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1
00:00:16,486 --> 00:00:18,739
That was titled "Essence".
I wrote it about my mom.
2
00:00:18,822 --> 00:00:21,241
This next piece is also about my mom.
3
00:00:21,324 --> 00:00:22,843
- Uh, excuse me...
- Wrap it up, nerd.
4
00:00:22,926 --> 00:00:23,966
- I'm still...
- All right,
5
00:00:23,967 --> 00:00:25,326
I don't know what this is called,
6
00:00:25,327 --> 00:00:26,455
and I don't care.
7
00:00:26,538 --> 00:00:27,538
Two, three, four!
8
00:00:30,375 --> 00:00:31,918
That's kind of loud!
9
00:00:38,091 --> 00:00:40,218
What is the meaning
of this intense bass?
10
00:00:40,302 --> 00:00:41,970
Are you mocking me?!
11
00:00:42,053 --> 00:00:43,721
I don't hear it on our side.
12
00:00:43,722 --> 00:00:45,182
It must be your equipment.
13
00:00:45,265 --> 00:00:47,476
Engineer K'noch, today you die!
14
00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:50,812
Will someone shut that up?!
15
00:00:54,566 --> 00:00:56,566
You're welcome.
16
00:00:58,530 --> 00:01:00,130
Okay, whatever that was.
17
00:01:00,131 --> 00:01:02,157
Ladies and gentlemen,
"Requiem for a Hug".
18
00:01:03,341 --> 00:01:04,701
Captain says you're too loud!
19
00:01:04,785 --> 00:01:07,329
Oh, God, oh, no, no, I'm so sorry.
20
00:02:18,316 --> 00:02:21,403
First officer's log, stardate 57501.4.
21
00:02:21,486 --> 00:02:23,947
The Cerritos is en route
to Cardassia Prime
22
00:02:24,030 --> 00:02:25,949
for the most amazing reason.
23
00:02:26,032 --> 00:02:28,910
Captain Freeman is going to be
instrumental in brokering peace
24
00:02:28,994 --> 00:02:30,912
between the... Uh, wait.
25
00:02:30,996 --> 00:02:32,914
Just... reading a little message here.
26
00:02:32,998 --> 00:02:34,583
Yada yada yada. Oh.
27
00:02:34,666 --> 00:02:36,585
Oh, no.
28
00:02:36,668 --> 00:02:40,046
The captain is not gonna
be happy about this.
29
00:02:40,130 --> 00:02:42,757
What the hell are you talking about!
30
00:02:42,841 --> 00:02:44,342
I'm sorry, Captain Freeman,
31
00:02:44,426 --> 00:02:46,386
but we're moving the peace
negotiations to Vulcan.
32
00:02:46,470 --> 00:02:48,138
Nobody wants to go to Cardassia Prime.
33
00:02:48,222 --> 00:02:50,223
The Cardassians are
creeping everyone out.
34
00:02:50,307 --> 00:02:53,602
But I already prepared a speech,
I learned how to do the dance...
35
00:02:53,685 --> 00:02:54,769
I'm sure you'll be involved
36
00:02:54,853 --> 00:02:57,105
in the next historic,
once-in-a-lifetime summit.
37
00:02:57,188 --> 00:02:59,107
For now, you'll be heading to Gelrak V
38
00:02:59,190 --> 00:03:02,110
and, uh, endowing them
with diplomatic trinkets.
39
00:03:02,193 --> 00:03:03,678
We're delivering gifts?
40
00:03:03,762 --> 00:03:04,779
Godspeed, Captain.
41
00:03:06,156 --> 00:03:09,284
I spent weeks learning how to
bark out Cardassian small talk.
42
00:03:09,367 --> 00:03:10,928
Seems like they just changed locations.
43
00:03:11,011 --> 00:03:12,811
I don't think it was a
slight on the Cerritos.
44
00:03:12,812 --> 00:03:13,841
Yeah, right.
45
00:03:13,874 --> 00:03:16,255
Nobody respects us, because
we don't demand their respect.
46
00:03:16,256 --> 00:03:17,256
This ship is a joke.
47
00:03:17,334 --> 00:03:19,753
Well, then we're the funniest
joke in all of Starfleet.
48
00:03:19,836 --> 00:03:21,588
Shut up, Jack! I'm sick of it.
49
00:03:21,671 --> 00:03:23,173
We have to do something to prove
50
00:03:23,256 --> 00:03:25,216
that this crew isn't
a bunch of slackers.
51
00:03:27,010 --> 00:03:29,638
Okay, try it now.
52
00:03:29,721 --> 00:03:31,514
Field strength is at...
53
00:03:31,598 --> 00:03:32,974
- Ooh!
- 100%.
54
00:03:33,058 --> 00:03:34,643
You almost phasered me!
55
00:03:34,726 --> 00:03:35,977
Calm down. It's set to...
56
00:03:36,061 --> 00:03:37,854
Uh, it was... it was set to stun.
57
00:03:37,938 --> 00:03:40,178
Hey, Boimler, how's the field
integrity looking in there?
58
00:03:40,179 --> 00:03:42,150
Uh... oh!
59
00:03:42,233 --> 00:03:44,527
It's good.
60
00:03:44,611 --> 00:03:46,988
Okay. Computer,
margaritas. Frozen. Salt.
61
00:03:47,048 --> 00:03:48,488
Wait, don't we have to report
62
00:03:48,489 --> 00:03:50,089
that we're done so we
can get a new task?
63
00:03:50,133 --> 00:03:52,573
Don't sweat it, baby girl... like
many things, commanders have
64
00:03:52,574 --> 00:03:55,163
no idea how long it takes to
balance a phase variance.
65
00:03:55,246 --> 00:03:57,206
You never admit the actual
amount of time it takes
66
00:03:57,290 --> 00:03:59,530
to finish a job... if you did,
your days would be packed.
