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1
00:00:03,831 --> 00:00:08,831
Subtitles by explosiveskull
2
00:02:17,184 --> 00:02:20,549
Fuck Wolverine.
3
00:02:20,551 --> 00:02:23,349
First, he rides my coattails
with the R rating.
4
00:02:23,351 --> 00:02:27,882
Then the hairy motherfucker
ups the ante by dying.
5
00:02:27,884 --> 00:02:30,049
What a dick.
6
00:02:30,051 --> 00:02:32,449
Well, guess what, Wolvie?
7
00:02:32,451 --> 00:02:34,948
I'm dying in this one, too.
8
00:02:38,117 --> 00:02:40,149
To understand
why I took a cat-nap
9
00:02:40,151 --> 00:02:42,549
on 1,200 gallons
of high-test fuel...
10
00:02:42,551 --> 00:02:43,783
I need to take you back
11
00:02:43,785 --> 00:02:46,349
to the dewy slopes
of six weeks ago.
12
00:02:46,351 --> 00:02:47,749
I'd gone international,
13
00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,649
taking out mass murderers,
gangsters,
14
00:02:49,651 --> 00:02:51,250
unspeakable monsters.
15
00:02:51,252 --> 00:02:54,183
People nobody would touch.
Except me.
16
00:02:54,185 --> 00:02:57,049
I'm gonna touch them all over.
17
00:02:59,917 --> 00:03:01,882
Hey, it's Gail calling.
18
00:03:01,884 --> 00:03:03,283
Love the shiny suit.
19
00:03:03,285 --> 00:03:04,150
Really brings out
20
00:03:04,152 --> 00:03:05,815
the sex trafficker
in your eyes.
21
00:03:07,984 --> 00:03:12,115
I don't
speak Cantonese, Mister...
22
00:03:12,117 --> 00:03:14,183
Well, I'm not even gonna
attempt that.
23
00:03:14,185 --> 00:03:17,015
But I did take
8th grade Spanish, so...
24
00:03:19,084 --> 00:03:22,082
Which literally
translates to...
25
00:03:22,084 --> 00:03:25,349
I don't bargain,
pumpkin fucker.
26
00:03:34,418 --> 00:03:35,649
Uno, dos, tres, cuatro...
27
00:03:48,252 --> 00:03:50,915
I'll take
a cranberry-grapefruit vodka.
28
00:03:50,917 --> 00:03:52,382
I know
it's called a Sea Breeze.
29
00:03:52,384 --> 00:03:53,848
Don't make me say it.
30
00:03:53,850 --> 00:03:55,449
Hit it, Dolly.
31
00:04:12,384 --> 00:04:15,251
Taking the hands out
of the guns of the criminals!
32
00:04:23,384 --> 00:04:24,584
Whoo! Do not go in there!
33
00:04:34,850 --> 00:04:37,948
Oh, God! Oh, God, time out!
Time out!
34
00:04:37,950 --> 00:04:41,649
Cut. Got bad guy blood,
right in my open eye.
35
00:04:41,651 --> 00:04:43,582
Oh, that's so gross.
36
00:04:44,651 --> 00:04:46,217
Fuck.
37
00:04:46,950 --> 00:04:49,052
Scoutmaster Kevin?
38
00:04:55,251 --> 00:04:56,950
Too exotic?
39
00:04:59,318 --> 00:05:01,050
My world tour
brought me home
40
00:05:01,052 --> 00:05:03,683
to this guy,
Sergei Valishnikov.
41
00:05:03,685 --> 00:05:05,116
But we'll get to him
in a moment.
42
00:05:05,118 --> 00:05:06,416
'Cause I know
what you're thinking.
43
00:05:06,418 --> 00:05:09,649
"I'm so glad
I left the kiddos at home."
44
00:05:09,651 --> 00:05:11,050
But that's where
you'd be wrong.
45
00:05:11,052 --> 00:05:14,050
That babysitter of yours
is high as fuck right now...
46
00:05:14,052 --> 00:05:18,516
and, believe it or not,
Deadpool 2 is a family film.
47
00:05:18,518 --> 00:05:19,783
True story.
48
00:05:19,785 --> 00:05:23,549
And every good family film
starts with a vicious murder.
49
00:05:23,551 --> 00:05:26,416
Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7.
50
00:05:26,418 --> 00:05:29,882
Holy shit pickles!
That guy's on fire.
51
00:05:29,884 --> 00:05:32,616
That's not CGI, folks.
He's actually on fire.
52
00:05:32,618 --> 00:05:36,316
Yeah. You know I get paid
to take out bad guys, right?
53
00:05:36,318 --> 00:05:37,316
But this guy?
54
00:05:37,318 --> 00:05:39,884
He was
one of the worst of 'em.
55
00:05:42,118 --> 00:05:43,848
Hurry up and open
this fucking door,
56
00:05:43,850 --> 00:05:44,983
and let's kill
this motherfucker!
57
00:05:52,384 --> 00:05:54,449
Ugh. So gross.
58
00:05:54,451 --> 00:05:57,149
A panic room? Really?
59
00:05:57,151 --> 00:05:59,349
Can you come out?
60
00:05:59,351 --> 00:06:02,817
I really have to go.
It's my anniversary.
61
00:06:08,184 --> 00:06:09,683
Over and over,
I hear people say,
62
00:06:09,685 --> 00:06:11,182
"I just don't have
enough confidence."
63
00:06:11,184 --> 00:06:13,316
Listen, confidence is not
something you have.
64
00:06:13,318 --> 00:06:14,848
It's something you create.
65
00:06:14,850 --> 00:06:16,949
And you can create it
at any moment in time.
66
00:06:16,951 --> 00:06:18,749
A sense of confidence
is nothing
67
00:06:18,751 --> 00:06:20,182
but a sense of power
within yourself...
68
00:06:20,184 --> 00:06:22,182
a sense of certainty that
you can pull something off.
69
00:06:22,184 --> 00:06:24,115
Start the car!
Start the fucking car!
70
00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:24,983
Dopinder!
71
00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:26,985
Start the fucking car!
72
00:06:34,018 --> 00:06:35,749
- Whoo!
- Oh, I shit my pants.
73
00:06:35,751 --> 00:06:38,016
Actually, that may
have been me.
74
00:06:38,018 --> 00:06:39,482
Oh, mission accomplished?
75
00:06:39,484 --> 00:06:41,182
Well, in a George W.
sort of way.
76
00:06:41,184 --> 00:06:43,182
Fucker can't stay
in a panic room forever.
77
00:06:43,184 --> 00:06:44,815
Oh, you're living
the dreams, DP.
78
00:06:44,817 --> 00:06:46,716
It has been
quite the run, Dopinder,
79
00:06:46,718 --> 00:06:47,983
and who'da thought?
80
00:06:47,985 --> 00:06:50,716
Now I'm talked about in the
same sentence as Jesus.
81
00:06:50,718 --> 00:06:52,649
Passion of the Christ,
then me.
82
00:06:52,651 --> 00:06:53,882
At least domestically.
83
00:06:53,884 --> 00:06:55,082
We beat them overseas,
84
00:06:55,084 --> 00:06:57,149
where there's no such thing
as religion.
85
00:06:57,151 --> 00:06:59,316
I do want to live the dreams,
Pool Boy.
86
00:06:59,318 --> 00:07:01,815
Taxiing is not as sexy
as it looks.
87
00:07:01,817 --> 00:07:03,482
- I want to fill my...
- Pockets?
88
00:07:03,484 --> 00:07:06,783
What's your poison?
A little, uh, cokey cokey?
89
00:07:06,785 --> 00:07:08,215
Can't maintain an erection
90
00:07:08,217 --> 00:07:09,882
without buying shoes online?
91
00:07:09,884 --> 00:07:11,882
I've never experienced
that last one.
92
00:07:11,884 --> 00:07:13,182
Talk to me, Goose.
93
00:07:13,184 --> 00:07:15,983
I was going to say "soul".
I want to fill my soul.
94
00:07:15,985 --> 00:07:19,382
I want to belong to something,
like you, Pool, sir.
95
00:07:19,384 --> 00:07:20,983
- Dopinder...
- Hmm?
96
00:07:20,985 --> 00:07:23,051
You never cease
to surprise me.
97
00:07:24,251 --> 00:07:27,182
You know, the depth of
your heart is extraordinary.
98
00:07:27,184 --> 00:07:28,949
We all need
a sense of belonging.
99
00:07:28,951 --> 00:07:30,815
We all need
a genuine sense of home.
100
00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:31,883
A place in this world.
101
00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:33,249
I want to become
a contract killer.
102
00:07:33,251 --> 00:07:34,949
I'm sorry.
What did you say?
103
00:07:34,951 --> 00:07:36,983
Remember when
I kidnapped Bandhu
104
00:07:36,985 --> 00:07:38,549
and threatened him
with great violence?
105
00:07:38,551 --> 00:07:39,949
You kind of killed him.
106
00:07:39,951 --> 00:07:41,916
And then remember the movie
Interview with the Vampire?
107
00:07:41,918 --> 00:07:43,049
Don't want to.
108
00:07:43,051 --> 00:07:44,115
When Tom Cruise fed
109
00:07:44,117 --> 00:07:46,015
10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst blood
110
00:07:46,017 --> 00:07:47,249
for the first time...
111
00:07:47,251 --> 00:07:49,783
and she looked up
at his smooth,
112
00:07:49,785 --> 00:07:52,251
handsome face and said...
113
00:07:52,718 --> 00:07:54,416
"I want some more."
114
00:07:54,418 --> 00:07:58,451
Oh, Pool, picture me,
a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst.
115
00:07:59,384 --> 00:08:01,916
I'll never not picture that.
116
00:08:01,918 --> 00:08:03,749
But I can't wait
to never speak of this,
117
00:08:03,751 --> 00:08:05,649
as soon as possible.
118
00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:08,318
We're here.
119
00:08:10,451 --> 00:08:11,349
You're my Tom Cruise!
120
00:08:11,351 --> 00:08:13,316
And you're
my Kristen Dunst!
121
00:08:13,318 --> 00:08:14,885
Kristen? Kirsten?
122
00:08:19,751 --> 00:08:21,449
Sorry I'm late.
123
00:08:21,451 --> 00:08:22,949
There was a bunch of
124
00:08:22,951 --> 00:08:25,049
handicapable children
stuck in a tree...
125
00:08:25,051 --> 00:08:26,516
- and I had to, uh...
- Uh-uh.
126
00:08:26,518 --> 00:08:29,349
You're right.
I was fighting a caped badass.
127
00:08:29,351 --> 00:08:32,115
But then we discovered
his mom is named Martha, too.
128
00:08:32,117 --> 00:08:33,416
No.
129
00:08:33,418 --> 00:08:34,418
Traffic?
130
00:08:35,117 --> 00:08:36,151
Hmm?
131
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,616
Kiss me
like you miss me, Red.
132
00:08:38,618 --> 00:08:39,918
Well, come here.
133
00:08:51,384 --> 00:08:53,982
I'm gonna shower
and get out of this suit.
134
00:08:53,984 --> 00:08:55,149
Don't you want
your surprise?
135
00:08:55,151 --> 00:08:57,217
Do I look like
a patient burn victim?
136
00:08:57,851 --> 00:08:59,251
I got one for you, too.
137
00:09:00,384 --> 00:09:01,816
Happy anniversary, baby.
138
00:09:01,818 --> 00:09:03,484
Open, open, open.
139
00:09:05,484 --> 00:09:07,316
Skee-Ball token.
140
00:09:07,318 --> 00:09:08,649
Our first date.
141
00:09:08,651 --> 00:09:09,982
Yup.
142
00:09:09,984 --> 00:09:13,084
That's genuine,
high-grade lead.
143
00:09:15,786 --> 00:09:18,282
I'll keep it forever.
144
00:09:18,284 --> 00:09:19,818
Thank you, baby.
145
00:09:21,084 --> 00:09:23,051
- Open yours.
- All right, all right.
146
00:09:23,751 --> 00:09:25,217
Oh...
147
00:09:26,318 --> 00:09:28,449
That's just the most
beautiful thing that I've...
148
00:09:28,451 --> 00:09:29,849
I don't know what this is.
149
00:09:29,851 --> 00:09:31,683
My IUD.
150
00:09:31,685 --> 00:09:32,883
A bomb?
151
00:09:32,885 --> 00:09:35,982
No, dick for brains.
My birth control device.
152
00:09:35,984 --> 00:09:37,049
What, you mean that your...
153
00:09:37,051 --> 00:09:38,915
Baby factory's open
for business.
154
00:09:38,917 --> 00:09:40,182
Oh, my God!
155
00:09:40,184 --> 00:09:43,449
Oh, my God! I want a boy!
156
00:09:43,451 --> 00:09:46,516
Or a little girl!
Definitely one or the other!
157
00:09:46,518 --> 00:09:49,584
Oh! And I want our kid
to have only one name.
158
00:09:50,251 --> 00:09:53,282
Like Cher or Todd.
159
00:09:53,284 --> 00:09:55,249
You gotta pump a baby
in me first, cowboy.
160
00:09:55,251 --> 00:09:56,316
Yes, I do.
161
00:09:56,318 --> 00:09:58,282
Let's watch some porn
and show that bed who's boss.
162
00:09:58,284 --> 00:09:59,284
Let's do that.
163
00:10:00,384 --> 00:10:02,449
♪ Papa... ♪
164
00:10:02,451 --> 00:10:04,551
♪ Can you hear me? ♪
165
00:10:06,184 --> 00:10:08,784
♪ Papa, can you see me? ♪
166
00:10:08,786 --> 00:10:11,184
Does this song
sound familiar to you?
167
00:10:13,418 --> 00:10:15,382
May.
168
00:10:15,384 --> 00:10:19,351
Connor, if it's a boy.
May, if it's a girl.
169
00:10:21,884 --> 00:10:24,249
So weird.
170
00:10:24,251 --> 00:10:26,984
Family was always
an F-word to me.
171
00:10:28,184 --> 00:10:32,582
My pile of shit father
took off and bailed.
172
00:10:32,584 --> 00:10:34,982
I mean, it's not like I have
a lot of strong role models
173
00:10:34,984 --> 00:10:37,284
to draw off of for Todd.
174
00:10:38,318 --> 00:10:41,017
Hey. Look at me.
175
00:10:41,950 --> 00:10:44,284
You are not your father.
176
00:10:45,818 --> 00:10:47,115
Besides...
177
00:10:47,117 --> 00:10:52,184
I will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.
178
00:10:52,984 --> 00:10:54,049
But here's the thing,
179
00:10:54,051 --> 00:10:55,451
isn't that how
it always works?
180
00:10:55,984 --> 00:10:57,416
Like in Star Wars,
181
00:10:57,418 --> 00:11:00,215
men are destined
to become their father...
182
00:11:00,217 --> 00:11:03,316
and then have consensual sex
with their sister?
183
00:11:03,318 --> 00:11:06,815
I think you missed
big, big chunks of that movie.
184
00:11:06,817 --> 00:11:09,082
No, I'm pretty sure
Luke nailed her.
185
00:11:09,084 --> 00:11:11,349
Baby, that's Empire.
186
00:11:11,351 --> 00:11:14,017
The point is, kids...
187
00:11:15,217 --> 00:11:18,117
they give us a chance
to be better than we are.
188
00:11:18,786 --> 00:11:21,549
Better than we used to be.
189
00:11:21,551 --> 00:11:24,051
You're a lot smarter
than I look.
190
00:11:24,884 --> 00:11:26,717
I'm gonna go make dessert.
191
00:11:26,719 --> 00:11:31,082
You get the strap-on.
Let's make a super baby.
192
00:11:31,084 --> 00:11:33,551
Pretty sure it doesn't work
that way, but we can try.
193
00:11:34,785 --> 00:11:38,215
What about Krystal?
But with a "K"?
194
00:11:38,217 --> 00:11:40,282
It's too stripper-y.
195
00:11:40,284 --> 00:11:41,717
Kevin with a "K"!
196
00:11:41,719 --> 00:11:43,984
No, too stripper-y, too.
197
00:11:44,451 --> 00:11:46,215
Uh, Earl!
198
00:11:46,217 --> 00:11:48,717
He's gonna go straight to jail
199
00:11:48,719 --> 00:11:50,915
if we name him Earl.
200
00:11:50,917 --> 00:11:53,017
What about Bruce?
201
00:11:54,017 --> 00:11:55,349
No.
202
00:11:55,351 --> 00:11:56,582
Get down.
203
00:11:56,584 --> 00:11:57,984
What?
204
00:12:26,518 --> 00:12:28,617
Baby? Baby?
205
00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:33,382
I'm okay.
206
00:12:33,384 --> 00:12:36,182
Thank God I didn't have to use
the cream cheese spreader.
207
00:13:10,718 --> 00:13:12,151
Please.
208
00:13:17,217 --> 00:13:18,915
Please. Please.
209
00:13:18,917 --> 00:13:22,282
Baby, I'm so sorry.
210
00:13:22,284 --> 00:13:26,151
No!
211
00:16:30,318 --> 00:16:33,251
♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪
212
00:16:34,385 --> 00:16:35,549
Is it just me, or does
213
00:16:35,551 --> 00:16:37,683
Do You Want to Build
a Snowman? from Frozen...
214
00:16:37,685 --> 00:16:39,082
sound suspiciously like
215
00:16:39,084 --> 00:16:41,282
Papa, Can You Hear Me?
from Yentl?
216
00:16:42,184 --> 00:16:44,850
♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪
217
00:16:46,184 --> 00:16:48,582
And nobody
fucking realizes it.
218
00:16:48,584 --> 00:16:51,815
Go home. You've been here
for three days, okay?
219
00:16:51,817 --> 00:16:54,049
You smell like somebody shit
in a Civil War wound...
220
00:16:54,051 --> 00:16:55,549
after it had become
gangrenous.
221
00:16:55,551 --> 00:16:57,882
They should've just
amputated it. Why shit in it?
222
00:16:57,884 --> 00:16:59,516
Doesn't make any sense.
223
00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:01,115
I love Frozen.
224
00:17:01,117 --> 00:17:04,649
I loved her. I loved her
like an ocean loves water.
225
00:17:04,651 --> 00:17:06,049
An ocean is water.
226
00:17:06,051 --> 00:17:11,082
More importantly, I liked her.
I really liked her, you know?
227
00:17:11,084 --> 00:17:12,249
George Michael was right.
228
00:17:12,251 --> 00:17:14,716
I'm never
gonna dance again. Fuck!
229
00:17:14,718 --> 00:17:15,917
He's dead, too.
230
00:17:17,017 --> 00:17:19,015
At least we still have Bowie.
231
00:17:19,017 --> 00:17:23,084
Yeah. We still have Bowie.
232
00:17:23,551 --> 00:17:24,815
I'm sorry.
233
00:17:24,817 --> 00:17:26,149
Shot after shot,
234
00:17:26,151 --> 00:17:28,149
it's not gonna change the fact
that I think you're...
235
00:17:28,151 --> 00:17:29,549
Are you pissing? Are you
urinating right now?
236
00:17:29,551 --> 00:17:32,582
You're making the face that
you make when you urinate.
237
00:17:32,584 --> 00:17:34,482
- Is he pissing?
- I'm on it!
238
00:17:34,484 --> 00:17:35,815
There you go, Dopinder.
