Original subtitles

- Previously on "Briarpatch"...

- I told you-- - What?

- To stop.

- You're Harold Snow.

- You spy on people for money.

- No, not there. It's not safe.

Meet me in Packingtown.

- Your beautiful wife--

- Gene, did you feed the cat?

- Made a scene at Felicity's funeral.

- Are you saying I can't control her?

- [grunts]

I'm ready to go back home.

- Senator? - Have you seen Spivey?

- Mr. Brattle.

- I believe you've met Sid. - [laughs]

[gunfire] [man shouting]

- The only reason I'm here is to ruin someone's life.

[gunshot]

- We had a deal. - And I don't welch.

When things get bumpy is when I hit the gas.

I'm announcing my candidacy for November's election.

- She's the one that planted the story

in the newspaper about Felicity.

James and Jimmy Jr. own the "Chronicle,"

which means that they pretty much control everything.

- I can fix this.

[dramatic musical flourish]

- ♪ Shine on me, sunshine, walk with me, world ♪

- Morning, Fred. [horn honks]

- ♪ It's a skippidity do da day ♪

♪ I'm the happiest girl

♪ In the whole U.S.A.

[music distorts]

♪ Hello, sunshine [gunshots]

♪ Sleepy head

♪ Why'd we move that bojangle clock ♪

♪ So far away from the bed?

♪ Just one more minute

♪ That's why we moved it

♪ One more hug would do [gunshots]

♪ Do you love waking up next to me ♪

[music slows down] ♪ As much as I love

♪ Waking up next to you? [gunshot]

[distorted music continues]

- [exhales]

[honking echoes]

♪

♪ Do these old shoes

♪ Look funny

[music normalizes]

- ♪ Now you be careful

♪ Gotta go, I love you

♪ Have a beautiful day and kiss-- ♪

- [moaning]

Oh, my God.

That was incredible, Felicity.

- [sighs] - You're incredible.

- [laughs] Come on, Gene.

Give me a break.

- [laughs]

I'll give you whatever you want.

I love you, Butterscotch.

[upbeat country music]

♪

- ♪ Texas, our Texas

♪ All hail the mighty state

- ♪ Texas, our Texas

♪ So wonderful, so great

- ♪ Noblest and grandest

both: ♪ Withstanding every test ♪

- ♪ Oh, empire wide and glorious ♪

♪ You stand supremely blessed ♪

both: ♪ God bless you, Texas

♪ And keep you brave and strong ♪

♪ That you may grow in power and worth ♪

♪ Throughout the ages long

♪

- Cyrus.

- Ms. Dill. A moment.

- We need to talk.

- A moment.

Please, continue.

- Uniformed officers will be stationed

in and around the building,

plainclothes, mixed in the crowd.

So details are all right here.

- Excellent.

I'll run it by our personal security team.

Apologies again for the late notice.

- Oh, we're just glad you're including San Bonifacio

on this little barnstorm of yours.

- Why are you really here?

- Well, as I said, we're just--

- Anyone could've liaised about security.

You requested me and came yourself.

That means you have other things on your mind.

You just announced your candidacy for mayor.

And you're looking for an endorsement.

- [laughs]

- Unfortunately, we don't have one to give.

Mayor Salazar is a friend.

Loyalty matters.

- What about competence?

- We're talking politics, Ms. Raytek, not carpentry.

Besides,

you don't wanna be mayor of San Bonifacio, Texas.

You wanna be ex-mayor.

And on to bigger and better things.

Don't hide your ambition. [inhales]

It's the most seductive perfume in the world.

But don't mistake diplomacy for currency.

In the future, when you come to me for a favor,

make sure you bring something of equal or greater value

to exchange.

- Well, Mr. Lapin, that sounds like

exactly the kind of backroom horse trading

I intend to campaign against.

- [laughing]

You are a treat, Ms. Raytek.

When I'm flying home to D.C. on a Learjet

with a glass of VSOP brandy,

I'll be sure to look out the window

and see if I can spot your virtue.

From 30,000 feet, I'm sure it's quite bright.

