All language subtitles for My.Favorite.Martian.S03E19.TV.or.Not.TV.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-NTb_Subtítulos01.ENG

(soft music)

- Hey (mumbles), I thought
I'd stock up the freezer.

- By its barren interior,
I was beginning to think

you had enrolled in
a survival school.

- Hey, is something
wrong with the TV set,

is it going to blink?

I mean after all
it's practically new.

- Tim, it's not your
television circuitry

that's in need of
repair, it's mine.

- Hi.

Clete Baxter here,

with a reminder that this
station will cover live

this evening the premiere of
Chad Foster's new picture,

Kisses A Go-Go.

Immediately preceding
the premiere activities,

we'll interview Mr. Foster
right here on KBW TV,

your local news
and music station.

- Speaking of which, I
have to go down to the

TV studio and interview Chad
Foster myself for the paper.

So I hope you don't
mind a frozen dinner.

- Well, that depends.

Do you intend to defrost
it or must I eat it

on the stick like a popsicle?

- Add Zap detergent to
your wash, and you'll find

it leaves your clothes
like sliced noodles.

I bought that.

- Hey, those were my
noodles on television.

- I know, I must have
developed a short-circuit

in my telesensory transmitters.

- Do you mean that we have
our own closed circuit TV?

- I'm afraid it
isn't very closed.

I'm also transmitting to
all the sets between here

and the horizon.

- I hope you're
awfully hungry tonight.

I think I've lost my appetite.

(whimsical music)

(beeping)

(whimsical music)

(upbeat piano music)

Hey, we're saved.

That's the regular show.

- Yeah, well don't congratulate
yourself too soon, Tim.

It may be interrupted at
any moment by circumstances

beyond their control,
and mine too.

- Interrupted?

You don't mean you're gonna
start transmitting again?

- Well I can't help it, Tim.

- My telesensory transmitters
are somewhat like a lightbulb

with an intermittent short.

They go on and off
at erratic intervals.

(static crackles)

- Hey Uncle Martin,
turn off your head.

- Shh, sh-sh.

- [Tim] There; now you
can't see anything.

- No, but every word
you utter can be heard

from here to the horizon.

Now don't panic.

- It's too late.

I already did.

- Listen carefully.

First we switch hands.

No, no, no, no,
no, not your hand.

My hand.

All right.

Now, in the third drawer
on the desk is a pair of

carboloidal cort
sight sunglasses.

Quietly now, hurry, go
and get them for me.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are these the ones?

- Sh, sh, sh, sh.

- Here.

(static crackles)

(upbeat piano music)

Can we talk now?

- Yes.

Because these
carboloidal sunglasses
inhibit the light rays

and sound waves just enough
to make both unintelligible.

- Oh, I mean, oh, at
least we can relax.

- No, we can't.

On the contrary.

We have to keep your date for
an interview with Chad Foster.

- We have to keep my date?

Now look, this is supposed
to be an exclusive interview

for the Daily Sun.

How exclusive is it gonna be
in front of 30 million people?

- Well I have no intention of
exposing you and Mr. Foster

to the prying eyes of the world.

I merely must have access
to a deflection coil

from one of their
television cameras

long enough to make a copy of it

with my duplicating machine.

- Oh, then your head won't
be going on and off, huh?

- Yes, you could say
it that way, yes.

- [Tim] What's that?

- It's a miniaturizer.

The coil will be too
big to fit my antenna,

and I'll have to reduce it.

All right now, hurry
Tim and get your coat,

because government people
have highly effective means

of vectoring in on
unauthorized transmitters.

If I should be broadcasting
when they arrive,

I imagine they would have
some pretty strong words

to say on the subject.

- Yeah, and I know what
the words are gonna be.

You're under arrest.

- [Clete] Well Chad,
good luck on your

forthcoming live hour
special next week on KBW.

- It'll be fun hosting a
variety show for the first time.

- We'll all watch it.

- Invite me back again, Clete.

- Any time, Chad.

- And now if you'll excuse
me, I have to go change

for the premiere
of Kisses A Go-Go.

- Chad Foster, folks.

One of the nicest
guys in Hollywood.

And now one last word about
the on again, off again

interference of our sound
and picture transmission.

Now, authorities are
convinced that someone is

purposefully jamming
the air waves.

However, the authorized
government agency has brought

all its directional finding
equipment to bear on a signal,

and the situation should
soon be under control.

Well that's 30 for now.

See you again at 10
for the late news.

- Listen, I think I better
go get my interview.

You gonna be okay?

- Don't worry, Tim.

I know what I'm looking for.

(soft music)

- All right, but
don't get caught, huh?

I mean these TV unions
are pretty strong.

- You forget, Tim,
I'm in TV myself.

