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00:00:08,001 --> 00:00:13,001
Sync & corrections by Costa Dax
www.addic7ed.com
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00:00:16,941 --> 00:00:18,643
You can spin it, as quick as you can,
3
00:00:18,667 --> 00:00:20,867
and then you can see all the
different colors like that.
4
00:00:20,868 --> 00:00:22,312
It's really clever.
5
00:00:22,387 --> 00:00:24,450
You didn't borrow my
memory stick did you?
6
00:00:24,474 --> 00:00:26,370
It's got a picture of a vagina on it.
7
00:00:26,394 --> 00:00:28,250
Printed on the actual pic or as a JPEG?
8
00:00:28,274 --> 00:00:29,274
Both.
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00:00:29,307 --> 00:00:30,952
And it's yours?
10
00:00:31,027 --> 00:00:33,283
The stick belongs to me
but it's not my vagina.
11
00:00:33,307 --> 00:00:34,367
What does it look like?
12
00:00:34,407 --> 00:00:35,439
My vagina?
13
00:00:35,514 --> 00:00:36,774
Sorry, do you think terrorists
14
00:00:36,775 --> 00:00:38,195
just sit around chatting all day?
15
00:00:38,210 --> 00:00:39,472
Get back to work.
16
00:00:39,547 --> 00:00:41,537
I bet some of them do.
17
00:00:41,561 --> 00:00:43,083
You'd go mad otherwise wouldn't you?
18
00:00:43,107 --> 00:00:44,107
Suicidal.
19
00:00:45,547 --> 00:00:48,239
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
20
00:01:06,907 --> 00:01:08,592
[EXPLOSION]
21
00:01:08,667 --> 00:01:10,290
Do you want a biscuit or anything Tula?
22
00:01:10,314 --> 00:01:11,714
- Mary, do you want a biscuit?
- No.
23
00:01:11,715 --> 00:01:13,097
They give you migraines?
24
00:01:13,121 --> 00:01:15,161
Okay, right, I need a full
update from all of you.
25
00:01:15,162 --> 00:01:18,392
As you heard just now,
we have Jerry Bernstein
26
00:01:18,467 --> 00:01:20,472
from the NSA arriving shortly.
27
00:01:20,547 --> 00:01:22,747
Oh my God, Jerry Bernstein's
gonna be working with us?
28
00:01:22,748 --> 00:01:25,312
And he is going to be our NSA liaison.
29
00:01:25,387 --> 00:01:27,203
If you must speak to the Americans
30
00:01:27,227 --> 00:01:28,427
you'll now go through him.
31
00:01:28,467 --> 00:01:29,567
Is that gonna be a problem?
32
00:01:29,607 --> 00:01:31,163
Absolutely not, I'm a huge, huge fan.
33
00:01:31,187 --> 00:01:33,187
He and I had a lot of email
back and forth on 9/11.
34
00:01:33,188 --> 00:01:34,272
He's a terrorist?
35
00:01:34,347 --> 00:01:36,003
No, Whitehall created the position
36
00:01:36,027 --> 00:01:38,319
as part of our shared
intelligence initiative.
37
00:01:38,394 --> 00:01:40,952
Aside from providing a
link to American resources
38
00:01:41,027 --> 00:01:43,137
I'm told he has a wealth of experience.
39
00:01:43,161 --> 00:01:44,890
Should I book Pizza
Express in that case?
40
00:01:44,914 --> 00:01:46,314
I suspect he'll be too jet-lagged.
41
00:01:46,315 --> 00:01:47,417
I don't mind.
42
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:48,963
Sorry, so will he be here long then?
43
00:01:48,987 --> 00:01:51,067
Yes, providing he plays by the rules.
44
00:01:55,147 --> 00:01:58,919
["SHARP DRESSED MAN" BY ZZ TOP]
45
00:02:03,201 --> 00:02:05,319
All right mate, excuse me.
46
00:02:07,194 --> 00:02:09,154
Mary, where are we with
last week's cryptanalysis?
47
00:02:09,155 --> 00:02:10,432
Can you stop doing that please?
48
00:02:10,507 --> 00:02:13,119
Sorry the pages are a
bit ripped, it was my cat.
49
00:02:13,194 --> 00:02:16,192
I'm worried he might have
caught Huntington's disease.
50
00:02:16,267 --> 00:02:18,492
- You're born with Huntington's disease.
- No I wasn't.
51
00:02:18,567 --> 00:02:19,592
It does not matter.
52
00:02:19,667 --> 00:02:21,363
No, I've heard it's really serious.
53
00:02:21,387 --> 00:02:23,707
Tuva, did you manage to
hack the Scorpio server?
54
00:02:23,747 --> 00:02:26,072
All the names and IP addresses,
55
00:02:26,147 --> 00:02:28,432
plus recordings of their voicemails.
56
00:02:28,507 --> 00:02:30,272
That's really good, Tuva.
57
00:02:30,347 --> 00:02:32,203
Some of this is incredibly filthy.
58
00:02:32,227 --> 00:02:33,227
Thank you.
59
00:02:33,261 --> 00:02:34,912
Oh I love that kind of stuff.
60
00:02:34,987 --> 00:02:36,052
I can't take it.
61
00:02:36,127 --> 00:02:37,813
- You know you're not meant to eat it...
- Latest systems update.
62
00:02:37,814 --> 00:02:38,872
Joseph, go.
63
00:02:38,947 --> 00:02:40,212
Now? Okay.
64
00:02:40,287 --> 00:02:43,000
So all our main systems seem
to be running absolutely fine.
65
00:02:43,001 --> 00:02:44,481
We've still got a fair bit of chatter
66
00:02:44,505 --> 00:02:45,865
to analyze from yesterday morning,
67
00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:47,193
about 25% of that left to do.
68
00:02:47,227 --> 00:02:49,050
Also, I did end up stumbling across
69
00:02:49,074 --> 00:02:51,154
Matthew McConaughey's browsing history.
