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1
00:00:01,434 --> 00:00:04,733
[Both chuckling]
2
00:00:06,506 --> 00:00:07,803
I like you, Amy.
3
00:00:07,907 --> 00:00:09,238
I like you, too.
4
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:10,934
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
5
00:00:11,044 --> 00:00:14,104
In fact,
I thought maybe we could...
6
00:00:14,214 --> 00:00:15,613
have a sleepover tonight.
7
00:00:15,715 --> 00:00:17,012
A sleepover?
8
00:00:17,117 --> 00:00:19,017
Yeah, a sleepover.
9
00:00:19,119 --> 00:00:20,848
Is that something
that you would be into?
10
00:00:20,954 --> 00:00:22,945
Yeah, I would
totally be into that.
11
00:00:23,056 --> 00:00:24,056
Yeah?
12
00:00:24,090 --> 00:00:26,115
I did want to tell
you something,
13
00:00:26,226 --> 00:00:27,488
before we go any further,
14
00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:30,085
and it may be, like,
a total dealbreaker
15
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:31,959
and I won't judge you
either way, I promise.
16
00:00:32,065 --> 00:00:34,932
I'm sure it's fine.
What is it?
17
00:00:37,237 --> 00:00:38,966
I...
18
00:00:39,072 --> 00:00:40,562
have AIDS.
19
00:00:49,115 --> 00:00:51,583
- Amy?
- What's up?
20
00:00:52,318 --> 00:00:53,763
Did you hear what I...
what I just said?
21
00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:55,448
Oh, did you say something?
22
00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:57,233
Did you hear what I said and
you're pretending you didn't
23
00:00:57,257 --> 00:00:58,534
so you don't have to actually,
like, talk about...
24
00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:01,618
- Do you have AIDS?
- Yeah, I do.
25
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:03,059
[Sighing] Okay...
26
00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:05,324
Is that a dealbreaker
for you, or...
27
00:01:05,432 --> 00:01:07,297
No, no, no, no, no.
28
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,561
- No! No, no!
- [Clears throat]
29
00:01:09,669 --> 00:01:12,467
- [Chuckling] I keep saying no.
- That's true.
30
00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:14,540
[Chuckles awkwardly]
No, that's not a dealbreaker.
31
00:01:14,641 --> 00:01:16,131
Oh, my God. AIDS? That?
32
00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:18,142
No, that's great.
33
00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:19,472
No, it's not gre...
34
00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:20,671
[Both chuckle awkwardly]
35
00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:22,058
I'm not saying, like,
that's great.
36
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,459
I just, like...
Actually, you know what?
37
00:01:23,483 --> 00:01:26,384
It makes me more confident
in our relationship.
38
00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:27,714
You know?
39
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:28,981
'Cause I just...
40
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,049
Like, I really... I really
like you. I don't know.
41
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:33,559
I don't know what I'm saying.
Ah...
42
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:35,218
Like, what kind of AIDS?
43
00:01:35,328 --> 00:01:37,193
HIV?
44
00:01:37,864 --> 00:01:39,695
Uh, no. Uh, full-blown...
45
00:01:39,799 --> 00:01:41,061
Full-blown AIDS.
46
00:01:41,167 --> 00:01:43,397
Oh, like the virus
that causes AIDS?
47
00:01:43,503 --> 00:01:45,698
Uh, no, it already caused it.
48
00:01:45,805 --> 00:01:46,805
Mm.
49
00:01:46,873 --> 00:01:49,068
- Thank you.
- For what?
50
00:01:49,175 --> 00:01:52,235
For being honest about your...
AIDS and the state it's in.
51
00:01:52,345 --> 00:01:53,505
I don't know what I'm saying.
52
00:01:53,546 --> 00:01:56,913
Um, I want you to know that
it doesn't bother me at all.
53
00:01:57,016 --> 00:01:58,527
It doesn't bother me at all
that you have it,
54
00:01:58,551 --> 00:02:00,109
and my dad has psoriasis,
so I get it.
55
00:02:00,220 --> 00:02:02,552
Amy, are you okay with this?