- What's your rating?

(knocking)

- Hello, Tim O'Hara in
the Los Angeles Sun?

- Oh yes, I'm Peggy Reynolds,
Mr. Forester's secretary.

- Oh, well I'd say being a
movie star definitely has

its fringe benefits.

- I'm also his fiance, we're
gonna be married in a month.

- Well then I'd say
that he has a marvelous

profit sharing plan.

- Chad, Tim O'Hara of the
Los Angeles Sun is here.

- Hello Tim, it's
nice to see you.

- Hi, same.
- Come on in.

(whistles)

I don't wanna appear
inhospitable, Tim,

but I have to change into
a tux for the premiere.

- Oh listen, don't mind me.

I once interviewed an opera
star right in the middle

of his traviata.

- Thank you.

- Now look, Chad, for starters.

You always seem to play
the same kind of a role,

you know, suave, debonair,
the playboy type,

kissing all those
gorgeous girls.

- Well, it's a living.
- A living?

If I had a job like that,
I'd insist on overtime.

- Well don't forget,
Tim, things aren't always

what they appear to be up
there on that big screen.

- Ah.

(mischievous music)

(electronic whirring)

- Of course, I can't very
well feel sorry for myself.

I mean, after all.

Is somebody out there?

- Oh no.

I mean yes.

Well, it's just a friend.

My uncle.

- Well, invite him in.

- Oh no, no, no, I
couldn't do that, you see,

he, well he hasn't had
his head fixed yet.

I mean, he's shy.

Yeah, that's it,
he's celebrity shy.

He faints a lot.

- Oh well, nonsense.

If you don't ask him in, I will.

Hello there, I'm Chad Foster.

Tim tells me you're his uncle.

- Yes, Mark O'Hara,
I'm delighted to
meet you, Mr. Foster.

- Ah, please call me
Chad, all my friends do.

- Well I should deem it an
honor to be counted among them,

Chad.

- I thought you said
he was celebrity shy.

- Well, he didn't say much when
I introduced him to Lassie.

- Well, anyway, I'm glad you
could come down with Tim.

Say, excuse me for staring,
but those are very unusual

sunglasses.

I don't believe I've ever
seen a pair like them before.

- Well that isn't surprising.

They're quite literally
out of this world.

- They look like
they'd be especially
good for Palm Springs.

Can I see them?

- No.

I mean, well, bright lights
bother my uncle's eyes,

you see, Chad, and with all
these bright lights around.

I guess they're not
very bright, huh?

Is your head fixed yet?

- No.

I have no idea, your
electronics technology was so

archaic.

- Do you think it's safe to
let Chad have the glasses?

- I hope so.

My teletransmitters have been
inactive for some time now.

With luck, they should.

(static crackles)

- Yeah.

- Hey, these are the
greatest sunglasses I ev--

(sighs)

- Chad?

Your shoulders fell off.

- Well there goes the old image.

- Listen, Chad, I
mean, Mr., I'm sorry,

I didn't mean to.

- You're sorry?

You wanna see somebody sorry,

take a look at sorry Sam Finch.

- Sam Finch?

- That's my real name.

And I got the body
to go along with it.

Look, when I go incognito,
all I have to do is

take off the rug, the
shoulders and the girdle,

and boy, am I incognito.

I mean, people don't just
ignore me, they avoid me.

- Well Sam, I mean, Chad,
I just hope you don't think

that this was deliberate
just to get a story.

- Chad.

Chad, what happened?

- Oh now, now, there's
nothing to be alarmed about,

sweetheart, we just had a
little accident, that's all,

and I'm sure that these
gentlemen aren't gonna

breathe a word
about it to anybody.

- You don't have to, Chad.

You're on television.

30 million people just saw you.

- Television?

30 million?

You mean, oh boy.

I don't feel so good.

(soft music)

I'm finished, Peg.

I'm washed up.

I couldn't even be a subject
on I've Got A Secret.

- Don't worry, darling,
when we find out who sneaked

that hidden camera
in here, we'll sue.

- Sue?

I'm the one they oughta sue
for impersonating a man.

(whistles) Can you imagine how
the studio's gonna take this?

Let's face it, honey,
I'm on my way down

in my elevator shoes and
there's no room for one more.

If you're smart, you can go
sit out there in the audience

and laugh at the rest of them.

- Chad, I happen to
be in love with you.

- With me?

Here, take me and go.

- Stop with the jokes.

- Honey, I'm busted,
it's over, it's kaput.

And when the studio gets
through with me in court,

I'll be so flat you can
slip me under the door

of the unemployment office.

- You don't have to
be a big star, Chad,

there are other ways
of making a living.

- For me, are you kidding?

I was born and raised
in show business.

