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1
00:00:03,300 --> 00:00:05,600
I can't believe
I finally get to move in tomorrow.
2
00:00:05,700 --> 00:00:07,300
This place is perfect for you.
3
00:00:07,300 --> 00:00:08,800
And look at this TV. It's huge.
4
00:00:08,900 --> 00:00:12,300
It's 71 inches.
Porn is gonna be...
5
00:00:12,300 --> 00:00:14,000
- Terrifying.
- I can't wait.
6
00:00:14,100 --> 00:00:16,700
- The house looks amazing.
- You haven't seen anything yet.
7
00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:19,700
Okay, let's say...
Let's say I bring a girl home...
8
00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:22,600
...and she's not quite sure
she wants to sleep with me.
9
00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:24,000
I know, I know, it sounds crazy.
10
00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:28,300
Well, maybe some romantic lighting...
11
00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:33,300
...and sexy music and a fire...
12
00:00:36,100 --> 00:00:37,200
...will change her mind.
13
00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:40,800
- Are you holding my hand?
- No.
14
00:00:41,700 --> 00:00:44,500
Man, this is a powerful room.
15
00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:49,300
And if that doesn't work, well,
then I just break out the big guns.
16
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,800
My 2004 Aquafresh Best Smile Award.
17
00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:56,200
I got it during a commercial
at the People's Choice Awards.
18
00:00:56,300 --> 00:00:57,700
Pretty good, huh?
19
00:00:58,500 --> 00:01:00,700
It has everything.
Including a way to avoid...
20
00:01:00,700 --> 00:01:03,900
...that awkward conversation
with a girl the morning after.
21
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:05,400
Check this out.
22
00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:06,900
Thank you for a wonderful night.
23
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,500
Please proceed to the nearest exitand drive safely.
24
00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:11,500
Have a nice day.
25
00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:36,800
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
26
00:01:36,900 --> 00:01:40,300
Here's the new lease
for Michael and his friends to sign.
27
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:43,000
- Are you ready for your big move?
- Pretty much, yeah.
28
00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:45,500
Hey, listen, we really haven't
talked about it, but...
29
00:01:45,500 --> 00:01:47,500
...where do things stand
with you and Dean?
30
00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:51,500
We're figuring it out.
I'm not really comfortable talking about it.
31
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:53,600
Well, you know where I stand.
32
00:01:53,700 --> 00:01:56,300
Whenever you're ready,
I'll be here waiting.
33
00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:57,800
Really?
34
00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:59,600
You're not sleeping with other women?
35
00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:07,200
I'm not really comfortable
talking about it.
36
00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:11,300
Hi. We just came by
to get some towels and beer.
37
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:13,100
Are you guys going up to use my pool?
38
00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,600
I don't want you doing that.
It's getting messed up.
39
00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:17,900
This is actually something
I wanna talk about.
40
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:20,600
This new house is my new house, okay?
41
00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:22,900
You guys can come up there
when you are invited.
42
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:26,300
It's not gonna be like it was here
where everyone just comes and goes...
43
00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:29,900
...because you wanna steal booze,
or they towed your house...
44
00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:33,600
...or you got scared
watching an episode of CSI.
45
00:02:33,700 --> 00:02:37,500
All of his victims looked just like me.
It was very scary.
46
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:41,200
I've been meaning to ask you.
Do you wanna go to the observatory?
47
00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:42,600
Why would I wanna do that?
48
00:02:42,700 --> 00:02:44,600
They have this great telescope there.
49
00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:47,200
Maybe I can show you
some of my favorite constellations.
50
00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:51,100
I feel like I'm giving you a dirty look,
but you're still talking to me that way!
51
00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:52,300
I'll take you to work.
52
00:02:52,300 --> 00:02:55,600
- I don't have work today.
- It's a euphemism.
53
00:02:57,200 --> 00:03:01,100
I can't watch you get rejected by him
anymore. You gotta tell him he's your dad.
54
00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:04,500
- I'm waiting for the perfect time.
- There isn't a perfect time. Do it.
55
00:03:04,500 --> 00:03:06,900
- Yeah, Michael, he's right.
- You know what?
56
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:10,500
You are right. Okay. I'll go down
to his work today and just tell him.
57
00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:11,600
Good for you.
58
00:03:11,700 --> 00:03:13,900
So, what time are your movers coming?
59
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:16,000
I don't need movers.
I'll move my own stuff.
