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BOX OFFICE 3D
THE MOVIE OF MOVIES
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00:02:33,737 --> 00:02:38,325
Here it is!
Teomondo Scrofalo's masterpiece.
3
00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:47,501
Who are you? What are you doing here?
The museum is closed!
4
00:02:47,585 --> 00:02:50,713
You'll never get out of here alive
with that painting!
5
00:02:55,593 --> 00:02:57,052
They will.
6
00:03:04,268 --> 00:03:07,897
No one has ever seen such violence
at the beginning of a film.
7
00:03:16,155 --> 00:03:19,366
THE TEOMONDO SCROFALO CODE
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00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:21,327
Our entire life,
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00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:24,121
from our first cry
to our final throes,
10
00:03:24,246 --> 00:03:29,543
is one long, painstaking struggle
to interpret symbols.
11
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:33,172
Take for instance
the letters of the alphabet,
12
00:03:33,255 --> 00:03:37,176
the language of the ancient Egyptians,
ASCII computer codes,
13
00:03:37,343 --> 00:03:41,138
today's crossword puzzles and games,
the magic of cards,
14
00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:45,935
or even the cryptic and allusive
symbolism of tarot cards...
15
00:03:49,230 --> 00:03:50,898
Lights, please.
16
00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:58,197
I said "lights" meaning "no lights,"
turn off the lights!
17
00:04:01,659 --> 00:04:04,411
First slide, please.
18
00:04:04,954 --> 00:04:07,706
What does this image bring to mind?
19
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:11,252
In my opinion
the thinness of the candelabra
20
00:04:11,335 --> 00:04:15,214
is a clear reference to avarice
as a form of sterile soullessness.
21
00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:17,132
No. Someone else?
22
00:04:17,216 --> 00:04:18,717
Greed!
23
00:04:18,801 --> 00:04:22,179
No, it means
that the lights went off!
24
00:04:23,806 --> 00:04:26,433
Next slide, please.
I won't look at it.
25
00:04:26,517 --> 00:04:30,562
I will rely upon your acumen and insight
to reveal the answer.
26
00:04:30,646 --> 00:04:34,275
What does this image represent?
27
00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:36,318
- Fuck off!
- Fuck off!
28
00:04:37,403 --> 00:04:39,405
How dare you?
29
00:04:39,488 --> 00:04:43,575
Those who aren't interested in this lecture
can leave. How rude!
30
00:04:45,369 --> 00:04:47,705
Who the hell prepared these slides?
31
00:04:47,871 --> 00:04:50,332
Please, Dr. Strong,
you must follow me.
32
00:04:50,416 --> 00:04:53,168
Something terrible has happened!
The police needs you.
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00:04:53,252 --> 00:04:59,216
I cannot, young lady, nothing could be
more important than my lecture.
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00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:00,634
I can't come.
35
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:06,056
Class dismissed. I've got more important
business to attend to. See you tomorrow!
36
00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:08,183
Where is he going?
37
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,729
Let's go.
Tell me what's going on.
38
00:05:12,146 --> 00:05:14,898
- Inspector Michel is expecting you.
- Thanks.
39
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:19,528
Good evening, Prof. Strong,
welcome to the Musée du Louuu...
40
00:05:26,744 --> 00:05:28,454
We've worked on
several cases together,
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00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:31,582
but this one
will be the hardest to crack.
42
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:35,044
You're right, Inspector.
There's no doubt in my mind
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00:05:35,127 --> 00:05:38,505
- that we will encounter a bottleneck.
- Don't be so pessimistic,
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00:05:38,589 --> 00:05:42,092
our investigation won't necessarily
run into a bottleneck.
45
00:05:42,176 --> 00:05:43,927
Not the investigation!
46
00:05:44,053 --> 00:05:47,097
I'm talking about this bottleneck right here.
Look at this...
47
00:05:47,264 --> 00:05:51,477
Before being choked to death with wine,
he held up three fingers!
48
00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:55,773
This could be a clear reference
to the tri-partition of the square root
49
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:58,359
of the thirteenth postulate
of the Fibonacci Theorem!
50
00:05:58,442 --> 00:05:59,568
You're a walking encyclopedia.
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00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:01,445
It's an honor and a pleasure
working with you.
52
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:04,365
And look at the thumbnail
on his right hand.
53
00:06:04,782 --> 00:06:06,575
It's longer than the other thumbnail.
54
00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:08,535
It's a clear reference to the right claw
55
00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:11,413
of Woloch the winged griffin,
a Phoenician divinity.
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00:06:11,497 --> 00:06:14,708
Your knowledge of symbology
is astonishing.
57
00:06:14,792 --> 00:06:18,504
Thank you. I'm astonished too,
with all this bullshit I'm spewing.
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00:06:18,587 --> 00:06:20,631
Wait, there's something else!
59
00:06:22,383 --> 00:06:25,552
- What is it?
- It's a Da Win-ci Scratch card!
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00:06:25,636 --> 00:06:30,099
1810... The best Chianti vintage
of that century.
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00:06:30,516 --> 00:06:35,229
The corpse has a flask in his throat
and three is the devil's number.
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00:06:35,312 --> 00:06:37,314
Inspector Michel!
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00:06:37,398 --> 00:06:41,443
- Dr. Wrong...
- Strong, Dr. Strong!
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00:06:41,527 --> 00:06:43,070
I'm sorry. Please, come with me.
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00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:47,658
The stolen painting was indeed
"ll Giocondo" by Teomondo Scrofalo,
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00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:51,703
the most important painting
in the Louuu...
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00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:56,458
Every painting
contains a microchip,
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00:06:56,542 --> 00:06:59,378
which allows us to locate them
wherever they may be,
69
00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:02,756
but the painting localization system
has been compromised,
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00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:04,925
and the microchip has been damaged.
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00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:08,303
We are currently unable
to trace the stolen painting.
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00:07:08,387 --> 00:07:10,431
- What a shame!
- It's almost lunch time.
73
00:07:10,514 --> 00:07:13,892
Doctor, would you like a tuna tartare?
Or maybe a pepperoni pizza?
74
00:07:13,976 --> 00:07:16,061
Thank you, Inspector,
I thought you'd never ask!
75
00:07:16,145 --> 00:07:20,065
I was at the university this morning
and I didn't eat anything.
76
00:07:20,149 --> 00:07:21,859
I'd love to have a bite to eat.
77
00:07:23,861 --> 00:07:28,699
- Professor, aren't you coming?
- These clues have made me drowsy.
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00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:31,326
I need to get some sleep.
Good night!
79
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:36,290
You were right, he really is wrong...
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00:07:47,593 --> 00:07:50,596
First he says he'll have lunch,
then he goes off to sleep.
81
00:07:50,679 --> 00:07:53,849
It's going to take an expert
to decode that guy's thoughts.
82
00:07:59,188 --> 00:08:02,566
- Weren't you going to get some rest?
- Who, me? I never sleep.
83
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:06,528
I would have loved to have dinner,
but you never invited me.
84
00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,782
This is a copy
from the archives.
85
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:12,951
Why would they want that painting?
86
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:16,371
What's behind the mystery of that smile?
That's going to be our starting point.
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00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:22,336
The history books say he was a distant
descendant of Leonardo Da Vinci's.
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00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:25,714
- Very distant.
- Yes, very distant.
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00:08:25,923 --> 00:08:28,550
He was obsessed
by the Gioconda's smile,
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00:08:28,634 --> 00:08:30,719
and tried all his life
to imitate it, but in vain.
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00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:33,514
He never succeeded,
so he started drinking
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00:08:33,597 --> 00:08:37,601
and only painted old drunks
like himself for the rest of his days.
93
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:42,064
This is his greatest masterpiece:
"ll Giocondo."
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00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:44,691
A fanatical sect
tried to steal it once before.
95
00:08:44,775 --> 00:08:48,278
I know:
the Lacryma Christi Confraternity,
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00:08:48,362 --> 00:08:50,656
also known as the "Centennial Sect".
97
00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:54,993
They keep trying to steal this painting
for use in satanic rites
98
00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:58,580
that will generate
the elixir of youth.
99
00:08:58,664 --> 00:09:00,415
Inspector Michel, Dr. Wrong...
100
00:09:00,499 --> 00:09:03,544
My name is Strong.
If anyone here is wrong, it's you!
101
00:09:03,627 --> 00:09:06,338
- Calm down, Professor.
- But he keeps calling me...
102
00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:08,423
- What is it?
- Forensics has confirmed
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00:09:08,507 --> 00:09:12,761
that the localization chip
in the painting
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00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:15,305
has been compromised,
but not completely.
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00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:17,891
We need a hacker...
and I've got one!
106
00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:20,352
She is the best.
Only problem is, she's in jail.
107
00:09:20,435 --> 00:09:21,645
Dr. Strong, let's go!
108
00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:23,772
I can't, I've got an appointment
with the podiatrist.
109
00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:26,567
When it's time to have my feet checked
nothing else matters!
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00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:28,110
Goodbye.
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00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:36,326
Officer, Inspector! Are we going
to talk to this hacker, or what?
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00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:38,870
Strange people!
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00:09:39,705 --> 00:09:42,207
Holy cow, that hurt!
114
00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:44,751
He really is all wrong!
115
00:09:44,835 --> 00:09:47,754
You're about to meet
Liz Salamander.
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00:09:47,838 --> 00:09:50,090
I know her.
117
00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:52,342
She was a student of mine
in Phoenician nutrition
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00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:54,344
at Boston University.
She was a genius.
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00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:56,305
She was the one who took my chair
at the University.
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00:09:56,388 --> 00:09:58,140
She replaced you?
121
00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:00,017
No, she stole my chair.
She put it in a van
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00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,644
and sold it to a junk dealer
to buy marijuana.
123
00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:05,814
Inspector Michel, Professor Wr...
124
00:10:06,815 --> 00:10:10,110
Welcome to the prison
of Saint-Maluuu...
125
00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:24,207
What the fuck, you mother fuckers!
126
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:27,669
That's her. She always
greeted me that way in class.
127
00:10:28,337 --> 00:10:29,921
How are you doing, Liz?
128
00:10:30,005 --> 00:10:33,800
Prof. Wrong, still sporting
those cute hairpieces, I see!
129
00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:35,844
Did you know that he washes his hair
in the washing machine?
130
00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:37,638
That's enough, Liz!
131
00:10:37,721 --> 00:10:40,307
What the hell are you laughing at,
denture face!
132
00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:43,268
Liz, listen to us carefully.
133
00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:46,563
How about working with us on a case
in exchange for your freedom?
134
00:10:48,774 --> 00:10:53,320
You're asking me
if I want to leave this cesspool
135
00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:57,532
and become a free citizen again?
What kind of a fucking question is that?
136
00:10:57,616 --> 00:11:00,243
She's right, Inspector.
137
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:01,912
Who is writing these shitty lines?
138
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,747
My answer is:
139
00:11:03,914 --> 00:11:05,457
yes. I'll do it.
140
00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:07,668
Get your things,
we'll explain on the way.
141
00:11:07,751 --> 00:11:13,215
Listen, grandpa, I lay down the rules:
I get to do whatever I want!
142
00:11:16,051 --> 00:11:18,762
- Liz, any news?
- Very good news!
143
00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:22,808
The chip behind the painting
was only disconnected.
144
00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:29,481
I'll use
a virtual memory recovery program
145
00:11:33,694 --> 00:11:37,114
to restore
our connection to the chip.
146
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,908
How long will that take?
15-20 minutes?
147
00:11:40,826 --> 00:11:44,121
With these fucking ASCII codes,
it'll take all night.
148
00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:46,623
All night?!
149
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:58,009
Arsgrw bzzrsgtk jksbdfpt.
150
00:11:58,093 --> 00:11:59,344
What?
151
00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:03,807
- We know where the painting is!
- What?
152
00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:19,948
Wow! Here it is, Liz.
The crypt of the Gioconclo!
153
00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:22,159
Who the fuck was this Giocondo?
154
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:27,080
The elderly drinker who posed for
Teomondo Scrofalo's stolen painting.
155
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:30,959
Frank, this place gives me the creeps.
156
00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:35,422
- Aren't you scared?
- Scared'? Me? Come on!
157
00:12:40,385 --> 00:12:42,053
You'd better walk in first.
158
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:44,723
You go ahead, I'll be
right behind you. Go on, it's ok.
159
00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:48,226
No, no, no. First the teacher,
then the student. Go!
160
00:12:54,566 --> 00:12:57,652
Frank, I've been trying to tell you
something important for the last hour.
161
00:12:57,736 --> 00:13:00,572
Wait. Look up there.
162
00:13:03,241 --> 00:13:05,368
This fresco
was painted by Master Scrofalo.
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00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:10,248
- How can you be so sure?
- How can I be so sure?
164
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:21,259
- Frank, listen to me.
- Wait a moment.
165
00:13:25,055 --> 00:13:34,064
With the baby lightinum lookum,
superimposum "smilum et streetus"
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00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,650
afterus eternam youthum findum.
167
00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:39,945
He was a terrible painter,
but his Latin was even worse!
168
00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:42,197
Frank, please, listen to me,
it's important!
169
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:47,077
Wait, I've got it!
"With the baby lightinum lookum."
170
00:13:47,369 --> 00:13:49,830
Look, the light on the child!
171
00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:53,041
Whatthefuck's Triangle of Light!
172
00:13:53,124 --> 00:13:55,210
Who was Whatthefuck?
173
00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:59,881
An Italian scientist who experimented
with electricity at home.
174
00:13:59,965 --> 00:14:04,427
Every time he got the electricity bill
he exclaimed "What the fuck!"
175
00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:06,471
Frank,
I've been trying to tell you...
176
00:14:06,555 --> 00:14:09,140
Wait, I've got an idea!
177
00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:12,894
"Superimposum smilum et streetus".
178
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:17,566
The "streetum" is the map of Paris.
Quick, put it down on the stone.
179
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:21,111
The "smilum" is the Giocondo's smile.
Cpme quick!
180
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:24,114
Aim the flashlight
at that child's face.