56
00:02:02,655 --> 00:02:05,146
It's... It's really fine
if you're not.
57
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,255
Um...
58
00:02:10,363 --> 00:02:12,558
Actually,
I think I am okay with it.
59
00:02:12,665 --> 00:02:13,791
I think I really am.
60
00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:16,368
Sorry, I kind of...
had a moment there.
61
00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:18,130
I mean, people do this.
62
00:02:18,238 --> 00:02:20,069
If we just use protection
63
00:02:20,173 --> 00:02:22,971
and, you know, don't, like,
share needles...
64
00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:24,907
[chuckles]
then we should be fine.
65
00:02:25,011 --> 00:02:27,878
You are so high-maintenance,
my God.
66
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:30,040
Garcon, the lady
will have her own needle.
67
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,913
- Please.
- [Chuckling] Shut up.
68
00:02:32,018 --> 00:02:34,248
[Chuckles]
69
00:02:34,354 --> 00:02:35,878
Are... Are we okay?
70
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,616
Yeah, yeah.
71
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:39,589
We are. We're okay.
72
00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:43,090
God, I think it's kind
of cool. It's kind of badass.
73
00:02:43,196 --> 00:02:45,562
- Like, the '90s are back.
- Okay.
74
00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:47,895
- [Laughs]
- [Chuckles]
75
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,001
Yeah.
76
00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:50,967
Do you go to, like,
a lot of events?
77
00:02:51,070 --> 00:02:53,004
No, I go to a lot of doctors.
78
00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:54,630
[Breathes deeply]
79
00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:56,003
Yeah. Well...
80
00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:58,009
cheers.
81
00:02:58,111 --> 00:03:00,909
- AIDS.
- What?
82
00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:03,774
Mmm, this is really good.
83
00:03:03,883 --> 00:03:05,427
This wine will actually
go amazing with this
84
00:03:05,451 --> 00:03:07,248
cayenne chocolate torte
that they have.
85
00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:09,033
That does sound amazing.
I can't have that.
86
00:03:09,088 --> 00:03:11,147
I have a gluten allergy.
87
00:03:11,257 --> 00:03:13,452
So that torte would be,
like, my AIDS.
88
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,391
[Chuckles softly]
89
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:19,623
Oh, are you going
to the bathroom?
90
00:03:19,732 --> 00:03:20,858
Is this AIDS-related?
91
00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:22,992
Full disclosure...
I didn't see "Philadelphia,"
92
00:03:23,102 --> 00:03:25,696
but I did see "Gia," and, like,
the tail end of "Precious."
93
00:03:25,805 --> 00:03:27,363
So I feel prepared to help.
94
00:03:27,473 --> 00:03:29,168
No, I'm leaving.
I'm sorry.
95
00:03:29,275 --> 00:03:30,765
I'm a total foodie,
96
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:34,938
and I think that gluten
allergies are just... bullshit.
97
00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:38,110
Later, Amy.
98
00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:42,444
I-I think you're forgetting
who has AIDS here!
99
00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:43,852
You have AIDS here.
100
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:46,482
What?!
101
00:03:58,338 --> 00:04:00,670
'Cause I mean
we all just are such liars
102
00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:02,832
when we start dating
somebody, right?
103
00:04:02,942 --> 00:04:04,807
I'm such a liar
when I start dating a guy.
104
00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:07,072
I'm just, like,
super-cool new girl.
105
00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:08,875
I'm the best.
106
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:10,244
I'm like, "Yes, I want to hear
107
00:04:10,350 --> 00:04:13,148
about your fantasy
football team, of course."
108
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,845
[Laughter]
109
00:04:14,954 --> 00:04:17,514
"Don't leave anything out."
110
00:04:17,624 --> 00:04:18,624
[Laughter]
111
00:04:18,658 --> 00:04:20,057
"Do I want to have a threesome?
112
00:04:20,159 --> 00:04:22,320
Definitely. I've always
wondered about that.
113
00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:24,487
Girls are so soft."
114
00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:26,326
- Lies.