239
00:17:35,817 --> 00:17:37,783
If you want to be
a contract killer...
240
00:17:37,785 --> 00:17:40,249
you gotta handle a mop
before you handle a gun.
241
00:17:40,251 --> 00:17:41,516
Although I don't
quite understand
242
00:17:41,518 --> 00:17:42,815
how they are at all similar.
243
00:17:42,817 --> 00:17:45,251
Well, they both have handles.
Now, leave me.
244
00:17:46,285 --> 00:17:47,848
Go home, Wade.
245
00:17:47,850 --> 00:17:50,749
I don't have a home,
Weas, you know. I got a...
246
00:17:50,751 --> 00:17:53,250
Fuck! Okay, I'm fine.
247
00:17:53,252 --> 00:17:54,115
I'm fine.
248
00:17:54,117 --> 00:17:56,015
You know what "fine"
stands for, Wade?
249
00:17:56,017 --> 00:17:59,815
Fucked up, insecure,
needy, and emotional.
250
00:17:59,817 --> 00:18:01,217
According to the...
251
00:18:02,484 --> 00:18:03,882
- Kubler-Ross.
- Yeah.
252
00:18:03,884 --> 00:18:05,848
According to
the Kubler-Ross model...
253
00:18:05,850 --> 00:18:08,683
denial is just one of
the five stages of grief.
254
00:18:08,685 --> 00:18:10,982
Jesus Christ, Buck!
255
00:18:10,984 --> 00:18:13,117
No more speaking lines
for you.
256
00:18:49,084 --> 00:18:50,582
"I'm thinking it over!"
257
00:18:50,584 --> 00:18:52,049
Motherfuck!
258
00:18:52,051 --> 00:18:53,051
Fuck!
259
00:18:55,850 --> 00:18:57,549
The hell you doin' here?
260
00:18:57,551 --> 00:18:59,416
Don't you know
how to knock?
261
00:18:59,418 --> 00:19:01,449
I thought you saw me...
262
00:19:01,451 --> 00:19:02,848
with your ears.
263
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:04,216
You're lucky I didn't
shoot you in the...
264
00:19:04,218 --> 00:19:05,149
The wall?
265
00:19:05,151 --> 00:19:08,850
The refrigerator?
I'm in so much pain.
266
00:19:11,252 --> 00:19:13,049
I heard the news,
sweetie.
267
00:19:13,051 --> 00:19:15,349
I'm very sorry. I am.
268
00:19:15,351 --> 00:19:17,149
What am I gonna do, Al?
269
00:19:17,151 --> 00:19:19,084
Probably something terrible.
270
00:19:20,218 --> 00:19:21,549
Knowing you.
271
00:19:21,551 --> 00:19:23,185
It was my fault.
272
00:19:24,351 --> 00:19:26,948
I fucking did this.
273
00:19:26,950 --> 00:19:29,015
And all I wanna do
is grab her and see her
274
00:19:29,017 --> 00:19:31,051
and tell her that I'm sorry,
and I can't.
275
00:19:33,218 --> 00:19:34,948
She's gone.
276
00:19:34,950 --> 00:19:38,649
Sweetheart,
can you speak up?
277
00:19:38,651 --> 00:19:40,049
It's a little hard to hear you
278
00:19:40,051 --> 00:19:41,516
with that pity dick
in your mouth.
279
00:19:41,518 --> 00:19:44,716
Now, look, sugar.
You need to just keep living.
280
00:19:44,718 --> 00:19:45,948
Thank you...
281
00:19:45,950 --> 00:19:49,015
Matthew McConaughey,
your words are a treasure.
282
00:19:49,017 --> 00:19:51,115
Listen to the pain.
283
00:19:51,117 --> 00:19:53,948
It's both history teacher
and fortune teller.
284
00:19:53,950 --> 00:19:57,482
Pain teaches us
who we are, Wade.
285
00:19:57,484 --> 00:20:01,416
Sometimes, it's so bad,
we feel like we're dying.
286
00:20:01,418 --> 00:20:04,384
But we can't really live till
we've died a little, can we?
287
00:20:06,785 --> 00:20:08,152
Wade?
288
00:20:10,518 --> 00:20:12,582
- Wade?
- I'm right here, Althea.
289
00:20:12,584 --> 00:20:15,416
And that is
the most beautiful thing
290
00:20:15,418 --> 00:20:17,316
I've ever heard.
291
00:20:17,318 --> 00:20:18,950
You're absolutely right.
292
00:20:22,685 --> 00:20:25,185
I'm about to do
something terrible.
293
00:20:28,884 --> 00:20:31,183
There. All caught up.
294
00:20:31,185 --> 00:20:34,116
You can't really live
until you've died a little.
295
00:20:34,118 --> 00:20:36,084
Let's test that theory,
shall we?
296
00:20:48,351 --> 00:20:50,915
Baby factory's open
for business.
297
00:20:54,351 --> 00:20:56,516
Your crazy
matches my crazy.
298
00:20:56,518 --> 00:20:58,783
I will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.
299
00:20:58,785 --> 00:21:00,549
Skee-Ball token.
300
00:21:02,152 --> 00:21:05,282
Happy International
Women's Day.
301
00:21:05,284 --> 00:21:06,616
Listen,
I've been thinking a lot.
302
00:21:06,618 --> 00:21:07,783
Really?
303
00:21:07,785 --> 00:21:08,848
About why
we're so good together.
304
00:21:08,850 --> 00:21:10,282
I love you,
Wade Wilson.
305
00:21:12,618 --> 00:21:14,152
Ness?
306
00:21:15,551 --> 00:21:16,817
Ness?
307
00:21:17,484 --> 00:21:19,050
Ness.
308
00:21:19,052 --> 00:21:21,917
Ness, there's something here.
I can't get to you.
309
00:21:23,351 --> 00:21:26,015
Your heart's not
in the right place.
310
00:21:26,017 --> 00:21:28,749
Wait, hold on. What?
311
00:21:28,751 --> 00:21:30,815
Your heart's not
in the right place.
312
00:21:30,817 --> 00:21:32,050
Wait. What do you mean
313
00:21:32,052 --> 00:21:33,449
my heart's not in the right
place? What does it...
314
00:21:53,217 --> 00:21:55,915
I'm terribly sorry
for your loss, Wade.
315
00:21:55,917 --> 00:21:57,616
You're broken.
316
00:21:57,618 --> 00:22:01,085
Oh, God.
I know that voice.
317
00:22:04,751 --> 00:22:06,249
"Heart's in the right place."
318
00:22:06,251 --> 00:22:07,848
"Heart's in the right..."
What does that mean?
319
00:22:07,850 --> 00:22:09,716
You've been sleep
for three days.
320
00:22:09,718 --> 00:22:11,582
I took the liberty
of dressing you.
321
00:22:11,584 --> 00:22:12,848
No shit.
322
00:22:12,850 --> 00:22:14,815
Why can't I fucking die?
323
00:22:14,817 --> 00:22:16,449
Take your mask off, Wade.
324
00:22:16,451 --> 00:22:18,016
We must talk.
325
00:22:18,018 --> 00:22:20,549
You need fresh start.
326
00:22:20,551 --> 00:22:22,948
With training,
you can be X-Man.
327
00:22:22,950 --> 00:22:25,083
You're wasting your time,
Shiny Jesus.
328
00:22:25,085 --> 00:22:26,549
I'm not X-Man material.
329
00:22:26,551 --> 00:22:28,217
Understatement of the year.
330
00:22:28,584 --> 00:22:29,584
Wade, Yukio.
331
00:22:30,151 --> 00:22:31,915
Yukio, Wade.
332
00:22:31,917 --> 00:22:34,149
What in the fuck knuckles
is this?
333
00:22:34,151 --> 00:22:36,783
She's my girlfriend,
you intolerant shit.
334
00:22:36,785 --> 00:22:38,749
Whoa! Pump the hate brakes,
Fox & Friends.
335
00:22:38,751 --> 00:22:40,749
I'm just surprised
anyone would date you.
336
00:22:40,751 --> 00:22:43,482
Especially Pinkie Pie
from My Little Pony.
337
00:22:43,484 --> 00:22:45,382
I like this guy.
338
00:22:45,384 --> 00:22:47,282
Give him a chance.
339
00:22:47,284 --> 00:22:48,582
It's great seeing you
like this.
340
00:22:48,584 --> 00:22:50,917
Yeah.
341
00:22:51,284 --> 00:22:52,382
Bye, Wade!
342
00:22:52,384 --> 00:22:54,983
Now, some ground rules
while under our roof.
343
00:22:54,985 --> 00:22:57,848
"Rule number one.
No killing...
344
00:22:57,850 --> 00:23:01,215
"anyone ever,
no matter how bad.
345
00:23:01,217 --> 00:23:04,149
"Rule two. Label everything
in refrigerator."
346
00:23:04,151 --> 00:23:05,151
Wade?
347
00:23:06,052 --> 00:23:07,215
Wade?
348
00:23:07,217 --> 00:23:08,382
Wade!
349
00:23:08,384 --> 00:23:10,016
Don't try to chase me.
350
00:23:10,018 --> 00:23:12,382
I'm not ready
to be touched again.
351
00:23:12,384 --> 00:23:14,716
All these elderly white men
on the walls...
352
00:23:14,718 --> 00:23:16,549
Should have brought
my rape whistle.
353
00:23:16,551 --> 00:23:17,815
Hi.
354
00:23:17,817 --> 00:23:20,482
Those were already damaged
after they fell there!
355
00:23:20,484 --> 00:23:22,416
What am I supposed
to do around here, anyway?
356
00:23:22,418 --> 00:23:24,815
Sit in a share circle,
talk about my feelings?
357
00:23:24,817 --> 00:23:27,616
And how would I
do that exactly?
358
00:23:27,618 --> 00:23:30,382
'Cause where the fuck
is everyone?
359
00:23:30,384 --> 00:23:31,382
It's always just you
360
00:23:31,384 --> 00:23:32,815
and Negasonic Teenage
Longest Name Ever...
361
00:23:32,817 --> 00:23:34,082
Enough!
362
00:23:34,084 --> 00:23:36,117
I said no touching!
363
00:23:37,718 --> 00:23:40,983
What the fuck?
364
00:23:40,985 --> 00:23:43,349
You'd think the studio
would throw us a bone.
365
00:23:43,351 --> 00:23:45,848
They can't just dust off
one of the famous X-Men?
366
00:23:45,850 --> 00:23:47,983
How 'bout that putz
with the giant pigeon wings?
367
00:23:47,985 --> 00:23:49,149
What do those do anyway, huh?
368
00:23:49,151 --> 00:23:50,683
Carry him
three feet off the ground
369
00:23:50,685 --> 00:23:52,749
to snatch up
the nearest muffin crumb?
370
00:23:52,751 --> 00:23:54,916
No, no, no!
371
00:23:54,918 --> 00:23:57,883
I am not X-Man material
at all.
372
00:23:57,885 --> 00:24:00,282
First off...
373
00:24:00,284 --> 00:24:02,551
I'm not even a virgin.
Second and more...
374
00:24:04,685 --> 00:24:05,783
I should have left you
375
00:24:05,785 --> 00:24:07,649
in the self-pitying mess
I found you in.
376
00:24:07,651 --> 00:24:10,683
But this is what friends do.
They show up!
377
00:24:10,685 --> 00:24:12,716
Not when convenient or easy.
378
00:24:12,718 --> 00:24:17,049
When hard,
and you always make it hard.
379
00:24:17,051 --> 00:24:19,482
You are unwell.
380
00:24:19,484 --> 00:24:21,783
I'm sticking my neck out
bringing you here.
381
00:24:21,785 --> 00:24:23,649
Wait.
One of the assholes
382
00:24:23,651 --> 00:24:25,251
who killed Vanessa got away.
383
00:24:27,718 --> 00:24:30,082
Oh, Jesus Christ!
384
00:24:30,084 --> 00:24:32,249
Wade, whoever they are...
385
00:24:32,251 --> 00:24:35,284
we track them down
and bring them to justice.
386
00:24:35,618 --> 00:24:37,084
It was me.
387
00:24:39,951 --> 00:24:42,516
I'm the asshole who got away.
388
00:24:42,518 --> 00:24:45,716
I killed every last one
of them, except me.
389
00:24:45,718 --> 00:24:47,484
Couldn't kill me.
390
00:24:50,718 --> 00:24:52,918
We were gonna start a family.
391
00:24:54,551 --> 00:24:56,549
We were, uh...
392
00:24:57,718 --> 00:25:00,316
We were gonna be a family.
393
00:25:00,318 --> 00:25:01,249
Wade...
394
00:25:01,251 --> 00:25:04,251
Vanessa is gone.
She's not coming back.
395
00:25:05,718 --> 00:25:08,015
This may not be
family you want...
396
00:25:08,017 --> 00:25:10,582
but it's family you need.
397
00:25:10,584 --> 00:25:11,849
You have a good heart.
398
00:25:11,851 --> 00:25:13,484
It belongs here
where it can grow.
399
00:25:15,318 --> 00:25:16,351
What did you say?
400
00:25:18,351 --> 00:25:19,818
About my heart?
401
00:25:25,017 --> 00:25:27,217
I think
I'm in the right place.
402
00:26:41,518 --> 00:26:42,518
Wade.
403
00:26:43,117 --> 00:26:44,516
Wade!
404
00:26:44,518 --> 00:26:47,649
Hey, I was just taking Cerebro
for a spin here...
405
00:26:47,651 --> 00:26:49,449
looking deep into the future.
406
00:26:49,451 --> 00:26:50,750
Phew. This thing...
407
00:26:50,752 --> 00:26:52,649
- That's not how Cerebro works.
- That's not how Cerebro works.
408
00:26:52,651 --> 00:26:54,649
Yes. Yes, it is.
409
00:26:54,651 --> 00:26:56,416
- We have mission.
- We have mission.
410
00:26:56,418 --> 00:26:58,382
We do. You do.
411
00:26:58,384 --> 00:26:59,482
You guys be safe out there.
412
00:26:59,484 --> 00:27:02,451
- No, I want you to join.
- No, you want me to join.
413
00:27:03,950 --> 00:27:05,382
I'm sorry, what?
414
00:27:05,384 --> 00:27:06,849
You are ready.
415
00:27:06,851 --> 00:27:08,382
That's a terrible idea,
and it's gonna end badly.
416
00:27:08,384 --> 00:27:10,649
You wanna know how I know?
I'll give you a hint.
417
00:27:10,651 --> 00:27:11,784
It's on my head
418
00:27:11,786 --> 00:27:13,882
and smells
like Patrick Stewart.
419
00:27:13,884 --> 00:27:15,784
Be at the X-Jet in five.
420
00:27:18,752 --> 00:27:21,282
Irene Merryweather,
WHIT News.
421
00:27:21,284 --> 00:27:23,249
Live here
at a breaking news situation
422
00:27:23,251 --> 00:27:26,049
at the Essex House
for Mutant Rehabilitation.
423
00:27:26,051 --> 00:27:28,015
A mutant boy
is appearing to have
424
00:27:28,017 --> 00:27:29,382
some sort of an incident...
425
00:27:29,384 --> 00:27:31,149
- with police here behind me.
- Get away from me!
426
00:27:31,151 --> 00:27:33,684
There are two police vehicles
that are overturned.
427
00:27:33,686 --> 00:27:35,049
- There are open fires.
- Fuck off! Stay back!
428
00:27:35,051 --> 00:27:36,316
A scene of
absolute chaos here.
429
00:27:36,318 --> 00:27:37,215
Calm down.
430
00:27:37,217 --> 00:27:40,184
I'll burn you!
You stay back!
431
00:27:40,752 --> 00:27:42,416
Get away from me!
432
00:27:42,418 --> 00:27:45,184
You wanna fucking die?
433
00:27:59,917 --> 00:28:03,316
And it appears as if the X-Men
are arriving...
434
00:28:03,318 --> 00:28:04,784
Scatter!
435
00:28:04,786 --> 00:28:06,616
...with what appears
to be a trainee.
436
00:28:06,618 --> 00:28:09,848
Everyone, calm down!
The pros are here. I...
437
00:28:09,850 --> 00:28:11,115
We're the X-Men!
438
00:28:11,117 --> 00:28:13,684
A dated metaphor for racism
in the '60s.
439
00:28:13,686 --> 00:28:15,584
So, respect.
440
00:28:16,351 --> 00:28:17,551
At ease, Officer.
441
00:28:19,017 --> 00:28:20,850
What are you doing?
442
00:28:21,217 --> 00:28:22,282
My job!
443
00:28:22,284 --> 00:28:23,848
You're the one who said
I was ready,
444
00:28:23,850 --> 00:28:25,282
and I frankly disagreed
with you.
445
00:28:25,284 --> 00:28:27,848
But here we are, trying to
overcome our differences.
446
00:28:27,850 --> 00:28:30,384
Like Beyonce says, "Please...
447
00:28:31,051 --> 00:28:32,549
"Please, stop cheating on me."
448
00:28:32,551 --> 00:28:33,684
Hey!
449
00:28:33,686 --> 00:28:35,015
This is the fifth incident.
450
00:28:35,017 --> 00:28:37,416
This kid needs to be
in the Ice Box, not here.
451
00:28:37,418 --> 00:28:39,049
Russell belongs
in our care.
452
00:28:39,051 --> 00:28:40,848
Not in prison.
I assure you...
453
00:28:40,850 --> 00:28:41,982
we have everything
under control.
454
00:28:41,984 --> 00:28:43,282
Stay back!
I'll burn you!
455
00:28:43,284 --> 00:28:44,316
Not getting a real
456
00:28:44,318 --> 00:28:46,582
"under control"
vibe here, Marty.
457
00:28:46,584 --> 00:28:48,449
- It is Glen, isn't it?
- Daniel.
458
00:28:48,451 --> 00:28:50,982
I'll ask the questions.
Let me talk to the kid.
459
00:28:50,984 --> 00:28:55,318
You stay here with your weird,
secret sex lips.
460
00:28:57,384 --> 00:28:58,516
You wanna die?
461
00:28:58,518 --> 00:28:59,449
This kid's adorable.
462
00:28:59,451 --> 00:29:00,717
I don't know why I packed
the hollow points.
463
00:29:00,719 --> 00:29:02,115
I'll burn your balls off!
464
00:29:02,117 --> 00:29:05,617
First day.
I'm so nervous!
465
00:29:05,619 --> 00:29:07,416
Did you just say
"hollow points"?
466
00:29:07,418 --> 00:29:08,617
Yeah, probably should've
467
00:29:08,619 --> 00:29:10,850
brought a Super Soaker.
468
00:29:11,351 --> 00:29:12,351
Hi, there!
469
00:29:13,551 --> 00:29:15,982
Stay back
or Justin Bieber dies!
470
00:29:15,984 --> 00:29:19,551
Justin Bieber.
He called you Justin Bieber.
471
00:29:20,817 --> 00:29:22,650
Hold on! Wait, wait, wait!
472
00:29:22,652 --> 00:29:25,749
Okay, let's not do
whatever that is.
473
00:29:25,751 --> 00:29:27,349
Okay? Let's just talk!
474
00:29:27,351 --> 00:29:28,915
It's Russell, right?
475
00:29:28,917 --> 00:29:31,149
- Firefist.
- Firefist.
476
00:29:31,151 --> 00:29:33,382
Ooh, that's a great name.
Where does it burn?