181
00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:30,036
Look, the Triangle of Light marks
three points on the painting.
182
00:14:30,245 --> 00:14:33,123
The first points to the museum
that housed the painting.
183
00:14:33,957 --> 00:14:37,294
The second points to where we are now,
Batou graveyard!
184
00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:42,299
What if the cemetery
was named Bate?
185
00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:48,680
The third is on
Teomondo Scrofalo's signature.
186
00:14:48,763 --> 00:14:51,433
Look, it's casting its light
on Fragolin de Sauterne!
187
00:14:51,516 --> 00:14:55,228
I've got it, Liz! The burial place
of the Master's mortal remains.
188
00:14:55,312 --> 00:14:58,648
That's where they're keeping
the painting they stole from the Louvre,
189
00:14:58,732 --> 00:15:03,778
and where the Centennial Sect will
celebrate the satanic rite tonight!
190
00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:06,281
That's what I've been trying
to tell you all day!
191
00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:09,409
I went online and logged on
to the painting's microchip:
192
00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:12,120
it's in
the Fragolin de Sauterne area.
193
00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:16,082
- There's nothing here but the old man's tomb.
- Whatthefuck!
194
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:19,920
What's this got to do
with the scientist now?
195
00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:22,505
No, I meant whatthefuck's
wrong with you!
196
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:25,300
Couldn't you have told me earlier?
197
00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:27,928
We could have saved the rental money
for this location!
198
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,852
- Liz, how is the weather outside?
- Beautiful!
199
00:15:35,936 --> 00:15:38,688
- You must be smoking a joint then.
- I am.
200
00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:41,524
- Do you mind?
- No!
201
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:45,946
Here on the "X" is where
the Fragolin de Sauterne quarry is.
202
00:15:46,029 --> 00:15:48,531
Not in front, I can't see.
203
00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,992
- The smoke isn't helping either.
- Swerve to the right,
204
00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:53,954
now left...
Hole!
205
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,998
Got it! Next time,
yell "hole" a little sooner, will you?
206
00:15:57,123 --> 00:16:00,043
What's this thing hanging here?
It stinks too! What flavor is it?
207
00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:02,420
- Hashish.
- You've got a one track mind!
208
00:16:03,213 --> 00:16:06,800
- We're almost there.
- Thank goodness.
209
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:19,062
Hey, this isn't the car
we started the trip with!
210
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:25,318
These kinds of films are full of
mistakes, so we have to make them too.
211
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:32,450
Frank, are you sure
we've reached point X?
212
00:16:32,534 --> 00:16:37,497
I'm Frank Strong, Professor
of Symbology at Paris University
213
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:45,296
and when I say we're at point X,
we are at point X!
214
00:16:45,714 --> 00:16:47,298
L_€t'S
215
00:16:48,967 --> 00:16:53,096
Faithful disciples of Lacryma Christi,
216
00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:56,850
members of the Centennial Sect,
217
00:16:57,058 --> 00:17:03,023
we are gathered here to perform
the ritual of eternal youth.
218
00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:13,825
Frank, you have to go in there
and join those acolytes!
219
00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:17,162
Colic? No one there is colicky,
they look fine!
220
00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:22,083
Acolytes! I'm suggesting
you go mingle with them!
221
00:17:22,917 --> 00:17:26,421
Well, I would,
but I don't have a fuchsia tunic.
222
00:17:26,504 --> 00:17:28,715
That's not true, you've got one.
223
00:17:31,676 --> 00:17:35,472
Liz, there's no way
I'm wearing your skirt.
224
00:17:44,355 --> 00:17:47,275
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
225
00:17:48,651 --> 00:17:52,864
- Thank you.
- Your tunic is a bit short.
226
00:17:53,782 --> 00:17:58,078
Mr. Bishop, I'm sorry, I must have
washed it wrong and it shrunk a little.
227
00:17:58,161 --> 00:18:01,706
- So wash it in cold water.
- I will.
228
00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:04,250
Today is the day!
229
00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:08,755
The Lacryma Christi sect,
which unites every hundred years
230
00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:12,383
to celebrate its magic ritual,
231
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:17,889
has gathered the three necessary
elements for the miracle:
232
00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:23,770
the secret code, the mortal remains
of Master Teomondo Scrofalo,
233
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:28,733
and his wonderful, extraordinary,
inimitable work of art..
234
00:18:28,817 --> 00:18:32,612
- You call that a work of art?
- Oh, please!
235
00:18:32,695 --> 00:18:37,408
- His wonderful painting!
- Please!
236
00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:41,746
All right, this thing here.
237
00:18:41,996 --> 00:18:46,584
After having read the formula
contained in the Master's code book
238
00:18:46,668 --> 00:18:49,796
for the miracle to occur
at midnight sharp,
239
00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:52,632
let us drink!
240
00:18:53,925 --> 00:18:57,804
The elixir of longevity
and eternal youth!
241
00:18:58,221 --> 00:19:01,349
Well, I'm here... I might as well
rejuvenate a few years...
242
00:19:01,432 --> 00:19:07,397
To youm, Teomondo Scrofalo,
let us makemus the miraculum!
243
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,399
To youm!
244
00:19:20,618 --> 00:19:26,541
Thank you, Teomondo,
for making us in your likeness!
245
00:19:26,791 --> 00:19:32,172
May joy reign over this sad world!
246
00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:44,517
Besides being a dunce
in art and Latin,
247
00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:46,853
he was a dunce
in chemistry as well!
248
00:19:46,936 --> 00:19:53,109
It's not the "eternal youth formula."
It's the "eternal drunkenness spell!"
249
00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:56,654
Frank, what happened?
You didn't get younger, you got older!
250
00:19:56,738 --> 00:19:59,532
Hurry, take me to the Basilica
of San Pellegrino,
251
00:19:59,616 --> 00:20:01,075
I must dive into that spring
252
00:20:01,159 --> 00:20:03,661
and become a devotee
of mineral water again, not wine!
253
00:20:03,745 --> 00:20:09,125
Teomondo Scrofalo,
damn you and your code!
254
00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:19,552
COMING SOON
255
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:37,445
If you think
you've seen the worst
256
00:20:37,528 --> 00:20:39,197
the human mind could possibly imagine,
257
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,616
you have no idea...
258
00:20:41,699 --> 00:20:43,785
"Who killed the last Godfather?"
259
00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:48,790
WHO KILLED THE LAST GODFATHER
260
00:20:50,333 --> 00:20:53,503
Well done, guys!
You caught the two bastards!
261
00:20:53,836 --> 00:20:56,214
How many did you bury in concrete
this morning?
262
00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:57,382
Four
263
00:20:57,465 --> 00:21:00,385
Listen asshole,
264
00:21:00,468 --> 00:21:04,222
you've got 30 seconds
to tell us who killed Don Calogero
265
00:21:04,305 --> 00:21:05,640
or you're fucked!
266
00:21:05,723 --> 00:21:08,685
- You're dead!
- You'll stop breathing!
267
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:11,396
Of course he'll stop breathing,
he'll be dead!
268
00:21:11,479 --> 00:21:15,942
- Hey you, kill him!
- Stop! Wait! Hold on a second.
269
00:21:19,362 --> 00:21:22,156
It wasn't me,
270
00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:25,952
but I know someone
who knows who did it!
271
00:21:26,035 --> 00:21:29,163
He knows. Then tell us!
272
00:21:29,247 --> 00:21:32,041
- Talk!
- Tell us everything!
273
00:21:32,125 --> 00:21:35,420
Of course he'll tell us everything,
he said he'll talk, asshole!
274
00:21:35,545 --> 00:21:38,548
Come on, tell me who the bastard is!
275
00:21:39,799 --> 00:21:42,552
' Him!
' Me?
276
00:21:42,677 --> 00:21:46,347
- What are you talking about? Liar!
- I'm no liar. I know for sure.
277
00:21:46,431 --> 00:21:51,311
He knows who did it.
He deserves to die!
278
00:21:51,728 --> 00:21:53,479
Bastard!
279
00:21:54,063 --> 00:21:56,065
"Who killed the last Godfather?"
280
00:21:56,149 --> 00:21:59,110
A ruthless, cruel, inhuman saga!
281
00:21:59,777 --> 00:22:02,947
Talk, you bastard,
or you'll be breathing cement!
282
00:22:03,031 --> 00:22:06,284
- Talk, you bastard.
- You bastard, talk!
283
00:22:06,367 --> 00:22:10,663
Tell me why you're repeating
everything I say, asshole.
284
00:22:10,747 --> 00:22:12,874
And what I say too.
Tell him that, will you?
285
00:22:12,999 --> 00:22:16,836
Go on! You have 10 seconds...
9, 8, 7...
286
00:22:16,919 --> 00:22:21,674
"Who killed the last Godfather?"
A story that knows no mercy.
287
00:22:21,758 --> 00:22:22,592
...2,1...
288
00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:25,553
Please! Stop.
289
00:22:25,636 --> 00:22:29,182
- I swear to God I'll tell you!
- Ah, so you're ready to talk now?
290
00:22:29,265 --> 00:22:33,978
Well then, who is the bastard
that killed Don Calogero?
291
00:22:35,438 --> 00:22:39,734
- He is!
- Me? What are you talking about?
292
00:22:39,859 --> 00:22:43,112
Are you crazy? What are you on?
I swear, it's not true.
293
00:22:43,196 --> 00:22:44,781
I told you. It was him!
294
00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:47,533
He's out of his mind.
Look at that glassy stare.
295
00:22:47,617 --> 00:22:50,286
Come on, let me speak!
296
00:22:50,370 --> 00:22:54,499
He's a bastard! And you're a bastard!
Are you messing with me?
297
00:22:54,582 --> 00:22:57,960
- Are you messing with us'?
- Hey, are you messing...
298
00:22:59,045 --> 00:23:01,047
"Who killed the last Godfather?"
299
00:23:01,130 --> 00:23:04,133
Find out soon
at a theater near you.
300
00:23:06,469 --> 00:23:08,471
COMING SOON
301
00:23:13,351 --> 00:23:15,269
Coming soon,
302
00:23:15,436 --> 00:23:19,107
the most thrilling
horror film of all times...
303
00:23:20,441 --> 00:23:22,527
THE LAST SAGA OF VAMPIRES,
304
00:23:22,610 --> 00:23:25,613
WEREWOLVES
AND OTHER DISGUSTING BEASTS
305
00:23:31,577 --> 00:23:34,539
Listen babe,
I've got to tell you something.
306
00:23:34,622 --> 00:23:37,750
Tell me, honey.
There shouldn't be secrets between us.
307
00:23:38,668 --> 00:23:42,422
I'm not a normal guy. I'm...
308
00:23:43,047 --> 00:23:45,007
- I'm a va...
- A valiant lover.
309
00:23:45,258 --> 00:23:48,386
I know, last night was unforgettable.
You really wore me out!
310
00:23:48,469 --> 00:23:52,473
- No, that's not what I meant. I'm a vam...
- A vamp!
311
00:23:53,015 --> 00:23:55,184
All of my friends
look at you and say
312
00:23:55,268 --> 00:23:57,770
you're so handsome,
you're such a vamp.
313
00:23:57,854 --> 00:23:59,897
But I'm not jealous,
I know you love me.
314
00:23:59,981 --> 00:24:03,860
No! Try to understand me,
look at my teeth.
315
00:24:04,735 --> 00:24:08,614
I'm a vamp... A vamp...
316
00:24:08,906 --> 00:24:11,993
- Come on. A vamp...
- Vamp, Schmamp. Fuck this!
317
00:24:12,076 --> 00:24:14,203
Why complicate things?
"I'm this, I'm that..."
318
00:24:14,287 --> 00:24:17,165
Who the fuck are you anyway?
I hate puzzles.
319
00:24:40,563 --> 00:24:42,356
First a vampire,
then a werewolf.
320
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:44,192
Will I ever meet a normal guy?
321
00:24:45,610 --> 00:24:47,111
The hell with you.
322
00:25:29,779 --> 00:25:35,076
In a world where the sleep of reason
increasingly generates monsters,
323
00:25:35,326 --> 00:25:39,622
monsters will finally be right
and never sleepy.
324
00:25:40,248 --> 00:25:43,918
"They'll be right and never sleepy?"
325
00:26:18,661 --> 00:26:21,664
ls someone there?
326
00:26:24,250 --> 00:26:26,210
A cat!
327
00:26:45,146 --> 00:26:46,522
Thanks!
328
00:26:56,073 --> 00:26:57,742
Good.
329
00:27:25,311 --> 00:27:26,520
Come here!
330
00:27:38,366 --> 00:27:39,492
Where is he?
331
00:27:52,338 --> 00:27:57,009
Three D?
Wow, it's a 3D horror film!
332
00:28:02,473 --> 00:28:05,685
Guys, I'm your hairdresser.
333
00:28:05,768 --> 00:28:10,606
Come here so I can cut your hair.
334
00:28:11,941 --> 00:28:14,151
Hey, where are you going?
335
00:28:14,235 --> 00:28:17,446
Don't run away,
I can cut your nails!
336
00:28:17,863 --> 00:28:22,243
TWINIGHT 3D - COMING SOON
337
00:28:41,971 --> 00:28:43,305
Hail!
338
00:28:48,519 --> 00:28:50,187
- General...
- Centurion!
339
00:28:50,271 --> 00:28:52,481
Weren't you taught
to knock before entering?
340
00:29:05,953 --> 00:29:08,414
- Come in!
- General,
341
00:29:08,497 --> 00:29:10,541
Emperor Marcus Aurelius
wants to talk to you.
342
00:29:10,624 --> 00:29:14,128
What? And you're wasting time
knocking at my curtain?
343
00:29:14,211 --> 00:29:17,381
You ought to be a traffic cop
in Carthage, not a centurion.
344
00:29:25,806 --> 00:29:30,144
- Hail, Maximus.
- Hail, Cesara.
345
00:29:35,065 --> 00:29:37,401
May you have a safe journey,
my General!
346
00:29:37,485 --> 00:29:41,906
Thank you, my loyal Centurion.