I don't know anything
else, what else can I do?

- You can find something.

You can, well, you can
even be a shoe salesman

if you had to.

- Oh sure, I can just see
myself on my knees with

my bald head shining up
in some women's eyes.

Peggy, what am I gonna do?

- What are we gonna do?

It's a community
property type problem.

- I've seen many a fallen
star, Tim, but this is

the first one I've ever
personally shot down.

- Evening out there.

Clete Baxter here with the news.

Another mystery telecast
happened again this evening.

And though we're coming to you
tonight in black and white,

if our color cameras had
been functioning earlier,

you would have seen the
reddest face in the history

of show business.

- Of course.

Why didn't I think of that?

- Think of it?

You caused it.

- Shh.

- Debonair man about the
silver screen who was caught

with his shoulder pads
down, his bald pate shining,

and his foundation garment
showing for the biggest letdown

and the loudest horse
laugh the public has had

since motion pictures
were invented.

- That's it.
- What's it?

- Horse laugh.

That's the key to
the whole situation.

Tim, I'm going to change
a sense of humor into

dollars and cents right
before your very eyes.

- I hope you know what
you're talking about.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

- The solution to our problem.

The solution to Chad Foster's
problem, all wrapped up

in one neat little package.

- With a big red label, cyanide.

- Not at all.

Come on, we've gotta
get back to the studio.

- We can't go back
to the studio.

- Of course we can,
and don't look so glum.

To quote one of your own
platitudes, it's always darkest

before the dawn.

- Sure it is.

That's usually the
hour they shoot people.

(strange music)

What?

- We're in luck.
- We're in luck?

I thought we were in trouble.

What are you doing?

- Chad is still in his
dressing room hiding out

from the press, but he
can't stay in there forever,

and we've got to
be ready for him.

Aha.

- Would you mind breaking
aha down into something

that a poor, miserable
earth man can understand?

- My friend the newscaster
Clete Baxter reminded me

of a color camera.

And I remember the
deflection color was of

a totally new design.

Ah yes.

This will do splendidly.

- Well then your
head will be okay.

I mean, you'll be
turned off for good.

- Well, not for good.

But I'll have to make
one final telecast.

However, it'll be controlled.

(sneezes)

- Chad, is that you?

Is someone over there?

- Tim, why does she
have to come out now?

I haven't miniaturized
the duplicate coil yet.

You divert her attention
while I tidy up.

- Divert her?

Are you kidding?

Uncle Martin, you can't
leave me here like this.

This is unfair.

I don't know what I'm gonna say.

(chuckles nervously)
Hi there.

How are you?

- What are you doing here?

- Oh, I was supposed
to divert, I mean,

I just wanted to apologize.

- Apologize, apologize for what?

What is it you wanna
apologize for? (mumbles)

- Well, about Chad.

You see, well maybe I
shouldn't have said apologize.

What I meant was, I'm
just sorry, that's all.

You'll never believe how sorry.

- Maybe I would.

You were here when it
happened, weren't you,

you and your uncle
Martin, isn't it?

- Yes, yes, yes,
and he's sorry too.

He is the sorriest.

Boy is he sorry.

- Where is he now?

- Well let's just say that
he's around somewhere.

- It's quite a coincidence,
isn't it, you and

your uncle both being
around when it happened.

- Yes, yes, it is, it's quite a,

it's just one of those things.

- Well, if you'll
excuse me, Mr. O'Hara,

there's something rather urgent
that I wanna take care of.

- Hello (mumbles).

What is she thinking?

- She's thinking you're
some kind of a nut.

- What else?

- She's gone to phone
the authorities.

She's convinced you at least
had something to do with

the hidden camera broadcast.

(electric whir)

There.

My telesensory transmitters
are back to normal.

Come on, Tim, we
don't have much time.

(triumphant music)

- The Wizard of Oz.

What is all this?

- The set for Captain
Zero Zoo program.

It's a children's show.

- Oh, well what does all this
have to do with Chad Foster?

- Well we are about to
do another unauthorized

but necessary telecast,
and I thought we might need

some necessary theatrical
dressing, and this seems to be

the thing that would do it.

Ah, excellent.

Now, all I have to do is
to remove the stuffing

temporarily and get inside.

- Would you mind telling me
what you intend getting into

that thing for?

- Peggy has gone to fetch
the federal investigators.

If she should manage to reach
them and bring them here

before my telecast
is finished, so am I.

Therefore, I want some
sort of concealment.

- Oh, swell.

Well what kind of an outfit
am I supposed to get into?

How about that jackass over
there, I'm getting to feel like

one now anyhow.

- You have a more important
mission to accomplish.

Chad is about to step out of
his dressing room momentarily.