477
00:29:33,384 --> 00:29:35,117
Just the fist, or all the
way up to the elbow?
478
00:29:40,084 --> 00:29:42,716
Definitely
all the way up to the elbow.
479
00:29:42,718 --> 00:29:45,382
Come quietly,
or there will be trouble.
480
00:29:45,384 --> 00:29:48,449
- You stole that from Robocop!
- That's from Robocop!
481
00:29:48,451 --> 00:29:49,982
Just stand down!
482
00:29:49,984 --> 00:29:52,282
You're embarrassing me.
Look, Fire...
483
00:29:53,351 --> 00:29:56,149
Oh, my God! I can't say it!
I'm so sorry!
484
00:30:00,552 --> 00:30:04,583
Oh, shit!
That fucking does it!
485
00:30:04,585 --> 00:30:05,915
Put your hands
behind your knees
486
00:30:05,917 --> 00:30:07,617
and get down
on your head! Now!
487
00:30:07,619 --> 00:30:09,815
Wade! What was first rule?
488
00:30:09,817 --> 00:30:11,617
Label everything
in the refrigerator!
489
00:30:11,619 --> 00:30:14,382
- Do not escalate!
- Rules are meant to be broken!
490
00:30:14,384 --> 00:30:15,948
That's the exact opposite
491
00:30:15,950 --> 00:30:17,451
of what they're meant for!
492
00:30:18,384 --> 00:30:20,182
Fuck! Fine!
493
00:30:20,184 --> 00:30:21,915
I'll start
from the beginning.
494
00:30:21,917 --> 00:30:24,482
My name is Deadpool,
and I'm an X-Man.
495
00:30:24,484 --> 00:30:26,418
- Trainee!
- Shut it!
496
00:30:27,351 --> 00:30:29,585
Look, I get it.
497
00:30:30,718 --> 00:30:32,418
All right, you're scared.
498
00:30:33,051 --> 00:30:33,948
Alone.
499
00:30:33,950 --> 00:30:35,049
You got no family.
500
00:30:35,051 --> 00:30:36,115
I didn't have
a family, either.
501
00:30:36,117 --> 00:30:37,915
You live in this dump.
Guess what?
502
00:30:37,917 --> 00:30:40,416
I used to live
in a shithole just like it.
503
00:30:40,418 --> 00:30:43,149
But you know something?
To make matters worse...
504
00:30:43,151 --> 00:30:45,015
it's a confusing time
in your life right now.
505
00:30:45,017 --> 00:30:48,749
Your body is going through
some fiery changes.
506
00:30:48,751 --> 00:30:50,716
Too far?
I went too far, didn't I?
507
00:30:57,884 --> 00:30:59,915
That was effervescent.
508
00:30:59,917 --> 00:31:02,349
Stay in school, kid.
509
00:31:02,351 --> 00:31:04,149
Or don't. I didn't.
510
00:31:04,151 --> 00:31:06,049
And I'm an X-Man.
511
00:31:06,051 --> 00:31:07,182
Trainee.
512
00:31:07,184 --> 00:31:08,416
Fuck it!
513
00:31:08,418 --> 00:31:10,217
Superhero landing coming up!
514
00:31:13,850 --> 00:31:15,517
Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck!
515
00:31:15,519 --> 00:31:17,550
That is so not practical.
516
00:31:38,117 --> 00:31:40,115
I could get used
to this X-Man shit.
517
00:31:40,117 --> 00:31:41,416
Trainee!
518
00:31:41,418 --> 00:31:42,382
Trainee!
519
00:31:42,384 --> 00:31:44,316
Get a power restraint
on him. Now!
520
00:31:44,318 --> 00:31:47,584
Calm down, squirt.
It's over. We got ya.
521
00:31:49,519 --> 00:31:50,982
What's that do?
522
00:31:50,984 --> 00:31:52,616
Power-dampening collar.
523
00:31:52,618 --> 00:31:53,915
Shuts down
all mutant abilities.
524
00:31:53,917 --> 00:31:56,550
You can't get it off.
Unless you've got a grenade.
525
00:31:56,552 --> 00:31:59,848
Huh. Could've used
one of those in the first act.
526
00:31:59,850 --> 00:32:01,217
Thank you!
527
00:32:02,817 --> 00:32:05,316
That was
absolutely thrilling.
528
00:32:05,318 --> 00:32:07,450
True heroism in action.
529
00:32:07,452 --> 00:32:09,184
We are in your debt.
530
00:32:09,817 --> 00:32:11,616
We can take it from here.
531
00:32:11,618 --> 00:32:13,815
Take me
to the Ice Box, please!
532
00:32:13,817 --> 00:32:15,082
Anywhere's better than here.
533
00:32:15,084 --> 00:32:16,249
Believe me, son,
534
00:32:16,251 --> 00:32:17,915
you do not wanna go
to the Ice Box.
535
00:32:17,917 --> 00:32:19,948
Let's get you inside,
young man.
536
00:32:19,950 --> 00:32:21,948
No, wait, wait. Wait.
537
00:32:21,950 --> 00:32:23,551
You guys stay there.
538
00:32:33,551 --> 00:32:35,251
Those guys hurt you?
539
00:32:36,584 --> 00:32:37,817
Who?
540
00:32:39,651 --> 00:32:42,385
Baldilocks? Jared Kushner?
541
00:32:43,751 --> 00:32:45,351
Both of 'em?
542
00:32:49,452 --> 00:32:50,716
Oh, fuck it.
543
00:32:50,718 --> 00:32:52,383
Four or five moments!
544
00:32:52,385 --> 00:32:53,450
I'm sorry?
545
00:32:53,452 --> 00:32:56,817
Four or five moments!
546
00:32:57,817 --> 00:33:00,817
That's all it takes
to be a hero.
547
00:33:01,651 --> 00:33:03,915
People think
you wake up a hero...
548
00:33:03,917 --> 00:33:06,082
brush your teeth a hero...
549
00:33:06,084 --> 00:33:09,249
ejaculate into
a soap dispenser a hero.
550
00:33:10,318 --> 00:33:14,318
But, no, being a hero
takes only a few moments!
551
00:33:15,584 --> 00:33:17,215
A few moments...
552
00:33:17,217 --> 00:33:20,115
doing the ugly stuff
no one else will do.
553
00:33:23,452 --> 00:33:24,551
No!
554
00:33:27,084 --> 00:33:28,582
Stand down!
Hold your fire!
555
00:33:28,584 --> 00:33:30,815
- Wade, what did you do?
- Colossus, no!
556
00:33:30,817 --> 00:33:32,249
That kid was abused!
You can tell.
557
00:33:32,251 --> 00:33:33,948
- You can always tell!
- We have rules!
558
00:33:33,950 --> 00:33:36,815
You are not judge,
jury or executioner!
559
00:33:36,817 --> 00:33:39,815
Fuck your rules!
I fight for what's right!
560
00:33:39,817 --> 00:33:41,417
And sometimes
you gotta fight dirty!
561
00:33:41,419 --> 00:33:44,950
You let me down
for the last time, Wade.
562
00:33:47,850 --> 00:33:50,115
Okay,
get these guys in the pod.
563
00:33:50,117 --> 00:33:52,716
Take them to the Ice Box.
564
00:34:13,319 --> 00:34:14,319
Hey, baby!
565
00:34:15,184 --> 00:34:17,616
I wonder what gang
I'll be in.
566
00:34:17,618 --> 00:34:19,015
Yeah!
567
00:34:19,017 --> 00:34:21,418
- Is there, like, a Sorting Hat?
- Hi.
568
00:34:23,319 --> 00:34:24,319
Go!
569
00:34:27,484 --> 00:34:28,884
Hard left, douchebag.
570
00:34:33,017 --> 00:34:35,250
Please, after you.
571
00:34:35,252 --> 00:34:37,649
Another disgusting mutant
off the streets.
572
00:34:37,651 --> 00:34:38,783
God bless America.
573
00:34:38,785 --> 00:34:40,049
Let's get a taco.
574
00:34:43,651 --> 00:34:46,319
Nighty-night,
you annoying prick!
575
00:35:18,319 --> 00:35:21,582
I'mma tell you
what the big lie is.
576
00:35:21,584 --> 00:35:23,250
Toilet paper.
577
00:35:23,252 --> 00:35:26,649
Toilet paper
is a plenty fine appetizer.
578
00:35:26,651 --> 00:35:28,848
But, then...
579
00:35:28,850 --> 00:35:31,416
Huggies Natural Care
wet wipes.
580
00:35:31,418 --> 00:35:32,815
That's your main course.
581
00:35:32,817 --> 00:35:36,449
They're soft, they're moist.
They're for babies.
582
00:35:36,451 --> 00:35:39,749
Finally, one more pass
with the toilet paper,
583
00:35:39,751 --> 00:35:41,349
maybe clear out
that excess moisture.
584
00:35:41,351 --> 00:35:43,049
Maybe treat yourself
to a blow and go,
585
00:35:43,051 --> 00:35:44,317
if you can get you
a hair dryer.
586
00:35:44,319 --> 00:35:46,984
Just about 30 seconds
will do you good.
587
00:35:50,551 --> 00:35:51,551
The fuck?
588
00:35:52,751 --> 00:35:53,984
Year?
589
00:35:54,785 --> 00:35:55,984
What?
590
00:35:56,917 --> 00:35:58,749
What year is it?
591
00:35:58,751 --> 00:36:00,815
What kind of dumbass
question is that to ask?
592
00:36:20,017 --> 00:36:22,516
You're a long way
from your superpowers.
593
00:36:22,518 --> 00:36:23,683
Yeah.
594
00:36:27,351 --> 00:36:28,482
Fuck!
595
00:36:28,484 --> 00:36:30,250
I wanted to be a superhero.
596
00:36:30,252 --> 00:36:32,516
Always wanted
a real super suit.
597
00:36:32,518 --> 00:36:34,183
What happened?
598
00:36:34,185 --> 00:36:36,252
When was the last time you saw
a plus-sized superhero?
599
00:36:36,817 --> 00:36:38,449
Never.
600
00:36:38,451 --> 00:36:40,848
The industry discriminates.
601
00:36:40,850 --> 00:36:42,584
Fuck superheroes.
602
00:36:43,252 --> 00:36:44,449
Fuck everyone.
603
00:36:44,451 --> 00:36:47,549
The first thing I wanna do
when I get out of here...
604
00:36:47,551 --> 00:36:49,616
burn the headmaster alive...
605
00:36:49,618 --> 00:36:53,116
and then take a selfie
with his smoldering corpse.
606
00:36:53,118 --> 00:36:55,382
Who says
prison isn't reformative?
607
00:36:55,384 --> 00:36:57,185
Fucker hates mutants.
608
00:36:57,984 --> 00:36:59,549
Blessed are the wicked
609
00:36:59,551 --> 00:37:01,817
who are healed by my hand.
610
00:37:02,252 --> 00:37:03,484
Your abilities.
611
00:37:04,884 --> 00:37:07,282
I know
how seductive they are.
612
00:37:09,484 --> 00:37:10,815
Now, please don't cry.
613
00:37:17,518 --> 00:37:21,418
Tomorrow, we'll find
the biggest guy in here...
614
00:37:22,017 --> 00:37:23,349
and we'll make him our...
615
00:37:27,118 --> 00:37:28,616
What was that?
616
00:37:28,618 --> 00:37:31,116
That is the biggest guy
in here.
617
00:37:31,118 --> 00:37:33,416
Fun fact about the Ice Box...
618
00:37:33,418 --> 00:37:35,116
though no one's ever seen it,
619
00:37:35,118 --> 00:37:37,516
they keep a monster
in the basement.
620
00:37:37,518 --> 00:37:39,150
Right next to a huge,
621
00:37:39,152 --> 00:37:40,984
steaming bowl
of foreshadowing.
622
00:37:41,484 --> 00:37:42,484
Look.
623
00:37:43,484 --> 00:37:45,716
I can't protect you.
624
00:37:45,718 --> 00:37:46,882
With this collar on,
625
00:37:46,884 --> 00:37:50,015
my superpower
is just unbridled cancer.
626
00:37:50,017 --> 00:37:53,616
Give me a bow and arrow,
I'm basically Hawkeye.
627
00:37:53,618 --> 00:37:55,716
Now, if you'll excuse me...
628
00:37:55,718 --> 00:37:58,982
I've got tumors to grow.
Vanessa awaits.
629
00:37:58,984 --> 00:38:01,282
I'll start by making us
a shank.
630
00:38:01,284 --> 00:38:03,282
- Good listening.
- I stole that guard's pen...
631
00:38:03,284 --> 00:38:05,549
and stashed it
in the old prison wallet,
632
00:38:05,551 --> 00:38:07,582
if you know what I'm saying.
633
00:38:07,584 --> 00:38:10,083
Prison wallet?
634
00:38:10,085 --> 00:38:12,518
I really hope I don't know
what you're saying.
635
00:38:14,751 --> 00:38:17,649
I can hear you
rummaging around in there.
636
00:38:22,017 --> 00:38:23,549
And to update you
637
00:38:23,551 --> 00:38:24,948
on the story reported earlier,
638
00:38:24,950 --> 00:38:26,382
after a lengthy standoff
639
00:38:26,384 --> 00:38:29,182
outside the Essex House
for Mutant Rehabilitation...
640
00:38:29,184 --> 00:38:30,683
two mutants were arrested
641
00:38:30,685 --> 00:38:32,316
and transported
to the Ice Box...
642
00:38:32,318 --> 00:38:34,018
Entering repair mode.
643
00:38:38,184 --> 00:38:39,516
...several
police cars were destroyed
644
00:38:39,518 --> 00:38:41,917
and the X-Men were called in
to restore order.
645
00:39:02,850 --> 00:39:04,882
Cells seven and nine
646
00:39:04,884 --> 00:39:08,416
now off-limits
for medical personnel.
647
00:39:08,418 --> 00:39:09,848
Cells seven and nine
648
00:39:09,850 --> 00:39:12,484
now off-limits
for medical personnel.
649
00:39:14,451 --> 00:39:15,950
Psst!
650
00:39:18,318 --> 00:39:20,282
Don't do that.
651
00:39:20,284 --> 00:39:23,449
What? Why are you
winking at me?
652
00:39:27,318 --> 00:39:28,616
I got your back.
653
00:39:28,618 --> 00:39:29,815
Oh, my God.
654
00:39:29,817 --> 00:39:31,316
You're sick,
I gotta protect you.
655
00:39:31,318 --> 00:39:33,418
Just leave me alone, kid.
656
00:39:34,418 --> 00:39:35,484
Oh, great.
657
00:39:37,151 --> 00:39:39,815
Well, hello there,
new fish.
658
00:39:39,817 --> 00:39:42,882
It's nice to see some
fresh faces around here.
659
00:39:42,884 --> 00:39:45,115
I've done some
light catalog work...
660
00:39:45,117 --> 00:39:47,749
but, really, modeling is just
a stepping stone to acting.
661
00:39:47,751 --> 00:39:50,416
- I was talking to him.
- Oh.
662
00:39:50,418 --> 00:39:53,949
Have we met?
I can't place your mustache.
663
00:39:53,951 --> 00:39:56,516
- Black Tom Cassidy.
- White Wade Wilson.
664
00:39:56,518 --> 00:40:00,050
What's your superpower?
Cultural appropriation?
665
00:40:00,052 --> 00:40:02,783
You're supposed to be
the toughest cunt in here.
666
00:40:02,785 --> 00:40:05,182
You don't look like much
to me.
667
00:40:05,184 --> 00:40:07,882
First rule of the yard,
fuckface...
668
00:40:07,884 --> 00:40:09,882
find the biggest guy
and make him your...
669
00:40:13,817 --> 00:40:16,016
Second biggest guy.
670
00:40:16,018 --> 00:40:18,316
The last thing I need
is more hepatitis.
671
00:40:18,318 --> 00:40:21,882
Oh, it's slippery, too.
This table needs a wipe down!
672
00:40:21,884 --> 00:40:23,882
Can we get a wipe down
on the table?
673
00:40:25,052 --> 00:40:27,249
Kid, I think you picked
the wrong side.
674
00:40:27,251 --> 00:40:29,848
No, I didn't!
He's my friend!
675
00:40:29,850 --> 00:40:32,151
Zip it. We're not friends.
676
00:40:33,718 --> 00:40:34,985
You're about to get
dick-slapped.
677
00:40:47,351 --> 00:40:49,249
I had so much fun!
You were like...
678
00:40:49,251 --> 00:40:51,482
And I was like,
"Take a seat, shit dick."
679
00:40:51,484 --> 00:40:53,115
Just let me die in peace.
680
00:40:53,117 --> 00:40:55,349
We make a great team!
681
00:40:55,351 --> 00:40:57,983
Oh, God! We're not a team.
682
00:40:57,985 --> 00:41:02,149
Why'd you say that back there?
We're friends, partners.
683
00:41:02,151 --> 00:41:04,985
We're not partners
or friends.
684
00:41:06,117 --> 00:41:08,316
This doesn't end with us
riding into the sunset.
685
00:41:08,318 --> 00:41:10,482
It ends with me
dying of cancer...
686
00:41:10,484 --> 00:41:14,516
and you winning the Ice Box
award for softest mouth.
687
00:41:15,851 --> 00:41:17,616
There's only one person
in this world
688
00:41:17,618 --> 00:41:19,384
that I care about,
and she's gone.
689
00:41:21,017 --> 00:41:24,182
You wanna survive?
690
00:41:24,184 --> 00:41:27,549
Stop trying to shank
the biggest guys in here...
691
00:41:27,551 --> 00:41:29,551
and make friends with them.
692
00:41:30,785 --> 00:41:32,451
Make friends with someone.
693
00:41:33,418 --> 00:41:35,584
Anyone but me.
694
00:41:36,451 --> 00:41:38,918
Maybe even Black Tim.
695
00:41:39,651 --> 00:41:41,149
Black Evan, I don't know.
696
00:41:41,151 --> 00:41:43,951
All I remember is
he was African-American.
697
00:42:29,051 --> 00:42:31,349
System malfunctioning.
698
00:42:31,351 --> 00:42:34,382
Cells 7, 12, 14, 27.
699
00:42:34,384 --> 00:42:36,982
Back in your cells, you filthy mutants!
Get in there!
700
00:42:36,984 --> 00:42:40,351
Cells 1, 3, 7, 8.
701
00:42:41,318 --> 00:42:43,017
Searching.
702
00:42:44,384 --> 00:42:46,984
Cell 04 located.
703
00:42:48,251 --> 00:42:50,182
Door won't open!
704
00:42:50,184 --> 00:42:52,084
On your fucking knees!
705
00:43:28,786 --> 00:43:30,551
That was our cell.
706
00:43:32,451 --> 00:43:34,882
What did I do to piss off
a grumpy old fucker
707
00:43:34,884 --> 00:43:36,217
with a Winter Soldier arm?
708
00:43:45,786 --> 00:43:47,384
Get away from me, kid!
709
00:43:54,752 --> 00:43:56,217
Listen to me! Go!
710
00:44:01,451 --> 00:44:03,051
Hello, Russell.
711
00:45:26,484 --> 00:45:27,950
Hello, superpowers.
712
00:45:45,850 --> 00:45:47,051
Who are you?
713
00:45:47,785 --> 00:45:49,151
I'm Batman.