67
00:03:59,542 --> 00:04:02,003
- Isn't that lying?
- No. It's creative estimating.
68
00:04:02,087 --> 00:04:03,463
When you get an assignment,
69
00:04:03,546 --> 00:04:05,215
you exaggerate how long it's gonna take,
70
00:04:05,298 --> 00:04:06,967
then you're a hero when it's done early.
71
00:04:07,050 --> 00:04:09,010
Eh, it's just a little
buffer time. No biggie.
72
00:04:09,094 --> 00:04:10,387
And you're okay with this?
73
00:04:10,470 --> 00:04:12,806
No! If it were up to me,
we'd never take a break.
74
00:04:12,889 --> 00:04:14,516
But it's Lower Decks tradition.
75
00:04:14,599 --> 00:04:17,394
Tendi, how long will it
take to repair a biobed?
76
00:04:17,477 --> 00:04:19,813
Oh, uh, that would take about five...
77
00:04:19,896 --> 00:04:21,356
hours.
78
00:04:21,439 --> 00:04:22,565
Excuse me?
79
00:04:22,649 --> 00:04:24,317
That's great!
80
00:04:24,401 --> 00:04:25,860
Aw, Tendi, look at us.
81
00:04:25,944 --> 00:04:27,696
Lower Decks... breaching
protocol together.
82
00:04:27,779 --> 00:04:29,364
Friendship!
83
00:04:32,575 --> 00:04:36,371
Oh, be sure to stroll through
the ship as slowly as possible.
84
00:04:36,454 --> 00:04:37,998
It's not like we're busy exploring
85
00:04:38,081 --> 00:04:39,374
the mysteries of the cosmos!
86
00:04:43,420 --> 00:04:45,547
Does no one do any work around here?!
87
00:04:45,630 --> 00:04:48,174
- Geez, there goes buffer time.
- What was that, Ensign?
88
00:04:48,258 --> 00:04:49,843
Uh, nothing, Captain.
89
00:04:55,598 --> 00:04:56,878
- Uh...
- Bridge.
90
00:04:56,933 --> 00:04:58,518
Cap'n. I mean, Captain.
91
00:04:59,853 --> 00:05:01,730
Anything to report, Ensign?
92
00:05:01,813 --> 00:05:04,065
Uh, keeping busy. I
inventoried Cargo Bay Four,
93
00:05:04,149 --> 00:05:05,692
assisted with the baryon sweep
94
00:05:05,775 --> 00:05:08,069
of the warp nacelles,
skipped buffer time
95
00:05:08,153 --> 00:05:10,405
- and went straight to work on...
- Turbolift halt!
96
00:05:10,488 --> 00:05:12,866
What is "buffer time"?
97
00:05:12,949 --> 00:05:14,284
Uh...
98
00:05:17,136 --> 00:05:19,047
What's up with you?
You're looking more, like,
99
00:05:19,130 --> 00:05:20,130
weaselly than usual.
100
00:05:20,131 --> 00:05:21,850
Well, th-that's just how my face looks.
101
00:05:21,911 --> 00:05:23,591
You-you know that.
102
00:05:23,592 --> 00:05:24,599
Oh.
103
00:05:24,602 --> 00:05:26,896
"Effective immediately, the
Lower Deck scheduling deceit
104
00:05:26,980 --> 00:05:28,423
will no longer be tolerated"?
105
00:05:28,506 --> 00:05:29,632
What scheduling deceit?
106
00:05:29,716 --> 00:05:31,426
Wait. Let me see. "All assignments
107
00:05:31,509 --> 00:05:33,790
"must be completed and logged
in exactly the time mandated
108
00:05:33,791 --> 00:05:36,389
- by command"?
- Are we being timed?
109
00:05:36,473 --> 00:05:38,313
"Failure to meet quotas
will not be tolerated".
110
00:05:38,314 --> 00:05:39,726
Ah, this is bad, this is bad.
111
00:05:39,746 --> 00:05:42,186
I-I thought it was tradition. I
thought you said nobody cared.
112
00:05:42,187 --> 00:05:44,107
They didn't. There was no
way the captain noticed
113
00:05:44,147 --> 00:05:45,273
we were padding stuff out.
114
00:05:45,356 --> 00:05:46,399
Somebody ratted.
115
00:05:46,483 --> 00:05:48,610
I bet it was Delta shift.
116
00:05:48,693 --> 00:05:49,986
Yeah. Delta shift is the worst.
117
00:05:50,070 --> 00:05:51,710
They think they're so
much better than us,
118
00:05:51,793 --> 00:05:53,513
just because they're so
much better than us.
119
00:05:53,587 --> 00:05:56,034
It doesn't matter who ratted.
We don't need buffer time.
120
00:05:56,117 --> 00:05:58,078
We're Starfleet. We're
the best of the best,
121
00:05:58,161 --> 00:05:59,954
and we can still get
everything done early.
122
00:06:00,038 --> 00:06:01,956
Boimler's right. We don't
need a buffer time.
123
00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:04,459
- We've got this!
- Yeah, no, yeah, you're probably right.
124
00:06:04,542 --> 00:06:06,461
What's one less margarita a day?
125
00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:19,808
Excuse me!
126
00:06:22,185 --> 00:06:23,770
Watch it.
127
00:06:23,853 --> 00:06:25,533
Rutherford, I need that diagnostic
128
00:06:25,534 --> 00:06:26,911
on the guidance system, now!
129
00:06:26,994 --> 00:06:28,191
But now is right now!
130
00:06:28,274 --> 00:06:29,442
Move!
131
00:06:29,526 --> 00:06:31,069
- Move, move, move, move!
- Aah!
132
00:06:31,152 --> 00:06:32,512
Come on, watch where you're going.