I want you to get him onto
this set and get him to

talk about his toupee,
his padded shoulders,

the image he literally built up.

- Oh, that's just great.

Look, haven't we done enough
to hurt this guy already?

- Tim, please trust me,
now just do as I ask.

Shh, here he comes.

- Chad, I mean, Mr. Foster.

- Oh no, I thought all you
press guys left already.

- Well I just wanted to
tell you how sorry I am

about everything that happened.

- Yeah, sure.

Thanks.

- Well now look, I thought
maybe I could help you.

- Help me?

Buddy boy, right now the
calvary and the U.S. Marines

to the rescue couldn't
do me any good.

- Well all right, maybe
you could help me.

Now I could really use
a good follow up story.

- You're kidding?

You've got to be kidding.

Well, what difference
does it make now?

I might as well milk the laugh
even if the laugh's on me.

- Okay, that's great.

How about over here, I think
the light's a little better.

Look, this seems like
a really good spot.

- Fine.

(electronic whooshing)

- Oh, what are your
plans for the future?

- Future, fella, I'm not too
sure I even have a present.

- You must have some idea
what you're gonna do.

- Well if it weren't for my
beliefs, I'd kill myself,

but I'm a devout coward.

- Do you think you're
gonna make another movie?

- Oh sure, if somebody wants
to do Cinderella in reverse.

Then again, I'd be perfect
for Beauty and the Beast.

(chuckles)

- How does it feel to
lose the old image?

What I mean is--

- You mean going from
the body beautiful

to the form frightful.

I'll tell ya, the
truth is a relief.

My heart goes off to every
woman ever had to wear a corset.

You feel like a salami
tied in the middle.

Every time you eat something,
you grow three inches taller.

- Speaking of height,
how high were those shoes

that you used to wear?

- All I can tell you is,
with the lifts they put

in those things, every
time I put them on,

I got a nosebleed.

Those heels were so high,
I never walked into a room,

I used to lean into it.

Okay.

So I got a high forehead.

I never liked wearing
that rug anyway.

The only thing it ever did
for me was to keep my head

from slipping off
the pillow at night.

And the chest pads and the thigh
pads and the shoulder pads.

But having a great
physique is fine,

but for a skinny guy like
me, I was carrying it around

all the time.

Listen, you wanna laugh?

The studio was gonna
run me for Mr. America.

If they'd seen the real me,
I coulda lost my citizenship.

Okay, so the truth is out.

From now on, at least when
I got to bed at night,

half of me doesn't end up in
the bed while the other half

goes in the drawer.

- It's just nice to know
that you're not bitter

about all that's happened.

- Bitter?

Well to tell you the
truth, I was at first.

But then I got to thinking
it out, and it finally

dawned on me, it had to
happen sooner or later.

If you're a phony, you're
gonna get found out.

But no matter how
little you got,

as long as you go with
it, as long as it's legit,

you'll be all right if
you do the best you can

with what you have.

- Well that sounds like
good advice for everybody.

- Yeah.

Well, I gotta run.

You got your story and I got me.

I'm not much, I admit,
but I'm all I've got.

- Chad.

Oh Chad.

- Now, now, Peggy, no tears.

Oh.

I'm not crying,
Chad, we're laughing.

- Laughing?

- I've been watching
you on the monitor.

- You mean I've been
on the air again?

- The way things look
for a long time to come,

the networks were just
jammed with calls,

and a couple of which
to start your own show.

- You're putting me on.

- I took two calls from
the network brass myself

before I could get away.

Now, I've called your
agent, and the...

- Uncle Martin, you're a genius.

How'd you figure all this out?

- Simple, really.

I knew Chad had a
good sense of humor

and a wonderful ability
to laugh at himself.

That kind of person,
Tim, must always succeed.

(whimsical music)

- Good night, folks.

Good night, see you next week.

Goodnight, all.

- What, I miss it?

Oh, nuts.

I got tied up in traffic, I
wanna see Chad's new show.

- That isn't really an
insurmountable problem.

Turn off the TV.

- Turn off the TV?

- If you wanna see the show,
turn off the television set.

- I don't know what you
have in mind, Uncle Martin,

but I have never yet
turned off a television set

to watch a show.

Except maybe to see
the little white dot

fade off into the
distance as you listen to

the Star Spangled Banner.

(electronic whirring)

- [Announcer] Tonight,
ladies and gentlemen,

the Transcon Television
Network is proud to present

the new Chad Foster show.

- How about that.

My Uncle the rerun.

Hey, there was a movie
that I missed last night,

it's supposed to be
a marvelous movie.

And then there was
the (mumbles) show.

I didn't catch that,
then we can get that.

And yeah, here's a serial
that just started last week.

(whimsical music)