60
00:03:16,100 --> 00:03:19,700
Joey, this is a huge job. My roommates
are gonna be here in a few hours.
61
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:25,500
Okay, relax. I've got the boxes right here.
I will take care of this, all right?
62
00:03:28,300 --> 00:03:31,600
Oh, my God, it's so boring.
I gotta get a mover.
63
00:03:31,900 --> 00:03:34,400
Why are you assuming
you can take no responsibility...
64
00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:37,000
...and everything will magically
just work itself out?
65
00:03:37,100 --> 00:03:38,900
Hey. I noticed
you weren't packed up...
66
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,500
...so I arranged to have someone
do it for you. See you!
67
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:44,300
Well, that was nice, huh?
68
00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:49,800
Okay, I don't get everything I want.
Like, right now, I'm wishing that...
69
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:52,300
And I will bring you pizza.
70
00:03:56,700 --> 00:04:00,800
It's tough to learn
when God loves me so much.
71
00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:04,700
Hey, thanks again
for finding me movers, Howard.
72
00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:05,900
So who are these people?
73
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,500
Oh, this is my executive management team
from the bank.
74
00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:11,200
Your stuff is being moved
by four CPAs, six MBAs...
75
00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:15,700
...and a guy with a Ph. D. In economics
who's not putting his back into it!
76
00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:18,200
Hey! Hey, Nathanson! Come on!
77
00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:21,200
You move boxes worse than you manage
private equity portfolios!
78
00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:24,100
Now, pull your head out of your ass!
79
00:04:24,100 --> 00:04:27,500
- I'm sorry, Mr. Peckerman.
- Oh, you disgust me!
80
00:04:27,900 --> 00:04:30,000
I can't wait to go swimming
in your new pool!
81
00:04:30,900 --> 00:04:33,500
I'm gonna do a cannonball
and make a big splash.
82
00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:35,300
Bye.
83
00:04:36,300 --> 00:04:38,800
Hey, Jimmy.
You're back from work early.
84
00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:40,700
Anything happen down there today?
85
00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:42,300
Yeah, it was weird, actually.
86
00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:45,900
I had a pretty big bombshell dropped on me.
You're not gonna believe this.
87
00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:48,200
Actually, I know.
88
00:04:48,300 --> 00:04:50,400
Really? Why didn't you tell me?
89
00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:53,200
I thought that was Michael's place
to do that. He's your son.
90
00:04:53,300 --> 00:04:56,600
My boss told me I don't have dental.
I just did this whitening thing.
91
00:04:56,700 --> 00:04:59,200
I got half white, the other half...
Michael's my what?
92
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:02,100
Oh, my God, he was supposed to tell you.
93
00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:06,700
You're saying that...
You're saying that Michael is my son?
94
00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:11,000
That's impossible.
95
00:05:11,100 --> 00:05:13,100
Come on.
You gotta admit, it makes sense.
96
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,900
You know, you and Gina slept
together 22 years ago.
97
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:19,400
You and Michael are both
really smart and intense.
98
00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:20,900
And Gina says it's you.
99
00:05:20,900 --> 00:05:24,000
We both know Gina wasn't
the most conservative lady in high school.
100
00:05:24,100 --> 00:05:27,500
She went through football players
like she went through basketball players.
101
00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:29,900
Well, she seems pretty sure.
102
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,700
You're telling me I'm a kid's dad
and you're pretty sure?
103
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,900
No. This could change my life and his.
I gotta be 100 percent sure.
104
00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:37,800
Okay, well, there are tests
you could take.
105
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:41,200
- What? A paternity test?
- Yeah, I took one once.
106
00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:43,000
I guess a paternity test is a good idea.
107
00:05:43,100 --> 00:05:45,800
We just need to get a little bit of DNA
from both of you.
108
00:05:45,900 --> 00:05:47,700
Let's get Michael's without him knowing.
109
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:50,500
If he's my kid, I don't want him
to think I'm freaked out.
110
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:53,400
Well, I guess we could try.
111
00:05:53,900 --> 00:05:56,000
I bet we can get him
to drink your milkshake.
112
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:58,000
Hey, Michael, are you home?
113
00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:59,900
Yeah? Oh, hey, Jimmy.
114
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,400
- Hey, I didn't tell him.
- I didn't tell him either.
115
00:06:04,100 --> 00:06:07,800
Hey, Jimmy's got a milkshake that
he's not drinking. You want the first sip?
