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1
00:00:01,034 --> 00:00:03,403
**
2
00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:05,405
(studio audience
cheering and clapping)
3
00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:08,609
Uhp. Sorry. That's my
e-mail notification.
4
00:00:08,708 --> 00:00:10,743
Ooh! Looks like
it's official.
5
00:00:10,843 --> 00:00:12,612
You're looking
at the newest member
6
00:00:12,712 --> 00:00:15,416
of an exclusive
little club known as...
7
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,518
Scientology.
8
00:00:17,617 --> 00:00:20,019
-You became a Scientologist?
-It wasn't easy.
9
00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:22,390
They did everything they
could to discourage me.
10
00:00:22,489 --> 00:00:24,091
Wow. Just think.
11
00:00:24,192 --> 00:00:26,294
You might get to go
to Kirstie Alley's funeral!
12
00:00:26,393 --> 00:00:28,896
-(sobbing wildly)
-What's wrong?
13
00:00:28,995 --> 00:00:31,599
(sobbing) He's dead!
14
00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:34,268
-Jeff?
-No!
15
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,804
Tom Green!
16
00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:38,905
I just saw on Twitter,
and he --
17
00:00:39,006 --> 00:00:41,542
Oh, Gaww-hoddddd!
18
00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:44,311
(retching)
19
00:00:44,411 --> 00:00:46,246
This is ridiculous.
20
00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:47,814
I'll have to
call in sick for work.
21
00:00:47,914 --> 00:00:50,750
What?! Was he your ride
or something?
22
00:00:50,850 --> 00:00:52,719
Babe! Good news!
23
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:55,988
Turns out it was just one
of his hilarious pranks!
24
00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:58,959
Well, now I feel
like a fool!
25
00:00:59,058 --> 00:01:01,895
I won't be able
to go to work all week!
26
00:01:01,994 --> 00:01:05,399
(Jeff and Hayley sobbing)
27
00:01:05,498 --> 00:01:07,234
(sighs)
28
00:01:07,334 --> 00:01:09,236
Where did I go wrong, Klaus?
29
00:01:09,337 --> 00:01:11,070
How did Hayley
end up as soft
30
00:01:11,171 --> 00:01:14,141
as my prized Toronto Raptors
micro fleece throw?
31
00:01:14,242 --> 00:01:16,676
And what will become of her
if she doesn't toughen up?
32
00:01:16,777 --> 00:01:18,311
It's time for me to go...
33
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:20,680
on one of my famous drives.
34
00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:22,582
(studio audience
cheering and clapping)
35
00:01:22,682 --> 00:01:26,519
Oh. Look who just got
a 30% off coupon
36
00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:29,656
for all sectionals
at wayfair.com.
37
00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:33,293
Scientology's already
working its magic.
38
00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:35,795
(patriotic music plays)
39
00:01:35,896 --> 00:01:38,466
* Good morning, U.S.A. *
40
00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:42,302
* I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day *
41
00:01:42,402 --> 00:01:45,506
* The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face *
42
00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:49,810
* And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race *
43
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:55,015
* Oh, boy, it's swell to say *
44
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,317
-* Good -- *
-* Good morning, U.S.A. *
45
00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:58,652
Aah!
46
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:03,323
* Good morning, U.S.A. *
47
00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:05,459
**
48
00:02:05,558 --> 00:02:08,162
STAN:
How did Hayley become so weak?
49
00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:10,698
Did I fail her as a father?
50
00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:13,800
Will she be able to take care
of herself when I'm gone?
51
00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:15,336
How can I make her tough?
52
00:02:15,436 --> 00:02:16,903
-STAN: Ugh!
-(whirring)
53
00:02:17,003 --> 00:02:19,507
I can't think
with all this racket!
54
00:02:19,606 --> 00:02:22,409
I need to go deeper
into the countryside.
55
00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:25,078
(tires screech)
56
00:02:25,179 --> 00:02:28,681
(clanging)
57
00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:30,651
No more distractions.
58
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:32,686
At last, my head is clear.
59
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:33,853
(clanging)
60
00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:36,156
(air hissing)
61
00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:37,390
(gasps)
62
00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:39,659
FARMER: Lost your way,
city slicker?
63
00:02:41,262 --> 00:02:43,697
Are you a good hillbilly
or a bad hillbilly?
