Original subtitles

For far too long, Darby had ignored the details of her past

not appreciating they might be puzzle pieces in her quest for connection.

But now suddenly

she found herself feeling the impulse to look inward.

- Darby ? - Yeah.

- Come on in. - Yeah.

Real-life therapy couch !

I'm not actually supposed to lay down, right ?

Whatever makes you feel comfortable.

So do I just start talking or...

Why don't you talk about what brought you in here ?

On the phone you mentioned you're having trouble with a relationship.

Yeah. Well... Yeah, broadly speaking.

But I think it's just me. I'm really not

good at expressing myself and that's hurting my relationships

so I would love to just fix that, you know.

Could you maybe give me an example ?

Yeah, so...

Recently he wanted to buy this 2,000 dollar couch

and we just don't need it. And...

I started out saying

I didn't think we should spend that much money on a couch.

And we couldn't even afford it.

And he was so disappointed by that,

so I ended up saying...

We should get the matching ottoman.

So you're like a real pleaser.

But now I'm angry. So...

Sounds to me like he didn't respect your desires.

He kind of steamrolled you.

But what would happen if you said, "Hey, look,

that really made me angry that you steamrolled me

into buying that 2,000 dollar couch.

He would be mad

and...

we would get in a fight and...

He would break up with me.

So you're really afraid of rejection.

- Isn't everyone ? - Of course.

Because it's painful.

And it's shame-inducing.

But it's really not about you, Darby.

- Rejection is not personal. - It's obviously personal.

Rejection couldn't be more personal.

I can see this is a really sensitive area.

Let's dig a little deeper.

I want you to tell me about the first time you experienced a major rejection.

I want you to describe to me what that felt like.

Close your eyes

and just describe away.

Do I have to close my eyes ?

Yeah.

Okay. So...

I guess it was...

Luke.

Five Luke Ducharme

2006 Ten years before Magnus

I was 15 and I was getting shuttled

back and forth between my parents.

And I didn't belong anywhere.

So I did this crazy thing. I applied to boarding school.

At first I just wanted to see if my parents would stop me.

Maybe I was too integral a part of the family for them to let me go.

But no, they were totally cool with their child moving across the country.

So I went

and honestly I thought it would look like Hogwarts.

But no, the pictures in the website were misleading.

- This honestly sucks. - I didn't know you wanted to come.

No, I don't wanna go on a Disney cruise.

Why would I want to go on a Disney cruise with you guys ?

Walt Disney was a Nazi ! Mom, I just wanna be home.

Then maybe you should have stayed here in the first place

instead of running away to boarding school.

Fine, then I'll just have Thanksgiving by myself.

What about your father's ? I'm sure they'd love to have you, too.

No, Nancy's mom lives there now, so I have to be on an Aerobed again.

Wow, Larry's really caving over there.

- Is that even comfortable ? - It's not supposed to be.

Oh, is that Grace ? Can you go home with her for Thanksgiving ?

No, she's going to her boyfriend's.

But I'll be fine. There's a Hardee's in town.

Don't be dramatic, sweetheart. I will call you from the ship.

Hey, do you think I could go to Colby's with you ? Or would that be weird ?

Only if you wanna watch us fuck.

Thanksgiving Break

Hey, Ashley. Hey, Caleb.

I didn't know you were staying in town for the break.

Either that or go to our fucking dumb ass stupid grandma's house.

- I'm Sophie. - Hey ! I'm Darby.

So, anyway.

Yeah, I've pretty much spent the whole break so far playing San Andreas.

I heard the tank is tight ! Have you gotten to the level of the tank ?

- No, but I got the cheat code for it. - Tight !

Yo ! Sorry.

- What up, pimps ? - What's up.

- Aren't you cold ? - No. Why ? We're inside.

Well, you're dressed like the Big Lebowski.

- I guess I just run warm. - Yeah.

- What's up ? I'm Luke. - I sit next to you in Chem.

Oh, shit ! Yes ! No, okay. I know you, I'm sorry.

You want some water ?

It's not water. It's Popov.

But keep it low key.

How's "Cats" going ?

Sounded pretty good over there, freaking musical guy.

I'm playing Rum Tum Tugger.