70
00:02:52,241 --> 00:02:54,992
Why is GSHQ's center for cyber security
71
00:02:55,067 --> 00:02:57,632
looking at Matthew
McConaughey's browsing history?
72
00:02:57,707 --> 00:02:59,363
I suspected just a glitch in the system,
73
00:02:59,387 --> 00:03:01,066
but I just thought I'd
follow it up just in case.
74
00:03:01,067 --> 00:03:02,380
Do you not want to know
what he's been looking at?
75
00:03:02,381 --> 00:03:04,141
Is it in the interest
of national security?
76
00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:07,152
Not really no, it's lawn
mowers, mainly. Big ones.
77
00:03:07,227 --> 00:03:08,227
Ooh.
78
00:03:09,667 --> 00:03:11,130
Also we just lost our primary drone
79
00:03:11,154 --> 00:03:12,319
over the Iranian border.
80
00:03:12,394 --> 00:03:13,492
Jesus Christ.
81
00:03:13,567 --> 00:03:14,977
I know, and to add insult to injury
82
00:03:15,001 --> 00:03:16,641
the level three printer's
stopped working.
83
00:03:16,642 --> 00:03:17,692
Oh no.
84
00:03:17,767 --> 00:03:19,592
[PHONES CHIMING]
85
00:03:19,667 --> 00:03:21,392
Ooh, database breach.
86
00:03:21,467 --> 00:03:22,467
Bank of England.
87
00:03:24,027 --> 00:03:25,747
[CHRISTINE] I've really
gotta change that.
88
00:03:25,748 --> 00:03:27,352
How do you get yours to just beep?
89
00:03:27,427 --> 00:03:28,952
[TUVA] It's just set on beep.
90
00:03:29,027 --> 00:03:30,507
[JOSEPH] I think this must be Elaine.
91
00:03:30,508 --> 00:03:32,552
She walked down the aisle today.
92
00:03:32,627 --> 00:03:34,119
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
93
00:03:35,707 --> 00:03:37,912
Quick as you like.
94
00:03:37,987 --> 00:03:41,152
♪ Aserejé ja deje tejebe tude jebere ♪
95
00:03:41,227 --> 00:03:45,192
♪ Sebiunouba majabi an de
bugui an de buididipí ♪
96
00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:48,519
♪ Aserejé ja deje tejebe tude jebere ♪
97
00:03:48,594 --> 00:03:53,032
♪ Sebiunouba majabi an de
bugui an de buididipí ♪
98
00:03:53,107 --> 00:03:55,359
♪ Aserejé ja ♪
99
00:04:04,427 --> 00:04:06,787
Can you grab my luggage
or do I need to do that too?
100
00:04:08,026 --> 00:04:09,026
[PHONE RINGS]
101
00:04:09,027 --> 00:04:10,937
Hello? Oh yeah, yeah yeah yeah.
102
00:04:10,961 --> 00:04:12,592
No I'll come down. Yes!
103
00:04:12,667 --> 00:04:14,457
Jerry's here.
104
00:04:14,481 --> 00:04:15,481
Jerry's here.
105
00:04:18,427 --> 00:04:19,552
Hey, Jerry.
106
00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:20,632
Hi.
107
00:04:20,707 --> 00:04:21,977
Joseph Harries.
108
00:04:22,001 --> 00:04:23,272
So great to finally meet you.
109
00:04:23,347 --> 00:04:24,347
Hey.
110
00:04:24,354 --> 00:04:25,592
Sorry, do we know each other?
111
00:04:25,667 --> 00:04:27,026
Oh yeah I'm the one who
used to send the NSA,
112
00:04:27,027 --> 00:04:28,227
all the weekly cyber memos.
113
00:04:28,294 --> 00:04:29,643
No way, I thought that was spam.
114
00:04:29,667 --> 00:04:31,232
No, it was me.
115
00:04:31,307 --> 00:04:33,043
Right, what was your name again?
116
00:04:33,067 --> 00:04:34,377
Joseph Harries.
117
00:04:34,401 --> 00:04:35,841
Right, John, do you mind me asking,
118
00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:37,443
do you have dwarfism in your family?
119
00:04:37,467 --> 00:04:39,272
I don't think, no.
120
00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:41,152
- Okay, well you should check.
- Okay.
121
00:04:41,227 --> 00:04:43,232
- Can you give me a hand?
- Yes, absolutely.
122
00:04:43,307 --> 00:04:45,386
Right, here we go, we're
just up on the third floor.
123
00:04:45,387 --> 00:04:47,203
Oh, oh no, don't use the wheels.
124
00:04:47,227 --> 00:04:49,312
It's quite an expensive
case. Can you carry it in?
125
00:04:49,387 --> 00:04:50,872
I won't be long.
126
00:04:50,947 --> 00:04:51,947
Yeah, okay.
127
00:04:55,307 --> 00:04:56,307
Oh my God.
128
00:05:06,667 --> 00:05:07,912
[FEMALE] Hello?
129
00:05:07,987 --> 00:05:08,987
Hi, mom!
130
00:05:13,987 --> 00:05:14,987
Evelyn.
131
00:05:19,307 --> 00:05:20,672
Evelyn!
132
00:05:20,747 --> 00:05:22,672
[PHONE RINGS]
133
00:05:22,747 --> 00:05:23,832
Hello?
134
00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:24,992
Yeah did you want me?
135
00:05:25,067 --> 00:05:26,559
Yes, can you come up please?
136
00:05:26,634 --> 00:05:27,634
Oh my God.
137
00:05:36,107 --> 00:05:38,432
- What?
- Could you not hear me shouting?
138
00:05:38,507 --> 00:05:41,032
- I was on the phone.
- Yes, to me!
139
00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:43,067
Get me a full background
check on Jerry Bernstein,
140
00:05:43,068 --> 00:05:44,079
I need to see his file.
141
00:05:44,154 --> 00:05:46,032
It's classified.