64
00:02:43,796 --> 00:02:46,567
I'm a farmer.
And this here's my farm.
65
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,901
Don't worry. We'll get ya
unstuck right quick.
66
00:02:50,237 --> 00:02:51,671
(clicking)
67
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:54,908
(whistles)
68
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,676
Mother. Dan-boy.
69
00:02:56,776 --> 00:02:58,579
Birthin' the sow'll
have to wait.
70
00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:01,114
We got a man here
needs our help.
71
00:03:01,215 --> 00:03:02,915
-(squirt!)
-(piglet squealing)
72
00:03:03,015 --> 00:03:05,752
Well, let's git to it, then.
73
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:09,289
(all grunting)
74
00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:11,057
Strong.
75
00:03:11,157 --> 00:03:12,893
(all grunting,
piglet squealing)
76
00:03:12,992 --> 00:03:14,127
(flesh slices)
77
00:03:14,228 --> 00:03:16,729
Gah! (grunts)
78
00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:20,133
(grunting)
79
00:03:20,234 --> 00:03:21,735
Resilient.
80
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:23,069
(all grunting,
piglet squealing)
81
00:03:23,170 --> 00:03:24,538
(bear roars)
82
00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:26,240
Raaaah!
83
00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:27,608
(bear roars)
84
00:03:27,707 --> 00:03:30,411
Unh! Unh! Unh! Ugh!
85
00:03:30,510 --> 00:03:34,448
Toughness.
The very yin to weakness' yang.
86
00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:37,450
How did you come to be
so strong, so resilient?
87
00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:41,322
Well, I reckon farm life
just makes ya Farm Tough.
88
00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:43,290
Farm Tough.
89
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,893
Here. At least let me Venmo you
a little barn-dance money
90
00:03:45,992 --> 00:03:47,627
to thank you
for your trouble.
91
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:51,299
We don't go in much for
electronic doodads and gewgaws.
92
00:03:51,399 --> 00:03:53,766
Keep things a mite simpler
out here on the farm.
93
00:03:53,866 --> 00:03:56,103
Thick as rhino skin.
94
00:03:56,203 --> 00:03:59,239
Dan-boy, if it's not
too forward of me, may I...
95
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:00,907
have one of your calluses?
96
00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:03,610
You got a flapper here. I could
just give it a little twist.
97
00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:05,913
-I'd prefer you didn't.
-I've already got it.
98
00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:07,580
Came right off. Damn.
99
00:04:07,681 --> 00:04:09,917
I bet I could use this thing
as a guitar pick!
100
00:04:10,016 --> 00:04:13,420
(imitating
electric-guitar riff)
101
00:04:15,688 --> 00:04:18,091
**
102
00:04:18,190 --> 00:04:20,528
Callus, callus, show me true.
103
00:04:20,627 --> 00:04:22,995
Why is Hayley not tough, too?
104
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,497
Hmm.
105
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:26,132
Not showing me a vision.
106
00:04:26,233 --> 00:04:28,035
Guess I'll just go
take a look myself.
107
00:04:28,134 --> 00:04:31,305
(laughter on tablet,
devices beeping)
108
00:04:31,404 --> 00:04:33,005
Of course! Look at them
109
00:04:33,105 --> 00:04:36,209
with all their
electronic doodads and gewgaws!
110
00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:38,446
No wonder Hayley's
as soft as my prized
111
00:04:38,545 --> 00:04:41,949
Merino wool
Charlotte Hornets beanie.
112
00:04:42,048 --> 00:04:45,685
**
113
00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:48,120
(cattle mooing)
114
00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:51,391
There's the vision!
Callus, I could kiss you!
115
00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,463
FRANCINE: Stan,
what are you doing?
116
00:04:55,562 --> 00:04:57,865
Nothing!
117
00:04:57,898 --> 00:04:59,031
(door slams)
118
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,535
(Italian music plays)
119
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:04,137
I call this Smith
family meeting to order.
120
00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:05,639
(banging)
121
00:05:05,738 --> 00:05:08,475
Hmm.
Bread's fresher than usual.
122
00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:11,177
Now, there's no easy way
to say this, so here goes.
123
00:05:11,278 --> 00:05:14,180
This family is soft.
Especially Hayley.