714
00:46:00,418 --> 00:46:01,418
Ooh!
715
00:46:06,051 --> 00:46:09,151
Oh. That's got some zip.
716
00:46:17,084 --> 00:46:20,650
Don't feel bad.
Even I can't kill me.
717
00:46:20,652 --> 00:46:22,115
Talk!
718
00:46:22,117 --> 00:46:23,982
What kind of
spineless shit stick
719
00:46:23,984 --> 00:46:25,817
tries to kill
a 14-year-old boy?
720
00:46:26,718 --> 00:46:28,049
You might
wanna start talking!
721
00:46:28,051 --> 00:46:30,917
'Cause I got a long history of
firing at times like this!
722
00:46:31,984 --> 00:46:33,982
The name's Cable.
723
00:46:33,984 --> 00:46:37,449
I'm from the future.
Just walk away.
724
00:46:37,451 --> 00:46:38,749
Oh!
725
00:46:38,751 --> 00:46:40,749
So, you're from the future.
726
00:46:40,751 --> 00:46:42,749
I have
three questions then.
727
00:46:42,751 --> 00:46:46,249
One, is dubstep still a thing?
728
00:46:46,251 --> 00:46:49,282
Two, which Sharknado
are we on?
729
00:46:49,284 --> 00:46:52,249
And three, at what point
do audiences say...
730
00:46:52,251 --> 00:46:53,585
"Enough with
the robotic arms"?
731
00:47:36,884 --> 00:47:38,948
Dubstep's for pussies.
732
00:47:38,950 --> 00:47:40,215
You're so dark!
733
00:47:40,217 --> 00:47:42,384
Are you sure you're not
from the DC universe?
734
00:47:43,284 --> 00:47:44,783
I love dubstep!
735
00:48:10,785 --> 00:48:12,215
Is that a fanny pack?
736
00:48:12,217 --> 00:48:15,882
I used to have one of those
in 1990-never.
737
00:48:15,884 --> 00:48:18,015
Something to remember you by.
738
00:48:18,017 --> 00:48:21,848
Give me that back!
That goes with me everywhere.
739
00:48:21,850 --> 00:48:24,351
Like the memory
of your fucking fanny pack!
740
00:48:33,884 --> 00:48:36,215
Why are you protecting
the kid?
741
00:48:37,217 --> 00:48:39,683
I don't give a fuck
about him...
742
00:48:39,685 --> 00:48:42,217
and his Are You My Mother?
complex!
743
00:48:44,685 --> 00:48:46,084
What's this one do?
744
00:48:59,817 --> 00:49:01,349
In every film,
there's a moment
745
00:49:01,351 --> 00:49:03,882
when the hero
hits rock bottom.
746
00:49:03,884 --> 00:49:05,882
In Cool Runnings,
it was when John Candy's
747
00:49:05,884 --> 00:49:07,582
prized bobsled broke.
748
00:49:07,584 --> 00:49:10,848
In Human Centipede,
it was when those people...
749
00:49:10,850 --> 00:49:12,649
signed on to be in that movie.
750
00:49:12,651 --> 00:49:14,683
But in this film, well...
751
00:49:14,685 --> 00:49:16,015
you're looking at it.
752
00:49:16,017 --> 00:49:18,017
On your fucking knees, mutant.
753
00:49:20,685 --> 00:49:21,884
Rock...
754
00:49:25,718 --> 00:49:27,318
meet bottom.
755
00:49:37,785 --> 00:49:39,182
I love you, Wade Wilson.
756
00:49:39,184 --> 00:49:40,385
Ness?
757
00:49:41,385 --> 00:49:42,950
Hey, Ness!
758
00:49:43,651 --> 00:49:45,483
Ness, can you let me in?
759
00:49:45,485 --> 00:49:47,817
Please! Please.
760
00:49:49,651 --> 00:49:50,783
Jesus.
761
00:49:53,685 --> 00:49:55,516
You're not giving me
a lot of direction here.
762
00:49:55,518 --> 00:49:57,417
I'm at the end of my rope.
763
00:49:59,751 --> 00:50:02,082
Then I joined the X-Men.
764
00:50:02,084 --> 00:50:04,151
I went to prison. I, uh...
765
00:50:08,217 --> 00:50:09,817
Is it the kid?
766
00:50:11,452 --> 00:50:14,584
Kids give us a chance to be
better than we used to be.
767
00:50:15,917 --> 00:50:17,117
The kid!
768
00:50:30,618 --> 00:50:32,182
That's exactly
what she meant.
769
00:50:32,184 --> 00:50:33,716
Your heart needs to be
in the right place.
770
00:50:33,718 --> 00:50:35,516
I'm not gonna
abandon this kid.
771
00:50:35,518 --> 00:50:38,317
He's never had anyone, ever.
772
00:50:38,319 --> 00:50:39,616
I need to be selfless.
773
00:50:39,618 --> 00:50:41,616
Yeah, but what does
that mean?
774
00:50:41,618 --> 00:50:44,915
It means
I'm gonna save Russell.
775
00:50:44,917 --> 00:50:46,383
Maybe I couldn't
save Vanessa...
776
00:50:46,385 --> 00:50:49,482
but maybe I can save a robust
teenager from New Zealand.
777
00:50:49,484 --> 00:50:51,683
Yeah, but what I mean is,
like, the world "selfless."
778
00:50:51,685 --> 00:50:53,350
I literally don't know
what that means.
779
00:50:53,352 --> 00:50:54,317
Jesus Christ.
780
00:50:54,319 --> 00:50:57,149
Okay, look.
According to my guy, okay...
781
00:50:57,151 --> 00:50:59,249
those muties
are being transferred
782
00:50:59,251 --> 00:51:00,915
to a supermax,
80 miles away.
783
00:51:00,917 --> 00:51:02,815
Great, I'll pick 'em off
along the way.
784
00:51:02,817 --> 00:51:04,982
Hold your testicles there,
buddy, okay?
785
00:51:04,984 --> 00:51:07,015
We're talking about
an armored convoy...
786
00:51:07,017 --> 00:51:09,215
and a vicious super soldier
from the future...
787
00:51:09,217 --> 00:51:12,082
that is looking to turn your
skull into a fuckable ashtray.
788
00:51:12,084 --> 00:51:13,649
You know what we need to do?
789
00:51:13,651 --> 00:51:15,582
We need to build
a fucking team.
790
00:51:15,584 --> 00:51:17,749
We need 'em tough,
morally flexible...
791
00:51:17,751 --> 00:51:19,049
and young enough
so they can carry
792
00:51:19,051 --> 00:51:20,516
this franchise
10 to 12 years.
793
00:51:20,518 --> 00:51:22,252
My body is an
instrument of death.
794
00:51:23,418 --> 00:51:24,915
Not now, Dopinder.
795
00:51:24,917 --> 00:51:26,982
I could be of great use.
796
00:51:26,984 --> 00:51:28,850
What's your superpower?
797
00:51:30,117 --> 00:51:31,915
- Courage.
- That's adorable.
798
00:51:31,917 --> 00:51:33,516
Do you have the courage
to check and see...
799
00:51:33,518 --> 00:51:36,250
if there are enough sanitary
napkins in the dispenser?
800
00:51:36,252 --> 00:51:37,115
Yes, sir.
801
00:51:37,117 --> 00:51:38,582
I'm sorry
you had to see that,
802
00:51:38,584 --> 00:51:40,882
although I'm glad
you heard it.
803
00:51:40,884 --> 00:51:42,848
All right, I'll put out
a call for resumes.
804
00:51:42,850 --> 00:51:45,082
But we're not paying
medical or dental.
805
00:51:45,084 --> 00:51:47,319
It's time to get back
on LinkedIn.
806
00:52:25,117 --> 00:52:28,649
Transport
will begin at 0800 hours...
807
00:52:28,651 --> 00:52:29,749
Oi.
808
00:52:29,751 --> 00:52:31,149
What the fuck
do you want?
809
00:52:31,151 --> 00:52:33,115
That's my fucking pudding.
810
00:52:33,117 --> 00:52:35,015
- Fuck your pudding!
- You like pudding?
811
00:52:56,384 --> 00:52:57,384
Hello?
812
00:52:59,618 --> 00:53:02,084
I know you're in there.
813
00:53:17,551 --> 00:53:20,152
Must be hard being the
biggest guy in here.
814
00:53:21,051 --> 00:53:23,516
Lonely at the top, eh?
815
00:53:23,518 --> 00:53:25,484
They're moving us tomorrow.
816
00:53:27,850 --> 00:53:30,848
Maybe I can get you
out of here.
817
00:53:30,850 --> 00:53:34,185
And we can make
the whole world our bitch.
818
00:53:35,850 --> 00:53:37,850
We need a secret code.
819
00:53:40,718 --> 00:53:43,518
No,
that's stupid, Russell. Idiot.
820
00:53:50,584 --> 00:53:52,049
We're a team.
821
00:53:52,051 --> 00:53:54,049
We're like thugs,
we're like gangsters.
822
00:53:54,051 --> 00:53:58,015
I'm like Tupac,
and you're like Ice Cube.
823
00:53:58,017 --> 00:54:00,449
Supposedly,
she can rap, too.
824
00:54:00,451 --> 00:54:01,316
I like that.
825
00:54:01,318 --> 00:54:03,183
Terrific,
these are all terrific.
826
00:54:03,185 --> 00:54:04,815
Meet Bedlam.
827
00:54:04,817 --> 00:54:07,282
Cool name! Superpowers?
828
00:54:07,284 --> 00:54:08,316
I can distort
829
00:54:08,318 --> 00:54:09,848
electrical fields.
830
00:54:09,850 --> 00:54:12,049
Including the one
inside your brain...
831
00:54:12,051 --> 00:54:14,749
causing anxiety,
confusion...
832
00:54:14,751 --> 00:54:16,051
pain.
833
00:54:16,884 --> 00:54:19,015
So, basically,
you're Dave Matthews.
834
00:54:19,017 --> 00:54:20,318
We can use him.
835
00:54:21,917 --> 00:54:23,683
I'm Zeitgeist.
836
00:54:23,685 --> 00:54:24,948
Cool. I like it.
837
00:54:24,950 --> 00:54:26,215
So you have the power
838
00:54:26,217 --> 00:54:28,850
to put your finger
on the pulse of society?
839
00:54:29,685 --> 00:54:30,848
No.
840
00:54:30,850 --> 00:54:32,549
No, I spit acidic vomit.
841
00:54:32,551 --> 00:54:33,683
- Oh.
- Do you want me
842
00:54:33,685 --> 00:54:35,015
- to demonstrate?
- No!
843
00:54:35,017 --> 00:54:36,382
We'll take
your word for it.
844
00:54:36,384 --> 00:54:38,118
Thank you. Yeah. Listen, we've
all eaten at Arby's, okay?
845
00:54:38,785 --> 00:54:41,484
And this is the Vanisher.
846
00:54:44,751 --> 00:54:45,950
But...
847
00:54:46,884 --> 00:54:48,516
Vanisher!
848
00:54:50,884 --> 00:54:52,817
Nice!
Right?
849
00:54:53,850 --> 00:54:54,982
He's not here, is he?
850
00:54:54,984 --> 00:54:56,817
He may be running late.
851
00:54:57,984 --> 00:55:00,882
My name's Rusty,
but I go by Shatterstar.
852
00:55:00,884 --> 00:55:02,182
That's good, yeah.
853
00:55:02,184 --> 00:55:04,249
- "Rusty" is terrible.
- Toughie.
854
00:55:04,251 --> 00:55:07,150
- So, uh, where are you from?
- The planet Mojo World.
855
00:55:07,152 --> 00:55:09,382
- So you're an alien, I guess.
- Bad name.
856
00:55:09,384 --> 00:55:10,948
How does that, uh, help us?
857
00:55:10,950 --> 00:55:13,915
I'm basically better
than you at everything.
858
00:55:13,917 --> 00:55:15,716
Just once, I'm gonna find
a planet of people
859
00:55:15,718 --> 00:55:17,215
that are worse than me
at everything.
860
00:55:17,217 --> 00:55:19,416
A whole bunch
of functional idiots.
861
00:55:19,418 --> 00:55:21,649
I'm gonna go there, and I'm
gonna be their Superman.
862
00:55:21,651 --> 00:55:22,716
Isn't that Canada?
863
00:55:22,718 --> 00:55:25,251
You shut your
goddamn trash mouth!
864
00:55:26,584 --> 00:55:28,016
- Meet...
- Domino.
865
00:55:28,018 --> 00:55:30,249
- What's your shtick?
- I'm lucky.
866
00:55:30,251 --> 00:55:32,382
If you're so lucky, then what
are you doing here with us?
867
00:55:32,384 --> 00:55:33,582
I don't know yet.
868
00:55:33,584 --> 00:55:34,716
What's that supposed to mean?
869
00:55:34,718 --> 00:55:36,182
It means
that I don't know yet.
870
00:55:36,184 --> 00:55:37,783
But there's a reason
why I'm here,
871
00:55:37,785 --> 00:55:38,915
and I'll know when I know.
872
00:55:38,917 --> 00:55:40,549
Everything usually
works out for me.
873
00:55:40,551 --> 00:55:42,249
Luck isn't a superpower.
874
00:55:42,251 --> 00:55:43,783
- Yes, it is.
- No, it isn't.
875
00:55:43,785 --> 00:55:45,050
- Yes, it is.
- No, ma'am.
876
00:55:45,052 --> 00:55:46,482
- Mmm-hmm.
- Mario No-pez.
877
00:55:46,484 --> 00:55:47,616
- Yeah.
- Nacho cheese.
878
00:55:47,618 --> 00:55:48,716
No, it definitely is.
I really...
879
00:55:48,718 --> 00:55:49,783
There's no way that it...
880
00:55:49,785 --> 00:55:51,316
Sorry, I was
interrupting you.
881
00:55:51,318 --> 00:55:52,848
- Sorry. No, I interrupted you.
- No, no, no. You can go first.
882
00:55:52,850 --> 00:55:54,316
Oh, I was just gonna say,
"No, it isn't."
883
00:55:54,318 --> 00:55:57,083
I was gonna just bring it back
to that yes, it is.
884
00:55:57,085 --> 00:55:58,848
Let's meet in the middle
and say, "No, it isn't."
885
00:55:58,850 --> 00:56:01,983
- But it is.
- Okay.
886
00:56:01,985 --> 00:56:03,716
- You're hired!
- You're hired.
887
00:56:03,718 --> 00:56:05,050
Oh, lucky me.
888
00:56:05,052 --> 00:56:06,251
She's great.
889
00:56:07,518 --> 00:56:09,083
And last, but not least...
890
00:56:09,085 --> 00:56:10,184
Peter.
891
00:56:11,217 --> 00:56:13,882
Am I getting
catfished here or...?
892
00:56:13,884 --> 00:56:15,716
Any powers you wanna
tell us about?
893
00:56:15,718 --> 00:56:17,549
No.
894
00:56:17,551 --> 00:56:19,149
I don't have one.
895
00:56:19,151 --> 00:56:22,418
Um, I just saw the ad
and thought it looked fun.
896
00:56:23,351 --> 00:56:24,516
You're in.
897
00:56:24,518 --> 00:56:26,184
- Yeah.
- Fuck!
898
00:56:28,718 --> 00:56:30,451
It's fulfilling work.
899
00:56:34,785 --> 00:56:36,217
Let's go!
900
00:56:49,418 --> 00:56:52,516
This is Convoy 17
departing the Ice Box.
901
00:56:52,518 --> 00:56:54,018
We are en route.
902
00:57:01,284 --> 00:57:03,985
Peacetime makes people soft.
903
00:57:05,451 --> 00:57:07,284
I was born into war.
904
00:57:08,718 --> 00:57:10,051
Bred into it.
905
00:57:10,785 --> 00:57:11,882
Okay.
906
00:57:11,884 --> 00:57:13,584
People think
they understand pain.
907
00:57:14,785 --> 00:57:17,151
What's the most pain
you've ever felt?
908
00:57:19,117 --> 00:57:20,382
These restraints
are pretty...
909
00:57:20,384 --> 00:57:21,384
I've got a list.
910
00:57:22,718 --> 00:57:24,885
We're gonna work down it.
911
00:57:25,451 --> 00:57:26,451
Together.
912
00:57:27,584 --> 00:57:30,649
Number one,
I'm gonna bend something.
913
00:57:30,651 --> 00:57:32,949
Something that was not
meant to bend.
914
00:57:32,951 --> 00:57:34,049
I'm gonna stop you
right there
915
00:57:34,051 --> 00:57:35,416
because I'm not gonna
make it to two.
916
00:57:35,418 --> 00:57:36,749
I won't even make it
to one.
917
00:57:36,751 --> 00:57:38,182
I don't do well with pain,
you know.
918
00:57:38,184 --> 00:57:40,983
If I stub my toe,
I'm done for the day.
919
00:57:40,985 --> 00:57:43,582
I cried when
they canceled Felicity.
920
00:57:43,584 --> 00:57:45,082
When I get really scared,
I get nervous erections.
921
00:57:45,084 --> 00:57:46,683
I have one right now.
922
00:57:46,685 --> 00:57:48,482
Don't look.
It'll only make it worse.
923
00:57:48,484 --> 00:57:49,382
I don't want you to hurt me,
924
00:57:49,384 --> 00:57:51,951
and I'll tell you
anything you wanna know.
925
00:57:52,718 --> 00:57:55,015
Except for where they are.
926
00:57:55,017 --> 00:57:56,416
Russell's in a convoy
heading southbound
927
00:57:56,418 --> 00:57:57,549
on Gerry Duggan Parkway.
928
00:57:57,551 --> 00:57:59,282
The monster's with them.
I wouldn't fuck with him.
929
00:57:59,284 --> 00:58:00,649
You all know the plan.
930
00:58:00,651 --> 00:58:02,282
Intercept the convoy,
931
00:58:02,284 --> 00:58:04,582
grab the boy.
But not inappropriately!
932
00:58:04,584 --> 00:58:05,716
You know what,
933
00:58:05,718 --> 00:58:06,983
I wouldn't fuck with
Deadpool either.
934
00:58:06,985 --> 00:58:09,416
Because he's built a team.
He's unstoppable.
935
00:58:09,418 --> 00:58:12,115
He has an ass pen.
He'll stab you with it.
936
00:58:12,117 --> 00:58:14,815
Watch out for this guy, Cable!
937
00:58:14,817 --> 00:58:18,049
He's very short, 5'11".
Not like in the comics.
938
00:58:18,051 --> 00:58:21,082
And if we succeed,
we all go home early.
939
00:58:21,084 --> 00:58:23,117
So if you go after
them, Cable, I warn you...
940
00:58:23,984 --> 00:58:25,951
there's a wind advisory
in effect.
941
00:58:36,885 --> 00:58:38,551
A little turbulent up here.
942
00:58:45,918 --> 00:58:47,816
I don't know much
about this Cable fella...
943
00:58:47,818 --> 00:58:49,082
but I guarantee
he hasn't killed
944
00:58:49,084 --> 00:58:51,084
as many people
as melanoma has.
945
00:58:52,384 --> 00:58:53,749
We're getting close!
946
00:58:53,751 --> 00:58:55,516
As a former X-Man...
947
00:58:55,518 --> 00:58:57,349
- Trainee.
- Thank you, Bedlam.