133
00:06:32,555 --> 00:06:34,836
Now I only have ten minutes
to do a 30-minute calibration.
134
00:06:34,891 --> 00:06:36,699
Stop yelling!
135
00:06:36,783 --> 00:06:37,992
Uh, sorry, wish I could help.
136
00:06:38,076 --> 00:06:39,716
I'm late for Ransom's
stupid away mission.
137
00:06:39,717 --> 00:06:41,569
Ensign Tendi! You were supposed to be
138
00:06:41,621 --> 00:06:43,123
in sickbay 20 minutes ago!
139
00:06:43,206 --> 00:06:44,999
- I'm coming!
- Personal Log:
140
00:06:45,083 --> 00:06:47,443
I've completed all of today's
assignments ahead of schedule,
141
00:06:47,444 --> 00:06:48,670
and have requested more.
142
00:06:48,753 --> 00:06:51,172
Space: The funnest frontier?
143
00:06:52,340 --> 00:06:55,009
Ooh. Somebody's got to
purge the calibration matrix.
144
00:06:55,093 --> 00:06:56,302
I call dibs!
145
00:06:56,386 --> 00:06:58,346
♪ Ooh, I love purgin' ♪
146
00:06:58,429 --> 00:06:59,589
♪ I purge you, I purge you ♪
147
00:06:59,590 --> 00:07:01,190
♪ I purge you, I purge you ♪
148
00:07:01,191 --> 00:07:03,271
♪ I purge, purge, purge,
purge, purge, purge, purge ♪
149
00:07:03,272 --> 00:07:05,311
♪ And a puh and an urge
and a puh and an urge ♪
150
00:07:05,395 --> 00:07:07,480
♪ Ooh, I love purgin'! ♪
151
00:07:07,564 --> 00:07:09,816
All right, let's see a
little hustle there, guys.
152
00:07:09,899 --> 00:07:12,527
An away mission is only
routine until it isn't.
153
00:07:12,610 --> 00:07:14,612
Horned gorillas, sentient tar,
154
00:07:14,696 --> 00:07:16,655
spores that make you hook up
with your best friend's sister...
155
00:07:16,656 --> 00:07:18,408
all disasters I've
personally experienced
156
00:07:18,491 --> 00:07:20,660
on missions that should
have been a walk in the park.
157
00:07:20,743 --> 00:07:22,203
Mariner, you're late.
158
00:07:22,287 --> 00:07:24,167
Uh, no, I've been here
the whole time, you know,
159
00:07:24,168 --> 00:07:26,716
loading stuff, hearing about
gorillas, uh, spores, et cetera,
160
00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,926
that weird story you told us
about your best friend's sister.
161
00:07:28,927 --> 00:07:30,003
Get it together, Mariner.
162
00:07:30,086 --> 00:07:31,686
The captain has us
on a strict timetable.
163
00:07:31,687 --> 00:07:33,047
Well, then maybe you could help
164
00:07:33,131 --> 00:07:34,811
instead of whatever
you're doing right now.
165
00:07:34,841 --> 00:07:36,551
I am helping. I'm commanding.
166
00:07:36,634 --> 00:07:38,553
You're lucky your phaser
accuracy is so high,
167
00:07:38,636 --> 00:07:40,722
or I'd never let you beam off this ship.
168
00:07:40,805 --> 00:07:42,891
We wouldn't even be going
on a mission if the admiral
169
00:07:42,974 --> 00:07:45,602
hadn't downgraded the
captain to delivering gifts.
170
00:07:45,685 --> 00:07:48,021
- Come on, let's bail.
- No. And roll down those sleeves.
171
00:07:48,104 --> 00:07:49,564
This isn't a barn.
172
00:07:54,271 --> 00:07:56,582
The Gelrakians base their
entire social structure
173
00:07:56,583 --> 00:07:57,597
around crystals.
174
00:07:57,780 --> 00:08:00,366
When we land, we must display
the honor crystal they gave
175
00:08:00,450 --> 00:08:02,911
to the first contact team to
show that we come in peace.
176
00:08:02,994 --> 00:08:04,412
I should've tried that with my ex.
177
00:08:04,495 --> 00:08:05,872
Yeah.
178
00:08:07,707 --> 00:08:09,918
I'm picking up an increase
in atmospheric hydromounds.
179
00:08:10,001 --> 00:08:11,321
Yeah, they're called clouds, man.
180
00:08:11,336 --> 00:08:12,936
Just to be safe, I'll
disengage autopilot
181
00:08:13,004 --> 00:08:14,464
and land her manually.
182
00:08:14,547 --> 00:08:16,187
That's literally what
the autopilot's for.
183
00:08:16,188 --> 00:08:17,856
It's an automatic pilot.
184
00:08:26,017 --> 00:08:27,337
Perfect landing, sir.
185
00:08:27,393 --> 00:08:29,229
Not even my best work, to be honest.
186
00:08:29,312 --> 00:08:31,792
- We could've just beamed down.
- I didn't catch that, Mariner.
187
00:08:31,795 --> 00:08:34,115
Uh, yeah I just said we should
get going, clock is ticking.
188
00:08:34,116 --> 00:08:35,401
Uh, productivity and et cetera.
189
00:08:35,485 --> 00:08:37,487
We'll go when I give the order.
190
00:08:38,571 --> 00:08:41,449
Let's roll.
191
00:08:47,580 --> 00:08:50,091
Greetings. It is an honor to...
192
00:08:50,175 --> 00:08:53,169
Ensign Vendome, the honor crystal.
193
00:08:55,713 --> 00:08:58,299
- This isn't crystals.
- He's got wood. He's got wood!
194
00:08:58,358 --> 00:08:59,758
Uh-oh, that doesn't sound peaceful.
195
00:08:59,759 --> 00:09:01,439
- Uh, uh...