124
00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:15,882
Actually,
that was pretty easy.
125
00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:17,718
-What?
-Well, no more.
126
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:20,487
Ugh! You've still
got that thing?
127
00:05:20,588 --> 00:05:23,089
It's time, through hard work
and simple living,
128
00:05:23,189 --> 00:05:26,259
for the Smith family
to become...Farm Tough.
129
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:28,228
Oop. Dropped my callus
in the baked ziti.
130
00:05:28,327 --> 00:05:29,862
Everybody just be aware.
131
00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:32,766
Anyway, I say
we leave our city lives behind
132
00:05:32,865 --> 00:05:34,534
and move to a farm!
133
00:05:34,634 --> 00:05:38,406
Oh, yeah! I'm gonna be the
toughest little farm boy ever!
134
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:41,542
Playing with horsies
and moo-moos all day.
135
00:05:41,641 --> 00:05:42,875
Mee-ow!
136
00:05:42,975 --> 00:05:44,745
And my first
celebrity crush
137
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:47,848
was that old farmer
in that painting...
138
00:05:47,947 --> 00:05:51,951
(turned on) holding that
big-ass pitchfork.
139
00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:56,288
A simple farm life, you say?
Oh, man, I just don't know.
140
00:05:56,389 --> 00:05:58,024
I think
it would be good for us.
141
00:05:58,125 --> 00:06:00,026
I guess I'm open
to being convinced,
142
00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:01,928
but I'm really
on the fence here.
143
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:04,898
-Let's have a vote.
-Okay, but I'm still undecided.
144
00:06:04,997 --> 00:06:07,233
All in favor?
145
00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:08,401
Damn it, Hayley!
146
00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:10,302
Per Smith family bylaws,
147
00:06:10,403 --> 00:06:12,973
all family votes
must be unanimous.
148
00:06:13,072 --> 00:06:15,408
We know, Kevin!
149
00:06:15,509 --> 00:06:17,944
Look, I do like the idea
of living more sustainably,
150
00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:20,379
but we don't need
to move to a farm.
151
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,149
Hey, why don't we try
urban homesteading?
152
00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:24,084
That's when people
in cities do small-scale
153
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:25,918
farming in their backyards.
154
00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:29,055
(sighs) Fine.
All in favor?
155
00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:31,591
(gags) I just
swallowed the callus.
156
00:06:31,692 --> 00:06:34,093
**
157
00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:36,096
Okay, so, farming.
158
00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:38,766
Um, we're probably gonna
need some dirt, right?
159
00:06:38,865 --> 00:06:42,502
Should we...buy it?
Or make it?
160
00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:45,137
That's great, sweetie. Let me
just scooch ya over here a bit.
161
00:06:45,237 --> 00:06:46,973
You're right in the path
of the bulldozer.
162
00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:49,242
Thanks, Dad. And -- In the what
of the what, now?
163
00:06:49,341 --> 00:06:52,079
-(screams)
-(rumbling)
164
00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:55,415
To get Farm Tough, we're gonna
need more room to farm.
165
00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:58,786
Come on! I got overalls
for everyone out back!
166
00:06:59,952 --> 00:07:04,492
Whoa! You guys! Come check out
this huge pile of worms!
167
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:09,161
Okay. See ya at the overalls!
168
00:07:12,031 --> 00:07:14,935
**
169
00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:17,303
Dad, this is not
what we agreed to!
170
00:07:17,403 --> 00:07:19,606
Sure it is. This was
your idea, Hayley --
171
00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:22,108
urban homesteading, farming
right in the heart of the city.
172
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:24,343
Small-scale farming!
173
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:27,279
Well, if it's small-scale
that gets your engine revving,
174
00:07:27,379 --> 00:07:29,617
you're gonna love
our new tiny farmhouse.
175
00:07:29,716 --> 00:07:31,985
Come on, everybody.
I'll give you the tour.
176
00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:34,555
How are we gonna sleep?
177
00:07:34,654 --> 00:07:37,990
Not on a stack of 20 downy
mattresses, princess.
178
00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:40,560
For the last time,
I didn't say, "I felt a pea."
179
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:42,663
I said my mattress
"smelled like pee."
180
00:07:42,762 --> 00:07:44,497
-I peed the bed.