- [Laughter]
115
00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:28,400
And guys want to believe it,
so they just buy it.
116
00:04:28,501 --> 00:04:29,845
They're like,
"Where have you been?"
117
00:04:29,869 --> 00:04:31,564
I'm like, "I'm here now."
118
00:04:31,671 --> 00:04:33,935
[Laughter]
119
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,905
I'm like, "Let me just...
120
00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:38,102
sweep this crazy under the rug
for a couple months.
121
00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:41,112
You don't need to...
need to see this yet."
122
00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:42,374
[Laughter, applause]
123
00:04:42,482 --> 00:04:44,677
"Nothing to see here.
124
00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,843
It's gonna be a big surprise
month three
125
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,443
after I have some whiskey."
126
00:04:48,554 --> 00:04:50,749
[Laughter]
127
00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:53,189
"I'll tell you
I hate your sisters."
128
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,351
[Laughter]
129
00:04:59,532 --> 00:05:01,796
His name is Ernst Brentwhistle.
130
00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:04,426
Tech billionaire
and covert arms dealer.
131
00:05:04,537 --> 00:05:07,028
Now, we have one shot
to bring him in,
132
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:10,701
and you two are
the best of the best.
133
00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:13,301
Your code names for this op
are Cross Bolt
134
00:05:13,413 --> 00:05:15,244
and Butter Face.
135
00:05:15,348 --> 00:05:17,578
Cross Bolt, you're my point man.
136
00:05:17,684 --> 00:05:19,628
I need you to take out the
guards and acquire the target.
137
00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:22,815
Now, we want him alive,
if possible,
138
00:05:22,922 --> 00:05:25,618
but you are a go to
use lethal force if necessary.
139
00:05:25,725 --> 00:05:29,422
Butter Face, you're running
a classic distract and capture.
140
00:05:29,529 --> 00:05:31,006
You'll have a chance meeting
with Brentwhistle
141
00:05:31,030 --> 00:05:32,708
when you run into him
at the party he's having
142
00:05:32,732 --> 00:05:33,926
- in his hotel.
- On it.
143
00:05:34,033 --> 00:05:36,467
You'll arouse his interest,
take him back to his penthouse,
144
00:05:36,569 --> 00:05:39,561
and that's when you'll get
started... making dinner for him.
145
00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:41,503
Make him a casserole,
a meatloaf... your call.
146
00:05:41,607 --> 00:05:43,207
Something with a protein
and a vegetable.
147
00:05:43,242 --> 00:05:44,802
Don't go crazy.
Cook something you know.
148
00:05:44,877 --> 00:05:46,317
That's when I poison him,
right, sir?
149
00:05:46,379 --> 00:05:48,176
Slow down, Butter Face.
150
00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:49,281
Cross Bolt...
151
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:51,783
while Butter Face has him
distracted in the kitchen,
152
00:05:51,884 --> 00:05:53,662
you'll rappel down the building
into the living room
153
00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:54,930
and that's where you'll find
the hard drive.
154
00:05:54,954 --> 00:05:57,115
- Sweet.
- It will be sweet.
155
00:05:57,223 --> 00:05:59,088
Rappelling is awesome.
156
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:02,184
Butter Face, when you are sure
that Cross Bolt has the drive,
157
00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:04,092
I want you to lure him
into the bedroom
158
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:06,631
and you are a go
to give him a blowjob.
159
00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:07,757
Uh, sir?
160
00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:09,129
Uh, I'm capable
161
00:06:09,235 --> 00:06:11,965
of hacking into the mainframe
of a nuclear submarine.
162
00:06:12,071 --> 00:06:13,538
We don't need
anything that drastic.
163
00:06:13,639 --> 00:06:14,839
The blowjob will do just fine.
164
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:16,018
- Now we'll...
- I'm sorry. I'm just...
165
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:18,020
I'm... I'm not sure
I'm comfortable with this, sir.
166
00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:20,535
Don't worry. There will be
plenty of hidden cameras.
167
00:06:20,646 --> 00:06:23,046
We will be right there
with you the whole time.
