Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

♪ Zak Storm, Zak Storm ♪

♪ I will always guide you, lead you ♪

♪ I'll be standing right by your side ♪

♪ Standing, fighting ♪

♪ Justice always in sight ♪

♪ I will always guide you, lead you ♪

♪ I will get you out of here ♪

♪ No reason to fear ♪

♪ Just as long as I'm near ♪

♪ Zak Storm, Zak Storm ♪

♪ I will always guide you, lead you ♪

♪ Heavens above ♪

♪ No reason to fear ♪

♪ Just as long as I'm near ♪

♪ Zak Storm ♪

To whoever finds this, check this out.

You are totally not gonna believe what I just found!

That's an actual spot in the shape of an actual X.

X marks the spot.

X is the spot! Mind blown.

Do all humans record their every move?

Does a bear do his business in the woods?

You know! In his office, at a desk, with paper and pencil. Ha!

Earth broadcasts are very popular on my planet.

They're all from 1965, but they're groovy, baby.

Crogar doesn't get it. Big hole. Lots of big holes on lots of islands.

-CLOVIS: [chuckles] -CROGAR: So what?

[sighs] And this is why I'm Captain.

Calabrass, what do we do when X marks the spot?

We plunder it!

I sense ancient riches in the darkness. Me jeweled teeth are jumping!

We must formulate a sensible strategy to move forward--

BOTH: [shout] Charge!

[grunts]

[skids]

Um, maybe he didn't hear "strategy" and just heard "forward?"

ALL: [sigh]

Treasure!

The teeth never lie!

Thanks for doing the heavy lifting.

Very considerate for an army of the undead!

Calabrass, gimme the Eye of Sino!

SKELETON: [grunts]

SKELETON: [grunts]

[grunts]

Hah!

Like taking treasure from a bunch of boneheads.

Plan, sh'man! When you're Captain you have to act fast and--

-[shouts] Move! -Eye of Sino! Ice Shield!

You're in over your head, whelp! This is Skullivar's chest!

I'll keel haul you and hang your hide from my mast!

[grunts]

Hah!

[grunts]

Stay frosty. And PS: what's a "Keel haul?"

Get him!

Oh, yeah. That happens here.

[gulps]

[groans]

[grunts]

Get your hands off my pirate booty!

Wait, that sounds wrong...

BONES: My master has claimed this treasure as his own, and so it shall be!

You will tire eventually, my army will not!

-You're not the only one with an army! -SKELETONS: [grunt]

[grunts] Was there more to your plan than just running in like a bull-fish?

No, that was pretty much it. Thanks!

I think we need to spend time defining the word "Plan!"

You bet, right after I open that treasure live on cam!

[grunts]

Zak, I'm getting some weirdo readings from that chest. Weirdo is bad.

The Space-Dog makes some sense. Somethin' don't feel right...

You were the one with jangly teeth!

-Treasure? Let's snag it! -BONES: [laughs]

ZAK: [cries out]

[grunts]

Tenacious brat! You're in over your head as usual!

Yah!

[grunts] Yield.

Eye of Sino!

Frozen Path!

[cries out]

[grunts]

Strike!

-Think he knows what he's doing? -Not sure, but he does do it with style...

Of a sort...

Viking style!

Battle first, think later!

Zak, I have to point out that yer "plans" seem a bit off.

Are ye that hungry for gold? Why is this treasure so important to ye?

It's not about treasure.

I'm still new to the whole "captaining" thing.

Gotta show 'em that I'm the man. Now let's open this puppy!

Captain, speaking from a purely mathematical standpoint,

we're getting our posterior regions handed to us!

BONES: [shouts] For Skullivar!

Zak! We need you now!

[shouts] Agh! Get your bony fingers off my friends!

Sino Total Blast!

[laughs]

The chest is ours!

To me, you scurvy dogs!

You guys all right? Sorry I was stuck with... Huh?

[shouts] The chest!

Sure, they got the chest, but we're hunky-dory and that's what matters, right?

I guess...

No one wins every fight, Zak.

We'll be ready for them next time, Captain.

Have no fear.

We lose like that, guess who you won't want as Captain.

-I gotta be stronger. Whatever it takes... -"Bring me that chest."

Your exact words, and your humble servant delivers.

So rare...

What's that? Th... The treasure, my Lord?

No. The times when you actually do something right.

BONES: While I'd like to accept the...

[clears throat] .."compliment," we've been hornswaggled.

-This is just junk. -How little you understand, poor Bones!

Observe...

This acquisition will complete my collection.

After all these years, Morlock the Unstoppable.

Finally, a worthy emissary!

The position of "emissary" is already held, Skullivar, quite capably.

I'll be the judge of that.

CECE: Zak, I know that you don't like to lose.

Correction, I hate to lose. Worse than brussels sprouts.

Worse than stink foot.

-So do I, but on occasion it happens. -And it's my fault, right?

Course not! There were more of them. Stronger, faster...

If I was a better leader,

we'd be plundering booty, not looking for Sassafrass.

[chuckles] Booty.