-Anyway, I'll show you
181
00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:46,667
how you'll sleep,
'cause it's bedtime anyway.
182
00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:49,970
We're on farm hours now.
Bed by 4:00. Up at 2:00.
183
00:07:50,069 --> 00:07:52,505
-Steve-boy, this is you.
-I can't fit in there.
184
00:07:52,605 --> 00:07:54,374
Just give it a try,
Steve-boy.
185
00:07:54,473 --> 00:07:55,875
-Yes, Mother.
-Correction.
186
00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:57,476
Now that we're farm folk,
187
00:07:57,577 --> 00:07:59,747
I'm the one who calls
my wife "Mother."
188
00:07:59,846 --> 00:08:02,750
Night! (grunting)
189
00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:05,252
STEVE: Oh, God!
190
00:08:05,351 --> 00:08:06,920
Roger.
191
00:08:09,488 --> 00:08:11,391
Hayley and Jeff.
192
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:15,394
And, Mother, if you open up
this oil painting
193
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,930
of blond Jesus,
there's a cupboard behind.
194
00:08:21,233 --> 00:08:22,670
(Steve gasps)
195
00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:26,206
Hello!
196
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,341
-(grunts)
-Aah!
197
00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:30,877
Hi.
198
00:08:32,879 --> 00:08:35,081
Ohh!
199
00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:36,850
Stan, this is Amos.
200
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:38,851
-(grunting)
-Hey.
201
00:08:38,951 --> 00:08:40,352
(Hayley gasps)
202
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:44,591
Amos! It's not
what it looks like!
203
00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:47,561
(country fiddle plays)
204
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:50,096
(grunting)
Oh, yeah!
205
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:52,732
I feel myself gettin'
tougher already!
206
00:08:52,832 --> 00:08:54,033
Mornin', neighbor!
207
00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:59,306
Well, look who it is.
208
00:08:59,405 --> 00:09:01,908
Sun's already almost up,
Sleeping Beauty.
209
00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:05,378
I was stuck in the wall fighting
off hundreds of tiny spiders!
210
00:09:05,477 --> 00:09:07,480
Oh, yeah, we're raising
spiders now, too.
211
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:09,282
I'm gonna sell 'em to
a Spider-Man movie!
212
00:09:09,381 --> 00:09:10,817
Which we'll never see,
of course,
213
00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:13,485
because we're foregoing
all modern technology.
214
00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:14,988
On pain of shunning?
215
00:09:15,087 --> 00:09:17,124
Done!
We'll need maximum discipline
216
00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:19,558
because this homestead
must succeed.
217
00:09:19,659 --> 00:09:21,327
I quit my job
and took out a mortgage
218
00:09:21,427 --> 00:09:24,264
with a 39% interest rate
to pay for the renovations.
219
00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:26,634
-You did what?!
-The bankers were high-fiving
220
00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:28,301
while I signed
the paperwork.
221
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,770
Looking back, probably
should've been a red flag.
222
00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:33,974
Maybe we need to worry less
about me becoming Farm Tough
223
00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:37,277
and more about you
being so Farm Stupid!
224
00:09:37,376 --> 00:09:38,979
(gasps)
Shun 'er, Stan!
225
00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:41,181
She talketh back
to thee, dude!
226
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:43,350
Hold up. Wait, though. I want
to get this for my TikTok.
227
00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:44,751
(gasps) Gewgaw!
228
00:09:44,851 --> 00:09:47,086
Aw, shit.
I'mma get shunned, aren't I?
229
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:50,356
Roger has violated
the rules of the farm.
230
00:09:50,456 --> 00:09:52,091
He must be shunned.
231
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:55,595
It was one mistake, and we
just came up with the rule.
232
00:09:55,696 --> 00:09:57,429
Why are you being
so hard on him?
233
00:09:57,529 --> 00:09:59,832
Because modern luxuries
make us soft.
234
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:02,269
Roger, you are shunned.
235
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:07,640
Whatever. I'm still the most
Amish mother-(bleep) here.
236
00:10:07,740 --> 00:10:10,009
(whirring)
237
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,544
**
238
00:10:12,645 --> 00:10:13,947
-(beep)
-Hey, Stan.
239
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:15,514
I just want
to give you an update
240
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:19,119
on the K-dog's adventures
in Scientology.
241
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:21,989
Long story short, it works!