168
00:06:23,149 --> 00:06:25,845
Literally, the entire agency
will be watching.
169
00:06:25,952 --> 00:06:28,045
My dad works here.
170
00:06:28,154 --> 00:06:29,485
Come on.
You can do this.
171
00:06:29,589 --> 00:06:30,783
Shut up, Dennis.
172
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:33,381
All right. Under the table,
you'll find a duffel
173
00:06:33,493 --> 00:06:37,224
and in it,
your specialized equipment.
174
00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:40,356
Laser nunchakus.
175
00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:42,457
There's just a scrunchie
in here.
176
00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:46,561
That's to hold your hair back.
And remember, no teeth.
177
00:06:46,672 --> 00:06:48,003
All right, team, let's go.
178
00:06:48,107 --> 00:06:51,406
Operation Enduring Mouth
begins now.
179
00:06:51,511 --> 00:06:53,741
[Grunts]
180
00:06:53,846 --> 00:06:55,245
AMY: Amy One, clear.
181
00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:56,474
[Beeping]
182
00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:58,311
[Static]
183
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:01,182
[Helicopter blades whirring]
184
00:07:02,488 --> 00:07:03,785
[Glass crunches]
185
00:07:04,991 --> 00:07:07,357
Cross Bolt, on behalf
of a grateful nation,
186
00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:11,226
I present you with the highest
top-secret award in existence.
187
00:07:11,330 --> 00:07:14,163
The Titanium Star.
188
00:07:15,201 --> 00:07:17,226
Butter Face...
189
00:07:17,336 --> 00:07:20,328
feel free to keep
that scrunchie.
190
00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:22,941
Hey, maybe next time
191
00:07:22,975 --> 00:07:24,620
you could do a cool mission
like I just did.
192
00:07:24,644 --> 00:07:25,644
Aah!
193
00:07:25,711 --> 00:07:27,110
Get your...
194
00:07:27,213 --> 00:07:28,544
Bitch.
195
00:07:28,648 --> 00:07:31,674
Would you take a dick
for a Green Card?
196
00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:32,876
Depends.
197
00:07:32,985 --> 00:07:34,225
- This is America.
- It depends.
198
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,515
They should just ask that.
199
00:07:35,621 --> 00:07:37,612
- No citizenship test.
- Exactly, yes.
200
00:07:37,723 --> 00:07:39,384
Who cares
who the 30th president was?
201
00:07:39,492 --> 00:07:41,289
"I will take a dick
for this country."
202
00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:42,861
Yes, that's how much
I love America.
203
00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:51,036
I feel like I'm sweating.
204
00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:51,968
Somebody tell me
if I'm sweating.
205
00:07:52,071 --> 00:07:53,348
And somebody needs
to come up and...
206
00:07:53,372 --> 00:07:54,703
- WOMAN: You're good.
- Thank you.
207
00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:56,968
I love the loud girls.
Like, so...
208
00:07:57,076 --> 00:07:58,100
You're gorgeous.
209
00:07:58,211 --> 00:08:00,577
I asked them to seat people
who look like you back there
210
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:02,614
so I have my self-esteem intact.
211
00:08:02,715 --> 00:08:04,876
- [Laughter]
- What'd you say?
212
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:06,628
- How do you get a ticket?
- How do you get a ticket?
213
00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:07,812
What do you mean?
You're here.
214
00:08:07,887 --> 00:08:09,980
Oh, I was like, she's so...
She's so pretty.
215
00:08:10,089 --> 00:08:13,422
Like, no one's ever been like,
"You're dumb." But, um...
216
00:08:13,526 --> 00:08:15,050
- [Laughter]
- And you.
217
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:17,823
He's like the nicest Muppet.
218
00:08:17,930 --> 00:08:19,056
[Laughter]
219
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:21,895
Lumberjack convention's in town.
220
00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:23,730
[Laughter]
221
00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:25,428
You are adorable.
222
00:08:25,538 --> 00:08:28,234
I want to know
what you're hiding from.