[indistinct chatter]

[amplifier tones]

- Why are you lying about my sister?

- I loved your sister.

Honey, believe me, we're on the same team.

- Fuck your team.

- Good talk.

[flies buzzing]

- I don't understand.

Does the pig want to be eaten?

- Why are you here?

Why wasn't I given a heads up?

- The senator appreciates your updates,

but he thought it was time to roll up his sleeves,

get the lay of the land for himself.

- Meaning?

- He wants a sit-down with Clyde Brattle.

- You can't be serious.

The man tried to burn innocents alive last night.

He murdered a border patrol officer.

A friend.

- Spivey's hands aren't exactly clean.

There's Al-Namur,

the Syrian village you mentioned.

I looked into it.

The figs are indeed exquisite,

but did you know crop yields have fallen precipitously?

Apparently there's an excess of lime in the soil.

- And?

- There's a mass grave in Al-Namur.

Dozens of bodies.

Don't let friendship cloud your judgment.

Neither man is Emily Post.

They're simply tools to be used for our ends.

- The senator's ends.

- Those are the only ends that oughta interest us.

Aside from these burnt ends,

which really are quite delightful.

Oh, please don't tell me you've lost your appetite.

Shame.

Forget Spivey. We meet with Brattle.

- Fine.

- Allegra.

Mrs. Ramirez will be joining us for the rally tonight.

It would be best if you...

found another place to be.

♪

[loud buzzing]

[electric mixer whirring]

[mouthing words]

- [shouting] Do you remember

that nice couple that lived next to us

in Mount Airy, Gene?

The ones who brought soufflé to the block party?

Well, I thought I'd try to pull that off here.

I got eggs, cheese, more cheese.

- Lucretia.

- Or something-- - Lucretia, look at me.

I know you've been through a lot these past few months.

We've both made mistakes.

But maybe now,

things can be different.

- "Different."

- I could come home early tonight.

We could have dinner. Together.

Watch one of those shows you like.

You know, the one about antique roads.

- It's not about antique roads, Gene.

- I'm close to something at work.

If I could just get over the hump,

then we could have that fresh start I promised.

I swear.

- Don't lie to me, Gene.

My father said not to marry a liar.

- You didn't.

- [sighs]

Well,

I guess I'll start shredding some cheese.

5:00 p.m.?

- That--that would be great.

[pleasant music]

Great.

- Any luck finding my cat, Gene?

- No.

But...

I think our luck's about to change.

- No, not there. It's not safe.

Meet me in Packingtown.

[somber music]

- She sounds terrified.

♪

- Felicity said not to trust the cops, right?

And what about the chief of them?

- [exhales] Don't get me started on her.

- She planted the story.

Threw my sister under the bus

and then drove that bus right over her

on the way to City Hall.

I wanna know why.

♪

You okay with that?

- Are you asking me as your lawyer

or as your...

[playful music]

♪

- What?

- Whatever the hell we were the other night.

♪

[engine turning over]

- All right.

Okay.

- [screams] Ow!

- Hey!

- I don't think you're doing it right.

Cindy, come on!

- Baby, it's supposed to hurt, okay?

It's foreign.

- Ow! God damn it!

- You want me to stop?

♪

- No.

I--I can take it.

Go ahead. - Thank you.

- You just keep practicing and--

[cup pops] - Ooh, that was good.

[pops] - Okay.

- It's not sticking. - All right, I think we did it.

That's good, I feel good-- - No, no, no, no, no.

We're not even close. We're not even close, honey.

- [screams]

[birds chirping, woman yells in the distance]

Hey. [laughs]

Oh, it's--it's foreign.

- Can we come in?

- Yeah. Come on in.

So is this a social call, or--

- I need intel on Eve Raytek.

- The chief of police?

Whoo! - Can you do it?

- Cindy, tell 'em what I can do.

- Oh, he's double jointed, so, you know, he can--

- Anything.

The answer is I can do anything.

For a price.

5 grand.

♪

- 3.

And I won't hit you again.

Half now, half when you deliver.

♪

And Singe goes with.

- [laughs] She's joking.

- Cool.

- What?

