All language subtitles for Time.Freak.2018.720p.BluRay.x264-BRMP

I'm just not happy anymore.

There's gotta be something I can say...

Stillman, I didn't
just think this up overnight.

I've been sick about it for weeks.

Okay. At least just let me say my piece.

Of course, yeah.

Well, what about...

I don't know what to say.

Well, you know you can call me anytime,

but I'm gonna go.

Okay, let me say my piece.

Of course, yeah.

Well, what about the fact
that you are my favorite person?

My unpredictable
free-spirited best friend?

That we look at the world
so differently, like,

so differently, it's fascinating.

And as unlikely as it is,
we are meant to be together.

And I know that is true
because I am more myself around you

than I ever was
before we knew each other.

And I know at some point,
you felt all that about me, too.

What about all that?

- I still think we should break up.
- Right.

Well, you know you can call me anytime,

but I'm gonna go.

That was a bust.

Okay, think about it for one second.

What is your heart telling you?

That we should break up.

Ignore your heart.

- What is your head telling you to do?
- Break up.

Debbie, I will never do better than you.

You'll never do better than me.

We will never do better than each other.

Here you go.
What is it about me specifically?

- You're a little rigid sometimes.
- Rigid?

Yes.

You wanna break up? Cool.

What was the stupidest thing I did

the entire time we were together?

Please define a neurotic.

Put away your notebook.

You know what, I'm breaking up with you.

I'm breaking up with you.

Did that work? Anything?

I should go. We should break up.

I'm gonna go.

Break up. We should break it off.

I should go.

- Go, go, go.
- All right!

I get it.

I'm gonna go.

But I'm not giving up.

What went wrong?

Stillman!

You know I can hear you in there.

- Are you killing yourself?
- What? No.

Look, man, you are depressed
and heartbroken

and although I love the automatic 4.0,
that's no reason to...

- Can you shut up?
- There you are, man.

You're lucky I found you.
I was worried about you.

Found me? No, I called you.

I was still super freaked out.

Wow, you've been busy. Ooh, drinks.

- Are you high?
- Right now? Sure.

Coincidentally, but you've been
gone for, like, a week.

I was worried often during that time.

I've been working.

And I need your help.

Whoa, how do you play this thing?

It's not a game. Um...

This is my relationship with Debbie.

Wow, that's actually really cool.

But also super sad.
Like you're stalking your own life.

Yeah, I know, it's a little pathetic,

but I have to get everything laid out
if I'm ever gonna find the answer.

Yeah, of course you do.
What's the question?

What went wrong?

Look, if you go back to last year.

Go back... use this.

Go back to the beginning.

Day one.

So as the sound waves
build in resonance,

they could theoretically
affect the structure

of an existing superstring, which can...

Can we just think of how freaking
mind-blowing that is?

And when do the harmonics come in?

The harmonics are constant
but as they build exponentially,

the superstring becomes relative.

- A-ha!
- Do you get it?

No, I don't think so.

That's it for today, class.

Amazing work, Stillman.
Really advanced stuff.

Nobody can hang with Stillman.

I mean, I'll help him out
sometimes when he gets stuck,

but for everybody else, forget it.

- That never happens.
- It happens.

What are you doing here?
Don't you have Frisbee class?

Okay, well, it's not a class, it's a team,
and I think you know that.

And also, we just had practice,
so now you and me

are gonna go do the whole
going-away party thing

at the place with the chick.

Well, that's gonna be really awkward.

Well, yeah, of course
it's gonna be awkward.

Your awkwardness is constant.

Her discomfort is relative,
and that is what we have to solve.

You like what I did there?

- Cheers.
- The last one.

I told you this was gonna be weird.

It's clearly just for her friends.
Her really cool friends.

Friends and loyal customers like us.

Look, here you go. She's still working.

- Uh... Kiwi daiquiri. Appletini.
- Um, IPA. Rum and coke.

Oh, shoot. Okay.

- Wow, she is just the worst.
- I know.

Kind of adorable, though.

Who do you think that guy is?

Man, don't worry about
Selena Gomez over there.

Worry about what you're gonna say.

This is your last chance to say goodbye.

And hello for that matter.

- Wait, I got an idea.
- Yeah? What's up?

- Temporal consistency isn't just...
- Wait, wait, a nerd idea?

- Well, I gotta get it down.
- Dude, no.

Look, she is super-hot
and I'm kind of a dork, so...

- You're a huge dork.
- Exactly!

So even if that isn't her boyfriend,
what are we gonna connect about?

- Tell her you're a math genius.
- I'm a physics genius

and I don't know what
she's gonna think of that.

Well, you're gonna have
to actually talk to her to find out.

All right, I'll just be honest.

Honesty's cool, right?

Mm-hmm.

Diet Dr Pepper?

Uh... no, I was just gonna ask,
today's your last day, right?

It sure is.

Well, we're really gonna miss you.

I think you're the best bartender
in the whole city.

Oh, that's very sweet of you...

- Stillman.
- Stillman.

'Cause I actually think
I'm a terrible bartender.

Oh, big-time. I meant like as a person.

- Oh.
- Um...

So where are you moving to?

Oh, I'm not moving. I just got fired.

The owner's a friend,
and she did me a favor by hiring me

and she kind of really did me a favor
by firing me, too.

How?

Well, I'm a musician, so, you know.

So you'll get your demo together.

Do some gigs.
Expand your career possibilities.

Uh... Yeah, sure.

I mean, those are all great ideas,
but I don't really have a plan.

- For your career?
- For anything.

Now, sure, I'd love to be successful,
but I'd love to do lots of stuff.

As much stuff as I can forever.

That's kind of my only plan.

Plus, you can't really
control your career anyway.

Or really anything, anyway.
Don't you think?

Yeah.

You're a terrible liar.

You're challenging some
really deeply held personal beliefs.

I thought it would just be simpler
if I said, "Yeah."

So what about you?

- I'm a physics student.
- Really? That's cool.

I'm a student, too.

- Like, on and off.
- What are you studying?

Lots of things.

Just not in, like, the regimented way
that you're supposed to.

Like, last semester I went to Hawaii.

- To study?
- To go to Hawaii.

So now the school isn't really sure
if they want to let me back in,

and I'm not really sure if I want
to let them let me, so there.

So there.

- But you like it?
- Yeah, I love it.

I'm in a kind of accelerated program.

I come in, I need to be ready to work.

I just love, like,
the proofs and the equations.

The whole riddle of it all.

I don't think I've ever loved
anything that much.

Well, have you ever considered physics?

Not until now.

- Hello, darling.
- Hello, darling.

You're not allowed in my bar.

- Don't ignore us.
- I'm not ignoring you.

- Yes, you are.
- I'm not.

I'm just working. Get back there.

- You're not allowed.
- Where'd your friend go?

I don't know.

So what happened?

It got weird.

Can we just get out of here?

Okay. Ready for takeoff.