142
00:05:46,107 --> 00:05:49,992
If only there were an
institution that cracked codes
143
00:05:50,067 --> 00:05:51,987
to access classified information.
144
00:05:53,467 --> 00:05:54,799
So where's that?
145
00:05:59,707 --> 00:06:00,997
Okay, shall we go through?
146
00:06:01,021 --> 00:06:02,701
Oh hey Jerry, sorry,
they've just told us
147
00:06:02,725 --> 00:06:03,965
- to wait here for a sec.
- Why?
148
00:06:03,967 --> 00:06:05,630
It's just a security
thing, won't be long.
149
00:06:05,654 --> 00:06:07,392
What, because you're...
150
00:06:07,467 --> 00:06:09,267
Oh no, it's not that,
it's just they need to
151
00:06:09,268 --> 00:06:10,303
check inside the case.
152
00:06:10,327 --> 00:06:11,872
Because they think it's yours?
153
00:06:11,947 --> 00:06:14,297
No, no, standard procedure,
this happens all the time.
154
00:06:14,321 --> 00:06:16,359
Right, because you're...
155
00:06:19,707 --> 00:06:21,483
Evelyn's here and that's where I sit,
156
00:06:21,507 --> 00:06:22,712
and I'm just over there.
157
00:06:22,787 --> 00:06:25,192
And Jerry, this is Chris Cranfield,
158
00:06:25,267 --> 00:06:27,232
Director of cybersecurity at GCHQ.
159
00:06:27,307 --> 00:06:29,032
- Ah!
- No way.
160
00:06:29,107 --> 00:06:30,352
I was expecting a guy.
161
00:06:30,427 --> 00:06:32,337
Jerry Bernstein, NSA.
162
00:06:32,361 --> 00:06:34,210
Do you prefer Chris or Christopher?
163
00:06:34,234 --> 00:06:35,434
It's Christine actually.
164
00:06:35,507 --> 00:06:37,937
Right. These are for you and the team.
165
00:06:37,961 --> 00:06:39,232
[JOSEPH] Oh lovely.
166
00:06:39,307 --> 00:06:41,250
So, what have we got going down?
167
00:06:41,274 --> 00:06:44,352
You wanna give me like a two
word summary of where we're at?
168
00:06:44,427 --> 00:06:45,512
No.
169
00:06:45,587 --> 00:06:47,666
Why don't you just settle
in, we can catch up later.
170
00:06:47,667 --> 00:06:49,307
Joseph, will you show
Jerry to his office?
171
00:06:49,331 --> 00:06:51,105
[JOSEPH] Yeah sure. Hold the phone.
172
00:06:53,067 --> 00:06:55,192
So what OS are we using here?
173
00:06:55,267 --> 00:06:57,319
Is this Lysander 4.4?
174
00:07:00,387 --> 00:07:01,617
4.5.
175
00:07:01,641 --> 00:07:03,032
Nice.
176
00:07:03,107 --> 00:07:04,599
This is Tuva Olson.
177
00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:06,994
Used to be one of Europe's
most notorious hackers.
178
00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:08,232
Still am.
179
00:07:08,307 --> 00:07:10,232
That was a joke.
180
00:07:10,307 --> 00:07:11,712
Man I love humor.
181
00:07:11,787 --> 00:07:14,512
- Jerry Bernstein, NSA.
- Bernstein?
182
00:07:14,587 --> 00:07:15,587
Is that Jewish?
183
00:07:15,594 --> 00:07:16,714
Wouldn't you like to know.
184
00:07:16,715 --> 00:07:18,186
Flirt.
185
00:07:18,221 --> 00:07:19,821
Mary, come over and say hello to Jerry.
186
00:07:19,822 --> 00:07:20,822
Quickly.
187
00:07:21,514 --> 00:07:23,472
God, what happened?
188
00:07:23,547 --> 00:07:24,599
Nothing.
189
00:07:24,674 --> 00:07:26,079
What do you mean?
190
00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:28,952
This is Mary Needham,
one of GCHQ's finest.
191
00:07:29,027 --> 00:07:30,072
Finest what?
192
00:07:30,147 --> 00:07:31,499
Cryptanalysts.
193
00:07:31,574 --> 00:07:33,334
Mary was one of the
first female professors
194
00:07:33,347 --> 00:07:35,163
to be nominated for a Nobel Prize.
195
00:07:35,187 --> 00:07:37,659
Wow. Did you win?
196
00:07:37,734 --> 00:07:41,839
No, and I earned up getting
cystitis on the day, sadly.
197
00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:44,161
I think it was all the stress.
198
00:07:45,041 --> 00:07:46,399
Great story.
199
00:07:46,474 --> 00:07:48,283
Can we get the air-con turned on?
200
00:07:48,307 --> 00:07:50,599
It feels about 74 degrees
and I find my team
201
00:07:50,674 --> 00:07:51,759
works best at 71.
202
00:07:51,826 --> 00:07:53,426
- Yeah I can do that...
- [CHRISTINE] No!
203
00:07:53,427 --> 00:07:54,497
Sit down please, Joseph.
204
00:07:54,521 --> 00:07:56,301
Yeah I need you to
take notes. Please stay.
205
00:07:56,307 --> 00:07:58,512
All right everyone, listen up.
206
00:07:58,587 --> 00:08:02,032
I am now your best possible resource.
207
00:08:02,107 --> 00:08:05,319
I'm here for you, so
I want you to use me,
208
00:08:05,394 --> 00:08:07,879
exploit me, punish me.
209
00:08:09,347 --> 00:08:10,963
I wanna feel as if I've been uploaded
210
00:08:10,987 --> 00:08:12,577
into each and every one of you.
211
00:08:12,601 --> 00:08:14,297
Even you guys.
212
00:08:14,321 --> 00:08:15,323
What are you doing?
213
00:08:15,347 --> 00:08:16,592
I'm just welcoming everyone.
214
00:08:16,667 --> 00:08:18,079
Can we get them to stop?