May the gods one day reunite us!
347
00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:10,100
- Bravo.
- How was yourjourney, General?
348
00:30:10,184 --> 00:30:12,144
It was alright. A little tiring!
349
00:30:14,230 --> 00:30:17,441
Tiring? You traveled
around the corner on your chariot!
350
00:30:26,742 --> 00:30:28,994
Hail, Emperor! You sent for me?
351
00:30:29,620 --> 00:30:31,789
Hello, Maximus. Come.
352
00:30:35,376 --> 00:30:38,629
Mr. Capitoline,
let's continue tomorrow.
353
00:30:39,380 --> 00:30:41,257
Come with me, we have to talk.
354
00:30:41,382 --> 00:30:45,594
Excuse me, Emperor: how long
have you been posing for this statue?
355
00:30:45,678 --> 00:30:47,930
- Forty-five years!
- Holy shit!
356
00:30:48,013 --> 00:30:50,182
It does look just like you,
I must say.
357
00:30:51,642 --> 00:30:57,565
I sent for you
because I feel my death is near.
358
00:30:57,648 --> 00:31:01,610
It's very difficult for me to decide
359
00:31:01,694 --> 00:31:05,698
whether to leave my glorious
and powerful empire
360
00:31:05,906 --> 00:31:10,661
- to you, Maximus the Eighth...
- Tenth. Maximus the Tenth.
361
00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:14,456
- Maximus the Tenth of the North...
- South.
362
00:31:14,540 --> 00:31:18,419
- Maximus the Tenth of the South.
- Maximus whatever-your-name-is,
363
00:31:18,502 --> 00:31:21,630
commander of the army of the...
364
00:31:21,839 --> 00:31:23,966
North.
365
00:31:24,174 --> 00:31:28,512
...Of the North,
general of the legions of...
366
00:31:28,846 --> 00:31:32,975
- Felix.
- ...Felix, my loyal soldier,
367
00:31:33,058 --> 00:31:37,479
- or leave it to Commodus, my son and...
- Hi!
368
00:31:39,815 --> 00:31:43,819
Well... just my son.
I'll make this important decision
369
00:31:43,944 --> 00:31:50,034
after well-considered,
thought out, careful deliberations.
370
00:31:51,702 --> 00:31:56,415
- Give me a sesterce!
- Here it is, Dad.
371
00:31:58,709 --> 00:32:03,005
- Eagle or Coliseum?
- I want the eagle!
372
00:32:04,590 --> 00:32:06,425
The eagle's DFGHY!
373
00:32:07,259 --> 00:32:08,802
I like the eagle!
374
00:32:10,137 --> 00:32:12,389
I like the eagle.
375
00:32:16,185 --> 00:32:17,978
What do you choose?
376
00:32:18,062 --> 00:32:24,526
You said well-considered,
thought out, careful deliberations.
377
00:32:24,610 --> 00:32:28,781
This coin has an eagle on one side
and the Coliseum on the other.
378
00:32:28,864 --> 00:32:31,909
He chose the eagle...
so I'll choose...
379
00:32:33,327 --> 00:32:36,830
- the Coliseum!
- What a genius! Well done.
380
00:32:40,918 --> 00:32:42,211
Eagle!
381
00:32:42,294 --> 00:32:46,674
The empire will be mine!
It'll be mine!
382
00:32:46,757 --> 00:32:49,468
Dad, the empire's mine!
383
00:32:51,095 --> 00:32:53,305
' EmP9r0r!
" My heart!
384
00:32:53,931 --> 00:32:56,684
My son won...
My heart...
385
00:32:57,768 --> 00:33:01,772
You are dying, Emperor!
A doctor, quick!
386
00:33:01,855 --> 00:33:04,233
Thank you, Maximus the Fourth,
the Fifth, of the North...
387
00:33:04,316 --> 00:33:07,569
Emperor, please, you're dying.
Try to say it right just this once.
388
00:33:07,653 --> 00:33:09,488
Maximus the Tenth of the South.
389
00:33:09,571 --> 00:33:13,409
I'm sorry, it wasn't deliberate.
390
00:33:13,492 --> 00:33:16,578
May the gods strike me down
if I'm lying.
391
00:33:18,205 --> 00:33:20,541
Let me see that coin.
392
00:33:23,585 --> 00:33:26,255
This coin is rigged.
There are two eagles.
393
00:33:26,338 --> 00:33:27,506
What are you talking about?
394
00:33:27,589 --> 00:33:30,009
There's no trick
and there's no coin. Look.
395
00:33:33,053 --> 00:33:35,931
Guards! Arrest him!
Go, go, go!
396
00:33:36,265 --> 00:33:37,725
Here we are.
397
00:33:39,059 --> 00:33:41,812
You are so na'I've, Commodus,
398
00:33:41,895 --> 00:33:48,485
my loyal soldiers would never arrest me!
399
00:33:49,236 --> 00:33:52,072
What are you talking about?
Of course I'll arrest you.
400
00:33:52,156 --> 00:33:54,241
Commodus gives me sesterces!
401
00:33:54,324 --> 00:33:58,328
I've got a wife and kids, a house
to fix and a mortgage to pay!
402
00:33:58,412 --> 00:34:02,458
Guards, take him to the woods
and execute him!
403
00:34:03,917 --> 00:34:04,835
Come on!
404
00:34:04,918 --> 00:34:07,838
- You assholes!
- Walk!
405
00:34:07,921 --> 00:34:11,675
The empire is mine!
Doc, is Dad dead?
406
00:34:11,759 --> 00:34:14,970
- Not yet.
- How long is this going to take?
407
00:34:15,054 --> 00:34:18,140
Call Michael Jackson's doctor!
That should speed up the process.
408
00:34:19,516 --> 00:34:20,893
Dead.
409
00:34:21,310 --> 00:34:24,146
Centurion, I've got blisters on my feet.
We've been walking for two hours.
410
00:34:24,229 --> 00:34:26,523
Shut up.
411
00:34:26,607 --> 00:34:29,276
- Where are we taking him?
- None of your business!
412
00:34:31,945 --> 00:34:36,784
Here is fine.
General Maximus, get on your knees.
413
00:34:37,201 --> 00:34:40,496
I'm a soldier.
I want a painless death.
414
00:34:40,579 --> 00:34:43,957
Well, I'm a good centurion.
415
00:34:44,041 --> 00:34:48,045
I've never killed anyone
by a pain in the ass.
416
00:34:48,128 --> 00:34:52,049
Painless, not pain in the ass!
417
00:34:52,132 --> 00:34:55,385
The General's right.
Painless, not pain in the ass.
418
00:34:55,469 --> 00:34:57,554
So how shall we kill him?
419
00:34:57,638 --> 00:34:59,014
We can hang him.
420
00:34:59,098 --> 00:35:01,308
No, too ordinary.
No one could lift him anyway.
421
00:35:01,558 --> 00:35:05,020
He's not as thin as he looks,
plus he's got that armor.
422
00:35:05,104 --> 00:35:06,605
And I've got a slipped disc.
423
00:35:06,688 --> 00:35:08,440
Let him be quartered by the horses!
424
00:35:08,524 --> 00:35:13,570
We came here on foot, you idiot!
There are no horses!
425
00:35:13,654 --> 00:35:15,197
Let's burn him.
426
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:17,908
No, we'll get a fine for polluting.
Something easier.
427
00:35:17,991 --> 00:35:19,827
You're a tough one to please!
428
00:35:19,993 --> 00:35:24,164
I've got an idea...
let's impale him.
429
00:35:24,248 --> 00:35:28,418
Centurion, I said a painless death.
lmpalement is a pain in the ass!
430
00:35:28,502 --> 00:35:30,963
I'm sorry, General.
I let the situation get out of hand.
431
00:35:31,046 --> 00:35:34,883
Not exactly out of hand!
You wanted to get me somewhere else.
432
00:35:35,008 --> 00:35:36,552
Other ideas?
433
00:35:37,094 --> 00:35:38,637
Let's drown him.
434
00:35:38,720 --> 00:35:40,597
No, too boring.
Let's stone him to death!
435
00:35:40,681 --> 00:35:42,850
Let's behead him!
436
00:35:42,933 --> 00:35:45,894
- Let's beat him on the head.
- I've got it! Let's shoot him!
437
00:35:45,978 --> 00:35:50,357
- See? You are an idiot!
- Ok, well... I'm off. Goodbye.
438
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:52,025
Goodbye.
439
00:35:54,987 --> 00:35:56,572
Give me that piece of bark!
440
00:36:01,410 --> 00:36:03,453
What do you think?
Will he get tetanus from this?
441
00:36:15,132 --> 00:36:17,259
Would you give me a lift?
442
00:36:17,593 --> 00:36:19,178
Excuse me!
443
00:36:22,181 --> 00:36:23,432
Excuse me!
444
00:36:28,145 --> 00:36:31,857
Are you going to Rome?
445
00:36:31,940 --> 00:36:36,820
- Yes. I'm going to the slave market.
- Oh, great! Would you give me a lift?
446
00:36:36,987 --> 00:36:40,908
Sure!
447
00:36:40,991 --> 00:36:43,869
- Please.
- Thank you.
448
00:36:43,952 --> 00:36:50,667
Nice quads! Look at those muscles.
449
00:36:50,751 --> 00:36:52,711
You're very kind.
450
00:36:53,170 --> 00:36:57,507
- This Way.
- Thank you.
451
00:36:58,133 --> 00:37:00,010
What a kind man!
452
00:37:01,595 --> 00:37:03,847
It's my lucky day!
453
00:37:05,974 --> 00:37:10,479
We're going to make some money
today, friends. Let's go!
454
00:37:11,146 --> 00:37:13,023
To the market!
455
00:37:14,191 --> 00:37:17,903
Give me a C,
give me an O,
456
00:37:18,237 --> 00:37:21,990
give me an M,
give me an M,
457
00:37:22,199 --> 00:37:25,702
give me an O,
give me a D,
458
00:37:26,078 --> 00:37:29,581
give me a U and a S
Commoclus!
459
00:37:29,665 --> 00:37:31,708
- Gracchus?
- Yes, Commodus?
460
00:37:31,792 --> 00:37:34,795
When is it going to start?
I'm fed up.
461
00:37:35,087 --> 00:37:37,047
If they don't get started,
I'm going to the soccer game.
462
00:37:37,130 --> 00:37:44,096
One captain,
there's just one captain!
463
00:37:46,223 --> 00:37:48,600
You are nothing but slaves,
464
00:37:48,684 --> 00:37:53,230
and you are here to kill!
465
00:37:53,313 --> 00:37:58,193
Stick your sword
in the flesh of your rival
466
00:37:58,318 --> 00:38:00,195
and the people will love you.
467
00:38:00,279 --> 00:38:06,827
I'm taking notes.
Stick your sword in the flesh...
468
00:38:06,910 --> 00:38:11,873
And maybe Emperor Commodus
will decide to set you free.
469
00:38:12,207 --> 00:38:13,542
Your swords!
470
00:38:20,090 --> 00:38:22,759
Hey, come on,
this is a razor blade!
471
00:38:24,886 --> 00:38:26,513
Your shields!
472
00:38:38,233 --> 00:38:40,986
- If this is a joke, just say it.
- Take your seat!
473
00:38:46,158 --> 00:38:48,410
Your masks!
474
00:38:48,493 --> 00:38:52,039
Hold on!
Excuse me.
475
00:38:52,331 --> 00:38:55,292
Excuse me.
476
00:39:07,095 --> 00:39:09,139
What a dickhead!
477
00:39:10,724 --> 00:39:14,978
Slaves, are you ready to die
and to fight?
478
00:39:15,062 --> 00:39:17,147
Yes!
479
00:39:18,774 --> 00:39:22,569
How am I supposed to speak
with this thing on my face?
480
00:39:41,546 --> 00:39:43,673
Holy cow!
481
00:39:44,091 --> 00:39:46,093
- Gracchus?
- Yes, Commodus?
482
00:39:46,176 --> 00:39:47,427
Who are these people?
483
00:39:47,511 --> 00:39:51,390
These gladiators will face
the invincible Swiss.
484
00:39:53,308 --> 00:39:55,394
Why is he called the Swiss?
485
00:39:55,477 --> 00:39:58,605
He's like clockwork:
he kills one every minute.
486
00:39:58,688 --> 00:40:00,524
If that's the case,
he'll nail the second too!
487
00:40:02,609 --> 00:40:06,947
Hail Caesar, those who are about
to die salute you!
488
00:40:07,030 --> 00:40:09,282
About to die? That's no good!
489
00:40:13,412 --> 00:40:15,539
What is it'?
490
00:40:16,206 --> 00:40:20,293
He's alone
and there are seven of us!
491
00:40:20,377 --> 00:40:23,713
We will win for the glory of Rome!
492
00:40:26,758 --> 00:40:31,138
At my signal, unleash hell.
Or at least stir up some shit.
493
00:40:31,346 --> 00:40:36,351
One, two, three. Let's go!
494
00:40:36,435 --> 00:40:39,062
Oops, my sandal.
495
00:41:11,928 --> 00:41:14,806
Why all the fuss?
Leave it to the hooligans.
496
00:41:14,890 --> 00:41:18,143
I'd like to see you come down
to fight this Hercules!
497
00:41:18,226 --> 00:41:20,395
Give me a break!
498
00:41:20,479 --> 00:41:24,649
Please let me out.
I double-parked my horse.
499
00:41:24,733 --> 00:41:25,859
They'll deduct points
from my driver's license.
500
00:41:25,942 --> 00:41:29,529
Get out there and fight, you coward!
There is no other way out.
501
00:41:29,613 --> 00:41:30,697
Are you sure?
502
00:41:31,239 --> 00:41:32,657
Goodbye.
503
00:41:35,827 --> 00:41:40,582
Give me a second. I need to think
about my strategy here. This sucks.
504
00:41:40,665 --> 00:41:42,626
Alright already. I'm going.
505
00:42:00,685 --> 00:42:03,021
What's so funny?