- Yes!
- Evan, are you high?

- Hmm?
- Are you high?

What?

- Did you just get high in the bathroom?
- No.

Not in the bathroom.

Hmm, guess again, please.

You're too high to drive.

How do you know how high I am?

What is that?

It's math stuff. Look at all this.

- It's amazing.
- I'm allergic to math.

There's Andy. I'll get a ride with him.

Man, dude, no way. I'm totally fine.

Besides, you can't ride with the enemy.

Enemy? What, is that,
like, a Frisbee thing?

If you mean Ultimate Frisbee, then yeah.

No, stop, I'm serious.

Dude, the guy is smug and ungracious.

Andy!

- Ugh!
- Andy, are you going to Henley?

No, I'm going to teach
your mother organic chemistry.

- All right.
- It's not funny.

- Sorry, just joking around.
- Well, I'm coming with you.

- Traitor.
- Hey, you forgot your...

- Stillman?
- Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, are you dead?

- Please don't be dead.
- Dead? Why are you saying dead?

No, I'm gonna get help.
I'll get help.

- Are you okay?
- I'm perfect.

But...

But I need to do something.

- There.
- Oh, ooh.

Before I forget.

For a second, I thought
you were grabbing at me.

It must be pretty important.

No, none of this other stuff is,
but I just figured something out.

You know, I don't know
what any of that stuff is,

but it looks pretty cool.

Really?

Yeah.

You know, I still feel
I never got proper credit

for hitting you with my car.

Well, I think we see
that moment a bit differently.

Anyway, look.

I got smiling faces for all
my good memories, right?

The stuff I don't regret.
I made a kind of crude slideshow.

Help us stay organized.

Yeah, so crude.

See, we can be happy.

Look at that mane!

- Are you kidding?
- Evan, can you stay focused?

On what, man?

Other than sad, what is this whole thing?

Well, this is what we need to address.

Ah, red dots.
Now we're getting somewhere.

These are all my shitty moments
from last year.

Well, my year would probably just be
one solid red line.

This is why we broke up, Evan.

The computer can tell you
why you broke up?

- That's amazing.
- Look. Day 37.

Day 51 and 52.

Day 70. All this stuff I regret.

Interesting.

Really? Over Y? You think so?

Well, if you think it's gonna prove
the proof then go ahead.

- Are you making fun of me?
- I'm flirting with you, dummy.

- Your genius is hot.
- Oh, yeah?

- Oh, what, you think this is irresistible?
- Ooh, talk physics to me.

Okay.

You're a positively expanding monomial.

Oh! Give me something else.

- I'm gonna lie tangent to your curves.
- Oh, I love it.

I love you.

Scoot.

What is this?

In case I forget the words.

- You're playing me a song.
- And I never play for anyone.

I know you don't.

You just... you trust me
with something, Stillman.

And it really means a lot,
so I kind of want

to trust you with something.

This was kind of inspired by us.

Take my hand and walk along

As I share with you my song

My heart is full of doubt
And words will fail me

You were taller than a tree

But the bats will carry me

And I'll fall below
Before you could come catch me

And I can see it in your eyes

That the monkey's got the prize

And there is no way
To stop his howling

- Yay.
- Yay!

- Yeah. God, what a voice.
- Thank you.

What's it about?

I don't know.

You don't know?

Well, am I the dude taller than a tree
or am I the howling monkey?

I never thought about it like that.

I see.

- You're disappointed.
- No.

- Yes, you are.
- I'm not.

You're doing that thing where
you don't say what you feel.

Well, honestly, I was kind of waiting

for the line that's like,

And I love you, too, Stillman

Or, just like,

You're really cool
But I'm not ready yet

- You don't think I love you?
- I don't know.

I know I said it, and then you ran off,

and then you came back
and sang a song about a monkey.

I love you.

But, you know,
I've said it to lots of guys

and I just... I kind of wanted this
to be different.

Sorry it upset you.

All right.

You know, you're different from anyone

I've ever dated or really
anyone I've ever known.

You're brilliant and you're driven

and I respect your opinion a lot.

That's why I was scared
to play this for you,

because I don't really treat
my work like you treat yours.

But then, you know, like, I realized that

if you didn't like it,
you'd find a nice way to tell me

because in addition to being one
of the smartest people I know,

you're also one of the kindest.

Well, baby, then there is no reason
to be sorry, okay?

That was a great song.

- Do you want to play it again?
- Not really.

Okay, I don't blame you.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Oh, what a piece of shit.

Huh?

I regret seeing this crapfest, too.

No, that's not why that's up there.

All right, Farallon Five is a masterpiece.

Right. I forgot.

Well, what'd you guys think?

Um...

It was good. Yeah. Yeah.

- Stop it.
- I can't help it.

It was good.

- It's...
- Holy crap, that movie sucked!

Boring and confusing. That's a neat trick.

That was an intergalactic suckfest

with bad robot acting
and how about that blue...

what the blue... with the blue face...

- Yeah, I don't know. I didn't get that.
- What?

Hey, why was that dude's
face blue, anyway?

- I mean, that...
- Whatever. All right, whatever.

Like, enough about Farallon Five.

You keep laughing about it.

I bet you couldn't if I donkey slapped you
in the back of the head.

What?

That's disgusting.

I wasn't making a gay joke.
If that's what you're thinking.

I mean, a donkey slap was for everyone.

How sweet.

I'm not even totally sure
what a donkey slap is.

Okay, so, yeah,

I mean, I think everyone
remembers Day 122.

Not your finest hour, but you really think

- that had anything to do with...
- Maybe, maybe not.

It was kind of early on.

All right, maybe this is just
'cause I'm coming down a little,

but what's the point of all this?

It could've been different.

It took you a week of sorting
through pictures to figure that out?

Let me rephrase.

It's gonna be different.

See, it started as a kind of wrinkle
in my theorem,

and that just kept expanding.

And Evan,

nothing focuses
your mind like a broken heart.

Please don't tell me you think
this is what I think you think this is.

- It's a time machine.
- No.

No, no, no, no, no...

Stillman, okay, this breakup
is taking a very scary turn.

I'm fulfilling my best friend duties
and I'm stepping in.

Enough. Enough, man.
Enough time travel. Enough Debbie.

You gotta stop.

Stop doing crazy scientist things.

Okay, that for sure does not do anything.

That keyboard doesn't do anything.

None of this stuff does anything!

- Evan...
- Stillman, listen to me.

- You gotta move on.
- Evan!

- It's time to move on.
- She is the love of my life.

Do you understand?

I am never gonna find
anyone better than her.

She accepts my haltingly analytical mind

whilst encouraging me
to just roll with shit.

She is a kind, carefree spirit

with so much compassion and empathy,
she could love the stupidest of people.

I admire her so much.

She's great, I know.

And do you think I can just move on
from someone like that?

Well, I'm hoping, um...

yes?

No, no, not while I know what I know.