242
00:10:22,088 --> 00:10:24,224
I had a major
personal breakthrough.
243
00:10:24,323 --> 00:10:25,993
I realized...
244
00:10:26,092 --> 00:10:30,163
that Battlefield Earth
is a cool movie!
245
00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:32,298
-(alarms blaring)
-Ohp. Gotta go.
246
00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:34,701
They're starting it again,
and I don't want to be late
247
00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:38,471
because if you are,
they beat you senseless.
248
00:10:38,571 --> 00:10:40,572
All right. Tell everyone
I'm doing great.
249
00:10:40,673 --> 00:10:43,143
Xenu later, alligator!
250
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:44,977
(giggles)
251
00:10:45,077 --> 00:10:47,480
**
252
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:51,018
Aaaah! I broke my leg!
253
00:10:51,118 --> 00:10:53,253
Rabbit hole.
We got varmints.
254
00:10:53,352 --> 00:10:57,524
That's bad. But the pain'll
toughen Steve up. That's good.
255
00:10:57,624 --> 00:11:00,693
Should we all break our legs?
Yes!
256
00:11:01,894 --> 00:11:03,562
Everybody, line up!
257
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:08,100
(gasps) Varmint!
258
00:11:08,936 --> 00:11:11,038
Stop! You don't
have to kill it!
259
00:11:11,138 --> 00:11:12,105
Yes, we do, Hayley!
260
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:14,673
Varmints suck the very
lifeblood out of a farm.
261
00:11:14,774 --> 00:11:17,509
Rabbits, termites,
orangutans.
262
00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:19,412
The only good varmint is...
263
00:11:19,511 --> 00:11:20,613
A dead varmint?
264
00:11:20,713 --> 00:11:22,448
No!
A rock-'n'-roll gopher,
265
00:11:22,548 --> 00:11:25,284
like that zany little
troublemaker from Caddyshack.
266
00:11:25,384 --> 00:11:28,355
We can keep it away from
our crops without killing it.
267
00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:30,890
I'm gonna go release it in the
woods at the end of the block.
268
00:11:30,990 --> 00:11:34,427
Hayley, how are you still
so far from being Farm Tough?
269
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:37,264
Dan-boy will never accept
my dowry if you're this soft.
270
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:38,932
I'm already married
to Jeff!
271
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:42,534
(gasps) But I promised Dan-boy
a brawny virgin!
272
00:11:46,774 --> 00:11:49,275
Oh, no.
Your leg is broken.
273
00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:51,644
(owl hooting)
274
00:11:54,413 --> 00:11:56,415
(wolves snarling)
275
00:11:56,515 --> 00:11:57,750
(owl hooting, rifle cocks)
276
00:11:57,850 --> 00:11:58,818
(wolf snarling)
277
00:11:58,918 --> 00:12:00,821
(owl hoots)
278
00:12:02,822 --> 00:12:05,759
Sorry, little guy.
This is gonna hurt a bit.
279
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:07,460
(ominous chords strike)
280
00:12:07,559 --> 00:12:09,962
STAN: Suppertime!
281
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:11,630
(clicking)
282
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:18,004
Uh, that's it?
But, Pa, I'm so hungry.
283
00:12:18,105 --> 00:12:20,139
Well, if you're thinking about
sneakin' extra carrots,
284
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,942
you are gunnin'
for a shunnin'.
285
00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:24,144
You know the rules --
no electric stuff,
286
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,513
no extra food,
no creature comforts.
287
00:12:26,613 --> 00:12:30,149
(turned on)
So strict, so strong.
288
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:34,120
Why don't you join old
Mother Hubbard in her cupboard
289
00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:37,456
and give this creature
a little comfort?
290
00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:38,859
(blows)
291
00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:41,094
Yes, ma'am!
292
00:12:42,796 --> 00:12:45,697
(Stan moaning,
Francine giggling and moaning)
293
00:12:45,798 --> 00:12:47,267
I'm gonna have
my carrot outside.
294
00:12:47,366 --> 00:12:48,802
Wait! Take me with you!
295
00:12:48,902 --> 00:12:50,136
-(bone cracks)
-Unh!
296
00:12:50,236 --> 00:12:51,471
STAN: Mother, may I?
297
00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:53,206
FRANCINE: Ohh, you may!