215
00:08:18,154 --> 00:08:19,984
No, we're in the middle of something,
216
00:08:20,008 --> 00:08:22,937
Bank of England, no American
liaison required, sadly.
217
00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:25,337
Okay, listen, I just wanna say,
218
00:08:25,361 --> 00:08:27,512
I'm really excited about this.
219
00:08:27,587 --> 00:08:29,912
I think we can learn
a lot from each other.
220
00:08:29,987 --> 00:08:31,027
Especially from me.
221
00:08:32,507 --> 00:08:34,457
It'll be a pleasure collaborating
222
00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:36,601
with one of our oldest
and closest allies.
223
00:08:36,674 --> 00:08:38,599
Welcome to the GCHQ.
224
00:08:40,107 --> 00:08:41,107
Thank you.
225
00:08:42,401 --> 00:08:44,032
Back to work everyone.
226
00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:46,439
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
227
00:09:05,081 --> 00:09:07,119
[CHRISTINE] Good morning.
228
00:09:12,041 --> 00:09:13,992
Hey, do you like the plants?
229
00:09:14,067 --> 00:09:16,043
You know they'll die in three days.
230
00:09:16,067 --> 00:09:17,747
Oh no it's fine, I
sprayed them with glue
231
00:09:17,748 --> 00:09:19,399
so they're kind of mummified.
232
00:09:19,474 --> 00:09:21,712
By the way, where are HR based?
233
00:09:21,787 --> 00:09:24,079
I really need to get hold of my pass.
234
00:09:24,154 --> 00:09:26,554
Fourth floor, but most of
them are on school holidays.
235
00:09:26,587 --> 00:09:28,032
They're still at school?
236
00:09:28,107 --> 00:09:29,217
[SIGHS]
237
00:09:29,241 --> 00:09:31,492
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
238
00:09:31,567 --> 00:09:32,567
Two secs.
239
00:09:32,634 --> 00:09:33,832
Hey Jerry, you all right?
240
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,426
Yeah, do you know what this stain is?
241
00:09:35,427 --> 00:09:36,867
I can't hear you through the glass.
242
00:09:36,891 --> 00:09:38,491
[JERRY] Do you know what this stain is?
243
00:09:38,492 --> 00:09:40,428
I can't hear you 'cause of the glass.
244
00:09:42,307 --> 00:09:43,312
Yeah.
245
00:09:43,387 --> 00:09:44,952
Sorry, sorry Jerry.
246
00:09:45,010 --> 00:09:46,450
I couldn't hear 'cause of the glass.
247
00:09:46,451 --> 00:09:47,837
That's fine. What is this stain?
248
00:09:47,861 --> 00:09:49,986
Um, oh gosh, well this used
to be Elaine's old office.
249
00:09:49,987 --> 00:09:51,112
It could be anything really.
250
00:09:51,187 --> 00:09:52,352
What, she die in here?
251
00:09:52,427 --> 00:09:55,097
No, she's on maternity
leave, so could just be that.
252
00:09:55,121 --> 00:09:56,121
Oh God.
253
00:09:56,154 --> 00:09:57,370
You know what, let's just...
254
00:09:57,394 --> 00:09:58,639
Yeah let's do that.
255
00:09:58,714 --> 00:10:01,232
Hey, can you hook me up with my pass?
256
00:10:01,307 --> 00:10:02,672
I really need the men's room.
257
00:10:02,747 --> 00:10:04,723
Well that's HR but it
takes up to about a week
258
00:10:04,747 --> 00:10:06,012
for them to respond, so.
259
00:10:06,087 --> 00:10:07,224
No, I gotta go before then.
260
00:10:07,248 --> 00:10:08,728
Oh it's fine, I can buzz you through.
261
00:10:08,729 --> 00:10:10,269
- Now?
- Yeah, go go.
262
00:10:11,227 --> 00:10:13,232
Nice opportunity to show you around.
263
00:10:13,307 --> 00:10:15,187
Are you staying somewhere
locally in Cheltenham?
264
00:10:15,188 --> 00:10:16,592
Yeah the Citrus Hotel.
265
00:10:16,667 --> 00:10:18,723
Oh lovely, I went to a
couple of wakes there.
266
00:10:18,747 --> 00:10:20,425
The food is stunning.
267
00:10:20,501 --> 00:10:23,537
Very quickly, so this is one
of our designated quiet rooms,
268
00:10:23,561 --> 00:10:25,441
just because some of the
stuff we see on the web
269
00:10:25,442 --> 00:10:26,512
can be quite full on.
270
00:10:26,587 --> 00:10:27,712
And can I pee in here?
271
00:10:27,787 --> 00:10:29,632
Um, no, not really, no.
272
00:10:29,707 --> 00:10:31,039
I sometimes do.
273
00:10:36,467 --> 00:10:38,610
You forget how big
this place is don't you?
274
00:10:38,634 --> 00:10:41,012
Sorry, they must have
changed the door code.
275
00:10:41,087 --> 00:10:42,087
This way.
276
00:10:42,141 --> 00:10:43,232
What's this thing?
277
00:10:43,307 --> 00:10:44,587
Okay not far Jerry, here we go.
278
00:10:44,588 --> 00:10:45,588
So...
279
00:10:47,227 --> 00:10:48,952
Do it again, swipe again.
280
00:10:49,027 --> 00:10:50,072
Swipe it again!
281
00:10:50,147 --> 00:10:51,359
Okay okay okay.
282
00:10:52,507 --> 00:10:53,952
Oh crikey, it's fine, it's fine.
283
00:10:54,027 --> 00:10:56,497
Let me just type this in onto here.
284
00:10:56,521 --> 00:10:58,392
Jerry, can you just, sorry,
285
00:10:58,467 --> 00:11:00,210
can you just read me from the fourth...
286
00:11:00,234 --> 00:11:01,359
From the what?
287
00:11:01,434 --> 00:11:03,279
- From the fourth?
- The four.
288
00:11:03,333 --> 00:11:05,072
There's no four. You mean the one?