948
00:58:57,351 --> 00:58:59,816
I was always appalled
by the blatant sexism
949
00:58:59,818 --> 00:59:01,516
in the group's name.
950
00:59:01,518 --> 00:59:03,382
X-Men! Men!
951
00:59:03,384 --> 00:59:06,616
The point is, our group
will be forward thinking.
952
00:59:06,618 --> 00:59:07,982
Gender neutral.
953
00:59:07,984 --> 00:59:10,318
From now on,
we'll be known as...
954
00:59:12,551 --> 00:59:13,982
X-Force.
955
00:59:13,984 --> 00:59:15,716
Isn't that
a little derivative?
956
00:59:15,718 --> 00:59:18,251
I don't recall asking
your opinion, Peter!
957
00:59:19,418 --> 00:59:20,984
That wasn't me.
958
00:59:27,818 --> 00:59:30,182
Hang the laundry out
at 1,300 feet...
959
00:59:30,184 --> 00:59:32,015
intercept the convoy,
and grab the boy.
960
00:59:32,017 --> 00:59:33,182
Let's bring on
the carnage, baby!
961
00:59:33,184 --> 00:59:35,182
Get me on the ground,
watch me go!
962
00:59:35,184 --> 00:59:36,249
Yeah!
963
00:59:36,251 --> 00:59:38,182
I can't wait to kill!
964
00:59:38,184 --> 00:59:40,816
Hey! Hey! Hey!
965
00:59:40,818 --> 00:59:43,582
I just wanna say
how proud I am of this team.
966
00:59:43,584 --> 00:59:46,316
You know,
you guys look amazing!
967
00:59:46,318 --> 00:59:49,449
Vanisher, I have no doubt
you look amazing too.
968
00:59:49,451 --> 00:59:50,349
This is the family
969
00:59:50,351 --> 00:59:52,117
that I've always dreamed
of having and I...
970
00:59:53,151 --> 00:59:54,249
Ah, shit.
971
00:59:55,685 --> 00:59:57,249
I just get a little
choked up sometimes.
972
00:59:57,251 --> 00:59:59,349
I hate to interrupt,
but is anybody nervous
973
00:59:59,351 --> 01:00:00,683
about the high winds?
974
01:00:00,685 --> 01:00:02,049
- Gary.
- My name's Peter.
975
01:00:02,051 --> 01:00:03,948
I realize that you're new
to this, but relax.
976
01:00:03,950 --> 01:00:05,516
You've been chosen
by a higher power.
977
01:00:05,518 --> 01:00:07,982
- Did he just call himself God?
- I think he did.
978
01:00:07,984 --> 01:00:09,750
- I'd like to go home.
- And I'd like...
979
01:00:09,752 --> 01:00:12,115
the McRib to be available
year round,
980
01:00:12,117 --> 01:00:14,082
but sometimes
dreams don't come true.
981
01:00:14,084 --> 01:00:16,182
I spent 10 years
in Special Forces.
982
01:00:16,184 --> 01:00:17,516
You think we didn't
jump out of the plane
983
01:00:17,518 --> 01:00:18,948
because of a light breeze?
984
01:00:18,950 --> 01:00:21,582
You're in this shit now,
Mustache!
985
01:00:21,584 --> 01:00:23,784
I'm only yelling
to impress the other guys.
986
01:00:23,786 --> 01:00:26,316
I'd never let anything
happen to you, Sugarbear.
987
01:00:26,318 --> 01:00:28,482
Leonard, hit it!
988
01:00:37,184 --> 01:00:39,217
Go! Go! Go!
989
01:01:14,719 --> 01:01:16,282
Let's get some!
990
01:01:16,284 --> 01:01:17,449
Whoo!
991
01:01:17,451 --> 01:01:18,684
Oh, yeah!
992
01:01:18,686 --> 01:01:21,551
Convoy, 12 o'clock!
On my command!
993
01:01:22,518 --> 01:01:24,182
Deploy! Oh, hey now!
994
01:01:24,184 --> 01:01:25,318
Whoa!
995
01:01:30,518 --> 01:01:32,451
Little off course here.
996
01:01:34,686 --> 01:01:37,184
Holy mommy fucking shit!
997
01:01:38,351 --> 01:01:39,482
Ah, there they are.
998
01:01:39,484 --> 01:01:43,149
Look at these gorgeous
sons of bitches.
999
01:01:43,151 --> 01:01:45,284
Oh, yeah!
That's right, Bedlam!
1000
01:01:50,151 --> 01:01:54,617
No! Tripping
motherfucking billies!
1001
01:01:54,619 --> 01:01:57,484
Shatterstar.
Okay, you got this.
1002
01:01:58,418 --> 01:01:59,516
Left!
1003
01:01:59,518 --> 01:02:00,848
Left!
1004
01:02:00,850 --> 01:02:03,217
No, stage left, you idiot!
1005
01:02:06,917 --> 01:02:08,582
Well, I guess
we found something
1006
01:02:08,584 --> 01:02:09,850
you're not better at.
1007
01:02:11,686 --> 01:02:13,115
Vanisher.
1008
01:02:13,117 --> 01:02:15,117
Maybe the wind can't blow
what it can't see.
1009
01:02:18,217 --> 01:02:19,416
Oh! Really?
1010
01:02:19,418 --> 01:02:21,915
All right,
we could do this with four.
1011
01:02:21,917 --> 01:02:24,948
Sugarbear.
You got this, buddy!
1012
01:02:24,950 --> 01:02:27,251
That's the stuff!
That's the X-Force spirit!
1013
01:02:28,217 --> 01:02:30,583
Never underestimate
a man with a mustache!
1014
01:02:30,585 --> 01:02:32,316
Just ask anyone in Brooklyn.
1015
01:02:32,318 --> 01:02:33,482
We did it!
1016
01:02:33,484 --> 01:02:35,215
You're a goddamn
superhero, you!
1017
01:02:35,217 --> 01:02:36,251
X-Force!
1018
01:02:36,719 --> 01:02:37,917
X-Force.
1019
01:02:42,284 --> 01:02:44,184
Oh!
1020
01:02:47,718 --> 01:02:48,848
Peter.
1021
01:02:48,850 --> 01:02:50,115
I got you, buddy!
1022
01:02:50,117 --> 01:02:51,249
- You're gonna be fine!
- This is not good, man!
1023
01:02:51,251 --> 01:02:53,716
You got this, big guy!
Here we go, Peter!
1024
01:02:53,718 --> 01:02:55,182
Look at me.
We're X-Force, right?
1025
01:02:55,184 --> 01:02:57,484
- Yeah, we're X-Force.
- We're X-Force.
1026
01:03:01,451 --> 01:03:03,316
Oh, my God! What the fuck?
1027
01:03:03,318 --> 01:03:04,882
Fucking acidic vomit!
1028
01:03:07,017 --> 01:03:09,815
Oh, God! I'm gonna throw up
in my mask.
1029
01:03:12,884 --> 01:03:15,215
Okay, I'm over the convoy.
1030
01:03:15,217 --> 01:03:17,284
Where did the rest
of the team land?
1031
01:03:17,950 --> 01:03:19,716
Good news and bad news.
1032
01:03:19,718 --> 01:03:22,915
Bad news is
the whole team is dead.
1033
01:03:22,917 --> 01:03:24,149
The good news is,
1034
01:03:24,151 --> 01:03:26,082
I don't think anyone's
gonna miss Shatterstar.
1035
01:03:26,084 --> 01:03:29,482
He was a bit of a prick.
Oh, but Paul!
1036
01:03:29,484 --> 01:03:30,550
Peter!
1037
01:03:30,552 --> 01:03:31,948
Peter, I'm gonna
miss him most.
1038
01:03:31,950 --> 01:03:33,082
But there is a slight chance
1039
01:03:33,084 --> 01:03:34,517
Vanisher could make it.
1040
01:03:34,519 --> 01:03:37,349
- -Nope, no chance.
He's dead.
1041
01:03:37,351 --> 01:03:38,316
The whole team?
1042
01:03:38,318 --> 01:03:40,550
Only the main ones.
We're still good.
1043
01:03:40,552 --> 01:03:41,848
Fuck, you are dumb.
1044
01:03:41,850 --> 01:03:44,249
Even after all this time,
I still can't talk about it.
1045
01:03:44,251 --> 01:03:46,382
Who knew these winds
would be so strong?
1046
01:03:46,384 --> 01:03:49,082
Everyone!
Everyone on the helicopter!
1047
01:03:49,084 --> 01:03:50,884
And everyone
not on the helicopter!
1048
01:03:59,950 --> 01:04:02,051
They're headed
into the tunnel.
1049
01:04:02,850 --> 01:04:04,249
I'm that kid's only hope,
1050
01:04:04,251 --> 01:04:06,351
so sit tight
and wait for my word.
1051
01:04:06,950 --> 01:04:08,049
Whatever.
1052
01:04:08,051 --> 01:04:09,349
We're gonna lose 'em.
I'm dropping in.
1053
01:04:09,351 --> 01:04:12,182
Uh, that's
a negative, sole survivor.
1054
01:04:12,184 --> 01:04:14,848
Luck is not a superpower!
We are so fucked!
1055
01:04:14,850 --> 01:04:17,948
No, we most certainly
are not fucked.
1056
01:04:20,984 --> 01:04:23,550
Seriously,
I don't get it!
1057
01:04:23,552 --> 01:04:26,318
What, you shoot luck lasers
out of your eyes?
1058
01:04:28,251 --> 01:04:30,149
It's just
it's hard to picture.
1059
01:04:30,151 --> 01:04:32,452
And certainly
not very cinematic.
1060
01:04:34,984 --> 01:04:36,716
I mean, luck?
1061
01:04:36,718 --> 01:04:39,182
What coked out,
glass pipe-sucking
1062
01:04:39,184 --> 01:04:40,716
freakshow comic book artist...
1063
01:04:40,718 --> 01:04:42,316
came up
with that little chestnut?
1064
01:04:42,318 --> 01:04:44,884
Probably a guy
who can't draw feet!
1065
01:04:55,519 --> 01:04:58,982
Once again, it all falls
on my shoulders.
1066
01:04:58,984 --> 01:05:00,182
It's why I'm cursed to be
a solo act.
1067
01:05:00,184 --> 01:05:01,450
- Wander the Earth...
- I'm in.
1068
01:05:01,452 --> 01:05:03,149
I'm sorry, what did you say?
1069
01:05:03,151 --> 01:05:04,015
I'm in.
1070
01:05:04,017 --> 01:05:06,117
How in the fuck
are you in already?
1071
01:05:06,485 --> 01:05:08,349
Oh, shit.
1072
01:05:08,351 --> 01:05:09,582
It's Cable. 12 o'clock.
1073
01:05:09,584 --> 01:05:10,683
Okay.
1074
01:05:10,685 --> 01:05:13,082
New plan. Use all of your
imaginary powers
1075
01:05:13,084 --> 01:05:15,915
to stop Cable
from killing that kid.
1076
01:05:15,917 --> 01:05:17,817
I'm coming up on your six.
1077
01:05:25,850 --> 01:05:27,882
That gun is amazing!
1078
01:05:36,917 --> 01:05:38,982
Hey! Asshole!
1079
01:05:38,984 --> 01:05:40,716
Where is he?
I can't see him.
1080
01:05:40,718 --> 01:05:42,318
He's on top of you.
1081
01:05:44,284 --> 01:05:46,450
He's going in
through the back!
1082
01:05:46,452 --> 01:05:47,649
Oh, God, he's inside!
1083
01:05:47,651 --> 01:05:48,915
You hear yourself, right?
1084
01:05:48,917 --> 01:05:50,549
Accidental double entendres!
1085
01:05:50,551 --> 01:05:52,882
Russell! Russell Collins!
1086
01:05:52,884 --> 01:05:55,017
Hands off that kid,
John Connor!
1087
01:06:00,318 --> 01:06:01,518
No, no, no!
1088
01:06:05,284 --> 01:06:06,385
Shit!
1089
01:06:28,084 --> 01:06:30,217
Two can play that game!
1090
01:06:32,318 --> 01:06:34,184
Got it! No, I don't.
1091
01:06:34,984 --> 01:06:36,049
Showtime, mama!
1092
01:06:36,051 --> 01:06:37,950
Lady Luck, take the wheel.
1093
01:07:15,284 --> 01:07:17,417
I'd ask who you are, but
you'll be dead in a second.
1094
01:07:17,419 --> 01:07:19,516
I'm Domino, and doubtful.
1095
01:07:35,917 --> 01:07:37,117
Hang in there, Doms!
1096
01:07:38,385 --> 01:07:39,948
Oh, this is really hard.
1097
01:07:52,051 --> 01:07:53,584
And give me back
my Skee-Ball token.
1098
01:07:57,017 --> 01:07:58,850
- You're doing great.
- X-Force.
1099
01:08:00,618 --> 01:08:02,683
I guess dubstep never dies.
1100
01:08:07,051 --> 01:08:08,084
Whoo!
1101
01:08:14,984 --> 01:08:17,817
You killed Black Tom,
you racist son of a bitch!
1102
01:08:20,418 --> 01:08:21,518
That's unfortunate.
1103
01:08:24,785 --> 01:08:26,115
We got no brakes!
1104
01:08:26,117 --> 01:08:27,518
Figure it out!
1105
01:08:31,817 --> 01:08:33,451
There's nothing I can't kill.
1106
01:08:35,685 --> 01:08:36,948
Ooh.
1107
01:08:36,950 --> 01:08:40,384
Somebody knows karate.
1108
01:08:42,785 --> 01:08:44,451
Give me your best shot,
One-Eyed Willy.
1109
01:08:59,685 --> 01:09:00,884
Ow.
1110
01:09:01,718 --> 01:09:02,917
Here we go.
1111
01:09:03,751 --> 01:09:06,049
Domino, mind slowing us down?
1112
01:09:06,051 --> 01:09:08,349
Here goes nothing.
1113
01:09:39,017 --> 01:09:41,185
Knock, knock.
1114
01:09:47,584 --> 01:09:48,683
That's my boy.
1115
01:09:55,117 --> 01:09:56,316
Holy...
1116
01:10:06,384 --> 01:10:08,116
I'll be first to admit...
1117
01:10:08,118 --> 01:10:10,518
this did not go
according to plan.
1118
01:10:11,884 --> 01:10:13,382
I'll also be the first
to admit that
1119
01:10:13,384 --> 01:10:15,316
that plan was
written in crayon.
1120
01:10:15,318 --> 01:10:18,449
Looks like Russell found
a new friend. Jelly.
1121
01:10:18,451 --> 01:10:20,250
Turns out Domino's
a bit of a badass,
1122
01:10:20,252 --> 01:10:23,382
and maybe,
possibly mildly lucky.
1123
01:10:23,384 --> 01:10:26,783
But Cable? Ugh.
That guy's in a mood.
1124
01:10:26,785 --> 01:10:27,848
A mood that is
1125
01:10:27,850 --> 01:10:29,884
about to get
significantly worse.
1126
01:10:53,284 --> 01:10:55,817
Something is so terribly,
terribly wrong.
1127
01:10:58,785 --> 01:11:00,351
Oh.
1128
01:11:01,984 --> 01:11:03,584
Oh, God, that hurt.
1129
01:11:08,850 --> 01:11:10,118
Russell.
1130
01:11:12,685 --> 01:11:13,950
Russell!
1131
01:11:14,451 --> 01:11:16,518
Russ, where are ya?
1132
01:11:20,017 --> 01:11:22,215
Russell. Russell, you're okay!
1133
01:11:22,217 --> 01:11:25,783
Oh, thank God.
Oh, my God!
1134
01:11:25,785 --> 01:11:27,215
Juggernaut!
1135
01:11:28,351 --> 01:11:30,215
I thought that was you!
1136
01:11:30,217 --> 01:11:33,116
I should've worn
my white pants.
1137
01:11:33,118 --> 01:11:36,982
You probably get this a lot,
but I am a huge fan.
1138
01:11:36,984 --> 01:11:40,482
Uncanny X-Men 183. Thor 411.
1139
01:11:40,484 --> 01:11:41,749
X-Men Unlimited 12.
1140
01:11:41,751 --> 01:11:43,915
You know, it has always been
a dream of mine...
1141
01:11:43,917 --> 01:11:45,848
to see my face
reflected in your helmet...
1142
01:11:45,850 --> 01:11:47,948
as you charge at me
with murderous intent.
1143
01:11:47,950 --> 01:11:49,815
I don't mean right now.
1144
01:11:49,817 --> 01:11:51,882
I'm gonna rip you
in half now.
1145
01:11:51,884 --> 01:11:54,683
That is such
a Juggernaut thing to say.
1146
01:11:58,118 --> 01:12:02,382
Oh, my God!
I can't feel my legs.
1147
01:12:02,384 --> 01:12:03,817
I can't feel...
1148
01:12:04,618 --> 01:12:06,683
Oh, no, they're right here.
1149
01:12:06,685 --> 01:12:08,549
Got 'em.
God, Russell.
1150
01:12:08,551 --> 01:12:10,418
I have a mission.
1151
01:12:11,018 --> 01:12:12,815
To get my revenge.
1152
01:12:12,817 --> 01:12:15,083
I'm going to burn
that headmaster alive.
1153
01:12:15,085 --> 01:12:17,416
You're not
the revenge type.
1154
01:12:17,418 --> 01:12:18,948
Take it from a friend.
1155
01:12:18,950 --> 01:12:22,848
Friend? You were sick,
and I protected you.
1156
01:12:22,850 --> 01:12:25,016
You said it yourself.
1157
01:12:25,018 --> 01:12:27,815
"I'm not your friend.
Find someone stronger."
1158
01:12:27,817 --> 01:12:29,382
So I did.
1159
01:12:30,718 --> 01:12:32,882
Russell, I couldn't
protect you back then.
1160
01:12:32,884 --> 01:12:36,915
But I can now. What do you
want me to say, huh?
1161
01:12:36,917 --> 01:12:38,848
"I care about you"?
'Cause goddamn it,
1162
01:12:38,850 --> 01:12:41,215
I care about you, Russell.
1163
01:12:41,217 --> 01:12:43,349
What's Juggernaut got
that I don't have?
1164
01:12:43,351 --> 01:12:47,115
Don't you say legs! I know
you're gonna say legs!
1165
01:12:47,117 --> 01:12:50,151
- Legs!
- Still hurts to hear out loud!
1166
01:12:52,085 --> 01:12:55,083
What is that?
That's not a real rope!
1167
01:12:55,085 --> 01:12:57,484
You get back here, young man!
1168
01:12:58,518 --> 01:12:59,915
Doms!
1169
01:12:59,917 --> 01:13:02,115
Doms, get me
out of here, please.
1170
01:13:02,117 --> 01:13:05,251
Use my arms
as backpack straps.
1171
01:13:07,418 --> 01:13:08,349
I think we may have found
1172
01:13:08,351 --> 01:13:10,716
your cosmic reason
for being here.
1173
01:13:10,718 --> 01:13:12,616
I'm pretty sure
this isn't it.
1174
01:13:12,618 --> 01:13:14,018
X-Force.
1175
01:13:27,151 --> 01:13:29,016
No child is hopeless.
1176
01:13:29,018 --> 01:13:30,416
Don't give up on the boy.
1177
01:13:30,418 --> 01:13:32,683
How could he just walk away?
1178
01:13:32,685 --> 01:13:35,482
It was the coldness
in his eyes.
