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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,232 --> 00:00:04,526 Good morning, New Woodstream. 2 00:00:04,567 --> 00:00:05,818 Let's have a day of it. 3 00:00:22,043 --> 00:00:23,836 Good morning, Peter. 4 00:00:23,878 --> 00:00:25,838 Saw your wife. She told me everything. 5 00:00:26,923 --> 00:00:30,635 Well, who are you, sir? 6 00:00:30,677 --> 00:00:33,846 I'm going to name you hungry for now. 7 00:00:33,888 --> 00:00:36,808 And you can call me sucker. 8 00:00:36,849 --> 00:00:39,602 Let's go. Come on in. 9 00:00:39,644 --> 00:00:41,271 You're gonna love it. 10 00:00:45,024 --> 00:00:47,193 Izzy, I have very exciting news. 11 00:00:47,235 --> 00:00:51,948 Today I am going to start my first ever full-length novel. 12 00:00:51,990 --> 00:00:53,533 No more procrastination. 13 00:00:53,575 --> 00:00:57,245 Now you go lay down in your orthopedic bed. 14 00:00:57,287 --> 00:00:59,330 Good darling. 15 00:00:59,372 --> 00:01:00,915 And begin. 16 00:01:04,586 --> 00:01:07,171 Abigail Mapleworth. To whom am I speaking? 17 00:01:07,213 --> 00:01:10,133 Hey, it's Jerry, your agent. How's the novel coming? 18 00:01:10,174 --> 00:01:13,261 Jerry, I've written 64 murder mystery novellas. 19 00:01:13,303 --> 00:01:14,721 I think I've got this. 20 00:01:14,762 --> 00:01:19,183 I once wrote a Yelp review that was 20 pages long 21 00:01:19,225 --> 00:01:23,855 about a restaurant that used balsamic that was not house-made, as claimed. 22 00:01:23,897 --> 00:01:26,733 Okay, well, I'll let you work your magic. 23 00:01:26,774 --> 00:01:30,153 There's nothing magic about murder, Jerry. 24 00:01:30,195 --> 00:01:32,947 And you should also wear pants when you're in the office. 25 00:01:34,657 --> 00:01:36,367 How did you-- 26 00:01:36,409 --> 00:01:39,037 I hate when you do that. 27 00:01:39,078 --> 00:01:41,581 All right. For real this time, Abigail. 28 00:01:41,623 --> 00:01:42,707 And begin. 29 00:01:43,750 --> 00:01:46,419 Oh, my goodness gracious. 30 00:01:46,461 --> 00:01:48,129 No bark! 31 00:01:49,464 --> 00:01:51,299 Heidi? 32 00:01:51,341 --> 00:01:56,888 - Hi, Aunt Abigail. - Ohh, come in here! 33 00:01:56,930 --> 00:01:59,140 Look at you! 34 00:01:59,182 --> 00:02:02,101 Oh, you've grown into such a beautiful young gal. 35 00:02:02,143 --> 00:02:05,480 I thought you were going to be a little mushroom like I am, 36 00:02:05,522 --> 00:02:08,024 but your legs got in the game just in time. 37 00:02:08,066 --> 00:02:11,069 Mom and Dad said thanks so much for letting me stay here. 38 00:02:11,110 --> 00:02:13,154 - Of course. - It was either this 39 00:02:13,196 --> 00:02:16,699 or go home to Australia, you know, back in the marsupial pouch. 40 00:02:16,741 --> 00:02:18,368 Oh. 41 00:02:18,409 --> 00:02:19,953 - Oh! - Oh, here are all the babies 42 00:02:19,994 --> 00:02:22,372 - from my marsupial pouch. - Hi! Ohh. 43 00:02:22,413 --> 00:02:24,749 Oh, and give her kisses. Oh, kisses! 44 00:02:26,125 --> 00:02:29,295 So your parents tell me that you're going to be finishing college 45 00:02:29,337 --> 00:02:32,048 at New Woodstream instead of Princeton. 46 00:02:32,090 --> 00:02:34,676 Uh, that reminds me. I've gotta go online 47 00:02:34,717 --> 00:02:37,679 - and register for classes. - Hm. 48 00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:39,138 Um, what's your Wi-Fi? 49 00:02:39,180 --> 00:02:41,266 It's Wireless Network. 