289
00:11:05,147 --> 00:11:06,672
The four, oh the one.
290
00:11:06,747 --> 00:11:09,372
The one is one, nine, two, seven.
291
00:11:09,447 --> 00:11:10,837
- Okay, that should be it.
- [DING]
292
00:11:10,861 --> 00:11:11,919
There you go.
293
00:11:11,994 --> 00:11:13,032
[BUZZER]
294
00:11:13,107 --> 00:11:14,132
[GROANS]
295
00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:16,377
I'm so sorry. Come on.
296
00:11:16,401 --> 00:11:18,083
We have a something just in case,
297
00:11:18,107 --> 00:11:19,252
it doesn't always work.
298
00:11:19,327 --> 00:11:20,903
Why didn't you do that to begin with?
299
00:11:20,927 --> 00:11:22,167
Because I've been eating crisps
300
00:11:22,242 --> 00:11:23,332
and it doesn't always work.
301
00:11:23,356 --> 00:11:25,337
- Back up, back up.
- [BUZZER]
302
00:11:25,361 --> 00:11:26,439
Give me your thumb.
303
00:11:28,347 --> 00:11:30,003
What's wrong, you have very small...
304
00:11:30,027 --> 00:11:31,599
Ow. Okay there you go.
305
00:11:31,674 --> 00:11:32,832
- Okay.
- Okay fine.
306
00:11:32,907 --> 00:11:34,352
Oh for crying out loud.
307
00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:36,673
Let me just do the, I'll do
the retina thing, it's fine.
308
00:11:36,674 --> 00:11:38,403
[JERRY] Come on man, you're killing me.
309
00:11:38,427 --> 00:11:39,952
Why is that doing like that?
310
00:11:40,027 --> 00:11:41,332
Hang on, hang on.
311
00:11:41,407 --> 00:11:43,097
So I've got a lazy eye
so sometimes if I...
312
00:11:43,121 --> 00:11:44,959
Can you lift... [BUZZER]
313
00:11:45,034 --> 00:11:46,034
Thank you.
314
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:49,666
Go, go!
315
00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:51,439
This way, go go go go.
316
00:11:54,227 --> 00:11:56,159
[SCREAMS]
317
00:12:10,507 --> 00:12:12,152
[CLEARS THROAT]
318
00:12:12,227 --> 00:12:13,559
Yeah, USA.
319
00:12:19,107 --> 00:12:21,003
'Cause his eyes are quite close together
320
00:12:21,027 --> 00:12:22,723
and I know he has a
cousin who was involved
321
00:12:22,747 --> 00:12:23,872
with some kind of atrocity.
322
00:12:23,947 --> 00:12:24,979
[CHRISTINE] What's?
323
00:12:25,054 --> 00:12:26,654
Oh sorry Chris, I am gonna delete that.
324
00:12:26,655 --> 00:12:29,400
I don't care. I just want hard copies
of the Bank of England report.
325
00:12:29,401 --> 00:12:30,686
Yeah it's just the
printer's still not working,
326
00:12:30,687 --> 00:12:32,632
- so I can't...
- [EVELYN] Jerry's file.
327
00:12:32,707 --> 00:12:33,712
Shh.
328
00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:35,417
What's this?
329
00:12:35,441 --> 00:12:37,561
Well I couldn't get access
to view his internal file
330
00:12:37,562 --> 00:12:39,560
so I just like made a front cover.
331
00:12:41,147 --> 00:12:42,147
Here I am.
332
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:44,080
Found my way back.
333
00:12:44,081 --> 00:12:45,672
Hey Jerry.
334
00:12:45,747 --> 00:12:48,003
Hey, Chris, I worked out
what the problem is here.
335
00:12:48,027 --> 00:12:50,072
The problem is morale.
336
00:12:50,147 --> 00:12:51,632
Right, thank you.
337
00:12:51,707 --> 00:12:54,672
So firstly, you really need
to put some music on.
338
00:12:54,747 --> 00:12:57,672
'Cause everyone in here
currently looks so...
339
00:12:57,747 --> 00:12:59,632
Do you have Alexa here?
340
00:12:59,707 --> 00:13:02,632
Alexa, play NSA nasty mix two.
341
00:13:02,707 --> 00:13:04,352
Alexa?
342
00:13:04,427 --> 00:13:06,192
Alexa?
343
00:13:06,267 --> 00:13:09,612
Secondly, we need to
fundraise and build us a gym.
344
00:13:09,687 --> 00:13:10,712
Yes!
345
00:13:10,787 --> 00:13:12,112
Get the endorphins pumping.
346
00:13:12,187 --> 00:13:14,319
Thirdly, is there any way we can make it
347
00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:15,919
so I can see the sun?
348
00:13:15,994 --> 00:13:18,352
Okay, let me stop you just there.
349
00:13:18,427 --> 00:13:22,192
Firstly, I am not your PA,
350
00:13:22,267 --> 00:13:26,072
I am GCHQ's director of cybersecurity.
351
00:13:26,147 --> 00:13:29,352
Grand papa built the bouncing bomb.
352
00:13:29,427 --> 00:13:32,232
Mother posed as a triple
agent during the Cold War,
353
00:13:32,307 --> 00:13:35,112
while father came up with
an idea called the Internet.
354
00:13:35,187 --> 00:13:36,672
So forgive me if I'm not into
355
00:13:36,747 --> 00:13:39,712
office plants and natural light.
356
00:13:39,787 --> 00:13:42,672
Secondly, this isn't the NSA.
357
00:13:42,747 --> 00:13:46,072
You are here strictly to liaise.
358
00:13:46,147 --> 00:13:48,217
We don't workout, we
don't listen to playlists,
359
00:13:48,241 --> 00:13:51,752
we fight cyber crime,
terrorism and sex trafficking.
