The way you've lived, 1561 01:01:03,600 --> 01:01:05,067 you should be broke and homeless, 1562 01:01:05,069 --> 01:01:07,502 not chillaxing on a beach 1563 01:01:07,504 --> 01:01:10,138 with your perfect girlfriend and your perfect house 1564 01:01:10,140 --> 01:01:11,908 and your soon-to-be perfect family! 1565 01:01:11,910 --> 01:01:13,209 Fuck you! 1566 01:01:13,211 --> 01:01:15,411 Stop blaming me for everything. 1567 01:01:15,413 --> 01:01:18,580 You know, just because you think your life sucks. Okay? 1568 01:01:18,582 --> 01:01:19,915 Take some responsibility 1569 01:01:19,917 --> 01:01:21,449 for some of the decisions you made. 1570 01:01:21,451 --> 01:01:23,218 You decide to go ahead and marry 1571 01:01:23,220 --> 01:01:24,754 the first girl you ever mess around with, 1572 01:01:24,756 --> 01:01:27,323 and then, big shocker, it doesn't work out? 1573 01:01:27,325 --> 01:01:29,859 You decide to look at assholes for a living. 1574 01:01:29,861 --> 01:01:31,393 That's my fault? 1575 01:01:31,395 --> 01:01:34,062 Spent your whole life trying to impress a dead guy. 1576 01:01:34,064 --> 01:01:36,899 It's not my fault. It's your fault. 1577 01:01:36,901 --> 01:01:38,401 In fact, maybe if you tried 1578 01:01:38,403 --> 01:01:40,102 to be like me a little bit more, 1579 01:01:40,104 --> 01:01:42,136 you wouldn't be such a miserable dick! 1580 01:01:42,138 --> 01:01:43,941 And your son wouldn't hate you! 1581 01:01:45,709 --> 01:01:46,808 (GROANS) 1582 01:01:46,810 --> 01:01:49,310 God damn it. 1583 01:01:49,312 --> 01:01:52,381 (GROANS) God damn it! You broke my glasses. 1584 01:01:52,383 --> 01:01:53,549 Fuck! 1585 01:01:53,551 --> 01:01:54,949 Guys, use your words. 1586 01:01:54,951 --> 01:01:56,518 Fuck you, Kyle! 1587 01:01:56,520 --> 01:01:57,687 I hate conflict. 1588 01:01:57,689 --> 01:01:59,321 PETER: Fuck you! 1589 01:01:59,323 --> 01:02:00,556 Asshole! 1590 01:02:00,558 --> 01:02:04,593 Hey, guys, my Negro spider senses is tingling. 1591 01:02:04,595 --> 01:02:06,161 (BELL DINGING) 1592 01:02:06,163 --> 01:02:09,399 I think we may be on a choo-choo track. 1593 01:02:09,401 --> 01:02:11,533 PETER: While you were lying on a beach in Maui, I was home, 1594 01:02:11,535 --> 01:02:12,835 taking care of Mom! 1595 01:02:12,837 --> 01:02:14,536 I don't like this. 1596 01:02:14,538 --> 01:02:16,605 Yup, that is definitely a choo-choo train. 1597 01:02:16,607 --> 01:02:18,341 Mom is an independent vibrant sexual woman! 1598 01:02:18,343 --> 01:02:19,442 Okay. 1599 01:02:19,444 --> 01:02:21,911 KYLE: Stop taking care of people! 1600 01:02:21,913 --> 01:02:23,745 It's not the soul train, guys. 1601 01:02:23,747 --> 01:02:26,748 You want to stop fighting and look out the window... 1602 01:02:26,750 --> 01:02:29,886 Motherfuckers, we're on the motherfucking railroad tracks! 1603 01:02:29,888 --> 01:02:32,020 - There's a train coming! - (TRAIN HONKING) 1604 01:02:32,022 --> 01:02:34,623 There is a train! 1605 01:02:34,625 --> 01:02:36,123 Get me off the tracks! 1606 01:02:36,125 --> 01:02:37,593 Train. Pete, get out! 1607 01:02:37,595 --> 01:02:39,064 Help! Now! 1608 01:02:40,198 --> 01:02:41,700 - Get out! - (HONKING INTENSIFIES) 1609 01:02:42,933 --> 01:02:44,134 My seatbelt! 1610 01:02:50,475 --> 01:02:51,710 Kyle! 1611 01:03:00,785 --> 01:03:02,053 Kyle! 1612 01:03:02,654 --> 01:03:03,989 (SOBBING) 1613 01:03:13,330 --> 01:03:14,732 (CONTINUES SOBBING) 1614 01:03:26,044 --> 01:03:27,245 KYLE: Pete! 1615 01:03:29,546 --> 01:03:30,647 Pete! 1616 01:03:33,852 --> 01:03:35,220 PETER: Kyle! 1617 01:03:36,654 --> 01:03:38,156 Pete! 1618 01:03:39,524 --> 01:03:41,857 Kyle! 1619 01:03:41,859 --> 01:03:43,127 Pete! 1620 01:03:44,729 --> 01:03:47,031 Yes! 1621 01:03:55,105 --> 01:03:56,508 Yeah! 1622 01:04:23,968 --> 01:04:25,170 (PETER GROANS) 1623 01:04:29,874 --> 01:04:31,373 KYLE: No. They're literally 1624 01:04:31,375 --> 01:04:33,676 replacing me with a monkey or a seal, 1625 01:04:33,678 --> 01:04:34,910 some kind of animal. 1626 01:04:34,912 --> 01:04:37,245 Because apparently animals don't get residuals. 1627 01:04:37,247 --> 01:04:40,184 A monkey can't do your job. 1628 01:04:42,553 --> 01:04:44,752 How much do you have left? 1629 01:04:44,754 --> 01:04:46,823 Not as much as I owe. 1630 01:04:46,825 --> 01:04:49,125 Yeah, I'll probably have a repo man 1631 01:04:49,127 --> 01:04:52,326 showing up at my house in a few weeks. 1632 01:04:52,328 --> 01:04:54,399 Take my Ferraris back. 1633 01:04:55,165 --> 01:04:57,165 Ferraris, plural? 1634 01:04:57,167 --> 01:04:58,470 Three. 1635 01:04:59,803 --> 01:05:03,538 - You are incorrigible. - (CHUCKLING) 1636 01:05:03,540 --> 01:05:07,241 I'm just an idiot, Pete. You said so yourself. 1637 01:05:07,243 --> 01:05:09,578 You're not an idiot, Kyle. 1638 01:05:09,580 --> 01:05:11,783 You're not, you're just... 1639 01:05:12,216 --> 01:05:13,315 What? 1640 01:05:13,317 --> 01:05:15,350 You're overly optimistic. 1641 01:05:15,352 --> 01:05:16,484 That's all. 1642 01:05:16,486 --> 01:05:19,356 That's a nice way to put it. 1643 01:05:20,156 --> 01:05:21,290 Well, I don't know. 1644 01:05:21,292 --> 01:05:23,560 Who am I kidding? 1645 01:05:24,629 --> 01:05:26,060 I honestly started thinking 1646 01:05:26,062 --> 01:05:27,362 that Kaylani and our kid 1647 01:05:27,364 --> 01:05:29,131 would be better off without me. 1648 01:05:29,133 --> 01:05:31,466 Maybe I ought to just bail now. 1649 01:05:31,468 --> 01:05:34,803 For their sake because then, maybe, Kaylani 1650 01:05:34,805 --> 01:05:37,806 could tell the kid a cool story the way Mom did. 1651 01:05:37,808 --> 01:05:42,944 "Yeah, your dad was base jumping into a volcano 1652 01:05:42,946 --> 01:05:45,214 "and the lava got him." 1653 01:05:45,216 --> 01:05:48,419 Or I was a brilliant doctor, like you. 1654 01:05:49,921 --> 01:05:53,825 You have the kindest heart of anyone I have ever met. 1655 01:05:56,993 --> 01:06:00,395 And a little while ago, I thought I lost you forever, 1656 01:06:00,397 --> 01:06:04,868 and it was the worst feeling I've ever felt. 1657 01:06:06,470 --> 01:06:09,207 No one's better off without you, Kyle. 1658 01:06:10,107 --> 01:06:12,674 You're gonna be a great dad. 1659 01:06:12,676 --> 01:06:16,781 You know how you were always asking Mom about Dad? 1660 01:06:18,281 --> 01:06:21,616 I wasn't that curious. 1661 01:06:21,618 --> 01:06:23,887 I think because I had you. 1662 01:06:24,622 --> 01:06:25,888 What? 1663 01:06:25,890 --> 01:06:29,058 Yeah, I had a lot of friends and girlfriends 1664 01:06:29,060 --> 01:06:30,459 and people that love me 1665 01:06:30,461 --> 01:06:32,227 because I'm, kind of, you know, 1666 01:06:32,229 --> 01:06:34,263 bon vivant, a raconteur, 1667 01:06:34,265 --> 01:06:36,464 or whatever you want to say. 1668 01:06:36,466 --> 01:06:39,334 But you never thought I was any of those things, 1669 01:06:39,336 --> 01:06:41,437 but you were still there. 1670 01:06:41,439 --> 01:06:42,837 Getting on me. 1671 01:06:42,839 --> 01:06:45,373 "Hey! Don't jump off the roof into the pool. 1672 01:06:45,375 --> 01:06:46,841 "You'll break your neck. 1673 01:06:46,843 --> 01:06:49,446 "Here, let me show you how to tie your tie." 1674 01:06:50,379 --> 01:06:52,180 Always kind of thought 1675 01:06:52,182 --> 01:06:54,886 that was the type of stuff our dad would've been saying. 1676 01:06:58,154 --> 01:07:00,256 I'm sorry about your glasses. 1677 01:07:00,258 --> 01:07:01,422 Don't be. 1678 01:07:01,424 --> 01:07:03,324 I don't need them. 1679 01:07:03,326 --> 01:07:04,526 What do you mean? 1680 01:07:04,528 --> 01:07:07,228 I don't need glasses. 1681 01:07:07,230 --> 01:07:09,366 I have 20/20 vision. 