298
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:56,609
STAN (grunting): Ohh.
299
00:12:57,710 --> 00:12:59,711
**
300
00:12:59,812 --> 00:13:01,614
Looks like
you're all healed up!
301
00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:07,153
See? How much trouble could
one widdle shbunny-shmunchkin
302
00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:10,057
like you cause, anyway?
303
00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:11,557
(crunching)
304
00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:19,832
(grunting and giggling)
305
00:13:19,932 --> 00:13:23,971
BUNNY (grunting): Ehh.
306
00:13:24,071 --> 00:13:25,804
This is all my fault.
307
00:13:25,905 --> 00:13:28,740
I...coddled a varmint.
308
00:13:28,841 --> 00:13:30,210
Well, with no carrots
to sell,
309
00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:32,544
it's only a matter of time
before we lose the farm.
310
00:13:32,644 --> 00:13:34,746
I've heard tell of a man
six counties over
311
00:13:34,847 --> 00:13:36,182
might buy our goat.
312
00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:39,652
If I don't make it back,
tell your mother...
313
00:13:39,751 --> 00:13:42,188
sorry I busted my nut
so quick.
314
00:13:42,288 --> 00:13:43,722
She'll know what it means.
315
00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:45,192
Let me try
to make this right.
316
00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:46,759
There's still time
to re-plant and harvest
317
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:49,261
-the crops before winter.
-You can try.
318
00:13:49,361 --> 00:13:50,763
But with Steve-boy lame,
319
00:13:50,864 --> 00:13:54,100
Jeff-boy sick with TB
and Mother-boy tending to him,
320
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:57,203
you'll have to do it
all on your own, Hayley-boy.
321
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:01,008
**
322
00:14:01,107 --> 00:14:03,676
(crunching)
323
00:14:03,775 --> 00:14:07,114
**
324
00:14:07,214 --> 00:14:08,581
(gunshot)
325
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:11,118
(grunting)
326
00:14:11,217 --> 00:14:16,788
**
327
00:14:16,889 --> 00:14:22,562
**
328
00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:26,265
(screaming)
329
00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:28,268
(thunder crashes)
330
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:30,537
**
331
00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:31,971
I did it.
332
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,442
-(music thumping)
-* Boy *
333
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:36,775
(music stops)
334
00:14:36,875 --> 00:14:38,378
* There's violence *
335
00:14:38,477 --> 00:14:41,548
* And and a-lots of work
to be done *
336
00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:42,782
**
337
00:14:42,881 --> 00:14:46,485
* No place to hang out
our washing *
338
00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:50,090
* And and I can't blame
all on the sun, oh, no *
339
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:54,661
* I love my secret room
of electric stuff and food *
340
00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:57,463
* And all my
creature comforts *
341
00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:58,664
PEPPY ROBOT:
Time extension.
342
00:14:58,764 --> 00:15:00,567
You've been
sneaking down here
343
00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:02,802
since the very first day,
haven't you?!
344
00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:05,138
Breaking all your own
stupid rules!
345
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:06,472
Hey, this has always been
346
00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:08,640
about making you Farm Tough.
Not me.
347
00:15:08,740 --> 00:15:12,111
Well, guess what.
I have become tough.
348
00:15:12,211 --> 00:15:13,580
Tough enough to know
you can't show
349
00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:16,182
a varmint like you
any mercy.
350
00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:19,019
So, Dad, you are...
351
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:20,953
shunned!
352
00:15:22,288 --> 00:15:24,823
Well, at least let me go back
for my digital cocktail scale
353
00:15:24,923 --> 00:15:27,159
that I -- Gah!
354
00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:29,828
Smiths!
What's the good word?
355
00:15:29,928 --> 00:15:32,664
Movin' right along!
356
00:15:34,933 --> 00:15:36,702
**
357
00:15:36,802 --> 00:15:38,770
(crunching)
358
00:15:38,870 --> 00:15:41,341
You must really miss
your family, huh, Stan?
359
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:43,676
Think you'll be able
to go back soon?
360
00:15:43,775 --> 00:15:46,812
Hoo, wouldn't bet on it.
Shunning's serious business.
361
00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:49,316
But on the bright side,
I succeeded in my goal.
362
00:15:49,415 --> 00:15:52,451
Hayley is tougher than
a thousand Jason Momoas.