Oh, good, what do you know?

I know that there is
an elastic temporal quality

to all preexisting phenomena.

Evan...

I can change what I did wrong.

I have created what
every broken heart wants.

A second chance.

I hope you're calling your shrink
on that thing.

No, this controls the machine.

My phone here
talks to my phone in the past.

- No, it doesn't.
- Look, I need help.

- Yes, yes.
- No, I need your help, Evan.

I need you to come back with me.

You want me to come...

- Yes.
- No!

- That's why I called you.
- No! I'm not going to...

Look, Evan, you've been here for every
single moment of this relationship,

and you usually give pretty good advice.

Look, you don't even believe this works.

- What's the danger?
- I believe it could give me a seizure.

And let me ask you,
have you tried talking to her?

Because that's what most people do
after a breakup.

You know, before hopping
straight to the whole time travel thing.

Yes, hundreds of times. It doesn't work.

Evan, trust me, this is the only way.

Please! Help me.

Okay.

- Yes.
- Where are we going in your time machine?

- No, come back.
- What are you doing?

Come here.

I don't like that.

Ow! Holy shit, that hurts!

Oh, my God!

- Do this.
- Huh?

Do this.

Your consciousness was just
thrown into another icon state.

- It's gonna sting.
- Wait, you mean it worked?

Of course it worked. Look where we are.

We're at Captain Frank's,
the day you hit me with the car.

Last year, day one.

So then, where's the me from last year?

Am I gonna have to fight him
or something?

You are the you from last year.

I mean, look at your clothes
and your gut... Your hair!

- Oh, my God.
- Yeah!

- Oh, my God!
- I know.

- You're not crazy.
- Yeah.

You invented a motherhumping
time machine.

Do you know what this means?

We can go anywhere. Do anything.

We could... we could run with the Vikings.

We could go to wizard school.

No. What? No, we can't go back
to literary fiction.

Anyway, we're not here to do anything.

We're here to get Debbie back, all right?

And the moment I do...

this text will disappear

and I'll know her and I stay together.

Seriously?

Yeah. Yeah, that's why
I asked you to come.

- You agreed.
- Yeah, that was before I knew it worked.

Look, all I'm saying is
on the scale of possibilities

going back a year in time
to get your girlfriend back,

it's kind of low-fi.

- Not to me.
- Then what the hell am I doing here?

All right.

- Here you go.
- Thank you.

That was crazy.

That she brought us fries we didn't order?

No, just seeing her... like that.

- Okay.
- These are cheese fries.

Frank's doesn't even make
cheese fries anymore.

This... oh!

We really did travel through time.

Cheese fry?

That really messed you up, huh?

The last time I saw her,
she was breaking up with me

over and over again.

And now here she is at the beginning,

before...

she knew me,
before I screwed everything up.

All right, I can't look at you
like this anymore. I'm in.

As long as you agree
that when we do succeed,

your best buddy Evan gets to take
the time machine for a little spin

to witness the birth of the universe.

- I will not agree to that.
- I'll just go down on Marilyn Monroe.

No. And she's not gonna have sex with you

- just because you have a time machine.
- She's not?

Okay, then how about
I get to fix my crap year a little?

- Well, what do you have in mind?
- Can I win my Ultimate Frisbee league?

Probably, but only if we get
Debbie back before your game.

All right, I'll take it.
So what are we doing?

What's the mission? What's the mish?

There's no mish.
This is the starting point.

From here on out,
we're going forwards through time

creating a new universe as we go.

Don't I have to hit you with a car?

- You will.
- Not if I know I'm going to.

Okay, well, you might not,

but as soon as we zap out
of these bodies in 25 seconds,

they'll go on doing exactly
what we did before.

I'll go hit on her awkwardly. Go out.

You hit me with the car.
She comes out to see me.

- I'll come up with the theorem.
- Awesome, let's set shit right.

- What are you doing?
- I gained, like, 30 pounds last year.

I don't need to go on
eating these after we leave.

Okay, last one.

Oh!

Ow, where are we?

Good luck.

All right, I think we're all ready.

So what are we
watching here again, Stillman?

Right. Um...

So, this is considered by many

to be one of the greatest
sci-fi movies ever made.

Wait, dude, we haven't
even started the movie?

And I'm already this excited?

Wow, what a great way to spend
the next three and half hours, huh?

Anyway, this is, like,
my favorite movie ever.

Debbie has never seen it before,
so I'm excited to share it with you guys.

- Yeah! Let's see some aliens. Right?
- Yay.

Holy crap, that movie sucked!

- Yeah, I didn't get that.
- His face... what?

Hey, why was that dude's
face blue, anyway?

- I mean, I must've missed that.
- You know what, guys?

Like, rip into this movie all you want.

It doesn't bother me
that you don't like it.

Because you are a humanoid
who likes movies that make no sense.

It made perfect sense, Carly,

but you clearly don't understand it,

and that makes you sound like
a dumb-ass bitch.

Crap.

- Yeah, I didn't get that.
- His face... what?

Hey, why was that dude's
face blue, anyway?

- I mean, I must've missed that.
- You know what, guys?

Like, it's fine that
you hate this movie, all right?

That is fine!

That's too loud.

Way too loud.

- Yeah, I didn't get that.
- His face... what?

Hey, why was that dude's
face blue, anyway?

I mean, that made no sense.

Yeah.

Hey, man, I can tell this is upsetting you

and that's not what any of us want.

- But I didn't say anything.
- We were just having a little fun.

No hard feelings, okay, stud?

- I didn't say anything!
- You didn't have to.

All right, I'm gonna go back.

We can watch it scene by scene.

I'm gonna explain exactly why you guys...

- Oh, no. We got it.
- We got it.

His skin is blue

because in the Ceetu-5 galaxy,
they live in ultraviolet.

- Did you... did you not get that?
- I thought it was great.

- I thought it was...
- Oh, my God, no, this isn't working.

After the movie.

After the movie...

All right, look, go ahead,
poke fun at the movie.

I have my opinions.
I don't care what you think.

It's not like you're hurting my feelings.

- And... crap.
- Dude, this is the worst!

It's taking forever!
It's worse than the movie!

- Wait, what are you talking about?
- Okay, I have an idea. Do it like this.

- Yeah, I didn't get that.
- His face... what?

Hey, why was that dude's
face blue, anyway?

- I mean, I must've missed that.
- You know what, guys?

I apologize.

And in fact, pizza is on me tonight.

- Oh.
- Which is my little way

of saying I'm sorry.

Apology accepted.

I am sorry that...

- Here we go.
- Thank you, sir.

You clearly know nothing about movies.

And you clearly misunderstood
such a work of art.

So it's all on us?

You uncultured heathens.

- You saw the way she looked at me?
- I did. It was great.

Man, I'm so much better
at this game than I was.

I think that's how she likes me best.

You know, like, confident.

Yeah, for sure. What's up with the text?