1179
01:13:35,484 --> 01:13:37,151
You should've heard it.
1180
01:13:38,884 --> 01:13:41,284
I guess family
really is an F-word.
1181
01:13:42,018 --> 01:13:44,215
Rub my legs, Mama.
1182
01:13:44,217 --> 01:13:45,783
Why would I rub
your legs?
1183
01:13:45,785 --> 01:13:48,749
Please, they hurt.
I have growing pains.
1184
01:13:51,817 --> 01:13:53,582
What in the...
1185
01:13:53,584 --> 01:13:56,382
Why is your hand
so tiny again?
1186
01:13:56,384 --> 01:13:58,082
That's not my hand.
1187
01:13:58,084 --> 01:14:00,416
Oh! Mary,
mother of Joseph!
1188
01:14:00,418 --> 01:14:02,382
That was nice for me.
1189
01:14:02,384 --> 01:14:05,449
Wade! I heard what happened
with the convoy and...
1190
01:14:09,785 --> 01:14:12,049
Why wouldn't you
cover that up?
1191
01:14:12,051 --> 01:14:14,249
A warrior has nothing
to be ashamed of.
1192
01:14:14,251 --> 01:14:16,249
Yeah, but you do.
Look at you.
1193
01:14:16,251 --> 01:14:18,516
You're just
straight shirt-cocking it,
1194
01:14:18,518 --> 01:14:19,949
toddler-style.
1195
01:14:19,951 --> 01:14:21,883
Oh, yeah.
Full Winnie the Pooh.
1196
01:14:21,885 --> 01:14:23,916
The hell's happening?
Describe it.
1197
01:14:23,918 --> 01:14:25,215
I wouldn't ask him to
do that, if I were you.
1198
01:14:25,217 --> 01:14:26,883
- It's like, um...
- Here we go.
1199
01:14:26,885 --> 01:14:28,115
It's like he was
giving birth anally,
1200
01:14:28,117 --> 01:14:29,783
but they quit
halfway through.
1201
01:14:29,785 --> 01:14:30,916
They got the legs out,
and they said,
1202
01:14:30,918 --> 01:14:32,282
"You know what, I'm done."
1203
01:14:32,284 --> 01:14:33,282
Happy?
1204
01:14:33,284 --> 01:14:34,549
It's like he's a Muppet
from the waist down.
1205
01:14:34,551 --> 01:14:35,883
But this time, you can see
1206
01:14:35,885 --> 01:14:37,282
the Muppet's dick.
1207
01:14:37,284 --> 01:14:38,683
Grover's got a cock
the size of a twig.
1208
01:14:38,685 --> 01:14:40,015
Mr. Weasel, I can
no longer be double-parked.
1209
01:14:40,017 --> 01:14:41,951
I've had three tickets
already.
1210
01:14:43,184 --> 01:14:46,015
No, no, no, DP,
not again!
1211
01:14:46,017 --> 01:14:48,549
This has happened before?
1212
01:14:48,551 --> 01:14:50,149
- -Jesus!
Either vomit or don't.
1213
01:14:50,151 --> 01:14:51,649
The indecision
is killing me.
1214
01:14:51,651 --> 01:14:53,551
Why couldn't God
take my hearing?
1215
01:14:55,217 --> 01:14:57,215
Oh. Wow!
1216
01:14:57,217 --> 01:14:58,982
Cool your pits.
They're growing back.
1217
01:14:58,984 --> 01:15:00,982
I'm talking about your face.
1218
01:15:00,984 --> 01:15:02,916
I've never seen you
without your mask before.
1219
01:15:02,918 --> 01:15:05,115
- Jesus Christ!
- Looks like an avocado.
1220
01:15:05,117 --> 01:15:07,082
Your legs, though,
they're cute.
1221
01:15:07,084 --> 01:15:09,117
You wanna borrow
a pair of pants?
1222
01:15:10,584 --> 01:15:12,082
I'm glad
everybody dropped by.
1223
01:15:12,084 --> 01:15:14,982
You must be wondering
why I didn't call you here.
1224
01:15:14,984 --> 01:15:16,716
I'll tell you
why I'm here.
1225
01:15:16,718 --> 01:15:19,082
"The Time Traveler's Wife's"
husband...
1226
01:15:19,084 --> 01:15:20,416
beat me within
an inch of my life.
1227
01:15:20,418 --> 01:15:21,549
He was torturing me!
1228
01:15:21,551 --> 01:15:24,683
But all I told him was
everything he wanted to know.
1229
01:15:24,685 --> 01:15:27,249
So, I'm here
to help us gear up.
1230
01:15:27,251 --> 01:15:28,582
So we can go after him
without me.
1231
01:15:28,584 --> 01:15:29,916
No!
1232
01:15:29,918 --> 01:15:31,516
I'm doing this alone.
1233
01:15:31,518 --> 01:15:32,582
The Juggernaut
1234
01:15:32,584 --> 01:15:33,916
- will kill you all.
- Fair enough.
1235
01:15:33,918 --> 01:15:35,883
I just need a couple of
hours to get some legs
1236
01:15:35,885 --> 01:15:37,015
- under me.
- What will you do?
1237
01:15:37,017 --> 01:15:38,582
I don't care
what the kid did to me.
1238
01:15:38,584 --> 01:15:39,816
I ain't letting Cable
get to him,
1239
01:15:39,818 --> 01:15:41,182
even if I have to
teabag him to death.
1240
01:15:41,184 --> 01:15:43,182
It's really just a sip
of tea at this point.
1241
01:15:43,184 --> 01:15:45,015
Zip it, black Black Widow!
I'm flowing.
1242
01:15:45,017 --> 01:15:46,082
The first order
of business is
1243
01:15:46,084 --> 01:15:47,382
to get me
in front of Cable...
1244
01:15:47,384 --> 01:15:49,049
so I can pull all the fucking
blood out of his body...
1245
01:15:49,051 --> 01:15:51,516
and fashion his bones
into holiday jewelry.
1246
01:15:51,518 --> 01:15:53,182
Then,
I'm gonna take his skin...
1247
01:15:53,184 --> 01:15:56,451
and stretch it out
over a homemade mating drum.
1248
01:15:57,918 --> 01:15:59,584
He's standing
right behind you, isn't he?
1249
01:16:08,318 --> 01:16:10,149
What in the ass?
1250
01:16:10,151 --> 01:16:13,449
Is this apartment listed
on Tinder? Grindr?
1251
01:16:13,451 --> 01:16:15,851
You picked the wrong shithole
to fuck, future boy.
1252
01:16:16,718 --> 01:16:19,351
Ugh. Is that really necessary?
1253
01:16:21,551 --> 01:16:24,449
No. It's his "Basic Instinct."
1254
01:16:24,451 --> 01:16:26,015
What can we help you with?
1255
01:16:26,017 --> 01:16:27,917
I'm here to proposition you.
1256
01:16:29,318 --> 01:16:30,249
Oh, boy!
1257
01:16:30,251 --> 01:16:31,582
He's really teeing it up,
isn't he?
1258
01:16:31,584 --> 01:16:33,482
Who gets to make
the first joke?
1259
01:16:33,484 --> 01:16:35,149
I think we should all
do it at the same time.
1260
01:16:35,151 --> 01:16:36,049
Good call.
1261
01:16:36,051 --> 01:16:37,516
For $45,
you get sucky-suck.
1262
01:16:37,518 --> 01:16:39,115
I only do over
the pants, mouth stuff.
1263
01:16:39,117 --> 01:16:40,049
Fuck!
1264
01:16:40,051 --> 01:16:41,349
The Proposition
has a wonderful
1265
01:16:41,351 --> 01:16:42,382
Guy Pearce performance.
1266
01:16:42,384 --> 01:16:44,282
Wait, wait, wait!
I wanna do mine over.
1267
01:16:44,284 --> 01:16:46,982
- Give us the line again.
- I need your help!
1268
01:16:46,984 --> 01:16:49,282
Trust me, I'm even less happy
about this than you are...
1269
01:16:49,284 --> 01:16:52,616
but you unleashed the
Juggernaut, you dumb cunt!
1270
01:16:52,618 --> 01:16:54,948
I can't
bring him down alone.
1271
01:16:54,950 --> 01:16:56,584
So here we are.
1272
01:16:57,851 --> 01:16:59,717
We're no longer
accepting applications
1273
01:16:59,719 --> 01:17:01,282
for X-Force, unfortunately.
1274
01:17:01,284 --> 01:17:02,482
Even if we were...
1275
01:17:02,484 --> 01:17:04,249
there's a wind advisory
in effect until at least...
1276
01:17:04,251 --> 01:17:05,449
We don't have
a lot of time.
1277
01:17:05,451 --> 01:17:07,416
Your friend's about
to make his first kill.
1278
01:17:07,418 --> 01:17:08,982
No offense,
but if you know so much...
1279
01:17:08,984 --> 01:17:11,915
why not travel back to when
he was a baby, kill him then?
1280
01:17:11,917 --> 01:17:12,982
Or better yet, head back
a little further,
1281
01:17:12,984 --> 01:17:14,049
kill baby Hitler.
1282
01:17:14,051 --> 01:17:16,082
I use a device
to slide through time.
1283
01:17:16,084 --> 01:17:18,848
The longer I travel,
the harder it is to control.
1284
01:17:18,850 --> 01:17:21,582
I got two charges:
one to get me here,
1285
01:17:21,584 --> 01:17:22,750
one to get me home.
1286
01:17:22,752 --> 01:17:23,915
Well.
1287
01:17:23,917 --> 01:17:25,882
That's just lazy writing.
1288
01:17:25,884 --> 01:17:27,115
Your boy's
gonna kill the headmaster
1289
01:17:27,117 --> 01:17:28,816
of the orphanage tonight.
1290
01:17:28,818 --> 01:17:30,948
After that,
he gets a real taste for it.
1291
01:17:30,950 --> 01:17:33,784
Like 10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst, motherfucker!
1292
01:17:33,786 --> 01:17:35,750
So he keeps killing...
1293
01:17:35,752 --> 01:17:37,182
and killing, and killing,
1294
01:17:37,184 --> 01:17:38,616
and killing.
1295
01:17:38,618 --> 01:17:42,184
Until one day, he kills
the wrong fucking people.
1296
01:17:44,651 --> 01:17:46,151
My people.
1297
01:17:50,051 --> 01:17:51,049
Relax.
1298
01:17:51,051 --> 01:17:53,650
I'm retrieving something
from my utility bag.
1299
01:17:53,652 --> 01:17:56,149
It's a goddamn fanny pack...
1300
01:17:56,151 --> 01:17:58,848
and you know it,
you sick son of a bitch!
1301
01:17:58,850 --> 01:18:00,584
The difference
is night and day.
1302
01:18:02,451 --> 01:18:04,684
You remind me of my wife.
1303
01:18:04,686 --> 01:18:06,115
I'm sorry.
1304
01:18:06,117 --> 01:18:07,215
I said, "You remind me
of my wife."
1305
01:18:07,217 --> 01:18:08,516
No, I'm sorry
that you said that...
1306
01:18:08,518 --> 01:18:11,582
while making heavy eye contact
and applying lip balm.
1307
01:18:11,584 --> 01:18:12,917
She always struggled.
1308
01:18:13,850 --> 01:18:15,282
But she was funny...
1309
01:18:15,284 --> 01:18:18,717
and filtered her pain
through the prism of humor.
1310
01:18:18,719 --> 01:18:21,084
Something I could
never master.
1311
01:18:21,817 --> 01:18:24,184
It was my fault she died.
1312
01:18:25,686 --> 01:18:29,249
It was my job
to stop people like him.
1313
01:18:29,251 --> 01:18:31,384
I came close a few times.
1314
01:18:35,351 --> 01:18:37,284
He wasn't too happy
about that.
1315
01:18:38,850 --> 01:18:40,182
He was trying to hurt me...
1316
01:18:40,184 --> 01:18:42,484
and he knew exactly
how to do it.
1317
01:18:46,619 --> 01:18:48,416
Blessed are the wicked
1318
01:18:48,418 --> 01:18:50,084
who are healed by my hand.
1319
01:18:52,751 --> 01:18:55,149
He came into my home...
1320
01:18:55,151 --> 01:18:58,251
and took the only thing
that made it a home.
1321
01:19:02,318 --> 01:19:03,817
Sound familiar?
1322
01:19:04,751 --> 01:19:06,482
- I'm sorry.
- Uh-huh.
1323
01:19:06,484 --> 01:19:08,217
No, I'm really sorry.
1324
01:19:10,384 --> 01:19:12,349
But that isn't Russell.
1325
01:19:12,351 --> 01:19:14,516
- It doesn't have to be him.
- If you knew what I knew...
1326
01:19:14,518 --> 01:19:16,316
Yeah, he's got anger issues...
1327
01:19:16,318 --> 01:19:17,982
maybe a small
learning disability...
1328
01:19:17,984 --> 01:19:19,549
splash of diabetes...
1329
01:19:19,551 --> 01:19:20,848
but nothing
that can't be fixed.
1330
01:19:20,850 --> 01:19:22,416
If you could go back...
1331
01:19:22,418 --> 01:19:25,482
and stop the people that took
your girl, would you?
1332
01:19:25,484 --> 01:19:27,284
Of course I fucking would!
1333
01:19:27,884 --> 01:19:29,749
But I wouldn't kill a kid.
1334
01:19:29,751 --> 01:19:31,282
I'm not asking you
to kill a kid!
1335
01:19:31,284 --> 01:19:32,449
I'll kill the kid.
1336
01:19:32,451 --> 01:19:36,082
I'm asking you to save
hundreds of other kids.
1337
01:19:36,084 --> 01:19:38,382
Russell's gonna burn down
that orphanage.
1338
01:19:38,384 --> 01:19:40,449
And I can imagine
your dead girlfriend...
1339
01:19:40,451 --> 01:19:43,848
would want you to do the
right thing, wouldn't she?
1340
01:19:43,850 --> 01:19:47,049
So, what's it gonna be,
handsome?
1341
01:19:47,051 --> 01:19:48,848
Give me a chance
to save him.
1342
01:19:48,850 --> 01:19:50,249
- What?
- You said...
1343
01:19:50,251 --> 01:19:51,982
once he kills someone,
he gets a taste for it.
1344
01:19:51,984 --> 01:19:54,516
If we can get to him
before that happens...
1345
01:19:54,518 --> 01:19:56,049
promise you'll give me
a chance
1346
01:19:56,051 --> 01:19:57,948
to put him
on a different path.
1347
01:19:57,950 --> 01:19:59,215
Define "chance."
1348
01:19:59,217 --> 01:20:00,349
I don't know.
How long does it take
1349
01:20:00,351 --> 01:20:01,848
to save someone's soul?
That's not...
1350
01:20:01,850 --> 01:20:03,182
I'll give you 30 seconds.
1351
01:20:03,184 --> 01:20:05,382
- What? No!
- Best I can do.
1352
01:20:05,384 --> 01:20:06,817
Take it or leave it.
1353
01:20:16,984 --> 01:20:18,449
He's doing it!
1354
01:20:18,451 --> 01:20:20,115
Look at the little fella.
He's doing it.
1355
01:20:20,117 --> 01:20:22,316
There he goes.
1356
01:20:22,318 --> 01:20:23,783
Jesus Christ!
1357
01:20:23,785 --> 01:20:25,349
Just shirt-cocking it.
1358
01:20:25,351 --> 01:20:27,149
Ugh.
1359
01:20:27,151 --> 01:20:28,585
There you go,
little fella.
1360
01:20:29,384 --> 01:20:30,982
Go on, you're doing it!
1361
01:20:30,984 --> 01:20:34,051
My beautiful, hairless,
Twizzler-legged baby boy.
1362
01:20:36,217 --> 01:20:37,382
Christ!
1363
01:20:37,384 --> 01:20:39,149
That's disturbing.
1364
01:20:39,151 --> 01:20:40,418
30 seconds.
1365
01:20:45,718 --> 01:20:47,318
- Deal.
- Deal.
1366
01:20:49,785 --> 01:20:52,282
I have no idea
what's happening.
1367
01:20:52,284 --> 01:20:55,550
Probably for the best.
1368
01:20:55,552 --> 01:20:59,316
And that is why
you never eat a raw starfish.
1369
01:20:59,318 --> 01:21:01,550
It's just common sense.
1370
01:21:01,552 --> 01:21:02,948
Where the hell
are we going?
1371
01:21:02,950 --> 01:21:04,282
You said it yourself.
1372
01:21:04,284 --> 01:21:07,215
Nothing can stop the Juggernaut.
We need backup.
1373
01:21:07,217 --> 01:21:10,215
I will bathe in the blood
of your enemies.
1374
01:21:14,485 --> 01:21:16,184
Can you turn off
the music?
1375
01:21:16,984 --> 01:21:19,082
You'll do no such thing.
1376
01:21:19,084 --> 01:21:21,450
Why don't you just say it
in an Indian accent?
1377
01:21:21,452 --> 01:21:22,416
What the hell are you...?
1378
01:21:22,418 --> 01:21:24,616
Once again, intolerance rears
its ugly head.
1379
01:21:24,618 --> 01:21:26,215
I am so sorry.
It gets better.
1380
01:21:26,217 --> 01:21:28,115
I'm not a fucking racist,
moron!
1381
01:21:28,117 --> 01:21:31,149
Tell that to Black Tom.
He was like a brother to me.
1382
01:21:31,151 --> 01:21:32,915
I'm with the old white guy
on this one.
1383
01:21:32,917 --> 01:21:34,616
And that's a twist.
1384
01:21:34,618 --> 01:21:35,783
So what exactly do you
1385
01:21:35,785 --> 01:21:36,848
do in the future, anyway, huh?
1386
01:21:36,850 --> 01:21:38,582
Some kind of soldier?
1387
01:21:38,584 --> 01:21:40,282
Yeah, something like that.
1388
01:21:40,284 --> 01:21:42,716
I was a soldier.
Special Forces.
1389
01:21:42,718 --> 01:21:45,182
I bet 50 years from now,
we're bestest buddies.
1390
01:21:45,184 --> 01:21:47,282
50 years from now,
you're very dead.
1391
01:21:47,284 --> 01:21:50,082
Your entire generation fucked
this planet into a coma.
1392
01:21:50,084 --> 01:21:51,550
Boom!
1393
01:21:51,552 --> 01:21:52,815
Spoiler alert.
1394
01:21:54,318 --> 01:21:55,450
Planets.
1395
01:21:55,452 --> 01:21:56,882
Next time, Uber.
1396
01:21:56,884 --> 01:21:58,384
Here's a spoiler alert.
1397
01:21:59,519 --> 01:22:01,417
You're not a fucking hero.
1398
01:22:01,419 --> 01:22:05,549
You're just an annoying clown
dressed up as a sex toy.
1399
01:22:05,551 --> 01:22:06,749
Well, I got news for you.
1400
01:22:06,751 --> 01:22:08,049
My heart
is in the right place.
1401
01:22:08,051 --> 01:22:09,517
Russell's not
gonna kill anyone.
1402
01:22:09,519 --> 01:22:12,015
Because of me, he's gonna know
what real love looks like.
1403
01:22:12,017 --> 01:22:13,450
Because of you,
I'll always know
1404
01:22:13,452 --> 01:22:15,783
what a grown man
with baby balls looks like.