- Where's the crystal, Vendome?
196
00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:02,717
Sir, I loaded the wrong case.
197
00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:04,931
This is a fertility totem
meant for Mavok Prime.
198
00:09:05,014 --> 00:09:06,474
I-I was rushing to finish my tasks.
199
00:09:06,557 --> 00:09:08,142
You dare insult us
200
00:09:08,226 --> 00:09:11,980
with this perverted wooden sex
charm of our sworn enemies?
201
00:09:12,063 --> 00:09:13,439
This is an act of war.
202
00:09:13,523 --> 00:09:15,650
Starfleet scum!
203
00:09:15,733 --> 00:09:18,069
Vendome!
204
00:09:25,785 --> 00:09:27,704
There's too many of them. Fall back!
205
00:09:27,787 --> 00:09:29,455
Come on.
206
00:09:33,251 --> 00:09:35,251
- Oh, God, I'm gonna die!
- We live on a spaceship.
207
00:09:35,253 --> 00:09:37,588
Nobody is dying from a spear wound.
208
00:09:38,631 --> 00:09:39,966
Crystals!
209
00:09:40,049 --> 00:09:42,176
- Oh. Hate when this happens.
- Oh!
210
00:09:42,260 --> 00:09:44,178
Let's just stun them
and get out of here!
211
00:09:44,262 --> 00:09:46,556
Negative, we just signed
them into the Federation.
212
00:09:46,639 --> 00:09:48,516
What this calls for is some classic
213
00:09:48,599 --> 00:09:50,310
Jack Ransom peace brokering.
214
00:09:50,393 --> 00:09:51,477
Are you out of your mind?
215
00:09:51,561 --> 00:09:52,645
Watch and learn.
216
00:09:52,729 --> 00:09:54,022
This is gonna be awesome.
217
00:09:54,105 --> 00:09:56,357
Attention, Gelrakians,
I am Commander Jack...
218
00:09:56,441 --> 00:09:58,359
Ooh!
219
00:09:58,443 --> 00:10:00,528
All right, that was awesome.
220
00:10:00,611 --> 00:10:02,864
Ah, circled by spears.
221
00:10:02,947 --> 00:10:05,199
This is a classic. What am I, Kirk?
222
00:10:05,283 --> 00:10:07,035
Is this the 2260s? All right.
223
00:10:12,290 --> 00:10:15,209
Whoa, oh, hey, hey!
224
00:10:15,293 --> 00:10:16,711
Uh, we got acid here.
225
00:10:16,794 --> 00:10:18,838
Excuse me!
226
00:10:18,921 --> 00:10:21,841
Rutherford.
227
00:10:21,924 --> 00:10:23,217
Aah, Tendi, what the hell?
228
00:10:23,301 --> 00:10:24,385
Can't talk, got to work.
229
00:10:24,469 --> 00:10:25,486
I'm compiling.
230
00:10:25,570 --> 00:10:26,971
What?
231
00:10:27,055 --> 00:10:29,349
The impulse manifold needs
to be degaussed again.
232
00:10:29,432 --> 00:10:31,225
I have to assist with a surgery,
233
00:10:31,309 --> 00:10:33,895
and I honestly can't remember
which deck sickbay is on!
234
00:10:33,978 --> 00:10:35,730
- Uh, 26?
- Is that...?
235
00:10:35,813 --> 00:10:37,523
Do we have that many?
236
00:10:37,607 --> 00:10:39,025
Enter security code.
237
00:10:39,108 --> 00:10:41,444
- I'm waiting, Ensign.
- Sorry, Captain.
238
00:10:41,527 --> 00:10:42,927
Something's wrong with the console.
239
00:10:42,987 --> 00:10:45,281
Move! I'll do it myself.
240
00:10:45,365 --> 00:10:47,867
Lieutenant Shaxs, any
word from the away team?
241
00:10:47,950 --> 00:10:51,412
Captain, the sensors have
picked up Gelrakian ships
242
00:10:51,496 --> 00:10:53,122
approaching off the starboard bow.
243
00:10:53,206 --> 00:10:54,206
What?
244
00:10:54,248 --> 00:10:55,283
On screen.
245
00:10:55,366 --> 00:10:57,059
What is...? Are we
supposed to be hosting
246
00:10:57,143 --> 00:10:58,352
a welcome dinner or something?
247
00:10:58,436 --> 00:11:00,213
Captain, they're locking phasers.
248
00:11:00,296 --> 00:11:01,464
Really?
249
00:11:01,547 --> 00:11:02,632
Raise shields.
250
00:11:04,008 --> 00:11:05,927
- Shaxs?
- I'm trying, Captain.
251
00:11:06,010 --> 00:11:07,637
Something's wrong with the controls.
252
00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:09,597
Ah, stupid controls.
253
00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:12,392
Do I have to run this whole ship myself?
254
00:11:13,770 --> 00:11:15,290
They've launched boarding pods!
255
00:11:15,291 --> 00:11:16,334
Red alert!
256
00:11:19,232 --> 00:11:22,443
Repel all intruders, but do
not use it as an excuse
257
00:11:22,527 --> 00:11:23,945
to stop doing what you are doing.
258
00:11:24,028 --> 00:11:25,613
I want to stay on track and on time.
259
00:11:25,697 --> 00:11:27,615
It's called multi-tasking, people.
260
00:11:27,698 --> 00:11:29,909
They do it on the
Enterprise all the time.
261
00:11:29,992 --> 00:11:32,232
I don't want to hear any
complaining, I only want to hear
262
00:11:32,315 --> 00:11:34,596
repelling of intruders and
people getting their work done!
263
00:11:36,833 --> 00:11:39,419
Swords and spears... how
did these guys get on board?
264
00:11:43,172 --> 00:11:45,466
Hey, guy.