506
00:42:03,104 --> 00:42:06,900
After stabbing the flesh of so many
opponents, the blade has shrunk.
507
00:42:06,983 --> 00:42:09,486
It's obviously made in Taiwan.
508
00:42:09,736 --> 00:42:12,572
It's not fair.
This fight is too uneven.
509
00:43:02,414 --> 00:43:04,541
Swiss, can you do this?
510
00:43:11,631 --> 00:43:13,091
He can.
511
00:43:27,063 --> 00:43:29,649
Maximus, you're the best!
512
00:43:38,950 --> 00:43:41,536
Commodus, how's it going
with the vestals?
513
00:43:45,248 --> 00:43:49,377
Maximus, the emperor has granted you
your freedom. You're free to go!
514
00:43:49,502 --> 00:43:51,254
Yeah!
515
00:43:55,133 --> 00:43:56,509
- Gracchus?
- Yes?
516
00:43:56,593 --> 00:43:57,844
What happened?
517
00:43:57,927 --> 00:44:00,305
Nothing, Emperor.
Everything's under control.
518
00:44:00,388 --> 00:44:02,265
Oh, I was starting to worry!
519
00:44:02,349 --> 00:44:05,352
- Who gave that guy his freedom?
- I don't know.
520
00:44:08,563 --> 00:44:10,857
Thank you. Thank you.
521
00:44:13,068 --> 00:44:14,944
Maximus,
can I have a picture with you?
522
00:44:15,028 --> 00:44:17,155
Sure, just one though,
I've got to go home.
523
00:44:20,033 --> 00:44:23,453
Thank you. Long live Rome!
524
00:45:01,574 --> 00:45:04,494
It was a tough battle, but I won.
525
00:45:08,915 --> 00:45:11,000
Thank you, my friends.
526
00:45:13,753 --> 00:45:16,589
- Hi, honey.
- Finally!
527
00:45:16,798 --> 00:45:19,843
Kids, quit playing and come here!
528
00:45:19,926 --> 00:45:22,137
Honey, I'm back, rejoice!
529
00:45:22,220 --> 00:45:23,680
Where have you been?
530
00:45:23,763 --> 00:45:27,267
I sent you to get the groceries
and you've been away for six years!
531
00:45:27,350 --> 00:45:32,063
Well, I was about to enter the shop
when...
532
00:45:33,022 --> 00:45:35,900
Maximus, I'm tired of your excuses!
533
00:45:36,025 --> 00:45:39,696
- You are such a deadbeat!
- Me? A deadbeat?
534
00:45:39,779 --> 00:45:43,867
I'm Rome's most valiant soldier!
535
00:45:48,538 --> 00:45:52,125
Your sister, Caligula's wife,
is the valiant one.
536
00:45:52,208 --> 00:45:53,376
Excuse me.
537
00:45:54,043 --> 00:45:58,047
People, I'm sorry, we've got
some private issues. See you later.
538
00:46:00,175 --> 00:46:01,301
What were you saying, love'?
539
00:46:01,384 --> 00:46:05,472
We were stuck here waiting for you
while you were playing toy soldiers!
540
00:46:05,555 --> 00:46:07,974
- Did you buy the milk?
- Yes I did,
541
00:46:08,057 --> 00:46:10,393
but I drank it all
during the Gallic wars.
542
00:46:10,477 --> 00:46:14,481
Come here, kids,
give your dad a hug!
543
00:46:14,564 --> 00:46:16,483
Go do your homework,
544
00:46:16,566 --> 00:46:21,362
you don't want to become globe-trotting
losers like your father, do you?
545
00:46:21,446 --> 00:46:25,825
Don't just stand there!
There are thousands of things to do!
546
00:46:27,285 --> 00:46:31,080
Oh, sweetie. Mommy's right here.
547
00:46:31,164 --> 00:46:34,793
Whose baby is this?
I've been away for six years!
548
00:46:34,876 --> 00:46:38,588
- This is your son.
- He can't be, come on!
549
00:46:38,671 --> 00:46:42,050
This is your son,
his name is Cuckoldius of the South.
550
00:46:43,051 --> 00:46:46,554
Don't try to change the subject!
Come with me!
551
00:46:46,638 --> 00:46:48,681
Change the subject?
She changed husbands!
552
00:46:48,765 --> 00:46:51,226
- The bathroom needs cleaning.
- I'll clean it.
553
00:46:51,309 --> 00:46:53,728
- The baby needs changing.
- I'll change him.
554
00:46:53,812 --> 00:46:56,314
- Lunch needs making.
- I'll make it.
555
00:46:56,397 --> 00:46:59,275
- The tunics needs mending.
- I'll mend them.
556
00:46:59,359 --> 00:47:01,861
- The horse needs shoeing.
- I'll shoe him.
557
00:47:01,945 --> 00:47:03,446
There's laundry to do...
558
00:47:07,951 --> 00:47:09,619
Excuse me, Senator Gracchus,
559
00:47:09,702 --> 00:47:12,413
lbefieve
I gave that guy his freedom yesterday.
560
00:47:12,497 --> 00:47:14,457
Yes, but he decided
to relinquish it.
561
00:47:14,541 --> 00:47:17,877
He says he'd rather be here
than at home with his wife.
562
00:47:17,961 --> 00:47:21,089
Imagine that!
You got a cigarette?
563
00:47:21,172 --> 00:47:22,799
No.
564
00:47:41,651 --> 00:47:45,822
After the roaring success
of "Who killed the last Godfather?,"
565
00:47:45,905 --> 00:47:48,449
cinema's most violent saga is back.
566
00:47:48,533 --> 00:47:53,037
No one messes with
Calogero Cariddi's guys, you bastards!
567
00:47:53,371 --> 00:47:56,708
Calogero Cariddi's guys
never get messed with.
568
00:47:56,791 --> 00:47:59,294
No one messes with us, capish?
569
00:47:59,961 --> 00:48:05,842
What did we do to deserve
such an idiot brother?
570
00:48:05,925 --> 00:48:10,722
Why do you keep repeating
what I say, asshole?
571
00:48:12,307 --> 00:48:14,976
"Who killed the very last Godfather?"
572
00:48:15,476 --> 00:48:17,645
Kill them in 10 seconds.
573
00:48:18,521 --> 00:48:21,024
This time we're in deep trouble!
574
00:48:21,107 --> 00:48:24,027
- We need an idea...
- ...seven, six...
575
00:48:25,486 --> 00:48:27,739
- I know!
- Seriously?
576
00:48:27,822 --> 00:48:29,240
- Yes.
- Tell me.
577
00:48:30,033 --> 00:48:34,871
- ...Three, two, one...
- Stop!
578
00:48:34,954 --> 00:48:37,624
- This time I'll tell you the truth.
- Yes, we'll tell you.
579
00:48:38,458 --> 00:48:42,253
We're not Don Calogero's killers!
580
00:48:42,337 --> 00:48:47,759
All right. Tell me, if you weren't
the bastard, then who was?
581
00:48:47,842 --> 00:48:50,887
- On three.
- One, two, three.
582
00:48:50,970 --> 00:48:52,472
It was him!
583
00:48:53,806 --> 00:48:55,892
- Him?
- Him?
584
00:48:56,017 --> 00:48:58,811
- Him?
- Yes, it was him!
585
00:48:58,937 --> 00:49:01,481
Not only are you an asshole,
you're a traitor too!
586
00:49:01,564 --> 00:49:03,733
No, I didn't do it!
587
00:49:03,816 --> 00:49:06,778
"Who killed the very last Godfather?"
588
00:49:10,073 --> 00:49:13,534
"I've got a brilliant idea..."
Right!
589
00:49:13,743 --> 00:49:15,828
There used to be two of us,
now there are three!
590
00:49:15,912 --> 00:49:21,376
I thought we could blame him,
and they'd set us free,
591
00:49:21,459 --> 00:49:22,794
like in the previous trailer!
592
00:49:22,877 --> 00:49:25,713
He thought he could blame me
to be set free.
593
00:49:25,797 --> 00:49:28,716
Listen to him!
Now you're repeating after us too?
594
00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:31,719
You really are an asshole.
Your brother's right!
595
00:49:31,803 --> 00:49:35,014
- I told you he was an asshole.
- That's enough! He keeps repeating!
596
00:49:35,098 --> 00:49:37,600
- He's a repeater!
- I like repeating.
597
00:49:37,684 --> 00:49:41,980
A never-ending saga,
where the surprises just keep coming.
598
00:49:42,271 --> 00:49:44,816
"Who killed the very last Godfather?"
599
00:49:44,899 --> 00:49:47,193
The asshole.
600
00:49:49,570 --> 00:49:51,781
COMING SOON
601
00:49:53,324 --> 00:49:55,785
The mother of all challenges.
602
00:49:55,910 --> 00:49:59,622
Two men who built
their reputations on speed
603
00:49:59,998 --> 00:50:04,335
are facing off in the most thrilling
street race of the century.
604
00:50:04,419 --> 00:50:09,507
- Who's going to win the race tonight?
- You, Blondie!
605
00:50:10,883 --> 00:50:15,555
- Who's going to win the race tonight?
- You, Brownie!
606
00:50:15,638 --> 00:50:19,267
Just a second.
Waiter, a short espresso, please.
607
00:50:20,935 --> 00:50:24,731
He's trying to amaze us
with his special effects.
608
00:50:24,814 --> 00:50:26,441
Look at me, Blondie.
609
00:50:27,358 --> 00:50:30,820
Waiter, a seafood smoothie, please.
610
00:50:33,322 --> 00:50:36,659
Is that all?
Hey Brownie, check out this brunette!
611
00:50:44,959 --> 00:50:48,629
- Voilá.
- What are you covering her up for?
612
00:50:48,713 --> 00:50:52,800
Blondie,
check out this litter of blondes.
613
00:50:57,180 --> 00:51:01,476
Who'll win the challenge
of the century? Blondie or Brownie?
614
00:51:05,396 --> 00:51:08,858
I'm going to win this race,
615
00:51:09,025 --> 00:51:12,695
everybody's cheering for me!
616
00:51:12,945 --> 00:51:16,491
I'm going to win this race,
617
00:51:17,158 --> 00:51:20,161
and leave you in the dust.
618
00:51:20,244 --> 00:51:24,540
No, no, no, you won't:
619
00:51:24,749 --> 00:51:28,336
you'll eat my dust.
620
00:51:28,419 --> 00:51:32,131
No, no, no, you won't:
621
00:51:32,298 --> 00:51:35,676
you can suck on my exhaust pipe.
622
00:51:36,177 --> 00:51:39,305
It's so nice
to sing songs in movies,
623
00:51:39,388 --> 00:51:42,100
even though no one knows why.
624
00:51:43,810 --> 00:51:47,146
Suddenly everyone starts singing.
(Why?)
625
00:51:47,772 --> 00:51:51,692
Then everyone starts dancing too.
(Why?)
626
00:51:51,776 --> 00:51:55,696
Most of the time,
the songs are really crappy.
627
00:51:56,989 --> 00:51:59,158
Really Crappy-
628
00:52:03,913 --> 00:52:05,957
The mother of all challenges
629
00:52:06,207 --> 00:52:09,836
is about to begin
at a theater near you.
630
00:52:10,336 --> 00:52:13,548
- Fifty bucks on Blondie!
- One hundred on Brownie!
631
00:52:13,631 --> 00:52:18,511
Right hand for Blondie,
left hand for Brownie!
632
00:52:18,594 --> 00:52:19,720
Next, please!
633
00:52:19,804 --> 00:52:23,766
Place your bets
on the world's best race!
634
00:52:24,851 --> 00:52:27,687
Place your bets! Final bets!
635
00:52:28,604 --> 00:52:30,606
On your marks...
636
00:52:36,237 --> 00:52:37,989
Engines!
637
00:52:44,912 --> 00:52:46,873
Hey, it won't start!
638
00:53:05,266 --> 00:53:08,186
Guys, I'm sure
this has happened to you before.
639
00:53:08,477 --> 00:53:12,273
You get in the car, turn the key,
and the car won't start!
640
00:53:12,607 --> 00:53:14,775
Does anyone have jumper cables
by any chance?
641
00:53:14,901 --> 00:53:18,321
You clown!
642
00:53:18,487 --> 00:53:22,116
- Give us our money back!
- Hey, what's all the fuss about?
643
00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:26,287
Blondie's right. It's just
some minor ignition trouble.
644
00:53:26,704 --> 00:53:29,081
If no one has cables,
we could use 8 strong arms:
645
00:53:29,165 --> 00:53:32,668
4 on either car.
One big push, and we're off.
646
00:53:32,877 --> 00:53:36,714
Arms?! Start this lemon!
You guys are pathetic!
647
00:53:43,179 --> 00:53:45,640
- That's just not right!
- Just a moment.
648
00:53:45,723 --> 00:53:49,727
Calm down, everything is fine.
649
00:53:49,810 --> 00:53:52,605
- What do you mean?
- Do you have the money?
650
00:53:52,688 --> 00:53:54,523
- Right here.
- Perfect.
651
00:53:54,607 --> 00:53:57,443
- Act casual.
- Easy for you to say!
652
00:53:57,902 --> 00:54:00,363
Blondie?
What are we going to do?
653
00:54:00,529 --> 00:54:03,616
- Run!
- Yes, let's run fast!
654
00:54:03,783 --> 00:54:06,244
Very fast!
These guys are furious!
655
00:54:07,328 --> 00:54:09,997
- Let's go!
- Here they come!
656
00:54:11,332 --> 00:54:14,001
"Run fast, they're furious!"
657
00:54:14,085 --> 00:54:16,629
In your car or on foot,
race to a movie theater near you.
658
00:54:16,712 --> 00:54:19,715
"Run fast, they're furious!"
659
00:54:21,509 --> 00:54:23,594
COMING SOON
660
00:54:31,852 --> 00:54:36,565
Ouch! My back!
The pain!
661
00:54:38,484 --> 00:54:42,488
"Old Old Seventy - Backbreaker".
662
00:54:42,571 --> 00:54:44,282
Come, James.