Yo.

Hi.

What's up ?

- I hate Thanksgiving. - Yeah, same.

It's ridiculous 'cause The O.C. isn't even on tonight.

Which makes no sense to me. I feel like

if there were a night for The O.C. to be on, it would be tonight.

I know ! That's what I was thinking.

I went to the AV room to try to watch it and...

- I'm actually from California. - No way ! Sick !

It reminds me of home.

Cool.

- Wait, did you inhale it ? - Yeah.

- I think I did. - Are you sure ?

I don't know.

There you go, nice one.

- Why didn't you go home ? - Civil disobedience.

What do you mean ?

My parents are fuckin' repubs and my dad's a drunk and a hypocrite.

- Where are you from again ? - Corpus Christi, Texas.

- That's wild. - Yeah.

What are you, like, an oil baron ?

No, no, my dad's a lobbyist.

Yeah, he knows the dude that Cheney shot in the face.

Yeah, I know, he's boys with my grandpa.

Yeah, my dad's a recovering alcoholic.

- Is that why you stayed here ? - No, I mean... Kinda.

I don't know.

No, my parents are just in Jackson Hole and I didn't feel like going this year.

It was my first real kiss.

In the moment, it was magic.

I mean, now I realize,

he was using his tongue like a prison shank.

- You don't use your door ? - No.

Even the Domino's guy knows to use the window at Casa Ducharme.

- Come here. - Thanks.

So funny !

Al right, ready?

That one's cute.

- We got this. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- What kind of music do you like ? - Mellow shit.

Like this.

Know this one?

- You like John Mayer ? - I love John Mayer. John Mayer shreds.

Hey, I lied before.

About what ?

My family isn't in Jackson Hole, I...

I really don't know why I said that.

Okay... It's all good.

You're amazing.

You're amazing.

So clearly you really liked this guy.

But the question is, Darby,

what did you do with those feelings ?

Nothing, really... I mean, it was high school.

So... We barely knew each other and...

Just wasn't that big a deal.

Darby.

Therapy really only works if you're willing to open up to me.

I'm here, aren't I ?

Yes, and that's the first step.

I'm sorry, it's just...

You're basically a stranger.

Maybe that makes it easier.

Okay.

Hey. How was Colby's ?

His cousin walked in on us, but otherwise it was fine.

Okay, you won't believe what happened over break.

- I hooked up with Luke. - Luke Ducharme ?

Yeah.

It was kinda magical.

I didn't know you had it in you.

Yeah... The first night we met up at the dining hall and...

It just kinda happened, you know.

- What do you mean, you hooked up ? - We just kissed.

But we spent literally the whole time together.

It was like we were in love.

So, what's your guys' deal now? Are you, like, dating or something ?

No, I mean...

I'm not really sure, I mean, not officially anyway.

We haven't had the talk yet.

I have Pre-Calc with him. He's a total player.

Yeah... We're just keeping it casual.

It's no big deal, really.

Hey !

- Nice game ! - Thanks.

What's up ?

Not much.

- Okay. - Well, hey.

I was thinking about staging a walk-out against the Iraq war.

- Do you feel like joining ? - Oh.

Maybe, yeah. Maybe.

Or we can just smoke weed and watch the new "O.C."

I can't. I'm really screwed in Chem 'cause

I fucked off, like, all break.

Yeah. I remember.

- It was worth it though, right ? - Yeah, for sure.

- I need to go back to the game. - Yeah. Go ahead.

Bye !

Honestly things only got worse from there.

I would see him around campus,

but it was just like nothing had ever happened between us.

Just classic kid shit.

And I did the opposite of what I should have done.

I literally auditioned for "Cats" just to be close to him.

Oh, my God, Luke, that was amazing !

I seriously had tears in my eyes when you were singing.

Thank you.

Look.

I think we need to talk.

You have just been acting really weird.

No, I haven't been ignoring you, I promise.

Seriously, things have been so crazy with classes...

and then, you know, I got this, and I just...

You like that, Rum Tum ?

- Hey, dad. - Hey !

How's it going over there, east-coaster ?

It's fine, I'm just studying. What's up ?

We missed you at Thanksgiving, kiddo.