50 00:02:41,307 --> 00:02:43,726 You should change that. 51 00:02:43,768 --> 00:02:46,104 - Uh, password? - Oh. 52 00:02:46,145 --> 00:02:52,485 WXRT443MQ123four-- 53 00:02:52,527 --> 00:02:54,946 the four is spelled F-O-U-R-- 54 00:02:54,988 --> 00:02:57,532 and then an entire line of asterisks 55 00:02:57,574 --> 00:02:59,784 that just look like a little blanket of snow. 56 00:02:59,826 --> 00:03:01,286 It's a strong password. 57 00:03:01,327 --> 00:03:03,955 And if you need anything at all, at any time, you just-- 58 00:03:05,206 --> 00:03:08,877 Dingy-ding. And I'll be right in that bed right there. 59 00:03:10,169 --> 00:03:12,797 Wait, we're sleeping right next to each other? 60 00:03:12,839 --> 00:03:14,173 - Mm. - Don't you have, like, 61 00:03:14,215 --> 00:03:16,175 - three other bedrooms? - I do. 62 00:03:16,217 --> 00:03:18,261 There's one for the dogs, one for the cats, 63 00:03:18,303 --> 00:03:21,222 and then the third one is where they all meet for parties. 64 00:03:25,685 --> 00:03:27,103 As you can see, Heidi, 65 00:03:27,145 --> 00:03:30,190 the town square is quite the bevy of activity. 66 00:03:30,231 --> 00:03:33,943 This is my favorite shop All windchimes all the time, 67 00:03:33,985 --> 00:03:35,862 and it's open till 11:00. 68 00:03:35,904 --> 00:03:39,282 I can't post any of these. Is it possible to have negative bars? 69 00:03:39,324 --> 00:03:42,285 Oh, there's a grand opening sign up there. 70 00:03:42,327 --> 00:03:44,329 Something is exciting. 71 00:03:44,370 --> 00:03:45,330 Let's check it out. 72 00:03:45,371 --> 00:03:47,874 Yeah, yeah, yeah, it says it's a hot spot. Let's go. 73 00:03:47,916 --> 00:03:49,209 Well, I mean, it hasn't opened. 74 00:03:49,250 --> 00:03:51,961 That's pretty cocky to call themselves a hot spot. 75 00:03:52,003 --> 00:03:53,922 No, it's an Internet hot spot. 76 00:03:53,963 --> 00:03:57,050 Congrats on your big opening, jackass. 77 00:03:57,091 --> 00:03:58,968 Maybe you can finally pay me back the money 78 00:03:59,010 --> 00:04:01,512 you sucked from my savings, you prick. 79 00:04:01,554 --> 00:04:03,556 I hope you die soon! 80 00:04:03,598 --> 00:04:08,269 And if you don't, let me know, so I can kill you myself! 81 00:04:10,146 --> 00:04:13,233 Sorry about that. That's my ex-wife. 82 00:04:13,274 --> 00:04:15,568 She's an asshole. 83 00:04:15,610 --> 00:04:17,487 So what do you think of the shop? 84 00:04:17,529 --> 00:04:21,074 It's very nice. I don't usually frequent meat markets. 85 00:04:21,115 --> 00:04:24,327 Oh, God damn it, Ben Jr.! 86 00:04:24,369 --> 00:04:26,037 What are you doing now? 87 00:04:26,079 --> 00:04:28,414 Oh, I wanted to display my homemade dry rub. 88 00:04:28,456 --> 00:04:29,916 Dry rub. 89 00:04:29,958 --> 00:04:32,669 You know what I wanted? A daughter. 90 00:04:32,710 --> 00:04:34,087 You have Samantha. 91 00:04:34,128 --> 00:04:35,672 Yeah, but she's a shithead. 92 00:04:35,713 --> 00:04:37,423 Now get that crap out of here! 93 00:04:37,465 --> 00:04:39,300 Be better! 94 00:04:39,342 --> 00:04:40,552 Yes, sir. 95 00:04:42,345 --> 00:04:44,055 Come on. Move it! 96 00:04:44,097 --> 00:04:46,182 God damn, that boy's got about as much common sense 97 00:04:46,224 --> 00:04:48,184 as a bee in a camper toilet. 98 00:04:48,226 --> 00:04:52,146 Just like his mom, the asshole from earlier. Hm. 99 00:04:52,188 --> 00:04:54,983 Um, excuse me, what's your Wi-Fi? 100 00:04:55,024 --> 00:04:56,734 Wireless Network. 