363
00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:56,123
By the way, I accidentally
ordered nine pornos last night.
364
00:16:01,894 --> 00:16:06,066
Sometimes it's crazy what
great parenting looks like.
365
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:08,534
-Closer than you might think!
-What?
366
00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:10,470
Oh. Oh, I thought
maybe you just said,
367
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:12,304
"I wonder where
Roger is right now."
368
00:16:12,404 --> 00:16:14,740
-Nope.
-Well, here I am anyway.
369
00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:16,009
Yeah, after
you shunned me,
370
00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:17,644
I kind of fell in
with the varmints.
371
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,312
Got any vegetables
going here?
372
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:21,313
Too risky over
at the old Smith farm,
373
00:16:21,413 --> 00:16:22,914
ever since
Hayley took over.
374
00:16:23,015 --> 00:16:24,984
Yep, she's tough as nails.
375
00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:26,852
I don't know, Stan.
Maybe you should take a look
376
00:16:26,952 --> 00:16:29,556
at what being tough
has really done to her.
377
00:16:30,856 --> 00:16:32,225
(spits)
378
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:34,594
(spits)
379
00:16:36,062 --> 00:16:37,730
H-Hayley?
380
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:41,433
I was wonderin', since
the harvest come in so good,
381
00:16:41,533 --> 00:16:44,870
maybe we could afford to
call a doctor for Jeff-boy?
382
00:16:44,971 --> 00:16:47,106
He's in a bad way.
383
00:16:47,206 --> 00:16:51,344
(spits) Ya don't waste a bone
on a dyin' dog, woman.
384
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,913
(rock-'n'-roll music plays)
385
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:55,914
(gasps)
386
00:16:56,014 --> 00:16:57,683
**
387
00:16:57,783 --> 00:17:00,552
-(gasps)
-Set a pot to boil.
388
00:17:00,653 --> 00:17:02,589
And I don't wanna hear
another word outta you,
389
00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,257
or you're goin' in the box.
390
00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:06,925
But Steve-boy's
already in the box.
391
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,928
I can make another box.
392
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,230
STEVE: When can I come out
the box, sister?
393
00:17:11,330 --> 00:17:14,300
I said no talkin' in there!
Punishment increased!
394
00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:15,934
(possum snarling)
395
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:19,239
(Steve screaming)
396
00:17:19,338 --> 00:17:21,907
(Jeff coughing)
397
00:17:22,008 --> 00:17:23,942
Ugh. Jeff-boy.
398
00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:26,979
Time to take that dyin' dog
to the woods
399
00:17:27,079 --> 00:17:29,648
what he don't attract critters
when he croaks.
400
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:32,219
(door opens and closes)
401
00:17:32,318 --> 00:17:33,653
(weakly) Whoa.
402
00:17:33,752 --> 00:17:37,490
This takes me back
to our wedding night, babe.
403
00:17:37,589 --> 00:17:39,092
Ohh.
404
00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:43,596
I'm gonna give it
to you so good.
405
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:47,467
The farm has made
Hayley too tough.
406
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:51,270
So, to get the old Hayley back,
we gotta take that farm down.
407
00:17:51,371 --> 00:17:54,574
-What are you thinking?
-Good old-fashioned sabotage.
408
00:17:54,673 --> 00:17:56,909
Varmint sabotage?
409
00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:58,411
TOGETHER: Rabbitage!
410
00:17:58,510 --> 00:17:59,479
Let's do it!
411
00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:01,681
And do we contact
Weird Al's people,
412
00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:04,683
see if he's interested in
"Rabbitage" as a song idea,
413
00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:06,486
make ourselves
a little scratch?
414
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,855
It'd be pretty cool
to collaborate with Weird Al,
415
00:18:08,954 --> 00:18:10,957
but I don't see it happening.