223
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,605
You look like the cloud sweeper
from "Care Bears"
224
00:08:30,710 --> 00:08:32,575
when he was a boy.
225
00:08:32,678 --> 00:08:33,838
[Laughter]
226
00:08:33,946 --> 00:08:36,744
I'm psyched
that you guys are so attractive.
227
00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:39,841
And I know there's a beautiful
man under all that shit.
228
00:08:39,952 --> 00:08:42,716
[Laughter]
229
00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:48,522
[Gasps] Oh my God!
Bree, you dyed your hair.
230
00:08:48,628 --> 00:08:49,788
It looks amazing.
231
00:08:49,896 --> 00:08:51,454
Oh, no, you're just being nice.
232
00:08:51,564 --> 00:08:53,293
No, seriously, it looks great.
233
00:08:53,399 --> 00:08:54,866
No, I tried to look
like Kate Hudson
234
00:08:54,967 --> 00:08:57,663
but ended up looking like a
golden retriever's dingleberry.
235
00:08:57,770 --> 00:09:00,000
But you... look
at your cute little dress!
236
00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:02,267
"Little"?
I'm like a size 100 now.
237
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:03,672
Anyway, I paid like $2 for it.
238
00:09:03,776 --> 00:09:06,040
It's probably made out
of old Burger King crowns.
239
00:09:06,145 --> 00:09:08,113
I look like a whore
locked out of her apartment.
240
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:09,841
- AMY: Hi!
- Amy!
241
00:09:09,949 --> 00:09:11,177
- Hi!
- Hey!
242
00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:12,512
I love your hat.
243
00:09:12,618 --> 00:09:13,710
Are you drunk?
244
00:09:13,819 --> 00:09:15,343
I look like an Armenian man.
245
00:09:15,454 --> 00:09:17,054
People are trying
to buy carpets from me.
246
00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:19,284
Excuse me, when did you start
working for NASA?
247
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:20,791
You're weightless.
248
00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:23,054
Fuck you.
I'm a fucking cow.
249
00:09:23,162 --> 00:09:24,789
Indian people
are trying to worship me.
250
00:09:24,897 --> 00:09:27,229
I sleep standing up in a field.
251
00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:28,630
Fancy meeting you girls here.
252
00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:29,894
Hey!
253
00:09:30,002 --> 00:09:31,162
Of course, I see everyone
254
00:09:31,270 --> 00:09:33,033
when I look like
Susan Boyle's toothbrush.
255
00:09:33,139 --> 00:09:34,401
You look so pretty.
256
00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:37,806
Uh, Miss Jessica, congrats
on your big promotion, beyotch.
257
00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:39,810
I'm gonna get fired in,
like, two seconds.
258
00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:42,005
- No.
- I'm legally retarded.
259
00:09:42,114 --> 00:09:44,878
On my SATs, I just drew
a picture of a house
260
00:09:44,984 --> 00:09:46,713
on the first page
and ate the rest.
261
00:09:46,819 --> 00:09:47,911
[Gasps] Lindsay!
262
00:09:48,020 --> 00:09:49,578
- Congratulations!
- [All fawning]
263
00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:50,689
Please. Come on, guys.
264
00:09:50,790 --> 00:09:53,418
The father's anybody's guess,
and I'm 1,000 years old.
265
00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:55,003
I mean, I bet this thing
is gonna fall out
266
00:09:55,027 --> 00:09:56,187
and be an old cobweb.
267
00:09:56,295 --> 00:09:58,092
You are gonna be
the best mom ever.
268
00:09:58,197 --> 00:10:00,097
I just want to, like,
crawl in your pussy
269
00:10:00,199 --> 00:10:02,190
and have you give birth to me.
270
00:10:02,301 --> 00:10:03,301
Good luck trying to nurse
271
00:10:03,369 --> 00:10:05,234
on this shriveled-up
spaghetti squash, ugh.
272
00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:08,830
Your tits make Katy Perry's
look like the Holocaust.
273
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:10,169
- That's so true.
- They do.
274
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:11,675
- Perky.
- They do.