116
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,200
Sure.
117
00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:15,800
- So, what have you guys been...?
- Just drink the freaking milkshake!
118
00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:19,600
- That's good. Yeah.
- You like that? Okay, thanks.
119
00:06:19,700 --> 00:06:22,500
All right, we got our DNA, huh?
120
00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:38,700
I feel like I did something wrong.
121
00:06:43,700 --> 00:06:45,500
Well, this is the last of your things.
122
00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:48,300
Well, thanks again, Howard.
Listen, I never had my stuff...
123
00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:50,800
...moved by bankers before.
How much should I tip?
124
00:06:50,900 --> 00:06:53,700
Well, Henderson got a $600,000
bonus last year.
125
00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,800
So, what, like 20 bucks?
126
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:02,200
Well, this is it. I'm ready to move on
to the next phase of my life.
127
00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:03,400
This is really exciting.
128
00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:05,500
Feels like just yesterday
you moved in here.
129
00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:08,000
I'm gonna really miss
having you next door.
130
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,200
I'm gonna miss living with you.
131
00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:14,900
These were the best two years
of my life.
132
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:18,400
And the most recent two years of mine.
133
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:23,300
Well, a lot of great memories
in here, huh?
134
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:25,900
But it's time to move on to...
135
00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:28,900
To bigger and better things.
136
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:33,600
Goodbye, apartment.
137
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,800
- We're still here, Joey.
- Don't ruin it, Alex.
138
00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:43,400
Well, here we are.
My new neighborhood, huh?
139
00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:45,500
Hey, I didn't realize you had a TV in here.
140
00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:48,000
I don't use it while I'm driving.
It's dangerous.
141
00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:50,500
Did I tell you my idea
for a one-man show?
142
00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:54,000
- Let's see what's on.
- This is Jen Rogers reporting live...
143
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,400
... from the scene of a firein the Hollywood Hills.
144
00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:58,700
Man, look at that thing burn.
Let's check this out.
145
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:01,400
Look at all those fire trucks.
That's gotta be some fire.
146
00:08:02,300 --> 00:08:05,100
Loud, huh? I paid extra
for that surround sound.
147
00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:07,000
It's so clear. It's like you're there.
148
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:09,500
- It's amazing.
- Yeah.
149
00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:12,100
Hey, check it out.
That's a yellow truck just like mine.
150
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:15,100
That salesman told me
I had the only one in L.A.
151
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:19,200
Check it out. The dumb jackass parked it
right in the middle of the fire trucks.
152
00:08:19,300 --> 00:08:21,400
The fireman's walking up
to the window.
153
00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:27,200
What?
154
00:08:30,900 --> 00:08:33,000
Oh, my God. That's my truck.
155
00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:35,600
That's my house.
My house is on fire!
156
00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:38,100
I live in that house.
You gotta do something.
157
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:41,900
We're doing our best. We think we're
gonna be able to contain it to the kitchen.
158
00:08:41,900 --> 00:08:44,300
That's where the food lives.
159
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:51,000
What are you doing back here?
160
00:08:51,100 --> 00:08:52,500
My house caught fire.
161
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,800
- What? Was anybody hurt?
- No, but the big TV is gone.
162
00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:59,800
This is all that's left. I'm was gonna burn it
and scatter its ashes over a Best Buy.
163
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,900
He would've wanted it that way.
164
00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:03,900
Oh, my God. I mean, how did it happen?
165
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,300
The fire department's
gonna do an investigation.
166
00:09:06,300 --> 00:09:07,600
I should know more tomorrow.
167
00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:09,300
Well, come on in.
168
00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:12,800
Thanks, Michael. It's nice knowing
I got my old place to come back to.
169
00:09:16,900 --> 00:09:19,900
- What the hell...?
- Red alert. Intruder on the Bridge.
170
00:09:20,700 --> 00:09:22,300
It's okay, Arthur. He's with me.
171
00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:26,200
These are my roommates. This is Arthur,
Rajeev, and you already know Seth.
172
00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:30,500
This is why you were excited to live here?
So you could play Star Wars all day?
173
00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:32,300
Yeah, not Star Trek, Star Wars.
174
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:36,700
Right. We all know the USS Enterprise
is prominently featured in Star Wars.
175
00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:40,300
Right, this is Chewbacca,
and this is C-3PO.