- Looks like it's just you and me, Murtaugh.

Let me get my stuff.

Hell yeah, man.

- Put this on my tab?

- Ah, hell, that's on the house.

- Thank you.

- Allegra? [scoffs]

That's unbelievable.

- Wow.

Your aura...

is extremely blue.

- Is that a good thing?

- I have no idea.

But I am into it.

[distant radio chatter]

- God damn it.

[slurps noisily]

- It'd work better if you took the safety off.

Just a check-in.

- I don't need a babysitter.

- You got the kill order weeks ago.

Somehow, Spivey's still sucking down cervezas

in his tacky-ass pad.

- It's not that simple.

- Only two reasons boss would've hired

a pencil-necked pig like you.

Either you're the best killer in the world,

which clearly you ain't,

or you're the worst,

meaning he didn't want it done.

- Why wouldn't he want it done?

♪

- Fucking Spivey.

The most dangerous thing about that cocksucker?

People like him.

Especially the boss.

♪

Do you like him, Officer Gene Colder?

- Captain Gene Colder.

And no, I don't like him.

I think he's a despicable, un-American piece of shit.

So let me get on with it.

- See that you do.

Or else I will.

And if that happens,

Spivey won't be the only one in a body bag.

[tense music]

♪

[elevator dings]

[cool rock music]

♪

- You do realize I'm a sitting United States senator?

- So I see.

♪

[door knob clunking]

- Open the fucking door.

- Okay.

♪

- You're gonna ruin me.

♪

- Does Cyrus know where you are?

- Hmm.

He told me not to come.

- He doesn't get to tell you that.

♪

- Well, who does?

♪

[music ends abruptly, billboard clicks]

When am I meeting with Brattle?

- I'll set it up.

- And you're okay with bypassing Spivey?

- It's for the best.

Jake's a real 10-gallon Texan.

You wouldn't like him anyway. - Allegra.

I'm a Texan.

- You know what I mean.

Besides, he and I have a history, so...

- [chuckles]

Well, if you think there's value

in me meeting with Spivey, then I will.

- Cyrus said no.

- Cyrus works for me.

- Okay.

I'll set it up for tomorrow.

- Any tips on your hometown?

I hear the zoo's nice.

[laughs]

- How long are we gonna keep doing this?

- I thought you liked doing this.

I like doing this.

- I do too.

- [groans]

[exhales sharply]

[grunts]

[funky noir music]

♪

We'll talk about it when I get back to D.C.

♪

[dog barking] - I shouldn't be doing this.

This is the chief of police's house.

- Well, Cindy says not to live in the "shoulds."

[dog barking and growling]

- What is that?

- This is a pineapple.

But you don't wanna go dipping this in your daiquiris.

It'll spoof the chief's Wi-Fi signal,

forcing all her devices to connect to it,

which gives me access to all her information.

- That is deeply unsettling.

- [grunting] Yeah. [dog barking]

It is. Come on.

- You done? - We're done.

[dog growls]

We're going, sweetie. We're going.

[dog barking]

- What happens now?

- Well, I guess we just go back to my place,

see what we got so far,

if you're sure she even wants it.

You know, everybody thinks they want the truth,

and they hire me to get it for 'em,

but at the end of the day,

they all hate me for it.

Anyways... [clicks tongue]

it's gonna take a couple hours.

You party? - I'm good.

Anything turns up, Harold, call Allegra.

- Well, at least call me "Riggs," man!

Geez, I thought we were doing a bit.

[phone rings]

[light Muzak playing]

- Yes?

Okay.

Conference room on the left.

- Thank you.

[liquid squishing, spoon scraping]

- Mmm.

- Mr. Staghorne, thank you for agreeing to meet me.

- [groans] - Daddy.

I'm gonna let Horace and the rest

of the editorial board take the lead here,

but as president and publisher of the "Chronicle,"

we're just here to observe.

Horace?

- Chief Raytek, in your mind,

what do you consider the premiere problem

facing San Bonifacio today?

- I believe Mayor Tony Salazar's mismanagement

has led to a stagnant economy.

- And how do you intend to reinvigorate our economy?