It's still there.
I mean, it was the first stop.

What the hell are you wearing?

Rogaine. I had this stuff all last year

and could never decide if I needed it.

We both know how that turns out.

It stays on for, like, half an hour.

- Well, we got two minutes.
- Two minutes till what?

Till we jump out.

We gotta keep moving forward.

Wait, what?

There's nothing left to fix here.

My hair!

Relax, look, the cap
will stay on after we leave.

Man, that's not the only thing.
I bomb a huge test tomorrow.

So what, you're gonna do,
like, 90 seconds of homework?

- Dude, I cannot flunk out again.
- Then why are you playing video games?

That game was
a major distraction last year.

I had to get it out of the way.

Evan, if you want to graduate,

you have to try and change
your overall attitude.

Wait, that's good. That's really good.

I should inspire the me I'm inhabiting now

so when I zap out,
he'll be motivated, yeah?

- Exactly.
- And he won't remember

that I was in control of this body?

I don't think so.

So, like, this Evan's
gonna look at all this reading

and decide skip it and smoke a bowl.

Or go back to playing Call of Duty.

Or both.

I'm gonna write him a note.

How much time do we have left?

Thirty seconds.

That's your note?

I don't have time to craft something
more complex!

I'm gonna leave him a message.

Hey, man, so, this semester
don't be, like,

a piece of shit who doesn't do anything.

- Maybe try...
- Why are you so mean?

You're right. Yeah, I'm sorry.

I love you and you are a shooting star,
but you just dick around too much.

Like a piece of shit sometimes.

And you eat way too much
and you're literally always high

and that's just not ideal for living up
to your awesome full potential.

How much time do we have?

Uh... Evan, we'll take the stairs.

Ow!

Come on.

Evan's probably already up there
and I wanna dance!

Oh, I think it's up another floor.

- What did the directions say?
- Oh, my phone died.

- I don't know.
- How do we know where we're going?

Oh, this is it. Top floor. I feel it.

Hey, yo, oh!

No, it is not a party up here,
but look at the view!

Hey, you should get Evan up here,

and we can have
our own little dance party.

- It's locked?
- Yeah.

Hey, wait.

What, you're not really scared, are you?

No, no, maybe I have,
like, a fear of being confined.

Uh... Trapped is a better word.

Hold on.

Wait, what is happening here?

What can I say?

I'm a nerd of many...

...nerdly obsessions.

I can't believe you just did that.

Do it again.

Ow! My foot. Again.

You don't need that... okay, wait, nobody...

Damn it, my foot.

Do it again. Do it again. Do it again.

I'm just gonna take that from you.

Less is more.
Please keep your scarf to yourself.

What is this song?

Damn it, my foot!

I'm losing my mind.

And I forgive you.

This is the worst song
I've ever heard in my entire life.

Okay, guys, this is my corner back here.

Right? Private space.

First it's this and then tomorrow

I don't know the alphabet...

Everybody out of my way. I gotta go.

Nope. Hello?

- Dude?
- Hey, man.

I think I'm dead.

Either I'm dead
or the time machine's broken or both.

I don't know.
There's people looking at me.

It's Groundhog Day over here.

- Something's up.
- Relax, all right? We're on the roof.

Dude, dude, that was a nightmare.

That was the all-time
worst elevator ride to hell

over and over and over and over and over.

- It's kind of my fault.
- Huh?

I kept redoing this perfect moment
with Debbie,

and whenever I redo something,
you got a redo, too.

If it was perfect, what were you fixing?

Nothing. It was just really nice.

Nice? We don't have time
to let my hair stuff set in,

but you get to relive the best of?

You gonna come dance with me?
You too, Evan.

What are you doing?

- I just... I wanna see that again.
- No, no, no, that's it.

- I'm taking over the mission.
- No.

- I'm taking over the mission.
- What? No. Stop.

I'm the mission commander now.

- It's not... it's not a mission.
- You're telling me!

Movie night, your Houdini lockpick thing.

Man, if we're gonna make this work,
you're gonna need to get into some shit.

Some messy shit.

We need a time when you were full-on
with the stick up your butt.

Like, what about the camping trip?

Day 276.

It's a party!

- Wasn't that a total disaster?
- Yes, that was and I'm aware

of all the times you're describing
and the camping trip.

I'm just working up to the big stuff.

You're right.

We gotta get into some shit.

You just... you trusted me
with something, Stillman.

And it really means a lot,

so I kind of want
to trust you with something.

Do you know what I love about this?

It means you love me and I know it.

Well, I'm glad you feel that way.

I'm just... I'm saying it's fine that
you don't necessarily say it right away.

No, no, I want to say it.

I just wanted to play
something for you first.

I'm sorry, I'm just...
what I'm trying to say is

I'm fine with you doing this
in whatever order you want.

- Okay, then why are you bringing it up?
- I'm not.

I'm not... I'm not gonna screw this up
by second-guessing it.

You know what, I've already...
I've already blown it,

so I'm just gonna do it all again.

- Do what again?
- This whole thing.

Okay, you're gonna love it.

I'm gonna do it
with a bunch of confidence.

- It's gonna be great.
- What are you talking about?

- Hello?
- Hey, hi, Deb.

Sorry, it's Evan.

- I'm looking for Stillman.
- Oh, hey, Evan.

Yeah, I'll buzz you in.

Hey, Still...

Dude, what are you doing here?

Dude, I lost my keys.

- How do you lose your keys?
- The Evan I zapped into is really high.

Also, he doesn't have his keys.

Okay, look, I don't have time for this.

I'm in the middle
of screwing something up.

- You gotta go.
- What do you mean?

- Oh, hey, Evan.
- Hey.

- Wanna come in?
- Uh...

No, thanks, Deb.

I'm really stoned, so I don't wanna
ramble on and ruin your night.

Ooh, yeah. You got any left?

Ah...

Good question.

Your children are gonna be so beautiful.

Oh, man, that was out loud.

It doesn't matter.
We're doing this all again, anyway.

I don't want kids until I've done it all.

What is "it all"?

All the adventures.
All the mistakes. All the cookies.

- Yes, finally!
- Hey, what you doing up there? Hmm?

Well, I just fixed the app
that controls my time machine.

Oh, a time machine. I want one.

And where are we going?

You're not going anywhere.

Now that it's working,
Evan and I are gonna go back

and redo this whole bizarre situation.

No! Why?

Because I love you,
and I screwed it all up

by second or third-guessing it
and that led into a fight.

- And...
- An "I love you" fight.

That's not a real fight.

We love each other, Evan.

I know.

You know? How long have you known?

Impossible for me to tell.

A long time.

Yeah, me, too.

Hey, don't time travel away.

Hmm?

Stay with me here in this
perfectly imperfect moment.

Okay.

- Yo, what the hell was that?
- I have no idea.

I was sure we were toast
when the machine froze up,

and it just... it all came out beautiful.