275
00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:13,005
Is that Amanda?
Amanda!
276
00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:14,875
- Hi!
- Hey!
277
00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:16,846
All: Hey!
278
00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:19,076
I love your jacket!
279
00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:21,710
Thank you.
280
00:10:21,821 --> 00:10:25,621
[Dramatic music plays]
281
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,288
[Gun cocks]
282
00:10:29,395 --> 00:10:30,726
- [Gunshot]
- [Screaming]
283
00:10:30,830 --> 00:10:32,798
- [Bones snapping]
- Oh, my God!
284
00:10:32,898 --> 00:10:35,560
Oh, no!
285
00:10:35,668 --> 00:10:36,908
[Tires screech, glass shatters]
286
00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:38,561
[Woman screaming]
287
00:10:39,705 --> 00:10:41,297
[Explosion]
288
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,269
[Cellphone chimes]
289
00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:48,279
[Gasps] Yay.
One new Twitter follower!
290
00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:50,349
[Siren wails in distance]
291
00:10:51,017 --> 00:10:53,542
Okay, give me a compliment but,
like, that you don't mean it...
292
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,143
like,
in a passive-aggressive way.
293
00:10:55,254 --> 00:10:56,915
I could see that hat on you.
294
00:10:57,023 --> 00:10:58,251
[Laughter]
295
00:10:58,357 --> 00:10:59,619
You don't have a big butt.
296
00:10:59,725 --> 00:11:00,885
Yes, I do.
297
00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:03,621
Oh, yeah, you do. You do.
Good for you.
298
00:11:03,729 --> 00:11:05,219
I have an ass on me, too.
299
00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:06,798
- Yeah, I saw.
- Thank you.
300
00:11:06,899 --> 00:11:08,332
- So, how old are you?
- 38.
301
00:11:08,434 --> 00:11:11,164
You are? God, I really
couldn't tell that.
302
00:11:11,270 --> 00:11:13,738
You look like you just came out
of high school yourself.
303
00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:14,737
Yeah, yeah.
304
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:17,172
I mean, I like to be told
I look like a fetus.
305
00:11:17,276 --> 00:11:19,642
Yeah, like, I'm really impressed
with your outfit.
306
00:11:19,745 --> 00:11:21,423
Thank you very much.
I like yours, as well.
307
00:11:21,447 --> 00:11:23,392
- No. You're just saying that.
- I was just being nice.
308
00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:25,536
Yeah, I look like I just
walked out of a soup kitchen.
309
00:11:32,191 --> 00:11:33,502
What's your favorite
type of porn?
310
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,619
I've been watching
a casting-couch one.
311
00:11:35,728 --> 00:11:38,026
I don't know. I mean, I usually
go for the Asian ones.
312
00:11:38,130 --> 00:11:39,961
Oh, man, that is so typical.
313
00:11:40,066 --> 00:11:42,177
The titles are more interesting
than the porns themselves.
314
00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:44,829
Like, um, "Schindler's Fist"?
315
00:11:44,937 --> 00:11:46,165
[Laughter]
316
00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:48,137
That's what I'm doing
with my BA in theater.
317
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:49,685
What kind?
What's your favorite right now?
318
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:50,835
Are you, like, at a phase?
319
00:11:50,943 --> 00:11:52,604
Nice, black, petite women.
320
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:53,610
- Things like that.
- Yeah?
321
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:56,705
Do you like a girl who's petite
but then has ass for weeks?
322
00:11:56,816 --> 00:11:59,478
I like 'em petite. I don't
know about the ass for weeks.
323
00:11:59,585 --> 00:12:01,177
How petite?
Like, um...
324
00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:03,687
- Like a miniature horse?
- Hmm?
325
00:12:06,959 --> 00:12:09,894
[Ragtime music playing]
326
00:14:25,798 --> 00:14:28,130
[Music continues]
327
00:16:22,214 --> 00:16:25,047
[Snorting]
328
00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:27,909
Cocaine is the cat's pajamas!
329
00:16:28,020 --> 00:16:30,386
Oh, ding-dong!