CALABRASS: Ah-ha! Next left. Down this alleyway.

I'm picking up on her weird voodoo!

She needs some nice curtains. Place creepy. Always creepy.

Yeah, but she's always right.

It's called a doorbell. You should try it.

[coins clink]

-Oh! -You like money, I like not losing.

Let's talk. We got kicked in all Seven Cs over this.

I want to know what it is.

Hey!

I cannot have such dark enchantments within my walls!

Besides, it clashes with everything!

Why did you fry that flag?

It bears the mark of Morlock!

Oh, xetraphon.

When it was just a chest I was like, "Okay, it's a dumb treasure chest,"

but now it has a scary name, which means it's bad!

Think about it.

No one names harmless flowers, or puppies, or apple pie "Morlock."

Morlock the Unstoppable.

A haunted suit of indestructible armor, controlled by a remote host.

-It wasn't big enough... -The armor was scattered a century ago.

Skullivar has sought control of the Morlock ever since!

If that chest contained the last piece, we are surely doomed.

And it's my fault. I failed to stop Bones.

Zak, this isn't anyone's fault.

Every plan falls apart if the center doesn't hold.

You're our center. Right? Right?

I'm trying...

Oh, guys? Remember that weirdo energy from the chest? It's making me ping.

-ZAK: Another piece of the armor? -Not thinking it's a little piece.

This signal is bigger and zooming right this way.

-I mean, really, really close! -How close is "Really, really close?"

ALL: [cry out]

[shudders]

And that must be Morlock.

Anyone know how to stop the unstoppable?

CECE: [shudders]

SKULLIVAR: You cannot escape Morlock, boy! It is unstoppable.

It never tires. It never fails.

ALL: [cry out]

I'll lead him away! Skullivar may have armor but what he wants is Calabrass--

Slow down! Let's put our heads together and--

[shouts] Hey, Mor-dork!

[cries out]

[grunts]

..and watch you run down the street.

[shouts] Hurry!

[pants]

[crashing]

Whoa...

SKULLIVAR: Your sword will be mine and you will fall beneath it!

[cries out]

[pants]

[cries out, shudders]

[exhales]

[metal clatters]

[grunts, cries out]

[shouts] Calabrass! No!

SKULLIVAR: [laughs] Too easy.

[cries out]

-Come on, Alien, let's break things! -[cries out]

[cries out, grunts]

[cries out]

Morlock is unstoppable for a reason.

The only way we'll take this monstrosity is together.

You're right.

We'll beat him together right after I beat him first!

Gimme the Eye of--

Wait! The Morlock possesses enchantments I cannot predict or counter!

This is not a beast I can defeat alone. Nor can you.

Seriously?

This isn't one of Calabrass' life lessons, is it?

So what do we do?

Running away is nothing to be ashamed of under certain circumstances.

Hey! Calabrass! Get back here!

Zak! We need..

[groans] Humans!

Whoa!

Is this some new attack where you hit your enemy from behind?

It's not me! What is your problem, Cal?!

You have no idea what you're dealing with!

I do! The Morlock armor is a vessel for the consciousness of its controller.

-Skullivar has commandeered the-- -No time! I need to take this thing out!

CECE: [cries out]

Or that'll keep happening!

You guys chose a leader. I'm leading!

I don't care what you're wearing, Skullivar!

I'm gonna open you like a can of... Hey!

Hey!

[grunts] Whoa... Oof.

-Calabrass! You missed on purpose! -Bet yer scurvy breath, I did!

I don't want to be corrupted by evil enchantments!

-I'm tryin' to tell ye-- -C'mon!

Dezer Stone Wall!

[chuckles] I'm telling you that we go big or go home.

That's what a captain does.

Yes, fool. Come to me.

[grunts]

Calabrass! I need you now or we're street pizza!

Fine! Ye were warned...

[shouts] Stone Crusher!

Hah!

[rumbling]

Yes!

[metallic footsteps, laughter]

Wh...?!

SKULLIVAR: Is that your best?

Perhaps now, ye've learned the definition of "Unstoppable?"

We have to try a different tack.

Fishy's right! We stand together...

Excellent. Right where I want you.

CECE: Huh?

[grunting]

No! Cece! Caramba! Crogar! I...

I'm sorry.

SKULLIVAR: [laughs] You don't know the meaning of the word...yet!

[groans]

Who's sitting on my brain?

[cries out]

Cece? Caramba?

Crogar?

[groans]

This is maybe my last recording. I messed up big time.

I don't even know how, really. All I wanted was to be a good captain.

But the truth is I have no clue what I'm doing half the time.

I'm no big adventurer. I'm just a surf rat.

But I didn't want anyone to know--

-CECE: You think we didn't know? -Hey! You're supposed to be out cold!

Is that why you've been half-cocked all day? To impress us?

To lead you!

If I have to ask for help, what sort of captain am I?

Being a great captain isn't about being the smartest, strongest, or fastest.

It's about knowing you're part of, well, a family,

and knowing how to bring out the best in everyone.

The first time I met you, I knew.