- What about the text?
- Oh, it's still there,

- but we gotta be making progress, right?
- Yeah.

I mean, what we did was
so much better than the original.

Oh, 100 per cent. It had to be.

I feel like I could've said

almost anything to her,
and she would've been cool with it.

Good weed.

I'm glad you were there, by the way.

- Yeah, you were awesome.
- Thanks, man.

I'm pretty good at, like, reading vibes
and helping people out, you know?

- I think that may be my thing.
- Yeah?

Yeah! I mean, dude, music theory sucks!

Talk about a stupid major.

I should be helping people out
like last night.

Oh, and hey, you know what else?

I'm gonna make sure there is smoke
at each location from here on out.

- That won't be necessary.
- I'll do it anyway.

I'm hoping that you'll come
To your senses

And make me yours

Sooner over later because
This one-way fixation

Ain't fun anymore, no, no

Maybe being in control
Of their distraction

Blow your mind away

I'm loving you, I'm crazy to be

Your only choice
And you'd have to stay

- I know her.
- She's good.

- I love your ribbons.
- Thanks.

Hey, do you want to go
someplace quiet where we can talk?

No, thanks.

Hey, so how'd you take
this moment originally?

You'll see.

Maybe when you're mine

I'll be your favorite disruption
Yeah, no

And I wouldn't mind

That it's taking you so long
To let me in

All right, yeah!

- Whoo!
- Thank you.

Thank you.

- Oh, my God.
- Thank you.

- Oh!
- Whoa.

- That was amazing, Debbie.
- Oh, thank you.

- So awesome, Debbie.
- Thanks, guys.

I know it felt really great, but I just,

like, I can't believe that
I actually did it.

I can't believe we've been hiding you
behind the bar this whole time.

- What, did you like it?
- Yeah. Come back Thursday.

Let's put you in the weekly show,
and I'll give you a cut from the door.

Oh, wow.

Um... But I think... I think
I'm gonna have to pass on that.

I mean, I'm just not ready, but thank you.

Okay, suit yourself.

I mean, right? I'm just not feeling,
like, a weekly commitment like this.

You know what?
Maybe I'm making a mistake.

I mean, it felt so good to get up there,

but I feel like I need
to take a step... a step back.

But maybe that's the universe
telling me not to wait

and to just take a leap.

I should just trust my gut, right?

That's it.
That's it, Debbie, just trust your gut.

Oh, thank you for the advice. I love you.

Okay, I'm gonna get us some drinks.

That was easy.

- Not the first time.
- And?

Um...

It's still there. Gotta keep moving.

What?

Dude, my Ultimate Championship
is tomorrow.

You said I could win once you get...

- I'm sorry.
- That D-bag Andy's here talking shit.

No, what'd he say?

- Hey, fellas.
- He's so superior.

- Good luck tomorrow, Evan.
- Now he's mocking me.

- That's nice.
- That's not really mocking.

Look, you must be close
to getting Debbie back,

and I know we can't risk it
with a dumb Frisbee game,

yada yada yada, but I want this.

I know it's your mission
and your broken heart.

I totally get it, but I just want it.

All right, screw it.

- Screw it?
- Yeah.

- You deserve it.
- Really?

- Yeah, let's do it.
- What about her?

- Any chance that...
- Don't push it.

All right, let's play some Ultimate.

D up!

Dude, why did you stop?

- I'm just trying to get open.
- No, you got to keep streaking that way.

- It goes long.
- All right.

Who are you?

Yes! Oh, my God.

Whoo! Suck it, Andy!

Oh, suck it! I win.

You lose. In your face.

Suck it.

Can I?

Oh!

You played your heart out.

- Thanks, man.
- Ready to go?

Dude, it's Blue Ribbons girl.
Oh, she's here.

We're here.

- Hurry up.
- You're the best.

Hi.

Hi.

That was an amazing game.

I won it for you.

Really?

No, not really.
That was a dumb thing to say.

- What does that mean?
- Oh, nothing.

God, I cannot wait to see you naked.

- You're disgusting.
- No, I know.

But you won't always think so.

Hey, man, let's go. Start it up, yeah?

- It's getting really weird over here.
- I can't.

Will you excuse me for a sec?

Mm-hmm, okay.

- What do you mean you can't?
- It's frozen.

Are you kidding? 'Cause I just said
some very crude things to her.

- Why?
- 'Cause I thought

- I could get away with it, that's why.
- Well, I don't know.

It's locked me out.

The same thing happened

when I kept redoing the rooftop.

- You broke our time machine?
- No, I haven't broken it, Evan.

It's just not responding.

- Probably because of this Frisbee game.
- So we just have to leave

- that conversation the way it is?
- Well, who cares about her?

No offense.

Evan, look, if I don't get this working,
I'm gonna lose Debbie.

It's Ryan.

I'll call him back later.

You don't like him, do you?

- I didn't say anything.
- You didn't have to.

I like Ryan, all right?
Of course I like him.

Come on!

Will you put your stupid phone down
for one second?

I'm sorry.

Come on, share.

Look, he just... he seems like
he wants to hook up with you.

- He's gay.
- I know.

That's how he gets in so close.

Well, I'm glad you told me how you feel.

Now it's out there.

Yeah.

Okay, Ryan has been there for me

through what were easily
the worst times of my life.

So he and I share a bond that goes
far deeper than anything sexual.

Oh, great.

Listen to me, babe.

You have to have some faith in me.

Okay?

Hey, and remember he invited us
to that summer camp

that someone's dad owns or something?

Anyway, we're gonna have
the whole place to ourselves

and it's gonna be an awesome blowout

and I want us to just have fun!

Yeah? And I don't want it to be weird.

It won't.

Don't worry.

Okay.

- What's up, man?
- Hey, dude, where are you?

In the library
with my new study group.

Since when do you have a study group?

Since I changed my major to psych.

Hey, when you're done,
do you think I can go talk to Freud?

I need some answers
I'm not getting from the text.

Yeah, I can do it. You don't know.

Evan, I need to talk to you.
Can you meet me

in front of the library
in, like, five minutes?

That's fine. I'm pretty sure they're gonna
ask me to leave anyway.

Yep, I'll be right there.

Oh, I'm screwed.

- Why? You said you fixed the program.
- Sort of.

I can get it to move forward
and that's it.

Well, okay, so then
let's just get out of here

before we're stuck
in this ancient civilization.

Dude, you have made so much progress.

You'll probably
get back together once we're home.

Not while this is still an issue.

I gotta face this weekend head-on.

The weekend where she got down and dirty
at the sexy gay firepit rave?

Exactly. Technically,
that's not what happened.

It's kind of how it felt, though.

And this is all because she called you out
on being jealous of her gay best friend?

- Bi best friend.
- I thought he slept with dudes?

Look, you're missing the point.

None of these dudes care about gay or bi.