265
00:11:45,550 --> 00:11:47,268
Hey, guy?
266
00:11:47,352 --> 00:11:49,386
Hey, guy, is this what you
wanted to do with your life?
267
00:11:49,387 --> 00:11:51,867
Just capture people... is that what
you dreamt of when you were
268
00:11:51,910 --> 00:11:54,121
a little whatever-you-are?
Are you fulfilled by that?
269
00:11:54,204 --> 00:11:55,810
- Yes.
- Wow, all right, uh...
270
00:11:55,893 --> 00:11:57,854
well, do you know what,
that means you're lame.
271
00:11:57,937 --> 00:11:59,981
- You're a loser.
- Hey, keep it down!
272
00:12:00,064 --> 00:12:02,358
I'm writing a speech that will
convince them to let us go.
273
00:12:02,442 --> 00:12:05,445
A speech, seriously?
Permission to speak freely.
274
00:12:05,528 --> 00:12:06,779
You always speak freely.
275
00:12:06,863 --> 00:12:08,463
Nobody can stop you
from speaking freely.
276
00:12:08,547 --> 00:12:09,880
All right, you know what
you've got going on?
277
00:12:09,881 --> 00:12:11,659
You have broad shoulders and shiny hair
278
00:12:11,742 --> 00:12:13,902
and you talk a good game,
but when it comes to actually
279
00:12:13,953 --> 00:12:16,164
doing the job... the
job... you don't have it.
280
00:12:16,247 --> 00:12:19,167
I'm calling bull[BLEEP] on
your whole thing here, sir.
281
00:12:19,250 --> 00:12:21,570
You're so busy breaking protocol
that you never look ahead.
282
00:12:21,586 --> 00:12:23,587
One of these days you're going
to get someone killed, Ensign.
283
00:12:23,588 --> 00:12:25,006
With all due respect, sir,
284
00:12:25,089 --> 00:12:26,849
my friends aren't trapped
in an alien prison,
285
00:12:26,850 --> 00:12:28,342
your team is.
286
00:12:28,426 --> 00:12:30,678
That's not my team, it's our team.
287
00:12:30,761 --> 00:12:32,805
But I guess you don't think that way.
288
00:12:32,889 --> 00:12:34,849
Here we go, show time.
289
00:12:34,932 --> 00:12:37,477
We may come from different worlds,
290
00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:40,646
- but on the inside we are all...
- Silence, Starfleet!
291
00:12:40,730 --> 00:12:43,900
You are being held responsible
for the lies of the Federation.
292
00:12:43,983 --> 00:12:46,068
Your trial will be by combat.
293
00:12:46,152 --> 00:12:47,945
Yes, now we're talking!
294
00:12:48,029 --> 00:12:49,869
And by "talking", of
course, I mean "fighting".
295
00:12:49,906 --> 00:12:53,201
One of you must face
our greatest champion, Vindor.
296
00:12:53,284 --> 00:12:56,496
Usually we start the battle and
Vindor steps out of the shadows
297
00:12:56,579 --> 00:12:58,539
and it's super intimidating,
but he's here,
298
00:12:58,623 --> 00:13:01,542
so I'm just gonna show
him to you right now.
299
00:13:01,626 --> 00:13:03,669
Vindor.
300
00:13:03,753 --> 00:13:05,671
If you win, we let you go.
301
00:13:05,755 --> 00:13:09,050
If you lose, you'll be dead
and your away team
302
00:13:09,133 --> 00:13:12,053
will be crushed by the
adjudication geode.
303
00:13:12,136 --> 00:13:14,096
Crystals!
304
00:13:16,140 --> 00:13:18,601
Okay, I'm looking at a
lot of blank faces here.
305
00:13:18,684 --> 00:13:20,937
An adjudication geode is a special type
306
00:13:21,020 --> 00:13:23,580
of constitutional crystal we use
to legally smoosh our criminals.
307
00:13:23,581 --> 00:13:25,066
Here is your battle blade.
308
00:13:25,149 --> 00:13:27,693
You have one hour to choose
309
00:13:27,777 --> 00:13:30,238
who gets the honor of
being slaughtered by Vindor.
310
00:13:30,321 --> 00:13:32,323
If you can't decide, we will...
311
00:13:32,406 --> 00:13:33,490
- I'll do it!
- I'll do it! Give it to me!
312
00:13:33,491 --> 00:13:34,616
- Yo, I touched it first.
- Give it, come...
313
00:13:34,617 --> 00:13:35,717
- Tell him! No, me!
- No, mine!
314
00:13:35,718 --> 00:13:36,835
You do realize you're
fighting over who gets
315
00:13:36,836 --> 00:13:37,896
to be chopped in half by Vindor, right?
316
00:13:37,897 --> 00:13:38,977
- Me, dibs!
- No, I said me,
317
00:13:38,996 --> 00:13:40,836
- I touched it first.
- Come on. Give it to me.
318
00:13:40,837 --> 00:13:42,289
- Jack Ransom... it's mine!
- No! No!
319
00:13:49,173 --> 00:13:51,217
Aah!
320
00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:54,428
Translation... "Bark
hugging root smoochers"?
321
00:13:54,512 --> 00:13:57,056
What the heck got these
guys so wound up?
322
00:13:57,139 --> 00:13:59,433
Gah, this is totally gonna
mess up my schedule.
323
00:14:01,352 --> 00:14:02,645
Don't move, human!
324
00:14:02,728 --> 00:14:03,771
We have you surrounded.
325
00:14:03,854 --> 00:14:05,690
Yeah, but I-I have a phaser.
326
00:14:07,650 --> 00:14:09,235
These guys are lightweights.
327
00:14:09,318 --> 00:14:11,737
This is what the red alert's about?