101 00:04:56,776 --> 00:05:01,072 Password is A1B2C3D4 102 00:05:01,114 --> 00:05:04,993 and then that little squiggle that goes over Ns in Mexican words. 103 00:05:05,034 --> 00:05:06,411 Okay. 104 00:05:06,452 --> 00:05:07,704 Canelli. 105 00:05:07,745 --> 00:05:09,747 Get out of here, Andy Hapsberg. 106 00:05:09,789 --> 00:05:11,624 You get out of here, and by out of here, 107 00:05:11,666 --> 00:05:13,209 I mean out of this town! 108 00:05:13,251 --> 00:05:17,505 I've been the New Woodstream butcher since 1987. 109 00:05:17,547 --> 00:05:20,383 Well, we're all tired of your limp meats. 110 00:05:20,425 --> 00:05:23,303 You're gonna be closed and out of business in 30 days. 111 00:05:23,344 --> 00:05:25,096 Over my dead body. 112 00:05:25,138 --> 00:05:27,015 Well, I can arrange that! 113 00:05:27,056 --> 00:05:30,435 I'd like to see you try to kill me! 114 00:05:30,476 --> 00:05:33,229 Stop this nonsense. 115 00:05:33,271 --> 00:05:35,481 You two are grown men. 116 00:05:35,523 --> 00:05:39,694 I'm trying to show my young niece around the beauty of New Woodstream, 117 00:05:39,736 --> 00:05:43,072 and you two are acting like ridiculous pussies 118 00:05:43,114 --> 00:05:44,741 going at it hard in the alley. 119 00:05:44,782 --> 00:05:46,075 Wow. 120 00:05:46,117 --> 00:05:47,535 Now shake hands. 121 00:05:48,703 --> 00:05:52,916 That's it. I believe in no time you two will be fast friends, 122 00:05:52,957 --> 00:05:57,378 sharing grinder stories and comparing the size of your giblets 123 00:05:57,420 --> 00:05:58,838 over a cold beer. 124 00:06:03,343 --> 00:06:05,678 That was surprisingly fun. 125 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:08,306 Wait till you meet the women's crochet league. 126 00:06:08,348 --> 00:06:10,433 Now those are some skilled hookers. 127 00:06:12,185 --> 00:06:15,605 That was for you, Heidi. 128 00:06:15,647 --> 00:06:19,984 And finally, this is the western New Woodstream cemetery. 129 00:06:20,026 --> 00:06:23,238 Aunt Abigail, this is the fourth cemetery you've shown me. 130 00:06:23,279 --> 00:06:25,782 Well, the rest of them are closed on Mondays. 131 00:06:25,823 --> 00:06:28,243 Now let's go have a luncheon. 132 00:06:28,284 --> 00:06:29,744 Who says luncheon? 133 00:06:29,786 --> 00:06:31,621 I just did. Did you not hear me? 134 00:06:31,663 --> 00:06:34,499 And that's my favorite place to get sanitary napkins. 135 00:06:37,085 --> 00:06:38,795 Oh, Heidi. 136 00:06:38,836 --> 00:06:42,090 I'm going to have to take off my tour guide hat for a moment 137 00:06:42,131 --> 00:06:45,051 and exchange it for a mystery-solving tam. 138 00:06:47,136 --> 00:06:49,222 Let's get to snooping. 139 00:06:51,849 --> 00:06:53,643 Okay, yeah. 140 00:06:53,685 --> 00:06:56,020 Gilbert, has there been a crime committed? 141 00:06:56,062 --> 00:06:59,399 Ouch, ah, hey, Abigail. 142 00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:03,069 Not sure. I was just about to go check it out myself, but-- 143 00:07:03,111 --> 00:07:05,280 Gol dang it. 144 00:07:05,321 --> 00:07:06,906 This thing's on the fritz again. 145 00:07:06,948 --> 00:07:08,491 It's possessed. 146 00:07:08,533 --> 00:07:10,159 Ohh. Okay. 147 00:07:13,955 --> 00:07:15,874 Oh, wait, Abigail. You know the drill. 148 00:07:15,915 --> 00:07:18,334 You gotta let me go in first. Come on! 149 00:07:18,376 --> 00:07:20,044 Heidi, turn away, dear. 150 00:07:23,047 --> 00:07:24,507 There's been a murder. 10991

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