They're just a bunch of gorgeous

freethinking human beings
with a ton of glow paint,

no clothes, less boundaries,

and I gotta spend the weekend
with their leader, armed with nothing

but a time machine
that only moves forward.

So I gotta get everything right
the first time around.

- Second time around.
- Whatever.

Okay, so what do you have
to change about all of it?

I gotta be cool with it.

Yeah, you may be screwed.

Hey, guys! There you are.

You made it, my favorite couple!

You're the sweetest.

I'm so glad you guys made it.

- And it's so great you guys made it work.
- Yeah?

- You know? You know?
- Stop it now.

Because this one can't be
with just anyone, you know?

- Seriously.
- All right, stop, Ryan.

No, I mean, seriously.
You have to be the right kind of man...

or person, I should say...
to give her what she needs.

- Aw.
- Right? Right?

- Oh!
- You know?

- Yeah.
- You know?

Come on, man. I'm just having some fun.

Yeah. No, so am I. Let's have fun.

Excuse me.

- I should...
- Oh, would you?

- Of course.
- Great.

- Well?
- Shall we party?

That never sucks less.

What's up, man?

Yo, I have no idea
where I am right now.

I'm in a completely empty apartment
that I've never seen before.

You're probably in a new event.
Something we didn't do last time.

Something that's happening
because of the changes we made?

Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Wait, does nothing look familiar?

Uh-uh.

There's just a lone box on the floor
in front of me.

Well, what's in it?

I'm kind of scared to open it.

- Oh, what's in the box?
- What's in the box?

- What's in the box?
- You know what? Relax.

- It'll all come to you in a second.
- How's it going over there?

Fabulously. You wanna come back me up?

Man, if I'm serious
about Evan improvement,

I gotta be more selective
about how I spend my time.

It's fine. I've come too far.

Hi.

Holy crap, dude. It's Blue Ribbons girl.
I wonder if we're dating.

What do you think her real name is?
I gotta go.

- So, you just let them touch you all over?
- Well, we're dancing.

- Yeah, we were dancing.
- That's not dancing.

- I was just having fun. It's a party!
- They were...

And so what, you want to go home?

Come on, man. Too close.

Rebecca had to take off
'cause of the rain.

Do you think you can handle
the couch by yourself?

Of course.

Thank you so much.

You're moving! I'm helping.

- You sure are.
- Totally. One couch coming up.

Hey, where'd Stillman run off to?

Hey!

What's he doing?

- His thing.
- Debbie, Debbie.

Debbie, Debbie, Debbie.
Debbie, Debbie, Debbie.

Debbie, Deb, Debbie, Debbie, Debbie.

Oh, Debbie, Debbie,
Debbie, Debbie, Debbie.

Come on, come on, come on.
Where's the music?

Fire. Fire. Yeah!

Honestly,
I feel like I belong here.

And that's all Debbie.

I used to hate parties.

I didn't know where to stand
or who to talk to.

Totally.

But she showed me it doesn't matter.

Especially with you guys.

Like, it's just cool to hang out anywhere
and be with anyone.

I am so glad you feel that way.

Now, would you mind leaving
so we could, you know, hook up?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, totally.

Totally.

My mistake. Have fun.

There you are.

- You ready for bed?
- No.

I don't want this party to end.

You wanna go for a swim?

There's, like, "No Swimming" signs
all over the place.

Yeah, no, I saw those. Maybe we shouldn't.

- I'm sure it will be fine.
- It looks cold.

Yeah, well, they say
it's basically melted snow

coming down off the mountain,

so I'm sure it's gonna be,
like, a little...

- No, I'm good.
- Oh.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God, I'm gonna do it!

- It's so cold!
- I'm gonna jump in! I'm gonna do it!

- I'm gonna do it!
- No, don't do it!

No, no, don't, don't come in.

Oh, my God!

- That was insane!
- I'm so cold!

- That was insane. Oh, my God.
- It's so much colder than it looks!

I can't believe you just did that.

I'm just having fun.

Well, your lips are blue,
but are you having fun?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

- This is the best party ever.
- Oh, good, I was worried.

It's kind of crazy.

You know my saying. You gotta...
you gotta go with the flow.

Do you say that?

- Oh.
- I'm trying it out.

Well, I like it.

Oh, my God, they're actually,
like, frozen.

We have to get you inside.

- Okay.
- Okay, come on.

Yes!

Whoo! Yeah!

You are so sweet to do this.

- Yeah!
- Sorry it went so late.

You know, I didn't like you
when we first met.

Yeah, I know.

And I realize I have done a whole lot
to try to win you over.

Maybe.

Maybe?

You should get that wheezing looked at.

What?

- What's up?
- Dude, we did it.

- The text is gone.
- We did it?

That's fantastic, man! All right!

All right, I'm getting us out of here.

Great work.

So I was gonna check out my new shower.

- Okay.
- Wanna join me?

No. No, no, no, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait, Stillman.

- That's it?
- Oh, man!

- This is it.
- You gotta send me back.

- We did it.
- Stillman, you gotta send me back

- to Blue Ribbons right now.
- What are you talking about?

We did it.

- We did it.
- Okay, we did it.

- We totally did it.
- Yeah!

You did it. I did it.

I did some major Evan redesign, right?

Oh, let me see.

No. No!

No, are you kidding?

I'm sorry, man.

That's it, I'm taking the time machine
back to the shower.

- Time...
- It's gone.

It's all gone.

Wait, why?

Because we never break up.
We don't break up,

I don't build it.

All the changes we've made caught up to us

when we jumped forward.

This trip was a massive rip!

No! What? We got her back, man.

And I could not have done this
without you.

I hope that counts for something.

Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

Call her.

Yeah.

It's ringing.

- Hey.
- Hey.

What's up?

Nothing, I'm just calling to say hi.

Hi.

Was that it or did you have
something else?

It's just... it's just good
to hear your voice.

Nice.

You wanna come over and hang out?

Yes, yes, yes, I'll be over very soon.

Okay, bye-bye.

Okay. I was nervous.

No more redos.

Okay.

Hi.

- Hi.
- Debbie.

Hey.

Oh. I love you so much.

I love you, too.

Hey, what's wrong?

Nothing. Oh!

Everything's perfect.

Yeah?

- I wanna make love to you.
- Oh, okay.

- You wanna order?
- Mmm.

That would be amazing.

Yeah? Okay.

You know, I could lay here
with you forever.

Order extra then.

Hey, are we still gonna see
that samurai movie for your birthday?

You know, I was thinking we could do
something a bit more special.

Maybe dinner at the Maddox House.

Ooh, fancy.

- Just us or with other people?
- Just us.

Okay.

I wanna spend my birthday
with my favorite person.

That would be perfect.

- There you are.
- Sorry I'm late.

They gave our table away.

What, after five minutes?

After an hour and five minutes.

Reservation was at 8:00.

- Oh, God, so sorry.
- Yeah, I texted you.