- Well, thank you-- was it Linda?

- Londa.

- Lo--okay.

Thank you for the question.

Packingtown was once home to grand factories.

- [coughing] - And now it's gone fallow.

- [coughing louder]

- As resources have been spent

on older, wealthier neighborhoods--

- [loud hacking]

- Is he gonna need the Heimlich?

- Daddy, what's bothering you?

- Your thundering nonsense is what's bothering me.

You understand what a city is?

Do you, you simplistic cow?

Nah, no, you don't.

- Daddy.

- A city's a living thing.

Inside of it, there are noble organs,

and Packingtown

is this city's large intestine.

Its rectum.

It's a place for filth.

For runoff.

It is riddled with parasites.

And you would offer to empower them.

The Mexicans, the women,

new money trash like Jake Spivey.

No!

You don't win an election in this city.

You accept our offer to serve.

[tense music]

- It appears the board will not be endorsing at this time.

- Stuff it, Londa.

- It's 5:00 p.m., Gene.

Screw you. I'm done.

[sighs]

[pleasant music]

♪

[music speeding up]

♪

[music normalizes]

Hey there. It's Luke.

You busy?

- No, not there.

It's not safe. [recording rewinds]

It's not safe. [recording rewinds]

It's not safe. [phone ringing, buzzing]

- Tell me you have something.

- Well, not much.

Can you believe she orders them shit-kicking boots

from Maine?

- Harold. [microwave beeps]

- Well, she keeps a pretty low profile.

Some dating apps.

Apparently, our chief prefers the company of--

- I don't care about that.

- Are you sure? - Yes.

- Okay.

Well, she's a vet.

Did you know that?

She keeps pretty tight with her army buddies.

E-cards, group chats, shit like that.

- Anything else?

- Well, the damndest thing

is that the person she's been researching the most

is you.

- That all?

- Yeah, for now.

But I'll keep digging.

And you just come on by later, okay?

Oh, wait, there is one more thing.

Does the name "Clyde Brattle"

mean anything to you?

Hello?

[cork pops]

- Luke, what am I doing here?

You know I don't do divorces.

- You were nice to me.

- I'ma get a paper-- - No, no, nope, nope, nope.

My husband moved me

2,000 miles away from my family

just so he could shack up with another woman.

[laughs]

He can keep the rug.

- You are taking this in stride.

- Look at me.

I am 135 pounds

of grade-A American honey,

and I'm getting out while the getting's good.

And I go fast.

Think you can keep up with me?

- ♪ Who took the bomp?

[Le Tigre's "Deceptacon"]

[upbeat rock music]

- Come on!

[laughs] - What is happening?

- Come on! - All right.

- [laughs]

[cheering]

- I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back though.

Which way? - That way!

- That way. - Hurry up!

Whoo!

- ♪ Every day and night

- Yeah! Whoo!

Ow! - ♪ Every day and night

- Whoo-hoo!

- ♪ I can see your disco, disco dick ♪

[tense musical tone]

- ♪ I'm outta time, I'm outta fucking time ♪

♪ I'm a gasoline gut with a Vaseline mind ♪

♪ But wanna disco?

♪ Wanna see me disco?

♪ Let me hear you depoliticize my rhyme ♪

♪ One, two, three, four

- [moaning]

Oh, my God.

That was incredible, Felicity.

- [sighs] - You're incredible.

[somber music]

♪

[children laughing distantly]

[neon sign buzzing]

[electricity crackling]

[loud echoing cacophony]

[phone ringing]

- Hi.

What--

what's that music?

What?

[tense music]

♪

[doorbell chimes]

[loud pop music playing]

- Oh, hi!

Come on in. Join the party.

[loud slurping]

[car engine revving]

[indistinct radio chatter]

[car door pops open]

- Yep. I'm gonna relieve you guys.

You can head on back to the office.

- Yes, ma'am.

- Let me know.

[indistinct chatter]

You guys can head on back. - Finally.

Let's get this over with.

[whispers] Come on.

Show your face, Spivey.

Here we go.

[car engine turns over]

[phone buzzes]

God damn it!