328
00:14:11,821 --> 00:14:15,241
Captain, I just phasered
some Gelrakians?
329
00:14:17,535 --> 00:14:20,079
- Um, hello?
- Intruder!
330
00:14:21,706 --> 00:14:23,791
Oh, it's just that huffy ensign.
331
00:14:23,874 --> 00:14:25,194
- Sorry, Boimler.
- I'm not huffy.
332
00:14:25,251 --> 00:14:26,586
Why aren't you at your post?
333
00:14:26,629 --> 00:14:28,109
We wouldn't even be in this situation
334
00:14:28,110 --> 00:14:29,297
if you weren't slacking off.
335
00:14:29,380 --> 00:14:30,464
I'm not!
336
00:14:30,548 --> 00:14:33,301
Damn it! We're 15 minutes behind.
337
00:14:33,384 --> 00:14:35,469
Our entire schedule is going
to be off for the month.
338
00:14:35,553 --> 00:14:37,471
Wait a minute... clocks,
339
00:14:37,555 --> 00:14:39,682
time, schedules.
340
00:14:39,765 --> 00:14:42,602
You guys are under the
strict scheduling, too?
341
00:14:42,685 --> 00:14:44,895
I have to be... I'm manning
every station on my own.
342
00:14:44,979 --> 00:14:46,480
What? No, no, no, no, no.
343
00:14:46,564 --> 00:14:48,164
This is all wrong... you're the captain!
344
00:14:48,165 --> 00:14:50,885
I need us working harder
and faster and stricter!
345
00:14:51,932 --> 00:14:53,494
Where are you hiding your crystals?!
346
00:14:53,495 --> 00:14:54,655
We don't have any crystals!
347
00:14:54,739 --> 00:14:57,099
I mean we do have dilithium,
but we're not giving you those.
348
00:15:00,703 --> 00:15:03,164
Trial by combat is my responsibility.
349
00:15:03,247 --> 00:15:05,833
I'm ranking officer, I'll be
fighting Vindor, end of story!
350
00:15:05,916 --> 00:15:07,460
Rank means nothing right now.
351
00:15:07,543 --> 00:15:09,337
Rank means everything always!
352
00:15:09,420 --> 00:15:11,340
You know what, I do get
off on breaking protocol.
353
00:15:11,341 --> 00:15:13,507
I'm good at exploring
strange new worlds,
354
00:15:13,591 --> 00:15:16,010
solving space mysteries
and kicking asses.
355
00:15:16,093 --> 00:15:18,346
Protocol is for people that
need to be told what to do,
356
00:15:18,429 --> 00:15:20,348
which I don't. See this bad boy?
357
00:15:20,431 --> 00:15:21,682
Tentacle guy, bunch of arms.
358
00:15:21,766 --> 00:15:23,351
Stabbed me with a barnacle blade.
359
00:15:23,434 --> 00:15:26,812
Check it out... Magus III,
Nanibia Prime, Scottsdale.
360
00:15:26,896 --> 00:15:28,022
That was a mess.
361
00:15:28,105 --> 00:15:30,566
I earned every one
in high-concept fights
362
00:15:30,650 --> 00:15:31,692
just like this one.
363
00:15:31,776 --> 00:15:32,818
So? What do you got?
364
00:15:32,902 --> 00:15:35,279
- Let me see your scars.
- You know I don't have any.
365
00:15:35,363 --> 00:15:36,530
Because you play it safe.
366
00:15:36,614 --> 00:15:39,241
You said it... that's our
team under that geode.
367
00:15:39,325 --> 00:15:42,078
Let me do what I'm good
at, let me save them.
368
00:15:42,161 --> 00:15:45,039
Sometimes you have to do
what's wrong to survive.
369
00:15:45,122 --> 00:15:46,540
You're right.
370
00:15:48,626 --> 00:15:51,253
What the [BLEEP]?! Ah, God, oh!
371
00:15:51,337 --> 00:15:53,756
You stabbed me in the
foot with a battle blade!
372
00:15:53,839 --> 00:15:56,217
I'd rather die than let you
put your life on the line.
373
00:15:56,300 --> 00:15:57,551
Oh, you are such a psycho!
374
00:15:57,635 --> 00:15:58,678
What are you doing?
375
00:15:58,761 --> 00:16:00,221
Ow! Why?
376
00:16:00,304 --> 00:16:02,223
I'm the first officer of
a Federation starship,
377
00:16:02,306 --> 00:16:03,724
and your commander.
378
00:16:03,808 --> 00:16:06,143
And nobody crushes my team.
379
00:16:06,227 --> 00:16:07,687
Let's do this!
380
00:16:07,770 --> 00:16:10,398
Vindor! Vindor!
381
00:16:10,481 --> 00:16:12,108
Vindor! Vindor!
382
00:16:12,191 --> 00:16:13,818
Vindor!
383
00:16:17,029 --> 00:16:18,864
- Vindor?
- Come on, big guy.
384
00:16:18,948 --> 00:16:22,034
I only need my hands for this one.
385
00:16:30,501 --> 00:16:31,919
Ha-ha-ha! Yah!
386
00:16:33,963 --> 00:16:35,965
Ha-ha!
387
00:16:36,048 --> 00:16:37,883
- Double-fist punch!
- Oh!
388
00:16:41,137 --> 00:16:43,264
Whoa, that was actually kind of hot.
389
00:16:43,347 --> 00:16:45,224
Ugh! Get it together,
Mariner, get it together.
390
00:16:45,307 --> 00:16:47,059
You are not into this. Come on.
391
00:16:55,651 --> 00:16:57,491
Let's see how much those
Federation wood lovers
392
00:16:57,528 --> 00:16:59,947
like our crystal graffiti. Ha-ha-ha!
393
00:17:03,534 --> 00:17:05,244
I-I need to get back to comms.