- You know, eight o'clock.
- Oh, my phone died.

Why wasn't it charged?

Forgot. You know,
I figured it didn't matter

because my only responsibility
was to meet you here at 9:00.

- 8:00.
- Oh, I know. I'm sorry. I know.

You wanna go sit at the bar?

There isn't a bar. And I am super hungry.

Like same hunger level as Marvin?

Starvin'?

No?

So hangry hungry?

Please say what you're feeling.

Well, okay, I feel like
you should've been on time for dinner.

Yes, I get that, and I apologize...

I feel it's super simple
to keep your phone charged

so then you can be on time
for special events like birthdays

and then I'm not the only one working on...

What, this relationship?

- Is that what you think?
- No. No.

- It's...
- Listen, I'm not sure

what you meant by that,
but it kind of sounds like

you're tapping into something
that is no longer about dinner.

I'm sorry. Okay, I'm tired.

I just... I just wanted this
to be a perfect evening.

It still can be.

Come on, why don't we just go for a wander

and see if we can find a cool,
little spot, hmm?

Oh, here it is.

Hey, we should... should we sing?

We should sing for him, right?

No?

Make a wish.

You didn't close your eyes.
You have to close your eyes.

Otherwise the wish
doesn't come true, you know?

You wanna do it again?

Dude, that sounds like the worst birthday

since the year my mom
hooked up with that clown.

I just wish I didn't get so mad.

Well, why not? I mean, she messed up.

- Didn't she?
- Yeah.

Yeah, but it was
our first big night together

since we got back, and I just feel crappy.

Hey, you're together, aren't you?

At least you made this year better.

Oh, well, you graduated, didn't you?

I still work at a freaking Price-N-Nice!

I gotta be careful
how loudly I scream that.

Dude, you did a few sit-ups,
and you changed your major.

- What did you expect?
- Something cooler

to come from traveling through time.

Cooler than winning
your Ultimate Frisbee league?

Yes!

- I told you going into this that...
- I know.

I know, but I was thinking
that maybe another time adventure.

- This one a little more Evan-centric...
- No, there is no...

The machine is gone. The machine is gone.

- What does that even mean? Draw it up.
- Do you understand? I can't.

- We hop back. We hop back out.
- It is gone!

The machine is not there forever.

Yeah, yeah.

Don't you go obsessing
about it either then, all right?

Fights happen all the time.

Evan?

Not again.

All right, now, what do I always say?

Price 'N' Nice
is not just a job, it's a...

Burden.

- Family. I say family.
- Family.

Yeah, dude,
that's what I said. Okay.

I would like to make
a toast to great friends.

- Thank you for coming.
- Whoo!

Debbie and I are lucky to have you.

Oh, hey, get ready 'cause literally
every meal Debbie makes is perfect.

Well, whatever we're having
smells amazing.

Oh, crap! Crap!

- Excuse me.
- Crap.

- Oh, no!
- It was only supposed to be in 15 minutes.

How long has it been in there?

An hour, give or take 15 minutes.

What happened?

I don't know. I don't know.

I guess I must have just spaced out.

So much for the perfect meal.

God, I'm so stupid.

How can I help?

Debbie knows I'm no slouch in the kitchen.

Shut up, Ryan.

Stillman!

- The salmon go in?
- Hmm? Oh, yeah, just now.

Great.

- That was amazing.
- Such a perfect night, man.

Thanks.

- Allison's great.
- I know!

- Right?
- I'm happy for you.

You look tired, my friend.

Get some rest.

Yeah, well, we got a big day Monday.

Debbie's recording her first album.

What? Debbie, that rocks.
When did this happen?

Yeah, sorry, it all happened so fast.

I completely forgot to mention it.

Yesterday, I got the most
random series of phone calls.

No, but it was your talent
that made it happen.

Remember that.

Yeah.

"Every day just feels the same.

And my heart has gotten in the way.

Every day just feels the same.
And I'm sorry that we came.

Every day just feels the same.
And I cannot place the blame."

- What do you think?
- Yes, it's good.

I'm not sure about this, Stillman.

You're not sure about what?

You know, my music.
Recording. The whole thing.

Are you nervous?

If you're nervous, I'm certain
I can get you some more time to prepare.

You could? How?

I don't... I mean, I don't know for sure.

No, I'm not nervous.

It's just, like...

I don't care, honestly.

- About recording?
- About any of it.

You know, music was such
a big part of my life

and even though I was shy,
I still wanted to do it

to see how good I could be.

And now?

Stillman, do you think it's strange
that we never fight?

- What?
- Me and you, we never fight.

- Do I think that's strange?
- Mm.

No. No, I think it's awesome

that we get along so well.

No, I'm not talking about getting along.

I mean, we never even...
we never even disagree on anything.

Is this serious?
Or is there something else bothering you?

No, this is serious.

You know, I honestly think
we'd be better off if we fought.

I don't know.

Maybe there's just
something wrong with me.

Always returning to the breath
with compassion for ourselves.

If you find yourself
distracted by the outside world,

simply return to the breath.

And if a thought
seems particularly important,

just let it go.

Knowing that
it can probably wait till later.

So why don't we try to maintain this space
for the next five... next 15 minutes?

What's wrong with you?

- I need help.
- Tell me.

Something is wrong with Debbie.
She's changed.

Okay, it is perfectly normal for things

to slow down in the bedroom
after marriage.

- You can't take it personally.
- No, that's not why I'm here. She's...

She's not who she used to be.

How so?

Well, you remember
the time machine I invented?

No!

- I thought that was gone.
- Well, I built another one.

How'd you do that?

- Well, I still know the theorem.
- And you're using it?

All the time. Like, all the time.

Last night I went back in time
to make the bed.

- That's not good.
- She wasn't even home yet.

I could've gone upstairs to make the bed,

- but I used the time machine.
- So cut yourself off.

I would, but I'm telling you
Debbie's not even Debbie anymore.

She doesn't even care about music.

She never plays. She hardly even laughs.

I've been redoing everything
so many times,

I swear it's starting
to have an effect on her.

- Well, people change, Stillman.
- That's your advice?

- Well, what did you expect?
- I don't know.

- I gotta destroy the machine or else...
- Whoa, slow down a second.

You're getting hysterical.
Look, no relationships are perfect.

They all require work.

- Metaphysical work?
- No, my point is

you should try to appreciate
what you do have,

what the both of you have.

It's probably way better than you realize.

I don't know, man.

I'm not even sure what we have anymore.

I wish I knew how to make you happy.

Maybe we should have a baby.

What?

But we have a plan. This is your plan.

We focus on your music
and then we travel, then kids.

So let's do it out of order.

You know, maybe that's why
I've been feeling so lost.

We need something to give us purpose
and music clearly isn't it,

and instead of moving on
to some new thing,

maybe if we, you know, grew our family,

we'd have that energy,
the motion that we've been lacking.

I guess we could consider it.

I really think it could work.

