Original subtitles

Friendship is harder...

...the older we get.

Eventually, the auspiciousness of youth...

...melts away and calcifies into the certainties of adulthood.

Since Magnus, Darby had been cautious...

...and set high standards for herself,

especially with men.

Meanwhile, Sara had been living recklessly...

...and with no standards.

Darby had reached a stage in life...

...where she could finally buy expensive bras...

...and take taxis to JFK instead of the AirTrain.

Meanwhile, Sara was still throwing out her ATM receipts...

...so she didn't have to see her bank balance...

...and hadn't been to the dentist in seven years.

When Mallory announced she was engaged...

...to her girlfriend, Taryn, Darby was thrilled for them.

On the contrary, Sara spun out,

suddenly running through the less desirable realities...

...of her own life.

And though their bond was being tested...

...by these divergent roads,

still their love remained.

I just--I don't understand.

Like, how is she not even up yet?

Is she dead? - Babe?

Are you good? We're all ready out here.

What? Yeah!

No, totally. I'm up.

Okay. Do you need help with anything?

Or-. - What?

Um...all right. Everybody, this is--...

Tony. - Tony.

Tony, that's everybody.

Um...I'm sorry.

I'm gonna be super quick and pack.

I just need, like, five-- - Yep.

Five minutes.

She'll just need five minutes.

Dar, what's going on with the gallery?

Lola promoted me to sole curator,

and I'm working on a show that's all Mexico City artists.

Can I get some air back here? - It's freezing.

It's actually really stuffy.

I'll drive next, Mallory. - Thanks, girl.

Is this the house? - So cute!

Yeah, I love. Let me get this.

Okay. - This is amazing.

Darby, I love you.

Looks like the pictures. Yes!

You have outdone yourself. - Good. Hey!

To Tallory! Whoo!

What do you think, guys?

You know--I'm--I'm good. - No? Anybody? Darbs?

Hey, who's gonna help me unload this margarita machine?

This bitch.

Okay. - Right here.

Hey, I'm Sara. - Hi, I'm Ramona.

Nice to meet you.

My God! - I know.

Who's all belted up? - It's huge. I rented it.

Something smells nice.

Thank you, by the way, so much...

...for everything you did to make this party happen.

I barely did anything. - Come on.

You went to three different grocery stores for morels...

...so Taryn could have her 'vegan scallops.'

It's more than I'm gonna do for her when we get married.

Ha! - Don't tell her that.

I'm so happy for you guys.

Thank you.

It feels weird, right?

Like, when did we become these people?

No, dude, I had a thing the other day...

...where I was walking past a window...

...and I caught my reflection.

And I swear to God, I was like,

'Who's that lady?'

Like, 'Who's this grown woman?'

Yeah, this lady.

I'm really proud of you...

...for getting out of that Magnus sitch.

Yeah.

You know, the weird thing...

...is, like, once I did it, it was surprisingly easy.

Does that make sense? - A little bit, yeah.

Yeah, I always knew you were a badass.

Aw.

That makes me so happy.

It's a beautiful sound.

Shit.

I think this is the kind that already has tequila in it.

Okay.

Okay.

Whoo!

We about to get turnt, ladies.

Regular amount of alcohol.

Okay, dinner's ready.

Ooh. - Holy shit.

Darb, this looks incredible. - Thanks, guys.

Hey. - This looks great.

Where's Sara?

I saw her go upstairs with Ramona.

Maybe they're hooking up. - No, Sara's straight.

That's kind of Ramona's thing.

They better not actually hook up tonight.

Ramona had a nervous breakdown after her last straight girl.

Okay, I'll go find her. - I'm starving.

Here, I'll just put that in--

Fuck.

There you are. Perfect.

You're doing cocaine off a picture of a garden gnome.

That's great. - Are you a Capricorn?

Controlling.

Hey, Darbs, have a little appetizer.

No, that was actually an epiphany of mine recently.

Every time I'm about to do coke.

I can just not do coke, you know?

I don't think it's that kind of party.

Yeah, but it could be.