330
00:16:30,489 --> 00:16:32,480
[Jazz music plays]
331
00:16:43,602 --> 00:16:44,980
If you had to change something
about yourself,
332
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,665
- what would it be, physically?
- My feet.
333
00:16:46,772 --> 00:16:48,433
Why?
What's wrong with your feet?
334
00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:50,269
My toes are short and stumpy.
335
00:16:50,376 --> 00:16:52,435
They are?
Like how short and stumpy?
336
00:16:52,544 --> 00:16:53,555
- Like, short...
- Oh, God.
337
00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:56,548
I can see through your boot.
They're disgusting!
338
00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:02,644
So, Sharon,
339
00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:04,689
- you are a plastic surgeon.
- Yes.
340
00:17:04,790 --> 00:17:06,985
And how many years
have you been practicing?
341
00:17:07,092 --> 00:17:08,650
I've been in New York City
342
00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:10,456
practicing
for about 12, 13 years.
343
00:17:10,562 --> 00:17:14,259
At what point do you stop
calling it "practice"?
344
00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:16,527
[Chuckles]
That's a good question.
345
00:17:16,635 --> 00:17:19,103
- Um, okay, my breasts.
- Mm-hmm?
346
00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:22,833
How big would you
let me get them?
347
00:17:22,941 --> 00:17:25,808
I would say, "Are you looking
for something
348
00:17:25,911 --> 00:17:29,312
beyond a natural size,
which I call supernatural?"
349
00:17:29,415 --> 00:17:32,612
I think I want to be
in between...
350
00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:36,210
Precious and Dolly Parton.
351
00:17:36,321 --> 00:17:38,846
So you're thinking large.
352
00:17:38,957 --> 00:17:41,983
How about something
in a Joy Behar?
353
00:17:42,094 --> 00:17:44,289
- D? D?
- Double D.
354
00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:46,227
- Double D.
- Sold!
355
00:17:46,331 --> 00:17:47,331
[Laughs]
356
00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:52,632
Are you ever doing surgery
and you're just like, "Ew!"?
357
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:53,966
No.
358
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,073
- [Chuckles]
- Good.
359
00:17:55,107 --> 00:17:56,540
- That's good.
- No.
360
00:17:56,642 --> 00:17:57,973
When people get liposuction,
361
00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:00,978
where do they get it
suctioned from?
362
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:05,540
Usually, I'll do bellies,
love handles, muffin tops.
363
00:18:05,651 --> 00:18:09,018
Is that a clinical term? Like,
do people say "muffin top"?
364
00:18:09,121 --> 00:18:11,214
- Yeah?
- I like to say "flanks."
365
00:18:11,323 --> 00:18:12,881
'Cause that's a steak.
366
00:18:12,991 --> 00:18:14,720
[Both chuckle]
367
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:17,318
What's the weirdest thing
anyone's ever asked you to do?
368
00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:18,987
I mean, has anyone
ever been like,
369
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:21,032
"I'm just dying
for another nipple"?
370
00:18:21,133 --> 00:18:22,133
No.
371
00:18:22,201 --> 00:18:23,361
Okay.
Would you do that?
372
00:18:23,469 --> 00:18:24,834
- No.
- Okay, okay.
373
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:25,947
I was asking for a friend.
374
00:18:25,971 --> 00:18:27,666
That's not something
I'm interested in.
375
00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:29,832
What if I wanted square nipples?
376
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:32,672
I would say, uh, no.
377
00:18:33,645 --> 00:18:35,272
- Okay.
- [Chuckles]
378
00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:38,543
Uh, what did I just hear
about getting...
379
00:18:38,650 --> 00:18:41,084
injections into your clitoris?
380
00:18:41,186 --> 00:18:44,178
It was popular in L.A.
381
00:18:44,289 --> 00:18:46,257
I missed it?
I missed the clit wave?
382
00:18:46,358 --> 00:18:47,358
- What happened?
- Maybe.
383
00:18:47,392 --> 00:18:48,712
In your...
Why? To make it bigger?