1682 01:07:10,000 --> 01:07:11,232 What? 1683 01:07:11,234 --> 01:07:12,600 Yeah, I just had this image 1684 01:07:12,602 --> 01:07:14,368 of who I thought I should be 1685 01:07:14,370 --> 01:07:17,205 and glasses fit the bill. 1686 01:07:17,207 --> 01:07:18,506 There you go. 1687 01:07:18,508 --> 01:07:21,509 That's why you're brilliant. 1688 01:07:21,511 --> 01:07:24,245 Why did I wear glasses for 20 years? 1689 01:07:24,247 --> 01:07:26,381 KYLE: Because you're an idiot. 1690 01:07:26,383 --> 01:07:28,216 I'm a fucking idiot. 1691 01:07:28,218 --> 01:07:30,953 I'm a big dumb idiot. 1692 01:07:30,955 --> 01:07:33,589 Boom! That's right. 1693 01:07:33,591 --> 01:07:35,558 "Oh, my God! I'm still alive!" 1694 01:07:35,560 --> 01:07:38,125 And that's basically how it all went. 1695 01:07:38,127 --> 01:07:41,230 It's crazy. This is one night we're talking about. 1696 01:07:41,232 --> 01:07:42,230 Yeah. 1697 01:07:42,232 --> 01:07:43,297 Yeah. 1698 01:07:43,299 --> 01:07:44,766 I guess we missed our flight. 1699 01:07:44,768 --> 01:07:47,236 You want to check and see when the next one is? 1700 01:07:47,238 --> 01:07:48,473 Nope. 1701 01:07:50,408 --> 01:07:52,073 I feel 1702 01:07:52,075 --> 01:07:54,375 very confident that the universe 1703 01:07:54,377 --> 01:07:57,645 is telling us to proceed 1704 01:07:57,647 --> 01:07:59,513 with Operation Who's Your Daddy. 1705 01:07:59,515 --> 01:08:01,248 Are you messing with me? 1706 01:08:01,250 --> 01:08:02,685 We started this goddamn mission 1707 01:08:02,687 --> 01:08:03,953 to find our father together, 1708 01:08:03,955 --> 01:08:05,953 and we are gonna finish it together. 1709 01:08:05,955 --> 01:08:07,288 Come hell or high water. 1710 01:08:07,290 --> 01:08:09,559 God damn it, that's the spirit! 1711 01:08:11,395 --> 01:08:13,460 Let's do this! 1712 01:08:13,462 --> 01:08:14,629 PETER: We're going in! 1713 01:08:14,631 --> 01:08:15,997 KYLE: We're going in! 1714 01:08:15,999 --> 01:08:18,599 PETER: This is happening! 1715 01:08:18,601 --> 01:08:20,602 PETER: Thank you for driving all the way 1716 01:08:20,604 --> 01:08:22,136 out here with the new rental. 1717 01:08:22,138 --> 01:08:23,671 Appreciate it. 1718 01:08:23,673 --> 01:08:25,640 OFFICER 1: Okay, guys, I think these might be yours? 1719 01:08:25,642 --> 01:08:27,341 Yes, sir. Thank you. 1720 01:08:27,343 --> 01:08:28,810 All right. 1721 01:08:28,812 --> 01:08:30,412 That's gonna be one big fucking insurance mess. 1722 01:08:30,414 --> 01:08:32,580 But we got everything we need, 1723 01:08:32,582 --> 01:08:34,015 so you're free to go. 1724 01:08:34,017 --> 01:08:35,283 Thanks a lot, officers. 1725 01:08:35,285 --> 01:08:36,417 It's no problem. 1726 01:08:36,419 --> 01:08:38,554 Really appreciate it. 1727 01:08:38,556 --> 01:08:41,422 What now? How do we find Sparkly P? 1728 01:08:41,424 --> 01:08:42,891 - Leg work. - Yes. 1729 01:08:42,893 --> 01:08:45,896 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did you just say "Sparkly P"? 1730 01:08:46,963 --> 01:08:48,063 Yeah. 1731 01:08:48,065 --> 01:08:49,998 - The police officer... - From the '70s? 1732 01:08:50,000 --> 01:08:51,065 Yeah. 1733 01:08:51,067 --> 01:08:52,166 You've heard of him? 1734 01:08:52,168 --> 01:08:53,501 Are you kidding me? 1735 01:08:53,503 --> 01:08:55,403 There's not a cop in the whole state who hasn't. 1736 01:08:55,405 --> 01:08:56,638 OFFICER 2: Yeah. 1737 01:08:56,640 --> 01:09:00,041 Patrick O'Callaghan aka Sparkly P. 1738 01:09:00,043 --> 01:09:02,478 Had one of the biggest coke busts in history. 1739 01:09:02,480 --> 01:09:03,679 We spent like two weeks 1740 01:09:03,681 --> 01:09:05,113 studying him back in the academy. 1741 01:09:05,115 --> 01:09:06,415 The guy's a legend. 1742 01:09:06,417 --> 01:09:09,350 Holy shit, Pete. We could be Irish. 1743 01:09:09,352 --> 01:09:10,653 Yes! 1744 01:09:10,655 --> 01:09:13,288 I'm Irish, too, on my sister's side. 1745 01:09:13,290 --> 01:09:14,926 You know where to find him? 1746 01:09:18,061 --> 01:09:21,529 So, I just talked to my buddy in the force 1747 01:09:21,531 --> 01:09:25,501 and apparently Mr. Patrick O'Callaghan 1748 01:09:25,503 --> 01:09:28,837 retired the NYPD back in '86. 1749 01:09:28,839 --> 01:09:31,473 This right here is his last known address. 1750 01:09:31,475 --> 01:09:32,674 If anyone comes asking, 1751 01:09:32,676 --> 01:09:34,477 I didn't tell you shit. 1752 01:09:34,479 --> 01:09:36,614 I'm trusting you with this. 1753 01:09:37,213 --> 01:09:39,514 Don't fuck me. 1754 01:09:39,516 --> 01:09:41,619 Not gonna fuck you. 1755 01:09:48,493 --> 01:09:49,694 What? 1756 01:09:52,195 --> 01:09:53,428 What? 1757 01:09:53,430 --> 01:09:55,363 - Guess where he lives? - Where? 1758 01:09:55,365 --> 01:09:57,166 You're not gonna believe this. 1759 01:09:57,168 --> 01:09:58,936 Worcester, Mass. 1760 01:09:59,971 --> 01:10:01,169 Worcester, Mass! 1761 01:10:01,171 --> 01:10:02,891 You've been leading us there the whole time! 1762 01:10:05,007 --> 01:10:08,510 KYLE: It's the universe, Pete. The universe is magic! 1763 01:10:08,512 --> 01:10:10,377 HITCHHIKER: I'm magic. I'm a magic man. 1764 01:10:10,379 --> 01:10:14,584 PETER: All right. Okay. I guess we're all going home. 1765 01:10:16,654 --> 01:10:17,989 (CAR DOOR CLOSES) 1766 01:10:21,926 --> 01:10:23,093 Well, 1767 01:10:24,794 --> 01:10:27,363 thanks for letting me keep a little souvenir. 1768 01:10:27,365 --> 01:10:28,764 Sure. 1769 01:10:28,766 --> 01:10:31,567 This has been magnificent. Thank you, guys. 1770 01:10:31,569 --> 01:10:33,568 I appreciate your assistance. 1771 01:10:33,570 --> 01:10:35,640 Have a good night. 1772 01:10:36,539 --> 01:10:37,774 KYLE: Hey! 1773 01:10:38,409 --> 01:10:39,541 Yeah? 1774 01:10:39,543 --> 01:10:41,277 We don't even know your name. 1775 01:10:41,279 --> 01:10:42,944 Oh, Kyle, 1776 01:10:42,946 --> 01:10:45,917 you've known it the whole time. 1777 01:10:47,551 --> 01:10:49,550 That's beautiful. 1778 01:10:49,552 --> 01:10:51,118 I think he's messing with us. 1779 01:10:51,120 --> 01:10:52,321 No, he's not. 1780 01:10:52,323 --> 01:10:54,288 - Yeah, yeah. - No. 1781 01:10:54,290 --> 01:10:55,860 He was messing with us. 1782 01:11:14,110 --> 01:11:15,376 PETER: Ding! 1783 01:11:15,378 --> 01:11:17,813 KYLE: May we get a room? 1784 01:11:17,815 --> 01:11:20,882 Your cheapest room, please. 1785 01:11:20,884 --> 01:11:23,887 (VERY QUIETLY) Well, every room in here is cheap, so... 1786 01:11:26,056 --> 01:11:27,221 Sorry? 1787 01:11:27,223 --> 01:11:29,192 (VERY QUIETLY) Every room in here is really cheap. 1788 01:11:32,128 --> 01:11:34,097 Okay. Here you go. 1789 01:11:35,266 --> 01:11:37,131 We're gonna nab one from ya. 1790 01:11:37,133 --> 01:11:40,468 (VERY QUIETLY) So, just the one room? 1791 01:11:40,470 --> 01:11:41,672 Mmm-hmm. 1792 01:11:42,439 --> 01:11:43,938 One night? 1793 01:11:43,940 --> 01:11:45,075 Yeah. 1794 01:11:45,508 --> 01:11:46,711 Two beds. 1795 01:11:49,012 --> 01:11:51,078 Oh. Um... 1796 01:11:51,080 --> 01:11:54,215 Can we still get food and drinks at the bar? 1797 01:11:54,217 --> 01:11:56,451 (VERY QUIETLY) Right back there behind you. 1798 01:11:56,453 --> 01:11:58,752 Food for about another 1799 01:11:58,754 --> 01:12:02,058 10 minutes, and drinks till 2:00. 1800 01:12:03,026 --> 01:12:04,291 Till, sorry? 1801 01:12:04,293 --> 01:12:06,027 Till 2:00. 1802 01:12:06,029 --> 01:12:08,162 You're going to have to speak up, Biz Markie, 1803 01:12:08,164 --> 01:12:09,764 'cause I can't hear you. 1804 01:12:09,766 --> 01:12:11,232 (VERY QUIETLY) For 10 more minutes, 1805 01:12:11,234 --> 01:12:12,803 and drinks until 2:00. 1806 01:12:17,975 --> 01:12:19,209 Okay. 1807 01:12:21,912 --> 01:12:24,645 Hey, do you remember 1808 01:12:24,647 --> 01:12:27,215 when Mom tried to teach us about sex? 1809 01:12:27,217 --> 01:12:29,451 Yeah. (LAUGHING) 1810 01:12:29,453 --> 01:12:30,785 You had already Papa John'd 1811 01:12:30,787 --> 01:12:33,255 half the girls at school at that point. 