Oh, no.

- I got a problem, and I need you to solve it.

- [gulps] [suspenseful music]

- Jesus Christ, Jake.

I have to pull your protection detail.

- Mm-mm.

Bullshit. We had a deal.

- I held up my end.

You have any idea how much scrubbing it took

to clean up your mess?

Dead bodies,

burned buildings, runaway migrants.

- Well, things kind of got away--

- Hey, hey. Wake up.

We have to develop Packingtown.

The Staghornes are gonna fight like hell to stop us.

- Yeah, well,

you know I can't do a damn thing

unless I got immunity.

We're just gonna have to be patient.

- Oh, don't tell me about patience, Jake.

I spent half my life

being stepped on by assholes like the Staghornes

and the other half changing the diapers

of whiny little bitches like you.

It's my time now.

[tense music]

Tell your girlfriend to get it done.

♪

- [muttering] Not my girlfriend.

[Italian music]

- Andiamo!

[laughs]

This is exactly how they serve them in Italy.

- Lucretia...

[music distorting]

Did you spy on my sister?

[distorted Italian music]

♪

- A little bit.

That's bad, right?

I just needed to know.

She was so nice to me

at the potluck.

Everyone said she was always like that,

and I thought,

"How could someone so nice

do something so awful?"

Can you tell me that?

Why would your sister wanna hurt me?

[white noise]

- I don't know.

- Bleh. [laughs]

Anyway, one good thing

in this godforsaken hellhole of a town,

there is a guy

who can find out anything about anyone.

[pills rattle]

Where they're going, what they're doing,

what kind of noises they make when they're fucking.

And all it costs is money.

[voice breaking] Isn't that great?

[door shuts] - Lucretia!

Lucretia!

- Oh, here's my loving husband now.

- Luke, what's going on?

- We were just leaving.

- That's a good idea.

- Sorry about the rug.

- What did you say to them?

- Oh, I'm so sorry, Gene.

Is it embarrassing for you when I talk?

- Luke, what did you-- - You killed my cat!

- We need to go through Harold's files.

He was stalking Felicity for two different people!

- He's a criminal.

Look, you ever think there was a reason

why Felicity never asked you for help?

The only thing she ever did for you

was leave you an insurance policy,

which you refuse to accept.

- I don't wanna be paid for my sister's death.

- And I don't want you to die because of it!

And neither did she.

I got you out of that car before it exploded.

And you keep trying to climb back into it.

It never ends.

Hell, maybe it's for the best.

At least this way, you don't actually have to say good-bye.

- Fuck you.

- Lucretia! - I made you something.

Petit fours with homemade ganache.

- But you hate sweets.

- Mmm. That--that's delicious.

- I know.

- What's the filling? It's--

- Butterscotch.

Your favorite, right?

- Mm-hmm.

- I love you, Butterscotch.

[tense music]

♪

- You bugged me?

♪

[spits]

You can go to jail for this.

And there is not a jury in Texas

that wouldn't convict you.

- Stop it, Gene. Stop it. Stop.

- Oh, you better hope

that shirtless freak didn't keep records.

Because if he did-- - Stop!

- I will bust him personally and see that you rot

for the rest of your life in a padded cell.

Do you understand me, you psychotic--

- Stop! - Pathetic, paranoid--

Fuck! - [high-pitched] Enough!

♪

Gene.

It's okay. I can fix this!

- I do love a crisp bill, you know?

Just feels right in the hand.

Mm.

Wanna see what else I found?

It's pretty good.

- Uh, may I use the bathroom first?

- Sure, sure.

Just don't touch the kombucha mother.

She's sensitive.

- Hal, look at these girls' hats.

- Oh, shit.

- Looks like a flock of seagulls.

- Yeah. We need to get one of them.

For the talent show. Don't you think?

We could make that.

- I think I could reproduce that.

- I know you could, girl.

- A little hot glue.

- A little hot glue, some, uh...

[tense music]

♪

- [laughs]

- Now what's she doing in there?

- I don't know.

Hair like that, it probably needs some retouching.

♪

- Baby. - Mm.