663
00:54:46,492 --> 00:54:50,871
Not only is this a back brace,
664
00:54:51,497 --> 00:54:55,209
it doubles
as a sophisticated parachute.
665
00:54:55,293 --> 00:54:56,669
- A parachute?
- A parachute.
666
00:54:56,752 --> 00:54:58,296
- Is it new?
- Brand new!
667
00:54:58,379 --> 00:55:00,965
It's been used 3 times
and has never opened once.
668
00:55:01,048 --> 00:55:02,883
Old Old Seventy,
669
00:55:02,967 --> 00:55:06,679
the world's oldest secret agent
is not ready to retire.
670
00:55:06,762 --> 00:55:09,223
(Uomo) Questi non sono occhiali da vista.
671
00:55:09,307 --> 00:55:12,268
- These are not glasses.
- They're not glasses.
672
00:55:12,351 --> 00:55:15,771
It's a still camera
and infrared video camera all in one.
673
00:55:18,607 --> 00:55:20,109
Old Old Seventy,
674
00:55:20,401 --> 00:55:22,611
battles arthritis,
Alzheimer's, and a heart bypass
675
00:55:22,695 --> 00:55:24,613
as he prepares
for his latest mission.
676
00:55:24,697 --> 00:55:28,409
- These aren't dentures.
- They're not dentures.
677
00:55:28,492 --> 00:55:34,540
No. It's a bomb
with a built-in timer.
678
00:55:35,750 --> 00:55:39,295
It will explode after 5 seconds.
679
00:55:42,923 --> 00:55:44,633
Old Old Seventy
680
00:55:44,717 --> 00:55:46,177
faces a new adventure
681
00:55:46,260 --> 00:55:50,014
armed with the most amazing
secret weapons for the incontinent.
682
00:55:50,139 --> 00:55:52,683
This is an incontinence pad.
683
00:55:52,767 --> 00:55:56,187
- Which is not an incontinence pad.
- No, this is an actual incontinence pad.
684
00:55:56,270 --> 00:56:00,566
At your age, it can happen
while on a secret mission!
685
00:56:00,649 --> 00:56:04,528
- It won't happen!
- It can, it will. Go on and change.
686
00:56:06,906 --> 00:56:08,824
Is everything alright, Agent?
687
00:56:10,826 --> 00:56:14,497
James, are you finding
these new secret weapons comfortable?
688
00:56:17,500 --> 00:56:19,585
He's not as strong
as he used to be.
689
00:56:19,668 --> 00:56:23,839
Careful, it's dangerous there!
The stairs!
690
00:56:28,094 --> 00:56:30,596
I knew it! I knew it!
691
00:56:35,726 --> 00:56:39,730
The secret agent
most loved by audiences
692
00:56:39,855 --> 00:56:42,274
is back in movie theaters
and hospices near you
693
00:56:44,443 --> 00:56:49,740
in "Old Old Seventy
- The Hospice can wait".
694
00:56:51,367 --> 00:56:53,452
COMING SOON
695
00:56:55,704 --> 00:57:00,209
To defend their country,
a group of heroes
696
00:57:00,292 --> 00:57:04,797
fought a hidden war
in the abysses of the sea:
697
00:57:05,673 --> 00:57:08,092
"The Silent War".
698
00:57:08,759 --> 00:57:11,345
Thousands of feet
beneath the ocean's waves,
699
00:57:11,512 --> 00:57:17,768
even the smallest sound could mean
the end of their existence...
700
00:57:18,310 --> 00:57:20,771
You were right, Sir. A German boat
is approaching.
701
00:57:20,855 --> 00:57:22,314
It's almost above us.
702
00:57:22,815 --> 00:57:27,945
Gentlemen, avoid making any sound
from now on.
703
00:57:31,532 --> 00:57:33,784
Shit happens.
704
00:57:49,800 --> 00:58:00,352
Descend 200 meters. Idle speed.
705
00:58:01,145 --> 00:58:02,897
But I'm the cook!
706
00:58:03,314 --> 00:58:05,608
- But he's the cook!
- But he's the cook!
707
00:58:05,691 --> 00:58:08,277
- But he's the cook!
- I don't care!
708
00:58:08,652 --> 00:58:11,780
- Shut up or they'll hear us.
- Sir, listen.
709
00:58:13,199 --> 00:58:15,576
Fuck!
710
00:58:27,046 --> 00:58:29,965
Enough!
No doubt about it, they're German.
711
00:58:31,050 --> 00:58:33,093
We must shoot, it's within range.
712
00:58:33,427 --> 00:58:36,305
Prepare launch tubes one and two!
713
00:58:36,388 --> 00:58:38,974
Sir, may I remind you that
we have no torpedoes left.
714
00:58:39,058 --> 00:58:40,559
What are you talking about?
715
00:58:40,643 --> 00:58:42,645
We used all of them
on New Years Eve!
716
00:58:42,728 --> 00:58:46,565
It's true! What a party that was!
717
00:58:51,654 --> 00:58:52,905
Quiet!
718
00:58:53,322 --> 00:58:56,325
The Germans are passing over us.
719
00:59:00,329 --> 00:59:01,705
They're here!
720
00:59:32,736 --> 00:59:36,699
We're in the clear.
No problem, they didn't hear us.
721
00:59:37,116 --> 00:59:39,285
- What?
- Captain, he can't breathe.
722
00:59:51,463 --> 00:59:58,929
Give me something to catch my fall
or I'll make noise.
723
01:00:00,180 --> 01:00:03,517
No, something else.
724
01:00:07,187 --> 01:00:09,982
A cushion!
725
01:00:34,465 --> 01:00:36,091
Torpedo! 9 o'clock!
726
01:00:38,761 --> 01:00:43,265
I can't breathe! I can't breathe!
727
01:00:44,224 --> 01:00:46,727
Gentlemen, please be careful!
728
01:00:46,810 --> 01:00:49,188
And you! Sneezing like a sea lion!
729
01:00:49,271 --> 01:00:52,608
The Germans can hear us!
Move over. Turn on the radio.
730
01:00:52,983 --> 01:00:54,943
Let's see if they heard us.
731
01:00:57,029 --> 01:01:01,283
Just few seconds to the end of
the World Football Championship match
732
01:01:01,367 --> 01:01:02,826
between Italy and Germany.
733
01:01:02,910 --> 01:01:05,329
- The finals are tonight!
- The finals!
734
01:01:05,412 --> 01:01:06,997
The score is still 0-0.
735
01:01:07,081 --> 01:01:11,001
Colaussi on the left
passes it center field to Silvio Piola.
736
01:01:11,085 --> 01:01:14,963
He enters the penalty zone,
dodges a defender, and another.
737
01:01:15,047 --> 01:01:17,341
He lures the goalkeeper out of his net,
kicks the ball... Goal!
738
01:01:17,424 --> 01:01:22,346
Goaaal!
739
01:01:23,847 --> 01:01:26,517
Italy! Italy!
740
01:01:29,561 --> 01:01:31,772
Captain, we've been hit!
741
01:01:31,855 --> 01:01:35,192
Who cares!
We're the World Champions!
742
01:01:35,901 --> 01:01:41,156
Italy! Italy!
743
01:01:47,371 --> 01:01:49,415
"The Silent War."
744
01:01:49,498 --> 01:01:51,959
Coming soon.
745
01:01:53,919 --> 01:01:56,004
COMING SOON
746
01:02:04,346 --> 01:02:07,683
Montero's men!
747
01:02:07,766 --> 01:02:10,352
Dad, dad!
Montero's men are coming.
748
01:02:10,436 --> 01:02:11,311
' No!
' Yes!
749
01:02:11,395 --> 01:02:13,355
Get inside, Carmencita!
750
01:02:16,358 --> 01:02:20,195
That sucks! I should have run away
when I was a little girl!
751
01:02:21,822 --> 01:02:24,408
- Peace to you, Buendia.
- Peace to you.
752
01:02:24,491 --> 01:02:27,619
You know, your face speaks
much more than a thousand words.
753
01:02:28,912 --> 01:02:31,331
Do you want to know
what your face is telling me?
754
01:02:31,415 --> 01:02:34,209
- Yes, sir, I want to know.
- He wants to know?
755
01:02:34,293 --> 01:02:36,044
My father is such a loser.
756
01:02:36,128 --> 01:02:38,213
Shut up!
What do mean you want to know?
757
01:02:38,297 --> 01:02:40,257
You know they're going
to beat you up.
758
01:02:40,340 --> 01:02:43,594
It tells me you're still unable
to repay your debt.
759
01:02:43,677 --> 01:02:47,181
What do you say, Buendia?
ls your face telling the truth?
760
01:02:47,514 --> 01:02:49,975
Yes, sir, it's telling the truth.
761
01:02:50,058 --> 01:02:53,187
- You do know the law, Buendia, right?
- Yes, I do.
762
01:02:53,270 --> 01:02:54,563
Prepare him for a lashing!
763
01:02:57,232 --> 01:03:00,319
Daddy... Dad...
764
01:03:01,570 --> 01:03:03,655
Mom?!
765
01:03:16,960 --> 01:03:19,296
Beer, orange soda, popcorn!
766
01:03:19,379 --> 01:03:21,715
One small popcorn for me!
How much is it'?
767
01:03:21,799 --> 01:03:24,468
- Ten euros.
- Ten euros?
768
01:03:24,843 --> 01:03:28,472
That's more than at the movies!
Cabron!
769
01:03:29,056 --> 01:03:31,141
- May I sit?
- Go ahead.
770
01:03:31,558 --> 01:03:33,560
Scoot over.
771
01:03:35,312 --> 01:03:41,401
Oh Lord, please, send Zorro
to help my stupid father.
772
01:03:48,742 --> 01:03:54,373
After wearing this mask all day,
my conjunctivitis is killing me.
773
01:03:56,500 --> 01:03:58,836
Ah, that's better.
774
01:03:59,503 --> 01:04:01,630
Let's get to work.
775
01:04:01,713 --> 01:04:05,259
- Giddy up!
- It's him! Yes, it's him!
776
01:04:07,094 --> 01:04:10,180
Hello cowards
and bad guys in uniforms!
777
01:04:10,264 --> 01:04:11,849
I'm Don Diego de la Vega,
also known as...
778
01:04:11,932 --> 01:04:13,433
Who?!
779
01:04:13,517 --> 01:04:16,728
As I was saying:
I am Don Diego de la Vega.
780
01:04:16,812 --> 01:04:18,188
Diego de la Vegan?
781
01:04:18,272 --> 01:04:21,650
- Vegan?
- What are you, deaf?
782
01:04:21,733 --> 01:04:24,778
- He said Megan, Megan!
- He said Vegan!
783
01:04:24,862 --> 01:04:28,073
No, he said Pegan with a P,
like Pancho!
784
01:04:28,156 --> 01:04:31,743
Are we finished yet?
Please, Miss, do something!
785
01:04:31,827 --> 01:04:36,665
Other\/vise I'll go somewhere else
to save some other poor fellow.
786
01:04:36,748 --> 01:04:38,375
These people can't even say my name!
787
01:04:38,542 --> 01:04:42,087
They call me Vegan, Megan, Pegan!
Can we end this charade?
788
01:04:42,170 --> 01:04:45,048
That's enough!
Who cares what his name is?!
789
01:04:45,132 --> 01:04:49,011
The only thing that counts is that...
he is Zorro!
790
01:04:49,094 --> 01:04:52,472
- Long live Zorro!
- Finally!
791
01:04:52,556 --> 01:04:56,101
Thanks,babe.
You could be my babe in arms.
792
01:04:56,643 --> 01:04:59,938
I'm here to defend these people
from the rulers' oppression!
793
01:05:02,566 --> 01:05:06,862
Forro? With an "F?"
Didn't you say it was Zorro with a "Z?"
794
01:05:06,945 --> 01:05:09,364
I know,
I was supposed to write a
795
01:05:09,448 --> 01:05:14,745
I have to have my sword sharpened,
don't be such a stickler!
796
01:05:14,828 --> 01:05:18,123
I've got the cape, the mask, the hat...
Isn't it obvious that I'm Zorro?
797
01:05:19,166 --> 01:05:24,046
Coming soon to a theater near you,
"Zorro, the masked hero."
798
01:05:24,129 --> 01:05:25,923
Get out of here, you impostor!
799
01:05:26,006 --> 01:05:28,050
We'll see who the impostor is!
800
01:05:28,675 --> 01:05:32,804
Ouch, my ankle!
I sprained my ankle!
801
01:05:32,888 --> 01:05:34,139
Oh my God,
802
01:05:34,222 --> 01:05:37,726
he's got more injuries
than a rugby player!
803
01:05:39,186 --> 01:05:43,607
Coming soon to a theater near you,
"Limp! The limping avenger."
804
01:05:45,150 --> 01:05:48,862
Jesus, I can barely stand!
805
01:05:54,201 --> 01:05:57,663
- Long live Xorro, with an "X!"
- Long live Xorro!
806
01:06:00,540 --> 01:06:04,294
- Long live Morro, with an "M!"
- Long live Morro!
807
01:06:09,925 --> 01:06:12,970
- Long live Borro, with a "B!
- Long live Borro!
808
01:06:13,053 --> 01:06:17,933
I knew it. I can't jump off my horse
in these boots! The heels are too high!
809
01:06:18,016 --> 01:06:22,020
"Wear high heels,
they'll make you look slimmer."
810
01:06:22,104 --> 01:06:23,438
What a load of crap!
811
01:06:23,522 --> 01:06:26,650
They want me to look sharp
and I twist my ankle.
812
01:06:26,733 --> 01:06:30,821
I thought Zorro
was dashing and virile...
813
01:06:30,904 --> 01:06:33,949
- What a lame hero we've got.
- Please, Miss,
814
01:06:34,116 --> 01:06:37,327
I'm fighting for your family.
815
01:06:37,411 --> 01:06:39,871
If I'd known how you feel,
I wouldn't have come at all, ok?
816
01:06:39,955 --> 01:06:42,165
You guys are still here?
817
01:06:42,249 --> 01:06:45,127
Why is everyone picking on me today?