1812 01:12:33,257 --> 01:12:35,357 Turns out, we probably should have listened to her. 1813 01:12:35,359 --> 01:12:36,657 Amen. 1814 01:12:36,659 --> 01:12:38,794 It's like we passed up basketball tips 1815 01:12:38,796 --> 01:12:40,761 from Michael Jordan, as it turns out. 1816 01:12:40,763 --> 01:12:42,330 We really did. 1817 01:12:42,332 --> 01:12:43,334 (BOTH LAUGHING) 1818 01:12:44,801 --> 01:12:47,672 I'm gonna hit the head. Excuse me. 1819 01:13:07,856 --> 01:13:10,127 (SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 1820 01:13:12,061 --> 01:13:14,362 Hi, excuse me. I couldn't help but notice 1821 01:13:14,364 --> 01:13:16,297 that you're 1822 01:13:16,299 --> 01:13:17,465 crying. 1823 01:13:17,467 --> 01:13:20,635 No. I'm fine. 1824 01:13:20,637 --> 01:13:22,104 I often have that effect on women. 1825 01:13:22,106 --> 01:13:24,372 Just not usually this fast. 1826 01:13:24,374 --> 01:13:25,706 Sorry. I'll leave you alone. 1827 01:13:25,708 --> 01:13:28,077 No. You know what, please don't. 1828 01:13:28,079 --> 01:13:29,676 Just sit. 1829 01:13:29,678 --> 01:13:30,881 Buy me a drink. 1830 01:13:33,449 --> 01:13:35,116 All right. 1831 01:13:35,118 --> 01:13:36,518 Another... 1832 01:13:36,520 --> 01:13:37,653 Scotch on the rocks. 1833 01:13:37,655 --> 01:13:38,921 Oh, nice. 1834 01:13:38,923 --> 01:13:40,858 - Make that two. - BARMAN: Right up. 1835 01:13:43,726 --> 01:13:45,328 Thank you. 1836 01:13:48,664 --> 01:13:49,866 So, 1837 01:13:50,833 --> 01:13:52,168 want to talk about it? 1838 01:13:53,971 --> 01:13:54,972 No. 1839 01:13:57,940 --> 01:13:59,676 No sob stories. 1840 01:14:02,245 --> 01:14:03,612 I like that rule. 1841 01:14:03,614 --> 01:14:05,679 Cheers. 1842 01:14:05,681 --> 01:14:06,814 No sob stories. 1843 01:14:06,816 --> 01:14:08,084 All right. 1844 01:14:09,218 --> 01:14:11,319 WOMAN: Do you want to talk about 1845 01:14:11,321 --> 01:14:12,787 that? 1846 01:14:12,789 --> 01:14:14,225 - This? - Mmm-hmm. 1847 01:14:16,192 --> 01:14:17,828 Uh... Well... 1848 01:14:20,530 --> 01:14:22,330 I can't. 1849 01:14:22,332 --> 01:14:23,734 Why? 1850 01:14:25,034 --> 01:14:27,137 Because I'm a secret agent. 1851 01:14:28,570 --> 01:14:31,374 I don't think you were supposed to tell me that part. 1852 01:14:32,476 --> 01:14:33,774 - Well... - (LAUGHS) 1853 01:14:33,776 --> 01:14:36,511 Why don't you let me worry about 1854 01:14:36,513 --> 01:14:39,947 how secret agent-ing works, 1855 01:14:39,949 --> 01:14:41,416 seeing as how I am the secret agent. 1856 01:14:41,418 --> 01:14:42,884 WOMAN: You're right. 1857 01:14:42,886 --> 01:14:44,618 You should see the other guy. 1858 01:14:44,620 --> 01:14:45,854 Sorry to interrupt, Peter. 1859 01:14:45,856 --> 01:14:47,022 I just got an urgent call from the client. 1860 01:14:47,024 --> 01:14:48,189 I'm gonna have to go in. 1861 01:14:48,191 --> 01:14:50,457 Apparently old Gary Peterson 1862 01:14:50,459 --> 01:14:53,060 really shat the bed on the LBJ proposal. 1863 01:14:53,062 --> 01:14:55,063 Guy's just useless. 1864 01:14:55,065 --> 01:14:57,765 He's been screwing up since the beginning. 1865 01:14:57,767 --> 01:14:59,067 Anyway, I'm gonna go in the office, 1866 01:14:59,069 --> 01:15:00,300 I'm probably going to spend the night, 1867 01:15:00,302 --> 01:15:01,336 and I will see you tomorrow, okay? 1868 01:15:01,338 --> 01:15:02,470 Are you sure? 1869 01:15:02,472 --> 01:15:03,940 I'm gonna see you tomorrow. 1870 01:15:05,475 --> 01:15:06,977 All right. 1871 01:15:08,544 --> 01:15:10,345 Was that the other guy? 1872 01:15:10,347 --> 01:15:11,947 He looks like shit. 1873 01:15:11,949 --> 01:15:14,081 That guy's actually my partner. 1874 01:15:14,083 --> 01:15:15,884 He's another secret agent. 1875 01:15:15,886 --> 01:15:18,053 See, you keep saying "secret," 1876 01:15:18,055 --> 01:15:20,654 but then you keep telling me about it. 1877 01:15:20,656 --> 01:15:23,425 I am failing at this job. 1878 01:15:23,427 --> 01:15:25,093 I will tell you this... 1879 01:15:25,095 --> 01:15:27,194 I'm also a secret agent. 1880 01:15:27,196 --> 01:15:28,662 No! 1881 01:15:28,664 --> 01:15:30,099 Sent here to kill you. 1882 01:15:30,101 --> 01:15:30,965 What? 1883 01:15:30,967 --> 01:15:33,367 That drink, it's poison. 1884 01:15:33,369 --> 01:15:34,803 Wait, what? 1885 01:15:34,805 --> 01:15:36,171 Sorry. 1886 01:15:36,173 --> 01:15:38,372 You surreptitiously poisoned me? 1887 01:15:38,374 --> 01:15:40,041 Surreptitiously. 1888 01:15:40,043 --> 01:15:43,881 You're so good. I had no idea this is poison. 1889 01:15:45,516 --> 01:15:48,884 Yeah! That's, like, almost all poison. 1890 01:15:48,886 --> 01:15:50,585 No, taste mine. You'll taste the difference. 1891 01:15:50,587 --> 01:15:52,156 - Little bit. - Yeah. 1892 01:15:53,190 --> 01:15:54,288 BOTH: Mmm. 1893 01:15:54,290 --> 01:15:55,223 Poison. 1894 01:15:55,225 --> 01:15:56,425 There is a little difference, yeah. 1895 01:15:56,427 --> 01:15:57,792 - Yeah. - I do taste that. 1896 01:15:57,794 --> 01:16:02,197 So, I'm sorry to tell you, but two hours left to live. 1897 01:16:02,199 --> 01:16:05,634 Well, guess I'd better make these two hours count. 1898 01:16:05,636 --> 01:16:06,768 Yeah, you better. 1899 01:16:06,770 --> 01:16:08,336 Yeah. 1900 01:16:08,338 --> 01:16:10,071 My name is Sarah. 1901 01:16:10,073 --> 01:16:12,977 Code name Babydoll. 1902 01:16:13,976 --> 01:16:16,310 Well, Sarah, my name's Peter. 1903 01:16:16,312 --> 01:16:18,214 Code name... 1904 01:16:20,583 --> 01:16:22,649 Pinky Pants. 1905 01:16:22,651 --> 01:16:23,785 I've heard about you. 1906 01:16:23,787 --> 01:16:25,420 Yeah, I'm legendary. 1907 01:16:25,422 --> 01:16:26,955 Well, 1908 01:16:26,957 --> 01:16:29,192 here's to your last two hours. 1909 01:16:35,598 --> 01:16:39,065 Hi. Hey! Can you see me? 1910 01:16:39,067 --> 01:16:41,403 - Aloha. - Aloha. 1911 01:16:41,405 --> 01:16:43,537 Are you ready for naked Facetime? 1912 01:16:43,539 --> 01:16:44,605 Yeah. 1913 01:16:44,607 --> 01:16:45,974 I'm wearing your favorite bra. 1914 01:16:45,976 --> 01:16:47,309 KYLE: Oh, my gosh. 1915 01:16:47,311 --> 01:16:49,810 Wait, why aren't you naked? 1916 01:16:49,812 --> 01:16:52,313 - Um... - Where are you? 1917 01:16:52,315 --> 01:16:54,314 I'm actually in the car. I'm just kind of settling in. 1918 01:16:54,316 --> 01:16:56,617 I'm trying to give Pete a little privacy 1919 01:16:56,619 --> 01:16:58,019 because he met a girl. 1920 01:16:58,021 --> 01:16:59,223 - (KNOCKING) - Oh. 1921 01:17:01,357 --> 01:17:02,359 Hey. 1922 01:17:03,892 --> 01:17:05,961 Got some room service out here. 1923 01:17:05,963 --> 01:17:07,261 Yeah, bet you don't deliver 1924 01:17:07,263 --> 01:17:08,796 out to the parking lot too much, 1925 01:17:08,798 --> 01:17:11,599 but I'm just trying to give my brother some privacy. 1926 01:17:11,601 --> 01:17:14,736 Here, wave to Kaylani. That's the room service guy. 1927 01:17:14,738 --> 01:17:16,004 Hi, room service dude. 1928 01:17:16,006 --> 01:17:17,240 Okay. Thank you. 1929 01:17:18,475 --> 01:17:20,207 Okay. 1930 01:17:20,209 --> 01:17:22,376 I might get some breakfast later. 1931 01:17:22,378 --> 01:17:23,881 No problem. 1932 01:17:26,216 --> 01:17:27,852 KAYLANI: How's your trip been? 1933 01:17:33,022 --> 01:17:34,456 Hey, honey, 1934 01:17:34,458 --> 01:17:36,023 there's something I need to tell you. 1935 01:17:36,025 --> 01:17:37,391 KAYLANI: Is everything okay? 1936 01:17:37,393 --> 01:17:39,594 No, everything's going great with the trip. 1937 01:17:39,596 --> 01:17:40,761 (STAMMERING) 1938 01:17:40,763 --> 01:17:42,432 It's kind of a recent setback. 1939 01:17:43,933 --> 01:17:45,399 What's up? 1940 01:17:45,401 --> 01:17:48,471 I think it's gonna be good, actually. 1941 01:17:58,781 --> 01:17:59,880 There's so many buttons. 1942 01:17:59,882 --> 01:18:00,947 - Here... - Help. 1943 01:18:00,949 --> 01:18:02,349 I'll help and go from the bottom. 