176
00:09:43,900 --> 00:09:45,700
Aren't you like 40?
177
00:09:45,700 --> 00:09:48,400
I'll have you know I'm 36.
178
00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:50,800
I'll be in my room.
179
00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:53,300
Joey, wait. Look, you're welcome
to stay here.
180
00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:55,200
But your room is not your room anymore.
181
00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:58,600
Now it's the captain's quarters.
Every week, we rotate command...
182
00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:00,600
...and a different one of us
gets the room.
183
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:05,700
The only exception is if one of us brings
a girl home, then he gets the room.
184
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:10,700
Do you also have a plan
if one of you finds a unicorn?
185
00:10:12,500 --> 00:10:14,500
So where am I supposed to sleep?
186
00:10:24,100 --> 00:10:26,200
What do you want, Arthur?
187
00:10:26,300 --> 00:10:28,900
They say you've had sex.
Tell me...
188
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,800
...does it hurt?
189
00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:35,800
Poor Joey.
190
00:10:35,900 --> 00:10:39,500
Look at this place.
Does he know how it happened?
191
00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:42,700
I don't know. I guess he talked
to the fire inspector this morning.
192
00:10:43,700 --> 00:10:45,800
Thank you all for coming
on such short notice.
193
00:10:45,900 --> 00:10:50,200
I have something very serious I need
to discuss with you. Please be seated.
194
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:51,500
- On the floor?
- Sit!
195
00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:57,000
I got the report from the fire inspector.
196
00:10:57,100 --> 00:10:58,800
The fire started in the kitchen.
197
00:10:58,900 --> 00:11:02,000
The cause of the fire? Human error.
198
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,500
And the human who made the error
is in this room.
199
00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:08,200
You think it was one of us?
You told us not to come here.
200
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:12,500
Interesting, interesting, interesting, Alex.
Interesting that you would say that...
201
00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,600
...when I know for a fact
that you were up here.
202
00:11:14,700 --> 00:11:17,300
I found a book in my living room.
203
00:11:17,300 --> 00:11:19,000
How do you know it wasn't your book?
204
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:21,500
It's a book!
205
00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:25,300
- So Alex started the fire?
- Not so fast, chicken legs.
206
00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:30,300
I talked to my construction guys,
who told me a skinny kid was up here...
207
00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:35,100
...recreating Tom Cruise's underwear dance
from Risky Business.
208
00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:39,200
Did they say that the kid looked cool?
209
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:43,700
And you two.
I hold in my hand a personal check...
210
00:11:43,700 --> 00:11:46,700
...from Zach to Gina for $5.
211
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:51,300
The memo reads,
"From secret poker game at Joey's house. "
212
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:54,400
Don't cash that for a couple weeks.
213
00:11:54,700 --> 00:11:57,400
I can't believe this.
One of you better confess right now...
214
00:11:57,500 --> 00:12:00,600
I can't hold it in any longer, Joey.
I started the fire.
215
00:12:00,900 --> 00:12:04,500
I didn't call you up here. I was with you
all day. I know you didn't do it.
216
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:07,200
Can I stay anyway?
It's the most fun I've ever had.
217
00:12:09,500 --> 00:12:12,800
All right, I'm gonna give you all
a chance to come clean. Who did it?
218
00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:22,900
You people are unbelievable.
You don't respect my space.
219
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,100
You break into my house.
220
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:27,600
And now one of you burned it down
and you don't have the guts to admit it?
221
00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:31,700
And you wonder why I'm excited to be
moving out. It's because of stuff like this.
222
00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:37,600
Oh, great. My new roommate
is texting me another sex question.
223
00:12:38,700 --> 00:12:42,700
Oh, my God.
Arthur, that's not even close.
224
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:48,600
Okay, he's asleep.
225
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,800
Let's get in, get the DNA,
and get out without waking him up.
226
00:12:51,700 --> 00:12:54,700
So we'll just cut off a piece of his hair
or something, right?
227
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:58,700
- Is that blood on there?
- No.
228
00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:07,000
Hey, Joe, after we get the hair,
you wanna gut one of them?
229
00:13:09,700 --> 00:13:10,800
Oh, God.
230
00:13:17,700 --> 00:13:20,400
- Don't panic. I don't wanna hurt you.
- What are you doing?
231
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,900
You're having a nightmare.
You gotta go back to school.
232
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,100
And there's a test,
only you haven't studied.
233
00:13:26,100 --> 00:13:27,900
- I have a test?