818
01:06:45,252 --> 01:06:47,129
Limp is a two-bit hero!
819
01:06:47,212 --> 01:06:52,259
What idiots!
You help them and they complain!
820
01:06:52,342 --> 01:06:56,847
I'm quitting this Zorro gig
and signing up for "Sex and the city"!
821
01:06:56,930 --> 01:06:58,640
Who gives a damn!
822
01:06:59,933 --> 01:07:02,644
"Limp, the limping avenger."
823
01:07:02,728 --> 01:07:04,855
Coming soon.
824
01:07:05,939 --> 01:07:08,108
COMING SOON
825
01:07:10,027 --> 01:07:13,030
In the year 2096 A.D.,
826
01:07:13,113 --> 01:07:18,076
humanity was heading toward
a sad and inexorable sunset.
827
01:07:18,660 --> 01:07:22,164
Words like passion, desire, and sex
828
01:07:22,289 --> 01:07:24,791
could no longer be found
in any dictionary.
829
01:07:25,375 --> 01:07:27,711
But, in a distant galaxy,
830
01:07:27,794 --> 01:07:31,673
there was a planet inhabited
by men beyond the frontiers of virility.
831
01:07:32,257 --> 01:07:35,010
This planet was called...
832
01:07:35,135 --> 01:07:36,762
Hardonia.
833
01:07:43,727 --> 01:07:46,772
The secret behind that fiery passion
834
01:07:46,980 --> 01:07:51,610
was safeguarded in their fertile soil
and the fruits that sprouted from it.
835
01:07:52,069 --> 01:07:58,617
From that soil, a rare species thrived
abundantly... Viagrus Fuckensis.
836
01:08:01,244 --> 01:08:03,413
Oh, there it is!
837
01:08:04,081 --> 01:08:07,084
Pick this one,
look how big it is.
838
01:08:12,422 --> 01:08:15,717
Bunga! Bunga! Bunga! Bunga!
Yeah! Yeah!
839
01:08:15,926 --> 01:08:19,221
Bunga! Bunga! Bunga! Bunga!
Yeah! Yeah!
840
01:08:21,389 --> 01:08:23,934
Coming soon to a theater near you...
841
01:08:27,145 --> 01:08:28,939
"Viagratar."
842
01:08:38,031 --> 01:08:40,617
How much time do you need
to complete the training?
843
01:08:40,700 --> 01:08:43,912
Unfortunately the soldier we had
selected for Viagratar training
844
01:08:43,995 --> 01:08:45,539
died in a mission on Earth.
845
01:08:45,622 --> 01:08:50,919
What a pity! I knew him well:
he was 6-feet tall, sturdy, athletic.
846
01:08:51,044 --> 01:08:54,506
They sent his cousin as a replacement.
They had the same DNA.
847
01:08:54,589 --> 01:09:00,512
Well, if they sent his cousin,
he must have a sturdy build, too.
848
01:09:00,595 --> 01:09:03,557
- Mutation complete.
- He's ready, commander.
849
01:09:20,448 --> 01:09:22,951
My God, it was so cold in there!
850
01:09:23,034 --> 01:09:25,495
There may have been budget cuts
in the special effects department,
851
01:09:25,579 --> 01:09:28,874
but they didn't have to use a freezer
as a transformation chamber.
852
01:09:28,957 --> 01:09:30,208
Just a second.
853
01:09:31,459 --> 01:09:33,378
Does this midget
look like a Viagratar to you?
854
01:09:33,461 --> 01:09:35,881
He should have been turned away
by recruiting!
855
01:09:36,464 --> 01:09:38,925
Alone on an unknown planet,
856
01:09:39,009 --> 01:09:42,554
our hero, Viagratar,
begins his mission.
857
01:09:42,637 --> 01:09:47,267
Ehi, non ti avevo mai visto prima
da queste parti, ragazzino.
858
01:09:47,350 --> 01:09:50,604
Kid? Listen beanpole,
I'm 40 years old.
859
01:09:50,687 --> 01:09:53,773
Besides, the best wine
is kept in the smallest barrels.
860
01:09:54,900 --> 01:10:00,405
You're funny! You look
more like a smurf than a soldier.
861
01:10:00,488 --> 01:10:03,909
Can we stay away
from the insults and racism, please?
862
01:10:04,034 --> 01:10:07,037
What's 2 inches anyway?
863
01:10:13,043 --> 01:10:15,837
Take this. Taste it.
864
01:10:15,921 --> 01:10:17,881
I want to know
what kind of person you are.
865
01:10:18,840 --> 01:10:25,138
This sacred plant's fruits can only be
eaten here, they can't be taken away.
866
01:10:25,222 --> 01:10:32,520
Princess Ma'va, this reminds me
of medication we have on Earth that...
867
01:10:41,655 --> 01:10:44,491
- Princess...
- Yes?
868
01:10:44,574 --> 01:10:48,036
Have you ever seen
my butterfly collection?
869
01:10:52,832 --> 01:10:57,420
Will our hero manage
to accomplish his mission
870
01:10:57,504 --> 01:11:00,131
by stealing a sample
of Viagrus Fuckensis?
871
01:11:07,722 --> 01:11:09,391
Thief, thief!
872
01:11:09,474 --> 01:11:12,686
Get a load of her! First she sleeps
with me, then she spies on me!
873
01:11:12,769 --> 01:11:14,271
Get him!
874
01:11:15,522 --> 01:11:18,775
- Help!
- Give us back our plant!
875
01:11:21,278 --> 01:11:23,446
Where do you think you're going?
876
01:11:23,530 --> 01:11:24,906
Phew, finally!
877
01:11:24,990 --> 01:11:27,659
DINOSAUR TAXI
878
01:11:28,702 --> 01:11:31,746
- Dinosaur taxi!
- Here I am!
879
01:11:35,208 --> 01:11:37,377
Quick! Fly me out of here!
880
01:11:37,460 --> 01:11:40,046
50 for a regular flight,
100 for a panoramic flight.
881
01:11:40,130 --> 01:11:42,382
Your rates are out of this world!
882
01:11:42,465 --> 01:11:46,344
Cost of living shot up
since the Pand-euro came into effect.
883
01:11:46,594 --> 01:11:48,680
I'm turning on the meter!
884
01:11:50,098 --> 01:11:52,809
- Give us back our Viagrus!
- Jerk!
885
01:11:52,892 --> 01:11:54,644
UP yours!
886
01:11:54,894 --> 01:12:00,400
When science fiction meets eroticism,
the result can only be...
887
01:12:01,026 --> 01:12:04,487
"Viagratar!"
Coming soon to a theater near you
888
01:12:04,571 --> 01:12:06,114
Read information leaflet carefully.
889
01:12:06,197 --> 01:12:09,909
Can I get a blank receipt?
890
01:12:09,993 --> 01:12:14,080
Inflating my expense report
is the only way I can make ends meet.
891
01:12:14,164 --> 01:12:15,832
Thank you so much.
892
01:12:23,548 --> 01:12:26,676
On a quiet
and wintry January morning,
893
01:12:27,135 --> 01:12:31,598
the school bells at Sequells Castle
were about to start pealing again.
894
01:12:31,765 --> 01:12:34,142
It was the beginning
of a new semester
895
01:12:34,225 --> 01:12:40,398
and of the 50th film in this series
starring... Erry Potshotter!
896
01:12:40,482 --> 01:12:43,026
ERRY POTSHOTTER
AND THE AGE OF RETIREMENT
897
01:12:45,945 --> 01:12:48,865
Ronzzz, this is the fourth pair
of glasses I get this year,
898
01:12:48,990 --> 01:12:51,785
I can barely see anymore.
And look at this belly!
899
01:12:51,868 --> 01:12:54,245
At 50,
my metabolism isn't what it used to be.
900
01:12:54,329 --> 01:12:55,914
Tell me about it, Erry.
901
01:12:56,247 --> 01:12:59,334
I look like I've had
a watermelon transplant!
902
01:13:00,126 --> 01:13:02,253
And my grey hair!
903
01:13:02,337 --> 01:13:04,339
We're not as young as we used to be!
904
01:13:04,422 --> 01:13:10,261
But they keep pushing
one or two movies on us every year!
905
01:13:10,345 --> 01:13:12,722
Not to brag, but 15 years ago,
906
01:13:12,806 --> 01:13:15,767
in "Erry Potshotter
and the Crimson Python,"
907
01:13:15,850 --> 01:13:19,938
I had six-pack abs!
908
01:13:20,021 --> 01:13:24,567
In "Erry Potshotter
and the Possessed Opossum,"
909
01:13:24,651 --> 01:13:28,988
I was so skinny, I had to stay home
if it was too windy out!
910
01:13:29,823 --> 01:13:33,535
Why are you still in your room?
There's a test in magic class today!
911
01:13:33,785 --> 01:13:35,662
- Hi, Hernione.
- We're coming.
912
01:13:35,745 --> 01:13:39,290
We're coming.
913
01:13:39,707 --> 01:13:42,419
We're coming...
We're coming...
914
01:13:42,502 --> 01:13:43,753
Guys! We've been hanging out
for over 20 years,
915
01:13:43,837 --> 01:13:45,505
aren't you fed up of seeing me?
916
01:13:45,588 --> 01:13:49,509
Sorry, Hernione! We've been
trapped here for 40 years,
917
01:13:49,592 --> 01:13:51,469
forced to observe
mandatory abstinence!
918
01:13:51,553 --> 01:13:54,681
They won't even let us pay
to bring escorts here.
919
01:13:55,014 --> 01:13:57,851
In my next life, I'm coming back
as Prime Minister of Italy.
920
01:14:00,562 --> 01:14:01,855
She's leaving...
921
01:14:02,272 --> 01:14:03,606
- She's leaving...
- Where is she going?
922
01:14:04,649 --> 01:14:08,361
- Erry!
- That was my magic wand.
923
01:14:09,446 --> 01:14:13,658
Apply the formulas
you learned last year
924
01:14:13,783 --> 01:14:19,330
to solve the equation used to transform
a frog into Prince Charming.
925
01:14:19,414 --> 01:14:22,250
You will have two hours
to complete this test.
926
01:14:22,792 --> 01:14:24,252
Are you ready?
927
01:14:25,378 --> 01:14:26,629
Go!
928
01:14:29,591 --> 01:14:33,887
How on earth can a toad like you
be transformed into Prince Charming?
929
01:14:33,970 --> 01:14:36,389
With Prince Charles,
they were only half successful:
930
01:14:36,473 --> 01:14:39,058
half-man, half-horse!
931
01:14:40,393 --> 01:14:43,396
Silence! Potshotterl
Always taking pot shots!
932
01:14:50,028 --> 01:14:53,781
Supercalifragilistic...
No, too old, it'll never work!
933
01:14:53,907 --> 01:14:57,368
Salagadula...
This is even worse!
934
01:14:58,203 --> 01:15:01,706
- Can I copy off you?
- Quit trying to cheat!
935
01:15:03,458 --> 01:15:07,587
I'll give you two packs
of Transformer cards!
936
01:15:07,670 --> 01:15:10,006
- No!
- Five Ben 10 action figures!
937
01:15:10,089 --> 01:15:11,466
I said no!
938
01:15:11,549 --> 01:15:15,720
My entire collection
of Playboy Bunnies posters!
939
01:15:15,887 --> 01:15:19,390
Prof. Stirring,
Potshotter is trying to copy off me.
940
01:15:19,474 --> 01:15:21,809
He keeps offering bribes
in exchange for my answers!
941
01:15:21,893 --> 01:15:23,686
That's not true.
I didn't say anything.
942
01:15:23,770 --> 01:15:25,605
You can leave now, Potshotter.
943
01:15:25,688 --> 01:15:30,193
Your test is over.
You've earned yourself a big, fat zero!
944
01:15:30,276 --> 01:15:33,613
If you keep this up,
you'll never leave Sequells Castle.
945
01:15:33,696 --> 01:15:36,157
Hey, black acne!
946
01:15:39,285 --> 01:15:40,787
- Do you forgive me now?
- No!
947
01:15:40,870 --> 01:15:42,288
Thank you.
948
01:15:42,664 --> 01:15:44,499
Zickety zackety zu...
949
01:15:44,582 --> 01:15:48,002
From frog to prince for you!
950
01:15:48,086 --> 01:15:49,754
I am Prince Charming!
951
01:15:49,921 --> 01:15:53,341
Yeah, and I'm Snow White.
Say hi to your six brothers for me.
952
01:16:04,561 --> 01:16:06,187
Tobias...
953
01:16:07,188 --> 01:16:07,981
Six.
954
01:16:10,275 --> 01:16:11,317
Rufus...
955
01:16:12,277 --> 01:16:13,945
Seven.
956
01:16:15,613 --> 01:16:17,657
Priscilla... Eight!
957
01:16:20,201 --> 01:16:23,371
- Ronzzz...
- Hey!
958
01:16:23,454 --> 01:16:26,207
- Ronzzz!
- Hey, wake up!
959
01:16:26,666 --> 01:16:27,959
Half.
960
01:16:28,751 --> 01:16:30,962
- Not even a one?
- No
961
01:16:31,921 --> 01:16:33,381
Hernione...
962
01:16:36,593 --> 01:16:40,096
- Two.
- All I ever get is two!
963
01:16:40,179 --> 01:16:42,473
Because those two are all I see,
even at night.
964
01:16:45,560 --> 01:16:49,272
Erry Potshotter...
Zero!
965
01:16:50,273 --> 01:16:51,190
Quiet, please.
966
01:16:51,274 --> 01:16:53,526
What has gotten into you, young man?
967
01:16:53,610 --> 01:16:55,486
Don't you have
an ounce of self-respect?
968
01:16:55,612 --> 01:16:58,197
Your graduation is 25 years overdue.
969
01:16:58,281 --> 01:17:01,200
Do you want to spend the rest
of your life at Sequells Castle?
970
01:17:01,284 --> 01:17:03,953
If you keep failing me,
I'll have no choice, will I?