- Can you grab my moisturizer from the bedroom?

- Baby, I just sat down.

I'm tired.

- You know how much I need my night lotion.

- All right.

- Please. - All right.

- Thank you.

♪

It's on the nightstand, baby. Where we left it.

It's a pink top with a little baby on it.

- Yeah, yeah, I know.

- It's got shea butter, baby.

Make sure it's the one with shea butter!

[doorbell rings, knocking]

Someone at the door.

- Don't-- it's always something.

Don't worry. - What? Hey!

- I got it. - They're wet.

- Well, well.

Lookie who we have here.

[gunshot]

- Hal? [gasps]

[screams]

Help!

Help!

[sobbing] Oh, my God!

Baby. Oh, my God.

[sobs]

[cheers and applause]

[upbeat country music]

♪

- Hello, San Bonifacio!

[cheers and applause]

It is such a pleasure to be here tonight.

Thank you.

[cheers and applause]

Now, I know you don't make sugar here anymore,

but I gotta say,

you look pretty sweet to me.

[laughs] [cheers and applause]

Now, I'd like to thank my lovely wife Sonia

for being with me here tonight.

[man shouts]

[cheers and applause]

If it wasn't for this woman right here,

I wouldn't be half the man that I am today.

[cheers and applause]

[siren blares]

- We got eyes on her.

- And it's because of the love that I have for her

that I'm so committed to these three little words.

Say them with me.

all: Faith, family, fidelity.

Faith, family, fidelity.

- [laughs] [cheers and applause]

[upbeat rock music]

crowd: Faith, family, fidelity.

Faith, family--

- Thanks.

They got her.

I didn't think she could kill anyone.

She really loved the cat.

[sniffles and sighs]

- I'm so sorry.

- Thanks, Dill.

You want something? Coffee?

- Sure.

[indistinct radio chatter]

[envelopes rustling]

- Howdy.

- Snow?

- Yes, sir.

Uh...

Sir, uh, you can't-- - I'll handle this.

[sighs]

[tense music]

♪

[door closes]

[footsteps approach]

- Well, well, well.

This brings back memories.

How long's it been

since I found you in a room like this?

Ten years?

- 12.

- 12 years.

Incredible.

We've made quite the team.

You know, in the days after your arrest,

Congressman Danville and I spent quite a bit of time

speculating as to why the person

charged with attempted blackmail

was keeping so silent behind bars.

- Because I knew someone like you

would eventually show up.

- And when I did,

I recognized something in you, Allegra Dill.

Something feral yet controlled.

- Get to the point.

- I heard you got your meeting for Jake Spivey.

Congratulations.

This was the first time you've disobeyed me.

It is also the last.

12 years ago, I took you out of a place like this.

I will not hesitate to put you back in.

Permanently.

[door closes]

♪

[door closes]

[footsteps approaching]

- God damn it, Pick.

You nearly gave me a heart attack.

- Lalo Levantes is dead.

Brattle killed him.

- We're gonna get him back for this.

- It's not just him, Jake. It's this place.

It takes poor people, young people,

anyone who wants to make a difference

and grinds them to dust.

[somber music]

Felicity.

Lalo.

♪

Us.

♪

Is this Packingtown?

- Yeah.

What do you think?

- Jesus Christ, Jake. A waterpark?

- Well, people deserve to have fun, Pick.

Time to turn the tables on these bastards.

Once and for all.

- I got you your meeting.

With the senator.

♪

- My girl.

[laughs]

- Tomorrow morning.

It's the only play we have left, Jake.

It's just us now, and I need you to win.

- Of course I'm gonna win.

- You're not listening.

Ineed you to win.

One meeting.

We both get free.

- All right.

Talking's never been a problem for me.

[tense music]

- And you tell him everything. - Yeah.

Swear to Christmas.

- About Al-Namur?

- I ain't the bad guy, Pick.

- So prove it.

Tell the senator everything. He's a good man.

He'll listen.

- Well, all right, sure, darling, whatever you want.

I'll--I'll spill

like one of them oil tankers in the '80s.

♪

Just us, huh?

♪