Well, there's two women down there on in vitro drugs,

so I think probably not.

You guys wanna just come downstairs, and we can eat?

Boo, party police.

Whoo-whoo. - Jesus.

We're gonna have to separate you two.

Okay, fine. We will go downstairs.

Let's just go downstairs...

'cause I love eating dinner on coke.

Okay. - Aww.

Ramona, we're gonna meet you down there.

God damn it. - What the fuck?

Mom, I'm sorry.

I just--I don't know.

It was getting really fucking boring down there.

We haven't even eaten dinner yet.

I'm sorry it's not, like, Studio 54 vibes.

Yeah, but you know that's like my vibe.

I'm being serious.

I feel like you're on thin ice with Mallory as it is.

Okay, well, if I'm messing it all up,

maybe I shouldn't be here for parents' weekend.

Or you could just act like a normal human being,

and then everyone would be delighted by your presence.

I will be on my best behavior, madam.

Dude, I'm trying here. I'm really--...

...you can do whatever the fuck you want.

What? - Do whatever you want.

I'm being serious. I'll--I'll be so good.

Okay. - I'm gonna be so good.

Great. I'm looking forward to it.

I'm gonna be so good.

Can somebody, um, pass me the tofu meatloaf?

No, I think that's the tofu lasagna.

I'm actually not sure. I honestly--

I'm honestly not sure.

No, I think--no, 'cause it has more tomato sauce.

Hey!

Um...

I just wanna tell these fuckers...

...how much I love 'em.

Aww.

Um, Taryn...

You guys are just so cute.

It makes me wanna kill myself.

Okay.

See, Mal and I go way back.

Don't we, Mal? - Yeah.

All the way to when we were in high school...

...and we were all emo and shit,

drinking vodka out of soda cans in the bathroom.

Well, she was drinking. I was smoking cloves.

So... - I fucking love cloves.

And I got made fun of for being Asian,

and I stayed home from school for a whole week...

...because Michelle fucking Mooney threw packs of soy sauce at me.

And baby Mal came over to my house...

...to try to get me to come back to school.

And that was the day you came out to me.

So I wouldn't feel so alone.

Well, and because I didn't know what to do...

...with my feelings for Nikki Smith.

So...

I just want you to know that...

...that is the person you're marrying, Taryn,

a true blue, ride-or-die bitch.

And I just hope one day I am lucky enough...

...to marry someone as... solid as Mal.

I love you. - Okay.

Big feelings. - Hey.

You're okay. We got you, we got you.

I didn't wanna do this.

No, no, no, no. It was beautiful.

We got you, we got you. - Hey.

God.

I just-- - To, um--to Mal and Taryn.

Yes. - That was beautiful.

So sweet.

But if they survive, then it's like a new beginning.

Like that? - Right.

Sara.

Dude. Dude!

What? What? - What the fuck, man?

God. My God. - Dude, what the fuck?

Did you drive last night, drunk?

You could have fucking killed somebody.

I wasn't drunk. What?

You ran over their camping chairs sober?

I did?

Dude, what the fuck is going on with you?

I--nothing. I just wanted a burrito.

What? Just get out of the car.

Hurry, before everybody fucking comes out and sees you.

God damn it. - My God.

Don't just stand there; do something.

What?

Get rid of the chairs or something.

Where? - I don't know, the bushes!

Well, maybe I should just tell her what happened.

You want everybody to know that you were drunk driving?

Fuck. - For real? Babe.

Come on. - Okay.

Now. - T-A-L-L-O-R-Y.

Tallory is... - Now.

Choreograph it. She's a good dancer.

Yes. - We'll make that go.

Sara. - Hey.

You going in that?

I think she looks cute. - Hiking in pajamas.

It's a clutch move. - Yeah.

No, I'm actually not feeling super great.

You guys all go ahead. - Aww.

Are you sure? - Yeah.

You'll miss the ice caves.

Yeah, I think she's feeling nauseous.

We should just let her rest. - All right, ladies, let's go.

You guys ready? - Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Yeah. - Yeah.