- I haven't studied!
234
00:13:28,100 --> 00:13:29,900
I'll put on a pot of coffee.
235
00:13:34,100 --> 00:13:35,100
- Hey.
- Oh, God.
236
00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:38,200
Thanks for coming over.
I need to talk to you about something.
237
00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:43,000
I don't speak Klingon, you freak.
238
00:13:44,500 --> 00:13:46,700
He's on the phone with his parents.
That's Hindi.
239
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:50,800
I don't care what made-up language it is.
On Earth, we speak in English.
240
00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:53,400
All right. Look, I got your message.
What's the matter?
241
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:57,000
Oh, God, I did something terrible,
and I feel really, really, really guilty.
242
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,600
- What is it?
- Remember when I backed into your car...
243
00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:01,700
...and I claimed I saw a leprechaun do it?
244
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,100
Yes.
245
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:06,600
I think that same leprechaun
burned down Joey's house.
246
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:09,400
- Gina.
- It was an accident.
247
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:11,600
I was at the house with Jimmy.
We had candles.
248
00:14:11,700 --> 00:14:14,500
We were using the sex oil,
the kind that's highly flammable.
249
00:14:14,500 --> 00:14:17,100
You can only get it in Thailand.
What's it called?
250
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,400
I don't know.
251
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:22,200
Anyway, I must not have blown out
all the candles.
252
00:14:22,300 --> 00:14:25,300
I didn't realize until Joey said
the fire started in the kitchen.
253
00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:28,100
- You have to tell him.
- I know, but I don't know how.
254
00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:29,500
God, this is so bad.
255
00:14:29,700 --> 00:14:33,400
Okay, okay. Well, sometimes
when I have to deliver bad news...
256
00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:36,100
...first I'll say something worse
to soften the blow.
257
00:14:36,100 --> 00:14:37,600
Like how?
258
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:40,500
One time, I got a C on a test,
so I told my parents I failed.
259
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:43,100
When they found out the truth,
they were so relieved...
260
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:45,000
...that I didn't really get in trouble.
261
00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:47,600
Okay.
262
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:52,000
Hey. So I just got more bad news
about the house.
263
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:53,800
Mom's dead.
264
00:14:58,200 --> 00:14:59,400
- What?
- Yep.
265
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:02,000
- The funeral's Tuesday.
- What?
266
00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:05,800
Oh, my God. I can't believe this.
I gotta call Dad.
267
00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:08,500
Oh, you can't. He killed her.
268
00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:14,200
Dad killed Mom?
269
00:15:14,300 --> 00:15:15,600
And the mailman.
270
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:20,300
Gina, stop that right now.
Tell him the truth.
271
00:15:20,700 --> 00:15:22,200
All right.
272
00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:25,400
What I'm trying to tell you
is I started the fire.
273
00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:28,500
- You started the fire?
- Joey, I'm so sorry. It was an accident.
274
00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:31,700
We had all these candles
and this massage oil from Thailand.
275
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:34,800
You used Sex Furnace around candles?
276
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:39,300
Gina, it says right on the bottle,
"You are not be using at flame. "
277
00:15:39,300 --> 00:15:42,200
- Joey, I'm sorry. I feel so bad...
- I don't wanna hear it.
278
00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:44,800
My own sister breaks into my house
and burns it down.
279
00:15:44,900 --> 00:15:49,800
This is the worst thing that's happened
since that leprechaun broke my stereo!
280
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:59,300
Hey. Sorry I'm late.
281
00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:02,000
Oh, by the way, thanks a lot
for burning my house down.
282
00:16:02,100 --> 00:16:03,700
Yeah, no problem, Joe.
283
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:07,900
- So you got the results?
- Yeah, right here. I haven't opened it yet.
284
00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:10,400
I'm petrified.
I mean, this could change my whole life.
285
00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:13,700
- Well, only one way to find out.
- Yeah.
286
00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:19,700
I really am sorry
about Gina and the house...
287
00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:23,700
Let's not worry about that right now.
Come on, stop stalling.
288
00:16:25,900 --> 00:16:27,800
Did you listen to Al Franken's
radio show?
289
00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:30,000
Stuart Smalley's
gonna lecture me about...
290
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,700
- Open the letter!
- All right.
291
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:45,700
I'm the father.
292
00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:48,700
Oh, hey, I got you a cigar.