Let's talk about it tomorrow.

You deserve so much better than this.

Hey. Hi.

Hey, bud, you wanna go
for a run or something?

You know, I'm super busy this morning.
I'll call you later...

Yeah, listen, I've been thinking about
your situation if you wanna talk it over.

No, I gotta...
I got a lot of things going on.

- I gotta go.
- You gotta do what?

I gotta... I gotta go, Evan.

Please don't destroy it!

What do you care?

I just don't think
you should do anything drastic.

Look, this isn't just about you,
all right?

How long?

Since we got back.

I knew you wouldn't
be able to live without it,

so I just, like, I kept an eye on you.

How did you even get in?

That sliding glass door thing's
usually open.

And I never catch you?

- You catch me all the time.
- Right, yeah, of course.

- We're both hooked.
- I'm not hooked, all right?

I just happen to find it very useful.

Look, I give a lot of people advice, man.

And frankly, I'm not very good at it yet.

So a time machine helps. Like, a lot.

- I'm sorry, Evan.
- No, Stillman! Stillman!

I gotta end it.

Okay.

- Who's at the door?
- No, ignore it.

It's just Evan.

What is going on?

Stillman, no. No, wait.

- Ow! What are you doing?
- Stopping you!

From what?

Oh, I thought you were gonna, like,

go back in time
and uninvent the time machine.

- No.
- Oh.

Wait, that is what you're gonna do.

Stillman! Listen. Okay, listen.

We both got what we wanted, right?

So let's destroy this machine
and move on with our lives

as they are right now.

I still know the theorem.

If I destroy this machine,
I'll make another one.

I have to quit cold turkey.

I have to let her go,
and the only way to do that

is to go back to the beginning.

Of... time?

The day you hit me.

If I don't get hit, there's no theorem.

There's no theorem, there's no machine.

- None of this.
- And that will be it?

For me and Allison and my students?

My days with Lord Buddha?

- Lord Buddha?
- I think it was him.

It could've just been, like,
a super nice Indian dude.

Well, that's amazing, Evan.

I have a ton of questions
about that, but no.

No, anything we got
from the machine would be gone.

I'm sorry.

- I'm not going back.
- You're not?

What, you're gonna fight me?

I thought you were enlightened.

- I'm not that fucking enlightened.
- What is going on?

What is that?

Evan?

It's a time machine, Debbie.

I'm gonna destroy it,
and that will keep you guys together.

A time machine?

I made it for you.

So that night that we hung out

and you talked about traveling in time.

That was true.

From then till now?

A lot of work getting it right.

- This explains so much.
- I know.

I thought there was
something wrong with me.

This is why we don't fight!

This is why I don't care about anything!

I wasn't me and you weren't you
and this has all just been bullshit!

Technically, I'm not sure
how you noticed anything.

- And that made it okay?
- It was a simple enough theory!

Eliminate all the times you were unhappy
and then you would be happy.

Super scientific.

How long?

In total years, not that long.

60, 70 years.

Give or take a decade.

What a horrific invention.

I know.

That's why I have to go back and make sure

none of this ever happens.

And you'll be free.

Get your head out of there, bud.

This is who you really are, man.

Your life's gonna turn out just fine
without a time machine.

I promise.

I'm so sorry.

I love you.

I can't believe
you're gonna do this to me!

Stillman, you're gonna leave me here...

Wait, hey.
Wait, where are you going?

I wish I had believed you.

Sorry.

- What are you doing?
- I gotta hit you with the car

so you'll come up with the thing.

- That's ridiculous.
- You know what's ridiculous?

Wearing a uniform to work.

- Are you kidding me?
- I'm not kidding.

I felt like an idiot in that thing.

This would be a lot safer
if you just stand still.

No!

- Stillman.
- Look, this isn't even gonna work.

You don't know that.
It's gonna work out great for everyone.

Evan...

Would you just...
could you just wait there for a sec?

- No, this isn't...
- Just wait there for a minute, all right?

This is embarrassing, man.

All right, come on.

Oh, Jesus.

If you just hold still for two seconds,

I'll give you a little love nudge,
and it's all over.

You're making this way harder
than it needs to be, Stillman.

Stillman.

No, Evan. Evan, you know what?

- Yeah, do it.
- I'm gonna do it.

- Do it.
- I'm gonna do it.

- Yeah, I'm telling you to do it.
- I'm gonna do it.

Come on.

What is that, Evan?

- I'm trying to get you.
- Come on, hit me, man!

- You want this time machine.
- Will you shut up?

- Trying to concentrate on hitting you...
- Right now, Evan!

Go and hit me!

You gotta...

God, dude. Dude, dude, dude.

So, I'm sorry I almost
killed you back there, man.

Don't sweat it.

I know what it's like
to go crazy like that.

At least it's over.

So it's gone?

There's no memory of it.

You can still get us back
through the phone, though, right?

Like you did before?

I mean if I... if I hooked it up.

- Wait, you didn't hook up the phone?
- I didn't think you were coming.

So we're stuck here?

No, I mean, we're going back eventually.

Just at the regular rate.

Exactly.

I think this time around...

I'm gonna grow my own pot.

I wasted so much money on that last year.

It's time to say goodbye.

Good luck.

Thanks, man.

Your notebook.

Goodbye.

What?

Oh, my God!

Are you kidding me? Get back here!

Debbie?

- Is that...
- Your wife?

Yeah, it's me,
and we're gonna have this fight.

- But how did you get...
- No, shut up!

You don't get to control my life
for that long

and then go back in time
to control it again

just 'cause you feel like
being, what, heroic?

I didn't know what to do.

- Well, stop making my decisions for me.
- Okay. I won't anymore.

- Anymore? Oh, my God!
- Well, I didn't get hit,

so there is no machine.

- And technically, that's a decision...
- Oh, my God, stop.

I don't even know
what you're talking about,

but the sound of it pisses me off.

I'm sorry.

For a brilliant man,
you can be such an idiot.

- Yeah.
- All right, my life is mine.

- It doesn't belong to you.
- I know.

- And I can mess it up however I want.
- Okay.

You're terrible at fighting.

Well, what do you want me to say?

I screwed up, all right? Cosmically.

And now I'm trying to fix it
by intentionally destroying

the most powerful invention

- ever created, by the way.
- You don't get points for that.

Oh, my God, this hurts so bad!

- How do you keep doing this?
- 'Cause I wanted to make you happy!

And I never made it stick!

And now I'm realizing
that scientifically speaking,

that whole fixing
past mistakes thing really sucks!

And all my ideas and theories

are bullshit.

Because the only constant in the universe
is that we have no control over anything.

So from the bottom of my heart...

I am sorry.

You trapped me.

I know.

Do you know how bad that is?

That's why I have to do this.

Yeah, maybe that's best.

I'm confused.

- Are we together or...
- Right now...

we're together.

Now, that was a fight.

You wanna do it again?