360
00:13:51,827 --> 00:13:56,472
Thirdly, this is my department,
these are my staff,
361
00:13:56,547 --> 00:13:59,192
and whilst it's a pleasure
collaborating with
362
00:13:59,267 --> 00:14:01,472
one of our oldest and closest allies,
363
00:14:01,547 --> 00:14:04,032
I will not have my authority undermined
364
00:14:04,107 --> 00:14:06,952
simply because some
privileged fool from Whitehall
365
00:14:07,027 --> 00:14:10,879
thinks that the US can fight
cyber crime better than we can.
366
00:14:13,147 --> 00:14:14,279
Do you mind if I get on?
367
00:14:15,994 --> 00:14:18,512
Sorry, it looks like
you've stopped talking.
368
00:14:18,587 --> 00:14:21,272
My ears are still
fucked from the flight,
369
00:14:21,347 --> 00:14:22,387
was that important?
370
00:14:24,627 --> 00:14:27,159
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
371
00:14:31,267 --> 00:14:32,867
Are you really gonna take that from her?
372
00:14:32,868 --> 00:14:34,599
Huh? Huh?
373
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:35,674
You little bitch.
374
00:14:36,474 --> 00:14:37,474
Evelyn.
375
00:14:42,147 --> 00:14:45,137
I'm delivering our findings
on the Bank of England.
376
00:14:45,161 --> 00:14:48,032
Have the car meet me out front.
377
00:14:48,107 --> 00:14:50,370
Okay don't forget you've got
a Bank of England meeting.
378
00:14:50,394 --> 00:14:51,879
Do you want me to arrange a car?
379
00:14:54,547 --> 00:14:56,117
Come on buddy, you got this.
380
00:14:56,141 --> 00:14:57,157
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
381
00:14:57,181 --> 00:14:58,625
Yeah?
382
00:14:58,701 --> 00:15:00,741
Jerry, I'm so sorry about
what Chris said earlier,
383
00:15:00,742 --> 00:15:02,587
you must be feeling awful.
384
00:15:02,627 --> 00:15:05,432
Do you know how long
I've been at the NSA?
385
00:15:05,507 --> 00:15:07,079
I'd say 50 years?
386
00:15:08,467 --> 00:15:10,312
25 years. Sit down.
387
00:15:10,387 --> 00:15:11,387
Oh, sure.
388
00:15:14,394 --> 00:15:16,719
Do you know the level
of experience you get
389
00:15:16,794 --> 00:15:19,692
- from working at the NSA 25 years?
- Nope.
390
00:15:19,767 --> 00:15:21,712
I basically know everything.
391
00:15:21,787 --> 00:15:23,159
Okay?
392
00:15:23,234 --> 00:15:25,359
I've overseen terrorist
plots, cyber attacks,
393
00:15:25,434 --> 00:15:28,177
- assassination attempts.
- Against you?
394
00:15:28,201 --> 00:15:29,363
Just remain quiet a sec.
395
00:15:29,387 --> 00:15:30,632
Yeah.
396
00:15:30,707 --> 00:15:34,192
I predicted 9/11, Afghanistan, 7/7.
397
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:35,405
And when you say predicted.
398
00:15:35,481 --> 00:15:37,826
You mean could I have stopped
those things from happening?
399
00:15:37,827 --> 00:15:39,152
- [JERRY] Yeah.
- I think so.
400
00:15:39,227 --> 00:15:41,272
- Wow.
- But was anyone willing to listen?
401
00:15:41,347 --> 00:15:42,692
No.
402
00:15:42,727 --> 00:15:44,087
It's always the same old bullshit.
403
00:15:44,088 --> 00:15:46,032
Slow down Jerry, analyze.
404
00:15:46,107 --> 00:15:47,432
There's no evidence.
405
00:15:47,507 --> 00:15:49,152
[JERRY] Yes.
406
00:15:49,227 --> 00:15:51,387
Whatever happened to good
old fashioned American hunch?
407
00:15:51,388 --> 00:15:53,243
See this is exactly what
we're missing here.
408
00:15:53,267 --> 00:15:55,083
So did you have a hunch about 9/11?
409
00:15:55,107 --> 00:15:57,992
Yeah, just this huge fucking hunch.
410
00:15:58,067 --> 00:16:01,337
And then another big
hunch moments later.
411
00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:03,599
Oh, so you've seen a lot of action then.
412
00:16:05,187 --> 00:16:06,210
Have I seen action?
413
00:16:06,234 --> 00:16:07,403
You know what, look at this.
414
00:16:07,427 --> 00:16:08,632
Oh you're gonna love this.
415
00:16:08,707 --> 00:16:09,723
Come here, come here.
416
00:16:09,747 --> 00:16:11,439
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
417
00:16:11,514 --> 00:16:12,959
- Look at that.
- Oh my God.
418
00:16:13,034 --> 00:16:14,072
Touch it.
419
00:16:14,147 --> 00:16:15,672
- Oh no I don't...
- Touch it!
420
00:16:15,747 --> 00:16:17,072
Touch it.
421
00:16:17,147 --> 00:16:20,272
44 caliber, went clean through.
422
00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:21,977
Wow.
423
00:16:22,001 --> 00:16:24,319
It looks exactly like the
lipoma scar that I got
424
00:16:24,377 --> 00:16:25,937
from when I had a little thing removed.
425
00:16:25,938 --> 00:16:27,538
Like the same shape and everything that.
426
00:16:27,539 --> 00:16:28,953
Well it's not.
427
00:16:29,027 --> 00:16:31,107
That's the same shape
actually 'cause they do it...
428
00:16:31,108 --> 00:16:32,272
No it's no, it's not.
429
00:16:32,347 --> 00:16:33,712
It's a bullet thing.
430
00:16:33,787 --> 00:16:35,721
- Is there an exit wound?
- No.
431
00:16:35,747 --> 00:16:37,432
- Can I...
- No.
432
00:16:37,507 --> 00:16:38,592
That part healed fine.
433
00:16:38,667 --> 00:16:40,039
You can't even tell.
434
00:16:40,114 --> 00:16:41,434
So what are you doing here then?