394
00:17:05,327 --> 00:17:07,047
- Captain, listen to me...
- Don't touch me!
395
00:17:07,048 --> 00:17:09,508
This is all my fault, thinking
I belong at a peace summit
396
00:17:09,582 --> 00:17:11,302
when I can't even keep
my own ship together.
397
00:17:11,375 --> 00:17:12,975
What? Captain, no.
You did nothing wrong.
398
00:17:12,976 --> 00:17:14,295
Your schedules, your rules...
399
00:17:14,378 --> 00:17:16,058
this has been the
greatest week of my life.
400
00:17:16,090 --> 00:17:17,650
You run the tightest ship in Starfleet.
401
00:17:17,651 --> 00:17:18,966
Captain, we need to act now!
402
00:17:19,049 --> 00:17:21,135
"Tightest ship". Then
why is it falling apart?
403
00:17:21,218 --> 00:17:22,803
Because not everyone is a Boimler.
404
00:17:22,887 --> 00:17:24,805
This crew has their limits.
They're only human.
405
00:17:24,889 --> 00:17:26,474
Well, and Vulcan. And Orion.
406
00:17:26,557 --> 00:17:28,142
There's that Benzite guy in Tactical...
407
00:17:28,225 --> 00:17:29,977
Damn it, man! If you're
trying to inspire
408
00:17:30,060 --> 00:17:32,229
some sort of resolution,
then inspire it now!
409
00:17:32,313 --> 00:17:34,648
Ugh, it kills me to say this,
but for the good of the ship
410
00:17:34,732 --> 00:17:36,317
we have to... loosen up.
411
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,527
Loosen up? But then we're
right back to buffer time.
412
00:17:38,611 --> 00:17:40,446
Yes, when people could
do whatever they had to
413
00:17:40,529 --> 00:17:41,529
to get the job done.
414
00:17:41,572 --> 00:17:45,284
You're a great captain.
Let them be a great crew.
415
00:17:45,367 --> 00:17:46,660
You're... you're right!
416
00:17:46,744 --> 00:17:48,788
I am a great captain!
417
00:17:51,207 --> 00:17:53,125
Attention all decks: as of now,
418
00:17:53,209 --> 00:17:56,504
I am authorizing all
crew to break any rule,
419
00:17:56,587 --> 00:17:59,840
abandon any protocol, and
cut any corner to defend
420
00:17:59,924 --> 00:18:01,342
the Cerritos.
421
00:18:01,425 --> 00:18:02,885
You are Starfleet...
422
00:18:02,968 --> 00:18:06,305
Do what you have to do
to take back this ship.
423
00:18:06,388 --> 00:18:07,388
Buffer time!
424
00:18:19,068 --> 00:18:20,986
I demand
425
00:18:21,070 --> 00:18:22,530
a peaceful negotiation. Yah!
426
00:18:22,613 --> 00:18:24,657
I respect your sovereignty.
427
00:18:24,740 --> 00:18:26,826
Mm, so ethical.
428
00:18:34,083 --> 00:18:35,167
Interlocked hands!
429
00:18:35,251 --> 00:18:36,627
Stop! Stop! I submit!
430
00:18:36,710 --> 00:18:38,671
I thought you only said "Vindor".
431
00:18:38,754 --> 00:18:40,881
It's so the other guys
think I'm strong and dumb.
432
00:18:40,965 --> 00:18:43,050
But I'm not. I love to read!
433
00:18:43,134 --> 00:18:46,554
Well, all right, you're
free, you're all free.
434
00:18:46,637 --> 00:18:48,597
Everybody's free.
435
00:18:50,641 --> 00:18:52,726
Whoo-whoo! Starfleet!
436
00:18:52,810 --> 00:18:55,062
Oh, I see how it is... you're
gonna stab me, but then
437
00:18:55,145 --> 00:18:57,345
you don't stab Vindor? What
are your priorities, Ransom?
438
00:18:57,346 --> 00:18:58,346
I ju... Whoa!
439
00:18:58,357 --> 00:19:00,150
We got to stop doing trial by combat,
440
00:19:00,234 --> 00:19:02,236
or we'll never get to use the geode.
441
00:19:02,319 --> 00:19:04,572
How about a regular trial, with a judge?
442
00:19:04,655 --> 00:19:06,240
And instead of the geode...
443
00:19:06,323 --> 00:19:08,243
Oh! We could do a death race!
444
00:19:08,244 --> 00:19:10,157
Start building a crystal car!
445
00:19:11,370 --> 00:19:12,621
Crystals.
446
00:19:16,667 --> 00:19:18,294
Ha-ha!
447
00:19:21,005 --> 00:19:22,298
Ooh!
448
00:19:25,217 --> 00:19:27,261
Oh!
449
00:19:50,576 --> 00:19:53,495
Hey, sorry about the whole
"invading your ship" thing.
450
00:19:53,579 --> 00:19:55,956
You know? Very un-crystal-like of us.
451
00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:58,125
Don't worry about it. I'd
rather be here with you
452
00:19:58,208 --> 00:20:00,336
than with those freaks on Mavok Prime.
453
00:20:00,419 --> 00:20:02,338
Wood-worshiping freaks, right?
454
00:20:02,421 --> 00:20:04,298
Come on.
455
00:20:04,381 --> 00:20:06,926
You'll be fine.
456
00:20:07,009 --> 00:20:08,969
Want me to clean up
those disgusting scars?
457
00:20:09,053 --> 00:20:11,305
Uh, no way. No. These are my trophies.
458
00:20:11,388 --> 00:20:14,308
Congratulations, you look like
a [BLEEP] scratching post.
459
00:20:14,391 --> 00:20:15,976
- Mariner.
- Commander.