384
00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:51,854
To make it bigger.
It will always make it bigger.
385
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:53,108
Everybody wants more everything.
386
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:58,434
Potentially, that was
to increase stimulation and...
387
00:18:58,537 --> 00:19:00,596
But it probably
accomplished that goal
388
00:19:00,706 --> 00:19:03,197
by helping the men more
to find their way.
389
00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:05,401
Oh, yeah,
let's help the men more.
390
00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:08,105
Uh, I think
I'm just gonna let myself go.
391
00:19:08,213 --> 00:19:10,113
Just go out to pasture,
you know?
392
00:19:10,215 --> 00:19:11,893
I think I'm gonna wind up...
I know I'm gonna...
393
00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:15,409
I drink, and so I'll probably
look like a baseball glove,
394
00:19:15,521 --> 00:19:16,920
but I'm just, like...
I think...
395
00:19:17,022 --> 00:19:18,566
- I kind of feel like, fuck it.
- No, you'll just see.
396
00:19:18,590 --> 00:19:20,168
I mean, if you're bothered,
then, you know,
397
00:19:20,192 --> 00:19:21,318
you may end up in my office.
398
00:19:21,426 --> 00:19:22,450
I do wear sunscreen,
399
00:19:22,561 --> 00:19:26,395
and I also date guys that
don't pay attention to detail.
400
00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:28,227
So I can, you know,
401
00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:30,164
kind of age like shit
and cheat on them.
402
00:19:30,269 --> 00:19:31,497
- [Chuckles]
- Uh...
403
00:19:31,603 --> 00:19:33,730
Do guys want penile implants?
404
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:35,966
- Have you ever seen one?
- Have I ever...
405
00:19:36,074 --> 00:19:41,307
I saw one that was injected
with a lot of silicone once
406
00:19:41,413 --> 00:19:43,005
when I was in residency.
407
00:19:43,115 --> 00:19:45,675
It... Like a salami.
408
00:19:45,784 --> 00:19:47,308
So, were you looking at it as...
409
00:19:47,419 --> 00:19:49,979
Like, was it part of a class, or
did you, like, go home with him?
410
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,183
No.
[Laughs]
411
00:19:52,291 --> 00:19:53,918
Do you guys do
vaginal rejuvenation?
412
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:56,688
I do a little bit
of vaginal rejuvenation, yes.
413
00:19:56,795 --> 00:19:59,457
God. That sounds
like such a bummer.
414
00:19:59,565 --> 00:20:02,500
We... The most common thing
that I'll treat is...
415
00:20:02,601 --> 00:20:06,093
It's called virginal hypertrophy
of the labia minora.
416
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:07,866
- I'm Jewish.
- Okay.
417
00:20:07,973 --> 00:20:09,284
What does that
have to do with it?
418
00:20:09,308 --> 00:20:11,173
Oh, I thought
you said "menorah."
419
00:20:11,276 --> 00:20:15,144
The non-technical term
is the inner lips of the vagina.
420
00:20:15,247 --> 00:20:18,045
Okay. Are they supposed
to be on the inside?
421
00:20:18,717 --> 00:20:21,584
- I'm just kidding.
- [Laughter]
422
00:20:25,791 --> 00:20:27,884
Cocaine is the cat's pajamas!
423
00:20:27,993 --> 00:20:30,621
Oh, ding-dong!
424
00:20:43,008 --> 00:20:46,171
MAN: Snort the cocaine
and dance more.
425
00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:53,981
Cut. Cut.
426
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:55,644
All right. Cut.
427
00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:57,551
[Speaking indistinctly]
428
00:20:57,656 --> 00:20:59,851
MAN #2:
That was happy as hell.
429
00:21:10,369 --> 00:21:11,267
[Chuckles]
430
00:21:11,370 --> 00:21:12,667
Aw!
431
00:21:12,771 --> 00:21:14,432
[Laughs]
432
00:21:14,506 --> 00:21:16,303
[Laughs]
433
00:21:18,644 --> 00:21:20,524
- MAN: All right.
- Should I be doing something?
30936
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