1944 01:18:02,351 --> 01:18:04,051 - Here we go. - Help. 1945 01:18:04,053 --> 01:18:06,390 Oh, God. That's really slowing me down. 1946 01:18:15,766 --> 01:18:17,998 Oh, my God. You have buttons. 1947 01:18:18,000 --> 01:18:20,868 Listen, there's something you should know. 1948 01:18:20,870 --> 01:18:22,871 - (SIGHS) - What? 1949 01:18:22,873 --> 01:18:24,438 I don't manscape. 1950 01:18:24,440 --> 01:18:26,541 Well, what are we working with? 1951 01:18:26,543 --> 01:18:28,376 Well, here you go. 1952 01:18:28,378 --> 01:18:29,513 Oh, no. 1953 01:18:31,882 --> 01:18:33,715 It is what it is. 1954 01:18:33,717 --> 01:18:35,018 Works for me. 1955 01:18:35,918 --> 01:18:37,553 (BOTH MOANING) 1956 01:18:51,567 --> 01:18:53,003 Ahoy! 1957 01:19:00,075 --> 01:19:01,475 Good morning. 1958 01:19:01,477 --> 01:19:02,844 Good morning. 1959 01:19:02,846 --> 01:19:04,612 Yes. Yes. 1960 01:19:04,614 --> 01:19:07,418 Any news to report? 1961 01:19:08,017 --> 01:19:09,218 Um... 1962 01:19:10,820 --> 01:19:12,355 (CHUCKLING) 1963 01:19:13,756 --> 01:19:15,857 You are incorrigible. 1964 01:19:15,859 --> 01:19:17,358 Where is she? 1965 01:19:17,360 --> 01:19:20,361 I don't know actually. I woke up and she was gone. 1966 01:19:20,363 --> 01:19:24,232 You experienced a pure one-night stand. 1967 01:19:24,234 --> 01:19:25,565 Do you know how rare that is? 1968 01:19:25,567 --> 01:19:27,068 You were visited by an angel last night. 1969 01:19:27,070 --> 01:19:28,437 Plain and simple. 1970 01:19:28,439 --> 01:19:31,475 Well, she did, she did leave a note. 1971 01:19:33,310 --> 01:19:37,013 "Thanks for a really fun night. I needed it." 1972 01:19:38,481 --> 01:19:40,215 "I needed it!" 1973 01:19:40,217 --> 01:19:42,686 Guess who gave it to her? This guy! 1974 01:19:45,222 --> 01:19:48,055 KYLE: I just like seeing you giddy. 1975 01:19:48,057 --> 01:19:49,957 You're just gleeful. 1976 01:19:49,959 --> 01:19:52,827 This is the Pete I've been trying to get. 1977 01:19:52,829 --> 01:19:54,095 Come on, Worcester! 1978 01:19:54,097 --> 01:19:55,499 Come on. 1979 01:19:58,968 --> 01:20:00,568 Okay. 1980 01:20:00,570 --> 01:20:01,935 AUTOMATED VOICE: You have arrived at your destination. 1981 01:20:01,937 --> 01:20:03,473 KYLE: This is it. 1982 01:20:06,775 --> 01:20:09,277 Sparkly P likes to party. 1983 01:20:09,279 --> 01:20:10,781 (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) 1984 01:20:15,051 --> 01:20:16,751 (EXHALING DEEPLY) 1985 01:20:16,753 --> 01:20:18,489 Breathe. 1986 01:20:20,257 --> 01:20:22,255 What is going on? 1987 01:20:22,257 --> 01:20:23,757 LIAM: Dad gets Clemens to come 1988 01:20:23,759 --> 01:20:26,094 and pitch batting practice for us at the park. 1989 01:20:26,096 --> 01:20:27,394 Fucker beaned me, 1990 01:20:27,396 --> 01:20:29,296 like, twice but still greatest day of my life. 1991 01:20:29,298 --> 01:20:30,998 Hey, fellas. Welcome. 1992 01:20:31,000 --> 01:20:32,132 PETER: Thank you. 1993 01:20:32,134 --> 01:20:33,800 There's beer, liquor. 1994 01:20:33,802 --> 01:20:35,403 There's food in the back. 1995 01:20:35,405 --> 01:20:36,804 Make yourselves at home. 1996 01:20:36,806 --> 01:20:38,206 (LIAM GRUNTS) 1997 01:20:38,208 --> 01:20:41,809 Hey, I am so fuckin' happy you're my brother. 1998 01:20:41,811 --> 01:20:43,478 I love you so much. 1999 01:20:43,480 --> 01:20:45,647 LIAM: I love you too, bro. You know. 2000 01:20:45,649 --> 01:20:49,483 Okay. Sorry to interrupt. Do you know if Paddy's here? 2001 01:20:49,485 --> 01:20:51,919 Oh, yeah. Dad's inside. 2002 01:20:51,921 --> 01:20:56,159 Come on. He's in the study. I'll take you over. Come on. 2003 01:20:59,029 --> 01:21:01,198 Oh, Dad's over there, guys. 2004 01:21:15,345 --> 01:21:17,578 So, how do you guys know my dad? 2005 01:21:17,580 --> 01:21:20,081 Liam, Sean needs your help changing the keg. 2006 01:21:20,083 --> 01:21:21,849 Oh, for fuck's sakes. 2007 01:21:21,851 --> 01:21:24,452 Sorry, fellas, my brother's a moron. 2008 01:21:24,454 --> 01:21:25,819 Hey. Watch your mouth. 2009 01:21:25,821 --> 01:21:27,522 That's my boyfriend you're talking about. 2010 01:21:27,524 --> 01:21:29,090 My fuckin' 10-year-old cousin can change a keg. 2011 01:21:29,092 --> 01:21:30,393 Are you kidding me? 2012 01:21:35,531 --> 01:21:37,266 Oh, man. 2013 01:21:38,500 --> 01:21:41,469 I'm sorry we're too late. 2014 01:21:41,471 --> 01:21:43,707 I would have really loved to get to know you. 2015 01:21:45,307 --> 01:21:47,974 He seems like a good man. 2016 01:21:47,976 --> 01:21:51,147 Raised a good family. 2017 01:21:53,883 --> 01:21:56,119 Did he just die? 2018 01:21:57,654 --> 01:21:59,653 Presumably, yeah. 2019 01:21:59,655 --> 01:22:03,023 KYLE: Do you think he died in the line of duty? 2020 01:22:03,025 --> 01:22:05,760 PRIEST: Paddy O'Callaghan 2021 01:22:05,762 --> 01:22:08,796 was many things to many people. 2022 01:22:08,798 --> 01:22:11,765 There was no role he treasured more 2023 01:22:11,767 --> 01:22:13,635 than being a father. 2024 01:22:13,637 --> 01:22:15,169 And I know there's no one 2025 01:22:15,171 --> 01:22:17,238 he would rather hear from right now 2026 01:22:17,240 --> 01:22:20,074 than his dear sweet daughter. 2027 01:22:20,076 --> 01:22:22,711 Are you okay to talk, hon? 2028 01:22:22,713 --> 01:22:24,148 Thank you, Father. 2029 01:22:28,017 --> 01:22:29,449 My father and I 2030 01:22:29,451 --> 01:22:31,685 didn't always get along. 2031 01:22:31,687 --> 01:22:34,554 He was a cop who saw the worst in people. 2032 01:22:34,556 --> 01:22:37,457 That's the girl from last night. 2033 01:22:37,459 --> 01:22:38,859 SARAH: He practically arrested this... 2034 01:22:38,861 --> 01:22:39,930 No. 2035 01:22:41,330 --> 01:22:42,662 PETER: That's Babydoll. 2036 01:22:42,664 --> 01:22:43,831 I saw... 2037 01:22:43,833 --> 01:22:45,666 Oh, my God. 2038 01:22:45,668 --> 01:22:48,336 We've all slept with the wrong woman. 2039 01:22:48,338 --> 01:22:49,903 Yeah, but it's our sister. 2040 01:22:49,905 --> 01:22:53,741 No, I know. But I've slept with some squirrelly women. 2041 01:22:53,743 --> 01:22:55,542 Super squirrelly. 2042 01:22:55,544 --> 01:22:57,845 PETER: It doesn't matter how squirrelly they are, 2043 01:22:57,847 --> 01:22:59,281 they're not our sister. 2044 01:22:59,283 --> 01:23:01,482 No, listen to me. It didn't happen, okay? 2045 01:23:01,484 --> 01:23:03,417 It didn't happen. Just erase it. 2046 01:23:03,419 --> 01:23:05,687 It didn't happen! 2047 01:23:05,689 --> 01:23:08,723 Is that why it was so good? 2048 01:23:08,725 --> 01:23:10,692 I'm a monster. 2049 01:23:10,694 --> 01:23:12,661 I love you, Pop. 2050 01:23:12,663 --> 01:23:15,363 I'm gonna miss you so much. 2051 01:23:15,365 --> 01:23:16,964 - We have to go. - No! 2052 01:23:16,966 --> 01:23:19,134 Stop. Peter. Peter, stop. 2053 01:23:19,136 --> 01:23:20,335 Peter! 2054 01:23:20,337 --> 01:23:21,402 Peter! 2055 01:23:21,404 --> 01:23:22,504 LIAM: The fuck! 2056 01:23:22,506 --> 01:23:24,337 KELLY: What the fuck! Sean! 2057 01:23:24,339 --> 01:23:26,642 It wasn't fucking me. 2058 01:23:27,744 --> 01:23:28,776 Did he get you? 2059 01:23:28,778 --> 01:23:31,010 Don't touch! Oh, my... Get your... 2060 01:23:31,012 --> 01:23:32,412 Hey, douchebag! 2061 01:23:32,414 --> 01:23:35,148 - Where's the apology? - Whoa. Hey. I'm sorry. 2062 01:23:35,150 --> 01:23:37,218 - Where's the apology? - Jesus! 2063 01:23:37,220 --> 01:23:39,153 What were you talkin' about? 2064 01:23:39,155 --> 01:23:40,287 Just let us go. 2065 01:23:40,289 --> 01:23:41,555 Why are you not apologizing? 2066 01:23:41,557 --> 01:23:44,024 Hey, stop. Come here. Stop it. 2067 01:23:44,026 --> 01:23:45,259 Contact, bro? 2068 01:23:45,261 --> 01:23:47,193 Contact in O'Callaghan's yard? 2069 01:23:47,195 --> 01:23:48,395 Okay, just stop! Hold it! 2070 01:23:48,397 --> 01:23:49,529 LIAM: In my yard? 2071 01:23:49,531 --> 01:23:50,898 Hey! We just want an apology! 