435
00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:43,552
- Is it like a sabbatical position?
- Yeah kind of.
436
00:16:43,587 --> 00:16:45,472
Man, you guys.
437
00:16:45,547 --> 00:16:48,472
You have no idea how
lucky you are to have me.
438
00:16:48,547 --> 00:16:49,712
Oh, tell me about it.
439
00:16:49,747 --> 00:16:51,307
I mean literally this is the best thing
440
00:16:51,308 --> 00:16:52,692
that ever happened to me.
441
00:16:52,767 --> 00:16:54,847
I mean I could've ended up
in Paris, Milan, New York,
442
00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:56,312
- but I chose London.
- Cheltenham.
443
00:16:56,387 --> 00:16:57,752
Cheltenham.
444
00:16:57,827 --> 00:16:59,410
But there's no point in me being here
445
00:16:59,434 --> 00:17:00,952
unless I can make a difference.
446
00:17:01,027 --> 00:17:02,472
I agree with that.
447
00:17:02,546 --> 00:17:04,706
I mean sure, I could liaise
the ass out of this place
448
00:17:04,707 --> 00:17:07,377
if I want to, but I wanna raise morale.
449
00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:11,192
I wanna raise morale so high
people can barely move.
450
00:17:11,267 --> 00:17:12,347
You know what I mean?
451
00:17:13,347 --> 00:17:14,659
I think, yes.
452
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:16,617
I want people having
to go home from work
453
00:17:16,641 --> 00:17:18,112
because morale is so high.
454
00:17:18,180 --> 00:17:19,500
Well everyone's gonna love that.
455
00:17:19,501 --> 00:17:21,541
But I'm gonna need your help, buddy.
456
00:17:22,147 --> 00:17:24,323
Honestly, whatever you
need Jerry, just name it.
457
00:17:24,347 --> 00:17:26,072
Treat me like your PA.
458
00:17:26,147 --> 00:17:27,347
I thought you were my PA.
459
00:17:30,667 --> 00:17:31,827
All right now gather up guys.
460
00:17:31,828 --> 00:17:32,903
Come on come on come on.
461
00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,039
Circle up, circle up.
462
00:17:34,114 --> 00:17:35,392
You know what, you too.
463
00:17:35,467 --> 00:17:37,363
You're part of the team, drop that shit.
464
00:17:37,387 --> 00:17:39,632
In fact everyone, everyone, stand,
465
00:17:39,707 --> 00:17:41,690
come gather round, this is important.
466
00:17:41,714 --> 00:17:43,017
That's it.
467
00:17:43,041 --> 00:17:44,319
Hustle, hustle.
468
00:17:44,394 --> 00:17:45,772
- Back up.
- Sorry.
469
00:17:45,847 --> 00:17:48,039
Good. Oh, look at that, we did a circle.
470
00:17:48,114 --> 00:17:49,839
Terrific. Okay.
471
00:17:49,914 --> 00:17:51,683
One of the first things that struck me
472
00:17:51,707 --> 00:17:56,152
when I arrived here was just
how uninspired everyone looks.
473
00:17:56,227 --> 00:18:00,279
Don't get me wrong,
individually you all look...
474
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:02,080
amazing.
475
00:18:02,787 --> 00:18:05,297
But there's still this sense
that I've wandered
476
00:18:05,321 --> 00:18:08,032
onto an abandoned farm.
477
00:18:08,107 --> 00:18:09,319
Does that resonate?
478
00:18:11,514 --> 00:18:15,232
So what I'd like to propose
as a starting point
479
00:18:15,307 --> 00:18:16,943
are some team building exercises.
480
00:18:16,967 --> 00:18:17,999
- I'd love to.
- Yeah.
481
00:18:18,074 --> 00:18:19,577
Yeah? Yeah?
482
00:18:19,601 --> 00:18:21,272
- Yes.
- Can I get a yes Jerry?
483
00:18:21,347 --> 00:18:22,387
[ALL] Yes Jerry.
484
00:18:24,587 --> 00:18:26,232
All right, we'll work on that.
485
00:18:26,307 --> 00:18:27,337
Hands out of the pockets.
486
00:18:27,361 --> 00:18:29,112
Let's get ready. Ready?
487
00:18:29,187 --> 00:18:30,432
[ALL] Yes.
488
00:18:30,507 --> 00:18:32,507
Jerry says raise your right arm.
489
00:18:33,106 --> 00:18:34,106
Put it down.
490
00:18:34,107 --> 00:18:35,312
You're all out.
491
00:18:35,387 --> 00:18:37,083
- You're all out.
- [PEOPLE GROANING]
492
00:18:37,107 --> 00:18:39,227
Okay, everyone take
one step to their right.
493
00:18:40,347 --> 00:18:41,632
Good.
494
00:18:41,707 --> 00:18:43,747
Jerry says take one step to your left.
495
00:18:44,394 --> 00:18:46,723
- Yeah I fucked you there didn't I?
- [MARY] Yes.
496
00:18:46,747 --> 00:18:48,177
Yeah it's called listening.
497
00:18:48,201 --> 00:18:50,281
When I clap my hands
everyone fall, fall!
498
00:18:52,146 --> 00:18:53,146
That's a start.
499
00:18:53,147 --> 00:18:54,592
Okay everyone up, everyone up.
500
00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:55,667
Anyone hurt?
501
00:18:56,546 --> 00:18:57,546
That's okay.
502
00:18:57,547 --> 00:18:59,152
It's about trust.
503
00:18:59,227 --> 00:19:01,363
At the count of three I
want everyone to undress.
504
00:19:01,387 --> 00:19:02,432
Undress!
505
00:19:02,507 --> 00:19:03,672
I'm kidding, stop that.
506
00:19:03,747 --> 00:19:05,159
Have more respect for yourself.