"He's one of the good ones. I'd follow him anywhere."

Really? Even when I screw up royally?

Really. So, any ideas, Captain?

[metallic clanking]

SKULLIVAR: I want the Seven Eyes! Spit them out!

You got yer enchantments, Skullivar!

[groans] I gots mine!

Not for long, Sword!

Once I get you to the Netherwhere,

I'll have all the time I need to pilfer your secrets!

If we enter the Netherwhere, can Calabrass be broken?

[sighs]

[sighs]

Okay, new plan. A plan that needs all of us.

Whelp! Command the sword to spit out the gems.

Um, yeah, that's not gonna happen. Like ever.

Even if you put piranhas in my board shorts and--

-CROGAR: Huh? -ZAK: Crogar!

[grunts]

Do you value your crew, "Captain?"

These poor fools follow you on your merry adventures,

but is their faith deserved?

CROGAR: [struggles]

Don't! He can't swim!

Don't worry about Crogar drowning! The sharks will eat me way before that!

[shouts] Hold it!

[groans] You win.

I'll do what you want. I... I'm in way over my head.

I don't wanna play Captain anymore.

The sword is yours, if you just promise to let me go.

-What?! What did you say?! -No, Zak! You can't!

You would abandon your crew? Sell them out to save your own skin?

-It's not like they like me anyway. -Huh?

I was only in charge because I had Calabrass.

I was the strongest and now I'm not.

[laughs] Stripped of all your power and see yourself as you truly are!

Tell me how to loosen the stones!

The truth? Just like everything else in this crazy place.

I don't have a clue.

Then you are of no use to anyone!

-[struggles] -Except, perhaps...the sharks!

-[cries out] -Huh?

[whistles]

Phew! Good plank! Good plank!

[sighs] I've wanted to do that for a long time!

Now, Sword, you and I have unfinished business.

Do your best, Skull King. You're not worthy to wield me.

I will enjoy attempting to convince you otherwise.

Anyone ever tell you your bad guy banter is totally stale?

Don't you have like a bad guy speech coach or something?

[cries out]

-[grunts] -[cries out]

Ouch! Me coccyx!

Impossible!

Before you go taking over the Triangle, learn how to count.

There are Seven of us. Clovis! Chaos! You're up!

Let's put this lead-head to bed!

I give you guys shore leave for one afternoon and look what happens!

[grunts]

A very convincing execution of phase one of our plan, Captain.

Thanks. Now if I can get Calabrass back, phase two might work.

If we do it together.

Someone slightly smarter than me once said,

"The whole thing falls apart if the center doesn't hold."

Together.

[shouts] For Odin! For Asgard! For the Seven Cs!

-[cries out] -[sighs] Really?

[grunts]

-Argh! -Huh?

Hey! Clovis! How good are you with machinery?

-Awful! I break everything I touch. -Perfect!

I have a mission for you.

Enough! You only delay the inevitable!

I wield the Morlock. I have the Sword of Seven Eyes!

It's over!

We can't let him get Calabrass into that portal! Hit him from all sides!

[cries out]

Have you learned nothing?!

-Oh... -Huh?

[grunting, straining]

[cries out]

Agh!

[cries out]

[cries out]

[groans]

ZAK: [shouts] Stick together or fall apart!

[yells]

ZAK: Perfect!

Keep it up, guys! Almost there!

SKULLIVAR: We are almost there.

-The Netherwhere! -Huh?!

SKULLIVAR: It is over, boy!

ZAK: Wanna know how Calabrass works, Skullivar?

The same way we all do. As part of a team!

Yah!

-Whoa! -Are you mad?!

-No, just a little crazy! -It's the same thing!

Calabrass, give me The Eye of Blaaz!

[groans]

Something's wrong...

Bones! Get them into the portal. Now!

Caramba! Are we in position?

Now or never, Zak!

You're up, big guy!

Let's finish it... together!

[grunts]

Everyone! Now!

[grunts] Go!

[grunts]

Separated from the torso,

the Morlock limbs are still indestructible,

but vulnerable to entrapment in magma!

Which, upon hitting the water, cools into a solid mass of rock!

Go science!

-CECE: Together we stand. -Divided he falls!

Yeah!

-We did it! All right! -This is far from over.

Oh, we forgot to plan for this part.

[chuckles] Don't worry, Caramba.

Bones is no better at counting than Skully. Right, Clovis?!

Yummy! I love the taste of a collision course!

Woohoo!

[chuckles]

[siren blares]

BONES: [growls] You'll pay for this!

[cries out] No!

CALABRASS: Not bad, Zak. Played like a true captain.

Maybe ye'll earn yer stripes yet!

It's basic strategy. Nothing can hold together if the center falls.

A smart mergirl taught me that.

I prefer First Mate.

[clears throat] Chaos?

ZAK: Whoa!

[splash]

ALL: [laugh]

I totally did that on purpose.

So did I, ye landlubber...

-[laughs] -Bathroom break! Woohoo!

ALL: [laugh]

[♪♪♪]

Subtitles: TITRAFILM