460
00:20:16,054 --> 00:20:17,894
I would appreciate it if
you give me a heads-up
461
00:20:17,895 --> 00:20:20,295
before you file your report. It
would give me some extra time
462
00:20:20,296 --> 00:20:22,298
to pack up my free weights...
there's a ton of 'em.
463
00:20:22,381 --> 00:20:24,610
- What report?
- For stabbing you with a battle blade.
464
00:20:24,693 --> 00:20:26,195
That's a guaranteed court-martial.
465
00:20:26,278 --> 00:20:28,322
I am not filing a report, actually.
466
00:20:28,405 --> 00:20:30,366
But... I thought you hated me.
467
00:20:30,449 --> 00:20:32,117
You talk about yourself
a little too much,
468
00:20:32,201 --> 00:20:33,786
but stabbing me, breaking protocol...
469
00:20:33,869 --> 00:20:35,496
that was actually pretty cool.
470
00:20:35,579 --> 00:20:37,790
Sometimes I forget what
Starfleet's all about,
471
00:20:37,873 --> 00:20:40,000
and today you reminded me.
472
00:20:40,084 --> 00:20:42,419
Plus, this is gonna make a good scar.
473
00:20:43,587 --> 00:20:45,339
A great scar.
474
00:20:46,757 --> 00:20:49,176
- Take her away, boys!
- W-Wait, what? Why?
475
00:20:49,259 --> 00:20:50,859
Because you ignored
me when I ordered you
476
00:20:50,886 --> 00:20:52,805
to roll down your sleeves.
They're against code.
477
00:20:52,888 --> 00:20:55,057
The sleeve thing? You're an idiot.
478
00:20:55,140 --> 00:20:57,893
You just earned an
extra day in the brig!
479
00:20:57,977 --> 00:21:00,104
Joke's on you, man... I love the brig!
480
00:21:00,187 --> 00:21:02,690
I'm going to my favorite place!
481
00:21:02,773 --> 00:21:06,026
Next time, I'm gonna
let somebody kill you.
482
00:21:06,110 --> 00:21:08,070
I'm gonna dance in your blood!
483
00:21:08,153 --> 00:21:11,490
Okay. That was kind of hot.
484
00:21:12,616 --> 00:21:14,535
Come.
485
00:21:14,618 --> 00:21:17,058
- You wanted to see me, Captain?
- It took the eyes of a child
486
00:21:17,121 --> 00:21:19,540
to see what we were
blind to today, Boimler.
487
00:21:19,623 --> 00:21:21,709
If it wasn't for you, we
would still be following
488
00:21:21,792 --> 00:21:23,252
every little rule in the book.
489
00:21:23,295 --> 00:21:24,855
Wait, is that bad? 'Cause I love rules.
490
00:21:24,856 --> 00:21:26,505
We're instituting a
new ship-wide mandate,
491
00:21:26,588 --> 00:21:29,049
and we're calling it
the "Boimler Effect".
492
00:21:29,133 --> 00:21:30,759
Really? I-I'm honored.
493
00:21:30,843 --> 00:21:32,553
You should be. The
Boimler Effect is about
494
00:21:32,636 --> 00:21:34,388
encouraging shortcuts
and preventing people
495
00:21:34,471 --> 00:21:36,348
from just blindly following the rules.
496
00:21:36,432 --> 00:21:38,517
From now on, the crew
can build in buffer time
497
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:39,768
whenever they deem fit.
498
00:21:39,852 --> 00:21:41,520
Congratulations. Dismissed.
499
00:21:41,603 --> 00:21:43,856
Oh. Well, hey, how about
we add a little thing
500
00:21:43,939 --> 00:21:46,066
about how important it is
to blindly follow rules?
501
00:21:46,150 --> 00:21:48,277
If my name is going to
be associated with...
502
00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:50,738
No, the Boimler Effect is
literally the opposite of that.
503
00:21:50,821 --> 00:21:53,407
But I don't know, I don't know
how I feel about that, and...
504
00:21:53,490 --> 00:21:56,035
I-Is it in ink? Is it already
in the system? Is it...
505
00:21:56,118 --> 00:21:57,786
Wow, it's on a plaque.
506
00:21:57,870 --> 00:22:00,581
Get back to your station and
do whatever you deem right.
507
00:22:02,666 --> 00:22:05,252
I get a whole rule named after me,
508
00:22:05,336 --> 00:22:07,379
and it's all about not following rules.
509
00:22:07,463 --> 00:22:09,006
Don't worry about it, man.
510
00:22:09,089 --> 00:22:11,425
They're always making up new
rules no one ever remembers.
511
00:22:11,508 --> 00:22:13,260
I'm sure this one will fade, too.
512
00:22:13,343 --> 00:22:14,983
Yeah, this isn't something
to worry about.
513
00:22:15,012 --> 00:22:16,430
No one will remember.
514
00:22:17,723 --> 00:22:19,725
Which is why
515
00:22:19,808 --> 00:22:22,936
the Boimler Effect is something
we will never forget.
516
00:22:23,020 --> 00:22:24,646
So named after the laziest,
517
00:22:24,730 --> 00:22:27,566
most corner-cutting officer
in Starfleet history,
518
00:22:27,649 --> 00:22:29,401
Brad Boimler,
519
00:22:29,485 --> 00:22:32,738
seen here with one of the
great birds of the galaxy.
520
00:22:32,821 --> 00:22:35,657
Anyway, let's move on to
somebody even more important,
521
00:22:35,741 --> 00:22:39,078
perhaps the most important
person in Starfleet history,
522
00:22:39,161 --> 00:22:41,997
Chief Miles O'Brien.
523
00:23:14,498 --> 00:23:20,498
Sync & corrections by Costa Dax
www.addic7ed.com
524
00:24:07,367 --> 00:24:09,527
Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.
525
00:24:11,229 --> 00:24:12,272
Chirp.
39440
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