507
00:19:12,627 --> 00:19:14,352
So continue what you're doing,
508
00:19:14,427 --> 00:19:17,072
exploring each other's faces and bodies,
509
00:19:17,147 --> 00:19:19,712
and what I wanna do
now is just go around
510
00:19:19,787 --> 00:19:21,832
and talk about when you last had sex.
511
00:19:21,907 --> 00:19:24,137
It's just a nice way to
get to know each other
512
00:19:24,161 --> 00:19:25,472
and to open up.
513
00:19:25,547 --> 00:19:27,403
Plus, it's what we do
at the NSA every day.
514
00:19:27,427 --> 00:19:29,185
- Have sex?
- Sometimes.
515
00:19:29,261 --> 00:19:30,712
What about you buddy?
516
00:19:30,787 --> 00:19:32,667
Oh gosh, well it depends
what you mean really.
517
00:19:32,681 --> 00:19:34,112
You've never heard of sex?
518
00:19:34,186 --> 00:19:35,466
Oh no I've heard of sex, sure,
519
00:19:35,467 --> 00:19:37,032
I just, you know.
520
00:19:37,107 --> 00:19:38,712
Sorry, where are you?
521
00:19:38,787 --> 00:19:40,227
[JERRY] Mary, do you want to start?
522
00:19:40,228 --> 00:19:41,353
Oh gosh, ooh.
523
00:19:41,387 --> 00:19:42,832
It's been a while, sorry.
524
00:19:42,907 --> 00:19:45,152
No I could tell, I can
smell your pheromones.
525
00:19:45,227 --> 00:19:46,227
Thank you.
526
00:19:46,234 --> 00:19:48,112
I bet you're filthy though.
527
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,337
No.
528
00:19:49,361 --> 00:19:51,083
I love how you deny it, that's hot.
529
00:19:51,107 --> 00:19:52,159
Tuva.
530
00:19:52,234 --> 00:19:53,250
10:15 this morning.
531
00:19:53,274 --> 00:19:55,232
Weren't you in at eight?
532
00:19:55,307 --> 00:19:57,392
- Yeah.
- [CHRISTINE] What the hell's going on?
533
00:19:57,467 --> 00:19:59,112
Chris, great, jump in.
534
00:19:59,187 --> 00:20:00,803
We're just doing some
team building here.
535
00:20:00,827 --> 00:20:02,643
No, get back to work everybody.
536
00:20:02,667 --> 00:20:04,072
This is ridiculous.
537
00:20:04,147 --> 00:20:06,512
No honestly, Chrissy,
I wouldn't be doing this
538
00:20:06,587 --> 00:20:08,657
unless I thought it was
absolutely essential.
539
00:20:08,681 --> 00:20:10,563
Plus, look how much
fun everyone's having.
540
00:20:10,587 --> 00:20:12,072
We're not here to have fun.
541
00:20:12,147 --> 00:20:13,632
This is GCHQ.
542
00:20:13,707 --> 00:20:15,672
Do you think Alan Turing had fun?
543
00:20:15,747 --> 00:20:17,439
Okay, back to work everybody.
544
00:20:17,514 --> 00:20:19,152
No, not yet.
545
00:20:19,227 --> 00:20:22,112
Listen, I get it, you didn't
choose to have some
546
00:20:22,187 --> 00:20:25,552
dashing American fuck fox in
your prissy British hen house.
547
00:20:25,627 --> 00:20:29,632
I didn't want that either, but
I'm sure we can make it work.
548
00:20:29,707 --> 00:20:33,017
Come on, at least have a jellybean.
549
00:20:33,041 --> 00:20:34,519
Absolutely not.
550
00:20:34,594 --> 00:20:37,072
Aren't we meant to be collaborating?
551
00:20:37,147 --> 00:20:38,947
- Huh team?
- [ALL] Yes Jerry!
552
00:20:40,507 --> 00:20:42,867
Do you really want your
staff to see you like this?
553
00:20:44,161 --> 00:20:47,032
[ALL] Jelly bean,
jelly bean, jelly bean,
554
00:20:47,107 --> 00:20:50,032
jelly bean, jelly bean, jelly bean,
555
00:20:50,107 --> 00:20:53,079
jelly bean, jelly bean,
jelly bean, jelly bean,
556
00:20:53,154 --> 00:20:55,632
jelly bean, jelly bean,
jelly bean, jelly bean,
557
00:20:55,707 --> 00:20:57,559
- jelly bean...
- All right!
558
00:21:22,753 --> 00:21:23,753
Yes!
559
00:21:23,754 --> 00:21:25,352
[CLAPPING]
560
00:21:25,427 --> 00:21:26,639
And Jerry says fall.
561
00:21:30,234 --> 00:21:32,323
[JOSEPH] Jerry's got the
printer working again!
562
00:21:32,347 --> 00:21:36,112
[CHEERING AND CLAPPING]
563
00:21:36,187 --> 00:21:38,319
See, this is why they sent me here.
564
00:21:49,794 --> 00:21:50,794
Good night.
565
00:21:50,827 --> 00:21:51,827
Night.
566
00:21:58,147 --> 00:21:59,712
♪ Hurray hurray hurray ♪
567
00:21:59,787 --> 00:22:01,712
♪ Misery's on the way ♪
568
00:22:01,787 --> 00:22:05,552
♪ There are bad times
just around the corner ♪
569
00:22:05,627 --> 00:22:09,432
♪ There are dark clouds
hurtling through the sky ♪
570
00:22:09,507 --> 00:22:11,592
♪ It's as clear as crystal ♪
571
00:22:11,667 --> 00:22:13,697
♪ From Bridlington to Bristol ♪
572
00:22:13,721 --> 00:22:17,312
♪ That we can't save democracy
and we don't much care ♪
573
00:22:17,387 --> 00:22:21,272
♪ We better all learn the
lyrics of the old Red Flag ♪
574
00:22:21,347 --> 00:22:25,079
♪ But wait till we drop down dead ♪
575
00:22:25,180 --> 00:22:30,180
Sync & corrections by Costa Dax
www.addic7ed.com
40258
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