2072 01:23:50,900 --> 01:23:52,666 Come on, just say you're sorry. 2073 01:23:52,668 --> 01:23:54,368 - I'd really rather not. - Peter, come on! 2074 01:23:54,370 --> 01:23:55,803 Summer's over, you ready for the fall? 2075 01:23:55,805 --> 01:23:57,238 Don't be prideful. Come on, just... 2076 01:23:57,240 --> 01:23:58,872 I'm not being prideful. 2077 01:23:58,874 --> 01:24:01,242 It's hard to apologize when I just got shoved off a porch. 2078 01:24:01,244 --> 01:24:02,776 Charged up! 2079 01:24:02,778 --> 01:24:04,879 I saw you spill the drink on the girl. She's soaked. 2080 01:24:04,881 --> 01:24:06,413 That's true, and I am sorry about that. 2081 01:24:06,415 --> 01:24:08,349 Okay, but don't tell me, tell them! Just say it. 2082 01:24:08,351 --> 01:24:09,849 - Fine! - SEAN: Fuck you guys! 2083 01:24:09,851 --> 01:24:10,921 I'm sorry! 2084 01:24:13,323 --> 01:24:14,721 To who? 2085 01:24:14,723 --> 01:24:17,358 To the douchebag's girlfriend. 2086 01:24:17,360 --> 01:24:19,827 (PEOPLE MURMURING) 2087 01:24:19,829 --> 01:24:21,465 Close enough. 2088 01:24:23,565 --> 01:24:25,366 - It's too late. - KYLE: What? 2089 01:24:25,368 --> 01:24:27,868 Look, you can't move the goalpost. 2090 01:24:27,870 --> 01:24:28,935 They moved. 2091 01:24:28,937 --> 01:24:30,104 He just apologized. 2092 01:24:30,106 --> 01:24:31,872 That's more than I've ever gotten from him. 2093 01:24:31,874 --> 01:24:34,375 Come on, you're lucky we're not demanding an apology! 2094 01:24:34,377 --> 01:24:35,576 He wants an apology. 2095 01:24:35,578 --> 01:24:37,577 - Here's an apology, bro. - (KYLE GROANS) 2096 01:24:37,579 --> 01:24:39,949 - That's an O'Callaghan sorry. - CROWD: Whoa! 2097 01:24:45,053 --> 01:24:46,687 I got his ankle, Pete! 2098 01:24:46,689 --> 01:24:48,057 I got him in a foot lock. 2099 01:24:51,061 --> 01:24:52,426 I'm gonna sprain his ankle. 2100 01:24:52,428 --> 01:24:54,495 Hey, hey! What are you boys doing? Get up! 2101 01:24:54,497 --> 01:24:57,034 What the hell's going on, boys? Huh? 2102 01:24:58,267 --> 01:24:59,468 Whoa! 2103 01:25:00,102 --> 01:25:01,769 Paddy! 2104 01:25:01,771 --> 01:25:02,836 He's alive! 2105 01:25:02,838 --> 01:25:04,505 LIAM: It's not Paddy, you idiot. 2106 01:25:04,507 --> 01:25:05,706 That's our Uncle Kevin. 2107 01:25:05,708 --> 01:25:07,308 He's Paddy's twin brother. 2108 01:25:07,310 --> 01:25:09,475 My brother's lying dead in there. 2109 01:25:09,477 --> 01:25:10,912 Show a little respect. 2110 01:25:10,914 --> 01:25:12,316 - For Christ's sake. - Peter? 2111 01:25:13,016 --> 01:25:14,282 Hey. 2112 01:25:14,284 --> 01:25:16,349 What are you doing here? 2113 01:25:16,351 --> 01:25:18,318 Wait a minute, you know this d-bag? 2114 01:25:18,320 --> 01:25:19,720 Yeah. 2115 01:25:19,722 --> 01:25:21,087 KELLY: Wait, is this the guy from last night? 2116 01:25:21,089 --> 01:25:22,422 What guy from last night? 2117 01:25:22,424 --> 01:25:23,556 Is he why you didn't come home? 2118 01:25:23,558 --> 01:25:25,225 Did you fuck our sister? 2119 01:25:25,227 --> 01:25:27,028 - Oh, God. - Language. 2120 01:25:27,030 --> 01:25:28,929 Did you eff our sister? 2121 01:25:28,931 --> 01:25:29,997 That's better. 2122 01:25:29,999 --> 01:25:32,632 Stop it, you guys. I'm a grown woman! 2123 01:25:32,634 --> 01:25:34,068 Easy. She's right, boys. Easy. 2124 01:25:34,070 --> 01:25:36,037 Come on. We're acting like animals. 2125 01:25:36,039 --> 01:25:38,206 I'm pretty sure that your sister's had sex before, 2126 01:25:38,208 --> 01:25:41,074 and I can tell you that Peter is a considerate lover. 2127 01:25:41,076 --> 01:25:42,609 - Oh, God! - KYLE: I'll vouch for that. 2128 01:25:42,611 --> 01:25:44,678 LIAM: You come to my home. 2129 01:25:44,680 --> 01:25:48,517 To my father's wake the day after fucking my sister? 2130 01:25:49,518 --> 01:25:51,184 I'm going to break your dick. 2131 01:25:51,186 --> 01:25:53,220 - (ALL SHOUTING) - Liam, hold off. 2132 01:25:53,222 --> 01:25:55,590 I know I was saying relax a couple of seconds ago. 2133 01:25:55,592 --> 01:25:57,224 But if someone came over to my house 2134 01:25:57,226 --> 01:25:58,591 and effed my grieving sister, 2135 01:25:58,593 --> 01:26:00,461 I'm pretty sure that I'd want to 2136 01:26:00,463 --> 01:26:01,961 just rip him limb to limb, okay? 2137 01:26:01,963 --> 01:26:04,064 I'd want to just mutilate his ass. 2138 01:26:04,066 --> 01:26:05,199 What? 2139 01:26:05,201 --> 01:26:06,500 Deservedly. 2140 01:26:06,502 --> 01:26:07,801 But guess what? 2141 01:26:07,803 --> 01:26:08,935 What? 2142 01:26:08,937 --> 01:26:11,973 Someone did just eff my grieving sister. 2143 01:26:11,975 --> 01:26:13,541 - Yeah. - What? 2144 01:26:13,543 --> 01:26:15,242 Peter, do the honors. Chime in. 2145 01:26:15,244 --> 01:26:16,443 - No! - Chime in. 2146 01:26:16,445 --> 01:26:18,813 I don't think we should do the honors. 2147 01:26:18,815 --> 01:26:23,086 Liam, Sean, darling Sarah... 2148 01:26:24,454 --> 01:26:27,354 Paddy's our father. You're our brothers. 2149 01:26:27,356 --> 01:26:28,857 You're our sister. 2150 01:26:28,859 --> 01:26:29,924 What? 2151 01:26:29,926 --> 01:26:31,625 What the fuck are you talking about? 2152 01:26:31,627 --> 01:26:33,693 What the hell is going on? 2153 01:26:33,695 --> 01:26:35,596 Our mom's name is Helen Baxter. 2154 01:26:35,598 --> 01:26:37,467 Did Paddy ever mention her? 2155 01:26:38,767 --> 01:26:40,904 - You're Helen's boys? - PETER: Yes! 2156 01:26:41,436 --> 01:26:42,635 The twins? 2157 01:26:42,637 --> 01:26:44,605 - (SARAH GROANS) - (ALL GASPING) 2158 01:26:44,607 --> 01:26:46,509 You don't pick your family. 2159 01:26:47,209 --> 01:26:48,442 Oh, God! 2160 01:26:48,444 --> 01:26:49,510 SEAN: I'm gonna fucking kill you! 2161 01:26:49,512 --> 01:26:50,577 I'm going to fucking kill you! 2162 01:26:50,579 --> 01:26:51,644 Seanie! Seanie! 2163 01:26:51,646 --> 01:26:54,081 Stop it! You two stay right here. 2164 01:26:54,083 --> 01:26:55,449 What is happening? 2165 01:26:55,451 --> 01:26:57,385 All right, everybody whose last name isn't O'Callaghan, 2166 01:26:57,387 --> 01:26:58,719 get in the house. 2167 01:26:58,721 --> 01:27:00,790 - Oh, God. (GROANS) - KEVIN: Come on, move. 2168 01:27:01,923 --> 01:27:03,125 Oh, God! 2169 01:27:03,959 --> 01:27:06,128 Oh, fuck! 2170 01:27:08,397 --> 01:27:10,398 KEVIN: All right, settle in. 2171 01:27:10,400 --> 01:27:11,899 I'll try to clear this up for you. 2172 01:27:11,901 --> 01:27:12,832 Good. 2173 01:27:12,834 --> 01:27:14,868 Paddy could not be their father. 2174 01:27:14,870 --> 01:27:16,703 How do you know that, Kevin? 2175 01:27:16,705 --> 01:27:18,806 Because Paddy and their mother never had sex. 2176 01:27:18,808 --> 01:27:20,574 What? 2177 01:27:20,576 --> 01:27:22,743 I mean, you can't know that for sure. 2178 01:27:22,745 --> 01:27:25,046 Paddy thought he was gonna marry your mother. 2179 01:27:25,048 --> 01:27:27,081 And despite the sexual climate, 2180 01:27:27,083 --> 01:27:30,184 for him, that meant saving it for their wedding night. 2181 01:27:30,186 --> 01:27:32,051 Yeah, like Sarah's saving her muff. 2182 01:27:32,053 --> 01:27:34,388 Shut the fuck up, Liam. You're no angel. 2183 01:27:34,390 --> 01:27:35,755 Shut up, you two. 2184 01:27:35,757 --> 01:27:39,026 My brother Paddy took this very seriously. 2185 01:27:39,028 --> 01:27:41,464 If you don't believe me, ask your mother. 2186 01:27:42,198 --> 01:27:43,330 Not now, 2187 01:27:43,332 --> 01:27:44,532 you moron! 2188 01:27:44,534 --> 01:27:45,966 You said go ask Ma. 2189 01:27:45,968 --> 01:27:46,834 Sit down. 2190 01:27:46,836 --> 01:27:48,771 Jesus Christ! Sit down. 2191 01:27:49,338 --> 01:27:51,337 So what happened? 