416
00:18:11,057 --> 00:18:14,826
**
417
00:18:14,926 --> 00:18:21,468
**
418
00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:24,936
* IIIII'll nab cabbage
and do plant damage *
419
00:18:25,037 --> 00:18:26,939
* I'mma masticate,
the crops I take *
420
00:18:27,038 --> 00:18:29,509
* You can't grow carrots
while I'm in here *
421
00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:33,813
* Now my bunny ears
cause your bunny fears so *
422
00:18:33,913 --> 00:18:36,615
* While you re-seed
and wonder why *
423
00:18:36,715 --> 00:18:39,451
* Your farm's in ruins,
corn has all died *
424
00:18:39,551 --> 00:18:42,189
* Holes in sod,
missing cabb-age *
425
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:45,124
* I'm tellin' y'all
it's rabbitage *
426
00:18:45,224 --> 00:18:47,826
* Listen, all y'all,
it's rabbitage *
427
00:18:47,926 --> 00:18:51,198
* Listen, all y'all,
it's rabbitage *
428
00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:54,066
* Listen, all y'all,
it's rabbitage *
429
00:18:54,166 --> 00:18:56,903
* Listen, all y'all,
it's rabbitage *
430
00:18:57,002 --> 00:19:01,473
Varmints!
I'm comin' fer you!
431
00:19:01,574 --> 00:19:05,044
* Whoooooooa *
432
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:08,647
* Whoooooooa *
433
00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:10,817
(crunching)
434
00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:15,422
That's right, Stan.
I found a way.
435
00:19:19,157 --> 00:19:20,159
(walkie clicks)
436
00:19:20,259 --> 00:19:22,194
This farm's as good
as done for, Roger.
437
00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:23,930
Just be careful
of all these traps.
438
00:19:24,029 --> 00:19:25,231
ROGER:
Uh, luckily for me,
439
00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:28,201
I'm a bit smarter
than an actual rabbit, Stan.
440
00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:30,903
Would ya look at that?
Somebody left a perfectly good
441
00:19:31,002 --> 00:19:33,339
sploop of peanut butter
underneath this bucket.
442
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:34,606
-(bucket clangs)
-HAYLEY: Varmint!
443
00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:35,907
ROGER: Aah!
444
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:37,376
(gunshot)
445
00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:43,048
**
446
00:19:43,148 --> 00:19:44,016
Aah!
447
00:19:44,115 --> 00:19:45,551
(suspenseful music plays)
448
00:19:45,652 --> 00:19:47,118
-(gun cocks)
-Do it, Hayley.
449
00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:49,855
I've been depressed
for a good, long while now.
450
00:19:49,955 --> 00:19:52,191
Hayley, stop!
Roger, we'll get you help.
451
00:19:52,291 --> 00:19:54,861
Listen.
I owe you an apology.
452
00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:56,395
What good is making you
tough enough
453
00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:58,597
to take care of yourself
if along the way,
454
00:19:58,698 --> 00:19:59,965
you lose everything
that made you
455
00:20:00,066 --> 00:20:03,869
such a kind, compassionate,
wonderful person to begin with?
456
00:20:03,970 --> 00:20:07,273
I miss that Hayley.
The soft Hayley.
457
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:10,910
(softly)
Well, I guess...
458
00:20:11,009 --> 00:20:14,381
(sternly) I'll be killin'
two varmints today.
459
00:20:15,582 --> 00:20:18,317
-Can't shoot through a blanket!
-Get this thang offa me!
460
00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:21,053
So got-dang...soft!
461
00:20:21,153 --> 00:20:22,821
And plush, and...
462
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:25,424
(music plays,
audience cheering)
463
00:20:25,525 --> 00:20:28,795
James Corden.
So mildly amusing.
464
00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:31,063
(music and cheering continue)
465
00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:35,233
**
466
00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:38,069
Mm. Creature comforts.
467
00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:41,140
Wow. I guess I got
a little carried away, huh?
468
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,608
(Stan and Roger sigh)
469
00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:45,311
I'm just glad to
have you back, baby girl,
470
00:20:45,412 --> 00:20:47,246
and that we put everything
back to normal
471
00:20:47,346 --> 00:20:49,348
before anybody
really got hurt.
472
00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:51,417
So cold.
473
00:20:51,518 --> 00:20:53,619
Jeff! Thank God!
474
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:54,820
They're hunting me, Jeff.
475
00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:57,423
They do not like it
when you joke about Xenu.
476
00:20:57,523 --> 00:21:02,127
Or when you wear a wire
for Xenu York Times.
477
00:21:02,228 --> 00:21:04,130
Bye! Have a great time!
478
00:21:06,198 --> 00:21:08,000
-- Captions by VITAC --
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