971
01:17:04,037 --> 01:17:08,082
If you tell me where I can get
the forms, I'll apply for retirement!
972
01:17:10,043 --> 01:17:12,837
As this school's oldest pupil once did.
973
01:17:12,920 --> 01:17:15,298
- No! Do not pronounce that name!
- What was his name?
974
01:17:15,381 --> 01:17:17,467
Don't pronounce it! It's a jinx!
975
01:17:17,550 --> 01:17:19,510
- Voldamorgue.
- No!
976
01:17:32,273 --> 01:17:33,983
Damn you and all your ancestors!
Oh, that hurts!
977
01:17:35,151 --> 01:17:37,779
- You said it was a jinx!
- Don't say his name!
978
01:17:37,862 --> 01:17:39,864
- But I only said it once.
- Fuck you!
979
01:17:39,947 --> 01:17:44,744
- Who? Me?
- I'll show you!
980
01:17:47,747 --> 01:17:52,335
Hernione,
I don't know how to say this,
981
01:17:53,086 --> 01:18:00,009
but there's something inside me
growing bigger for you by the moment!
982
01:18:00,093 --> 01:18:03,179
Yes, I can feel it, Ronzzz.
I can definitely feel it!
983
01:18:03,596 --> 01:18:07,100
Don't misunderstand me, Hernione!
I was referring to my love for you!
984
01:18:07,558 --> 01:18:10,603
I understand, Ronzzz,
but you know we can't.
985
01:18:10,687 --> 01:18:14,273
The strict rules at Sequells Castle
won't allow it!
986
01:18:14,357 --> 01:18:16,025
Please explain.
987
01:18:16,484 --> 01:18:18,194
We can't fuck!
988
01:18:18,277 --> 01:18:21,739
Our contract says we're still
supposed to be kids, you dolt.
989
01:18:24,742 --> 01:18:27,245
- Who is it?
- It's Erry, open up!
990
01:18:27,787 --> 01:18:30,832
Erry Openup?
I don't know an Erry Openup.
991
01:18:31,249 --> 01:18:32,875
The older they get,
the dumber they become!
992
01:18:32,959 --> 01:18:36,754
It's Erry Potshotter, open up,
as in the verb "to open!"
993
01:18:36,838 --> 01:18:38,715
Why now?
994
01:18:38,798 --> 01:18:40,925
I'll open up in a second,
Erry, sorry!
995
01:18:41,008 --> 01:18:43,720
Erry Sorry?
But I'm Erry Potshotter.
996
01:18:43,803 --> 01:18:46,764
Quick, get in the closet.
997
01:18:49,183 --> 01:18:53,396
Out the window!
I don't want Erry to find you here.
998
01:18:53,479 --> 01:18:54,647
Hurry UP!
999
01:18:56,983 --> 01:18:59,402
Re you crazy?!
It's a 100-foot drop!
1000
01:18:59,485 --> 01:19:02,363
Well? We're wizards, aren't we?
Go on, you coward!
1001
01:19:04,824 --> 01:19:07,994
Oh God... What was that spell
to turn someone into a bird?
1002
01:19:08,995 --> 01:19:10,329
Hernione!
1003
01:19:11,372 --> 01:19:12,832
Hi, Erry!
1004
01:19:14,000 --> 01:19:15,585
Oh, Fight!
1005
01:19:17,545 --> 01:19:19,505
Feathers fowl are!
1006
01:19:23,217 --> 01:19:26,888
A little late, you little bugger!
1007
01:19:27,889 --> 01:19:31,517
- Erry!
- Hernione!
1008
01:19:33,186 --> 01:19:34,937
I wanted to tell you that...
1009
01:19:35,229 --> 01:19:40,693
There's something great inside me
and it keeps growing for you...
1010
01:19:40,777 --> 01:19:43,946
You too? It's your heart, right?
It beats for me!
1011
01:19:44,113 --> 01:19:47,992
Well, yes. There are two great things
inside me that grow for you.
1012
01:19:48,117 --> 01:19:52,079
Two? Your heart and your thoughts,
I'm always in your thoughts!
1013
01:19:52,163 --> 01:19:55,917
Three then! Three great things
inside me are growing for you!
1014
01:19:56,125 --> 01:19:58,795
Erry, I get it.
This isn't a Disney movie!
1015
01:19:58,878 --> 01:20:02,381
Wait, I've been in abstinence
for 40 years, Hernione.
1016
01:20:06,135 --> 01:20:07,804
Opus incertum!
1017
01:20:09,263 --> 01:20:11,474
No! Not the stone hands!
1018
01:20:11,557 --> 01:20:15,186
You were caught fornicating
1019
01:20:15,269 --> 01:20:18,022
with a classmate
from your course-ourse-ourse
1020
01:20:18,105 --> 01:20:20,024
and this is the punishment
you deserve!
1021
01:20:20,107 --> 01:20:23,820
Wizard Husheldore, this is
a wizardry school, not a monastery!
1022
01:20:23,903 --> 01:20:26,405
We're not kids anymore!
Hormones have their rights too.
1023
01:20:26,489 --> 01:20:27,907
Hush!
1024
01:20:29,367 --> 01:20:31,536
Now I know why they call him
Husheldore.
1025
01:20:31,744 --> 01:20:34,831
Well, I've overstayed my welcome,
I'll retire to my room.
1026
01:20:36,874 --> 01:20:38,167
Goodbye!
1027
01:20:38,251 --> 01:20:40,628
- Aren't you going to shake my hand?
- Never.
1028
01:20:40,711 --> 01:20:43,214
Just one question:
1029
01:20:43,381 --> 01:20:46,717
why didn't you perform this magic trick
on that ex-student of yours?
1030
01:20:46,801 --> 01:20:49,095
- Do not pronounce that name!
- What was his name?
1031
01:20:49,178 --> 01:20:53,057
- Don't pronounce it! It's a jinx!
- Voldamorgue.
1032
01:20:56,310 --> 01:20:59,814
Fuck you and that name!
1033
01:20:59,981 --> 01:21:02,859
He did say it was a jinx.
1034
01:21:02,942 --> 01:21:05,111
Would you like an Advil, Wizard?
1035
01:21:05,194 --> 01:21:06,445
UP yours!
1036
01:21:07,697 --> 01:21:12,994
The next morning was insidiously
ominous with evil surprises.
1037
01:21:20,042 --> 01:21:24,463
If you are door-to-door salesmen,
leave or I'll kick your ass.
1038
01:21:28,342 --> 01:21:31,345
I'm Frodolo.
I come from Middle Earth.
1039
01:21:33,931 --> 01:21:36,559
Nice to meet you! So you're
the young Lord of the Rings?
1040
01:21:36,642 --> 01:21:39,937
Yes, every time they want
to convince me to make another sequel,
1041
01:21:40,021 --> 01:21:41,355
they give me a ring.
1042
01:21:41,439 --> 01:21:43,691
You should see how many
I have on my toes. Do you want to see?
1043
01:21:43,774 --> 01:21:46,152
No, thanks.
Oh goodness!
1044
01:21:46,861 --> 01:21:50,197
I've seen some ugly dogs in my life.
But this one... What breed is it?
1045
01:21:50,281 --> 01:21:53,993
This is my secretary,
meet Goal-lum.
1046
01:21:54,201 --> 01:21:56,704
Despite his appearance,
we are good friends.
1047
01:21:57,204 --> 01:22:00,583
I'm his preciousss friend!
1048
01:22:02,793 --> 01:22:04,378
Down! Down!
1049
01:22:05,046 --> 01:22:08,007
- Welcome to Sequells Castle.
- Go ahead.
1050
01:22:20,895 --> 01:22:26,525
Love, sun, sky, sea...
1051
01:22:33,074 --> 01:22:35,910
Ronzzz, Erry! Look who's here!
1052
01:22:35,993 --> 01:22:39,372
Meet Frodolo, the Young Lord
of the Rings, from Middle Earth!
1053
01:22:39,455 --> 01:22:42,333
- Fuck me!
- What are you doing in my castle?
1054
01:22:42,416 --> 01:22:46,462
I don't know.
I think I got the wrong sequel!
1055
01:22:46,963 --> 01:22:50,758
What an ugly beast!
Where did you get it, Chernobyl?
1056
01:22:58,224 --> 01:23:00,101
Serves you right
for treating beasts that way.
1057
01:23:00,184 --> 01:23:02,061
Are you calling me a beast?
1058
01:23:03,854 --> 01:23:07,900
Suddenly, everyone at Sequells Castle
only had eyes for the new stranger,
1059
01:23:07,984 --> 01:23:11,946
which, to Erry,
was a real pain in the a...
1060
01:23:12,405 --> 01:23:14,115
...in the neck!
1061
01:23:14,198 --> 01:23:20,496
Lord Mordor gave 19 rings
to us, the inhabitants of Middle Earth,
1062
01:23:20,579 --> 01:23:23,499
but we soon found out
that he had deceived us!
1063
01:23:23,582 --> 01:23:27,086
The ring he had made for himself
could control all the others.
1064
01:23:27,169 --> 01:23:29,088
The One Ring!
1065
01:23:30,172 --> 01:23:34,260
But one of our ancestors
got back at the dark lord:
1066
01:23:34,343 --> 01:23:38,556
he cut off his finger
to get the ring!
1067
01:23:38,639 --> 01:23:41,308
What are you talking about?
1068
01:23:41,392 --> 01:23:43,352
What a moving story!
1069
01:23:43,436 --> 01:23:46,856
My heart races
as I listen to that story!
1070
01:23:46,939 --> 01:23:50,568
What's so moving about it?
It doesn't hold water.
1071
01:23:50,651 --> 01:23:55,281
The dark lord, the One Ring...
This is total bullshit!
1072
01:23:55,364 --> 01:24:01,912
We may have lost the last fight,
but my duty was to save the ring.
1073
01:24:02,121 --> 01:24:04,206
Look.
1074
01:24:05,082 --> 01:24:06,667
That's disgusting!
1075
01:24:07,376 --> 01:24:12,256
Oops, sorry, that was the finger
of the dark lord I was talking about.
1076
01:24:12,631 --> 01:24:14,258
Here it is.
1077
01:24:17,595 --> 01:24:20,973
This piece ofjunk is the magic ring?
Oh, please!
1078
01:24:21,057 --> 01:24:23,809
What are you insinuating, Potshotter?
1079
01:24:24,185 --> 01:24:28,355
My magic wand is worth a thousand
of those scrap pieces of copper!
1080
01:24:28,439 --> 01:24:33,152
Are you challenging me?
1081
01:24:33,235 --> 01:24:35,946
Please don't challenge him
to a flying broom match.
1082
01:24:36,030 --> 01:24:40,326
- I hate that game.
- I challenge you to a flying broom match.
1083
01:24:40,409 --> 01:24:42,411
There you go! How boring!
1084
01:24:42,495 --> 01:24:49,335
Duel! Duel! Duel!
1085
01:24:49,460 --> 01:24:53,464
Quiet!
There are people sleeping!
1086
01:25:02,139 --> 01:25:05,059
Hello-lo-lo-lo
1087
01:25:08,479 --> 01:25:15,277
Welcome to the great challenge
of the flying brooms!
1088
01:25:19,073 --> 01:25:20,950
- Wizard Husheldore...
- What do you want?
1089
01:25:21,033 --> 01:25:22,952
All our flying brooms
are in the shop.
1090
01:25:23,035 --> 01:25:26,038
And the gas was too expensive.
All we have is regular brooms.
1091
01:25:26,122 --> 01:25:27,373
Again, huh?
1092
01:25:28,249 --> 01:25:35,506
Welcome to the great challenge
of the regular brooms-ooms-ooms...
1093
01:25:36,715 --> 01:25:39,385
If they keep up the budget cuts,
1094
01:25:39,468 --> 01:25:44,056
the next film will feature
a poker challenge!
1095
01:25:45,099 --> 01:25:47,726
Let the challenge begin!
1096
01:25:59,905 --> 01:26:03,450
Dear spectators, this challenge
will begin in a few minutes.
1097
01:26:03,534 --> 01:26:06,579
On one side, we have
Erry Potshotter and his friend Ronzzz...
1098
01:26:06,662 --> 01:26:11,375
Thank goodness we're not flying.
At my age, I'm afraid of heights.
1099
01:26:11,458 --> 01:26:13,586
We could have taken
the vacuum cleaners.
1100
01:26:13,669 --> 01:26:17,590
...And on the other, the "Strangers:"
Frodolo and Goal-Ium.
1101
01:26:17,673 --> 01:26:20,134
- I don't see any banners.
- No.
1102
01:26:20,593 --> 01:26:24,847
Erry! Erry!
Frodolo! Frodolo!
1103
01:26:27,099 --> 01:26:28,893
I want all of you to be on the ball!
1104
01:26:40,529 --> 01:26:42,740
FRODOLO2 O - POTSHOTTER: 1
1105
01:27:10,768 --> 01:27:13,103
That goal is not valid!
1106
01:27:15,856 --> 01:27:17,858
You've got to dribble it first.
You can't do that.
1107
01:27:17,942 --> 01:27:23,280
If the referee blows his whistle,
the ball is still in play.
1108
01:27:45,678 --> 01:27:47,304
Don't fight!
1109
01:28:03,404 --> 01:28:06,323
Save it!
1110
01:28:10,035 --> 01:28:12,997
- Yes, Wizard Husheldore.
- What do you want?
1111
01:28:13,080 --> 01:28:16,583
- You called me over!
- No, I was shooing a fly.
1112
01:28:22,381 --> 01:28:25,384
But, Referee, he faked that fall!
1113
01:28:25,718 --> 01:28:27,094
They're just kids.
1114
01:28:27,261 --> 01:28:29,346
Referee! Time out!
1115
01:28:29,430 --> 01:28:32,057
It's just us two.
How will we form our barrier?
1116
01:28:32,141 --> 01:28:34,435
Don't worry, I've got one!
1117
01:28:37,313 --> 01:28:39,565
Great, Erry!
1118
01:28:39,690 --> 01:28:42,151
Potshotter's movies
are full of dirty tricks.