2192 01:27:51,339 --> 01:27:52,607 Well, what happened was, 2193 01:27:52,609 --> 01:27:54,608 a guy by the name of Walter Tinkler. 2194 01:27:54,610 --> 01:27:56,876 A veterinarian student from down in New York. 2195 01:27:56,878 --> 01:27:58,679 Dr. Tinkler? We know him! 2196 01:27:58,681 --> 01:28:00,648 The guy who killed Chairman Meow. 2197 01:28:00,650 --> 01:28:02,315 PETER: He didn't kill Chairman Meow. 2198 01:28:02,317 --> 01:28:05,685 Well, was Chairman Meow alive when we dropped him off? 2199 01:28:05,687 --> 01:28:07,621 Was he dead when we picked him up? 2200 01:28:07,623 --> 01:28:09,357 In my book, that's murder. 2201 01:28:09,359 --> 01:28:10,794 KEVIN: Hey. Hey. 2202 01:28:11,627 --> 01:28:13,627 It was just a fuckin' cat. 2203 01:28:13,629 --> 01:28:17,998 We both loved Chairman Meow. 2204 01:28:18,000 --> 01:28:22,001 I can't believe Tinkler's been in our lives this whole time. 2205 01:28:22,003 --> 01:28:24,203 You see, this Tinkler guy and your mother 2206 01:28:24,205 --> 01:28:26,540 had this on-again off-again relationship 2207 01:28:26,542 --> 01:28:28,375 apparently since high school. 2208 01:28:28,377 --> 01:28:29,843 Paddy was always worried 2209 01:28:29,845 --> 01:28:32,179 that she'd wind up going back to him. 2210 01:28:32,181 --> 01:28:35,014 Ultimately, she did. 2211 01:28:35,016 --> 01:28:36,916 But she did tell my brother she'd always have 2212 01:28:36,918 --> 01:28:39,153 a warm spot in the heart for him. 2213 01:28:39,155 --> 01:28:40,921 She let him down soft. 2214 01:28:40,923 --> 01:28:44,024 But this Tinkler guy was the love of her life, 2215 01:28:44,026 --> 01:28:46,027 and that she was going to marry him. 2216 01:28:46,029 --> 01:28:48,496 Mom got married? 2217 01:28:48,498 --> 01:28:49,696 To Tinkler? 2218 01:28:49,698 --> 01:28:51,197 Last I heard, 2219 01:28:51,199 --> 01:28:53,968 she had twins and moved back to Ohio to raise 'em. 2220 01:28:53,970 --> 01:28:55,202 What? 2221 01:28:55,204 --> 01:28:57,671 So, if their mom hadn't broken our dad's heart, 2222 01:28:57,673 --> 01:28:59,709 then the three of us 2223 01:29:00,342 --> 01:29:01,809 never been born? 2224 01:29:01,811 --> 01:29:04,047 That's one way of looking at it. 2225 01:29:04,680 --> 01:29:06,583 Sorry, fellas, 2226 01:29:07,182 --> 01:29:08,618 you made me. 2227 01:29:10,253 --> 01:29:11,688 You gave me life. 2228 01:29:13,955 --> 01:29:17,192 That's not good logic. 2229 01:29:18,628 --> 01:29:22,595 That's all I got. I'm stuck with this. 2230 01:29:22,597 --> 01:29:23,930 Enjoy your fuckin' life. 2231 01:29:23,932 --> 01:29:25,768 Thanks, Uncle Kevin. 2232 01:29:28,238 --> 01:29:29,804 And you two 2233 01:29:29,806 --> 01:29:32,473 are off the hook. Officially. 2234 01:29:32,475 --> 01:29:33,806 PETER: Yeah. 2235 01:29:33,808 --> 01:29:35,209 You were sweatin' it there for a second. 2236 01:29:35,211 --> 01:29:36,743 - SARAH: Yeah. - I was, too. I know I said 2237 01:29:36,745 --> 01:29:38,479 it wasn't a big deal effing your sister. 2238 01:29:38,481 --> 01:29:39,813 It's a big deal. 2239 01:29:39,815 --> 01:29:42,015 - It's a big deal. - KYLE: It's criminal. 2240 01:29:42,017 --> 01:29:43,720 - Oh, my God. - (ALL CHUCKLING) 2241 01:29:44,520 --> 01:29:45,853 Oh, my God! 2242 01:29:45,855 --> 01:29:48,158 Looks like we're going home. 2243 01:29:56,498 --> 01:29:57,967 (INAUDIBLE) 2244 01:30:03,539 --> 01:30:04,874 (HORN HONKING) 2245 01:30:08,276 --> 01:30:09,678 What was that? 2246 01:30:10,945 --> 01:30:13,480 - You honked. - (CHUCKLES) 2247 01:30:13,482 --> 01:30:14,883 You asshole. 2248 01:30:25,794 --> 01:30:27,428 (DINGS) 2249 01:30:27,430 --> 01:30:29,633 - Hello! - Hello! 2250 01:30:30,565 --> 01:30:32,134 I just did... 2251 01:30:32,701 --> 01:30:33,901 Hello? 2252 01:30:33,903 --> 01:30:35,669 Yup. Heard you the first time. 2253 01:30:35,671 --> 01:30:37,238 KYLE: Sorry. 2254 01:30:37,240 --> 01:30:38,238 How can I help you? 2255 01:30:38,240 --> 01:30:40,174 PETER: We really need to see Dr. Tinkler. 2256 01:30:40,176 --> 01:30:42,242 - Kind of a family emergency. - Yeah. 2257 01:30:42,244 --> 01:30:43,676 Well, I'm sorry. He's with a patient 2258 01:30:43,678 --> 01:30:45,580 and doesn't want to be disturbed. 2259 01:30:45,582 --> 01:30:46,746 Well, I'm sorry. We didn't want to 2260 01:30:46,748 --> 01:30:48,148 grow up without a father. 2261 01:30:48,150 --> 01:30:49,049 Yeah. 2262 01:30:49,051 --> 01:30:50,350 Could you please disturb him? 2263 01:30:50,352 --> 01:30:53,319 Okay, I can't really speak to your experience. 2264 01:30:53,321 --> 01:30:55,723 Although, I did get kicked out of a threesome in college 2265 01:30:55,725 --> 01:30:57,058 and that was very traumatic. 2266 01:30:57,060 --> 01:30:59,027 - No. - ALI: Yeah. 2267 01:30:59,029 --> 01:31:00,961 - They just kicked you out? - ALI: Yes. 2268 01:31:00,963 --> 01:31:02,263 They went like this... 2269 01:31:02,265 --> 01:31:03,730 (CLICKING TONGUE) 2270 01:31:03,732 --> 01:31:05,532 In flagrante and then you're gone? 2271 01:31:05,534 --> 01:31:06,600 They said I was underperforming. 2272 01:31:06,602 --> 01:31:07,801 I thought I was doing great. 2273 01:31:07,803 --> 01:31:09,803 Can we just stay focused here? 2274 01:31:09,805 --> 01:31:11,171 This is super important. 2275 01:31:11,173 --> 01:31:14,440 We have to see the doctor stat, 2276 01:31:14,442 --> 01:31:15,742 which is a medical term. 2277 01:31:15,744 --> 01:31:17,845 (SIGHS) Okay, he has an opening... 2278 01:31:17,847 --> 01:31:18,979 Ooh! Thursday. 2279 01:31:18,981 --> 01:31:20,480 - I'll pencil you in. - (DINGS) 2280 01:31:20,482 --> 01:31:21,915 - PETER: No! - KYLE: Now! 2281 01:31:21,917 --> 01:31:24,151 - Pencil us in now! - Right now! This is urgent. 2282 01:31:24,153 --> 01:31:25,219 Please! 2283 01:31:25,221 --> 01:31:27,188 Ali, could you bring me Butterball's 2284 01:31:27,190 --> 01:31:29,157 immunization records, please? 2285 01:31:29,159 --> 01:31:30,224 Hello. 2286 01:31:30,226 --> 01:31:31,227 (KYLE EXHALES) 2287 01:31:35,664 --> 01:31:37,066 Peter. 2288 01:31:38,767 --> 01:31:40,203 Kyle. 2289 01:31:41,270 --> 01:31:42,439 Walter. 2290 01:31:43,338 --> 01:31:44,707 Dad. 2291 01:31:45,708 --> 01:31:47,043 (GASPS) 2292 01:31:48,076 --> 01:31:49,876 - What the... Come on. - Get him. 2293 01:31:49,878 --> 01:31:51,912 You gotta get down here right away. They're here. 2294 01:31:51,914 --> 01:31:53,947 Walter, what are you doing? We're your sons. 2295 01:31:53,949 --> 01:31:55,448 WALTER: Well, you gotta get down here. 2296 01:31:55,450 --> 01:31:56,684 Walter is your father? 2297 01:31:56,686 --> 01:31:58,417 You said you never wanted children! 2298 01:31:58,419 --> 01:32:00,755 I didn't. I don't. Ali, it's complicated. 2299 01:32:00,757 --> 01:32:02,288 You know what's complicated? 2300 01:32:02,290 --> 01:32:03,523 Dating a man who went to high school with my mother. 2301 01:32:03,525 --> 01:32:04,891 You should just open the door. 2302 01:32:04,893 --> 01:32:06,460 Second door, sucker. 2303 01:32:06,462 --> 01:32:07,760 Pete, I'm in. 2304 01:32:07,762 --> 01:32:08,929 Now you're gonna talk. 2305 01:32:08,931 --> 01:32:10,730 Kyle, please. Guys, calm down. 2306 01:32:10,732 --> 01:32:12,032 Your mother, I think, 2307 01:32:12,034 --> 01:32:13,501 really should have this conversation. 2308 01:32:13,503 --> 01:32:16,269 Well, that hasn't worked for the last 40 years. 2309 01:32:16,271 --> 01:32:18,705 Look. We're not trying to shake you down, 2310 01:32:18,707 --> 01:32:20,176 Dad, we just wanna... 2311 01:32:23,044 --> 01:32:24,912 You sick son of a bitch. 2312 01:32:24,914 --> 01:32:27,147 Is this how you butchered Chairman Meow? 2313 01:32:27,149 --> 01:32:28,948 Nobody butchered Chairman Meow. 2314 01:32:28,950 --> 01:32:30,818 It's called putting him down. 2315 01:32:30,820 --> 01:32:32,420 It's called death. 