I prefer it to hiking.

Come on.

Hey. - Hey.

The place looks amazing. - Good.

Thank you. That was sweet.

Well, at least I'm good for something.

I'm sorry I was so harsh earlier.

My God. Why are you apologizing?

I'm the one who fucked up.

What is--come on. Don't do--you're not leaving.

No, yeah, there's a-- - No, you're not leaving.

There's a train in an hour. I should go home.

I just feel like I'm, like, in the way.

No, Mallory will be really upset if you leave.

Will she?

Everyone will be really upset...

'cause everybody loves you.

Really? - Yeah!

Come on.

Yes, everybody loves you. What do you want?

Do you want me to brush your mane?

Do you want me to fan you with palm fronds?

Yeah. - Yeah?

We love you. Please stay.

Maybe a little mane brushing. - Okay.

Maybe just slow your roll tonight.

The roll will be slowed.

I promise.

Okay, ladies.

Who's ready to put their face in some titties?

Whoo! I can't take it. - Ramona, Ramona.

Um, can I ask you a favor? - What's up?

Um, can you just kind of...

...give me a hand with Sara tonight?

She's kind of going through a lot, so.

Yeah. Yeah, I can keep an eye on her.

I'm gonna treat her like a queen, okay?

Okay. - We're gonna get turnt.

Okay, opposite. Fucking opposite.

I gotta be honest.

I didn't think I'd be into the whole strip club thing,

but this is kind of working for me.

I'm proud of you, Darby.

Come to the light side.

Are straight people the dark side?

Yeah, obviously.

Yeah, where is our waitress at?

Um...she's getting motorboated by that biker.

I'm gonna miss you guys.

İt's Minneapolis. It's not like it's Siberia.

I mean, you're splitting hairs.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

Can you guys let me out?

Yeah.

You okay? - Yeah, yeah.

I'm just gonna get another Coke.

Wow.

Our waitress just being a stripper.

That's so hot.

What can I get you, hon?

Just a Coke, thanks. - Gimme a sec.

Thank you.

I mean...

Hey, just ignore me putting on fake eyelashes.

No judgment here, girl.

Um, is this your purse?

It was on the floor, next to the toilet.

I am such an idiot.

This always happens when I drink Long Island iced teas.

Thanks. - Yeah, no worries.

Taryn's enjoying that, like, a little too much.

My God. My God. - My God.

Ramona's totally sucking Sara's face off.

Jesus. I give up, I give up.

You should. She's on her own path.

You know, no one saw a lesbian named Ramona on that path,

but-- - I mean, how drunk is she?

Well, I know how drunk I'd have to be to kiss a man.

Now, ladies, if you'll excuse me.

I am gonna go peel that stripper off my fiancée.

Okay, thank you, Megan Fox.

Hi! - Put that away now.

That's her! - Excuse me.

This woman says you stole some money that belonged to her.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I had a bunch of cash in an envelope.

I--I get paid in cash. Check her purse.

I don't have a purse.

Well, check her pockets. Check her asshole.

Check every orifice, but she took my money.

Can we calm down? What's going on?

Seriously gonna treat me this way...

...after I was such a good fucking Samaritan?

I found her fucking bag and I gave it back to her.

Bitch, you were snorting coke in the stall,

and that's when she took it! - Wait, what?

Okay, check her purse, check her purse.

It's probably still in there. Fucking drunk!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, all right, all right,

all right, all right, all right.

All right, listen. You gotta come with me.

No, fuck you, fuck you!

Sara! - Fuck you.

Fuck all y'all. Good night.

God knows what you did!

Jesus, I knew we shouldn't have invited her.

Should I go after her, make sure she's okay?

She's clearly not okay.

I know, but I don't want her to get, like,

run over or something.

It's my bachelorette party,

and I don't wanna spend it...

...trying to save somebody who's not ready.

I'll go find her.

Get in.

Get in, or I'll run you over like a camping chair.

Without the cigarette.

Just tell me the truth.

Did you steal that money?