1119
01:28:42,234 --> 01:28:46,322
- Should I bite them?
- No, I'll volley it over their heads.
1120
01:28:46,488 --> 01:28:49,450
Please, Mario, jump.
1121
01:28:59,835 --> 01:29:03,672
Good job, Mario!
No one can beat your headers!
1122
01:29:03,797 --> 01:29:08,510
There's only one minute left
and our teams are tied. 8 goals each.
1123
01:29:08,594 --> 01:29:11,138
As you can see this is anyone's match!
1124
01:29:11,347 --> 01:29:13,766
I'm the President of the Inter team.
I'm rooting for the ring guy
1125
01:29:13,849 --> 01:29:16,393
because he's a foreigner!
I'm not big on Italians.
1126
01:29:16,477 --> 01:29:20,773
Hopefully Erry Potshotter won't pull one
of his tricks and ruin my fun again.
1127
01:29:21,482 --> 01:29:24,109
- There's not a dog's chance you'll win!
- Me? A dog's chance?!
1128
01:29:25,861 --> 01:29:27,780
Penalty!
1129
01:29:27,863 --> 01:29:29,031
- It's a penalty!
- No, it wasn't!
1130
01:29:29,114 --> 01:29:31,617
- It's a penalty!
- It definitely wasn't!
1131
01:29:32,826 --> 01:29:34,870
- What was it'?
- A penalty.
1132
01:29:34,953 --> 01:29:36,580
That's what I've been
trying to tell you!
1133
01:29:36,663 --> 01:29:41,043
Penalty kick! The referee grants
a penalty kick to Potshotter's team!
1134
01:29:41,126 --> 01:29:42,711
That wasn't a penalty, come on.
1135
01:29:42,795 --> 01:29:46,173
I knew Potshotter would pull some trick.
I think he's a Juventus player!
1136
01:29:46,256 --> 01:29:47,800
Of course it wasn't a penalty.
1137
01:29:47,883 --> 01:29:53,389
It was a penalty. There's no doubt
about it! A penalty, for sure!
1138
01:29:53,472 --> 01:29:56,725
May my hair go red
if it wasn't a penalty!
1139
01:29:57,518 --> 01:30:00,479
How can I take my penalty kick
with these brooms in the way?
1140
01:30:00,687 --> 01:30:02,439
Erry, magic trick #4!
1141
01:30:02,523 --> 01:30:05,150
Go, Potshotter! Score a goal!
1142
01:30:07,486 --> 01:30:10,364
Go!
1143
01:30:10,739 --> 01:30:13,117
Well done, Erry!
1144
01:30:13,742 --> 01:30:17,746
Hey, he moved the goal!
1145
01:30:17,830 --> 01:30:18,997
That was easy!
1146
01:30:19,081 --> 01:30:22,459
Goodbye, I'm going shopping
for a new coach.
1147
01:30:22,543 --> 01:30:24,670
You should, President.
1148
01:30:28,173 --> 01:30:34,304
Erry is the Champion of Sequells!
Champion of Sequells!
1149
01:30:37,433 --> 01:30:42,312
The winner of the match
is Erry Potshotter's team!
1150
01:30:42,729 --> 01:30:46,442
No other surname has ever been
as appr... appr... approprrr...
1151
01:30:46,525 --> 01:30:48,110
As appropriate!
1152
01:30:48,193 --> 01:30:50,821
No other surname has ever been...
what she said.
1153
01:30:50,988 --> 01:30:53,907
Frodolo's team loses the ring.
1154
01:30:53,991 --> 01:30:56,326
What are you doing?
Are you keeping the ring?
1155
01:30:56,410 --> 01:30:59,913
Sure, so if they want to shoot another
sequel to "The Young Lord of the Rings",
1156
01:30:59,997 --> 01:31:02,374
they'll have to cast me
in one of the leading roles!
1157
01:31:03,208 --> 01:31:06,170
You know, I look just like
the wizards in those movies anyway
1158
01:31:06,253 --> 01:31:12,092
I'm smart, very smart-art-art...
Excuse me.
1159
01:31:15,512 --> 01:31:18,265
Dammit, I must get my ring back!
1160
01:31:18,348 --> 01:31:20,350
That ring is mine,
I have to get it back.
1161
01:31:20,434 --> 01:31:22,853
Too bad my lawyer was busy today.
1162
01:31:24,521 --> 01:31:31,528
Frodolo sneaks into Wizard Husheldore's
office to retrieve his ring.
1163
01:31:33,030 --> 01:31:36,033
There's my ring!
1164
01:31:36,116 --> 01:31:39,995
- Ah, there's my ring!
- Your ring?! Give it back!
1165
01:31:40,078 --> 01:31:42,831
No, I won it fair and square
in the regular broom match!
1166
01:31:42,915 --> 01:31:45,042
The match?! You mean that farce?
1167
01:31:49,963 --> 01:31:52,966
I'm desperate!
I don't know what to do.
1168
01:31:53,133 --> 01:31:55,886
Production sent me another letter
this morning,
1169
01:31:55,969 --> 01:32:00,849
saying our audience has caught on
to the real ages of our protagonists
1170
01:32:00,933 --> 01:32:02,976
and they're threatening
to stop going to movie theaters.
1171
01:32:03,060 --> 01:32:06,772
This puts the release of
"Erry Potshotter and the Magic Cucumber"
1172
01:32:06,855 --> 01:32:09,066
at grave risk-isk-isk!
1173
01:32:09,149 --> 01:32:10,943
Venerable Wizard,
I don't understand.
1174
01:32:11,026 --> 01:32:14,071
We're doing well at the box office,
things have always gone smoothly.
1175
01:32:14,154 --> 01:32:15,531
I don't see why.
1176
01:32:15,614 --> 01:32:19,284
Because they've grown up!
Get it? I'm gonna kill this woman.
1177
01:32:19,368 --> 01:32:22,913
They're grown-ups! Adults!
1178
01:32:22,996 --> 01:32:26,542
Have you seen the tits on Hernione?
1179
01:32:26,625 --> 01:32:30,879
Even for a man my age,
I'll be 260 years old in April,
1180
01:32:30,963 --> 01:32:34,383
they're hard to miss.
1181
01:32:34,466 --> 01:32:37,636
- We've noticed.
- Is it that obvious?
1182
01:32:37,719 --> 01:32:39,471
- What do you think?
- Refrain from commenting.
1183
01:32:39,555 --> 01:32:42,683
- I apologize.
- And Erry?
1184
01:32:42,766 --> 01:32:48,564
I've lost count of all the times
we've flunked him just to keep him here,
1185
01:32:49,147 --> 01:32:50,983
but he must be in his 50s by now!
1186
01:32:51,066 --> 01:32:54,027
They want to copulate.
Do you know what "copulate" means?
1187
01:32:54,111 --> 01:32:56,989
- No.
- Oh. You don't know.
1188
01:32:57,239 --> 01:32:58,740
Of course you know.
1189
01:32:58,824 --> 01:33:01,910
They want to copulate. They want
to have families and grow up!
1190
01:33:01,994 --> 01:33:05,372
But that would mean the end
of Sequells Castle.
1191
01:33:05,455 --> 01:33:08,750
Without them, we'll be forced
to pose for pictures with tourists,
1192
01:33:08,834 --> 01:33:12,212
if we're lucky-ucky-ucky.
1193
01:33:12,754 --> 01:33:14,631
- That would be so boring.
- Oring-oring.
1194
01:33:14,715 --> 01:33:16,008
- Well?
- Sorry.
1195
01:33:16,091 --> 01:33:19,553
So, venerable Wizard,
what can we do to save this place?
1196
01:33:19,845 --> 01:33:21,680
There's only one thing left to do.
1197
01:33:21,763 --> 01:33:26,768
It pains me to do this. Lord knows
how much I love those kids, but...
1198
01:33:28,770 --> 01:33:33,984
we have to make them young again
with some of our black magic!
1199
01:33:34,109 --> 01:33:37,904
- But black magic is forbidden!
- I know, but what choice do I have?!
1200
01:33:38,614 --> 01:33:42,075
E va bene, piccoli.
Quanto piccoli?
1201
01:33:42,159 --> 01:33:43,285
- Well... okay. How young?
- I don't know!
1202
01:33:43,368 --> 01:33:45,454
At least back
to how old they were in
1203
01:33:45,537 --> 01:33:48,123
"Erry Potshotter
and the Magic Nursery School!"
1204
01:33:48,915 --> 01:33:53,420
Do you know that this will give us
another 30 years of success?
1205
01:33:53,503 --> 01:33:54,546
Get outta here!
1206
01:33:55,130 --> 01:33:59,635
If we don't do this,
we'll be released straight-to-video
1207
01:33:59,718 --> 01:34:03,513
without even making it
to the theaters-aters-aters!
1208
01:34:03,597 --> 01:34:05,223
I'm outta here.
1209
01:34:05,849 --> 01:34:11,980
Frodolo stoically put aside his rivalry
and treated Erry as a friend.
1210
01:34:12,064 --> 01:34:15,942
You're up shit creek now.
I already have a contract for 4 more sequels,
1211
01:34:16,526 --> 01:34:19,571
but if you give me back the ring,
I can get you out of here.
1212
01:34:20,322 --> 01:34:22,282
The ring? Alright!
1213
01:34:22,366 --> 01:34:25,243
Here's the ring,
but let me tell you something:
1214
01:34:25,327 --> 01:34:28,830
- Frodolo, you truly are a little shitolo.
- Little shitolo?!
1215
01:34:28,914 --> 01:34:32,376
The two boys forged
a strong friendship.
1216
01:34:32,918 --> 01:34:36,505
You've got to believe me.
They want to turn us into kids again.
1217
01:34:36,588 --> 01:34:38,423
That's impossible!
1218
01:34:38,507 --> 01:34:40,884
But it's true!
We heard it with our own ears!
1219
01:34:40,967 --> 01:34:43,929
- And what ears!
- If you don't do something right now,
1220
01:34:44,012 --> 01:34:46,515
they'll use their magic
to make you young again
1221
01:34:46,598 --> 01:34:50,477
and you'll be left to rot
in this place with the stuffed owls!
1222
01:34:50,686 --> 01:34:52,145
Shit!
1223
01:34:52,229 --> 01:34:54,564
The first man that gets me
out of here can sleep with me!
1224
01:34:56,108 --> 01:34:59,986
If we're going to escape, we'll need
a magic trick that can change the plot.
1225
01:35:00,070 --> 01:35:04,825
Impossible. No one can do that,
my preciousss.
1226
01:35:04,908 --> 01:35:07,035
You're wrong, Goal-lum.
1227
01:35:07,119 --> 01:35:09,746
Erry, we can do it.
1228
01:35:10,330 --> 01:35:13,083
Yes, we can!
1229
01:35:13,166 --> 01:35:16,294
With this wand and this ring...
1230
01:35:17,337 --> 01:35:19,506
You asshole!
You stole it from me again!
1231
01:35:19,589 --> 01:35:24,261
I will perform a 3D magic trick
with these two gadgets.
1232
01:35:28,306 --> 01:35:32,644
I will create a magnetic field.
Look, the scene change is taking place.
1233
01:35:32,811 --> 01:35:37,816
At the end of the movie,
an escape route will materialize!
1234
01:35:37,899 --> 01:35:42,404
- Huddle together.
- Together! Together!
1235
01:35:42,487 --> 01:35:49,369
Ibra... Alex... Krasic... Eto'0!
1236
01:35:57,127 --> 01:36:00,046
Hey guys, the magic spell worked!
1237
01:36:01,965 --> 01:36:03,467
But where are we now?
1238
01:36:03,550 --> 01:36:08,054
What the fuck are you kids doing here
all dressed up for Halloween?
1239
01:36:08,638 --> 01:36:12,392
And above all...
who the fuck are you?
1240
01:36:14,352 --> 01:36:15,979
They're the traitors.
1241
01:36:16,188 --> 01:36:20,108
Yeah, they're the ones who killed
the last Godfather!
1242
01:36:20,192 --> 01:36:22,778
We did what? We killed who?!
1243
01:36:28,074 --> 01:36:31,578
How the fuck
did we all end up here?
1244
01:36:31,661 --> 01:36:35,373
This is your episode!
If you don't know, who does?
1245
01:36:36,583 --> 01:36:38,627
He's right, we should know.
It's our episode.
1246
01:36:38,710 --> 01:36:39,961
May I?
1247
01:36:40,962 --> 01:36:44,216
What are doing, you asshole?
Repeating our lines, too?
1248
01:36:44,299 --> 01:36:45,801
Yes, he's an asshole!
1249
01:36:45,884 --> 01:36:47,928
Asshole, asshole!
1250
01:36:54,726 --> 01:37:01,650
- Sorry, do you know why we're here?
- Of course I know.
1251
01:37:01,733 --> 01:37:04,986
I wrote the script,
starred and directed this film:
1252
01:37:05,070 --> 01:37:07,739
this is the grand finale.
1253
01:37:10,951 --> 01:37:15,705
Ezio, we have to go,
we have to wrap up this film!
1254
01:37:15,789 --> 01:37:18,291
- Gina Lollobrigida!
- Gina!
1255
01:37:18,375 --> 01:37:21,253
- Pardon me.
- Hi Gina!
1256
01:37:34,933 --> 01:37:36,726
Ezio, Ezio!
1257
01:37:37,269 --> 01:37:40,188
- Thank you, Gina.
- Thank you, Ezio.
1258
01:37:40,313 --> 01:37:42,023
Long live Gina Lollobrigida!
1259
01:37:42,691 --> 01:37:44,901
- Long live the cinema!
- Viva!
1260
01:38:14,723 --> 01:38:17,893
AS LONG AS THERE IS CINEMA,
THERE WILL BE PARODY
1261
01:38:18,018 --> 01:38:20,103
AND THE LAUGHTER WILL NEVER...
1262
01:38:20,186 --> 01:38:24,357
END
AT LEAST NOT YET!
1263
01:38:25,025 --> 01:38:26,318
Sottotitoli Anna Maria Bruno100616
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