1405
01:22:15,785 --> 01:22:18,215
I'm a grower, not a shower.
1406
01:22:18,217 --> 01:22:19,683
I should've finished college.
1407
01:22:19,685 --> 01:22:20,915
Right here!
1408
01:22:38,950 --> 01:22:40,982
I made mistakes!
1409
01:22:40,984 --> 01:22:42,882
I wanna take them back!
1410
01:22:42,884 --> 01:22:45,882
You trusted me.
I took that trust...
1411
01:22:45,884 --> 01:22:47,417
and turned it
into a glory hole
1412
01:22:47,419 --> 01:22:48,815
in an airport bathroom.
1413
01:22:48,817 --> 01:22:51,584
The one in Minneapolis.
You know the one.
1414
01:22:52,551 --> 01:22:53,882
Colossus!
1415
01:22:53,884 --> 01:22:55,982
I wouldn't ask for your help
unless it was life or death!
1416
01:22:55,984 --> 01:22:58,049
That kid needs our help!
1417
01:22:58,051 --> 01:23:00,215
I know you're listening!
1418
01:23:00,217 --> 01:23:01,616
He's teamed up
with the Juggernaut!
1419
01:23:01,618 --> 01:23:02,915
The Juggernaut!
1420
01:23:02,917 --> 01:23:04,383
That's like my favorite
Marvel character ever,
1421
01:23:04,385 --> 01:23:06,049
but you should never
meet your heroes...
1422
01:23:06,051 --> 01:23:09,015
because, honestly,
he's a bit of a dick!
1423
01:23:09,017 --> 01:23:11,649
And like a lot of dicks,
he's as hard as a rock...
1424
01:23:11,651 --> 01:23:13,450
and causes nothing
but problems!
1425
01:23:13,452 --> 01:23:15,182
- Hi, Wade!
- Hi, Yukio!
1426
01:23:15,184 --> 01:23:16,049
Please don't.
1427
01:23:16,051 --> 01:23:17,417
You guys make
a super cute couple.
1428
01:23:17,419 --> 01:23:19,316
Yeah. Where was I?
Oh, yeah!
1429
01:23:19,318 --> 01:23:21,482
Colossus!
Look, I don't deserve
1430
01:23:21,484 --> 01:23:23,616
your friendship or your help.
1431
01:23:23,618 --> 01:23:25,317
But this kid does.
1432
01:23:25,319 --> 01:23:28,284
And I'm not gonna bail on him
like everyone else.
1433
01:23:29,884 --> 01:23:32,051
Oh, come on!
1434
01:23:36,017 --> 01:23:39,115
Any chance Pigeon Wings
is available?
1435
01:23:39,117 --> 01:23:41,683
That's just fine!
That's fine!
1436
01:23:41,685 --> 01:23:43,149
No! You know what?
1437
01:23:43,151 --> 01:23:46,049
Doing the right thing
is sometimes messy...
1438
01:23:46,051 --> 01:23:49,317
and fucked up, and not
particularly convenient!
1439
01:23:49,319 --> 01:23:52,783
So stay here
in Chateau de Virgin...
1440
01:23:52,785 --> 01:23:55,084
while we go get our fuck on!
1441
01:23:57,884 --> 01:23:59,385
You're doing great.
1442
01:24:04,850 --> 01:24:06,283
So you wear
that helmet because
1443
01:24:06,285 --> 01:24:08,115
your brother
tries to read your mind?
1444
01:24:08,117 --> 01:24:11,350
Yeah, but he's in
a wheelchair, so even-steven.
1445
01:24:11,352 --> 01:24:13,948
Someone's coming.
It's Russell, sir.
1446
01:24:13,950 --> 01:24:15,948
He's not alone.
1447
01:24:15,950 --> 01:24:17,917
Secure the children.
1448
01:24:22,151 --> 01:24:25,015
What do you say
we go fuck some shit up?
1449
01:24:25,017 --> 01:24:29,084
"Let's fuck some shit up"
is my legal middle name.
1450
01:24:32,151 --> 01:24:34,882
Watch my back.
I've got the old man.
1451
01:24:34,884 --> 01:24:37,319
Amen, brother.
1452
01:24:42,950 --> 01:24:44,683
Time to make the chimichangas.
1453
01:24:44,685 --> 01:24:46,848
30 seconds.
1454
01:24:46,850 --> 01:24:49,482
I finally know
why I'm here.
1455
01:24:49,484 --> 01:24:51,283
I was raised
in this place.
1456
01:24:51,285 --> 01:24:53,716
Well, not raised.
I was tortured.
1457
01:24:53,718 --> 01:24:56,649
Wow! It's your cosmic reason
for being here.
1458
01:24:56,651 --> 01:24:57,948
- Shall we?
- This is gonna be fun.
1459
01:24:57,950 --> 01:24:59,115
Yeah!
1460
01:24:59,117 --> 01:25:00,749
Hey! Been meaning
to ask you...
1461
01:25:00,751 --> 01:25:04,317
what's with the creepy,
dirty hobo bear?
1462
01:25:04,319 --> 01:25:07,984
It's not dirt. It's the blood
of my dead daughter.
1463
01:25:10,051 --> 01:25:11,982
I have
a gluten sensitivity.
1464
01:25:11,984 --> 01:25:13,649
So one glass of wine,
I just...
1465
01:25:15,084 --> 01:25:16,084
Yeah.
1466
01:25:19,618 --> 01:25:20,783
Wish we could
head back in time,
1467
01:25:20,785 --> 01:25:22,616
and I could take
all that back.
1468
01:25:22,618 --> 01:25:24,516
We should just cue
the music.
1469
01:25:48,984 --> 01:25:51,950
Welcome home, Russell.
We missed you.
1470
01:25:53,117 --> 01:25:54,049
Russell!
1471
01:25:54,051 --> 01:25:56,518
You don't need to do this!
Let's talk!
1472
01:25:57,351 --> 01:25:59,115
Why are you dressed
like the Unabomber?
1473
01:26:03,384 --> 01:26:04,382
That's why!
1474
01:26:04,384 --> 01:26:05,882
Told you this little fucker's
too far gone.
1475
01:26:05,884 --> 01:26:07,716
Zip it, Thanos! We have
a deal and you fuck...
1476
01:26:07,718 --> 01:26:10,082
Hey!
1477
01:26:10,084 --> 01:26:13,384
I'm gonna shove that
cab driver right up your ass.
1478
01:26:14,484 --> 01:26:16,749
My body and my hands
are so soft.
1479
01:26:16,751 --> 01:26:17,882
You should probably
head back to the car.
1480
01:26:17,884 --> 01:26:19,850
I think I'll head
back to the car.
1481
01:26:20,785 --> 01:26:23,518
It works best
when you pull the trigger.
1482
01:26:26,451 --> 01:26:27,884
That gun is amazing!
1483
01:26:28,950 --> 01:26:30,318
Say it!
1484
01:26:32,451 --> 01:26:35,516
You are an abomination!
1485
01:26:42,518 --> 01:26:45,982
Now, I'm gonna shove
the red guy up the old guy.
1486
01:26:45,984 --> 01:26:48,518
I believe him!
Every man for themselves!
1487
01:26:52,850 --> 01:26:54,683
Gotcha!
1488
01:26:54,685 --> 01:26:56,017
Beat it, midget!
1489
01:26:58,817 --> 01:27:01,915
Hey, big guy,
the sun's getting real low!
1490
01:27:01,917 --> 01:27:03,185
Oh, shit fuck!
1491
01:27:16,884 --> 01:27:18,551
Come here, beautiful.
1492
01:27:20,651 --> 01:27:21,917
Say it!
1493
01:28:21,217 --> 01:28:22,482
You came for me.
1494
01:28:22,484 --> 01:28:23,882
I'm not giving up on you,
1495
01:28:23,884 --> 01:28:26,083
and you are not
giving up on that boy.
1496
01:28:26,085 --> 01:28:28,083
Who says that rules
aren't meant to be broken?
1497
01:28:28,085 --> 01:28:30,616
It's time to fight dirty.
1498
01:28:30,618 --> 01:28:32,016
Time to sweep the leg, Johnny.
1499
01:28:32,018 --> 01:28:34,815
Hey! Pick on someone
your own size!
1500
01:28:34,817 --> 01:28:36,915
That's such
a you thing to say!
1501
01:28:36,917 --> 01:28:38,915
Go get him, tiger!
1502
01:28:38,917 --> 01:28:40,817
Big CGI fight coming up!
1503
01:29:03,817 --> 01:29:05,349
He's doing great.
1504
01:29:05,351 --> 01:29:06,518
Say it!
1505
01:29:10,651 --> 01:29:12,184
- Russell.
- Bingo!
1506
01:29:23,985 --> 01:29:26,151
That's right!
I'm fighting dirty!
1507
01:29:26,884 --> 01:29:27,948
Oh, great!
1508
01:29:27,950 --> 01:29:29,249
There they are!
Those freaks!
1509
01:29:29,251 --> 01:29:31,649
A bunch of armed
pedophiles in nursing shoes.
1510
01:29:31,651 --> 01:29:33,749
Can I have
one of those guns?
1511
01:29:33,751 --> 01:29:35,616
- No.
- That's fine.
1512
01:29:35,618 --> 01:29:37,549
Get off this property,
mutant scum!
1513
01:29:37,551 --> 01:29:38,584
I'm just gonna
use this brick.
1514
01:29:39,384 --> 01:29:40,482
Maximum effort.
1515
01:29:46,284 --> 01:29:48,284
Who says you can't
go home again?
1516
01:29:56,917 --> 01:29:58,451
Oh!
1517
01:30:05,384 --> 01:30:06,384
Yeah!
1518
01:30:08,551 --> 01:30:10,115
Say it.
1519
01:30:10,117 --> 01:30:13,351
Say what you said
every time you tortured me!
1520
01:30:13,785 --> 01:30:15,050
Say it!
1521
01:30:15,052 --> 01:30:18,052
Blessed are the wicked
who are healed by my hand!
1522
01:30:19,018 --> 01:30:21,316
Blessed are the wicked...
1523
01:30:21,318 --> 01:30:22,484
who are healed...
1524
01:30:22,884 --> 01:30:24,484
by my hand.
1525
01:30:42,518 --> 01:30:44,918
You commie motherfucker!
1526
01:31:11,084 --> 01:31:13,749
Oh, my God.
Did you feel that, too?
1527
01:31:13,751 --> 01:31:16,117
Only best buddies
execute pedophiles together.
1528
01:31:18,951 --> 01:31:21,582
You got 30 seconds,
you jabbering butt plug!
1529
01:31:21,584 --> 01:31:22,951
Now we're getting it.
1530
01:31:27,318 --> 01:31:29,716
I need a bus
to get you all out of here.
1531
01:31:35,117 --> 01:31:36,151
Orphans.
1532
01:31:37,284 --> 01:31:38,451
Oh, geez.
1533
01:31:39,785 --> 01:31:42,382
It's time to burn
for what you've done!
1534
01:31:42,384 --> 01:31:45,184
A child should not be burdened
with such power!
1535
01:31:53,751 --> 01:31:55,017
Russell! Wait!
1536
01:32:00,885 --> 01:32:02,217
Oh!
1537
01:32:09,284 --> 01:32:11,382
Wait! He hasn't killed
anyone yet!
1538
01:32:11,384 --> 01:32:13,616
- What more do you need to see?
- Don't you fucking dare!
1539
01:32:13,618 --> 01:32:14,816
He's just a kid!
1540
01:32:14,818 --> 01:32:16,918
Tick, tock. Meter's running!
1541
01:32:29,251 --> 01:32:32,484
I'm gonna melt you down
and make a cock ring.
1542
01:32:52,752 --> 01:32:55,516
- I told you! Leave me alone!
- Come on!
1543
01:32:55,518 --> 01:32:56,818
Listen to me!
1544
01:33:19,950 --> 01:33:21,915
That's how we do it
1545
01:33:21,917 --> 01:33:23,484
in Mother Russia.
1546
01:33:25,318 --> 01:33:28,151
They say millennials are
the hardest to reach.
1547
01:33:29,384 --> 01:33:32,816
Oh, no.
You're doing amazing.
1548
01:33:33,984 --> 01:33:36,915
Damn, it feels good
to be a gangsta!
1549
01:33:36,917 --> 01:33:38,816
Go home, Wade!
1550
01:33:38,818 --> 01:33:40,884
You're ruining everything!
1551
01:33:45,950 --> 01:33:47,449
I'm getting good
at this shit.
1552
01:33:47,451 --> 01:33:48,484
Go, go, go!
1553
01:33:51,917 --> 01:33:53,915
He dies tonight, Wade.
1554
01:33:53,917 --> 01:33:56,282
You can't stop me!
1555
01:33:56,284 --> 01:33:58,215
He even runs
like a fucking pervert.
1556
01:33:58,217 --> 01:34:01,217
Like an online predator
who lost his laptop.
1557
01:34:02,351 --> 01:34:03,982
There's one bullet left
in that gun.
1558
01:34:03,984 --> 01:34:06,215
Wait, wait, wait! Please,
just give me a second!
1559
01:34:06,217 --> 01:34:07,616
I got this.
1560
01:34:07,618 --> 01:34:09,848
- Russell!
- Stay back! Go home, Wade!
1561
01:34:09,850 --> 01:34:12,616
Let's talk. It doesn't
have to go this way!
1562
01:34:12,618 --> 01:34:14,182
That piece of shit...
1563
01:34:14,184 --> 01:34:15,982
he deserves to die
for what he did to you.
1564
01:34:15,984 --> 01:34:19,484
He hurt you badly.
Makes you wanna hurt others.
1565
01:34:20,184 --> 01:34:22,049
But if you kill him,
he wins.
1566
01:34:22,051 --> 01:34:25,982
You become everything
he says you are, but worse.
1567
01:34:25,984 --> 01:34:28,015
You're just a kid.
1568
01:34:28,017 --> 01:34:29,848
You don't wanna hurt anyone.
1569
01:34:29,850 --> 01:34:31,082
How do you know
what I want?
1570
01:34:31,084 --> 01:34:32,984
Because I've been inside you.
1571
01:34:33,518 --> 01:34:35,449
That came out wrong.
1572
01:34:35,451 --> 01:34:37,049
I've been inside your shoes.
1573
01:34:37,051 --> 01:34:38,982
Which is also off-putting.
1574
01:34:38,984 --> 01:34:40,582
It's not a great analogy.
1575
01:34:40,584 --> 01:34:42,482
The point is...
1576
01:34:42,484 --> 01:34:44,082
there are people...
1577
01:34:44,084 --> 01:34:47,149
There are people
in this fucking world...
1578
01:34:47,151 --> 01:34:49,948
besides him,
who will treat you right.
1579
01:34:49,950 --> 01:34:52,850
It isn't too late.
Don't do it.
1580
01:34:58,051 --> 01:35:00,551
I never should've left
you there.
1581
01:35:02,151 --> 01:35:04,251
I never should've left you
in that prison.
1582
01:35:11,318 --> 01:35:12,551
I can't trust you.
1583
01:35:14,318 --> 01:35:16,817
I can't trust anybody!
1584
01:35:25,785 --> 01:35:27,082
Wonderful kid.
1585
01:35:27,084 --> 01:35:28,882
You can't stop me, Wade!
1586
01:35:31,017 --> 01:35:33,249
I got one more idea.
1587
01:35:33,251 --> 01:35:36,416
It's just a really bad one,
even for me.
1588
01:35:36,418 --> 01:35:37,416
Wade, what are you doing?
1589
01:35:37,418 --> 01:35:39,915
All right. This is for
all the marbles, kid!
1590
01:35:39,917 --> 01:35:42,015
You're gonna kill
someone today...
1591
01:35:42,017 --> 01:35:43,583
Blessed are the wicked...
1592
01:35:43,585 --> 01:35:45,518
...then it's gotta be me.
1593
01:35:46,585 --> 01:35:48,518
...who are healed by my hand!
1594
01:35:51,619 --> 01:35:54,151
Fuck this!
1595
01:35:58,184 --> 01:36:01,848
♪ The sun will
come out tomorrow ♪
1596
01:36:01,850 --> 01:36:06,449
♪ Bet your bottom dollar
that tomorrow ♪
1597
01:36:06,451 --> 01:36:09,449
♪ There'll be sun ♪
1598
01:36:09,451 --> 01:36:16,282
♪ When I'm stuck with a day
that's gray and lonely ♪
1599
01:36:16,284 --> 01:36:23,318
♪ I just stick out my chin
and grin and say ♪
1600
01:36:29,051 --> 01:36:32,449
♪ The sun
will come out tomorrow ♪
1601
01:36:32,451 --> 01:36:37,416
♪ So you gotta hang on
till tomorrow ♪
1602
01:36:37,418 --> 01:36:40,815
♪ Come what may ♪
1603
01:36:40,817 --> 01:36:46,115
♪ Tomorrow, tomorrow
I love ya, tomorrow ♪
1604
01:36:46,117 --> 01:36:50,950
♪ You're always a day away ♪
1605
01:36:54,652 --> 01:36:57,817
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.
1606
01:37:02,785 --> 01:37:04,184
Oh, that's not good.
1607
01:37:05,651 --> 01:37:07,384
No, sir.
1608
01:37:14,685 --> 01:37:17,817
You sacrificed yourself
for me.
1609
01:37:18,151 --> 01:37:19,115
Yeah.
1610
01:37:19,117 --> 01:37:21,617
And it was the best thing
I ever did.
1611
01:37:23,251 --> 01:37:25,583
I told you
I care about you.
1612
01:37:25,585 --> 01:37:27,384
You're a good kid, Russell.
1613
01:37:29,151 --> 01:37:30,217
Hey.
1614
01:37:31,451 --> 01:37:32,749
The bear.
1615
01:37:32,751 --> 01:37:34,184
It worked.
1616
01:37:40,751 --> 01:37:42,683
Because of you.
1617
01:37:42,685 --> 01:37:45,084
No, Wade, because of you.
1618
01:37:45,785 --> 01:37:48,082
Stop, stop, stop!
1619
01:37:48,084 --> 01:37:49,217
Stop!
1620
01:37:50,151 --> 01:37:53,149
Just let it happen, okay?
1621
01:37:53,151 --> 01:37:56,948
I guess my heart was finally
in the right place.
1622
01:37:56,950 --> 01:37:59,485
That riddle
is so fucked up.
1623
01:38:04,384 --> 01:38:06,915
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
1624
01:38:06,917 --> 01:38:08,115
Don't be. Don't be.
1625
01:38:08,117 --> 01:38:10,616
I've been trying to make
this happen for a while.
1626
01:38:10,618 --> 01:38:12,182
Please, just don't leave me.
1627
01:38:12,184 --> 01:38:13,915
I don't wanna die
without an audience.
1628
01:38:13,917 --> 01:38:15,483
We are not going anywhere.
1629
01:38:15,485 --> 01:38:17,848
Oh, God, I hope
the Academy is watching.
1630
01:38:17,850 --> 01:38:19,084
Just rest, okay?
1631
01:38:20,751 --> 01:38:22,017
Papa.
1632
01:38:23,984 --> 01:38:26,117
♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪
1633
01:38:28,117 --> 01:38:34,318
♪ Papa, can you find me
in the night? ♪
1634
01:38:55,519 --> 01:38:57,149
Before I go...