293
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:53,000
- "It's a boy. "
- They didn't have, "It's a man. "
294
00:16:56,300 --> 00:17:00,100
- Congratulations. He's a great kid.
- Yeah, that's easy for you to say.
295
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:03,400
You're used to having people around
who need you. I hate people.
296
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:07,000
Half the time I'm talking to you,
I wanna put a bullet through my head.
297
00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:11,000
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
298
00:17:11,100 --> 00:17:13,300
- Do you need anything from the bar?
- We're good.
299
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:14,600
Okay.
300
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:16,700
I thought you might wanna talk.
301
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:19,700
What if it turned out it wasn't my kid?
What if it weren't true?
302
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,500
Jimmy, you're the only one
who didn't know it was true.
303
00:17:28,100 --> 00:17:29,100
That's my son.
304
00:17:34,100 --> 00:17:37,400
So hitting your kids,
that's frowned upon these days, right?
305
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,400
Hey, Michael, how you doing?
306
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,700
- You told him.
- How did you know?
307
00:17:44,700 --> 00:17:46,600
- He's not yelling.
- I yell all the time?
308
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:48,800
- You're crazy.
- It's because you're creepy!
309
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:51,500
Hey, that is your son.
310
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:53,600
And that is your father.
311
00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:57,400
- Let's start over.
- All right.
312
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:04,100
Michael, you wanna go to that observatory
thing you were talking about?
313
00:18:05,700 --> 00:18:07,900
Yeah. I'd like that.
314
00:18:08,700 --> 00:18:10,100
All right, let's go.
315
00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:13,600
This is so cool. Now I can ask you stuff
about my family history...
316
00:18:13,700 --> 00:18:16,600
...that I've wanted to know.
Do the men in our family go bald?
317
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:18,000
- No. Not a one.
- Yes.
318
00:18:18,100 --> 00:18:20,400
Because we're all dead by 40.
319
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,200
- Hey.
- Hey.
320
00:18:27,700 --> 00:18:29,800
What happened
to all the Star Trek stuff?
321
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,100
Well, I figured after what I did to you...
322
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,500
...the least I could do
is get you your place back.
323
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:37,300
So I talked to Michael's friends
and I got them to leave.
324
00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:41,000
Okay. Well, that's a start.
325
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:43,200
But you still owe me.
326
00:18:43,300 --> 00:18:46,000
I know. I'm really sorry.
327
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:49,800
Hey, you two have fun together?
328
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:52,200
Yeah, it was nice.
I learned a lot about Michael.
329
00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:54,700
Did you know he was straight?
330
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,000
Wait, what are you two doing
hanging out together?
331
00:18:57,100 --> 00:18:59,300
Oh, Mom. Jimmy knows.
332
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:00,600
Are you okay with this?
333
00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:02,700
- Well, first I was worried...
- Not you!
334
00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:07,900
Yeah, babe, I'm all right.
It's a lot to take in though, you know...
335
00:19:07,900 --> 00:19:09,500
Wait a second.
Where are the guys?
336
00:19:09,500 --> 00:19:11,700
- I kicked them out.
- You kicked my friends out?
337
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:14,400
You don't treat my son that way.
338
00:19:14,500 --> 00:19:17,200
- Your son? You've known for an hour.
- You never told me!
339
00:19:17,300 --> 00:19:19,200
I could've been taking a tax deduction!
340
00:19:19,300 --> 00:19:21,600
You need to make money to pay taxes!
341
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:25,800
Hey, can you guys keep it down?
You're being really loud.
342
00:19:25,700 --> 00:19:28,000
I thought Gina got rid of all the nerds.
343
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,200
- I am not one of the nerds.
- Hey, they're not nerds, okay?
344
00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:34,500
Arthur's moped helmet
has a lightning bolt on it.
345
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:37,100
It's late. Could you try to be
a bit more quiet?
346
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,600
Alex, please, this is a family thing.
347
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:42,900
Shut up. Get lost. We're yelling!
348
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,500
What are you smiling about?
349
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:48,800
Nothing.
350
00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:52,900
Just... If I moved,
I would have missed this. Keep fighting.
351
00:19:54,900 --> 00:19:57,900
- Why is a clump of your hair missing?
- That's from the DNA test.
352
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,800
What? Who wanted a DNA test?
353
00:20:06,900 --> 00:20:11,000
All right, I don't know how to tell you this,
Michael, but your mom is dead.
29846
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