2316 01:32:32,422 --> 01:32:34,354 Death. Yes. 2317 01:32:34,356 --> 01:32:36,890 It comes to us all. Even the kitties. 2318 01:32:36,892 --> 01:32:38,591 Enough, all right. 2319 01:32:38,593 --> 01:32:42,662 We know you're our father. Why can't you just say it? 2320 01:32:42,664 --> 01:32:44,464 We just want some answers. 2321 01:32:44,466 --> 01:32:45,666 KYLE: Ooh. Looky here. 2322 01:32:45,668 --> 01:32:46,934 Is this what you do? 2323 01:32:46,936 --> 01:32:48,868 You just shoot the cats in the head? 2324 01:32:48,870 --> 01:32:51,805 It's a tranquilizer gun. Every vet has one. 2325 01:32:51,807 --> 01:32:53,073 Not on my watch. 2326 01:32:53,075 --> 01:32:54,341 You're not going to put him down. 2327 01:32:54,343 --> 01:32:56,477 - This has to stop. - We're just snipping him. 2328 01:32:56,479 --> 01:32:58,047 This cat lives... 2329 01:33:00,716 --> 01:33:02,014 Pete, you gotta see this. 2330 01:33:02,016 --> 01:33:03,718 Kyle, stay focused. 2331 01:33:03,720 --> 01:33:05,488 Oh, my God. Those are huge. 2332 01:33:06,454 --> 01:33:08,455 Those are big balls. 2333 01:33:08,457 --> 01:33:09,489 Unnerving. 2334 01:33:09,491 --> 01:33:11,190 KYLE: Gotta tip your hat to the little guy. 2335 01:33:11,192 --> 01:33:12,993 You're a doctor, is that normal? 2336 01:33:12,995 --> 01:33:16,395 No. Yeah. But for a gorilla. 2337 01:33:16,397 --> 01:33:18,931 KYLE: That's beautiful. Well done. 2338 01:33:18,933 --> 01:33:20,666 Wow! That's... 2339 01:33:20,668 --> 01:33:21,870 He's gone! 2340 01:33:22,838 --> 01:33:24,274 We got a runner! 2341 01:33:25,341 --> 01:33:26,974 Run, Walter, run! 2342 01:33:26,976 --> 01:33:29,843 Where are you going? We know where you live. 2343 01:33:29,845 --> 01:33:32,145 - (TRANQUILIZER GUN FIRES) - (GROANING) 2344 01:33:32,147 --> 01:33:34,480 Whoa! You shot Dad. 2345 01:33:34,482 --> 01:33:36,820 Because this ends now. 2346 01:33:42,024 --> 01:33:44,058 PETER: Walter! 2347 01:33:44,060 --> 01:33:45,626 Is he all right? Pete, you're a doctor, look. 2348 01:33:45,628 --> 01:33:47,728 - I know. I think he's okay. - Sweetheart, come through. 2349 01:33:47,730 --> 01:33:49,062 Give him some water. 2350 01:33:49,064 --> 01:33:50,229 PETER: Yeah, it's gonna be okay. Right? 2351 01:33:50,231 --> 01:33:51,698 KYLE: Give me your eyes. It's me, Kyle. 2352 01:33:51,700 --> 01:33:53,099 Why did you run? 2353 01:33:53,101 --> 01:33:54,702 You see how it feels? It doesn't feel good. 2354 01:33:54,704 --> 01:33:55,970 Hey, come on. 2355 01:33:55,972 --> 01:33:57,837 What the fuck did you do to Walter? 2356 01:33:57,839 --> 01:33:59,038 Mom, what are you doing here? 2357 01:33:59,040 --> 01:34:00,942 Yeah, what are you doing here? 2358 01:34:00,944 --> 01:34:02,641 You just called me! Are you kidding? 2359 01:34:02,643 --> 01:34:04,277 I'm sorry. I got shot 2360 01:34:04,279 --> 01:34:07,715 by a tranquilizer dart and I'm a little woozy. 2361 01:34:07,717 --> 01:34:09,382 (STAMMERING) It was a whole... 2362 01:34:09,384 --> 01:34:11,618 We shot him because he was trying to escape. 2363 01:34:11,620 --> 01:34:12,987 PETER: What the hell, Mom? 2364 01:34:12,989 --> 01:34:14,988 I mean, our Dad was here the whole time, 2365 01:34:14,990 --> 01:34:16,790 you sent us on this wild-goose chase. 2366 01:34:16,792 --> 01:34:18,257 Okay. This family has issues. 2367 01:34:18,259 --> 01:34:20,094 I didn't think you'd go, okay? 2368 01:34:20,096 --> 01:34:22,229 Although, I thought it might be a nice idea 2369 01:34:22,231 --> 01:34:24,130 for you guys to go on a road trip together 2370 01:34:24,132 --> 01:34:25,898 since you can't stay in the same room 2371 01:34:25,900 --> 01:34:27,535 together for two minutes. 2372 01:34:27,537 --> 01:34:29,236 We can and we did. 2373 01:34:29,238 --> 01:34:31,138 Yeah, we drove halfway around the country 2374 01:34:31,140 --> 01:34:33,974 looking for a guy who lives next door to us. 2375 01:34:33,976 --> 01:34:35,742 By the way, kind of a bumpy ride. 2376 01:34:35,744 --> 01:34:37,144 He didn't live next door. 2377 01:34:37,146 --> 01:34:38,379 He actually lived three or four houses down. 2378 01:34:38,381 --> 01:34:39,647 No, it's definitely our street. 2379 01:34:39,649 --> 01:34:40,947 Over. But I know what you mean. 2380 01:34:40,949 --> 01:34:41,782 No, it wasn't. It was the next street. 2381 01:34:41,784 --> 01:34:42,849 It was. 2382 01:34:42,851 --> 01:34:43,983 Stop it! 2383 01:34:43,985 --> 01:34:45,352 Stop it! 2384 01:34:45,354 --> 01:34:48,020 Just take a big deep breath, okay? 2385 01:34:48,022 --> 01:34:50,125 Please. Sit down. 2386 01:34:50,592 --> 01:34:51,961 Sit down. 2387 01:34:52,595 --> 01:34:53,794 (HELEN SIGHS) 2388 01:34:53,796 --> 01:34:56,132 There's something I have to say. 2389 01:35:00,369 --> 01:35:02,438 It was, um... (CLEARS THROAT) 2390 01:35:03,739 --> 01:35:05,339 (SIGHS) 2391 01:35:05,341 --> 01:35:11,010 Okay. It was December 1975, three days before Christmas. 2392 01:35:11,012 --> 01:35:13,313 That's... That's our birthday. 2393 01:35:13,315 --> 01:35:14,482 Yeah. 2394 01:35:14,484 --> 01:35:16,250 HELEN: I was doing community outreach, 2395 01:35:16,252 --> 01:35:21,421 working with women who were in pretty bad situations. 2396 01:35:21,423 --> 01:35:23,890 What kind of bad situations? 2397 01:35:23,892 --> 01:35:25,091 Really bad, Kyle. 2398 01:35:25,093 --> 01:35:26,460 ALI: Drugs, 2399 01:35:26,462 --> 01:35:27,560 abuse, 2400 01:35:27,562 --> 01:35:29,229 destructive May-December relationships 2401 01:35:29,231 --> 01:35:30,730 they can't pry themselves away from? 2402 01:35:30,732 --> 01:35:34,033 Ali, don't bring your own drum to the concert. 2403 01:35:34,035 --> 01:35:35,935 Let Helen talk. 2404 01:35:35,937 --> 01:35:37,470 (SCOFFS) 2405 01:35:37,472 --> 01:35:39,973 There was one young girl in particular 2406 01:35:39,975 --> 01:35:41,875 that I got very close to. 2407 01:35:41,877 --> 01:35:46,680 There was something incredibly special about her. 2408 01:35:46,682 --> 01:35:49,282 She was six months pregnant. 2409 01:35:49,284 --> 01:35:52,085 She went into labor early. 2410 01:35:52,087 --> 01:35:54,388 It was dangerously early. 2411 01:35:54,390 --> 01:36:00,760 And she had a very, very long and hard delivery. 2412 01:36:00,762 --> 01:36:03,331 But, at the end, 2413 01:36:03,333 --> 01:36:09,405 she produced two beautiful baby boys. 2414 01:36:15,278 --> 01:36:17,180 Your birth mother. 2415 01:36:24,119 --> 01:36:25,721 Your mother 2416 01:36:27,955 --> 01:36:29,624 didn't survive. 2417 01:36:36,365 --> 01:36:38,998 Oh, my God. This just got really sad. 2418 01:36:39,000 --> 01:36:40,667 So, with no family on record, 2419 01:36:40,669 --> 01:36:43,403 the hospital was required to call social services. 2420 01:36:43,405 --> 01:36:46,372 But Helen didn't want to put you into that system 2421 01:36:46,374 --> 01:36:47,741 and maybe get split up. 2422 01:36:47,743 --> 01:36:51,614 She loved you from the moment she saw you. 2423 01:36:52,948 --> 01:36:56,081 So, I started the process of adoption. 2424 01:36:56,083 --> 01:36:58,117 WALTER: Despite my objections. 2425 01:36:58,119 --> 01:36:59,987 See, as much as I loved Helen, 2426 01:36:59,989 --> 01:37:01,621 I couldn't imagine sacrificing 2427 01:37:01,623 --> 01:37:04,524 my future for two tiny strangers. You know? 2428 01:37:04,526 --> 01:37:08,528 Kids were never part of my plan. 2429 01:37:08,530 --> 01:37:10,864 I'm better with animals, I guess. 2430 01:37:10,866 --> 01:37:15,602 Helen, on the other hand, could imagine nothing else. 2431 01:37:15,604 --> 01:37:21,043 And I brought you here to Westerville to raise you. 2432 01:37:37,192 --> 01:37:39,593 What was her name? 2433 01:37:39,595 --> 01:37:41,364 Our birth mother. 2434 01:37:42,998 --> 01:37:44,599 Jenny. 2435 01:37:48,236 --> 01:37:49,638 Jenny who? 2436 01:37:50,271 --> 01:37:52,672 I don't know. 2437 01:37:52,674 --> 01:37:55,108 The reason why young girls came to us 2438 01:37:55,110 --> 01:37:58,778 was because we didn't ask questions. 