No, of course I fucking didn't.

What the fuck? - Look me in the eyes...

...and just tell me the truth.

Look me in the eyes and tell me the truth.

Okay.

I did not take...

...that woman's money.

Okay.

If you know in your heart that that's the truth,

you know in your heart that you didn't take her money,

then I accept that.

Are you fucking kidding me? - My God.

No, hey! - This is such bullshit.

I have gone to bat for you all weekend,

and the only reason that I've done that...

...is because I know that this isn't you.

Just fucking tell me the-- just say it.

Just tell me the truth. - Okay, fine!

I stole it. It's not a big deal.

My God! - What?

I mean, she's just gonna fucking spend it on coke.

You're just gonna spend it on coke!

That might be her rent. She might have kids.

Dude, why? Why did you do that?

I don't know, Darby. I don't know.

It was there, I saw it, I grabbed it.

I thought it would be fun.

You thought it would be fun?

I'm just really fucking lost.

Okay?

Everything good in my life has just turned to shit.

And, like, Jim choosing a fucking house over me.

I mean,

he couldn't wipe his ass without telling me first...

...and now he's just fucking fine without me?

And then I lost my job,

and then I've been on all these shitty dates,

and, um, my credit's fucked,

and nobody can hang ever 'cause they're too busy.

I mean, it's all just fucking bullshit.

My life is bullshit.

And you don't even need me anymore.

You're my best friend. Of course I fucking need you.

It's not the same anymore, Darby.

Do you think that I'm a bad person?

No.

No. Sara.

I think you're really struggling right now and...

...you could use some help...

...and I want to help you get help.

'Cause I'm really sick of seeing you hurt yourself.

And I'm sick of worrying about you; it's too fucking hard.

Yeah, it's just been a--...

...a really bad year.

Stop. Come on.

I think...

...it would be good for you to get some professional help.

And don't be mad. Please, don't be mad.

Fuck me.

But maybe even rehab?

Fuck off.

Look, yes, I'm sad,

but I don't need rehab.

Sara, I'm legitimately worried you're gonna die.

I can't do rehab. I've got shit to do.

No, you don't.

I'm sorry, babe.

I tried to quit drinking before.

What? Why didn't you tell me?

I don't know.

'Cause it's, like,

maybe when you start a diet...

...but you don't actually want to have to do it.

Yeah, okay.

I think that's, like,

that's why getting some professional help...

...will be so good for you.

You know, that's how my dad did it.

When he hit bottom. There's this story,

like, I was too young to remember,

but he, like, climbed in my crib 'cause he was so drunk...

...and then he ended up getting help and...

I mean,

that's how he met Nancy.

Like, turned everything around.

Nancy. - We love Nancy.

What do you think?

We can just go in the morning. I can arrange everything.

I'll be right there with you.

What do you think?

Okay, fine.

Yeah, okay.

But I fucking hate you.

That's okay, that's okay, that's okay.

It's okay. You can hate me.

You're gonna crush it.

You're gonna be the best at rehab.

You're gonna be amazing, kiddo.

Darbs.

I'm so proud of you.

Fuck.

Ooh. It's heavier than it looks.

Go this way. - That way, let's go.

Going in like that.

Okay.

Just lay it. Yeah, like that. That's great.

Not on the--...

What the fuck happened to this?

I don't know, maybe there was a bear or something.

Yeah. - Giant bear.

Hey, morning, sunshine.

We gotta get on the road.

Um, check-in's at 3:00...

...and I coordinated the whole thing with your sister.

Wait, you called my sister? - Yeah.

But we're all with you, babe, I promise.

Yeah.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Sara, don't do this. Please.

We got really lucky that there was a spot at all.

I honestly have no idea what you're talking about.

I'm just trying to sleep.

Sara.

What?

I can't keep doing this.

You're either gonna come with me to rehab right now...

...or I'm out.

Re--fuck.

Sara.

I'm not gonna lend you money anymore, man.

I'm not gonna vouch for you with our friends.

I'm begging you to get up right now

or I'm--I'm done.