1635
01:38:57,151 --> 01:38:59,117
Sorry, I got a bit more in me.
1636
01:38:59,584 --> 01:39:00,815
Domino.
1637
01:39:00,817 --> 01:39:05,683
I want you to have
my Adventure Time watch.
1638
01:39:07,850 --> 01:39:10,950
Turns out
that I'm the lucky one.
1639
01:39:11,551 --> 01:39:12,850
Thank you.
1640
01:39:13,917 --> 01:39:17,549
Hey, Sabrina,
the Teenage Witch.
1641
01:39:17,551 --> 01:39:19,817
It has been a pleasure.
1642
01:39:21,151 --> 01:39:24,282
- Hi, Yukio.
- Hi, Wade!
1643
01:39:25,817 --> 01:39:27,184
And you...
1644
01:39:27,618 --> 01:39:29,450
Chrome Bone.
1645
01:39:29,452 --> 01:39:32,616
I haven't always been
the best friend to you.
1646
01:39:32,618 --> 01:39:34,948
But you've always been
that to me.
1647
01:39:34,950 --> 01:39:36,385
So thank you.
1648
01:39:38,518 --> 01:39:40,184
Say "fuck" for me.
1649
01:39:40,850 --> 01:39:42,115
Just once. Come on,
1650
01:39:42,117 --> 01:39:43,848
we'll do it together.
It's no big deal.
1651
01:39:43,850 --> 01:39:47,115
Here we go. One, two, three.
F... F... F...
1652
01:39:47,117 --> 01:39:48,049
Fuck.
1653
01:39:48,051 --> 01:39:51,484
Wow! Enjoy hell, swamp mouth.
1654
01:39:52,751 --> 01:39:55,848
And you, Cable.
1655
01:39:55,850 --> 01:40:00,282
You get back to your family.
You tell 'em Wade says hi.
1656
01:40:00,284 --> 01:40:04,015
And promise me.
Promise me one thing.
1657
01:40:04,017 --> 01:40:05,582
That you'll start
judging people...
1658
01:40:05,584 --> 01:40:06,915
not by the color
of their skin,
1659
01:40:06,917 --> 01:40:09,017
but by the content
of their character.
1660
01:40:09,618 --> 01:40:11,284
- Jesus.
- R-Dog?
1661
01:40:12,452 --> 01:40:14,848
There you are. Hey!
1662
01:40:14,850 --> 01:40:16,850
You're a superhero now, bubba.
1663
01:40:18,251 --> 01:40:19,549
Look.
1664
01:40:19,551 --> 01:40:22,251
Family is not an F-word.
1665
01:40:22,850 --> 01:40:24,149
All right?
1666
01:40:24,151 --> 01:40:26,716
There's one out there for you.
1667
01:40:26,718 --> 01:40:28,484
Just keep looking, okay?
1668
01:40:31,850 --> 01:40:34,850
Guys, for a second there...
1669
01:40:35,518 --> 01:40:38,251
we made a pretty good team.
1670
01:40:52,651 --> 01:40:54,850
Oh, it's so hard to go.
1671
01:40:56,084 --> 01:40:58,551
I just love being around
you guys so much.
1672
01:40:59,618 --> 01:41:01,017
So, so much.
1673
01:41:01,584 --> 01:41:02,915
Mmm.
1674
01:41:02,917 --> 01:41:05,815
No, I can feel it now.
Here it comes, yeah.
1675
01:41:05,817 --> 01:41:09,749
I feel the soul
exiting the husk.
1676
01:41:09,751 --> 01:41:10,950
Yeah.
1677
01:41:12,551 --> 01:41:14,982
Can you see it?
1678
01:41:14,984 --> 01:41:17,319
Do you see
that beautiful bright light?
1679
01:41:18,685 --> 01:41:20,017
There it is.
1680
01:41:26,017 --> 01:41:27,250
Oh, that's the sun.
1681
01:41:27,252 --> 01:41:29,516
Don't stare
directly into that.
1682
01:41:29,518 --> 01:41:30,848
I just have
a few final words.
1683
01:41:33,184 --> 01:41:34,484
Woodpecker.
1684
01:41:35,319 --> 01:41:36,584
Gingivitis.
1685
01:41:38,618 --> 01:41:40,117
Codswallop.
1686
01:41:44,184 --> 01:41:46,352
Do You Want to
Build a Snowman?
1687
01:42:25,017 --> 01:42:27,817
♪ We're talking away ♪
1688
01:42:29,252 --> 01:42:32,183
♪ I don't know
what I'm to say ♪
1689
01:42:32,185 --> 01:42:34,817
♪ I'll say it anyway ♪
1690
01:42:35,917 --> 01:42:40,582
♪ Today's another day
to find you ♪
1691
01:42:40,584 --> 01:42:42,418
♪ Shying away ♪
1692
01:42:43,551 --> 01:42:46,518
♪ I'll be coming
for your love, okay? ♪
1693
01:42:47,384 --> 01:42:52,017
♪ Take on me ♪
1694
01:42:54,751 --> 01:42:59,950
♪ Take me on ♪
1695
01:43:01,218 --> 01:43:02,549
Sorry I'm late.
1696
01:43:02,551 --> 01:43:04,015
There was a bunch
1697
01:43:04,017 --> 01:43:05,516
of handicapable children
who were stuck in a tree.
1698
01:43:05,518 --> 01:43:06,884
- No.
- No.
1699
01:43:07,751 --> 01:43:10,848
- But I did have to help a kid.
- Yeah.
1700
01:43:10,850 --> 01:43:12,815
- He's got a terrible name.
- It's just awful.
1701
01:43:12,817 --> 01:43:14,017
- Ugh.
- I tried to tell him.
1702
01:43:16,284 --> 01:43:17,584
Is this heaven?
1703
01:43:18,484 --> 01:43:19,850
It is now.
1704
01:43:23,218 --> 01:43:25,118
I am so sorry.
1705
01:43:25,785 --> 01:43:28,015
It's okay.
1706
01:43:28,017 --> 01:43:31,284
♪ Slowly learning
that life is okay ♪
1707
01:43:31,950 --> 01:43:34,252
♪ Say after me ♪
1708
01:43:35,384 --> 01:43:39,017
♪ It's no better to be safe
than sorry ♪
1709
01:43:39,651 --> 01:43:44,051
♪ Take on me ♪
1710
01:43:46,917 --> 01:43:49,017
I missed you so much.
1711
01:43:54,484 --> 01:43:56,218
What is it? What's wrong?
1712
01:43:57,950 --> 01:44:00,015
It's not time.
1713
01:44:00,017 --> 01:44:02,049
What do you mean
it's not time?
1714
01:44:02,051 --> 01:44:03,783
I'm here, I made it.
1715
01:44:03,785 --> 01:44:05,382
- You can't stay.
- No, no, no.
1716
01:44:05,384 --> 01:44:08,349
I'm staying. I'm not going
anywhere without you.
1717
01:44:08,351 --> 01:44:09,749
It's okay.
1718
01:44:09,751 --> 01:44:12,817
There's a time for us.
It's just not now.
1719
01:44:13,618 --> 01:44:16,185
- They need you.
- Who?
1720
01:44:18,017 --> 01:44:19,451
Your F-word.
1721
01:44:20,651 --> 01:44:21,982
Why?
1722
01:44:21,984 --> 01:44:23,984
You'll find out.
1723
01:44:24,751 --> 01:44:26,884
It's all right. I'll be here.
1724
01:44:27,917 --> 01:44:29,318
I love you.
1725
01:44:31,718 --> 01:44:34,251
I know. I love you, too.
1726
01:44:34,850 --> 01:44:36,052
Now, go.
1727
01:44:37,085 --> 01:44:39,284
Go on. Go, get out of here.
1728
01:44:40,318 --> 01:44:41,318
Go.
1729
01:44:44,384 --> 01:44:45,384
Hey!
1730
01:44:48,185 --> 01:44:50,518
Kiss me
like you miss me, Red.
1731
01:44:51,217 --> 01:44:52,318
Well, come here.
1732
01:44:54,584 --> 01:44:59,917
♪ Take me on ♪
1733
01:45:01,884 --> 01:45:06,950
♪ I'll be gone ♪
1734
01:45:08,018 --> 01:45:11,118
♪ In a day or two ♪
1735
01:45:11,618 --> 01:45:13,016
Don't fuck Elvis.
1736
01:45:13,018 --> 01:45:15,184
- Don't fuck Colossus.
- What?
1737
01:45:24,884 --> 01:45:26,316
Time to make the chimichangas.
1738
01:45:26,318 --> 01:45:27,249
30 seconds.
1739
01:45:27,251 --> 01:45:28,683
Hey. Been meaning
to ask you...
1740
01:45:28,685 --> 01:45:31,116
what's with the creepy,
dirty hobo bear?
1741
01:45:31,118 --> 01:45:32,982
It's my daughter's
teddy bear.
1742
01:45:32,984 --> 01:45:34,416
Her name's Hope.
1743
01:45:34,418 --> 01:45:35,518
Well...
1744
01:45:36,685 --> 01:45:38,616
What are you doing?
1745
01:45:38,618 --> 01:45:40,482
Somebody swiped right.
1746
01:45:52,785 --> 01:45:55,582
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.
1747
01:45:58,318 --> 01:46:00,449
You sacrificed
yourself for me.
1748
01:46:00,451 --> 01:46:02,052
It would seem I...
1749
01:46:04,085 --> 01:46:05,318
Huh?
1750
01:46:06,418 --> 01:46:08,884
Genuine, high-grade lead.
1751
01:46:10,618 --> 01:46:13,683
You time-sliding
son of a bitch!
1752
01:46:13,685 --> 01:46:15,351
You did this for me?
1753
01:46:17,052 --> 01:46:20,149
Wait. You can't go back.
1754
01:46:20,151 --> 01:46:21,616
You used
the last of your fuel.
1755
01:46:21,618 --> 01:46:23,249
What about your girl,
your wife?
1756
01:46:23,251 --> 01:46:26,850
Now, my family's safe.
And I didn't do it for you.
1757
01:46:28,018 --> 01:46:30,616
No, I'm gonna stick around
for a while...
1758
01:46:30,618 --> 01:46:31,848
and make sure the world
1759
01:46:31,850 --> 01:46:33,817
doesn't shit itself
into oblivion.
1760
01:46:34,384 --> 01:46:37,284
No. You did it for me.
1761
01:46:37,884 --> 01:46:39,482
No, I didn't.
1762
01:46:39,484 --> 01:46:40,848
- You did.
- I really didn't.
1763
01:46:40,850 --> 01:46:42,749
- Pretty sure you did.
- No, I'm positive I didn't.
1764
01:46:42,751 --> 01:46:44,416
Fine. All right,
let's flip a coin. Okay?
1765
01:46:44,418 --> 01:46:47,182
Heads, you did it for me.
Tails, you did it for me.
1766
01:46:47,184 --> 01:46:49,951
I'm not even gonna look,
because you did it for me.
1767
01:46:50,351 --> 01:46:51,215
Say it again.
1768
01:46:51,217 --> 01:46:52,983
- He did it for me.
- Jesus.
1769
01:46:52,985 --> 01:46:54,949
- We must get the collar off.
- Forget it. It's no use.
1770
01:46:54,951 --> 01:46:57,016
These collars
don't just come off.
1771
01:46:57,018 --> 01:46:58,018
Wade.
1772
01:46:58,451 --> 01:47:00,215
I have an idea.
1773
01:47:00,217 --> 01:47:02,349
No, no, no!
Let's not do that. Please!
1774
01:47:02,351 --> 01:47:04,916
I'd rather die of cancer.
Let's just...
1775
01:47:04,918 --> 01:47:08,182
Oh, God! They do say the pen
is grosser than the sword.
1776
01:47:08,184 --> 01:47:10,549
We need the code.
1777
01:47:10,551 --> 01:47:12,316
Try, uh, seven?
1778
01:47:12,318 --> 01:47:14,016
Settle down,
Captain Lucky.
1779
01:47:14,018 --> 01:47:15,616
It's not gonna be one number.
1780
01:47:15,618 --> 01:47:16,884
Oh, God,
that's lazy writing.
1781
01:47:17,685 --> 01:47:19,151
I still got it.
1782
01:47:21,985 --> 01:47:24,151
Put that back
in your prison wallet.
1783
01:47:25,718 --> 01:47:27,649
I don't know
how to thank you.
1784
01:47:27,651 --> 01:47:29,616
But I do know
how to hug you.
1785
01:47:29,618 --> 01:47:30,883
- No.
- Yes.
1786
01:47:30,885 --> 01:47:32,516
Here we go. Bring it in.
1787
01:47:32,518 --> 01:47:33,616
Come on.
1788
01:47:33,618 --> 01:47:34,983
Pelvis to pelvis.
1789
01:47:34,985 --> 01:47:36,316
Let's go tip to tip.
1790
01:47:36,318 --> 01:47:39,249
There we go.
The kids call this docking.
1791
01:47:40,718 --> 01:47:42,249
Is there a knife
in my dick?
1792
01:47:42,251 --> 01:47:44,149
- There's a knife in your dick.
- I'm just gonna back up now.
1793
01:47:44,151 --> 01:47:46,015
- Yeah, yeah.
- No need to go full Yentl.
1794
01:47:46,017 --> 01:47:48,883
Gonna pretend
like that never happened.
1795
01:47:48,885 --> 01:47:51,017
Let's go home, Russell.
1796
01:47:54,551 --> 01:47:56,783
All you dirty mutants
1797
01:47:56,785 --> 01:47:58,883
are gonna rot in hell
with the boy!
1798
01:47:58,885 --> 01:48:01,983
Your souls
are beyond redemption!
1799
01:48:01,985 --> 01:48:03,249
Let's see your soul, perv!
1800
01:48:03,251 --> 01:48:06,349
No, no! No! No more!
We're better than that!
1801
01:48:06,351 --> 01:48:07,382
We're better than him!
1802
01:48:07,384 --> 01:48:10,115
No more senseless violence!
No more bloodshed!
1803
01:48:10,117 --> 01:48:11,815
We'll let karma
take care of him.
1804
01:48:11,817 --> 01:48:15,017
The day of reckoning
is here!
1805
01:48:24,084 --> 01:48:26,382
I'm gonna miss him.
He seemed great.
1806
01:48:26,384 --> 01:48:27,582
Whoo!
1807
01:48:27,584 --> 01:48:29,316
Courage, motherfuckers!
1808
01:48:29,318 --> 01:48:30,482
And karma, motherfucker.
1809
01:48:30,484 --> 01:48:32,149
I could hear you
coming the last 30 seconds.
1810
01:48:32,151 --> 01:48:34,382
I could barely keep
a straight face.
1811
01:48:34,384 --> 01:48:36,082
I want some more.
1812
01:48:36,084 --> 01:48:37,883
I bet you do, Brown Panther.
1813
01:48:37,885 --> 01:48:41,349
We should leave
before Fuckernaut wakes up.
1814
01:48:41,351 --> 01:48:43,783
Good call. You guys
coming with us?
1815
01:48:43,785 --> 01:48:45,783
No, we'll get the kids
back to the mansion.
1816
01:48:45,785 --> 01:48:47,449
Besides, we're X-Men.
1817
01:48:47,451 --> 01:48:50,015
No, you're X-People.
1818
01:48:50,017 --> 01:48:51,282
You're exhausting.
1819
01:48:51,284 --> 01:48:53,883
I see what you did there.
Puns.
1820
01:48:53,885 --> 01:48:56,382
- Bye, Wade!
- Bye, Yukio!
1821
01:48:58,685 --> 01:48:59,784
What do you get
1822
01:48:59,786 --> 01:49:00,916
when you take
eight feet of chrome...
1823
01:49:00,918 --> 01:49:02,082
one pinch of courage...
1824
01:49:02,084 --> 01:49:03,516
a cup of good luck...
1825
01:49:03,518 --> 01:49:04,982
a dab of racism...
1826
01:49:04,984 --> 01:49:06,249
a splash of diabetes...
1827
01:49:06,251 --> 01:49:08,982
and a wheelbarrow
full of stage four cancer?
1828
01:49:08,984 --> 01:49:11,582
Answer: a family.
1829
01:49:11,584 --> 01:49:14,916
See? I didn't lie
what kind of film this was.
1830
01:49:14,918 --> 01:49:16,316
If there's anything
you take away today...
1831
01:49:16,318 --> 01:49:19,382
other than the need to Google,
"What the fuck is dubstep?"...
1832
01:49:19,384 --> 01:49:22,418
it's that we all need
to belong to someone.
1833
01:49:25,108 --> 01:49:30,108
Subtitles by explosiveskull
1834
01:51:19,051 --> 01:51:20,915
How something
so small generates
1835
01:51:20,917 --> 01:51:22,915
enough energy
to reverse time is...
1836
01:51:22,917 --> 01:51:24,948
Oh, just fix it, Eleven,
1837
01:51:24,950 --> 01:51:27,115
or I'll take it
to the Genius Bar.
1838
01:51:27,117 --> 01:51:28,516
Cable's gonna kill you
when he finds out.
1839
01:51:28,518 --> 01:51:29,582
Never heard of him.
1840
01:51:29,584 --> 01:51:31,151
Why do you think
I'm helping him?
1841
01:51:32,184 --> 01:51:34,616
The Lord works
in mysterious ways,
1842
01:51:34,618 --> 01:51:36,817
don't I? A good day.
1843
01:51:37,584 --> 01:51:38,584
Bye, Wade!
1844
01:51:39,184 --> 01:51:40,184
Bye, Yukio!
1845
01:51:41,451 --> 01:51:43,882
That was probably a bad idea.
1846
01:51:43,884 --> 01:51:45,815
What have we done?
1847
01:52:03,817 --> 01:52:05,783
I hope we sharpened
the cream cheese spreader.
1848
01:52:15,917 --> 01:52:17,484
I'll be right back!
1849
01:52:19,251 --> 01:52:22,084
We're definitely naming
our kid Cher!
1850
01:52:22,384 --> 01:52:23,384
Whoo!
1851
01:52:25,251 --> 01:52:26,583
Peter!
1852
01:52:26,585 --> 01:52:28,015
Whoo! X-Force!
1853
01:52:28,017 --> 01:52:30,384
Walk away! Just walk away!
1854
01:52:31,284 --> 01:52:32,382
But we're X-Force!
1855
01:52:32,384 --> 01:52:34,082
Nope! We're not,
there's no X-Force!
1856
01:52:34,084 --> 01:52:37,583
All right, well,
this has been pretty scary!
1857
01:52:37,585 --> 01:52:40,249
Go home, Sugarbear.
Go home.
1858
01:52:40,251 --> 01:52:43,151
Okay. Will you give
Domino my email?
1859
01:52:52,351 --> 01:52:54,184
Wade, is that you?
1860
01:52:56,451 --> 01:52:57,783
I guess Stryker finally
1861
01:52:57,785 --> 01:52:59,217
figured out
how to shut you up.
1862
01:53:05,751 --> 01:53:08,882
Hey! It's me!
Don't scratch!
1863
01:53:08,884 --> 01:53:11,316
Just cleaning up
the timelines!
1864
01:53:15,850 --> 01:53:17,251
Love you!
1865
01:53:19,619 --> 01:53:21,051
Welcome to
the big leagues, kid.
1866
01:53:28,451 --> 01:53:30,318
You're welcome, Canada.
131131
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