2439 01:37:58,780 --> 01:38:02,748 We weren't certain that that was her real name. 2440 01:38:02,750 --> 01:38:04,619 What about our dad? 2441 01:38:06,288 --> 01:38:08,221 We never knew. 2442 01:38:08,223 --> 01:38:10,956 She wouldn't talk about it. 2443 01:38:10,958 --> 01:38:16,198 She just wanted to start a new life for the three of you. 2444 01:38:28,977 --> 01:38:30,178 (SIGHS) 2445 01:38:38,454 --> 01:38:40,756 I need to get some air. 2446 01:38:46,528 --> 01:38:48,597 - I'll talk to him. - Yeah. 2447 01:38:56,137 --> 01:38:57,372 Hey. 2448 01:38:58,207 --> 01:38:59,508 Talk to me. 2449 01:39:01,208 --> 01:39:03,943 What's going through your head? 2450 01:39:03,945 --> 01:39:06,912 Biological mother dies at childbirth? 2451 01:39:06,914 --> 01:39:09,215 Which I guess is another way of saying we killed her. 2452 01:39:09,217 --> 01:39:10,716 No. 2453 01:39:10,718 --> 01:39:12,185 At a certain point, I just gotta say, you're right. 2454 01:39:12,187 --> 01:39:13,921 The universe is an asshole. 2455 01:39:13,923 --> 01:39:16,255 I think we're a couple of born losers 2456 01:39:16,257 --> 01:39:19,492 fulfilling our born loser identity. 2457 01:39:19,494 --> 01:39:22,562 I mean, you don't think that's an asshole move? 2458 01:39:22,564 --> 01:39:24,901 - Fuck the universe! - (SIGHS) 2459 01:39:25,833 --> 01:39:27,067 What do you call that? 2460 01:39:27,069 --> 01:39:30,136 I'll grant you, the universe is a little wily, 2461 01:39:30,138 --> 01:39:32,672 a little unpredictable. 2462 01:39:32,674 --> 01:39:34,774 But it's pretty fucking amazing 2463 01:39:34,776 --> 01:39:38,381 when you consider it also gave us Mom. 2464 01:39:39,815 --> 01:39:44,553 And Mom gave up everything for us. 2465 01:39:45,721 --> 01:39:48,755 Where would we be right now without Mom? 2466 01:39:48,757 --> 01:39:52,358 And I hate to even contemplate this. 2467 01:39:52,360 --> 01:39:55,665 We might be running around out there, 2468 01:39:57,232 --> 01:40:01,937 not even aware that each other exists. 2469 01:40:06,307 --> 01:40:07,873 We're not losers. 2470 01:40:07,875 --> 01:40:11,077 We're survivors. Okay? 2471 01:40:11,079 --> 01:40:13,749 And that's because of Mom. 2472 01:40:15,383 --> 01:40:16,882 And because of Mom, 2473 01:40:16,884 --> 01:40:19,989 we can survive anything the universe throws at us. 2474 01:40:22,158 --> 01:40:23,625 I like that. 2475 01:40:24,392 --> 01:40:26,660 All right. Good. 2476 01:40:26,662 --> 01:40:28,297 Survivors. 2477 01:40:29,365 --> 01:40:30,730 That's good. 2478 01:40:30,732 --> 01:40:34,902 But the universe is on probation with me, Pete. 2479 01:40:34,904 --> 01:40:36,606 Fair enough. 2480 01:40:44,379 --> 01:40:45,912 (SIGHS) 2481 01:40:45,914 --> 01:40:49,916 I should've told you as soon as you could understand, 2482 01:40:49,918 --> 01:40:52,885 but I didn't, 2483 01:40:52,887 --> 01:40:57,056 and it just got harder and harder. 2484 01:40:57,058 --> 01:40:58,828 I was so afraid. 2485 01:40:59,293 --> 01:41:00,562 Of what? 2486 01:41:01,363 --> 01:41:03,598 Of hurting you. 2487 01:41:05,801 --> 01:41:07,303 Losing you. 2488 01:41:11,006 --> 01:41:13,872 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 2489 01:41:13,874 --> 01:41:14,944 No. 2490 01:41:24,785 --> 01:41:26,955 (INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT OVER PA) 2491 01:41:29,423 --> 01:41:30,692 So... (SIGHS) 2492 01:41:32,694 --> 01:41:34,394 I got hit by a train. 2493 01:41:34,396 --> 01:41:37,066 - You got hit by a train. - (BOTH CHUCKLE) 2494 01:41:40,168 --> 01:41:41,600 I'm gonna miss you. 2495 01:41:41,602 --> 01:41:43,605 I'm gonna miss you. 2496 01:41:44,839 --> 01:41:49,576 Well, you get after that fantastic girl of yours 2497 01:41:49,578 --> 01:41:51,345 and give her Honi for me. 2498 01:41:51,347 --> 01:41:53,147 Fuck that! I'm gonna give you a Honi. 2499 01:41:53,149 --> 01:41:54,514 I don't need a Honi. I'm good. 2500 01:41:54,516 --> 01:41:55,448 You do need a Honi. We all need Honis. 2501 01:41:55,450 --> 01:41:57,084 - Hey... - Peter. 2502 01:41:57,086 --> 01:41:59,353 - I'm giving you a Honi. - All right. 2503 01:41:59,355 --> 01:42:01,057 You know what they say, 2504 01:42:01,990 --> 01:42:03,355 a Honi a day... 2505 01:42:03,357 --> 01:42:04,759 (PETER CHUCKLING) 2506 01:42:30,918 --> 01:42:32,185 PETER: Blue, 32! 2507 01:42:32,187 --> 01:42:33,756 Hut! Hut! 2508 01:42:35,024 --> 01:42:36,124 In the end zone. 2509 01:42:37,558 --> 01:42:40,059 - (ETHAN WHOOPING) - Yeah! It's a catch! 2510 01:42:40,061 --> 01:42:41,094 ETHAN: Great throw, Dad. 2511 01:42:41,096 --> 01:42:43,063 Damn, you could've been in the NFL. 2512 01:42:43,065 --> 01:42:44,997 - Eh. Probably. - Hey, you ready for this? 2513 01:42:44,999 --> 01:42:47,369 Probably could've been. Yeah. Hit me. Hit me. 2514 01:42:50,905 --> 01:42:52,572 Oh, shit! 2515 01:42:52,574 --> 01:42:54,474 Boom! You like that? 2516 01:42:54,476 --> 01:42:56,579 Oh, my God. Nice hit. 2517 01:42:57,745 --> 01:42:59,114 - Come here, you. - (SQUEALS) 2518 01:43:00,615 --> 01:43:02,215 ETHAN: Oh, gross, guys. 2519 01:43:02,217 --> 01:43:03,718 Come on. Really? 2520 01:43:07,321 --> 01:43:09,422 Life is such a crazy ride. 2521 01:43:09,424 --> 01:43:13,225 One minute you're on this epic quest with your brother. 2522 01:43:13,227 --> 01:43:16,696 The next minute you're getting replaced by a monkey, 2523 01:43:16,698 --> 01:43:17,864 about to lose it all. 2524 01:43:17,866 --> 01:43:19,132 PETER: And the next minute, 2525 01:43:19,134 --> 01:43:21,166 you think your brother's been killed 2526 01:43:21,168 --> 01:43:22,736 by a speeding locomotive. 2527 01:43:22,738 --> 01:43:24,537 And the next minute you think 2528 01:43:24,539 --> 01:43:27,107 your brother's having sex with his sister. 2529 01:43:27,109 --> 01:43:29,343 But the next minute you're very happy 2530 01:43:29,345 --> 01:43:31,243 to find out that she can't be your sister 2531 01:43:31,245 --> 01:43:34,581 because her father didn't believe in premarital sex. 2532 01:43:34,583 --> 01:43:35,881 I'm not sure they're quite ready 2533 01:43:35,883 --> 01:43:37,783 to hear about all your adventures. 2534 01:43:37,785 --> 01:43:39,285 You're gonna have to educate those girls 2535 01:43:39,287 --> 01:43:40,653 about premarital sex 2536 01:43:40,655 --> 01:43:42,922 because we come from a long line of people 2537 01:43:42,924 --> 01:43:45,157 with a zest for love making. 2538 01:43:45,159 --> 01:43:47,327 Never hold back on love. 2539 01:43:47,329 --> 01:43:49,129 You hear that? Never. 2540 01:43:49,131 --> 01:43:51,297 But let's not get distracted. Now, where were we? 2541 01:43:51,299 --> 01:43:54,867 Yes, one minute, Dad's getting replaced by a monkey... 2542 01:43:54,869 --> 01:43:56,769 PETER: Yeah, but the next minute, 2543 01:43:56,771 --> 01:43:58,871 you're inventing an app with your brother 2544 01:43:58,873 --> 01:44:02,675 that sends people optimistic messages from the universe. 2545 01:44:02,677 --> 01:44:05,245 And then the next minute, you're making $3.99 2546 01:44:05,247 --> 01:44:08,148 - every time it's downloaded. - Every single time. 2547 01:44:08,150 --> 01:44:09,215 And the next minute, 2548 01:44:09,217 --> 01:44:10,750 it's been downloaded a million times. 2549 01:44:10,752 --> 01:44:12,521 - (CELL PHONE RINGING) - A million times. 2550 01:44:14,522 --> 01:44:17,357 Hi, it's me. The Universe. 2551 01:44:17,359 --> 01:44:20,559 Remember, life is not a race. 2552 01:44:20,561 --> 01:44:22,996 It's the journey that counts. 2553 01:44:22,998 --> 01:44:24,098 Okay? 2554 01:44:24,699 --> 01:44:26,034 I love you. 2555 01:44:27,903 --> 01:44:30,606 By the way, the Illuminati is real. 176536

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.