Yeah... I missed you, too.

Hey, so... Some news, actually.

Nancy's pregnant again.

Darby ?

Darby, are you there ? Hello ?

Look, I don't know what to say. I'm sorry.

No, it's great. Congratulations.

Oh, hey.

- What are those, gummy bears ? - Worms.

What ?

They're gummy worms.

Nice.

I'm sorry !

It just happened. He rolled us a joint and then...

It didn't mean anything ! I promise. Colby and I just broke up.

And I figured since you and Luke were just hanging out...

Don't cry. You're gonna find someone else.

Stop, I don't even care about this, okay ?

I have way bigger shit going on !

- So you're not mad ? - No, no !

I just found out that I have cancer !

Fuck !

Wow, okay. Let's unpack that.

- Why do you think you did it ? - God, I know... I don't know.

Just...

Like being a dumb high schooler, I guess.

I know, but the thing is, Darby, a lotta kids get broken up with,

but they don't go around telling people they have cancer.

I heard the news. I am so sorry !

Yeah, I have to get a couple more tests done, but it's not looking good.

If you need any help, my uncle is an oncologist at Sloan Kettering.

Thanks.

Hey. Thank you.

How you doin'? You okay?

Get well soon.

His name is Courage. Not that you need it...

You are obviously already brave.

Oh my God ! That's so sweet !

I don't know why I told the lie in the first place.

But once I did, I just got scared that

all this love and everybody fawning over me...

would just go away if I came clean.

GET WELL SOON

Darby, I'm so sorry to hear.

Any accommodation this school can make now or during finals,

please let me know.

My office doors are always open.

survivable cancers

Hey.

Do you have a minute ?

So did you hear they hung Saddam ?

Why didn't you tell me you had cancer over break ?

Look, I just, I didn't...

I didn't wanna worry you.

You have so much going on with the play.

Don't... Don't worry about me.

I love you.

What ?

- You actually love me ? - Yes.

- What about the whole Grace thing ? - That... Listen, Grace was a mistake.

I'm sorry I hurt you.

It's okay.

MOM

I know what you did.

After that, I withdrew from school.

So...

Yeah. Fucking embarrassing.

It sounds more than fucking embarrassing.

Sounds fucking traumatizing.

Yeah. It was a pretty stupid thing to do.

How did your parents react ?

Well, they...

They came to get me.

They came together, actually,

which was amazing.

Because they'd been divorced for over a decade at that point.

Let's go !

At least you still have your hair.

Seriously, Larry, does this seem like a good time for a joke ?

Wocka-wocka !

I'm wondering how this is gonna look on your transcript.

Claud, we need to be sensitive.

Clearly this is about something else we have to deal with.

How are we gonna get all those things we bought at the container store ?

Mom, can we please just not do this here ?

Can we please go ? I can't be here right now. Please.

There's a lot of stuff we bought.

You know, Darby,

sometimes we think we're chasing one thing, we're actually chasing another.

Oh, God. Time's up.

- Right. How much did you say it was ? - It's $175.

I have this new little thing here. I'll see you next Tuesday, right ?

- I'll let you know, yeah. - I don't know how in the hell.

- It's this side and... - Down, down, down.

Oh, my God, look at that. There you go.

You know, Darby.

Between now and next week, I want you to reflect on

what it is that makes you feel like

you don't deserve to be loved.

I didn't say that.

So why did you do it, sweetheart ?

Clearly this is about something else.

It's nothing, it was just a funny joke, really.

It was stupid, but it was just a stupid joke.

Darby, you know we love you very much.

But that's unacceptable.

- Claudia, that's not gonna help. - Please don't undermine me.

Is it her fault ? Is it my fault ?

I'm just so sad !

But I'm glad we're going home, 'cause I just...

I just wanna be at home with you guys, even if you don't want me there.

Of course we want you there ! We love you !

You haven't been here that long. I bet no one will even remember you.

Darby did not return to therapy after that,

for she sensed digging deeper would require her to upend her entire life.

Which was built on the carefully constructed fantasy

that getting married was some sort of proof, once and for all,

that she was lovable.

Babes, what are you doing ?

- Let's go. - Okay.